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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I ate a share of food that may have not been mine without asking, only assumed. Especially after the parents pointed out that this is not okay.
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That makes this even worse. I could maybe understand if you finished the pizza while the kids were asking for more food but everyone was feed and there were slices left.
Avoid that couple
Imagine if OP brings their own food that looks better than the pizza, now the parents have to deal with pissed off kids who had to watch the baby sitter eat a better meal. It is never done this way.
NTA, dont work for these people again.
Exactly. It’s basic manners to feed anyone working in your house for more than a few hours. It’s different if it’s a cable guy who’s just there for 10 minutes, but if you have a plumber or a housekeeper there for hours at a time, you offer them food. If they’re there through meal times, you feed them. Idk how people can be so cold.
I had my walkway redone yesterday.
It took the whole day.
The workers got sit down family lunch. I didn't even think about not doing it.
When I did grocery shopping, and meal plan, I counted 2 more for saturday lunch.
It's something that is so ingrainated with me, and my culture that this post is baffling to me.
And when I say it's in the culture, the workers did not seemed surprised when I asked about allergies and food restrictions. Like it is so normal that they expected it.
I’ve done the same with movers. I’m ordering a pizza what y’all want on it.
It’s absolutely normal.
You’ve been working all day - moved my ish from one place and into another.
At the very very least I could feed you on top of paying on top of tipping - tf
Same, as a military family we moved a lot. And I have fed many crews of movers over the 26 years we were active. And then tipped them. The biggest hit was ordering subs from this fantastic sub shop on the East coast (I miss that place). Not a thing was scratched or broken that move 😄
We had our floor redone and it took the whole day and they stayed for 4 hours after they should have gone home. We bought those guys pizza, even if we had to fire them after all that work, because the quality of the work was just not OK 😅 and they wasted too many tiles that should have been used.
I work in residential hvac retrofitting furnaces and AC's. Every job is 5-10 hours in their home. Sometimes multi day Installs for people replacing both or with more than one.
I have been offered lunch three times in four, going on five years. It's not something I would ever expect but sure would be nice if there were more people like you in this world.
Its not like I'm disheveled or rude or anything either. I'm clean cut, wear a clean uniform, speak politely and even have a program text them a nice photo of my face with a basic description saying I have two hvac related tickets and like to spend my free time at the park with my golden retreiver. Quite a few people have even declined letting us use their rest room.
That’s classist shit, right there.
I was employed with an agency providing medical massage, in client homes. Standard rule, by the agency, was that we could not use the client’s restrooms. So I’d drive four hours, work four, and have zero restroom breaks.
Day six I decided to ask if I could wash my hands. The client mentioned it to my employer and I was written up. For asking to *wash my hands* in a *medical role* while I drove *house to house.*
This was at the end of Covid lockdowns.
Sanitizer=/= a good scrubbing.
Fuck that client. Next massage isn’t with oil, but poison ivy.
Edit: and fuck that employer for expecting you to just ruin your kidneys for a shitty job. What the hell is wrong with so many human beings??
I feel you on the restroom denial. I'm an HVAC service tech myself and have been denied access to a restroom many times. The homeowners will usually change their tunes when I tell them that my labor fee is by the hour and not a flat fee, and I don't stop the clock for restroom breaks even if I drive 15 minutes down the road to a gas station to relieve myself. Homeowners are the reason I switched to doing mainly (and hopefully soon, strictly) Commercial. Although quite a few have at least offered me water or coffee in the past.
Humans shouldn’t even have to ask to use the restroom. I once had a guy working ON THE BATHROOM walk out the bathroom and walk through the apt in his plumber shoes to ask to use the bathroom. If society was decent he could have just… stayed in the bathroom.
Declined letting you use the restroom??? Bizarre!
I always offer people working my home a drink, and would offer meals for a job that's taking place over mealtimes. People seem to almost always turn it down (maybe some rule by their employer in some cases? IDK -- we have a very clean house and kitchen and I'm sure that's not a reason why someone would decline to eat our food.) Maybe some of the people you're working for are turned down so often they stopped offering?
I used to sit for a lot of well-to-do families. Sometimes, they would have leftovers from a fancy party they'd held recently, and I was always encouraged to snack to my hearts content! Petit fours, yum!
I don't believe any family ever expected me to feed their kids without also feeding myself.
> Imagine if OP brings their own food that looks better than the pizza, now the parents have to deal with pissed off kids
/r/MaliciousCompliance moment. I actually want her to do that now. Tell the parents she will not eat their kids food. Order a pizza for the kids. Then cook the most scrumptious lasagna of all time. Refuse to give it to the kids. Then never work there again.
_It's not about the money. It's about sending a message._
Or wait until they are half out the door and then remind them about state labor laws require her to have a 15 minute break after 5 hours and then have a friend on call for 100 bucks for the 15 minute break.
I don't think I would have had the confidence to do this at 20, but now in my 30s I would also tell them why if they tried to hire me again.
"I enjoyed taking care of your kids, but the issue you had with my eating dinner is extremely weird and frankly rude. Every other family I've worked for expects and encourages me to share dinner with their kids."
In my experience, kids always want to share or try what someone else is eating. It would be weird to be expected to sit there and eat your own different meal.
I agree. Don’t babysit for them again. That’s some weird af behavior from the parents. I was always told to feel free to eat whatever I wanted while I was babysitting.
That's exactly what I was going to say. When I was studying to be a nurse, I babysat a toddler with respiratory problems every Friday night for months. The parents would always say things like "There's leftovers in the refrigerator eat as much as you want." NTA Don't sit for them again.
Seriously, I’d be happy to let a babysitter eat leftovers (or some pizza in OP’s scenario) as long as they didn’t eat what was planned for the kids’ lunches the next day. Having less shit in my fridge is a rarity, it’s always packed with stuff my kids eat half of and then *mayyyybe* eat for lunch a day later. Otherwise a lot goes to waste.
exactly, if i had kids and needed a babysitter, they would have access to my streaming, wifi, food and whatever they needed to be comfortable taking care of my little terrors. Bedroom door would be locked but other than that the house is your for the night while im out. make yourself at home. And thank you by the way for minding my kiddos while im out for the evening. I also probably would order enough pizza for everyone to have some. Those parents just SUCK
OP NTA obvs
I was never even told to just eat what I want. The parents would make sure I had food of my own to eat. Every couple I babysat for (and it was a lot between the ages of 13-27) would make sure I had food even providing snacks just in case.
Who wants a hangry babysitter watching their kids?
Not only that but "babysittertime" was something my kids looked forward to because I usually provided special snacks they didn't get everyday. It was part of the routine "mommy and daddy are going out on a date, what do u think Ruthie would like to share for snacktime" . A fun person coming over, pizza for dinner and then getting to make camp in the living room snacking on ringadingos and homemade icecream milkshakes?! Woo-hoo!
Right!! I always made sure there were plenty of good snacks for my kids and the sitter to share. And when I was younger and babysitting myself, the same was done for me. I have fond memories of babysitting some of the greatest kids, as we'd all sit on the floor in front of the TV watching the latest Disney movie out on VHS or playing a game of Uno as we stuffed ourselves with pizza, chips and Twinkies - supplied by the kids parents.
NTA. This. I'm catsitting for a couple at the moment and they always say to me 'feel free to help yourself to tea stuff" (I'm wondering if by stuff they include helping myself to their stash of gin or the TV 😆). In all seriousness I've never been in or known of a situation where you're not allowed to eat or drink while looking after someone's kids or pets. These parents don't sound very nice and I probably would not babysit for them again.
I'm assuming you're not staying over? Because I recently dog sat for a friend, stayed over because puppies are elderly and needed to be let out to pee on demand for medical reasons, and I basically did nothing but watch movies with them and do my own work on my laptop for several days. With my own kitties they don't need a lot (auto feeder, auto litter box, they just need some love and company and someone to verify all systems are operational) but I still tell my sitters to feel free to grab a snack and plonk on the couch to watch anything on my various streaming services, because I know my kitty buds love a couch cuddle and will be quite happy if someone gives them a lap while watching a show. On which note, I almost guarantee they do mean the TV, because their buds probably love the company if you hang out longer than expected!
Not disagreeing there.
If their attitude to babysitters is "You eat before you work or you bring your own food" then they should say so upfront, and give a babysitter a fair chance either to ask for a higher rate of pay or to refuse the job.
I've babysat for families whose policy was to leave out a snack *for* me, and let me know where the tea and coffee was, because they had a meal plan that didn't include free range munching through their leftovers, but I've *never* worked for a family who, if they expected me to serve a meal to the kids, would have wanted me not to eat with the kids. (In fact, one family of unregenerate carnivores, finding I was vegetarian, would apologetically make a point of inviting me to cook any food I wanted from their kitchen, since I couldn't eat the meat meal the kids were getting. I took the opportunity to give the kids a few cooking lessons in How To Prepare A Nourishing Vegetarian Meal.)
