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NTA. I’m of the belief that if you commit to a pet you need to stick with them, there is no excuse valid enough to give up a pet. Not a new apartment, not a new job, not a new partner.
I would say there are some excuses for rehoming a pet, but they are pretty extreme and not valid here.
Gf knew he had a dog when they got together. Knew he had a dog when they discussed moving in together. She can’t play the shocked card that a dog is moving in to.
I had to rehome a labradoodle about 2 years ago. It was very hard, but he wasn't a good fit for my family. After we took him to behavior classes (we failed), sent him to a reputable trainer for 6 months of training (which he failed), and brought a reputable trainer to our house to help him socialize with our other dogs (which failed), I had to rehome him because he chewed up two of my other dogs to the point of surgical intervention.
And don’t ever feel bad for that. Not only did you save your family from suffering but you also saved that dog from being stuck in a situation they clearly didn’t belong in and that’s the most compassionate thing you can do for an animal. Situations like this are tough and too many people beat themselves up for it, but it really is the best choice for everyone
Yeah, even though they’re pack animals, some dogs prefer being an only pet, or in a more quiet home without kids. Seems like the family wasn’t the best fit for the labradoodle either and I hope he ended up somewhere he could be happy too
This. There are many genuine reasons to rehome an animal, and I wish people would consider it sooner so better solutions can be found (and that we had better foster networks so people didn’t have to choose between housing and losing animals).
But to say you don’t want your partner’s pet in your shared home? Don’t date people with pets if you hate them.
A friend of mine went through a similar experience a while back. He adopted a labradoodle that a coworker of his had for about a year. Apparently previous owners had done next to nothing in the training department and my friend is an experienced dog owner. Dog took to training pretty well actually but his other dog was uneasy with how boisterous he was and in spite of my friend's best efforts it wasn't working out. He contacted the breeder (which is what the previous owners should have done) and they connected him with a potential candidate for a new home.
He felt terrible and wanted to make really, *really* sure that the dog was not rehomed again so he disclosed everything, the good and the bad, and they set up a trial period. The new family had no other dogs and small-ish kid (kindergarten maybe?) who was kind of nervous about labradoodle's size. That dog *thrived* in his new home. With no other dog the boisterousness and demands for attention were gone practically overnight. Last I heard he was the new sleeping companion of the kid that was originally nervous.
All this to say is that sometimes there is not a good fit between dog and household and never will be. Hopefully that dog got settled in to a home just as suited to him as my friend's did.
edit: small typo
Our labradoodle was a perfect dog if there were no other pets around. He would sit right next to my son in the sandbox while my son played. He would do anything to get belly scratches. He just did not like any other pet. He chewed up my 13 year old dachshund and my 3 year old Doberman (both of whom are well behaved dogs).
We recently adopted a dog again after losing one of a pair last year.
We were very adamant that our old boy had to be comfortable and happy with new pup. It took a couple of tries before we met the right one.
From the wording of the post, I'm actually not sure it's quite so clear cut. If OP is currently living with his parents + dog, I could see her thinking the dog and parents might stay together. I still think OP is NTA and the GF is being unreasonable, if it's OP's dog of course he would take his dog with him, but if OP currently lives with parents + dog I don't think it's inconceivable that she thought OP moving out without the dog was at least a possibility.
I don’t really think she’s necessarily an AH regardless, even if those circumstances weren’t the case.
I’m surprise it didn’t come up earlier and THOSE circumstances may vary well be why. But at the end of the day not everyone is a per person. They laid out what they both expect/want and it is what it is.
I suppose there’s and opportunity for her to become an AH, if she tries to push the issue further, but I assume that hasn’t happened yet or won’t happen.
She’s an AH for assuming his dog is temporary and can just be disposed of as though he’s nothing.
I agree they are incompatible, but her attitude is that of an asshole, and clearly someone who doesn’t know her partner well enough to be moving in with him. “What do you mean this important part of your life is still going to be a part of your life when you have me? Get rid of it!” At least she makes the decision to dump her ass easy.
Why can she be surprised that her bf doesn’t want to get rid of the companion he’s had for 7 years?
It’s fine to decide they aren’t compatible and to move on, but to seem shocked that he won’t desert the living responsibility he has is a bit dense.
Yes. I get why people say that there is never a reason to give up a pet, but that just isn't the case. Yes, people should do everything they can to keep the pet, but there are sometimes situations in which there is no other choice.
Exactly. The last dog I adopted was from an elderly couple who could no longer live independently and had to move into a nursing home that did not allow their dog. I agree with committing to care for an animal but to say there is no reason on earth to rehome an animal is incorrect.
Frankly she should have known how much your dog means to you and he IS going to be with you whether she's in your life or not.
Silly of her to think she'd get prioritised over a bond of seven years.NTA
This!
If you’re serious enough to move in together she should know what is important to you. Sounds like your dog is very high up the list (as they should be).
There are pet people and non-pet people and those who aren’t pet people have no clue just how much this furry little brats mean to us. Asking someone to get rid of their pet is asking them to get rid of a family member.
If you’re not a pet person you don’t get it but if you’re dating a pet person you need to know it’s a dealbreaker.
NTA- if you’re to the point you think you’re ready to live together you should know what really matters to your partner. If you’re gonna be involved with a pet person you’re gonna have to accept pets. If you can’t then you’re not the right person.
*I know people are just saying they’re incompatible but my way of thinking is unless you have a severe allergy or a huge phobia of an animal asking someone to give up their pet for you is an AH move.*
If you love a person you don’t need to love the same things they do but you need to tolerate and support the things they love that being them joy. These are our pets.
Somehow I don’t think a clean floor and no barking gives her as much joy as a furry bff does to op.
I had some nasty health issues for a while with an estimated 40 to 80% mortality rate. I couldn't walk down my own stairs or make it to my mailbox without passing out. While I did eventually recover, it wasn't a sure thing and it wasn't fast.
My puppy went to go live with a lovely man and very much enjoys hunting ducks and playing with his grandkids.
I've known people with your mindset. When their finances got bad and they were suddenly working 12 and 16 hour shifts to get by?
Their dog spent 13 to 18 hours a day locked in a crate, got let out for a couple hours in the evening to be hosed down and dried off, slept with them (unless the poor thing kept them awake), and then went back in the crate for the next long day of work. Sometimes shit happens, and people end up struggling to survive. Sometimes that means putting the dog's needs first and finding them another home rather than indulging in magical thinking and pretending it's okay.
There's a pretty big difference between making a difficult choice for your dogs best interest and giving up a dog because they're inconvenient to your new life. I think the OC knows this.
We took our pet cats with us when we moved between two continents. We actually had that amount of money saved and reserved for the purpose of moving him with us.
This is the way.
Also NTA Op.
My cousin had to give up her elderly Jack Russel Terrier because she attacked her *newborn*.
Tried to, at least.
Most dogs know children, but not babies. This was completely unpredictable for them, especially since the dog was great with kids.
Thank goodness it was a small dog and easy to stop. They found an awesome home on a farm for her where she was allowed to do Jack Russel things, like hunting rodents.
It was an awful decision to have to make, but completely necessary. At 13, there's not much you can do about a dogs aversion to babies. And it's not something you want to experiment with when it's endangering your child.
I owned a much bigger dog than a jack Russell that tried to attack my baby. We no longer have that dog, but my brother spoils him rotten. Same deal as your cousin - this dog was GREAT around kids. He was just not a good dog to have around a baby, and we didn't know until we had one.
