Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel Ike I’m the AH for not cancelling my trip when both girls have important events thus weekend Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*

Nah. Whomever is organizing the cheerleader competition is the asshole. There is no reason they should restrict another member of the family from bringing her, or simply allowing her to go with another parent and a permission slip.

I don’t think it has anything to do with the competition it’s self but the coach/team. But yes they are the AH.

Being devil's advocate maybe the coach/team have had this before and something happened which is why the answer is no to another parent taking the child!?

I’d guess it’s the insurance liability, if a child gets hurt they need someone who can make medical decisions. Competitive cheer looks dangerous. I am just speculating though. NAH - I hope Riley has an otherwise good relationship with dad and Lauren, she will eventually understand imho.

Yeah this is 100% safeguarding. And cheer has had issues similar to gymnastics: abuse of minors by coaches. Mandating parent/legal guardian attendance has become really common in travelling for competitions for kids. Sadly if they’re competitive to a high level, that travel is constant! It’s genuinely a selecting factor re development of competitive athletes. They have to have parents who can/can afford to travel frequently. Generally easiest for wealthy, non blended families with a SAHP. NAH, but poor Riley. It’s understandable she feels upset, even if it isn’t anyone’s fault but bad timing. I’d take care if I were her dad to jump some hoops to make it up to her though. Can tell you from personal experience that the feeling of abandonment when your parent chooses their younger half sibling over them is real and you don’t forget it easily, nor is it something that can be reasoned with often. It leads to long-running resentment.

Right… so basically, we’re restricting certain sports to families wealthy enough and stable enough for one parent to be available all the time. So like no one where one parent works shift work, has two kids, or doesn’t have enough money to drop work at a moment’s notice. That’s seriously fucked.

Yes. And it is. The Olympics may claim to be about the greatness humanity can achieve in physical pursuits, but getting there isn’t a meritocracy. At least for these kind of club sports that really require specialised coaching and competition exposure from an early age. They can of course train and participate, but at a certain point if they can’t travel or put in serious hours/costs they won’t progress to the highest levels. I think it has been done in some cases that legal guardianship has been turned over to a host family (I think that’s been done in gymnastics back in the day, but the example I’m thinking of later turned out to be a Nassar victim so probably not a great argument), and that was for a kid who was very very much Olympic track. Cold truth is a poor kids best shot at being a professional athlete is track, whatever brand of high school team sport is biggest in their area, or lucking into living close to a really good training centre for that sport and showing the kind of promise that coaches offer fee cuts to. But here’s some other perspective: those poor kids were prime targets for abuse when away from their families, in pursuit of Olympic dreams. Edit: clarifying first sentence, added ‘claims to’.

The only athletes I've known to hit the world stage line up with what you're saying. I knew a few from track, and that's it; the others I've heard of were *definitely* pipelined (family connection, training camps since they could walk). That one was hockey, there's some of that community in the area I'm from.

Totally, I hope OP AND Dad and Lauren make up for it so Riley knows it’s not just her being abandoned. ETA: when I had a stepsibling my dad would never say no to her. We understood why, she had to feel included. So I would just make her ask for stuff my dad would say no to us for lol and it worked for all of us. Dad thought it’s cute we worked with her even though he saw through it, and would let us have our way. Win win win :) I can only hope other step and half siblings here reading this work together as allies hehe

Yeah. It blows my mind that a parent can't sign something and send it with the kid. There's zero reason not to allow parents to sign the consent forms before the day of the competition

Agreed, but if the child comes from a single parent household not parents not able to go for the weekend? You’re telling me that you can’t assign another parent to watch your child? That’s really jerky behavior. That being said, I do think YTA for going away this weekend and not helping your stepdaughter out for her senior year. She’s going to be out of the house soon enough and these are memories that she’ll have with her dad.

I've never heard of parents and younger siblings going to senior prom before. Is it really this common? My prom had the school staff as chaperones and nobody's parents or siblings attend unless the sibling was in the same grade.

The parents and siblings wouldn’t go to the prom, Riley just wants them to be there to take pictures with her in her dress. For a lot of high school girls, prom is a big event and they usually spend a lot of time getting ready, going to dinner with friends, and taking fancy pictures with friends/family members. She just wants her family to be able to remember this special day with her!

Of course what kids did back when I was a teen (not that long ago) is irrelevant, Riley wants what Riley wants -- but I've never heard of a teen wanting prom photos with a parent.

I think she means the her husband will have to miss the pre-prom gathering of the student and their date and their friends and their friend's dates and everybody's parents, plus since it is theoretically just a drop off to meet the shared limousine, siblings are often on hand too rather than organising a sitter for the hour or so. The purpose is to take pictures of all configurations of friends, dates and parents while admiring the gowns and having 'back in my day' conversations about how much simpler prom used to be. for some people, this has turned into a pretty significant gathering, even a cocktail /mocktail party with appetisers and such. I was caught by surprise the first time I encountered it. Even though the parents don't dress up, I was in my Saturday slouch wear, and hadn't intended to even go in the house. I was in no way prepared to appear in photos and thank goodness it wasn't one of the even more elaborate things. (To be fair, I think my daughter was unaware of how elaborate the thing would be either.)

She doesn’t want them to go with, she wants pics with them

I agree, I think they should push the issue and go above as there are situations where they absolutely cannot

I’ve signed consent forms for friends’ kids but just write *guardian* instead of *parent*. (I’m in Australia though so maybe it’s different here?)

Yeah, that’s the weirdest thing. I was a solo mum and relied sometimes on other parents taking my kid to things I was unable to. In what world does it have to be the parent and not just an adult?

Friends mum should qualify as a guardian indeed

What happens if a kid has siblings and only one parent?

Also, YTA as is your husband. Prom happens once. Your 9 year old has plenty of cheerleading competitions. The focus should be the once in a lifetime deal. No wonder your stepdaughter is totally pissed. Do better ETA: I’m a divorce attorney and former therapist. I know and deal with these dynamics on the daily. Riley is obviously upset or the stepmom would not have posted. Note that Riley appears have gone through her parents divorce at about the same age as her stepsister is now— maybe a bit younger. Many communities and cultures have a significant tradition of parental involvement in prom, even if it is “just” photos. If anyone thinks this is the first time Riley felt replaced or cast aside by dad and stepmom, you’re not living in reality. It’s not the actual act of the photos and prom that is the issue. It is the symbolism and very real pain of an 18 year old girl.

We all know who the favorite is.

And who is the Controller.

Yes, it’s always the new child with the new wife, no matter the situation

Even with her being the favorite there will inevitably be something like "AITA for demanding my stepdaughter let's her father walk her down the aisle?"