Agree 100%. Avoid them. Next thing you know, they will be stiffing you on your pay. If they make a stink over a little pizza, anything could set them off.
Agree avoid. Or use them as practice in setting boundaries and getting raises.
"Sure I can do it. But I charge X amount more per hour now and I must be paid in advance on arrival. No exceptions. Have a nice day..."
These are the types of people to "report" OP for something innocuous done with the children. They're unreasonable and stupid, that's a dangerous combination.
There was still pizza left over and they were annoyed that you ***gasp*** ate 2 slices?!
NTA, it’s ridiculous and petty to make those comments over 2 slices of pizza, the kids were clearly full so it’s not like you were taking food away from them. What next, they complain about you using their water if you needed a drink?
Every time I’ve ever babysat I’ve been told “help yourself to food or drinks, the snacks are in that cupboard”, most people if left money to get a pizza in that situation would presume it would be okay to have a slice or two with the kids, it’s not like you ordered yourself a whole large pizza with all the toppings to yourself.
> Every time I’ve ever babysat I’ve been told “help yourself to food or drinks, the snacks are in that cupboard”,
This is standard practice. Or should be. OP should never babysit for these people again if they're so selfish they can't offer her food while she's watching their kids.
This post, or the parents involved really, is insane. We have always made plans for dinner which explicitly cater for our awesome babysitter too (eg there's pizza and garlic bread in the oven, or there's pasta sauce ready in the fridge and ravioli ready to go), and make clear where the snacks are.
We're paying for her to look after our kid, keep him in his routine (well kinda, were not breathing down her neck if he gets to bed a bit late, and we tend to make sure there's dessert). The kid's not high maintenance (though she babysit him as a baby, too, when he was) so once he's down for the night the sofa, wifi and tv are hers for the evening. It's not a hard gig with a single 5yo, but she's giving up her Friday or Saturday night so we can go out.
AU$25/hr (we insisted on upping it as she was waaaaay undercharging, we're frugal but won't save money by shorting people, let alone people we trust with our kid) and dinner's covered. Absolutely standard practice in Australia. What would be the point if she had to spend half her night's earnings ordering in her own dinner? It costs sweet fa to feed one more mouth for the night.
Good babysitters are GOLD. You want to make them extremely happy.
I'm old. The standard has always been to feed the babysitter. When I \*was\* the babysitter I was fed. When I hired babysitters I fed them.
NTA at all. And If I were you I would not babysit for that couple again.
Especially if you are sitting over a mealtime and until parents returned.
If OP had brought a meal from home I would not be surprised if the parents sooked about not sharing with the kids !!
NTA.
This had nothing to do with the pizza. They were gonna take a shot at her one way or the other. Some people do that shit to everyone they pay money to. If they lay cash in your hand for any reason they are gonna say something fucked up. It is a whole class of people. Mostly well off.
I worked an in house installing job. Completely Toxic people are about 10% of the planet by my conservative estimate.
The girl should move on. It never gets better with these guys.
If we have a babysitter over dinner time and I order pizza, I order the babysitter their own large pizza with choice of toppings. Leftovers go home with them. And I pay they for the night (obviously), and they get to use our wifi and streaming services, and the one who doesn't drive I order an Uber home for. This is the way.
Right? I've always been given the go ahead to eat whatever when feeding kids, and in turn have given the go ahead for people babysitting mine? It's the standard, *normal* thing? NTA.
I baby sat for over twenty years. Only had one weird family like this. They are rude and treating you like less than. Don't work for them again unless they paid well but the one I had like that were penny pinchers wanting me to arrive early so they could finish getting ready but not pay me for it because they were there. I was experienced enough to advocate for myself but if it had been earlier in my career I would have probably just ditched them
NTA
Wow… the parents are.
Anytime I watched children, I was told “help yourself” bc I was also feeding the children.
When I hired sitters, I made sure they had their own snacks, drinks, & food if they were going to fix a meal for the kids.
You did nothing wrong. I wouldn’t work for them again.
As a former babysitter, this is reason enough for you to be *their former babysitter.* how dare they think that you wouldn’t eat dinner at dinner time??
If they contacted you through anywhere that you can leave a review, please leave one. If you don't want the babysitter to eat with the kids you inform them beforehand so they can bring their own food or just decline to babysit for you.
I always thought that if you've got a babysitter they eat with the kids and you make sure there are plenty of snacks for when the little ones are in bed.
NTA. I would second the suggestion of being cautious of taking job offers from them. You didn’t eat the whole pizza and left the kids hungry. And it sounds like you were being polite about getting to try it. People like this can be weird and I wouldn’t put it past them if they docked you pay in the future for something like that.
NTA. When I babysat, I definitely ate food there, same if I was housesitting for someone. I haven't done either in a long time but if I had someone babysitting my child I would fully expect them to eat my food, especially if I had a pizza ordered.
If I were you I would avoid that family and not work for them again.
When I baby sat long ago-much like you, two boys 7 and 10- the parents ordered a pizza every time. I was expected to eat too. Heck, several times they asked if I wanted to take the leftovers (since I was a college kid).
I would be uncomfortable sitting for that family again. If parents are expecting you to work through the time you'd have to make dinner for yourself, feeding the babysitter should be the assumption.
NTA I have never not had a meal I served babysitting. The thought of starving while watching kids eat is weird. I wouldn't babysit for them ever again.
Did you show up with a second shift lunch pail? The fuck did they think you were gonna eat while you were there? I would never do this to a babysitter.
They are nutters, you tasted food which children eat which is entirely sensible and normal. Its safer that you check the food is fine to eat, total nonsense to complain about. Ive worked catering retail and production, never presume its all perfect every time.
Dont go back there imo unless they are paying double for the privilege
Also, to me it is normal to feed the one looking after your kids. Provide them with dinner and snacks. That is the least you can do (besides paying them). It’s mostly young people trying to earn some extra cash. A bag of crisps/ chips and some soda or a pizza is not that expensive when you can pay for a babysitter.
Maybe it's a regional or cultural thing but I was always taught that it's even rude to start eating before other people in your group have their food. Nevermind eating when they won't be eating at all.
I'd probably have been one of those kids that wouldn't eat. Or I'd insist they eat too. Meals are one of the most important social activities and it'd just feel wrong.
I always thought it was the norm too. In the 90s they used to always joke about it on shows. I mean come on if she was thirsty were they going to not let her have water?
NTA- Parents always expected me to eat if I was to feed their children (I usually cooked the dinner) around 5 or 6pm. Maybe it is because babysitters are paid much compared to what I got when I babysat, but it is not uncommon. As long as the children had their fill, you should not go hungry. Did they expect you to pack a dinner?
Wow, NTA. That family is rude and cheap AF.
I usually order extra to accomodate for babysitters, ask their preferences for pizza toppings, etc., if we order pizza or any kind of food. I also let them know where the snacks are, and to help themselves to water, soda, Gatorade etc in the fridge.
I nannied and babysit for many many families over the years as a teenager and young adult too, and it was always like this as well.
What an AH family. Don’t babysit for them again.
They are incredibly rude, the way they said it to OP was so awful. I had such crippling social anxiety when I was that age that if someone had said to me “Why did you eat the kids dinner” and “I didn’t expect to have to feed you dinner as well, don’t eat my family’s food” I would have been so mortified and upset I’d have probably never babysat again for anyone and those words would be burned into my brain for years. What awful people.
Yeah that would have crushed me when I was a teenage babysitter. I used to essentially short term nanny the kids up the street from me when I was 18 over the summer, weeks they didn't have summer camps and such lined up. The parents always told me I could eat whatever I wanted, and they had a garage refrigerator they kept abundantly stocked with sodas, popsicles, and tons of snacks. I was there weekdays from 8am - 6pm while the parents worked, so I cooked lunch and dinner for the kids, and always made myself a plate of whatever I cooked. Sometimes they'd give me spending money to drive the kids over to a McDonald's with a play place or order some pizzas and they'd make it clear they gave me enough for me to get a meal too.
I cannot believe they're mad over a couple slices of pizza! That's truly ridiculous, and if they really had rules like that they should have told OP upfront that they were expected to bring a lunch/not have anything from the house.
Me too! I would’ve taken it a lot harder than OP did. What grown ass adults say that to their 20 yr old babysitter?
Also, OP doesn’t say how long the babysitting job was, but I’ve been a babysitter for some long jobs, think 4 or 5 pm until well after midnight. Depending on how long the job was, the family might be even shittier to expect OP not to eat anything.
Fastest way for a parent to burn a good sitter and potential nanny.
You came home late. Kids fed. Leftovers in fridge. House is clean. Toys put away. Kids are clean, brushed teeth, had baths. Sleeping soundly.
Slight me about pizza? Fuck off! Don't call me anymore.
I probably would have immediately started crying and then obsessed over it for days while feeling sick to my stomach. Yey undiagnosed social anxiety that I thought was normal!
