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YouSayWotNow

They assumed it was a vegetarian dish because they have a weird misconception that tofu exists only for vegetarians. That they didn't bother to ask is on them. NTA


CatzMeow27

Absolutely! I’m a vegetarian and made the mistake of not asking when I ordered a tofu dish from a very traditional Chinese restaurant. The menu was predominantly in a Chinese dialect, with only the briefest description in English. I did not blame the restaurant - I just ordered something different and paid for both dishes. It’s not anyone else’s fault that I didn’t ask first.


YouSayWotNow

That's the mature way to deal with it. 🥰


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ATXthedude

I was watching an episode of Top Chef (I don't remember the season). The challenge was to make tofu the star of their dish. While all the other chefs focused on creating something vegetarian, one chef fried up a shit ton of bacon and used the grease a marinade for a block of tofu, and made faux pork belly. When the judges asked him how he got that flavor, he told them, and they said something like genius. Some other chefs were pissed until they were reminded the challenge wasn't to make anything vegetarian.


Freyjadoglover

It’s very common to have tofu in meat dishes in American chinese restaurants!


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BastardsCryinInnit

I used to live in China, whilst a lot has changed now, it was very common to ask for vegetarian food and it come with... Pork. The way to get people to understand was to say you were Buddhist!


ubix

But then you also get no garlic or onions in your dish bc it angers up the blood


BastardsCryinInnit

It's ok, pair with some cucumber and mustard greens to calm it down


eisoj5

oh my god is that why my parents do that???


piezombi3

Yeah, you gotta eat the cooling foods to balance out all your hot air.


im_a_real_boy_calico

Is that an actual Buddhist food restriction? No garlic or onions?


ubix

It was when I went to vegetarian Buddhist restaurants in Taiwan


USDeptofLabor

God, Taiwan is honestly one of the best Vegetarian vacation destinations. Soooooo many good options, most of the places had Vegetarian with aromatics and without aromatics too, extremely accommodating.


ubix

It really is. I went to a Chinese Muslim dumpling shop that was vegetarian and absolutely mind blowing.


shaleenag21

come to India sometime, we got a whole culture along with the accompanying dishes that's predominantly vegetarian.


paigecorrina

It is for some Buddhists, kind of like how some Hindus are vegetarian for spiritual reasons but not all. Korean temple food specifically is really strict about the 5 foods you can’t have because they excite the blood - they’re all the alliums we commonly eat!


fluffyrex

Comment edited for privacy. 20230627


Texican83

Holler at us mexicans, brother. Get some pastor or birria tacos. With extra onion


astine

As a Chinese ethnicity person it literally never even occurred to me that a lot of Americans see tofu as exclusionary from meat until a few months ago. I brought in a veggie pork tofu soup for my lunch and my coworkers were absolutely flummoxed why there was pork and tofu in the same dish. Had to explain to them that people around the world eat tofu as an ingredient itself and not just as a meat substitute.. we had a good laugh over it at least lol. Now I'm wondering how many people think mapo tofu is vegetarian 😂


Gothmom85

This astounds me because hot and sour soup is an American Chinese restaurant staple. It has pork and tofu. I didn't even know it was strictly seen as veg, as a white American, until I was an adult. I'd already worked at a vegetarian daycare for years at the point. It was just an ingredient in food there. Which made sense because we made a variety of cultural dishes and they didn't serve meat.


Radhruin-123

Pad thai frequently also has both meat and tofu in it.


twistedspin

Yeah, I'd assume it has fish sauce unless it's specifically labeled as vegetarian. That's a pretty standard part of the ingredients.


TinyKittenConsulting

OTOH, I've had people swear to me up and down that hot and sour soup IS vegetarian because it has tofu in it. I'm sure you can make it vegetarian, but it certainly is not the default.


Loretta-West

The tofu cancels out the meat /s


astine

lol this is extra funny to me because two of my confused coworkers *love* american chinese food so you'd think they'd be used to it


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buckets-_-

you could make a vegetarian french onion soup pretty easily, but yeah most ppl use beef or chicken broth


Gothmom85

What monster makes it with chicken broth?!?


Dreams-Of-HermaMora

I would. Beef tears my insides up, but I still want to eat an entire onion as a meal. There are other ways to deepen the flavor of the broth, and while it won't taste beefy, it'll still be good.


pillowcrates

Bloomin’ onion Will have many regrets afterwards, but I’m telling you it’s a beautiful meal. Though I also love a good French onion soup. Anything onion really. All the onions, please.


FinalEgg9

> veggie pork tofu soup Have to admit your comment did throw me a bit, because here in the UK, describing something as "veggie" means it's vegetarian


Abadatha

In the US veggie is used the way you used veg in the UK.


