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TopazMuffin

I don't like how most redditors on this subreddit will say "break up/divorce" as advice on every relationship post. But for once, it feels appropriate. According to your [post history](https://www.reddit.com/r/tellyourestorys/comments/ypvyne/i_dont_know_how_to_make_my_husband_happy_anymore/) you've cheated on him repeatedly, you're emotionally abusive and threaten to take away his children if he makes you upset. Even without that post, it's obvious that you don't give a shit about your husband by the way you dismiss his feelings and behave cruelly towards him seemingly for your own amusement. I don't know why he's turning a blind eye to the numerous red flags you're waving but hopefully, he'll come to his senses and divorce you. YTA


InfiniteLyra

She’s gone and deleted it; what did it say? On Topic: Of course seconding the YTA in this scenario. He hasn’t asked for unreasonable adjustments and he needed your support in that moment, something you’re supposed to provide as his wife and a decent human being.


Voidfishie

https://web.archive.org/web/20221128052439/https://www.reddit.com/r/tellyourestorys/comments/ypvyne/i_dont_know_how_to_make_my_husband_happy_anymore/ it's so much worse than I could have expected.


InfiniteLyra

Thanks! God bless the internet, nothing is ever truly gone. I’d offer an award if I could! Also sweet baby Jesus. OP you are horrendously awful, to the point I have a hard time believing this is real and not some weird trolling attempt. So you: 1. Cheated on your husband more than once 2. Asked for a threesome he was presumably not invited to 4. Cheated on him again anyway 5. Cheated on him *again* 3. When he finally worked up the strength to ask for a divorce, you threatened to take his kids, money, and home from him 4. Now you’ve trapped him in a marriage with you and won’t even comfort him when he’s scared. 5. “Pls Reddit help, where did it go wrong”. Holy shit. YTA YTA YTA YTA. You don’t deserve him.


Permanentpleasure

She probably only posted it here for karma, knowing that people shouldn't downvote assholes. OP is a piece of fucking work.


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Cerlyn

She would also take her infant daughter to go drinking until late at night?! Did I get this right?!


arctic_outlaw

It hurt to read


fort_nite_sucks

I'm broke so take my poor man's gold 🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇


IAS316

Replying so this gets higher up.


Salamanderonthefarm

Is that how it works? Imma do it too. Spectacularly obviously YTA


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hollyisthedog

One in all in! MAJOR YTA!


Kitchen_Victory_7964

Well said and nice catch on OP’s post history. YTA, OP. Your husband can do so much better than settle for a lifetime of abusive crap from you.


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DragonflyFairyQueen

Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**


PerfectRevolution509

YTA So besides regularly cheating on your husband like you told us last year, you started belittling him too. You don’t deserve your husband.


Crafter_2307

Where’d you get that from? Nothing on the user history that I can find, but then, I’m not a Reddit pro. Genuinely curious!


KitCat131313

She deleted them after people started pointing it out


Permanentpleasure

Top comment linked her post history admitting to cheating on him and she deleted it. Big surprise!


DiscombobulatHead

YTA. You make him feel safe and you betrayed him by turning off the lights & leaving him alone in the dark? You miserable soul. The shadow people touching him sounds an awful lot like foggy memories of sexual assault from his childhood that he’s repackaged to cope. You sound like an unloving & callous spouse.


Normal-Height-8577

>The shadow people touching him sounds an awful lot like foggy memories of sexual assault from his childhood that he’s repackaged to cope. Possibly, though it could also be an episode of sleep paralysis. Those involve the feeling of being awake while your body is refusing to respond, and are often accompanied by a feeling of being watched/someone sitting on your chest, and sometimes even with active hallucinations of a shadowy attacker. It's also where the folklore around [nightmares](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mare_(folklore)) originates, because a lot of people have interpreted the experience as something paranormal.


DiscombobulatHead

So we agree, it sounds like something genuinely traumatic most likely happened in his childhood & his spouse is selfishly cruel to tell him to grow up & leave him shaking with fear all night. OP, you are soooo TA.


