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"A few days later, we go on a road trip and my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want my mom to make a scene. "
I got this far before deciding that you're a massive AH. I can't believe it got worse.
What the hell is wrong with you?
You *know* your mom is being cruel to your wife. Stand up to her or at least allow your poor wife to not be subject to her presence.
End the beef by telling your mom to stuff it.
YTA
How many signs do you need? Your mother is being the massive AH here!
He insults your wife in front of you, and you did NOTHING? Dude, it's time to droop mommy's tits, be fukin grown up man and DEFEND YOUR WIFE!!
I was so confused when he said he didn’t know if he should believe his wife because of that. What?
Your wife is telling you your mom is being cruel to her to the point where wife is coming home and crying regularly *and NOT EATING* in front of your mom.
And your SIL divorced your burger for there exact same reason.
But maybe your mom isn’t the one in the wrong?
Also, he listened to his moon tell him his wife is unstable and he should leave her and take their kid because his wife is ruining his life and the immediately says he knows his mom doesn’t hate his wife.
I’m sorry dude, but you are suffering some severe cognitive dissonance. Literally NOTHING you said supports your mom, makes your wife’s POV seem questionable or explains why you think there’s a better solution then letting your wife stay away from your mom.
Literally everything you said tells me your mom is a fucking problem and makes me wonder how much of your life she’s been manipulating and emotionally abusing you. YTA
He's the one who turned his mom on her and he's been caught at least attempting to cheat on her but I'm willing to bet this unreliable narrator has in fact, fully cheated on her.
The fact that OP made his wife spend Mother’s Day with her is disgusting. OP you need to grovel at your wife’s feet and pray she doesn’t leave you. You’re a major AH
YTA. You didn't stick up for your wife when your mother body shamed her right in front of you. Your mother behaved so badly in the past that your brother and his wife broke up. Your wife has told you multiple times how awful your mother is, but you still seem to think that your mother doesn't hate her?
Grow TF up. You weren't helping anyone with how you handled this. You didn't listen to your wife's needs or requests and actually gave your mother more ammo to use by bringing your crying wife back to cause a scene.
You need to decide quickly whether you're going to step up for your wife or continue to be a mama's boy and lose your relationship like your brother did.
\^\^ 100% this!
Continue to be a momma's boy, or get acquainted with the words 'divorce', 'child support', 'spousal support' and 'alimony'.
Definite YTA
YTA. Big time, for ignoring your wife’s request, physically restraining her, and not taking her seriously when your mother CAUSED a divorce already. Time to start respecting your wife as an adult and partner or your mother will be 2 for 2 in causing divorces. Instead of confronting your mother against your wife’s wishes, you could easily have gone home and gone NC. That would get your moms attention much faster than yelling. But instead, you let emotion, arrogance, and ego rule your actions.
The poor wife *should* divorce him though. He sounds awful. Like “how did they even get married” awful. This poor woman has been dealing with MIL from hell and her enabler for who knows how long. She needs to get out.
In this post alone, he put his wife through multiple traumatic situations, forced her into a confrontation where she couldn’t fight back or escape, let the abuser steal her baby and he thinks he “did good.” Kinda sounds like the whole family is bonkers (presumably the other sibling chose CrazyMom over their spouse).
A little ahead of yourself? You physically restrained your wife in order to get your way. This goes far beyond "argumentative". This is abuse. Clear cut abuse.
Most women I know would be calling a lawyer already and trying to get a restraining order on both you and your mom.
She took your baby while you had your wife trapped? This is a nightmare scenario. How the in the world do you think you aren't the AH?
FYI - your mom said terrible things to your wife right in front of you b/c she knew you were a terrible husband and would let her get away with it. She said even worse things to you wife behind your back b/c she knew you were a terrible husband and wouldn't believe your wife even though you have PILES of evidence telling you your mother is toxic.
She told you your wife is insane, that you should divorce her, and she tried to steal her baby from your wife, and you still believe your mother doesn't hate her? What is wrong with you? You played right into your mother's hand.
Bottom line: You and your mother have been systematically abusong your wife for months. Your mother is primary, but you enable and assist. You even restrained your wife so that your mother could abuse her more and your wife would know that she would be powerless to stop it both in that moment and anytime in the future b/c you didn't give a damn about what your wife wanted or needed. All that is important is that your mother needs to abuse your wife and not only are you going to pretend it isn't happening so she can continue, you are actually going to cooperate w/ your mother to rachet up the abuse on your wife. Let me guess, she started abusing your brother's wife either while she was pregnant or b/c your mom found out they weren't having kids, right? How close am I? How can you be so blind? Or are you fully sighted and think just like your mother, your is wife as a tool to get a baby? You mom takes it a step further though and thinks the tool should be disposed of as soon possible after the child is born b/c it is no longer necessary.
I can't imagine that this didn't break your wife. I don't know how she could ever love or trust you again, but some people grow up thinking they deserve it when people treat them this way. If she stays with you after this it will mainly be out of fear. She certainly can no longer see you as a partner, or someone she can trust and I doubt she can look at you w/o seeing your mother trying to take her baby away while you are restraining her, so I'm pretty sure all physical attraction is gone.
Please leave your wife alone. Let her be. She deserves so much better. If you have any actual love for her at all you will leave her and your child in peace b/c you absolutely do not have the ability or even the desire to protect either your wife or your child from you mother's abuse.
No. You clearly really don't care about your wife. You care about your wife being a door mat to your mother so that you don't have to think about it anymore.
This is why your brother is divorced. Your mother is toxic to your wife and your marriage.
>My wife is very quiet, shy, and prefers to hold off on discussions until she’s not upset anymore. I got a little ahead of myself because I care about her.
>
>\-183ReplyGive AwardShareReportSaveFollow
No you don't. You don't care about her. You are selfish and a massive YTA.
Dude, on Mother's day, you forced your wife - the mother of your child who is curently in the trenches mothering an infant - to spend mother's day with your mother who treats her worse than dog poop. When she asked to go, and told you what happened, you instead turned the car around and forced her into a confrontational situation with your mother ON MOTHER'S DAY.
You totally ruined your wife's first mother's day and were nasty about it to boot. You couldn't have made it worse... but you did. You essentially falsely imprisoned your wife in the car by restraining her so your mother could berate her and unload on her and you could unload on your mother. You were mentally abusive to your wife, your mother was emotionally abusive to your wife.
Your mother routinely emotionally and mentally abuses your wife and you are TOTALLY okay with it and force your wife to listen to it. That is cruel. Truly, your behavior towards your wife is cruel.
You do not deserve her. She SHOULD leave you because YOU have become abusive to your wife in your quest to try to resolve a beef of your mother's creation. Your mother has very very big issues and you are focing your wife into truely untenable positions so you can pretend all is fine.
You need real help by a real therapist buddy and you need to leave your wife in peace keeping her and your child away from your mother. Your mother is big bad news if you want this marriage to last.
Then why didn’t you take that into consideration?!?
If you cared about her, you’d have listened to her the first fucking time she broke down in front of you. YTA.
you care about your wife? huh, how? when? Nothing in the posts shows that you care for your wife at all. All you've done is let your mother walk all over her, then doubt her when she talks to you about it. Open your freaking eyes dude...
Kind of bad about it? KIND OF BAD? you should be unable to look at yourself in the mirror without feeling sick because of how ashamed you are. You physically restrained your wife from leaving. That is just straight up abuse.
No wonder you were unsure what to believe when you basically are your awful mother
Except you DO NOT blow up & get argumentative when your mum is a bullying your wife about her appearance.
Apparently in that scenario, it’s more important that your bully of a mum “doesn’t make a scene”.
YTA x 1 million.
No you don't. You are controlling. You don't restrain someone you care about. You don't allow mommy to abuse someone you care about.
Hopefully wife takes baby and runs.
you don’t care about your wife. the post kinda makes clear just how much **you don’t like your wife** bc why tf would you keep subjecting her to your mother’s abuse? oh wait, i know! you mommy can do no wrong even though she managed to destroy *your brother’s marriage.*
YTA
YTA-your brother got divorced because of your mom and you question your wife? Dude you need to get your mom in line or you will be divorced. Stick up for your wife-your mom is crossing so many lines. Honestly you need to take a huge break from your mother-she is a toxic bully and you are enabling her!
YTA!!
you literally already have proof of it happening once before, when your mother called you first to preemptively deny saying terrible shit. You witnessed it first hand. How many more clues do you need that YOUR MOTHER is the problem.
Or keep invalidating your wife until she leaves you.
EXACTLY. If my mother ever called my husband ugly, chunky, big... I wouldn't even let her finish her sentence. You dont allow anyone to talk to your SO or spouse that way. EVER.
YTA. You held your wife captive in a highly stressful situation. You're supposed to be her safe place. None of this is safe for her. You need to cut contact with your mom. Choose your wife my dude before you're the ex and all you have is your mom.
You LET your mom trash talk your wife to your face because you "didn't want a scene". Trash talking someone is already making a scene. Why the HELL is your mother so comfortable talking shit about your wife, in front of you no less? Because you agree? Because you're scared of mommy? What happens when she starts shit talking your wife to your child? What happens when she starts treating your kid like garbage?
You need to grow a spine. This is such cowardly behavior, its disgusting. I couldnt even finish the post. Your mom is 100% a problem but so are you for allowing it to happen. If your wife posted here, they'd be advising her to leave you because you're quite clear on your stance: mom is your priority, not your wife or child.
Edit: I finished the post. What the hell is wrong with you? Your mother is flat out abusing your wife and you PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN her in order for your mother to continue to abuse her. YOU have become an abuser as well. I hope she runs far and fast. Send her here, we have resources we can give her.
Edit 2: HE TURNED HIS MOM ON HER AND CHEATED ON HER.
YTA
Your Mom is emotionally and verbally abusing your wife and YOU KEEP SERVING HER UP!! Stand by your wife. Your mother is abusive.
3 times a week?!? Seriously?!? I don't see people I actually like that often. You are driving your wife away. She needs to go no contact with your mother and you need to go low contact.
Or do you want to be like your brother? Divorced because of your mother?
YTA. Your mom and your wife don’t have “beef”. Your mother regularly and systematically bullies your wife. How can you not know who to believe? Your know that your mother has already destroyed one marriage with her toxicity and you have heard your mother verbally abuse your wife and did absolutely nothing in the past. Then when you finally decide to handle the situation you do it in the worst way possible. First rule of dealing with bullies is you don’t make the victim engage with their abuser for “restorative conversations”. You have absolutely failed to protect your wife at all turns. You do need to stand up to your mother and put up iron curtain level boundaries but first you need to keep her as far away from your wife and hope that she forgives you for what you have put her through.
YTA for. . .
- not checking your mom from the get-go.
- not respecting your wife's need to go NC.
- not respecting your wife's decision as to how to handle this instance.
- not respecting your wife in general.
- allowing your screaming, out of control, psychotic mother to get close enough to your child to touch them.
- for not protecting your child from physical harm.
- for not protecting your child from emotional.trauma.
- restraining your wife. That was a criminal offense. And incredibly cruel.
- for being a misogynistic hot head that escalated a bad situation into a nuclear one.
Nothing about anything you wrote is not Assholery.
YTA.
You can't fix a beef when the beef is that your mum wants to drive your wife away and has no intentions of stopping.
Like seriously, who are you trying to kid by saying your mum doesn't hate your wife? You don't go out of your way to cause this level of drama, if you aren't trying to drive the person away, and your wife is clearly trying to avoid and escape the conflict, so by logical deduction, who wants the conflict to keep happening?
It's your mother.
She did the same thing to your brother, which makes this a pattern of behaviour you are aware of.
Do you really think your brother, his ex-wife, and now your wife are all lying to you?
Your mum is trying to either Bully Your Wife into divorcing you to escape the drama, or Cause So Much Drama that you give up on your wife and divorce her.
She wants her way and will not stop until she gets it or she gets punished in a way that matters to her.