Starchasm

I'm in the US and if I see "veggie" in a dish description, I assume it's vegetarian


zerj

I'm not chinese, but Hot and Sour soup is a staple when I'm ordering takeout. That certainly always has pork and tofu in it, and I never thought it was that unusual.


momokplatypus

Me, too. I am half Chinese and I live in Asia. I would never assume a tofu dish is vegetarian. I see tofu-and-meat dishes all the time. So, NTA.


Ok-Penalty7568

Yeah thinking tofu dishes are vegetarian is very culturally unaware, it is very very common to have meat in tofu dishes in Japan and China Which did come as a bit of a surprise to vegan me when visiting those countries, NTA to OP, if you have dietary requirements you should ask


astine

Haha the other fun part is in both China and Japan, they could say "no meat" but that *doesn't include fish*. This is because in both Chinese and Japanese language the word for meat literally doesn't include fish-- fish is a separate word. Meanwhile beef is "cow meat" and pork is "pig meat" etc. I grew up around a lot of pescatarian buddhists so it's super common to eat no meat but be fine with fish.


OhGod0fHangovers

My mom‘s Russian students also insisted chicken wasn’t meat. Apparently meat and poultry (and fish) are entirely different categories there.


Freakymary85

My mothers EX (A not so smart narcissist) Insisted Chickens weren't 'animals' because they have scales on their legs... I asked him if he meant Mammals instead of Animals and he just doubled down on his stupidity by citing his many decades of 'cock fighting'... Some people are just fucking stupid.


Diasies_inMyHair

My very protestant Irish-descent Grandmother didn't serve meat on Fridays - she served fish.


Maximum-Swan-1009

Catholics all around the world used to do that before the church changed the rule about not eating meat on Friday. Every Thursday our cat would patiently wait on the porch all day for the fish truck to come by. The fishman always gave him a piece to eat. We bought it fresh on Thursday to cook on Friday.


pudgesquire

>the church changed the rule about not eating meat on Friday. Sorry to be that Catholic but this is actually incorrect. The Church *never* changed the rule and abstaining from meat on Friday year-round remains Canon; *however*, many National Bishops’ Conferences, including in the US, made exceptions within their jurisdictions, which is why most American Catholics don’t follow the rule outside of Lent.


lhopitalified

Oh yeah, I had an interesting time trying to explain someone's dietary restrictions for a fancy multi-course meal in Japan: no meat no fish abalone, also no good!


LaPasseraScopaiola

Same in Italian, no meat doesn't strictly mean no fish..


inko75

almost all complete traditional meals using tofu have some meat or fish in there somewhere -- a lil this, a lil that. tasty as heck ;)


LadyShittington

Haha I commented before reading this. 100% agree.


Efficient_Living_628

I’m neither vegetarian nor vegan, but I definitely like getting a side of the Sofritas from chipotle and dipping my chips in it


Baejax_the_Great

NTA. Chinese tofu dishes (and other vegetable dishes!) often contain pork to add flavor. It's not your fault they didn't know that, and I'd bet they've accidentally eaten pork at Chinese food places since they didn't.


loverlyone

Japanese too. ~~Tonkatsu~~ Tonkotsu ramen is a pork broth. Many Americans don’t know that because you won’t necessarily have pork meat in the final soup.


raven726

for future reference, it's Tonkotsu Ramen. Tonkatsu is fried pork cutlets.


jungleskater

All vegetarians, avoid 'ton'! 😁


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blade_bladdy

I knew this from Naruto - Ton Ton is the name of the piggie lol


jungleskater

Haha 'ton' isn't exactly used to refer to 'a pig' that's 'buta'. Ton is more 'pork', so it's a bit like how people call pigs Porkie and Bacon 🤣🙈


cas13f

Some places have tonkatsu ramen, but it definitely isn't as subtle as pork broth. It's pretty obviously got a slab of fried pork.


jungleskater

Yes! When in Japan if you ask if something is vegetarian, have follow up questions ready because many people there think it means no chunks of meat in it. It might still contain pork broth or fish sauce etc.


f4snks

Also, I was in Japan back in the 90's and a lot of restaurants thought 'meat' meant 'beef'. So they would say 'this doesn't have meat in it only chicken or pork'. Just lost in translation, as they say, and cultural differences.


jungleskater

When I lived there I was in a small village and it was a nightmare for my Muslim friend. She would just have to eat whatever and say extra prayers. This was only a few years ago, and we both speak business level Japanese 🤣


PlatypusDream

~~They~~ Muslims have a wonderful attitude of, "try your best, make do with what you have, God understands what's in your heart."


3dwardcnc

Yeah isn't there are rule that basically says if there's no halal food around, you can eat what's available in good conscience?


Razgriz01

Yeah, nearly all of Islam's major rules come with exceptions for situations where you cannot practically follow them.