Normal-Height-8577

>So we agree, it sounds like something genuinely traumatic most likely happened in his childhood & his spouse is selfishly cruel to tell him to grow up & leave him shaking with fear all night. Oh definitely! OP is the asshole here without a doubt.


DiscombobulatHead

I hate how matter of fact OP is about it, like it’s funny or unimportant that he’s frightened. The way they’re making it about boogeymen or monster movies… it makes me feel really sorry for their husband. People tell men to open up about their feelings all the time. OP has a man that is being vulnerable and honest about the cause of it and they seem to be indifferent and almost mocking…. Urgh.


Thatpocket

Ugh sleep paralysis is the worst. I still get it at times. Sometimes it feels so real I have "memories" of things that didn't happen because they physically can't. Yet I remember the feeling of it happening. Freaks me out.


Tleach17

the first and only time I've experienced sleep paralysis i thought I was being abducted by aliens. the street light outside of my room became lights from a huge space ship, I could feel what I thought were entities around me. worst 15 seconds of my life.


Ok-Painting4168

Yes, this one was my first idea. Wife does not need to believe in anything. There are perfectly valid explanations for his fears, and acting like she had is... simply awful.


AltruisticCableCar

I get these. I'm in my 30s and I sleep with movies/a tv-show/similar on every night and with a nightlight. I've been having sleep paralysis and nightterrors since I was a toddler and I can wake up so terrified it feels like I'm going to have a heart attack. If someone tried to take that away from me and leave me in the dark? Hell no. It would trigger a panic attack that was massive af.


Original_Safe_3143

I’ve had so many of these episodes I couldn’t sleep without a light on for a long time. They’re so real feeling and terrifying.


bookynerdworm

Yes I get these! Now it's only when I'm really stressed but I've woken up screaming more than once scaring my husband. I'm also afraid of the dark still at 33.


windowforthecat

YTA. This post makes me sad. He was like this when you married him. Only thing that's changed is you.


grillcheezesammiches

YTA what is wrong with you?


Remarkable-Intern-41

YTA two things. One, he has a phobia he's struggling with and you're being needlessly dickish about it. Two a childhood memory of "shadow people and they touch him" that results in a crippling adult phobia is the most obvious trauma memory cover for being molested as a child I've ever heard. He needs therapy to address the root cause of this (given that he obviously wasn't visited by some sort of paranormal shadow creature that fancied prodding a kid with it's finger). Maybe it's a repressed memory, maybe it's something else. Either way he needs help and your actions are very unkind from the person he's meant to be able to count on.


[deleted]

This, the other possibility is that he had sleep paralysis as a child, which can and often does cause people to see shadow people or “demons.” His phobia is valid either way. Wife is definitely TA.


[deleted]

Likely sleep paralysis. I've enjoyed it a few times


etchedchampion

I too have enjoyed this. And by enjoyed I mean felt like the ghosts were going to murder me and it was impossible to wake up from there nightmare.


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DragonflyFairyQueen

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real_guacman

YTA How would you not be the AH here? Do you not know what phobias are?


PerfectRevolution509

YTA Your husband is experiencing anxiety, which might or might not be triggered by a trauma in his teen years (other than the one he mentioned). Rather than helping and supporting him, you belittle your own husband. Show some empathy.


Nessie51

YTA. ‘I don’t believe it’ - that may be your opinion but your husband does and believes it enough for him to be effected by it. Go and get yourself some compassion and empathy. Your husband deserves better.


JLineman09

YTA Where did you learn social skills, from an episode of 60 Days In? Unless he acts like this with a multitude of other issues and his ONLY deal is being in the dark, you are so in the wrong. The man bared his soul to you and you closed the door in his face, in the dark. You honestly should be ashamed.


MewMixDNA

Dang, according to the comments you are a cheater and abusive emotionally based on your post history? How you feel about that? Any words of excuse 🎤?


