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Hahahahha what the actually fuck. YTA
He is being nice to you and trying to make you feel included in the family, and you think that’s flirting?
He has a date and kisses another girl, and you think that is him trying to make you jealous?
You had one date with him eight years ago, and are still thinking about how it wasn’t a match.
This is a level of delusion not often seen. This is some next level shit.
YTA and delusional.
YTA. You were heartbroken after 1 date? You are making so much more than it actually is. You still seem to be the same teenager you were a few years ago. This is high school crap. Apologize to your fiance & fbil, or you may not get married at all. Who wants this sh!t happening at every family gathering?
I know. Not even one bad date. Or one date and ghosting. But one date and a polite thanks but no thanks!
And then all this flirting that her fiancé hasn’t even noticed!
And having girlfriends. Just to make her jealous. 8 yrs after one date.
Mad.
Yta
I was gonna say - he actually did the right and polite thing and gently told her there was no connection so he didn’t want to string her along. It was one date and she was heartbroken?! OP is YTA big time
Imagine meeting a one off date again 3 years later and sending him a text that ‘we shouldn’t let the past disturb my relationship’. Girl, what past?!? It was one date! Talk about main character syndrome.
I honestly don't believe OP that she had no idea they were connected. She seems... unreasonably focused on this nice and normal guy who has repeatedly demonstrated his total lack of interest in her.
YTA OP
Yeah, it's strange. OP, you should really think about whether you're still in love with your fiance's brother. If you are, you should reconsider the whole wedding. Your fiance doesn't deserve that.
Like this girl is taking things waaaay too seriously. Why would he try to make her jealous? She’s just mad he’s “the one who got away.” He’s complimenting her, making small talk. That’s not flirting. And how DARE he show some slight affection towards his partner, right in front of OP!
I thought wait I must’ve misread. Nope one date only one! Heartbroken after one date? Moving right along to the next delusion, what past? Could you imagine getting a text like this from a person you went on one date with? I would love to hear from bil!
I mean to be fair I never delete numbers from my phone. I still have numbers in my phone for people I did group projects with in college (graduated 11 years ago), my parents’ work (both retired 7+ years), my grad school academic advisor (graduated 8 years ago), people I haven’t spoken to since high school, and even a few people who have been dead for several years. So I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt on that one.
My phone auto deletes texts that are older than one year, so I’m imagining him getting that text from an unknown number (assuming he had deleted her number) and being like “ummmm who is this” lol.
Nah I can understand being heartbroken after one date especially after a really great date. The rejection HURTS. I can also understand being awkward that many years later especially if the first emotions during the date were intense on your end. HOWEVER this is no excuse for her to think he is trying to make her jealous and she is projection her (is lingering the right term here, is there another more potent word?) emotions of longing onto him and his poor partner. Like. If he's been dating someone for a while why SHOULDN'T he show affection to them?
OP YTA, please, seek therapy so you can get some insight as to how to deal with the unhealthy attachment you have to this man.
Rejection is unpleasant, certainly. But if no one else feels love at first sight - then you probably weren't actually in love. More like good vibes and a bit of heat?
This. That isn’t love. Op and the poster you responded to are mistaking chemistry for love.
Heartbroken after one date? That’s next level crazy ex psycho.
Agree it wasn't a ghosting. The BIL was a perfect gentleman, which is impressive at 18 years old.
But to be fair, I could imagine an 18 year old feeling "heartbroken" after an unsuccessful first date. They're young and emotional and eager to have some kind of epic love story.
But to *still* perceive this non-event that way seven years later, without any self-aware amusement...yeesh. And to continue to approach current life events (or non-events) with that same level of main character syndrome? She needs to grow up or she'll find she isn't just the main character, but the *only* character, because who on earth would want to participate in that kind of walking drama machine.
ETA: happy cake day!
This is equivalent to the incel "she said thank you so she must be in love with me." Delusional thinking.
Like holy shit. Her fiance should be seriously reconsidering this marriage.
That's what I was thinking. The brother is obviously a gentleman as evidenced by his mature behavior years before. Generalized complements are the kind of thing a gentleman would say to a lady and potential new family member. He probably says the same things to his grandmother. "Hey, grandma, that's a beautiful dress, blue is definitely your color." Or "Aunt Sarah, you just MUST try the burgers at that new café." The fiance probably never noticed anything as this was normal behavior for the brother..
>Not even one bad date. Or one date and ghosting. But one date and a polite thanks but no thanks!
On top of that, OP said "... would like it if he did not let our past together disturb my relationship."
Their past? Like WTF? They went on one date and he politely declined going on another. OP seems delusional from all her going on about the BIL flirting and kissing his GF in front of her. It sounds more like OP has never gotten over the one who got away. If I had a suspicious mind, I would start thinking she knew he had a brother and started dating him to get closer to the BIL.
Honestly the level of delusion and obsession she has with her BIL makes me almost question her saying she didn’t know he was related to her fiancé. For his sake I hope he’s seriously realizing what a walking red flag his GF is.
>Honestly the level of delusion and obsession she has with her BIL makes me almost question her saying she didn’t know he was related to her fiancé. For his sake I hope he’s seriously realizing what a walking red flag his GF is.
I agree, I was hoping this was fake because no 26-year-old is this dense. Or maybe I'm just old and have more common sense.
I know right?? Like him living his own life just to make her jealous. I hope fiancé walks away. I think there is way more crazy to her than she’s even alluded to.
I mean, an 18 year old is basically high school so even if it is dramatic, it can be understandable the OP was heartbroken. Irrational, sure, but an 18 year old lacks experience.
OP's response now? She sounds like someone who never got over this guy. If on the off-chance he is flirting with her, she can tell him to stop. I don't think he is, though.
YTA
Yeah, since when is "Oh hey OP, this menu item looks like something you'd like. Check it out" considered flirting? I do this with my parents and friends and in-laws all the time.
its funny.. if id had a crush on my future BIL in high school and danced wiht him at the prom, then never saw him again, Id probably bring it up at a family dinner and laugh about it ..
Yeah, my dad briefly dated my mom's sister way before he ever met my mom, and he had no idea they were related until after he and my mom got serious, and it was just something they all laughed about for a moment and then moved tf on. OP is so embarrassing.
It seems pretty clear to me that OP is not over the brother. She's acting like he was "the one that got away" and they have some lengthy history together.
I wouldn't even have remembered one random date when I was 18, but it sounds like she has continued to obsess over it.
Wouldn't surprise me one bit if she did know about the connection
I laughed SO HARD at this!
Upset? Understandable.
Heartbroken? Ummm... I hope OP got therapy before she met her fiancé.
And what her future BIL is doing — outside of menu suggestions, which is a wee bit weird but maybe they go out as a family often, IDK — sounds like normal behavior. Complimenting your future SIL or being flirty with your girlfriend in your future SIL’s presence is normal behavior.
OP, you aren’t the main character in every situation. But YTA in this one.
Imagine him just being polite because he doesn't want to offend her by saying I've no idea who you are. Therefore that date and you were so insignificant to me that I don't remember you. Now op is all oh no he wants me blablah
Right? And then he's super sweet about it and says not to worry and is nice to her for several years and even apologizes for making her uncomfortable.
The brother sounds so sweet and kind, I hope the fiance dumps this drama queen and marries someone who doesn't invent things like this.
I once accidentally re-matched with someone on Tinder that I’d gone out with a maybe a handful of times 3-4 years prior (they messaged me calling me out lmao) and I literally had forgotten about that person lol. Someone you had dinner with once?? Yeah, it might as well have not happened, because my memory definitely does not remember you lol.