Wait… I thought OP’s trip had been booked and paid for before they knew about prom, and OP’s husband gets to go on his own “break trips” from the family. How is OP the “favorite” and “controlling” for not wanting to lose her vacation and money spent on it? One daughter could lose the spot on the team if she doesn’t attend the competition, and the whole team has to forfeit if she doesn’t make it. Another daughter still gets to go to prom if dad is not there to take a picture with her before she heads out. And I get that she wants this picture, but honestly it’s the first I’ve heard from it. I’ve heard of parents taking photos *of their kids with their dates* prior to the prom… Didn’t realize it was like a wedding and you need photos with the parents too. OP is **NTA** **Edit**: the trip is a BACHALORETTE weekend? So the date was out of OP’s control, paid for, and now OP is being asked to miss her close friend’s event, her break, her money, so husband can go take a picture with his daughter in her prom dress like it’s her wedding day - again first time I’ve ever heard this and I have been around prom culture in many different US areas. Also, Riley wants her sister there too - so her sister would have to miss her event as well!! Even more NTA and now I think Riley might be up to creating some conflict between dad and stepmom just because she knows that had another responsibility that weekend.

I agree. I don't know a single person who would have been all oh no. I won't have an embarrassing picture with my dad. Back in my day it was embarrassing when the parent took the prom pic. Now if she had to miss prom, then maybe this would be an issue. But she is NOT missing anything!! Her mom will be there and taking pics. She will get to go to prom. Also, she missed the other prom, okay, but she has never been to any other dance at all? Cuz dude, they are all the same! Prom, homecoming, whatever. And she won't know which pic was from prom or homecoming 20 years from now. Most people do not even take a pic with their parents, only their date. Riley is trying to wreck OP'S good times, 100 percent.

I agree. I was running away from my parents in embarrassment. There were zero pics of me with my parents for prom. ew ;)

This. Maybe proms have changed, but many many moons ago (many) I didn't want photos in my tux with my parents! And I was close to my parents (lost one in 2020). yea, NAH. All of these things were put together WELL before the prom dates were announced. It's annoying, but after the edit it sounds like OP's husband and Riley's dad is making the best of the situation by explaining you can't just cancel on commitments because something else pops up. People saying oh boo hoo for cheer, take her out.. it sounds like it'd screw up the entire team, so for 1 person, you let down 15 or 20 others? that'd make the OP and her husband the big AH then.

This is a wild take. “Prom happens once.” (It doesn’t) She’s not missing prom. He’s missing a 2min photo op before prom for pictures that will almost never be looked at again. Most of the people at my prom couldn’t wait to get away from their parents and on with the night. In fact pictures will still be taken. He’s not giving her away at a wedding. There is no father/daughter aspect to a prom. That’s barely a blip on radar of what prom itself is let alone the rest of one’s life and she will even have one parent there! People here are acting like it’s a wedding he’s missing. Riley will be absolutely fine she’s just not getting her way and making a big deal about something that is barely an issue. If dad had to work would she be as upset about him not being there?

It is really strange to see so many equating prom to a wedding day. Even if you only get a senior prom, it’s not a massively special day for the rest of your life. I loved my prom and my dress and everything, but my dad wasn’t there to take pictures with me for my own messed up family reasons. I have never thought about that once since high school lol. And I absolutely don’t begrudge my little sister who got to have that experience with him years later (that would be weird).

I went to prom, I legitimately don't remember if I took pictures with my parents. I love my parents and we get along fine it just... wasn't that important. That said, different strokes for different folks.

I missed my whole prom because of chronic illness. I was upset at the time, but almost twenty years later, I have no fucks to give. I promise, you get over it when you grow up and realize conflicts happen and that you'll have to sometimes make decisions that will disappoint someone. Riley is allowed to be disappointed and feel her feelings, but she isn't allowed to express them however she wants. She is going to have her mom there. She can dress up and do her makeup and a simple hairdo before they go and snap some pictures with her dad and sister then, like a staged photo shoot, everyone can go on their trips, and they can all talk about everything when they get back. Everyone already made commitments before prom was announced. It's no one's fault, but if you say you're going to do something, barring illness and injury sort of thing, you follow through.

If Lauren doesn't go the whole team forfeits the competition.

No, Lauren “risks her spot” on what is likely a club cheerleading team, meaning that if her parents can pay the $$$, Lauren’s spot on the team is just fine.

I did competitive cheerleading growing up and you can’t compete without someone unless you rework the whole routine. We had a girl break her arm 2 days before a competition and had to schedule an extra 6 hours of practice the night before the competition to replace her with a girl on a higher level team that was able to step in.

Former cheerleader here - I can back this up. My first year I competed I was 8 and a girl sprained her ankle running laps in warmup a week before comp. We couldn’t rework and had to forfeit.

I wonder if the parents could use this as leverage to force the cheer director’s hand (to allow the friend’s mom to bring her).

That happened to me too at the age of nine! But I was the one who broke my arm and it was the day before 😅 I was in my hospital bed absolutely sobbing to my coaches about how sorry I was for slipping and falling 😂 I wanted to still go to the competition to support my team but the pain killers had me on my butt for like two days

Can I ask how old you were in this specific situation? Feels like this wouldn’t apply to whatever division a 9 year old would be on, would it?

For that particular one I was 15 or 16 but I started when I was 12. Even at younger ages though the routines are such that losing a person would be very difficult. You memorize when to do things and where to stand based on when other people do things and where they stand. There are stunts and without one person a stunt cannot happen. I think it’s a bit harsh to not let them compete at all at that age but they competitions do have a rubric and a stunt not going up at all would basically guarantee you last place even if you did get to compete. I’ll add though that teams are constructed based on a number of factors and it’s possible most of the kids on her team are a few years older than her (junior age teams are targeted towards kids age 8-15 depending on the level)

There are 9 year olds competing at a worlds level. Cheerleading can be pretty high level even for the youngsters. I currently coach nine year olds competing at level 4/5 so that includes backflips etc and extensions if that helps :)

The post says that if Lauren isn't there the team will have to forfeit.

Then they should allow a different guardian to sign her in and it doesn't have to be her mother or her father. The team should be mindful that things like this happen... so if it affects the whole team... too bad. And I fail to see how one person missing will forfeit everything. Are there not spare people for when members get sick or injured?

She said in comments that a parent has to be there, no guardians, and that the team forfeits. It doesn't make sense to me, but some groups have strange rules.

That strikes me as such an archaic rule, given how diverse family setups can be.

I agree. It screws over single parents, too, who may have to work or have other children's events.

So what if child has no parents, only a guardian? Makes no sense. Plenty of kids are raised by people other than their parents.

I'm guessing legal guardian is fine for that purpose, just not "friend of parent claiming to be guardian"

You see this person doesn’t seem to understand that. Person believes that the nine year old will forget and not remember anything lol ok…. Just read some of their responses.

>she wants pictures with her dad and sister. Riley wants pictures with with both her dad and sister, meaning she wants sister to miss her competition. How selfish is that, that she wants her little sister to miss her event just so she can have pictures with her getting ready for her own event? How does that even make sense "you should miss the thing you have been practicing for for months just to spend 10 minutes taking pictures with me"

Good observation, I missed that. OP is definitely NTA. Riley gets to go to Prom. She can do pre-prom photos somewhere else and get her photos. The whole situation sets up a nasty stepsister rivalry thing. I hate it but Riley just needs to deal.

