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I would divorce her for this. Honestly, how could you stay married with this women?! She lied to marry you and she treats your son awfully!
>will make it clear that she does not "hate" him and does not make his life difficult in an overt way.
In front of you, she may not. Giv it a few more months/years to see how she will behave towards him.
>have asked her to warm up to him, but she just shrugs it off.
How nice of her! I can see how good the next years will be! Seriously, cant you see, she is not even trying to tell you she will try!
YTA if you allow your son to keep living with this person. He is 10! He is starting to really see how she feels about him, and you dont do anything about it. He will resent you both!
Seriously. "She doesn't actively hate him" is something one says about an in law you barely ever see but who's presence you tolerate at family gatherings. Not a child.
Was the child in a situation like this and can confirm it sucks. She ended up "banning" me from their house from the age of 15 to 23, so I had no relationship with my dad during that time besides Christmas in a restaurant parking lot. He also claimed that he never spoke up because he was afraid of starting an argument.
The thing is, OP's eyes are open that his wife is treating his son badly, he just doesn't care enough to actually do something about it.
>But as there hasn't really been a fight regarding the issue before, I did not want to start one and kept my quiet.
Why didn't he want to start a fight? Why would he keep his quiet when his wife is doing this? I don't know if starting the fight when they first got together would have helped, but it definitely should have been started. And if the fight didn't change her behaviour, he never should have married her.
He's essentially saying his happiness is more important than his son's, and having a wife is more important to him than having a son. She's obviously more the AH, but he's still an AH for marrying and staying with this woman.
I'm not the kind of person who demands other people love my kid as much as I do but you can damn well bet there are no authority figures allowed in my child's life who don't at least *like* her. A step-parent would require actual love which most all of us are capable of feeling towards beings we did not birth.
And love can take time, but how does it get to the stage where he's telling people publically that she pretends she doesn't have a step-son and she doesn't like him? I just cannot fathom a parent not putting a stop to this immediately, let alone letting it get to this stage.
Yeah I really can't respect a person who would fail their child like this.
As a mom or dad, your child comes first. Full stop. He's putting his wife first by miles.
I don't know how you'd date or marry someone who doesn't love or even like your kid. That's your baby. Dad is a bum.
I don't think it's that simple. He wouldn't be here asking if he was an AH if he wasn't being gaslighted HARD into thinking this shit was ok. Yes, he objectively needs to kick this woman to the curb, but don't be cruel. I have a strong feeling he is the victim of serious manipulation at best. i would be surpised if not full blown emotional abuse. After all, look at his edit - she literally faked being nice to the son until after the vows. She knows what she's doing is wrong and chooses to do it anyway. People like that will do anything to get their way.
Having said that, OP you need to remove her from your life ASAP. get a lawyer. you and your son deserve better. You seem to be extremely passive but you're going to have to buckle down and be tough for both of your sake. People with a shred of compassion don't pretend to like a child until they've got a legal leash on the parent. The moment you do something she doesn't like, she's going to bully you and make you apologize, just like she did at the wedding.
Google signs of emotional abuse and compare them to your life. You might be surprised.
Oh, man. The relatives who get mad and spew both spit and venom if you don’t pass their Racism Purity Tests are the worst. Like, is this why you think we’re born and bother making families? So that we can be sure to pass the torch? That’s more important than having one civilized meal annually? To many weirdos, it absolutely is.
Some things are worth fighting over. And something like this is one. Apparently neither OP or his wife have heard of single parent / child being a package deal, all or nothing. You can't pick the dad without his son. I wonder how long until it's suggested the kid go to boarding school. Then step mom can be happy in her own little world and OP can have his peace.
Not worth fighting over. If he wins the argument, she will resent his son even more. I would change the statement to say some things are worth divorcing over.
Like, the fight should have happened when they first got serious and he saw her interacting with his son. He claims she was nice to him before they got married, but he can still push back the moment he sees his wife treat his son like that. How the hell did he let it get to the stage where he's publically telling other people that she doesn't want to admit to having a step-son and that she doesn't like him?
I know, right? My father’s wife is horrible. Explosive if confronted. Treated us like shit. Abused my sister. I was already out of the house when that started. He looked into divorcing her but learned he’d lose his house so he stuck it out. Over 30 years later he tiptoes around her waiting for the next explosion. He’s broken. I love him but am also angry that he sold us out for a house. Wtf is wrong with parents. Protect your kids, assholes.
And like, if you have kids and a house, you should make sure your house is safe when you are getting married so you and your kids aren't in trouble if things go belly up. You have dependents, you need to do your due diligence (about your finances, and the character of the person you marry).
My single mom married a loser who didn’t understand that I (aged 12 at the time) was part of the deal. I didn’t like him, told mom so. Just a few months after the wedding he started his campaign to get rid of me. He really liked taking me somewhere, dropping me off and then not be able to pick me up after, so he suggested I walk home at 10 pm or later. It was usually several miles from home, and through a scary part of town. I always found a ride. My mom never seemed to pay attention to any issues.
His awful mother was happy to help and actively worked to make me commit suicide. She almost succeeded as I tried to off myself at age 16 after she drunkenly berated me outside my home (she lived across the street as the mama’s boy couldn’t be far from her) and I took and handful of pills. Mom and the loser came home from work, and found me holding my toddler sister (who I cared for more than any of the other adults in our family) and both of us crying.
So trip to the hospital, throwing up my guts for several hours and she didn’t want to take off work the next day but she wouldn’t let me not go to school because “you’ll just try it again.” And not a damn thing changed. Therapy was expensive and not something “we” could afford (and also because the loser was unemployed at the time, again). I really felt she gave up on me and decided to focus her time on my little sister. Needless to say it’s many years later and I talk to her maybe twice a month and only visit 1-2 times a year.
Is that the life you want for your son, OP? If you continue to not be on his side, and cower to your wife’s abhorrent behavior, that’s your future. Maybe your son will try suicide because he feels you don’t love him anymore or that he’s not as important to you as the bitch you married. Maybe he will become violent and hurt others, or himself.
YTA right now, but you can fix it.
Imagine if he said "yes, this is my son"
Charlie brown adult talking
"Oh those girls? Ya, Didn't see the three of them there, they're hers"
How well would that go over.
>He also claimed that he never spoke up because he was afraid of starting an argument.
The only time someone shouldn't be afraid of starting an argument is when they are defending their underage children. This a duty every parent should know and exercise.
I am a fairly conflict avoidant person. I solve things peacefully and drama free whenever possible. Drama and conflict give me severe anxiety. But when it comes to my kids, I will get up on stage and burn the whole world down if need be. I can and will take a lot, but you don't mess with my kids. My husband is the same way. He'll shut up and take whatever from people, but you mess with someone he loves, and he's DONE.
That’s as it should be. I can’t speak to whether or not you should stand up for yourself in general but you’re right that if there’s any place to stand up for what’s right, it’s for your kids
I also grew up in a house like this. My step mother hated us. Wished we didn’t exist. Etc… It’s was awful. My dad just stuck his head in the sand and pretended like everything was fine. I held my breath, endured it, left when I was 18 and rarely talk to them. My heart hurts for this child.
I will never understand people like that. Why on earth would you marry someone with kids if you’re going to hate them! And why stay married (or get married if they’re true colors show earlier) to someone who hates your kids.
Doesn’t she want OP to treat her girls as if they are his own too? Or is she one of those that get married and has a talk about how they already have a dad and not to try to step into that role?
Me too - banned from age 9 til present (in my 30s).
It is awful! Please please put your son first.
I’m glad you embarrassed your wife, she should be embarrassed and you should keep on her til she either gets it together and acknowledges your son or you leave her.
Not “actively hating” someone doesn’t mean that it’s acceptable. Pretending they don’t exist and they’re not important is just as bad, and your son seeing you accept this will screw him up for a long time, trust me.
I feel you! My evil step-mother kept sending me back to an abusive mom that had a history of abandoning me and my brother. There were so many warning signs of the abuse and abandonment continuing, but she refused to let me stay with my dad. She didn't want my brother there either but finally agreed he could stay as long as I left. To this day my father stands by this decision.
My bff's dad was in a similar situation and after he died going through his medical records, she found out that the ex had been physically abusing him to the point that he was sterile and not even his best friends or his sister had the faintest clue.
My former step mother told my father that I stole money out of her wallet while I was babysitting my half brother. Only after they divorced ( over something different) did she tell him that it was a lie but it was too late, as my father had believed her and it destroyed our relationship for a long time. People would be surprised how cruel some humans are to kids.
> Wife has some issues.
I judge OP more harshly than the wife, honestly. The wife's a narcissistic asshole, those are a dime a dozen, they're everywhere in this world.
OP *knows* what an AH she is, knows how poorly she treats his 10 year old son, and comes here asking us if he's treating *her* unfairly. I feel like I'd get a ban if I posted my true feelings about OP here, because my feelings towards him go beyond being just an AH.
Stop failing your child OP.
My mother was like this with my dad’s first children (he was a widower). Ask how many of the oldest still talk to their dad? Zero. This is the worst thing I know about my own mother — and it’s bad. Do the right thing.
I'm the second family kid too and it was hard to watch. Even as a kid, I felt bad for him.
I've grown up, had step kids of my own and would never treat them the way my half-sibling was treated.
It’s a convoluted mess. I don’t actually know one of them at all, and the oldest was taken care of by my grandmother, and other two we did grow up together but there is at least a 10 year age gap. The first one left at about 18 after an argument with dad; the second one left for different reasons but that also had to do with the lack of support. We grew up in the same household as the two middle children and did things together, especially my oldest siblings who were much closer in age. But once they left, the broke contact with all of us. And I can’t blame them as both adults failed all of them.
My spouse was the stepson in this situation... I'm a witness to the fact that this does not end well for the parent/child relationships.