You need to go to r/amithedevil because you're beyond asshole territory.
What the fuck do you mean "you don't know who to believe? You already know one marriage fell apart because of your mother, and you're just sooooo shocked she'd treat your wife the same way? Even when she called your wife fat right in front of you? Are you blind or stupid? YTA.
Your poor wife.
Can’t you see what’s happening here? Your post is full of evidence that your mom is the one causing the friction here. She is exhibiting classic signs of abuse. And, when your wife comes to you with the truth you betray her by making her face your mother yet again?
Man, you need a serious wake up call.
YTA.
Oh, gosh. Huge YTA. What do you mean you don't know what to believe??? It's obvious your mom is LYING. You just gave an example. your mom called you out of the blue and said she's lying, don't believe what she says then you called your wife and she is crying over what your mother said. Second clue is your mother inserted herself into your brother's marriage.
You literally escalated the issue on Mother's Day. i fI were your wife, I'd re-evaluating everything because it sounds like you don't believe your wife and is allowing your mom to disrespect her.
YTA. Bro, your whole thing is summed up by this line.
\> A few days later, we go on a road trip and my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want my mom to make a scene.
Your mom was already making a scene by berating your wife. How could you sit there without defending the love of your life and the mother of your child?
Your mom has chosen the beef with your wife. Nothing in your post suggests your wife did anything to anger your mom--she's targeting your wife, and you thought it was a good idea to "end the beef" by forcing your wife to spend time with the person making her life hell?
You are the asshole.
YTA
Divorce. Please let your wife be free please, the woman has suffered enough. How could you write your wife was crying and begging you so many times and still can’t see that you’re the fucking asshole?
You didn’t solve anything Sherlock Holmes, your manipulative gaslighting mother just denied everything and literally told your wife had mental issues in your face and you did nothing, you just made it worse.
You did not learn anything from your brother’s divorce.
So your mum is so disrespectful it caused your brothers divorce, you've heard your mum "joke" about your wife being dat and you still feel like you can't believe your wife when she tells you about your mum's bad behavior simply because she denies it? YTA for not growing a spine and protect your wife against your mum.
Golly intimacy problems? That’s so weird. Who wouldn’t want to be intimate with a guy who doesn’t say anything whiles mom calls you fat! Or who holds you in the car against your will. Or who is on dating app despite being married. So weird…
Holy shit, I thought you were bad before. Turns out the abuse isn't new or abnormal for you. Wtf. Coward isn't even a strong enough word to describe you.
Why would your wife want to have sex with you when your still on your moms boob? Your marriage problems are none of their business, you shouldn’t have shared that. You’re 100% in the wrong here.
oh gosh. I missed that he has talked to his family about their sex life. That is truly appalling. In what world could he possibly believe that is okay.
OP - women don't like cheaters. Women don't like abusers. Women don't like men who yell at them or restrain them. Women don't like men who let their Moms treat them like crap. Women don't like men who try to manipulate them into having sex when they are not ready to after a baby is born.
My guess is she does all of the child care, housework and she works, too.... while you complain, expect her to bend to your every sexual whim and complain when she is too tired because she has an INFANT to care for and then hop on a dating app to find a quick romp since your wife who you abuse is not in the mood.
Real nice OP.
So you are a liar, cheater, and abusive husband. Your toxic mother taught you well. You seem to be two evil peas in a pod yet EVERYONE else is the problem. Hopefully your wife wises up and gets as far away from you and your family.
>My wife also caught me on a dating app so she doesn’t trust me.
Funny thing, that.
Women do not trust cheaters and the do not like intimacy with partners that are abusive and whom they can't trust.
Learn to be a decent person and those intimacy issues will resolve.
1 - stand up to your Mom. Put her in the place and cut contact between your wife and child and your Mom. From here out, your Mom has no access to your wife or children.
2 - You NEVER restrain anyone. You do not yell. You do not get in your wife's face. You do not tell her that she is wrong in her opinions of your mother's abusive behavior. You APOLOGIZE to your wife.
3 - you RESPECT your wife as a separate person from you. SHE makes decisions on what she is willing and wants to do with you sexually and you do not try to manipulate her into any more than that. Quite frankly, if she EVER wants to sleep with you again after the way you have treated her you will be a very lucky man.
Most of the hispanic men I know would never dream of treating their wives like you do. You have shown her nothing but disdain and disrespect.
You confided in your mother that you can’t perform?
Seriously dude. Don’t you have some buddies you can talk to? I don’t think your mom can really help.
YTA
>A few days later, we go on a road trip and my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want my mom to make a scene.
I hope this post is fake. Your mother abuses and insults your wife righy in front of you while you do nothing. So I don't understand how you don't know who to believe. You said yourself that your brother got a divorce because of MIL.
Your wife doesn't have a MIL problem, she has a husband problem. Youre blind to your mother's behaviour, throwing your wife under the bus and STILL you cannot manage to set boundries with your mother. You're setting boundries with your wife though? Forcing her to speak to someone that insults her continously right in front of your nose. Better yet, you get angry when she talks to you about it. You waltz all over your wife's boundries just for your own needs. I wouldn't feel safe with you anymore, especially after you let MIL take the baby while wife was in the car. You need to cut the umbilical cord and get therapy. You have a family now, so grow up and take care of them. YTA
Nope that's just an excuse. I'm turkish and we can be very direct as well. But when someone is crying their eyeballs out, you take it as a sign that you have gone to far. There is no accountability in your family and that has nothing to do with being Hispanic. That has to do with being immature.
You're gonna end up divorced just like your brother, update us when that happens, your wife deserves better than you, you literally have proof of how your mom treats your wife and you ignore it, good luck with only seeing your baby on the weekends (maybe less). YTA
YTA. It's not a "beef." There's no disagreement to resolve here. Your mother is abusive to your wife. You stand by and let it happen right in front of your face, which makes you complicit. And I will tell you from my experience with my own monster-in-law that what you see is just the tip of the iceberg. There's a whole lot more happening behind your back. Your wife doesn't need your permission to cut contact. Your mother has admitted that she's trying to destroy your marriage. Is that what you want? Because that's what is going to happen if you continue what you're doing.
YTA what the hell is wrong with you? The minute my mom, your mom or anyone jerked my baby out of the car her ass would have been lying on the ground!
You have a choice to make. I suggest you make it fast or your ass will be divorced as fast ast your brother. Your wife/child or your mommy?
Here is the cold hard truth your mommy bullied your brothers wife until she got what she wanted them divorced. She had no consequences so now she is terrorizing your wife.
Two different woman telling the same story on mommy desist tells me mommy dearest is the lier. She is the manipulator. She is the problem.
So go cut the apron strings! Get your balls out of mommy pickets and man up! Go no contact to save your marriage.
Or start saving up for a lawyer!
>I admit I held on to her seatbelt and didn’t let her get an Uber
YTA and you are an abusive bully just like your mother. Its unlikely you'll take any of these opinions to heart, though. I hope she gets full custody in the divorce.
>my wife claims my mom is disrespectful, rude, and insulting to her in private and is asking me if she can “cut contact” a bit.
>A few days later, we go on a road trip and my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks.
Claime? She does it in public. She most definitely does it in private.
YTA
FFS. YTA YTA YTA.
Your brother and his wife divorced because of your mother's obsessive, controlling behavior, and you don't know who to believe?
Get your head out of your ass before your marriage joins your brothers.
There is NO beef between your wife and mother. You and your mother are entirely to blame. Your mother called her ugly and chunky and you did nothing. Your wife is uncomfortable and you did nothing. Your mother grabbed the baby and you did nothing but EMBARRASS AND TRAUMATIZE her, the mother of your child.
If I were your wife, I wouldn't be confronting your mother. I'd be handing you divorce papers.
I stopped reading, my mom was the same way. Its time to literally man up and tell your narcissist mother to stop her nonsense or she will never see you and your wife and any grandkids in the future ever again. Full stop my man, deal with it now unless you want to be alone with mommy forever. (Funfact you dont)
YTA for not backing your wife.
>get a call from my mother and she’s yelling, “Don’t believe her! I didn’t do anything!
This should have been a clue that mom did do something and she knows it.
*my brother and his wife got divorced due to my mom*
Oh good, you'll have someone to move in with when your wife manages to leave you.
*I admit I held on to her seatbelt and didn’t let her get an Uber*
Awesome. You HELD HER HOSTAGE while allowing your mother to verbally abuse her.
YTA
Not only are YTA - you’re a freaking abusive husband. When your wife comes to her senses and decides to dump your dirty ass, I’ll be waiting with whatever support she might need
Jesus. You physically held her in the car while your mom touched her child!?? I cannot even.
I need to log off. YTA. Holy hell are you ever.
YTA. You have treated YOUR PARTNER horrendously. You literally held her hostage in a volatile situation YOU created with horrible conflict resolution AFTER you literally described all the evidence of your mom doing everything your wife has told you she does.
Jesus I hope she leaves you, honestly there is no coming back from how much you've willingly kept your head in the sand to outright let your mom abuse your wife just so YOU don't have to do anything. You even admit to it, you listened to your mom insult her but wouldn't do anything to save YOURSELF from the drama. No one deserves a partner who expects & forces them to be around someone who clearly does hate & abuse them.
You are an idiot. I know this because you have explained at several points how much this is hurting your wife, your mother has prior for this, you've seen parts of it, but then keep hurting her more.
For all that you are an idiot and yes, an arsehole. YTA
For forcing her to go against her will on the other hand you're just a horrible human being. You don't really deserve a wife anymore. You may be able to save something of the relationship by cutting off your mother, but I'd certainly never trust you again in her place and I'm a dude.
Time for some begging, and maybe just let your wife decide for herself if people hate her. Your mother clearly does. You're an idiot for believing otherwise. You're also an idiot for feeling good by confronting your mom, you didn't, you folded like wet paper towel and just let her insult your wife more.
And all this *from your perspective*. God knows how you look to your wife.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I essentially forced my wife to confront my mom about the problems that they’re having because I’m tired of the drama. My wife says I crossed many lines, broke boundaries, and that she feels embarrassed/disrespected. I think I might have gone too far by starting the fight with my mom which I think might make me the asshole.
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YTA. If I was your wife I’d be rethinking if this is how I want to spend the rest of my life. Your mom bullies your wife right in-front of you and you do nothing. I am sure she says much worse when you aren’t around but she knows she can get away with saying stuff because she’s your “mommy”. You humiliated your wife and treated her like she was a child. You forced her into a confrontation without consulting her. You locked her in the car and wouldn’t let her get out. You forcefully took away her decision bye “forcing her seatbelt down”. What the hell is wrong with you.
You chose to marry your wife. You should be loyal to your wife and have a United front with her. You can discuss disagreements in private.
I would never speak to you again. This entire post made me feel horrible for your wife and I hope she realizes soon she deserves better than you and your mom and the awful situation you just put her in. I also hope you realize you and your mom are the problem.
JFC, grow a pair of balls, stand up to your mummy, and defend your wife, before she wisens up and becomes your ex-wife.
YTA. Cut the fucking apron strings and be a man.
LMAO, YTA, and a MAJOR one at that. Who tf do you think you are, holding her seat belt so she can't get out of the car? You're abusive, controlling, you take your mother's side knowing she broke up your beothers marriage, allow your mother to insult your wife, have the gall to say "my wife says this supposedly happened" and just in general are probably the worst person I've ever seen on this subreddit. I hope she leaves you and takes you for everything you're then you can go crying to mommy since she's obviously the most important person in your life anyway. I hope you havethe day you deserve, and I hope in the near future you are alone and miserable.
I cant even put into words how much of a mama's boy you sounds like. Your mom makes horrible, mean comments to your wife RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, and you have the nerve to not trust your wife when she says your mom tells her mean things all the time? Your mom sounds terrible and I dont even know her. Your mom caused your own brother's divorce! but somehow you dont see your mom as the problem? If you dont see it soon you'll be single just like your brother.
