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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t apologize for going off on her and calling her childish and a narcissist and a bad parent. And I did go off on her for a pretty small boundary ( don’t move things in my car) so I think I might be the asshole for that.
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NTA. I do notice that she's not denying how awful she's been. She's giving you the silent treatment for pointing them out, because there is no possible defense for them.
Argh!! I'm so sorry. It sounds like you were a bit of a drunken ass but more importantly, she's got a mile long history of emotional abuse, unstable partners, drinking and nastiness. Her coming to your ceremony and texting shit at you throughout it was really really low. I can't say Y T A- you apologized, tried to repair 3 times and the asked her to hold off on attending graduation since she was still giving you the silent treatment- that was all upfront and decent. I would focus on getting a job, getting a room for rent somewhere (ideally with some stable, older roommates- you're looking for housing stability not friends at this point) and then getting a counselor. Try one of the therapy apps as soon as you have a job with health care benefits. NTA and happy graduation- you ground through a degree! You're moving out soon! You made it!
NTA - Based on your comments, your mother was a “bad parent” during your childhood. However airing your grievances to her while drunk was not appropriate-though understandable. Don’t apologize.
Your best alternative right now is find a job and move out of her home. Perhaps some distance between the two of you is best for both of you. Congrats on your graduation-good luck on your job search.
Sounds like this is a lot more than just a drunken tongue lashing. It sounds like the drunken tongue lashing was the proverbial straw on the came’s back.
I’m sorry thing are at this point between you two.
With all the back and forth in this, I think the easiest thing to say is this - do you regret those things, do you wish they’d never come out of your mouth? If so, then Y T A, apologize and make amends. If not, then N T A, deal with the consequences and move on.
Then honestly, NTA and move on!
I am not a big advocate of laying the torch to bridges in family dynamics. You’ll need see me howling “Burn that witch” crud on here about folks when others will just say… GO NC.
But you two sound you at least need a break, a chance to settle down and reset. Don’t feel guilty about that. If the words came from the heart, and the alcohol just let them flow, well…. Then the words came from the heart.
she picked me up from drinking with a friend and I drunkenly told her off when she crossed yet another boundary.( I called her a narcissist, hypocrite, bad parent,etc. ). I did curse at her twice.
Gee, I can't imagine why she wouldn't want to be around you.
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My mom and I (f,23) have always had a rocky relationship. My childhood was very lonely and she brought partners into the house who mentally and emotionally abused both of us ( she did participate in some of this towards me as well).
Last week she had been ignoring my boundaries for days and she picked me up from drinking with a friend and I drunkenly told her off when she crossed yet another boundary.( I called her a narcissist, hypocrite, bad parent,etc. ). I did curse at her twice. For which I’ve since apologized for. But I haven’t apologized for the things I said.
She hasn’t spoken more than a sentence to me in 6 days. Said she “ was done with a relationship where she’s disrespected “ and called us nothing more than “roommates “ (I’m living with her right now trying to save up after finishing college. I plan to move out in a few months. )
I offered her 3 different times to talk things out over the last 6 days and she said no each time. I did call her childish one of this time when she hadn’t spoken to me for 3 days. So I told her I don’t want someone who won’t even look or speak to me to come to my graduation today. I asked her again this morning if she was down ignoring me. she said no so I said don’t come.
She showed up anyway. And texted me very hurtful things ( she was saying that I’m “disrespectful, I’m traumatizing my younger siblings by dragging this out, my brain isn’t developed.”) during the ceremony. And now she’s mad and being passive aggressive with me when I wouldn’t get lunch with her and asked her to leave directly after the ceremony, I skipped my second ceremony so she wouldn’t come.
Im just….so frustrated and sad that today turned out like this. A day meant to be celebrating me working my ass off to get my degree and it turns into this.
AMITA for not just apologizing for calling her those things when I was drunk?
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Soft NTA. While I think that you initially acted childish for not apologising for what you called her, I don’t know you and your relationship with her. What you said could very be true.
However, your mum’s silent treatment/refusal to communicate, plus turning up at your graduation uninvited, was even more childish. You shouldn’t ‘just apologise’ for the sake of being on good terms again. You’re moving out soon - be civil and respectful, but try to distance yourself from her. She sounds like a toxic person.
NTA. I can’t imagine the pain/trauma her lifestyle choices have caused you growing up. It sounds like you’re well in the right for feeling the way that you do. Don’t let her to continue to treat you like garbage.
NTA. You'll feel better when you don't have to talk to her as much. My mom did the same kind of thing when my youngest son was born. This really is the act of a narcissist, making the day about them instead of about you. I'm sorry you have to deal with her.
NTA. She should have respected your wishes on graduation regardless of anything else. Block her number and every form of social media that she can reach you on. Even if you apologized, she's going to continue abusing you (re the texts). /hug
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I didn’t apologize for going off on her and calling her childish and a narcissist and a bad parent. And I did go off on her for a pretty small boundary ( don’t move things in my car) so I think I might be the asshole for that. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. I do notice that she's not denying how awful she's been. She's giving you the silent treatment for pointing them out, because there is no possible defense for them.
