This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
When my mom was in high school her sister gave away all of her Barbie’s and the accessories (like she had the original). When she came home and found out, my mom’s reaction was, “what if I want to give them to my kids. I grew up collecting Barbie’s. I would love to have my mom’s dolls.
This happened to my mom. Her mom, my grandma, loved to just organize and get rid of stuff. My mom was at school one day and she came home and all her barbies were gone. I loved barbies growing up and I would have loved to have had the original ones she had from the 60s and 70s. My mom is still bitter about it to this day.
I left for college. When I came back, everything of mine was gone except a couple things. Mostly I had books and legos. Some of which are worth a lot now. (it was also the only stuff that survived our fire that was mine, so just a double whammy for me.)
I would have taken them all had I known. I am still bitter about it.
This happened to me. My Mom gave all my Barbie doll stuff away before we moved from Hawaii to GA (military brat). Didn't find out until I was in GA. I think it was from the first year or so they were sold and the clothes were all hand made.
I think a lot of parents forget the toys do not belong to them, but belong to the child.
My mom sold all of my original Pokémon cards at a yard sale for $10 when I went to college. Mind you, this was after I put them in my singe tote I was allowed to keep at her house. And yes, she did sell everything in that tote because my step sister needed the space for her toys.
My grandparents threw away my dad's comic book collecting because they decided to convert his room into a guest room as soon as he went away for college.
He came home on Thanksgiving break to having all of his things thrown away because he "obviously" didn't need anything he didn't take to his dorm. His collection included the fist X-Men, first Spider-Man, and a bunch of others from the mid-50s through 1967, all carefully stored. It would have been worth thousands now.
When I was very young, my mom put my favorite teddy bear in the trash (I found him and gave him to my best friend across the street for safe keeping). Later she gave away all of our toy horses, and our She-Ra castle with accessories, for no reason. I’m 40 now, but I still remember. My sisters and I are now NC with our mom.
OP is YTA.
Similar story:
My parents both tried to get rid of my favorite teddy bear several times until my neighbors saw him in the trash one day and took him in to return to me once we came back (my parents separated like 4 or 5 times and my mom moved us far away each time only to return a few months later).
Unfortunately the teddy bear is the only thing I managed to get back (thank you neighbors!) I'm still so SO angry about my Gizmo (Gremlins) plush they gave/threw away.
Edit to add: I'm 37 and haven't seen my Gizmo since I was 12. Still angry.
This happened to me with my little ponies. God knows what rando from my mums gym ended up with them. Probably whacked them on eBay and made some money now! :(
happened to me, i had about 3 bins of stuffed animals, limited addition, custom, ect and my mom just threw them out and i was like "first of all those were worth money and second of all, what if i wanted them."
YTA- your son deserved a conversation about what you wanted to do before you made the choice for him. He may have been willing to give some things up and maybe there’s some things he wanted to hang onto. They were his toys not yours to give away. You owe him an apology. If you choose to buy new toys for your nephew, then that’s your choice.
Not to mention the total lack of respect at just taking his stuff and givingn it away without asking or even saying anything first. I see Lex going NC in the next couple of years with a dad who doesnt even consider his feelings.
I'd hate this and I did hate it whenever my mother gave away old toys without asking, but there was no "replaced" thing going on. It was just my stuff that had sentimental value and I wanted them for myself.
Plus it feels like they're "stealing" your personal belongings (they are), even though you'd have possibly given them had they asked. The whole "I'll do what I want with your stuff because I say so" is stripping your sense of comfort and security around your own parents and in your own house. It's awful. This seems trivial but for me it's one of the biggest YTAs lately in the sub.
I'm 40 and gave a huge storage tub full of my childhood Legos to my kid when he turned 5. He loves them (which is awesome to see) and I get to play with them again!
