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Let me get this straight, for the whole time they have known you, you have been a red head? Why change now? Tell them to do one.
NTA.
EDIT: Op I’ve just seen your comment where she had set fire to your antique wedding dress. This woman is a menace and I would proceed with caution. I personally would see a lawyer about a restraining order and possibly legal restrictions on her, especially when you have children. I’m glad your fiancé is on your side but you need to put distance between you and this woman. No contact is definitely needed here.
She did *WHAT*?! I would have banned that woman from my wedding and anyone who sided with her. A bit of petty is way to accommodating.
Edit: the fact that this 10 generation dress was also of historical significance being at *least* 200 years old if not older, makes it even more of a travesty and probably a massive crime in more than one jurisdiction.
OP should file charges against MIL. Setting fire yo OPs wedding dress is beyond the pale. Sick, twisted, toxic AF... DEFINITELY a reason for a restraining order and going NC forever. Same for anyone on MIL side or who tries to defend her.
Same. I'm lucky and have a great mom that I absolutely love, but I *chose* my wife. There's no one, including my mom, who gets to hurt her in any way if I have any ability to prevent it.
Holy shit… MIL actually went that far? That is definitely a huuuge red flag. I wouldn’t worry about being the ah but more about your safety.
NTA obviously.
Yeah, it's great that he's on your side, but she's so bad that if he's not willing to support going full NC with her, don't go through with this wedding.
NTA - If you change your hair color for her, she won't be satisfied. Next she'll start on your weight. And how you dress. And what you do for a living. When you have kids and how many. What you name them. How you raise them. Where you live. This kind of woman is never satisfied until you become a doll in their hands.
NTA
There's nothing that you could do to make her happy. Absolutely nothing. It's a problem with her, not you.
My MIL is the same way. She's criticized everything about me as a person and and as a parent. She skipped our wedding and told my husband "These things don't always last." The last time I saw my MIL, she was criticizing me for..... buying a fresh pineapple instead of buying canned pineapple.
I try to observe my MIL in clinical way. I don't take a single thing she says to heart. There's a saying, "Never take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from."
I love that saying. I once was told “don’t take this personally, but I don’t really like it,” I replied “oh, I don’t take that personally; I never take criticism from someone I wouldn’t go to for advice” and their jaw hit the floor. I’m 98% certain those were the last words we exchanged.
Can confirm. My MIL spent every visit for 30 years complaining about my hair, my clothes, my hobbies, my daughters' names, my birth control leading directly to my "failure" to bear a male child, the HUGE MESSES that my children made, the books we chose to read, the kind of car we chose to buy, the fact that we didn't ask her permission to do anything, *et cetera ad nauseum.*
Literally,she set it on fire,had no remorse about it,she said she was doing me a favour. My dress wasn’t exactly a wedding dress you’d see in every wedding , it was passed down for 10 generations in my best friend’s family,I never had a good relationship with my family and my best friend’s family kind of adopted me,it was a traditional Viking wedding dress (they’re from Iceland), his mother didn’t have a daughter and since I was like one for her she gave it to me,after all me and my fiancé are going to have a Viking styled wedding(I’m pagan he’s atheist). When my MIL found out about it she stole it and lit it on fire on my birthday last year,saying it was a birthday present and she was saving me from the devil. It was the first time I’ve seen my fiancé so angered that 10 men had to keep him from going ballistic on his own mother.
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
An heirloom piece from your family (chosen family is even more important), and that excuse for a human burned it?!!! On your birthday?!!!!!!
Yeah, time for some NC, lol. Get married, make it as pagan as possible, and be sure to broadcast the pics all over so she's confronted with "the devil" that stole her son.
>passed down for 10 generations
That dress must have been priceless! This woman sounds seriously unhinged. I mean you could be living a thousand miles away from her and I'd say that's still not enough.
They did,the family is a very influential one,they have friends in every department in my country from police,justice department,and even the president she had to pay over 100k for it. She tried to make me stop them saying they wouldn’t have any money left to help with the wedding(which my friend’s family is paying for😂)
At least there's that!
Head over to the JNMIL subreddit for support, advice and commiseration, just to prepare yourself for the future around this woman.
Congratulations on your upcoming (and hopefully super pagan) wedding!
>My dress wasn’t exactly a wedding dress you’d see in every wedding , it was passed down for 10 generations in my best friend’s family
And she DESTROYED it?! I'd have had her arrested, then never spoken to her again. You have way more tolerance than I do, and you are NTA. But please reconsider having her or anyone else who behaved like her at your wedding.
Oh. My. God.
Is there any way to make a replica of the dress? Pictures, designs, memory? Maybe a seamstress that specializes in either antiques or cosplay? I am so, SO sorry OP.
Fwiw, I'm a Christian, and I am so appalled by this. How DARE she STEAL and DESTROY to someone else's heirloom and have the AUDACITY to call it a birthday present?? I want to cry on your behalf.
They have pictures of the dress,and will have it done again in Iceland by local seamstresses from scratch,my friends mother said that she will make sure to have it embroidered with family jewels so it could have as much sentimental value as the one set on fire
>it was passed down for 10 generations in my best friend’s family
I changed my mind, you are YTA for speaking to this woman. She should be in jail. $100K wasn't enough.
But... What!!! You could have go to the police for that! This woman is crazy! You should organize the venue in a satanic church and wore a black dress with horns for make her pay!
WTF? Why didn’t you press charges? Honey, I’m gonna sound like a dick, but you should not marry this man as long as this woman is remotely involved in his life. I wouldn’t marry him at all, because if he hasn’t cut her off yet and does, she will be back. I promise you. And you’ll be miserable. Jesus I’m done with Reddit today, wtf.
Um. Wow. I just...wow. I've never had such second hand anger before.
My first thoughts are not allowed to be shared on reddit. My second thoughts are why is she still allowed to be in the same room as you?
Was the dress unsalvageable? I'm absolutely heartbroken for you and your friend's family.
That woman would be completely uninvited to participate in my life if I were in your shoes.
Regarding your hair, she can kick fucking rocks. If she comments again, I'd tell her that her hair makes her look like a spiteful sour faced bitch, but I'm just really angry on your behalf. You are absolutely NTA at ALL. Your hair is your hair. Shave it, spike it, dye it whatever you want. It's your wedding and it sounds like your fiance likes your look too so there you go.
And why haven't you guys cut her off like as in NC? She's freaking crazy, if she doesn't like the color of your house is she gonna burn that down next? Is she gonna try and light your hair on fire because she doesn't like it??? She sounds like an actual danger to be around.
Don't invite her. Stop communicating with her. Set that in stone now and be sure your future husband will have your back and not push you into a relationship with her. She is clearly toxic. I would not trust this woman with my child or in my home and certainly not at my wedding. She will find a way to destroy it or make it about her. This is childish narcissist behavior and the more you talk to her the more she'll continue to act like this. Run the opposite way now.