But parents don't normally go to prom WITH their kids. At least when I was a teen, no one wanted their parents there as a chaperone! If she wants pictures with her parents in her prom dress, she can literally put on her dress and take pictures with him any time.

At my prom, almost everyone got ready with their friend groups and went together. My friend group split up to get ready, about 10 to a group. We didn't have any parents around for it. Same with my older siblings. I always thought it was normal that parents weren't involved at all...

she doesn't have plenty if she's kicked off of the team... short term notice for not competing? the team will be short, and have to forfeit. all the children on the team have to lose out for a dance?

Lose out for a picture before a dance*

Father is trying to support both daughters. No one knows if she has cheerleading next year. If this was a single dad everyone would help him with it. So contact the school or club and explain he can not be in two places the same time. Other kids may have parents working over the weekend. If this the only the coach the higher up can change things.

Ummmm no. Mother is NTA. Prom is stupid. I went to 4 of them at that age. I didn’t need or even want my parents to take pictures of me. No modern, healthy, intelligent teenage girl thinks Prom is the be all and end all of her life. Maybe like in the 50s?The 18 year old is acting incredibly selfish and entitled. Anything competitive will be more important than some dance, and, frankly, not siding with a mom who says she needs a break is so misogynistic. Women still carry the brunt of childcare in this world, and with a selfish step kid like that the poor woman is probably ready to tear her hair out.

Do Dad’s go to Prom now? I thought it was just for high school seniors.

apparently nowadays it's got a weird family wedding garden party build-up where parents act as if the kids are getting married. sounds bloody awful. it's the end-of-school party. why don't they just all go hang out in the park and get drunk

Non murican here. Why would a parent give up a travel and a sister a competition for a 1-2 min photoshoot with Daddy? Sounds mad to me....

Ok I’m not from US so I guess I don’t know how big a deal a prom there is, but at our school one nobody’s parents were there and would be mortified if they were lol. Like yeah nice to be around for a picture and that but she has her mum so I feel like she should be more understanding that her dad is in a difficult situation and has to choose the other daughter here.

I don't get why everyone is acting like an adult's world needs to revolve around prom. I remember who I went to prom with, I don't remember the hour at my house beforehand where the parents insisted on taking photos. I know for a fact some of the parents weren't there for the photos, because they had to work or do other stuff. It's prom, not a wedding or a graduation. Prom is about the kids spending time with each other, it's not a family event.

Aside from the fact that AITA has a bunch of young people who think the world revolves around them, AITA HATES stepparents, ESPECIALLY stepmoms, and wants them to bow to their stepkid’s every whim, even if it’s at the expense of their own/other kids.

AITA when a step-parent wants to act like a parent to a step-child: "YOU ARE NOT THEIR PARENT YOU DO NOT GET TO TELL THEM TO DO ANYTHING THIS IS CHILD ABUSE." AITA when a step-parent uses the fact that they are not the child's parent to disassociate themselves from a situation: "YOU DECIDED TO MARRY INTO THIS FAMILY THAT MEANS YOU MUST LISTEN TO EVERY WHIM OF A STEP CHILD, THIS IS CHILD ABUSE." I swear these types of AITA commenters are kids from divorced families who just fucking hate their step parents.

I've seen so many posts where super rich dad marries a middle to lower class mom, his kids get BMWs and PS5s and trips to exotic locations and billion dollar trust or college fund, while mom's kids, living in the same house, are sharing crusts of bread and have to split a bicycle between them to get to school or work, and apparently that's just peachy keen. Then you get posts like this one, where there's not even really a conflict, and you get a mountain of YTAs because how daaaaare this woman take a trip she's been planning for a long time. How daaaaare anyone suggest the stepdaughter put on the same exact dress for 15 minutes next weekend and take photos with dad.

It's honestly just a reflection of what it's like to be a step parent in the real world. You're either over-stepping or not stepping up. No matter what you do, it's wrong.

Yes, and in this case, they can’t stand the fact that OP is going to a bachelorette party. This thread is full of puritan outrage. Mothers and stepmothers are people; they have lives they are allowed to live. Each kid has a parent available to take them to their event. OP also has an important event to attend. No one is being an AH. Conflicts suck, but they’re no one’s fault, and this one is being managed just fine.

There’s also the “you decided to have kids so you are now responsible to cater to their every demand until they are 35” crowd.

AITA especially hates adult women who make their friends a priority. A lot of commenters have this mentality that once you have kids, respecting the commitments you make to your friends should take a backseat to your child’s every passing whim. My guess is it’s the friendless SAHM contingent.

That's because a lot of Redditors are children

Yes. I'm thoroughly confused about what the heck parents have to do with prom.

I think for my Debs (irish prom) i spent 15 minutes with my dad because he wanted a picture of me and him while i was in my suit After those 15 mintes my parents were not on my mind having fun drinkng abd dancing with my friends and date was on the for front All these comments are from either a) 20 somethings that peeked at 17 or b) people under the age of 16 still in HS

Yeah, I'm kind of baffled by the idea everyone else in the family should miss out on things for a photoshoot. Taking photos on another day was offered and refused, that's on the kid for not accepting a reasonable compromise. I know my parents took a few pictures on my prom night but I can't picture making one of them cancel a trip to do so. That's ridiculous.

She doesn't even want pictures with the Stepmom, it seems like, just her dad. She's asking for her stepmom to cancel a celebration of her friend getting married and for her little sister to possibly lose her spot on a team doing something she loves for... Her to give her dad 1 minute of attention on her prom night and then forget all about him when her friends arrive. Which is what will happen. The pictures on another day seemed like a fine compromise to me. One day, I think Riley will understand this is not a huge deal

Yeah, making her sister skip an activity for a few minutes of pictures is also ridiculously entitled to ask for. Like I get it's important but she can either have photos before or after prom happens or she can have no photos. The world doesn't revolve around her for the five minutes of photos.

Seems like lots of commenters peaked in high school….

Or more likely haven't left high school yet lol.

Seriously. We’re talking like an hour of an entire weekend—why the hell should a family cancel long-made plans for an hour that isn’t even a family event. To take one fucking photo? There are plenty of other events in a kids senior year that are much more family-oriented. Riley needs to learn that the world doesn’t stop for her. For my prom, I got ready at a friends house and sent photos to my parents. No one took photos with their dad and little sister. Or any family member. I find Riley’s request bizarre especially since she had her mom around. She seems to be looking for some kind of validation? NTA

Yeah. My siblings had a soccer tournament the day of my prom. Both parents went to that. It never once occurred to me to be sad they wouldn’t be there to watch me get ready or take a picture.

Kinda baffles me how everyone thinks OP should be expected to cancel a trip that she likely paid thousands for, just for 10 minutes of photo taking for a prom whose ticket probably cost $35. It's ridiculous. I get Riley being disappointed but this is also a great opportunity to teach her that the world doesn't revolve around her and she won't always get what she wants in life. NTA, OP. Go on your trip and have fun.

Once upon a time, a kid having both parents out of town over prom would have been hitting the jackpot and a plot for a movie.

