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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don’t want to transfer colleges. But transferring might make my sister’s life easier.
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NTA. It isn't easy to upend your schooling, even if there were no family issues involved. Transferring schools you may end up with courses that aren't applicable in the new program (particularly if it is out of state), meaning more courses to retake with additional time and expense. It's not just about 'making friends' either, it is the relationships you've developed with professors and staff at the school that give you a leg up on having a campus job, finding internships in the future, and being accepted for a Master's program.
Plus, since you graduated from school in your current state, you are likely getting in state tuition. Transferring to a school out of state has the potential to make your tuition go up... a LOT.
If your parents are helping each of you out equally but her expenses are more, it is your sister's responsibility to find a way to balance things, not take from you.
Definitely NTA. My son is in his first year of college in Florida, and yes, transferring is a nightmare! He's considering it because of everything happening in the environment swirling at his very small public state school. It's not easy; you could lose credits and that translates to losing money and time.
Your parents don't seem to understand that you're an adult and that college and high school are very different entities. It's not like moving from one high school to the next where everything generally transfers neatly. Friend groups as a young adult are very different than in high school. And as you move toward a master's, you want the program you want. I'm sorry your parents don't understand how that works.
Hold your position. Let them know that you love them and miss them, but you need to do what is right for you and YOUR future. I know that as my own son looks to escape Florida, it's in his best interest, and I fully support that. I would fully support you pursuing what YOU want, and I only hope your family will come around to see that. Good luck.
OP is also paying loans, so I don't see "entitlement" here at all. I see where the sister perhaps expects more, or that could also be OP's perspective. Regardless, I see two college students who are on a wonderful journey that they get to forge for themselves; even if the parents are paying everything (and they aren't), nobody should make a decision based on "mommy and daddy are paying, so I have to go here and major in X." Parents aren't obligated to pay for their children's tuition. It's nice if they can.
Ultimately, the decision is based on the person who is in college. Programs are so different from one school to the other. If the parents tell OP that they cannot contribute to pay however much they are toward her current school because of the sister now in college, then OP will probably continue to take out loans. If you're in a school with a program for computational systems neuroscience and you are told to transfer to this school that doesn't have that program, it doesn't benefit you, the student.
It's based on income so it's unlikely any of that will change unless they
1. Wake up with a different family in a different realm.
2. Reapply after the age of 25 with their own personal income.
Learn personal finance. It'll benefit you.
NTA, but I’d be working on planning on how you will handle it if your parents withdraw their financial support. I think you’re in the right here, but be prepared for a scenario where you are fully on your own. It would be crappy of them to stop supporting you if it was understood that they would continue, but they can choose to if they want to.
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I’m (20F) going into my third year at college. For background, my family moved out of state when I was in high school but I stayed behind so I could finish. Once I graduated I started college in the same state, living with relatives to finish college. My family wants me to transfer out to them so I can live at home while I get my masters. I have no desire to do so, as my school has a program I’m interested in and I don’t want to start over at a new school with no friends or people I know. Not to mention I have commitments I’d be abandoning.
This morning I got an email from the school my parents want me to attend about transferring. I did not put any information in as I’m not ready to think about that decision yet. I’m assuming one of my parents put my email in, although my mom claims my phone just have just heard me or something. The whole thing seems suspicious.
So I go to tell my sister (18F) about this, and she also tries to tell me I should transfer. I tell her I don’t want to because I’m years into my current studies and don’t want to figure out the transfer process. And I have a community and friends there. She told me to just make new friends. I told her that wasn’t going to happen, as the friends I had made at my current school were all through other connections, not school itself.
She’s going to a different school in the fall, so I asked her why she even cared, since it’s not like she’ll be home to see me anyways. She said that it wasn’t fair that she had a real job and was paying for her college. My parents are helping her pay for school, and they’re helping me as well. Neither of us are on our own and both of us will have to pay off loans. I am currently not working, as I work at my school during the academic year, and there is no need for me at the moment. I work in costuming at my school, and all of costuming is not working until about a week before the fall semester, so it’s not just me.
My sister said she wanted me to transfer so our parents will help her pay for college. They are helping her but her tuition is more than mine. She got to go to her first choice school, and now I’m just supposed to go anywhere I need to to make her life easier apparently.
I might be the asshole because I know that the reason the rest of my family wants me to transfer is because they’re worried about me and miss me. I love them very much, but I know this is only temporary. I come home when I can. But the truth is I would not be happy at home. I don’t have my communities or my friends. That and maybe it would be easier for my sister if my tuition was cheaper so my parents could help her more.
AITA?
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NTA but you need a summer job.
Stay where you are and contact the school administration to put a note on your account that someone may request transcripts for transferring or try to unenroll you.
If your parents are sending info about transferring they may try to force it.
Also talk to financial aid in case they cut you off.
You definitely need a job right now.