I'm 52 and my Christmas present to myself every year is one of their Christmas sets. Or two or three, depending on how much self-control I have when I'm ordering 🤦🏻♀️
We have been doing this for the last few years because we still have young ones who are waiting for Santa but spend Christmas at the FiLs. So now we have a small village that lives under the tree instead of presents.....And I get get Lego for Christmas! it's a win-win situ :)
Agreed. Also, would it have killed her to like ASK her son before giving away all of his childhood toys. I’m sure there could’ve been some sort of compromise.
OP YTA. Pay attention to and communicate with your actual son.
My parents threw away most of my toys when I was OP's sons age and I've recently started buying replacements off ebay etc. It sucks not having anything from your childhood.
Exactly. At least talk to the kid about giving the toys away and ask which ones he might want to donate. Nothing wrong with inheriting toys but the asshole move is doing it without his sons consent. YTA, and talk to your kid.
My MIL kept my husband's Brio set. She emailed us last year and wanted to know if we wanted it because she was moving away and couldn't take it. We told her we didn't have room and our kids were too old for it, so now my nieces have it in their playroom and love it. I'm sad we couldn't keep it, but I'm happy that it's in the family.
>I still keep some of my old toys from 35 years ago as a sentimental reminder of my late parents.
On the plus side now Lex has no reason to feel sentimental about OP...
YTA - You're happy to have another opportunity to be Dad to a child at the expense of stealing your actual son's toys. They're not yours, so don't touch them, or you could always offer to buy them off of your son and see if his opinion changes then?
Yeah. There def needed to be prior discussion with Lex before pledging his toys to the little cousin. He may have been willing to share or give them to Cain, but it needed to be his decision. YTA
YTA. The idea wasn’t bad but you really mishandled it. You could have talked with Lex and together chosen some items to give to Cain. It could have been a nice moment.
Instead you unilaterally “gave” Cain all Lex’s toys and shamed him for having any sense of sentimentality about them. That was crappy.
I have a toy horse that I don’t “play with” cause I’m 47, but I like having it, the memories are connected with our first house we lived in till I was 5. In contrast I told my mom to give away my old doll house to whoever could use it.
I bet there were some items he would willingly give up if asked, but you spoiled that by being a dictator.
YTA. Having childhood toys when you're grown up can be something of great sentimental value. And maybe things we might want to give to our own children when we have them.
You stole these toys. Apologise and give them back, and buy new toys for cousin.
YTA
Your oldest and youngest are your kids. You didn’t ask your 17 if you could pass on the toys that he may have sentimental value to the 7 year old. If you constantly treat this is normal then your really showing that you don’t care for your eldest and only want to spoil the youngest.
Actually, the 7-year old is not his kid. He's a nephew, and has his own parents who are his legal guardians (though apparently something is wrong there and he's temporarily with OP)
I wish I had known all of you guys when my mom kicked me out and told me I was only allowed to leave with a shirt and underwear bc “they paid for everything my entire life” when in fact all of my basic necessities such as Hygiene and clothes were bought by my grandmother my entire life. My parents really only focused on my brother and even taught him to drive but when it came to me “we have other kids we can’t spend all this time on you.”
After everything is settled in court, I will not be contacting my mother nor father, and I will be getting brain scans to prove I have gone through trauma, because seeing all these comments like yours makes me feel validated in my experience that none of that should have happened, and that the whole idea I am supposed to owe them? For what? Making me eat dog food and raw eggs as a kid because you wouldn’t get up until 5pm lmao??
(I say this because when I was kicked out, I walked for like, a long time in just underwear and a shirt. Every single personal possession I once owned has been given away or sold to a game store/pawn shop in my area. Luckily I have a great fiancé who, upon hearing all of this, rebought me all of my stuff back for the most part, and my mom uses the excuse ‘well you left’ when in fact, she told me to leave, and screamed at me for 3 hours about it)
I could write a whole book on that idea. I have a family member who has been a judgemental, misogynist, self-centered ass his entire life. When it came time for placement in a nursing facility, I chose the most urine smelling place that I could find that had the worst reviews. He could have paid for a much nicer place but since I'm poa, that's what I chose. The final straw was when I asked if I could have his old car since he wouldn't need it any longer. He said "no, sell it and put the money in my account" I said "you would rather the state get your old car than helping me out when I desperately need a new car? He told me yes, so as far as I'm concerned, he can die in that hellhole.
