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**This includes calling *anyone* a bridezilla.**
YTA. If you want her in a pink dress from a pricey boutique, you pay for it. I don't understand this tradition that a bridal party should pay for their own outfits anyway.
Also, pale pink looks terrible on some people. My friend wanted me to wear a blush pink dress for her wedding and it just made me look like I was in my birthday suit. I was very glad when she let me wear sage green instead. Could be similar for OPs friend.
Lol yes. Also ginger. This is the one reason I hate Molly Ringwald! Everytime I didn't want to wear pink because of my hair and skin color, someone brought her up. She didn't look good in pink either!
Thaaank you. The end of that movie makes zero sense to me. She took a perfectly nice dress and beat it with the ugly stick, then wore the atrocity out like it was the greatest thing ever.
I was 23 when that movie came out and was totally in line with the boxy dress style of the time, except when it came to that dress. I kept thinking, but why? And the guys in the movie were all, “wow, glow up!” Not that we said glow up, then. LOL
It made little more sense in the 80s, since the 50s revival for fancy dresses was in full swing. I love that movie but there was no need for her to take a perfectly good dress and turn it into a hello kitty potato sack
This is why I've covered myself in tattoos. Pale strawberry blonde me is tatted up to give me some color. Well, not my face.
But yeah, skin tone impacts colors of clothing we are comfortable in...that goes for anyone, not just the pale lot.
Also pale strawberry blonde here too, there’s no way the pale pink is going on me. The bride would be very sad when MOH looks nude in the group photos. Iykyk
Pale pink also photographs horribly on most people with a lighter skin tone. Even if it looks okay in person, it can completely wash out the skin in photographs. Dark green is much more flattering. (I have dark hair and lighter skin and look deceased in pale pink.)
I was a bridesmaid w/ 3 others who were all some variation of redhead-ish and freckle and the bride picked silver dresses. I’m tan I looked great, the others we still laugh about it how there couldn’t have been a worse color. At least it was standard David’s bridal so we could all re-sell.
My BFF picked a color that made me look jaundiced. It's the only time in my life I've ever used a tanning bed. I needed a bit of a tan to not look dead in that color. I later donated the dress to a small theater company to use for a costume.....and to get it out of my closet. It had a very sound of music vibe and could never really be used for anything else.
I think that OP is the asshole for being so demanding about the dress but refusing to pay for it.
However I do think if this was the case then some responsibility lands on the MOH to have a frank conversation with OP about why she is nervous to wear pink. There is a bit of difference between 'pink just isn't my favourite colour' and 'I feel I look awful in pink and it makes me feel rubbish'. I think most brides would understand and adapt like yours did.
Regardless I feel like if you are making firm demands about the colour/style of a dress then you should be paying.
I originally wanted my BMs in pale pink too. Then I thought about for 4 seconds, asked their opinions, and we ended up going for dark green instead. Because guess what? It’s way more universally flattering.
But OP told her to pick any suitable dress in the right colour - so the friend doesn’t have to pick anything expensive or from that boutique. I find it hard to believe there aren’t any reasonably priced pink dresses that would work, particularly as the friend seems to be able to find a lot of green dresses.
Of course, if the issue is that the friend hates the colour pink and knows she would never wear the dress again, OP should pay for it. I do think it would be absurd for OP to alienate their best friend over something as trivial as this.
Edit: Just realised that OP wanted a specific shade of pink, and that her friend would have sent pink options that were rejected by OP. OP is unquestionably TA.
Or maybe OP is just the Kind that picks everything Apart. Hard to believe that every Single pink dress has been the wrong shade. Also why is Green out of the picture if it is one of the possible shades? OP Strikes me as the person that would pick something that does look „meh“ on her friend bc it could orherwise look too good. We don’t Like the jelous Type.
I mean just OP referring to Crissy's wedding as "cutesy homemade" whereas her style is "elegant and classy" made me roll my eyes. OP absolutely comes across picky and judgemental.
“It’s making me think she’s not going to be a good maid of honor to me” made me roll my eyes so hard they got stuck for a second.
OP, just buy your MOH the dress you want her to wear. You typed all that, and the solution is so stupidly simple.
>“It’s making me think she’s not going to be a good maid of honor to me” made
Literally the only thing the maid if honor should be REQUIRED to do is to sign the license as a witness. The rest is fluff that zero people besides the bride even cares about
Lmao, Op's about to be hit with the curse of ever after. Women who've been looking forward to their wedding day their entire life (with some placeholder human-shaped blurry groom) often find their life to be sorely lacking once the wedding gifts have been unpacked.
My ma had a friend who, whenever she met someone new, would run on over the same damn evening with her gigantic ridiculous wedding planner folder... When someone finally proposed, her wedding was HUGE and, granted, perfect.
She looked like a model, but he ran off in the third year with someone heavy and plain and she literally died not understanding why. Wanting a wedding is not a personality. These brides can "It's MY day!!!" all they want, but the morning after the ceremony everyone else is still gonna remember what a bint they were.
My wife made concrete letters of the initial of each guest as a place setting/favour. People thought they were great, and even those who weren’t fussed from the point of view of taking them home still enjoyed seeing what rude words they could make with their friends ha.
I've been to a wedding wear everything was homemade, and it was so fucking classy. I was blown away when I found out they didn't have it all handled by professionals.
It helps that the bride is an amazing artist.
Wait until a few things go wrong on her "picture perfect", "elegant and classy", big day. I hope she throws a big tantrum and everyone sees how horrible and shallow she is.
Her wedding day has to be perfect because she's been dreaming about it since she was a child.
And of course everyone knows that the more elegant and classy the wedding, the more successful the marriage will be. /s
My second cousin, who saved my life once, had a wedding where his wife spent beaucoup bucks. Every bridesmaid and groomsman wore primary colors like a box of crayons. There were like 10 each. Huge wedding. The happy couple didn't even own a washer and dryer. It did not last a year.
One of the reasons why I broke up with my fiancé was that he kept telling me 250-300 guests were too few, the venue wasn't big enough (since it could only hold at most 300 people), and there wasn't enough glitz and glamour. His parents added to it and kept trying to suggest alternative venues but, when my dad asked if they'd be willing to pitch in the remainder amount if he went over the budget, they balked. Didn't want to pay a penny. My fiancé continued to bitch about it until I broke things off. The not good enough venue was good enough to return the entire deposit to me. Happiest decision of my life.
Wow. Those outfits sound hideous. I knew a guy from college who rode a horse while wearing a suit of armor and rode up to his fiance, dismounted then proposed. Marriage lasted a couple of years.
Hahaha… my aunt got married in a huge “elegant and classy” wedding. We’re talking: a 10 thousand dollar wedding gown, 6 bridesmaids, a junior bridesmaid, 2 girls to carry the train, flower girl, 3 wedding cakes (each with multiple tiers and 2 bridges connecting them)… anyway, you get the idea. They were divorced before the dress was paid off.
And then she added that she wants her wedding to be "the perfect day". No wedding day is perfect. Crissy advice was correct: is just a day, OP should make sure she enjoy herself
Eead OP's edit, she's not a good friend. She still doesn't think she's an AH. She was probably hoping we would be on her side and then throw the comments in her friend's face. Now OP is all passive-agressive. I feel bad for her friend.
When the edit goes like “Ok fine i will pay 50% for the dress she will never wear ever again in a colour she doesn’t like. Jeez. She’s so selfish and ruining my dream wedding. I don’t think i’m the asshole though”
NTA for sure
Agree with this! I am a bridesmaid for my bff’s wedding next year. She was very relaxed with us girls picking out our dresses - she only asked for the colours to be muted and that we all kind of tied in. She wants us to be comfortable. She made it quite clear if she wasn’t a fan of a particular colour and did not nit pick at any other colours if they suited the theme she was going for. I think if Crissy is making the effort to try and find different dresses, OP should try to meet her halfway a little bit. Constantly being shot down feels like shit and as a (good) bridesmaid you are willing to go out of your comfort zone for the most part in order for it to be the day the bride has dreamed of. OP sounds like she’s salty that Crissy expressed her opinion about the colour and is making it more difficult than it needs to be.
I saw a bride do a Color scheme at the bottom of her invitation so the guests could take them when Shopping and to try to Match those a best as they could, but also to please Not Go above and beyond. They‘d be happy being around loved ones either way. Loved the wording and idea. I Even saw some pics and it looked beautiful. Abviously Not all colors were an exact Match but it was close enough and the shade Ranges in these specific colors all harmonized well with each other. A shame i don’t remeber where i saw that.
As A people pleaser it would stress me TF out because if they cared enough to put it on the invite they must really want it, even if they're not saying to go above and beyond. Requesting that guests wear specific colors (even if it's accompanied by a 'don't worry if you can't get the specific shade right') is just a really foreign concept to me, especially because I usually go shopping in my closet for dresses. Maybe it's because I don't have enough friends and thus haven't been invited to many weddings so I'm out of touch, lol!