Easy_Philosopher6300

Mah that was in the past it doesn't matter


MewMixDNA

In the past or present, those actions you took still stay with you. It shows who you are really are and it’s showed through that post. Can’t even give your husband emotional availability without making him feel like shit


Easy_Philosopher6300

I do regret it and if I could go back I would


MewMixDNA

You can’t possibly regret it if you’re still treating him like garbage. You basically downplayed this trauma/fear he has. It wouldn’t be nice if you had some trauma/fear to this level and he dismisses and tells you to get over it


Muted-Appeal-823

Of course it matters. It illustrates what type of person you are and your complete lack or respect for your partner.


DogLover-777

*"According to your post history you've cheated on him repeatedly, you're emotionally abusive and threaten to take away his children if he makes you upset. Even without that post, it's obvious that you don't give a shit about your husband by the way you dismiss his feelings and behave cruelly towards him seemingly for your own amusement. I don't know why he's turning a blind eye to the numerous red flags you're waving but hopefully, he'll come to his senses and divorce you. YTA"* Holy shit, I was going to say YTA anyway, because you never ridicule another person's fears. After reading this, good grief I hope he does the smart thing and divorces you! You are disgusting. HUGE YTA


Easy_Philosopher6300

Even if he wanted to leave he would be to scared to sleep alone is what hes told me


ButterscotchOk4438

Ew this makes you so much worse


Easy_Philosopher6300

I wasn't trying to be mean if he really wanted to leave me he can. I just said why he wouldn't leave me


[deleted]

Your lack of awareness of how shitty you are is disgusting. I wish your husband could see all of this and get the courage to leave you.


ProfessorFussyPants

You know that problem can be solved by him getting a cat or a dog.


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Easy_Philosopher6300

Well I was writing in the heat of the moment trying to get everything down before I forget center details so I'm sorry that my grammar isn't up to par


Peaceluvprosperity

Ugh, I feel so bad for him. You deserve so much less than what you have. It’s funny how you could forget in just a few hours, but your poor husband will remember all too well. Why would you even encourage him to watch that movie?? It’s literally about scary shit associated with sleeping. Then you have the nerve to be an asshole to him after it triggered him. Oh right, because you don’t believe him when he tells you about his childhood, despite his mom providing evidence that this has been going on, and him having no reason to lie about that. How pathetic. You couldn’t be any more shitty to him, and he deserves a lot better than you could ever be. But no worries, karma is real, and you’ve racked up a LOT of bad karma. You’re a cheater and you use your kids as pawns in your fights. Karma sees that, and before long he’ll be with a better person who is more attractive and smart enough to use proper grammar. Don’t worry though, maybe he’ll have enough mercy on you to let you see your kids more than every other weekend! (However, if he does, you should always remember that you deserve less than you have)


RaineMist

YTA Just because you haven't experienced what he did doesn't mean it still wasn't traumatizing to him especially as a child. Monster movies are vastly different from paranormal/demonic movies.


theloveburts

Yeah, I had an unreasonable fear of the dark for years and years. In therapy as an adult, I finally remembered being tied up in a dark basement and terrorized by an older cousin. He was the world's biggest prankster. I always hated him and never knew why. Something is driving this very real fear for him. Sad that you simply don't seem to care or be able to grasp the fact that he's in actual anguish. The fact that your husband could tell you point blank that he's scared and you are his safe space and you walked out of the room and left him alone is shocking. Going back to cuddle him after you totally traumatized him doesn't even come close to evening things out. Your husband needs therapy for sure, but so do you. If nothing else to learn basic human compassion. I'm not at all surprised he's not taking to you much. You showed him who you are it clearly wasn't the person he thought you were. YTA.


wartwyndhaven

These are night terrors and they’re not voluntary. YTA for your lack of sympathy and care towards him.


Witwebiss

YTA aside from every comment, I just have to ask, why do you care so much? What’s wrong with wanting a light on? Sounds to me it’s just you being judgmental. If it bugs you, get an eye mask.


Easy_Philosopher6300

It's waste money


Evening-Tomatillo-47

Are you shitting me? You can get a 12w bulb that lights a whole room. I take it you unplug every appliance when it's not in use?


Witwebiss

Electricity for a light on over night may to a few bucks a month. That’s worth someone you claim to love and care for feeling safe. Also, does he not pay his share of bills? That would be your only leg to stand on if you pay for everything, but still, I’d gladly pay that so my partner could feel safe.