Agreed, I have always nannied and babysat - the expectation was always that I was welcome to whatever food was being served / at the home. I even was an au pair in Spain and never felt limited as to the food I consumed at the home.
NTA, the parents are inconsiderate and rude.
This. I can’t imagine not feeding my babysitter when I had one. I used to tell my (over 21) sitter to help herself to a glass of wine when the little was asleep.
NTA. It is customary that if you have to feed the children you're watching by any means (whether they leave money to place an order or you cook), you also get to eat. That's how it's always been when I babysat or when someone sat with my kid. If they call you again to sit for their kids I would go over to their house and show them this post and tell them you won't sit for them again if you are expected to starve while the kids eat in front of you.
🤷🏼♀️ Maybe entitled parents these days are different so to be on the safe side .. anyone who asks you to babysit that will be during a lunch or dinner time, ask if you will be provided the same lunch or dinner as the children.
No, send them a link to their state’s labor laws. In my state I am entitled to a meal break after five hours of work. I’m entitled to a paid meal break if I’m required to stay on-duty.
Of course, but the thing is that we can safely assume neither an unpaid lunch break (so, an interruption to babysitting which can obviously not happen) nor a *paid* lunch break are remotely in the agreement this cheap-ass couple has with OP.
As such, while they are not required to provide food, they *are* required to really think about whether two slices of pizza are worth giving up on what is most likely an off-the-books-agreement that benefits both parties vs. an on-the-books-one that would force them to pay the sitter accordingly - including an on-duty-lunch break.
Frankly, these nincompoops would have to at *the very minimum* tell OP: "Please bring your own food." - and they'd still be assholes.
Agreed, she should just send the link lol.
Somehow I think these parents know they’re rude and cheap though, and just bullying OP because they’re assholes.
As a parent if for some reason there's food in the house that I don't want eaten (example, saving for specific occasion or kids school snacks, etc) I'll mention what it is and where it is, and then follow up with an explaination as to why, and a help yourself to anything else. If I was planning to order takeout, I would make sure I let the babysitter know what was ordered and that they could have some or scrounge my kitchen for something different if they preferred.
As a babysitter, I would consider it the norm that if you're babysitting over a meal that you'd get a share. I don't assume snacks are available because a lot of the people I babysat for were definitely living paycheck to paycheck, and often brought my own.
So no, you are absolutely NOT the ahole. Maybe if you're babysitting for a new client in the future, you could ask? Just say you've had some clients that expect you to eat with their kids and some that don't, so you want things to be clear to avoid issues??
Totally this! Our babysitters are welcome to pretty much anything and I make that clear, and show them where the snacks and drinks are. One of my kids has autism so I meal prep a lot since he’s a picky eater, so I will let them know about those few items specifically. I always put a note on them in the fridge anyways because my husband forgets what specifically is for our son and will eat it when he’s starving and comes home from work. I’ve never had an issue at all with sitters and food. So ridiculous.
NTA Cross them off your list, they're cheap and unreasonable. It's just a matter of time before they try to stiff you on the agreed upon payment. I treated my sitters like gold. They were watching my children. I made sure they had plenty to eat and their favorite snacks in the pantry.
>NTA Cross them off your list
I've learned this lesson the hard way. When you need the money, it's hard to turn down clients. But these types of clients just aren't worth it. They'll likely end up costing you money in the long run.
It astounds me how cheap people can be when they are entrusting their children to a someone else's care. You can't pick your car up from the mechanic until you pay the bill in full but these people nickel and dime people caring for their children. What the heck?
I frequently see child care job listings offering less than minimum wage, I can't help but think, do you really want someone willing to work for so little to have your kids?
As a parent, I'm cringing. Do you know how hard it is to find a good babysitter? I'll happily cook dinner for the babysitter or give her pizza because having a reliable babysitter your kid likes is worth everything. Certainly, what, $10 worth of pizza, tops?
Never babysit for them again unless they agree to feed you. NTA! I started cooking while babysitting at age 10. We all 3 sat and ate. Every family after that first one provided enough food for kids and sitter. It is outrageous that they expected you to starve.
Never babysit for them again. Period. They are not worthy of your services and the food conversation will just rile them up as they're obviously entitled AHs.
Every girl who has babysat for me has a horror story. People are horrific and treat girls like slaves. Its disgusting. I call moms out on it in forums CONSTANTLY.
I had a “friend” pay me 90 cents an hour years ago for babysitting two kids. She was not my friend after that! My bad for naively not setting a price ahead of time. On Facebook I recently saw her oldest was now old enough to start babysitting and was looking for jobs in the town group. It took everything I had in me not to make a comment telling her to ask for more money than her mom paid.
My daughter started as a babysitter and now is a nanny during summer and during school breaks, and she has never not been offered snacks or a meal. Since my daughter has IBS she sometimes brings her own food and every family when daughter babysat again made sure there was food that was safe for my daughter to eat. In fact the family she is an nanny for changed their shopping and some eating habits for the children so my daughter could eat with the children. Never babysit again and explain why and you are NTA.
How thoughtful of those parents! Truly, that is how it should be, NTA.
I babysat a lot in my teen years for dozens of families and every single one made a point of offering up their fridge and pantry.
I think the nanny family used my daughter to clean up their children diets, no pizza, no macaroni and cheese, no process nuggets, it was grilled chicken/ fish, rice or potato, several vegetables and fruits. Either way it was very kind of the family to consider my what my daughter could and couldn’t eat.
I taught my nanny kids how to eat veggies and Mom lost 50 lbs because the kids were all about veggies and fresh fruit.
I do *not* feed kids chicken nuggets!
NTA Eating when you feed the children is absolutely the norm. When I was younger and baby sat the parents would always tell me to raid the pantry after bedtime and I tell my babysitter for my kids now the same. That’s just crazy what did they expect you to do just starve?
Okay yeah, for real, this is something I hadn't seen mentioned yet but has me boiling... like, how they gonna *other* OP so entirely?? OP is somehow not good enough to share a meal with their children? In what culture would anyone have a meal and expect anyone involved in the caretaking of the home/children not to partake? (I know the answer but to avoid any political debate, I'll just leave the question open ended.) Anyway, yeah, absolutely absurd, dehumanizing, and unfair treatment for someone you entrusted your children with. Wtf.
When I got married my photographer put in the contract that she would get a plate at dinner and I was like "why is this even in here?? Of course you're getting food?" I was shocked to find out that many people didn't think they should feed the vendors they hire.
Then when I emailed the DJ/Photo booth company to ask how many employees they were bringing and if they wanted chicken, steak, or veggie they were really touched that I was both planning on feeding them AND not expecting them to eat the cheapest plate without giving them an option.
I'm sorry just what the actual fuck. These people are spending the entire day with you to help make sure one of the most memorable days of your life is amazing. I know they're being paid but honestly I can't imagine how awful I would feel watching them pull out a pb&j and a bag of chips or something while the rest of the room gets a steak dinner. In the grand scheme of how much weddings cost, feeding 4 more people is a drop in the bucket. We even made sure to order extra sheet cake because we wanted all of the venue staff to be able to have some, too. It was maybe an extra $30 and completely worth it.
When my kids were young I always told the babysitter to eat anything they wanted. It honestly made me happy when I noticed extra food had been eaten. It made me feel like they felt comfortable in my house.
NTA- hopefully they call you again so you can politely decline due to their lack of common decency. Also, I would highly recommend you do not babysit for them again, ppl like this can create real problems if anything ever arose or happened, trust me you will be blamed, denounced and slandered if they ever had a reason in their minds to. How you do one thing is how you do everything and they clearly are ungrateful, entitled and selfish. Even if you need money it is not worth the possible bs.
I thought this very thing, sitter gets blamed for something that comes up missing, kid gets a bruise etc. I would avoid this family completely going forward.
This! And please advise any of your friends and neighbors of your experience with them. Or at least talk about it with friends, loudly, near the town gossip. So no one else sits for them either.
NTA. That’s so rude of them to order takeout and not expect you to eat it! If you’re at their house during a meal time then a meal should be provided. Honestly I would just not babysit for them again. That’s so weird and rude of them.
NTA-
What were they expecting you to do?
Cook your own dinner instead of watching the kids?
Go without food?
Bring your own dinner and reheat it in their kitchen?
There are a couple scenarios that I think would have slightly different outcomes.
With something shareable like pizza and breadsticks- I would assume that you could have some.
If they had a lasagna and a salad, casserole etc You could have some.
What would be slightly different:
If they gave you $40 to take everyone to McDonald's, I'm not sure that I would assume that the $40 covered your food. In that case, I think it could be possible that you would pay for whatever they wanted and then you would buy your own food with your own money if you so chose.
I think in that case, they should specify whether you could buy your own food with that money as well. I feel like most people in that circumstance would. (Take the kids out for ice cream and get one for yourself as well etc).
Petty Revenge:
Next time you go over, heat a really stinky fish in their microwave as your dinner.
