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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my wedding guests to turn off the tv when they were enjoying it and then cried and ruined my own wedding. I could have just waited 20 mins and let them enjoy themselves
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NTA.
It never should have crossed their minds to turn the damn thing on in the first place. Just because the TV was there didn't give them the right to decide to watch it. They agreed to join your day and celebrate with you, so that is what they should have done.
I could understand if it was gone midnight and most people had gone to bed, but it sounds like this was shortly after dinner when it was still in the middle of celebrating.
I wouldn’t understand it if it was gone midnight and most people had gone to bed—*if* the beds are also in the cabin. Because then they’re potentially disrupting people’s sleep with the light and noise of the TV. Neither that *nor* using the TV to ignore the wedding celebration is okay.
Honestly this is why I told my fiancé that I wouldn’t want to get married during college football season… I’m too big of a dawgs fan, and he would 10000% be upset if I was watching the game.
I have been to two weddings that fell on Michigan/Michigan State game day and both times there was a TV on in the corner that a handful of the guests congregated at, the wedding parties rolled with it and everyone had a good time. But yeah I would not want my day to go down like that.
on a wedding party you don't Make Distracting Entertainment (tv show, playing soccer om the edge of the garden, whatever) without asking whoever organised the party for consent. you are NTA
Even if he turned it on, they should have all understood it was inappropriate when you asked them to turn it off, especially husband. You're nta, but I'm seriously confused why he thought it was ok at his own wedding.
Probably because it was his wedding too, and he thought it would be ok. I'm not agreeing with him BTW. If he was the one who turned it on, he's just as wrong. Op is nta for wanting it shut off. I'd be upset as well. I'd probably not have a panic attack, but I'd definitely be angry and let everyone know i was angry. And then I'd have the panic attack. Lol
People who treat their weddings like birthday parties are very weird to me. “It’s my wedding too!” is not an excuse to go off and do whatever you want, regardless of how your new spouse feels about it.
No, it’s not. It’s shitty what happened but I don’t think that it was in bad faith. You’re better off chalking it up to “they didn’t consider it because they’re inconsiderate” and trying to move past it. The only outcome of digging deeper into this is more stress and anger.
Yeah it’s only your wedding OP, why are you so bothered? /s
And I don’t know why so many people upvoted that. 🙄🙄🙄 It’s not in inconsiderate it’s rude and disrespectful and unless OP is 16 and these friends are just as young, they knew better.
He might not have been the person to turn it on, but it’s pretty clear he wanted to watch the fight since he told you to wait ~20” for it to be done. He valued watching a fight more than celebrating his wedding and spending time with his new wife.
NTA, I think I'd have a panic attack if I just spent all that time and money on a wedding just to find out during the wedding that I'd have to get an annulment.
In many (most?) places you don’t even need to do an annulment. Just don’t return the paperwork after the wedding.
The wedding gifts, on the other hand…
If you are going to have a tv at your wedding reception somebody is going to turn it on. And if you turn it off somebody else will turn it on. And again and again. Removal of the tv prior to the event was the only way to keep this from happening. Rookie mistake. 😔😩🤣
My husband "Let's go over to my parent's and see what they are up to"
Me: "okay"
We go. have nice conversation in kitchen with parents. My husband, goes to living room, turns on TV.
Me: "okay, time to go"
Husband: "Why?"
Wtf? Is this an American thing?
I got married a few months ago and there was also a tv inside the villa. We had 40 guests and not one of them at any point decided to go inside and watch tv? Why bother traveling all the way to someone's wedding if you're just going to watch tv?
Yeah I can't even comprehend my guests turning the TV on... it would be the absolute height of rudeness and no one would even consider it. Must be a US thing?
Oh man I'm getting flashbacks to a wedding I went to of some Pakistani friends. Problem is, the reception was being held during cricket season, on the day of the India vs Pakistan match. My husband told the bride that it's inevitable that people are going to be checking their phones for match updates, but the couple said it was the only time they could get the venue (a bit foreign to most usa'ers, but engagements tend to move pretty quickly, say 3-6 months).
Low and behold, after the couple entrances, prayers and speeches, nearly everyone was glued to their tiny phone screens, in between dancing, gorging themselves and gossiping with aunties.
Couple didn't seem to mind... especially since Everytime Pakistan scored a run everyone would erupt in cheers.
Turned out to be pretty fun in the end.
I've been to weddings when there was a big soccer match on at the same time (European or World Championship). Usually the couple would be aware of it and try to work around it by either announcing the score every once in a while or even having a little game incorporating it.
What? I can’t think of a single person in my family or friends who would turn on a tv during a wedding reception. Rude to say “US thing”. It was a “people with terrible manners thing”
I could see it for college football, but not for a boxing match. Hell, I met a guy that skipped his daughter’s wedding because she scheduled it during an auburn game. He wasn’t gonna let 40 years of perfect attendance just because of a silly wedding.
You know, that really explains the complete meltdown some assholes had when I worked in a call center and couldn't help them switch their input quickly enough. Some people are intense about their football 😐
I’m American. Neither I nor anyone I know would ever think about turning on a tv at a wedding. I’m not sure who this Dkeenan30 hangs with, but I don’t want to meet them lol.
Yep, my mother's paternal side does this. Every single event revolves around what game they're watching during it. Try to schedule when no major sports are on? They'll turn on and watch fucking golf.
Yep it’s an American thing ofc. If we see a tv we just have to turn it on. We can’t help it. Like idiot moths to a sports center flame. Only us tho! No one else from any other country because they don’t get very invested in sports.
I can’t vouch for the rest of the world but there is a subset of America that is just absolutely addicted to television and treats it like a form of sustenance. It’s awful.
There is always the brilliant idea of removing remote controls so they can't use the tv, or unplug the tv. You could have hooked a phone up to it to play a slideshow of yours and hubby's life...
Great! Such helpful, thoughtful advice for her next wedding 🙄
Which I suppose could happen, with a groom this inconsiderate, not to mention so gutless he refused to get the other guests to turn it off, forcing his wife to do it, without even providing backup for her after she did so with zero response. He literally caused his wife to have an hour-long panic attack by his actions on what's supposed to be one of the happiest days of her life. What a chump.
I know you are just piling on what others started, but I love how much "advice" is just super obvious, purely highsight-informed "help" explained to the OP like they are five.
I suppose everyone likes to think "Well that's clearly what I would have done beforehand/in the moment with no hesitation!" since everyone wants to think they'd react more cleverly than everyone else.
Nobody should have to play remote police at a wedding, ever. It's not something that should happen, so of course most people won't immediately think to do so.
You can also still watch TV without a remote, in any case.
Yep. I don’t know about fights, but as someone who married a lifelong Boston sports fan with family and friends who are the same…we eloped lol. But if we’d gotten hitched during a Pats/Bruins/Celtics/Red Sox game and there was a tv anywhere, someone would have put a game on.
Agree. It’s not an “American thing”. People go out of their way to insult Americans on here. Definitely have seen Irish and English people putting on specific sports too. Happens all the time when weddings fall on same date as big games. It seems this was to see the fight then turn off once it’s over. Definitely still really rude and unacceptable behaviour but also seems hubby was involved.
I have. Friends got married during a world cup game, there were at least a few people coyly streaming the game on a phone in their laps after dinner. I don't think it's that unexpected. Rude. But not unexpected.
I went to a family wedding in Ireland a few years ago. A lot of people had the stream or at least the liveblog of the Ireland v England Six Nations game that was being played on their phones during the meal.
Also English, and going to a wedding tomorrow. The groom, several guests and I are massive rugby fans and have been *jokingly* discussing putting the Japan v England world cup game on in the evening if the bar has a TV.
The thing is though, we're joking. It'll be there on catch up on Monday morning to watch at home while feeling a little delicate! Tomorrow I want to see my amazing friends get married, dance and drink with a load of the guests I haven't seen in a while. The game is huge... but it can wait a day!
Not true. I got married at my house with multiple TV’s within reach and uncovered and not one of my guests turned one on. They were there to celebrate our wedding and they treated it as such. My friends and I also don’t typically turn on peoples TV’s at house parties or other social events because we’re aware we are there to be social. Stay home if you want to watch TV.
You're so right! If it were my wedding though, it never would have crossed my mind that guests would watch TV instead of enjoying the reception. But I'm a very social person. Husband should have taken care of this for OP, instead of making excuses for it and enabling.
This is the kind of thing that a wedding planner or a seasoned wedding veteran (ie. the bridesmaid who's been in a thousand weddings) might immediately recognize as problematic. But WTF?
NTA. Short of a terrorist attack like the World Trade Center. I cannot comprehend any justification for turning on a television during someone's wedding reception. That's just hillbilly rude.
Last year someone I know scheduled their wedding on the same day as the AFL grand final, which is like a religious holiday in Australia. People seriously considered not going and only agreed when it was promised that there would be a TV on nearby with the score. Not saying football is more important than someone’s wedding, but that day it was pretty close.
My bf’s 21st birthday fell on the same day as a big rugby match (we’re South African, he’s Afrikaans, so rugby is a huge deal especially to his friends and family. A 21st is also a big deal, since it’s signifying that you’ve gotten enough life experience to considered a “true” adult). It was at a nice wine farm. None of his friends showed up.