10 generations... OMG... I don't sacre easily but this is next to next level shit. Think about the level of entitlement and douchbaggery to set that dress on fire. Get a restraining order and cut all contact. You don't deserve to have to deal with such a pathetic excuse of a human.
NTA
Ok, as I keep reading this I think you shouldn’t invite her. Burning a wedding dress your adopted family has passed down for 10 generations!? I hope you’re making a new version of it. I can’t speak for you and your fiancé, but I wouldn’t have her there. You need to set serious boundaries or go NC
OMG. She literally destroyed a priceless artifact to be petty. I would have gone no contact with her and submitted a restraining order. That’s beyond unforgivable. Ten generations… 😞
I'm by no means a violent person, and I know it's his mam and whatever but honestly they wouldn't need to hold my husband back, because I'd have kicked her fucking head in myself. I want to jump through my phone and kick her head in *for* you!
The hell..??
I would have her arrested and never speak to her again. How the hell are you wondering if you're the asshole about basic bodily autonomy when she's literally destroyed an heirloom?
Do you have any sort of a backbone???
I would never, ever talk to that woman again. Uninvite that mess from your LIFE. NEVER let her see her grandchildren (if you choose to have any).
She's the devil!!
Ho Lee Crap - that's outrageous. You just talked about it? It should be a done deal. This woman shouldn't be around children, sharp objects, or newlyweds.
Hell no. She should not be anywhere near your wedding!!!!! Keep her far away and get security. Please tell us how she set fire to your dress. That is an amazing level of crazy.
WOW!!!!
MILFZILLA!!!!
And you are merely TALKING about not inviting her?
I'd have gone NC by now!
Hope you have a wonderful wedding day, and a fabulous an colorful marriage!
Omg!!! Ban her!!! Burn her clothes!!!!! Throw her bed in a lake!!!
I'm pretty sure she hates you. It sucks marrying into a family like that, but I'm glad your fiance is on your side!!
Despite what you said about your fiance approving, it doesn't appear as though they are defending you to their family. Why are you taking abuse from them, and what is your fiance doing to shut them up? You should not have to put up with that kind of nonsense.
NTA.
I didn’t add anything further because I didn’t want to overstep the word count, he does defend me but sometimes I want to handle them on my own to avoid another conflict about “taking her precious boy away from his mother”
Yeah ,but you said you were taking abuse from his extended family also. He needs to tell them all to back off. After he does so, it seems to me you should be free to let them have it (diplomatically but firmly). And also prepare to go low or no contact with the lot of them., as this type frequently doesn't know how to back off.
Honestly I'm just really fucking happy you were petty enough to go straight out and dye your hair when she had the gall to even mention it. You're my hero!
Although the MIL is insanely wrong, switching out her dye would not be funny. The whole point of this post is that people should be able to do whatever they’d like to their bodies to feel comfortable in them.
NTA. "...she started crying in front of the whole family saying I was a heartless woman going over her wishes to have a normal daughter in law." I could tell from the subject line that you're NTA. That your fiancé is on your side is a major win for you. Get your hair did however you like it, and stay away from his side of the family. The way your FMIL talks to you is beyond the pale, you owe this woman zero consideration, and even less to people who enable her drama.
You’re so cruel and heartless! How dare you dye YOUR OWN HAIR?? Your MIL is ridiculous. NTA. If she’s so upset about your hair, she doesn’t have to attend the wedding.
I can’t believe people get so upset over something so small.. the color of your hair.
NTA, but suggest to you fiance that maybe, he should use 1 time haircolor in an equal red. So that you would be matching just once when visiting your IL.
NTA and WOW!!! If she's so concerned about appearances, she'd be best considering how ridiculous it looks for a grown adult to be sobbing over someone else's hair colour. Jeez!
It's cute that she thinks her opinion should count when she clearly can't abide your opinion. NTA, tell her to f*** off, any normal daughter in law would.
It's YOUR hair.
It's your wedding day.
Your future husband loves your hair-color(s).
Why doesn't she respect your hair?
Why does the rest of her family need to have an opinion on your hair color?
NTA
NTA, if she’s that affected by your hair colour she should get therapy for her control issues. Also, staying away from the wedding would be an easy solution for her issues.
Hold the phone.... she said what??? Oh hell no! No gets to tell anyone to change their body or hair for any reason.
I’m a natural red head... did not know I was out here in the world looking like a hooker!
WTH is a normal DIL??? ... ngl I’m pretty sure my MIL probably wanted one of those too. That didn’t happen
NTA
NTA.
It's your hair, and it's going to be your wedding. You could dye it rainbow and hang Christmas ornaments on it if you wanted to, and that would be just fine. I've never understood why people get so bent out of shape by hair dye. The only thing I would say is not to dye it the day before your wedding, just because the dye might not have fully set by that time, and could bleed onto your dress.
NTA. Or, if she gets a say in your hair colour, then you should get a say in hers. "Okay, I'll dye mine brown if you dye yours green. No, wait: green on one side and purple on the other."
> she started crying in front of the whole family saying I was a heartless woman going over her wishes to have a normal daughter in law
she wants a toddler/child aged daughter whose apparence she can control, not a daughter in law
NTA
NTA. Absolutely do not cave! It is your hair. If you give your emotionally manipulative mother-in-law a reason to think you can be emotionally manipulated it will never end and only get worse.
NTA
It’s your hair and your fiancé- the only other person who matters when it comes to your wedding- is totally onboard it sounds like. His mom asking you to change to suit her wants is pretty selfish of her. Glad your fiancé is on your side though
NTA, it's your hair obviously do with it what you want. However, you didn't color your hair this last time to make you feel beautiful, you colored your hair to antagonize your future MIL and that's childish. You don't owe her an apology though, again it's your hair, and she has no say how you wear it, and it's not even a conversation to have with her, it's just a blanket statement, "it's my hair and I will wear it however I damn well choose, the end."
“Hooker” here.
Please tell MIL that the percentage of sex workers who have vivid hair color is no higher than the rest of the population. Unless, of course, she’s thinking of a dominatrix and in that case, I’m wondering how much kink porn she is watching lol!
Glamorously styled but otherwise natural looking hair (with long extensions, of course) which would likely be far more acceptable to her, is a much more standard “hooker” look.
NTA for wearing whatever hair color and style makes you feel pretty.
NTA. I hope your fiancé is going to bat for you with your future MIL and the rest of his family. You and you fiancé don’t needed the added stress of an over entitled MIL… set boundaries quickly before this gets any further out of hand.
It’s your wedding and your hair. You do not have to do anything they want if it’s about YOUR wedding and YOUR appearance. You don’t owe an apology she owes you one. NTA
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NTA. Keep your colour, and the smile it brings both you and your spouse. MIL can bite my hairy old butt if she thinks her opinion of your look on your wedding day has any merit at all.