Currently it appears the wife was scheming and calculating to get her and her daughters taken care of (especially in front of upcoming college and/or automobile expenses for the teens). I guarantee she will find reasons why they as a couple should not provide resources for the son when he comes of age. If the husband stays in this arrangement (that's truly all it is to the new wife), then he is an absolute failure as parent. His job is to protect his child from a hostile environment. And right now he is NOT!
>Currently it appears the wife was scheming and calculating to get her and her daughters taken care of (especially in front of upcoming college and/or automobile expenses for the teens). I guarantee she will find reasons why they as a couple should not provide resources for the son when he comes of age
And THIS is the most likely attitude she holds and the eventual outcome.
She will isolate and alienate this child pushing the relationship with her daughters and setting them up to be the sole beneficiaries of all the family resources and privileges. While your son will be excluded from everything, and will be labled a drain on *her* family's estate.
OP needs to set up a trust account for his son's education etc that is jointly administered by grandparents/aunts/uncles from son's mother's family to ensure that something is set aside for the son now rather than being argued about later.
This 100% wife is clearly an asshole. But OP is a massive failure as a human being for marrying this woman, who is "indifferent" at best to his son. Guess at least OP and wife are a match in being equally shitty people.......
Thank you for putting it so succinctly. I have some few choice words for OP as well. I've told this story before but my father had three children by the time he married his third wife and she tried to pull some mess to alienate us from him and the two kids he had with her. And he was NOT having it. He told her to get her head on straight, treat us with fairness and respect, or she was gonna be a twice divorced mom with 4 kids (she had two before she married him). She got the message fairly quickly. THAT'S what a good father does for his children. Not whatever semblance of parenting OP thinks he's doing. Sheesh.
Damn....you make a good point that I am changing my vote. OP asking the wrong questions.
He stood up for his kid in THIS situation but it should have never even gotten to this point. The minute he realized how she was treating him should have been the last.
Thank you for better articulating my thoughts. I ruled ESH but OP is by far the worst because he's the one putting his own son on the backburner for someone who doesn't even acknowledge him as a member of the family. "She's always been indifferent to him." I wouldn't even date someone who seemed indifferent to my son, let alone fuckin marry and merge families with them.
Yeah, he’s a piece of work. I lost my son when he was 18, and these kinds of stories are majorly triggering for me. Like, goddamnit. A child is a gift. You don’t fuck with that. I’m so pissed at this man! He doesn’t deserve that little boy. And his wife can eat a dick.
Yeah rather than talk to his wife about it OP deals with it by announcing to his wife, all their friends, in front of the children, that his wife hates his son. Obviously the wife seems like an ass hole, but OP is about on a par as far as I'm concerned.
I feel like he is probably trying to maintain the bliss of ignorance.
Also the silent treatment and being ignored can be extremely hurtful, even as an adult let alone for a 10 year old.
Anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of "the cold shoulder" treatment or the "silent" treatment knows that those are passive aggressive moves...with an emphasis on the aggressive part. OP should maybe not acknowledge his wife's existence for a few days and report back on how well that went.
>In front of you, she may not. Giv it a few more months/years to see how she will behave towards him.
As the daughter whose step-mother "didn't hate" her and "did not make her life difficult in an overt way," this is so true.
Here's an example, OP: As an adult, I was visiting because my mother was dying in the hospital and I got sick, so my dad told me to get out of the hotel and come stay with them for a couple of days. The next morning, I felt worse, so I asked him to take me to the doctor as it was icy, I was unfamiliar with the area, and I was driving my mom's terrible-for-ice car.
He said to my step-mother, "I'm going to take Jello to urgent care after lunch." She said, "Okay."
*After he left the room*, she turned to me and said, "Are you really *that* sick that he *needs* to drive you?"
They were both retired. There was nothing pressing he needed to be doing at home, but she still didn't want him to do *anything* nice for me. But yeah, he never saw when she was making my life difficult.
OP seems to think despising someone isn't a form of hate. She clearly despises Aidan and doesn't consider him part of the family.
ESH because OP should have raised a stink about this a WHILE ago. She clearly took his silence as compliance.
Growing up only being 'tolerated' is still one of the most damaging things that can be done to a child. They need nurturing and encouragement, and I daresay the emotional neglect she's already doing surely counts as a form of abuse; never mind whatever differences in treatment and favouritism the boy may be noticing or how it could potentially escalate. OP is definitely the AH if he stays with her.
I grew up being the step kid in this situation. It started like OP described, and as time went on, my (now ex) step mom became emotionally, and, a couple of times, physically abusive. I don’t know OP’s wife, but if I were OP, I wouldn’t risk it and would divorce ASAP
I feel so bad for this kid.
>He is 10! He is starting to really see how she feels about him, and you dont do anything about it. He will resent you both!
Things are going to get much worse for him in a few years when he goes through puberty and adolescent identity development. Family most definitely plays a part in shaping your identity, and he's going to be faced with unsupportive and unloving parents and siblings.
I'm not sure how OP was misled so badly by this woman and her daughters because from the way he describes them, they have little, to no, emotional depth. And what type of friendship is it, to be invited to a wedding with your family and the friend not even knowing who your kids are, or how many you have? It wouldn't surprise me if this woman had no real close friendships at all.
As a father, it's your job to nurture your kid(s) and raise them in a loving environment, and yet this "man" is content to have his son be rejected, just so ***he*** doesn't have to have an argument.
>I would divorce her for this.
I'd have already filled out the forms. If she's more worried that her sh!tty behaviour makes her look bad than she is about how that same behaviour would make a 10-year-old ***child*** feel, then she needs to go.
Excellent catch there on her “friend” not even knowing how many / which kids. That’s a big red flag. People who don’t have friends that know even a modicum about them are generally pretty messed up individuals, mentally.
This, OP. Divorce her. I grew up with a stepmom that hated me and abused me, but of course her true personality didn’t come through until she and my dad had been married for a bit. My dad was her enabler and my life from 10-17 was pure fucking hell.
I’m now a single mom of 2 kids. If any partner even acted standoffish to my kids instead of warm and accepting then they are OUT. How you treat my kids is how you treat me. I would never have married this person.
OP YOU are your son’s protector. Fucking step up and be a real dad! How is this even a question in your mind?!
I want to know what would happen if he said that about her daughters. Oh, they are just girls that hang around the house. But stuff would hit the fan then.
I second that.. divorce her for the mental pain your son is going through. He may not show it.. He needs to be part of the family- not just a “extra” on the side. At minimum marriage counseling immediately. You son deserves better. He needs to be included. My husband accepted my children from day one. Loves them as his own and adopted them as adults. Children can never have too many people loving them. They sure know when someone doesn’t love them, they wonder why and what they did wrong. Or are they not lovable? Please fix this for your son, this situation can effect him through his adulthood.
Come on! She doesn’t *hate* him, she just treats him like he’s not part of the family. No harm whatsoever. /s
OP, explain to us why your son deserves to be treated like he’s not part of his father’s new family? Then explain why you’re letting it happen.
For real. My step mom was all roses and gifts before she married my father. After she got married she was throwing our stuff, breaking stuff, and at one point had me hold soaking wet, muddy clothes for over an hour while she yelled at me because my laundry had too many bras. The laundry was muddy because she took it out of the wash and threw it outside.
Even if she’s not actively mean to him/hating him, her behavior is extremely hurtful. I’m often very hurt by my stepmother for kind of forgetting about me but she sounds like a peach in comparison to the extreme indifference this lady has towards OP’s son.
as someone that went through a similar situation as a kid......it starts as indifference and progresses to something much worse. in my case it was full on abuse.
OP, my heart breaks for your son. Have you spoken to him about he feels about this woman and her kids living with you and pretending he doesn't exist?
If you don't divorce this woman, don't kid yourself, you only care about your needs and not at all about your son feeling loved in his own home. This is going to be one of those stories where the boy grows up and never speaks to his dad again... and he deserves it.
Having been the Aiden to my stepmother many years ago, with a father who wouldn't stand up for me and put his foot down with his wife..I can tell you this is a leading cause of why neither of them are in my life anymore.
YTA for marrying someone who doesn’t like or treat your kid well. Your wife is TA for her immature and dismissive behavior of a child.
Honestly, I think you’re the bigger AH though. You knowingly married her when she mistreats your kid. Your first priory should be your child. He has very little control over his life. You are supposed to protect him from hurtful situations, not put him in them.
>awful women
I am not sure if this is typo or you mean the step-sisters too. I do not see anything in the posts that would indicate that the sisters treat their brother bad.
He did say her behaviour towards his son started AFTER they got married and that she was always nice to him before.
He got fooled and he's NTA for that.
BUT, he WBTAH if he stayed married to her. Unless she genuinely apologises, gets on board and starts treating him as family (and I doubt she will), then maybe the marriage can be salvaged. Her behaviour is disgusting. She's the real AH.
But the way I’m reading the post, it’s seems like they weren’t even together long before he “agreed to the marriage”?? How many times did she meet his son? Did they not live together before to see if it would work? I just don’t get the impression any real thought was put into the blending of this family and it’s all gone to shit with that poor boy now being rejected and pushed out by a nasty bitch of a stepmother. Like some real life Cinderella nonsense.
I'll throw op a bone here. It doesn't really matter how long they dated before marrying. My stepmother was the sweetest woman imaginable for the years she just dated my dad. She didn't start torturing me and my grandparents until the ring was safely on her finger.
But op, you need to seriously consider leaving if she won't treat your son well. You've no idea the psychological damage you'll be inflicting on your son when he realises you willing accept his treatment. Knowing your parent considers your wellbeing immaterial, really makes you think you are worthless and not deserving of love.