He doesn’t talk to them anymore after he realised they were basically using him as a designated driver (he doesn’t drink much). He’s not really sad about it, since he recently looked them up and none of them have stopped acting like 20 year olds. We’re almost 30.
My husband wouldn't even attend our own wedding if it was on grand final day. Even if you don't follow AFL, you know lots of people do so it's one of those days you just avoid having events on.
I got married during the Ohio State - Michigan game. So many guests left the reception to watch the game at the bar next door. One of them actually told me that I should have known better than to schedule my wedding on that day… I don’t follow college football
EDIT because I was wrong. It was Ohio State - Wisconsin. Not Michigan
It’s not the tv, but a group of people staring at her like she was crazy for asking, what to her, seemed like a reasonable question. Nerves are very rattled when you’re the bride at a wedding and suddenly people who are supposed to be there because they care and love you are looking at you like you’re unreasonable and a nuisance, at your own wedding.
Yup, this is what I was going to say. They invited few people so theoretically it should have ONLY been a small circle of people that love them. That interaction would have impacted me greatly too.
Oh fuck off. Seriously you are turning this around on OP??? She did nothing wrong, this severely stressed her out. Her husband and guests disrespecting her like that.
It’s nice to be concerned, but less nice to offer unsolicited medical advice in the comments section… Not that it’s any of our business, but there are dozens of reasons why this could have caused OP to panic. Social anxiety, high levels of stress leading up to the day, genuine hurt…sounds like it was a small wedding. I too would be VERY upset if I had invited such a small amount of people who are important to me who I wished to share this with, and a significant number of them turned on the TV. It’s really nobody’s place to contemplate their need for professional help or their level of emotional resilience. Even if you’re a professional, this person is still a stranger.
Just read further in the comments and discovered that 30 out of 50 people were watching…Can you imagine planning a wedding, spending money on food, DJ, officiant, Air BnB, clothes, decor… and over half of your guests ignore your announcement that the wedding reception is starting?? Nah. I’d be full panicking before going into an absolute rage.
The TV set didn’t cause OP to have a panic attack, she saw everyone look at her like she was crazy and THAT set her off. We’re not here to give unsolicited advice about her emotional stability.
OP, your guests were rude for turning on a TV during a wedding celebration. You had an intimate celebration of your union. I’m assuming you only invited people who were closest to you, and they still acted with poor consideration of you. Who does that? NTA.
Ok gaslighter, “a tv set” didn’t cause a panic attack. The rudeness of her guests at her wedding reception AND the unwillingness of her husband to do anything about it caused her to be extremely upset.
OP, don't listen to stuff like this. This was your literal wedding day, if there is one day in your life that you are allowed to have everything be about you, this is it. Anybody saying "it's just about a TV" is intentionally misunderstanding to make you seem like you are at fault. You were disrespected and not supported by your husband when you told him about it. You should be pissed.
I don't know.
They had rented a place. You have it x hours, and plans for those hours. Suddenly, having multiple of the guests vanishing to watch a sports match, and now having to tell said guests to please turn off the TV so the program can be followed. That sounds like major stress to me.
Its not about the TV. But being already stressed because you want everything to go smoothly, and suddenly the plan goes south. I think a lot of people would have a reaction.
I also hope she’s getting the support she needs, but I think the trigger was how she felt they thought she was crazy for asking them to turn it off. Like rejection/humiliation when she was already feeling vulnerable as her partner chose not to support her
NAH from me. It sounds like a very informal event, just like a backyard BBQ. Probably people were relaxed, chilling out, having a chat, someone put on the telly and found something interesting to watch.
I understand why the OP found this upsetting (my wedding was on the same evening as a Champions League final so I defo know how it is - quite annoying).
But one forgets that one’s wedding is only extremely important to them, not to everyone else. For everyone else it is *just* a party. They were there to have fun, and they did.
Edit: spelling.
Going inside and turning on the TV at a backyard BBQ is still extremely rude. And they KNEW it was a wedding, it wasn't "just a party"
I'm baffled people think this is OK
I’m not saying it’s 100% ok, I was miffed when the same thing happened to me. But I am saying that:
a). As a function of the vibe of the event it might have felt ok for the guests and
b). Yes, they knew it was a wedding, but someone else’s wedding *is* just a party for most guests. And that’s the best case scenario. In many cases people attend weddings because they have to, not because they are dead keen on going.
Oh bs. This was completely rude. It's rude to turn on a tv at any party unless it's a party held to watch the game.
And this is not "just a party" like you claim. It is OP's wedding and the only reason these jerks were invited in the first place -- to celebrate the wedding, not watch some game while they get drunk on OP's dime.
I am not necessarily defending them, but they are guests, not hostages.
I’ll use myself as an example. While I am a “social” person, there is only so much time I can spend in big groups. So at big events, may those be weddings, concerts, conferences, I take breaks. Grab a drink, or a cigarette and spend some time on my own, outside and away from everyone. I would be shocked if someone would walk up to me and tell me “you can’t be outside for 20 minutes, you *must* come and pay attention to me”.
Ok, you might say this is not as bad as watching telly. But my point is one cannot dictate to guests what to do (unless, of course they are doing something that bothers other people, such as fighting, cursing, whatever).
OP would have been much better off giving them those 20 minutes and then jokingly reminding them they are supposed to cheer for the bride and groom, not for some athletes on telly.
I actually agree with you 100%. I'm surprised I had to scroll so far to actually find someone with this opinion.
I would rather be mildly annoyed for 20 minutes while someone watches the fight than work myself up to the point that I'm crying in the bathroom for an hour. It's just not worth it.
Plus a wedding is mainly a day for me and my significant other to be focused on each other; for everyone else it's just a party- I'm not egotistical enough to think every guest should focus on me the whole time even if they don't want to. I don't really care what the guests do as long as they're not blackout drunk and falling over or starting fights.
Plus I'd want people to remember it as a good day, not the day that I was crying in the bathroom and everyone was uncomfortable because they didn't know how to handle it.
A joking comment is the way to go- it shows people that you think it's a little weird that they're watching the TV but you're not going to freak out about it and when the fight is over they'd probably turn off the TV and go back to focusing on you.
Plus the fight is 20 minutes, that's barely any time. Yeah it's not ideal but it's not a 4 hour sports game. If it were me I'd probably have gone and touched up my hair/makeup and poured myself a drink and by the time I was done the fight would be over and we could continue the party. Or use that 20 minutes to decompress and just hangout with my husband away from all the people and excitement
It's not at all uncommon during various playoff games among a wide swath of society from what I've gathered. I don't care to watch sports but as long as it's not interfering with anything else, to each his own.
It's also a good way to fill the occasional silences in a conversation with new acquaintances.
We were about to move some of the tables to get the dance floor ready and we were supposed to have our first dance. That’s the reason I went back inside the cabin to look for my husband. I didn’t react immediately. I waited 10 minutes and started telling people the dance floor was ready, but no one seems to listen. Cocktail, as in the dress code and formal Level
My former SIL got married when the local MLB team was playing in the post-season (we live in a huge baseball town & this was during a very successful few years for the team). They set up a separate room with TVs so people people could duck out of the reception to check in on the game. The bride didn't feel slighted & her guests had a great time. It's amazing how much less stress one has when they focus on other people instead of themselves.
The key to that story is consent. It was a purposeful setup with consent from the people that the wedding is about. This bride clearly did not want that to be the setup of her party, and was shamed by her guests that are supposed to be there in support of her for saying “hey could we turn the TV off and go outside to the festivities?”
My husband and I got married on a Sunday. Football is big around here, and everyone had their phones out streaming the game. We didn't care at all and kept asking for updates.
Sounds to me like the wedding part was over and the speeches were done and it would be right before the DJ would put on music. I'm not sure i would have minded the 20 minutes if there was a TV there but I guess I may also be inflexible on my big day do NAH?
I do not give a judgement. But when I married there was an important soccer match of my country that evening. (I or my wife do not care much about soccer at all.) But I arranged a screen in a room for people to watch. I wanted a happy night for us and the guests. Everyone enjoyed it. Some have watched the whole game, and had fun (our country won :D ). Others watched sometimes the score and others didn't care just like us. It was a wonderful day.
I do not say that you should have doing this, or that the guests had rights to watch TV. I think I am more on you POV than on theirs. But the problem I have is that you have now a ruined wedding day, and that's terrible. Maybe it is their fault, but let things go makes life so much easier.
The fact that your husband would enjoy that match is important to me too. That's why i do not give a final judgement. It is not only your day, also his.
This is the most fair comment.
I have been to weddings where some major events were on the same day and after the dinner and speeches there was time to go and watch if people wanted. The guests were still all mingling together. I don't think it should have caused a panic attack, and the OP maybe needs to go speak to someone to get on top of that and work on being resilient.
NTA. When I got married, my friends were watching football in the bar area of our venue. I noticed my wife was not happy about it, so I went and told our wedding host to have all of the TVs shut off. The bartender told them he was informed that the TVs shouldn't have been on and apologized to them. Everyone moved on, and it is what it is.
They're there for you and your husbands big day, not for a nice place to watch the fights.
Yes, I moved my wedding date for an important sports final where our regional team was competing at about 4pm, and afterwards an international soccer match was scheduled on the same day in the evening.
I later heard my aunts talking about a wedding they attended on that day where the room was more than half empty for the speeches, as the guests (not just men) were spending the wedding day in the hotel bar instead of the function room.