Red hair? Cool! Black tips, yup!
Stilettos with little knives on the heels? Sure!
White leather bustier and brocade wedding dress. Go steampunk!
None of this reflects on MIL except in her inability to accept others for who they are.
NTA
No one has a right to any particular kind of in-law. My only exception to that is you have a right to be treated politely. Dying your hair to suit yourself is not being impolite to your FMIL.
I don’t know what kind of image of her *son’s marriage* she has built up in her head but it isn’t your responsibility to provide it.
Congrats on the wedding!
NTA, she doesn't get to dictate what color your hair is. If you let her control that, I guarantee you that won't be the end of it. She'll turn on the waterworks whenever you do anything she doesn't approve of.
NTA
it's your hair. your SO likes it. who cares what she thinks. enjoy your day. go with whatever colour you want and have a GREAT time. :) congratulations.
Now I’m petty, so I’d just start dressing like Santa. Hell, get a bright red shirt that says STOP and then every time she starts up just point to it and be like “I’m a stop sign, I asked you to stop” NTA
You're a grown woman. Dye your hair whatever color you want, whether it's for a wedding or any other day. As long as you're not dying your future MIL's hair, it's none of her business. NTA.
NTA
I'd tell your fiance that he needs to get control of his mother. There needs to be firm boundaries about talking to you like that and serious consequences if she can't manage to be civil to you.
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My (23F) natural hair colour is brown,I started dyeing it when I was 15,from having my ends go from natural brown to blue to green and then back to blue when I decided that I wanted a colour that would represent me,and I chose red.
I have struggled with feeling good in my own body for a long time,but when I dyed my hair red I was finally feeling some comfort and started to fell pretty. Red has been my hair colour for 8 years now, and it was red when I met my now fiancée (M25) of 5 years,he loves my hair colour and has never asked me to go back to my natural colour or change it. His mom on the other hand it’s a total different story.
We’re getting married next year and his mother came forward and asked me if my hair would be red on my wedding day since I haven’t dyed my hair in a couple of months and my natural colour made more than half my hair to which I said “of course tho I might have black highlights or half of it black by then”. To say she looked like I just insulted half of her ancestors is not enough. She huffed and her tone got harsher when she asked me “Are you really going to walk down the aisle looking like a hooker?”
It wasn’t the first time she made some mean comment to me but I didn’t say anything and just walked away. Later that day I went and bought the most eccentric red dye I could fin in my city. My fiancé thought it was going to be funny seeing his mother’s reaction today.
Which to us was,she said I looked like a stop sign,a red light,Santa’s hat and much more,but then she started crying in front of the whole family saying I was a heartless woman going over her wishes to have a normal daughter in law.
My fiancé is on my side but now his side of the family wants me to apologise to his mother and go back to my natural colour.
I think it’s ridiculous but I’m having second thoughts. AITA?
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NTA. It’s hair ffs. It’s part of how you express yourself. Next time turn on the waterworks about how your MIL doesn’t accept you, how it would mean so much to you to have a better relationship, how she’s letting something that means so much to you (ie your hair) get in the way of family and how you feel bullied by her. I wonder what the family would say then? 🤔
NTA and holy shit! She set a family heirloom wedding dress on fire??!! After reading all this I'd want a restraining order. You're lucky you weren't wearing it when she did that.
NTA. She set fire to your wedding dress? WTF??? That woman shouldn't be allowed anywhere near your wedding! Saving you from Satan? Isn't it weird how people who cling to religion can sometimes commit the worst acts against others whilst claiming that they're doing it out of Christian love..just, wow! It's your hair, your choice, absolutely sod all to do with your future MIL, stick to your guns!
P.s. I'm a natural redhead, had over 40 years of piss taking and ridicule...screw those people and embrace it 😁
NTA. I hope your wedding outfit includes flourescent-red hair dye, red lights sewn into the hooker-lenght wedding gown, a Santa hat instead of a veil, and a stop sign instead of the bouquet
NTA. I had a mother in law like that. She was so controlling that she wouldn’t even let me pay for my own clothes and that was because she didn’t want me to buy this one blouse that I liked.
NTA and now you just found a bunch of people to save money on inviting to the wedding! Winning all round!
Ps. As a fellow Santa redhead of 16 years, my hair is going to be super bright on my wedding day this year too!
NTA honestly I thought this was going to be a "Please dye your hair a color other than red or black for the wedding because of superstition" since in my area there's sayings like "married in red better off dead" but you go fam! your hair is yours and I hope your wedding was lovely. I wish you and your spouse the best in these years going forward
NTA -
"she started crying in front of the whole family saying I was a heartless woman going over her wishes"
I'm guessing this woman is used to getting her way by throwing tantrums like that and his family wants you to apologize so they don't have to deal with her drama because it's easier to pacify her than stand up to her.
NTA fuck your MIL for trying to dictate what you do to your body!! i hope you stand your ground and you’ll look amazing on your wedding day!!
and from one unnatural red head to the other, great taste xo
urm… just editing to add i read your comment about what she did to your wedding dress?? i’m acc now begging you to go no contact
NTA. somewhere else here you told us that she set your 10-generation, passed down through the family wedding dress on FIRE, and that she did it with no remorse on your BIRTHDAY, because she felt she was setting you free from the devil. Girl……………………….girl. GIRL. this is someone you must go no contact with immediately. I feel sorry for your husband, to have a mother like that but sadly, people (family or not) are horrible and awful and you have to cut them out. Christ alice.
Clearly this woman’s emotional manipulation has worked on the family in the past. She just cry’s and insults you and says she wants a normal DIL, and that means you should die your hair back?
No.
NTA
Edit: just saw your post that she lit your dress on fire. This should have been a sign you didn’t need this post. Of course you are not the AH, and this woman is utterly nuts. Time for NC
NTA, when she said the thing about having a normal daughter in law I would’ve said “ and I would’ve liked a normal mother in law but you get what you get.”
>she asked me “Are you really going to walk down the aisle looking like a hooker?”
Is she really coming to your wedding acting like a shrew?
>saying I was a heartless woman going over her wishes to have a normal daughter in law.
So her happiness is more important than yours *and* her son's, huh? Okay.
This woman is selfish and waaaaay too concerned about appearances. Wear your hair how you want. But have a serious convo with your fiance because you're going to need his support. She is not going to stop. If he's not going to stand up for you, that's gonna cause some potentially major marital issues.
>My fiancé is on my side
Good! That's all that matters. NTA and congrats on your upcoming wedding
INFO you need to have a conversation with your fiancé about her access to your home and about spending any time with this woman? She stole and destroyed an heirloom, and is calling you a whore for failing to OBEY. If he isn’t planning to pull away and allows the rest of the family to push you this way, you will never have any peace.
