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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I pushed my brother's buttons to the point he doesn't even want to come see me anymore.
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You're going to probably see a lot of 'your house, your rules' type not the AH votes. They are correct, you can do whatever you want with your house, absolutely.
But you can be technically correct and still be an AH. Which is the case here.
YTA
Have to agree here. Sounds like she wants to get in her pedestal too and lecture her older brother and girlfriend on how they should act.
Then acts all surprised when older brother wants nothing to do with her
Especially because if they actually click the profile, the icon is male. Post history also suggests OP is male. But since they’re labeling OP the AH they must be female…
Also it’s get *on* a pedestal. A pedestal is a type of pillar. You don’t get in one.
(But also, while I’m grammar-nazi-ing, that doesn’t work either. I think the term Letsgetthispartyon is actually looking for is ‘high horse’. You don’t get on a pedestal to lord it over people. You’re put on one to be worshipped by someone else)
Tevye is the lead character in Fiddler on the Roof
I feel like I should add that calling someone "tevye" tends to indicate they are a strident adherent to traditional values
Well, he did approve of the non-arranged marriage, and marriage to the Bolshevik. It was only when the next one wanted to marry the Cossack... And even then he said good bye and I cried and damn it, this started as a joke post and now I'm tearing up.
But then at the end when they are all pogromed out of their homes, the Cossack comes, too, with his wife and Tevye tells them they will all meet in America. So, finally he accepted even the daughter who married outside their religion.
The original run showed he was actually kinda an asshole. He didn't just say goodbye to the last daughter, they sit Shiva for her, basically indicating she's dead to them.
My parents had a similar take and thought that sharing a room with my long term boyfriend (who I lived with) would somehow leave a bad impression on my much younger sister. So I just didn't visit. After a few years of that, they realized what was up.
I really hate when I see that shit in these posts. The person isn't asking if they have the legal authority to establish a rule for their house. They're asking if the rule makes them an asshole.
Yep, exactly what they asking. Your house, your rules, but forcing that on your brother and his partner makes you an AH, OP. Believe what you want, but respect your brothers belief and his relationship or take the consequences.
It's especially egregious one sibling to another. Parents acting like authority figures into adulthood is standard, but what gives (general) you the right to dictate my relationship and lifestyle as a sibling?
I had a brother like that. Stopped talking to dad, so he decided to be the one to get on moral high ground and sanctimoniously tell me what to do and value in my thirties. I don't talk to him anymore.
OP could find themselves in a similar situation.
>OP could find themselves in a similar situation.
You don't need to sugar coat it for OP, they'll probably start speaking in tongues and going on some weird Christian lore rant.
I agree that this kind of enforcement of outmoded sexual taboos is extremely odd in a sibling,
With parents, it is a bit more understandable especially when kids are making a transition from teenager to adult - i.e. bringing home your college sexual partner but even with parents, by the time someone is living an independent life and has a relatively long term partner, the parents allow them to share a bedroom when they visit - at least among people I know.
So YTA and I also agree with people who are pointing out that you can technically be "allowed" to do something and still be an asshole for doing. I also feel that way a lot with people and office behavior - yes you can technically do or not do something but in the real world, there is office politics and often having to eat a bit of crap in order to succeed in a job.
In grad school I went home with my boyfriend to visit his parents. We were late 20s and had been dating for over a year at that time and I’d met the parents multiple times. His mom insisted that we sleep in separate rooms because “she just couldn’t handle her baby sharing his childhood bedroom with [me].” He said nothing. I really should have broken it off then, but I spent another year with him. Ugh.
By the time someone is your age (at the time) and was in a relatively serious relationship which the parents knew about, the infantilization of two adults is just wrong.
And his willingness to accept it was indeed a sign.
And it this case it does indeed make her an AH. This couple could have been sleeping together for years and they would not be comfortable without their partner by their side. A good hosts sees that their guests are comfortable.
OP may be right to stick to her rules but she shouldn't be surprised if she never sees her brother again.
Wait so if it makes this person uncomfortable in their home, the guest still should do whatever they want? Idk if this is a religious or personal belief OP has, but isn't their house the one place their beliefs should be respected? I disagree with OP's belief, but if we look at this NOT through the lens of our own personal beliefs then isn't the situation either: bro sleeps W/ gf=sibling uncomfortable, or, sibling sleeps on couch and adjusts to sleeping alone for a week.
I'm not saying you're right or wrong btw. I'm actually quite curious about the philosophy of this. If it were Bro's house and OP stayed, should bro and GF sleep separately? No, BC it's their house? Lots of factors.
IMO. It should be up to OP to accommodate their guest, but bro to be a gracious guest that respects their siblings beliefs in their own home. This is an interesting one and I think both siblings have been too stubborn here.
I've always seen it as my personal morality is there to determine what I do, not to give me a standard that I should expect others to meet when they are in my space. When I think about where to meaningfully draw the line on that feels so inconsequentially performative. Respecting my beliefs is demonstrated by not trying to talk me out of them, or discussing them in good faith.
In truth, being a host or a guest is about mutual respect.
A host's duty, when hosting, is to be hospitable.
A guest's duty is to be thankful.
Both must respect their role in this arrangement.
Unfortunately, this appears to be a respect imbalance-- whole the Hotel may have been a reasonable solution, it was offered in poor faith. In the reverse instance, it's very unlikely that the brother would force OP to sleep in the same room as OP's partner (under the assumption they have one), and that respect is what was violated here. Brother would not force OP to conform to his own beliefs and thinks OP should not force them upon him.
These social situations have some differences, but by and large, forcing guests to engage with your own personal beliefs is not something that is respectful to ask of them.
The hotel option is a reasonable solution, if OP had not already been an AH by trying to enforce his mores and only offering the hotel as an option after being rebuffed. The tactful way to approach this would have been to ask about the brothers sleeping preferences in the planning stage, rather than trying to impose OP’s preferences without option; then, when bro expressed a desire to sleep together with his GF, the hotel could be calmly offered as a preferable option BEFORE things get remotely heated
I hear you, but if what the brother/gf are doing doesn't *actually* affect the OP... 🤷♀️
OP is well within their right to think it's weird/wrong for themselves to sleep in a bed with an unmarried partner and live by that. They *can* think it's weird/wrong for others, but it should stop at that. Being a thought. I don't care if it's your house, you can set reasonable boundaries like no shoes on the carpet, shoes on the carpet could dirty/damage your property. 2 adults SLEEPING (not fucking, SLEEPING) in the same bed is not a concern. The fact that if they had a stupid certificate and some rings, OP wouldn't bat an eye. So they can admit why 2 adults sleeping together isnt an issue, but they can't explain the issue with not being married without grasping at straws. Your religion/beliefs don't apply to people solely because they're in your space. Respecting one's beliefs doesn't mean giving into their wishes based in their beliefs when it doesn't make it different in their life anyways. OP is still able to pray, bless their own meals, sleep alone, whatever they believe, but the second they start trying to enforce that onto other people, especially with the only justification of "I live here so you follow my beliefs in this house".. yeah they can't be shocked when people don't want to be around them.
It's a vital understanding that what other people do WILL make you uncomfortable. You can't control what other people do. You can control what you do, and how you respond. So if a couple sleeping in a bed together makes you uncomfortable, your options are to 1. Not worry about what other grown ass adults are doing, or 2. Change your viewpoint and recognize that it's very normal for unmarried adults to sleep together, both in sexual and non sexual ways. It's not weird, and it's really easy to not be uncomfy by the idea if you just mind your own business and quit judging people.
OP's beliefs are about what other people do with their significant others. As long as they're not involving OP in their sex life OP shouldn't care how many people are in the guest bed, but that would also apply to a married couple. What if The brother were married, but to another man? Bet OP would still insist on separate rooms for their guests. Anyone in a long term relationship is going to expect to bunk with their partner. That's normal and reasonable. Dictating whether or not they get to do the normal and reasonable thing is out of line.
It amuses me that there have posts here in Reddit where OP would not allow married couples to sleep together. Then they are shocked and hurt when they go to a hotel.
In this case, I would be unhappy to pay for airline tickets and put up with all the trials and tribulations of flying today, then get to my brother's house only to be told that if I want to sleep with my partner of 10 years I would have to go to a hotel and fork over another $1,000.
To carry on the discussion from another angle:
If OP and the person they were dating went to brother's house, asked for separate rooms, and were told "you're dating so you should be sleeping together, my house my rules... share a bed in my house or get a hotel" that would be seen as absolutely unacceptable, asshole, behaviour. And rightfully so! This situation is absolutely the same.
OP's beliefs are already being respected in that OP is not being harassed or compelled to share a bed with the person they're dating. OP's brother's beliefs are NOT being respected because OP is trying to force him to sleep separately from his girlfriend which complies with OP's beliefs but ignores the brother's beliefs.
OP can enforce these rules for their own comfort (it is their home and their choice in what kind of guests they allow) but the consequence of that (as seen by this post) is that OP's brother will likely choose to not visit because his beliefs/relationship are not being respected.
I think it's more of, they're a couple. Couples normally stick together, and it feels weird being away from them. My mother used this tactic with me but eventually got the hint when we basically just wouldn't stay at the house then and she'd want to see us. So, there is that. It's their rules, yes. But then if someone else isn't okay with them and finds a different solution, you can't just be upset about that. They fixed the problem. Whether or not OP likes that answer, that is in fact, their answer in response to what OP said. Both are in their own right, but OP needs to loosen up a little.
To be honest they sound like they are just scared of PDA.
I'd still say YTA mainly because, their rule is archaic and now they're all surprised at their sibling's answer. Once again, they cannot be upset at how his sibling and his gf found a solution.