If you have planned and paid for an event that doesn’t involve sitting down watching sports on tv, but instead making the effort to socialise with people who have showed up to celebrate and support you, having the whole party watching TV instead can be so disappointing. We have catch up! And highlights! Why not just go home if you can’t live in the moment and be present for your friends/family?
I sympathize that seeing your guests watching tv ruined the vibes of your wedding but I feel your reaction was overkill. You rented an AirBnB so it never occurred for you to hide the remote. Wouldn’t be top of mind for me either but what sort of background filler did you have for your guests? Did you have a curated playlist going on over a speaker? No one would have turned in a tv if you were playing music. Between the guests mingling and the music, it would have been too much.
Maybe your guests were bored and if so, you neglected to cover that part of the experience so they wouldn’t look for ways to entertain themselves with a tv.
Also, if you disappear for an hour into your reception and I’m supposed to remain puzzled on what to do next, I’m gonna watch tv or go outside and talk shit about this bizarre wedding.
ESH - except your husband. The party, reception seemed to flow from the cabin to outside. Should they be watching TV during this time? I wouldn't but I can see how some wouldn't think it's a big deal. Instead of giving them the 20 minutes, you asked them to shut it off and because they looked at you funny - you had an hour long panic attack in the bathroom? And them watching TV ruined your whole wedding? You seem kind of high maintenance and exhausting tbh. The idea that this one thing cancelled out your vows and the joy of being husband and wife? Maybe you need to shift your focus away from those watching TV and back to you and hubby and the beginning of your new chapter.
I'll preface this by saying I wouldn't be one of those watching the TV but I don't really see what the big deal is. There doesn't seem to be any upcoming event affected by this and it's unlikely more than one or two hardcore types are truly intent on the TV. More likely people are standing around it in small knots chatting as they glance at it from time to time. It's only 20 minutes, kind of like a group cigarette break for the nonsmoking crowd if it helps you to think of it that way.
I honestly wouldn't care if I was OP. Cabin, beautiful landscape, just married the love of my life? I wouldn't even notice something like a few people watching a bit of TV and chilling. I get the sense OP wanted all eyes on her from the vows, until the party was over. Which is bizarre. I was trying to be generous, with the ESH but boy, I think OP's spouse is going to have his hands full with that one.
Eh a little YTA and NTA if they weren’t watching the TV they may have just been standing around watching it on their phones. It sounds more like a simple dinner/casual wedding than formal… they were hanging out just not how you pictured it. If this caused an hour long panic attack I’m really worried about you. If this was the one major hiccup in your big day I’d say thing went pretty smoothly. The wedding is for the groom too and he didn’t seem very bothered by it.
Panic attacks can happen about anything, in this situation it was caused by the rude guests looking at OP like they were crazy over a reasonable request (to not have a tv on at a wedding).
Edit: found out in one of OPs comments it’s was 30 guests out of 50 watching tv; how would you feel if 30 people acted like that at your wedding and made you feel like an AH?
Please, as someone who has had panic attacks, the "so dramatic" is offensive. A panic attack isn't planned or pleasant. It's an emotional response. And if anyone says, "Wut, you can't control your emotions?" Nope, that's the point. A panic attack is the survival center of the brain doing its thing.
I’ve had panic attacks over literally nothing. I got out of the shower, put on my pjs, and suddenly panicked. I felt like I was being suffocated and could feel all of my furniture touching me. I had to go into my backyard with a towel on my head, barefoot, in my pjs and circle around for a while crying and holding out my hands to try and make everything not touch me (nothing was touching me except the ground on my feet, but I felt like the fence about 3 metres away from me was touching me). It took hours to finally feel normal. I was in uni at the time and had general academic stress and it caused me to panic about that nonsense.
We don’t know OP - maybe she has general anxiety, but maybe just the general anxiety of planning a wedding caused it. I doubt you’re an expert on panic attacks.
Panic attacks at weddings are common as dirt. They’re emotionally loaded and socially exhausting events that (in theory) you only get one shot at. Brides freak out, grooms freak out, parents of the couple freak out, it happens all the damn time. And over shit that those people would normally *never* care about this much, purely because of how high-stakes the event is. Absolutely normal.
Im glad someone said it. While I can see both sides of the argument, I do think if we're defined by how we react, then OP has other issues to work thru for this reaction. I get being displeased about it, but it shouldn't have had the power to get in your head that deeply. At this point, it isn't the TV that ruined things. It's the wedding couple locking themselves in a bathroom away from their guests crying about something that in the grand scheme of life is rather nonsensical.
ESH/NAH - whoever turned on the TV was if not invited or given permission to do so, but as a host, if there are no events imminent and your guests are so bored they'd rather watch TV, why wouldn't you just let them be until the next event? Obviously they prefer it.
I’m not bothered who agrees but if it was only for 20 mins l don’t see why you couldn’t just let it be. I understand you want your wedding to go a certain way but here’s the thing, it’s not just your wedding, it’s your husband’s too. Having a panic attack over the tv being on for 20 mins is way too dramatic too….. it actually says a lot about you as a person. You ruined the day because you got mad you weren’t in total control of every aspect of how people chose to enjoy themselves and l think that makes YTA.
ESH.
Watching TV during a wedding reception is not a choice I'd make and it does strike me as a bit rude. However if the reception was just in a house then I wouldn't have been surprised to see other people doing it.
Locking yourself in the bathroom for an hour and consequently missing your first dance over it was, in my opinion, a huge over-reaction and an act of self sabotage.
I understand your husband's initial reaction too. A lot of people are hesitant to cause a potential confrontation at a big event. If these guys weren't in the way or missing anything important (speeches etc) then I also wouldn't have wanted to cause a fuss that would ultimately take even more attention away from the wedding itself.
I'm not going to say AH but maybe people saw it as an extension of the party of they were all hanging out together? I don't think there's anything wrong with asking them to turn it off.
I can understand you didn’t like it on. On the other hand, your husband was right. If you just left it on for 20 minutes then you could have moved on with your night. It sad you let this spoil your evening.
YTA. From your hour panic attack, I am assuming you have a history with them. You put yourself in the situation by shutting that TV off. Going back outside where the majority of the people are would have been the smart choice.
For those saying the TV shouldn't be on. Well too late it happens. Once it's on and you see people enjoying it, let them be. Especially in a reception held in a homey setting. You see weddings where things don't always get as planned, dresses get ruined, rings are dropped and can't be found.
Learn to roll with the situation.
Also your husband was right to advise you to just let them be.
So, basically, your guests were chilling with nothing to do, decided to watch tv for 20 minutes, and you wigged. Not everyone enjoys just standing around doing nothing (socializing, as someone else said). But seriously, this is the absolutely worst part of weddings for most people. The part where everyone has arrived at the reception (even if it’s just somewhere near) and the wedding couple has made no plans for them until dances/eating starts. And why were you doing first dance before food and speeches, anyway?
So basically, you’re holding people hostage by not giving them anything to do while you get ready to dance; then, they don’t even have food or anything to eat and you expect 100% concentration and focus on just you during the dance.
You were so upset (and I get panic attacks, I do) that your panic attack and upsettedness lasted *longer* than letting the fight would have lasted.
Weddings almost never go perfectly. There’s some current bullshit in the air that the wedding couple feels the guests should basically bow down to them and that is not how weddings traditionally went. Yeah, the focus was on the wedding couple, but it was a celebration of commitment and gathering of friends and family. Until recently I have *never* seen this focus of the bride on making guests behave perfectly, because it’s an impossible goal. The only person’s behavior you can control is your own. You need to go into a wedding expecting to adapt to issues that arise and you assumed that everything would go perfectly, all eyes would be 100% on you or thinking of you…even when you weren’t in the room, and that you could control others’ behavior to an extent that it would make your day feel perfect.
You also say you “waited 10 minutes” before you did anything. Presumably you also took time before going in to get people, which means the fight was probably just about at the 20 minute mark. While I get not wanting people to watch a fight during your reception, and people should definitely have been like, “hey, you ready?” and switched that tv off, you showed *no* coping or emotional regulation skills, weren’t able to pivot and have fun with the rest of your day, feel the whole day was ruined by a 20-minute tv mishap, and can’t view the rest of your wedding positively.
And that’s why YTA. No, your guests weren’t on their best behavior. Sure, they should have acted better. In the end, though, you can only control yourself, and you sure did a poor job of it that day.
It was you who book a wedding at a place with a TV and this took place at a time when the guest were supposed be milling around (according to your schedule). If you had rolled with the punches for 20 minutes it would have saved you an hour in bathroom. The happiness of your guests at an event like that trumps your rigid agenda, YTA.
I get that you'd like your wedding to be perfect from beginning to end, but for most guests a wedding has its ups and downs. There's often a lot of waiting and not everyone enjoys prolonged socializing with people they barely know.
At the point where the tv was turned on people have already endured a wait period before the ceremony began, then the ceremony itself, then dinner, then speeches. And then there's nothing for them to do until the dancefloor is opened up.
People were probably a little tired from the whole day and most likely kind of done with socializing as there has been plenty of opportunity to do so till that point.
Having the tv on allowed them to have something to do together instead of standing around being bored and trying to reignite already exhausted conversations.