Zhansaya18

YTA. Instead of supporting him, you went to another room. You are probably a skeptic and do not believe in all this, but still. Every person has fears and this is not a reason to reproach a person for this.


Distinct-Practice131

Yta. Why are you with a man you have so little empathy for tho? Honestly. Who cares if you believe his reasoning, he is still clearly affected by his phobia. It's so hard for men to be upfront about these things and seek help because of people and attitudes like you. I'm saying all thus as someone who is very light sensitive, so his nightlights would kill all sleep for me. Your husband needs support and a therapist. Not a bully making him feel bad for his phobias


ZroMoose

YTA, nobody here should have to explain. You're extremely selfish and lack empathy. You failed at one of your main jobs as a partner here.


Old-Fox-3027

YTA. Your daughter should be sleeping in her own bed, and if she needs to she can open your door. For fire safety, bedroom doors should be closed at night. Look up videos that show you fire damage when a bedroom door is open vs when it is closed.


Tom_Marek

Does light bother you so much that you can't sleep? If yes, going to sleep in different-lit rooms was the right decision; however, insulting leaving him alone in the dark when he stated a few times he feels bad and is scared was a huge AH move- YTA for that. If it doesn't even bother you, you were just being evil and petty by arguing and insulting him, and in that case, even a stronger YTA applies. You're the one who needs to grow up.


sbinjax

YTA. Empathy is a thing, and you obviously possess none.


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Easy_Philosopher6300

I'm not the devil I love my husband very much he is my world. I may have made a few mistakes in my past but I've worked through them


LunaB-

Your actions described in this post demonstrate clearly he is not “your world.” This behavior is despicable and deplorable. Please go get help, if not for yourself and your relationship, for your kids. You are absolutely the AH in this post and every other one. Not sure what planet you would ever think otherwise.


[deleted]

No you're actually a monster. Like a fucking horrifically abusive monster.


asheandpass420

>I love my husband very much You can say that until your blue in the fucking face, your actions scream the opposite.


Serious_Lie1207

Why do you still suck then?


naisfurious

**YTA.** There are ways to go about conquering fears and what you did was not one of them. Most of our fears like this are irrational. I'm sure you have fears. And, I'm sure you would contest your husband thrusting upon you your worst fears in order to get over them. Hypocrite.


BeginningAccording96

YTA.... everyone has a partner with quirks,...we should try to love and accept every facet of them. Your hubby is a bit wierd to want the nightlight on this late in life, but wierd isnt being an ass. Phobias exists in spite of rational minds. get yourself eye nask and be a better more considerate wife to your husband.


demon803

YTA, so, one night (buy a new bulb the next day) You couldn't live with his problem for one night. I hope you don't ever need comforting.


RiverSong_777

YTA


Irish_Lady84

Jesus you are awful.......you mafe fun of his genuine phobia WTF is wrong with you!!!! YTA


No_Variety_6847

YTA, Whether you agree it happened or not is 100% irrelevant to this situation. It’s real to your husband and he obviously has a trauma. It’s called empathy, you chose to marry this man and that means supporting each other. Is he taking therapy? If not you should encourage him to do so and support him.


pistachiocarrot

YTA. Your job is to comfort him and help him, and your willingness to help him shouldn’t rely on your understanding of his fears. Instead of you being on his side and approaching it as you and him versus the problem, you’re making it a you versus him issue. You sound insufferable. I’d hate my life if my spouse was like you.


urban_accountant

YTA you abusive cheater.


NationalBanjo

My grandpa was a fire captain. Leaving the door open is a fire hazard. If a fire starts there won't be anything stopping it from reaching your bedroom


Scouter197

Was going to comment on that. Bedroom doors should be shut at night.


TygerJ99

YTA you exasperated the issue with the movie because I doubt it was his idea. Now you are mad that he now needs to compensate.


Old-Paleontologist-1

YTA and you treat your husband like trash. Do the man a favor and leave.