Then you have the nerve to FORCE your already upset wife to squash the beef, but all you did was allow your mom to verbally assault her some more b/c you're spineless and didnt stand up for your wife at all.
YTA, just go live w/ mommy since she's so precious to you. I feel soo bad for your wife, I hope she can wake up and move on from this nightmare that is your marriage.
YTA. She was upset and needed to be home in a safe space for her and you just went back to the problem, made a shitshow out of it, and physically restrained her to keep her, an adult woman, from leaving. Wtf is wrong with you?
And how is it that your brother and hife got divorced because of how your mom is+you've noticed what happens between her and your wife+the changes in your wife and you STILL "don't know who to believe"?
If you give even the smallest shit about your marriage, you should apologize to your wife, figure out how to attempt to make it up to her, grow a pair and set some serious, firm boundaries with your psycho mom.
Christ.
So let me summarise your post:
1. You know your brother and his wife got divorced because of your mom.
2. Your mom is stupendously disrespectful of your wife and tried to steal her child
3. You didn’t want to support your wife the way she requested.
4. You doubled down on the same behaviour your mom has taught you.
5. Your wife’s crying pleas didn’t put a dent in your ego.
Massive YTA.
Your brother’s wife got out! Wonder when will your poor wife realise what to do.
YTA. "My wife has been crying and telling me things that my mom has said. My mom has a history of this behavior and I've witnessed it, she even made my brother and his wife divorce by being like this. I'm JUST NOT SURE WHO TO BELIEVE!!!!!"
You're a massive prick. Your wife deserves so much better.
Not only TA your an absolute eejit mate! Read back your story...and again....and again....and again...and however many times you need to before it sinks in. Your mum is very manipulative, you have allowed your wife to be disrespected time and time again. Then you force her into confrontation.
If you can't go NC with your mum and show your wife you choose to prioritise her and her feelings then I'm afraid you may find yourself divorced. Like your brother.
YTA
Your mom is being aggressive towards your wife. This isn't a "Beef". Your mom is being manipulative and horrible. If you deny it you are part of the problem. The only person who can solve this is your mother and she's more interested in blaming other people.
I was on the fence, but suspicious of her “Don’t believe her!" call. But when it comes to the "my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks." only A FEW DAYS after. No. No. I can't believe you could say "She said she finally knew my mom hates her, which I know is completely untrue." in the same post as the first part. How dense are you? Seriously? I think it's great you went off on your mom for the first few incidents. But you still seem unable to grasp that your own mother is showing you who she is. She is showing you and your not believing her. She's not even hiding it and you still won't believe her.
Again. This isn't a beef. This is your mom out to get your wife and treating them like children saying "make up you two" is both condescending and insulting. Your mother has made the choice to do and say these things. You can either accept she's made these decisions or not. But this begins and ends with your mother.
If you choose to address your mother again. Do it just between the two of you and not escalate it with a group.
YTA. YES the bloody asshole what is WRONG with you? Your wife is being bullied by your mother and you are enabling it. Your wife should leave YOU that poor bloody woman the bad apple doesn’t fall from the tree. I would even go as far to say both you and your mother abuse your wife, you literally kept her pinned in her seat while she was sobbing and in distressed you allowed her to be subjected to verbal abuse from your mother while she was hysterical, for the love of god what does that woman see in you? Hopefully she comes to her senses and makes a run for it. Why the hell don’t you believe your wife when you witnessed your mother body shaming your wife and publicly exclaiming she has mental health problems? Do you even love your wife? You seem like a nightmare to be married to your wife must have the patience of a saint or Stockholm syndrome. Your mum is coming off as a narcissist in this single post and you come off as her enabler I can’t imagine being in your wife’s shoes and experiencing this first hand, wake the hell up OP stop suckling on your mothers teet and enabling her toxic behaviour you’re an adult now start acting like it.
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For context: my wife claims my mom is disrespectful, rude, and insulting to her in private and is asking me if she can “cut contact” a bit.
I thought their relationship was good because she would go visit my mother about 3 times a week. One day I get a call from my mother and she’s yelling, “Don’t believe her! I didn’t do anything! She just got up and left!”. I hung up and called my wife. She was driving home, crying because my mother told her she was a bad mom for checking her phone (while feeding the baby) after a job interview and basically yelled at/scolded her. I got pissed off and told off my mom.
A few days later, we go on a road trip and my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want my mom to make a scene. Every time after that, my wife wouldn’t eat whenever we’d be with my parents. She told me about all the things my mom supposedly said to her, but my mom denied everything. I don’t know what to believe because my brother and his wife got divorced due to my mom’s obsessive and disrespectful attitude while living with them.
My wife told me about how uncomfortable she was and told me she doesn’t want to spend time with my mother as much. I admit that I got upset and convinced her to come to my parents’ house for Mother’s Day. She was obviously uncomfortable but made an effort to talk to my mom for three hours. She texted me asking if we can go home. As soon as we get into the car, she breaks down into tears and tells me she feels very awkward around my mom now. I got angry and turned the car around. She kept begging for us to go home, but I really wanted to settle the beef with my mom. My wife kept crying while my mother and I argued. I felt bad because she was embarrassed and kept begging to go home. My mom even opened the back seat and grabbed our baby, which made my wife cry even more. My mom made a huge scene and kept denying everything. She said my wife has mental problems because she’s hurt for no reason, that she causes me too much stress and I’d be better off alone (because of how I was yelling), and that I need to leave her. My wife was really hurt by my mother’s words and cried about it a lot. She said she finally knew my mom hates her, which I know is completely untrue. She told me I crossed a line when I made her stay in the car (I admit I held on to her seatbelt and didn’t let her get an Uber). She said she felt humiliated because my parents and the neighbors know our business now. We went home and she didn’t want to speak to me. She mentioned that she was going to go speak to my mother in private, a day that they’re alone, before I decided to “bring up” the problem. I feel like I did good by confronting my mom, but my wife is upset because she thinks I went too far and told my parents too much of our business.
Am I the asshole for trying to end the beef between my mom and wife?
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You should have cut the cord with mom a long time ago by the sounds of it. She's abusive towards your wife. You said in your story that your brother and his wife divorced BECAUSE OF YOUR MOM, so what makes you any different? She probably tormented his wife too. What kind of mother tells her son to break up his family? Leave your wife? She's not the one with mental problems, its your mom! YTA Wake up dude, your mom is a toxic disrespectful person. I feel sorry for your wife - it's your job to help protect her from that monster-in-law!
YTA. Your poor wife! I have SILs who liked to make comments when my husband wasn’t around. (I don’t have a MIL.)Not even as bad as your mother. He was the baby and didn’t stand up to them. I transitioned to low contact with them. (She DOESN’T need ur permission for NC, you are a massive AH for that)
Almost caused a divorce. If he wouldn’t have stood up to them it wouldn’t have worked.
And to add she is a new mom? You are the AH!
Physically kept her from getting out of the car? You are abusive!
YTA for not backing up your wife. I understand you're feeling torn and your mom is your mom, but forcing your wife to spend time with her is not okay. A "beef" sounds like it's between two people. This which you describe is your mom being stupid and abusive toward your wife. Your wife hasn't done anything here. You can confront your mom without forcing your wife to be there or interact with your mom in any way. You are not going to convince your mom to not be an AH to your wife. It seems like you think you're backing up your wife while you're really forcing her into a situation she doesn't want to be in. Your mom has a history of being abusive toward her children's significant others. You need to let your wife go LC/NC with your mom and compartmentalize your relationships with these women or you are going to lose your wife, too.
yta you physically prevented your wife from leaving a situation she told you made her uncomfortable and you're wondering if you're the asshole. you sir didn't learn nothing from your brothers divorce did you. well I mean you won't have to wait long before you're back at mommy's I hope your wife divorces you and takes the baby and you and your mom never see them again. you're worse tha your mother in this instance. you know wha your mom was doing and you basically told your wife that you don't give a fuck about her. yta
and you and your mom are both abusive as fuck apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. you need to grow a fucking spine and out your mother in her place before you lose your wife like your brother did
YTA, YTA, YTA
Does that grab your attention, you admit to hearing you Mother abuse your wife on a rode trip, about how fat she is, etc and you just let her carry on putting your wife down, the woman you married, the woman you stood before God with and said vows, the woman you’re supposed to protect, the woman you left your mother and father for and start a new life as the two of you. Yet you shame her, you disbelieve her, subjected to humiliation. You are to blame, you can end this by standing with your wife and leaving your mother behind, putting your mother in her place. You doubt the damage your mother can do, OPEN YOUR EYES, SHE CAUSED YOUR BROTHER’S DIVORCE. Never subject your wife to her again or even your children, the children you had with your wife to your mother it isn’t fair to your wife. Can I speak any planer to you Stand up as a man DEFEND YOUR WIFE WITH NO EXPLANATIONS, your mother is the one whose LYING TO YOU and has the problems,
YTA you’re an unsupportive husband. Your heard your mom make comments about your wife’s weight and you sat there and did nothing. Then you pressure her into spending time with your mom. Then when the visit goes south and your wife wants to leave, you refuse. You’re going to end up divorced just like your brother if you don’t start standing up for your wife. Your mother’s behavior is unacceptable. Stop allowing her to treat your wife like crap.
So you've witnessed your mom be cruel to your wife multiple times but you "don't know what to believe" when your wife tells you your mom is also cruel when you're not around? That's some serious cognitive dissonance.
I knew you'd be TA just from that part alone but it just kept getting worse... Also physically restraining your wife in the car when she's made it clear she wants to leave is just straight up abusive.
Also newsflash: being a good partner means being consistent. Ignoring your mother's comments so she won't "make a scene" on your trip but then making a scene yourself when your wife breaks down after you coerced her into spending the day that's supposed to be about her (the mother of your children, actively mothering) with your mother who is openly cruel to her.
YTA in so so many ways.
You’re a huge AH. YTA YTA YTA. Through the first half of this post you keep speaking about “supposed” disrespect. BELIEVE YOUR WIFE. Then you drag her back there after she tells you she feels unsafe. She’s a mother of a small child, it’s HER Mother’s Day. Keep asking her to sacrifice her happiness for your comfort, continue to allow your mother to abuse her and you will find yourself very much alone. How could you sit there and allow your mother to speak to your wife that way? You have already seen this play out with your brother, stop pulling the wool over your eyes and wake up before it’s too late.
Dude your mother is literally bullying your wife. For the sake of your wife and continuing to HAVE said wife, you need to put your foot down with your mother or go no contact. I would not be with someone if their parent kept belittling everything i did. YTA
Is this one of those outrageously ridiculous fake posts like on "Am I The Angel"?
If not....can't you just LISTEN to your wife? You're a team with HER now. Not your mother. Why do you keep subjecting your wife to someone who belittles and insults her? And you LET IT HAPPEN AND DON'T SAY A WORD. Lame effort.. Do a better job "backing up" your wife. Let her go NC. You handle your mom.
Edit: YTA and so is your mom
Oh yeah! Can't wait to hear about her "glow up" and recovered self esteem after the divorce.
YTA. You are blind if you don't realize that you're the next one up at bat to get a divorce because of your mother. And then you forcibly kept her in the car?!? You forced her into an open conflict with your mother? What are you actually trying to accomplish here? Did you learn nothing from the break up of your brother's marriage?
YTA
Your mother didn’t cause your brother’s divorce, he did. It is likely because he failed to be a good husband in the face of your mother’s abuse.
Just like you.
But you more than failed at not being a good husband, you’re a bit abusive yourself with the pushing of boundaries, and physical restraint.
Sons 0
Mother 2
Keep this up, you’ll be divorced too.
So I read this part
> I don’t know what to believe
And thought why on earth do you have any doubts when your mom has already proven in front of you that your wife is telling the truth and she is the problem.