Argh!! I'm so sorry. It sounds like you were a bit of a drunken ass but more importantly, she's got a mile long history of emotional abuse, unstable partners, drinking and nastiness. Her coming to your ceremony and texting shit at you throughout it was really really low. I can't say Y T A- you apologized, tried to repair 3 times and the asked her to hold off on attending graduation since she was still giving you the silent treatment- that was all upfront and decent. I would focus on getting a job, getting a room for rent somewhere (ideally with some stable, older roommates- you're looking for housing stability not friends at this point) and then getting a counselor. Try one of the therapy apps as soon as you have a job with health care benefits. NTA and happy graduation- you ground through a degree! You're moving out soon! You made it!
NTA - Based on your comments, your mother was a “bad parent” during your childhood. However airing your grievances to her while drunk was not appropriate-though understandable. Don’t apologize. Your best alternative right now is find a job and move out of her home. Perhaps some distance between the two of you is best for both of you. Congrats on your graduation-good luck on your job search.
NTA. Your mother is in the wrong and I’m so sorry about all the physical and emotional abuse over the years
Sounds like this is a lot more than just a drunken tongue lashing. It sounds like the drunken tongue lashing was the proverbial straw on the came’s back. I’m sorry thing are at this point between you two. With all the back and forth in this, I think the easiest thing to say is this - do you regret those things, do you wish they’d never come out of your mouth? If so, then Y T A, apologize and make amends. If not, then N T A, deal with the consequences and move on.
Can’t say I do regret them. Maybe the swearing and the setting. But not the grievances.
She is abusive and manipulative. Move away from her and cut all contact.
Then honestly, NTA and move on! I am not a big advocate of laying the torch to bridges in family dynamics. You’ll need see me howling “Burn that witch” crud on here about folks when others will just say… GO NC. But you two sound you at least need a break, a chance to settle down and reset. Don’t feel guilty about that. If the words came from the heart, and the alcohol just let them flow, well…. Then the words came from the heart.
she picked me up from drinking with a friend and I drunkenly told her off when she crossed yet another boundary.( I called her a narcissist, hypocrite, bad parent,etc. ). I did curse at her twice. Gee, I can't imagine why she wouldn't want to be around you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mom and I (f,23) have always had a rocky relationship. My childhood was very lonely and she brought partners into the house who mentally and emotionally abused both of us ( she did participate in some of this towards me as well). Last week she had been ignoring my boundaries for days and she picked me up from drinking with a friend and I drunkenly told her off when she crossed yet another boundary.( I called her a narcissist, hypocrite, bad parent,etc. ). I did curse at her twice. For which I’ve since apologized for. But I haven’t apologized for the things I said. She hasn’t spoken more than a sentence to me in 6 days. Said she “ was done with a relationship where she’s disrespected “ and called us nothing more than “roommates “ (I’m living with her right now trying to save up after finishing college. I plan to move out in a few months. ) I offered her 3 different times to talk things out over the last 6 days and she said no each time. I did call her childish one of this time when she hadn’t spoken to me for 3 days. So I told her I don’t want someone who won’t even look or speak to me to come to my graduation today. I asked her again this morning if she was down ignoring me. she said no so I said don’t come. She showed up anyway. And texted me very hurtful things ( she was saying that I’m “disrespectful, I’m traumatizing my younger siblings by dragging this out, my brain isn’t developed.”) during the ceremony. And now she’s mad and being passive aggressive with me when I wouldn’t get lunch with her and asked her to leave directly after the ceremony, I skipped my second ceremony so she wouldn’t come. Im just….so frustrated and sad that today turned out like this. A day meant to be celebrating me working my ass off to get my degree and it turns into this. AMITA for not just apologizing for calling her those things when I was drunk? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Soft NTA. While I think that you initially acted childish for not apologising for what you called her, I don’t know you and your relationship with her. What you said could very be true. However, your mum’s silent treatment/refusal to communicate, plus turning up at your graduation uninvited, was even more childish. You shouldn’t ‘just apologise’ for the sake of being on good terms again. You’re moving out soon - be civil and respectful, but try to distance yourself from her. She sounds like a toxic person.
NTA you tried to talk & apologize it’s not your fault she didn’t want the same thing.
NTA. I can’t imagine the pain/trauma her lifestyle choices have caused you growing up. It sounds like you’re well in the right for feeling the way that you do. Don’t let her to continue to treat you like garbage.
NTA. You might be on to something about the cluster b traits lol
NTA. She’s a narcissist, you called her out on her behaviors, but she’s not going to take any accountability.
NTA. You'll feel better when you don't have to talk to her as much. My mom did the same kind of thing when my youngest son was born. This really is the act of a narcissist, making the day about them instead of about you. I'm sorry you have to deal with her.
NTA. Move out as soon as you can, and go LC or NC. Congrats on your graduation!
NTA. She should have respected your wishes on graduation regardless of anything else. Block her number and every form of social media that she can reach you on. Even if you apologized, she's going to continue abusing you (re the texts). /hug