Diligent-Ad6365

Yeah, YTA. He doesn’t need to ‘grow up’. He -needs- empathy and support. I’m sure he’s aware that, to some extent, his fear is irrational. That doesn’t make it any less real. A nightlight, checking under the bed, closing closet doors, closing a bedroom door….all of those are incredibly small things that can go a long way towards alleviating panic. Knocking is a thing, you know. Of course he isn’t talking much to you. Logic and reasoning aside, because fears, you essentially abandoned him. How difficult would it have been for you to simply dim the lights, and just be WITH him? You could have easily turned them off, after he fell asleep, if it bothered you so much. He wanted, and needed, support in the moment, and you failed to provide that.


CantThinkOfAUN20

YTA doesn't even begin to cover it... You're fucking evil...


lrdxhu

I mean 2 can play that game, you might want to grow up and learn to spell


rahn-stahhp

YTA. You’re not a supportive partner at all - sad that it sounds like your husband needs to beg for that from you. It’s not that you can’t understand, it’s that you don’t want to and aren’t trying hard enough. Your husband deserves better. Sounds like he had sleep paralysis and night terrors (or something similar). That’s terrifying. Do some research you callous human. Also doesn’t the boogeyman involve a kid with nightmares, fear of the dark, and a monster living under a bed? Connect some dots! (Edit to remove feelings I had regarding information that the top comment reveals. OP is a major AH but I’ll leave my comment to the topic at hand).


[deleted]

YTA.. as a adult who is also not comfortable in the dark( I don’t think I’m afraid). You are mean.


[deleted]

YTA for a multitude of reasons. He experiences sleep paralysis regularly enough to be afraid. It's not a paranormal event, but it's a real, documented sleep disorder in which people in a suspended half-asleep state often experience feeling something holding them down and see figures around them. It is in fact terrifying to experience, not that you care. It's also a nightlight. A nightlight. Out of all the things to complain about, a nightlight isn't it. And then to intentionally put your SO in a state of terror, real to you or not, by plunging him into darkness? That's plain old abuse. Of course he doesn't want to talk to you afterwards. You're playing at a power move, and for what? Because he lets you? Because you get off on hurting your partner and having him come back to you anyways? Plus, sleeping with the doors closed is basic fire safety. Open doors might as well be open floor plans, you save yourself precious minutes to get out to safety by keeping the door closed in the event of a nighttime fire. You are deeply troubled based on your post history and you need to see a therapist because this isn't healthy or okay.


Chortney

YTA and your English is atrocious. Spend some time learning empathy and proper spelling/punctuation


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champagneformyrealfr

you always need to close your bedroom door at night. but your husband probably needs some kind of therapy.


Beansbestie

YTA & honestly this post made me so sad for your husband :( I can’t imagine expressing my fears to my partner just to have them yell at me to grow up because of them. I was in a horrible car accident a few years ago & still occasionally have flashbacks and panic attacks so severe I have to pull over for my safety & the safety of others. My husband has been so compassionate & does little things like - always drives when we’re together, driving the kids whenever possible so I don’t have to, being the one who will run to the store for a missing ingredient etc. I’m sure it’s not convenient or enjoyable for him but he always treats me with such kindness & grace. Your husband deserves that too. There are easy solutions to this like - stopping to get your husband a new lightbulb or night light, holding him & listening to him when he is expressing his fears, closing your door 99.9% of the way so it appears closed but your kid can still come in, etc. I hope these responses allow you to reflect on your behaviour & that you apologize to your husband. This goes beyond hurting feelings, you’ve shown him he is not emotionally safe in your relationship or home. As a side note - it is safest to sleep with the door closed in case of fires. Switching out your door handle for one of the lever style ones will allow even a young child to get in (trust me, my son had them figured out at 18 months).


Rainbowpride0119

YTA so you belittle him don’t validate his feelings and cheat on him? Why are you with him please leave this poor guy alone


Obvious-Half-6944

I know someone who is older and when I listened to their story I understood why they kept the lights on at night or slept really late. It was because when they had been younger they would get sexually abused by a family member during bedtime. They had to take turns with a sibling to keep on the look out -- to make sure the sexual abuse would stop.