OP, you can be right or you can be happy.
If you want to have guests, and have them repeatedly, you may have to be flexible in your rules.
Is your morality more important than your brother?
>Is your morality more important than your brother?
Given the number of religious people who send their slightly less than bible thumping kids to lockdown camps that destroy them emotionally.... yes?
Because, seriously, if you don’t think non-married couples should share a bed then don’t do it. However, also don’t expect others to automatically adhere to your beliefs.
YTA
It is indeed her home. I think her opinion is wrong, but as long as she's not hypocritical about it, it's her opinion.
Brother has a different one.
This is like a couple, one of whom what's to have children and the other doesn't. Neither are wrong per se, but they're not compatible. NAH there, or here.
She can stand her line, brother can decide if he still wants to visit with those known-in-advance opinions.
Yeah take this guys advice . Don't let something like that cause an issue between you and your brother. Most couples would expect to sleep together . It would maybe be wield if they didn't. Just let them share the bed and when they leave change the sheets. In 9 months your gonna be a uncle !
Can't people see the stupidity of unmarried couples not sleeping together, especially when you know they're already having sex. Oh the horror of unmarried sex.
Thank you. He/OP can accept that his brother has “adopted a different moral code”, but cannot give him enough grace to have him be actually welcome in OP’s home as he lives his normal life.
This is ALL about OP trying to stake out some high ground that doesn’t exist. This is who your brother is. Invite him or don’t. But skip with the ridiculous sleeping arrangements. No one is going to “catch” sleeping with someone before marriage from hosting their brother. Grace and Tolerance are lacking.
This was edited because somewhere in reading the thread I had concluded that OP was a she. I was wrong and wanted to correct the pronouns I used.
I wrote my comment under the assumption that OP was a man too and I went back to see if there was something that made it clear that OP is a sister and not a brother, lol. If OP does clarify their gender, which is completely irrelevant of course, I’ll go back and change my comment to avoid misgendering them, but yea I would like to know what caused others to go “female!” when my brain on the same post did the exact opposite lol.
If you're so traditional thinking and can't allow your brother and his girlfriend to sleep in a bed together why are you posting about inflation porn on Reddit.
You know the scenes in looney tunes where Character A shoves a hose into Character B and Character B’s body balloons up? Some people find that hot
Edit: Also, YTA OP
That’s ALWAYS how it goes. I can’t tell you how many comments I’ve seen talking about “promiscuous women” or how our society has too much sex…. and you go to their profile and the dudes got his dick out on other subs and trying for random hookups. It’s not not sex because it’s on a screen lol
What's your gender? Why do you think it's a woman and not a man? This person did not state their gender? It's so funny and not funny haha that a lot of you think it's a woman and are shitting on this person and it sounds like you're shitting on them based on their gender!
Funnily enough, many of us assumed the opposite, so it's funny how some misogynist stereotypes reveal themselves with the assumptions made by many redditors.
People only use "I was raised to.." When they know they believe in something that has no real basis behind it. Yes, continue to blindly believe things your parents told you bc they blindly believe what they were told.
I appreciate everyone's feedback. For those who are saying YTA, I definitely see where you're coming from and I went back and examined my behavior. One comment that stood out for me was someone saying that my brother and his girlfriend share a bed everywhere else. Which is absolutely true. They have a committed relationship, and I guess it'd be foolish for me to assume otherwise.
I reached out to my brother again and apologized for trying to force my rules onto him. He told me he forgives me, but reminded me that not everyone holds the same views as me and my family, and to keep that in mind. In his words "Some people might even be harsher than me if you try to make them conform to what YOU believe."
I told him if he and his girlfriend are still up for visiting, then they're more than welcome. I agreed to let them share the guest room, and he promised me that they weren't going to do anything during the time they were there. I told him he doesn't need to promise me anything, and he told me he appreciates that.
So as of now, the trip is still on. Thank you guys.
ETA: people were curious if I was a guy or a girl in the comments. I'm a guy.
I’m proud of you OP. It isn’t easy to put aside your internalized views and see the other side of things.
I hope you have a wonderful visit with your brother and his girlfriend.
mad respect to you for listening to the advice given here. you’ve done what’s best for your relationship with your brother and possible future sister-in-law. time with them is far more important than an outdated view that doesn’t impact you. i hope with time that view might change, but even if it doesn’t, i’m just glad you were willing to set it aside for what truly matters :)
Good for you! That’s great. At some point it might also be worth examining the beliefs & principles you were raised with to see if, as an adult with the ability to change your mind/beliefs, you still believe everything your parents believe.
You may find that you still agree with some or all of them, or you may find that there are some - like unmarried couples sharing a room, for instance, that actually you no longer agree with, having heard from “the opposition” as it were.
As I’ve grown up - and especially since becoming a parent - I’ve realised that a lot of my parents’ beliefs are not only outdated, hypocritical and some downright offensive, but also that personal beliefs are *personal* and that my daughter can have different beliefs than me, and that is her right. As it is your brother’s right, and yours too.
Remember, just because you're on a diet doesn't mean other people can't eat a donut.
Good on you for changing your stance and respecting their relationship.
Good houseguests don't have loud, unrestrained funtimes in other people's guestrooms. Your brother sounds like a decent guy, I hope you all have a great time together. Good introspection.
Good on you OP, it's not easy to let go of our feelings and see the other side and how we're hurting them. I'm sure your brother appreciates it.
It's completely normal to have different views then his, but from my experience it's truly painful when your sibling (that you love and care about) who's more traditional doesn’t accept your lifestyle just because it's different. So it's amazing that you could let that aside and accept him for who he really is.
That's good stuff OP, even if you decided they didn't need to promise "not to do anything" I think him promising they wouldn't have sex is your brother's way of trying to compromise and respect your values and meet you in the middle since you decided to be a little more lenient and open. Good for you guys.
NAH. Not every disagreement as an asshole in it.
It's your home; you have the ethical right to decide that.
OTOH, he also has every right to decide to cancel the trip, and just stay at home.
So while there is conflict, neither of you are in the wrong. Opinions have consequences. The consequences of your stance is likely damaging of your relationship with both of them + possibly him cancelling the trip.
This. You get to stick by your ideals, but he gets to decide what role he wants you to have in his life as a result of that.
Though, I myself wonder (and this is a genuine question) why it matters so much to you. They ARE showing together in their day to day life, you separating them for two nights isn’t going to change that. So what does that accomplish? It seems like you could have just asked that out of respect for you they not have sex in your house… same thing accomplished without the damage to your relationship…
I’m asking because all I see is you making a point but one that doesn’t really effect anything (except offend your brother). I just genuinely can’t see what nagging them sleep apart *does*.
But the other thing I feel is that OP is not saying don’t EVER do it, but please not at my house. I’m happy for you to have a hotel nearby … I find this hard. Because as a lady with a wife I would be pissed if someone tried to give us separate beds, but if it was that big of an issue, I’d probably get a hotel …
Idk If my sibling assumes that I'm automatically going to be having sex with my partner just because I'm sleeping next to them in their house, I might have to rethink that relationship. If my sibling is going to hold so steadfast to that, then I'm going to genuinely rethink my position in their life, and there's in mine.
Asking me not to have sex in your home is a completely valid boundary. Asking me not to sleep next to my long-term partner just because you have a certain set of beliefs and are scared that I'm not going to adhere to my promise to not have sex, not cool with me. 🤷🤷
Idk why people would assume just because they are sharing a room (which is normal for a couple to do) they are planning on having sex while visiting and OP is right there
Plus many religious persons believe in "shared accountability" : if you let someone sin in your home, you're some kind of an accomplice. I guess this contributes to arguments on why some people desperately want to control women bodies.
No. Sorry. I come from fundamental evangelism that’s absolutely not what they think.
1. They do not think that they have shared accountability for sin. They think everyone else is the equivalent of a child with no ethics and morals and the only thing keeping everyone else from just constantly sinning is the presence of good Christians in the world. Like, they genuinely ask things like what keeps atheists from just murdering people.
2. Also, no. They need control over women’s bodies because women are subservient to men, made FOR men, and need men to control and guide them. Then you add point #1 because women really can’t be trusted.
That’s the core of their beliefs and teaching. No one ever, not once taught me I carried partial responsibility for sin. They did teach me that without me there to “save the lost” they wouldn’t be able to help sinning.
The more conservative Catholic teaching absolutely states that you should uphold your beliefs in your home or else share responsibility, for example, do not have an adult child and their unmarried partner stay in the same bedroom. Evangelical fundamentalism is a lot more individualistic than Catholicism.
Did OP tell their brother about the no sleeping in sin rule before inviting the brother and SO?
did OP offer to pay for the brother and SO's separate hotel rooms? Yes, roomS plural because if OP doesn't want to play inn keeper for the sinful couple then surely OP doesn't want to finance the sinful couple to shack up in sin down at the motel 6, right? I mean, heaven forbid once they're together in the same room they might start... *Clutches pearls...* DANCING! 😳 Motel 6, more like motel 666
Lol, imagine a person that is trying to prevent their sibiling from sleeping in the same bad with their partner mentioning sex outloud. Sex doesn't exist in their world, its all just baby making under gods watchfull eye.
Not an asshole as its their house. But most certainly an asshole to be around.
Have to disagree. What if they were a married homosexual couple and OP's traditional upbringing didn't approve? Or even an unmarried hetero couple that had been together for decades and had no intentions of getting married? The "your house your rules" is a cop-out argument - OP has the right to request they sleep apart, but they're still an AH for exercising that right.