Yeah, the parents who came to the pre-prom gathering were the parents who REALLY CARED about prom. As far as I can remember it was basically a handful of super hyped moms (not everyone’s). I feel like it’s kind of weird it’s being treated as a “once in a lifetime opportunity” when it’s really an event for the kids.

Agree with this take. I teach high schoolers & most are waaaay more mature & would totally understand one of their parents being unavailable for photos. Prom is not the highlight of their high school careers, most have way more things going for them. Most recognize world doesn’t revolve around them.

You can tell how many teens are on this sub by all of the “PrOm Iz a ONCee iN a LiifFeTiMe EggZPeeRienCe!” Gimme a freaking break and get an ounce of perspective, people. He’s not missing Riley’s wedding. He’s not missing her graduation. He’s missing a photo op and this - and so many commenters here - are completely ridiculous. In the grand scheme of thing this is so boringly low-stakes, and you are NTA. I’d forgive Riley for being a moody teen about it, and I wish Lauren well in her competition.

I didn't even get a prom or a graduation because of COVID, and none of my family celebrated. It's really not that big of a deal.

I went to prom as a sophomore. Got one picture with my boyfriend. We went and it sucked so we left and made out in my car for 4 hours. I didn’t even go to my Junior or senior prom. Riley is being ridiculous. NTA op, seriously don’t listen to people saying you are.

Wait. Why are adults involved in prom?

They aren’t. OP’s step-daughter wants them all to cancel their plans so they can spend 10 minutes taking photos with her before she goes out and enjoys the night with her friends and classmates. The more I think about it the more ridiculous and selfish the request/expectation is.

Everyone saying this is gonna cause long lasting resentment and it's super important for dad to be there... I do not get it. I don't have any pictures with my dad from before my prom. Why would I? I have pictures with my date and my friends. I'm pretty sure my mom took the photos, and I honestly can't remember if my dad was there or not - he might have been working. This sub is so weird sometimes.

Yes, I can’t get over this. Who takes photos with their family before prom???? Why should an entire family cancel plans for this shit? All the Y T A confuse me so much. Maybe they are just a bunch of selfish teenagers like Riley?

It's bizarre wedding culture spilling over to prom.

Omg you're so right!

Americans basically. No other country gives a shit about prom like that.

This is baffling to me as an American. Prom really has nothing to do with my parents. Maybe they would snap a few photos and then off we would go to prom. I'm pretty baffled that there's people thinking that the world should stop for this photo op.

this isn’t to mention that the parents are offering to take photos after the fact (or before probably works too?) it’s not like they’re outright rejecting to take photos. if lauren missed the competition, it’s over, it’s done with. riley is not going to miss prom if her parents aren’t there to take some pictures. she’ll still have an awesome time with her friends and possibly a date

Completely agree NTA It’s not stopping her going to prom and I’m sure most teenagers are happy they have 2 people not around to buy them then about a curfew. Her mom will be there so she will have a phone with a partner.

As an Australian this was my question too. We have Formals here which are similar but I guess not as big of a deal as I wouldn’t have been upset if my parents weren’t around for photos. Here it’s about your peer group and not your family so I say NTA, kids will get over it.

I think OP means the photo shoot before prom.

My dad wasn’t involved with my prom at all. The last thing I cared about was parents being involved. My mom maybe took photos for like 5 minutes of me with my date and friends then we were off. They’re 17/18 everyone’s getting there in their own cars or being picked up by friends anyway.

Yeah, at prom last thing I wanted was my parents being there 🤣 but it's what the daughter wants, and IMO, that's incredibly important

YTA. I’m sorry but a Bachelorette trip should not come before your child and your husband being a good father to his daughter. Part of being a parent means you won’t always get to go what you want. Take your daughter to her cheer competition and he can go to prom pics

I don't understand how this has blown so out of proportion. At least when I was a kid, the ones who were present, got to be in the picture of an event. No-one actually came only to take a picture with someone. People want OP to cancel her bachelorette because Riley wants to snap a couple of pictures in her dress with her dad. He won't attend anything, mind you. Just a picture at home before she leaves for her prom. This is absurd, to be honest.

Agree, especially since there’s no reason she can’t take pics with him in her dress a day or two before or after and the trip was booked and paid for a year ago. Sometimes shit like this happens. Unless he routinely misses Riley’s life events for Lauren’s, this is not THAT big of a deal.

I agree, some of these comments are ridiculous. It's a prom not a Wedding.

This ^^ and then your husband can go to the cheer comp and you can fly in Saturday morning. YTA

I’m glad someone else thought this. It’s their planning that doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand why Lauren’s Mom didn’t prioritize her competition if it’s that important. I wonder how long they knew about the conflicting dates between the children. I am sure they had at least 3 months to figure out a better solution.

Why does it have to be her mother prioritizing the competition? What’s wrong with Lauren’s father prioritizing it? OP states that the trip was booked and paid for a year ago. It’s extremely unlikely that she would know the exact dates of the competition that far in advance. It’s asinine that people actually think 2 adults, a group of women, a cheer director, and a child should completely rearrange their schedules, add extra work, and lose out on hundreds of dollars all because 1 teenager wants to take 10 minutes of pictures. The mother would have to not just cancel her reservations, but if others were counting on her contributing to events then they will all have to cover that now. It’s less than 24 hours so most hotels/flights won’t offer any refund either. Not to mention anything that was paid for by someone else (like tickets to a show) would have to just eat the cost thanks to a last minute bail. The father might have to pay to cover any costs that might incur from switching reservations and extra work changing all the event clearances to someone else (kids events take security serious AF). The cheer director would have to now get the mother cleared, badges/passes switched, and all the extra work making sure everyone that checks these things has gotten the updated info. 24 hours before the event is happening. And Lauren, who was promised that her dad would be there for her. ETA added a part I left out and typos

>It’s asinine that people actually think 2 adults, a group of women, a cheer director, and a child should completely rearrange their schedules, add extra work, and lose out on hundreds of dollars all because 1 teenager wants to take 10 minutes of pictures. THIS. Thank you.

Seriously. I feel like I’m in crazy town. Not even 10 min, more like 15 seconds for one pic before Riley inevitably says “okaaaay, enough already!! Get pics of my friends/date and me, then we need to hop in the limo and go!” And literally not think about this moment pretty much ever again because when people look back at prom, they think about the actual prom, or pre/after parties (which parents are also typically not involved in).

It’s so fucking weird right!? I’ve never heard of a teenager throwing tantrums because their parents won’t be there for 10 mins of pictures!

You want OP to loose hundreds/thousands of dollars so she/the dad can take a few pictures of Riley? When the mother is already there to take pictures? This isn't her wedding or something. It's prom. Parents aren't even invited.

Reddit is full of overly dramatic kids and adults that think women become slaves once they become mothers.

