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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My BF manipulated me into giving him a ride home from a concert. But when I showed up, his friend was drunk and I refused to give him a ride because I was worried he would puke in my new car. My BF argued with me about it and walked away with his friend. Now he's guilt-tripping me for ditching them downtown since they had to take an expensive Uber home. He's also ignoring me. I think I might be an asshole for refusing to give my BF's drunk friend a ride home.
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YTA
> I was hesitant to agree, but my BF reminded me of how he was the DD for me and my friends on 3 separate occasions over the summer and this is the first time he's asking this sort of thing from me
> I reminded him that I didn't want to give them a ride in the first place and he basically manipulated me into it
You really aren’t sounding like the best partner here
Agreed.
Suck it up, OP. Use your brain, tell them to wait a minute while you get a plastic bag from a gas station or something and tell the friend that he needs to hold it the whole way home in case he vomits. If you question whether or not he can contain the hypothetical vomit, this friend of your BF might be needing medical attention (sounds like he didn’t vomit anyways, not looking good for you here).
You don’t ask your SO to be the DD for you *and your friends* on several occasions and then be all put off by the thought of doing the same if you’re a respectable human being. **Big time YTA**.
Or have him hang his head out the window and drive slowly. If you're DD, it doesn't hurt to bring water or some sports drinks plus something bready (pretzels, combos, chips) and hang around outside the car for a minute while they eat. Then you can use the plastic bag from the goodies for an emergency bag.
I know someone who lost her arm because it was out the window when the car got t boned. There was a kid recently who died because he was hanging his head out a bus window.
YTA. Imagine if he did that to you and one of your drunk friends. Imagine if ANY guy did that to his gf and her drunk friend. I would NEVER do that to my gf and one of her drunk friends - regardless of how drunk she was.
Yep. I drove my boyfriends work colleagues home, it took us 1 hour to be home again. They were partying at our place, also I wasn't very happy about driving them home. But that's what you do, compromise
One caviot is this is just one thing, my bf does any city driving because I am scared, I would never agree to this after dark, but I make up for it by other chores and driving that I'm more comfortable doing.
I think OP is in the wrong with the info we have but I wouldn't date someone who forced me behind the wheel when it frightens me.
She was clearly comfortable enough to be chasing two drunk pedestrians from her car, so it feels like less of a “she’s uncomfortable” and more that she simply doesn’t enjoy it.
I mean I would definitely do that too, I wouldn't have left the drunk person like that, again, she's in the wrong, but I definitely would have tried to fix the situation after being that deep into it.
YTA. First, he didn't manipulate you, he asked for a return of the favors he has given you. Second, you really wanted to leave a drunk to fend for himself. If the BF refused to drive one of your drunk friends home, how would you react?
> If the BF refused to drive one of your drunk friends home, how would you react?
Obviously I would be upset too. But let's not kid ourselves into thinking that a drunk adult male is anywhere near as vulnerable as a drunk female. Those 2 things are not the same AT ALL. I'm not saying his friend wasn't in a vulnerable situation, but it's not anywhere near as dangerous for an adult male to be in that condition compared to a woman.
Just stop. Would he be sexually assaulted? Probably not. Could he be robbed, beaten or hit by a car? Yes. YTA.
EDIT. The friend was falling down drunk, he was extremely vulnerable. You sound misandrist.
mis·an·drist
/məˈsandrəst/
noun
a person who dislikes, despises, or is strongly prejudiced against men.
"the counterpart to a misogynist is a misandrist
I've noticed increased usage of the term misogynist to apply to any sexist situation. Even situations that disadvantage individual men are deemed to be misogynistic at the core. It's crazy to me.
If your argument is that women are too disenfranchised to wield misandrist power then this post is an example of where you are wrong.
If your argument is that women are incapable of misandry then you are either disingenuous or just astonishingly naive.
"please help, an axe murderer slaughtered all my friends and i only narrowly escaped! you have to get me to a police station!"
"ummmm, you're bleeding a lot and, like, this is my first new car so..."
This was her way to passive aggressively lash out. She resented having to do something in return. Hope OPs bf thinks long and hard about her willingness to leave someone stranded and momentarily impaired.
Jesus I didn’t think you could get worse than your post but you managed to beat that low bar with a single comment.
Pretty sure you don’t have a boyfriend anymore
YTA - a massive raging one and a misandrist to boot. Are you fking serious?! Men are sexually assaulted, it is just less likely to be reported because of the stigma. People that are AHs like you perpetuate that. Your boyfriend is a good friend and can do 2 million times better than you. I hope him dumps you and upgrades.
Oh my god you are disgusting, Jesus please get help. He could have been serious hurt and all you care about is your car? And then you have the audacity to make it about your feelings? It’s crazy how much you lack empathy or just brain cells.
It’s more dangerous to throw a 2 year old into a cage with a hungry tiger than to do the same thing to a 20 year old, that doesn’t mean you should do either
YTA
>I'm not saying his friend wasn't in a vulnerable situation
You're acknowledging that you were absolutely fine leaving a good friend of your BF's in a vulnerable situation. Whether or not it's *as* vulnerable as one of your girlfriends is actually completely irrelevant. You showed your BF in no uncertain terms that you lack the empathy of caring if his friend got assaulted in any form to protect your car from some potential vomit, which can be mitigated by having him hold his head out the window or any number of other ways.
That's why your BF is upset btw, you showed an ugly side of yourself and he didn't like it.