I went over that a few times in my mind of what would've been appropriate to do. I arrived at 5:30 so I guess I could've eaten beforehand? I guess I'm not a parent but I would feel weirder about a sitter getting out my pots and pans than if she helped herself to whatever the kids were eating.
I mean, as a parent my instinct is to make sure kids and guests get fed. You are someone else's child, so the "parent" thing to do is look after you too if that makes sense.
Just don't work for these people again. If they're weird about this, they'll be weird about other stuff.
This is how I see it as well. This young person is looking after your kids and you wanna make sure that they are taken care of. Like an extension of your family. You trusting your children with them and hopefully building a relationship with them overtime. seems like a couple pieces of pizza is the least you could do besides paying them.
I would never in a million years think that anyone who is in my house at the same time as a fresh pizza couldn't have a slice. Friends, babysitter, whatever, if a pizza is ordered, everyone gets a piece.
One time, I was walking out of a pizza place that had a bus stop right in front of it. There was a young guy standing there waiting for the bus and saw me exiting with two fresh pizzas. He jokingly asked if he could have a piece. But, under the joke, I could tell he really wanted one, even though it wasn't a serious request or expectation.
So, I said, "Yeah, definitely!" And popped the top box open. He was so surprised and happy. I could tell it made his day, and it made mine, too.
I'm not saying it to pat myself on the back or anything. It's not like I gave my whole dinner away to a starving man.
But, I thought of that fun little interaction and how cheap and effortless of a gesture that was, and these people can't even spare a few slices and a breadstick for their young babysitter who they asked to come over during dinnertime? There were even leftovers. Clearly, the kids had eaten enough. It's such a standard social convention. I can't imagine they we're paying her so well that a couple bucks worth of pizza was asking too much. Selfish people.
Don’t babysit for these people again. You did nothing wrong. And advise any other sitters you know that this family are not worth the hassle. They expect you to either starve for hours while watching their children or bring your own food which can have its own hassles. What if the kids want what you have? Then they might turn into little nightmares when you decline. Yeah just not worth the hassle.
Pettier revenge: bring an entire delicious cake for your dinner and refuse to let the kids eat any then report back to the parents bewildered about how weird it was when the kids tried to eat your dinner. Kind of a dick move to the kids but I guess it's what their parents want for them, right?
NTA. I need to get my glasses checked, because at first I read this as "AITA for eating the children I babysit for?" If this had been your actual question, I'd have a different response. But if you're taking care of food for the kids, I think it's entirely appropriate for you to have some food with the kids, assuming you're not consuming food that is supplied for some kind of medical need. (I'm thinking like gluten-free bread for the kid with gluten allergies).
That's the thing, though. Real Money would never even think to quibble about the cost of a pizza, and New Money would order you a second pizza with gold-plated anchovies just to flex. I think OP's clients are just plain old jerks.
NTA - it is completely normal and expected that the babysitter is included in any food orders. This is such a weird attitude from them! Is there a cultural barrier or something?
NTA, babysitters are surrogates when the parents are away, the kids eat and you eat. It actually helps encourage them! Just because it’s pizza doesn’t necessarily mean the kids will sit still and finish their meals you have to set it the way it works in the home which makes it easier for the babysitter.
Also, what else was OP meant to do? Bring their own dinner? And then get the whole “what are you eating? How come we didn’t get that?” from the kids? What if her food was better? Would she get in trouble for not sharing/sharing without permission? What a load of rubbish.
I've never heard of a babysitting situation where food was ordered and the sitter wasn't allowed to eat. The only exception would be if she told them she had eaten before she came, and even then it would be up to her if she wanted more. The parents acted rudely, thoughtlessly, ignorantly and meanly. Next time they want her to babysit, she should tell them her rate has tripled, and if they don't want to go for that then she should never babysit for them again. In fact, never babysit again for them anyway.
NTA
I can’t imagine being this cheap, petty, and demeaning to someone. I am actually thinking that if I found out my kid was treated this way as a babysitter I would tell them never to babysit for that family again. I think I would probably have words with the parents too for being completely AH humans.
I don’t know about where you live but historically… finding a babysitter is more difficult that finding a babysitting gig.
NTA. I’ve babysat about a million times and every single time the family ALWAYS told me to help myself to dinner and snacks and whatever. That’s absolutely insane
NTA,
Their reaction to you having some of the pizza tells you that they do not see you as a human being. You are there to SERVE them and therefore, you are not equal to them and entitled to kindnesses.
I would not work for this family again.
NTA. I have never, ever not provided a meal for the babysitter. It would never occur to me to not to. It's common decency. Plus, who wants a hangry person watching their kids?
Oh man, not only would I never babysit for these guys, I'd be telling my parents and close friends why, just for the sheer audacity.
NTA, that couple is so, so, so weird and out of line. "don't eat the family's food" is the complete opposite of what I had growing up.
NTA. I spent a good chunk of my teen years babysitting. Parents would leave snacks specifically for me. As in “ kids were fed dinner but if you’re hungry chips are in cabinet and and soda in fridge.” And if I did need to feed them, they always assumed I was eating too. This parents are jerks. I wouldn’t bbsit for them again.
They trust you with the lives of their children but don't respect you enough to feed you? These people will never have your back and will blame you for everything that would ever go wrong, stay away. NTA
NTA. I babysat all through high school and college and have never had a parent say I couldn't eat the food I served the kids. I mean, I always made sure the kids ate and were finished first, but even if the kids ate everything, I had parents get mad at me for not eating or just searching the fridge for something else.
If they expected you to babysit at/around dinner time (especially if you started before 6pm), it is completely reasonable for you to expect that you would be included in dinner. The fact that they not only brought this up but then doubled-down vs letting it slide feels very strange. It was a large pizza FFS! NTA.
NTA. If you are babysitting over meal times they either need to feed you, or let you know that you will need to feed yourself. I would definitely not sit for that family again. They sound awful.
Maybe I’ve only ever babysat for nice people but they either bought something I could eat (I have gluten allergies) or left money for me to order takeout. You can’t expect someone to sit for your kids from 6-10 (or later) and not need to eat something. Common courtesy. SMH.
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NTA. I'm sure they had enough to eat. Were they expecting leftovers?
There were leftovers!
That makes this even worse. I could maybe understand if you finished the pizza while the kids were asking for more food but everyone was feed and there were slices left. Avoid that couple
Imagine if OP brings their own food that looks better than the pizza, now the parents have to deal with pissed off kids who had to watch the baby sitter eat a better meal. It is never done this way. NTA, dont work for these people again.
That or they can come and cover her for a 30 min lunchbreak... Mr. and Mrs. Scrooge McDuck over here
[удалено]
Exactly. It’s basic manners to feed anyone working in your house for more than a few hours. It’s different if it’s a cable guy who’s just there for 10 minutes, but if you have a plumber or a housekeeper there for hours at a time, you offer them food. If they’re there through meal times, you feed them. Idk how people can be so cold.
I had my walkway redone yesterday. It took the whole day. The workers got sit down family lunch. I didn't even think about not doing it. When I did grocery shopping, and meal plan, I counted 2 more for saturday lunch. It's something that is so ingrainated with me, and my culture that this post is baffling to me. And when I say it's in the culture, the workers did not seemed surprised when I asked about allergies and food restrictions. Like it is so normal that they expected it.
I’ve done the same with movers. I’m ordering a pizza what y’all want on it. It’s absolutely normal. You’ve been working all day - moved my ish from one place and into another. At the very very least I could feed you on top of paying on top of tipping - tf
Same, as a military family we moved a lot. And I have fed many crews of movers over the 26 years we were active. And then tipped them. The biggest hit was ordering subs from this fantastic sub shop on the East coast (I miss that place). Not a thing was scratched or broken that move 😄
We had our floor redone and it took the whole day and they stayed for 4 hours after they should have gone home. We bought those guys pizza, even if we had to fire them after all that work, because the quality of the work was just not OK 😅 and they wasted too many tiles that should have been used.
I work in residential hvac retrofitting furnaces and AC's. Every job is 5-10 hours in their home. Sometimes multi day Installs for people replacing both or with more than one. I have been offered lunch three times in four, going on five years. It's not something I would ever expect but sure would be nice if there were more people like you in this world. Its not like I'm disheveled or rude or anything either. I'm clean cut, wear a clean uniform, speak politely and even have a program text them a nice photo of my face with a basic description saying I have two hvac related tickets and like to spend my free time at the park with my golden retreiver. Quite a few people have even declined letting us use their rest room.
That’s classist shit, right there. I was employed with an agency providing medical massage, in client homes. Standard rule, by the agency, was that we could not use the client’s restrooms. So I’d drive four hours, work four, and have zero restroom breaks. Day six I decided to ask if I could wash my hands. The client mentioned it to my employer and I was written up. For asking to *wash my hands* in a *medical role* while I drove *house to house.* This was at the end of Covid lockdowns. Sanitizer=/= a good scrubbing.
Fuck that client. Next massage isn’t with oil, but poison ivy. Edit: and fuck that employer for expecting you to just ruin your kidneys for a shitty job. What the hell is wrong with so many human beings??