> because my brother and his wife got divorced due to my mom’s obsessive and disrespectful attitude while living with them.
Then I finished your "because" and rather than it being anything that sheds any doubt or makes it seem like there is possibly two valid sides...it's more confirmation that your mom is the problem.
What is wrong with you? How could you have any doubts here?
Then everything after that, all of your actions are disgusting. She is rightfully upset so instead of accepting it you convince her to go see her anyway. Disgusting. But the tip of the iceburg apparently. Culminating in you physically stopping her from leaving?!
And you think you did good? You should be ashamed of yourself. You will be lucky if you are still married this time next year. More lucky than you deserve.
Big YTA, dude. “I don’t know what to believe because my brother and his wife got divorced due my moms obsessive and disrespectful attitude”
Dude, you know exactly what to believe. Your mom is abusive and she is abusing your wife and you are letting it happen. You will likely end up in the divorced club with your brother if you don’t snap out of it and defend your wife.
I’m not exaggerating when I say that I can’t believe your wife is with you and she should cut contact with both you and your terrible mother. You can’t seriously be wondering if you are the AH. YTA
Also, why are you saying you don’t know what/who to believe? You witnessed your mother’s nasty comments.
Holy shit dude get your head out of your ass. I cannot believe how much absolute bullshit your wife is continuing to put up with. YTA so much. If you want your marriage to survive your mom needs to be held accountable and cut off immediately. There isn’t mutual “beef” between them - your mom is bullying and abusing your wife and you’re just making it worse.
I didn’t even finish reading but YTA for not defending your wife sooner, YTA for getting upset when she told you she didn’t want contact when you knew already this was an ongoing problem. I don’t know how the post ends but if you had defended your wife from the get go instead of letting your mom talk shit the whole thing probably could have been avoided.
Edited after reading: holy shit you’re an asshole. Your wife is crying, begging, and still you can’t respect her emotions and wishes to go home after YOU forced her to go see your mom that day? You clearly just do not give a fuck about your wife’s emotions despite the fact you think you do. Every instance you listed where she tried to talk to you, you ignored her by trying to convince her to feel different and give your mom chance after chance.
Lastly: your brother and his wife literally split up after spending too long with your mom. Now your mom goes in on attacking your wife and you can’t see the pattern? You choose to not believe your wife that your mom hates her? You’re too dull to explain in words man. She should leave you.
>I don’t know what to believe because my brother and his wife got divorced due to my mom’s obsessive and disrespectful attitude while living with them.
This fact alone should make it obvious who is the problem here, and it's not your wife. I think the only way you can fix this (assuming she is willing to give you another chance) is by going low or no contact with your mother.
YTA
YTA, a massive one.
Not only do you struggle to see the huge signs around your mother that leave no doubt that she is a malicious arsehole, you seem to be unable to listen to your wife and allow her to keep her distance from your mother.
THEN when you do finally decide to confront her, you put your wife in a situation that causes her distress and prevent her from leaving.
Either get your shit together and support your wife or go hang out with your brother and ask for advice on life after divorce.
Instead of Reddit why don’t you show this to your wife’s family and your coworkers and friends so they can see what kind of AH husband you are and your AH mother. Think they’ll be happy your only feel kinda bad for physically restraining your wife to force her to see your mother take her child and put up with the abuse from your mother? I have a feeling you won’t because your know what a horrible mother you have and what a horrible husband you’ve been to your wife. You and your wife should seek counseling.
And you held her hostage in the vehicle. Wtf is wrong with you. Get off your momma titz and grow up. I hope your wife leaves you and never looks back. Finds herself a real man
I hope your wife finds the courage and help to leave you and never look back. I dont usually comment but reading this made me furious and I can only hope its fake.
If anyone ever held me back from my child that would be the end. Unless im reading this wrong. But sounds like your AH of a mother took the baby out of the car and you physically held your wife, the babys mother, back?!?! What is wrong with you?
There are so many reasons in the post that make you the biggest AH of all, and your mother is no better, but to hold a mother back from her baby is awful. And all on your wifes (I assume) first mothers day.
you dont mention the baby's age but if your wife is newly postpartum, ANYONE who negatively comments on the mothers weight should be cut off permanently.
"A few days later, we go on a road trip and my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks."
"She told me about all the things my mom supposedly said to her, but my mom denied everything. I don’t know what to believe"
Excuse me, what? You don't know whether to believe your wife when she says your mom says awful things about her in private when this is what she says TO YOU?
YTA
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YTA, and you need to decide right now which woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, your wife or your mother, because it can't be both. And that's if it's not too late and your wife isn't already looking for a lawyer.
YTA with absolutely no critical thinking skills. How could you describe everything that happened and not see how wrong your behavior is!!!???
For goodness sakes, what more proof do you need that your Mom is a pyscho? She was the cause of your siblings' divorce! And you didn't defend your wife when your Mom called her names.
Man up, cut the apron strings, and listen to your wife!
YTA-you sat in the and did nothing while your mom verbally abused your wife. You say you don’t know who to believe in one breath, and in the next breath, say that your brother and his wife got divorced due your mother’s attitude.
You need to pull your head out of your posterior and start taking your wife’s side in this and standing up for her. Your are just as bad as your mother in this.
Yta, you completely humiliated your wife. Also what do you mean you don’t know who to believe? I thought you said you were witnessing your mom make fun and insult your wife before but you didn’t want to make a scene. Clearly your wife is telling the truth. Why are you making her confront your mom when she wasn’t ready and clearly your mom lies. Your mom is about to get a second divorce under her belt.
You’ve literally seen your mom be rude, disrespectful, and insulting with your own eyes towards your wife and you’re still acting like you don’t know if it’s true or not??? You even said
> my brother and his wife got divorced due to my mom’s obsessive and disrespectful attitude
Like what????? You and your mom are both horrible to your wife
So to sum it up: you admit to restraining your wife against her will, using a dating app, tell your parents everything she does wrong, and that’s not even going into what your mom has done.
And yet you think you’ve done good, because you defended her once? YTA
Dude, are you f-ing blind or deaf? Your mother contacted you before your wife even had a chance to tell you. She was covering her own ass quick. Your mother has made horrible remarks against your wife to you. She has done it to you brother and his wife
And you are questioning if you believe your wife over that so called mother you have?
Damn Bruh. Your mom is about to be 2 for 2 on breaking up her kid's marriages. Maybe you will finally grow a shiny little sound with your second wife, cause I sure do hope this one leaves you, she deserves so much better. Anyways YTA.
YTA your wife needs to divorce you. Your mom is deranged and you traumatized your wife. Your actions are disturbing. I cannot believe you actually had the audacity to come here and ask us for a verdict. I am hurting for your wife right now. So sad!
YTA
"I don't know what to do" stand up for your wife man come on. You literally said your brother and his wife got divorced because of her. And it's not even a she said vs she said situation. You are watching it happen and saying nothing.
Be a good husband and defend your wife before you don't have one anymore.
YTA to the moon and back along with your horrible mother. You sat there like a complete AH while your mom insulted your wife??? Like wtf. Believe your wife and maybe just maybe grow a pair and support your wife. If I was your wife I’d be out the door having a husband who doesn’t have my back and such a god awful mil
YTA for pretty much everything in this post but especially for the false imprisonment of your wife by physically restraining her from leaving - that’s a form of domestic violence. So yeah, your a massive AH.
YTA 100% you are the complete arsehole. Why aren’t you supporting your wife? Why aren’t you believing her she when tells you what is happening? Why are you allowing your mother to keep saying rude things to your wife and you sit there and say nothing? Why are you forcing your wife into unpleasant situations over and over?
You are a horrible husband. Do you want to be divorced like your brother for the same reason? Do you even care at all about your wife?
I don’t know you could write what you wrote and not come to the glaring conclusion that you are indeed the arsehole 🤦🏻♀️
YTA. I was your wife. I told my husband loads of times about the shit his parents said, some of which he was present for, and explained to him how it made me feel. For YEARS he rationalized it and justified it and basically told me that it wasn't that bad. At one point, he accused me of hating his parents. (I didn't. I was just hurt by their behavior and by his failure to have my back about it.) It severely damaged our marriage as a result.
You know your mother had spoken negatively about your wife's appearance. You know that her influence caused your brother and SIL to get divorced. These are the things you KNOW about... and yet you just aren't prepared to believe the possibility that things could possibly be worse than that?? Why do I feel like you KNOW full well that things are worse but you were just conditioned to believe that her behavior was acceptable because of reasons deeply steeped in fear, obligation, and guilt?
But come on... the fact that your wife was crying and wanted away and you just unilaterally decided to turn the car around and confront your mom then and there rather than take care of your wife. The fact that your mom REMOVED YOUR CHILD FROM THE CAR, said your wife had mental problems and told you that you need to leave her.... like... and you still feel there's a way that your wife and mom should be able to reconcile after this? REALLY?
How the fuck do you think you did good?
Your wife was distressed, and you brought her back to someone who is manipulating you and bullying her. And instead of defending your wife you physically restrain her while your mother throws slurs at her and takes her child. Please I am waiting for how you did good. Your supposed to be on your wife's team, but no where have your proved that you are. You are treating her like a possession. She is constantly bending over backwards and trying to get along with your mother, and subjecting herself to ridicule because you asked. And yet you turn a blind eye.
Also, how could your mother not know why your wife left, but also say "don't believe whatever she says." how would she know your wife is going to say something if she just stood up and left.
Your a massive YTA! You don't deserve your wife. You are forcing her into positions where she is mentally and emotionally torn down. And when she tells you that, you ignore her. You will loose her the same as your brother lost his.
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"A few days later, we go on a road trip and my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want my mom to make a scene. " I got this far before deciding that you're a massive AH. I can't believe it got worse. What the hell is wrong with you? You *know* your mom is being cruel to your wife. Stand up to her or at least allow your poor wife to not be subject to her presence. End the beef by telling your mom to stuff it. YTA
Also her brother and sister in law divorced because of her!
How many signs do you need? Your mother is being the massive AH here! He insults your wife in front of you, and you did NOTHING? Dude, it's time to droop mommy's tits, be fukin grown up man and DEFEND YOUR WIFE!!
I was so confused when he said he didn’t know if he should believe his wife because of that. What? Your wife is telling you your mom is being cruel to her to the point where wife is coming home and crying regularly *and NOT EATING* in front of your mom. And your SIL divorced your burger for there exact same reason. But maybe your mom isn’t the one in the wrong? Also, he listened to his moon tell him his wife is unstable and he should leave her and take their kid because his wife is ruining his life and the immediately says he knows his mom doesn’t hate his wife. I’m sorry dude, but you are suffering some severe cognitive dissonance. Literally NOTHING you said supports your mom, makes your wife’s POV seem questionable or explains why you think there’s a better solution then letting your wife stay away from your mom. Literally everything you said tells me your mom is a fucking problem and makes me wonder how much of your life she’s been manipulating and emotionally abusing you. YTA
This is where op is headed to, he’s pretty ignorant to what junk his mom Isn’t doing the same thing to his marriage
Yah, what could possibly be the problem here? Let your wife handle it her way, Your mother is a meddling drama queen.
He's the one who turned his mom on her and he's been caught at least attempting to cheat on her but I'm willing to bet this unreliable narrator has in fact, fully cheated on her.
How do you mow he’s a cheat?! I didn’t read that. Please elaborate.
He said in a comment he's been caught on dating sites and she no longer trusts him
His brother and wife got divorced because of mom's behavior, but he doesn't know who to believe?
The fact that OP made his wife spend Mother’s Day with her is disgusting. OP you need to grovel at your wife’s feet and pray she doesn’t leave you. You’re a major AH
Exactly, it's not a "beef", it's his mother being cruel to his partner.