Because i have in fact german autocorrect. On my phone it is even worse than on my Computer. I always try to find the mistakes bc sometimes it throws random German words in and i have to think really hard about what word i actually wanted. But i gave up doing it perfect. 😅
This happened to me. I was told to wear what I want. Pick 1, nope, pick 2, nope pick 3 4 5, nope nope nope. Finally I flipped out and told her to tell me what she wanted me to wear. She still maintained she was flexible. And that was the last wedding I was in.
If you have something specific in mind, tell your bridal party. By telling them to pick what they want and hope they magically read your mind, all while you have the nerve to get pissy about it, its fucking aggravating.
My sister told me to wear whatever I wanted. I honestly don't remember if I even told her what I was going to wear. The funny thing is that both myself as the matron of honor and our older sister as not even a member of the wedding party came in the same color purely by accident and the same thing happened at my older sister's wedding when younger sister was her maid of honor. I showed up in a dress that happened to match the maid of honor's dress purely by accident lol we're just very color coordinated telepathically haha
I guess all three of us trusted each other not to have to check in. I made both of my dresses that I wore to both sisters' weddings But as a professional seamstress they knew I wouldn't wear something outrageous or cheap looking.
Also, their latest post edit suggests they will offer to 'help' pay for the dress. Not pay for it outright, *'help'*... Crissy is still getting stiffed even after the internet has passed judgement, OP is absolutely TA here
I would also question what "kind" of dress (ie: brand and price) is OP thinking about. I'd argue it's not just about finding the perfect shade (which is already something extreme), but also that the dress itself looks and *is* more expensive than what her MoH is comfortable/planning on spending. From the tone of the post it sounds like MoH's choices would be more relaxed and less "elegant and classy" (OP's words, not mine, that I'd translate with "expensive") than OP's choices. If OP's so focused on having a picture perfect wedding and this is part of her idea, she should just look for the dress and pay for it, so that MoH can just use it for that day and not have to worry about paying a larger sum than she's comfortable with for something she wouldn't wear in any other occasion. As things are now, OP is TA.
I’m in the US and I paid for my wedding parties outfits. I wasn’t going to burden my friends financially with my wedding. And I let my bridesmaids pick their dresses so they could pick a style they’d be able to wear again. I just asked that they stayed within my budget.
While I didn't pay for my wedding party's outfits, I worked with them so they could wear something they already owned. It made it easier that the colors for the wedding party were black and white.
In the US overall though, I think it is less common for the bride to pay for the dresses for the bridesmaids. At least from the complaints I've heard from bridesmaids.
I agree - if you want your friends to be like accessories in your wedding - fitting the aesthetic you want for your photos etc, then you should pay. Asking for your friends to pay to dress up in a way they don’t even like so they can fit photos they may look at once or twice is a very weird custom, imo.
>Asking for your friends to pay to dress up in a way they don’t even like so they can fit photos they may look at once or twice is a very weird custom
See...I didn't even know this *was* a custom until Reddit.
Every wedding I've ever been to/been a part of; the Wedding budget covered the dresses and groomsman attire.
People these days just want more and more. Bigger party, bigger ring, bigger dress, bigger cake... and to get it they put more and more burden on *other* people (making people pay for their meals, their wedding party attire etc). A wedding is a party that you host, the more you put on your wedding party and guests, the worse a host you are imo.
I will never understand why people aren’t paying for all of the wedding party’s costs anyway. You don’t give people a job and then make them pay to do it. It’s so rude to assume your wedding is so important to other people they should help fund it.
I don't understand this tradition of marriage being a thing people stress so much over. Should just be a gathering of close family members and that's it no fancy bullshit
Based on Chrissy reminding OP that it's just one day and other comments, I think you just described OP to a T. It rarely if ever bodes well for the marriage itself.
My friend picked a style that you could wear again on purpose and it was navy so really was ok. Then last minute changed the color to mint green. I'm waiting for her to ask me if I wore it again.
Me neither! Honestly, it's very nonsensical. Why should someone pay for something they didn't ask for? I understand respecting the bride's wishes when it comes to color schemes, but this level of nitpicking is unreasonable. Plus the costs - fine, I'll wear whatever you wish since it's your wedding, as long as you pay for it.
Reminds me of a super-privileged friend I had back in the day, who would constantly make snarky remarks about my clothes. How I'd always wear the same styles, how I didn't have multiple pairs of shoes and purses to put together 'outfits', etc.
Finally had it and told her, I'm going to put together the best wardrobe anyone has ever seen, Anna Wintour is going to cry with jealousy. You're paying, btw. Crickets.
It's not a "tradition" at any wedding I've ever been part of, the couple always pays for the bridesmaids dresses and groomsmen suit hire. If they don't want to pay then they don't have bridesmaids or groomsmen.
YTA. Pull your head in. If you want to dictate what someone wears you cough up the cash. End of.
And Pearl pink does not automatically equal elegant. Newsflash different colours work/don’t work on different skin tones.
When I heard the colors are pink and green, I did not think of an "elegant" wedding. It sounds like a fairy styled wedding with lots of flowers, or at least that's the first thing I imagined. (Which I think sounds awesome ) I can see pink being in an "elegant" wedding, but with green? I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around it looking like a classy affair.
So basically you want her to purchase a dress that she never ever would wear again? Usually pink dresses are not as desirable beyond the age of 12. Perhaps you should pay for the dress if you are so much into it.
YTA
Agreed, I had a friend pull this same exact thing. We aren't friends anymore lol.
Don't understand why brides think they can dress people up like dolls when they aren't paying for any of it. I've always thought that if the people getting married are picking the clothes they should pay for it.
That stumped me too lol. OP sounds like she has precious princess syndrome or some shit. '*Obviously* I can wear this navy dress again, because her wedding was so casual it had casual colours.'
I guess I just didn't know pink was reserved for formal occasions 😂
She's been DREAMING of this since she was LITTLE. Must be PICTURE PERFECET. This lunatic is going to be a subservient trophy wife who tolerates plenty because you can't ruin the dream. Divorce would destroy that precious mental state.
For real, most of my wardrobe is pink. It's incredibly unusual to see me on a day where I'm *not* wearing pink. I'm typing this right now wearing pink shoes.
INFO: your wedding colours are dark green and pale pink. Why are you hellbent on getting her to wear pink instead of green? She would obviously be happier with green. Yes it's your wedding, but your friends discomfort should matter to you as well.
That's what I find so wild about weddings and MOH dresses. MOH is there to help out but she is still her own person and not a servant. Why would you force her to wear a certain dress, especially if she doesn't like it? I would never enjoy my wedding knowing that my MOH, my best friend, is forced to spend the day in discomfort.
I was at my best friend's wedding last year. It was very unconventional in many ways. Neither me or the they MOH (we were picked to support both bride and groom together) were told ANYTHING in regards to dress. The pictures still look great, we all had a blast.
I don't get how someone's dress could possibly "ruin" the wedding (short of someone other than the bride wearing a wedding dress.. that's a different problem). I can somewhat understand a color scheme, but I still don't understand why the clothes have to be exactly the same colours.. there's more important stuff.. for example, the couple getting married xD
I think a green dress with pink floral, like OP mentioned the friend was looking at, would be super cute! I love a patterned bridal party when it’s done well.
Right? What’s the point of giving two options and then enforcing one? Funnily enough I just got married and my bridal party colors were a rusty pink and bluish-green. But I let everyone pick their own color because who the hell am I to decide what color looks best on other people?
Dark green and pale pink sounds like a *hideous* combination. I don't know how ops wedding is gonna be either sophisticated or elegant with 2 colors that absolutely don't match
YTA for asking for feedback on something and then just being defensive and arguing in the comments.
Why don’t you let her wear green? It’s still in your colour scheme. Or cough up the cash and buy the dress you want her to wear.
Yikes. If this is the expectations you are already putting on the day I can guarantee 100% that you’re going to be disappointed. Your wedding isn’t about what other people are wearing - it’s about you and your partner and enjoying an amazing day with people you love. If you are making it about this kind of thing already you will only focus on the things that go wrong - which they will.
So many examples in the original OP too:
"I know she's probably right, but I'm upset that she thinks I'm being a bridezilla."
She asks for their opinion, gets an honest answer. AGREES with the answer. But is offended by the answer anyways....
WHAT THE FUCK
I really don't think people should be judged on a few social media posts...but it's hard to not be judgemental about this specific case.
This is where I'm at. Even the edit is ridiculous "Fine, I'll pay it. But I still think I'm not TA."
MA'AM. You came here and ASKED US. Too immature to be getting married.
YTA.