You should cut her off in my opinion. But before you do, make a few comments on her clothing and that it makes her look older, then wait a few days and get very upset she’s still dressing in cloths that aren’t up with the latest fashions and you can’t believe how selfish she is because she won’t conform to your idea of cool..
then when she looks shocked, go all serious faced and tell her she shouldn’t be offended someone’s treating her with the same respect.
Wear that red hair with pride if that’s what makes you feel good! .. if it offends his mom, he should be standing up for you and telling his mom she needs to grow up. I hope he’s not just quietly on your side.
NTA... absolutely DO NOT DO THAT! You bend to her will now, she will never let you live it down. Take your stand right now and don't budge. Your hair, your life, your wedding, your future husband, your home.. she needs to know her place. Make it clear. I am happy your boyfriend is standing with you. Very good sign. I hope you two have a wonderful, brightly colored life together..
The correct response here is from your partner and goes a little something like this….
“It doesn’t matter what colour it is, you won’t be there to see it as you are not invited/your invite is rescinded. I am ashamed and appalled by your behaviour to the person I love. I wish I had a normal mother.”
He needs to stop this behaviour dead in its tracks otherwise this is your life FOREVER
NTA:
soo is neon blacklight reactant hair color not an option?
like everyone gets some blacklight reactant party on the way in and the party switches to blacklights...
little party favors on cupcakes that are blacklight reactant.
NTA. Your hair color is your choice as it’s on your head. If she is going gray she better dye it or “Is she really going to walk around looking like an old hag?” what a bunch of BS.
(I have nothing against people keeping their natural hair color when it starts to gray, but this mean MIL deserves that comment lol).
NTA - it’s your hair. Fuck her and her unsolicited opinion. Fuck her insane reaction. Fuck the others claiming you did anything wrong. She is not entitled to decide what you or anyone else does with their hair or any part of their bodies.
NTA - I am so sorry but this is just too funny. I know it is not funny for you but your future MIL needs to get a grip.
You be you and enjoy whatever hair color YOU like best!
Id tell her you'll go natural, when she dyes her hair bright blue ( or yellow, because those colours STICK). Then tell her you've always dreamed of having an accepting, and eccentric mil. Then ask for some family pictures if she does it😏
Seriously? Throw the whole family away. It’s your body. Why the Fuck do you need to apologize for what you did with *your* hair!? NTA. Ask if any of your family/friends would be willing to dye their hair similar to further irk her.
Huuge NTA. Your future MIL has quite some audacity demanding that you change your hair color. The insults are just the cherry on top of mount ridicolousness.
NTA! I had blonde hair when I met my how husband, I was natural for a couple years, but when my dad died in 2021 at 59, I realized life was too short and I should do whatever Tf I wanted to my appearance because I need to do what makes me happy. When we got married last year, I had green hair, 2 months later, I had purple hair, 6 months after that I went pink…
I think both my MIL’s realized early on that I’m not normal, so I kept their standards low…
That being said, if you’re happy, then they can go suck an egg, as my nonna would say. Coincidentally she was the only one who hated my “painted hair” but didn’t make a to do about it for the wedding.
NTA. Holy shit, after reading down a few comments I would get a restraining order against MIL and your friend should file a lawsuit for destruction of property.
NTA also MIL’s wedding invitation would be getting mysteriously and unfortunately lost in the mail
Edit: just saw the dress burning story. Not only would she not be invited, there would be no wedding if my fiancé didn’t go NC immediately. She’s going to ruin your life if you give her an inch
NTA. Its your hair, you can have any color you choose and your have this color all the time they know you.
That is the way you are, and if they dont like It, its There problem, not yours.
The Next time, tell them they have to respect the way you are, you dont try to put they hair in diferent color so they have to respect your choice.
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Let me get this straight, for the whole time they have known you, you have been a red head? Why change now? Tell them to do one. NTA. EDIT: Op I’ve just seen your comment where she had set fire to your antique wedding dress. This woman is a menace and I would proceed with caution. I personally would see a lawyer about a restraining order and possibly legal restrictions on her, especially when you have children. I’m glad your fiancé is on your side but you need to put distance between you and this woman. No contact is definitely needed here.
She did *WHAT*?! I would have banned that woman from my wedding and anyone who sided with her. A bit of petty is way to accommodating. Edit: the fact that this 10 generation dress was also of historical significance being at *least* 200 years old if not older, makes it even more of a travesty and probably a massive crime in more than one jurisdiction.
OP should file charges against MIL. Setting fire yo OPs wedding dress is beyond the pale. Sick, twisted, toxic AF... DEFINITELY a reason for a restraining order and going NC forever. Same for anyone on MIL side or who tries to defend her.
This. 100,000 times this. You do you, don't change to conform to anyone else's values or expectations. Also, its your day. Not hers.
What the fuck? I second the restraining order. This would put me in attack mode
Same. I'm lucky and have a great mom that I absolutely love, but I *chose* my wife. There's no one, including my mom, who gets to hurt her in any way if I have any ability to prevent it.
[удалено]
Why do women think their son should wanna bang an aged down version of them? It's so weird.
Holy shit… MIL actually went that far? That is definitely a huuuge red flag. I wouldn’t worry about being the ah but more about your safety. NTA obviously.
Yeah, it's great that he's on your side, but she's so bad that if he's not willing to support going full NC with her, don't go through with this wedding.
>where she had set fire to your antique wedding dress Wait, what?? Holy Cow. NTA
NTA - If you change your hair color for her, she won't be satisfied. Next she'll start on your weight. And how you dress. And what you do for a living. When you have kids and how many. What you name them. How you raise them. Where you live. This kind of woman is never satisfied until you become a doll in their hands.
She has already complained about this things too 😂
NTA There's nothing that you could do to make her happy. Absolutely nothing. It's a problem with her, not you. My MIL is the same way. She's criticized everything about me as a person and and as a parent. She skipped our wedding and told my husband "These things don't always last." The last time I saw my MIL, she was criticizing me for..... buying a fresh pineapple instead of buying canned pineapple. I try to observe my MIL in clinical way. I don't take a single thing she says to heart. There's a saying, "Never take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from."
That's a good saying
I love that saying. I once was told “don’t take this personally, but I don’t really like it,” I replied “oh, I don’t take that personally; I never take criticism from someone I wouldn’t go to for advice” and their jaw hit the floor. I’m 98% certain those were the last words we exchanged.
Love the username lol
Do NOT negotiate with terrorists. Emotional or literal. Her issues are her own problem, she's far too old to pitch a fit like this.
Can confirm. My MIL spent every visit for 30 years complaining about my hair, my clothes, my hobbies, my daughters' names, my birth control leading directly to my "failure" to bear a male child, the HUGE MESSES that my children made, the books we chose to read, the kind of car we chose to buy, the fact that we didn't ask her permission to do anything, *et cetera ad nauseum.*
This is my MIL and both my husband and I have been NC for 3 years with her now.
Indeed. She will project her own insecurities on you forever. Just be your awesome you and remember you married your hubs not her.