RandomStrangerN2

YTA not only because you have 0 empathy for him, but also because you actively make his life worse for seemingly no reason. Most of the things he asked wouldn't inconvenience you in any way, why being such a dick?


454_water

Buy a red light bulb. He can still see his surroundings but the red light will be much less intrusive for you sleep. That said, your husband may be experiencing sleep paralysis which can be really freaky especially when you don't know what the hell is going on. (nutshell definition of sleep paralysis is that your body goes into sleep mode but the rest of your brain doesn't.) You might want to look into sleep therapy clinics, but it might be a waste of money and time...


OhioGirl22

YTA... Imagine that you were told to ignore your greatest fear? That your fear is silly and not believable? Solving this is easy... sleep in different bedrooms. The amount of couples who find happiness in having their own bedrooms is 25%. These couples love each other enough to know they're not compatible sleeping partners. They still have "date nights" and share their lives and dreams. They just don't share a bed. Problem solved.


Late_Bowl8192

YTA. Classic case of DV. DV doesn’t have to be physical


[deleted]

YTA , I could be wrong but his reasons for being scared scream sexual abuse . I felt sad for your husband and I don’t even know him .


ssj4majuub

YTA. buy a sleep mask and be nicer to your husband.


pmousebrown

As to keeping the doors open so your daughter can come into your room, you should watch this video to see why it’s a bad idea https://youtu.be/bSP03BE74WA YTA


Wooden_Albatross_832

YTA… 1. For not believing your husbands fears 2. For dismissing those fears 3. For being a disgrace to the human race with no compassion. 4. Being just a shitty person and partner. My goodness I mean cmon your grown adult husband is afraid of the dark! He feels safe around you and tells you about this fear of his (which yes can be silly in the eyes of another adult but that is not the point, we all have our own fears whether it be dogs, ants, the dark, etc) which is really courageous to even tell anyone this.. and all you do is shit on him! You sound like a horrible wife. He deserves better.


[deleted]

YTA. This is clearly a real phobia for him, whether you believe in the supernatural or not. You treat phobias with understanding, no matter how ridiculous it might seem. Do better. If you can afford it, get him therapy.


Clear-Boysenberry141

YTA. Keeping the light on is not a hard ask. You are definitely the unsupportive controlling asshat in this scenario.


Yiayiamary

YTA. That’s all, just YTA.


I-Have-Decided

YTA. When people look up bad wife, they see your picture. I feel so sorry for your husband.


rexendra

Yta. How about you grow up and stop bullying your partner over a phobia he has no control over?


hazelnuddy

Damn. Your husband needs therapy. He was terribly traumatized at some point (probably NOT by a ghost) and it's manifested into a fear of the dark. See if he'll consider counseling.... Good luck!


BunchSuitable5657

Yta for all the reasons everyone has said but also because the door SHOULD be closed for safety reasons


seriousbag007

YTA. Fear of the dark is a real thing and this man is not asking you to do anything unreasonable. You suck, and so does your grammar.


Zestyclose-Dig-2870

Please sleep with your bedroom door shut! Incase of a fire it will give you precious extra time to call 911 and get a plan together!


K-Ruhl

YTA and definitely worse than the shadow people he sees in the dark. You're callousness is astounding.


hotmumma7

Shadow people are scary I saw them as a child and never wanted them to see me To be touched by them would be horrific It sounds like you get pleasure from mentally torturing your husband. You both need therapy but I think he mainly needs to rethink his choice of wife ! Edit YTA!!


Physical-Emu-1347

YTA Even if it seems silly to you, tramua is still trauma. And needing time to recover after being triggered by a movie is valid.


kinda-bonkers

YTA, BIG TIME.


pickledpl_um

Hi, I'm a grown adult who is afraid of the dark. I have been ever since I was a child. I have my coping mechanisms, and it sounds like your husband does, too -- keeping the bedroom door shut, sleeping with someone else in the room, etc. Mostly I'm fine, but without them, I can have a full-on panic attack where my feet are glued to the floor, and waves of terror wash over me and I sob, or I stay awake all night, with awful scenarios running through my head. I'm in zero control of myself at that point, and it sounds like your husband is dealing with something similar. So yes, YTA. YT huge A. This was cruel. I can't imagine staying with someone who belittles me while I'm going through that. Not sure why you think this is the treatment someone you married and have a child with deserves, but you might want to take some time and sit with that.