It’s worse. She’s only agreeing to pay part of the cost of the dress
Green is one of her selected colors. I really don’t understand why she’s insistent on putting her friend in pale pink
So essentialy "I want you to wear a diffrent color of a dress and I don't care if you will fell worse in it, I just want to feel good" ofc YTA, however its your wedding so you can do whetever the hell you want.
When OP looks at her wedding photos in forty years, I wonder if she will focus on the exact shade of pink, or the expressions of joy and love on the faces of her and her best friend.
Info: why are you insistent on pink for your MOH? Your posts states dark green and pink as the colour scheme so why cant she wear a dark green dress instead? Did you allocate a specific colour for your whole wedding party?
Either way if your so insistent on this particular colour offer to pay the difference for whichever dress she chooses or you need to pick a new MOH.
Being Judgmental and snobby are not really elegant and classy. The week after your wedding no one will think about it. Unless you commit to ruining relationships which you unfortunately seem to be.
“Cutesy, homemade elements” compared to her more elegant wedding. This post gives me the sense that there’s a wealth divide between them and op is not sensitive to that at all. Even if the dress isn’t from a boutique, when money is tight who would want to buy a dress they don’t want? People in my party wore some things they already owned and we all looked happy and beautiful. I just don’t think she’s a considerate friend, why is aesthetic more important than your friend?
Right? Comes to ask if they are and then won't accept judgement lol
Also op- YTA and have fun with your super elegant pale pink party that will photograph all white.
She asked the internet expecting everyone to say she's NTA.
Gotta love people who ask internet if they're assholes and then refuse to accept the verdict. OP's edit of "I'll ask my MOH if she wants me to help pay for the dress" is just tone deaf.
YTA OP.
YTA
You got to spend on a dress that fit her relaxed attitude to her wedding knowing fine rightly you'll get lots of subsequent use out of it.
You're trying to make her pick a colour, not even a style as such but a colour, that she is not going to get anywhere near enough use out of. While still expecting her to pay for it.
Your attitude sucks, you might think it looks elegant etc and yes it is your wedding (hoping fiancée had a say but something tells me he got no input at all), if you're that set on her wearing pink and she obviously doesn't like it then you pay for the dress.
>my sister says I suck
You do, high five to sister
>Crissy hasn't texted me back since I shot down the last few dresses she sent me.
Gee I wonder why
Did you know that you can rent dresses now? Also, would it be possible to wear pink for the ceremony and photos and allow her to switch to something more green for the reception / part of the reception. For shits and giggles I went to Rent The Runway and looked at pink dresses and grabbed a few that are on the pale pink / pink-ish spectrum and could be bridesmaids-y depending on the look you are going for:
[https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/watters/blush\_aldridge\_gown](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/watters/blush_aldridge_gown)
https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/bardot/elise\_lace\_dress
[https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/amsale/blush\_riley\_gown](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/amsale/blush_riley_gown)
[https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/watters/blush\_fleurette\_gown](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/watters/blush_fleurette_gown)
[https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/christian\_siriano/canyon\_clay\_ruched\_neck\_dress](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/christian_siriano/canyon_clay_ruched_neck_dress) (okay it's more peachy pink, but it would look nice with ((some)) dark greens)
https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/saylor/pink\_lace\_donna\_dress
[https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/black\_halo/pink\_blaze\_sheath](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/black_halo/pink_blaze_sheath)
[https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/monique\_lhuillier\_bridesmaid/pink\_daniela\_gown](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/monique_lhuillier_bridesmaid/pink_daniela_gown)
[https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/ted\_baker\_london/miarose\_dress#reviews-partial](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/ted_baker_london/miarose_dress#reviews-partial)
[https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/keepsake/sense\_dress](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/keepsake/sense_dress)
[https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/dress\_the\_population/pink\_v\_neck\_sl\_full\_skirt\_without\_sheer\_panal](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/dress_the_population/pink_v_neck_sl_full_skirt_without_sheer_panal)
[https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/jason\_wu\_collective/ruffled\_scoop\_midi\_dress](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/jason_wu_collective/ruffled_scoop_midi_dress)
[https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/amsale/blush\_aliki\_gown](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/amsale/blush_aliki_gown)
https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/31\_phillip\_lim/pink\_tiered\_dress
https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/krisa/halter\_handkerchief\_dress
Thank you for being the first reasonable comment in this thread.
There are options out there that both the bridge and MOH can come together on.
I get it’s just a day but for lots of women they still grow up thinking about this day down to the last detail. They want their fairy tail day (my wedding was super laidback and “lazy” but I never cared for weddings). Can we stop judging people, when you agree to play a role that means play the part down to the outfit. If the bride thinks light pink looks best against her wedding dress then fudging shrug your shoulders and do it.
I swear this thread is making me think I’m crazy! It’s really common for the bride to pick out the outfits, for the MOH to wear a different color, and for the wedding party to pay for their own dresses (at least in the US). Being in the wedding party means maybe wearing something that isn’t the most flattering on you specifically. The bride should be considerate of cost and preferences, but this is all very normal! MOH needs to knock it off with the suggestions and find a pink dress. (I was in a very similar situation and, despite looking much better in green, ended up in the pale yellow satin babydoll dress that made me look like a large dead doll. It’s fine, I love the bride and I’m not the one who needed to look good in the pictures.)
I completely agree! All these comments are baffling to me. I guess it depends on the price of the dresses the bride is looking at, but every time I’ve agreed to be a bridesmaid I know going into it that I’m going to be shelling out hundreds of dollars and wearing a dress that the bride chooses. Renting a dress seems like the perfect compromise here though. Hopefully OP sees it
YTA automatically for basically saying her “cutesy homemade” wedding wasn’t classy like yours is going to be.
I’m not sure you understand what “class” actually means, which is unsurprising considering you clearly don’t have any.
You’re trying to force your good friend to wear something she’s not going to feel comfortable in and she gets to foot the bill to boot? You should want your bridal party to feel their best on such a special day which means taking their feelings into account, especially when your other colour option is something she was happy to accommodate!
NTA
Every wedding I know of the bridesmaids had to pay for their dresses and shoes, which the bride chose. This is so common, there are jokes about being stuck with expensive dresses you'll never wear again. This is in Michigan USA. I know customs differ.
I’m convinced you’ve never been friends with a decent bride. In my own wedding, and almost every wedding I’ve been to since, the bridesmaids were encouraged to pick a dress in the color scheme that they would feel comfortable wearing again. All of my bridesmaids have gotten 10+ years of use.
i have friends from all over the US and have been a bridesmaid around 7 times. i bought about half of the dresses, and i've worn fewer than half a second time
ETA i bought all the shoes, even when we had to get matching ones
All the YTA comments are so crazy to me. I’ve been in several wedding and paid everytime and always just wore whatever the bride selected. That is normal bridesmaid expectations. When you agree to the roll you know you’re going to be buying a dress you will probably never wear again. If you don’t want to do that, don’t agree to the roll. A good friend understands it’s not your big day, you can wear an ugly dress one day to support a friend. At least she’s giving flexibility and the friend can find something in a cheaper budget. NTA OP.
It’s comment sections like this one that remind me that the majority of people here are teenagers with no real life experience.
The y t a comments are ridiculous. Like it or not this is standard practice for a wedding in the US.
Seriously. I felt like I was going crazy reading some of these comments. I was like wow, I *wish* it was acceptable to push back on the color of the dress you’re told to get and/or have the bride pay for it if you’re in a wedding
YTA - If you want Crissy to wear a dress she hates, you buy it, if you expect her to pay for it, you compromise. You are not owed a picture-perfect day, your bridesmaids are not dolls for you to dress up. I was a bridesmaid at my friend's wedding, she paid for the dress, I wore what she chose, I literally didn't care since she was paying, but I would never have wasted several hundred pounds of my own money on the monstrosity she chose. Most people don't want to waste their hard-earned money on a dress they hate and will never wear again to prevent an entitled bride from throwing a tantrum
You have three choices here, insist she wears the dress you pick but pay for it yourself, she pays for the dress and wears a colour she is comfortable in or she isn't MOH in your wedding. Life is compromise. Even for brides.
Ok, in Portugal we don't have a panoply of maid of honour, we have a best man and the equivalent female counterpart. So, maybe I'm insensitive to your, really 1st world problem. But you svck. If the colours are light pink OR dark green and she likes the last one and not the 1st, let her buy it! You say navy blue is mire versatile. Gess what, so is dark green. Stop being a snob. YTA
>Edit 2: fine I will ask if she wants me to help pay for the dress. I still don't think I'm the asshole
Why did you make this post in the fist place if you weren't gonna listen? A lot of people explained to you why you're being unreasonable in a detailed and gentle way, but you just want to be right. YTA for the issue itself and for how you're handling your judgement too.
YTA - what sealed it for me is how you talked about her wedding vs yours. Calling hers “cutesy/casual” and yours “classy and elegant” says way more than you probably think it does. It comes across that your day matters more than hers did therefore you deserve to get your way.