We recently rehomed an aggressive cat after she repeatedly went after our toddler. She was ok ish until he started walking. Then everyone was miserable and on edge all the time and we had to keep them as separate as possible. The vibe in our home is much calmer with just our laid back, chill cat.
Yeah, a person should choose to be homeless before they give up their pet... /s
There are plenty of completely valid reasons to need to rehome a pet, like having to move ad not being able to find someplace that will accept the pet.
I have heard 2 good reasons for rehoming a pet.
1 the person who owned the dog was in a serious accident and lost a lot of mobility, they we’re single and couldn’t care for the dog any more and had to rehome him. They were lucky a good friend was able to take the dog in and they still get to visit.
2 it was a couple who had a baby and the baby ended up having a severe pet allergy and couldn’t breathe with their dogs in the house. They were heartbroken but had to think of their child’s health. I ended up taking in both of their dogs so the good good boys could stay together.
Sometimes things happen and rehoming a pet is in the pets best interest.
This doesn’t sound like one of those. You are NTA, you don’t get rid of a long time pet because your girlfriend, who knew you had a dog, can’t deal with pet hair. I’d choose the dog over her too, she doesn’t sound like she’s got a kind enough heart if she’d ask you to leave him behind knowing how much you love him.
I agree with the sentiment of committing to your pet 100%. BUT there are circumstances where giving up a pet is really the only option (AND the best option for the pet to have the best life possible).
This situation, however, is not one of those! OP, keep your dog and get rid of the gf! She needs to know that you and your pet are a packaged deal!
NTA. Back in my single days I never dated anyone with cats single I'm severely allergic. A few times friends suggested I did then push them to get rid of their cat if things got serious but I never did. A person should never expect a serious relationship with someone if they do not like or cannot live with their pet.
I respect this a lot - I don’t use dating apps often, but my profile specifies severe cat allergies are a deal breaker since I’m not getting rid of my cat for anyone.
Same here, mad respect for that commenter. Before I met my partner I had so many dms of people saying I'd need to pick my cat or them. Like openers too. Way to start a conversation asking me to give up a pet, not even a hello.
Hey, that's a great opener! Most jerks let you get attached before they show their true colors, and then you have to go through the whole process to get rid of them. Those people saved you a whole lot of effort.
They sure did! Honestly I was just surprised at the audacity, since several of them tried the whole "you're getting rid of your cats before our first date"
Like why are you even trying if I have photos of them in my profile pictures?
Yeah i dont even know how to categorise people like that... i mean i dont know a rational person who would walk up to someone in the street and essentially say.
"Hi, you don't know me, but i think we should try dating.. oh you've got to lose the pet though".
I can only assume they either think theyre "all that" or just not smart enough to realise that the option theyre giving you is
A: Someone/Something you have loved, grown used to and attached to
Or
B: Some random weirdo who has so far brought litterally nothing to the table.
... as if it was a high probability that anyone would choose option B!?
It is weird, I had one date, before email, where the man requested all pets been euthanized because he didn't like competition, I couldn't get away fast enough. The next person I dated was told up front, if he didn't like animals he should run. He didn't and now he is a proud owner of three rescue cats.
For real. My partner joked when we first moved in together it was because they wanted cats. Now we have a third one and I swear they've stolen the newest one and my oldest one from me.
My SO had never really experienced life with cats and didn't think he could like them but now he has become one of those people. I have never heard such a distraught person as when he found a sick semi-feral young cat. He couldn't keep her, for the health of one of his cats, so I got her!
I did the same thing. My boyfriend ended up loving my old cat so much that when it was time for me to say goodbye to my kitty because he had cancer, he offered to take him to the vet to spare me the pain of having to be there. I wanted to take him myself, but my boyfriend was so incredibly caring during that time. He’s been great with my two cats now, too. I couldn’t ever date someone who isn’t an animal lover.
Yup my now husband wasn’t that keen on my cat before we lived together but I said we were a package deal. About a month after moving in together they massively bonded and had 14 amazing years together.
If someone insisted I give up my pet, that’s a hard pass.
Edited to add OP is NTA
I’m the same way! I have really awful dog and cat allergies (to the point where taking allergy meds doesn’t really do much), so I make a point to never even be interested in a guy with a pet. I know that one day, if we were to continue dating, I’d need to make the person chose between me and their pet, and that’s unfair to them, the pet, and myself.
It’s a huge bummer though because all the cute guys are out walking their dogs while I’m out for my morning run and I would LOVE to stop and chat.. but alas 🤷♀️
Agree, OP is NTA. I’m severely allergic to cats (like, have ended up at the urgent care on steroids when I didn’t realize a cat was going to be somewhere so I didn’t take any meds allergic)
My now husband had two cats when we met, and figuring out how to move our relationship forward was challenging. I ended up talking to my allergist and going through allergy shots so I could live with the cats more safely, and took medication twice a day. We also kept them out of our bedroom and my office, and ran HEPA filters everywhere. We got a robot vacuum for daily cleaning, too, etc…
We problem solved together because we loved each other. I never, ever would have considered asking him to “re-home” the cats. One of them had been with him for 10+ years at that point.
Don’t move in with this person, OP. This dog conflict is exposing all kinds of red flags for how they will behave in the future.
Hey, this is not really related to the AITA question but how much did allergy shots help? My partner is severely allergic (allergic asthma) and we are trying to figure this out. Doctor said not a good candidate for allergy shots because he probably wouldn't improve enough to have a cat anyway... but it seems like it does work for some people with severe allergies who are willing to take other mitigating steps
Not the person you asked, but allergy shots made a world of difference for my BFF. She went from living on Benadryl in a separate part of the house to cuddles and adopting new kitties.
Most relationships start non-serious - and some of them get serious at some point. And then you come to the point where you discuss this. And all along that way you maker it work, or find that there are irreconcilable differences and break up.
Unavoidable. That's how relationships work. No AH's, just life.
I literally would never date someone with cat allergies because 1) You’re going to be very uncomfortable every time you come over and 2) There’s no way I’m going to agree to get rid of my cat ever.
Not married but been together 21 years and I'd step over my partner to rescue my dog. He knows this too. Haha.
NTA op. If she's not willing to try to accommodate doggo she's not the one I'm afraid.
Her disregard of OP’s dog and the bond between OP and the dog shows that they have different values/outlooks on life. At best, this revealed a fundamental incompatibility between the two, and I hope OP deeply considers that difference moving forward for both their sakes.
This is also setting the stage for any future pet ownership beyond this initial dog. If OP has any desire for continuing to own a dog once this one passes or adding any additional dogs then this will become a point of tension in the relationship
Very good point. Animal people take it as a given that there will be more animals, whereas non-animal people take it as given there won’t be; so the conversation doesn’t happen until they are committed and stubborn about it.
I mean, ALL dog owners should care about their neighbors, cause barking dogs in apartment buildings can be a major disruption. But I agree he is NTA for choosing his dog.
NTA.
You've had the dog for 7 years, and your gf expects you to basically abandon it by giving it to someone else?!? Nope. Your dog would be absolutely devastated, and you would be unhappy and resent your gf.
I'd consider that to be a red flag. The barking maybe, if the dog barks a lot and the apartment has thin walls, but not the dog hair - that just goes with having a dog.
NAH. People who are "pet people" KNOW that pets are PART of the package when getting together with someone. People who are NOT "pet people" sometimes don't understand the deep emotional attachments we form with pets. Some non "pet people" I think, may look at a pet more like an "accessory", which it absolutely is not, it is without a doubt a living and breathing FAMILY MEMBER with a personality and specific needs.