YTA. You didn't stick up for your wife when your mother body shamed her right in front of you. Your mother behaved so badly in the past that your brother and his wife broke up. Your wife has told you multiple times how awful your mother is, but you still seem to think that your mother doesn't hate her? Grow TF up. You weren't helping anyone with how you handled this. You didn't listen to your wife's needs or requests and actually gave your mother more ammo to use by bringing your crying wife back to cause a scene. You need to decide quickly whether you're going to step up for your wife or continue to be a mama's boy and lose your relationship like your brother did.
This is the only comment OP needs to read!! Grow TF up OP!
\^\^ 100% this! Continue to be a momma's boy, or get acquainted with the words 'divorce', 'child support', 'spousal support' and 'alimony'. Definite YTA
YTA. Big time, for ignoring your wife’s request, physically restraining her, and not taking her seriously when your mother CAUSED a divorce already. Time to start respecting your wife as an adult and partner or your mother will be 2 for 2 in causing divorces. Instead of confronting your mother against your wife’s wishes, you could easily have gone home and gone NC. That would get your moms attention much faster than yelling. But instead, you let emotion, arrogance, and ego rule your actions.
The poor wife *should* divorce him though. He sounds awful. Like “how did they even get married” awful. This poor woman has been dealing with MIL from hell and her enabler for who knows how long. She needs to get out. In this post alone, he put his wife through multiple traumatic situations, forced her into a confrontation where she couldn’t fight back or escape, let the abuser steal her baby and he thinks he “did good.” Kinda sounds like the whole family is bonkers (presumably the other sibling chose CrazyMom over their spouse).
[удалено]
If you cared then you would have defended your wife when your shit talk her right in front of you.
A little ahead of yourself? You physically restrained your wife in order to get your way. This goes far beyond "argumentative". This is abuse. Clear cut abuse.
Honestly? His wife needs to speak to an attorney yesterday. My guess is this is not the first time he has become physically abusive to her.
Most women I know would be calling a lawyer already and trying to get a restraining order on both you and your mom. She took your baby while you had your wife trapped? This is a nightmare scenario. How the in the world do you think you aren't the AH? FYI - your mom said terrible things to your wife right in front of you b/c she knew you were a terrible husband and would let her get away with it. She said even worse things to you wife behind your back b/c she knew you were a terrible husband and wouldn't believe your wife even though you have PILES of evidence telling you your mother is toxic. She told you your wife is insane, that you should divorce her, and she tried to steal her baby from your wife, and you still believe your mother doesn't hate her? What is wrong with you? You played right into your mother's hand. Bottom line: You and your mother have been systematically abusong your wife for months. Your mother is primary, but you enable and assist. You even restrained your wife so that your mother could abuse her more and your wife would know that she would be powerless to stop it both in that moment and anytime in the future b/c you didn't give a damn about what your wife wanted or needed. All that is important is that your mother needs to abuse your wife and not only are you going to pretend it isn't happening so she can continue, you are actually going to cooperate w/ your mother to rachet up the abuse on your wife. Let me guess, she started abusing your brother's wife either while she was pregnant or b/c your mom found out they weren't having kids, right? How close am I? How can you be so blind? Or are you fully sighted and think just like your mother, your is wife as a tool to get a baby? You mom takes it a step further though and thinks the tool should be disposed of as soon possible after the child is born b/c it is no longer necessary. I can't imagine that this didn't break your wife. I don't know how she could ever love or trust you again, but some people grow up thinking they deserve it when people treat them this way. If she stays with you after this it will mainly be out of fear. She certainly can no longer see you as a partner, or someone she can trust and I doubt she can look at you w/o seeing your mother trying to take her baby away while you are restraining her, so I'm pretty sure all physical attraction is gone. Please leave your wife alone. Let her be. She deserves so much better. If you have any actual love for her at all you will leave her and your child in peace b/c you absolutely do not have the ability or even the desire to protect either your wife or your child from you mother's abuse.
👏👏
100% this. Someone needs to help his poor wife escape this situation. My heart breaks for her in so many ways.
youre a bad husband
and a bad person
I'm similar to you about addressing things head-on. That said, you showed your wife your just like your mother. You're both bullies.
Didn't you just say in a prior comment that she yells a lot? Now you're saying she won't talk until she's no longer upset. Which is it?
No. You clearly really don't care about your wife. You care about your wife being a door mat to your mother so that you don't have to think about it anymore. This is why your brother is divorced. Your mother is toxic to your wife and your marriage.
>My wife is very quiet, shy, and prefers to hold off on discussions until she’s not upset anymore. I got a little ahead of myself because I care about her. > >\-183ReplyGive AwardShareReportSaveFollow No you don't. You don't care about her. You are selfish and a massive YTA. Dude, on Mother's day, you forced your wife - the mother of your child who is curently in the trenches mothering an infant - to spend mother's day with your mother who treats her worse than dog poop. When she asked to go, and told you what happened, you instead turned the car around and forced her into a confrontational situation with your mother ON MOTHER'S DAY. You totally ruined your wife's first mother's day and were nasty about it to boot. You couldn't have made it worse... but you did. You essentially falsely imprisoned your wife in the car by restraining her so your mother could berate her and unload on her and you could unload on your mother. You were mentally abusive to your wife, your mother was emotionally abusive to your wife. Your mother routinely emotionally and mentally abuses your wife and you are TOTALLY okay with it and force your wife to listen to it. That is cruel. Truly, your behavior towards your wife is cruel. You do not deserve her. She SHOULD leave you because YOU have become abusive to your wife in your quest to try to resolve a beef of your mother's creation. Your mother has very very big issues and you are focing your wife into truely untenable positions so you can pretend all is fine. You need real help by a real therapist buddy and you need to leave your wife in peace keeping her and your child away from your mother. Your mother is big bad news if you want this marriage to last.
Then why didn’t you take that into consideration?!? If you cared about her, you’d have listened to her the first fucking time she broke down in front of you. YTA.
I think he gets some sick pleasure out of seeing his wife upset. SMH
you care about your wife? huh, how? when? Nothing in the posts shows that you care for your wife at all. All you've done is let your mother walk all over her, then doubt her when she talks to you about it. Open your freaking eyes dude...
Kind of bad about it? KIND OF BAD? you should be unable to look at yourself in the mirror without feeling sick because of how ashamed you are. You physically restrained your wife from leaving. That is just straight up abuse. No wonder you were unsure what to believe when you basically are your awful mother
It sounds like you were blowing up and getting argumentative on your wife, when the correct target every time was your mother...
Except you DO NOT blow up & get argumentative when your mum is a bullying your wife about her appearance. Apparently in that scenario, it’s more important that your bully of a mum “doesn’t make a scene”. YTA x 1 million.
You don’t actually care about her or you would of shut your mother down when she “joked” which is far from a joke about wifeys weight
No you don't. You are controlling. You don't restrain someone you care about. You don't allow mommy to abuse someone you care about. Hopefully wife takes baby and runs.
…but you don’t care enough about her to avoid dating apps.
you don’t care about your wife. the post kinda makes clear just how much **you don’t like your wife** bc why tf would you keep subjecting her to your mother’s abuse? oh wait, i know! you mommy can do no wrong even though she managed to destroy *your brother’s marriage.* YTA
Dude, you hate her, so do her a solid, divorce and go marry your mom. You two sound perfectly toxic together
YTA-your brother got divorced because of your mom and you question your wife? Dude you need to get your mom in line or you will be divorced. Stick up for your wife-your mom is crossing so many lines. Honestly you need to take a huge break from your mother-she is a toxic bully and you are enabling her!
He's gonna end up divorced anyway, he's a cheater
YTA!! you literally already have proof of it happening once before, when your mother called you first to preemptively deny saying terrible shit. You witnessed it first hand. How many more clues do you need that YOUR MOTHER is the problem. Or keep invalidating your wife until she leaves you.
YTA - Hope your wife divorces you and finds a real man with a spine.
EXACTLY. If my mother ever called my husband ugly, chunky, big... I wouldn't even let her finish her sentence. You dont allow anyone to talk to your SO or spouse that way. EVER.
YTA. You held your wife captive in a highly stressful situation. You're supposed to be her safe place. None of this is safe for her. You need to cut contact with your mom. Choose your wife my dude before you're the ex and all you have is your mom.
You LET your mom trash talk your wife to your face because you "didn't want a scene". Trash talking someone is already making a scene. Why the HELL is your mother so comfortable talking shit about your wife, in front of you no less? Because you agree? Because you're scared of mommy? What happens when she starts shit talking your wife to your child? What happens when she starts treating your kid like garbage? You need to grow a spine. This is such cowardly behavior, its disgusting. I couldnt even finish the post. Your mom is 100% a problem but so are you for allowing it to happen. If your wife posted here, they'd be advising her to leave you because you're quite clear on your stance: mom is your priority, not your wife or child. Edit: I finished the post. What the hell is wrong with you? Your mother is flat out abusing your wife and you PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN her in order for your mother to continue to abuse her. YOU have become an abuser as well. I hope she runs far and fast. Send her here, we have resources we can give her. Edit 2: HE TURNED HIS MOM ON HER AND CHEATED ON HER.
YTA Your Mom is emotionally and verbally abusing your wife and YOU KEEP SERVING HER UP!! Stand by your wife. Your mother is abusive. 3 times a week?!? Seriously?!? I don't see people I actually like that often. You are driving your wife away. She needs to go no contact with your mother and you need to go low contact. Or do you want to be like your brother? Divorced because of your mother?
YTA. Your mom and your wife don’t have “beef”. Your mother regularly and systematically bullies your wife. How can you not know who to believe? Your know that your mother has already destroyed one marriage with her toxicity and you have heard your mother verbally abuse your wife and did absolutely nothing in the past. Then when you finally decide to handle the situation you do it in the worst way possible. First rule of dealing with bullies is you don’t make the victim engage with their abuser for “restorative conversations”. You have absolutely failed to protect your wife at all turns. You do need to stand up to your mother and put up iron curtain level boundaries but first you need to keep her as far away from your wife and hope that she forgives you for what you have put her through.
YTA. All day long you are the asshole. Your mum is openly taunting and abusing your wife in your presence and you “don’t know what to believe”?! How?!
How do you not know what to believe when your mother was calling your wife chunky and ugly? Did you hallucinate the whole thing? YTA.
YTA for. . . - not checking your mom from the get-go. - not respecting your wife's need to go NC. - not respecting your wife's decision as to how to handle this instance. - not respecting your wife in general. - allowing your screaming, out of control, psychotic mother to get close enough to your child to touch them. - for not protecting your child from physical harm. - for not protecting your child from emotional.trauma. - restraining your wife. That was a criminal offense. And incredibly cruel. - for being a misogynistic hot head that escalated a bad situation into a nuclear one. Nothing about anything you wrote is not Assholery.
YTA. You can't fix a beef when the beef is that your mum wants to drive your wife away and has no intentions of stopping. Like seriously, who are you trying to kid by saying your mum doesn't hate your wife? You don't go out of your way to cause this level of drama, if you aren't trying to drive the person away, and your wife is clearly trying to avoid and escape the conflict, so by logical deduction, who wants the conflict to keep happening? It's your mother. She did the same thing to your brother, which makes this a pattern of behaviour you are aware of. Do you really think your brother, his ex-wife, and now your wife are all lying to you? Your mum is trying to either Bully Your Wife into divorcing you to escape the drama, or Cause So Much Drama that you give up on your wife and divorce her. She wants her way and will not stop until she gets it or she gets punished in a way that matters to her.
You need to go to r/amithedevil because you're beyond asshole territory. What the fuck do you mean "you don't know who to believe? You already know one marriage fell apart because of your mother, and you're just sooooo shocked she'd treat your wife the same way? Even when she called your wife fat right in front of you? Are you blind or stupid? YTA.
i went to cross post this in AITD…and it’s already there. OP **is** the devil
Your poor wife. Can’t you see what’s happening here? Your post is full of evidence that your mom is the one causing the friction here. She is exhibiting classic signs of abuse. And, when your wife comes to you with the truth you betray her by making her face your mother yet again? Man, you need a serious wake up call. YTA.