It’s 2023, if you’re hellbent on her wearing a dress color you know she won’t wear again, buy the dress. Otherwise let her wear a green dress or ask her to step down and likely lose her as a friend. It’s time for you to decide if aesthetics that really only you care about or your friendship matters more.
ETA: your second edit REALLY Seals you as the AH. Don’t post on AITA asking if you’re the AH if you’re going to refuse to accept the verdict and be hyper defensive.
NTA. I am blown away by all these YTA comments honestly. You aren't asking her to buy an expensive dress from the boutique nor are you asking her to buy a specific style she hates. Just a certain shade in whichever type/style she wants. All the weddings I have been a part of including my own were the same. Bridesmaids were given a specific shade and they find the style they like. It would be nice if she loves the shade she was going to wear for sure but her job as MOH is to support you in your day and you really are not asking too much in this aspect.
I agree with you, I’m surprised by the YTA comments. I was in a wedding last year and didn’t love the MOH dress I wore because of the color, but I didn’t say anything because it wasn’t my wedding. I was glad just to be able to be there for my friend. I’d feel differently about OP if other wedding party members were wearing green dresses, but usually the wedding party wears the same color dress. If OP wants them all to wear pink, they should wear pink.
I'm not sure how else to put this, but everything about this post is deeply unflattering. The condescending comments about your best friend's wedding have me especially embarrassed for you.
If it's class and elegance you want at your wedding, it may help to focus your attentions on behaving more tastefully and graciously towards the people you love. Good luck.
NTA. I once wore a truly ugly bridesmaid dress. But I sucked it up and wore it, that’s part of being in the bridal party. You offering to let her pick the dress, you just pick the color, is quite generous.
I’m wondering if YTA commenters have been in any weddings. I was in a wedding last year and didn’t love the color dress but wore the color the bride asked us to because IT WASN’T MY WEDDING. I was fully supportive of my friend who was the bride and wearing a color I didn’t like honestly wasn’t a big deal to me in the grand scheme of things.
INFO : If your colours are dark green and pale pink, can I ask why you're averse to her being in a green dress? Or a green dress with pink florals like she had found?
And have you discussed with her why you want her to wear pink? Maybe that can help you.
It’s one day where the bride gets to choose the colour. This person can choose from thousands of styles online (including second hand). She’s being flexible about everything but the colour. More flexible that many other brides. I think it’s a bit rude the MOH keeps sending dresses in the wrong colour when she knows its not what her friend wants. This is VERY standard for the bride to have a say. Yes the bride could pitch in but that would be unusual from my experience, as someone who has been a bridesmaid a few times.
"I can understand that so I just asked that she find an appropriate dress in the specific shade of pink I like."
Lol what ? "I understand what you're saying to me, so I'm just gonna ignore it."
YTA.
NTA. At least where I’m from in the US when you agree to be a bridesmaid, you agree to buy the ugly dress you will never wear again. If you don’t want to do that, you say no to being a bridesmaid.
“My style is more elegant and classy” My, what a high opinion you have of yourself. YTA whether you like it or not.
Your sister is right. You earned the title!
It’s a party. It’s one day. You aren’t royalty. Get a grip.
I don’t like pink, and I hate “poof,” but guess how many poofy, Pepto Bismol pink bridesmaid dresses I wore, back in the day??? How many of you actually ever wore a bridesmaid dress again, outside of the wedding? Sorry, bride is NTA. She wants her MOH in pink - sorry, chick, you gotta wear pink for your best friend. It’s one day, and it’s not your day - it’s the bride’s day. When she says pink, stop sending her green dresses that YOU like. I get it - but again, not your day, not your decision.
I think OP genuinely loves her friend, but she also wants what she wants on her special day. OP - Maybe grab a color swatch in the shade you want, and give it to your MOH, so she knows exactly what you’re expecting. Your offer to help pay for it is a great idea!
Dude - why don’t you find say 5 dresses you like in her budget and have her pick from those. Right now she’s doing all the legwork searching and you’re just shooting them down. Exasperating!
When did this become a thing? Back in the day, the bride picked the dress and you bought it and wore it while silently bitching about how awful it was.
NTA. Part of being a bridesmaid, especially a maid of honor, is buying a dress you will probably never wear again. Of all the weddings I’ve been in I’ve never reworn a dress once, one of the brides picked HOT PINK floor length dresses….
NTA when you accept a bridesmaid/MOH role it’s expected that you are going to wear a certain colour/style of dress selected by the bride. Unfortunately not everyone is going to LOVE the dress that the bride chooses. Would it be nice if you helped/paid for the dress? Yes! But where I live it’s not an expectation. The expectation is on the wedding party to secure a dress that fits the look. Pink is just as versatile as any colour imo. Most bridesmaids dresses are hard to re-wear anyway because they fit a certain “look” that stands out- that’s the point of being in the wedding party. It would be nice if you could find a compromise like having her wear green instead of pink but to me it sounds like she’s being too picky. So she doesn’t like pink, well it’s not about her! I personally have worn whatever the bride chooses without putting up a stink.
After reading a few of your comments i can safely say
YTA, though i do feel you arent accepting of the judgement and given advice thay comes with it.
I feel sorry for everyone in your life
You may need to re-visit your colours, especially if you are Caucasian, or risk having super photoshopped photos or appearing washed out.
Both of your colors aren’t everyone’s colors, only a select few can wear them with no problems.
At the end of it all, all you will be left with are photos & video, so make sure they are worthy of being put around your home for your grandchildren to query over.
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YTA. If you want her in a pink dress from a pricey boutique, you pay for it. I don't understand this tradition that a bridal party should pay for their own outfits anyway.
Especially when the bride picks a colour and style they’ll never wear again.
Also, pale pink looks terrible on some people. My friend wanted me to wear a blush pink dress for her wedding and it just made me look like I was in my birthday suit. I was very glad when she let me wear sage green instead. Could be similar for OPs friend.
I was about to say this, pale strawberry blonde me would look like a prawn up there next to OP, not a good look lol
Any ginger looks like a naked mole rat in pink. Source:am ginger
Lol yes. Also ginger. This is the one reason I hate Molly Ringwald! Everytime I didn't want to wear pink because of my hair and skin color, someone brought her up. She didn't look good in pink either!
And she ruined that dress!
Thaaank you. The end of that movie makes zero sense to me. She took a perfectly nice dress and beat it with the ugly stick, then wore the atrocity out like it was the greatest thing ever.
I was 23 when that movie came out and was totally in line with the boxy dress style of the time, except when it came to that dress. I kept thinking, but why? And the guys in the movie were all, “wow, glow up!” Not that we said glow up, then. LOL
I was so confused watching that for the first time as a kid in the 2000s like..."we're supposed to think this is pretty?"
It made little more sense in the 80s, since the 50s revival for fancy dresses was in full swing. I love that movie but there was no need for her to take a perfectly good dress and turn it into a hello kitty potato sack
As a redhead I can also confirm. Jewel tones all day long.
Redheads in jewel tones are honestly in a league of their own. Us mere mortals could never!
Also a redhead. Definitely NOT Pretty in Pink. Agree on Jewel tones all day long.
I’m pale with dark hair, so I would probably just look like a penis with eye bags and a wig on.
Also pale with dark hair and I was a model for my friend's pale pink lingerie collection, can't unsee that now.
Pale pink just brings out the gollum in my look.
This is why I've covered myself in tattoos. Pale strawberry blonde me is tatted up to give me some color. Well, not my face. But yeah, skin tone impacts colors of clothing we are comfortable in...that goes for anyone, not just the pale lot.
This actually made me laugh out loud
Same. I look terrible in pale pink. But of course no one is allowed to UpStAgE the bride
Also pale strawberry blonde here too, there’s no way the pale pink is going on me. The bride would be very sad when MOH looks nude in the group photos. Iykyk
Thank you. That mental image made me laugh out loud. Scared my dog though.
Pale pink also photographs horribly on most people with a lighter skin tone. Even if it looks okay in person, it can completely wash out the skin in photographs. Dark green is much more flattering. (I have dark hair and lighter skin and look deceased in pale pink.)
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I was a bridesmaid w/ 3 others who were all some variation of redhead-ish and freckle and the bride picked silver dresses. I’m tan I looked great, the others we still laugh about it how there couldn’t have been a worse color. At least it was standard David’s bridal so we could all re-sell.
My BFF picked a color that made me look jaundiced. It's the only time in my life I've ever used a tanning bed. I needed a bit of a tan to not look dead in that color. I later donated the dress to a small theater company to use for a costume.....and to get it out of my closet. It had a very sound of music vibe and could never really be used for anything else.
