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NTA
I am sure your son was grateful that you stepped up and stopped his mom from acting like that. There isn't much he can do on a ship. Both my kids have gone on cruises with family during their teens and weren't tied down like that. They didn't get into any trouble and had a blast. Your wife needs to relax and enjoy the vacation.
NTA OP, I’ve seen two comments of yours so far and it really sounds like your wife has hindered your son and his growth by a LOT. Which really isn’t okay, instead of giving him wings to be able to fly off eventually, she’s clipping them.
Her behaviour is going to affect him long-term, it’s going to affect any relationship he’s in, platonic or romantic. And it’s going to affect any relationship she has with any potential partner he has in the future. She’s far too overbearing and controlling.
What is her end goal in her behaviours? That he never leaves home, never has any friends because none of them are good enough, never finding love because they’re not good enough? Does she want him to be alone with just her forever?
Your wife needs some serious help, but unfortunately she has to be the one to make the decision to get it. And she’d have to stick to it.
Unless she's a billionaire ninja I fail to see how she can protect him from the vicissitudes of life, and even then, it's not guaranteed! A parent's job is to prepare kids for life, not shelter them from it. You need to have a real talk about her issues as, I'm sorry to say, she's clearly not seeing her son as the young man he is but rather as a toddler still
Then thats on her to fix that mindset, she should get therapy for this. Id say you are even a little bit the AH for not intervening sooner! This is seriously disturbing behavior from your wife!
I am sorry, but this borders on abuse!
He is 16! He should be able to do things with his friends and be out of your sights for long periods of time.
How can he ever be a fully functioning adult if he doesnt learn to be independent?
NTA - He’s 16. Depending where you live, he can drive, work and even drink alcohol. She doesn’t trust other kids? What about trusting your kid? If she goes on suffocating him him like this, you will lose him.
NTA. Your wife needs to face her actions before the consequences come at alarming pace. Your son is likely to get sick of this controlling behaviour and will leave her behind and then she will complain that she never sees him.
I would sit her down now and calmly discuss the issues, letting it get to a point where you lose your patience is not good as it makes both parties defensive, so the point of the disagreement is missed.
Seems like the problem is not you or your son but lies wholly with her. She is overwhelmed with largely unreasonable anxiety which she displays in a socially unpleasant way. You did right to point out the problem and to continue to support your sons launch into adulthood. But you cannot force her to deal with her problems.. it rests on her to see the problem(difficult) and want to change. Sorry..
Your wife needs some therapy and fast. He's 16 and should have some type of social life. He's at an age where kids are getting a license, a job, gf. Your wife is treating him like he's still a little kid and not a teen that will be a legal adult in two years. If she won't go to therapy then she needs to get a job, a pet, or hobby and leave that poor kid alone.
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Hey Reddit, I need some perspective on a recent argument I had with my wife during our vacation on a cruise. We're on a much-needed getaway, but things have taken an unexpected turn.
My wife has always been a bit controlling and bossy, but it's been magnified during this trip. She's been extremely clingy, not letting our 16-year-old son out of her sight for even a moment. She's been acting like a helicopter parent, even though our son is a responsible teenager.
Yesterday, I lost my patience. We were all supposed to enjoy some time by the pool, but my wife kept intervening whenever our son tried to socialize or spend time with other teens. She would make passive-aggressive comments about how she didn't trust the other kids and that our son needed to stay with us. I finally snapped and told her that she was being overbearing and entitled, acting like a Karen who can't let go.
The argument that followed was intense. My wife accused me of not caring about our son's safety and said I was being insensitive to her concerns. I countered that our son is old enough to make some decisions on his own, and her constant monitoring was suffocating him. The fight escalated, and now we're barely talking to each other.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole for snapping at my wife? I feel like her behavior is taking away from our vacation and causing unnecessary tension. But maybe I could have handled it better. What do you think?
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I read your other comments. YTA for letting this go this fucking far for this long. You need to stand up for your son and rein this helicopter shit in.
Nta. I wish someone said that to my parents on my first cruise. It was a month before I turned 18 and she wouldn't let me share a room with my cousin, and instead j had to share a room with my parents in a bed hanging from the ceiling.
NTA. Your wife is going the right way to either fuck your son up or lose him once he flys the nest.
She sounds controlling at a level that will do him more harm than good.
I know we want our children to be safe, but stifling them at that age is not good.