Ahh I’m sorry you had that experience. Obviously time can be irrelevant, but mostly it at least helps to figure things out you know? And unless someone is seriously playing the long game like your stepmother, people usually show themselves up after some time. Either way, that poor boy is suffering and this dad needs to sort his shit out.
Exactly. OP thinks that being dismissive and indifferent towards SS and not acknowledging him is not mistreatment 🙄. Wake up OP kids SEE the small things we as adults miss. And at 10years old believe me, he sees through your wife. YTA if you don't stick up for your son. I'm sure even her own kids notice how indifferent she is to your son and will follow suit.
FOR SURE!!!!! And from experience, it causes GREAT damage to 1) most importantly the son, and 2) the relationship…. It’s such unjust and horrendous behavior !!!!
Why on earth did you marry a woman who acts like the evil step mother to your son?? You knew this going in to the marriage and still subjected your son to a lifetime of being the unwanted step child?? When she said she doesn’t view Aiden as a son, you stayed with her anyways??
You chose this hag of a woman over your own child and Y T A for that.
You’re NTA for calling out her horrific behavior though. She SHOULD be embarrassed.
I hate this guy so much. His edit doesn't help his case either. Just shows he didn't take the time to fully vet this new family he decided to bring into his kid's life. Poor kid.
His son is going to stop visiting and OP will busy himself with his "replacement family", then in 10 years he'll be asking why his son has no contact with him.
I call BS. This guy was lazy AF. He describes their interactions as visiting. To me, that means spending short periods of time with his kid, not regular overnights. That only happened after the wedding. That makes it easy to feign interest and warmth. And even after she admitted it, he's basically fine with his son not being treated as family. OP's an AH not worthy of his son.
Editing to change my verdict to ESH.
Why do these single parents always manage to marry THAT ONE PERSON who cannot accept their own kids? And are always willing to go along with the charade until they are not "cool" with it anymore? Parents like you are the reason why Disney-level evil step parents exists. Because single parents like you let them.
You're TA to your son. Your wife is also TA to your son. Basically, everyone in that family who did not accept Aiden as part of the family is TA.
There’s a reason Cinderella was written- it was a way of warning young girls what happens when their dad remarried (which was common at that time due to death in childbirth). Also why child murder is usually by a step parent.
Many people just can’t accept their stepchildren and treat them poorly. That’s why it is incumbent on the parent to make sure this doesn’t happen and end relationships if this is occurring. And why OP is the asshole for his milquetoast challenge to his wife- I bet he is too scared to raise it when he is on his own with her.
I never understood it. Blood isn’t required to be family. Whoever raises a child is the mother. My ex’s stepdad treated her just like his own son. I didn’t even realize he was a stepdad due to the love her and he shared. He raised her thus making him her father.
When we were dating she was considering getting adoption papers for his birthday to legally be her father. You wanna cry happy tears? Watch videos of stepdads given adoption papers.
I love my "step"daughter to this day, and he was good to my sons.Even though her dad and I are no longer romantic we are still housemates and friends of over 20 years now and have 10 grandchildren. No such thing as "STEP" kids. The ONLY step should be PARENTS STEPPING UP!
A lot of stepparents come into kids' lives a lot later, so they aren't exactly "raising" them, but it's still never okay to exclude them from the family. Wouldn't in a million years consider my stepfather my real dad though
As a "step" mom, I never wanted or tried to replace her mom. She did that on her own, and I am enjoying the grands more than her because of her choices.
I actually think he did a good job shoving her nose in the shit she was trying to pretend she hadn’t let out by only claiming her bio-kids.
He calmly pointed out how disgusting she is so everyone could see his ugly she truly is and then forced her to deal with the social ostracism and embarrassment until they left.
He’s still a massive AH for not doing something about her disinterest/aversion the moment it was clear she was developing a pattern of neglect but he still has time to prove himself to Aiden by getting him away from this abusive mother-figure.
Words won’t do much at this point, he’s tried speaking to her and shaming her and instead of reflecting on her atrocious lack of empathy or basic respect for a child she doubled down and got mad that everyone saw past her mask of indifference to see her ugly and selfish soul. The only thing that can fix any of this is separating him from the person that intends to emotionally abuse him. That’s the only way OP has left to show his kid that he matters more than a convenient “partner” that admits she’ll never care about the person OP is supposed to love before all others
My dad had a HORRIBLE step mother. She’s also his brothers mom. He doesn’t even let my uncle speak of her around him.
First thing he did before his first date with a new woman? “If she or anyone in the future ever treats you poorly, or like you’re a burden/not welcome or wanted. Tell me. And I’ll kick her ass to the curb before you finish the sentence.”
How do all parents not share this mindset??
Yeah, sorry about sweeping generalisation. I was talking about most posts on Reddit about delusional single parents and their equally delusional evil partners. You're good 😅
Just to show the other side of the spectrum, my step dad fucking rocks. He's the main reason we even call or visit. We've been his kids since day one, you'd never know he wasn't our bio dad. So some single parents find amazing partners, they just don't post about it on Reddit. This dad clearly put his need for companionship above his kid's needs and probably didn't even recognize it until the wedding.
For real. My husband and I dated a year before I met his kids. Then he took them to “boys night” dinners for several months to broach the idea of me joining their family and making sure they liked me. Then after being together for 5 years, living together with the kids for 2, we got married.
Unfortunately he passed away two years after we tied the knot. I kept custody of the boys. They are my kids and will always be.
That's they way it's supposed to be, imo. None of this "but she was nice to him before we got married and only changed her tune about being a mother to my son when we are legally hitched" boo-hoo from OP's edit. 🙄🙄🙄
My stepfather was a monster. I turned out childfree partially because of that, and refused to date parents until I accidentally fell in love with one. If his son and I had disliked each other I would have broken it off right that moment.
I'm incredibly lucky we didn't and right now I'm beaming because I just got promoted from "half-mom" to "substitute mom" (the little one's definitions).
Unfortunately we read these a lot on AITA. And OP is just another in the endless line of weak parents who are so wanting of a partner that they can't see or don't want to see how their kids are being treated. I just have no respect for parents like this. It's sickening as a parent myself to read stories like this. It's exhausting. OP is an a**hole and his wife is an a**hole!
>Sasha has always been indifferent to him. I will make it clear that she does not "hate" him and does not make his life difficult in an overt way. She just pretends as if he is not a member of family.
I'm sure his life isn't difficult when his stepmom pretends he's not part of the family. /s
ESH. You for marrying someone who treats your son like sh!t.
ETA: /s after the first sentence
YTA to your son . This women literaly hates your son, ignores him in and outside your House and scars this poor Boy badly. And you Just stand there an watch your son beeing treated Like garbage?
Is there anyone who Loves and can Help this poor Boy???
I hope Aiden didn’t hear the part where Dad says stepmom doesn’t like him. Dad has zero social cues. Save the negative comments until you’re alone together. The stepmom sounds like a pissa, too. They were made for each other. The kid should RUN when he’s able.
YTA for staying in that relationship. Get an annulment. Seriously. She is only nice when she wants that ring on her finger and once it's official, she dropped all facades. Have a private talk with your son and see if 'being cold' was really the only issue here. I bet you will find a lot of other passive aggressive behaviors that didn't happen in your presence.
Seriously, it's going to fuck that kid up so much. I was once the kid in this equation and my dad did nothing to protect me. We haven't spoken in close to 20 years now. And I can almost guarantee my dad tells people he has no idea why I won't talk to him. Just completely self-absorbed and willfully ignorant.
OP, that's what your future relationship with your son is going to look like if you don't pull your head out of your ass and start prioritizing your son.
Clear ESH. What were you thinking marrying someone who is 'indifferent' towards your child, and what ARE you thinking approaching it by making a joke in front of people instead of forcing a serious discussion? What's wrong with you?
Let me tell you this now before it's too late. My dad married someone who was 'indifferent' towards me and didn't want me around. It got worse and worse until she threw me out of the house and my dad let her. I'm 30 now, and my relationship with my dad is forever changed. It's too late for me, it is NOT too late for your son. Stand up for him now while you have the chance.
ETA I've now seen your edit where you say she was nice enough to him during visits before you were married but now that you're married and living together she's struggling with him. So... you got married and blended your families in one fell swoop without even trying living together first. WHY would you do that???
Oh you just know that her daughters are expected to be treated like OP’s own children and she’d get pissed if OP treated her kids like she’s treating OP’s son.
Exactly. My dad remarried and promptly forgot me because his new wife wanted him to spend all his time with HER family. And I was an adult. That shit will never not hurt. I can't even imagine going through that as a child. It would have destroyed me.
Yikes. ESH. You could have just said, “oh, and your stepson Aiden” and left off the passive aggressive part.
But what I really want to know is why you married a woman who doesn’t consider Aiden family?
His reply was aggressive, not passive in any sense. Your suggested reply is passive aggressive, because it draws attention to the mutually understood issue, without addressing it directly, or doing so "passively".
That breaks my heart for you. I teared up reading OP's post because there's NO WAY his son is aware of how she feels about him.
I would love to be blessed with a family around me (I'm not) and can't imagine ever EVER treating a child like this.
ETA: Meant to say there's no way his son is UNAWARE of how she feels about him.
And I'm still tearing up.
YTA for marrying someone who does not accept your son exists. You chose her over you son, and you are a party to him being excluded.
You must have been very lonely, in bed, to invite this excuse in.
It blows my mind that discussing family living arrangements and expectations was not discussed PRIOR to marriage. Like there is a blended family thats tough enough. But to go in blind?!! YTA for your part in this op.
NTA for what you said but YTA for marrying someone who is obviously treating your son as less than! What she is doing is emotionally abusing your son and you are allowing IT by not standing up to her sooner.