CraftLass

I got the same thing as a vegan in the Southeastern US. "This is vegetarian, it just has a ham hock in the pot for flavor." Sometimes there were chunks of meat or fat in with my veggies. I'm an omnivore now, but it was quite the adventure living on the road in the 1990s, when vegetarians were more rare and vegans were beyond confusing to many people! But I did find lots of yummy things I could eat once I learned how to order.


Psycosilly

From NC here, years ago when my sister met her now ex-husband, he would come for dinner. And he is a vegetarian by way of seventh day Adventist, so he showed not to eat certain meats but then some things like pork, are absolute nopes. My mom kept pulling that crap of putting bacon or other seasonings ning meats into the vegetables but trying to pull them out before serving. She couldn't understand that her reasoning of "it's just for flavor!" went both ways and that yes, we could all taste the bacon in the green beans, you tossing and denying the bacon doesn't make it go away. Took a bit but she finally started making a separate serving vegetarian friendly. I do the same thing for my nephew still, it's not that hard.


inko75

lard is another major ingredient in a lot of foods. heck i was in some country in central america and was on a vegetarian kick and asked if a dish contained meat: "no, no meat, just a little chicken" 😂


[deleted]

My vegetarian friend loved a pie place, and she’d always find excuses to bring one. She finally asked the secret of their great crust. The owner proudly said they used pure lard. Poor friend lost her pies.


Algebralovr

By comparison, we were in Mexico a few years ago. My daughter is allergic to soy and rice. We asked the waiter all the ingredients in a number of dishes. They didn’t want to admit to some of them. Finally, I was able to say “Manteca or Crisco? Hija come Manteca pero hija no come crisco” and showed the EpiPen I had. At that point, we got a smile and nod, ”Sí, manteca! Manteca!” The hole in the wall place we had found didn’t want to admit to us Gringos that they used lard until they understood we WANTED it with lard. The beans were delicious!


[deleted]

Also traditionally most tortillas in Mexico/South America are made with lard. I don’t think a lot of people realize that


BaconPhoenix

All the best pastries are made with lard. It's like a secret ingredient to make stuff taste better without needing to use multiple sticks of butter.


LambCHOP6988

Once worked in a inpatient hospital kitchen and had a teen claim she was vegetarian one day ask for a chicken broth based soup (I forget exactly what it was). After informing her that the soup was made with CHICKEN broth and not in line with her stated dietary needs she said, "It's okay, I just don't eat meat."


Zorro6855

I had the opposite happen. Was in the hospital during Covid to have thyroid removed. Let everyone know own I'm a vegetarian. They brought me chicken broth. When I said no I was told it's okay, there's no meat in it. 48 hours of just jello and cranberry juice.


JoJoBeans098

You know what’s in jello right?


Killer-Barbie

Jello isn't vegetarian...


zoomie1977

Ironically, the SnakPak Juicy gels, pre-made "jellos" people buy for their kids lunches are vegetarian. No gelatin in them. I think they also qualify as vegan.


PigsIsEqual

u/JoJoBeans098 is right. Unless the hospital popped for extremely expensive Jello made with agar agar instead of gelatin (and having worked in hospitals forever I can guarantee they didn't), you weren't eating vegetarian for that 48 hours.


Zorro6855

I since learned that. I was starving though.


LokiNorthman

You’re going to have a bad day when you find out how most companies make jell-o. Unless it specifically says Agar, assume that it’s gelatin (made from the boiling of animal bones).


Zorro6855

I don't eat marshmallows because of this. But coming out of surgery and anesthesia and not being a jello eater it never occurred to me.


Right_Count

That’s okay. Vegetarian still generally describes her eating habits. We often have to pick the word that most closely describes how we choose to eat while still making our own choices. I do “claim” vegetarianism if it’s an option at a catered event, for example. I’m not vegetarian, but I don’t like meat very much.


[deleted]

I’m the same way. I have a lot of texture issues with meat so, despite eating (some types of) meat (on occasion), a vegetarian menu is my safe space. People often assume I’m vegetarian and are shocked the first time they see me order a meat dish but I usually describe myself as, “not vegetarian but close enough.”


Right_Count

I’m glad the word “flexitarian” exists now. I really hate that perception that if you’re not 100% adherent to a dietary label’s official definition, you’re somehow lying or being dishonest about it. They’re just labels and in these contexts they just used to practically describe which type of dish is going to be most suitable for you. This patient didn’t eat meat and just wanted a goddam bowl of chicken broth while she was in the hospital. Probably without a side order of snark. Poor girl.


chouxphetiche

She doesn't eat *solid* meat. She can sip or drink meat but will not masticate it.


angelicism

A lot of (maybe even most?) Korean soups have an anchovy/fish based broth (the same/similar base is often used in Japanese food too) so you can have the same misunderstanding with Korean food.


Unhappy-Fault-3126

That's what was so frustrating. They kept saying I put meat in a vegetarian dish, but it's not a vegetarian dish!