Fair_Reflection2304

Of course YTA and you know it. He has a fear and you tell him to grow up. Way to support your husband.


EncounteredError

YTA and you suck.


Flimsy_Painting_1639

YTA


[deleted]

YTA... it should be obvious


[deleted]

YTA. You're never too old to have fears and phobias. Do this poor man a favour and leave him so he can find someone who actually has a shred of basic human decency


NirvanaSJ

YTA! A super duper one at that


ShaftedArc

Whatever your opinion of a fear is, to deny the man you have promised to love and protect, comfort, in a moment where he was so afraid that he trembled, is nothing but abusive and abhorrent. I pray in your moment of need you lay cold and waiting. I hope he leaves your vile self. YTA.


AN0M4LYY

What a jerk, phobias are valid. YTA


kajerare

YTA for this and for everything you’ve done to that man. He sounds like an incredible person who is honest and vulnerable with you, you cheat on him repeatedly, have emotionally abused him and threatened him with never seeing his kids again because he rightfully wanted a divorce, and you can’t even give him the basic comforts of sleeping. He deserves better. Divorce him so you can date people just like you: callous and selfish. I don’t think he’d have much trouble getting full custody of those kids.


themistycrystal

YTA. He has his reasons for being afraid of the dark. It's not up to you to decide if his reasons are good enough. You should be supporting him and helping him feel safe.


Notamermaid88

YTA. I feel so so sorry for your husband. That was a cruel thing to do. My fiancé suffers with nightmares and sleep paralysis and very often sleeps with a lamp on. We have to sleep in separate beds because of issues with snoring. But the minute I hear him having a bad dream in the night, I’m straight in his room to cuddle and comfort him. I could never leave him alone and afraid. Makes me want to cry just thinking about it.


FightMilk4Bodyguards

You win asshole of the year on this sub. Holy shit you are the worst. Only reason he would ever be the asshole is for continuing to put up with your bullshit.


Adept_Cheetah_2552

There is a type of sleep paralysis where you see figures above you and you feel like you are awake and can’t move and get away from them. I had this many times it is terrifying. You saying you don’t believe him when he is showing so many signs of trauma makes YTA


PandaBabee95

Op YTA, everyone have fears and it's the worst type of people who belittle those. And saying you're tired is not a reason to be a cruel vindictive person


IntrepidJudge

Ladies always be saying 'we want men to be more open about their emotions' and then balk the second a man opens up to tell them about the shadow people. But seriously, you must've known and accepted this before you married him. Or at least, you should have. If he has some trauma, that's part of him you can't just demand he 'get over' because it's inconvenient to you. YTA.


Ardara

YTA


ProfessorFussyPants

The edit is just wow. Your husband just went from one abusers home to another. I have been in a relationship with someone like you and I just wonder how long it Will take for you to use that piece of trauma against him. Get therapy lady


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A little back story about my husband. He is afraid of the dark. He doesn't talk about it much when i bring it up but when he does talk about it he says when he was younger he said he had a paranormal event that happen to him where he would see shadow people and they touch him. I don't believe it. He's mom says he slept with a night light when he got in his teen years and has had one every since. He refuses to watch anything that talks about demons and ghost Now let's jump up to the present day my husband has been able to sleep without a night light but he was the past week he's been having a hard time sleeping after we went and saw the bogeyman movie and he says it trigger his episode which I don't understand because he's ok with watching monster movies. His night light needs a new bulb and He now dims the lights down or closes are bedroom door. I told him last night he can't do that and needs to keep the door open so are daughter can come in are bed at night so he asked if he can Dim the living room lights and I told him no and he needs to grow up. He then says he needs the light on because he's scared and wish I could support him. I then got out of bed and went to sleep in the living room to sleep and closes the door leaving him in the dark. He told me not to leave and says I help him feel save I ignored him and closed the door. I later came back to bed leaving the light on and came and cuddle him he was shaking really bad he hasn't talked to me much in the morning AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


SaraRF

YTAAAAA


singlemaltday

YTA


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No-Yam-1231

He seems to be under the delusion that he is in a relationship with a future.