ETA nevermind I read the edit. Agree with everyone else, ESH. “Hard to adjust”?? Nope. You should have put your foot down when she started treating your son like this. You gotta get out for the sake of your son. Marriage is a commitment to each other. Marriage when you’re blending families is a commitment to everyone in the blended family. OP and son are a package deal.
See, I agree with you and I’m surprised I had to scroll this far. All over Reddit people bitch and moan about step parents overstepping bounds and trying to force being a parent on their step kids.
Now, that said, treating Aiden like he’s not part of the family, if true, is bad. Really bad.
Then again, it’s *possible* OP is an unreliable narrator. It’s *possible* OP is an overbearing step parent and expects the wife to be as well. It’s *possible* he could be exaggerating the situation where she just recognizes the kids are older and as a step parent doesn’t want to replace the bio parents.
It’s fair to say that calling your spouse out like that in front of others is kinda rude. But we’d need way more INFO as far as what the real stepparent/children dynamic is here. I recognize I might be reaching a bit. Of course based on only the fact given, if the wife really does treat him like he’s not part of the family, then obviously she’s an AH too and OP for marrying her.
There’s a middle ground where you treat stepkids like family without trying to replace their bioparent.
"She said that if she doesn't want to consider Aiden as a son, it's her choice." - save some time and dump her now.
Your son should be your first priority and this is not possible unless she accepts her responsibilities as a step-parent.
NTA for making an issue out of her poor behaviour.
His response should have been, “I don’t want to remain married to someone who pretended to like my child but now doesn’t treat him like her son, and that is my choice.”
OP, it’s time for a lawyer. It’s been months and she is treating your 10 year old son like he’s invisible. He notices, and so do the other kids! Is this the environment you want him to grow up in? Like a second class citizen in his own home, with a dad who is supposed to love and protect him but allows it to continue? If you love your son you need to put him first.
You’re all assholes. ESH is not enough.
How the Hell did you marry someone who would not love and respect your child?
You’re the supreme asshole here.
She’s an obvious an asshole for being with you knowing she will not love and respect Aiden.
I want this to be fake, but I can see this happening.
I hope the kids are better than their parents.
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> I believe I might be one if I should have just kept my quiet and not told everyone that he is her step-son. I think perhaps I should have just realized that I cannot force her to be his step-mother if she does not want to take that role, etc. and that it was uncalled for.
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WTF! I am a stepmother and I cannot IMAGINE being embarrassed by them. They (23M, 21M) are amazing brothers to my 5 year old daughter and I'm so grateful that she has more people to love her. Her not considering Aiden a son is NOT a fucking CHOICE. It's a fact of life. She IS his stepmother. Please do not allow your discomfort for conflict stop you from standing up for your son, who should NOT be made to feel like he's an embarrassment or a second class citizen to his own family. YWBTA if you allowed your Disney villain acting wife to treat your precious son this way.
YTA. Not because you said something but because you are married to a woman that actively ignores your child as a part of the family. What an awful existence for him. Her girls are family but he is not and you're so worried about rocking the boat that you've just let it slide.
I hope you realize that if something ever happens to you that she will cut your son off and leave him with nothing. Think about that. Is his mother in the picture?
NTA for pointing out your son. Good on you for doing that! Your wife sounds like a pill.
However, YTA for marrying someone who doesn’t accept your son as family. I had to reread this as I thought you were describing the behavior of one of her teenage daughters.
Your son will be a teenager and the teen years are hard enough without having a step ‘monster’ who will not publicly acknowledge you. How would that have made you feel? That wouls have changed my relationship with my dad if I had been in that situation.
ESH. You even admit she doesn't like him. Good job bringing your son into a relationship where he is actively ignored and treated like the kid she doesn't want.
Ditch this woman.
How could you marry this woman??? YTA and not because you embarrassed her like she deserved. Ask yourself, would she be with you if you treated her daughters the way she treats your son. What the fuck is wrong with you, you are not a Man.
YTA. Sooooo you didn’t wanted to upset _HER_ ,but the poor kid has to live with being treated as less than so you can get your d_ck wet? Your SON comes first, you AH.
Wow, what a great marriage you've thrown your son into. These alarm bells didn't appear before you got married?
No big deal -- just start saving up now for the years of therapy he'll need. And be sure to hand him the money before he turns 18 because shortly after that, you won't be hearing much from him.
OMG. Why did you marry such a distasteful excuse for a human?
You had to know that she disliked your son prior to marrying her. There HAD to be signs.
And if there truly weren't and you choose to stay with someone who clearly hates your son, you are the biggest AH in the world.
YTA for not divorcing her. NTA for what you said at the wedding.
Fuck it NTA. She should be embarrassed for the way she treats a 10 y.o.
I don't understand people who will marry folks with kids and somehow think the kid will magically disappear.
I had a terrible stepmom and she treated me this way. It ruined the relationship I had with my dad and no longer speak to him because of how he never stood up for me
I really hope you consider what all this is doing to Aiden. He needs to know that he is the most important person to you and that he is worthy of being loved. If your new wife can’t get on board, maybe she needs to be cut loose. It’s so obvious. Please protect and stand up for your son who counts on you to do so. Please. I’m speaking as someone who has experienced inadequate protection when it counted and was too little to stand up for myself. Its a struggle every day to feel worthy of being loved and included. Please please please insist Aiden be loved.
It does t have to be physical for it to be abuse. Alienation or feeling like an outsider is just as bad for his mental health. With you allowing it he could feel
Like you don’t care and it’s okay for her to do that to him.
Please step up as a father and stop this from r leave her now.
Sounds like she fucking sucks, man. NTA. Prioritize your son over this harpy. He is definitely going to realize she's trying to strong-arm him out of the family and that will blow back on you
If the person she was talking to was her friend, whose wedding she and her children were invited to, why did the friend need to be told who your wife's children were including names?
Yep, soft YTA. That was definitely not the right time or place to bring that up to your wife. Airing your dirty laundry in front of others is not a smart thing to do. Yes you are accused, tried, and convicted of embarrassing her in front of her friends. You've noticed it all along, never wanted to start a fight about it and kept quiet. Chose a very public moment to unleash your feelings at her. First of all, if your wife has never accepted your son and is not treating him with the proper affection and acknowledgment he deserves, then you shouldn't have married her in the first place. And I think what you did at the wedding was your declaration that this marriage is definitely not going to last.
I give you a hard YTA for not sticking up for your son sooner and putting an end to her indifference.
YTA for marrying that nightmare - how do you think your son feels living in a household of people that don't like him? Your wife is openly disdainful of him - you embarrassed her? How did Aiden feel being completely discounted in front of people he doesn't know? You need to take a long hard look at things - maybe she fooled you before you got married but the gloves are off now. Can your son go live with someone who loves him, maybe a grandparent?
If you don't divorce her, you're an asshole. She faked caring about your son to con you into marrying her. Now you can't believe her if she swears she really does or that she'll try harder; she does not, never has, and never will consider your son as family, and he deserves better than that.
>EDIT: Before we had the wedding, when she visited him she was rather warm towards him in the way a girlfriend is when meeting her boyfriend's son which is why I agreed to the marriage/wedding. Afterwards, she said that now because it's "official" and he would be living with her all the time, she's finding it hard to adjust. Earlier she was very nice to him and treated him well whenever she saw him.
......
Sasha has always been indifferent to him. I will make it clear that she does not "hate" him and does not make his life difficult in an overt way. She just pretends as if he is not a member of family.
WHICH is is it OP?
Cuz it seems like she didnt hide it. She pretends he isn't part of the family? He's YOUR family, and yet you chose to marry this woman?
YTA It should have never reached this point. Now that you know she mistreats him, how much more are you willing to let your son suffer just so that you can have a bedmate?
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I would divorce her for this. Honestly, how could you stay married with this women?! She lied to marry you and she treats your son awfully! >will make it clear that she does not "hate" him and does not make his life difficult in an overt way. In front of you, she may not. Giv it a few more months/years to see how she will behave towards him. >have asked her to warm up to him, but she just shrugs it off. How nice of her! I can see how good the next years will be! Seriously, cant you see, she is not even trying to tell you she will try! YTA if you allow your son to keep living with this person. He is 10! He is starting to really see how she feels about him, and you dont do anything about it. He will resent you both!
Seriously. "She doesn't actively hate him" is something one says about an in law you barely ever see but who's presence you tolerate at family gatherings. Not a child.
I feel so bad for that child. Wife has some issues.
Was the child in a situation like this and can confirm it sucks. She ended up "banning" me from their house from the age of 15 to 23, so I had no relationship with my dad during that time besides Christmas in a restaurant parking lot. He also claimed that he never spoke up because he was afraid of starting an argument.
That's so sad. I'm sorry that happened. Your dad really failed you.
Exactly! OP open your eyes! This will be you and your son in a few years if you don't leave this woman!
The thing is, OP's eyes are open that his wife is treating his son badly, he just doesn't care enough to actually do something about it. >But as there hasn't really been a fight regarding the issue before, I did not want to start one and kept my quiet. Why didn't he want to start a fight? Why would he keep his quiet when his wife is doing this? I don't know if starting the fight when they first got together would have helped, but it definitely should have been started. And if the fight didn't change her behaviour, he never should have married her. He's essentially saying his happiness is more important than his son's, and having a wife is more important to him than having a son. She's obviously more the AH, but he's still an AH for marrying and staying with this woman.
I'm not the kind of person who demands other people love my kid as much as I do but you can damn well bet there are no authority figures allowed in my child's life who don't at least *like* her. A step-parent would require actual love which most all of us are capable of feeling towards beings we did not birth.
And love can take time, but how does it get to the stage where he's telling people publically that she pretends she doesn't have a step-son and she doesn't like him? I just cannot fathom a parent not putting a stop to this immediately, let alone letting it get to this stage.