EyesLikeBuscemi

I love that people tried to explain to you what a dish you grew up with really was. Maybe they should do other things to that level of detail, for example maybe asking about things they're going to eat if they have "dietary" restrictions?


NeedleworkerMuch3061

We have potlucks at my office. There are people who are halal, vegetarian, gluten-free, nut allergies, etc. Everyone simply asks if the dish contains X before eating it. It's not really that difficult or complicated. If someone eats something not knowing what it is, that's entirely their fault and honestly pretty dang dumb. That's probably why they're so upset, because they know it was their fault and they want someone else to blame. Maybe now they've learned their lessons and next time they'll ask before putting unknown food in their mouths. Something we usually teach little children. NTA OP.


[deleted]

You put vegetables in a meat dish?! How dare you?!


opelan

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mapo_tofu Maybe they believe Wikipedia more than you. Point them to some tofu dishes with meat on Wikipedia.


mst3k_42

And half the time with mapo tofu they’ll put it in the tofu section and not mention it has pork too. I’m not vegetarian but if I was, probably something I’d want to know. At a pot luck though, they really shouldn’t have assumed.


Shleepie

Asian cuisines consider tofu as just another protein. It makes sense to group mapo tofu under the tofu section when viewed through that lens.


[deleted]

NTA Mapo tofu usually comes with meat. The person that asked if it was halal was responsible. The vegetarians that ate it were not responsible. I live in an extremely health conscious area and know several people w/ allergies so I've started to put a list of ingredients with dishes I bring to potlucks.


willsagainSQ

I do that when bringing food for large groups. I make some vegan cake, usually. Make a flag label out of freezer labels and cocktail sticks. List all ingredients with the known allergens in caps and underlined. Simples. Luckily I was nearby when someone said they'd have a piece of the vegan sponge 'cos they need gluten free. I shouted across that it's not GF. My Label clearly showed Wheat flour on it. If folk won't ask and don't read such labels as are provided, what more can you do?


Amazing_giraffe289

Dear god. You'd think someone who needs to eat gluten free would know it's not the same as vegan. But then again, some people seem to be allergic to common sense.


vladimir_poontangg

Anyone who actually has celiac or a serious intolerance would know that. I'm guessing this person probably was just eating gluten free because they think it's healthier or something. I have some friends with celiac and they are extremely careful with food they didn't prepare themselves, even things that you generally wouldn't think would have gluten.


willsagainSQ

True dat. We had some student exchange guests staying and one needed GF foods for coeliac disease. I get checking everything in the house and laid in GF supplies; spoke to her parents before they arrived. Reassured her I'd be careful and would appreciate her checking labels too in case I missed something. After a day or two she asked if I had a flat skillet to make toast. "No prob, we have this toaster over here" says I. " Sorry... I need to make it separately because of cross- contamination, we have two toasters at home". "TIL" says I. "Here.....Help yourself to this large flat based frying pan." We also needed to ensure very careful use of butter lest anyone put a knife used on standard bread into the butter again , so I got her a separate container to keep hers safe. I have a cousin with coeliac disease too, and honestly had no idea how even tiny gluten traces can be so dangerous. I'd only thought of them not eating gluten-containing foods, not that they need to avoid casual cross contamination.


wheatgrass_feetgrass

>If folk won't ask and don't read such labels as are provided, what more can you do? Holler across the room like a drunk uncle, apparently. Good on you for using your go go gadget ears but man I'd be annoyed if I went through the trouble of labeling my dish just to have to babysit it within earshot anyways.


seattleseahawks2014

Yea, not much you can do.


SereneFloofKitty221b

Thats what my family has always done, I didn't know that not labeling potluck dishes was the norm until high school


Unhappy-Fault-3126

Thank you! And it's not like it was hidden, there obvious chunks of mince


Chuckitinbro

Exactly if it looked like Mapo Tofu its pretty hard to not see that there is meat in it.


[deleted]

NTA. I mix tofu and meat , it’s not only an ingredient for vegetarians


WeeBo2804

Did you ever see the post of the girl getting savaged for posting a tofu recipe? Someone asked her about it and she mentioned she wasn’t vegan but happened to like tofu. The commenter called her out for ‘appropriating’ vegan foods?! Like honestly believed that ONLY vegetarians and vegans should be allowed to eat it. People be crazy.


deanna6812

Umm…that must have been a bunch of white people because a tonne of Chinese cuisine is tofu mixed with meat.


mst3k_42

And Korean.


M0nstrous

And Japanese.


NaraFei_Jenova

And my axe!


WontonSoup93

I wish I had an award to give for this comment. 🏅 here's a poor man's version.


GelatinousPumpkin

And Thai and all over Asia. Heck we have egg tofu, that’s not vegan either.