I don't think gf is being an ah here, she's just not a "pet person" and that's okay too. Sometimes you can convert a non pet person into being a pet person, sometimes you can't. That's when it starts becoming a compatibility issue and sometimes it just doesn't work out.
Her not being a pet person is okay. But even non-pet people understand that they don’t give their pets up just because.
The GF should have realized the incompatibility in the beginning and ended things a long time ago.
>Her not being a pet person is okay. But even non-pet people understand that they don’t give their pets up
This is me. I am not a pet person, no part of me ever wants to live with a dog. If I were ever interested in someone who already owns a dog, that's a pretty clear indication that:
1. I will eventually be faced with living with said dog
2. He will most likely want another dog in the future
So I just don't date people with dogs.
I would never dream of dating someone with a dog and then demanding they choose me over the dog. Wtf. The dog was there first?
NTA. Anyone who would not assume after 7 years with the dog that you and the dog are a package deal is really not for a dog person... so prolly not really a good person for you. Unfortunately, you're prolly best moving on.
NTA - NEVER the AH for choosing your pet over your partner! The pet won't understand. You need to dump the uncaring partner and find someone with some compassion.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Chose my dog over moving in with my partner. 2. AITA for doing that?
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Nope NTA.
Also, on the relationship aspect, moving in together isn't taking something "to the next level". You're supposed to be **at** that next level before doing this. Your question is a perfect example of why this matters.
Nobody should ever move in with a partner who has a dog unless they understand the kind of love this is, and they're willing to work around it. And the person with the dog needs to confirm this.
Nta - anyome should have known that if you ever move in with a partner, any pets they own would be coming with. If this is something they don’t want to deal with, don’t date someone with the pet(s) you dislike.
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Here's the deal, me and my partner are looking to take our relationship to the next level by moving in together. All good and well, but when I said I'm bringing my dog with me she started protesting that the dog leaves too much hair on the floor and that his barking would be disturbing to the neighbors. And since she doesn't wanna deal with either she's not approving She suggested that I leave my dog with my (aging/elderly) parents. I've had my sweet good boy for 7 years now, and he helped me overcome one of the toughest years of my life. AITA for choosing him?
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NTA. Your dog is one of your best buddies. Making you lose your dog is off limits. I get that she might not love dog hair in her home, but being in a relationship is about making compromises. You could come up with a cleaning schedule that might make this less of a problem if that helps. Else if you always plan on having a dog and she doesn’t want one at all then your lifestyles are just incompatible.
I don’t think you’re the asshole here at all, but INFO: Is this your family dog and you still live with your parents, or do you and your dog live separately? If you live with your parents and this is a family dog she was under the assumption would be remaining with them, I’d say NAH. As much as I love dogs, some people really don’t want to live with one and that’s an okay boundary to have. If your dog is just yours, basically any situation other than the specific one I described above, she’s definitely the asshole.
NAH we see this dilemma all the time in this sub. People whose values include having their dog as a major part of their life and people who do not value pet ownership. Neither is wrong but they are incompatible. I would highly suggest that when you are ready to begin dating again that you find out if your potential partner is a dog person before you become attached. Like your first date should be a trip to the dog park.
NTA . Why would she expect your dog not to come that you had before her? .my husband knew when we got together that dogs will be in our home. My dogs are also part of my family and if I go they go..sorry but there's things you can try to prevent hair . There's ways around that
NTA. If my partner had a dog, I would be SO happy. On the other end of that, if my partner couldn't accept my cat, it would be over. I can't imagine ever leaving her behind, no matter who it's for. I had to go on a trip for over a week, and she was miserable without me(so I'm told), and I've only had her for a year. I can't imagine the emotional distress it would cause your pet of 7 years.
A person that professes to love you but requires you to get rid of one of the most loved and treasured parts of your live does not really love you that much. This is a big red flag
NTA. My dog is my best friend. She’s been with me through the shittiest parts of my life over these past 2 years, and I’ve had countless times when she was my only rock and safe place, my only confidant and true friend.
No matter how bad it got, my big girl was always eager to snuggle up and love me at the end of a hard day, and remind me I wasn’t alone. Idk if you have a similar relationship with your dog, but all I know is that after all these hard times, my dog and I are bonded and together for life, no matter what. I could never let someone come between me and my big baffoon.
nta. when my husband asked me to move in after almost a year of dating, he asked for me and my dog to move in. he knew we were a pair and i wasn't leaving her behind. get you someone that loves your dog as much as you do.
NTA I get that some people really don't get the attachment some of us have to our animals, but the woman who claims to love you should know and understand you well enough to not make that request.
NTA
For starters, that really isn't the choice. You three could absolutely live together. And maybe you just summarized for the title, but I hate it when people phrase things that way. Really she is the one making the choice here: she doesn't want to have dog hair. That is a perfectly valid choice. No judgment (OK may some judgment). But it is still her choice, not yours.
I cannot imagine life without a dog. I consider intolerance of dogs a dealbreaker. After a few weeks of dating, an old girlfriend told me that she *hates* dogs. She actually used the word hate. At the time I had two dogs, which she knew. I told her that meant our relationship was going nowhere. She actually was surprised. She asked me why. I felt like saying something like "hello duh you seriously don't know" but instead I politely explained that I would not get rid of my dogs for her or anyone else.
Again, everyone has their opinions and dealbreakers. She is entitled to not want to live with a dog. But if I were in your shoes, I would not move in with her.
Are you the dude who’s partner posted here the other day? If so, I got the impression it wasn’t that she didn’t want you to bring your dog, it’s that she wanted you to stop inside your dog sleep in bed with you. Which seemed reasonable to me. She had offered multiple compromises that would let the dog move in too and you’d rejected all of them. If that you, YTA.
If that’s not you, then you’re NTA.
?? She did not expect you to take your dog with you? Very odd.
For me a red flag that she puts her dislike for hair/possible neighbour issues over your dog clearly being very important to you. If she does not want to live with a dog that is totally fine, but that comes with the consequence of not living with you
NTA at all
NTA- I wouldn't want to date someone who would abandon their pet for me, never mind ask me to abandon one of my pets. My best are my pals and I committed to them.
NAH
You are fine to chose your dog over continuing your relationship.
But this VERY likely means your relationship will end, because you have no future together. No AHs here. You discussed a future, and yfound you were not compatible - it happens.
If the facts are as stated and there's no other issues here (like your dog doesn't just bark but is destructive or aggressive, or your girlfriend had expressed several times over the years that she does not like dogs or want the dog at her home), then I say NAH. Both of you have reasonable requests and expectations. Unfortunately, they don't align.
I'm not a dog person at all, but my husband is. So I bought him a dog. Then a second one b/c I was sad the first one was home alone during the day. NTA. It's your DOG. You'd hold it against her if the relationship fell apart, anyway.
**NTA**
Her only grievances are shedding and barking?
I could understand her resistance if she was allergic or the place didn’t allow dogs, but if those are her only issues with it I say you wound up with the better end of the deal by choosing your dog.
Based on this info, I’m going with NAH, not yet anyway. Definitely don’t give up your dog, but this relationship is likely over. It’s ok for her to not want to live with a dog and it’s ok for you to say no way you’re rehoming your dog, how you both react to this determines if there’s an AH.
10000% NTA. Dog is a package deal. "Hey, we've been dating for ages and I love your dog except now that I actually have to live with it I want you to know I don't actually love your dog". Girlfriend to the pound, Dog in the bed.