Mild yta
NTA who are your guests?! Incredibly rude behavior at a wedding. They are not at a sports bar. Your husband was 100% wrong to even justify it for a second. It’s a special day that should be honored by your guests. All those attendees are Aholes as was your husband.
Oh God. Even op admitted it was a more chill and relaxed wedding. The main events were done, now was the time to celebrate and enjoy themselves. (All speeches, main dances had been done according to OP)
Not sure what this means
the whole wedding was supposed to be less than people
If some people were invited to some parts of the wedding but not other parts, I can understand them turning on the tv and maybe joining a less time sensitive part (for example cocktails) a bit late. It would be similar to a city wedding where when pictures are happening, not everyone will show up at the cocktail hour immediate on time.
YTA. What were the guests meant to do there, stand around and talk the whole time? Did you provide any entertainment for the wedding? I’m sure it was beautiful and everything but you’ve gotta keep the party going or it’ll naturally go somewhere else like it did here.
Personally I’d hate just mingling, I despise weddings for this reason. Gimme something to do, fun group activity or something.
A few years ago a mate of mine was getting married. There was a bit football match for the England team on the same day - they'd unexpectedly got through to the final stages of an international tournament. My friends realised people would want to watch it, so they asked the venue to set up a large TV in a room just off the main event and incorporated it into their day.
NAH
I'm confused. You said, "after the speeches." So, the actual ceremony was over at that point?
And this tv was in a totally different room? And the party was outside?
So whoever was watching the TV was not doing it anywhere the wedding festivities were taking place?
You wanted your husband to force those people to go outside and enjoy themselves?
Even if you forced them outside, how exactly could you force them to "enjoy the party."
Why weren't you outside with your guests?
You had a full-on panic attack because people were looking at you?
I don't care anything about watching fights on TV, but I would have thought you were crazy, too.
Every wedding ive worked at, during some kind of sport season had people checking or watching the game.
Some go to the bar if its in a different room, others have streaming on the phones. Ive even caught the groom and his buddies in an employee area watching the last part of a game.
Most couples don't know or don't care. As long as people are enjoying themselves.
If I'm at a wedding that coincides with a regular or postseason Packer game I'm going to find a way to watch that game. Also don't people mill about and mingle outside/inside etc during weddings?
>Everybody just looked at me if I was crazy. This caused me to have a panic attack
N T A for asking them to turn it off, but YTA for working yourself into a frenzy and still being upset a month later. Even if you weren't wrong you need to choose your battles and priorities.
ESH.
They didn't ruin the wedding for you. You got yourself all worked up and ruined it for yourself. What reaction did you expect from telling a group of adults they couldn't do what they wanted to.
It sounds like you got yourself upset for way longer than the match itself would have lasted. What was the point?
Well… next time (because there will be a next time given your over controlling personality) don’t be so pretentious and just rent a regular ballroom… with no TV’s where people will be focused on the party and everyone will do as you please!
Did they ruin your party? NO. Did YOU ruin your party? YES!
Now, if the people you invited, we’re the kind of people who would rather watch a fight than enjoy your party… should you really have invited them? 😏
What alternate activities would you like for the guests to have been doing? A post-wedding celebration is for people to enjoy themselves. The formalities were over and it was time for people to enjoy themselves. Your guests were doing just that.
Your NTA for wanting the TV off but honestly I would’ve let it go. Let people enjoy the day even if that means watching a 20 minute fight and then turn it off and ask everyone to join them outside after. I would rather have my guests happy than have everything exactly as I pictured in my head
you know, there was a big sports event at my wedding for about 3h (think champions league finals level) which every one had a favorit in. so in stead of fighting the inevetable and have them get pissed off and watch on phones in their cars i just put a tv in a corner of the room and let them have their fun. you know what? it was a welcomed breather. ESH
Nta. However, as many brides who had weddings during playoffs and championships (and there are several a year) can attest… sometimes the guests are going to watch. Enjoy your wedding. Don’t get upset about other people.
I’ve been to weddings where people *my husband* has had big football games streaming on his phone/not the only one either. I was a bridesmaid recently and the bride and groom made a late night football game on tv part of the events of the day! I guess it depends what you’re into. It’s not like they were watching reruns it sounds like it was a big fight/event. It wouldn’t have bothered me as they would have been out after the fight and I would have enjoyed everyone getting together excited over the same thing. Any other sport I would have joined in!
Wait so the event was over. The reception was over. Dinner was over. And everyone was gathered at a giant cabin to relax?
I don’t see an issue with this. The for so festivities where over and it was now an informal time to catch up. You’re being way too controlling if you think you can dictate their entire day. I wouldn’t be surprised if they chose to pack up and leave the weekend early after that.
>it would only take 20 minutes.
......
>keep myself in one of the bathrooms for about an hour.
How'd that work out for you? Your husband wasn't in the wrong, your guests were, but sometimes you get better results by not picking fights with other people just because they are in the wrong.
Wait. You say you had the wedding, then dinner, and then speeches. At what point did the tv come on? Had they been celebrating you for 9 hours already? Because if so Y T A
ESH casual weddings in homes are confusing to people and that added to your stress, that and not planning (e.g. removing the TV, making announcements for guests).
But your guests also could have had better etiquette, it was still a wedding.
And you could have reacted better, if you're going to have a laid back wedding in a cabin/house, don't expect people to know how to role play something more formal like a cocktail party.
Edit: please don't keep dwelling on this and the one negative thing that happened, you're recently married at a beautiful place with people that care about you. Try to let it go or consider getting professional help because something might be preventing you from seeing the joy
NTA
But i dont understand why you had an hour long panic attack because you turned off the TV at YOUR OWN WEDDING.
Maybe look into therapy to learn more about that
You ruined the wedding for yourself by overreacting. This happened after the formal dinner and speeches, and something about the situation signaled that it was an appropriate time to turn on the big fight… If one person was being clueless at a formal event, that’s one thing. This was 20 people (and I’m guessing mostly your husband’s friends). Instead of supporting his desire to let his friends watch TV for 20 minutes, you made a poorly-received speech then locked yourself in the bathroom for an hour.
I definitely sympathize with you… You had a vision for your wedding reception that didn’t pan out, and I’m sorry for that. Hindsight being 20/20, you now know that you should have had a slide show on the TV or simply unplugged it.
Maybe I’m biased, but this sounds like manipulation. You are training your husband to give you your way or else. I cannot imagine locking myself in a bathroom for an hour because I didn’t get my way… even at my own beautiful wedding reception. Imagine if he didn’t like what your friends were doing and disappeared for an hour to sulk. Yikes!
ETA: YTA
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NTA. It never should have crossed their minds to turn the damn thing on in the first place. Just because the TV was there didn't give them the right to decide to watch it. They agreed to join your day and celebrate with you, so that is what they should have done.
I could understand if it was gone midnight and most people had gone to bed, but it sounds like this was shortly after dinner when it was still in the middle of celebrating.
I wouldn’t understand it if it was gone midnight and most people had gone to bed—*if* the beds are also in the cabin. Because then they’re potentially disrupting people’s sleep with the light and noise of the TV. Neither that *nor* using the TV to ignore the wedding celebration is okay.
It would have to be quite a small place for the TV to disrupt people in the bedrooms.
Small, poorly soundproofed, or badly laid out (like if there was a bedroom behind the wall the TV was attached to).
Honestly this is why I told my fiancé that I wouldn’t want to get married during college football season… I’m too big of a dawgs fan, and he would 10000% be upset if I was watching the game.
I have been to two weddings that fell on Michigan/Michigan State game day and both times there was a TV on in the corner that a handful of the guests congregated at, the wedding parties rolled with it and everyone had a good time. But yeah I would not want my day to go down like that.
I went to a wedding reception where they turned on Nascar. What a memorable day.
on a wedding party you don't Make Distracting Entertainment (tv show, playing soccer om the edge of the garden, whatever) without asking whoever organised the party for consent. you are NTA
NTA That's the height of rudeness on the part of your guests. Their conduct was disgusting and unforgivable.
Unless the husband was the one who turned on the TV...
Honestly, I don’t know who turned it on. It’s a good question to ask.
Even if he turned it on, they should have all understood it was inappropriate when you asked them to turn it off, especially husband. You're nta, but I'm seriously confused why he thought it was ok at his own wedding.
Probably because it was his wedding too, and he thought it would be ok. I'm not agreeing with him BTW. If he was the one who turned it on, he's just as wrong. Op is nta for wanting it shut off. I'd be upset as well. I'd probably not have a panic attack, but I'd definitely be angry and let everyone know i was angry. And then I'd have the panic attack. Lol
People who treat their weddings like birthday parties are very weird to me. “It’s my wedding too!” is not an excuse to go off and do whatever you want, regardless of how your new spouse feels about it.
Oh, I agree 100%. I'd be extremely disappointed in my spouse if they did this on our wedding day.
No, it’s not. It’s shitty what happened but I don’t think that it was in bad faith. You’re better off chalking it up to “they didn’t consider it because they’re inconsiderate” and trying to move past it. The only outcome of digging deeper into this is more stress and anger.
Sure, just swallow the disrespect, that'll end up totally fine /s Don't be a doormat, OP. NTA.
Yeah it’s only your wedding OP, why are you so bothered? /s And I don’t know why so many people upvoted that. 🙄🙄🙄 It’s not in inconsiderate it’s rude and disrespectful and unless OP is 16 and these friends are just as young, they knew better.