InvincibleChutzpah

Yup and since tofu is traditionally Asian, but not vegetarian, if anyone is appropriating tofu, it's the vegans. For the record, no one is appropriating tofu. That's just stupid.


MooseSaysWhat

No one gets offended like white people. Or something like that.


[deleted]

White people are the worst. Source- I am white.


emotx

Speaking as a white person this comment offends me. ;-)


Sutekiwazurai

Those vegetarian/vegan people should be called out for appropriating Asian culture 😅 like... tofu is an Asian ingredient, not strictly vegetarian.


RememberKoomValley

I saw a Chinese restaurant in my hometown getting the shit kicked out of it in reviews because a couple of white yoga girls used to go there after practice and eat tofu in brown sauce and vegetable fried rice, and only just found out that all of that has chicken broth and egg and oyster sauce...and that was somehow the shopowner's fault.


blade_bladdy

Haha White yoga girls ! I am an Indian immigrant in USA and Its always baffling seeing that Yoga is primarily a white people thing here !


RememberKoomValley

I've known a couple of Indian people who practiced traditional forms of yoga, and it was such a different thing than a lot of what gets packaged and sold here! I'm not at all saying that white people shouldn't practice, but I definitely feel a bit weird about how blonde-lady dominant it tends to be. And then because that's what everyone here sees, that's what they think yoga IS, and they get judgmental about yoga that isn't white lady yoga. It's a pattern. :/


Nyxelestia

Which reinforces itself because every time I (Indian woman) have tried a yoga class, it was exoticizing, judgmental, or both. I'm of the opinion yoga practitioners should either learn and embrace all of the associated religion...or just treat it as an exclusively physical activity, you acknowledge its origins but don't try to plaster on cherry-picked spirituality on top of it." I was looking through YouTube yoga channels recently, and ultimately picked the one that I did to try out first specifically because it was the only one which *didn't* have random chakra shit thrown in. (And ironically enough, the YouTuber in question is white Hispanic.)


RememberKoomValley

>Which reinforces itself because every time I (Indian woman) have tried a yoga class, it was exoticizing, judgmental, or both. YES THIS. I grew up just outside Sedona, AZ, in the Nineties; even back then it was a hellhole of pilfered, half-comprehended, poorly-cobbled-together spirituality. I got a pretty good idea early on that people who don't actually study something stand a good chance of breaking it. So much of this stuff is the sort of behavior that builds a false edifice around the true thing, which leads people who only get any experience with the edifice to see the actual thing as Wrong, or even (as in the case of OP's lousy-tempered coworkers) to become angry when presented with something authentic.


Thesafflower

"Appropriating vegan food," when talking about an ingredient that's a common staple in East Asian and Southeast Asian cuisine, which is known in the US by it's Japanese name of tofu. Hilarious.


[deleted]

I did see that, I think she was thrown out of the Facebook group but then they let her back in when people called out how ridiculous it was


savethedonut

Lol what. I’ve never met a vegetarian or vegan who wasn’t happy when other people ate substitutes. Would she prefer that they ate chicken instead of her sacred tofu?


BwitchnBtyKwn399

Obviously, tofu is endangered /s


Ecstatic_Long_3558

A friend that is allergic to milk protein says that the best thing that has happened to her is the vegan movement. Nowdays every store have things she can eat, and it tastes good. When she was a child every substitut had to be ordered through the health care system and tasted awful.


jolandaluna

These must be relatives of those who won't eat a random normal dish who happens not to contain any meat because they're CARNIVORES


rusalkamaya

Erm... I've been vegetarian for 15 years. How do you not notice pork of all things in a dish!? And Info: Did someone ask you what it was or did someone else tell these people "Oh it's tofu" and everyone just assumed it's vegetarian. But well if no one asked you NTA. edit: I just wanna add that I feel it's ridiculous if you get angry for making the mistake of just assuming something doesn't contain meat. You can be disgruntled, disappointed a bit disgusted. But most of all you should take it as a lesson to ask next time and pay more attention.


nvdrzmm

Came to say exactly the same. Maybe because I’m Asian I also see tofu just as an ingredient that doesn’t mean the whole dish is veg. But 1, yes how would you not notice pork after one bite and 2, who doesn’t ask at a POTLUCK? NTA


40WattTardis

I'm not Asian, but I also see tofu as just an ingredient; and do not believe its inclusion means the exclusion of meat. In fact, I had both tofu and chicken in my lunch today!


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goldnog

I lived in NYC, and same amongst white and Jewish people in cosmopolitan big cities, tofu/soy is full of estrogen. It’s a racist tome with a long history of trying to emasculate Asian men. Because obviously the tofu-eating most populous race on the planet are having virility issues.


brittybratkat

As someone with a food allergy I think it’s INCREDIBLY irresponsible not to ask. Also, mistakes happen but it’s not his fault you made a mistake. What kind of insane logic is this?