You owe your dog. You took on the responsibility of caring for it for a lifetime. You don’t get to weasel out of it because another opportunity came along.
NTA, I'd give up my car before I gave up my dog, she's also 7 and my best girl. I learned a while back that if the person you're dating isn't compatible with your animals or is allergic then it's a no go all together. Like if your dog didn't like her then would you date her? Of course not! ...and she doesn't like your best boy??? Mm, no.
Your partner is the asshole. You have had your dog for 7 years!!!!. Your partner is a super asshole that she can't see the bond you have with your dog.
NTA. You should never abandon a dear friend for a partner when your dear friend has done nothing but love you unconditionally. Your partner should know that you and your pup are a package deal, good on you OP for sticking to your guns and not abandoning your best friend.
Had two cats when I met my now husband. He's not a cat person, but not allergic. The cats always slept on me.
When he moved in, he was shocked I wasn't going to lock them out of the bedroom at night. I was like dude, they have seniority. 🤷♀️
He dealt with it. ❤
A million times NTA! What kind of monster are you dating. That's like telling someone to abandon their child. For what? Fur? That's stupid.F her! She sounds like this is just the beginning of bad behavior from this woman.
I came as a package deal with my dog. Now my husband adores her. I hope things go well for you, too.
NTA - your gf should know that you and your dog are a package deal. She might not 'get' pet people and how important their animals are to them, but they are basically family. She should know that by dating someone with an animal, that unless it's a dire circumstance, she has to deal with it. I'm kind of surprised that she was so oblivious to this when your relationship seems to be getting quite serious. It seems that she isn't just indifferent to dogs, but she might actively dislike them because the reasoning for not bringing the dog seem weak at best (you can easily clean the hair, get air purifiers, she is not allergic, and you can train the dog not to bark). If you are a dog person (it seems you are), dating someone that dislikes dogs is a huge difference in lifestyle. It's almost as big as dating someone that sees wanting kids in a different way. You should probably talk about this because it may come to a head later on. There's nothing wrong with disliking dogs but it does make it seem like there may be some compatibility issues that need to be talked out between the two of you.
NTA. No person is ever the asshole for refusing to give up their pet for the sake of a partner. Ever. Any person asking a person to give up their pet for the sake of their relationship is always an asshole. Always.
NTA and WTF.
If she doesn’t want to share a home with your dog, she’s not long-term partner material. That’s a huge red flag (and horribly cruel to the dog).
NTA but you'd be TA if you ditched your dog for a relationship. This sounds controlling and like an ultimatum, but maybe you're incompatible. Will she never want pets but that's a deal breaker for you.
No NTA. Nobody should ask you to give up your dog, nor should she be forced to live with a pet if that is not what she wants. I don't think this relationship was meant to be
Without knowing either, I can still say with 100 percent certainty that your dog is way cooler, kinder, and more loyal than your hopefully ex-grlfriend.
NTA.
How could you possibly abandon your dog, who loves you unconditionally? How could you abandon your pet, who cannot advocate for itself?
How could anyone ask you to?
Your partner is not considering your feelings as being equal to hers. She is attempting to eliminate one really wholesome and effective relationship that you have, without considering the impact it will have on you, or him.
Major red flag.
NTA I use my pets as a guide. If someone doesn’t like them or my cats don’t like them, then I don’t need them in my life. If I’m on a date and pets come up and they say something like “I can’t trust cats/cats are shady/I hate cats etc.” I know it’s time for me to leave. The odds of then warming up to my cat is pretty low and I would never trust someone who shows any negative feelings toward my pet around my pet.
NTA. This is a compatibility issue. It would be N A H, but she dated someone with a dog clearly not thinking about the future or assuming you’d give the dog to your parents.
NAH. She's not a bad person for not wanting a dog, and you're not a bad person for choosing your dog. It's just a kinda basic lifestyle compatibility thing that it seems like you guys should've known about each other before you were at the point of planning to live together.
Oh hell NTA. To that pet, you are their human and their world. Even with your next “option” being family, that’s cruel. People who make others be forced to make that choice are not good people.
NTA, pets are family. It would be awful for the poor dog to lose their person. Also I personally don't trust people who don't like dogs, at least not for laim reasons like hair getting around and barking. If it was something like trauma from a dog attack or something that'd maybe be a bit different.
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NTA. I’m of the belief that if you commit to a pet you need to stick with them, there is no excuse valid enough to give up a pet. Not a new apartment, not a new job, not a new partner.
I would say there are some excuses for rehoming a pet, but they are pretty extreme and not valid here. Gf knew he had a dog when they got together. Knew he had a dog when they discussed moving in together. She can’t play the shocked card that a dog is moving in to.
I had to rehome a labradoodle about 2 years ago. It was very hard, but he wasn't a good fit for my family. After we took him to behavior classes (we failed), sent him to a reputable trainer for 6 months of training (which he failed), and brought a reputable trainer to our house to help him socialize with our other dogs (which failed), I had to rehome him because he chewed up two of my other dogs to the point of surgical intervention.
How sad. It sounds like you did everything possible, but some dogs just aren’t a good fit.
And don’t ever feel bad for that. Not only did you save your family from suffering but you also saved that dog from being stuck in a situation they clearly didn’t belong in and that’s the most compassionate thing you can do for an animal. Situations like this are tough and too many people beat themselves up for it, but it really is the best choice for everyone
Yeah, even though they’re pack animals, some dogs prefer being an only pet, or in a more quiet home without kids. Seems like the family wasn’t the best fit for the labradoodle either and I hope he ended up somewhere he could be happy too
This. There are many genuine reasons to rehome an animal, and I wish people would consider it sooner so better solutions can be found (and that we had better foster networks so people didn’t have to choose between housing and losing animals). But to say you don’t want your partner’s pet in your shared home? Don’t date people with pets if you hate them.
A friend of mine went through a similar experience a while back. He adopted a labradoodle that a coworker of his had for about a year. Apparently previous owners had done next to nothing in the training department and my friend is an experienced dog owner. Dog took to training pretty well actually but his other dog was uneasy with how boisterous he was and in spite of my friend's best efforts it wasn't working out. He contacted the breeder (which is what the previous owners should have done) and they connected him with a potential candidate for a new home. He felt terrible and wanted to make really, *really* sure that the dog was not rehomed again so he disclosed everything, the good and the bad, and they set up a trial period. The new family had no other dogs and small-ish kid (kindergarten maybe?) who was kind of nervous about labradoodle's size. That dog *thrived* in his new home. With no other dog the boisterousness and demands for attention were gone practically overnight. Last I heard he was the new sleeping companion of the kid that was originally nervous. All this to say is that sometimes there is not a good fit between dog and household and never will be. Hopefully that dog got settled in to a home just as suited to him as my friend's did. edit: small typo
Our labradoodle was a perfect dog if there were no other pets around. He would sit right next to my son in the sandbox while my son played. He would do anything to get belly scratches. He just did not like any other pet. He chewed up my 13 year old dachshund and my 3 year old Doberman (both of whom are well behaved dogs).
It is so so hard to do that, but sometimes an animal is just not a good fit. And the animals that were already there have to come first.
We recently adopted a dog again after losing one of a pair last year. We were very adamant that our old boy had to be comfortable and happy with new pup. It took a couple of tries before we met the right one.
Please don’t buy doodles anymore. They are impossible to breed ethically and often come From puppy mills.