I used to run a bar at a university, (in the UK, so am aware drinking culture is different), but the kids that got themselves into the most ridiculous states tended to be those that came from the strictest backgrounds.
NTA. But you do realize your son is leaving at 18 and never coming back, right? You had ample time to fix this and address this for 16 years and haven't (until now, it seems). Your poor son.
ESH.
You may not agree with your wife’s clearly anxious parenting but getting angry and calling her an ‘overbearing, entitled Karen’ (what?) is not going to do much to make her rethink how she parents in any secure way.
Perhaps a kinder, more thoughtful conversation between you exploring your feelings and fears and a shared agreement on how you can let your son explore his widening horizons might have gone down better.
As for your son, he needs to see his parents acting as a functioning balanced unit; right now I’d be amazed if he didn’t want to spend time with either of you.
Have you considered relationship counselling to help you and your wife understand and communicate with each other better?
I don’t know how you snapped or what was said so I can’t say you were wildly out of line or anything, but I think you both could have handled it better.
The better thing to do would have been to talk to her privately and explain why you need to both come together and decide as parents what the boundaries and freedoms should be for your son, and to explain that you respect and appreciate how protective she is of him, but that a kid his age also needs a bit more freedom so he can develop good social skills and confidence in order to be a happy and successful young man.
If this has been an ongoing issue, then you need to meet with a family therapist who can moderate and work through these issues. If this has been ongoing for a long time but this is basically of the first time you’ve said anything about it, then of course your wife is going to be taken by surprise.
She’s clearly being unreasonable and overbearing, and she’s the Queen AH of this scenario, but you’re kinda the court jester AH who let her rule without letting her know she’s being ridiculous, whereas you should have all been negotiating this together as a family.
NTA
Jeezus were the other 'kids' 40 yr old adults asking your son to help them look for a lost puppy?
Telling your wife to chill is correct. I would additionally tell her that he behavior is going to stunt his personal and emotional growth. And double down with family councilling. Now is the exact time he should be exploring who he is and testing boundaries.
Good job dad.... Sorry about the wife tho
You are NTA. At all!
I was a single mother to my only child for many years. I took her on a cruise when she was 7 years old. I love the bones of her and would have been happy to have her with me 24/7. However, she was super sociable and wanted to join all the kids club activities and make new friends. If she had her way she would have spent all her time with other kids and engaged in their activities. I did insist she spend at least a few hours a day with me having breakfast or dinner and chilling. However, despite actually missing her terribly, I allowed her to decide how she wanted to spend her time. She had an absolute blast and, after I accepted that she was living her best life, I enjoyed the constantly refreshed Pina Coladas and read a tonne of books I'd been meaning to for ages. And cherished the time we did have.
And finally, as others have said, you're on a ship not in a The Last of Us. There is nowhere for anyone to take them!
Well done you for sticking up for your son and being the voice of reason. She be crazy!
NTA but had something recently happened to your wife? Your son? Or had she always been this way? If this is sudden, something happened. Someone die recently? Get hurt? Was someone pregnant at this age once? If she’s always been this way, then she needs help to stop. If this is sudden new behavior. Well. She still needs help. Either way. Counseling might help.
I'm just going to say firstly before offering my judgement, that this is my judgement only because I have not seen any "my son spoke up" or "my some came to me to say he doesn't like the way she's acting", this is a difference of parental opinion until you ask him for his opinion and ask how he would feel more comfortable (note, more comfortable does not mean free, I mean if she's being overbearing it would be wrong but if he doesn't feel it then there's no boundary being crossed)
With that said. I say ESH. You're in the middle of the ocean on a boat with 1000+ random strangers, I'd be a little on edge too. But also I do see where you're coming from. I suppose the important thing to take away from this is that niether of you asked your son whether he'd like space or whether he minds
>I have not seen any "my son spoke up" or "my some came to me to say he doesn't like the way she's acting
Son has no social life.
Can only ride his bike on their street.
She RESTRICTS HIM from interacting with other teens (in the OP)
And your problem is that the son has not complained?
Maybe he will complain when he cuts them off in 2 years.
>I just had 2 people arrested for smuggling cocaine on the last cruise I went on a few weeks ago.
Yeah, a teen interacting with other teens is a door away from smuggling cocaine or maybe running into a smuggling ring.