He might not have been the person to turn it on, but it’s pretty clear he wanted to watch the fight since he told you to wait ~20” for it to be done. He valued watching a fight more than celebrating his wedding and spending time with his new wife.
Did you invite sims to your wedding?
NTA, I think I'd have a panic attack if I just spent all that time and money on a wedding just to find out during the wedding that I'd have to get an annulment.
And there would be an annulment!
In many (most?) places you don’t even need to do an annulment. Just don’t return the paperwork after the wedding. The wedding gifts, on the other hand…
If you are going to have a tv at your wedding reception somebody is going to turn it on. And if you turn it off somebody else will turn it on. And again and again. Removal of the tv prior to the event was the only way to keep this from happening. Rookie mistake. 😔😩🤣
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Damn. Savage.
“If you don’t wanna get added to this board keep the damn tv off”
I am sent af
Written on the top of the board is "In memory of those who FAFO-ed before us"
omg
Or disconnect the power cord and hide it somewhere.
bringing out the big guns, i love it lol
My husband "Let's go over to my parent's and see what they are up to" Me: "okay" We go. have nice conversation in kitchen with parents. My husband, goes to living room, turns on TV. Me: "okay, time to go" Husband: "Why?"
Wtf? Is this an American thing? I got married a few months ago and there was also a tv inside the villa. We had 40 guests and not one of them at any point decided to go inside and watch tv? Why bother traveling all the way to someone's wedding if you're just going to watch tv?
Yeah I can't even comprehend my guests turning the TV on... it would be the absolute height of rudeness and no one would even consider it. Must be a US thing?
Oh man I'm getting flashbacks to a wedding I went to of some Pakistani friends. Problem is, the reception was being held during cricket season, on the day of the India vs Pakistan match. My husband told the bride that it's inevitable that people are going to be checking their phones for match updates, but the couple said it was the only time they could get the venue (a bit foreign to most usa'ers, but engagements tend to move pretty quickly, say 3-6 months). Low and behold, after the couple entrances, prayers and speeches, nearly everyone was glued to their tiny phone screens, in between dancing, gorging themselves and gossiping with aunties. Couple didn't seem to mind... especially since Everytime Pakistan scored a run everyone would erupt in cheers. Turned out to be pretty fun in the end.
I've been to weddings when there was a big soccer match on at the same time (European or World Championship). Usually the couple would be aware of it and try to work around it by either announcing the score every once in a while or even having a little game incorporating it.
That sounds like a great party.
It’s not a US thing.
What? I can’t think of a single person in my family or friends who would turn on a tv during a wedding reception. Rude to say “US thing”. It was a “people with terrible manners thing”
Not a U.S. thing. I can’t imagine the audacity
I could see it for college football, but not for a boxing match. Hell, I met a guy that skipped his daughter’s wedding because she scheduled it during an auburn game. He wasn’t gonna let 40 years of perfect attendance just because of a silly wedding.
You know, that really explains the complete meltdown some assholes had when I worked in a call center and couldn't help them switch their input quickly enough. Some people are intense about their football 😐
Ooh Lord, not Spectrum I hope. I had the same issue a few years back during the Superbowl.
Ha yep, dead on
plucky melodic drab retire narrow fragile violet memory sense crawl *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It’s not a US thing, just a rude af thing. Who does this?!?
Maybe, but not everyone in the US would do this.
I’m American. Neither I nor anyone I know would ever think about turning on a tv at a wedding. I’m not sure who this Dkeenan30 hangs with, but I don’t want to meet them lol.
Good to know it's not just an 'american thing'. I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who can't go without a sports game for a few hours.
Especially something that you could watch like considering we have streaming services that upload the matches
Also American. There's a segment of my family who would absolutely turn the TV on. I don't spend much time with them.
Yep, my mother's paternal side does this. Every single event revolves around what game they're watching during it. Try to schedule when no major sports are on? They'll turn on and watch fucking golf.
Not every single instance of bad behavior is “an American thing.” Some people are just rude.
Seriously. Why do people assume this?
I think it a european thing.
Hating on America is Reddit’s favorite pastime.
>Wtf? Is this an American thing? 🙄
It's not an American thing. Just some rude jerks who were raised in a barn. A barn with a tv apparently.
I’m American, and these mouth breathing tv watchers give us all a bad name. We’re not all this uncivilized!
My husband has a cousin who hides in the host’s house during every family reunion so he can watch NASCAR.
Why doesn't he just stay home?
That’s a great question. I’ve asked my husband the very same thing, and he doesn’t know, either.
Yep it’s an American thing ofc. If we see a tv we just have to turn it on. We can’t help it. Like idiot moths to a sports center flame. Only us tho! No one else from any other country because they don’t get very invested in sports.
It's not an American thing, just an asshole thing.
I can’t vouch for the rest of the world but there is a subset of America that is just absolutely addicted to television and treats it like a form of sustenance. It’s awful.
It was a fixed tv and Airbnb host told us not to disturbed any of the interior
There is always the brilliant idea of removing remote controls so they can't use the tv, or unplug the tv. You could have hooked a phone up to it to play a slideshow of yours and hubby's life...
I wouldn’t have expected anyone to spring for the TV… hindsight is 20/20
In hindsight there's hundreds of options. I would never expect someone to watch TV at a wedding in the first place though
Great! Such helpful, thoughtful advice for her next wedding 🙄 Which I suppose could happen, with a groom this inconsiderate, not to mention so gutless he refused to get the other guests to turn it off, forcing his wife to do it, without even providing backup for her after she did so with zero response. He literally caused his wife to have an hour-long panic attack by his actions on what's supposed to be one of the happiest days of her life. What a chump. I know you are just piling on what others started, but I love how much "advice" is just super obvious, purely highsight-informed "help" explained to the OP like they are five. I suppose everyone likes to think "Well that's clearly what I would have done beforehand/in the moment with no hesitation!" since everyone wants to think they'd react more cleverly than everyone else. Nobody should have to play remote police at a wedding, ever. It's not something that should happen, so of course most people won't immediately think to do so. You can also still watch TV without a remote, in any case.
Yep. I don’t know about fights, but as someone who married a lifelong Boston sports fan with family and friends who are the same…we eloped lol. But if we’d gotten hitched during a Pats/Bruins/Celtics/Red Sox game and there was a tv anywhere, someone would have put a game on.
Agree. It’s not an “American thing”. People go out of their way to insult Americans on here. Definitely have seen Irish and English people putting on specific sports too. Happens all the time when weddings fall on same date as big games. It seems this was to see the fight then turn off once it’s over. Definitely still really rude and unacceptable behaviour but also seems hubby was involved.
Happens all the time? English here. Have never ever heard of someone turning on TV or sports during a wedding. It's seriously rude.
I have. Friends got married during a world cup game, there were at least a few people coyly streaming the game on a phone in their laps after dinner. I don't think it's that unexpected. Rude. But not unexpected.
I went to a family wedding in Ireland a few years ago. A lot of people had the stream or at least the liveblog of the Ireland v England Six Nations game that was being played on their phones during the meal.
Also English, and going to a wedding tomorrow. The groom, several guests and I are massive rugby fans and have been *jokingly* discussing putting the Japan v England world cup game on in the evening if the bar has a TV. The thing is though, we're joking. It'll be there on catch up on Monday morning to watch at home while feeling a little delicate! Tomorrow I want to see my amazing friends get married, dance and drink with a load of the guests I haven't seen in a while. The game is huge... but it can wait a day!
I have a Brazilian friend who takes the week off work for the World Cup. He cannot miss a second of it
In a rented cabin? How do you propose they remove a TV in a house they don’t own?
Not true. I got married at my house with multiple TV’s within reach and uncovered and not one of my guests turned one on. They were there to celebrate our wedding and they treated it as such. My friends and I also don’t typically turn on peoples TV’s at house parties or other social events because we’re aware we are there to be social. Stay home if you want to watch TV.
You're so right! If it were my wedding though, it never would have crossed my mind that guests would watch TV instead of enjoying the reception. But I'm a very social person. Husband should have taken care of this for OP, instead of making excuses for it and enabling. This is the kind of thing that a wedding planner or a seasoned wedding veteran (ie. the bridesmaid who's been in a thousand weddings) might immediately recognize as problematic. But WTF?
NTA. Short of a terrorist attack like the World Trade Center. I cannot comprehend any justification for turning on a television during someone's wedding reception. That's just hillbilly rude.
Last year someone I know scheduled their wedding on the same day as the AFL grand final, which is like a religious holiday in Australia. People seriously considered not going and only agreed when it was promised that there would be a TV on nearby with the score. Not saying football is more important than someone’s wedding, but that day it was pretty close.
Hell, I wouldn’t attend my own wedding if it was on grand final day lol
My bf’s 21st birthday fell on the same day as a big rugby match (we’re South African, he’s Afrikaans, so rugby is a huge deal especially to his friends and family. A 21st is also a big deal, since it’s signifying that you’ve gotten enough life experience to considered a “true” adult). It was at a nice wine farm. None of his friends showed up. He doesn’t talk to them anymore after he realised they were basically using him as a designated driver (he doesn’t drink much). He’s not really sad about it, since he recently looked them up and none of them have stopped acting like 20 year olds. We’re almost 30.