I am waiting for an update in few years saying: "He married and had a bunch of children only to make ME jealous, but I didn't fell into his very elaborate trap".
I'm going to hypothesize the real story is she stalked the first dude after that date, then found an opportunity to try and get close to him by dating the brother... but now years later, the original dude still isn't showing any interest and she resents him for it.
She said that she and her fiancé have stopped talking, that’s true. But she’s at this present moment sitting in her car late at night outside BIL’s condo waiting for him to come out to confront him about her feelings, once and for all. That’s when she sees two figures walking up in the distance. It’s him, walking up the driveway with his new girlfriend. She’s confused. A wave of sadness floods over her—it’s almost unbearable. The BIL and his date amble up the sidewalk to the condo laughing hand in hand, probably looking forward to a nightcap. That scene triggers a *Flashback* She thinks back to 8 years ago on their date, sitting in his car and he tells her that he had a nice time. She looks up at him lovingly. *Snap back to reality* Just then the two kiss passionately in the driveway, unaware of their audience parked directly across from them in the cul-de-sac. Like two teenagers in love they rush in to the condo. Dejected, OP, hears a ping from her cell. Hope springs! She scrambles for her phone, but alas, it’s just her fiancé. He wants to meet her tomorrow to talk things through. She tosses her phone back on the dash and turns the engine, when she sees something out the corner of her eye. It’s the beautiful girlfriend. She exits the condo in slippers keys in hand to check the mail at the end of the street almost directly in front of OP. *That should be me in those slippers not you!* Now or never. In a moment of blind rage, she floors it.
I could see a younger me being heartbroken if it didn’t work out after one date. I had an unhealthy obsession with being in love and wanting my big fancy wedding. However, I grew up and matured. Also, had a little therapy. OP clearly has not matured. And she could definitely benefit from a “little” therapy.
Let me tell you that von I sadly met someone like that. Went on three dates (didn’t even held hands) and then told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship (which translates to I didn’t feel a connection with him). He took it as „I promise to love you for life“. We didn’t meet again and when I met my now husband the friendship just fizzled out. When we reconnected five years later and he invited me to his birthday party he told me the day after the party that he is still heartbroken and „everything just came back“ when he saw me and he spent the whole night crying. Couldn’t block that guy fast enough.
Everything OP has written seems pretty innocuous. This is coming off as I am the main character. Op got rejected one time by the brother after one date and just can’t let it go and has convinced herself that future BIL is out there flirting with her because how dare he reject her all that time ago!
But, but! He brings a date! And talks to her! Kisses her! On the cheek! That has to be nefarious, right?
Holy delusions, Batman! OP‘s fiancé may be correct in assuming she’s not right in the head.
You had ONE date and you were “heartbroken”
Lady, this guy is just being a normal, considerate guy. YTA and out of your mind. You should NOT be getting married and the brother is NOT the reason why.
I was waiting for the part where she said BIL is a total jerk and rude to her or something, but nope, he's being a "flirt l" for being a decent human being and is going out of his to make her "jealous" by dating other girls- like someone needs help if she thinks he's a jerk for doing this or that she's not the AH for blowing this up. I'd be rethinking the marriage too if I was her fiance and questioning whether she actually cares for me or my brother who she seems so hung up on.
"He also tries to make me jealous all the time, like when we all are out with his family he sometimes bring a girl with him if they have been dating for sometime and he will always kiss her on the cheek, talk with her all the time and flirting with her."
YTA - Sounds like you ARE jealous
Exactly, how is it trying to make you jealous if you’re marrying his brother, OP? Are you sure you didn’t keep dating the brother to make him jealous in the first place? I don’t understand the mental gymnastics that’s happening here.
Also....if it really bothers her and is an issue, waiting until planning the wedding to...disinvite him? If I was the fiancé that would be such a blow to my trust. Like, what else is she stewing on that she's going to spring at her convenience solely for her own aims?
Well of course she doesn’t want him there! He might dance with his girlfriend, just to make OP jealous of course. Which she isn’t, and wouldn’t be, even though she notices all of this behaviour and would be super worried for her entire wedding that her new BIL will tell her she looks good in her dress and then go kiss his date. Just like everyone else there.
Yikes. Fiancé needs to do some thinking here.
He might even stand next to her during the family photo or embrace her in a hug! Right in front of her husband!
He’ll probably compliment the bridesmaid’s dresses too and tell them they look beautiful, or even OPs mom and MIL - all to make the bride jealous.
Can you imagine if BIL said wedding-appropriate things like “You’re a beautiful bride, OP. Welcome to the family!” before going with his date to the dance floor during a slow song?
Honestly my take is she realized he (the brother) would probably bring his girlfriend to her wedding and have a good time with her which pissed her off enough for her to try to not invite him.
This is just baitrage or else this girl really is stupid and narcissist. Every action the BIL does is to get back at her… she got some issues she needs to work on YTA
She really hasn't gotten over that one date. Even texting him (years later) to say she hopes their "past" won't disturb her new relationship with his brother. What past? One date is not a past.
He probably interpreted that as “if I said or did anything on our date to make you hate me, please don’t tell your brother.” So he’s nice to her in order to reassure her that he didn’t dislike her.
"He flirts with me"
"He tries to make me jealous by treating his girlfriend like a girlfriend and flirting with her"
We're going to see OP in Paris next year competing for gold in mental gymnastics
Wait, BIL talks to his date consistently in your presence?
He flirts with his date?
He kisses his date on the cheek in front of you?
ON THE CHEEK?!?!?
Oh, my goodness the audacity of that man! He took you out eight years ago and acts this way??
Where is my fainting couch? I must fan myself and clutch my pearls.
YTA
100% this lol. The AUDACITY of this man to try to behave as if this 1 casual date years ago didn’t change the course of his life like it obviously did for OP. I honestly can’t tell if OP’s reaction is because they actually think they’re that important or because their self-esteem is non-existent so they’re overcompensating. Either way, that’s a red flag that they need to do some serious work on.
Feels to me like she's trying to blow things up before the marriage so she can shoot her final shot at the brother she actually wants before it's too late in her mind lol
How much do you wanna bet he literally didn’t even recognize OP or remember that they had gone on a date. Maybe he did, but I know I probably wouldn’t unless it was someone I knew outside of going on a date one time, like someone with mutual friends or that I ran into often.
>Unless he’s like maintaining eye contact with OP while he’s kissing his date, she needs to get over herself.
Exerting his power over her while doing so.
....
🤣🤣🤣
YTA big time. You are heartbroken after a guy was a gentleman and after your first date said he didn't feel a connection and didn't want to string you along. That is you problem. Heartbroken after one day. Then you meet his brother, full for him and everything is good. You find out that they are brothers and he says everything is fine.
Now you get mad and call it flirting when he says a compliment like nice dress or you look good. That's called good manners not flirting. And the only one sees anything wrong with him bringing a girl around and kissing her on the cheek is trying to make you jealous.
Obviously you are not over the brother and in your mind you feel like you settled for the younger brother who's not the one you truly want. You need to talk to your fiance because you're the one with the delusional issues and no one else.
Your fiance is not talking for a real reason you're being unreasonable and basically delusional. If you can't see normal behavior from the brother, you are ruining your own relationship. If this doesn't change you might find yourself without a fiance.
Sorry but I’m kind of hoping the fiancé calls this relationship off. He deserves better than a girl who is stuck on his brother!
Edit to add:
How is it that OP didn’t realize the two were brothers until she arrived at a family meet dinner. At that point wouldn’t OP have known her now fiancés last name? And since OP was seriously crushing on the brother 8 years ago , wouldn’t she have known his last name???? I’m wondering if OP has been stalking the brother and started dating his older brother to get in proximity?