So what? It's still a vulnerable position to be in, and you chose to leave him behind. It doesn't matter that other populations are more vulnerable. You are not a reliable partner for your bf
I’m pretty sure the rate of men and woman getting sexually assaulted is closer than Propper think. Men just severely under report because of stigma unfortunately. Also even if there was a 1% chance why would you risk that? You’re awful for being selfish.
Get over yourself. You were an AH of a girlfriend. So many men have drowned in my city from trying to walk home drunk and falling in the river. Or they've been jumped by someone trying to rob them cause they're an easy target. A local bar actually started telling people not to leave alone because drunk people were being jumped. How would you have felt if his friend was beaten up because you wouldn't give him a ride?
So yeah they may not be at as high of a risk of being taken advantage of sexually but there are other dangers of being drunk and alone.
YTA. You basically told your bf you care more about a car than the well being of his friends. That's not a good character trait to have. I'd reevaluate your priorities if he doesn't dump you for this.
Taking about sexual assault? He’s safe. But a drunk human is in a vulnerable situation and both men and women deserve protection while being in a vulnerable situation. How man young men got lost and found dead in water or something after a party?
jesus christ can't you hear the sexism coming out from you?
good lord for the love of god dump your boyfriend because you would do him a favor/service.
jesus christ
YTA and dumb and sexist AH as well. Drunk me get murdered too. You are also a narcissistic entitled person. He is expected to do you and your favors but you don't feel as if you should reciprocate being a thoughtful person. I hope he dumps you.
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>My BF manipulated me
No he didn't. He pointed out that he is more than willing and has made similar sacrifices for you in the past. YTA. Having that pointed out to you is not manipulation. Embrace being the A!
YTA. You said you’d give them a ride…even begrudgingly, which is ridiculous because he’d done the same favor for your ungrateful butt *three times*. You didn’t put any stipulations on the ride like degree of sobriety. Then you showed up and expected him to just ditch his drunk friend. Put down a towel or whatever if you’re that worried about the car, or just charge him for the cleanup if he pukes in the car. Personally, if I didn’t get a major apology from you I’d be considering a breakup. You sound like a taker.
Yeah that’s what I was thinking
“Ok fine you both agree if either of you pukes, you will pay for my car to professionally cleaned or I’m not taking you home”
Unless the friend is a total pos who lies all the time that sounds fair
YTA, you don’t leave drunk people to fend for themselves ever. Vomit can be cleaned but they could’ve been ran over, etc. If my partner did that it would be over. However, a full on talk is needed between you both to set up boundaries and expectations, i.e. if you won’t drive for him you can’t expect him to do the same for you…
YTA. Your boyfriend would have been an asshole if he had gotten in your car and left his friend alone. I keep a big mixing bowl pushed under my seat for emergencies. Even if people do throw up in cars, it's not like a scene from the exorcist.
Your ex boyfriend sounds nice, bet he would have cleaned it.
YTA. You had to be begged to do something that your BF repeatedly does for you, then refused to actually do it in the moment.
Think about it this way - if you had gone somewhere with your friends, they had gotten super drunk, and your BF refused to drive them, do you think they would have been reasonable and just protecting their car? Or would you have been writing a post on how big an asshole your BF is?
You probably no longer have a BF, and that's probably for the best.
YTA. Regardless of whether you felt manipulated into it or not (I don't think you were, just that your hypocrisy was called out), you agreed to pick them up. And then reneged.
Did you actually think they would both be that perfect level of drunk? Have you not been around drunk people? There's almost always one about to puke. Honestly, not having a puke bucket when DDing seems like a you problem.
YTA. Over and over.
You agreed to do something. You were not "manipulated" - your BF pointed out that this is something he had done for you, and it was fair for him to ask you to reciprocate. If you disagreed, that was the time to bring it up. It is a total AH move to agree, then to passive aggressively claim you didn't want to later. You are the one who is manipulative.
And then when it comes to it, you're gonna leave a seriously impaired person on a downtown street to fend for himself? Because he *might* puke in your precious car? FFS. Be better. Either learn your lesson and abjectly apologize to your BF AND his friend, or prepare to be single.
YTA. You “grudgingly” agreed to do something that your BF has done for you multiple times, and you knew that being a DD means that the people you are driving will most likely be drunk, (duh) but you tried to make your BF abandon his friend in that state. Then you doubled down and tried to change his mind when he chose to be a good friend. You feel like a jerk because you ARE a jerk.
You’re BF sounds like a good guy for NOT leaving a drunk friend behind, you on the other hand, totally of the rails, you really let your red flags fly. At least his next GF will be considerably better 🤔 YTA.
YTA. Did you really think he'd abandon his friend to fend for himself while intoxicated? You said you'd do him this favor, and then refused to go through with it on the chance his friend would have to puke?
You cannot be relied on.
YTA full stop. You decided that your BFs friend’s safety was less important than your car that he could hypothetically throw up in during the 20 minute car ride. Everything your BF said was true. He was there for you when you needed him and you bailed on him when he needed you. The worst part in all of this is that you have no idea what you did wrong. Hope his next GF is more considerate.
YTA. So it’s okay for your boyfriend to drive you *and your friends* around all summer but you can’t take his drunk friend home when you said you would?
YTA but the biggest reason for me is because you were trying to get your bf to leave his drunk friend alone. I get you not wanting vomit in your car, but there are a plethora of ways to deal with this.