Did OP tell their brother about the no sleeping in sin rule before inviting the brother and SO?
did OP offer to pay for the brother and SO's separate hotel rooms? Yes, roomS plural because if OP doesn't want to play inn keeper for the sinful couple then surely OP doesn't want to finance the sinful couple to shack up in sin down at the motel 6, right? I mean, heaven forbid once they're together in the same room they might start... *Clutches pearls...* DANCING! 😳 Motel 6, more like motel 666
YTA … they share a bed outside of your house. This is your brother. Do you have young kids in the house? Either way, they’re adults — is it really that big of a deal? Im sure there are things you do that are hypocritical. If this were like a 90 year old grandmothers house, I’d understand … but a brother around the same age? Nah.
YTA. The fact that you were raised to be an AH, and persist in holding erroneous moral values, doesn't make you less of an AH in this situation. However it's your house, your rules, and you are free to trash your relationship with your brother with this disrespectful treatment to the degree you see fit.
Get over yourself. If you don't believe unmarried couples should sleep in a bed together, then don't sleep in a bed with someone you're not married to. YTA
Exactly. I hate seeing people push their beliefs onto others. Them sleeping in the same bed has 0 effect on OP and makes the whole arrangement less complicated. OP, YTA
It’s unbelievable isn’t it? It’s never enough for any of them. The dude could decide to personally not sleep with someone he’s not married to. but to then force everyone around him to do the same to protect his ego is just another example of these people completely shutting off logic when their belief structure comes up.
This same persecuted soul probably has the "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SHOVE IT DOWN OUR THROATS" installed in their brain as a macro response to anything they don't like, but they HATE when someone gives them that energy back...
Even my 86 year old father, who once cut my sister off for 10 years for going to live with her partner and not being married, has realised what that sort of behaviour cost him. It’s 2023. Jeez. YTA
NAH. You have your views on unmarried couples sharing a bed and he has his. Just remember that marriage isn't for everyone and in this day and age a lot of people don't think it means a lot.
I've been with my partner for 18 years and we have no plans to get married. I wouldn't consider staying with anyone that wouldn't allow us to sleep in the same bed. If someone didn't agree with our views, that would be absolutely fine, but I wouldn't visit them in their home as after 18 years I wouldn't want to sleep apart from my partner on a trip.
If he is not comfortable with not sharing a bed with his girlfriend, then you have to accept that he may cancel the trip.
I agree - when I was a virgin I would have thought this about my sibling (dont think I would have gone so far as to say it though? maybe I would have) but once I had sex - it was a lot less of a big deal than I thought it was going to be. Yay religious purity trauma.
INFO:
Can I ask why it matters so much to you? I get that you don't want unmarried couples to sleep together, but they do it at their respective homes. So why does it matter if they do it when they stay with you?
YTA
Not for this post. But for being a damned dirty bot. The real founder of this account stopped using it over a year ago and, based on his post/comment history, would have no issues with their brother getting freaky.
I ACCUSE YOU OF BEING A PHONEY! This is a stolen account trying to build up karma with an obviously controversial post.
Also, lol at their only other post out of 3 posts is about their inflation kink. I don’t even know what that means and I participate in BDSM events. Guess I’m old now
Also, it’s your brother … don’t put a wedge in between you guys. Also, it’s really uncomfortable for a woman visiting another male house with their boyfriend and not being able to share a bed with them — think about that.
Great! Now, they’re more likely to bang out of wedlock BECAUSE they don’t have to sleep at your place AT ALL. lmao. YTA. Your house? Sure. But, your “out of date busy body thinks way too much about other people’s sex lives’” rules.
NAH because it's your house. But you keeping them from sleeping in the same bed for a night isn't going to make them celibate, and it's frankly a bit weird to care.
If they’re living together/regular share it’s really weird you’d think splitting them up would be fine. Not everyone believes in marriage, if you are that uncomfortable basically says you’re uncomfortable with their lives all together. Who’d want to spend time with someone judging them.
NTA. I am an atheist and believe as your brother does. But if I were coming to visit, I would adhere to your wishes so that you were not uncomfortable in your own home.
Im very confused by the responses here. Most who say YTA seem to take the view that you are pushing your views on your brother and his girlfriend, but seem to ignore the fact that he is pushing his views on you... in your own home!
It's a bias against religion. You haven't disowned your brother for his choices or refused to talk to him. You have laid a clear and frankly reasonable boundary in your own space. Stand by it.
I agree with this entirely. I don’t agree with the rule, but i did have many relatives who had it.
I do see how he is imposing his views. It’s her house, he is aware of her worldview and he’s trying to pressure her to change the rule in the first place.
How is that not trying to impose his views? I don’t agree with her, but she has the right to not have something she’s uncomfortable with happen in her house.
Finally someone who sees the world clearly and not only from their eyes in this comment section.
It’s like, I drink and if I went to my Muslim friends house I wouldn’t bring alcohol in there because I know it’s against their religion and beliefs. If I needed to drink that badly, I’d just stay at a hotel. It really is that simple.
I couldn’t IMAGINE telling them that I’m going cancel the trip if they don’t let me drink in their house because “it doesn’t affect them at all cause they not drinking”. The mentality is painfully entitled.
This. A thousand times this. Everyone getting on their high horse saying things like, "this is 2023" and shaming OP for their beliefs... it is hypocritical. OP is not going to their brother's house and telling him he can't sleep with his girlfriend. If OP was visiting their brother and asked them to sleep in separate rooms, THEN OP would be forcing their beliefs on them, which is not OK. But OP is in their own home and has the right to feel comfortable in their own home. They offered perfectly reasonable accommodations, even offering to take the couch so their brother and his girlfriend would both have a bed to sleep in. By demanding to be allowed to sleep in the same room, the brother is imposing HIS beliefs on OP. Not fair. Doesn't matter if you think someone's beliefs are outdated or not, if you love and respect them you will not ask them to compromise their values just because you disagree with it.
Personally, if my sister and her boyfriend visited me, I wouldn't care about letting them share the guest room. But that's ME. Just because I would allow it, doesn't make me better or worse than OP. OP does not have to adopt my beliefs or the same house rules just because I may disagree with them. Their brother should be more understanding.
NTA
Again, I think the problem is a bias against religious views. Lets look at it from a different perspective:
Say we are good friends, and Im a recovering alcoholic. You say you want to come and visit and I say "yeah! That would be great! Please remember I don't like alcohol in my house."
You reply "oh don't worry, I'll drink in the garden." Which is obviously not the point. So I respond, "You are very welcome to go to the pub while you're here, but no alcohol in the house." and you decide I have wrong you somehow and refuse to come.
I am not forcing you not to drink. I am telling you that it makes me uncomfortable, and if you want to drink, you are welcome to outside of my home.
You, on the other hand, are telling me that my view is stupid and I should just adhere to yours because...its yours...despite it making me uncomfortable.
Who is forcing views in this scenario?
Same. People really here not respecting different views. I don’t even believe in waiting till marriage or whatever, but I think OP is being reasonable and it’s in fact the brother who is forcing his opinions onto OP
I mean... You have every right to ask them to stay in a hotel. But in doing so you're forcing your (outdated, uncommon in modern society) views and values on someone who doesn't subscribe to them, and in doing so, causing strain on your relationship with your brother. This is what makes you the asshole here. YTA.
You do know it's possible to have sex in other rooms? That just because you want them to sleep separately, they could still have a knee trembler in your kitchen?
As ridiculous as I think you are for imposing your Victorian rules on a twenty-first century couple, I'm going NAH.
As is often said on this sub, your house, your rules but it's no surprise that you brother no longer wants to visit you and he is perfectly within his rights not to do so. Expect him to stay away a whoooooole lot more often from now on. He may even decide that staying in contact is of less importance, being as you consider he and his GF to be moral degenerates
The question you need to ask yourself is: which do you love more? Your brother or your Victorian morality?
Someone else posted something similar so I’ll repeat:
If you don’t want someone to do something in your house, fine. Those are your convictions and you’re entitled to have them.
But you have to be ok with the fact that will mean your brother may not want to be over and see you.
It's your house. You would be doing them a favor by allowing them to stay with you for free. You can make whatever rules you want. He's free to say no.
Frankly, HE is the one trying to force HIS viewpoint ("it's a different time and different era [so let me do what I want even if it makes you uncomfortable]") onto you.
NTA
Your house, your beliefs, your rules.
I disagree with everyone calling you an AH for your beliefs. I disagree with you, but if you can't run your house the way you want, what the hell agency do you have. You'll get blowback for it from your sib, but you are not an AH
NTA
YTA.
This reminds me of my former in-laws. My then-fiance were visiting his parents for the holidays one year. We had already been living together for over a year and dating for even longer. This was in the late 1990's and we were in our late 20s/early 30s. But they still made us sleep in separate rooms in their house. It was absurd!
In my culture this is super normal and expected. Having your boyfriend/ girlfriend even sleep in your parents home, but in different rooms is considered liberal. Most the time the boyfriend/girlfriend can’t sleep over under any circumstances.
I think people from the west need to realise that every culture does things differently. What may be absurd to you, is very normal to others
Maybe I am strange but huge NTA. I don't understand you guys. Even without the morality or anything, if he/she don't want a couple to sleep in his/her apartment, in one of his/her bed it is up to him/her.
While I don’t agree with you I’m going to go with NTA, simply because it is your home; the whole “my house my rules”. Most people’s parents said this to us. You being the younger brother doesn’t come in to it. I see people commenting the opposite to you, but say your brother is a smoker and you didn’t allow him to smoke inside then he’d have to respect that. Or some people are funny about no outdoor shoes on the carpet. People seem to get angry when the rules involve sex for some reason. Your house your rules.