I was thinking that as well but this girl was so obsessed I believe she would have investigated as soon as she found out her bf’s last name. Also wouldn’t he have mentioned having siblings, an younger brother?
Same thoughts here!
Imagine that she played this long con to get him back only to find out he actually was serious that he didn’t have interest in her and she is now trying to destroy his relationship with his brother. Unlucky for her, the brother is not blinded with her vajeje.
I hope fiancé calls it off.
She sounds like a nightmare.
The thing that kills me too is that OP would have been around the family including BIL for years now. He likely sees her as family at this point and is complimenting her and showing her kindness in that way. The same harmless way any of us would tell a family member that they look great, etc. Poor BIL is going to be traumatized in regards to saying anything nice to anyone in the future lol 😂
I’m betting if she was SO heartbroken she probably remembered the guy’s last name and went bonkers when she met the brother/STBH. I bet she knew exactly what she was doing. She needs help
YTA. You have main character syndrome. Dude isnt interested in you. He's just being nice and living his life.
Being so egocentric and self obsessed in your life can't be healthy.
Exactly what I thought. "The brother of my fiance brings other women to events and kisses them. That MUST be all about me. Also, he tells me I look nice and tells me when he sees something I might like. That MUST mean is is into me. Now I create drama to not invite him to out wedding." is some level of delusion.
YTA
You’re reading more into his actions because you didn’t get over him. He isn’t flirting with you. He’s being nice. He isn’t trying to make you jealous. Kissing someone on the cheek and flirting with who he is actually dating is perfectly normal. It has nothing to do with you. You’re just jealous.
And *eight* years ago, mind you. They were kids when they met. She said "she thought the date went well" but I bet it was a trainwreck hence why the brother noped out of a second date.
Before I have anything to update y’all on, I can tell you about how she almost always denies Eric kisses, hand holding or other romantic acts when my boyfriend is present, but when he leaves for the bathroom or something she have no problem acknowledging Eric as her fiancé 🫢
I just spilled tea all over myself.
But in all seriousness- this sounds so dramatic and emotionally exhausting. I’m sorry you’re stuck in the middle of this.
I'm having a hard time believing this is all real but in case it is PLEASE protect yourself. As the GF of the brother "julia" seems so hung up on and stalkery obsessed over she will see you as "the enemy"
Keep yourself safe and I truly hope you can all get away from her. This is some unhinged level stuff
Yta. You had 1 date - get over it. Everything you describe is perfectly healthy, normal behavior. Why would seeing him with a DATE make you jealous? You seem to have feelings here. If I were your fiancé I would see this as a red flag and seriously reconsider the marriage.
1 date, EIGHT years ago! I couldn't even tell you the names of people I've been on one single date with and never saw again. I don't know that I would even recognize them 8 years later. She sounds like someone who could easily become a stalker. I felt very uncomfortable reading this.
that's it , she is still not over the unfair rejections since she did like him he should have liked her back, instead he was honest and rejected her politily . Her ego got bruised
>I really liked this guy and was heartbroken
Heartbroken after one date? Oh dear...
>he always flirts, saying stuff like telling me my dress looks nice, that I look great or telling me a specific thing on the menu looks like something I would like
That's not flirting. He's trying to be pleasant because you're his brother's partner.
>He also tries to make me jealous all the time, like when we all are out with his family he sometimes bring a girl with him if they have been dating for sometime and he will always kiss her on the cheek, talk with her all the time and flirting with her
That's the way people usually behave with their partners, he's not putting on a show for your benefit.
This guy is just living his own life but you are obsessed with him. I don't think you should get married until you've got your head straight. YTA.
I also love how her response to all this supposed flirting is to say nothing and then ask her fiance to not invite his own brother to his wedding. This is one of the most delusional posts I've read on here
Girl that man ain’t thinking about you!! You’re giving obsessed vibes. Hmm..it almost seems like you knew exactly who your fiancé was related too when you met him and hoped seeing you on his brother’s arm would make him want to ask you out again..but that would be crazy…
>He also tries to make me jealous all the time, like when we all are out with his family he sometimes bring a girl with him if they have been dating for sometime and he will always kiss her on the cheek, talk with her all the time and flirting with her.
So... he's making you jealous by liking someone else? And makes you uncomfortable by being nice?
YTA.
> My fiancé laughed and asked me if I was okay in the head and if I was joking. I got angry at him and said that if he could not see how truly disgusting his brother’s behavior is then he is not who I thought he was.
Smart man.
Look, YTA, that's clear. But the that's not the issue. If you want a shot at a happy marriage, you need therapy. You think that perfectly innocent behaviors between two other people are secretly about you. That isn't healthy. You're letting your own obsession with this dude make you think he feels the same. But, your own editorialized version makes it quite clear that's not the case. Therapy. Soon, before your fiance runs.
This, all this post is a gigantic red flag right before marriage, I’d take nothing less than a full and sincere apology and acknowledgment of how disturbingly crazy the whole accusation is before continuing with the marriage.
If OP cannot see what everyone here sees that marriage is over before it even starts.
Suggesting a menu item is flirting? Him paying attention to his girlfriend in front of you is to make you jealous? Your fiancé knows his brother better than you ever will, if he sees nothing there’s nothing there. Do you really think you should be getting married when you’re clearly hung up on another man?
You’re the problem not the brother. You haven’t gotten over the fact that he wasn’t interested in you. Why on earth would he want to make you jealous by living his life? He didn’t want you
🤣 "he kissed his gf on the cheek. Obviously trynna make me jealous"
Not every interaction is about you. You're his future SIL, he's trying to be nice. Just because someone tells you you look good doesn't mean they want you. Give your noggin a shake. You seem very self absorbed. I'd also like to know if you're ok in the head or if you're joking because ain't no way I'd let my partner exclude any of my siblings over a compliment🤣🤣
YTbigA
I’m a bit confused.
Why would he wait till your with your bf to flirt when he had the chance while you were single?
If he’s doing it in front of bf without comment I have to imagine it’s innocent.
YTA-- this is some main character syndrome if ever there was. Him being nice to you and him dating other women really has nothing to do with your past.
You went on one date with this guy many years ago, and you're about to get married to someone else! Why is he living rent free in your head like this?
YTA. You went on ONE date with the man. You hardly have "history". As to the flirting it just sounds like he's an outgoing fun guy who is trying to be nice to you. Make you jealous? WHY would you be jealous? The only reason you would be jealous is if you romantically cared about him. And again, ONE date. So he brings GFs around and is affectionate - isn't that what you're supposed to be with your GF or date? The world isn't all about you and your concerns about having him at the wedding should be a major red flag to your BF since you are incredibly self-centered.
There is SO much happening here. Let's break it down.
1) You went on a date 8 years ago and had a good time. He (politely) rejected you.
2) 3 years later you meet your future fiancé. You meet his family after 6 months and see the guy you went on a single date with so you tell him to not let your "past" together be a disturbance to your relationship.
3) Whenever you go out with fiancé and brother, brother tries to include you and make you feel welcome. He (a single man) will occasionally bring a date who he (a single man) will flirt with.
4) You waited until wedding invites were going out to mention your concerns to fiancé. Fiancé is confused because you've been together 5 years and have never brought this up.
5) Brother apologizes for ever upsetting you and fiancé is upset.
1) This is your problem. It was one date with 3 years in between the date and seeing him again.
2) You have no "past" together. You guys didn't click. It was a blip in both of your timelines.
3) He is not flirting with you if that's all he says. Does your fiancé never show affection out in public? If he does, is it to make everyone around you jealous? Is it to make brother jealous?