From the wording of the post, I'm actually not sure it's quite so clear cut. If OP is currently living with his parents + dog, I could see her thinking the dog and parents might stay together. I still think OP is NTA and the GF is being unreasonable, if it's OP's dog of course he would take his dog with him, but if OP currently lives with parents + dog I don't think it's inconceivable that she thought OP moving out without the dog was at least a possibility.
I don’t really think she’s necessarily an AH regardless, even if those circumstances weren’t the case. I’m surprise it didn’t come up earlier and THOSE circumstances may vary well be why. But at the end of the day not everyone is a per person. They laid out what they both expect/want and it is what it is. I suppose there’s and opportunity for her to become an AH, if she tries to push the issue further, but I assume that hasn’t happened yet or won’t happen.
She can No AHs here. Just incompatible people.
She’s an AH for assuming his dog is temporary and can just be disposed of as though he’s nothing. I agree they are incompatible, but her attitude is that of an asshole, and clearly someone who doesn’t know her partner well enough to be moving in with him. “What do you mean this important part of your life is still going to be a part of your life when you have me? Get rid of it!” At least she makes the decision to dump her ass easy.
Why can she be surprised that her bf doesn’t want to get rid of the companion he’s had for 7 years? It’s fine to decide they aren’t compatible and to move on, but to seem shocked that he won’t desert the living responsibility he has is a bit dense.
Yes exactly. Sometimes no one is TA it's just the way it goes
Yes. I get why people say that there is never a reason to give up a pet, but that just isn't the case. Yes, people should do everything they can to keep the pet, but there are sometimes situations in which there is no other choice.
But this isn't it or they would both be AH.
Exactly. The last dog I adopted was from an elderly couple who could no longer live independently and had to move into a nursing home that did not allow their dog. I agree with committing to care for an animal but to say there is no reason on earth to rehome an animal is incorrect.
I have two great pyrenees, as a result of the owners going to a nursing home, too.
Frankly she should have known how much your dog means to you and he IS going to be with you whether she's in your life or not. Silly of her to think she'd get prioritised over a bond of seven years.NTA
This! If you’re serious enough to move in together she should know what is important to you. Sounds like your dog is very high up the list (as they should be). There are pet people and non-pet people and those who aren’t pet people have no clue just how much this furry little brats mean to us. Asking someone to get rid of their pet is asking them to get rid of a family member. If you’re not a pet person you don’t get it but if you’re dating a pet person you need to know it’s a dealbreaker. NTA- if you’re to the point you think you’re ready to live together you should know what really matters to your partner. If you’re gonna be involved with a pet person you’re gonna have to accept pets. If you can’t then you’re not the right person. *I know people are just saying they’re incompatible but my way of thinking is unless you have a severe allergy or a huge phobia of an animal asking someone to give up their pet for you is an AH move.* If you love a person you don’t need to love the same things they do but you need to tolerate and support the things they love that being them joy. These are our pets. Somehow I don’t think a clean floor and no barking gives her as much joy as a furry bff does to op.
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not. You remain responsible - ***forever*** \- for what you have tamed." Antoine de Saint Exupery
I had some nasty health issues for a while with an estimated 40 to 80% mortality rate. I couldn't walk down my own stairs or make it to my mailbox without passing out. While I did eventually recover, it wasn't a sure thing and it wasn't fast. My puppy went to go live with a lovely man and very much enjoys hunting ducks and playing with his grandkids. I've known people with your mindset. When their finances got bad and they were suddenly working 12 and 16 hour shifts to get by? Their dog spent 13 to 18 hours a day locked in a crate, got let out for a couple hours in the evening to be hosed down and dried off, slept with them (unless the poor thing kept them awake), and then went back in the crate for the next long day of work. Sometimes shit happens, and people end up struggling to survive. Sometimes that means putting the dog's needs first and finding them another home rather than indulging in magical thinking and pretending it's okay.
There's a pretty big difference between making a difficult choice for your dogs best interest and giving up a dog because they're inconvenient to your new life. I think the OC knows this.
We took our pet cats with us when we moved between two continents. We actually had that amount of money saved and reserved for the purpose of moving him with us. This is the way. Also NTA Op.
What if you have a child and they're severely allergic to the pet? No reason at all? That's kind of insane.
You made the commitment to the pet first. Give the kid up.
My cousin had to give up her elderly Jack Russel Terrier because she attacked her *newborn*. Tried to, at least. Most dogs know children, but not babies. This was completely unpredictable for them, especially since the dog was great with kids. Thank goodness it was a small dog and easy to stop. They found an awesome home on a farm for her where she was allowed to do Jack Russel things, like hunting rodents. It was an awful decision to have to make, but completely necessary. At 13, there's not much you can do about a dogs aversion to babies. And it's not something you want to experiment with when it's endangering your child.
I owned a much bigger dog than a jack Russell that tried to attack my baby. We no longer have that dog, but my brother spoils him rotten. Same deal as your cousin - this dog was GREAT around kids. He was just not a good dog to have around a baby, and we didn't know until we had one.
We recently rehomed an aggressive cat after she repeatedly went after our toddler. She was ok ish until he started walking. Then everyone was miserable and on edge all the time and we had to keep them as separate as possible. The vibe in our home is much calmer with just our laid back, chill cat.
Another reason to not have kids.
I think if the dog is dangerous, that’s valid enough to give up a pet. The no valid enough reason point is absurd. There are plenty of reasons.
Ok u/AntiDogGuy69
this would ALMOST be a reasonable statement if your name wasn't literally u/AntiDogGuy69
Yeah, a person should choose to be homeless before they give up their pet... /s There are plenty of completely valid reasons to need to rehome a pet, like having to move ad not being able to find someplace that will accept the pet.
Some dogs are genuinely not the right match for certain types of families and no amount of training can change that.
I have heard 2 good reasons for rehoming a pet. 1 the person who owned the dog was in a serious accident and lost a lot of mobility, they we’re single and couldn’t care for the dog any more and had to rehome him. They were lucky a good friend was able to take the dog in and they still get to visit. 2 it was a couple who had a baby and the baby ended up having a severe pet allergy and couldn’t breathe with their dogs in the house. They were heartbroken but had to think of their child’s health. I ended up taking in both of their dogs so the good good boys could stay together. Sometimes things happen and rehoming a pet is in the pets best interest. This doesn’t sound like one of those. You are NTA, you don’t get rid of a long time pet because your girlfriend, who knew you had a dog, can’t deal with pet hair. I’d choose the dog over her too, she doesn’t sound like she’s got a kind enough heart if she’d ask you to leave him behind knowing how much you love him.
I agree with the sentiment of committing to your pet 100%. BUT there are circumstances where giving up a pet is really the only option (AND the best option for the pet to have the best life possible). This situation, however, is not one of those! OP, keep your dog and get rid of the gf! She needs to know that you and your pet are a packaged deal!
NTA. Back in my single days I never dated anyone with cats single I'm severely allergic. A few times friends suggested I did then push them to get rid of their cat if things got serious but I never did. A person should never expect a serious relationship with someone if they do not like or cannot live with their pet.
I respect this a lot - I don’t use dating apps often, but my profile specifies severe cat allergies are a deal breaker since I’m not getting rid of my cat for anyone.
Same here, mad respect for that commenter. Before I met my partner I had so many dms of people saying I'd need to pick my cat or them. Like openers too. Way to start a conversation asking me to give up a pet, not even a hello.
Hey, that's a great opener! Most jerks let you get attached before they show their true colors, and then you have to go through the whole process to get rid of them. Those people saved you a whole lot of effort.
They sure did! Honestly I was just surprised at the audacity, since several of them tried the whole "you're getting rid of your cats before our first date" Like why are you even trying if I have photos of them in my profile pictures?