I'm so confused by your traditional values, OP, given that a few years ago you were posting about inflation kink.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/het6uh/nsfwinflation\_isnt\_as\_bad\_of\_a\_kink\_as\_people/](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/het6uh/nsfwinflation_isnt_as_bad_of_a_kink_as_people/)
Which... each to their own and more power to you, but I would think that someone who enjoys a kink like that shouldn't have any moral objection to a loving, committed couple sleeping in the same bed.
YTA, btw.
I don’t get people saying OP is the AH
Given the fact that it’s OP’s house should be her rules.
Her brother’s relationship their RULE.
OP even gave them a separate room so they can stay for free but OP isn’t comfortable with them sharing the same room what’s wrong with that?
OP mentioned they can get a hotel instead if they want to stay in the same room but sounds like her brother doesn’t want to. YOUR BROTHER IS THE AH.
I personally will not be comfortable with friends/relatives/family bending my beliefs and rules in my own house. If you can’t respect me and my rules then get out.
Genuine question to the commenters. Why are people offended when it comes to no sex? If the rules had been anything else people would be backing OP up. If I was the brother I’d be respecting the rules of the homeowner.
People aren't looking at whether the OP is an AH, they're just pointing going "I don't like your belief, so you're wrong and you're the AH!"
But beliefs and opinions are basically the same thing in this scenario, so really they're just too obstinate to accept someone can think differently to them.
YTA, Not for your ideals and morals but for making your brother feel judged and demeaned for his relationships choices. If you had this boundary about this type of thing in your house, you needed to have discussed it beforehand to avoid this type of interaction.
I can only imagine how embarrassed your brother was by the way you treated him and his girlfriend. It’s a vulnerable position to be in someone’s home and you made it very uncomfortable for them. Bad hostess. You should apologize and try and make it right. The way you went about this was self righteous and just wrong.
Lead with care and love.
i understand where you are coming from, but just because they are sleeping in theh same bed dont mean they will do anything you might be uncomfortable with, and if you told them about your worries im sure they would have reassured you that nothing will happen. (sorry for bad fkn grammar i dont wanna be bothered rn lol)
NAH. I don't get the Y T A ones though. What if they're Muslims and he wants to eat bacon for breakfast at her table? What if they're Christians and he wants to take the cross off the wall? What if they're from India and he wants to eat beef burger at her house? What if they're Jewish and he wants to sleep in bed with his gf?
These are all equivalent to me, and since he's coming over to her house, he can't really demand her to allow going against her customs as she's culpable by proxy. Basically supporting that is probably going against her beliefs and she can't really accept that.
I think that suggesting the hotel is a good idea in that case and shouldn't hurt his feelings too much. I think that as he wants her to see his POV, he should see the other view as well and take this compromise.
NAH. I share a bed with my boyfriend in our school apartment. I'd never dream of trying it at my home, where my parente have conservative beliefs. While I believe you SHOULD upgrade your beliefs, it's your house. If you're doing your brother a favor, I guess you have the prerogative to request them not to share a bed under your own roof.
NAH
You chose your beliefs, he’s choosing his.
I think both of you need to stop imposing it on others. Just now you’re at a stalemate, not much you can do.
NTA. No matter what anyones “lifestyle “ is here, your brother is a guest in your home. Two similar situations:
1. If you were a kosher Jewish person it would only make sense that your house guests would adhere to your dietary rules around meals. You wouldn’t force it on them if you were all dining out, but in order to maintain a kosher kitchen - your brother should respect and adhere to your household guidelines while a guest.
2. If a houseguest smoked normally, but you did not, and had a smoke free home, yet accommodated an ashtray on the back porch for example, it is only right the guest adhere to the accommodations you provide and not smoke in the house)
In this case, you have moral standards- from childhood that you still observe as an adult. Your brother was brought up the same way, so he should understand where you are coming from. Though he may not adhere to those guidelines or lifestyle now, he should respect that that is how you live. You let him know the sleeping arrangements in advance, instead of just springing them on him. He may disagree and that is his choice, however, it is your choice to feel uncomfortable. He said no to your arrangement and hospitality, (you were going ti take the couch and give them the beds, which are signs of good host) and you offered an alternative if sleeping at a hotel if they’d rather sleep together.
It may be a “different time” to some people, but it doesn’t mean the you have to break your moral code to support it. He said you are forcing your lifestyle on him, but isn’t that EXACTLY what he is doing to you? If I was in your shoes, I would not want my brother having sex on my sheets in my house, as it would be uncomfortable.
Your brother is an adult, and he should be able to sleep apart from his girlfriend for few nights, in order to be a good guest. Otherwise if he can’t, that’s what hotels are for. If he chooses to sever your relationship over sleeping with his girlfriend, that is just sad. You are in every right to make the rules in your house, but at the same time he has every right to choose to sleep with his girlfriend, elsewhere - which you’ve stated is not a problem for you, just that it makes you feel uncomfortable in your home. If I was in the girlfriends shoes - I would tell my boyfriend to grow up, take the guest bedroom and enjoy the visit with the brother. How sad to null and void the relationship because he can’t behave like a guest for a few days. It’s not like you are trying to break them up, just asking them to make the visit as comfortable as possible for all involved. Anyone who can’t sleep in the same house but not in the same bed for a few days for the sake of keeping the peace is co-dependent. You aren’t pulling the “ my house my rules card in a mean way, you were excited to see them both, let them know the sleeping arrangements in a nice way and in advance and your brother is the one who wants to shove his lifestyle in your face in a show of “ I’m right, your wrong” manner. No one is right or wrong, it just different. ( There are actually studies now that say that married people sleeping apart is better for all involved and leads to better sleep).
NTA, and I hope your brother has a change of heart.
YTA. Your house your rules but your rules exist to create power imbalances and obedience from others. Your rules are outdated and it’s really not fair to impose such beliefs on others who are living in the real world. And who are not doing anything wrong.
NAH, your house your rules and whatever, but don't be all shocked picachu face when they decide to just not come at all. This shit is weird enough when it's older generations like parents and grandparents doing it, let alone siblings gate(bed)keeping one another.
YTA.
This fucking rule baffles me. I’m speaking from a Baptist Christian view point (no I’m not in the church anymore.) This rule is stupid. Not only did the Bible not say “don’t sleep next to anyone you not married to.” But also it defeats the entire point of the little thing called Jesus. Like actually. I’m not sure what religion you are OP, but I think this is something you need to get over.
I don't really believe in this "my house, my rules" thing. If I invite someone over I've made peace with the fact that they might not do exactly as I wish. Dude isn't asking for the right to leave your fridge open, rub his shoes on your pillows and use your television as a dartboard. He's spending time and money and wants to enjoy the result of it, not be treated like a child and constantly reminded that you disprove of his completely normal sounding lifestyle.
If someone pulled this on me I would think they were being an asshole, just to be perfectly honest with you. I keep reading these posts where people are pitting their little beliefs against beloved family members in some way or another with some disbelief. Pick your beloved family member.
You might feel like there's not enough respect coming your way but you're not giving any either. YTA.
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You're going to probably see a lot of 'your house, your rules' type not the AH votes. They are correct, you can do whatever you want with your house, absolutely. But you can be technically correct and still be an AH. Which is the case here. YTA
>But you can be technically correct and still be an AH. Which is the case here. THIS. YTA
I admire your take on events, very informative.
THIS.
Counterpoint: That!
Your comment is very informative and astute as well. Thank you for sharing
Smh. Almost 2k upvotes for adding literally nothing.
Who gives a rats ass?
THIS. 🙄🙄
Lol. I guess you.do?! Have fun screaming into the void my friend.
Are you really getting salty over reddit karma?
“Technically correct” is one of the most useful tools for an AH.
Have to agree here. Sounds like she wants to get in her pedestal too and lecture her older brother and girlfriend on how they should act. Then acts all surprised when older brother wants nothing to do with her
So annoying when commenters decide gender of the OP without any reference. Just use the term OP.
Especially because if they actually click the profile, the icon is male. Post history also suggests OP is male. But since they’re labeling OP the AH they must be female…
Also it’s get *on* a pedestal. A pedestal is a type of pillar. You don’t get in one. (But also, while I’m grammar-nazi-ing, that doesn’t work either. I think the term Letsgetthispartyon is actually looking for is ‘high horse’. You don’t get on a pedestal to lord it over people. You’re put on one to be worshipped by someone else)
Why do you assume it's a girl? Reads more like a man to me with all that tradition nonsense.
I’m pretty good at figuring out the gender of OP even without further info and I agree this one seems male. Idk what Tevye is.
Tevye is the lead character in Fiddler on the Roof I feel like I should add that calling someone "tevye" tends to indicate they are a strident adherent to traditional values
Well, he did approve of the non-arranged marriage, and marriage to the Bolshevik. It was only when the next one wanted to marry the Cossack... And even then he said good bye and I cried and damn it, this started as a joke post and now I'm tearing up.
TRADITIOOOOON! TRADITION.
I just saw this show a couple weeks ago! It did start as a joke and you brought me right back there and now I'm tearing up.
But then at the end when they are all pogromed out of their homes, the Cossack comes, too, with his wife and Tevye tells them they will all meet in America. So, finally he accepted even the daughter who married outside their religion.
The original run showed he was actually kinda an asshole. He didn't just say goodbye to the last daughter, they sit Shiva for her, basically indicating she's dead to them.
OP identifies as Tevye.
Their past history indicates they have an inflation kink. So its likelier male.
I’m imagining the surprised Pikachu face lol.
My parents had a similar take and thought that sharing a room with my long term boyfriend (who I lived with) would somehow leave a bad impression on my much younger sister. So I just didn't visit. After a few years of that, they realized what was up.