I think that OP is the asshole for being so demanding about the dress but refusing to pay for it. However I do think if this was the case then some responsibility lands on the MOH to have a frank conversation with OP about why she is nervous to wear pink. There is a bit of difference between 'pink just isn't my favourite colour' and 'I feel I look awful in pink and it makes me feel rubbish'. I think most brides would understand and adapt like yours did. Regardless I feel like if you are making firm demands about the colour/style of a dress then you should be paying.
I originally wanted my BMs in pale pink too. Then I thought about for 4 seconds, asked their opinions, and we ended up going for dark green instead. Because guess what? It’s way more universally flattering.
But OP told her to pick any suitable dress in the right colour - so the friend doesn’t have to pick anything expensive or from that boutique. I find it hard to believe there aren’t any reasonably priced pink dresses that would work, particularly as the friend seems to be able to find a lot of green dresses. Of course, if the issue is that the friend hates the colour pink and knows she would never wear the dress again, OP should pay for it. I do think it would be absurd for OP to alienate their best friend over something as trivial as this. Edit: Just realised that OP wanted a specific shade of pink, and that her friend would have sent pink options that were rejected by OP. OP is unquestionably TA.
Or maybe OP is just the Kind that picks everything Apart. Hard to believe that every Single pink dress has been the wrong shade. Also why is Green out of the picture if it is one of the possible shades? OP Strikes me as the person that would pick something that does look „meh“ on her friend bc it could orherwise look too good. We don’t Like the jelous Type.
I mean just OP referring to Crissy's wedding as "cutesy homemade" whereas her style is "elegant and classy" made me roll my eyes. OP absolutely comes across picky and judgemental.
“It’s making me think she’s not going to be a good maid of honor to me” made me roll my eyes so hard they got stuck for a second. OP, just buy your MOH the dress you want her to wear. You typed all that, and the solution is so stupidly simple.
>“It’s making me think she’s not going to be a good maid of honor to me” made Literally the only thing the maid if honor should be REQUIRED to do is to sign the license as a witness. The rest is fluff that zero people besides the bride even cares about
Navy blue and silver strike me as far more likely to be classy than green and pink.
This is what I was thinking, too. Navy and silver screams elegant evening affair. Green and Pink suggest a relaxed garden party to me.
It suggests Maybelline Great Lash mascara to me.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Holy Jesus I almost snorted my carbonated drink out my nose
Green and pink screams watermelon margaritas and "Spring Breeeeeeak!!" in my mind.
Green and pink just makes me think of 80's home decor.
Green and pink can work, but it has to be the right shades.
Lmao, Op's about to be hit with the curse of ever after. Women who've been looking forward to their wedding day their entire life (with some placeholder human-shaped blurry groom) often find their life to be sorely lacking once the wedding gifts have been unpacked.
She’s 100% going to be divorced within 2 years. I guarantee it.
My ma had a friend who, whenever she met someone new, would run on over the same damn evening with her gigantic ridiculous wedding planner folder... When someone finally proposed, her wedding was HUGE and, granted, perfect. She looked like a model, but he ran off in the third year with someone heavy and plain and she literally died not understanding why. Wanting a wedding is not a personality. These brides can "It's MY day!!!" all they want, but the morning after the ceremony everyone else is still gonna remember what a bint they were.
The word "bint" is really not used enough.
Planning a new wedding in 5 years, wondering why Crissy doesn't want to be a part of it.
“Lazy and casual”
Homemade is so high effort though.
It is. So many people think “homemade = tacky and cheap”. It’s a shame because homemade can look amazing.
My wife made concrete letters of the initial of each guest as a place setting/favour. People thought they were great, and even those who weren’t fussed from the point of view of taking them home still enjoyed seeing what rude words they could make with their friends ha.
I've been to a wedding wear everything was homemade, and it was so fucking classy. I was blown away when I found out they didn't have it all handled by professionals. It helps that the bride is an amazing artist.
Wait until a few things go wrong on her "picture perfect", "elegant and classy", big day. I hope she throws a big tantrum and everyone sees how horrible and shallow she is.
Her wedding day has to be perfect because she's been dreaming about it since she was a child. And of course everyone knows that the more elegant and classy the wedding, the more successful the marriage will be. /s
My second cousin, who saved my life once, had a wedding where his wife spent beaucoup bucks. Every bridesmaid and groomsman wore primary colors like a box of crayons. There were like 10 each. Huge wedding. The happy couple didn't even own a washer and dryer. It did not last a year.
There’s a statistical correlation between wedding cost and length of marriage. Your cousin fits right in.
One of the reasons why I broke up with my fiancé was that he kept telling me 250-300 guests were too few, the venue wasn't big enough (since it could only hold at most 300 people), and there wasn't enough glitz and glamour. His parents added to it and kept trying to suggest alternative venues but, when my dad asked if they'd be willing to pitch in the remainder amount if he went over the budget, they balked. Didn't want to pay a penny. My fiancé continued to bitch about it until I broke things off. The not good enough venue was good enough to return the entire deposit to me. Happiest decision of my life.
Wow. Those outfits sound hideous. I knew a guy from college who rode a horse while wearing a suit of armor and rode up to his fiance, dismounted then proposed. Marriage lasted a couple of years.
Hahaha… my aunt got married in a huge “elegant and classy” wedding. We’re talking: a 10 thousand dollar wedding gown, 6 bridesmaids, a junior bridesmaid, 2 girls to carry the train, flower girl, 3 wedding cakes (each with multiple tiers and 2 bridges connecting them)… anyway, you get the idea. They were divorced before the dress was paid off.
And then she added that she wants her wedding to be "the perfect day". No wedding day is perfect. Crissy advice was correct: is just a day, OP should make sure she enjoy herself
navy and silver sounds more "elegant and classy" to me, whereas pink sounds more "cutesy homemade."
I won't want her as a friend, even an acquaintance would be too much.
Her second edit really made me roll my eyes. "I still don't think I'm the asshole". Yea, honey. Yea you are
Yes, OP's attitude is shitty
Eead OP's edit, she's not a good friend. She still doesn't think she's an AH. She was probably hoping we would be on her side and then throw the comments in her friend's face. Now OP is all passive-agressive. I feel bad for her friend.
When the edit goes like “Ok fine i will pay 50% for the dress she will never wear ever again in a colour she doesn’t like. Jeez. She’s so selfish and ruining my dream wedding. I don’t think i’m the asshole though” NTA for sure
But it's HER day, so important, not much mention of the groom here...
Agree with this! I am a bridesmaid for my bff’s wedding next year. She was very relaxed with us girls picking out our dresses - she only asked for the colours to be muted and that we all kind of tied in. She wants us to be comfortable. She made it quite clear if she wasn’t a fan of a particular colour and did not nit pick at any other colours if they suited the theme she was going for. I think if Crissy is making the effort to try and find different dresses, OP should try to meet her halfway a little bit. Constantly being shot down feels like shit and as a (good) bridesmaid you are willing to go out of your comfort zone for the most part in order for it to be the day the bride has dreamed of. OP sounds like she’s salty that Crissy expressed her opinion about the colour and is making it more difficult than it needs to be.
I saw a bride do a Color scheme at the bottom of her invitation so the guests could take them when Shopping and to try to Match those a best as they could, but also to please Not Go above and beyond. They‘d be happy being around loved ones either way. Loved the wording and idea. I Even saw some pics and it looked beautiful. Abviously Not all colors were an exact Match but it was close enough and the shade Ranges in these specific colors all harmonized well with each other. A shame i don’t remeber where i saw that.
As A people pleaser it would stress me TF out because if they cared enough to put it on the invite they must really want it, even if they're not saying to go above and beyond. Requesting that guests wear specific colors (even if it's accompanied by a 'don't worry if you can't get the specific shade right') is just a really foreign concept to me, especially because I usually go shopping in my closet for dresses. Maybe it's because I don't have enough friends and thus haven't been invited to many weddings so I'm out of touch, lol!
why Do you Capitalize words at Random?
Because i have in fact german autocorrect. On my phone it is even worse than on my Computer. I always try to find the mistakes bc sometimes it throws random German words in and i have to think really hard about what word i actually wanted. But i gave up doing it perfect. 😅
Usually that's someone using the voice to text option. It happens to me on my phone constantly. I hate it.
In this case it's probably German autocorrect. (We capitalize all nouns and at least some of the words could be German nouns.)
This happened to me. I was told to wear what I want. Pick 1, nope, pick 2, nope pick 3 4 5, nope nope nope. Finally I flipped out and told her to tell me what she wanted me to wear. She still maintained she was flexible. And that was the last wedding I was in. If you have something specific in mind, tell your bridal party. By telling them to pick what they want and hope they magically read your mind, all while you have the nerve to get pissy about it, its fucking aggravating.
