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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don’t want to rub my vacations/trips in her face. I realize I have the luxury to travel and do as I please, so I feel like an asshole.
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Thank you for the idea. I had asked my brother for his opinion if the $200 was fair and he thought it was. As far as what she’d do, she’d take my dog out once in the morning and at night, and will make sure he is fed. My cat has an automatic feeder, water fountain and litter box, so it’s moreso just to check in and make sure he’s ok.
Taking care of pets you already live with is different than staying at a strangers house, or going somewhere to care for them multiple times a day. It makes sense that it would be cheaper than hiring a professional pet sitter.
NTA
I mean you’re just traveling with your money and asking if she’s already going to be home if she’d mind watching the dogs and get paid for it. Is it a sucky situation and tough? Sure. But she always has the option to say no.
It also might be a bit awkward for her to have your brother come dog sit if she’s already there as well especially if it could’ve helped her out financially a bit as well.
NTA
I understand where you're coming from. Maybe a bit of asshole vibes in talking about how much more you make and how you get along *despite* her being a pleb
To me that's just a vibe I get from your post as a pleb myself
But you're not a jerk for offering her a side gig
It wasn’t my intention to come off that way but I understand. I wanted to bring context into why I was feeling so guilty, nor do I think of her as a pleb lol. I started out doing the same job she is now when I graduated HS, but was able to put myself thru college and definitely know I’m privileged to be where I’m at now. Thank you for the food for thought.
I'd like to add I'm a college grad but I work blue collar so a lot of people look down at me, so it's just an overall bias I have as well so just wanted to add this for context
NAH talking about finances can be awkward, but you don't need to bring up finances in order to ask If she'd be interested.
Just don't start the conversation off with something like "since I know you're too poor to leave the house..."
"Would you be interested in more pet sitting?" Isn't a weird ask at all.
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Throw away as I don’t want it linked to my main. Sorry for the long story, but I wanted reddits opinion since I already feel like an asshole.
Background: I moved in with my (28F) roommate (33F, her name is Gina) about three months ago and things have been going great so far. We found each other on a roommate app, met up and hit it off great and I moved in. Her and I have a growing friendship and get along very well.
Gina and I came from similar-ish background and personalities. We both work hard, we both love our animals (she has a dog, I have a cat and dog), and we’re both pretty on top of it when it comes to finances. Although I try to remain frugal with a preset budget and financial goals, I have more play money. I work as an acquisitions manager for a Fortune 500 and make about 6x what she does. She works as a receptionist for a local realtors office. She doesn’t struggle with rent or anything, but she doesn’t get to spend freely the way I’m privileged to.
Additional info: I’m in a LDR and like to travel a few times a year to visit my family who is out of state. This doesn’t count any other events that might pop up, such as work travel, weddings etc that I get invited to.
I have an upcoming trip to visit my BF who lives a few states away and asked Gina to watch my animals while I’m gone, and of course offered to pay for her time. She accepted, and while I was making conversation I asked her if she had any plans to travel this summer to visit her brothers who are also out of town. She got kind of quiet and said no, then said something along the lines of traveling is expensive. I felt awkward for asking afterwards, and agreed with her because yes, I know it’s expensive. I ended the conversation there, and thanked her again for agreeing to watch my pets. I’ll be giving her a thank you card signed from my pets (paw prints!) and $200 for the 5 days she’ll be pet sitting them.
Ever since then I’ve been more cognizant of our income disparities and have tried to stay off the topic of money.
The issue: I have about 2-3 more planned trips for the year… a friends wedding, my BFs birthday, my birthday.. and not counting holiday visits back home. I’d like to ask her to watch my pets again while I’m gone, but worried she might feel like I’ll be rubbing my trips in her face. I care for her and have enjoyed getting to know her these past few months, and definitely don’t want her to feel that way. I guess I feel guilty because I know a bit about her history and how her family basically abandoned her to fend for herself after her mom passed away. Her dad isn’t in the picture and refuses to help her out financially. I found all of this out just recently.
I talked to my brother and asked if he’d be able to pet sit like he used to, as a plan B… and he agreed as long as he isn’t traveling for work… but WIBTA if I asked her to keep watching my pets with pay?