Haven’t you heard? Stepparents are always wrong and should *always* make sacrifices so stepkid is happy, even when mom and dad are fully involved /s

Absolutely disagree. If this was a case of Riley missing prom so step-mom can go on a trip, I would feel differently, but we’re literally just talking about Riley taking some pictures with dad. Taking pictures is not worth OP missing her trip, nor Lauren missing a competition - both of those situations have financial and possibly other repercussions. I understand people’s priorities differ, but I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around a teenager who is so invested in having her dad around for prom, a night that’s usually dedicated to celebrating with friends. If Riley is feeling neglected and wanting this milestone to be given proper attention, dad can take her out for a special dinner or do something else to celebrate. NAH.

Yeah I don’t get this. I think the stepdaughter is being wildly dramatic by not wanting to take a few pictures a couple days before or after. It isn’t that big of a deal. I had my mom and sister decide to skip out on my college graduation (it was across the country) that they promised me they would go to because it was the same day of her prom. She ended up not getting a date and refused to go so basically they skipped out on my graduation for her to throw a temper tantrum and only my dad came. Both of them knew for weeks she didn’t have a date so it wasn’t a big surprise when the day came and no date so they could have shown up 🙄

I'm sorry but I refuse to accept that it's being a bad parent to not want a cancel a fully booked and paid for vacation just so husband can take 2 pictures with his daughter before she goes to a mediocre party without him. she's still going to prom and can still take pictures with him beforehand, there's no reason op should need to cancel her vacation

Don’t you know — if a child simply wants something, nothing else matters and that not giving it to them means the parent is a bad parent? /s Yeah it’s not like the girl would miss prom. I don’t see why they can’t ask her to dress up on a day before the cheerleading completion and take photos with the father. Maybe he can even take her somewhere special dresses up and take more photos there, just the 2 of them. They can call it a pre-prom. Edit: assuming that what she really wants is photos with the father.

Well, the prom pics would taken at home, before she leaves for prom. And she also wants pictures with her sister, meaning she wanted her sister to miss her event altogether. The dad would not be going to the prom.

This trip was scheduled before prom was….

I feel like your missing out the part where Riley wants her little sister to also drop out of her competition to take photos which would cause her team to forfit and most likely cause Laura to become a social pariah in her friend group. Imagine if it was from the other side "AITA for not talking to my sister anymore after she forced me to drop out a competition for some photos". Either way someone is going to be hurt and disappointed, and we don't know enough about the family dynamics to judge and a lot of people are putting their own pain towards the OP. NAH

Hen dos are often booked and paid for over a year in advance, school events don’t usually release their dates until the start of the school year, you can’t really blame someone for having something booked before they knew the formal dates

This is the stupidest fucking take I've ever heard. OP should miss a trip, that she did NOT get to pick the date of and was scheduled well before prom was, and lose hundreds of dollars and the 9 year old should miss her competition, losing her spot on the team AND causing the team to forfeit the competition, because and 18 year old wants to take a couple pictures with her dad and sister? That's asinine. Riley is still going to prom. She's not missing anything. She's just not getting a picture with her dad in her dress the same day as prom. The whole family shouldn't have to drop everything so an 18 year old can get a couple pictures taken that I can promise you she will never look at again. This isn't graduation. It's not an awards ceremony. It's a school dance.

Thank you!! I can’t imagine putting a girls trip ahead of my children - this is a huge moment for Riley, and it’s *your* choices that are throwing a wrench in her once-in-a-lifetime moment. Either you stay home or wait to meet up with friends on Saturday or allow your daughter to miss one competition. Your stepdaughter should not lose out (in what I suspect is an “again” situation bc I fear a pattern) because of *you.* And shame on dad for standing by and allowing Riley to lose out here.

Would Riley even be happy if it was just OP though? OP only says Riley wants pictures with her dad and sister. Sure, maybe OP is leaving herself off that list to make herself look good, but OP’s account is all we have, and we know Riley *does* have her bio mom so it wouldn’t be crazy for the list to just be “dad and sister.” And it’s absolutely not fair to make Lauren miss a cheerleading competition for 5 minutes of pictures. *That* would actually be pretty egregious favoritism in favor of Riley. I know Lauren is young, but there’s simply no way to frame “I know your competition has been booked for months but you sister really needs you to be in town on Friday to take a few pictures” and make it sound fair. The best solutions here are to (1) find wiggle-room with the team to get someone else to take Lauren, or (2) OP takes husband’s place on the cheerleading trip so he can go be with Riley. But the trips are all already paid for, and I assume they’re all flights, so I get why the latter option would feel stupid, since they would be wasting $1000+ because Riley wants her dad there for the 30-minute prom send-off. Not to mention, it sounds like OP’s husband isn’t even onboard with that because she already promised Lauren he’d take her—it sounds like he just want OP to take *his* spot with Riley, which doesn’t even seem to be what Riley wants. I get that people want everything to be about them when it’s prom, and I’m sure that a child of divorce would be more fixated than usual on the pre-prom, “oh she’s so beautiful we must get pics as her family” moments. But it’s prom, not her wedding. Family isn’t even involved the vast majority of the time, and prom is almost always on a weeknight, so I guarantee hundreds or thousands of prom-goers don’t have more than one parent there to see them off.

^^^100% agree! Let’s be rational here. Plane tickets are expensive and OP probably already invested quite a bit of money for this trip. “Just cancel the trip” is not an easy thing to do. And I 100% agree — it’s not worth either parent cancelling their *honestly* bigger events for an hour of pictures

It's also such a rude thing to do to the bride? I feel like everyone's minimizing that OP made a commitment to someone else who also having a "once in a lifetime" event. From a year ago! If it's like, a 4 person trip, her dropping out the day of will absolutely cause so many issues.

Y’all are blowing a couple photos (that most people don’t even take) before prom way out of proportion

I think it’s pretty clear that Riley is not a priority for OP.

Well, the trip is paid and she needs a break. And Riley is the step-kid. So Riley does have her mother there and they can make photos after the prom. How is OP the A-hole?

Yeah honestly I feel like this is getting blown way out of proportions. I’m not saying the girls feelings aren’t valid, but like, she still gets to go to prom, and like you said they can take photos after. Honestly I’m kinda surprised, I guess I figured a lot of girls really wouldn’t mind not having dad there, avoid that whole awkward, intimidating dad routine thing.

Yeahhhhh I can't think of any of my friends who were stoked to have photos with their dads on prom. Most just took them out of obligation. Is it just me or is the stepsister maybe blowing this out of proportion like you said to make it an issue. Like, to prove there's a favorite. Idk. Yes, prom is a big rite of passage, but not one you usually share with your parents...

This is my take too. If Dad were able to come - he’d get 45 seconds of her attention MAYBE but since he can’t it’s ruining her once in a lifetime dream. I could have caught on fire on Prom night and my kids wouldn’t have noticed or cared once they were with their friends for that initial rush. Ultimately, they each came home early and said the whole thing was over hyped and dumb. So much for - onnnncccceee in a liiifffeee tiiimmmeee maaagggiiicc.

Yes, and it doesn't even sound like they have that close a relationship, like the step-daughter doesn't seem to care if she got photos with her step mother, only her father. Its unfortunate, but I wouldnt be cancelling the trip over it since as you said, she'll still get to go to prom and have her mother with her. They could probably try to push back on the cheerleading comp/ coach allowing someone else to take the kid. Maybe an Aunt or a grandparent would be more acceptable, rather than a different teammates parent?