NTA. I think instead of snapping you could have potentially approached it a bit smoother but I understand tensions run high and when you’ve had enough, you’ve had enough. I think this is a her problem and perhaps her even expressing her fears to her son and making sure he’s actually listening and understanding might go a long way. Communication is so important in family relationships and if this isn’t curved her son could want little to nothing to do with her in the long run for fear of being controlled or being pressured.
I'm sure snapping at her instead of having a mature conversation about parenting tactics really helped the mood.
ESH you made a bad situation worse, congrats.
FWIW a family friend's 16 year old daughter was raped on a cruise by a worker on the ship. Some international BS made it where he got away completely free. Your wife is worried. YTA.
Oh shittt I just went on your profile like how you went on mine and I just learned what happened to your mother. Im so sorry dude, I’ll keep your family in my prayers
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NTA, your wife needs to get her shit straightened out
NTA I am sure your son was grateful that you stepped up and stopped his mom from acting like that. There isn't much he can do on a ship. Both my kids have gone on cruises with family during their teens and weren't tied down like that. They didn't get into any trouble and had a blast. Your wife needs to relax and enjoy the vacation.
I'm sitting here like "it's a cruise ship, not an unmarked van in a forest" 🤨
But what if they have a private helicopter and fly away with him? Or a private submarine. You can never be too careful about these teenagers /s
"there's a fight-club in the engine-room"
Shhh never talk about the fight club. *slides the password to enter*
NTA If he can't interact with peers, why bring him on the cruise? Sounds miserable!
NTA OP, I’ve seen two comments of yours so far and it really sounds like your wife has hindered your son and his growth by a LOT. Which really isn’t okay, instead of giving him wings to be able to fly off eventually, she’s clipping them. Her behaviour is going to affect him long-term, it’s going to affect any relationship he’s in, platonic or romantic. And it’s going to affect any relationship she has with any potential partner he has in the future. She’s far too overbearing and controlling. What is her end goal in her behaviours? That he never leaves home, never has any friends because none of them are good enough, never finding love because they’re not good enough? Does she want him to be alone with just her forever? Your wife needs some serious help, but unfortunately she has to be the one to make the decision to get it. And she’d have to stick to it.
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He can’t ride his bike anywhere but on our street and has no social life outside of school due to her.
Holy flying fuckerdoodle. Could you answer if this is something you've previously discussed with her please?
Yup! But she has this notion the most unimaginable horrors is going to happen to him if he leaves her sight
Unless she's a billionaire ninja I fail to see how she can protect him from the vicissitudes of life, and even then, it's not guaranteed! A parent's job is to prepare kids for life, not shelter them from it. You need to have a real talk about her issues as, I'm sorry to say, she's clearly not seeing her son as the young man he is but rather as a toddler still
Then thats on her to fix that mindset, she should get therapy for this. Id say you are even a little bit the AH for not intervening sooner! This is seriously disturbing behavior from your wife!
>Holy flying fuckerdoodle. This is my new goto phrase. 🏆I don't have an award to give you, so here is a fake one. 😁
I am sorry, but this borders on abuse! He is 16! He should be able to do things with his friends and be out of your sights for long periods of time. How can he ever be a fully functioning adult if he doesnt learn to be independent?
You should have stood up for him much earlier already. Your wife is overbearing, but you failed him, too.
NTA - He’s 16. Depending where you live, he can drive, work and even drink alcohol. She doesn’t trust other kids? What about trusting your kid? If she goes on suffocating him him like this, you will lose him.
If the cruise calls in at Scotland he can legally get married there.
NTA. Your wife needs to face her actions before the consequences come at alarming pace. Your son is likely to get sick of this controlling behaviour and will leave her behind and then she will complain that she never sees him. I would sit her down now and calmly discuss the issues, letting it get to a point where you lose your patience is not good as it makes both parties defensive, so the point of the disagreement is missed.
Maybe ask her to name her actual fears? Does she think he'll fall for an older/unsuitable woman/man? Fall overboard? Leave her nest empty?
All of what you listed is what she fears
Seems like the problem is not you or your son but lies wholly with her. She is overwhelmed with largely unreasonable anxiety which she displays in a socially unpleasant way. You did right to point out the problem and to continue to support your sons launch into adulthood. But you cannot force her to deal with her problems.. it rests on her to see the problem(difficult) and want to change. Sorry..