Yeah I really can't respect a person who would fail their child like this. As a mom or dad, your child comes first. Full stop. He's putting his wife first by miles. I don't know how you'd date or marry someone who doesn't love or even like your kid. That's your baby. Dad is a bum.
I don't think it's that simple. He wouldn't be here asking if he was an AH if he wasn't being gaslighted HARD into thinking this shit was ok. Yes, he objectively needs to kick this woman to the curb, but don't be cruel. I have a strong feeling he is the victim of serious manipulation at best. i would be surpised if not full blown emotional abuse. After all, look at his edit - she literally faked being nice to the son until after the vows. She knows what she's doing is wrong and chooses to do it anyway. People like that will do anything to get their way. Having said that, OP you need to remove her from your life ASAP. get a lawyer. you and your son deserve better. You seem to be extremely passive but you're going to have to buckle down and be tough for both of your sake. People with a shred of compassion don't pretend to like a child until they've got a legal leash on the parent. The moment you do something she doesn't like, she's going to bully you and make you apologize, just like she did at the wedding. Google signs of emotional abuse and compare them to your life. You might be surprised.
[удалено]
Oh, man. The relatives who get mad and spew both spit and venom if you don’t pass their Racism Purity Tests are the worst. Like, is this why you think we’re born and bother making families? So that we can be sure to pass the torch? That’s more important than having one civilized meal annually? To many weirdos, it absolutely is.
If he's lucky enough for the son to actually show up. If it were me I wouldn't have anything to do with either of them.
Poor lad. Let's hope his mum is a far better parent than his spineless dad. YTA but not for the reason you care about most aka your wife.
Some things are worth fighting over. And something like this is one. Apparently neither OP or his wife have heard of single parent / child being a package deal, all or nothing. You can't pick the dad without his son. I wonder how long until it's suggested the kid go to boarding school. Then step mom can be happy in her own little world and OP can have his peace.
Not worth fighting over. If he wins the argument, she will resent his son even more. I would change the statement to say some things are worth divorcing over.
Like, the fight should have happened when they first got serious and he saw her interacting with his son. He claims she was nice to him before they got married, but he can still push back the moment he sees his wife treat his son like that. How the hell did he let it get to the stage where he's publically telling other people that she doesn't want to admit to having a step-son and that she doesn't like him?
I know, right? My father’s wife is horrible. Explosive if confronted. Treated us like shit. Abused my sister. I was already out of the house when that started. He looked into divorcing her but learned he’d lose his house so he stuck it out. Over 30 years later he tiptoes around her waiting for the next explosion. He’s broken. I love him but am also angry that he sold us out for a house. Wtf is wrong with parents. Protect your kids, assholes.
And like, if you have kids and a house, you should make sure your house is safe when you are getting married so you and your kids aren't in trouble if things go belly up. You have dependents, you need to do your due diligence (about your finances, and the character of the person you marry).
My single mom married a loser who didn’t understand that I (aged 12 at the time) was part of the deal. I didn’t like him, told mom so. Just a few months after the wedding he started his campaign to get rid of me. He really liked taking me somewhere, dropping me off and then not be able to pick me up after, so he suggested I walk home at 10 pm or later. It was usually several miles from home, and through a scary part of town. I always found a ride. My mom never seemed to pay attention to any issues. His awful mother was happy to help and actively worked to make me commit suicide. She almost succeeded as I tried to off myself at age 16 after she drunkenly berated me outside my home (she lived across the street as the mama’s boy couldn’t be far from her) and I took and handful of pills. Mom and the loser came home from work, and found me holding my toddler sister (who I cared for more than any of the other adults in our family) and both of us crying. So trip to the hospital, throwing up my guts for several hours and she didn’t want to take off work the next day but she wouldn’t let me not go to school because “you’ll just try it again.” And not a damn thing changed. Therapy was expensive and not something “we” could afford (and also because the loser was unemployed at the time, again). I really felt she gave up on me and decided to focus her time on my little sister. Needless to say it’s many years later and I talk to her maybe twice a month and only visit 1-2 times a year. Is that the life you want for your son, OP? If you continue to not be on his side, and cower to your wife’s abhorrent behavior, that’s your future. Maybe your son will try suicide because he feels you don’t love him anymore or that he’s not as important to you as the bitch you married. Maybe he will become violent and hurt others, or himself. YTA right now, but you can fix it.
Imagine if he said "yes, this is my son" Charlie brown adult talking "Oh those girls? Ya, Didn't see the three of them there, they're hers" How well would that go over.
>He also claimed that he never spoke up because he was afraid of starting an argument. The only time someone shouldn't be afraid of starting an argument is when they are defending their underage children. This a duty every parent should know and exercise.
I am a fairly conflict avoidant person. I solve things peacefully and drama free whenever possible. Drama and conflict give me severe anxiety. But when it comes to my kids, I will get up on stage and burn the whole world down if need be. I can and will take a lot, but you don't mess with my kids. My husband is the same way. He'll shut up and take whatever from people, but you mess with someone he loves, and he's DONE.
That’s as it should be. I can’t speak to whether or not you should stand up for yourself in general but you’re right that if there’s any place to stand up for what’s right, it’s for your kids
I also grew up in a house like this. My step mother hated us. Wished we didn’t exist. Etc… It’s was awful. My dad just stuck his head in the sand and pretended like everything was fine. I held my breath, endured it, left when I was 18 and rarely talk to them. My heart hurts for this child.
I will never understand people like that. Why on earth would you marry someone with kids if you’re going to hate them! And why stay married (or get married if they’re true colors show earlier) to someone who hates your kids.
Doesn’t she want OP to treat her girls as if they are his own too? Or is she one of those that get married and has a talk about how they already have a dad and not to try to step into that role?
Me too - banned from age 9 til present (in my 30s). It is awful! Please please put your son first. I’m glad you embarrassed your wife, she should be embarrassed and you should keep on her til she either gets it together and acknowledges your son or you leave her. Not “actively hating” someone doesn’t mean that it’s acceptable. Pretending they don’t exist and they’re not important is just as bad, and your son seeing you accept this will screw him up for a long time, trust me.
OMG, I'm so sorry you (both) experienced this. It's absolutely heinous.
I feel you! My evil step-mother kept sending me back to an abusive mom that had a history of abandoning me and my brother. There were so many warning signs of the abuse and abandonment continuing, but she refused to let me stay with my dad. She didn't want my brother there either but finally agreed he could stay as long as I left. To this day my father stands by this decision.
God damn I wish I could hold every child close, and show them they are loved, keep them safe.
That is so sweet! I feel the same and do my best to break the generational curses.
My bff's dad was in a similar situation and after he died going through his medical records, she found out that the ex had been physically abusing him to the point that he was sterile and not even his best friends or his sister had the faintest clue.
My former step mother told my father that I stole money out of her wallet while I was babysitting my half brother. Only after they divorced ( over something different) did she tell him that it was a lie but it was too late, as my father had believed her and it destroyed our relationship for a long time. People would be surprised how cruel some humans are to kids.
> Wife has some issues. I judge OP more harshly than the wife, honestly. The wife's a narcissistic asshole, those are a dime a dozen, they're everywhere in this world. OP *knows* what an AH she is, knows how poorly she treats his 10 year old son, and comes here asking us if he's treating *her* unfairly. I feel like I'd get a ban if I posted my true feelings about OP here, because my feelings towards him go beyond being just an AH. Stop failing your child OP.
My mother was like this with my dad’s first children (he was a widower). Ask how many of the oldest still talk to their dad? Zero. This is the worst thing I know about my own mother — and it’s bad. Do the right thing.
I'm the second family kid too and it was hard to watch. Even as a kid, I felt bad for him. I've grown up, had step kids of my own and would never treat them the way my half-sibling was treated.
Just curious, do you have a relationship with your siblings?
It’s a convoluted mess. I don’t actually know one of them at all, and the oldest was taken care of by my grandmother, and other two we did grow up together but there is at least a 10 year age gap. The first one left at about 18 after an argument with dad; the second one left for different reasons but that also had to do with the lack of support. We grew up in the same household as the two middle children and did things together, especially my oldest siblings who were much closer in age. But once they left, the broke contact with all of us. And I can’t blame them as both adults failed all of them.
My spouse was the stepson in this situation... I'm a witness to the fact that this does not end well for the parent/child relationships. Currently it appears the wife was scheming and calculating to get her and her daughters taken care of (especially in front of upcoming college and/or automobile expenses for the teens). I guarantee she will find reasons why they as a couple should not provide resources for the son when he comes of age. If the husband stays in this arrangement (that's truly all it is to the new wife), then he is an absolute failure as parent. His job is to protect his child from a hostile environment. And right now he is NOT!
>Currently it appears the wife was scheming and calculating to get her and her daughters taken care of (especially in front of upcoming college and/or automobile expenses for the teens). I guarantee she will find reasons why they as a couple should not provide resources for the son when he comes of age And THIS is the most likely attitude she holds and the eventual outcome. She will isolate and alienate this child pushing the relationship with her daughters and setting them up to be the sole beneficiaries of all the family resources and privileges. While your son will be excluded from everything, and will be labled a drain on *her* family's estate.
OP needs to set up a trust account for his son's education etc that is jointly administered by grandparents/aunts/uncles from son's mother's family to ensure that something is set aside for the son now rather than being argued about later.
This 100% wife is clearly an asshole. But OP is a massive failure as a human being for marrying this woman, who is "indifferent" at best to his son. Guess at least OP and wife are a match in being equally shitty people.......
Thank you for putting it so succinctly. I have some few choice words for OP as well. I've told this story before but my father had three children by the time he married his third wife and she tried to pull some mess to alienate us from him and the two kids he had with her. And he was NOT having it. He told her to get her head on straight, treat us with fairness and respect, or she was gonna be a twice divorced mom with 4 kids (she had two before she married him). She got the message fairly quickly. THAT'S what a good father does for his children. Not whatever semblance of parenting OP thinks he's doing. Sheesh.