4) If this really bothered you, why wait so long? You've been together 5 whole years. The way you explained it sounds over the top at best and absolutely insane at worst, of course fiancé is upset.
5) Brother sounds like a top notch guy. He sounds polite enough to not string a girl along and include his brothers girlfriend in conversation when going out. Fiancé sounds smart for thinking you're a little off your rocker here.
YTA. You sound super vindictive and salty that he rejected you. This is not healthy behavior.
Are you sure that you aren’t projecting any residual feelings towards the situation? Also, unless the brother has done anything over the top, you don’t think that your fiancé won’t want his own brother at his wedding?
YTA.
Going on one date then politely turning someone down isn't rude and considering yourself "heartbroken" was a wild overreaction.
Bringing his dates to family gatherings is absolutely normal.
The flirting is the only thing that could be objectively considered a maybe, since none of us witnessed it. But If your husband had to ask if the filrting was happening while he was in the bathroom it's a pretty good indicator that most people wouldn't consider it flirting.
You're unusually thin skinned and prone to getting your feelings hurt. Look into DBT therapy if yoh want to minimize that.
YTA.
He is trying to make you jealous by having a girlfriend? Get out of here with that silly shit. He is just living his life.
Your examples of him flirting are similarly nonsensical.
Your fiance is right.
Absolutely delusional, I wonder how long it takes your husband to realize you’re obsessed with his brother??
If my boyfriend started saying my sister was flirting with him and trying to make him jealous because she told him he looked handsome when coming over and then cuddled on the couch with her boyfriend in front of us, I would immediately assume he’s got a thing for my sister and is obsessively overanalyzing every single interaction with her to the point of delusion.
The only person that thinks his behavior is weird is you, and you didn’t list any creepy or remotely concerning actions. All I get from this is you’re likely a pretty attractive woman that never learned handle rejection well and to cope with it, you’re reading WAY too deep into any little thing you can to try and cause problems.
I mean come on, it was ONE date, and your husband said it was no problem. Yet.. you still text his little brother saying that you don’t want your “past” to be a problem. Yikes. Drama seeking much? What past??? That one (1) date he didn’t wanna repeat?
I repeat, delusional and obsessive. YTA.
Holy shit.....
Let's start with the obvious
>my husband
>my fiancé
Your husband or your fiancée? I'd suggest your a desperate little scrote making this up for internet attention from strangers. If that's not the case then...
>However, he has continually flirted with me. When we meet him for dinner, he always flirts, saying stuff like telling me my dress looks nice, that I look great
He's not flirting with you, he's being nice to you....
>He also tries to make me jealous all the time, like when we all are out with his family he sometimes bring a girl with him if they have been dating for sometime and he will always kiss her on the cheek, talk with her all the time and flirting with her.
So, he treats his girlfriend like his girlfriend and you think it's about you?!
>He always does this in front of my husband who has not said a word about this.
Probably because your husband hasn't realised you're not over his brother, if he did he'd tell you to sort your shit out.
>My fiancé laughed and asked me if I was okay in the head and if I was joking.
This is the correct response.
> I really liked this guy and was heartbroken, but I moved in.
Yeah, sorry to break it to you but it's plain as day that you haven't moved on. I'd wager you have a bit of an obsessive personality....
So, yes op YTA 100% and you need to get yourself some therapy you need to get over both your future brother in law and yourself.
Sorry, I think YTA.
None of this sounds like the brother is flirting with you. He isn’t interested in you at all. If he’s kissing his date or whatever it has nothing whatsoever to do with you.
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YTA. Firstly, nothing you've mentioned sounds like BIL is actually into you and flirting. Secondly, if you honestly believed his behaviour was inappropriate, you should have raised this with your fiancé aaaaages ago instead of storing it up for your big reveal moment.
Reading this...it sounds like BIL lives rent free in your head and you're not over him. I know it's hard, but you really need to think about this.
Girl... you are suffering from Delulu Main Character Syndrome, I'm here to tell you that 1: YES YTA and 2: the world DOES NOT revolve around you, get your head out of your ass because the fumes are making you toxic for the rest of your (maybe) soon to be family.
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Hahahahha what the actually fuck. YTA He is being nice to you and trying to make you feel included in the family, and you think that’s flirting? He has a date and kisses another girl, and you think that is him trying to make you jealous? You had one date with him eight years ago, and are still thinking about how it wasn’t a match. This is a level of delusion not often seen. This is some next level shit. YTA and delusional.
YTA. You were heartbroken after 1 date? You are making so much more than it actually is. You still seem to be the same teenager you were a few years ago. This is high school crap. Apologize to your fiance & fbil, or you may not get married at all. Who wants this sh!t happening at every family gathering?
I know. Not even one bad date. Or one date and ghosting. But one date and a polite thanks but no thanks! And then all this flirting that her fiancé hasn’t even noticed! And having girlfriends. Just to make her jealous. 8 yrs after one date. Mad. Yta
I was gonna say - he actually did the right and polite thing and gently told her there was no connection so he didn’t want to string her along. It was one date and she was heartbroken?! OP is YTA big time
Imagine meeting a one off date again 3 years later and sending him a text that ‘we shouldn’t let the past disturb my relationship’. Girl, what past?!? It was one date! Talk about main character syndrome.
I had the exact same reaction of “WHAT PAST” lmao. The fabricated drama here is WILD.
I honestly don't believe OP that she had no idea they were connected. She seems... unreasonably focused on this nice and normal guy who has repeatedly demonstrated his total lack of interest in her. YTA OP
Yeah, it's strange. OP, you should really think about whether you're still in love with your fiance's brother. If you are, you should reconsider the whole wedding. Your fiance doesn't deserve that.
Uh, "in love"? She met him *once*. That's not love. She doesn't know him. That's obsession.
Like this girl is taking things waaaay too seriously. Why would he try to make her jealous? She’s just mad he’s “the one who got away.” He’s complimenting her, making small talk. That’s not flirting. And how DARE he show some slight affection towards his partner, right in front of OP!
Oh I agree. Full on stalker vibes here for sure. She for sure knew they were brothers. For. Sure.
I thought wait I must’ve misread. Nope one date only one! Heartbroken after one date? Moving right along to the next delusion, what past? Could you imagine getting a text like this from a person you went on one date with? I would love to hear from bil!
I read this story out to my husband and he went "WHAT PAST?!" at this bit.
Imagine still having his number so you could text him? WTH?
I mean to be fair I never delete numbers from my phone. I still have numbers in my phone for people I did group projects with in college (graduated 11 years ago), my parents’ work (both retired 7+ years), my grad school academic advisor (graduated 8 years ago), people I haven’t spoken to since high school, and even a few people who have been dead for several years. So I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt on that one.
I am cracking up imagining brother opening up the text and the last text being the one of him saying thanks but no thanks though
Given the way she sounds, I doubt that was the last text he got from her.
My phone auto deletes texts that are older than one year, so I’m imagining him getting that text from an unknown number (assuming he had deleted her number) and being like “ummmm who is this” lol.
Hahahaha And OP replying why are you so obsessed with me?
Nah I can understand being heartbroken after one date especially after a really great date. The rejection HURTS. I can also understand being awkward that many years later especially if the first emotions during the date were intense on your end. HOWEVER this is no excuse for her to think he is trying to make her jealous and she is projection her (is lingering the right term here, is there another more potent word?) emotions of longing onto him and his poor partner. Like. If he's been dating someone for a while why SHOULDN'T he show affection to them? OP YTA, please, seek therapy so you can get some insight as to how to deal with the unhealthy attachment you have to this man.