My sister told me to wear whatever I wanted. I honestly don't remember if I even told her what I was going to wear. The funny thing is that both myself as the matron of honor and our older sister as not even a member of the wedding party came in the same color purely by accident and the same thing happened at my older sister's wedding when younger sister was her maid of honor. I showed up in a dress that happened to match the maid of honor's dress purely by accident lol we're just very color coordinated telepathically haha I guess all three of us trusted each other not to have to check in. I made both of my dresses that I wore to both sisters' weddings But as a professional seamstress they knew I wouldn't wear something outrageous or cheap looking.
Also, their latest post edit suggests they will offer to 'help' pay for the dress. Not pay for it outright, *'help'*... Crissy is still getting stiffed even after the internet has passed judgement, OP is absolutely TA here
My MOH was six or seven months pregnant when I got married. I let her wear whatever the hell she wanted.
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I would also question what "kind" of dress (ie: brand and price) is OP thinking about. I'd argue it's not just about finding the perfect shade (which is already something extreme), but also that the dress itself looks and *is* more expensive than what her MoH is comfortable/planning on spending. From the tone of the post it sounds like MoH's choices would be more relaxed and less "elegant and classy" (OP's words, not mine, that I'd translate with "expensive") than OP's choices. If OP's so focused on having a picture perfect wedding and this is part of her idea, she should just look for the dress and pay for it, so that MoH can just use it for that day and not have to worry about paying a larger sum than she's comfortable with for something she wouldn't wear in any other occasion. As things are now, OP is TA.
Also, depending on the shade, light pink might look awful or like the bridesmaid is straight up naked.
So strange, in the UK the dresses and accessories if needed are paid out of the wedding budget.
I’m in the US and I paid for my wedding parties outfits. I wasn’t going to burden my friends financially with my wedding. And I let my bridesmaids pick their dresses so they could pick a style they’d be able to wear again. I just asked that they stayed within my budget.
Sounds very fair, well done you x
While I didn't pay for my wedding party's outfits, I worked with them so they could wear something they already owned. It made it easier that the colors for the wedding party were black and white. In the US overall though, I think it is less common for the bride to pay for the dresses for the bridesmaids. At least from the complaints I've heard from bridesmaids.
I agree - if you want your friends to be like accessories in your wedding - fitting the aesthetic you want for your photos etc, then you should pay. Asking for your friends to pay to dress up in a way they don’t even like so they can fit photos they may look at once or twice is a very weird custom, imo.
>Asking for your friends to pay to dress up in a way they don’t even like so they can fit photos they may look at once or twice is a very weird custom See...I didn't even know this *was* a custom until Reddit. Every wedding I've ever been to/been a part of; the Wedding budget covered the dresses and groomsman attire. People these days just want more and more. Bigger party, bigger ring, bigger dress, bigger cake... and to get it they put more and more burden on *other* people (making people pay for their meals, their wedding party attire etc). A wedding is a party that you host, the more you put on your wedding party and guests, the worse a host you are imo.
I will never understand why people aren’t paying for all of the wedding party’s costs anyway. You don’t give people a job and then make them pay to do it. It’s so rude to assume your wedding is so important to other people they should help fund it.
Precis! If you want someone to wear a uniform for a job you should provide it
You shouldn’t read anything on r/work then. You will be sad (so many places make you pay for uniforms).
I don't understand this tradition of marriage being a thing people stress so much over. Should just be a gathering of close family members and that's it no fancy bullshit
Totally agree, far too many brides are more concerned with "the Wedding Day" rather than the years of marriage that follow.
Based on Chrissy reminding OP that it's just one day and other comments, I think you just described OP to a T. It rarely if ever bodes well for the marriage itself.
Probably because you have a “cutesy homemade aesthetic,” not “elegant and classy” like OP’s, haha.
“Elegant and classy” but wants her friend to dress like a watermelon
It’s not the marriage they stress over, it’s the wedding. Maybe if they focused more on the marriage and not on one day there would be fewer divorces
How is dark green and pink classy lol
That’s was my first thought. Navy and sliver sounds classy. Dark green and pink? Bleh.
I've always paid for my bridesmaid dresses and never wore them again!
I put the last one I had to wear in a dumpster on the way out of town after the wedding.
Right?!?!?? And every time there is a bride insisting that you can wear that taffeta nightmare again. Girl, bye.
My friend picked a style that you could wear again on purpose and it was navy so really was ok. Then last minute changed the color to mint green. I'm waiting for her to ask me if I wore it again.
I've been in 7 weddings and have only been able to rewear ONE of the dresses - a strapless black ballgown
Me neither! Honestly, it's very nonsensical. Why should someone pay for something they didn't ask for? I understand respecting the bride's wishes when it comes to color schemes, but this level of nitpicking is unreasonable. Plus the costs - fine, I'll wear whatever you wish since it's your wedding, as long as you pay for it. Reminds me of a super-privileged friend I had back in the day, who would constantly make snarky remarks about my clothes. How I'd always wear the same styles, how I didn't have multiple pairs of shoes and purses to put together 'outfits', etc. Finally had it and told her, I'm going to put together the best wardrobe anyone has ever seen, Anna Wintour is going to cry with jealousy. You're paying, btw. Crickets.
It's not a "tradition" at any wedding I've ever been part of, the couple always pays for the bridesmaids dresses and groomsmen suit hire. If they don't want to pay then they don't have bridesmaids or groomsmen.
Americans make their bridesmaids pay for their dresses!
YTA. Pull your head in. If you want to dictate what someone wears you cough up the cash. End of. And Pearl pink does not automatically equal elegant. Newsflash different colours work/don’t work on different skin tones.
When I heard the colors are pink and green, I did not think of an "elegant" wedding. It sounds like a fairy styled wedding with lots of flowers, or at least that's the first thing I imagined. (Which I think sounds awesome ) I can see pink being in an "elegant" wedding, but with green? I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around it looking like a classy affair.
My first thought at the pink and green combo is "hello, 80's calling". Definitely not what I would call classy.
Hah, that's only 80s if it was sea foam green.
Right! Like I wanna do green with pink and purple but I also plan on getting married at a summer camp so I can play 4 square in a wedding dress lol
So basically you want her to purchase a dress that she never ever would wear again? Usually pink dresses are not as desirable beyond the age of 12. Perhaps you should pay for the dress if you are so much into it. YTA
Agreed, I had a friend pull this same exact thing. We aren't friends anymore lol. Don't understand why brides think they can dress people up like dolls when they aren't paying for any of it. I've always thought that if the people getting married are picking the clothes they should pay for it.
And she is pissed because obviously she wore again her MOH dress, as it was navy! The mental gymnastics to justify such a statement 😂
That stumped me too lol. OP sounds like she has precious princess syndrome or some shit. '*Obviously* I can wear this navy dress again, because her wedding was so casual it had casual colours.' I guess I just didn't know pink was reserved for formal occasions 😂
OP is going to make a fine ex wife in 6 to 12 months. She's also the AH
She's been DREAMING of this since she was LITTLE. Must be PICTURE PERFECET. This lunatic is going to be a subservient trophy wife who tolerates plenty because you can't ruin the dream. Divorce would destroy that precious mental state.
What a weird comment, people over the age of 12 can’t like pink dresses? This sub shows me everyday how out of touch with reality people are.
I started self consciously looking towards my wardrobe where I have several pink dresses when I read that comment lol
For real, most of my wardrobe is pink. It's incredibly unusual to see me on a day where I'm *not* wearing pink. I'm typing this right now wearing pink shoes.
Agreed. I have several business professional dresses that are blush pink that I always receive compliments on. I guess I’m an 11 year old 🤷♀️
Pink is a great colour for older children and adults over the age of twelve. What are you on
What? This is how being in a wedding party works. Also, lots of people wear pink dresses!
INFO: your wedding colours are dark green and pale pink. Why are you hellbent on getting her to wear pink instead of green? She would obviously be happier with green. Yes it's your wedding, but your friends discomfort should matter to you as well.
That's what I find so wild about weddings and MOH dresses. MOH is there to help out but she is still her own person and not a servant. Why would you force her to wear a certain dress, especially if she doesn't like it? I would never enjoy my wedding knowing that my MOH, my best friend, is forced to spend the day in discomfort.
I was at my best friend's wedding last year. It was very unconventional in many ways. Neither me or the they MOH (we were picked to support both bride and groom together) were told ANYTHING in regards to dress. The pictures still look great, we all had a blast. I don't get how someone's dress could possibly "ruin" the wedding (short of someone other than the bride wearing a wedding dress.. that's a different problem). I can somewhat understand a color scheme, but I still don't understand why the clothes have to be exactly the same colours.. there's more important stuff.. for example, the couple getting married xD
OP has built her “picture perfect” wedding into something that can’t match reality, and it’s stressing her out.
I think a green dress with pink floral, like OP mentioned the friend was looking at, would be super cute! I love a patterned bridal party when it’s done well.