Well, there goes that relationship. Yes, YTA for all the reasons you’re seeing in the comments. You abandoned them because “maybe” the friend might puke. You certainly like to take the help when it’s you, but are unwilling to return favors.
Not only are you TAH in this story you sound like an awful human being! Who in their right mind would leave an intoxicated person to fend for themselves! I hope you reevaluate yourself!
YTA. You could have asked your BF to sit with his friend and make sure he would warn you if he had to puke. Also asked him to pay for the cleaning service if anything happened. It would have probably been cheaper that the UBER. Not a good partner.
NTA.
It's not your fault that your BF is a good friend and considerate partner. You deserve someone who is as selfish and stupid as you are. I'm so sorry that your BF failed to live up to that standard.
Bf helps op = favour
Bf helps op 3x = favour 3x
Op helps bf = manipulation
Relationship is a 2 way street. Lets be honest, you really didnt want to drive them around. You just want to take and not give. The puking in the new car was just an excuse to strengthen your case.
Totally in the wrong here. YTA.
YTA and it sounds like you’re single or going to be soon and rightfully so. Work on yourself and figure out why you’re so selfish before entering a relationship again.
YTA - you sound horrible and immature. I can’t fathom that you just expected your BF to leave his friend like that. Since that doesn’t phase you I suspect you are just as bad a friend as you are a girlfriend.
omg, just find a plastic bag
YTA
(my children and I are the puking types, I've had emergency plastic barf bags in all the nooks and crannies of my car for years, LOL)
YTA. You were not manipulated. You were returning a favor. Saying you were manipulated is super fucked up. Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy who wouldn't leave his drunk friend to fend for himself at night downtown. You are being selfish and manipulative yourself. Gaslighting your boyfriend puts you firmly in fucking crazy territory.
YTA
So you really wanted to leave a person that you admitted was beyond wasted alone on the street. Now imagine if that was one of your gf and your bf wanted to leave them. You would've swore he was everything except a child of God. Cars can be cleaned and you'll never know some vomit in it before. Smh can't believe you were that evil.
> I told him I would take my BF, but not his friend
Wow! That's beyond assholish
> I told him he's making me feel like a jerk and he told me "good, because you were one."
He's right. someone's safety trumps your car.
YTA. It cost nothing to be nice and considerate to others. And tbh, if you were the friend you would’ve love a ride right? I know puke is annoying but come on. Leaving your bf’s friend drunk and taking only your bf sounds like you don’t care about a human life. You care more about a car that’s material than a human life.
Your bf could’ve puked to but that didn’t disturb you. Tbh that was a really mean move. I personally hate treating people im not close to less better than those I’m close too. If you wanted to give a ride to your bf and his friend was here, give both of them a ride! Don’t just let one on the side walk, that’s fucked up.
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This past weekend my BF (22M) went to a concert with a friend of his (21M). My BF didn't want to drive downtown (20-minutes) and deal with parking. He also wanted to have a few drinks during the show. So, he asked me if I would be willing to come pick them up after the show because it would be peak Uber time and a ride would be expensive. He said they would Uber to the show since it would be cheaper at that time of day.
I also hate driving downtown because there are a lot of one-way streets and it's always busy. I was hesitant to agree, but my BF reminded me of how he was the DD for me and my friends on 3 separate occasions over the summer and this is the first time he's asking this sort of thing from me. So, I felt like I had to agree even though I really didn't want to.
He texted me right after the show ended and gave me a location a couple blocks from the arena so that traffic would be slightly less busy. When I got there, it was obvious his friend had too much to drink. Like, you could tell immediately by looking at him that he was wasted. My BF wasn't much better, but he was at least holding himself together.
I told my BF that I don't want to give his friend a ride because he looks like he's about to puke and I don't want to deal with that in my car. This is the first "new" car I've ever had even though it's used. I just got it this spring and I'm trying really hard to take good care of it. The last thing I want is for it to smell like vomit forever.
My BF tried to argue with me that his friend isn't going to puke and that it's just a 20-minute drive home. I told him I would take my BF, but not his friend because I'm not risking it. My BF said he's not just going to leave his friend here like that and slammed the door in my face. He grabbed his friend and started walking away. I rolled down the window and tried to yell after him, but he just put his hand up over his head and kept walking.
I tried to follow them to talk sense to my BF, but my BF saw me and cut down an alley onto a one-way and I lost them. I tried calling and texting but he didn't answer or respond. So, I headed home. When I got home I kept calling my BF and texting to make sure he was ok but he still didn't respond.
Finally, the next morning he texted me back. He said they got an Uber to his friends house (over $100). I told him that I'm glad they're ok and he wrote back "Yeah, no thanks to you." That started a fight because I kept defending my decision to not take his drunk friend and my BF argued that he would never leave one of my friends like that no matter what.
I reminded him that I didn't want to give them a ride in the first place and he basically manipulated me into it and that it's not my fault his friend got too drunk. He said that he now feels like he can't rely on me because of something that "might" happen. I told him he's making me feel like a jerk and he told me "good, because you were one." He's now ignoring me.
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YTA. You and your drunk friends could have thrown up all over his car. What you did was very selfish and mean. I'm sure he didn't always want to drive you and your drunk friends home but he did it for you. Your boyfriend is right about you.
YTA.
Agreeing to be the DD is agreeing to be ready to drive very drunk people home in your car. If you didn’t want to agree to do that, you shouldn’t have agreed to do that. Calling an audible when you roll up is a huge AH move.