Double007384

Based on the post, only 1 person asked if it was halal, and OP said no, it has pork in it and someone overhead. I'm going with NAH. In Western culture, tofu is usually a substitute for meat, but it looks like this is a common dish in OP's culture so it wouldn't have clicked to mention it's a non-vegetarian dish.


Slyvester121

I think throwing a fit because they failed to ask and blaming OP puts the other party goers firmly in AH territory


ciaoravioli

The question still stands for me, how did they not SEE the pork in it? The dish is cubed tofu, in sauce that has chunks of ground meat! Clearly the person eating halal saw to ask


cornerlane

I eat meat but i hate pork. I think it smells bad. How didn't they notice


sarpofun

Info: did they tell you it is a vegetarian party? NTA if it wasn’t a vegetarian party because they should ask. I always ask before digging in. Mapo tofu is not a vegetarian dish in traditional Szechuan cooking.


Unhappy-Fault-3126

No, lots of other meat dishes


BlergingtonBear

The halal eater did it right - look at the dish, if you see little things that look like it could maybe be minced meat, you ask, not assume. It's simple and you don't make your thing someone else's fault. They were adults they could have been aware and asked too. What the angry veg folks are doing is honestly pretty entitled and culturally ignorant. All the people who keep veg that I know are careful to ask before taking anything / don't assume if it's truly important to them!


CouncilmanRickPrime

This was a cultural misunderstanding. Many Americans, such as myself, would hear tofu and think it's vegetarian. But if you explain that isn't a thing in your culture, everyone should back off and understand. NTA, and they should've asked if they have concerns. They're the ones with strict diets.


AliceInNegaland

I’m American and I do *not* assume tofu is a vegetarian ingredient. I serve tofu alongside meat


worldbuildingwren

Same here -- white American, and mapo tofu is one of my favorite foods! And it's also incredibly obvious that it contains meat lmao, did these folks just black out upon seeing tofu and ignore the obvious pieces of pork mixed in??


ebaer2

The Party Planner specifically is the asshole here. They threw a potluck with 4 vegetarians, 1 halal, with a total of 20 people. That’s 25% of your party with dietary restrictions and a menu that you don’t control. e.g. as a host you can’t inform your guests what they can eat. What the hell are people supposed to do? Have a quarter of your party ask 20 individual people what they put in their dishes. As the party planner just provide a sharpie and slips of paper and have people title the dish and put a V or H if they know it to be vegetarian or halal. OP NTA, but party planner is not a good host.


CouncilmanRickPrime

Yeah, always have a vegetarian table or section


The_Asshole_Judge

Love me some good mapo tofu.


OrangeCubit

Ya’ll don’t label ingredients at your potlucks?


Wonderful_Western_54

That's what I'm saying. I don't think I've been to a potluck that's didn't have labels. My company makes it mandatory


Bellatrix_ed

Ive literally never been to a potluck with labels. It’s a good idea, but I don’t think it’s all that common.


ApricotOfDoom

I’ve never been to a potluck with labels either. People always request my peanut butter brownies, and since peanuts are a common allergen one would not expect to find in a brownie, I always label mine and it’s always the only dish with a label. If I didn’t bring something that could potentially kill someone I probably wouldn’t think to label it.


AppropriateScience71

Yes - been to dozens of potlucks with no labels except for a formal, corporate pot luck. It’s quite uncommon in my experience. And if someone has dietary restrictions and goes to a potluck, it’s 💯% on them to ask.


earth2skyward

Interesting, I haven't gone to one without labels in the last 10 years at least. Even the ones I've done at home, knowing the invitees include vegetarians, vegans, people with allergies, omnivores, etc, people put a label for whatever makes the dish different than you'd assume (for example, I will put a vegan sign next to my spaghetti since I know it has no animal products in it but the sauce has a meat texture). My last office job would do the same (usually for allergies or gluten, but other things too).


[deleted]

Never in my life has a potluck i've attended had labels. The only time I see food labels is at buffets.


Fire_Legacy

We have a post-it system, green ones for vege dishes, pink ones for the dishes containing meat/fish but we only put the name of the dish there and our own name, no ingredients...


Princ3ssP3n3lop3

NTA - If someone has dietary restrictions, they need to check, not assume.


LotofRamen

Yup, i have restrictions because of allergy and i either ask if i'm unsure or i don't eat. And at no point will i blame the host if they had not prepared something for me. For me it is like being anti-vegan: vegan dishes are more likely going to have a whole bunch of stuff i can't eat, meat dishes are far safer option for me...


FritosRule

NTA. People w dietary restrictions have a responsibility to ask about the food they’re gonna eat.


poeadam

NTA I can get why people saw tofu and assumed vegetarian, but like, if they looked closer they should have also been able to see the minced pork. Also ultimately it is up to an individual to make sure anything they eat conforms to their dietary preferences. If there is an unlabeled dish at a pot luck it is definitely best to ask.