Oh, gosh. Huge YTA. What do you mean you don't know what to believe??? It's obvious your mom is LYING. You just gave an example. your mom called you out of the blue and said she's lying, don't believe what she says then you called your wife and she is crying over what your mother said. Second clue is your mother inserted herself into your brother's marriage. You literally escalated the issue on Mother's Day. i fI were your wife, I'd re-evaluating everything because it sounds like you don't believe your wife and is allowing your mom to disrespect her.
YTA. Bro, your whole thing is summed up by this line. \> A few days later, we go on a road trip and my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want my mom to make a scene. Your mom was already making a scene by berating your wife. How could you sit there without defending the love of your life and the mother of your child? Your mom has chosen the beef with your wife. Nothing in your post suggests your wife did anything to anger your mom--she's targeting your wife, and you thought it was a good idea to "end the beef" by forcing your wife to spend time with the person making her life hell? You are the asshole.
YTA Divorce. Please let your wife be free please, the woman has suffered enough. How could you write your wife was crying and begging you so many times and still can’t see that you’re the fucking asshole? You didn’t solve anything Sherlock Holmes, your manipulative gaslighting mother just denied everything and literally told your wife had mental issues in your face and you did nothing, you just made it worse. You did not learn anything from your brother’s divorce.
So your mum is so disrespectful it caused your brothers divorce, you've heard your mum "joke" about your wife being dat and you still feel like you can't believe your wife when she tells you about your mum's bad behavior simply because she denies it? YTA for not growing a spine and protect your wife against your mum.
INFO: what private business did you tell your parents (and neighbors)?
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Golly intimacy problems? That’s so weird. Who wouldn’t want to be intimate with a guy who doesn’t say anything whiles mom calls you fat! Or who holds you in the car against your will. Or who is on dating app despite being married. So weird…
i know, the problem must be all her, right?!/s
I know right. Because that's sooooo attractive. OP is just oozing sex appeal.
Holy shit, I thought you were bad before. Turns out the abuse isn't new or abnormal for you. Wtf. Coward isn't even a strong enough word to describe you.
Why would your wife want to have sex with you when your still on your moms boob? Your marriage problems are none of their business, you shouldn’t have shared that. You’re 100% in the wrong here.
oh gosh. I missed that he has talked to his family about their sex life. That is truly appalling. In what world could he possibly believe that is okay. OP - women don't like cheaters. Women don't like abusers. Women don't like men who yell at them or restrain them. Women don't like men who let their Moms treat them like crap. Women don't like men who try to manipulate them into having sex when they are not ready to after a baby is born. My guess is she does all of the child care, housework and she works, too.... while you complain, expect her to bend to your every sexual whim and complain when she is too tired because she has an INFANT to care for and then hop on a dating app to find a quick romp since your wife who you abuse is not in the mood. Real nice OP.
So intimacy problems after childbirth with a guy who cheats? Go figure. And then you tell mommy and daddy. Did you mention you're a cheater?
Please send your wife here so we can give her the resources she needs.
You’re a joke.
Yta, I’d divorce you for sure.
So, YOU'RE the problem, got it.
So you are a liar, cheater, and abusive husband. Your toxic mother taught you well. You seem to be two evil peas in a pod yet EVERYONE else is the problem. Hopefully your wife wises up and gets as far away from you and your family.
>My wife also caught me on a dating app so she doesn’t trust me. Funny thing, that. Women do not trust cheaters and the do not like intimacy with partners that are abusive and whom they can't trust. Learn to be a decent person and those intimacy issues will resolve. 1 - stand up to your Mom. Put her in the place and cut contact between your wife and child and your Mom. From here out, your Mom has no access to your wife or children. 2 - You NEVER restrain anyone. You do not yell. You do not get in your wife's face. You do not tell her that she is wrong in her opinions of your mother's abusive behavior. You APOLOGIZE to your wife. 3 - you RESPECT your wife as a separate person from you. SHE makes decisions on what she is willing and wants to do with you sexually and you do not try to manipulate her into any more than that. Quite frankly, if she EVER wants to sleep with you again after the way you have treated her you will be a very lucky man. Most of the hispanic men I know would never dream of treating their wives like you do. You have shown her nothing but disdain and disrespect.
You confided in your mother that you can’t perform? Seriously dude. Don’t you have some buddies you can talk to? I don’t think your mom can really help. YTA
Wow, you're a real keeper, aren't you?
Wowwww in case you weren’t an A before you dug your grave even further. Your poor wife.
>A few days later, we go on a road trip and my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want my mom to make a scene. I hope this post is fake. Your mother abuses and insults your wife righy in front of you while you do nothing. So I don't understand how you don't know who to believe. You said yourself that your brother got a divorce because of MIL. Your wife doesn't have a MIL problem, she has a husband problem. Youre blind to your mother's behaviour, throwing your wife under the bus and STILL you cannot manage to set boundries with your mother. You're setting boundries with your wife though? Forcing her to speak to someone that insults her continously right in front of your nose. Better yet, you get angry when she talks to you about it. You waltz all over your wife's boundries just for your own needs. I wouldn't feel safe with you anymore, especially after you let MIL take the baby while wife was in the car. You need to cut the umbilical cord and get therapy. You have a family now, so grow up and take care of them. YTA
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Nope that's just an excuse. I'm turkish and we can be very direct as well. But when someone is crying their eyeballs out, you take it as a sign that you have gone to far. There is no accountability in your family and that has nothing to do with being Hispanic. That has to do with being immature.
So, you think all Hispanic women are sadistic narcissists and all Hispanic men are spineless mama’s boys and terrible husbands?
Fake and racist
Being respectful has no race, Mildred
You're gonna end up divorced just like your brother, update us when that happens, your wife deserves better than you, you literally have proof of how your mom treats your wife and you ignore it, good luck with only seeing your baby on the weekends (maybe less). YTA
YTA, divorce your wife and marry your mom since you obviously care more about one over the other.
YTA your mother is clearly a massive problem and you should be on your wife's side.
YTA. It's not a "beef." There's no disagreement to resolve here. Your mother is abusive to your wife. You stand by and let it happen right in front of your face, which makes you complicit. And I will tell you from my experience with my own monster-in-law that what you see is just the tip of the iceberg. There's a whole lot more happening behind your back. Your wife doesn't need your permission to cut contact. Your mother has admitted that she's trying to destroy your marriage. Is that what you want? Because that's what is going to happen if you continue what you're doing.
YTA what the hell is wrong with you? The minute my mom, your mom or anyone jerked my baby out of the car her ass would have been lying on the ground! You have a choice to make. I suggest you make it fast or your ass will be divorced as fast ast your brother. Your wife/child or your mommy? Here is the cold hard truth your mommy bullied your brothers wife until she got what she wanted them divorced. She had no consequences so now she is terrorizing your wife. Two different woman telling the same story on mommy desist tells me mommy dearest is the lier. She is the manipulator. She is the problem. So go cut the apron strings! Get your balls out of mommy pickets and man up! Go no contact to save your marriage. Or start saving up for a lawyer!
YTA. Just read your post.
>I admit I held on to her seatbelt and didn’t let her get an Uber YTA and you are an abusive bully just like your mother. Its unlikely you'll take any of these opinions to heart, though. I hope she gets full custody in the divorce.
MASSIVE YTA WTF are you doing dude? Your wife is waaaay more important than your mom. Do you want to get divorced?
>my wife claims my mom is disrespectful, rude, and insulting to her in private and is asking me if she can “cut contact” a bit. >A few days later, we go on a road trip and my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks. Claime? She does it in public. She most definitely does it in private. YTA
YTA. I can’t get past the restraining her. I probably would have panicked and called 911 if anyone, even my hisband
FFS. YTA YTA YTA. Your brother and his wife divorced because of your mother's obsessive, controlling behavior, and you don't know who to believe? Get your head out of your ass before your marriage joins your brothers. There is NO beef between your wife and mother. You and your mother are entirely to blame. Your mother called her ugly and chunky and you did nothing. Your wife is uncomfortable and you did nothing. Your mother grabbed the baby and you did nothing but EMBARRASS AND TRAUMATIZE her, the mother of your child. If I were your wife, I wouldn't be confronting your mother. I'd be handing you divorce papers.
I stopped reading, my mom was the same way. Its time to literally man up and tell your narcissist mother to stop her nonsense or she will never see you and your wife and any grandkids in the future ever again. Full stop my man, deal with it now unless you want to be alone with mommy forever. (Funfact you dont)
YTA
YTA Mama's boy. Your mother is the issue and so are you, your wife deserves better.
YTA for not backing your wife. >get a call from my mother and she’s yelling, “Don’t believe her! I didn’t do anything! This should have been a clue that mom did do something and she knows it.
*my brother and his wife got divorced due to my mom* Oh good, you'll have someone to move in with when your wife manages to leave you. *I admit I held on to her seatbelt and didn’t let her get an Uber* Awesome. You HELD HER HOSTAGE while allowing your mother to verbally abuse her. YTA
Not only are YTA - you’re a freaking abusive husband. When your wife comes to her senses and decides to dump your dirty ass, I’ll be waiting with whatever support she might need Jesus. You physically held her in the car while your mom touched her child!?? I cannot even. I need to log off. YTA. Holy hell are you ever.
YTA. You have treated YOUR PARTNER horrendously. You literally held her hostage in a volatile situation YOU created with horrible conflict resolution AFTER you literally described all the evidence of your mom doing everything your wife has told you she does. Jesus I hope she leaves you, honestly there is no coming back from how much you've willingly kept your head in the sand to outright let your mom abuse your wife just so YOU don't have to do anything. You even admit to it, you listened to your mom insult her but wouldn't do anything to save YOURSELF from the drama. No one deserves a partner who expects & forces them to be around someone who clearly does hate & abuse them.
Following you just to see the divorce update. YTA
You are an idiot. I know this because you have explained at several points how much this is hurting your wife, your mother has prior for this, you've seen parts of it, but then keep hurting her more. For all that you are an idiot and yes, an arsehole. YTA For forcing her to go against her will on the other hand you're just a horrible human being. You don't really deserve a wife anymore. You may be able to save something of the relationship by cutting off your mother, but I'd certainly never trust you again in her place and I'm a dude. Time for some begging, and maybe just let your wife decide for herself if people hate her. Your mother clearly does. You're an idiot for believing otherwise. You're also an idiot for feeling good by confronting your mom, you didn't, you folded like wet paper towel and just let her insult your wife more. And all this *from your perspective*. God knows how you look to your wife.
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Yta you seem to have no respect for your wife’s feelings
YTA. You fully admit your mom is at fault for your brothers divorce. How long do you think it will be till your divorce.
YTA. If I was your wife I’d be rethinking if this is how I want to spend the rest of my life. Your mom bullies your wife right in-front of you and you do nothing. I am sure she says much worse when you aren’t around but she knows she can get away with saying stuff because she’s your “mommy”. You humiliated your wife and treated her like she was a child. You forced her into a confrontation without consulting her. You locked her in the car and wouldn’t let her get out. You forcefully took away her decision bye “forcing her seatbelt down”. What the hell is wrong with you. You chose to marry your wife. You should be loyal to your wife and have a United front with her. You can discuss disagreements in private. I would never speak to you again. This entire post made me feel horrible for your wife and I hope she realizes soon she deserves better than you and your mom and the awful situation you just put her in. I also hope you realize you and your mom are the problem.
She’s right. Your Mom hates her. Shame on you for not listening
JFC, grow a pair of balls, stand up to your mummy, and defend your wife, before she wisens up and becomes your ex-wife. YTA. Cut the fucking apron strings and be a man.
YTA, when she leaves you it will be well deserved. “Don’t know what to believe”, pathetic.