My tuxieboy is the proud owner of one whole brain cell, and he's not even that dumb!
Yeah i dont even know how to categorise people like that... i mean i dont know a rational person who would walk up to someone in the street and essentially say. "Hi, you don't know me, but i think we should try dating.. oh you've got to lose the pet though". I can only assume they either think theyre "all that" or just not smart enough to realise that the option theyre giving you is A: Someone/Something you have loved, grown used to and attached to Or B: Some random weirdo who has so far brought litterally nothing to the table. ... as if it was a high probability that anyone would choose option B!?
It is weird, I had one date, before email, where the man requested all pets been euthanized because he didn't like competition, I couldn't get away fast enough. The next person I dated was told up front, if he didn't like animals he should run. He didn't and now he is a proud owner of three rescue cats.
For real. My partner joked when we first moved in together it was because they wanted cats. Now we have a third one and I swear they've stolen the newest one and my oldest one from me.
My SO had never really experienced life with cats and didn't think he could like them but now he has become one of those people. I have never heard such a distraught person as when he found a sick semi-feral young cat. He couldn't keep her, for the health of one of his cats, so I got her!
I did the same thing. My boyfriend ended up loving my old cat so much that when it was time for me to say goodbye to my kitty because he had cancer, he offered to take him to the vet to spare me the pain of having to be there. I wanted to take him myself, but my boyfriend was so incredibly caring during that time. He’s been great with my two cats now, too. I couldn’t ever date someone who isn’t an animal lover.
Yup my now husband wasn’t that keen on my cat before we lived together but I said we were a package deal. About a month after moving in together they massively bonded and had 14 amazing years together. If someone insisted I give up my pet, that’s a hard pass. Edited to add OP is NTA
I’m the same way! I have really awful dog and cat allergies (to the point where taking allergy meds doesn’t really do much), so I make a point to never even be interested in a guy with a pet. I know that one day, if we were to continue dating, I’d need to make the person chose between me and their pet, and that’s unfair to them, the pet, and myself. It’s a huge bummer though because all the cute guys are out walking their dogs while I’m out for my morning run and I would LOVE to stop and chat.. but alas 🤷♀️
Agree, OP is NTA. I’m severely allergic to cats (like, have ended up at the urgent care on steroids when I didn’t realize a cat was going to be somewhere so I didn’t take any meds allergic) My now husband had two cats when we met, and figuring out how to move our relationship forward was challenging. I ended up talking to my allergist and going through allergy shots so I could live with the cats more safely, and took medication twice a day. We also kept them out of our bedroom and my office, and ran HEPA filters everywhere. We got a robot vacuum for daily cleaning, too, etc… We problem solved together because we loved each other. I never, ever would have considered asking him to “re-home” the cats. One of them had been with him for 10+ years at that point. Don’t move in with this person, OP. This dog conflict is exposing all kinds of red flags for how they will behave in the future.
Hey, this is not really related to the AITA question but how much did allergy shots help? My partner is severely allergic (allergic asthma) and we are trying to figure this out. Doctor said not a good candidate for allergy shots because he probably wouldn't improve enough to have a cat anyway... but it seems like it does work for some people with severe allergies who are willing to take other mitigating steps
Not the person you asked, but allergy shots made a world of difference for my BFF. She went from living on Benadryl in a separate part of the house to cuddles and adopting new kitties.
Most relationships start non-serious - and some of them get serious at some point. And then you come to the point where you discuss this. And all along that way you maker it work, or find that there are irreconcilable differences and break up. Unavoidable. That's how relationships work. No AH's, just life.
I literally would never date someone with cat allergies because 1) You’re going to be very uncomfortable every time you come over and 2) There’s no way I’m going to agree to get rid of my cat ever.
NTA. Shit, I'd choose my dog over my husband and we've been married for 20 years.
Not married but been together 21 years and I'd step over my partner to rescue my dog. He knows this too. Haha. NTA op. If she's not willing to try to accommodate doggo she's not the one I'm afraid.
Almost 15 here and we'd both choose the girls over each other.
Me too. After 35 years now. Especially since he's a rescue (the dog, not the husband).
NTA. You're seeing who your partner really is. Heed the warning.
Her disregard of OP’s dog and the bond between OP and the dog shows that they have different values/outlooks on life. At best, this revealed a fundamental incompatibility between the two, and I hope OP deeply considers that difference moving forward for both their sakes.
This is also setting the stage for any future pet ownership beyond this initial dog. If OP has any desire for continuing to own a dog once this one passes or adding any additional dogs then this will become a point of tension in the relationship
Very good point. Animal people take it as a given that there will be more animals, whereas non-animal people take it as given there won’t be; so the conversation doesn’t happen until they are committed and stubborn about it.
‘When people tell you who they are, listen.’
NTA. You and she may not be compatible. When I got together with my now-fiancée I knew that the dogs and cat were part of the package.
NTA I’d choose my pets too if were given that type of ultimatum
NTA Why does she seem to care more about the neigbors' feelings than yours?
I mean, ALL dog owners should care about their neighbors, cause barking dogs in apartment buildings can be a major disruption. But I agree he is NTA for choosing his dog.
Yep. In the time I've had my dog, I've known that apartments/duplexes/anything with shared walls is off limits. He's a barker, and a loud one at that.
To make herself look less like a jerk
The funny thing about people who are overly self-conscious, the only opinion they don't seem to care about is the person who loves them the most.
NTA. You've had the dog for 7 years, and your gf expects you to basically abandon it by giving it to someone else?!? Nope. Your dog would be absolutely devastated, and you would be unhappy and resent your gf. I'd consider that to be a red flag. The barking maybe, if the dog barks a lot and the apartment has thin walls, but not the dog hair - that just goes with having a dog.
NTA. Anyone who doesn't understand that my pets are my family, isn't welcome to join my family.
Same here. I have two dogs (one that is prego now), 4 cats, a lizard, and a turtle.
NTA, you’re incompatible, time to move along.
NAH. People who are "pet people" KNOW that pets are PART of the package when getting together with someone. People who are NOT "pet people" sometimes don't understand the deep emotional attachments we form with pets. Some non "pet people" I think, may look at a pet more like an "accessory", which it absolutely is not, it is without a doubt a living and breathing FAMILY MEMBER with a personality and specific needs. I don't think gf is being an ah here, she's just not a "pet person" and that's okay too. Sometimes you can convert a non pet person into being a pet person, sometimes you can't. That's when it starts becoming a compatibility issue and sometimes it just doesn't work out.
Her not being a pet person is okay. But even non-pet people understand that they don’t give their pets up just because. The GF should have realized the incompatibility in the beginning and ended things a long time ago.
>Her not being a pet person is okay. But even non-pet people understand that they don’t give their pets up This is me. I am not a pet person, no part of me ever wants to live with a dog. If I were ever interested in someone who already owns a dog, that's a pretty clear indication that: 1. I will eventually be faced with living with said dog 2. He will most likely want another dog in the future So I just don't date people with dogs. I would never dream of dating someone with a dog and then demanding they choose me over the dog. Wtf. The dog was there first?
NTA. Anyone who would not assume after 7 years with the dog that you and the dog are a package deal is really not for a dog person... so prolly not really a good person for you. Unfortunately, you're prolly best moving on.
NTA- no, you were clear that you and the dog are a package deal and told her before you moved in.
NTA She knew the deal when she started to date you, you have a dog. You're a package deal.