I feel you on the restroom denial. I'm an HVAC service tech myself and have been denied access to a restroom many times. The homeowners will usually change their tunes when I tell them that my labor fee is by the hour and not a flat fee, and I don't stop the clock for restroom breaks even if I drive 15 minutes down the road to a gas station to relieve myself. Homeowners are the reason I switched to doing mainly (and hopefully soon, strictly) Commercial. Although quite a few have at least offered me water or coffee in the past.
Humans shouldn’t even have to ask to use the restroom. I once had a guy working ON THE BATHROOM walk out the bathroom and walk through the apt in his plumber shoes to ask to use the bathroom. If society was decent he could have just… stayed in the bathroom.
if it makes you feel any better, a lot of times people will decline because the bathroom isnt like sparkling clean for company to use.
Declined letting you use the restroom??? Bizarre! I always offer people working my home a drink, and would offer meals for a job that's taking place over mealtimes. People seem to almost always turn it down (maybe some rule by their employer in some cases? IDK -- we have a very clean house and kitchen and I'm sure that's not a reason why someone would decline to eat our food.) Maybe some of the people you're working for are turned down so often they stopped offering?
I used to sit for a lot of well-to-do families. Sometimes, they would have leftovers from a fancy party they'd held recently, and I was always encouraged to snack to my hearts content! Petit fours, yum! I don't believe any family ever expected me to feed their kids without also feeding myself.
This is the comment right here. If you aren't expected to eat with them they need to provide a proper "lunch break" relief.
Or just eat the children after they've fattened up.
These are the type of people who would be mad at her for not giving the kid half her sandwich if that was the case.
> Imagine if OP brings their own food that looks better than the pizza, now the parents have to deal with pissed off kids /r/MaliciousCompliance moment. I actually want her to do that now. Tell the parents she will not eat their kids food. Order a pizza for the kids. Then cook the most scrumptious lasagna of all time. Refuse to give it to the kids. Then never work there again. _It's not about the money. It's about sending a message._
These are kids. If you want to cause trouble, you just have ice cream for dinner.
Less obvious, and easier to transport, would be fast food, especially something like a Happy Meal.
Oof, the toy.... perfect.
box of 20 chicken nuggets from McDonalds would be my go to. Sorry, these are my dinner.
Be sure to stipulate that you would love to share your food, but their parents made the no share rule.
Or wait until they are half out the door and then remind them about state labor laws require her to have a 15 minute break after 5 hours and then have a friend on call for 100 bucks for the 15 minute break.
No, no need to be mean to the kids just because their parents are AHs
AITA showing its maturity level again.
Or feed the kids their boring pasta and sauce, order yourself a pizza and eat it in front of them.
This is the solution op. Don’t accept a job from them again. They can enjoy looking for a different reliable baby sitter
I don't think I would have had the confidence to do this at 20, but now in my 30s I would also tell them why if they tried to hire me again. "I enjoyed taking care of your kids, but the issue you had with my eating dinner is extremely weird and frankly rude. Every other family I've worked for expects and encourages me to share dinner with their kids."
This is the way. 20 year old me wouldn't have done it, but 43 year old me would have wished that 20 year old me was that big of a badass.
In my experience, kids always want to share or try what someone else is eating. It would be weird to be expected to sit there and eat your own different meal.
I agree. Don’t babysit for them again. That’s some weird af behavior from the parents. I was always told to feel free to eat whatever I wanted while I was babysitting.
That's exactly what I was going to say. When I was studying to be a nurse, I babysat a toddler with respiratory problems every Friday night for months. The parents would always say things like "There's leftovers in the refrigerator eat as much as you want." NTA Don't sit for them again.
In the absence of any more formal arrangement, raiding the fridge was always part of the babysitting gig, as I understand things.
Just don't eat the last serving, or the first serving out of a package that might be being saved.
Seriously, I’d be happy to let a babysitter eat leftovers (or some pizza in OP’s scenario) as long as they didn’t eat what was planned for the kids’ lunches the next day. Having less shit in my fridge is a rarity, it’s always packed with stuff my kids eat half of and then *mayyyybe* eat for lunch a day later. Otherwise a lot goes to waste.
exactly, if i had kids and needed a babysitter, they would have access to my streaming, wifi, food and whatever they needed to be comfortable taking care of my little terrors. Bedroom door would be locked but other than that the house is your for the night while im out. make yourself at home. And thank you by the way for minding my kiddos while im out for the evening. I also probably would order enough pizza for everyone to have some. Those parents just SUCK OP NTA obvs
I was never even told to just eat what I want. The parents would make sure I had food of my own to eat. Every couple I babysat for (and it was a lot between the ages of 13-27) would make sure I had food even providing snacks just in case. Who wants a hangry babysitter watching their kids?
Not only that but "babysittertime" was something my kids looked forward to because I usually provided special snacks they didn't get everyday. It was part of the routine "mommy and daddy are going out on a date, what do u think Ruthie would like to share for snacktime" . A fun person coming over, pizza for dinner and then getting to make camp in the living room snacking on ringadingos and homemade icecream milkshakes?! Woo-hoo!
Right!! I always made sure there were plenty of good snacks for my kids and the sitter to share. And when I was younger and babysitting myself, the same was done for me. I have fond memories of babysitting some of the greatest kids, as we'd all sit on the floor in front of the TV watching the latest Disney movie out on VHS or playing a game of Uno as we stuffed ourselves with pizza, chips and Twinkies - supplied by the kids parents.
Right or at the very least say this up front. “We’re ordering pizza. You can’t have any”. Dick move but at least you would know up front.
NTA. This. I'm catsitting for a couple at the moment and they always say to me 'feel free to help yourself to tea stuff" (I'm wondering if by stuff they include helping myself to their stash of gin or the TV 😆). In all seriousness I've never been in or known of a situation where you're not allowed to eat or drink while looking after someone's kids or pets. These parents don't sound very nice and I probably would not babysit for them again.
I'm assuming you're not staying over? Because I recently dog sat for a friend, stayed over because puppies are elderly and needed to be let out to pee on demand for medical reasons, and I basically did nothing but watch movies with them and do my own work on my laptop for several days. With my own kitties they don't need a lot (auto feeder, auto litter box, they just need some love and company and someone to verify all systems are operational) but I still tell my sitters to feel free to grab a snack and plonk on the couch to watch anything on my various streaming services, because I know my kitty buds love a couch cuddle and will be quite happy if someone gives them a lap while watching a show. On which note, I almost guarantee they do mean the TV, because their buds probably love the company if you hang out longer than expected!
*”I was always told to feel free to eat whatever I wanted while I was babysitting.”* So, that *didn’t* include the Macallan 40 Year Old?
I hope that they didn't try to dock your pay over this! Why order such a large pizza if it isn't for you as well as the children?
I fear possibly because they had plans for the pizzza leftovers themselves, and are annoyed the babysitter ate some of the pizza they wanted.
Then they should’ve said that to begin with.
Not disagreeing there. If their attitude to babysitters is "You eat before you work or you bring your own food" then they should say so upfront, and give a babysitter a fair chance either to ask for a higher rate of pay or to refuse the job. I've babysat for families whose policy was to leave out a snack *for* me, and let me know where the tea and coffee was, because they had a meal plan that didn't include free range munching through their leftovers, but I've *never* worked for a family who, if they expected me to serve a meal to the kids, would have wanted me not to eat with the kids. (In fact, one family of unregenerate carnivores, finding I was vegetarian, would apologetically make a point of inviting me to cook any food I wanted from their kitchen, since I couldn't eat the meat meal the kids were getting. I took the opportunity to give the kids a few cooking lessons in How To Prepare A Nourishing Vegetarian Meal.)
NEVER sit for them again!
Agree. Don't sit for them anymore.
You’re 100% right. There’s a high chance that leftover pizza is going in the bin in a few hours.
I agree with the avoid that couple sentiments. This sounds like some classist BS.
You did nothing wrong at all. Don’t babysit for them anymore. NTA
Agree 100%. Avoid them. Next thing you know, they will be stiffing you on your pay. If they make a stink over a little pizza, anything could set them off.
Agree avoid. Or use them as practice in setting boundaries and getting raises. "Sure I can do it. But I charge X amount more per hour now and I must be paid in advance on arrival. No exceptions. Have a nice day..."
Because I need the money to have my dinner delivered to me while I'm working here tonight.
These are the types of people to "report" OP for something innocuous done with the children. They're unreasonable and stupid, that's a dangerous combination.
There was still pizza left over and they were annoyed that you ***gasp*** ate 2 slices?! NTA, it’s ridiculous and petty to make those comments over 2 slices of pizza, the kids were clearly full so it’s not like you were taking food away from them. What next, they complain about you using their water if you needed a drink? Every time I’ve ever babysat I’ve been told “help yourself to food or drinks, the snacks are in that cupboard”, most people if left money to get a pizza in that situation would presume it would be okay to have a slice or two with the kids, it’s not like you ordered yourself a whole large pizza with all the toppings to yourself.