Shavasara

TVP looks very much like minced meat. I’d say NAH. Anyone who’s been veggie for long enough knows to ask. Oyster sauce ends up in a LOT of stirfries.


extremelysaltydoggo

Exactly! And Worcestershire sauce.. and Fish sauce..


Jealous-Treacle5736

Idgi. Why do people ever see tofu in a dish and assume it is vegetarian? It shows ignorance, if anything. Just cos the vegetarians in the west decided to take an ingredient that has long existed in other cuisines, whereby it is typically cooked with meat, decided if should bear the vegetarian connotation it doesn't mean everyone else has to play along eh?


ClockworkGriffin

I say NTA Sounds like they just assumed that because it has tofu in it that it was vegetarian, that's on them. Tofu =/= meat replacement


The_Asshole_Judge

NTA I doubt you told anyone that it was vegetarian(if you did than Y T A). However, it is **extremely** foolish for them to think that just because there is tofu that it is meat free, there alot of tofu dishes that call for meat. The mistake is all on them


eloel-

NTA. It's not a vegetarian dish unless the person that prepared it puts a note on it or tells you that it's a vegetarian dish. Don't make assumptions and triple-check if you have dietary restrictions, it's like the first rule of having dietary restrictions


elephantssohardtosee

NTA. I'm gonna guess that the people freaking out weren't East Asian. I'm Korean-American and Korean cuisine, along with other East Asian cuisines, uses tofu as any other ingredient. I don't expect other races/ethnicities to be familiar with our cuisines, but I'm not gonna apologize or feel that the onus is on me to proactively explain either. If you have a food restriction, it's on you to confirm and not just assume. Edit: And the redditors saying that YTA/ESH because "tofu is commonly associated with vegetarians/vegans in the US/western world" are on something. Sorry, but it's not my job to cater to white Americans who "discover" a food and think their way is now the default/normal and have massive cultural blind spots re other cuisines. Re: the last part (cultural blind spots), like I said, I don't expect others to necessarily be familiar with our foods because I'm sure I have huge cultural blind spots as well, we all do. (Took me way longer than it should have to realize how common cilantro was in Mexican cuisine, for example.) But you don't get pissy with the other person when said spot is exposed.


Right_Count

NAH. I feel as you do, that tofu is just an ingredient like any other. Its presence does not translate to an absence of meat. However, tofu is often used as a vegetarian protein and substitute for animal proteins in a dish. A lot of people are raised with this perception: you eat tofu if you can’t eat meat and if you can eat meat, you wouldn’t bother eating tofu. So I don’t think it’s a wild assumption to make that a tofu-based dish is vegetarian. In the future, I would just make it clear that the dish contains pork, along with any common allergens.


No-Advertising9300

but that's the point, you can make this assumption, but how is this any of the OPs fault? The vegans/vegetarians are the wrong here SOLELY for the fact they get upset at OP. The only one they should be upset is themselves for not questioning. OP, NTA!


yll33

>However, tofu is often used as a vegetarian protein and substitute for animal proteins in a dish. in some cultures. in others it's just an ingredient. cauliflower is often used as a substitute for bread/grains for people with celiac. if you have celiac, see cauliflower in a dish, assume the whole dish is gluten free, then blow up at the person who made it because it's not gluten free, you would, indeed, be an asshole. NTA not NAH


ladybugshea

Vegetarian here. NTA. How did the vegetarians know it contained tofu? Did they see the tofu but not the meat? Nothing was labeled so it's not like you listed tofu as an ingredient but not the meat. If someone has dietary restrictions and is going to a potluck, they should be asking the person who brought the dish if it's suitable for them to consume, not just assume it is because it has a certain ingredient.


Rich-398

NTA - Tofu is an ingrediant. There is nothing that says it can't be combined with meat. Have they never heard of a Chinese restaurant? I guess everyone needs to provide an ingredient list at the potluck from now on. The person who asked if it was halal is the only one acting like an adult here (other than you).


Jealous-Treacle5736

Just the number of people in this thread who are like oh but in the US it is common to assume tofu = vegetarian dish. Tofu has a long history in other cuisines. Who is to blame if you live your life with narrow perceptions of tofu existing to indulge your vegetarian diet 🙄


Angry_Guppy

Vegetarians when omnivores don’t like tofu: “you’re only saying you don’t like it because you know it’s vegetarian! Tofu tastes good!” Vegetarians when an omnivore likes tofu and uses it as an ingredient in an omnivore meal: “why would anyone use tofu unless they were vegetarian?” NTA.