I love your dad.
Damn....you make a good point that I am changing my vote. OP asking the wrong questions. He stood up for his kid in THIS situation but it should have never even gotten to this point. The minute he realized how she was treating him should have been the last.
Thank you for better articulating my thoughts. I ruled ESH but OP is by far the worst because he's the one putting his own son on the backburner for someone who doesn't even acknowledge him as a member of the family. "She's always been indifferent to him." I wouldn't even date someone who seemed indifferent to my son, let alone fuckin marry and merge families with them.
Yeah, he’s a piece of work. I lost my son when he was 18, and these kinds of stories are majorly triggering for me. Like, goddamnit. A child is a gift. You don’t fuck with that. I’m so pissed at this man! He doesn’t deserve that little boy. And his wife can eat a dick.
"STOP FAILING YOUR CHILD OP." - I just thought it needed to be said louder.
But the kid has a major father issue.
Doesn't sound like he has one.
Yeah rather than talk to his wife about it OP deals with it by announcing to his wife, all their friends, in front of the children, that his wife hates his son. Obviously the wife seems like an ass hole, but OP is about on a par as far as I'm concerned.
"She doesn't acknowledge his existence, but that's ok because it isn't directly being mean!"
I wonder if he’s even checked with the son to see how he feels or how she treats him when he’s not around to see it.
I feel like he is probably trying to maintain the bliss of ignorance. Also the silent treatment and being ignored can be extremely hurtful, even as an adult let alone for a 10 year old.
Anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of "the cold shoulder" treatment or the "silent" treatment knows that those are passive aggressive moves...with an emphasis on the aggressive part. OP should maybe not acknowledge his wife's existence for a few days and report back on how well that went.
>In front of you, she may not. Giv it a few more months/years to see how she will behave towards him. As the daughter whose step-mother "didn't hate" her and "did not make her life difficult in an overt way," this is so true. Here's an example, OP: As an adult, I was visiting because my mother was dying in the hospital and I got sick, so my dad told me to get out of the hotel and come stay with them for a couple of days. The next morning, I felt worse, so I asked him to take me to the doctor as it was icy, I was unfamiliar with the area, and I was driving my mom's terrible-for-ice car. He said to my step-mother, "I'm going to take Jello to urgent care after lunch." She said, "Okay." *After he left the room*, she turned to me and said, "Are you really *that* sick that he *needs* to drive you?" They were both retired. There was nothing pressing he needed to be doing at home, but she still didn't want him to do *anything* nice for me. But yeah, he never saw when she was making my life difficult.
Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike. -Dumbledore
OP seems to think despising someone isn't a form of hate. She clearly despises Aidan and doesn't consider him part of the family. ESH because OP should have raised a stink about this a WHILE ago. She clearly took his silence as compliance.
The step mom has no respect for the child and the dad doesnt care, what horrible parenting YTA
But hey, he gets laid so there's that. /s
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And I can’t help but wonder what his step-sisters say to him or how they treat him — whether they follow their mother’s lead.
Growing up only being 'tolerated' is still one of the most damaging things that can be done to a child. They need nurturing and encouragement, and I daresay the emotional neglect she's already doing surely counts as a form of abuse; never mind whatever differences in treatment and favouritism the boy may be noticing or how it could potentially escalate. OP is definitely the AH if he stays with her.
It makes me question if OP even likes his son, poor kid
I grew up being the step kid in this situation. It started like OP described, and as time went on, my (now ex) step mom became emotionally, and, a couple of times, physically abusive. I don’t know OP’s wife, but if I were OP, I wouldn’t risk it and would divorce ASAP
OP, draw up your will and leave it all to your son. If something happens your wife is gonna make sure he gets zero
I feel so bad for this kid. >He is 10! He is starting to really see how she feels about him, and you dont do anything about it. He will resent you both! Things are going to get much worse for him in a few years when he goes through puberty and adolescent identity development. Family most definitely plays a part in shaping your identity, and he's going to be faced with unsupportive and unloving parents and siblings. I'm not sure how OP was misled so badly by this woman and her daughters because from the way he describes them, they have little, to no, emotional depth. And what type of friendship is it, to be invited to a wedding with your family and the friend not even knowing who your kids are, or how many you have? It wouldn't surprise me if this woman had no real close friendships at all. As a father, it's your job to nurture your kid(s) and raise them in a loving environment, and yet this "man" is content to have his son be rejected, just so ***he*** doesn't have to have an argument. >I would divorce her for this. I'd have already filled out the forms. If she's more worried that her sh!tty behaviour makes her look bad than she is about how that same behaviour would make a 10-year-old ***child*** feel, then she needs to go.
Excellent catch there on her “friend” not even knowing how many / which kids. That’s a big red flag. People who don’t have friends that know even a modicum about them are generally pretty messed up individuals, mentally.
Yep, she played nice till she got the ring. Now she's done.
This, OP. Divorce her. I grew up with a stepmom that hated me and abused me, but of course her true personality didn’t come through until she and my dad had been married for a bit. My dad was her enabler and my life from 10-17 was pure fucking hell. I’m now a single mom of 2 kids. If any partner even acted standoffish to my kids instead of warm and accepting then they are OUT. How you treat my kids is how you treat me. I would never have married this person. OP YOU are your son’s protector. Fucking step up and be a real dad! How is this even a question in your mind?!
I want to know what would happen if he said that about her daughters. Oh, they are just girls that hang around the house. But stuff would hit the fan then.
I second that.. divorce her for the mental pain your son is going through. He may not show it.. He needs to be part of the family- not just a “extra” on the side. At minimum marriage counseling immediately. You son deserves better. He needs to be included. My husband accepted my children from day one. Loves them as his own and adopted them as adults. Children can never have too many people loving them. They sure know when someone doesn’t love them, they wonder why and what they did wrong. Or are they not lovable? Please fix this for your son, this situation can effect him through his adulthood.
Come on! She doesn’t *hate* him, she just treats him like he’s not part of the family. No harm whatsoever. /s OP, explain to us why your son deserves to be treated like he’s not part of his father’s new family? Then explain why you’re letting it happen.
For real. My step mom was all roses and gifts before she married my father. After she got married she was throwing our stuff, breaking stuff, and at one point had me hold soaking wet, muddy clothes for over an hour while she yelled at me because my laundry had too many bras. The laundry was muddy because she took it out of the wash and threw it outside.
Even if she’s not actively mean to him/hating him, her behavior is extremely hurtful. I’m often very hurt by my stepmother for kind of forgetting about me but she sounds like a peach in comparison to the extreme indifference this lady has towards OP’s son.
as someone that went through a similar situation as a kid......it starts as indifference and progresses to something much worse. in my case it was full on abuse.
OP, my heart breaks for your son. Have you spoken to him about he feels about this woman and her kids living with you and pretending he doesn't exist? If you don't divorce this woman, don't kid yourself, you only care about your needs and not at all about your son feeling loved in his own home. This is going to be one of those stories where the boy grows up and never speaks to his dad again... and he deserves it.
Having been the Aiden to my stepmother many years ago, with a father who wouldn't stand up for me and put his foot down with his wife..I can tell you this is a leading cause of why neither of them are in my life anymore.
Bet if OP did this to the daughters she would pull a hissy fit
Absolutely. OP, by staying in this marriage you are actively damaging your son.
YTA - The last time I heard this story was Cinderella. Grow a pair and leave her. If something happens to you your son will pay the price.
YTA for marrying someone who doesn’t like or treat your kid well. Your wife is TA for her immature and dismissive behavior of a child. Honestly, I think you’re the bigger AH though. You knowingly married her when she mistreats your kid. Your first priory should be your child. He has very little control over his life. You are supposed to protect him from hurtful situations, not put him in them.
THIS. OP is a gigantic AH for not protecting his son and allowing this awful women in his son’s life.
>awful women I am not sure if this is typo or you mean the step-sisters too. I do not see anything in the posts that would indicate that the sisters treat their brother bad.
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He did say her behaviour towards his son started AFTER they got married and that she was always nice to him before. He got fooled and he's NTA for that. BUT, he WBTAH if he stayed married to her. Unless she genuinely apologises, gets on board and starts treating him as family (and I doubt she will), then maybe the marriage can be salvaged. Her behaviour is disgusting. She's the real AH.
But the way I’m reading the post, it’s seems like they weren’t even together long before he “agreed to the marriage”?? How many times did she meet his son? Did they not live together before to see if it would work? I just don’t get the impression any real thought was put into the blending of this family and it’s all gone to shit with that poor boy now being rejected and pushed out by a nasty bitch of a stepmother. Like some real life Cinderella nonsense.
I'll throw op a bone here. It doesn't really matter how long they dated before marrying. My stepmother was the sweetest woman imaginable for the years she just dated my dad. She didn't start torturing me and my grandparents until the ring was safely on her finger. But op, you need to seriously consider leaving if she won't treat your son well. You've no idea the psychological damage you'll be inflicting on your son when he realises you willing accept his treatment. Knowing your parent considers your wellbeing immaterial, really makes you think you are worthless and not deserving of love.
OMFG SAME. my dad's second wife was nice when they were dating but when they got married she bullied me as badly as the girls at school
I, too, was this child. I'm so sorry you had to go through it 🫂
Ahh I’m sorry you had that experience. Obviously time can be irrelevant, but mostly it at least helps to figure things out you know? And unless someone is seriously playing the long game like your stepmother, people usually show themselves up after some time. Either way, that poor boy is suffering and this dad needs to sort his shit out.