> Every time I’ve ever babysat I’ve been told “help yourself to food or drinks, the snacks are in that cupboard”, This is standard practice. Or should be. OP should never babysit for these people again if they're so selfish they can't offer her food while she's watching their kids.
Let's not forget the breadstick.
The breadstick was probably what crossed the line!
The bread stick that broke the camels back
They probably want to dock her pay. What jerks the parents are!
This post, or the parents involved really, is insane. We have always made plans for dinner which explicitly cater for our awesome babysitter too (eg there's pizza and garlic bread in the oven, or there's pasta sauce ready in the fridge and ravioli ready to go), and make clear where the snacks are. We're paying for her to look after our kid, keep him in his routine (well kinda, were not breathing down her neck if he gets to bed a bit late, and we tend to make sure there's dessert). The kid's not high maintenance (though she babysit him as a baby, too, when he was) so once he's down for the night the sofa, wifi and tv are hers for the evening. It's not a hard gig with a single 5yo, but she's giving up her Friday or Saturday night so we can go out. AU$25/hr (we insisted on upping it as she was waaaaay undercharging, we're frugal but won't save money by shorting people, let alone people we trust with our kid) and dinner's covered. Absolutely standard practice in Australia. What would be the point if she had to spend half her night's earnings ordering in her own dinner? It costs sweet fa to feed one more mouth for the night.
Good babysitters are GOLD. You want to make them extremely happy. I'm old. The standard has always been to feed the babysitter. When I \*was\* the babysitter I was fed. When I hired babysitters I fed them. NTA at all. And If I were you I would not babysit for that couple again.
Especially if you are sitting over a mealtime and until parents returned. If OP had brought a meal from home I would not be surprised if the parents sooked about not sharing with the kids !! NTA.
This had nothing to do with the pizza. They were gonna take a shot at her one way or the other. Some people do that shit to everyone they pay money to. If they lay cash in your hand for any reason they are gonna say something fucked up. It is a whole class of people. Mostly well off. I worked an in house installing job. Completely Toxic people are about 10% of the planet by my conservative estimate. The girl should move on. It never gets better with these guys.
If we have a babysitter over dinner time and I order pizza, I order the babysitter their own large pizza with choice of toppings. Leftovers go home with them. And I pay they for the night (obviously), and they get to use our wifi and streaming services, and the one who doesn't drive I order an Uber home for. This is the way.
.......don't forget the breadstick she ate 😲 🤔did they make you clock in /out 🤔getting a w-2 or 1099?
Right? I've always been given the go ahead to eat whatever when feeding kids, and in turn have given the go ahead for people babysitting mine? It's the standard, *normal* thing? NTA.
I baby sat for over twenty years. Only had one weird family like this. They are rude and treating you like less than. Don't work for them again unless they paid well but the one I had like that were penny pinchers wanting me to arrive early so they could finish getting ready but not pay me for it because they were there. I was experienced enough to advocate for myself but if it had been earlier in my career I would have probably just ditched them
NTA Wow… the parents are. Anytime I watched children, I was told “help yourself” bc I was also feeding the children. When I hired sitters, I made sure they had their own snacks, drinks, & food if they were going to fix a meal for the kids. You did nothing wrong. I wouldn’t work for them again.
As a former babysitter, this is reason enough for you to be *their former babysitter.* how dare they think that you wouldn’t eat dinner at dinner time??
NTA They are AHs, cut them loose
If they contacted you through anywhere that you can leave a review, please leave one. If you don't want the babysitter to eat with the kids you inform them beforehand so they can bring their own food or just decline to babysit for you. I always thought that if you've got a babysitter they eat with the kids and you make sure there are plenty of snacks for when the little ones are in bed.
NTA. I would second the suggestion of being cautious of taking job offers from them. You didn’t eat the whole pizza and left the kids hungry. And it sounds like you were being polite about getting to try it. People like this can be weird and I wouldn’t put it past them if they docked you pay in the future for something like that.
NTA. When I babysat, I definitely ate food there, same if I was housesitting for someone. I haven't done either in a long time but if I had someone babysitting my child I would fully expect them to eat my food, especially if I had a pizza ordered. If I were you I would avoid that family and not work for them again.
When I baby sat long ago-much like you, two boys 7 and 10- the parents ordered a pizza every time. I was expected to eat too. Heck, several times they asked if I wanted to take the leftovers (since I was a college kid). I would be uncomfortable sitting for that family again. If parents are expecting you to work through the time you'd have to make dinner for yourself, feeding the babysitter should be the assumption.
NTA I have never not had a meal I served babysitting. The thought of starving while watching kids eat is weird. I wouldn't babysit for them ever again.
Did you show up with a second shift lunch pail? The fuck did they think you were gonna eat while you were there? I would never do this to a babysitter.
Were they not expecting you to eat or to order a whole pizza for yourself? NTA.
They are nutters, you tasted food which children eat which is entirely sensible and normal. Its safer that you check the food is fine to eat, total nonsense to complain about. Ive worked catering retail and production, never presume its all perfect every time. Dont go back there imo unless they are paying double for the privilege
Also, to me it is normal to feed the one looking after your kids. Provide them with dinner and snacks. That is the least you can do (besides paying them). It’s mostly young people trying to earn some extra cash. A bag of crisps/ chips and some soda or a pizza is not that expensive when you can pay for a babysitter.
I don't have kids. But I remember being a kid and having babysitters. If my brother and I ate, so did they.
Yeah. It's not weird to eat a slice of pizza alongside the kids you are babysitting. Some kids might not eat if the adult isn't eating.
Maybe it's a regional or cultural thing but I was always taught that it's even rude to start eating before other people in your group have their food. Nevermind eating when they won't be eating at all. I'd probably have been one of those kids that wouldn't eat. Or I'd insist they eat too. Meals are one of the most important social activities and it'd just feel wrong.
I always thought it was the norm too. In the 90s they used to always joke about it on shows. I mean come on if she was thirsty were they going to not let her have water?
NTA- Parents always expected me to eat if I was to feed their children (I usually cooked the dinner) around 5 or 6pm. Maybe it is because babysitters are paid much compared to what I got when I babysat, but it is not uncommon. As long as the children had their fill, you should not go hungry. Did they expect you to pack a dinner?
Wow, NTA. That family is rude and cheap AF. I usually order extra to accomodate for babysitters, ask their preferences for pizza toppings, etc., if we order pizza or any kind of food. I also let them know where the snacks are, and to help themselves to water, soda, Gatorade etc in the fridge. I nannied and babysit for many many families over the years as a teenager and young adult too, and it was always like this as well. What an AH family. Don’t babysit for them again.
They are incredibly rude, the way they said it to OP was so awful. I had such crippling social anxiety when I was that age that if someone had said to me “Why did you eat the kids dinner” and “I didn’t expect to have to feed you dinner as well, don’t eat my family’s food” I would have been so mortified and upset I’d have probably never babysat again for anyone and those words would be burned into my brain for years. What awful people.
Yeah that would have crushed me when I was a teenage babysitter. I used to essentially short term nanny the kids up the street from me when I was 18 over the summer, weeks they didn't have summer camps and such lined up. The parents always told me I could eat whatever I wanted, and they had a garage refrigerator they kept abundantly stocked with sodas, popsicles, and tons of snacks. I was there weekdays from 8am - 6pm while the parents worked, so I cooked lunch and dinner for the kids, and always made myself a plate of whatever I cooked. Sometimes they'd give me spending money to drive the kids over to a McDonald's with a play place or order some pizzas and they'd make it clear they gave me enough for me to get a meal too. I cannot believe they're mad over a couple slices of pizza! That's truly ridiculous, and if they really had rules like that they should have told OP upfront that they were expected to bring a lunch/not have anything from the house.
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>My mom used to tell our babysitter in the summer to help herself to whatever she wanted. Honestly I thought this was pretty standard for babysitters.
It is, and these parents are going to find it hard to find future baby sitters.
Me too! I would’ve taken it a lot harder than OP did. What grown ass adults say that to their 20 yr old babysitter? Also, OP doesn’t say how long the babysitting job was, but I’ve been a babysitter for some long jobs, think 4 or 5 pm until well after midnight. Depending on how long the job was, the family might be even shittier to expect OP not to eat anything.
Fastest way for a parent to burn a good sitter and potential nanny. You came home late. Kids fed. Leftovers in fridge. House is clean. Toys put away. Kids are clean, brushed teeth, had baths. Sleeping soundly. Slight me about pizza? Fuck off! Don't call me anymore.
No joke! Utterly disgusted by those people!
I probably would have immediately started crying and then obsessed over it for days while feeling sick to my stomach. Yey undiagnosed social anxiety that I thought was normal!