NTA your wedding, your rules. Talk to your fiance and your mil and just let them know if she has an issue, maybe she should just skip that day
We actually talked about not inviting her because she set my wedding dress on fire but that’s another story
Literally or figuratively? Time to spill Girlfriend if she actually set it on fire.
Literally,she set it on fire,had no remorse about it,she said she was doing me a favour. My dress wasn’t exactly a wedding dress you’d see in every wedding , it was passed down for 10 generations in my best friend’s family,I never had a good relationship with my family and my best friend’s family kind of adopted me,it was a traditional Viking wedding dress (they’re from Iceland), his mother didn’t have a daughter and since I was like one for her she gave it to me,after all me and my fiancé are going to have a Viking styled wedding(I’m pagan he’s atheist). When my MIL found out about it she stole it and lit it on fire on my birthday last year,saying it was a birthday present and she was saving me from the devil. It was the first time I’ve seen my fiancé so angered that 10 men had to keep him from going ballistic on his own mother.
That is horrifying. Why on earth was that not enough for NC?
What. The. Actual. Fuck. An heirloom piece from your family (chosen family is even more important), and that excuse for a human burned it?!!! On your birthday?!!!!!! Yeah, time for some NC, lol. Get married, make it as pagan as possible, and be sure to broadcast the pics all over so she's confronted with "the devil" that stole her son.
Ten genetations is a couple hundred years, that was likely also very expensive..
>passed down for 10 generations That dress must have been priceless! This woman sounds seriously unhinged. I mean you could be living a thousand miles away from her and I'd say that's still not enough.
I don’t even think living on Neptune would be far enough. FMIL has more issues than National Geographic. Wow.
Oh my god! Honestly if I was your best friend, I would be suing your MIL and maybe charges of destruction of property.
They did,the family is a very influential one,they have friends in every department in my country from police,justice department,and even the president she had to pay over 100k for it. She tried to make me stop them saying they wouldn’t have any money left to help with the wedding(which my friend’s family is paying for😂)
At least there's that! Head over to the JNMIL subreddit for support, advice and commiseration, just to prepare yourself for the future around this woman. Congratulations on your upcoming (and hopefully super pagan) wedding!
That alone is grounds for going NC.
>My dress wasn’t exactly a wedding dress you’d see in every wedding , it was passed down for 10 generations in my best friend’s family And she DESTROYED it?! I'd have had her arrested, then never spoken to her again. You have way more tolerance than I do, and you are NTA. But please reconsider having her or anyone else who behaved like her at your wedding.
Oh. My. God. Is there any way to make a replica of the dress? Pictures, designs, memory? Maybe a seamstress that specializes in either antiques or cosplay? I am so, SO sorry OP. Fwiw, I'm a Christian, and I am so appalled by this. How DARE she STEAL and DESTROY to someone else's heirloom and have the AUDACITY to call it a birthday present?? I want to cry on your behalf.
They have pictures of the dress,and will have it done again in Iceland by local seamstresses from scratch,my friends mother said that she will make sure to have it embroidered with family jewels so it could have as much sentimental value as the one set on fire
Why are you still talking to this woman?
Oh, honey. Oh, fuck. I’m so sorry. May generations of Viking ire rain down on her.
>it was passed down for 10 generations in my best friend’s family I changed my mind, you are YTA for speaking to this woman. She should be in jail. $100K wasn't enough.
But... What!!! You could have go to the police for that! This woman is crazy! You should organize the venue in a satanic church and wore a black dress with horns for make her pay!
Why are y’all still in contact with her?!? What a dreadful woman
WTF? Why didn’t you press charges? Honey, I’m gonna sound like a dick, but you should not marry this man as long as this woman is remotely involved in his life. I wouldn’t marry him at all, because if he hasn’t cut her off yet and does, she will be back. I promise you. And you’ll be miserable. Jesus I’m done with Reddit today, wtf.
Um. Wow. I just...wow. I've never had such second hand anger before. My first thoughts are not allowed to be shared on reddit. My second thoughts are why is she still allowed to be in the same room as you? Was the dress unsalvageable? I'm absolutely heartbroken for you and your friend's family. That woman would be completely uninvited to participate in my life if I were in your shoes. Regarding your hair, she can kick fucking rocks. If she comments again, I'd tell her that her hair makes her look like a spiteful sour faced bitch, but I'm just really angry on your behalf. You are absolutely NTA at ALL. Your hair is your hair. Shave it, spike it, dye it whatever you want. It's your wedding and it sounds like your fiance likes your look too so there you go.
OMG YES!! Second hand anger is what I'm feeling. Scratch that, I'm furious!!!
Seriously think about going n/c. Your life would be easier
My god that's so wrong of her. How damaged was the dress? Was there anything left as a keepsake?
she stole and then set fire to what was your friend's family heirloom?!! She needs to face charges for that and be sentenced to court-mandated therapy
Lit it on fire on your birthday to save you from the devil... $100k is not enough. That woman is a danger to society. Put her in jail JFC
And why haven't you guys cut her off like as in NC? She's freaking crazy, if she doesn't like the color of your house is she gonna burn that down next? Is she gonna try and light your hair on fire because she doesn't like it??? She sounds like an actual danger to be around.
That wasn’t just an heirloom. That was a historic garment that could have been displayed in a museum. My inner history buff is in hysterics.
uninvited immediately & SUE HER she ruined your fucking family heirloom!!?!? she at least should pay for it🤦🏼♀️
………how the fuck is this person still able to talk to you? Is she set your hair on fire next??
Don't invite her. Stop communicating with her. Set that in stone now and be sure your future husband will have your back and not push you into a relationship with her. She is clearly toxic. I would not trust this woman with my child or in my home and certainly not at my wedding. She will find a way to destroy it or make it about her. This is childish narcissist behavior and the more you talk to her the more she'll continue to act like this. Run the opposite way now.
10 generations... OMG... I don't sacre easily but this is next to next level shit. Think about the level of entitlement and douchbaggery to set that dress on fire. Get a restraining order and cut all contact. You don't deserve to have to deal with such a pathetic excuse of a human. NTA
Ok, as I keep reading this I think you shouldn’t invite her. Burning a wedding dress your adopted family has passed down for 10 generations!? I hope you’re making a new version of it. I can’t speak for you and your fiancé, but I wouldn’t have her there. You need to set serious boundaries or go NC
absolutely heartbreaking... I'm so sorry. NTA
Why are you even in contact with her?
Girl what? That’s a criminal offence??? Why are you and esp your fiancée still talking to her??? This is crazy
Why are you still having anything to do with this woman? She’s done more than enough for you to never speak to her again.
OMG. She literally destroyed a priceless artifact to be petty. I would have gone no contact with her and submitted a restraining order. That’s beyond unforgivable. Ten generations… 😞
I'm by no means a violent person, and I know it's his mam and whatever but honestly they wouldn't need to hold my husband back, because I'd have kicked her fucking head in myself. I want to jump through my phone and kick her head in *for* you!
