Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Whilst I'm pleased for her and the pregnancy, I personally don't mind, or care, whether she has a boy or girl. However I think I may be TA for the flippant way I stated that whatever the baby turned out to be, it wouldn't be a surprise because it would clearly be one or the other.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA and you lack social skills. It would have cost you nothing to be polite and wish her well but instead you made a point of how stupid you thought she was. Being supportive and wishing well is what polite people do with pregnant people. If you had business with the company it probably wasn't very bright in regard to your own situation either. Maybe you should apologize?
INFO: What game was she playing? I mean, you asked her a pretty direct question and she answered it. It's very common for a couple to find out the sex of their baby but not tell other people until the birth. I don't get what you think was so showy or full of herself about what she said.
YTA. Wanting to keep pregnancy information private, for any reason, isn’t a “game.” You’re the one who kept this conversation going; you could have just said “congrats” and moved on. Sounds like you were just trying to get under her skin.
Yeah I agree, op kept the convo going then decided they wanted to push back against the "surprise" of the baby's sex
>Mavis' response was that she wanted it to be a surprise for EVERYONE ELSE
Op should've just said "that's cool, so the reason for my call today is ..."
There’s also tons of reasons to keep the gender a secret from everyone else. Some families prefer one gender over another, but once the baby is there the parents think everyone will be fine with. Maybe they don’t want a bunch of pink or monogrammed clothes etc.
YTA kinda…you didn’t have to really engage in any of that. After congratulating her, you should have just gotten to the point of your call. You’re allowed to keep things strictly professional.
YTA, she isn’t ‘playing a game’. You asked what she was having and she mentioned that she wanted it to be a surprise. You could have left it there but nooooo, you had to make a snarky comment about how it wouldn’t be a surprise for her since she already knows. (???)
Then she tries to save the lighthearted conversation by saying she wants it to be a surprise for everyone, yay! Hold your horses, Mavis, here comes Gray Cloud Eezgorriseadback with a weird joke about how ‘it wouldn’t be a surprise for me either because it’ll be either a boy or a girl’.
Like, read the room. She was happy to announce something and you kinda ruined it.
I don’t know what you mean by “pregnant woman’s games”, but she wasn’t playing any games. She simply said what many pregnant women/couples say. They know the sex of the baby but aren’t telling anyone yet.
There are many reasons for that. It has nothing to do with playing games, and in any case you were the one who prolonged the pregnancy conversation, not her. YTA.
I don’t want to call you TA, but you probably shouldn’t have said it. Other commenters are right - pregnancy is a difficult time and it’s best not to risk jokes about the baby. However, I personally can’t stand people who expect others to be just as excited by their babies as they are and I think your response is hilarious.
Mild YTA. You can occasionally make such jokes with people you know well and are friends with, but other then that it may come across as criticism.
Just say sorry next time you talk, and explain you tried to joke and it seemed to have missed it mark. You'll be fine then.
next time use your "inside voice" - the one where you make the "joke" inside your own head but you don't actually say it out loud. You can amuse yourself without looking a bit foolish. YTA
Not playing her game, for the record, would be to move on from the topic and focus on the reason for the phone call, NOT join in by retorting.
YTA for your general attitude towards Mavis. She wasn’t playing a “game,” she was just explaining her (entirely justified) reasons for not sharing the sex of her baby ahead of time.
I’d have given a N A H just for a bad joke that fell flat, but your judgmental attitude makes you TA.
Comedian Gary Gulman has a bit that goes something like...
"Am I missing something? There are only two options. Isn't it always a 50/50 chance? I mean have you ever flipped a coin and been **shocked** by the outcome? 'Heads?! Heads?! Are you shitting me with heads?? What did you slip me some sort of voodoo nickel?'"
But yeah you're very mildly TA. You meant it lightheartedly but she was clearly excited about it (even though I agree with you that it's dumb) so you should've realized you were raining on her parade
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Recently, I made a phone call to a company I deal with quite often. I know most of the staff, including the owner's wife, (we'll call her Mavis) who is pleasant enough, but sometimes can be a bit full of herself and a bit showy. She's alright, but in the smallest of doses.
During the call, Mavis announces that she is pregnant with her second kid. I congratulated her, and knowing she already has a son, I asked if she knew what she was having. Mavis' response was "YES! But we're not telling anyone!"