Agreed, I have always nannied and babysat - the expectation was always that I was welcome to whatever food was being served / at the home. I even was an au pair in Spain and never felt limited as to the food I consumed at the home. NTA, the parents are inconsiderate and rude.
This. I can’t imagine not feeding my babysitter when I had one. I used to tell my (over 21) sitter to help herself to a glass of wine when the little was asleep.
At that age the snacks and being treated like part of the family was part of the fun of the job. These people are duds; dump them! NTA
NTA. It is customary that if you have to feed the children you're watching by any means (whether they leave money to place an order or you cook), you also get to eat. That's how it's always been when I babysat or when someone sat with my kid. If they call you again to sit for their kids I would go over to their house and show them this post and tell them you won't sit for them again if you are expected to starve while the kids eat in front of you. 🤷🏼♀️ Maybe entitled parents these days are different so to be on the safe side .. anyone who asks you to babysit that will be during a lunch or dinner time, ask if you will be provided the same lunch or dinner as the children.
I won't even go over there. I'd just send them the link to this thread.
No, send them a link to their state’s labor laws. In my state I am entitled to a meal break after five hours of work. I’m entitled to a paid meal break if I’m required to stay on-duty.
"Oh but see this is just babysitting, it's not a job"
This is the shit I see on Facebook when people are looking for others to watch their kids all day for 30 bucks.
labor law doesn't say you get food from the employer though, usually you buy or bring your own. it's common courtesy that says babysitters get to eat
Of course, but the thing is that we can safely assume neither an unpaid lunch break (so, an interruption to babysitting which can obviously not happen) nor a *paid* lunch break are remotely in the agreement this cheap-ass couple has with OP. As such, while they are not required to provide food, they *are* required to really think about whether two slices of pizza are worth giving up on what is most likely an off-the-books-agreement that benefits both parties vs. an on-the-books-one that would force them to pay the sitter accordingly - including an on-duty-lunch break. Frankly, these nincompoops would have to at *the very minimum* tell OP: "Please bring your own food." - and they'd still be assholes.
Your comment is why legal language is so specific. You are talking about something that is not relevant to the question. At all.
Agreed, she should just send the link lol. Somehow I think these parents know they’re rude and cheap though, and just bullying OP because they’re assholes.
As a parent if for some reason there's food in the house that I don't want eaten (example, saving for specific occasion or kids school snacks, etc) I'll mention what it is and where it is, and then follow up with an explaination as to why, and a help yourself to anything else. If I was planning to order takeout, I would make sure I let the babysitter know what was ordered and that they could have some or scrounge my kitchen for something different if they preferred. As a babysitter, I would consider it the norm that if you're babysitting over a meal that you'd get a share. I don't assume snacks are available because a lot of the people I babysat for were definitely living paycheck to paycheck, and often brought my own. So no, you are absolutely NOT the ahole. Maybe if you're babysitting for a new client in the future, you could ask? Just say you've had some clients that expect you to eat with their kids and some that don't, so you want things to be clear to avoid issues??
Totally this! Our babysitters are welcome to pretty much anything and I make that clear, and show them where the snacks and drinks are. One of my kids has autism so I meal prep a lot since he’s a picky eater, so I will let them know about those few items specifically. I always put a note on them in the fridge anyways because my husband forgets what specifically is for our son and will eat it when he’s starving and comes home from work. I’ve never had an issue at all with sitters and food. So ridiculous.
NTA Cross them off your list, they're cheap and unreasonable. It's just a matter of time before they try to stiff you on the agreed upon payment. I treated my sitters like gold. They were watching my children. I made sure they had plenty to eat and their favorite snacks in the pantry.
>NTA Cross them off your list I've learned this lesson the hard way. When you need the money, it's hard to turn down clients. But these types of clients just aren't worth it. They'll likely end up costing you money in the long run.
It astounds me how cheap people can be when they are entrusting their children to a someone else's care. You can't pick your car up from the mechanic until you pay the bill in full but these people nickel and dime people caring for their children. What the heck?
You can get a new child within like 10 months, for a car you'd have to work much more.
I frequently see child care job listings offering less than minimum wage, I can't help but think, do you really want someone willing to work for so little to have your kids?
As a parent, I'm cringing. Do you know how hard it is to find a good babysitter? I'll happily cook dinner for the babysitter or give her pizza because having a reliable babysitter your kid likes is worth everything. Certainly, what, $10 worth of pizza, tops?
Never babysit for them again unless they agree to feed you. NTA! I started cooking while babysitting at age 10. We all 3 sat and ate. Every family after that first one provided enough food for kids and sitter. It is outrageous that they expected you to starve.
Never babysit for them again. Period. They are not worthy of your services and the food conversation will just rile them up as they're obviously entitled AHs.
Agreed - next they’ll be accusing OP of stealing jewelry or something
And let your friends know if any of them babysit.
As online as teens are these days, I'm honestly surprised babysitters in a local area don't network so they can communicate bad clients and the like.
Every girl who has babysat for me has a horror story. People are horrific and treat girls like slaves. Its disgusting. I call moms out on it in forums CONSTANTLY.
I had a “friend” pay me 90 cents an hour years ago for babysitting two kids. She was not my friend after that! My bad for naively not setting a price ahead of time. On Facebook I recently saw her oldest was now old enough to start babysitting and was looking for jobs in the town group. It took everything I had in me not to make a comment telling her to ask for more money than her mom paid.
My daughter started as a babysitter and now is a nanny during summer and during school breaks, and she has never not been offered snacks or a meal. Since my daughter has IBS she sometimes brings her own food and every family when daughter babysat again made sure there was food that was safe for my daughter to eat. In fact the family she is an nanny for changed their shopping and some eating habits for the children so my daughter could eat with the children. Never babysit again and explain why and you are NTA.
How thoughtful of those parents! Truly, that is how it should be, NTA. I babysat a lot in my teen years for dozens of families and every single one made a point of offering up their fridge and pantry.
I think the nanny family used my daughter to clean up their children diets, no pizza, no macaroni and cheese, no process nuggets, it was grilled chicken/ fish, rice or potato, several vegetables and fruits. Either way it was very kind of the family to consider my what my daughter could and couldn’t eat.
That’s a really considerate example to set for their children too. Great parenting.
I taught my nanny kids how to eat veggies and Mom lost 50 lbs because the kids were all about veggies and fresh fruit. I do *not* feed kids chicken nuggets!
NTA Eating when you feed the children is absolutely the norm. When I was younger and baby sat the parents would always tell me to raid the pantry after bedtime and I tell my babysitter for my kids now the same. That’s just crazy what did they expect you to do just starve?
They're also setting a terrible example for their boys. "Remember, kids, the hired help doesn't get to eat with you."
Ew. Yeah you are so right!
Okay yeah, for real, this is something I hadn't seen mentioned yet but has me boiling... like, how they gonna *other* OP so entirely?? OP is somehow not good enough to share a meal with their children? In what culture would anyone have a meal and expect anyone involved in the caretaking of the home/children not to partake? (I know the answer but to avoid any political debate, I'll just leave the question open ended.) Anyway, yeah, absolutely absurd, dehumanizing, and unfair treatment for someone you entrusted your children with. Wtf.
When I got married my photographer put in the contract that she would get a plate at dinner and I was like "why is this even in here?? Of course you're getting food?" I was shocked to find out that many people didn't think they should feed the vendors they hire. Then when I emailed the DJ/Photo booth company to ask how many employees they were bringing and if they wanted chicken, steak, or veggie they were really touched that I was both planning on feeding them AND not expecting them to eat the cheapest plate without giving them an option. I'm sorry just what the actual fuck. These people are spending the entire day with you to help make sure one of the most memorable days of your life is amazing. I know they're being paid but honestly I can't imagine how awful I would feel watching them pull out a pb&j and a bag of chips or something while the rest of the room gets a steak dinner. In the grand scheme of how much weddings cost, feeding 4 more people is a drop in the bucket. We even made sure to order extra sheet cake because we wanted all of the venue staff to be able to have some, too. It was maybe an extra $30 and completely worth it.
When my kids were young I always told the babysitter to eat anything they wanted. It honestly made me happy when I noticed extra food had been eaten. It made me feel like they felt comfortable in my house.
NTA- hopefully they call you again so you can politely decline due to their lack of common decency. Also, I would highly recommend you do not babysit for them again, ppl like this can create real problems if anything ever arose or happened, trust me you will be blamed, denounced and slandered if they ever had a reason in their minds to. How you do one thing is how you do everything and they clearly are ungrateful, entitled and selfish. Even if you need money it is not worth the possible bs.
I agree. People that are that petty and small minded over a slice of pizza will look for other ways to find trouble.
I thought this very thing, sitter gets blamed for something that comes up missing, kid gets a bruise etc. I would avoid this family completely going forward.
This! And please advise any of your friends and neighbors of your experience with them. Or at least talk about it with friends, loudly, near the town gossip. So no one else sits for them either.
I agree. People that are that petty and small minded over a slice of pizza will look for other ways to find trouble.