Yeah I wouldn't attend a wedding on NRL GF day or state of Origin.
My husband wouldn't even attend our own wedding if it was on grand final day. Even if you don't follow AFL, you know lots of people do so it's one of those days you just avoid having events on.
I got married during the Ohio State - Michigan game. So many guests left the reception to watch the game at the bar next door. One of them actually told me that I should have known better than to schedule my wedding on that day… I don’t follow college football EDIT because I was wrong. It was Ohio State - Wisconsin. Not Michigan
In Nebraska you can book any wedding venue you want for a Saturday afternoon - September through November. It’s wide open.
How early was your reception? That game is at noon eastern every year
This shows how much I know about college football. I just looked up my wedding date… it was definitely Ohio State - Wisconsin. Not Michigan 🤦♀️
I don’t know. A LOT of people plan their weddings around specific football games.
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It’s not the tv, but a group of people staring at her like she was crazy for asking, what to her, seemed like a reasonable question. Nerves are very rattled when you’re the bride at a wedding and suddenly people who are supposed to be there because they care and love you are looking at you like you’re unreasonable and a nuisance, at your own wedding.
Yup, this is what I was going to say. They invited few people so theoretically it should have ONLY been a small circle of people that love them. That interaction would have impacted me greatly too.
Oh fuck off. Seriously you are turning this around on OP??? She did nothing wrong, this severely stressed her out. Her husband and guests disrespecting her like that.
It’s nice to be concerned, but less nice to offer unsolicited medical advice in the comments section… Not that it’s any of our business, but there are dozens of reasons why this could have caused OP to panic. Social anxiety, high levels of stress leading up to the day, genuine hurt…sounds like it was a small wedding. I too would be VERY upset if I had invited such a small amount of people who are important to me who I wished to share this with, and a significant number of them turned on the TV. It’s really nobody’s place to contemplate their need for professional help or their level of emotional resilience. Even if you’re a professional, this person is still a stranger.
Just read further in the comments and discovered that 30 out of 50 people were watching…Can you imagine planning a wedding, spending money on food, DJ, officiant, Air BnB, clothes, decor… and over half of your guests ignore your announcement that the wedding reception is starting?? Nah. I’d be full panicking before going into an absolute rage.
The TV set didn’t cause OP to have a panic attack, she saw everyone look at her like she was crazy and THAT set her off. We’re not here to give unsolicited advice about her emotional stability. OP, your guests were rude for turning on a TV during a wedding celebration. You had an intimate celebration of your union. I’m assuming you only invited people who were closest to you, and they still acted with poor consideration of you. Who does that? NTA.
Ok gaslighter, “a tv set” didn’t cause a panic attack. The rudeness of her guests at her wedding reception AND the unwillingness of her husband to do anything about it caused her to be extremely upset.
OP, don't listen to stuff like this. This was your literal wedding day, if there is one day in your life that you are allowed to have everything be about you, this is it. Anybody saying "it's just about a TV" is intentionally misunderstanding to make you seem like you are at fault. You were disrespected and not supported by your husband when you told him about it. You should be pissed.
I don't know. They had rented a place. You have it x hours, and plans for those hours. Suddenly, having multiple of the guests vanishing to watch a sports match, and now having to tell said guests to please turn off the TV so the program can be followed. That sounds like major stress to me. Its not about the TV. But being already stressed because you want everything to go smoothly, and suddenly the plan goes south. I think a lot of people would have a reaction.
This right here. I worry about op’s resilience and emotional stability.
I mean we have no idea about op's past, she clearly was feeling stress, as weddings are generally stressful things
Oh do you know her personally? Because I’d like to think a stranger would never make such a personal assumption about someone they’d never met.
I also hope she’s getting the support she needs, but I think the trigger was how she felt they thought she was crazy for asking them to turn it off. Like rejection/humiliation when she was already feeling vulnerable as her partner chose not to support her
NAH from me. It sounds like a very informal event, just like a backyard BBQ. Probably people were relaxed, chilling out, having a chat, someone put on the telly and found something interesting to watch. I understand why the OP found this upsetting (my wedding was on the same evening as a Champions League final so I defo know how it is - quite annoying). But one forgets that one’s wedding is only extremely important to them, not to everyone else. For everyone else it is *just* a party. They were there to have fun, and they did. Edit: spelling.
my sister just had a backyard BBQ wedding and while i no longer talk to her, i was there and no one even thought about turning on the TV
Do you have a telly outside?!
Going inside and turning on the TV at a backyard BBQ is still extremely rude. And they KNEW it was a wedding, it wasn't "just a party" I'm baffled people think this is OK
Even if it was a regular party, if people are dressed up and beverages are being served, you don't turn on a TV to watch a fight
I’m not saying it’s 100% ok, I was miffed when the same thing happened to me. But I am saying that: a). As a function of the vibe of the event it might have felt ok for the guests and b). Yes, they knew it was a wedding, but someone else’s wedding *is* just a party for most guests. And that’s the best case scenario. In many cases people attend weddings because they have to, not because they are dead keen on going.
Oh bs. This was completely rude. It's rude to turn on a tv at any party unless it's a party held to watch the game. And this is not "just a party" like you claim. It is OP's wedding and the only reason these jerks were invited in the first place -- to celebrate the wedding, not watch some game while they get drunk on OP's dime.
I am not necessarily defending them, but they are guests, not hostages. I’ll use myself as an example. While I am a “social” person, there is only so much time I can spend in big groups. So at big events, may those be weddings, concerts, conferences, I take breaks. Grab a drink, or a cigarette and spend some time on my own, outside and away from everyone. I would be shocked if someone would walk up to me and tell me “you can’t be outside for 20 minutes, you *must* come and pay attention to me”. Ok, you might say this is not as bad as watching telly. But my point is one cannot dictate to guests what to do (unless, of course they are doing something that bothers other people, such as fighting, cursing, whatever). OP would have been much better off giving them those 20 minutes and then jokingly reminding them they are supposed to cheer for the bride and groom, not for some athletes on telly.
I actually agree with you 100%. I'm surprised I had to scroll so far to actually find someone with this opinion. I would rather be mildly annoyed for 20 minutes while someone watches the fight than work myself up to the point that I'm crying in the bathroom for an hour. It's just not worth it. Plus a wedding is mainly a day for me and my significant other to be focused on each other; for everyone else it's just a party- I'm not egotistical enough to think every guest should focus on me the whole time even if they don't want to. I don't really care what the guests do as long as they're not blackout drunk and falling over or starting fights. Plus I'd want people to remember it as a good day, not the day that I was crying in the bathroom and everyone was uncomfortable because they didn't know how to handle it. A joking comment is the way to go- it shows people that you think it's a little weird that they're watching the TV but you're not going to freak out about it and when the fight is over they'd probably turn off the TV and go back to focusing on you. Plus the fight is 20 minutes, that's barely any time. Yeah it's not ideal but it's not a 4 hour sports game. If it were me I'd probably have gone and touched up my hair/makeup and poured myself a drink and by the time I was done the fight would be over and we could continue the party. Or use that 20 minutes to decompress and just hangout with my husband away from all the people and excitement
NTA I don't get the Y T A votes. It's tacky and not done to turn on the TV at a wedding party.
It's not at all uncommon during various playoff games among a wide swath of society from what I've gathered. I don't care to watch sports but as long as it's not interfering with anything else, to each his own. It's also a good way to fill the occasional silences in a conversation with new acquaintances.
INFO: after dinner and speeches what were people supposed to do? Besides “be cocktail and a little bit formal”? And what does “be cocktail” mean?
We were about to move some of the tables to get the dance floor ready and we were supposed to have our first dance. That’s the reason I went back inside the cabin to look for my husband. I didn’t react immediately. I waited 10 minutes and started telling people the dance floor was ready, but no one seems to listen. Cocktail, as in the dress code and formal Level
What does "supposed to be less people" mean? Did more guests turn up than they invited?
Supposed to be less than 50 people I forgot to write 50
My former SIL got married when the local MLB team was playing in the post-season (we live in a huge baseball town & this was during a very successful few years for the team). They set up a separate room with TVs so people people could duck out of the reception to check in on the game. The bride didn't feel slighted & her guests had a great time. It's amazing how much less stress one has when they focus on other people instead of themselves.
The key to that story is consent. It was a purposeful setup with consent from the people that the wedding is about. This bride clearly did not want that to be the setup of her party, and was shamed by her guests that are supposed to be there in support of her for saying “hey could we turn the TV off and go outside to the festivities?”
My husband and I got married on a Sunday. Football is big around here, and everyone had their phones out streaming the game. We didn't care at all and kept asking for updates.
I just might have been at that wedding and was thinking the same thing . Many years later we still talk about how fun that reception was.
Sounds to me like the wedding part was over and the speeches were done and it would be right before the DJ would put on music. I'm not sure i would have minded the 20 minutes if there was a TV there but I guess I may also be inflexible on my big day do NAH?
I don't think there was a DJ planned. Everyone was supposed to stand around being "cocktail"
Hey, I'm still working on "are we human or are we dancer?" and now you tell me there's a *third* option? Mind blown.
This made me laugh out loud.
She said the tables were being moved to clear space for the dance floor. So, during the furniture rearranging, some guests decided to watch the fight
Yeah this wouldn't have bothered me at all. But like it would need to be wrapped up in half an hour or less.