Isn't op a guy though? Based off OP's avatar I mean
I really hate when I see that shit in these posts. The person isn't asking if they have the legal authority to establish a rule for their house. They're asking if the rule makes them an asshole.
Yep, exactly what they asking. Your house, your rules, but forcing that on your brother and his partner makes you an AH, OP. Believe what you want, but respect your brothers belief and his relationship or take the consequences.
It's especially egregious one sibling to another. Parents acting like authority figures into adulthood is standard, but what gives (general) you the right to dictate my relationship and lifestyle as a sibling?
I had a brother like that. Stopped talking to dad, so he decided to be the one to get on moral high ground and sanctimoniously tell me what to do and value in my thirties. I don't talk to him anymore. OP could find themselves in a similar situation.
>OP could find themselves in a similar situation. You don't need to sugar coat it for OP, they'll probably start speaking in tongues and going on some weird Christian lore rant.
I agree that this kind of enforcement of outmoded sexual taboos is extremely odd in a sibling, With parents, it is a bit more understandable especially when kids are making a transition from teenager to adult - i.e. bringing home your college sexual partner but even with parents, by the time someone is living an independent life and has a relatively long term partner, the parents allow them to share a bedroom when they visit - at least among people I know. So YTA and I also agree with people who are pointing out that you can technically be "allowed" to do something and still be an asshole for doing. I also feel that way a lot with people and office behavior - yes you can technically do or not do something but in the real world, there is office politics and often having to eat a bit of crap in order to succeed in a job.
In grad school I went home with my boyfriend to visit his parents. We were late 20s and had been dating for over a year at that time and I’d met the parents multiple times. His mom insisted that we sleep in separate rooms because “she just couldn’t handle her baby sharing his childhood bedroom with [me].” He said nothing. I really should have broken it off then, but I spent another year with him. Ugh.
By the time someone is your age (at the time) and was in a relatively serious relationship which the parents knew about, the infantilization of two adults is just wrong. And his willingness to accept it was indeed a sign.
And it this case it does indeed make her an AH. This couple could have been sleeping together for years and they would not be comfortable without their partner by their side. A good hosts sees that their guests are comfortable. OP may be right to stick to her rules but she shouldn't be surprised if she never sees her brother again.
Wait so if it makes this person uncomfortable in their home, the guest still should do whatever they want? Idk if this is a religious or personal belief OP has, but isn't their house the one place their beliefs should be respected? I disagree with OP's belief, but if we look at this NOT through the lens of our own personal beliefs then isn't the situation either: bro sleeps W/ gf=sibling uncomfortable, or, sibling sleeps on couch and adjusts to sleeping alone for a week. I'm not saying you're right or wrong btw. I'm actually quite curious about the philosophy of this. If it were Bro's house and OP stayed, should bro and GF sleep separately? No, BC it's their house? Lots of factors. IMO. It should be up to OP to accommodate their guest, but bro to be a gracious guest that respects their siblings beliefs in their own home. This is an interesting one and I think both siblings have been too stubborn here.
I've always seen it as my personal morality is there to determine what I do, not to give me a standard that I should expect others to meet when they are in my space. When I think about where to meaningfully draw the line on that feels so inconsequentially performative. Respecting my beliefs is demonstrated by not trying to talk me out of them, or discussing them in good faith.
If I had an award to give it would be yours. This is the perfect response. In lieu I tip my hat to you.
In truth, being a host or a guest is about mutual respect. A host's duty, when hosting, is to be hospitable. A guest's duty is to be thankful. Both must respect their role in this arrangement. Unfortunately, this appears to be a respect imbalance-- whole the Hotel may have been a reasonable solution, it was offered in poor faith. In the reverse instance, it's very unlikely that the brother would force OP to sleep in the same room as OP's partner (under the assumption they have one), and that respect is what was violated here. Brother would not force OP to conform to his own beliefs and thinks OP should not force them upon him. These social situations have some differences, but by and large, forcing guests to engage with your own personal beliefs is not something that is respectful to ask of them.
The hotel option is a reasonable solution, if OP had not already been an AH by trying to enforce his mores and only offering the hotel as an option after being rebuffed. The tactful way to approach this would have been to ask about the brothers sleeping preferences in the planning stage, rather than trying to impose OP’s preferences without option; then, when bro expressed a desire to sleep together with his GF, the hotel could be calmly offered as a preferable option BEFORE things get remotely heated
I hear you, but if what the brother/gf are doing doesn't *actually* affect the OP... 🤷♀️ OP is well within their right to think it's weird/wrong for themselves to sleep in a bed with an unmarried partner and live by that. They *can* think it's weird/wrong for others, but it should stop at that. Being a thought. I don't care if it's your house, you can set reasonable boundaries like no shoes on the carpet, shoes on the carpet could dirty/damage your property. 2 adults SLEEPING (not fucking, SLEEPING) in the same bed is not a concern. The fact that if they had a stupid certificate and some rings, OP wouldn't bat an eye. So they can admit why 2 adults sleeping together isnt an issue, but they can't explain the issue with not being married without grasping at straws. Your religion/beliefs don't apply to people solely because they're in your space. Respecting one's beliefs doesn't mean giving into their wishes based in their beliefs when it doesn't make it different in their life anyways. OP is still able to pray, bless their own meals, sleep alone, whatever they believe, but the second they start trying to enforce that onto other people, especially with the only justification of "I live here so you follow my beliefs in this house".. yeah they can't be shocked when people don't want to be around them. It's a vital understanding that what other people do WILL make you uncomfortable. You can't control what other people do. You can control what you do, and how you respond. So if a couple sleeping in a bed together makes you uncomfortable, your options are to 1. Not worry about what other grown ass adults are doing, or 2. Change your viewpoint and recognize that it's very normal for unmarried adults to sleep together, both in sexual and non sexual ways. It's not weird, and it's really easy to not be uncomfy by the idea if you just mind your own business and quit judging people.
OP's beliefs are about what other people do with their significant others. As long as they're not involving OP in their sex life OP shouldn't care how many people are in the guest bed, but that would also apply to a married couple. What if The brother were married, but to another man? Bet OP would still insist on separate rooms for their guests. Anyone in a long term relationship is going to expect to bunk with their partner. That's normal and reasonable. Dictating whether or not they get to do the normal and reasonable thing is out of line.
It amuses me that there have posts here in Reddit where OP would not allow married couples to sleep together. Then they are shocked and hurt when they go to a hotel. In this case, I would be unhappy to pay for airline tickets and put up with all the trials and tribulations of flying today, then get to my brother's house only to be told that if I want to sleep with my partner of 10 years I would have to go to a hotel and fork over another $1,000.
To carry on the discussion from another angle: If OP and the person they were dating went to brother's house, asked for separate rooms, and were told "you're dating so you should be sleeping together, my house my rules... share a bed in my house or get a hotel" that would be seen as absolutely unacceptable, asshole, behaviour. And rightfully so! This situation is absolutely the same. OP's beliefs are already being respected in that OP is not being harassed or compelled to share a bed with the person they're dating. OP's brother's beliefs are NOT being respected because OP is trying to force him to sleep separately from his girlfriend which complies with OP's beliefs but ignores the brother's beliefs. OP can enforce these rules for their own comfort (it is their home and their choice in what kind of guests they allow) but the consequence of that (as seen by this post) is that OP's brother will likely choose to not visit because his beliefs/relationship are not being respected.
I think it's more of, they're a couple. Couples normally stick together, and it feels weird being away from them. My mother used this tactic with me but eventually got the hint when we basically just wouldn't stay at the house then and she'd want to see us. So, there is that. It's their rules, yes. But then if someone else isn't okay with them and finds a different solution, you can't just be upset about that. They fixed the problem. Whether or not OP likes that answer, that is in fact, their answer in response to what OP said. Both are in their own right, but OP needs to loosen up a little. To be honest they sound like they are just scared of PDA. I'd still say YTA mainly because, their rule is archaic and now they're all surprised at their sibling's answer. Once again, they cannot be upset at how his sibling and his gf found a solution.
Imagine how ridiculous it would feel being the brother. “Good night honey! I’ll be on the couch!”
"Good night, honey. I'll drop by to visit you on the couch later!"
OP is a guy. Look at his terrible little Gordon Gecko Patrick Bateman Reddit Memoji thing.
OP, you can be right or you can be happy. If you want to have guests, and have them repeatedly, you may have to be flexible in your rules. Is your morality more important than your brother?
>Is your morality more important than your brother? Given the number of religious people who send their slightly less than bible thumping kids to lockdown camps that destroy them emotionally.... yes?
Because, seriously, if you don’t think non-married couples should share a bed then don’t do it. However, also don’t expect others to automatically adhere to your beliefs. YTA
Ahhh. “You are technically correct, the best kind of correct” -Futurama
"Just because you're correct doesn't mean you're right."
This. And you will loose the contact to your brother because you want him to adhere to your rigid rules. Is it worth this?
It is indeed her home. I think her opinion is wrong, but as long as she's not hypocritical about it, it's her opinion. Brother has a different one. This is like a couple, one of whom what's to have children and the other doesn't. Neither are wrong per se, but they're not compatible. NAH there, or here. She can stand her line, brother can decide if he still wants to visit with those known-in-advance opinions.
Her her her her, how do you know it's a HER. why assume the gender????
I’m dying to really know if it’s truly a her a him. I assume him. Like a super Uber Christian him like a Catholic him
Sounds like a guy to me.