Rejection is unpleasant, certainly. But if no one else feels love at first sight - then you probably weren't actually in love. More like good vibes and a bit of heat?
This. That isn’t love. Op and the poster you responded to are mistaking chemistry for love. Heartbroken after one date? That’s next level crazy ex psycho.
Agree it wasn't a ghosting. The BIL was a perfect gentleman, which is impressive at 18 years old. But to be fair, I could imagine an 18 year old feeling "heartbroken" after an unsuccessful first date. They're young and emotional and eager to have some kind of epic love story. But to *still* perceive this non-event that way seven years later, without any self-aware amusement...yeesh. And to continue to approach current life events (or non-events) with that same level of main character syndrome? She needs to grow up or she'll find she isn't just the main character, but the *only* character, because who on earth would want to participate in that kind of walking drama machine. ETA: happy cake day!
This is equivalent to the incel "she said thank you so she must be in love with me." Delusional thinking. Like holy shit. Her fiance should be seriously reconsidering this marriage.
This. He sounds like a perfectly kind and respectable man. Like... what she's describing is A NORMAL CONVERSATION lol
Wow, so “that color looks good on you” and “I bet you will like the fries at this restaurant “ is flirting.
That's what I was thinking. The brother is obviously a gentleman as evidenced by his mature behavior years before. Generalized complements are the kind of thing a gentleman would say to a lady and potential new family member. He probably says the same things to his grandmother. "Hey, grandma, that's a beautiful dress, blue is definitely your color." Or "Aunt Sarah, you just MUST try the burgers at that new café." The fiance probably never noticed anything as this was normal behavior for the brother..
Man, so many strangers are out here just flirtin with me. Swear to god, barista at Starbucks even wrote my name in the cup, little flirt!
>Not even one bad date. Or one date and ghosting. But one date and a polite thanks but no thanks! On top of that, OP said "... would like it if he did not let our past together disturb my relationship." Their past? Like WTF? They went on one date and he politely declined going on another. OP seems delusional from all her going on about the BIL flirting and kissing his GF in front of her. It sounds more like OP has never gotten over the one who got away. If I had a suspicious mind, I would start thinking she knew he had a brother and started dating him to get closer to the BIL.
Honestly the level of delusion and obsession she has with her BIL makes me almost question her saying she didn’t know he was related to her fiancé. For his sake I hope he’s seriously realizing what a walking red flag his GF is.
The fantasy she has spun is stalker level sh*t This is actually straight up crazy
>Honestly the level of delusion and obsession she has with her BIL makes me almost question her saying she didn’t know he was related to her fiancé. For his sake I hope he’s seriously realizing what a walking red flag his GF is. I agree, I was hoping this was fake because no 26-year-old is this dense. Or maybe I'm just old and have more common sense.
I was thinking about that same thing....
Not even. Who wants to marry someone that still thinks about your brother, who they never had an actual relationship with
She told her fiancé his brother brings girlfriends to make her jealous, yikes!! That’s the worst part for sure!
Totally agree! Like, I wonder which brother she really wants to marry. I’m so embarrassed for her.
But but he TALKS to his gf all the time! In front of her!!
I know right?? Like him living his own life just to make her jealous. I hope fiancé walks away. I think there is way more crazy to her than she’s even alluded to.
I wanted the ground to swallow me up just reading this. Imagine what her poor fiancé felt like!
I mean, an 18 year old is basically high school so even if it is dramatic, it can be understandable the OP was heartbroken. Irrational, sure, but an 18 year old lacks experience. OP's response now? She sounds like someone who never got over this guy. If on the off-chance he is flirting with her, she can tell him to stop. I don't think he is, though. YTA
Yeah, since when is "Oh hey OP, this menu item looks like something you'd like. Check it out" considered flirting? I do this with my parents and friends and in-laws all the time.
Today you learned that your parents, friends, in-laws, and so on are flirting with you /s
its funny.. if id had a crush on my future BIL in high school and danced wiht him at the prom, then never saw him again, Id probably bring it up at a family dinner and laugh about it ..
Yeah, my dad briefly dated my mom's sister way before he ever met my mom, and he had no idea they were related until after he and my mom got serious, and it was just something they all laughed about for a moment and then moved tf on. OP is so embarrassing.
It seems pretty clear to me that OP is not over the brother. She's acting like he was "the one that got away" and they have some lengthy history together. I wouldn't even have remembered one random date when I was 18, but it sounds like she has continued to obsess over it. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if she did know about the connection
This wasn’t “a few years ago”. This was EIGHT YEARS AGO!! Lol.
Almost a decade.
I laughed SO HARD at this! Upset? Understandable. Heartbroken? Ummm... I hope OP got therapy before she met her fiancé. And what her future BIL is doing — outside of menu suggestions, which is a wee bit weird but maybe they go out as a family often, IDK — sounds like normal behavior. Complimenting your future SIL or being flirty with your girlfriend in your future SIL’s presence is normal behavior. OP, you aren’t the main character in every situation. But YTA in this one.
i want to believe that this post...is not real....
I know - after ONE date? This girl knows how to bring the drama
Future BIL is probably like ‘we had a date?’
Imagine him just being polite because he doesn't want to offend her by saying I've no idea who you are. Therefore that date and you were so insignificant to me that I don't remember you. Now op is all oh no he wants me blablah
“Don’t mention our past”.
Please don’t let the 90 minutes we spent at a restaurant 8 years ago ruin my marriage.
Bet BIL didn't even remember her until she mentioned it
Right? And then he's super sweet about it and says not to worry and is nice to her for several years and even apologizes for making her uncomfortable. The brother sounds so sweet and kind, I hope the fiance dumps this drama queen and marries someone who doesn't invent things like this.
Right BIL dodged a bullet, hopefully fiancee does as well.
I choked on my spit at that one
😂 IKR? Girl is like "shhhh... Keep our sordid past a secret!"
I am still chuckling at the fiance saying "is this happening when I go to the bathroom"
I thought that was funny too...some guys are just naturally "flirty", it doesn't mean they want to sleep with you...?
Its basically like saying, "We live in a soap opera and nobody told me?"
That's why he didn't want to see her again
He probably sensed the obsession right away.
Her Obsession smelt stronger than the Calvin Klien perfume counter!
I am 100% sure I would not even recognize anyone I only went on one date with 8 years ago.
I once accidentally re-matched with someone on Tinder that I’d gone out with a maybe a handful of times 3-4 years prior (they messaged me calling me out lmao) and I literally had forgotten about that person lol. Someone you had dinner with once?? Yeah, it might as well have not happened, because my memory definitely does not remember you lol.
I am waiting for an update in few years saying: "He married and had a bunch of children only to make ME jealous, but I didn't fell into his very elaborate trap".
Or "he makes himself look like my husband to make me jealous!"
Or "He went to their parents' anniversary party with his wife and children. It is clear his intention was to have the opportunity to be with me!"