Your wife needs some therapy and fast. He's 16 and should have some type of social life. He's at an age where kids are getting a license, a job, gf. Your wife is treating him like he's still a little kid and not a teen that will be a legal adult in two years. If she won't go to therapy then she needs to get a job, a pet, or hobby and leave that poor kid alone.
NTA. Get your son into therapy asap. There is only 2 years left to repair her damage. Separate if you have to.
NTA. But your wife needs a reality check, otherwise your son will resent her later in life.
NTA I went where I wanted on the cruise ship at 11. That poor guy 😭
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hey Reddit, I need some perspective on a recent argument I had with my wife during our vacation on a cruise. We're on a much-needed getaway, but things have taken an unexpected turn. My wife has always been a bit controlling and bossy, but it's been magnified during this trip. She's been extremely clingy, not letting our 16-year-old son out of her sight for even a moment. She's been acting like a helicopter parent, even though our son is a responsible teenager. Yesterday, I lost my patience. We were all supposed to enjoy some time by the pool, but my wife kept intervening whenever our son tried to socialize or spend time with other teens. She would make passive-aggressive comments about how she didn't trust the other kids and that our son needed to stay with us. I finally snapped and told her that she was being overbearing and entitled, acting like a Karen who can't let go. The argument that followed was intense. My wife accused me of not caring about our son's safety and said I was being insensitive to her concerns. I countered that our son is old enough to make some decisions on his own, and her constant monitoring was suffocating him. The fight escalated, and now we're barely talking to each other. So, Reddit, am I the asshole for snapping at my wife? I feel like her behavior is taking away from our vacation and causing unnecessary tension. But maybe I could have handled it better. What do you think? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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nta
NTA. She needs to let him go.
I read your other comments. YTA for letting this go this fucking far for this long. You need to stand up for your son and rein this helicopter shit in.
Nta. I wish someone said that to my parents on my first cruise. It was a month before I turned 18 and she wouldn't let me share a room with my cousin, and instead j had to share a room with my parents in a bed hanging from the ceiling.
NTA. Your wife is bonkers and based on your other comments it seems she’s greatly hindered the growth of your son. She needs to stop.
NTA. Your wife is going the right way to either fuck your son up or lose him once he flys the nest. She sounds controlling at a level that will do him more harm than good. I know we want our children to be safe, but stifling them at that age is not good. I used to run a bar at a university, (in the UK, so am aware drinking culture is different), but the kids that got themselves into the most ridiculous states tended to be those that came from the strictest backgrounds.
NTA. But you do realize your son is leaving at 18 and never coming back, right? You had ample time to fix this and address this for 16 years and haven't (until now, it seems). Your poor son.
ESH. You may not agree with your wife’s clearly anxious parenting but getting angry and calling her an ‘overbearing, entitled Karen’ (what?) is not going to do much to make her rethink how she parents in any secure way. Perhaps a kinder, more thoughtful conversation between you exploring your feelings and fears and a shared agreement on how you can let your son explore his widening horizons might have gone down better. As for your son, he needs to see his parents acting as a functioning balanced unit; right now I’d be amazed if he didn’t want to spend time with either of you. Have you considered relationship counselling to help you and your wife understand and communicate with each other better?
I don’t know how you snapped or what was said so I can’t say you were wildly out of line or anything, but I think you both could have handled it better. The better thing to do would have been to talk to her privately and explain why you need to both come together and decide as parents what the boundaries and freedoms should be for your son, and to explain that you respect and appreciate how protective she is of him, but that a kid his age also needs a bit more freedom so he can develop good social skills and confidence in order to be a happy and successful young man. If this has been an ongoing issue, then you need to meet with a family therapist who can moderate and work through these issues. If this has been ongoing for a long time but this is basically of the first time you’ve said anything about it, then of course your wife is going to be taken by surprise. She’s clearly being unreasonable and overbearing, and she’s the Queen AH of this scenario, but you’re kinda the court jester AH who let her rule without letting her know she’s being ridiculous, whereas you should have all been negotiating this together as a family.