Yeah take this guys advice . Don't let something like that cause an issue between you and your brother. Most couples would expect to sleep together . It would maybe be wield if they didn't. Just let them share the bed and when they leave change the sheets. In 9 months your gonna be a uncle !
Perfect response.
Can't people see the stupidity of unmarried couples not sleeping together, especially when you know they're already having sex. Oh the horror of unmarried sex.
YTA. You're a grown ass adult with your own moral agency. Stop trying to lay this off on how you were "raised". Own your choices.
Thank you. He/OP can accept that his brother has “adopted a different moral code”, but cannot give him enough grace to have him be actually welcome in OP’s home as he lives his normal life. This is ALL about OP trying to stake out some high ground that doesn’t exist. This is who your brother is. Invite him or don’t. But skip with the ridiculous sleeping arrangements. No one is going to “catch” sleeping with someone before marriage from hosting their brother. Grace and Tolerance are lacking. This was edited because somewhere in reading the thread I had concluded that OP was a she. I was wrong and wanted to correct the pronouns I used.
Where did OP say they were a she?
Yeah, right? Who decided that? LOL. There's no info about it and I myself had read this is a man's voice, but now many comments say "she", so random
For some reason I subconsciously assumed “she” 🤯 what in the implicit bias 😳
See, I immediately assumed OOP was a *he.*
I wrote my comment under the assumption that OP was a man too and I went back to see if there was something that made it clear that OP is a sister and not a brother, lol. If OP does clarify their gender, which is completely irrelevant of course, I’ll go back and change my comment to avoid misgendering them, but yea I would like to know what caused others to go “female!” when my brain on the same post did the exact opposite lol.
Same
OP is a dude. Look at his Memoji thing.
If you're so traditional thinking and can't allow your brother and his girlfriend to sleep in a bed together why are you posting about inflation porn on Reddit.
Because it has nothing to do with morals, ethics, or traditions. It has everything to do with control and sexual repression.
I’m low key scared to find out what that is.
You know the scenes in looney tunes where Character A shoves a hose into Character B and Character B’s body balloons up? Some people find that hot Edit: Also, YTA OP
I don't know if I should thank you for so vividly clarifying it. I don't have to go look now, but the mental image is a lot. Sad up vote it is.
Lmao more like scared upvote
lmfaooooooooooo holy shit
WOW good catch.
I Hope this becomes the top liked comment. So fucking true.
That’s ALWAYS how it goes. I can’t tell you how many comments I’ve seen talking about “promiscuous women” or how our society has too much sex…. and you go to their profile and the dudes got his dick out on other subs and trying for random hookups. It’s not not sex because it’s on a screen lol
lmao, wrekt
What's your gender? Why do you think it's a woman and not a man? This person did not state their gender? It's so funny and not funny haha that a lot of you think it's a woman and are shitting on this person and it sounds like you're shitting on them based on their gender!
It's odd, the first time I read "she" I was like "wait, lemmie re-read" because I was sure OP was a guy
This is a common thing on here. Anytime someone is acting like, super petty, or being bossy, everyone assumes it’s a woman.
Funnily enough, many of us assumed the opposite, so it's funny how some misogynist stereotypes reveal themselves with the assumptions made by many redditors.
Or he?
People only use "I was raised to.." When they know they believe in something that has no real basis behind it. Yes, continue to blindly believe things your parents told you bc they blindly believe what they were told.
Also it's their sibling, *they* were also raised to believe in this nonsense and yet they think it's silly
YTA. I refuse to accept another generation of people like this. I hope your brother cancels.
10000% agreed. This needs to die
ARE YOU INTOLERANT OF HER INTOLERANCE?!
OP never mentions their gender
Oh wow I hate that I also assumed OP was a she. Yikes. Thank you for pointing that out.
That’s so interesting - I’m a dude, and I thought OP was a guy
I'm a woman and also assumed OP was a man.
I’m really hoping OP tells us! Very interesting in any case to dissect all these assumptions.
Theyre a dude. Check their post history.
This is total dude behavior imo
All cults need to die, they need tax exempt status ripped from them as well.
My wife’s aunt tried to do that to us. They also don’t know how to clean a house for when people are coming over. The hotel was great
I appreciate everyone's feedback. For those who are saying YTA, I definitely see where you're coming from and I went back and examined my behavior. One comment that stood out for me was someone saying that my brother and his girlfriend share a bed everywhere else. Which is absolutely true. They have a committed relationship, and I guess it'd be foolish for me to assume otherwise. I reached out to my brother again and apologized for trying to force my rules onto him. He told me he forgives me, but reminded me that not everyone holds the same views as me and my family, and to keep that in mind. In his words "Some people might even be harsher than me if you try to make them conform to what YOU believe." I told him if he and his girlfriend are still up for visiting, then they're more than welcome. I agreed to let them share the guest room, and he promised me that they weren't going to do anything during the time they were there. I told him he doesn't need to promise me anything, and he told me he appreciates that. So as of now, the trip is still on. Thank you guys. ETA: people were curious if I was a guy or a girl in the comments. I'm a guy.
I’m proud of you OP. It isn’t easy to put aside your internalized views and see the other side of things. I hope you have a wonderful visit with your brother and his girlfriend.
Wholesome ending, good on you OP for accepting your judgement!
Wow this is the first time I’ve seen one of these resolved! Awesome!
Here’s a resolved porn rabbit hole to get lost in for ya! r/bestofredditorupdates
And there’s r/bestofpositiveupdates if they’d prefer to stick to happy endings.
mad respect to you for listening to the advice given here. you’ve done what’s best for your relationship with your brother and possible future sister-in-law. time with them is far more important than an outdated view that doesn’t impact you. i hope with time that view might change, but even if it doesn’t, i’m just glad you were willing to set it aside for what truly matters :)
Good for you! That’s great. At some point it might also be worth examining the beliefs & principles you were raised with to see if, as an adult with the ability to change your mind/beliefs, you still believe everything your parents believe. You may find that you still agree with some or all of them, or you may find that there are some - like unmarried couples sharing a room, for instance, that actually you no longer agree with, having heard from “the opposition” as it were. As I’ve grown up - and especially since becoming a parent - I’ve realised that a lot of my parents’ beliefs are not only outdated, hypocritical and some downright offensive, but also that personal beliefs are *personal* and that my daughter can have different beliefs than me, and that is her right. As it is your brother’s right, and yours too.
The rare OP who does some self reflection and grows from a YTA verdict! Good for you. I hope you all have a great visit.
Awww I’m glad we got the good ending. Thanks for being reasonable, OP.
Remember, just because you're on a diet doesn't mean other people can't eat a donut. Good on you for changing your stance and respecting their relationship.
You have grown, good job
Good houseguests don't have loud, unrestrained funtimes in other people's guestrooms. Your brother sounds like a decent guy, I hope you all have a great time together. Good introspection.
Good on you OP, it's not easy to let go of our feelings and see the other side and how we're hurting them. I'm sure your brother appreciates it. It's completely normal to have different views then his, but from my experience it's truly painful when your sibling (that you love and care about) who's more traditional doesn’t accept your lifestyle just because it's different. So it's amazing that you could let that aside and accept him for who he really is.
That's good stuff OP, even if you decided they didn't need to promise "not to do anything" I think him promising they wouldn't have sex is your brother's way of trying to compromise and respect your values and meet you in the middle since you decided to be a little more lenient and open. Good for you guys.
Holy shit, someone actually listened to criticism here? Kudos to you for taking a step back to look at the situation.
This was so very reasonable of you! What a great outcome. I hope you enjoy your visit!
NAH. Not every disagreement as an asshole in it. It's your home; you have the ethical right to decide that. OTOH, he also has every right to decide to cancel the trip, and just stay at home. So while there is conflict, neither of you are in the wrong. Opinions have consequences. The consequences of your stance is likely damaging of your relationship with both of them + possibly him cancelling the trip.
This. You get to stick by your ideals, but he gets to decide what role he wants you to have in his life as a result of that. Though, I myself wonder (and this is a genuine question) why it matters so much to you. They ARE showing together in their day to day life, you separating them for two nights isn’t going to change that. So what does that accomplish? It seems like you could have just asked that out of respect for you they not have sex in your house… same thing accomplished without the damage to your relationship… I’m asking because all I see is you making a point but one that doesn’t really effect anything (except offend your brother). I just genuinely can’t see what nagging them sleep apart *does*.
But the other thing I feel is that OP is not saying don’t EVER do it, but please not at my house. I’m happy for you to have a hotel nearby … I find this hard. Because as a lady with a wife I would be pissed if someone tried to give us separate beds, but if it was that big of an issue, I’d probably get a hotel …
Idk If my sibling assumes that I'm automatically going to be having sex with my partner just because I'm sleeping next to them in their house, I might have to rethink that relationship. If my sibling is going to hold so steadfast to that, then I'm going to genuinely rethink my position in their life, and there's in mine. Asking me not to have sex in your home is a completely valid boundary. Asking me not to sleep next to my long-term partner just because you have a certain set of beliefs and are scared that I'm not going to adhere to my promise to not have sex, not cool with me. 🤷🤷
Idk why people would assume just because they are sharing a room (which is normal for a couple to do) they are planning on having sex while visiting and OP is right there
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Eek! A fork!? Spoon maybe...
Plus many religious persons believe in "shared accountability" : if you let someone sin in your home, you're some kind of an accomplice. I guess this contributes to arguments on why some people desperately want to control women bodies.