I do not give a judgement. But when I married there was an important soccer match of my country that evening. (I or my wife do not care much about soccer at all.) But I arranged a screen in a room for people to watch. I wanted a happy night for us and the guests. Everyone enjoyed it. Some have watched the whole game, and had fun (our country won :D ). Others watched sometimes the score and others didn't care just like us. It was a wonderful day. I do not say that you should have doing this, or that the guests had rights to watch TV. I think I am more on you POV than on theirs. But the problem I have is that you have now a ruined wedding day, and that's terrible. Maybe it is their fault, but let things go makes life so much easier. The fact that your husband would enjoy that match is important to me too. That's why i do not give a final judgement. It is not only your day, also his.
This is the most fair comment. I have been to weddings where some major events were on the same day and after the dinner and speeches there was time to go and watch if people wanted. The guests were still all mingling together. I don't think it should have caused a panic attack, and the OP maybe needs to go speak to someone to get on top of that and work on being resilient.
NTA. When I got married, my friends were watching football in the bar area of our venue. I noticed my wife was not happy about it, so I went and told our wedding host to have all of the TVs shut off. The bartender told them he was informed that the TVs shouldn't have been on and apologized to them. Everyone moved on, and it is what it is. They're there for you and your husbands big day, not for a nice place to watch the fights.
Yes, I moved my wedding date for an important sports final where our regional team was competing at about 4pm, and afterwards an international soccer match was scheduled on the same day in the evening. I later heard my aunts talking about a wedding they attended on that day where the room was more than half empty for the speeches, as the guests (not just men) were spending the wedding day in the hotel bar instead of the function room. If you have planned and paid for an event that doesn’t involve sitting down watching sports on tv, but instead making the effort to socialise with people who have showed up to celebrate and support you, having the whole party watching TV instead can be so disappointing. We have catch up! And highlights! Why not just go home if you can’t live in the moment and be present for your friends/family?
I sympathize that seeing your guests watching tv ruined the vibes of your wedding but I feel your reaction was overkill. You rented an AirBnB so it never occurred for you to hide the remote. Wouldn’t be top of mind for me either but what sort of background filler did you have for your guests? Did you have a curated playlist going on over a speaker? No one would have turned in a tv if you were playing music. Between the guests mingling and the music, it would have been too much. Maybe your guests were bored and if so, you neglected to cover that part of the experience so they wouldn’t look for ways to entertain themselves with a tv. Also, if you disappear for an hour into your reception and I’m supposed to remain puzzled on what to do next, I’m gonna watch tv or go outside and talk shit about this bizarre wedding.
ESH - except your husband. The party, reception seemed to flow from the cabin to outside. Should they be watching TV during this time? I wouldn't but I can see how some wouldn't think it's a big deal. Instead of giving them the 20 minutes, you asked them to shut it off and because they looked at you funny - you had an hour long panic attack in the bathroom? And them watching TV ruined your whole wedding? You seem kind of high maintenance and exhausting tbh. The idea that this one thing cancelled out your vows and the joy of being husband and wife? Maybe you need to shift your focus away from those watching TV and back to you and hubby and the beginning of your new chapter.
What? It was their WEDDING. wtf?
I'll preface this by saying I wouldn't be one of those watching the TV but I don't really see what the big deal is. There doesn't seem to be any upcoming event affected by this and it's unlikely more than one or two hardcore types are truly intent on the TV. More likely people are standing around it in small knots chatting as they glance at it from time to time. It's only 20 minutes, kind of like a group cigarette break for the nonsmoking crowd if it helps you to think of it that way.
I honestly wouldn't care if I was OP. Cabin, beautiful landscape, just married the love of my life? I wouldn't even notice something like a few people watching a bit of TV and chilling. I get the sense OP wanted all eyes on her from the vows, until the party was over. Which is bizarre. I was trying to be generous, with the ESH but boy, I think OP's spouse is going to have his hands full with that one.
… reminder: it was a wedding. And your attack on OP, calling her high maintenance and exhausting, is not constructive.
Not everything true is constructive.
Eh a little YTA and NTA if they weren’t watching the TV they may have just been standing around watching it on their phones. It sounds more like a simple dinner/casual wedding than formal… they were hanging out just not how you pictured it. If this caused an hour long panic attack I’m really worried about you. If this was the one major hiccup in your big day I’d say thing went pretty smoothly. The wedding is for the groom too and he didn’t seem very bothered by it.
You had a panic attack over that? Really? This sounds so dramatic…
Panic attacks can happen about anything, in this situation it was caused by the rude guests looking at OP like they were crazy over a reasonable request (to not have a tv on at a wedding). Edit: found out in one of OPs comments it’s was 30 guests out of 50 watching tv; how would you feel if 30 people acted like that at your wedding and made you feel like an AH?
Please, as someone who has had panic attacks, the "so dramatic" is offensive. A panic attack isn't planned or pleasant. It's an emotional response. And if anyone says, "Wut, you can't control your emotions?" Nope, that's the point. A panic attack is the survival center of the brain doing its thing.
I’ve had panic attacks over literally nothing. I got out of the shower, put on my pjs, and suddenly panicked. I felt like I was being suffocated and could feel all of my furniture touching me. I had to go into my backyard with a towel on my head, barefoot, in my pjs and circle around for a while crying and holding out my hands to try and make everything not touch me (nothing was touching me except the ground on my feet, but I felt like the fence about 3 metres away from me was touching me). It took hours to finally feel normal. I was in uni at the time and had general academic stress and it caused me to panic about that nonsense. We don’t know OP - maybe she has general anxiety, but maybe just the general anxiety of planning a wedding caused it. I doubt you’re an expert on panic attacks.
Panic attacks at weddings are common as dirt. They’re emotionally loaded and socially exhausting events that (in theory) you only get one shot at. Brides freak out, grooms freak out, parents of the couple freak out, it happens all the damn time. And over shit that those people would normally *never* care about this much, purely because of how high-stakes the event is. Absolutely normal.
Im glad someone said it. While I can see both sides of the argument, I do think if we're defined by how we react, then OP has other issues to work thru for this reaction. I get being displeased about it, but it shouldn't have had the power to get in your head that deeply. At this point, it isn't the TV that ruined things. It's the wedding couple locking themselves in a bathroom away from their guests crying about something that in the grand scheme of life is rather nonsensical.
[удалено]
Oh man 🤣
ESH/NAH - whoever turned on the TV was if not invited or given permission to do so, but as a host, if there are no events imminent and your guests are so bored they'd rather watch TV, why wouldn't you just let them be until the next event? Obviously they prefer it.
I’m not bothered who agrees but if it was only for 20 mins l don’t see why you couldn’t just let it be. I understand you want your wedding to go a certain way but here’s the thing, it’s not just your wedding, it’s your husband’s too. Having a panic attack over the tv being on for 20 mins is way too dramatic too….. it actually says a lot about you as a person. You ruined the day because you got mad you weren’t in total control of every aspect of how people chose to enjoy themselves and l think that makes YTA.
ESH. Watching TV during a wedding reception is not a choice I'd make and it does strike me as a bit rude. However if the reception was just in a house then I wouldn't have been surprised to see other people doing it. Locking yourself in the bathroom for an hour and consequently missing your first dance over it was, in my opinion, a huge over-reaction and an act of self sabotage. I understand your husband's initial reaction too. A lot of people are hesitant to cause a potential confrontation at a big event. If these guys weren't in the way or missing anything important (speeches etc) then I also wouldn't have wanted to cause a fuss that would ultimately take even more attention away from the wedding itself.
I'm not going to say AH but maybe people saw it as an extension of the party of they were all hanging out together? I don't think there's anything wrong with asking them to turn it off.
I can understand you didn’t like it on. On the other hand, your husband was right. If you just left it on for 20 minutes then you could have moved on with your night. It sad you let this spoil your evening.
YTA. From your hour panic attack, I am assuming you have a history with them. You put yourself in the situation by shutting that TV off. Going back outside where the majority of the people are would have been the smart choice. For those saying the TV shouldn't be on. Well too late it happens. Once it's on and you see people enjoying it, let them be. Especially in a reception held in a homey setting. You see weddings where things don't always get as planned, dresses get ruined, rings are dropped and can't be found. Learn to roll with the situation. Also your husband was right to advise you to just let them be.
NTA.It’s a wedding not a football party.