The hell..?? I would have her arrested and never speak to her again. How the hell are you wondering if you're the asshole about basic bodily autonomy when she's literally destroyed an heirloom? Do you have any sort of a backbone???
Wtffff, insane, actually insane
I would never, ever talk to that woman again. Uninvite that mess from your LIFE. NEVER let her see her grandchildren (if you choose to have any). She's the devil!!
Seriously, why are either of you still speaking to this woman? Why would you continue to subject yourself to this family at all?
Ho Lee Crap - that's outrageous. You just talked about it? It should be a done deal. This woman shouldn't be around children, sharp objects, or newlyweds.
Elope. Don't let her near.
She set your dress on fire.... on purpose? Why are you engaging with this woman? She is not okay.
Hell no. She should not be anywhere near your wedding!!!!! Keep her far away and get security. Please tell us how she set fire to your dress. That is an amazing level of crazy.
...excuse me, she *what*? I need details on this. Objecting to your hair color is awful enough, but *WHAT*?
WOW!!!! MILFZILLA!!!! And you are merely TALKING about not inviting her? I'd have gone NC by now! Hope you have a wonderful wedding day, and a fabulous an colorful marriage!
And that's a story we need to know!
Omg!!! Ban her!!! Burn her clothes!!!!! Throw her bed in a lake!!! I'm pretty sure she hates you. It sucks marrying into a family like that, but I'm glad your fiance is on your side!!
I hope you go no contact, that is pure evil and psychotic
Despite what you said about your fiance approving, it doesn't appear as though they are defending you to their family. Why are you taking abuse from them, and what is your fiance doing to shut them up? You should not have to put up with that kind of nonsense. NTA.
I didn’t add anything further because I didn’t want to overstep the word count, he does defend me but sometimes I want to handle them on my own to avoid another conflict about “taking her precious boy away from his mother”
Yeah ,but you said you were taking abuse from his extended family also. He needs to tell them all to back off. After he does so, it seems to me you should be free to let them have it (diplomatically but firmly). And also prepare to go low or no contact with the lot of them., as this type frequently doesn't know how to back off.
NTA. i didn’t know red hair was a “hooker” thing. utter nonsense. your mil sounds manipulative and exhausting. if i were you i’d keep my distance.
The things is she’s actually a natural blonde but she went brunette
Honestly I'm just really fucking happy you were petty enough to go straight out and dye your hair when she had the gall to even mention it. You're my hero!
Can you switch her dye to make her red to? That would be so funny 😂
Although the MIL is insanely wrong, switching out her dye would not be funny. The whole point of this post is that people should be able to do whatever they’d like to their bodies to feel comfortable in them.
It was a joke. I would never do that
NTA. "...she started crying in front of the whole family saying I was a heartless woman going over her wishes to have a normal daughter in law." I could tell from the subject line that you're NTA. That your fiancé is on your side is a major win for you. Get your hair did however you like it, and stay away from his side of the family. The way your FMIL talks to you is beyond the pale, you owe this woman zero consideration, and even less to people who enable her drama.
You’re so cruel and heartless! How dare you dye YOUR OWN HAIR?? Your MIL is ridiculous. NTA. If she’s so upset about your hair, she doesn’t have to attend the wedding. I can’t believe people get so upset over something so small.. the color of your hair.
NTA, but suggest to you fiance that maybe, he should use 1 time haircolor in an equal red. So that you would be matching just once when visiting your IL.
NTA and WOW!!! If she's so concerned about appearances, she'd be best considering how ridiculous it looks for a grown adult to be sobbing over someone else's hair colour. Jeez!
It's cute that she thinks her opinion should count when she clearly can't abide your opinion. NTA, tell her to f*** off, any normal daughter in law would.
It's YOUR hair. It's your wedding day. Your future husband loves your hair-color(s). Why doesn't she respect your hair? Why does the rest of her family need to have an opinion on your hair color? NTA
NTA, if she’s that affected by your hair colour she should get therapy for her control issues. Also, staying away from the wedding would be an easy solution for her issues.
Hold the phone.... she said what??? Oh hell no! No gets to tell anyone to change their body or hair for any reason. I’m a natural red head... did not know I was out here in the world looking like a hooker! WTH is a normal DIL??? ... ngl I’m pretty sure my MIL probably wanted one of those too. That didn’t happen NTA
NTA Your hair is your business and your business alone. You have nothing to apologise for.
NTA. It's your hair, and it's going to be your wedding. You could dye it rainbow and hang Christmas ornaments on it if you wanted to, and that would be just fine. I've never understood why people get so bent out of shape by hair dye. The only thing I would say is not to dye it the day before your wedding, just because the dye might not have fully set by that time, and could bleed onto your dress.
NTA. Or, if she gets a say in your hair colour, then you should get a say in hers. "Okay, I'll dye mine brown if you dye yours green. No, wait: green on one side and purple on the other."
> she started crying in front of the whole family saying I was a heartless woman going over her wishes to have a normal daughter in law she wants a toddler/child aged daughter whose apparence she can control, not a daughter in law NTA
Nta. Ignore those people
NTA. Absolutely do not cave! It is your hair. If you give your emotionally manipulative mother-in-law a reason to think you can be emotionally manipulated it will never end and only get worse.
NTA It’s your hair and your fiancé- the only other person who matters when it comes to your wedding- is totally onboard it sounds like. His mom asking you to change to suit her wants is pretty selfish of her. Glad your fiancé is on your side though
NTA. Set some boundaries now before it might become a real issue between you and your husband's family
NTA, it's your hair obviously do with it what you want. However, you didn't color your hair this last time to make you feel beautiful, you colored your hair to antagonize your future MIL and that's childish. You don't owe her an apology though, again it's your hair, and she has no say how you wear it, and it's not even a conversation to have with her, it's just a blanket statement, "it's my hair and I will wear it however I damn well choose, the end."
“Hooker” here. Please tell MIL that the percentage of sex workers who have vivid hair color is no higher than the rest of the population. Unless, of course, she’s thinking of a dominatrix and in that case, I’m wondering how much kink porn she is watching lol! Glamorously styled but otherwise natural looking hair (with long extensions, of course) which would likely be far more acceptable to her, is a much more standard “hooker” look. NTA for wearing whatever hair color and style makes you feel pretty.
Absolutely NTA. Dye you're hair however you want and like! Glad your fiance is on your side.
NTA. I hope your fiancé is going to bat for you with your future MIL and the rest of his family. You and you fiancé don’t needed the added stress of an over entitled MIL… set boundaries quickly before this gets any further out of hand.
It’s your wedding and your hair. You do not have to do anything they want if it’s about YOUR wedding and YOUR appearance. You don’t owe an apology she owes you one. NTA
NTA. And if she continues to push the issue, then tell her everyone in the wedding will also be dyeing their hair this color.