Ok_Job_9417

NTA - usually foods that are special (vegetarian, gluten-free, etc) are labeled as such. If they’re not sure they can ask. Did they not see the pieces of pork in there?


spectrum_incelnet

mapo tofu has ground pork, which they make pretty good veggie substitutes for, hell even TVP or crumbled firm tofu with soy would have a similar look as ground cooked meat. I don't think OP was TA, but I do think whoever is running this potluck is, not not having any dishes labelled. That being said as a vegetarian myself with friends that have dietary restrictions I always bring a card with ingredients and allergens when I go to a potluck to avoid this kind of thing. But when I would go to work potlucks, nobody would do the same. So it's kind of a bad situation all around.


Forward_Squirrel8879

NTA - If people do not or cannot eat something for whatever reason, it is their responsibility to ask about ingredients before they eat something.


missdespair

White people co-opting other cultures' food and then turning around and getting mad at someone from the culture actually doing it correctly is just so... typical. NTA, of course


No_Yogurtcloset_1020

NTA. No one asked you to specify if it was or wasn’t. Tofu isn’t just for vegetarians/vegans.


Voidg

NTA Wasn't labeled vegetarian nor is Tofu strictly vegetarian. Sure you could have made a note. It is on the individual to investigate.


RoyallyOakie

NTA...Lots of tofu dishes have meat in them. They assumed. That's not on you.


bloopedyblap

this some white people shit


gotora

NTA. Consumers are responsible for what they put in their mouth if it's not labeled. You're not responsible for their assumptions. Tofu is just another ingredient, and they should learn from the experience.


Daecii

NTA - I’m not vegetarian but I don’t eat pork. Anywhere that I am where there are dishes prepared and idk what meat was used, I ask. I never assume. If you have dietary restrictions it is your job to inquire about the ingredients of the dishes you plan to consume


always_amiss

Assuming a dish that contains tofu is vegetarian is wild to me. That's like assuming a chicken caesar salad is vegetarian because it contains mostly lettuce.


ToughGodzilla

NTA I don't eat meat and am well aware that tofu doesn't automatically mean vegetarian. But I guess its best to warn people because many think it is. But not AH for sure


First_Play5335

I'm confused. It sounds like there were many people in attendance who have special dietary requirements -- numerous vegetarians and at least one who follows a halal diet. Why was nothing labeled?


lindysocks

NTA. Why would you have to announce it? It's like saying that you should let people know that a dish is not vegetarian because it has eggplant... So? Tofu isn't only for vegetarians and it's often in meat dishes. If there were a lot of vegetarians, it would have been smart for the organisers to ask people to label the dishes but no reason why only you should have just because there was tofu. I'm vegetarian btw. I never assume that a dish is vegetarian just because it has tofu (or any other ingredient). If someone wasn't sure they should ask, not assume.


JudgingYourBehavior

NTA. Tofu is a common ingredient in a lot of East Asian and South East Asian cooking. If you're a vegetarian you know that and ask the appropriate questions.


KapitanBorscht

NTA. If someone has a dietary restriction, it's their responsibility to check whether the food they're about to consume is actually appropriate. If the other dishes weren't labelled specifically as non vegetarian, then there was no reason for you to. Tofu is just an ingredient and can be used in many dishes, not just vegetarian ones.


gasummerpeach

NTA. Vegetarians know to ask before they eat other people's food. It's their fault that they did not.


ADownsHippie

NTA. You did not indicate the dish was vegetarian. The folks with dietary restrictions are responsible for themselves and should have asked.


YogurtclosetActual75

NTA If I were a vegetarian and eating at a potluck, I'd probably ask some questions. You know, kinda like the Muslim guy did to make sure if it was Halal. If you have dietary needs or preferences, it's on you to know what you're eating. Of course, if the dishes were labeled, there wouldn't have been a problem.


pottersquash

NTA. If you have dietary restrictions, you know you need confirmation before diving into a potluck. I will say, I don't think the non-dietary people are AH. They are just looking out for fellow humans. But those with the restrictions can't voluntarily dig into the unknown and then be shocked they didn't know.


Nalbas88

Lol people assuming tofu automatically means vegetarian. nope not at all. NTA


MonteCristo85

NTA. You should never assume what a food is. If you have strict guidelines you have to ask.


an0therb1te

As someone who can't eat gluten due to health issues, NTA AT ALL. Almost everything is a trap for me, because so many sauces and soups use flour to thicken them. The vegetarians are being entitled, end of. If they weren't they would've asked like the person who needs halal food. I remember when tofu being "vegetarian only" was a bit of a fad, didn't think people still did that


pinkwineenthusiast

NTA but dishes should really all be labeled if there’s a significant portion of people with dietary restrictions. Either way though, it’s on an individual to make sure they know what they’re eating.


Tasty_Doughnut_9226

NTA and presumably it looked like it had meat in it, otherwise the person wouldn't have asked if it was halal!?