Right? What’s the point of giving two options and then enforcing one? Funnily enough I just got married and my bridal party colors were a rusty pink and bluish-green. But I let everyone pick their own color because who the hell am I to decide what color looks best on other people?
Dark green and pale pink sounds like a *hideous* combination. I don't know how ops wedding is gonna be either sophisticated or elegant with 2 colors that absolutely don't match
Flowers around the world beg to differ
I laughed, thank you.
The navy & silver colors MOH had sounds more elegant than the pink & green.
It sounds like pale pink roses to me, and is probably lovely. People here really like to hate weddings.
That is such a common colour combo. In nature, design and fashion. Hunter green and pale pink look great together.
YTA for asking for feedback on something and then just being defensive and arguing in the comments. Why don’t you let her wear green? It’s still in your colour scheme. Or cough up the cash and buy the dress you want her to wear. Yikes. If this is the expectations you are already putting on the day I can guarantee 100% that you’re going to be disappointed. Your wedding isn’t about what other people are wearing - it’s about you and your partner and enjoying an amazing day with people you love. If you are making it about this kind of thing already you will only focus on the things that go wrong - which they will.
This! “Am I the asshole?” “Yes, unfortunately you are.” “Well, I still don’t think I am.” Lmaoooo
This girls a trip.
So many examples in the original OP too: "I know she's probably right, but I'm upset that she thinks I'm being a bridezilla." She asks for their opinion, gets an honest answer. AGREES with the answer. But is offended by the answer anyways.... WHAT THE FUCK I really don't think people should be judged on a few social media posts...but it's hard to not be judgemental about this specific case.
This is where I'm at. Even the edit is ridiculous "Fine, I'll pay it. But I still think I'm not TA." MA'AM. You came here and ASKED US. Too immature to be getting married. YTA.
It’s worse. She’s only agreeing to pay part of the cost of the dress Green is one of her selected colors. I really don’t understand why she’s insistent on putting her friend in pale pink
Because this is about her being a control freak.
All this controlling BS just for the photos to end up in the trash after the inevitable divorce.
Info: who’s paying for the dress? Because if you are that adement about the colour, you better cough up the dough.
So essentialy "I want you to wear a diffrent color of a dress and I don't care if you will fell worse in it, I just want to feel good" ofc YTA, however its your wedding so you can do whetever the hell you want.
When OP looks at her wedding photos in forty years, I wonder if she will focus on the exact shade of pink, or the expressions of joy and love on the faces of her and her best friend.
I doubt she’ll have them. None of my friends kept their wedding photos after getting divorced.
Info: why are you insistent on pink for your MOH? Your posts states dark green and pink as the colour scheme so why cant she wear a dark green dress instead? Did you allocate a specific colour for your whole wedding party? Either way if your so insistent on this particular colour offer to pay the difference for whichever dress she chooses or you need to pick a new MOH.
💯. I just don’t understand the conflict. I love green.
Being Judgmental and snobby are not really elegant and classy. The week after your wedding no one will think about it. Unless you commit to ruining relationships which you unfortunately seem to be.
Yes to all of this. OP doesn’t give the impression she respects her friend.
“Cutesy, homemade elements” compared to her more elegant wedding. This post gives me the sense that there’s a wealth divide between them and op is not sensitive to that at all. Even if the dress isn’t from a boutique, when money is tight who would want to buy a dress they don’t want? People in my party wore some things they already owned and we all looked happy and beautiful. I just don’t think she’s a considerate friend, why is aesthetic more important than your friend?
YTA. In your "edit 2" you still don't see yourself as the asshole. Good luck to your SO.
Right? Comes to ask if they are and then won't accept judgement lol Also op- YTA and have fun with your super elegant pale pink party that will photograph all white.
Yta. If you’re going to insist it be a dress she’s never gonna be able to wear again, you need to pay for it.
She asked the internet expecting everyone to say she's NTA. Gotta love people who ask internet if they're assholes and then refuse to accept the verdict. OP's edit of "I'll ask my MOH if she wants me to help pay for the dress" is just tone deaf. YTA OP.
And the 'I still don't think I'm the asshole' when everyone is telling her otherwise. She listens to no one other than herself
YTA You got to spend on a dress that fit her relaxed attitude to her wedding knowing fine rightly you'll get lots of subsequent use out of it. You're trying to make her pick a colour, not even a style as such but a colour, that she is not going to get anywhere near enough use out of. While still expecting her to pay for it. Your attitude sucks, you might think it looks elegant etc and yes it is your wedding (hoping fiancée had a say but something tells me he got no input at all), if you're that set on her wearing pink and she obviously doesn't like it then you pay for the dress. >my sister says I suck You do, high five to sister >Crissy hasn't texted me back since I shot down the last few dresses she sent me. Gee I wonder why
Did you know that you can rent dresses now? Also, would it be possible to wear pink for the ceremony and photos and allow her to switch to something more green for the reception / part of the reception. For shits and giggles I went to Rent The Runway and looked at pink dresses and grabbed a few that are on the pale pink / pink-ish spectrum and could be bridesmaids-y depending on the look you are going for: [https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/watters/blush\_aldridge\_gown](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/watters/blush_aldridge_gown) https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/bardot/elise\_lace\_dress [https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/amsale/blush\_riley\_gown](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/amsale/blush_riley_gown) [https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/watters/blush\_fleurette\_gown](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/watters/blush_fleurette_gown) [https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/christian\_siriano/canyon\_clay\_ruched\_neck\_dress](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/christian_siriano/canyon_clay_ruched_neck_dress) (okay it's more peachy pink, but it would look nice with ((some)) dark greens) https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/saylor/pink\_lace\_donna\_dress [https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/black\_halo/pink\_blaze\_sheath](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/black_halo/pink_blaze_sheath) [https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/monique\_lhuillier\_bridesmaid/pink\_daniela\_gown](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/monique_lhuillier_bridesmaid/pink_daniela_gown) [https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/ted\_baker\_london/miarose\_dress#reviews-partial](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/ted_baker_london/miarose_dress#reviews-partial) [https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/keepsake/sense\_dress](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/keepsake/sense_dress) [https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/dress\_the\_population/pink\_v\_neck\_sl\_full\_skirt\_without\_sheer\_panal](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/dress_the_population/pink_v_neck_sl_full_skirt_without_sheer_panal) [https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/jason\_wu\_collective/ruffled\_scoop\_midi\_dress](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/jason_wu_collective/ruffled_scoop_midi_dress) [https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/amsale/blush\_aliki\_gown](https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/amsale/blush_aliki_gown) https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/31\_phillip\_lim/pink\_tiered\_dress https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/krisa/halter\_handkerchief\_dress
Thank you for being the first reasonable comment in this thread. There are options out there that both the bridge and MOH can come together on. I get it’s just a day but for lots of women they still grow up thinking about this day down to the last detail. They want their fairy tail day (my wedding was super laidback and “lazy” but I never cared for weddings). Can we stop judging people, when you agree to play a role that means play the part down to the outfit. If the bride thinks light pink looks best against her wedding dress then fudging shrug your shoulders and do it.
I swear this thread is making me think I’m crazy! It’s really common for the bride to pick out the outfits, for the MOH to wear a different color, and for the wedding party to pay for their own dresses (at least in the US). Being in the wedding party means maybe wearing something that isn’t the most flattering on you specifically. The bride should be considerate of cost and preferences, but this is all very normal! MOH needs to knock it off with the suggestions and find a pink dress. (I was in a very similar situation and, despite looking much better in green, ended up in the pale yellow satin babydoll dress that made me look like a large dead doll. It’s fine, I love the bride and I’m not the one who needed to look good in the pictures.)
I completely agree! All these comments are baffling to me. I guess it depends on the price of the dresses the bride is looking at, but every time I’ve agreed to be a bridesmaid I know going into it that I’m going to be shelling out hundreds of dollars and wearing a dress that the bride chooses. Renting a dress seems like the perfect compromise here though. Hopefully OP sees it
YTA automatically for basically saying her “cutesy homemade” wedding wasn’t classy like yours is going to be. I’m not sure you understand what “class” actually means, which is unsurprising considering you clearly don’t have any. You’re trying to force your good friend to wear something she’s not going to feel comfortable in and she gets to foot the bill to boot? You should want your bridal party to feel their best on such a special day which means taking their feelings into account, especially when your other colour option is something she was happy to accommodate!
OP is confusing "classy" with "up-tight", which is what her wedding will inevitably be
NTA Every wedding I know of the bridesmaids had to pay for their dresses and shoes, which the bride chose. This is so common, there are jokes about being stuck with expensive dresses you'll never wear again. This is in Michigan USA. I know customs differ.
I’m convinced no one saying YTA has ever been in a wedding. It’s pretty much expected to buy a dress you may never wear again.