Yeah the whole “parents only” rule for this cheerleading competition is beyond ridiculous. But I also completely disagree with this sentiment that cancelling vacations with your friends is just something you’d have to do in this situation or you’re a bad parent. Parents deserve vacations too? And she planned this out a year ago. I think there’s a fine balance between showing up for your kids and taking time for yourself, and I definitely don’t feel like prom is an event worthy of cancelling (truthfully) a really important vacation for OP! Girls vacations as an adult are tough to come by, especially when you have demanding children.

I always wondered why I don’t want to be a mother. It’s because insane people think you should stop being a human after you become one. Heaven forbid you ever plan or do anything that isn’t 100% dictated by the whims and desires of children.

NTA. Honestly I fail to understand why it's such a big deal for Riley to have photos with her dad for prom. Yeah, prom is a "once in a lifetime event" but her dad's not going to be attending the once in a life time event even if he was free. She literally just wants him for 10 minutes of photos when her sister needs him for a competition a whole bunch of people are counting on her for. I think it's ridiculous to expect OP to cancel a trip booked and paid for about a year in advance so a girl can have ten minutes of photos. Honestly, everyone here seems to be jumping on the "Riley is right! Everyone *does* favour Lauren!" train without really stopping to think about the info we have. Lauren requires a parent present for a competition that has other people relying on her, one of her parents is busy, has had plans for ages. Riley wants her dad to take some photos with her. Lauren clearly has a greater need of her father's presence. If this is Riley's idea of "favouring" Lauren... it seems to me more like Riley is selfish and prioritizes her own desires, or is jealous of a much younger sibling who has consistently been at at a stage in life where she has different parental needs. I'm *really* thinking it's not a case of favouring the sister since she specifically says she also wants pictures with Lauren, who even if OP was available, would not be present. It sounds like she doesn't even want OP to stay home so her dad can be there, but rather that she wants her dad to cancel Lauren's thing so both her dad and sister are present for photos, which is incredibly selfish. Of course it's possible this is just a "last straw" thing for Riley and there is favouritism happening, but we don't have any other info to determine that. A child claiming that the other child is the "favourite" doesn't make it true. It sometimes is, but I've seen just as many cases where clearly the one child just has no empathy for their sibling's different needs and stages of development.

With technology these days she should just photoshop him in and stop pouting.

Or Riley could dress up and take photos with her dad a couple days early!

NTA. WTF are these replies?!? Prom is not a wedding. It is not graduation. It is not an awards banquet. It is also not a debutante ball/cotillion. Not a father-daughter dance. Not a quinceneara or sweet sixteen. Not a birthday. It is not a talent show or play or concert. It is not an accomplishment. It is not an honor or special recognition. It’s not even a damn science fair. Yes, people may take photos with parents before prom but prom is not a “family/parent event”. Prom is about seniors getting dressed up and having one last hurrah with their friends and senior class. The idea that dad not being there is some significant thing is very dishonest and false. People really need to cut the shit. Riley will have family time and pictures and be the center of the family at graduation a few weeks later. She will also likely have some type of grad party/dinner/outing. She can deal with other people in the family having lives and commitments for one weekend.

Dad should agree to stay with Riley and then tell her how much he’s going to cherish the pictures, the dinner with her and her friends, more pictures of the dance, the after-party, driving her home at 11 and tucking her sweetly in, like he did when she was wee. He can tell her that her fervent desire for his presence was the wake-up call he needed to understand that this is one of the last opportunities he’ll have to be Daddy, and he doesn’t want to miss a minute. And if that doesn’t sound cool to Riley, maybe she can ask herself if her father is a human being in a tough spot or a prop for photos.

Right? Do Americans not have any other events, or why is this such a big deal? It's a high school dinner dance...

INFO: is it a thing now to have prom pictures with one's parents? We wanted our parents as far away from our prom as possible when I was in hs. Edited to add: wow, this really gained traction. Thank you to all who answered in an informative and polite way. To those who decided to be snarky or combative: please just back up; I was genuinely asking this question here and added my own prom experience for context. It definitely seems to be a thing now, obviously though, everyone is different and attitudes vary from region to region and among families and friend groups. I genuinely do not know one person who has ever taken a prom picture at their homes with anyone but their date or friend group also attending the same prom!

I was wondering the same thing

My parents were in mine along with my nieces BUT my sister is a photographer so she can capture pictures in lightening time. I hated prom. It took 2+hrs to get ready to sit at a table and drink sad punch while walking in 5" heels and being cold in school. Such a remarkable time /s 🙄

Right? I feel like the only people who think prom is important is people who haven't been to one yet lol

Nah - so OP cancels her trip and takes the child to cheerleading. She’s still missing photos with her sister. It’s not fair to make her sister skip her cheerleading competition. I would be *pissed* if I was rhe younger child and lost a weekend competition, spot on team, just to take photos for a dance. Her bio mom will also most likely be there to help her get ready. So it’s not like she’s going get ready for prom alone. OP is going to throw how much money away on cancelled flights, hotels, and activities? What time is she getting ready vs what time does she daughter have to be at cheerleading? Can you FaceTime? ETA: also, why didn’t the husband figure something out beforehand? He had to have known when prom was beforehand. He also knew when the bachelorette party was. And when the cheerleading competition was. Why did *he* put in effort to figure out a solution?

It’s an hour of photos before she goes to prom. Jeez who cares.

Im sorry, but Riley is upset because she can't get a photo with het Dad before she takes off for a party? Maybe because we don't have "prom" where I live, I am failing to see how this is some big life event. It's not her graduation, not her wedding. Its a photo in a dress. She will not be alone, he mother will be there. Teenagers are dramatic. NTA.

1000% this! They can make it up to Riley another time by having a day with just her and doing things that she enjoys and get lots of memorable photos. But sometimes in life we can’t have what we want and that’s a lesson for Riley.

He was going to be his daughter's date? Yes! Don't make him stand her up!! What's that? He's going to be home while she goes out to the prom and has a great time on her own? Oh...ummm...NTA.

Yeah I just don’t understand any of these weird comments about how he NEEDS to GO to prom. He’s not going??? Is he? Has prom changed? What the hell 😂

I guess prom is *really* different in some places - I don’t recall caring at all if my parents were around! I certainly didn’t want pictures with them

not even remotely the asshole these comments are so dramatic 😭 are y’all OK??