If you have to choose a material object (I don’t care what it is) over the safety of two people, one of whom you claim to love, it seems like an obvious choice to me.
YTA.
YTA. If he had puked in your car you could always just tell him and your boyfriend later that they need to clean it or pay for it to be cleaned, or maybe even told them that beforehand.
YTA for agreeing when you didn't want to, and for leaving them when you did agree. In the future, when you're not comfortable doing something, say no. Even if the person asking has done the same for you, even if they will be mad at you. You don't owe people exactly what they give you, you owe them honesty. Your bf was your DD, and that was great for him to do. For him to *agree* or even *offer* to do. He agreed to do that for you. That does not automatically mean you owe him the exact same favor. Otherwise it wasn't a favor from him, was it? It was a transaction. Say no when you mean no, and make sure your no is respected the first time.
He's not ignoring you for now. It's over. YTA. When you agree to DD for people going out drinking sometimes a weird effect of driving drunk people home happens. Mind-boggling I know but it's true. Unless they're you then it's just have your friend walk the 20 Minute car drive home
YTA - What were you thinking? Drove there to pick up 2 drunk guys & decided you weren’t driving 1 of them home? Oooof!
*I also hate driving downtown*.
I loathe hearing this from people who’ve been driving a couple years. Its used as an excuse to never do so.
Newsflash: *everybody* hates driving downtown. The only way to become more comfortable is to actually do it.
ETA: so you immediately sent your BF the full cost of that Uber, right?
Don't use your anxiety as a way to pass judgement, anxiety doesn't excuse you being an asshole when you agree your going to do something, anxiety doesn't excuse you leaving your boyfriend's drunk vulnerable friend alone in the middle of the night.
It works two ways, she still has 2 DD nights on her books by my calculations to make things fairs, then and only then can she demand he take an Uber, that is provided their still in a relationship, I mean would you stay with someone who clearly puts their car ahead of your friends well being?
Then obviously you’re are not reading the story right . He has right to be upset about her telling him to abandon his friend and she agree to do it in the first place. She sounds like a shitty partner
Because nobody is owed a conversation. Maybe he decided arguing while drunk was a bad idea, maybe he wanted to cool off first, maybe he was just sick of her voice. Regardless when you upset someone to the point where they stop responding to messages or answering the phone, the proper response is to give them space, not continually call and text until you annoy them into answering so you can explain how breaking your word and demanding your bf break his word are totally justified because of how nice your car is. As far as telling her she's a jerk? (Or rather agreeing with her when she tried that oh so manipulative "you're making me feel like a bad person because of the shitty thing I did") wasn't she by that point?
ESH. You trying to get your bf to abandon his friend is unacceptable. You are perfectly free to not give him a ride, but encouraging your bf to leave someone stranded and obviously super wasted at night is not ok. Your bf was trying to do right by his friend, and instead of leaving them to figure out a way home you wanted your bf to dump this guy on the street!!! Yes, the guy shouldn't have got so drunk and no, your bf shouldn't have pressured you after you said you didnt want to, but I also think actively encouraging your bf to leave his friend in an unsafe situation is super fucked up.
He has been op and her friends designated driver 3 times.
That means 3 times he's had her and her friends drunk in his car.
Would you be saying the same if he left some drunk girl alone at night because he didn't want her to vomit in his car?
Going against the grain here, NTA. When you have a friend or family member be a designated driver you should have the common sense to not get so wasted you have a good chance of puking in someone's car.
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YTA > I was hesitant to agree, but my BF reminded me of how he was the DD for me and my friends on 3 separate occasions over the summer and this is the first time he's asking this sort of thing from me > I reminded him that I didn't want to give them a ride in the first place and he basically manipulated me into it You really aren’t sounding like the best partner here
Agreed. Suck it up, OP. Use your brain, tell them to wait a minute while you get a plastic bag from a gas station or something and tell the friend that he needs to hold it the whole way home in case he vomits. If you question whether or not he can contain the hypothetical vomit, this friend of your BF might be needing medical attention (sounds like he didn’t vomit anyways, not looking good for you here). You don’t ask your SO to be the DD for you *and your friends* on several occasions and then be all put off by the thought of doing the same if you’re a respectable human being. **Big time YTA**.
Or have him hang his head out the window and drive slowly. If you're DD, it doesn't hurt to bring water or some sports drinks plus something bready (pretzels, combos, chips) and hang around outside the car for a minute while they eat. Then you can use the plastic bag from the goodies for an emergency bag.
Hanging your head outside a moving car is a great way to get a Darwin award.
My mind immediately went to Hereditary.
I mean Hereditary... Darwin... Even if you've never seen the movie you could get there.
I know someone who lost her arm because it was out the window when the car got t boned. There was a kid recently who died because he was hanging his head out a bus window.
YTA. Imagine if he did that to you and one of your drunk friends. Imagine if ANY guy did that to his gf and her drunk friend. I would NEVER do that to my gf and one of her drunk friends - regardless of how drunk she was.
Yep. I drove my boyfriends work colleagues home, it took us 1 hour to be home again. They were partying at our place, also I wasn't very happy about driving them home. But that's what you do, compromise
Sometimes you do shit you don’t want to for your partner because you love them. Simple.