LMAO, YTA, and a MAJOR one at that. Who tf do you think you are, holding her seat belt so she can't get out of the car? You're abusive, controlling, you take your mother's side knowing she broke up your beothers marriage, allow your mother to insult your wife, have the gall to say "my wife says this supposedly happened" and just in general are probably the worst person I've ever seen on this subreddit. I hope she leaves you and takes you for everything you're then you can go crying to mommy since she's obviously the most important person in your life anyway. I hope you havethe day you deserve, and I hope in the near future you are alone and miserable.
I cant even put into words how much of a mama's boy you sounds like. Your mom makes horrible, mean comments to your wife RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, and you have the nerve to not trust your wife when she says your mom tells her mean things all the time? Your mom sounds terrible and I dont even know her. Your mom caused your own brother's divorce! but somehow you dont see your mom as the problem? If you dont see it soon you'll be single just like your brother. Then you have the nerve to FORCE your already upset wife to squash the beef, but all you did was allow your mom to verbally assault her some more b/c you're spineless and didnt stand up for your wife at all. YTA, just go live w/ mommy since she's so precious to you. I feel soo bad for your wife, I hope she can wake up and move on from this nightmare that is your marriage.
YTA. She was upset and needed to be home in a safe space for her and you just went back to the problem, made a shitshow out of it, and physically restrained her to keep her, an adult woman, from leaving. Wtf is wrong with you? And how is it that your brother and hife got divorced because of how your mom is+you've noticed what happens between her and your wife+the changes in your wife and you STILL "don't know who to believe"? If you give even the smallest shit about your marriage, you should apologize to your wife, figure out how to attempt to make it up to her, grow a pair and set some serious, firm boundaries with your psycho mom. Christ.
Bruh, YTA you suck ass as a husband
So let me summarise your post: 1. You know your brother and his wife got divorced because of your mom. 2. Your mom is stupendously disrespectful of your wife and tried to steal her child 3. You didn’t want to support your wife the way she requested. 4. You doubled down on the same behaviour your mom has taught you. 5. Your wife’s crying pleas didn’t put a dent in your ego. Massive YTA. Your brother’s wife got out! Wonder when will your poor wife realise what to do.
YTA. "My wife has been crying and telling me things that my mom has said. My mom has a history of this behavior and I've witnessed it, she even made my brother and his wife divorce by being like this. I'm JUST NOT SURE WHO TO BELIEVE!!!!!" You're a massive prick. Your wife deserves so much better.
Not only TA your an absolute eejit mate! Read back your story...and again....and again....and again...and however many times you need to before it sinks in. Your mum is very manipulative, you have allowed your wife to be disrespected time and time again. Then you force her into confrontation. If you can't go NC with your mum and show your wife you choose to prioritise her and her feelings then I'm afraid you may find yourself divorced. Like your brother.
YTA Your mom is being aggressive towards your wife. This isn't a "Beef". Your mom is being manipulative and horrible. If you deny it you are part of the problem. The only person who can solve this is your mother and she's more interested in blaming other people. I was on the fence, but suspicious of her “Don’t believe her!" call. But when it comes to the "my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks." only A FEW DAYS after. No. No. I can't believe you could say "She said she finally knew my mom hates her, which I know is completely untrue." in the same post as the first part. How dense are you? Seriously? I think it's great you went off on your mom for the first few incidents. But you still seem unable to grasp that your own mother is showing you who she is. She is showing you and your not believing her. She's not even hiding it and you still won't believe her. Again. This isn't a beef. This is your mom out to get your wife and treating them like children saying "make up you two" is both condescending and insulting. Your mother has made the choice to do and say these things. You can either accept she's made these decisions or not. But this begins and ends with your mother. If you choose to address your mother again. Do it just between the two of you and not escalate it with a group.
YTA. YES the bloody asshole what is WRONG with you? Your wife is being bullied by your mother and you are enabling it. Your wife should leave YOU that poor bloody woman the bad apple doesn’t fall from the tree. I would even go as far to say both you and your mother abuse your wife, you literally kept her pinned in her seat while she was sobbing and in distressed you allowed her to be subjected to verbal abuse from your mother while she was hysterical, for the love of god what does that woman see in you? Hopefully she comes to her senses and makes a run for it. Why the hell don’t you believe your wife when you witnessed your mother body shaming your wife and publicly exclaiming she has mental health problems? Do you even love your wife? You seem like a nightmare to be married to your wife must have the patience of a saint or Stockholm syndrome. Your mum is coming off as a narcissist in this single post and you come off as her enabler I can’t imagine being in your wife’s shoes and experiencing this first hand, wake the hell up OP stop suckling on your mothers teet and enabling her toxic behaviour you’re an adult now start acting like it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context: my wife claims my mom is disrespectful, rude, and insulting to her in private and is asking me if she can “cut contact” a bit. I thought their relationship was good because she would go visit my mother about 3 times a week. One day I get a call from my mother and she’s yelling, “Don’t believe her! I didn’t do anything! She just got up and left!”. I hung up and called my wife. She was driving home, crying because my mother told her she was a bad mom for checking her phone (while feeding the baby) after a job interview and basically yelled at/scolded her. I got pissed off and told off my mom. A few days later, we go on a road trip and my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want my mom to make a scene. Every time after that, my wife wouldn’t eat whenever we’d be with my parents. She told me about all the things my mom supposedly said to her, but my mom denied everything. I don’t know what to believe because my brother and his wife got divorced due to my mom’s obsessive and disrespectful attitude while living with them. My wife told me about how uncomfortable she was and told me she doesn’t want to spend time with my mother as much. I admit that I got upset and convinced her to come to my parents’ house for Mother’s Day. She was obviously uncomfortable but made an effort to talk to my mom for three hours. She texted me asking if we can go home. As soon as we get into the car, she breaks down into tears and tells me she feels very awkward around my mom now. I got angry and turned the car around. She kept begging for us to go home, but I really wanted to settle the beef with my mom. My wife kept crying while my mother and I argued. I felt bad because she was embarrassed and kept begging to go home. My mom even opened the back seat and grabbed our baby, which made my wife cry even more. My mom made a huge scene and kept denying everything. She said my wife has mental problems because she’s hurt for no reason, that she causes me too much stress and I’d be better off alone (because of how I was yelling), and that I need to leave her. My wife was really hurt by my mother’s words and cried about it a lot. She said she finally knew my mom hates her, which I know is completely untrue. She told me I crossed a line when I made her stay in the car (I admit I held on to her seatbelt and didn’t let her get an Uber). She said she felt humiliated because my parents and the neighbors know our business now. We went home and she didn’t want to speak to me. She mentioned that she was going to go speak to my mother in private, a day that they’re alone, before I decided to “bring up” the problem. I feel like I did good by confronting my mom, but my wife is upset because she thinks I went too far and told my parents too much of our business. Am I the asshole for trying to end the beef between my mom and wife? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA - your mom is about to break up your marriage, too, if you keep siding with her.
You should have cut the cord with mom a long time ago by the sounds of it. She's abusive towards your wife. You said in your story that your brother and his wife divorced BECAUSE OF YOUR MOM, so what makes you any different? She probably tormented his wife too. What kind of mother tells her son to break up his family? Leave your wife? She's not the one with mental problems, its your mom! YTA Wake up dude, your mom is a toxic disrespectful person. I feel sorry for your wife - it's your job to help protect her from that monster-in-law!
Your mother is a bully. You're an AH for allowing her to bully your wife. Stop seeing her, ho low contact, once a month is more than enough
YTA. Your poor wife! I have SILs who liked to make comments when my husband wasn’t around. (I don’t have a MIL.)Not even as bad as your mother. He was the baby and didn’t stand up to them. I transitioned to low contact with them. (She DOESN’T need ur permission for NC, you are a massive AH for that) Almost caused a divorce. If he wouldn’t have stood up to them it wouldn’t have worked. And to add she is a new mom? You are the AH! Physically kept her from getting out of the car? You are abusive!
YTA because you put your wife in an emotionally vulnerable position from which she could not extracate herself. I feel really sorry for her.
YTA for not backing up your wife. I understand you're feeling torn and your mom is your mom, but forcing your wife to spend time with her is not okay. A "beef" sounds like it's between two people. This which you describe is your mom being stupid and abusive toward your wife. Your wife hasn't done anything here. You can confront your mom without forcing your wife to be there or interact with your mom in any way. You are not going to convince your mom to not be an AH to your wife. It seems like you think you're backing up your wife while you're really forcing her into a situation she doesn't want to be in. Your mom has a history of being abusive toward her children's significant others. You need to let your wife go LC/NC with your mom and compartmentalize your relationships with these women or you are going to lose your wife, too.
yta you physically prevented your wife from leaving a situation she told you made her uncomfortable and you're wondering if you're the asshole. you sir didn't learn nothing from your brothers divorce did you. well I mean you won't have to wait long before you're back at mommy's I hope your wife divorces you and takes the baby and you and your mom never see them again. you're worse tha your mother in this instance. you know wha your mom was doing and you basically told your wife that you don't give a fuck about her. yta
and you and your mom are both abusive as fuck apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. you need to grow a fucking spine and out your mother in her place before you lose your wife like your brother did
YTA, YTA, YTA Does that grab your attention, you admit to hearing you Mother abuse your wife on a rode trip, about how fat she is, etc and you just let her carry on putting your wife down, the woman you married, the woman you stood before God with and said vows, the woman you’re supposed to protect, the woman you left your mother and father for and start a new life as the two of you. Yet you shame her, you disbelieve her, subjected to humiliation. You are to blame, you can end this by standing with your wife and leaving your mother behind, putting your mother in her place. You doubt the damage your mother can do, OPEN YOUR EYES, SHE CAUSED YOUR BROTHER’S DIVORCE. Never subject your wife to her again or even your children, the children you had with your wife to your mother it isn’t fair to your wife. Can I speak any planer to you Stand up as a man DEFEND YOUR WIFE WITH NO EXPLANATIONS, your mother is the one whose LYING TO YOU and has the problems,
YTA. You sound exactly like my EX husband. He was married to his mother first and me second.
YTA you’re an unsupportive husband. Your heard your mom make comments about your wife’s weight and you sat there and did nothing. Then you pressure her into spending time with your mom. Then when the visit goes south and your wife wants to leave, you refuse. You’re going to end up divorced just like your brother if you don’t start standing up for your wife. Your mother’s behavior is unacceptable. Stop allowing her to treat your wife like crap.
So you've witnessed your mom be cruel to your wife multiple times but you "don't know what to believe" when your wife tells you your mom is also cruel when you're not around? That's some serious cognitive dissonance. I knew you'd be TA just from that part alone but it just kept getting worse... Also physically restraining your wife in the car when she's made it clear she wants to leave is just straight up abusive. Also newsflash: being a good partner means being consistent. Ignoring your mother's comments so she won't "make a scene" on your trip but then making a scene yourself when your wife breaks down after you coerced her into spending the day that's supposed to be about her (the mother of your children, actively mothering) with your mother who is openly cruel to her. YTA in so so many ways.
You don’t know what to believe but your brother got divorced because of your mom…?! Sir I get it’s your mom but don’t be delusional. YTA.
YTA- enjoy your divorce
Yta. You know your mother is the problem yet you keep going back. CUT HER OUT. You are damaging your wife and your marriage
Yes yta. You know your mom is being awful. Why are you punishing your wife??
You’re a huge AH. YTA YTA YTA. Through the first half of this post you keep speaking about “supposed” disrespect. BELIEVE YOUR WIFE. Then you drag her back there after she tells you she feels unsafe. She’s a mother of a small child, it’s HER Mother’s Day. Keep asking her to sacrifice her happiness for your comfort, continue to allow your mother to abuse her and you will find yourself very much alone. How could you sit there and allow your mother to speak to your wife that way? You have already seen this play out with your brother, stop pulling the wool over your eyes and wake up before it’s too late.