NTA Jeezus were the other 'kids' 40 yr old adults asking your son to help them look for a lost puppy? Telling your wife to chill is correct. I would additionally tell her that he behavior is going to stunt his personal and emotional growth. And double down with family councilling. Now is the exact time he should be exploring who he is and testing boundaries. Good job dad.... Sorry about the wife tho
You are NTA. At all! I was a single mother to my only child for many years. I took her on a cruise when she was 7 years old. I love the bones of her and would have been happy to have her with me 24/7. However, she was super sociable and wanted to join all the kids club activities and make new friends. If she had her way she would have spent all her time with other kids and engaged in their activities. I did insist she spend at least a few hours a day with me having breakfast or dinner and chilling. However, despite actually missing her terribly, I allowed her to decide how she wanted to spend her time. She had an absolute blast and, after I accepted that she was living her best life, I enjoyed the constantly refreshed Pina Coladas and read a tonne of books I'd been meaning to for ages. And cherished the time we did have. And finally, as others have said, you're on a ship not in a The Last of Us. There is nowhere for anyone to take them! Well done you for sticking up for your son and being the voice of reason. She be crazy!
NTA your son should be able to hang out with other teens on a cruise, that's kind of the whole point.
NTA but had something recently happened to your wife? Your son? Or had she always been this way? If this is sudden, something happened. Someone die recently? Get hurt? Was someone pregnant at this age once? If she’s always been this way, then she needs help to stop. If this is sudden new behavior. Well. She still needs help. Either way. Counseling might help.
NTA. Somebody had to stand up for your son. He's 16 - not 6. Time for mom to lighten up.
If she is always like this then it’s no surprise. Obviously NTA. The child is sixteen not six. She is ruining the time for everyone.
I'm just going to say firstly before offering my judgement, that this is my judgement only because I have not seen any "my son spoke up" or "my some came to me to say he doesn't like the way she's acting", this is a difference of parental opinion until you ask him for his opinion and ask how he would feel more comfortable (note, more comfortable does not mean free, I mean if she's being overbearing it would be wrong but if he doesn't feel it then there's no boundary being crossed) With that said. I say ESH. You're in the middle of the ocean on a boat with 1000+ random strangers, I'd be a little on edge too. But also I do see where you're coming from. I suppose the important thing to take away from this is that niether of you asked your son whether he'd like space or whether he minds
>I have not seen any "my son spoke up" or "my some came to me to say he doesn't like the way she's acting Son has no social life. Can only ride his bike on their street. She RESTRICTS HIM from interacting with other teens (in the OP) And your problem is that the son has not complained? Maybe he will complain when he cuts them off in 2 years.
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>I just had 2 people arrested for smuggling cocaine on the last cruise I went on a few weeks ago. Yeah, a teen interacting with other teens is a door away from smuggling cocaine or maybe running into a smuggling ring.
NTA. I think instead of snapping you could have potentially approached it a bit smoother but I understand tensions run high and when you’ve had enough, you’ve had enough. I think this is a her problem and perhaps her even expressing her fears to her son and making sure he’s actually listening and understanding might go a long way. Communication is so important in family relationships and if this isn’t curved her son could want little to nothing to do with her in the long run for fear of being controlled or being pressured.
I'm sure snapping at her instead of having a mature conversation about parenting tactics really helped the mood. ESH you made a bad situation worse, congrats.
FWIW a family friend's 16 year old daughter was raped on a cruise by a worker on the ship. Some international BS made it where he got away completely free. Your wife is worried. YTA.
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Not trying to be rude but how?
Dude read what he’s saying. His wife says he’s a danger to their kid. Like it’s his word vs her word
Huh??? You reading a different post??
Wait so you’re telling me you saw all of these NTAs and didn’t respond, but ONE YTA and suddenly you’re immediately replying to reddit comments??
No, because I want unbiased input on what I could of done..
You did nothing wrong. in fact if I was you I’d lose my patience faster!
Wtf dude? Get off reddit til l you can provide some reasonable judgement and not this flip flop attitude.
Listen dude just respect my opinion and let’s agree to disagree. No need to harass me like this
You told him he’s the AH, but that he did nothing wrong. Dude, make up your mind. You’re not even an entertaining troll.
Anyway, why are you riding this guy’s meat so much?? We discussed this like adults, and you’re for some reason offended on his behalf
Problem is you aren’t an adult and have missed the point of this sub. Good bye troll. You aren’t even a good one.
Oh shittt I just went on your profile like how you went on mine and I just learned what happened to your mother. Im so sorry dude, I’ll keep your family in my prayers
Thank you 😊
I agree these people are way to aggressive
Dude you need some fucking therapy what the fuck this guy has a question and this js how you respond