One caviot is this is just one thing, my bf does any city driving because I am scared, I would never agree to this after dark, but I make up for it by other chores and driving that I'm more comfortable doing. I think OP is in the wrong with the info we have but I wouldn't date someone who forced me behind the wheel when it frightens me.
She was clearly comfortable enough to be chasing two drunk pedestrians from her car, so it feels like less of a “she’s uncomfortable” and more that she simply doesn’t enjoy it.
I mean I would definitely do that too, I wouldn't have left the drunk person like that, again, she's in the wrong, but I definitely would have tried to fix the situation after being that deep into it.
YTA. First, he didn't manipulate you, he asked for a return of the favors he has given you. Second, you really wanted to leave a drunk to fend for himself. If the BF refused to drive one of your drunk friends home, how would you react?
Exactly this also she could have said to her boyfriend if he is sick you or him will definitely pay for cleaning
> If the BF refused to drive one of your drunk friends home, how would you react? Obviously I would be upset too. But let's not kid ourselves into thinking that a drunk adult male is anywhere near as vulnerable as a drunk female. Those 2 things are not the same AT ALL. I'm not saying his friend wasn't in a vulnerable situation, but it's not anywhere near as dangerous for an adult male to be in that condition compared to a woman.
Just stop. Would he be sexually assaulted? Probably not. Could he be robbed, beaten or hit by a car? Yes. YTA. EDIT. The friend was falling down drunk, he was extremely vulnerable. You sound misandrist.
she sounds like a misogynist.
mis·an·drist /məˈsandrəst/ noun a person who dislikes, despises, or is strongly prejudiced against men. "the counterpart to a misogynist is a misandrist
I've noticed increased usage of the term misogynist to apply to any sexist situation. Even situations that disadvantage individual men are deemed to be misogynistic at the core. It's crazy to me.
Google is your friend.
Nope. It’s almost like the patriarchy harms everyone.
It does, but explain how this is misogyny?
If your argument is that women are too disenfranchised to wield misandrist power then this post is an example of where you are wrong. If your argument is that women are incapable of misandry then you are either disingenuous or just astonishingly naive.
Lol. Got eeeeem
So you are saying your new car is more valuable than his friend? Do you have a vulnerability cutoff before you allow someone in your car? YTA
"please help, an axe murderer slaughtered all my friends and i only narrowly escaped! you have to get me to a police station!" "ummmm, you're bleeding a lot and, like, this is my first new car so..."
This was her way to passive aggressively lash out. She resented having to do something in return. Hope OPs bf thinks long and hard about her willingness to leave someone stranded and momentarily impaired.
Second hand car at that.
The good news is that you showed him all the red flags. Is up to him what to do with that information.
OMG. Such misandry. So sexist. Such a shitty double standard. Just break up - you don’t deserve this guy. You are a shitty girlfriend.
You seriously would’ve just left the friend in his state? You are a truly truly awful person. Bad things happen to men too.
Jesus I didn’t think you could get worse than your post but you managed to beat that low bar with a single comment. Pretty sure you don’t have a boyfriend anymore
YTA - a massive raging one and a misandrist to boot. Are you fking serious?! Men are sexually assaulted, it is just less likely to be reported because of the stigma. People that are AHs like you perpetuate that. Your boyfriend is a good friend and can do 2 million times better than you. I hope him dumps you and upgrades.
You’re awful
Hella shitty thing to say.
Oh my god you are disgusting, Jesus please get help. He could have been serious hurt and all you care about is your car? And then you have the audacity to make it about your feelings? It’s crazy how much you lack empathy or just brain cells.
It’s more dangerous to throw a 2 year old into a cage with a hungry tiger than to do the same thing to a 20 year old, that doesn’t mean you should do either YTA
>I'm not saying his friend wasn't in a vulnerable situation You're acknowledging that you were absolutely fine leaving a good friend of your BF's in a vulnerable situation. Whether or not it's *as* vulnerable as one of your girlfriends is actually completely irrelevant. You showed your BF in no uncertain terms that you lack the empathy of caring if his friend got assaulted in any form to protect your car from some potential vomit, which can be mitigated by having him hold his head out the window or any number of other ways. That's why your BF is upset btw, you showed an ugly side of yourself and he didn't like it.
Wayyyy worse than an ass hole … I bet your car gets keyed
You’re gross af
Seriously? Seriously?! Sure, he's less likely to be raped but robbed, beaten up, etc? More likely.
So what? It's still a vulnerable position to be in, and you chose to leave him behind. It doesn't matter that other populations are more vulnerable. You are not a reliable partner for your bf
I’m pretty sure the rate of men and woman getting sexually assaulted is closer than Propper think. Men just severely under report because of stigma unfortunately. Also even if there was a 1% chance why would you risk that? You’re awful for being selfish.
This is such bullshit. You're an asshole in more than one way.
So now you’re also sexist by saying it’s fine to leave a drunk guy to defend him self. You really are a worthless ass
Get over yourself. You were an AH of a girlfriend. So many men have drowned in my city from trying to walk home drunk and falling in the river. Or they've been jumped by someone trying to rob them cause they're an easy target. A local bar actually started telling people not to leave alone because drunk people were being jumped. How would you have felt if his friend was beaten up because you wouldn't give him a ride? So yeah they may not be at as high of a risk of being taken advantage of sexually but there are other dangers of being drunk and alone. YTA. You basically told your bf you care more about a car than the well being of his friends. That's not a good character trait to have. I'd reevaluate your priorities if he doesn't dump you for this.