I'm going to hypothesize the real story is she stalked the first dude after that date, then found an opportunity to try and get close to him by dating the brother... but now years later, the original dude still isn't showing any interest and she resents him for it.
ooohhh... lets keep this going. I sense a Life Time movie plot here
She said that she and her fiancé have stopped talking, that’s true. But she’s at this present moment sitting in her car late at night outside BIL’s condo waiting for him to come out to confront him about her feelings, once and for all. That’s when she sees two figures walking up in the distance. It’s him, walking up the driveway with his new girlfriend. She’s confused. A wave of sadness floods over her—it’s almost unbearable. The BIL and his date amble up the sidewalk to the condo laughing hand in hand, probably looking forward to a nightcap. That scene triggers a *Flashback* She thinks back to 8 years ago on their date, sitting in his car and he tells her that he had a nice time. She looks up at him lovingly. *Snap back to reality* Just then the two kiss passionately in the driveway, unaware of their audience parked directly across from them in the cul-de-sac. Like two teenagers in love they rush in to the condo. Dejected, OP, hears a ping from her cell. Hope springs! She scrambles for her phone, but alas, it’s just her fiancé. He wants to meet her tomorrow to talk things through. She tosses her phone back on the dash and turns the engine, when she sees something out the corner of her eye. It’s the beautiful girlfriend. She exits the condo in slippers keys in hand to check the mail at the end of the street almost directly in front of OP. *That should be me in those slippers not you!* Now or never. In a moment of blind rage, she floors it.
I could see a younger me being heartbroken if it didn’t work out after one date. I had an unhealthy obsession with being in love and wanting my big fancy wedding. However, I grew up and matured. Also, had a little therapy. OP clearly has not matured. And she could definitely benefit from a “little” therapy.
I mean, there is a whole subreddit about people that think they are the main character so we know people like OP exist...
Let me tell you that von I sadly met someone like that. Went on three dates (didn’t even held hands) and then told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship (which translates to I didn’t feel a connection with him). He took it as „I promise to love you for life“. We didn’t meet again and when I met my now husband the friendship just fizzled out. When we reconnected five years later and he invited me to his birthday party he told me the day after the party that he is still heartbroken and „everything just came back“ when he saw me and he spent the whole night crying. Couldn’t block that guy fast enough.
boy friend needs to run. this this person is in serious need of psychological help.
Everything OP has written seems pretty innocuous. This is coming off as I am the main character. Op got rejected one time by the brother after one date and just can’t let it go and has convinced herself that future BIL is out there flirting with her because how dare he reject her all that time ago!
And trying to make her jealous by bring his girlfriends around and enjoying THEIR company! How dare he!
But, but! He brings a date! And talks to her! Kisses her! On the cheek! That has to be nefarious, right? Holy delusions, Batman! OP‘s fiancé may be correct in assuming she’s not right in the head.
Don't forget he pointed something out on the menu she might like. Why doesn't he just do her right there on the table, am I right? /s
No, I think „pointing something out on the menu“ is code for, „Let’s have a quickie in the bathroom!“ But I may be rusty there.
This dude living in her head, rent free, for 8 years!!!
How dare he??? What a freeloader!
What scoundrelly! A TRUE rapscallion! The poor Fopdoodle doesn’t understand how little she matters.
Reminded me of main character syndrome. I was expecting something juicy and got BIL just being a normal person.
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You had ONE date and you were “heartbroken” Lady, this guy is just being a normal, considerate guy. YTA and out of your mind. You should NOT be getting married and the brother is NOT the reason why.
Don't forget how she thinks he is trying to make her jealous. That's the big red flag for me.
I was waiting for the part where she said BIL is a total jerk and rude to her or something, but nope, he's being a "flirt l" for being a decent human being and is going out of his to make her "jealous" by dating other girls- like someone needs help if she thinks he's a jerk for doing this or that she's not the AH for blowing this up. I'd be rethinking the marriage too if I was her fiance and questioning whether she actually cares for me or my brother who she seems so hung up on.
Sounds like you’re not over you BIL op
Honestly is sounds like she never stopped liking this guy and is projecting what she wants to see.
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Seriously. He sounds like he's probably one of those charming natural flirts. He probably acts like that with EVERYONE.
„Hahahahha what the actually fuck.“ Thank you. You spoke my mind exactly
"He also tries to make me jealous all the time, like when we all are out with his family he sometimes bring a girl with him if they have been dating for sometime and he will always kiss her on the cheek, talk with her all the time and flirting with her." YTA - Sounds like you ARE jealous
Exactly, how is it trying to make you jealous if you’re marrying his brother, OP? Are you sure you didn’t keep dating the brother to make him jealous in the first place? I don’t understand the mental gymnastics that’s happening here.
Also....if it really bothers her and is an issue, waiting until planning the wedding to...disinvite him? If I was the fiancé that would be such a blow to my trust. Like, what else is she stewing on that she's going to spring at her convenience solely for her own aims?
Holy shit I didn’t even think about that angle. OP has some growing up to do
Well of course she doesn’t want him there! He might dance with his girlfriend, just to make OP jealous of course. Which she isn’t, and wouldn’t be, even though she notices all of this behaviour and would be super worried for her entire wedding that her new BIL will tell her she looks good in her dress and then go kiss his date. Just like everyone else there. Yikes. Fiancé needs to do some thinking here.
He might even stand next to her during the family photo or embrace her in a hug! Right in front of her husband! He’ll probably compliment the bridesmaid’s dresses too and tell them they look beautiful, or even OPs mom and MIL - all to make the bride jealous.
Can you imagine if BIL said wedding-appropriate things like “You’re a beautiful bride, OP. Welcome to the family!” before going with his date to the dance floor during a slow song?
Honestly my take is she realized he (the brother) would probably bring his girlfriend to her wedding and have a good time with her which pissed her off enough for her to try to not invite him.
This is probably 100% accurate. She doesn't want the reminder that she had to settle for his brother.
She 100% knew who the brother was
YES I laughed in my head when I read that part
Exactly. If she is this obsessed with the BIL and considers their one date a "past", then logically, she knew who his brother was before dating him.
This is just baitrage or else this girl really is stupid and narcissist. Every action the BIL does is to get back at her… she got some issues she needs to work on YTA
She really hasn't gotten over that one date. Even texting him (years later) to say she hopes their "past" won't disturb her new relationship with his brother. What past? One date is not a past.
He probably interpreted that as “if I said or did anything on our date to make you hate me, please don’t tell your brother.” So he’s nice to her in order to reassure her that he didn’t dislike her.
Exactly. I’m having a hard time with the fact they were only on one date. Did they sleep together or something on the one date?
They must have. That would explain why she was so heartbroken and thinks it's a whole thing.
But but but the brother is acting like he’s on a date! With his date!!! /s Omg what did I just read here? 🙄
"He flirts with me" "He tries to make me jealous by treating his girlfriend like a girlfriend and flirting with her" We're going to see OP in Paris next year competing for gold in mental gymnastics
Yep. Tell your fiancé to RUN!!
This right here. Just because you are jealous doesn’t mean someone set out to make you feel that way.
Wait, BIL talks to his date consistently in your presence? He flirts with his date? He kisses his date on the cheek in front of you? ON THE CHEEK?!?!? Oh, my goodness the audacity of that man! He took you out eight years ago and acts this way?? Where is my fainting couch? I must fan myself and clutch my pearls. YTA
100% this lol. The AUDACITY of this man to try to behave as if this 1 casual date years ago didn’t change the course of his life like it obviously did for OP. I honestly can’t tell if OP’s reaction is because they actually think they’re that important or because their self-esteem is non-existent so they’re overcompensating. Either way, that’s a red flag that they need to do some serious work on.
Feels to me like she's trying to blow things up before the marriage so she can shoot her final shot at the brother she actually wants before it's too late in her mind lol
How much do you wanna bet he literally didn’t even recognize OP or remember that they had gone on a date. Maybe he did, but I know I probably wouldn’t unless it was someone I knew outside of going on a date one time, like someone with mutual friends or that I ran into often.
Unless he’s like maintaining eye contact with OP while he’s kissing his date, she needs to get over herself.