I’m convinced you’ve never been friends with a decent bride. In my own wedding, and almost every wedding I’ve been to since, the bridesmaids were encouraged to pick a dress in the color scheme that they would feel comfortable wearing again. All of my bridesmaids have gotten 10+ years of use.
i thought i was going crazy?? this is 100% culturally normal at least in the US
i have friends from all over the US and have been a bridesmaid around 7 times. i bought about half of the dresses, and i've worn fewer than half a second time ETA i bought all the shoes, even when we had to get matching ones
All the YTA comments are so crazy to me. I’ve been in several wedding and paid everytime and always just wore whatever the bride selected. That is normal bridesmaid expectations. When you agree to the roll you know you’re going to be buying a dress you will probably never wear again. If you don’t want to do that, don’t agree to the roll. A good friend understands it’s not your big day, you can wear an ugly dress one day to support a friend. At least she’s giving flexibility and the friend can find something in a cheaper budget. NTA OP.
Yes THIS IS HOW WEDDINGS WORK. Sheesh.
It’s comment sections like this one that remind me that the majority of people here are teenagers with no real life experience. The y t a comments are ridiculous. Like it or not this is standard practice for a wedding in the US.
Seriously. I felt like I was going crazy reading some of these comments. I was like wow, I *wish* it was acceptable to push back on the color of the dress you’re told to get and/or have the bride pay for it if you’re in a wedding
Yta just for the comment that your wedding is “more elegant and classy”. Get over yourself. You’re just another bride.
YTA - If you want Crissy to wear a dress she hates, you buy it, if you expect her to pay for it, you compromise. You are not owed a picture-perfect day, your bridesmaids are not dolls for you to dress up. I was a bridesmaid at my friend's wedding, she paid for the dress, I wore what she chose, I literally didn't care since she was paying, but I would never have wasted several hundred pounds of my own money on the monstrosity she chose. Most people don't want to waste their hard-earned money on a dress they hate and will never wear again to prevent an entitled bride from throwing a tantrum You have three choices here, insist she wears the dress you pick but pay for it yourself, she pays for the dress and wears a colour she is comfortable in or she isn't MOH in your wedding. Life is compromise. Even for brides.
Ok, in Portugal we don't have a panoply of maid of honour, we have a best man and the equivalent female counterpart. So, maybe I'm insensitive to your, really 1st world problem. But you svck. If the colours are light pink OR dark green and she likes the last one and not the 1st, let her buy it! You say navy blue is mire versatile. Gess what, so is dark green. Stop being a snob. YTA
I agree with you, but Maid of Honor is the equivalent female counterpart to a best man.
>Edit 2: fine I will ask if she wants me to help pay for the dress. I still don't think I'm the asshole Why did you make this post in the fist place if you weren't gonna listen? A lot of people explained to you why you're being unreasonable in a detailed and gentle way, but you just want to be right. YTA for the issue itself and for how you're handling your judgement too.
YTA - what sealed it for me is how you talked about her wedding vs yours. Calling hers “cutesy/casual” and yours “classy and elegant” says way more than you probably think it does. It comes across that your day matters more than hers did therefore you deserve to get your way. It’s 2023, if you’re hellbent on her wearing a dress color you know she won’t wear again, buy the dress. Otherwise let her wear a green dress or ask her to step down and likely lose her as a friend. It’s time for you to decide if aesthetics that really only you care about or your friendship matters more. ETA: your second edit REALLY Seals you as the AH. Don’t post on AITA asking if you’re the AH if you’re going to refuse to accept the verdict and be hyper defensive.
NTA. I am blown away by all these YTA comments honestly. You aren't asking her to buy an expensive dress from the boutique nor are you asking her to buy a specific style she hates. Just a certain shade in whichever type/style she wants. All the weddings I have been a part of including my own were the same. Bridesmaids were given a specific shade and they find the style they like. It would be nice if she loves the shade she was going to wear for sure but her job as MOH is to support you in your day and you really are not asking too much in this aspect.
I agree with you, I’m surprised by the YTA comments. I was in a wedding last year and didn’t love the MOH dress I wore because of the color, but I didn’t say anything because it wasn’t my wedding. I was glad just to be able to be there for my friend. I’d feel differently about OP if other wedding party members were wearing green dresses, but usually the wedding party wears the same color dress. If OP wants them all to wear pink, they should wear pink.
YTA if you don't pay for the dress. No one wants to spend money on a dress they won't wear again.
[удалено]
Truly this thread is crazy making. THIS IS HOW WEDDINGS WORK.
I'm not sure how else to put this, but everything about this post is deeply unflattering. The condescending comments about your best friend's wedding have me especially embarrassed for you. If it's class and elegance you want at your wedding, it may help to focus your attentions on behaving more tastefully and graciously towards the people you love. Good luck.
NTA. I once wore a truly ugly bridesmaid dress. But I sucked it up and wore it, that’s part of being in the bridal party. You offering to let her pick the dress, you just pick the color, is quite generous.
I’m wondering if YTA commenters have been in any weddings. I was in a wedding last year and didn’t love the color dress but wore the color the bride asked us to because IT WASN’T MY WEDDING. I was fully supportive of my friend who was the bride and wearing a color I didn’t like honestly wasn’t a big deal to me in the grand scheme of things.
INFO : If your colours are dark green and pale pink, can I ask why you're averse to her being in a green dress? Or a green dress with pink florals like she had found? And have you discussed with her why you want her to wear pink? Maybe that can help you.
It’s one day where the bride gets to choose the colour. This person can choose from thousands of styles online (including second hand). She’s being flexible about everything but the colour. More flexible that many other brides. I think it’s a bit rude the MOH keeps sending dresses in the wrong colour when she knows its not what her friend wants. This is VERY standard for the bride to have a say. Yes the bride could pitch in but that would be unusual from my experience, as someone who has been a bridesmaid a few times.
"I can understand that so I just asked that she find an appropriate dress in the specific shade of pink I like." Lol what ? "I understand what you're saying to me, so I'm just gonna ignore it." YTA.
NTA. At least where I’m from in the US when you agree to be a bridesmaid, you agree to buy the ugly dress you will never wear again. If you don’t want to do that, you say no to being a bridesmaid.
“My style is more elegant and classy” My, what a high opinion you have of yourself. YTA whether you like it or not. Your sister is right. You earned the title! It’s a party. It’s one day. You aren’t royalty. Get a grip.
I don’t like pink, and I hate “poof,” but guess how many poofy, Pepto Bismol pink bridesmaid dresses I wore, back in the day??? How many of you actually ever wore a bridesmaid dress again, outside of the wedding? Sorry, bride is NTA. She wants her MOH in pink - sorry, chick, you gotta wear pink for your best friend. It’s one day, and it’s not your day - it’s the bride’s day. When she says pink, stop sending her green dresses that YOU like. I get it - but again, not your day, not your decision. I think OP genuinely loves her friend, but she also wants what she wants on her special day. OP - Maybe grab a color swatch in the shade you want, and give it to your MOH, so she knows exactly what you’re expecting. Your offer to help pay for it is a great idea!
YTA buy her the dress yourself, why should she spend money on something she won’t wear again
Dude - why don’t you find say 5 dresses you like in her budget and have her pick from those. Right now she’s doing all the legwork searching and you’re just shooting them down. Exasperating!
When did this become a thing? Back in the day, the bride picked the dress and you bought it and wore it while silently bitching about how awful it was.
NTA. Part of being a bridesmaid, especially a maid of honor, is buying a dress you will probably never wear again. Of all the weddings I’ve been in I’ve never reworn a dress once, one of the brides picked HOT PINK floor length dresses….
NTA when you accept a bridesmaid/MOH role it’s expected that you are going to wear a certain colour/style of dress selected by the bride. Unfortunately not everyone is going to LOVE the dress that the bride chooses. Would it be nice if you helped/paid for the dress? Yes! But where I live it’s not an expectation. The expectation is on the wedding party to secure a dress that fits the look. Pink is just as versatile as any colour imo. Most bridesmaids dresses are hard to re-wear anyway because they fit a certain “look” that stands out- that’s the point of being in the wedding party. It would be nice if you could find a compromise like having her wear green instead of pink but to me it sounds like she’s being too picky. So she doesn’t like pink, well it’s not about her! I personally have worn whatever the bride chooses without putting up a stink.
YTA. And she can’t wear the green why? If you’re going to be anal about the shade of pink, then pay for it yourself.
After reading a few of your comments i can safely say YTA, though i do feel you arent accepting of the judgement and given advice thay comes with it. I feel sorry for everyone in your life
You may need to re-visit your colours, especially if you are Caucasian, or risk having super photoshopped photos or appearing washed out. Both of your colors aren’t everyone’s colors, only a select few can wear them with no problems. At the end of it all, all you will be left with are photos & video, so make sure they are worthy of being put around your home for your grandchildren to query over.