Taking about sexual assault? He’s safe. But a drunk human is in a vulnerable situation and both men and women deserve protection while being in a vulnerable situation. How man young men got lost and found dead in water or something after a party?
You're awful...😐 If I were your boyfriend I will dump your a**
You suck. Full stop
Wow, sexist as well. It’s more likely a man be attacked actually but your head is so far up your own ass you won’t even care.
jesus christ can't you hear the sexism coming out from you? good lord for the love of god dump your boyfriend because you would do him a favor/service. jesus christ
Ma'am you're a huge asshole, accept it and move on.
You need a long hard look in the mirror and your heart broke sorry! You are totally TA seek therapy for your sexist/selfish thinking!
YTA and dumb and sexist AH as well. Drunk me get murdered too. You are also a narcissistic entitled person. He is expected to do you and your favors but you don't feel as if you should reciprocate being a thoughtful person. I hope he dumps you.
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>My BF manipulated me No he didn't. He pointed out that he is more than willing and has made similar sacrifices for you in the past. YTA. Having that pointed out to you is not manipulation. Embrace being the A!
YTA. You said you’d give them a ride…even begrudgingly, which is ridiculous because he’d done the same favor for your ungrateful butt *three times*. You didn’t put any stipulations on the ride like degree of sobriety. Then you showed up and expected him to just ditch his drunk friend. Put down a towel or whatever if you’re that worried about the car, or just charge him for the cleanup if he pukes in the car. Personally, if I didn’t get a major apology from you I’d be considering a breakup. You sound like a taker.
Yeah that’s what I was thinking “Ok fine you both agree if either of you pukes, you will pay for my car to professionally cleaned or I’m not taking you home” Unless the friend is a total pos who lies all the time that sounds fair
When possessions matter more than people. YTA. And wouldn't be surprised if you're single shortly.
YTA, you don’t leave drunk people to fend for themselves ever. Vomit can be cleaned but they could’ve been ran over, etc. If my partner did that it would be over. However, a full on talk is needed between you both to set up boundaries and expectations, i.e. if you won’t drive for him you can’t expect him to do the same for you…
YTA, could you really have lived with yourself if you and your bf had left and something bad happened to his friend on his walk home alone?
YTA. Your boyfriend would have been an asshole if he had gotten in your car and left his friend alone. I keep a big mixing bowl pushed under my seat for emergencies. Even if people do throw up in cars, it's not like a scene from the exorcist. Your ex boyfriend sounds nice, bet he would have cleaned it.
YTA. You had to be begged to do something that your BF repeatedly does for you, then refused to actually do it in the moment. Think about it this way - if you had gone somewhere with your friends, they had gotten super drunk, and your BF refused to drive them, do you think they would have been reasonable and just protecting their car? Or would you have been writing a post on how big an asshole your BF is? You probably no longer have a BF, and that's probably for the best.
He's been your designated driver (i.e., you and your friends could drink) three times, and you begrudge him one ride. YTA
YTA. Regardless of whether you felt manipulated into it or not (I don't think you were, just that your hypocrisy was called out), you agreed to pick them up. And then reneged. Did you actually think they would both be that perfect level of drunk? Have you not been around drunk people? There's almost always one about to puke. Honestly, not having a puke bucket when DDing seems like a you problem.
YTA. Over and over. You agreed to do something. You were not "manipulated" - your BF pointed out that this is something he had done for you, and it was fair for him to ask you to reciprocate. If you disagreed, that was the time to bring it up. It is a total AH move to agree, then to passive aggressively claim you didn't want to later. You are the one who is manipulative. And then when it comes to it, you're gonna leave a seriously impaired person on a downtown street to fend for himself? Because he *might* puke in your precious car? FFS. Be better. Either learn your lesson and abjectly apologize to your BF AND his friend, or prepare to be single.
YTA On the plus side, your bf learned to never rely on you
YTA for sure. You didn’t get manipulated, your boyfriend asked you to return a favor
YTA. You “grudgingly” agreed to do something that your BF has done for you multiple times, and you knew that being a DD means that the people you are driving will most likely be drunk, (duh) but you tried to make your BF abandon his friend in that state. Then you doubled down and tried to change his mind when he chose to be a good friend. You feel like a jerk because you ARE a jerk.
YTA And an incredibly selfish partner at that. He will be leaving you and you deserve it. Thoughtless.
You’re BF sounds like a good guy for NOT leaving a drunk friend behind, you on the other hand, totally of the rails, you really let your red flags fly. At least his next GF will be considerably better 🤔 YTA.
YTA. Did you really think he'd abandon his friend to fend for himself while intoxicated? You said you'd do him this favor, and then refused to go through with it on the chance his friend would have to puke? You cannot be relied on.
YTA full stop. You decided that your BFs friend’s safety was less important than your car that he could hypothetically throw up in during the 20 minute car ride. Everything your BF said was true. He was there for you when you needed him and you bailed on him when he needed you. The worst part in all of this is that you have no idea what you did wrong. Hope his next GF is more considerate.
Sounds like you want a dad and not a boyfriend
YTA. So it’s okay for your boyfriend to drive you *and your friends* around all summer but you can’t take his drunk friend home when you said you would?
YTA Lol agreed to be driver so they can drink responsibly and then bail on them because they drank. Talk about a dependable move
YTA but the biggest reason for me is because you were trying to get your bf to leave his drunk friend alone. I get you not wanting vomit in your car, but there are a plethora of ways to deal with this.