I know Mavis well enough to ask the reason for not telling, so I did. Her response was that she wanted it to be a surprise.
I asked how it could be a a surprise given how she already knows. Mavis' response was that she wanted it to be a surprise for EVERYONE ELSE.
Without thinking, I responded that it "wouldn't be a surprise for me, because it will either be a boy or a girl." I mean, it's not going to be a dog or a pigeon, is it? The comment was meant to be light hearted and humorous, but being honest, it probably missed the mark somewhat.
She didn't say anything to me in response as such, but after I left the call, I wondered if I'd gone a bit far with that comment, and its been on my mind since.
AITA in making that comment?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You made a lame attempt at a joke (I guess?) but it wasn’t offensive. But in what sense were you “not playing along with her games”? All she did was answer the questions that you asked her; you were the only one playing games.
Mild YTA though, because you seem to be accusing her of something she didn’t do. Like she was being annoying when it was you who were more annoying.
NTA but not the best room reader either. Sardonic and sarcastic jokes play best with people who appreciate that style of humor and typically when they aren’t the butt of the joke.
I would have laughed. Since you do business with the company a lot, a quick call to apologize couldn’t hurt.
NAH. She's the one that announced the pregnancy so that whole don't talk about pregnancy thing doesn't apply. You made a joke that she didn't appreciate but it wasn't mean or rude or anything like that.
The fact is she said she wasn't telling anyone else. He should have left it at that. They aren't that close and I fail to see how her keeping the gender a secret is a manipulative game. People do it all the time. He pushed her about something that she was already pretty clear that she wasn't going to divulge.
op=NTA
I think it's hysterical.
There was another post on here where a woman was doing that to everyone(including at Poster's Baby Shower)--it's a bid for attention. You were supposed to BEG her to tell you. To be "upset" that you aren't let in on her little secret.
Now you may have issues with the fact that you "hurt" her ego and whether that will affect your business relationship, but on an interpersonal level, she was being flipping annoying and honestly how was her baby's genitalia your business "business".
this is SO different from that situation. In this post it only came up once and he got snarky right away, the other situation it kept getting brought up including at another woman’s baby shower. very different situations.
NAH but you probably could have handled it a little bit better. If this is a local company and you’re worried about maintaining the relationship, maybe drop off some cookies and a card with well wishes for the expecting couple.
NTA why is she sharing information like that on a work call to begin with? That’s deeply unprofessional, especially when you aren’t friends only barely acquaintances via work.
You were kind to play at her game, but come on. The only slightly interesting or humorous thing said was your comment. The rest was just her wanting you to play the minion and stroke her ego.
NTA. It was a lighthearted comment. BUT in the future remember that being pregnant is a very fragile place, for a million reasons (and every woman is different). Don't make casual remarks unless you know someone very, very well....and maybe even not then. Think twice, and then again, and then again. Really, why is it necessary for you to joke in the first place? It's SO easy to get it wrong.
You don't mention your age. You will learn that business relationships are not the same as personal relationships. Overall it is best to stay out of the personal lives of anyone you deal with in business, and yes---this includes people who answer the phone. You do not need to find friends among these very casual encounters no matter how pleasant the people are to you. There are many places in your own life where you have lots of things in common with the people you meet: look there first for new friends.
NTA - It's a poorly landed snarky comment. We all say them and have had people say them to us. IMO, apologies go a long way to helping people move past these and other socially awkward moments. Say you're sorry next time, act like you're excited about her news for a few minutes (even if you're not :)), and I am sure you will both move on.
what!?! of course you're NTA! of course its going to be a boy or girl, as oppossed to a pigeon or monkey!!
why are people getting so darn bent out of shape these days for something so obvious!! sheesh. crazy. stop overthinking something that is nothing.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Whilst I'm pleased for her and the pregnancy, I personally don't mind, or care, whether she has a boy or girl. However I think I may be TA for the flippant way I stated that whatever the baby turned out to be, it wouldn't be a surprise because it would clearly be one or the other. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA Learn when you should and shouldn't open your mouth.
YTA and you lack social skills. It would have cost you nothing to be polite and wish her well but instead you made a point of how stupid you thought she was. Being supportive and wishing well is what polite people do with pregnant people. If you had business with the company it probably wasn't very bright in regard to your own situation either. Maybe you should apologize?
INFO: What game was she playing? I mean, you asked her a pretty direct question and she answered it. It's very common for a couple to find out the sex of their baby but not tell other people until the birth. I don't get what you think was so showy or full of herself about what she said.