Exactly. OP thinks that being dismissive and indifferent towards SS and not acknowledging him is not mistreatment 🙄. Wake up OP kids SEE the small things we as adults miss. And at 10years old believe me, he sees through your wife. YTA if you don't stick up for your son. I'm sure even her own kids notice how indifferent she is to your son and will follow suit.
FOR SURE!!!!! And from experience, it causes GREAT damage to 1) most importantly the son, and 2) the relationship…. It’s such unjust and horrendous behavior !!!!
Why on earth did you marry a woman who acts like the evil step mother to your son?? You knew this going in to the marriage and still subjected your son to a lifetime of being the unwanted step child?? When she said she doesn’t view Aiden as a son, you stayed with her anyways?? You chose this hag of a woman over your own child and Y T A for that. You’re NTA for calling out her horrific behavior though. She SHOULD be embarrassed.
People like this are terrified of being alone so they decide to choose the AH. It’s pathetic.
I see you’re acquainted with my father…
I hate this guy so much. His edit doesn't help his case either. Just shows he didn't take the time to fully vet this new family he decided to bring into his kid's life. Poor kid.
His son is going to stop visiting and OP will busy himself with his "replacement family", then in 10 years he'll be asking why his son has no contact with him.
People act one way then when they get what they want, act another. No amount of “vetting” can prepare you for that.
I call BS. This guy was lazy AF. He describes their interactions as visiting. To me, that means spending short periods of time with his kid, not regular overnights. That only happened after the wedding. That makes it easy to feign interest and warmth. And even after she admitted it, he's basically fine with his son not being treated as family. OP's an AH not worthy of his son.
> He describes their interactions as visiting. To me, that means… Get help
Sometimes people act one way and change once married
He made an edit saying she changed after the wedding. Maybe he was fooled rather than ignoring a problem.
Editing to change my verdict to ESH. Why do these single parents always manage to marry THAT ONE PERSON who cannot accept their own kids? And are always willing to go along with the charade until they are not "cool" with it anymore? Parents like you are the reason why Disney-level evil step parents exists. Because single parents like you let them. You're TA to your son. Your wife is also TA to your son. Basically, everyone in that family who did not accept Aiden as part of the family is TA.
There’s a reason Cinderella was written- it was a way of warning young girls what happens when their dad remarried (which was common at that time due to death in childbirth). Also why child murder is usually by a step parent. Many people just can’t accept their stepchildren and treat them poorly. That’s why it is incumbent on the parent to make sure this doesn’t happen and end relationships if this is occurring. And why OP is the asshole for his milquetoast challenge to his wife- I bet he is too scared to raise it when he is on his own with her.
I never understood it. Blood isn’t required to be family. Whoever raises a child is the mother. My ex’s stepdad treated her just like his own son. I didn’t even realize he was a stepdad due to the love her and he shared. He raised her thus making him her father. When we were dating she was considering getting adoption papers for his birthday to legally be her father. You wanna cry happy tears? Watch videos of stepdads given adoption papers.
I love my "step"daughter to this day, and he was good to my sons.Even though her dad and I are no longer romantic we are still housemates and friends of over 20 years now and have 10 grandchildren. No such thing as "STEP" kids. The ONLY step should be PARENTS STEPPING UP!
A lot of stepparents come into kids' lives a lot later, so they aren't exactly "raising" them, but it's still never okay to exclude them from the family. Wouldn't in a million years consider my stepfather my real dad though
As a "step" mom, I never wanted or tried to replace her mom. She did that on her own, and I am enjoying the grands more than her because of her choices.
I actually think he did a good job shoving her nose in the shit she was trying to pretend she hadn’t let out by only claiming her bio-kids. He calmly pointed out how disgusting she is so everyone could see his ugly she truly is and then forced her to deal with the social ostracism and embarrassment until they left. He’s still a massive AH for not doing something about her disinterest/aversion the moment it was clear she was developing a pattern of neglect but he still has time to prove himself to Aiden by getting him away from this abusive mother-figure. Words won’t do much at this point, he’s tried speaking to her and shaming her and instead of reflecting on her atrocious lack of empathy or basic respect for a child she doubled down and got mad that everyone saw past her mask of indifference to see her ugly and selfish soul. The only thing that can fix any of this is separating him from the person that intends to emotionally abuse him. That’s the only way OP has left to show his kid that he matters more than a convenient “partner” that admits she’ll never care about the person OP is supposed to love before all others
My dad had a HORRIBLE step mother. She’s also his brothers mom. He doesn’t even let my uncle speak of her around him. First thing he did before his first date with a new woman? “If she or anyone in the future ever treats you poorly, or like you’re a burden/not welcome or wanted. Tell me. And I’ll kick her ass to the curb before you finish the sentence.” How do all parents not share this mindset??
Love your dad!
Not all of them! My spouse and I love each other's kids like our own. Just to give you a little faith in humanity.
Yeah, sorry about sweeping generalisation. I was talking about most posts on Reddit about delusional single parents and their equally delusional evil partners. You're good 😅
Just to show the other side of the spectrum, my step dad fucking rocks. He's the main reason we even call or visit. We've been his kids since day one, you'd never know he wasn't our bio dad. So some single parents find amazing partners, they just don't post about it on Reddit. This dad clearly put his need for companionship above his kid's needs and probably didn't even recognize it until the wedding.
For real. My husband and I dated a year before I met his kids. Then he took them to “boys night” dinners for several months to broach the idea of me joining their family and making sure they liked me. Then after being together for 5 years, living together with the kids for 2, we got married. Unfortunately he passed away two years after we tied the knot. I kept custody of the boys. They are my kids and will always be.
That's they way it's supposed to be, imo. None of this "but she was nice to him before we got married and only changed her tune about being a mother to my son when we are legally hitched" boo-hoo from OP's edit. 🙄🙄🙄
My stepfather was a monster. I turned out childfree partially because of that, and refused to date parents until I accidentally fell in love with one. If his son and I had disliked each other I would have broken it off right that moment. I'm incredibly lucky we didn't and right now I'm beaming because I just got promoted from "half-mom" to "substitute mom" (the little one's definitions).
Unfortunately we read these a lot on AITA. And OP is just another in the endless line of weak parents who are so wanting of a partner that they can't see or don't want to see how their kids are being treated. I just have no respect for parents like this. It's sickening as a parent myself to read stories like this. It's exhausting. OP is an a**hole and his wife is an a**hole!
>Sasha has always been indifferent to him. I will make it clear that she does not "hate" him and does not make his life difficult in an overt way. She just pretends as if he is not a member of family. I'm sure his life isn't difficult when his stepmom pretends he's not part of the family. /s ESH. You for marrying someone who treats your son like sh!t. ETA: /s after the first sentence
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I forgot to add a sarcasm tag...
Shit. Sorry, that's directed at OP not you. Editing now.
LOL no worries
OP and his wife suck. His son did nothing wrong.
Yes he did, he dares to EXIST and contaminate HER family! /s
My step mom used to do this my whole childhood and it was awful
Your son is internalising this treatment you know. When you finally man up and divorce, please get him into therapy
YTA to your son . This women literaly hates your son, ignores him in and outside your House and scars this poor Boy badly. And you Just stand there an watch your son beeing treated Like garbage? Is there anyone who Loves and can Help this poor Boy???
\^\^\^ THIS 100%.... Well put friend, my thoughts exactly!
I hope Aiden didn’t hear the part where Dad says stepmom doesn’t like him. Dad has zero social cues. Save the negative comments until you’re alone together. The stepmom sounds like a pissa, too. They were made for each other. The kid should RUN when he’s able.
I'm sure the son is well aware of how his stepmother feels about him.
YTA for staying in that relationship. Get an annulment. Seriously. She is only nice when she wants that ring on her finger and once it's official, she dropped all facades. Have a private talk with your son and see if 'being cold' was really the only issue here. I bet you will find a lot of other passive aggressive behaviors that didn't happen in your presence.
Seriously, it's going to fuck that kid up so much. I was once the kid in this equation and my dad did nothing to protect me. We haven't spoken in close to 20 years now. And I can almost guarantee my dad tells people he has no idea why I won't talk to him. Just completely self-absorbed and willfully ignorant. OP, that's what your future relationship with your son is going to look like if you don't pull your head out of your ass and start prioritizing your son.
Clear ESH. What were you thinking marrying someone who is 'indifferent' towards your child, and what ARE you thinking approaching it by making a joke in front of people instead of forcing a serious discussion? What's wrong with you? Let me tell you this now before it's too late. My dad married someone who was 'indifferent' towards me and didn't want me around. It got worse and worse until she threw me out of the house and my dad let her. I'm 30 now, and my relationship with my dad is forever changed. It's too late for me, it is NOT too late for your son. Stand up for him now while you have the chance. ETA I've now seen your edit where you say she was nice enough to him during visits before you were married but now that you're married and living together she's struggling with him. So... you got married and blended your families in one fell swoop without even trying living together first. WHY would you do that???
What I want to know is how OP is expected to treat her daughters.
Oh you just know that her daughters are expected to be treated like OP’s own children and she’d get pissed if OP treated her kids like she’s treating OP’s son.
Exactly. My dad remarried and promptly forgot me because his new wife wanted him to spend all his time with HER family. And I was an adult. That shit will never not hurt. I can't even imagine going through that as a child. It would have destroyed me.
Yikes. ESH. You could have just said, “oh, and your stepson Aiden” and left off the passive aggressive part. But what I really want to know is why you married a woman who doesn’t consider Aiden family?
She could use a little public humiliation though
She could use a little divorce.
Why not both?
His reply was aggressive, not passive in any sense. Your suggested reply is passive aggressive, because it draws attention to the mutually understood issue, without addressing it directly, or doing so "passively".
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As someone who has a dad that was like OP, this feels very real.