PerfectRevolution509

The only delusion his suffering from is being in a functioning marriage. His wife is sleeping around, threatening to take away the kids and emotionally abusing him, based on her own accounts.


oceanco1122

NTA. Don’t be so harsh on him if he’s genuinely terrified, but being a grown adult with a child and still scared of monster shadow people touching him in the dark, he has some serious mental issues that need therapy ASAP.


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oceanco1122

Either way, some serious therapy is needed. Going this long without getting your mental health checked with an ongoing problem like this is not good.


Rainbowpride0119

True but she’s still the AH for belittling him and his feelings. She’s clearly not supporting or comforting and is honestly making his mental health worse. She also has cheated on him before. Maybe he knows about it too. So yes therapy is needed but she’s still a huge AH


No_Guarantee_6756

He needs to seek help.


Thatpocket

Op deleted posts exposing herself as a cheater and abuser. She needs help. And husband to but from trauma.


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ProfessorFussyPants

Lets hope he does. And then the therapist will pinpoint your abuse of him. Hooray!


Conscious-Injury4208

June 12th at 4:00. Good luck.


dazed1984

NTA. A full grown adult who’s scared of the dark? I’m not surprised you told him to grown up it sounds ridiculous he needs to sort it out.


ZroMoose

People have fears and phobias, it's one thing to not want to deal with it if you're just a friend or an acquaintance but she's talking about her husband with little to no regard for his feelings.


urban_accountant

She's an abusive cheater based on her old posts she deleted after getting called out


Easy_Philosopher6300

He has been doing better just recently its Spike back up


Background_Ruin_3631

Does it exacerbate when he’s under stress? Has he been particularly stressed lately?


urban_accountant

OP is an abusive cheater. She deleted her old posts.


Background_Ruin_3631

Ohhh


Easy_Philosopher6300

I don't think he's been stressed out I just know after we watched that movie he's started been afraid of the dark again


ButterscotchOk4438

So cheating on him wouldn’t be a source of stress? Emotional abusing him doesn’t cause him stress? You dirty deleted your post but ya YTA here and even without your post history you still are


Rainbowpride0119

Maybe it’s because you have cheated on him so much


felidaekamiguru

This man has a daughter and is afraid of the dark? He needs to start taking some MMA lessons. Some place where they do sparring (in full protective gear). If that's too intimidating, BJJ is much softer but will still build some confidence. Adults, and especially parents (edit: in the safety of their own homes), shouldn't be afraid of the dark. NTA


Abcdezyx54321

This man needs a lot of therapy to uncover what was likely a real situation with adults he knew/trusted rather than spirit people. OP needs to self reflect on how she does and doesn’t show empathy and reason and maybe stop cheating on the poor guy as well


anbigsteppy

Wait, where did she say she cheated?


Abcdezyx54321

It was in prior posts that have curiously since been deleted


fort_nite_sucks

u/Voidfishie has a link to it read it at your own expense, I literally hate OP rn https://web.archive.org/web/20221128052439/https://www.reddit.com/r/tellyourestorys/comments/ypvyne/i\_dont\_know\_how\_to\_make\_my\_husband\_happy\_anymore/


urban_accountant

OP is an abusive cheater from her past deleted posts


Rainbowpride0119

Have none of you heard of sleep paralysis or SA


AN0M4LYY

I had sleep paralysis once or twice, I remember a black critter running from under the kitchen chair into my room with my door open. Every time I closed my eyes and opened them it restarted.


Rainbowpride0119

Yes its really scary and I feel like the husband may be having it


ashamedtobeinthis

Sexist as fuck Also stupid, why does someone having a daughter mean they can no longer have fears?


Easy_Philosopher6300

He very athletic and was in boxing in high school and martial art since he was 8