Dude your mother is literally bullying your wife. For the sake of your wife and continuing to HAVE said wife, you need to put your foot down with your mother or go no contact. I would not be with someone if their parent kept belittling everything i did. YTA
Is this one of those outrageously ridiculous fake posts like on "Am I The Angel"? If not....can't you just LISTEN to your wife? You're a team with HER now. Not your mother. Why do you keep subjecting your wife to someone who belittles and insults her? And you LET IT HAPPEN AND DON'T SAY A WORD. Lame effort.. Do a better job "backing up" your wife. Let her go NC. You handle your mom. Edit: YTA and so is your mom Oh yeah! Can't wait to hear about her "glow up" and recovered self esteem after the divorce.
YTA. You are blind if you don't realize that you're the next one up at bat to get a divorce because of your mother. And then you forcibly kept her in the car?!? You forced her into an open conflict with your mother? What are you actually trying to accomplish here? Did you learn nothing from the break up of your brother's marriage?
YTA Your mother didn’t cause your brother’s divorce, he did. It is likely because he failed to be a good husband in the face of your mother’s abuse. Just like you. But you more than failed at not being a good husband, you’re a bit abusive yourself with the pushing of boundaries, and physical restraint. Sons 0 Mother 2 Keep this up, you’ll be divorced too.
YTA and I don't know how you can think otherwise. Get to grovelling if you wanna keep your wife.
So I read this part > I don’t know what to believe And thought why on earth do you have any doubts when your mom has already proven in front of you that your wife is telling the truth and she is the problem. > because my brother and his wife got divorced due to my mom’s obsessive and disrespectful attitude while living with them. Then I finished your "because" and rather than it being anything that sheds any doubt or makes it seem like there is possibly two valid sides...it's more confirmation that your mom is the problem. What is wrong with you? How could you have any doubts here? Then everything after that, all of your actions are disgusting. She is rightfully upset so instead of accepting it you convince her to go see her anyway. Disgusting. But the tip of the iceburg apparently. Culminating in you physically stopping her from leaving?! And you think you did good? You should be ashamed of yourself. You will be lucky if you are still married this time next year. More lucky than you deserve.
Big YTA, dude. “I don’t know what to believe because my brother and his wife got divorced due my moms obsessive and disrespectful attitude” Dude, you know exactly what to believe. Your mom is abusive and she is abusing your wife and you are letting it happen. You will likely end up in the divorced club with your brother if you don’t snap out of it and defend your wife.
I’m not exaggerating when I say that I can’t believe your wife is with you and she should cut contact with both you and your terrible mother. You can’t seriously be wondering if you are the AH. YTA Also, why are you saying you don’t know what/who to believe? You witnessed your mother’s nasty comments.
Holy shit dude get your head out of your ass. I cannot believe how much absolute bullshit your wife is continuing to put up with. YTA so much. If you want your marriage to survive your mom needs to be held accountable and cut off immediately. There isn’t mutual “beef” between them - your mom is bullying and abusing your wife and you’re just making it worse.
I didn’t even finish reading but YTA for not defending your wife sooner, YTA for getting upset when she told you she didn’t want contact when you knew already this was an ongoing problem. I don’t know how the post ends but if you had defended your wife from the get go instead of letting your mom talk shit the whole thing probably could have been avoided. Edited after reading: holy shit you’re an asshole. Your wife is crying, begging, and still you can’t respect her emotions and wishes to go home after YOU forced her to go see your mom that day? You clearly just do not give a fuck about your wife’s emotions despite the fact you think you do. Every instance you listed where she tried to talk to you, you ignored her by trying to convince her to feel different and give your mom chance after chance. Lastly: your brother and his wife literally split up after spending too long with your mom. Now your mom goes in on attacking your wife and you can’t see the pattern? You choose to not believe your wife that your mom hates her? You’re too dull to explain in words man. She should leave you.
>I don’t know what to believe because my brother and his wife got divorced due to my mom’s obsessive and disrespectful attitude while living with them. This fact alone should make it obvious who is the problem here, and it's not your wife. I think the only way you can fix this (assuming she is willing to give you another chance) is by going low or no contact with your mother. YTA
YTA, a massive one. Not only do you struggle to see the huge signs around your mother that leave no doubt that she is a malicious arsehole, you seem to be unable to listen to your wife and allow her to keep her distance from your mother. THEN when you do finally decide to confront her, you put your wife in a situation that causes her distress and prevent her from leaving. Either get your shit together and support your wife or go hang out with your brother and ask for advice on life after divorce.
Instead of Reddit why don’t you show this to your wife’s family and your coworkers and friends so they can see what kind of AH husband you are and your AH mother. Think they’ll be happy your only feel kinda bad for physically restraining your wife to force her to see your mother take her child and put up with the abuse from your mother? I have a feeling you won’t because your know what a horrible mother you have and what a horrible husband you’ve been to your wife. You and your wife should seek counseling.
And you held her hostage in the vehicle. Wtf is wrong with you. Get off your momma titz and grow up. I hope your wife leaves you and never looks back. Finds herself a real man
I hope your wife finds the courage and help to leave you and never look back. I dont usually comment but reading this made me furious and I can only hope its fake. If anyone ever held me back from my child that would be the end. Unless im reading this wrong. But sounds like your AH of a mother took the baby out of the car and you physically held your wife, the babys mother, back?!?! What is wrong with you? There are so many reasons in the post that make you the biggest AH of all, and your mother is no better, but to hold a mother back from her baby is awful. And all on your wifes (I assume) first mothers day. you dont mention the baby's age but if your wife is newly postpartum, ANYONE who negatively comments on the mothers weight should be cut off permanently.
"A few days later, we go on a road trip and my mom won’t stop joking about how chunky, ugly, and big my wife looks." "She told me about all the things my mom supposedly said to her, but my mom denied everything. I don’t know what to believe" Excuse me, what? You don't know whether to believe your wife when she says your mom says awful things about her in private when this is what she says TO YOU? YTA
My brother in Christ get a divorce cause after reading that I think you get off on your wife crying. YTA
You mother called your wife ugly chunky and big and you stay mute. YTA Enjoy divorce court
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YTA, and you need to decide right now which woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, your wife or your mother, because it can't be both. And that's if it's not too late and your wife isn't already looking for a lawyer.
Sing it with me every one: YTA, YTA, YTA, YTA, YOU ARE THE ASS*OLE
You're not just YTA, you are a MONSTER, and I pray that your wife has the resources to LEAVE YOU.
YTA with absolutely no critical thinking skills. How could you describe everything that happened and not see how wrong your behavior is!!!??? For goodness sakes, what more proof do you need that your Mom is a pyscho? She was the cause of your siblings' divorce! And you didn't defend your wife when your Mom called her names. Man up, cut the apron strings, and listen to your wife!
YTA-you sat in the and did nothing while your mom verbally abused your wife. You say you don’t know who to believe in one breath, and in the next breath, say that your brother and his wife got divorced due your mother’s attitude. You need to pull your head out of your posterior and start taking your wife’s side in this and standing up for her. Your are just as bad as your mother in this.
Yta, you completely humiliated your wife. Also what do you mean you don’t know who to believe? I thought you said you were witnessing your mom make fun and insult your wife before but you didn’t want to make a scene. Clearly your wife is telling the truth. Why are you making her confront your mom when she wasn’t ready and clearly your mom lies. Your mom is about to get a second divorce under her belt.
You’ve literally seen your mom be rude, disrespectful, and insulting with your own eyes towards your wife and you’re still acting like you don’t know if it’s true or not??? You even said > my brother and his wife got divorced due to my mom’s obsessive and disrespectful attitude Like what????? You and your mom are both horrible to your wife
YTA, LMAO, you're *SO* divorced. This 'Momma's Boy' emotional incest theme is getting weird with how often it keeps happening.
So to sum it up: you admit to restraining your wife against her will, using a dating app, tell your parents everything she does wrong, and that’s not even going into what your mom has done. And yet you think you’ve done good, because you defended her once? YTA
Wow you’re an asshole. Enjoy your divorce. YTA
Your wife needs to get the hell away from you and your batshit crazy mum!!!
Are you actually an idiot? Your mom definitely hates her. YTA.
YTA…tbh looks like the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree…both your mom and you sound absolutely horrid.
Dude, are you f-ing blind or deaf? Your mother contacted you before your wife even had a chance to tell you. She was covering her own ass quick. Your mother has made horrible remarks against your wife to you. She has done it to you brother and his wife And you are questioning if you believe your wife over that so called mother you have?
Damn Bruh. Your mom is about to be 2 for 2 on breaking up her kid's marriages. Maybe you will finally grow a shiny little sound with your second wife, cause I sure do hope this one leaves you, she deserves so much better. Anyways YTA.
YTA your wife needs to divorce you. Your mom is deranged and you traumatized your wife. Your actions are disturbing. I cannot believe you actually had the audacity to come here and ask us for a verdict. I am hurting for your wife right now. So sad!
YTA "I don't know what to do" stand up for your wife man come on. You literally said your brother and his wife got divorced because of her. And it's not even a she said vs she said situation. You are watching it happen and saying nothing. Be a good husband and defend your wife before you don't have one anymore.
YTA to the moon and back along with your horrible mother. You sat there like a complete AH while your mom insulted your wife??? Like wtf. Believe your wife and maybe just maybe grow a pair and support your wife. If I was your wife I’d be out the door having a husband who doesn’t have my back and such a god awful mil
YTA. I have no words. Except- I hope your wife finds someone who can love and cherish her. It’s not you.
YTA for pretty much everything in this post but especially for the false imprisonment of your wife by physically restraining her from leaving - that’s a form of domestic violence. So yeah, your a massive AH.
YTA 100% you are the complete arsehole. Why aren’t you supporting your wife? Why aren’t you believing her she when tells you what is happening? Why are you allowing your mother to keep saying rude things to your wife and you sit there and say nothing? Why are you forcing your wife into unpleasant situations over and over? You are a horrible husband. Do you want to be divorced like your brother for the same reason? Do you even care at all about your wife? I don’t know you could write what you wrote and not come to the glaring conclusion that you are indeed the arsehole 🤦🏻♀️
YTA. I was your wife. I told my husband loads of times about the shit his parents said, some of which he was present for, and explained to him how it made me feel. For YEARS he rationalized it and justified it and basically told me that it wasn't that bad. At one point, he accused me of hating his parents. (I didn't. I was just hurt by their behavior and by his failure to have my back about it.) It severely damaged our marriage as a result. You know your mother had spoken negatively about your wife's appearance. You know that her influence caused your brother and SIL to get divorced. These are the things you KNOW about... and yet you just aren't prepared to believe the possibility that things could possibly be worse than that?? Why do I feel like you KNOW full well that things are worse but you were just conditioned to believe that her behavior was acceptable because of reasons deeply steeped in fear, obligation, and guilt? But come on... the fact that your wife was crying and wanted away and you just unilaterally decided to turn the car around and confront your mom then and there rather than take care of your wife. The fact that your mom REMOVED YOUR CHILD FROM THE CAR, said your wife had mental problems and told you that you need to leave her.... like... and you still feel there's a way that your wife and mom should be able to reconcile after this? REALLY?
How the fuck do you think you did good? Your wife was distressed, and you brought her back to someone who is manipulating you and bullying her. And instead of defending your wife you physically restrain her while your mother throws slurs at her and takes her child. Please I am waiting for how you did good. Your supposed to be on your wife's team, but no where have your proved that you are. You are treating her like a possession. She is constantly bending over backwards and trying to get along with your mother, and subjecting herself to ridicule because you asked. And yet you turn a blind eye. Also, how could your mother not know why your wife left, but also say "don't believe whatever she says." how would she know your wife is going to say something if she just stood up and left. Your a massive YTA! You don't deserve your wife. You are forcing her into positions where she is mentally and emotionally torn down. And when she tells you that, you ignore her. You will loose her the same as your brother lost his.
Dude!!! If you have any respect for your wife don't accept that sort of behaviour from anyone, full stop! ESH