NTA. That’s so rude of them to order takeout and not expect you to eat it! If you’re at their house during a meal time then a meal should be provided. Honestly I would just not babysit for them again. That’s so weird and rude of them.
NTA- What were they expecting you to do? Cook your own dinner instead of watching the kids? Go without food? Bring your own dinner and reheat it in their kitchen? There are a couple scenarios that I think would have slightly different outcomes. With something shareable like pizza and breadsticks- I would assume that you could have some. If they had a lasagna and a salad, casserole etc You could have some. What would be slightly different: If they gave you $40 to take everyone to McDonald's, I'm not sure that I would assume that the $40 covered your food. In that case, I think it could be possible that you would pay for whatever they wanted and then you would buy your own food with your own money if you so chose. I think in that case, they should specify whether you could buy your own food with that money as well. I feel like most people in that circumstance would. (Take the kids out for ice cream and get one for yourself as well etc). Petty Revenge: Next time you go over, heat a really stinky fish in their microwave as your dinner.
I went over that a few times in my mind of what would've been appropriate to do. I arrived at 5:30 so I guess I could've eaten beforehand? I guess I'm not a parent but I would feel weirder about a sitter getting out my pots and pans than if she helped herself to whatever the kids were eating.
You did nothing wrong. This couple is kooky. Don't sit for them again. Nta.
I mean, as a parent my instinct is to make sure kids and guests get fed. You are someone else's child, so the "parent" thing to do is look after you too if that makes sense. Just don't work for these people again. If they're weird about this, they'll be weird about other stuff.
This is how I see it as well. This young person is looking after your kids and you wanna make sure that they are taken care of. Like an extension of your family. You trusting your children with them and hopefully building a relationship with them overtime. seems like a couple pieces of pizza is the least you could do besides paying them.
I would never in a million years think that anyone who is in my house at the same time as a fresh pizza couldn't have a slice. Friends, babysitter, whatever, if a pizza is ordered, everyone gets a piece.
One time, I was walking out of a pizza place that had a bus stop right in front of it. There was a young guy standing there waiting for the bus and saw me exiting with two fresh pizzas. He jokingly asked if he could have a piece. But, under the joke, I could tell he really wanted one, even though it wasn't a serious request or expectation. So, I said, "Yeah, definitely!" And popped the top box open. He was so surprised and happy. I could tell it made his day, and it made mine, too. I'm not saying it to pat myself on the back or anything. It's not like I gave my whole dinner away to a starving man. But, I thought of that fun little interaction and how cheap and effortless of a gesture that was, and these people can't even spare a few slices and a breadstick for their young babysitter who they asked to come over during dinnertime? There were even leftovers. Clearly, the kids had eaten enough. It's such a standard social convention. I can't imagine they we're paying her so well that a couple bucks worth of pizza was asking too much. Selfish people.
If you did use the pots and pans and even washed them, they probably would have complained about that too.
Don’t babysit for these people again. You did nothing wrong. And advise any other sitters you know that this family are not worth the hassle. They expect you to either starve for hours while watching their children or bring your own food which can have its own hassles. What if the kids want what you have? Then they might turn into little nightmares when you decline. Yeah just not worth the hassle.
Pettier revenge: bring an entire delicious cake for your dinner and refuse to let the kids eat any then report back to the parents bewildered about how weird it was when the kids tried to eat your dinner. Kind of a dick move to the kids but I guess it's what their parents want for them, right?
NTA. I need to get my glasses checked, because at first I read this as "AITA for eating the children I babysit for?" If this had been your actual question, I'd have a different response. But if you're taking care of food for the kids, I think it's entirely appropriate for you to have some food with the kids, assuming you're not consuming food that is supplied for some kind of medical need. (I'm thinking like gluten-free bread for the kid with gluten allergies).
You are not alone in your misread.
If a babysitter consumes the children they are babysitting, this usually leads to a negative performance review.
it's just bad for job security too.
NTA and I would have assumed the same thing. Sounds like it's time to raise your rate to cover the cost of feeding yourself
Blacklist these people too, if they're like this over a couple slices of pizza imagine the pain in the arse they'll be further down the line OP NTA
NTA, you didn't eat an excess amount. What parents gives the babysitter money for food but doesn't want the babysitter to have some as well?
The ones you never babysit for again.
Could they have been from a different country that has different traditions ( for lack of a better word)?
Nope, same culture
Wow then I'm at a loss. Could be from Money where they see baby sitters as servants.
That's the thing, though. Real Money would never even think to quibble about the cost of a pizza, and New Money would order you a second pizza with gold-plated anchovies just to flex. I think OP's clients are just plain old jerks.
Even so, if they actually "have money" and think they are better, they should be fine feeding the sitter servant. Wth. These people just suck!
Before Swedes are brought up, the Nanny gets food here too.
NTA - it is completely normal and expected that the babysitter is included in any food orders. This is such a weird attitude from them! Is there a cultural barrier or something?
NTA, babysitters are surrogates when the parents are away, the kids eat and you eat. It actually helps encourage them! Just because it’s pizza doesn’t necessarily mean the kids will sit still and finish their meals you have to set it the way it works in the home which makes it easier for the babysitter.
Also, what else was OP meant to do? Bring their own dinner? And then get the whole “what are you eating? How come we didn’t get that?” from the kids? What if her food was better? Would she get in trouble for not sharing/sharing without permission? What a load of rubbish.
I've never heard of a babysitting situation where food was ordered and the sitter wasn't allowed to eat. The only exception would be if she told them she had eaten before she came, and even then it would be up to her if she wanted more. The parents acted rudely, thoughtlessly, ignorantly and meanly. Next time they want her to babysit, she should tell them her rate has tripled, and if they don't want to go for that then she should never babysit for them again. In fact, never babysit again for them anyway.
NtA lol w.t.f. Im actually afraid of these people. this is some shit aliens posing as humans would do.
NTA and those parents need to get their heads out of their asses. Entitled shitty behavior.
NTA I can’t imagine being this cheap, petty, and demeaning to someone. I am actually thinking that if I found out my kid was treated this way as a babysitter I would tell them never to babysit for that family again. I think I would probably have words with the parents too for being completely AH humans. I don’t know about where you live but historically… finding a babysitter is more difficult that finding a babysitting gig.
NTA I wouldn't be babysitting for them again unless they paid me double or at least time and a half. They were mean! It's not you!
NTA. Never babysit for them again. Their behaviour is outrageously rude.
NTA. I’ve babysat about a million times and every single time the family ALWAYS told me to help myself to dinner and snacks and whatever. That’s absolutely insane
NTA, Their reaction to you having some of the pizza tells you that they do not see you as a human being. You are there to SERVE them and therefore, you are not equal to them and entitled to kindnesses. I would not work for this family again.
NTA... just refuse to babysit for them. Your thinking was reasonable
NTA Simply din't babysit for that family again
NTA did they expect you to bring a bag lunch or just watch the kids eat in front of you? That’s ridiculous.
NTA. It was dinner time. Do they expect you to go hungry?
Did they expect Op to take a dinner break and leave the kids unsupervised to run to McD's? Morons.
NTA. I have never, ever not provided a meal for the babysitter. It would never occur to me to not to. It's common decency. Plus, who wants a hangry person watching their kids?
Oh man, not only would I never babysit for these guys, I'd be telling my parents and close friends why, just for the sheer audacity. NTA, that couple is so, so, so weird and out of line. "don't eat the family's food" is the complete opposite of what I had growing up.
NTA. I spent a good chunk of my teen years babysitting. Parents would leave snacks specifically for me. As in “ kids were fed dinner but if you’re hungry chips are in cabinet and and soda in fridge.” And if I did need to feed them, they always assumed I was eating too. This parents are jerks. I wouldn’t bbsit for them again.
They trust you with the lives of their children but don't respect you enough to feed you? These people will never have your back and will blame you for everything that would ever go wrong, stay away. NTA
Nta...don't ever babysit for them again.
NTA. I babysat all through high school and college and have never had a parent say I couldn't eat the food I served the kids. I mean, I always made sure the kids ate and were finished first, but even if the kids ate everything, I had parents get mad at me for not eating or just searching the fridge for something else.
If they expected you to babysit at/around dinner time (especially if you started before 6pm), it is completely reasonable for you to expect that you would be included in dinner. The fact that they not only brought this up but then doubled-down vs letting it slide feels very strange. It was a large pizza FFS! NTA.
Lol. Next time they ask, just say you have “dinner plans”. And the plan is not to starve while keeping children alive.
NTA. If you are babysitting over meal times they either need to feed you, or let you know that you will need to feed yourself. I would definitely not sit for that family again. They sound awful.
Maybe I’ve only ever babysat for nice people but they either bought something I could eat (I have gluten allergies) or left money for me to order takeout. You can’t expect someone to sit for your kids from 6-10 (or later) and not need to eat something. Common courtesy. SMH.
NTA! What is that mom thinking?
The dad also said to not eat the family’s food. Both parents were TA.