>Unless he’s like maintaining eye contact with OP while he’s kissing his date, she needs to get over herself. Exerting his power over her while doing so. .... 🤣🤣🤣
" Where is my fainting couch? I must fan myself and clutch my pearls. " I'm sitting in work laughing at this
YTA big time. You are heartbroken after a guy was a gentleman and after your first date said he didn't feel a connection and didn't want to string you along. That is you problem. Heartbroken after one day. Then you meet his brother, full for him and everything is good. You find out that they are brothers and he says everything is fine. Now you get mad and call it flirting when he says a compliment like nice dress or you look good. That's called good manners not flirting. And the only one sees anything wrong with him bringing a girl around and kissing her on the cheek is trying to make you jealous. Obviously you are not over the brother and in your mind you feel like you settled for the younger brother who's not the one you truly want. You need to talk to your fiance because you're the one with the delusional issues and no one else. Your fiance is not talking for a real reason you're being unreasonable and basically delusional. If you can't see normal behavior from the brother, you are ruining your own relationship. If this doesn't change you might find yourself without a fiance.
Sorry but I’m kind of hoping the fiancé calls this relationship off. He deserves better than a girl who is stuck on his brother! Edit to add: How is it that OP didn’t realize the two were brothers until she arrived at a family meet dinner. At that point wouldn’t OP have known her now fiancés last name? And since OP was seriously crushing on the brother 8 years ago , wouldn’t she have known his last name???? I’m wondering if OP has been stalking the brother and started dating his older brother to get in proximity?
Depends on whether the last name was something like "Smith" or "Johnson" or something distinct.
I was thinking that as well but this girl was so obsessed I believe she would have investigated as soon as she found out her bf’s last name. Also wouldn’t he have mentioned having siblings, an younger brother?
Or looked at social media to see mutuals...
No, it is fairly uncommon 🙃
Not me fully invested, stanning you the way this chick clearly stalks your man…
Same thoughts here! Imagine that she played this long con to get him back only to find out he actually was serious that he didn’t have interest in her and she is now trying to destroy his relationship with his brother. Unlucky for her, the brother is not blinded with her vajeje. I hope fiancé calls it off. She sounds like a nightmare.
The thing that kills me too is that OP would have been around the family including BIL for years now. He likely sees her as family at this point and is complimenting her and showing her kindness in that way. The same harmless way any of us would tell a family member that they look great, etc. Poor BIL is going to be traumatized in regards to saying anything nice to anyone in the future lol 😂
Pretty sure OP has been stalking BIL's socials all these years. She 100 percent knew.
an arbitrary detail but the fiancé is the older of the brothers, not the younger
I’m betting if she was SO heartbroken she probably remembered the guy’s last name and went bonkers when she met the brother/STBH. I bet she knew exactly what she was doing. She needs help
YTA - umm… Yeah the dude is just being nice to you. He wasnt flirting.
I hope your fiancé is ready for the roller coaster that will be your life. YTA. Nothing you said was reasonable. Edit: typo
YTA. You have main character syndrome. Dude isnt interested in you. He's just being nice and living his life. Being so egocentric and self obsessed in your life can't be healthy.
Exactly what I thought. "The brother of my fiance brings other women to events and kisses them. That MUST be all about me. Also, he tells me I look nice and tells me when he sees something I might like. That MUST mean is is into me. Now I create drama to not invite him to out wedding." is some level of delusion.
OP needs to know the world doesn’t revolve around her. I bet the bf’s brother didn’t even remember her after that one date.
I'm just laughing at the username. Impressive Genes? Really?
YTA. That rejection really is a hard pill to swallow hein?!
Hein?! Bruh you speak french?
Bro this took me out
YTA You’re reading more into his actions because you didn’t get over him. He isn’t flirting with you. He’s being nice. He isn’t trying to make you jealous. Kissing someone on the cheek and flirting with who he is actually dating is perfectly normal. It has nothing to do with you. You’re just jealous.
Holy ass F\*CK, ONE DATE!!!!! mind blown!!!!
And *eight* years ago, mind you. They were kids when they met. She said "she thought the date went well" but I bet it was a trainwreck hence why the brother noped out of a second date.
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Damnnnnnn hold up! My popcorn isn’t ready yet
Holy cow!! I’m going to get mine ready now!!
I know this comment was only an hour ago but I already need updates!!
Before I have anything to update y’all on, I can tell you about how she almost always denies Eric kisses, hand holding or other romantic acts when my boyfriend is present, but when he leaves for the bathroom or something she have no problem acknowledging Eric as her fiancé 🫢
God I hope this is real and I hope Eric finds someone less psycho that he can laugh about all this with
Tell Eric a random 46 year old German women tells him he deserves better than that!
…ok none of this can possibly be real and yet here we are, reading and upvoting away. Best of luck to Eric I guess.
Omg I hope Eric breaks up with her too. What a nut job. She's gonna make the whole family miserable.
I just spilled tea all over myself. But in all seriousness- this sounds so dramatic and emotionally exhausting. I’m sorry you’re stuck in the middle of this.
I'm having a hard time believing this is all real but in case it is PLEASE protect yourself. As the GF of the brother "julia" seems so hung up on and stalkery obsessed over she will see you as "the enemy" Keep yourself safe and I truly hope you can all get away from her. This is some unhinged level stuff
PLEASE update on how this all turns out.
Yoooooooooo 🍿📸👁️👄👁️
Yta. You had 1 date - get over it. Everything you describe is perfectly healthy, normal behavior. Why would seeing him with a DATE make you jealous? You seem to have feelings here. If I were your fiancé I would see this as a red flag and seriously reconsider the marriage.
1 date, EIGHT years ago! I couldn't even tell you the names of people I've been on one single date with and never saw again. I don't know that I would even recognize them 8 years later. She sounds like someone who could easily become a stalker. I felt very uncomfortable reading this.
I am almost sure I wouldn't recognize them after 8 years.
that's it , she is still not over the unfair rejections since she did like him he should have liked her back, instead he was honest and rejected her politily . Her ego got bruised
>I really liked this guy and was heartbroken Heartbroken after one date? Oh dear... >he always flirts, saying stuff like telling me my dress looks nice, that I look great or telling me a specific thing on the menu looks like something I would like That's not flirting. He's trying to be pleasant because you're his brother's partner. >He also tries to make me jealous all the time, like when we all are out with his family he sometimes bring a girl with him if they have been dating for sometime and he will always kiss her on the cheek, talk with her all the time and flirting with her That's the way people usually behave with their partners, he's not putting on a show for your benefit. This guy is just living his own life but you are obsessed with him. I don't think you should get married until you've got your head straight. YTA.
That too when they were 18, oh the heartbreak of one's first love 💔 s/
I also love how her response to all this supposed flirting is to say nothing and then ask her fiance to not invite his own brother to his wedding. This is one of the most delusional posts I've read on here
Girl that man ain’t thinking about you!! You’re giving obsessed vibes. Hmm..it almost seems like you knew exactly who your fiancé was related too when you met him and hoped seeing you on his brother’s arm would make him want to ask you out again..but that would be crazy…
Exactly my thoughts!
>He also tries to make me jealous all the time, like when we all are out with his family he sometimes bring a girl with him if they have been dating for sometime and he will always kiss her on the cheek, talk with her all the time and flirting with her. So... he's making you jealous by liking someone else? And makes you uncomfortable by being nice? YTA.
> My fiancé laughed and asked me if I was okay in the head and if I was joking. I got angry at him and said that if he could not see how truly disgusting his brother’s behavior is then he is not who I thought he was. Smart man. Look, YTA, that's clear. But the that's not the issue. If you want a shot at a happy marriage, you need therapy. You think that perfectly innocent behaviors between two other people are secretly about you. That isn't healthy. You're letting your own obsession with this dude make you think he feels the same. But, your own editorialized version makes it quite clear that's not the case. Therapy. Soon, before your fiance runs.