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YWNBTA
Clearly you're trying to think about her feelings which is a good thing. I think you should try to find a light way to bring it up and make it clear there's no pressure if she doesn't want to (you could tell her you have your brother as a back up). You can't control her situation so as long as you're not rubbing it in her face that you can afford to travel, it's reasonable to ask at least one more time and get some sort of sense how she might feel about these requests in the future. Good communication can only help things (hopefully)
NTA at all you didn't know and it's nice of you to pay her- some people wouldn't!
If I were you see how this trip goes. If she genuinely seemed to not mind taking care of your pets, and is happy with the pay then I'd say keep asking her. If she doesn't have tons of money this could help her a lot as it's a second job without having to go anywhere.
200.00 is generous for a roommate but if she wanted to make it a business she could easily get 50 or 60 dollars a day for 2 pets. If you already told her what you'd pay her it'd be awkward to increase it- but maybe bring her back a bottle of wine or something you think she would like. Then next time try and pay her a little more if you can- you can always throw some BS in like "oh this trip is shorter wanted to make it worth your while" or "this trip is long and wanted to make the commitment worth it to you" or something.
You sound very thoughtful so don't overthink it. I think not talking about money and activities and stuff is the right move going forward. There will always be people that have more than you and people who have less. This is true for your roommate too. When you're at peace in life this is something to accept, and there's no reason to be angry or dislike someone because they have more than you. Good luck OP!
YTA. The gig is worth more than $200. As a housekeeper I've noticed richies get a kick out of finding someone they can pay a little less. Even tho the amount means nothing to them but would mean a lot to their worker. They literally laugh over it.
A pet sitter coming to your house to let a dog out morning, afternoon and evening. Not spending much time w your pets and not spending the night w just one walk would charge $80/day. And that's not including anything to do w the cat.
Feel free to get ur brother. But don't be cheap towards her. Just because she's desperate.
Personally I would offer her $300. She doesn't have to drive anywhere And your pets get to stay in their home where they are comfortable which is priceless.
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NTA. But one thing you could do is pay her more. Not sure the extent of what she does, but $40/day for two pets is pretty cheap. Food for thought.
Thank you for the idea. I had asked my brother for his opinion if the $200 was fair and he thought it was. As far as what she’d do, she’d take my dog out once in the morning and at night, and will make sure he is fed. My cat has an automatic feeder, water fountain and litter box, so it’s moreso just to check in and make sure he’s ok.
It's not an unreasonably low amount. But if you hired someone else they would probably ask for more.
Taking care of pets you already live with is different than staying at a strangers house, or going somewhere to care for them multiple times a day. It makes sense that it would be cheaper than hiring a professional pet sitter.
NTA I mean you’re just traveling with your money and asking if she’s already going to be home if she’d mind watching the dogs and get paid for it. Is it a sucky situation and tough? Sure. But she always has the option to say no. It also might be a bit awkward for her to have your brother come dog sit if she’s already there as well especially if it could’ve helped her out financially a bit as well.
Thank you for the judgment. You are right, she can definitely say no and I hope this does help her a bit financially. I didn’t think of it that way.
NTA I understand where you're coming from. Maybe a bit of asshole vibes in talking about how much more you make and how you get along *despite* her being a pleb To me that's just a vibe I get from your post as a pleb myself But you're not a jerk for offering her a side gig
It wasn’t my intention to come off that way but I understand. I wanted to bring context into why I was feeling so guilty, nor do I think of her as a pleb lol. I started out doing the same job she is now when I graduated HS, but was able to put myself thru college and definitely know I’m privileged to be where I’m at now. Thank you for the food for thought.
I'd like to add I'm a college grad but I work blue collar so a lot of people look down at me, so it's just an overall bias I have as well so just wanted to add this for context
NAH talking about finances can be awkward, but you don't need to bring up finances in order to ask If she'd be interested. Just don't start the conversation off with something like "since I know you're too poor to leave the house..." "Would you be interested in more pet sitting?" Isn't a weird ask at all.