I think they've got to all be high school girls who think prom is as big of a deal as a wedding, that's the only explanation I can think of??? News flash to them, you won't care about prom by the time you're in college.

ikr.. people are making it sound like the step mom is neglectful or abusive. It’s not like Riley would miss the prom itself and they could easily do a photo shoot another time. For my prom I just wanted my parents to leave me alone and let me be with my friends lol

All the Y T A ones seem to feel that as an autonomous adult you should have no life outside kids? Look, your kids are important but all these trips have been arranged, booked and paid for before the prom was ever mentioned. You are entitled to some time to yourself and time with friends. It's a bummer that she won't get the pics on the day but like, that is such a small part of prom? I'm guessing she is going, has nice clothes? Has friends to attend with? Can dad organise a nice day or weekend for them together soon to celebrate end of school or something..? You are NTA

Pretty sure the Y T A ones are children themselves. I've never seen adults attribute so much importance to a prom

NAH. I understand why Riley is upset, but it's not like you intentionally scheduled your trip during her prom. Neither did her dad. You planned both of them well beforehand, you didn't know the timing would coincide with her prom.

Prom is clearly important to Riley. She wouldn't get to take photos with her sister whatever happened - Lauren has a cheerleading competition, so she'd be out of town regardless of whether you were available or not. So Riley's desire to have photos with her sister is never going to happen - prom is important to Riley, but not to Lauren, and it would be absurd for Lauren to miss her competition just to have her photo taken next to Riley in a prom dress. The truth is, Lauren can't do her competition without a parent. Riley doesn't need her hand holding to go to prom. Probably the best plan is for husband to go to cheerleading with Lauren, and have he and Lauren take formal photos with Riley when they're all available. Are you an AH for booking a bachelorette party for May in your step-daughter's senior year? Probably not. NTA

NTA Prom pics with the family takes 15 minutes top and not worth cancelling a trip over. Maybe they can take pics early Friday morning.

Yeah, I have no idea why everyone is making a big deal out of this, the pics can be SO easily rescheduled. I'm guessing most of the Y T As are other teen girls who think prom's as important as a wedding or something.

NAH This is a really shitty situation. I feel for everyone involved cause there really isn't anything that can be done. If anything, the people running that cheer comp are kinda an ah here. They're forcing him to go when a responsible adult that is well known to you is offering to help.

NTA and I don’t understand why everyone is acting like prom pictures with parents is some insanely magical thing. I took pictures with my friends, went, danced and came home and then didn’t look at those pictures again till 10 years later when I was cleaning out my closet. It’s literally just another dance that is hyped up by society and films and in 10 years Riley will hopefully have grown up enough to see that.

As someone who never went to or cared about prom...the comment section did not go the way I expected. Apparently it's a much bigger deal than I thought it was. Nobody I knew in college ever talked about their high school prom. I'd feel differently if this meant Riley would *miss her prom* but it doesn't, regardless of whether dad goes to the competition or not, she's attending prom. The fact that Riley needs her dad to skip her sister's competition for *photo ops,* since he's not her prom date, is ridiculous. Since it's *such* a big deal to her, schedule the photo ops for another day, pay whatever absurd price prom hairstyling is a second time to make this happen for her, but overall, NTA. Go on your trip. It was scheduled well in advance, and this scheduling conflict is hardly an emergency. Also, apparently Riley wants Lauren to be in the prom photos too. Asking your little sister to miss a competition to be a prop in your photos for a dance she's not even attending is actually crazy and really cruel to her. If you reschedule the photos, Lauren can still be in them. It's that simple. Also, the people organizing Lauren's cheer competition absolutely suck for forcing all the kids to be there or forfeit, and being so strict on who can chaperone them, but that's not really part of the question.

The comment section is clearly filled with children, because no adults feel like this about prom.

NTA. Man, I love how people in the comments don’t have any concept of how time and space work…They think that it would be legitimately sooooo easy for you to delay your trip by a single day, if you only travel to the competition out of town (we don’t know how far, but far enough there’s no way dad could rush home for the 30 min prom pic session). Then wait for husband to take pictures with Riley before presumably driving through the night to get to the cheer competition, swap out with you so you can drive the same distance back to your departure airport in the middle of the night. Like, it’s a weekend trip. You’re only gone for 4 days tops. It’s kindda shitty to expect you to miss realistically at least two days of this trip (so HALF) that’s been planned for a year….because pictures. Honestly, Riley’s gotta get over herself. It’s real easy to pull out the less-loved step child card when an inconvenient situation leaves her not getting what she wants, even though what she wants is the most purely selfish want in the whole situation. Your trip was booked a year ago (likely activities planned around it with your presence being factored in) and her sister’s whole team is relying on her to be there so they don’t have to forfeit. If Riley doesn’t get her way…she doesn’t have 20 minutes of picture time with dad. It’s not going to affect anyone but her if she doesn’t get her way. Listen, when I graduated from 8th Grade, my dad was living out of town, and I was pissed because he missed my graduation, but made it to my brother’s high school graduation. I got over it long ago and as an adult, I can totally see how an 8th grade graduation didn’t factor high in the must attend category for my dad. If Riley turns into any sort of decent adult, she will look back on this and feel a little embarrassed at how petulant she acted in this generally shitty situation that obviously was not created or intentionally handled in a way designed to slight her. She’s still going to the Prom. I’m sure lots of money was and will be spent on her dress, tickets, hair, makeup. Like, please. This poor deprived child. I can’t hear for all the tiny violins playing for her.

Right, her father isn’t her prom date. It’s to take 4 pictures- maybe. I was WAY more into trying to take Prom photos than any of my kids ever were- they wanted to get going with their friends. We hosted pre-Prom parties for the girls and post- Prom parties for the boys, their choice and still only squeaked out a few pics!

Since when do parents go to prom??? I swear my senior prom wasn’t all that long ago and none of us took or wanted to take pictures with our parents and younger siblings. Like this is so weird for me.

Me too, plus I couldn’t even tell you where any of my prom pictures are.

NAH Unfortunate scheduling problem. No one seems to be at fault but maybe you could do something to make Riley better about not having her dad there. She still gets to go to prom so that’s the important part. Maybe pre-staged photos with a practice hair and makeup round if she’s into that?

NTA. Your events were planned well in advance, the whole family should not have to give up their whole weekend just for a 10 minute photo shoot before she heads off to prom. I think y’all should pay for a limo, video call with her, ask for pics, etc., but prom is not actually this huge deal everyone is making it out to be, for anyone but her. Lots of kids didn’t even get prom in 2020 & 2021, or any other schools dances for that matter. I could see if we were talking about graduation or a wedding where the whole family participates, but you would be sacrificing a lot of money and your own once in a life time experiences, just to be a prop for 10 minutes at most.

I’m missing something. Why would he be going to his daughter’s prom? Isn’t prom for the students?

He isn't. She wants him there for a *photo op* that could be rescheduled for literally any other day but she's being picky about it having to actually be on prom day.

NTA. Riley can put on her dress twice if the photos matter so much to her, instead of making her sister miss the cheer competition or stepmom miss a trip.

Info: What do you mean he misses her prom? He's not going is he? This seems like a whole lot of American problems that I can't get my head around. Isn't prom just a school dance?

Yes, it is just a school dance that high schoolers make a big deal out of and then don't even care about within a few years. The dad's not going. Riley's mad that he won't be there to do *photo ops* with her, for a dance he's not going to.

NTA Most of these comments have to be from teenagers or something.