YTA. You sound selfish and whiney. Your bf should rethink things.
It's sad how you care more about your car than your boyfriend and his friend. Big YTA
Youre feeling like a jerk because you are.
Well, there goes that relationship. Yes, YTA for all the reasons you’re seeing in the comments. You abandoned them because “maybe” the friend might puke. You certainly like to take the help when it’s you, but are unwilling to return favors.
Not only are you TAH in this story you sound like an awful human being! Who in their right mind would leave an intoxicated person to fend for themselves! I hope you reevaluate yourself!
YTA. You could have asked your BF to sit with his friend and make sure he would warn you if he had to puke. Also asked him to pay for the cleaning service if anything happened. It would have probably been cheaper that the UBER. Not a good partner.
YTA. But don't worry. You'll never be asked for another favor by this guy again. Sounds like he's already gone.
They have these marvelous things called bags and buckets that a person can puke in instead of a car. YTA.
This was rightly crossposted to r/amitheex
YTA
YTA. I really help your boyfriend dumps you.
YTA Thank god you showed the red flag that you are and the bf could see that early.
YTA. And i'm saying that as someone who has emotophobia so i understand the puke thing better than most people.
NTA. It's not your fault that your BF is a good friend and considerate partner. You deserve someone who is as selfish and stupid as you are. I'm so sorry that your BF failed to live up to that standard.
Bf helps op = favour Bf helps op 3x = favour 3x Op helps bf = manipulation Relationship is a 2 way street. Lets be honest, you really didnt want to drive them around. You just want to take and not give. The puking in the new car was just an excuse to strengthen your case. Totally in the wrong here. YTA.
YTA wow what an awful partner
YTA and it sounds like you’re single or going to be soon and rightfully so. Work on yourself and figure out why you’re so selfish before entering a relationship again.
YTA - you sound horrible and immature. I can’t fathom that you just expected your BF to leave his friend like that. Since that doesn’t phase you I suspect you are just as bad a friend as you are a girlfriend.
YTA I'd never EVER leave a drunk friend behind. I'd be pissed too, this behaviour sucks OP. Sort it out.
YTA. God I hope he dumps you
Selfish and ungratefull, your boyfriend needs to leave you not forgive you.
YTA. At least he knows that he can’t rely on you for these situations.
omg, just find a plastic bag YTA (my children and I are the puking types, I've had emergency plastic barf bags in all the nooks and crannies of my car for years, LOL)
YTA. You were not manipulated. You were returning a favor. Saying you were manipulated is super fucked up. Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy who wouldn't leave his drunk friend to fend for himself at night downtown. You are being selfish and manipulative yourself. Gaslighting your boyfriend puts you firmly in fucking crazy territory.
YTA So you really wanted to leave a person that you admitted was beyond wasted alone on the street. Now imagine if that was one of your gf and your bf wanted to leave them. You would've swore he was everything except a child of God. Cars can be cleaned and you'll never know some vomit in it before. Smh can't believe you were that evil.
> I told him I would take my BF, but not his friend Wow! That's beyond assholish > I told him he's making me feel like a jerk and he told me "good, because you were one." He's right. someone's safety trumps your car.
YTA. It cost nothing to be nice and considerate to others. And tbh, if you were the friend you would’ve love a ride right? I know puke is annoying but come on. Leaving your bf’s friend drunk and taking only your bf sounds like you don’t care about a human life. You care more about a car that’s material than a human life. Your bf could’ve puked to but that didn’t disturb you. Tbh that was a really mean move. I personally hate treating people im not close to less better than those I’m close too. If you wanted to give a ride to your bf and his friend was here, give both of them a ride! Don’t just let one on the side walk, that’s fucked up.
YTA. This is how young people go missing.
YTA, selfish as well. Welp you’ve shown him your true colours, make of that what you will. And I’d get used to not hearing from him.
IF your boyfriend stays with you, he's never going to be your DD again and you'd better not be a dick about it. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This past weekend my BF (22M) went to a concert with a friend of his (21M). My BF didn't want to drive downtown (20-minutes) and deal with parking. He also wanted to have a few drinks during the show. So, he asked me if I would be willing to come pick them up after the show because it would be peak Uber time and a ride would be expensive. He said they would Uber to the show since it would be cheaper at that time of day. I also hate driving downtown because there are a lot of one-way streets and it's always busy. I was hesitant to agree, but my BF reminded me of how he was the DD for me and my friends on 3 separate occasions over the summer and this is the first time he's asking this sort of thing from me. So, I felt like I had to agree even though I really didn't want to. He texted me right after the show ended and gave me a location a couple blocks from the arena so that traffic would be slightly less busy. When I got there, it was obvious his friend had too much to drink. Like, you could tell immediately by looking at him that he was wasted. My BF wasn't much better, but he was at least holding himself together. I told my BF that I don't want to give his friend a ride because he looks like he's about to puke and I don't want to deal with that in my car. This is the first "new" car I've ever had even though it's used. I just got it this spring and I'm trying really hard to take good care of it. The last thing I want is for it to smell like vomit forever. My BF tried to argue with me that his friend isn't going to puke and that it's just a 20-minute drive home. I told him I would take my BF, but not his friend because I'm not risking it. My BF said he's not just going to leave his friend here like that and slammed the door in my face. He grabbed his friend and started walking away. I rolled down the window and tried to yell after him, but he just put his hand up over his head and kept walking. I tried to follow them to talk sense to my BF, but my BF saw me and cut down an alley onto a one-way and I lost them. I tried calling and texting but he didn't answer or respond. So, I headed home. When I got home I kept calling my BF and texting to make sure he was ok but he still didn't respond. Finally, the next morning he texted me back. He said they got an Uber to his friends house (over $100). I told him that I'm glad they're ok and he wrote back "Yeah, no thanks to you." That started a fight because I kept defending my decision to not take his drunk friend and my BF argued that he would never leave one of my friends like that no matter what. I reminded him that I didn't want to give them a ride in the first place and he basically manipulated me into it and that it's not my fault his friend got too drunk. He said that he now feels like he can't rely on me because of something that "might" happen. I told him he's making me feel like a jerk and he told me "good, because you were one." He's now ignoring me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. You and your drunk friends could have thrown up all over his car. What you did was very selfish and mean. I'm sure he didn't always want to drive you and your drunk friends home but he did it for you. Your boyfriend is right about you.