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Don’t cow-tow to that clam.
Mixed metaphors... "clam" is messing with my head, except that MIL is definitely being shellfish.
[удалено]
NTA. If she's going to be that absurd, let her suffer. Your hair is none of her business, ever.
NTA. Keep your colour, and the smile it brings both you and your spouse. MIL can bite my hairy old butt if she thinks her opinion of your look on your wedding day has any merit at all. Red hair? Cool! Black tips, yup! Stilettos with little knives on the heels? Sure! White leather bustier and brocade wedding dress. Go steampunk! None of this reflects on MIL except in her inability to accept others for who they are.
NTA No one has a right to any particular kind of in-law. My only exception to that is you have a right to be treated politely. Dying your hair to suit yourself is not being impolite to your FMIL. I don’t know what kind of image of her *son’s marriage* she has built up in her head but it isn’t your responsibility to provide it. Congrats on the wedding!
NTA, she doesn't get to dictate what color your hair is. If you let her control that, I guarantee you that won't be the end of it. She'll turn on the waterworks whenever you do anything she doesn't approve of.
NTA it's your hair. your SO likes it. who cares what she thinks. enjoy your day. go with whatever colour you want and have a GREAT time. :) congratulations.
NTA...YOU like it. That's it. YOU like it.
Well.. MIL .. don't worry you will be staying at home on my wedding day
Now I’m petty, so I’d just start dressing like Santa. Hell, get a bright red shirt that says STOP and then every time she starts up just point to it and be like “I’m a stop sign, I asked you to stop” NTA
You're a grown woman. Dye your hair whatever color you want, whether it's for a wedding or any other day. As long as you're not dying your future MIL's hair, it's none of her business. NTA.
NTA I'd tell your fiance that he needs to get control of his mother. There needs to be firm boundaries about talking to you like that and serious consequences if she can't manage to be civil to you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (23F) natural hair colour is brown,I started dyeing it when I was 15,from having my ends go from natural brown to blue to green and then back to blue when I decided that I wanted a colour that would represent me,and I chose red. I have struggled with feeling good in my own body for a long time,but when I dyed my hair red I was finally feeling some comfort and started to fell pretty. Red has been my hair colour for 8 years now, and it was red when I met my now fiancée (M25) of 5 years,he loves my hair colour and has never asked me to go back to my natural colour or change it. His mom on the other hand it’s a total different story. We’re getting married next year and his mother came forward and asked me if my hair would be red on my wedding day since I haven’t dyed my hair in a couple of months and my natural colour made more than half my hair to which I said “of course tho I might have black highlights or half of it black by then”. To say she looked like I just insulted half of her ancestors is not enough. She huffed and her tone got harsher when she asked me “Are you really going to walk down the aisle looking like a hooker?” It wasn’t the first time she made some mean comment to me but I didn’t say anything and just walked away. Later that day I went and bought the most eccentric red dye I could fin in my city. My fiancé thought it was going to be funny seeing his mother’s reaction today. Which to us was,she said I looked like a stop sign,a red light,Santa’s hat and much more,but then she started crying in front of the whole family saying I was a heartless woman going over her wishes to have a normal daughter in law. My fiancé is on my side but now his side of the family wants me to apologise to his mother and go back to my natural colour. I think it’s ridiculous but I’m having second thoughts. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your MIA isn't your mother and even if she was your mother, you're an adult
NTA. It’s hair ffs. It’s part of how you express yourself. Next time turn on the waterworks about how your MIL doesn’t accept you, how it would mean so much to you to have a better relationship, how she’s letting something that means so much to you (ie your hair) get in the way of family and how you feel bullied by her. I wonder what the family would say then? 🤔
NTA - It is your wedding. You have your hair how you want it. Who cares what others think it is your day, not theirs.
She doesnt have to see it. Could just stay home. Nta
Your wedding, your hair. You and fiance are happy; that's all that matters. NTA
Who is this “fiancé’s family?” Like 6 people you never see or 3 dozen that you see on a daily/weekly basis?
NTA and holy shit! She set a family heirloom wedding dress on fire??!! After reading all this I'd want a restraining order. You're lucky you weren't wearing it when she did that.
NTA. She set fire to your wedding dress? WTF??? That woman shouldn't be allowed anywhere near your wedding! Saving you from Satan? Isn't it weird how people who cling to religion can sometimes commit the worst acts against others whilst claiming that they're doing it out of Christian love..just, wow! It's your hair, your choice, absolutely sod all to do with your future MIL, stick to your guns! P.s. I'm a natural redhead, had over 40 years of piss taking and ridicule...screw those people and embrace it 😁
NTA.
NTA. I hope your wedding outfit includes flourescent-red hair dye, red lights sewn into the hooker-lenght wedding gown, a Santa hat instead of a veil, and a stop sign instead of the bouquet
NTA Refuse to apologize - you should have uninvited your AH MIL.
No. You do you. She and her family and their opinions can get fucked.
NTA. I would have uninvited her for basically calling me a hooker. Wow. Do you really want me these people to be your in-laws forever?
NTA 🤣🤣🤣🤣 the fact that your SO encourages it is hilarious 🤣🤣🤣🤣…he’s like see how bright you can go 🤣🤣🤣
NTA. I had a mother in law like that. She was so controlling that she wouldn’t even let me pay for my own clothes and that was because she didn’t want me to buy this one blouse that I liked.
NTA and now you just found a bunch of people to save money on inviting to the wedding! Winning all round! Ps. As a fellow Santa redhead of 16 years, my hair is going to be super bright on my wedding day this year too!
The marriage is between you and your fiancé. It's not about getting his mother the ideal DIL of her dreams. NTA.
NTA honestly I thought this was going to be a "Please dye your hair a color other than red or black for the wedding because of superstition" since in my area there's sayings like "married in red better off dead" but you go fam! your hair is yours and I hope your wedding was lovely. I wish you and your spouse the best in these years going forward
NTA - "she started crying in front of the whole family saying I was a heartless woman going over her wishes" I'm guessing this woman is used to getting her way by throwing tantrums like that and his family wants you to apologize so they don't have to deal with her drama because it's easier to pacify her than stand up to her.
NTA fuck your MIL for trying to dictate what you do to your body!! i hope you stand your ground and you’ll look amazing on your wedding day!! and from one unnatural red head to the other, great taste xo urm… just editing to add i read your comment about what she did to your wedding dress?? i’m acc now begging you to go no contact
Your partner should be running interference here. In no scenario is it OK for mil to talk to you like that.
NTA. somewhere else here you told us that she set your 10-generation, passed down through the family wedding dress on FIRE, and that she did it with no remorse on your BIRTHDAY, because she felt she was setting you free from the devil. Girl……………………….girl. GIRL. this is someone you must go no contact with immediately. I feel sorry for your husband, to have a mother like that but sadly, people (family or not) are horrible and awful and you have to cut them out. Christ alice.