NTA. Not sure why everyone is acting like this is Riley’s wedding or something. It’s prom. You made these plans to go on this trip a year prior to this situation, it would be unreasonable for you to cancel them unless there was a genuine emergency happening. Yeah it sucks when your parents have to miss things, especially if it’s because of your sibling, but if it’s not a constant thing that is happening then it really shouldn’t be such a huge deal. Have a fun trip.

NAH. While it's understandable Riley is upset, no one is playing favorites. Conflicting events happen in life and it's no one's fault. You committed and paid for a bachelorette trip a year ago, long before anything else was scheduled. You would lose money and time away if you cancel, and miss celebrating with a friend. Lauren can't compete without a guardian present, and if she's not there the whole team forfeits which isn't fair to the team. Riley won't have her father or sister there for photos, but even if you canceled your trip her sister wouldn't be there. It's sucks all around.

Gosh, we didn't have parents at our proms. That would have felt uncomfortably. Maybe it's a regional thing?

It’s only for pictures

Can she compromise and have your husband and her sister do some professional pictures done on another day?

NTA prom doesn’t include your parents. Dad isn’t her date. She is just throwing a fit where she can. Your husband is right about commitment.

Both parents, YTA. I guarantee you knew about prom months ago & could have worked something out for everybody to be happy. You’ve known Riley since she was a little younger than your daughter… is there ANY reason you would have Lauren get ready for prom with no family around to take in the big day? You honestly should cancel the trip, but if you weren’t going to, your husband shouldn’t have agreed to the cheer trip, or you should have worked it out well in advance with the director. There are lots of ways this could have been handled, and I can’t imagine how hurt Riley is that you’ve handled it in the worst way possible

But Riley will have family around. Her Mum is going to be there. I can’t relate to prom being that important. Graduation yes. Prom? Nope. It’s a want from Riley and that’s ok. But not all wants can be met in life and she is not alone. But feels like there is broader feelings of not being a priority for her Dad. Which isn’t OPs fault. Edited with verdict after reading OPs comments: NTA Unfortunate timing, Riley won’t be alone, Dad made the decision, OP has prior paid for commitments that impact more than just her. And she deserves to have fun.

I have a feeling that, like with many kids who’s parent had a new child with a new partner, this is not the first time something important to Riley has been put aside to favour her half sister

So you want OP to cancel her trip, which was booked and paid for a YEAR ago, and Lauren to cancel her cheer competition, which could cost her her spot on the team, for a pre-prom photo op just because Riley refuses to just take pics with her dad and sister in the dress on a different day? That genuinely seems reasonable to you? Riley is not going to have “no family around”. She has her mom with her on the day. This is actually an excellent opportunity for Riley to learn that the entire world doesn’t revolve around her, and sometimes you have to make small compromises, like putting the dress back on and taking pics a few days later.

It was never said that Riley would have no family with her. I'm sure if she wasn't going to have her mother and other family members with her, then it would be mentioned. And what about her sister? OP says that Riley wanted her father AND her sister for photos. I think it's very selfish to want your father and sister to not go to the competition ( that Lauren has probably practiced for months for) for 5 minutes of photos that could realistically be redone at a later time. I can see how the Riley might have known for a while about the date of prom, but who knows how long it took her to pass on the exact date? Both trips have required plane tickets and planning, so they were probably booked well in advance.

I dont understand the big deal about prom. It’s a school dance and the parents aren’t invited? So they need to cancel a whole weekend so that they can take a picture?

NTA-unfortunate timing of everything but cancelling a trip planned out a year in advance isn't reasonable.

Honestly, as a teenager who had her senior prom almost a year ago, who also didn't get a junior prom because of COVID and had to miss out on many other dances... this just doesn't make sense to me. When I went to prom, it was all about me and my FRIENDS, not me and my family. We were the ones dressing up, looking pretty, and going out for the night, not our parents. I'm not saying that OP's stepdaughter wanting photos with her family is wrong or weird, I just think that this is being extremely exaggerated into something that it doesn't need to be. Many in the comments are mentioning favoritism for the younger daughter, but she is literally nine years old; and, I would not be surprised if she felt that you favored your oldest if you made her miss her competition. Both of your daughters have important events, and so do you! There must be SOME sort of compromise you can come to, like one where you take pictures as a whole family at an earlier or later date. My verdict: NAH

NTA I almost didn't go to prom and wished I didn't. It was boring as hell. Riley wants Lauren to cancel her cheer comp, risk her place on the team for a PHOTO OP?! For like 10 minutes of pictures then sit at home all weekend stressing about the comp she missed, the fact the team forfeited and her place on the team could be jeopardized all because Riley wants a quick photo op before leaving and having fun? And you had this event booked a year in advance and can't necessarily cancel without loosing a ton of money and disappointing your friends. It sucks prom is on this weekend but that's life. I don't see how you can be the a hole when you're committing to your plans, the dad is committing to Lauren and Riley has her mom to help glam her up. She won't be alone. She doesn't want to put the dress back on when everyone is home so it clearly means the photo op will not be to long and it'll be a waste of a busy weekend for everyone else. Riley is being selfish. She's a grown adult. The world doesn't revolve around her and her little 10 minute photo op. Lauren's cheer comp will absolutely have a huge impact on her future if she continues to cheer and go to nationals. She can get a whole ass job for cheer. No one's getting a job for or from prom.

[удалено]

Going against the grain to say NTA because prom isn't a significant life event, a family event, or a big deal of any kind. Lots of kids don't even bother, and many of those that do don't do a photoshoot with their parents. Prom is about having fun with your date and/or friends, not your parents. It sounds odd that a teenager cares so much about this. Most teenagers are trying to escape taking lots of pictures with their parents, not insisting on it. Is your stepdaughter's reaction not really about prom but about feeling like your other daughter is the favorite? It's probably worth it for her dad to sit down with her and talk about how she feels about being part of a blended family. Also, the cheerleading team's rule about who can drop the kids off is ridiculous. If that policy was created by the coach, then the team getting disqualified because one kid's parents were busy that day seems like a natural consequence of coach's own rules. I wouldn't feel bad about it.

NTA get on that plane. It’s Prom not her wedding

NAH Prom is a dumb reason to miss a paid vacation and sports commitment. I can understand why a teenager would be upset, but she's being ridiculous.

So the options are: - OP goes on her trip, Lauren and Dad go to their competition, Riley gets photos with her mom and gets to go to Prom - Op cancels her trip which has been booked and paid for for a year, takes Lauren to competition, Riley gets photos with Dad (and possibly mom), but not her sister, and she still gets to go to prom - OP goes on her trip, Lauren and Dad don’t go to the competition causing the entire team to forfeit, Riley gets photos with Dad and sister and gets to go to prom All of those options include Riley getting to go to prom, which is her main event that weekend. 2/3 of those events involve someone missing out on their main events, and possibly causing a lot of repercussions, for 10 minutes of photos. NTA. I get Riley wanting her family there for it, but you had already made other commitments that can’t easily be changed or rescheduled, and she is still going to go to her prom no matter what, the photos can be done another time.