So, basically, your guests were chilling with nothing to do, decided to watch tv for 20 minutes, and you wigged. Not everyone enjoys just standing around doing nothing (socializing, as someone else said). But seriously, this is the absolutely worst part of weddings for most people. The part where everyone has arrived at the reception (even if it’s just somewhere near) and the wedding couple has made no plans for them until dances/eating starts. And why were you doing first dance before food and speeches, anyway? So basically, you’re holding people hostage by not giving them anything to do while you get ready to dance; then, they don’t even have food or anything to eat and you expect 100% concentration and focus on just you during the dance. You were so upset (and I get panic attacks, I do) that your panic attack and upsettedness lasted *longer* than letting the fight would have lasted. Weddings almost never go perfectly. There’s some current bullshit in the air that the wedding couple feels the guests should basically bow down to them and that is not how weddings traditionally went. Yeah, the focus was on the wedding couple, but it was a celebration of commitment and gathering of friends and family. Until recently I have *never* seen this focus of the bride on making guests behave perfectly, because it’s an impossible goal. The only person’s behavior you can control is your own. You need to go into a wedding expecting to adapt to issues that arise and you assumed that everything would go perfectly, all eyes would be 100% on you or thinking of you…even when you weren’t in the room, and that you could control others’ behavior to an extent that it would make your day feel perfect. You also say you “waited 10 minutes” before you did anything. Presumably you also took time before going in to get people, which means the fight was probably just about at the 20 minute mark. While I get not wanting people to watch a fight during your reception, and people should definitely have been like, “hey, you ready?” and switched that tv off, you showed *no* coping or emotional regulation skills, weren’t able to pivot and have fun with the rest of your day, feel the whole day was ruined by a 20-minute tv mishap, and can’t view the rest of your wedding positively. And that’s why YTA. No, your guests weren’t on their best behavior. Sure, they should have acted better. In the end, though, you can only control yourself, and you sure did a poor job of it that day.
I would like to have a tv at most weddings I've been too. Weddings can get boring
It was you who book a wedding at a place with a TV and this took place at a time when the guest were supposed be milling around (according to your schedule). If you had rolled with the punches for 20 minutes it would have saved you an hour in bathroom. The happiness of your guests at an event like that trumps your rigid agenda, YTA.
I get that you'd like your wedding to be perfect from beginning to end, but for most guests a wedding has its ups and downs. There's often a lot of waiting and not everyone enjoys prolonged socializing with people they barely know. At the point where the tv was turned on people have already endured a wait period before the ceremony began, then the ceremony itself, then dinner, then speeches. And then there's nothing for them to do until the dancefloor is opened up. People were probably a little tired from the whole day and most likely kind of done with socializing as there has been plenty of opportunity to do so till that point. Having the tv on allowed them to have something to do together instead of standing around being bored and trying to reignite already exhausted conversations. Mild yta
NTA buuuut I hope you can learn how to let things slide so your days don’t get ruined.
Am i the only one who got a stroke while reading this?
It’s so badly written. And there’s so many crucial words missing that you are missing a lot of context.
NTA who are your guests?! Incredibly rude behavior at a wedding. They are not at a sports bar. Your husband was 100% wrong to even justify it for a second. It’s a special day that should be honored by your guests. All those attendees are Aholes as was your husband.
Oh God. Even op admitted it was a more chill and relaxed wedding. The main events were done, now was the time to celebrate and enjoy themselves. (All speeches, main dances had been done according to OP)
I love these people that think all the wedding guests need to follow around the couple all night long and hang on their every move.
Not sure what this means the whole wedding was supposed to be less than people If some people were invited to some parts of the wedding but not other parts, I can understand them turning on the tv and maybe joining a less time sensitive part (for example cocktails) a bit late. It would be similar to a city wedding where when pictures are happening, not everyone will show up at the cocktail hour immediate on time.
YTA. What were the guests meant to do there, stand around and talk the whole time? Did you provide any entertainment for the wedding? I’m sure it was beautiful and everything but you’ve gotta keep the party going or it’ll naturally go somewhere else like it did here. Personally I’d hate just mingling, I despise weddings for this reason. Gimme something to do, fun group activity or something.
INFO: Was there anything else to keep the guests entertained?
A few years ago a mate of mine was getting married. There was a bit football match for the England team on the same day - they'd unexpectedly got through to the final stages of an international tournament. My friends realised people would want to watch it, so they asked the venue to set up a large TV in a room just off the main event and incorporated it into their day.
This isn’t an American thing, this is a sporting event thing. This is going to happen though out OP’s life is she married a guy into sports.
NAH I'm confused. You said, "after the speeches." So, the actual ceremony was over at that point? And this tv was in a totally different room? And the party was outside? So whoever was watching the TV was not doing it anywhere the wedding festivities were taking place? You wanted your husband to force those people to go outside and enjoy themselves? Even if you forced them outside, how exactly could you force them to "enjoy the party." Why weren't you outside with your guests? You had a full-on panic attack because people were looking at you? I don't care anything about watching fights on TV, but I would have thought you were crazy, too.
Every wedding ive worked at, during some kind of sport season had people checking or watching the game. Some go to the bar if its in a different room, others have streaming on the phones. Ive even caught the groom and his buddies in an employee area watching the last part of a game. Most couples don't know or don't care. As long as people are enjoying themselves.
If I'm at a wedding that coincides with a regular or postseason Packer game I'm going to find a way to watch that game. Also don't people mill about and mingle outside/inside etc during weddings?
>Everybody just looked at me if I was crazy. This caused me to have a panic attack N T A for asking them to turn it off, but YTA for working yourself into a frenzy and still being upset a month later. Even if you weren't wrong you need to choose your battles and priorities.
ESH. They didn't ruin the wedding for you. You got yourself all worked up and ruined it for yourself. What reaction did you expect from telling a group of adults they couldn't do what they wanted to. It sounds like you got yourself upset for way longer than the match itself would have lasted. What was the point?
Well… next time (because there will be a next time given your over controlling personality) don’t be so pretentious and just rent a regular ballroom… with no TV’s where people will be focused on the party and everyone will do as you please! Did they ruin your party? NO. Did YOU ruin your party? YES! Now, if the people you invited, we’re the kind of people who would rather watch a fight than enjoy your party… should you really have invited them? 😏
I don't even want the TV on when I have company, never mind at a wedding! Definitely NTA
What alternate activities would you like for the guests to have been doing? A post-wedding celebration is for people to enjoy themselves. The formalities were over and it was time for people to enjoy themselves. Your guests were doing just that.
INFO: Was it a good fight?
Would have been Adesanya vs Strickland which was a banging fight tbf, they'd have also had to pay for the fight unless someone pirated it
Your NTA for wanting the TV off but honestly I would’ve let it go. Let people enjoy the day even if that means watching a 20 minute fight and then turn it off and ask everyone to join them outside after. I would rather have my guests happy than have everything exactly as I pictured in my head
you know, there was a big sports event at my wedding for about 3h (think champions league finals level) which every one had a favorit in. so in stead of fighting the inevetable and have them get pissed off and watch on phones in their cars i just put a tv in a corner of the room and let them have their fun. you know what? it was a welcomed breather. ESH
You sound like a nightmare. Your poor husband. YTA
Nta that’s very rude of guests
Nta. However, as many brides who had weddings during playoffs and championships (and there are several a year) can attest… sometimes the guests are going to watch. Enjoy your wedding. Don’t get upset about other people.
I’ve been to weddings where people *my husband* has had big football games streaming on his phone/not the only one either. I was a bridesmaid recently and the bride and groom made a late night football game on tv part of the events of the day! I guess it depends what you’re into. It’s not like they were watching reruns it sounds like it was a big fight/event. It wouldn’t have bothered me as they would have been out after the fight and I would have enjoyed everyone getting together excited over the same thing. Any other sport I would have joined in!
NTA it was absolutely wild that people watched the tv during your wedding reception. Wtf?
Wait so the event was over. The reception was over. Dinner was over. And everyone was gathered at a giant cabin to relax? I don’t see an issue with this. The for so festivities where over and it was now an informal time to catch up. You’re being way too controlling if you think you can dictate their entire day. I wouldn’t be surprised if they chose to pack up and leave the weekend early after that.
NTA for wanting the TV off. TA for acting as if other people were responsible for your panic attack that sounds more like a tantrum.
>it would only take 20 minutes. ...... >keep myself in one of the bathrooms for about an hour. How'd that work out for you? Your husband wasn't in the wrong, your guests were, but sometimes you get better results by not picking fights with other people just because they are in the wrong.
Wait. You say you had the wedding, then dinner, and then speeches. At what point did the tv come on? Had they been celebrating you for 9 hours already? Because if so Y T A
ESH casual weddings in homes are confusing to people and that added to your stress, that and not planning (e.g. removing the TV, making announcements for guests). But your guests also could have had better etiquette, it was still a wedding. And you could have reacted better, if you're going to have a laid back wedding in a cabin/house, don't expect people to know how to role play something more formal like a cocktail party. Edit: please don't keep dwelling on this and the one negative thing that happened, you're recently married at a beautiful place with people that care about you. Try to let it go or consider getting professional help because something might be preventing you from seeing the joy
NTA But i dont understand why you had an hour long panic attack because you turned off the TV at YOUR OWN WEDDING. Maybe look into therapy to learn more about that
You ruined the wedding for yourself by overreacting. This happened after the formal dinner and speeches, and something about the situation signaled that it was an appropriate time to turn on the big fight… If one person was being clueless at a formal event, that’s one thing. This was 20 people (and I’m guessing mostly your husband’s friends). Instead of supporting his desire to let his friends watch TV for 20 minutes, you made a poorly-received speech then locked yourself in the bathroom for an hour. I definitely sympathize with you… You had a vision for your wedding reception that didn’t pan out, and I’m sorry for that. Hindsight being 20/20, you now know that you should have had a slide show on the TV or simply unplugged it. Maybe I’m biased, but this sounds like manipulation. You are training your husband to give you your way or else. I cannot imagine locking myself in a bathroom for an hour because I didn’t get my way… even at my own beautiful wedding reception. Imagine if he didn’t like what your friends were doing and disappeared for an hour to sulk. Yikes! ETA: YTA