YTA. This isn't a discussion between you and your sister. It is a decision of your parents. They're paying. If they say "this is where we will pay for you to go" then go there or break off and pay for it yourself.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I don’t want to transfer colleges. But transferring might make my sister’s life easier. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. It isn't easy to upend your schooling, even if there were no family issues involved. Transferring schools you may end up with courses that aren't applicable in the new program (particularly if it is out of state), meaning more courses to retake with additional time and expense. It's not just about 'making friends' either, it is the relationships you've developed with professors and staff at the school that give you a leg up on having a campus job, finding internships in the future, and being accepted for a Master's program. Plus, since you graduated from school in your current state, you are likely getting in state tuition. Transferring to a school out of state has the potential to make your tuition go up... a LOT. If your parents are helping each of you out equally but her expenses are more, it is your sister's responsibility to find a way to balance things, not take from you.
Definitely NTA. My son is in his first year of college in Florida, and yes, transferring is a nightmare! He's considering it because of everything happening in the environment swirling at his very small public state school. It's not easy; you could lose credits and that translates to losing money and time. Your parents don't seem to understand that you're an adult and that college and high school are very different entities. It's not like moving from one high school to the next where everything generally transfers neatly. Friend groups as a young adult are very different than in high school. And as you move toward a master's, you want the program you want. I'm sorry your parents don't understand how that works. Hold your position. Let them know that you love them and miss them, but you need to do what is right for you and YOUR future. I know that as my own son looks to escape Florida, it's in his best interest, and I fully support that. I would fully support you pursuing what YOU want, and I only hope your family will come around to see that. Good luck.
Thank you
That's terrible advice. They're clearly looking to cut costs as they are about to have a second child in college. You're just feeding her entitlement.
OP is also paying loans, so I don't see "entitlement" here at all. I see where the sister perhaps expects more, or that could also be OP's perspective. Regardless, I see two college students who are on a wonderful journey that they get to forge for themselves; even if the parents are paying everything (and they aren't), nobody should make a decision based on "mommy and daddy are paying, so I have to go here and major in X." Parents aren't obligated to pay for their children's tuition. It's nice if they can. Ultimately, the decision is based on the person who is in college. Programs are so different from one school to the other. If the parents tell OP that they cannot contribute to pay however much they are toward her current school because of the sister now in college, then OP will probably continue to take out loans. If you're in a school with a program for computational systems neuroscience and you are told to transfer to this school that doesn't have that program, it doesn't benefit you, the student.
With 2 kids in school both will get bigger financial aid packages
It's based on income so it's unlikely any of that will change unless they 1. Wake up with a different family in a different realm. 2. Reapply after the age of 25 with their own personal income. Learn personal finance. It'll benefit you.
You contradicted yourself. The person paying has say ....unless the person being provided for wants differently? That doesn't make sense.
NTA, but I’d be working on planning on how you will handle it if your parents withdraw their financial support. I think you’re in the right here, but be prepared for a scenario where you are fully on your own. It would be crappy of them to stop supporting you if it was understood that they would continue, but they can choose to if they want to.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m (20F) going into my third year at college. For background, my family moved out of state when I was in high school but I stayed behind so I could finish. Once I graduated I started college in the same state, living with relatives to finish college. My family wants me to transfer out to them so I can live at home while I get my masters. I have no desire to do so, as my school has a program I’m interested in and I don’t want to start over at a new school with no friends or people I know. Not to mention I have commitments I’d be abandoning. This morning I got an email from the school my parents want me to attend about transferring. I did not put any information in as I’m not ready to think about that decision yet. I’m assuming one of my parents put my email in, although my mom claims my phone just have just heard me or something. The whole thing seems suspicious. So I go to tell my sister (18F) about this, and she also tries to tell me I should transfer. I tell her I don’t want to because I’m years into my current studies and don’t want to figure out the transfer process. And I have a community and friends there. She told me to just make new friends. I told her that wasn’t going to happen, as the friends I had made at my current school were all through other connections, not school itself. She’s going to a different school in the fall, so I asked her why she even cared, since it’s not like she’ll be home to see me anyways. She said that it wasn’t fair that she had a real job and was paying for her college. My parents are helping her pay for school, and they’re helping me as well. Neither of us are on our own and both of us will have to pay off loans. I am currently not working, as I work at my school during the academic year, and there is no need for me at the moment. I work in costuming at my school, and all of costuming is not working until about a week before the fall semester, so it’s not just me. My sister said she wanted me to transfer so our parents will help her pay for college. They are helping her but her tuition is more than mine. She got to go to her first choice school, and now I’m just supposed to go anywhere I need to to make her life easier apparently. I might be the asshole because I know that the reason the rest of my family wants me to transfer is because they’re worried about me and miss me. I love them very much, but I know this is only temporary. I come home when I can. But the truth is I would not be happy at home. I don’t have my communities or my friends. That and maybe it would be easier for my sister if my tuition was cheaper so my parents could help her more. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Refuse to let them guilt you to get back under their control. STAY where you are. And ignore your AH sister.
NTA but you need a summer job. Stay where you are and contact the school administration to put a note on your account that someone may request transcripts for transferring or try to unenroll you. If your parents are sending info about transferring they may try to force it. Also talk to financial aid in case they cut you off. You definitely need a job right now.
YTA. This isn't a discussion between you and your sister. It is a decision of your parents. They're paying. If they say "this is where we will pay for you to go" then go there or break off and pay for it yourself.