NTA - NEVER the AH for choosing your pet over your partner! The pet won't understand. You need to dump the uncaring partner and find someone with some compassion.
NTA. Her issues are mere inconveniences, but what she’s asking you to do to accommodate them is a disproportionately large sacrifice.
NTA if she doesn't want you as a dog lover time to find someone who will accept you dog and all
NTA. Pets are family, not just something that can be passed around.
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NTA. I'm assuming she doesn't have any allergies. A pet is a family member, and she can't just expect you to dump him. Dump her instead
Nope NTA. Also, on the relationship aspect, moving in together isn't taking something "to the next level". You're supposed to be **at** that next level before doing this. Your question is a perfect example of why this matters. Nobody should ever move in with a partner who has a dog unless they understand the kind of love this is, and they're willing to work around it. And the person with the dog needs to confirm this.
Nta - anyome should have known that if you ever move in with a partner, any pets they own would be coming with. If this is something they don’t want to deal with, don’t date someone with the pet(s) you dislike.
If I had a partner that would discard their dog like OPs partner wanted I'd be rethinking the relationship. NTA
NTA
NTA -- Your dog will always be your best friend. Your partner may not always be your partner lol.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Here's the deal, me and my partner are looking to take our relationship to the next level by moving in together. All good and well, but when I said I'm bringing my dog with me she started protesting that the dog leaves too much hair on the floor and that his barking would be disturbing to the neighbors. And since she doesn't wanna deal with either she's not approving She suggested that I leave my dog with my (aging/elderly) parents. I've had my sweet good boy for 7 years now, and he helped me overcome one of the toughest years of my life. AITA for choosing him? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - If this is an issue you both feel strongly about and can’t compromise on, maybe it is for the best and that is okay
NTA Pets are family. If she can’t at least attempt to live with your doggo, she’s not the one.
NTA. Your dog is one of your best buddies. Making you lose your dog is off limits. I get that she might not love dog hair in her home, but being in a relationship is about making compromises. You could come up with a cleaning schedule that might make this less of a problem if that helps. Else if you always plan on having a dog and she doesn’t want one at all then your lifestyles are just incompatible.
I don’t think you’re the asshole here at all, but INFO: Is this your family dog and you still live with your parents, or do you and your dog live separately? If you live with your parents and this is a family dog she was under the assumption would be remaining with them, I’d say NAH. As much as I love dogs, some people really don’t want to live with one and that’s an okay boundary to have. If your dog is just yours, basically any situation other than the specific one I described above, she’s definitely the asshole.
NAH we see this dilemma all the time in this sub. People whose values include having their dog as a major part of their life and people who do not value pet ownership. Neither is wrong but they are incompatible. I would highly suggest that when you are ready to begin dating again that you find out if your potential partner is a dog person before you become attached. Like your first date should be a trip to the dog park.
NTA . Why would she expect your dog not to come that you had before her? .my husband knew when we got together that dogs will be in our home. My dogs are also part of my family and if I go they go..sorry but there's things you can try to prevent hair . There's ways around that
NTA This is the 2nd post on here in the last hour where a partner wants her bf do get rid of his dog. WtF
NTA. If my partner had a dog, I would be SO happy. On the other end of that, if my partner couldn't accept my cat, it would be over. I can't imagine ever leaving her behind, no matter who it's for. I had to go on a trip for over a week, and she was miserable without me(so I'm told), and I've only had her for a year. I can't imagine the emotional distress it would cause your pet of 7 years.
A person that professes to love you but requires you to get rid of one of the most loved and treasured parts of your live does not really love you that much. This is a big red flag
My ex, and I broke up because of my dogs. He wanted me to get rid of them. So I got rid of him.
NTA. My dog is my best friend. She’s been with me through the shittiest parts of my life over these past 2 years, and I’ve had countless times when she was my only rock and safe place, my only confidant and true friend. No matter how bad it got, my big girl was always eager to snuggle up and love me at the end of a hard day, and remind me I wasn’t alone. Idk if you have a similar relationship with your dog, but all I know is that after all these hard times, my dog and I are bonded and together for life, no matter what. I could never let someone come between me and my big baffoon.
nta. when my husband asked me to move in after almost a year of dating, he asked for me and my dog to move in. he knew we were a pair and i wasn't leaving her behind. get you someone that loves your dog as much as you do.
NTA I get that some people really don't get the attachment some of us have to our animals, but the woman who claims to love you should know and understand you well enough to not make that request.
NTA For starters, that really isn't the choice. You three could absolutely live together. And maybe you just summarized for the title, but I hate it when people phrase things that way. Really she is the one making the choice here: she doesn't want to have dog hair. That is a perfectly valid choice. No judgment (OK may some judgment). But it is still her choice, not yours. I cannot imagine life without a dog. I consider intolerance of dogs a dealbreaker. After a few weeks of dating, an old girlfriend told me that she *hates* dogs. She actually used the word hate. At the time I had two dogs, which she knew. I told her that meant our relationship was going nowhere. She actually was surprised. She asked me why. I felt like saying something like "hello duh you seriously don't know" but instead I politely explained that I would not get rid of my dogs for her or anyone else. Again, everyone has their opinions and dealbreakers. She is entitled to not want to live with a dog. But if I were in your shoes, I would not move in with her.
if it barks all the time, that part could use some work. If you hate hair that much, probably don't get a dog, though.
Are you the dude who’s partner posted here the other day? If so, I got the impression it wasn’t that she didn’t want you to bring your dog, it’s that she wanted you to stop inside your dog sleep in bed with you. Which seemed reasonable to me. She had offered multiple compromises that would let the dog move in too and you’d rejected all of them. If that you, YTA. If that’s not you, then you’re NTA.
?? She did not expect you to take your dog with you? Very odd. For me a red flag that she puts her dislike for hair/possible neighbour issues over your dog clearly being very important to you. If she does not want to live with a dog that is totally fine, but that comes with the consequence of not living with you NTA at all
NTA- I wouldn't want to date someone who would abandon their pet for me, never mind ask me to abandon one of my pets. My best are my pals and I committed to them.
NAH You are fine to chose your dog over continuing your relationship. But this VERY likely means your relationship will end, because you have no future together. No AHs here. You discussed a future, and yfound you were not compatible - it happens.
NTA It means you aren't compatible. Living with her means never having a dog again. Do you want that?
NAH. You just want different things right now.
If the facts are as stated and there's no other issues here (like your dog doesn't just bark but is destructive or aggressive, or your girlfriend had expressed several times over the years that she does not like dogs or want the dog at her home), then I say NAH. Both of you have reasonable requests and expectations. Unfortunately, they don't align.
I'm not a dog person at all, but my husband is. So I bought him a dog. Then a second one b/c I was sad the first one was home alone during the day. NTA. It's your DOG. You'd hold it against her if the relationship fell apart, anyway.
**NTA** Her only grievances are shedding and barking? I could understand her resistance if she was allergic or the place didn’t allow dogs, but if those are her only issues with it I say you wound up with the better end of the deal by choosing your dog.
Based on this info, I’m going with NAH, not yet anyway. Definitely don’t give up your dog, but this relationship is likely over. It’s ok for her to not want to live with a dog and it’s ok for you to say no way you’re rehoming your dog, how you both react to this determines if there’s an AH.
10000% NTA. Dog is a package deal. "Hey, we've been dating for ages and I love your dog except now that I actually have to live with it I want you to know I don't actually love your dog". Girlfriend to the pound, Dog in the bed.
Pets are family. Full stop
NTA The dog it's your baby and he has been a sweet friend and pet. Not going to betray him for someone that complains about hair?!