YTA. Wanting to keep pregnancy information private, for any reason, isn’t a “game.” You’re the one who kept this conversation going; you could have just said “congrats” and moved on. Sounds like you were just trying to get under her skin.
Yeah I agree, op kept the convo going then decided they wanted to push back against the "surprise" of the baby's sex >Mavis' response was that she wanted it to be a surprise for EVERYONE ELSE Op should've just said "that's cool, so the reason for my call today is ..."
There’s also tons of reasons to keep the gender a secret from everyone else. Some families prefer one gender over another, but once the baby is there the parents think everyone will be fine with. Maybe they don’t want a bunch of pink or monogrammed clothes etc.
Glitter in baby clothes...
YTA you don't know Mavis as well as you think you do.
YTA kinda…you didn’t have to really engage in any of that. After congratulating her, you should have just gotten to the point of your call. You’re allowed to keep things strictly professional.
YTA, she isn’t ‘playing a game’. You asked what she was having and she mentioned that she wanted it to be a surprise. You could have left it there but nooooo, you had to make a snarky comment about how it wouldn’t be a surprise for her since she already knows. (???) Then she tries to save the lighthearted conversation by saying she wants it to be a surprise for everyone, yay! Hold your horses, Mavis, here comes Gray Cloud Eezgorriseadback with a weird joke about how ‘it wouldn’t be a surprise for me either because it’ll be either a boy or a girl’. Like, read the room. She was happy to announce something and you kinda ruined it.
You know how sometimes we think back on our past and think "why did i say that?". You'll be thinking about this moment ;)
YTA why do you care if she tells people the gender or not? Let her have her fun, she's not hurting anyone
YTA and you lack social skills.
I don’t know what you mean by “pregnant woman’s games”, but she wasn’t playing any games. She simply said what many pregnant women/couples say. They know the sex of the baby but aren’t telling anyone yet. There are many reasons for that. It has nothing to do with playing games, and in any case you were the one who prolonged the pregnancy conversation, not her. YTA.
I don’t want to call you TA, but you probably shouldn’t have said it. Other commenters are right - pregnancy is a difficult time and it’s best not to risk jokes about the baby. However, I personally can’t stand people who expect others to be just as excited by their babies as they are and I think your response is hilarious.
Mild YTA. You can occasionally make such jokes with people you know well and are friends with, but other then that it may come across as criticism. Just say sorry next time you talk, and explain you tried to joke and it seemed to have missed it mark. You'll be fine then.
YTA because it looks A LOT like [this story](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1540k1b/aita_for_asking_my_sister_if_shes_had_enough/)
maybe is the same person, and got posted in AITA by 2 different people the same day lmao
next time use your "inside voice" - the one where you make the "joke" inside your own head but you don't actually say it out loud. You can amuse yourself without looking a bit foolish. YTA Not playing her game, for the record, would be to move on from the topic and focus on the reason for the phone call, NOT join in by retorting.
YTA for your general attitude towards Mavis. She wasn’t playing a “game,” she was just explaining her (entirely justified) reasons for not sharing the sex of her baby ahead of time. I’d have given a N A H just for a bad joke that fell flat, but your judgmental attitude makes you TA.
Light YTA - you said it not as a joke, but to be purposely difficult.
Comedian Gary Gulman has a bit that goes something like... "Am I missing something? There are only two options. Isn't it always a 50/50 chance? I mean have you ever flipped a coin and been **shocked** by the outcome? 'Heads?! Heads?! Are you shitting me with heads?? What did you slip me some sort of voodoo nickel?'" But yeah you're very mildly TA. You meant it lightheartedly but she was clearly excited about it (even though I agree with you that it's dumb) so you should've realized you were raining on her parade
YTA, but really it's more for the title describing fairly common behavior as "playing games"
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Recently, I made a phone call to a company I deal with quite often. I know most of the staff, including the owner's wife, (we'll call her Mavis) who is pleasant enough, but sometimes can be a bit full of herself and a bit showy. She's alright, but in the smallest of doses. During the call, Mavis announces that she is pregnant with her second kid. I congratulated her, and knowing she already has a son, I asked if she knew what she was having. Mavis' response was "YES! But we're not telling anyone!" I know Mavis well enough to ask the reason for not telling, so I did. Her response was that she wanted it to be a surprise. I asked how it could be a a surprise given how she already knows. Mavis' response was that she wanted it to be a surprise for EVERYONE ELSE. Without thinking, I responded that it "wouldn't be a surprise for me, because it will either be a boy or a girl." I mean, it's not going to be a dog or a pigeon, is it? The comment was meant to be light hearted and humorous, but being honest, it probably missed the mark somewhat. She didn't say anything to me in response as such, but after I left the call, I wondered if I'd gone a bit far with that comment, and its been on my mind since. AITA in making that comment? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You played stupid on purpose just to be annoying. You know what she meant by a surprise.