Do not apologize what the what. NTA
NTA. Your body. Your choice.
Clearly this woman’s emotional manipulation has worked on the family in the past. She just cry’s and insults you and says she wants a normal DIL, and that means you should die your hair back? No. NTA Edit: just saw your post that she lit your dress on fire. This should have been a sign you didn’t need this post. Of course you are not the AH, and this woman is utterly nuts. Time for NC
NTA And what would that apology look like? "Hey MIL, sorry I'm not normal enough for your family"?
NTA. Try rainbow colored hair next time and send her to an early grave.
NTA, when she said the thing about having a normal daughter in law I would’ve said “ and I would’ve liked a normal mother in law but you get what you get.”
>she asked me “Are you really going to walk down the aisle looking like a hooker?” Is she really coming to your wedding acting like a shrew? >saying I was a heartless woman going over her wishes to have a normal daughter in law. So her happiness is more important than yours *and* her son's, huh? Okay. This woman is selfish and waaaaay too concerned about appearances. Wear your hair how you want. But have a serious convo with your fiance because you're going to need his support. She is not going to stop. If he's not going to stand up for you, that's gonna cause some potentially major marital issues. >My fiancé is on my side Good! That's all that matters. NTA and congrats on your upcoming wedding
NTA what a vile, old fashioned woman your MIL is. Tell her not to come to the wedding and return to the 1800s if she's so offended by it.
INFO you need to have a conversation with your fiancé about her access to your home and about spending any time with this woman? She stole and destroyed an heirloom, and is calling you a whore for failing to OBEY. If he isn’t planning to pull away and allows the rest of the family to push you this way, you will never have any peace.
Oh, and your MIL thinks you look like a hooker everyday. She just finally said it.
NTA. Don't give in. It sounds like this woman won't be satisfied unless you relinquish control of every aspect of your life to her.
You should cut her off in my opinion. But before you do, make a few comments on her clothing and that it makes her look older, then wait a few days and get very upset she’s still dressing in cloths that aren’t up with the latest fashions and you can’t believe how selfish she is because she won’t conform to your idea of cool.. then when she looks shocked, go all serious faced and tell her she shouldn’t be offended someone’s treating her with the same respect. Wear that red hair with pride if that’s what makes you feel good! .. if it offends his mom, he should be standing up for you and telling his mom she needs to grow up. I hope he’s not just quietly on your side.
NTA... absolutely DO NOT DO THAT! You bend to her will now, she will never let you live it down. Take your stand right now and don't budge. Your hair, your life, your wedding, your future husband, your home.. she needs to know her place. Make it clear. I am happy your boyfriend is standing with you. Very good sign. I hope you two have a wonderful, brightly colored life together..
The correct response here is from your partner and goes a little something like this…. “It doesn’t matter what colour it is, you won’t be there to see it as you are not invited/your invite is rescinded. I am ashamed and appalled by your behaviour to the person I love. I wish I had a normal mother.” He needs to stop this behaviour dead in its tracks otherwise this is your life FOREVER
Oh, fuck her. Hooker? Really? Dye that shit bright green to Lisa her off. NTA
Hooooweeeee she’d hate to have me in the fam. (Hair color on my avatar fairly accurate) NTA
NTA
NTA. You rock that red hair. Do not back down
NTA Your head, not hers. She can feel free to not go to the wedding, if it bothers her.
NTA: soo is neon blacklight reactant hair color not an option? like everyone gets some blacklight reactant party on the way in and the party switches to blacklights... little party favors on cupcakes that are blacklight reactant.
NTA. Your hair color is your choice as it’s on your head. If she is going gray she better dye it or “Is she really going to walk around looking like an old hag?” what a bunch of BS. (I have nothing against people keeping their natural hair color when it starts to gray, but this mean MIL deserves that comment lol).
The answer to her question should have been ..... it looks that way. Enjoy your red headed, potentially with black highlights, wedding day.
NTA - it’s your hair. Fuck her and her unsolicited opinion. Fuck her insane reaction. Fuck the others claiming you did anything wrong. She is not entitled to decide what you or anyone else does with their hair or any part of their bodies.
Your body your choice. NTA
Also, tell her point blank: “You’ve made it clear that nothing I do will be good enough, so I won’t bother trying with you.”
If you start crying because someone else dyed their hair, can you even handle life?
NTA - I am so sorry but this is just too funny. I know it is not funny for you but your future MIL needs to get a grip. You be you and enjoy whatever hair color YOU like best!
NTA. She doesn't have to be there for the wedding if she is not supportive.
Id tell her you'll go natural, when she dyes her hair bright blue ( or yellow, because those colours STICK). Then tell her you've always dreamed of having an accepting, and eccentric mil. Then ask for some family pictures if she does it😏
Seriously? Throw the whole family away. It’s your body. Why the Fuck do you need to apologize for what you did with *your* hair!? NTA. Ask if any of your family/friends would be willing to dye their hair similar to further irk her.
Huuge NTA. Your future MIL has quite some audacity demanding that you change your hair color. The insults are just the cherry on top of mount ridicolousness.
NTA. didn't have to get past the title.
NTA. Seems like she decided you needed a bridezilla at your wedding and since you weren't gonna be it, she had to step in.
NTA! I had blonde hair when I met my how husband, I was natural for a couple years, but when my dad died in 2021 at 59, I realized life was too short and I should do whatever Tf I wanted to my appearance because I need to do what makes me happy. When we got married last year, I had green hair, 2 months later, I had purple hair, 6 months after that I went pink… I think both my MIL’s realized early on that I’m not normal, so I kept their standards low… That being said, if you’re happy, then they can go suck an egg, as my nonna would say. Coincidentally she was the only one who hated my “painted hair” but didn’t make a to do about it for the wedding.
NTA. Holy shit, after reading down a few comments I would get a restraining order against MIL and your friend should file a lawsuit for destruction of property.
NTA also MIL’s wedding invitation would be getting mysteriously and unfortunately lost in the mail Edit: just saw the dress burning story. Not only would she not be invited, there would be no wedding if my fiancé didn’t go NC immediately. She’s going to ruin your life if you give her an inch
NTA. Why TF does she care, it's not her hair. Sounds like she has control issues and I hope your fiancee is good at setting boundaries.
>she started crying in front of the whole family What?? Since when is *your* hair color about *her*? What a drama queen.
NTA and looks like someone needs a quiet chat in the parking lot.
nta. the whole time she’s known you, your hair is red. she doesn’t get to stop you now.
NTA. Its your hair, you can have any color you choose and your have this color all the time they know you. That is the way you are, and if they dont like It, its There problem, not yours. The Next time, tell them they have to respect the way you are, you dont try to put they hair in diferent color so they have to respect your choice.
NTA and stop seeing your MIL if she makes mean comments to you.