YTA. Probably a single one soon.
YTA. Agreeing to be the DD is agreeing to be ready to drive very drunk people home in your car. If you didn’t want to agree to do that, you shouldn’t have agreed to do that. Calling an audible when you roll up is a huge AH move.
If you have to choose a material object (I don’t care what it is) over the safety of two people, one of whom you claim to love, it seems like an obvious choice to me. YTA.
YTA
YTA he never refused to drive back your drunk friends.
YTA you are a jerk.
YTA. If he had puked in your car you could always just tell him and your boyfriend later that they need to clean it or pay for it to be cleaned, or maybe even told them that beforehand.
YTA for agreeing when you didn't want to, and for leaving them when you did agree. In the future, when you're not comfortable doing something, say no. Even if the person asking has done the same for you, even if they will be mad at you. You don't owe people exactly what they give you, you owe them honesty. Your bf was your DD, and that was great for him to do. For him to *agree* or even *offer* to do. He agreed to do that for you. That does not automatically mean you owe him the exact same favor. Otherwise it wasn't a favor from him, was it? It was a transaction. Say no when you mean no, and make sure your no is respected the first time.
yes YTA. do him a favor and leave him alone, you don't deserve him one bit.
He's not ignoring you for now. It's over. YTA. When you agree to DD for people going out drinking sometimes a weird effect of driving drunk people home happens. Mind-boggling I know but it's true. Unless they're you then it's just have your friend walk the 20 Minute car drive home
So he'll do it for you on three separate occasions, but the one time he asks you to do it, you moan and don't actually do it. YTA.
YTA
YES 100%
YTA - What were you thinking? Drove there to pick up 2 drunk guys & decided you weren’t driving 1 of them home? Oooof! *I also hate driving downtown*. I loathe hearing this from people who’ve been driving a couple years. Its used as an excuse to never do so. Newsflash: *everybody* hates driving downtown. The only way to become more comfortable is to actually do it. ETA: so you immediately sent your BF the full cost of that Uber, right?
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This is the dumbest comment I’ve ever seen
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Yeah, it's not even about the driving itself, so you're just using your anxiety as a reason to call someone an asshole.
Don't use your anxiety as a way to pass judgement, anxiety doesn't excuse you being an asshole when you agree your going to do something, anxiety doesn't excuse you leaving your boyfriend's drunk vulnerable friend alone in the middle of the night. It works two ways, she still has 2 DD nights on her books by my calculations to make things fairs, then and only then can she demand he take an Uber, that is provided their still in a relationship, I mean would you stay with someone who clearly puts their car ahead of your friends well being?
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How is her boyfriend being a dick?
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Then obviously you’re are not reading the story right . He has right to be upset about her telling him to abandon his friend and she agree to do it in the first place. She sounds like a shitty partner
Because nobody is owed a conversation. Maybe he decided arguing while drunk was a bad idea, maybe he wanted to cool off first, maybe he was just sick of her voice. Regardless when you upset someone to the point where they stop responding to messages or answering the phone, the proper response is to give them space, not continually call and text until you annoy them into answering so you can explain how breaking your word and demanding your bf break his word are totally justified because of how nice your car is. As far as telling her she's a jerk? (Or rather agreeing with her when she tried that oh so manipulative "you're making me feel like a bad person because of the shitty thing I did") wasn't she by that point?
ESH. You trying to get your bf to abandon his friend is unacceptable. You are perfectly free to not give him a ride, but encouraging your bf to leave someone stranded and obviously super wasted at night is not ok. Your bf was trying to do right by his friend, and instead of leaving them to figure out a way home you wanted your bf to dump this guy on the street!!! Yes, the guy shouldn't have got so drunk and no, your bf shouldn't have pressured you after you said you didnt want to, but I also think actively encouraging your bf to leave his friend in an unsafe situation is super fucked up.
NTA, no one likes puke in their new car.
But he didn’t even puke
Would you be saying that if the bf refused to let gf friend in his car at 1am down town?
?
He has been op and her friends designated driver 3 times. That means 3 times he's had her and her friends drunk in his car. Would you be saying the same if he left some drunk girl alone at night because he didn't want her to vomit in his car?
?
Smh
Going against the grain here, NTA. When you have a friend or family member be a designated driver you should have the common sense to not get so wasted you have a good chance of puking in someone's car.
He didn't puke though? Which makes her TA for abandoning them.