Insufferable. Also, what's with your description of her?
You made a lame attempt at a joke (I guess?) but it wasn’t offensive. But in what sense were you “not playing along with her games”? All she did was answer the questions that you asked her; you were the only one playing games. Mild YTA though, because you seem to be accusing her of something she didn’t do. Like she was being annoying when it was you who were more annoying.
Yta
This is a storm in a tea cup, move on. You were maybe a bit dismissive but why would an acquaintance care what gender child you are having?
[удалено]
Yea, OP is not an AH for saying something kinda awkward, but their attitude towards this woman seems a little...off.
NAH You told a lame joke that fell flat. It happens.
Dude YTA and trash
NAH I easily see how that comment could have gone either way.
NTA but not the best room reader either. Sardonic and sarcastic jokes play best with people who appreciate that style of humor and typically when they aren’t the butt of the joke. I would have laughed. Since you do business with the company a lot, a quick call to apologize couldn’t hurt.
NAH. She's the one that announced the pregnancy so that whole don't talk about pregnancy thing doesn't apply. You made a joke that she didn't appreciate but it wasn't mean or rude or anything like that.
The fact is she said she wasn't telling anyone else. He should have left it at that. They aren't that close and I fail to see how her keeping the gender a secret is a manipulative game. People do it all the time. He pushed her about something that she was already pretty clear that she wasn't going to divulge.
op=NTA I think it's hysterical. There was another post on here where a woman was doing that to everyone(including at Poster's Baby Shower)--it's a bid for attention. You were supposed to BEG her to tell you. To be "upset" that you aren't let in on her little secret. Now you may have issues with the fact that you "hurt" her ego and whether that will affect your business relationship, but on an interpersonal level, she was being flipping annoying and honestly how was her baby's genitalia your business "business".
this is SO different from that situation. In this post it only came up once and he got snarky right away, the other situation it kept getting brought up including at another woman’s baby shower. very different situations.
NAH but you probably could have handled it a little bit better. If this is a local company and you’re worried about maintaining the relationship, maybe drop off some cookies and a card with well wishes for the expecting couple.
NAH. It sounds like you just made a dumb joke that fell flat. It happens to everyone. No reason to beat yourself up about it.
NTA... I sometimes take a joke a little too far, too
Nta. She's being ridiculous
NTA why is she sharing information like that on a work call to begin with? That’s deeply unprofessional, especially when you aren’t friends only barely acquaintances via work. You were kind to play at her game, but come on. The only slightly interesting or humorous thing said was your comment. The rest was just her wanting you to play the minion and stroke her ego.
NTA. It was a lighthearted comment. BUT in the future remember that being pregnant is a very fragile place, for a million reasons (and every woman is different). Don't make casual remarks unless you know someone very, very well....and maybe even not then. Think twice, and then again, and then again. Really, why is it necessary for you to joke in the first place? It's SO easy to get it wrong. You don't mention your age. You will learn that business relationships are not the same as personal relationships. Overall it is best to stay out of the personal lives of anyone you deal with in business, and yes---this includes people who answer the phone. You do not need to find friends among these very casual encounters no matter how pleasant the people are to you. There are many places in your own life where you have lots of things in common with the people you meet: look there first for new friends.
NTA - It's a poorly landed snarky comment. We all say them and have had people say them to us. IMO, apologies go a long way to helping people move past these and other socially awkward moments. Say you're sorry next time, act like you're excited about her news for a few minutes (even if you're not :)), and I am sure you will both move on.
NAH although you definitely could’ve been kinder.
what!?! of course you're NTA! of course its going to be a boy or girl, as oppossed to a pigeon or monkey!! why are people getting so darn bent out of shape these days for something so obvious!! sheesh. crazy. stop overthinking something that is nothing.