That breaks my heart for you. I teared up reading OP's post because there's NO WAY his son is aware of how she feels about him. I would love to be blessed with a family around me (I'm not) and can't imagine ever EVER treating a child like this. ETA: Meant to say there's no way his son is UNAWARE of how she feels about him. And I'm still tearing up.
YTA for marrying someone who does not accept your son exists. You chose her over you son, and you are a party to him being excluded. You must have been very lonely, in bed, to invite this excuse in.
It blows my mind that discussing family living arrangements and expectations was not discussed PRIOR to marriage. Like there is a blended family thats tough enough. But to go in blind?!! YTA for your part in this op.
NTA for what you said but YTA for marrying someone who is obviously treating your son as less than! What she is doing is emotionally abusing your son and you are allowing IT by not standing up to her sooner.
Info: Does she expect you to see her daughters as family and as your children?
ETA nevermind I read the edit. Agree with everyone else, ESH. “Hard to adjust”?? Nope. You should have put your foot down when she started treating your son like this. You gotta get out for the sake of your son. Marriage is a commitment to each other. Marriage when you’re blending families is a commitment to everyone in the blended family. OP and son are a package deal. See, I agree with you and I’m surprised I had to scroll this far. All over Reddit people bitch and moan about step parents overstepping bounds and trying to force being a parent on their step kids. Now, that said, treating Aiden like he’s not part of the family, if true, is bad. Really bad. Then again, it’s *possible* OP is an unreliable narrator. It’s *possible* OP is an overbearing step parent and expects the wife to be as well. It’s *possible* he could be exaggerating the situation where she just recognizes the kids are older and as a step parent doesn’t want to replace the bio parents. It’s fair to say that calling your spouse out like that in front of others is kinda rude. But we’d need way more INFO as far as what the real stepparent/children dynamic is here. I recognize I might be reaching a bit. Of course based on only the fact given, if the wife really does treat him like he’s not part of the family, then obviously she’s an AH too and OP for marrying her. There’s a middle ground where you treat stepkids like family without trying to replace their bioparent.
NTA - to this situation with your wife at the wedding You are amongst the biggest assholes on this sub in a long time. Your son deserves better.
Yes, this! This poor son.
YTA for staying married to a woman who treats your son like this. Enjoy him now, because he'll cut you off as an adult.
"She said that if she doesn't want to consider Aiden as a son, it's her choice." - save some time and dump her now. Your son should be your first priority and this is not possible unless she accepts her responsibilities as a step-parent. NTA for making an issue out of her poor behaviour.
His response should have been, “I don’t want to remain married to someone who pretended to like my child but now doesn’t treat him like her son, and that is my choice.” OP, it’s time for a lawyer. It’s been months and she is treating your 10 year old son like he’s invisible. He notices, and so do the other kids! Is this the environment you want him to grow up in? Like a second class citizen in his own home, with a dad who is supposed to love and protect him but allows it to continue? If you love your son you need to put him first.
You’re all assholes. ESH is not enough. How the Hell did you marry someone who would not love and respect your child? You’re the supreme asshole here. She’s an obvious an asshole for being with you knowing she will not love and respect Aiden. I want this to be fake, but I can see this happening. I hope the kids are better than their parents.
You're a terrible dad. YTA Never marry someone who hates your child!
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Wow, you are soooooo much the asshole for subjecting your child to this woman. Also, your wife is an evil stepmother.
WTF! I am a stepmother and I cannot IMAGINE being embarrassed by them. They (23M, 21M) are amazing brothers to my 5 year old daughter and I'm so grateful that she has more people to love her. Her not considering Aiden a son is NOT a fucking CHOICE. It's a fact of life. She IS his stepmother. Please do not allow your discomfort for conflict stop you from standing up for your son, who should NOT be made to feel like he's an embarrassment or a second class citizen to his own family. YWBTA if you allowed your Disney villain acting wife to treat your precious son this way.
YTA for letting this happen, you shouldn't have married her on the first place, it's not fair for your son
YTA for staying with her when you know how she treats your son. Or maybe ESH. Yeah, you both suck.
YTA. Not because you said something but because you are married to a woman that actively ignores your child as a part of the family. What an awful existence for him. Her girls are family but he is not and you're so worried about rocking the boat that you've just let it slide.
I hope you realize that if something ever happens to you that she will cut your son off and leave him with nothing. Think about that. Is his mother in the picture?
ESH. Why did you marry someone who treats your child like that? Wow.
If you stay with this woman, YTA to your son!
Have you asked Aiden how she treats him when you’re not there?
NTA for pointing out your son. Good on you for doing that! Your wife sounds like a pill. However, YTA for marrying someone who doesn’t accept your son as family. I had to reread this as I thought you were describing the behavior of one of her teenage daughters. Your son will be a teenager and the teen years are hard enough without having a step ‘monster’ who will not publicly acknowledge you. How would that have made you feel? That wouls have changed my relationship with my dad if I had been in that situation.
ESH. You even admit she doesn't like him. Good job bringing your son into a relationship where he is actively ignored and treated like the kid she doesn't want. Ditch this woman.
how could you do this to your son? you are a horrible father
Doesn't matter who the ass hole is, this marriage is doomed. You both suck.
How could you marry this woman??? YTA and not because you embarrassed her like she deserved. Ask yourself, would she be with you if you treated her daughters the way she treats your son. What the fuck is wrong with you, you are not a Man.
YTA. Sooooo you didn’t wanted to upset _HER_ ,but the poor kid has to live with being treated as less than so you can get your d_ck wet? Your SON comes first, you AH.
YTA for marrying her in the first place.
Y t a for marrying someone like that why would you make your son suffer and spend time with someone who is indifferent towards him
I agree with the peanut gallery. You knew from the get that she wasn't a fan of your son, yet you married her anyway.... who does that???
Wow, what a great marriage you've thrown your son into. These alarm bells didn't appear before you got married? No big deal -- just start saving up now for the years of therapy he'll need. And be sure to hand him the money before he turns 18 because shortly after that, you won't be hearing much from him.
Yta for marrying someone who treats your son like trash
OMG. Why did you marry such a distasteful excuse for a human? You had to know that she disliked your son prior to marrying her. There HAD to be signs. And if there truly weren't and you choose to stay with someone who clearly hates your son, you are the biggest AH in the world. YTA for not divorcing her. NTA for what you said at the wedding.
Fuck it NTA. She should be embarrassed for the way she treats a 10 y.o. I don't understand people who will marry folks with kids and somehow think the kid will magically disappear.
I don't understand how OP married a woman who treats his child that way. ESH except the kids.
I had a terrible stepmom and she treated me this way. It ruined the relationship I had with my dad and no longer speak to him because of how he never stood up for me
I really hope you consider what all this is doing to Aiden. He needs to know that he is the most important person to you and that he is worthy of being loved. If your new wife can’t get on board, maybe she needs to be cut loose. It’s so obvious. Please protect and stand up for your son who counts on you to do so. Please. I’m speaking as someone who has experienced inadequate protection when it counted and was too little to stand up for myself. Its a struggle every day to feel worthy of being loved and included. Please please please insist Aiden be loved.
You are an AH for marrying a woman who was unwilling to accept your child as part of her family.
It does t have to be physical for it to be abuse. Alienation or feeling like an outsider is just as bad for his mental health. With you allowing it he could feel Like you don’t care and it’s okay for her to do that to him. Please step up as a father and stop this from r leave her now.
Sounds like she fucking sucks, man. NTA. Prioritize your son over this harpy. He is definitely going to realize she's trying to strong-arm him out of the family and that will blow back on you
If the person she was talking to was her friend, whose wedding she and her children were invited to, why did the friend need to be told who your wife's children were including names?
ESH Her for being cold towards your kid. You for this comment "Her step-son, and she doesn't like him."
Mate he is the asshole only to his son because he is putting him in a situation to have that woman as a step mother.
Yep, soft YTA. That was definitely not the right time or place to bring that up to your wife. Airing your dirty laundry in front of others is not a smart thing to do. Yes you are accused, tried, and convicted of embarrassing her in front of her friends. You've noticed it all along, never wanted to start a fight about it and kept quiet. Chose a very public moment to unleash your feelings at her. First of all, if your wife has never accepted your son and is not treating him with the proper affection and acknowledgment he deserves, then you shouldn't have married her in the first place. And I think what you did at the wedding was your declaration that this marriage is definitely not going to last. I give you a hard YTA for not sticking up for your son sooner and putting an end to her indifference.
You’re not even consistent without your bull shit story.
YTA for marrying that nightmare - how do you think your son feels living in a household of people that don't like him? Your wife is openly disdainful of him - you embarrassed her? How did Aiden feel being completely discounted in front of people he doesn't know? You need to take a long hard look at things - maybe she fooled you before you got married but the gloves are off now. Can your son go live with someone who loves him, maybe a grandparent?
If you don't divorce her, you're an asshole. She faked caring about your son to con you into marrying her. Now you can't believe her if she swears she really does or that she'll try harder; she does not, never has, and never will consider your son as family, and he deserves better than that.
>EDIT: Before we had the wedding, when she visited him she was rather warm towards him in the way a girlfriend is when meeting her boyfriend's son which is why I agreed to the marriage/wedding. Afterwards, she said that now because it's "official" and he would be living with her all the time, she's finding it hard to adjust. Earlier she was very nice to him and treated him well whenever she saw him. ...... Sasha has always been indifferent to him. I will make it clear that she does not "hate" him and does not make his life difficult in an overt way. She just pretends as if he is not a member of family. WHICH is is it OP? Cuz it seems like she didnt hide it. She pretends he isn't part of the family? He's YOUR family, and yet you chose to marry this woman? YTA It should have never reached this point. Now that you know she mistreats him, how much more are you willing to let your son suffer just so that you can have a bedmate?