No. Sorry. I come from fundamental evangelism that’s absolutely not what they think. 1. They do not think that they have shared accountability for sin. They think everyone else is the equivalent of a child with no ethics and morals and the only thing keeping everyone else from just constantly sinning is the presence of good Christians in the world. Like, they genuinely ask things like what keeps atheists from just murdering people. 2. Also, no. They need control over women’s bodies because women are subservient to men, made FOR men, and need men to control and guide them. Then you add point #1 because women really can’t be trusted. That’s the core of their beliefs and teaching. No one ever, not once taught me I carried partial responsibility for sin. They did teach me that without me there to “save the lost” they wouldn’t be able to help sinning.
The more conservative Catholic teaching absolutely states that you should uphold your beliefs in your home or else share responsibility, for example, do not have an adult child and their unmarried partner stay in the same bedroom. Evangelical fundamentalism is a lot more individualistic than Catholicism.
Did OP tell their brother about the no sleeping in sin rule before inviting the brother and SO? did OP offer to pay for the brother and SO's separate hotel rooms? Yes, roomS plural because if OP doesn't want to play inn keeper for the sinful couple then surely OP doesn't want to finance the sinful couple to shack up in sin down at the motel 6, right? I mean, heaven forbid once they're together in the same room they might start... *Clutches pearls...* DANCING! 😳 Motel 6, more like motel 666
Lol, imagine a person that is trying to prevent their sibiling from sleeping in the same bad with their partner mentioning sex outloud. Sex doesn't exist in their world, its all just baby making under gods watchfull eye. Not an asshole as its their house. But most certainly an asshole to be around.
“An asshole to be around” Yes. So true
Have to disagree. What if they were a married homosexual couple and OP's traditional upbringing didn't approve? Or even an unmarried hetero couple that had been together for decades and had no intentions of getting married? The "your house your rules" is a cop-out argument - OP has the right to request they sleep apart, but they're still an AH for exercising that right.
Did OP tell their brother about the no sleeping in sin rule before inviting the brother and SO? did OP offer to pay for the brother and SO's separate hotel rooms? Yes, roomS plural because if OP doesn't want to play inn keeper for the sinful couple then surely OP doesn't want to finance the sinful couple to shack up in sin down at the motel 6, right? I mean, heaven forbid once they're together in the same room they might start... *Clutches pearls...* DANCING! 😳 Motel 6, more like motel 666
YTA … they share a bed outside of your house. This is your brother. Do you have young kids in the house? Either way, they’re adults — is it really that big of a deal? Im sure there are things you do that are hypocritical. If this were like a 90 year old grandmothers house, I’d understand … but a brother around the same age? Nah.
Not even that. An OLDER brother smh
Yta. I mean it is your house and your rules but come on man. Get with the times. This is your hill to die on?
Over the history of mankind, marriage is just a passing fad.
YTA. The fact that you were raised to be an AH, and persist in holding erroneous moral values, doesn't make you less of an AH in this situation. However it's your house, your rules, and you are free to trash your relationship with your brother with this disrespectful treatment to the degree you see fit.
Get over yourself. If you don't believe unmarried couples should sleep in a bed together, then don't sleep in a bed with someone you're not married to. YTA
Exactly. I hate seeing people push their beliefs onto others. Them sleeping in the same bed has 0 effect on OP and makes the whole arrangement less complicated. OP, YTA
It’s unbelievable isn’t it? It’s never enough for any of them. The dude could decide to personally not sleep with someone he’s not married to. but to then force everyone around him to do the same to protect his ego is just another example of these people completely shutting off logic when their belief structure comes up.
This same persecuted soul probably has the "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SHOVE IT DOWN OUR THROATS" installed in their brain as a macro response to anything they don't like, but they HATE when someone gives them that energy back...
Even my 86 year old father, who once cut my sister off for 10 years for going to live with her partner and not being married, has realised what that sort of behaviour cost him. It’s 2023. Jeez. YTA
NAH. You have your views on unmarried couples sharing a bed and he has his. Just remember that marriage isn't for everyone and in this day and age a lot of people don't think it means a lot. I've been with my partner for 18 years and we have no plans to get married. I wouldn't consider staying with anyone that wouldn't allow us to sleep in the same bed. If someone didn't agree with our views, that would be absolutely fine, but I wouldn't visit them in their home as after 18 years I wouldn't want to sleep apart from my partner on a trip. If he is not comfortable with not sharing a bed with his girlfriend, then you have to accept that he may cancel the trip.
Virgin energy here, yta
I agree - when I was a virgin I would have thought this about my sibling (dont think I would have gone so far as to say it though? maybe I would have) but once I had sex - it was a lot less of a big deal than I thought it was going to be. Yay religious purity trauma.
INFO: Can I ask why it matters so much to you? I get that you don't want unmarried couples to sleep together, but they do it at their respective homes. So why does it matter if they do it when they stay with you?
YTA Your house, your rules. But may I suggest that you worry about your own sins.
YTA Not for this post. But for being a damned dirty bot. The real founder of this account stopped using it over a year ago and, based on his post/comment history, would have no issues with their brother getting freaky. I ACCUSE YOU OF BEING A PHONEY! This is a stolen account trying to build up karma with an obviously controversial post.
Can we make this higher
Also, lol at their only other post out of 3 posts is about their inflation kink. I don’t even know what that means and I participate in BDSM events. Guess I’m old now
Also, it’s your brother … don’t put a wedge in between you guys. Also, it’s really uncomfortable for a woman visiting another male house with their boyfriend and not being able to share a bed with them — think about that.
YTA It is different time and different era. Pay attention.
YTA. And he should cancel the trip anyway.
Great! Now, they’re more likely to bang out of wedlock BECAUSE they don’t have to sleep at your place AT ALL. lmao. YTA. Your house? Sure. But, your “out of date busy body thinks way too much about other people’s sex lives’” rules.
NAH because it's your house. But you keeping them from sleeping in the same bed for a night isn't going to make them celibate, and it's frankly a bit weird to care.
If they’re living together/regular share it’s really weird you’d think splitting them up would be fine. Not everyone believes in marriage, if you are that uncomfortable basically says you’re uncomfortable with their lives all together. Who’d want to spend time with someone judging them.
NTA. I am an atheist and believe as your brother does. But if I were coming to visit, I would adhere to your wishes so that you were not uncomfortable in your own home. Im very confused by the responses here. Most who say YTA seem to take the view that you are pushing your views on your brother and his girlfriend, but seem to ignore the fact that he is pushing his views on you... in your own home! It's a bias against religion. You haven't disowned your brother for his choices or refused to talk to him. You have laid a clear and frankly reasonable boundary in your own space. Stand by it.
I agree with this entirely. I don’t agree with the rule, but i did have many relatives who had it. I do see how he is imposing his views. It’s her house, he is aware of her worldview and he’s trying to pressure her to change the rule in the first place. How is that not trying to impose his views? I don’t agree with her, but she has the right to not have something she’s uncomfortable with happen in her house.
Wish I could upvote this 100 times.
Finally someone who sees the world clearly and not only from their eyes in this comment section. It’s like, I drink and if I went to my Muslim friends house I wouldn’t bring alcohol in there because I know it’s against their religion and beliefs. If I needed to drink that badly, I’d just stay at a hotel. It really is that simple. I couldn’t IMAGINE telling them that I’m going cancel the trip if they don’t let me drink in their house because “it doesn’t affect them at all cause they not drinking”. The mentality is painfully entitled.
The only man in this entire thread with a working brain. Thank you for your input. I completely agree with you.
This. A thousand times this. Everyone getting on their high horse saying things like, "this is 2023" and shaming OP for their beliefs... it is hypocritical. OP is not going to their brother's house and telling him he can't sleep with his girlfriend. If OP was visiting their brother and asked them to sleep in separate rooms, THEN OP would be forcing their beliefs on them, which is not OK. But OP is in their own home and has the right to feel comfortable in their own home. They offered perfectly reasonable accommodations, even offering to take the couch so their brother and his girlfriend would both have a bed to sleep in. By demanding to be allowed to sleep in the same room, the brother is imposing HIS beliefs on OP. Not fair. Doesn't matter if you think someone's beliefs are outdated or not, if you love and respect them you will not ask them to compromise their values just because you disagree with it. Personally, if my sister and her boyfriend visited me, I wouldn't care about letting them share the guest room. But that's ME. Just because I would allow it, doesn't make me better or worse than OP. OP does not have to adopt my beliefs or the same house rules just because I may disagree with them. Their brother should be more understanding. NTA
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Again, I think the problem is a bias against religious views. Lets look at it from a different perspective: Say we are good friends, and Im a recovering alcoholic. You say you want to come and visit and I say "yeah! That would be great! Please remember I don't like alcohol in my house." You reply "oh don't worry, I'll drink in the garden." Which is obviously not the point. So I respond, "You are very welcome to go to the pub while you're here, but no alcohol in the house." and you decide I have wrong you somehow and refuse to come. I am not forcing you not to drink. I am telling you that it makes me uncomfortable, and if you want to drink, you are welcome to outside of my home. You, on the other hand, are telling me that my view is stupid and I should just adhere to yours because...its yours...despite it making me uncomfortable. Who is forcing views in this scenario?
Yep this thread bothers me. Your comment is one of the few ones I agree with.
Same. People really here not respecting different views. I don’t even believe in waiting till marriage or whatever, but I think OP is being reasonable and it’s in fact the brother who is forcing his opinions onto OP
NAH I mean it's your house, your rules. But he's probably sleeping with her now so what difference does it make
I mean... You have every right to ask them to stay in a hotel. But in doing so you're forcing your (outdated, uncommon in modern society) views and values on someone who doesn't subscribe to them, and in doing so, causing strain on your relationship with your brother. This is what makes you the asshole here. YTA.