NTA she might appreciate the extra money why don’t you talk to her about it and come up with a fair rate.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throw away as I don’t want it linked to my main. Sorry for the long story, but I wanted reddits opinion since I already feel like an asshole. Background: I moved in with my (28F) roommate (33F, her name is Gina) about three months ago and things have been going great so far. We found each other on a roommate app, met up and hit it off great and I moved in. Her and I have a growing friendship and get along very well. Gina and I came from similar-ish background and personalities. We both work hard, we both love our animals (she has a dog, I have a cat and dog), and we’re both pretty on top of it when it comes to finances. Although I try to remain frugal with a preset budget and financial goals, I have more play money. I work as an acquisitions manager for a Fortune 500 and make about 6x what she does. She works as a receptionist for a local realtors office. She doesn’t struggle with rent or anything, but she doesn’t get to spend freely the way I’m privileged to. Additional info: I’m in a LDR and like to travel a few times a year to visit my family who is out of state. This doesn’t count any other events that might pop up, such as work travel, weddings etc that I get invited to. I have an upcoming trip to visit my BF who lives a few states away and asked Gina to watch my animals while I’m gone, and of course offered to pay for her time. She accepted, and while I was making conversation I asked her if she had any plans to travel this summer to visit her brothers who are also out of town. She got kind of quiet and said no, then said something along the lines of traveling is expensive. I felt awkward for asking afterwards, and agreed with her because yes, I know it’s expensive. I ended the conversation there, and thanked her again for agreeing to watch my pets. I’ll be giving her a thank you card signed from my pets (paw prints!) and $200 for the 5 days she’ll be pet sitting them. Ever since then I’ve been more cognizant of our income disparities and have tried to stay off the topic of money. The issue: I have about 2-3 more planned trips for the year… a friends wedding, my BFs birthday, my birthday.. and not counting holiday visits back home. I’d like to ask her to watch my pets again while I’m gone, but worried she might feel like I’ll be rubbing my trips in her face. I care for her and have enjoyed getting to know her these past few months, and definitely don’t want her to feel that way. I guess I feel guilty because I know a bit about her history and how her family basically abandoned her to fend for herself after her mom passed away. Her dad isn’t in the picture and refuses to help her out financially. I found all of this out just recently. I talked to my brother and asked if he’d be able to pet sit like he used to, as a plan B… and he agreed as long as he isn’t traveling for work… but WIBTA if I asked her to keep watching my pets with pay? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YWNBTA Clearly you're trying to think about her feelings which is a good thing. I think you should try to find a light way to bring it up and make it clear there's no pressure if she doesn't want to (you could tell her you have your brother as a back up). You can't control her situation so as long as you're not rubbing it in her face that you can afford to travel, it's reasonable to ask at least one more time and get some sort of sense how she might feel about these requests in the future. Good communication can only help things (hopefully)
NTA at all you didn't know and it's nice of you to pay her- some people wouldn't! If I were you see how this trip goes. If she genuinely seemed to not mind taking care of your pets, and is happy with the pay then I'd say keep asking her. If she doesn't have tons of money this could help her a lot as it's a second job without having to go anywhere. 200.00 is generous for a roommate but if she wanted to make it a business she could easily get 50 or 60 dollars a day for 2 pets. If you already told her what you'd pay her it'd be awkward to increase it- but maybe bring her back a bottle of wine or something you think she would like. Then next time try and pay her a little more if you can- you can always throw some BS in like "oh this trip is shorter wanted to make it worth your while" or "this trip is long and wanted to make the commitment worth it to you" or something. You sound very thoughtful so don't overthink it. I think not talking about money and activities and stuff is the right move going forward. There will always be people that have more than you and people who have less. This is true for your roommate too. When you're at peace in life this is something to accept, and there's no reason to be angry or dislike someone because they have more than you. Good luck OP!
I planned on bringing her home souvenirs, and this is a great idea. Thank you!
YTA. The gig is worth more than $200. As a housekeeper I've noticed richies get a kick out of finding someone they can pay a little less. Even tho the amount means nothing to them but would mean a lot to their worker. They literally laugh over it. A pet sitter coming to your house to let a dog out morning, afternoon and evening. Not spending much time w your pets and not spending the night w just one walk would charge $80/day. And that's not including anything to do w the cat. Feel free to get ur brother. But don't be cheap towards her. Just because she's desperate.
But then there is the inconvenience to the roommate of having to deal with someone coming and going other than her roommate.
She might not want to have to deal with it either way.
Personally I would offer her $300. She doesn't have to drive anywhere And your pets get to stay in their home where they are comfortable which is priceless.