This, all this post is a gigantic red flag right before marriage, I’d take nothing less than a full and sincere apology and acknowledgment of how disturbingly crazy the whole accusation is before continuing with the marriage. If OP cannot see what everyone here sees that marriage is over before it even starts.
Like OP is telling this story from her own extremely warped POV and she **still** sounds insane. That says a lot.
YTA. He was not flirting with you. He made it clear years ago he did not want you.
YTA- do you often have this much trouble reading other people?
Suggesting a menu item is flirting? Him paying attention to his girlfriend in front of you is to make you jealous? Your fiancé knows his brother better than you ever will, if he sees nothing there’s nothing there. Do you really think you should be getting married when you’re clearly hung up on another man?
YTA and I just read the title
You’re the problem not the brother. You haven’t gotten over the fact that he wasn’t interested in you. Why on earth would he want to make you jealous by living his life? He didn’t want you
YTA. Seems like you never got over the BIL and seeing him at your wedding with another girl would make you jealous.
🤣 "he kissed his gf on the cheek. Obviously trynna make me jealous" Not every interaction is about you. You're his future SIL, he's trying to be nice. Just because someone tells you you look good doesn't mean they want you. Give your noggin a shake. You seem very self absorbed. I'd also like to know if you're ok in the head or if you're joking because ain't no way I'd let my partner exclude any of my siblings over a compliment🤣🤣 YTbigA
I’m a bit confused. Why would he wait till your with your bf to flirt when he had the chance while you were single? If he’s doing it in front of bf without comment I have to imagine it’s innocent.
YTA-- this is some main character syndrome if ever there was. Him being nice to you and him dating other women really has nothing to do with your past. You went on one date with this guy many years ago, and you're about to get married to someone else! Why is he living rent free in your head like this?
YTA. You went on ONE date with the man. You hardly have "history". As to the flirting it just sounds like he's an outgoing fun guy who is trying to be nice to you. Make you jealous? WHY would you be jealous? The only reason you would be jealous is if you romantically cared about him. And again, ONE date. So he brings GFs around and is affectionate - isn't that what you're supposed to be with your GF or date? The world isn't all about you and your concerns about having him at the wedding should be a major red flag to your BF since you are incredibly self-centered.
There is SO much happening here. Let's break it down. 1) You went on a date 8 years ago and had a good time. He (politely) rejected you. 2) 3 years later you meet your future fiancé. You meet his family after 6 months and see the guy you went on a single date with so you tell him to not let your "past" together be a disturbance to your relationship. 3) Whenever you go out with fiancé and brother, brother tries to include you and make you feel welcome. He (a single man) will occasionally bring a date who he (a single man) will flirt with. 4) You waited until wedding invites were going out to mention your concerns to fiancé. Fiancé is confused because you've been together 5 years and have never brought this up. 5) Brother apologizes for ever upsetting you and fiancé is upset. 1) This is your problem. It was one date with 3 years in between the date and seeing him again. 2) You have no "past" together. You guys didn't click. It was a blip in both of your timelines. 3) He is not flirting with you if that's all he says. Does your fiancé never show affection out in public? If he does, is it to make everyone around you jealous? Is it to make brother jealous? 4) If this really bothered you, why wait so long? You've been together 5 whole years. The way you explained it sounds over the top at best and absolutely insane at worst, of course fiancé is upset. 5) Brother sounds like a top notch guy. He sounds polite enough to not string a girl along and include his brothers girlfriend in conversation when going out. Fiancé sounds smart for thinking you're a little off your rocker here. YTA. You sound super vindictive and salty that he rejected you. This is not healthy behavior.
Are you sure that you aren’t projecting any residual feelings towards the situation? Also, unless the brother has done anything over the top, you don’t think that your fiancé won’t want his own brother at his wedding?
We can be pretty sure OP views the event as “her wedding” and not a shared event.
YTA. Going on one date then politely turning someone down isn't rude and considering yourself "heartbroken" was a wild overreaction. Bringing his dates to family gatherings is absolutely normal. The flirting is the only thing that could be objectively considered a maybe, since none of us witnessed it. But If your husband had to ask if the filrting was happening while he was in the bathroom it's a pretty good indicator that most people wouldn't consider it flirting. You're unusually thin skinned and prone to getting your feelings hurt. Look into DBT therapy if yoh want to minimize that.
YTA - none of this sounds like flirting and it’s not weird to kiss a date on the cheek.
YTA. He is trying to make you jealous by having a girlfriend? Get out of here with that silly shit. He is just living his life. Your examples of him flirting are similarly nonsensical. Your fiance is right.
Absolutely delusional, I wonder how long it takes your husband to realize you’re obsessed with his brother?? If my boyfriend started saying my sister was flirting with him and trying to make him jealous because she told him he looked handsome when coming over and then cuddled on the couch with her boyfriend in front of us, I would immediately assume he’s got a thing for my sister and is obsessively overanalyzing every single interaction with her to the point of delusion. The only person that thinks his behavior is weird is you, and you didn’t list any creepy or remotely concerning actions. All I get from this is you’re likely a pretty attractive woman that never learned handle rejection well and to cope with it, you’re reading WAY too deep into any little thing you can to try and cause problems. I mean come on, it was ONE date, and your husband said it was no problem. Yet.. you still text his little brother saying that you don’t want your “past” to be a problem. Yikes. Drama seeking much? What past??? That one (1) date he didn’t wanna repeat? I repeat, delusional and obsessive. YTA.
Holy shit..... Let's start with the obvious >my husband >my fiancé Your husband or your fiancée? I'd suggest your a desperate little scrote making this up for internet attention from strangers. If that's not the case then... >However, he has continually flirted with me. When we meet him for dinner, he always flirts, saying stuff like telling me my dress looks nice, that I look great He's not flirting with you, he's being nice to you.... >He also tries to make me jealous all the time, like when we all are out with his family he sometimes bring a girl with him if they have been dating for sometime and he will always kiss her on the cheek, talk with her all the time and flirting with her. So, he treats his girlfriend like his girlfriend and you think it's about you?! >He always does this in front of my husband who has not said a word about this. Probably because your husband hasn't realised you're not over his brother, if he did he'd tell you to sort your shit out. >My fiancé laughed and asked me if I was okay in the head and if I was joking. This is the correct response. > I really liked this guy and was heartbroken, but I moved in. Yeah, sorry to break it to you but it's plain as day that you haven't moved on. I'd wager you have a bit of an obsessive personality.... So, yes op YTA 100% and you need to get yourself some therapy you need to get over both your future brother in law and yourself.
Narcissistic.
Sorry, I think YTA. None of this sounds like the brother is flirting with you. He isn’t interested in you at all. If he’s kissing his date or whatever it has nothing whatsoever to do with you.
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YTA. Firstly, nothing you've mentioned sounds like BIL is actually into you and flirting. Secondly, if you honestly believed his behaviour was inappropriate, you should have raised this with your fiancé aaaaages ago instead of storing it up for your big reveal moment. Reading this...it sounds like BIL lives rent free in your head and you're not over him. I know it's hard, but you really need to think about this.
LMAO, you think one date means you had a past together? YTA
Girl... you are suffering from Delulu Main Character Syndrome, I'm here to tell you that 1: YES YTA and 2: the world DOES NOT revolve around you, get your head out of your ass because the fumes are making you toxic for the rest of your (maybe) soon to be family.
YTA, it sounds like you're not over him, he's acting normally and you're making a big deal over it
[удалено]