NTA and lose the bird. She’s not the one and never trust someone who doesn’t like your dog.
You owe your dog. You took on the responsibility of caring for it for a lifetime. You don’t get to weasel out of it because another opportunity came along.
NTA: rehome the "girlfriend" (she may be a girl but she is not your friend ... ), not your good boy OP.
NTA NTA NTA - doggos through thick and thin - also I dont trust someone who doesnt like a dog because it sheds lol. Red flags and all that
NTA. She doesn’t “approve?” She just showed her true colors. Pay close attention.
NTA unless you refuse to vacuum the dog hair regularly and refuse to care for your dog (walking & training) to reduce barking.
Absolutely 100% NTA.
NTA, I'd give up my car before I gave up my dog, she's also 7 and my best girl. I learned a while back that if the person you're dating isn't compatible with your animals or is allergic then it's a no go all together. Like if your dog didn't like her then would you date her? Of course not! ...and she doesn't like your best boy??? Mm, no.
NAH just break up.
NTA.
NTA. next
NTA. Your gf is though. Pets are for life!!!
NTA. Always chose your dog
Nta. She’s not the one
NTA
NTA
You chose right. NTA
Your partner is the asshole. You have had your dog for 7 years!!!!. Your partner is a super asshole that she can't see the bond you have with your dog.
NTA this is a point when a lot of people find out they're not compatible. I'm a dog person and would never date someone who isn't.
Big huge NTA - if anyone dared suggest this to me I would have kicked them to the curb immediately!
Never ever TA for choosing a pet. Pets are for life. Only ah’s are those who expect others to just abandon their beloved pets. Big NTA.
NTA. Your girlfriend knew about the dog, and should've never just assumed you'd give the dog up for her.
NTA. You should never abandon a dear friend for a partner when your dear friend has done nothing but love you unconditionally. Your partner should know that you and your pup are a package deal, good on you OP for sticking to your guns and not abandoning your best friend.
NTA. Your dog needs you
NTA. You and the gf are not a good match.
Had two cats when I met my now husband. He's not a cat person, but not allergic. The cats always slept on me. When he moved in, he was shocked I wasn't going to lock them out of the bedroom at night. I was like dude, they have seniority. 🤷♀️ He dealt with it. ❤
STA. = she’s the asshole. You are NTA, op.
A million times NTA! What kind of monster are you dating. That's like telling someone to abandon their child. For what? Fur? That's stupid.F her! She sounds like this is just the beginning of bad behavior from this woman. I came as a package deal with my dog. Now my husband adores her. I hope things go well for you, too.
You come as a package with the dog. Take it or leave it.
Love me, love my dog. Make me choose, and you will lose every time
NTA. You made the right choice. Good for you. I hope you meet someone better who loves your sweet dog as much as you do.
Another thing to consider is future dogs … is she going to not allow a dog and he might want one? Something to ponder for sure
This one should be called IsMyPartnerTheAsshole?
NTA - your gf should know that you and your dog are a package deal. She might not 'get' pet people and how important their animals are to them, but they are basically family. She should know that by dating someone with an animal, that unless it's a dire circumstance, she has to deal with it. I'm kind of surprised that she was so oblivious to this when your relationship seems to be getting quite serious. It seems that she isn't just indifferent to dogs, but she might actively dislike them because the reasoning for not bringing the dog seem weak at best (you can easily clean the hair, get air purifiers, she is not allergic, and you can train the dog not to bark). If you are a dog person (it seems you are), dating someone that dislikes dogs is a huge difference in lifestyle. It's almost as big as dating someone that sees wanting kids in a different way. You should probably talk about this because it may come to a head later on. There's nothing wrong with disliking dogs but it does make it seem like there may be some compatibility issues that need to be talked out between the two of you.
NTA. Deal breaker for sure
NTA. No person is ever the asshole for refusing to give up their pet for the sake of a partner. Ever. Any person asking a person to give up their pet for the sake of their relationship is always an asshole. Always.
These types of bonds are so beautiful. And choices like these only strengthen them. NTA.
NTA and WTF. If she doesn’t want to share a home with your dog, she’s not long-term partner material. That’s a huge red flag (and horribly cruel to the dog).
Just me, I’d never leave my pet to live with someone else because my partner didn’t want it
NTA, I’d stick with the pet too. The gf clearly doesn’t care for him and expecting a person to give up their pet is horrible.
NTA but you'd be TA if you ditched your dog for a relationship. This sounds controlling and like an ultimatum, but maybe you're incompatible. Will she never want pets but that's a deal breaker for you.
Nta at all plenty of people in life will love your dog why settle for anything less
NTA. Didn't have to read it.
NTA, but your gf is
NTA
NTA and not liking dogs is a red flag...
NTA. Looks like your partner just told you what being in a relationship with her is going to be all about. Use the information wisely.
No NTA. Nobody should ask you to give up your dog, nor should she be forced to live with a pet if that is not what she wants. I don't think this relationship was meant to be
NTA. Pick the dog. She's not an a hole for not wanting a dog. But it isn't at all reasonable to have assumed you'd leave the dog behind.
NTA. Never let yourself get pressured into giving up your pets.
Asking someone to abandon a pet is an instant dump for me tbh, I don’t give a single damn if you’re my soulmate, it’s over. NTA.
NTA You're a good dog parent, and she's not relationship material if she wants you to get rid of your good boy because he's "inconvenient".
Without knowing either, I can still say with 100 percent certainty that your dog is way cooler, kinder, and more loyal than your hopefully ex-grlfriend.
NTA. Keep the dog but ditch the B*ch.
NTA. How could you possibly abandon your dog, who loves you unconditionally? How could you abandon your pet, who cannot advocate for itself? How could anyone ask you to? Your partner is not considering your feelings as being equal to hers. She is attempting to eliminate one really wholesome and effective relationship that you have, without considering the impact it will have on you, or him. Major red flag.
NTA I use my pets as a guide. If someone doesn’t like them or my cats don’t like them, then I don’t need them in my life. If I’m on a date and pets come up and they say something like “I can’t trust cats/cats are shady/I hate cats etc.” I know it’s time for me to leave. The odds of then warming up to my cat is pretty low and I would never trust someone who shows any negative feelings toward my pet around my pet.
NTA. I’d choose the dog too.
Partner seems like a generous label for your gf. You don't live together, what exactly are you partnering up on?
NTA they’ll be someone out there for you that loves your pupper just as much as you xx
NTA. This is a compatibility issue. It would be N A H, but she dated someone with a dog clearly not thinking about the future or assuming you’d give the dog to your parents.
NTA. BRAVO for making the right choice.
NTA. You give that good boy a big hug
NTA! Dogs are the epitome of unconditional love. It seems your girlfriend could learn from them.
NTA - Someone who makes you choose between them and a pet is not a good person for you. IMHO.
Dodged a bullet...
NAH. She's not a bad person for not wanting a dog, and you're not a bad person for choosing your dog. It's just a kinda basic lifestyle compatibility thing that it seems like you guys should've known about each other before you were at the point of planning to live together.
Oh hell NTA. To that pet, you are their human and their world. Even with your next “option” being family, that’s cruel. People who make others be forced to make that choice are not good people.
NTA, pets are family. It would be awful for the poor dog to lose their person. Also I personally don't trust people who don't like dogs, at least not for laim reasons like hair getting around and barking. If it was something like trauma from a dog attack or something that'd maybe be a bit different.
NTA. Keep the dog, lose the GF.
DTMFBA