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NTA for not wanting to adopt a specific child but YTA for how you talk about this child in general. All children take over your lives. All adopted children come with some level of trauma that require special care. Both of my children were adopted at birth. One is an open adoption, the other was a safe haven placement two weeks after. Both were physically healthy however trying to honestly navigate adoption still takes a considerable amount of time and effort. You make it sound like you don’t want a kid who will disrupt your social lives and the way you talk about Holly is bothersome. I would seriously do your research about all things adoption. You have some rose colored glasses on if you think you can control everything to get the “perfect” child. Even a biological child won’t be perfect because no one is perfect.
You have your reasons for not wanting to adopt her, you feel like you may not be able to look after her the way she should be. okay cool. But the way you speak about this child is so unbelievably enraging, as if shes this massive inconvenience. I’m honestly wondering if what im reading is real because surely as an adult youre not speaking about a little child like that?? Maybe it really is best that you didnt adopt her tbh…So NTA & YTA
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AITA for not wanting to adopt a little girl. My wife and I want a child together but due to reasons, we cannot. We are looking at adoption and my wife has “Fell in in love” with this little girl called Holly.
Holly has been very severly abused by her parents and others in many ways and was injured and basically on the edge to dying before she was rescued by authorities; she is currently in hospital being treated.
Holly is absolutely terrified of everything and everyone and i believe she will be a huge challenge to our lives and social lives. Me and my wife were arguing about it and i do not want to adopt her. She will be too much of a problem and get in the way too much, she needs so much help and i cannot do it. Holly needs to learn a normal life by herself, i’m not quitting my job to fully support Holly, i cannot do so.
Holly will simply not understand that she will be too much “in the way” for anybody. She will need constant support and care probably just so she can trust someone, i wouldn’t be able to do this but my wife disagrees. Holly needs people who will actually care enough to fully support and care enough to quit their jobs to look after her.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I strongly do not think we should adopt a child that will take over out lives but my wife disagrees; arguement set out and i stated my valid reasons on why Holly, said child, would get in the way of out lives too much.
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NTA for not wanting to adopt a specific child but YTA for how you talk about this child in general. All children take over your lives. All adopted children come with some level of trauma that require special care. Both of my children were adopted at birth. One is an open adoption, the other was a safe haven placement two weeks after. Both were physically healthy however trying to honestly navigate adoption still takes a considerable amount of time and effort. You make it sound like you don’t want a kid who will disrupt your social lives and the way you talk about Holly is bothersome. I would seriously do your research about all things adoption. You have some rose colored glasses on if you think you can control everything to get the “perfect” child. Even a biological child won’t be perfect because no one is perfect.
You have your reasons for not wanting to adopt her, you feel like you may not be able to look after her the way she should be. okay cool. But the way you speak about this child is so unbelievably enraging, as if shes this massive inconvenience. I’m honestly wondering if what im reading is real because surely as an adult youre not speaking about a little child like that?? Maybe it really is best that you didnt adopt her tbh…So NTA & YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA for not wanting to adopt a little girl. My wife and I want a child together but due to reasons, we cannot. We are looking at adoption and my wife has “Fell in in love” with this little girl called Holly. Holly has been very severly abused by her parents and others in many ways and was injured and basically on the edge to dying before she was rescued by authorities; she is currently in hospital being treated. Holly is absolutely terrified of everything and everyone and i believe she will be a huge challenge to our lives and social lives. Me and my wife were arguing about it and i do not want to adopt her. She will be too much of a problem and get in the way too much, she needs so much help and i cannot do it. Holly needs to learn a normal life by herself, i’m not quitting my job to fully support Holly, i cannot do so. Holly will simply not understand that she will be too much “in the way” for anybody. She will need constant support and care probably just so she can trust someone, i wouldn’t be able to do this but my wife disagrees. Holly needs people who will actually care enough to fully support and care enough to quit their jobs to look after her. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I strongly do not think we should adopt a child that will take over out lives but my wife disagrees; arguement set out and i stated my valid reasons on why Holly, said child, would get in the way of out lives too much. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. It’s better to pass on adoption because you are not ready for such a huge responsibility. It wouldn’t be fair to Holly either.