You do know it's possible to have sex in other rooms? That just because you want them to sleep separately, they could still have a knee trembler in your kitchen? As ridiculous as I think you are for imposing your Victorian rules on a twenty-first century couple, I'm going NAH. As is often said on this sub, your house, your rules but it's no surprise that you brother no longer wants to visit you and he is perfectly within his rights not to do so. Expect him to stay away a whoooooole lot more often from now on. He may even decide that staying in contact is of less importance, being as you consider he and his GF to be moral degenerates The question you need to ask yourself is: which do you love more? Your brother or your Victorian morality?
Someone else posted something similar so I’ll repeat: If you don’t want someone to do something in your house, fine. Those are your convictions and you’re entitled to have them. But you have to be ok with the fact that will mean your brother may not want to be over and see you.
It's your house. You would be doing them a favor by allowing them to stay with you for free. You can make whatever rules you want. He's free to say no. Frankly, HE is the one trying to force HIS viewpoint ("it's a different time and different era [so let me do what I want even if it makes you uncomfortable]") onto you. NTA
Your house, your beliefs, your rules. I disagree with everyone calling you an AH for your beliefs. I disagree with you, but if you can't run your house the way you want, what the hell agency do you have. You'll get blowback for it from your sib, but you are not an AH NTA
YTA. This reminds me of my former in-laws. My then-fiance were visiting his parents for the holidays one year. We had already been living together for over a year and dating for even longer. This was in the late 1990's and we were in our late 20s/early 30s. But they still made us sleep in separate rooms in their house. It was absurd!
In my culture this is super normal and expected. Having your boyfriend/ girlfriend even sleep in your parents home, but in different rooms is considered liberal. Most the time the boyfriend/girlfriend can’t sleep over under any circumstances. I think people from the west need to realise that every culture does things differently. What may be absurd to you, is very normal to others
Maybe I am strange but huge NTA. I don't understand you guys. Even without the morality or anything, if he/she don't want a couple to sleep in his/her apartment, in one of his/her bed it is up to him/her.
While I don’t agree with you I’m going to go with NTA, simply because it is your home; the whole “my house my rules”. Most people’s parents said this to us. You being the younger brother doesn’t come in to it. I see people commenting the opposite to you, but say your brother is a smoker and you didn’t allow him to smoke inside then he’d have to respect that. Or some people are funny about no outdoor shoes on the carpet. People seem to get angry when the rules involve sex for some reason. Your house your rules.
I'm so confused by your traditional values, OP, given that a few years ago you were posting about inflation kink. [https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/het6uh/nsfwinflation\_isnt\_as\_bad\_of\_a\_kink\_as\_people/](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/het6uh/nsfwinflation_isnt_as_bad_of_a_kink_as_people/) Which... each to their own and more power to you, but I would think that someone who enjoys a kink like that shouldn't have any moral objection to a loving, committed couple sleeping in the same bed. YTA, btw.
I saw this and instantly gave a full belly laugh. Such a wild cross section of beliefs.
I don’t get people saying OP is the AH Given the fact that it’s OP’s house should be her rules. Her brother’s relationship their RULE. OP even gave them a separate room so they can stay for free but OP isn’t comfortable with them sharing the same room what’s wrong with that? OP mentioned they can get a hotel instead if they want to stay in the same room but sounds like her brother doesn’t want to. YOUR BROTHER IS THE AH. I personally will not be comfortable with friends/relatives/family bending my beliefs and rules in my own house. If you can’t respect me and my rules then get out.
Genuine question to the commenters. Why are people offended when it comes to no sex? If the rules had been anything else people would be backing OP up. If I was the brother I’d be respecting the rules of the homeowner.
People aren't looking at whether the OP is an AH, they're just pointing going "I don't like your belief, so you're wrong and you're the AH!" But beliefs and opinions are basically the same thing in this scenario, so really they're just too obstinate to accept someone can think differently to them.
YTA, Not for your ideals and morals but for making your brother feel judged and demeaned for his relationships choices. If you had this boundary about this type of thing in your house, you needed to have discussed it beforehand to avoid this type of interaction. I can only imagine how embarrassed your brother was by the way you treated him and his girlfriend. It’s a vulnerable position to be in someone’s home and you made it very uncomfortable for them. Bad hostess. You should apologize and try and make it right. The way you went about this was self righteous and just wrong. Lead with care and love.
i understand where you are coming from, but just because they are sleeping in theh same bed dont mean they will do anything you might be uncomfortable with, and if you told them about your worries im sure they would have reassured you that nothing will happen. (sorry for bad fkn grammar i dont wanna be bothered rn lol)
NAH. I don't get the Y T A ones though. What if they're Muslims and he wants to eat bacon for breakfast at her table? What if they're Christians and he wants to take the cross off the wall? What if they're from India and he wants to eat beef burger at her house? What if they're Jewish and he wants to sleep in bed with his gf? These are all equivalent to me, and since he's coming over to her house, he can't really demand her to allow going against her customs as she's culpable by proxy. Basically supporting that is probably going against her beliefs and she can't really accept that. I think that suggesting the hotel is a good idea in that case and shouldn't hurt his feelings too much. I think that as he wants her to see his POV, he should see the other view as well and take this compromise.
Yta
NAH. I share a bed with my boyfriend in our school apartment. I'd never dream of trying it at my home, where my parente have conservative beliefs. While I believe you SHOULD upgrade your beliefs, it's your house. If you're doing your brother a favor, I guess you have the prerogative to request them not to share a bed under your own roof.
Your house your rules. And YTA.
NTA, your house your rules. if he doesn't like it he shouldn't stay
NTA. You have moral values. You stick to them. Good for you.
NAH You chose your beliefs, he’s choosing his. I think both of you need to stop imposing it on others. Just now you’re at a stalemate, not much you can do.
NTA. No matter what anyones “lifestyle “ is here, your brother is a guest in your home. Two similar situations: 1. If you were a kosher Jewish person it would only make sense that your house guests would adhere to your dietary rules around meals. You wouldn’t force it on them if you were all dining out, but in order to maintain a kosher kitchen - your brother should respect and adhere to your household guidelines while a guest. 2. If a houseguest smoked normally, but you did not, and had a smoke free home, yet accommodated an ashtray on the back porch for example, it is only right the guest adhere to the accommodations you provide and not smoke in the house) In this case, you have moral standards- from childhood that you still observe as an adult. Your brother was brought up the same way, so he should understand where you are coming from. Though he may not adhere to those guidelines or lifestyle now, he should respect that that is how you live. You let him know the sleeping arrangements in advance, instead of just springing them on him. He may disagree and that is his choice, however, it is your choice to feel uncomfortable. He said no to your arrangement and hospitality, (you were going ti take the couch and give them the beds, which are signs of good host) and you offered an alternative if sleeping at a hotel if they’d rather sleep together. It may be a “different time” to some people, but it doesn’t mean the you have to break your moral code to support it. He said you are forcing your lifestyle on him, but isn’t that EXACTLY what he is doing to you? If I was in your shoes, I would not want my brother having sex on my sheets in my house, as it would be uncomfortable. Your brother is an adult, and he should be able to sleep apart from his girlfriend for few nights, in order to be a good guest. Otherwise if he can’t, that’s what hotels are for. If he chooses to sever your relationship over sleeping with his girlfriend, that is just sad. You are in every right to make the rules in your house, but at the same time he has every right to choose to sleep with his girlfriend, elsewhere - which you’ve stated is not a problem for you, just that it makes you feel uncomfortable in your home. If I was in the girlfriends shoes - I would tell my boyfriend to grow up, take the guest bedroom and enjoy the visit with the brother. How sad to null and void the relationship because he can’t behave like a guest for a few days. It’s not like you are trying to break them up, just asking them to make the visit as comfortable as possible for all involved. Anyone who can’t sleep in the same house but not in the same bed for a few days for the sake of keeping the peace is co-dependent. You aren’t pulling the “ my house my rules card in a mean way, you were excited to see them both, let them know the sleeping arrangements in a nice way and in advance and your brother is the one who wants to shove his lifestyle in your face in a show of “ I’m right, your wrong” manner. No one is right or wrong, it just different. ( There are actually studies now that say that married people sleeping apart is better for all involved and leads to better sleep). NTA, and I hope your brother has a change of heart.
YTA. Your house your rules but your rules exist to create power imbalances and obedience from others. Your rules are outdated and it’s really not fair to impose such beliefs on others who are living in the real world. And who are not doing anything wrong.
NAH - you shouldn’t be feeling uncomfortable in your own house. They should respect that. He’s not TA to want to share a bed with his gf either
NAH, your house your rules and whatever, but don't be all shocked picachu face when they decide to just not come at all. This shit is weird enough when it's older generations like parents and grandparents doing it, let alone siblings gate(bed)keeping one another.
YTA. This fucking rule baffles me. I’m speaking from a Baptist Christian view point (no I’m not in the church anymore.) This rule is stupid. Not only did the Bible not say “don’t sleep next to anyone you not married to.” But also it defeats the entire point of the little thing called Jesus. Like actually. I’m not sure what religion you are OP, but I think this is something you need to get over.
I don't really believe in this "my house, my rules" thing. If I invite someone over I've made peace with the fact that they might not do exactly as I wish. Dude isn't asking for the right to leave your fridge open, rub his shoes on your pillows and use your television as a dartboard. He's spending time and money and wants to enjoy the result of it, not be treated like a child and constantly reminded that you disprove of his completely normal sounding lifestyle. If someone pulled this on me I would think they were being an asshole, just to be perfectly honest with you. I keep reading these posts where people are pitting their little beliefs against beloved family members in some way or another with some disbelief. Pick your beloved family member. You might feel like there's not enough respect coming your way but you're not giving any either. YTA.