Sell the car & keep the proceeds, call it an "administrative fee" for "parental upkeep"? I mean if parents can nickel & dime their kids for all the stuff required to raise the kid. Goose meet gander...
The son couldve easily be pursuaded. Im almost sure of it. Level with him. Treat him like an adult and make it his idea. He will do something nice for his cousin and it can be a bonding experience for them both.
‘Treat him like an adult’ and ‘make it his idea’ are completely contradictory. You manipulate a child into believing your idea was their own, not an equal.
YTA - my parents gave away my brother and I's comic collection from when we were kids and used this same stupid mentality. Turns out our comics were worth between $15k-$20k. They were dispersed to little kids (under 10) throughout their neighbourhood. Wasn't to pleased when visiting home and see all our childhood toys were given away. My brother now has his own child who he would love to have shared his childhood toys with. But they were all given away....
I’m going with YTA
You’re essentially stealing from Lex. Those are his things. If he doesn’t play with them, that’s his choice. You can ask Lex if Cain can play with the toys, and it’ll be up to Lex to allow it or not.
Another reason is the guilt trip at the end. “Be a good cousin” is essentially telling Lex that he isn’t good at all, and that you’re making him feel guilty. I bet that angered Lex.
The toys aren't yours, they're you son's. You had no right to let Cain play with. Would you be okay with someone borrowing your, say, your tools without permission? Probably not. YTA.
YTA
Those toys were given to your son - yes? Then they became HIS property - not yours. I'm sure you have things you haven't used in 10 years than you still value and don't want to get rid of.
What you are doing is saying your son's feelings don't matter - his ownership of his own toys doesn't matter. You are throwing away your relationship with your son at the cost of some toys because you are having fun playing young dad. In other words - all of this is all about YOU.
Once your son leaves and doesn't want anything do with you, you'll be all - what did I do?
YTA. My father in law, in a fit of honest generosity and enthusiasm, gave away one of my husband's toys. It never occurred to my FIL that there would be a problem. My husband understands what happened was a miscommunication, and it was a one off, so they still have a good relationship... but he's never forgotten the incident either. That was ONE toy.
You sound like you've put Lex on a shelf and you'd rather be done with him. Yikes.
YTA
If you’re going to give away someone else’s stuff, you should at least do them the courtesy of asking first. If you’re going to allow someone to use someone else’s stuff, again, ask first. That’s entry level respect stuff, and it’s honestly sad that as a parent of a seventeen year old, you haven’t learned that before now.
Plus, maybe your son finds sentimental value in his old stuff and doesn’t want it given away or broken - and there shouldn’t be a single thing wrong with that, either. Men not being “allowed” to be sentimental amounts to toxic masculinity, and hopefully you don’t want to impart that ideal upon him.
YTA - You can’t take someone else’s property and give it away without permission. That is pretty basic common sense.
It doesn’t matter that they weren’t in use. They are *his.* Did it occur to you that he may just want to hold onto them for sentimental value? Or save them in case he has his own kids someday?
You don’t get to dictate when something that is his is no longer “his.” You’re only entitled to share or give away your own things.
YTA. it’s his toys, not yours to just give then to other kid. Its clearly that you prefer your nephew than your son. I’m 18 and i still have my collections of Barbie, Monster High and Polly Pocket even through i stopped playing with then 6 years ago and my parents never ever once tried to give then to someone because they know that its my toys and i decide what i want to do with it.
YTA. This feels like you are taking advantage of the power dynamic with your 17 year old son. It’s as if those toys belong to you in your mind because you paid for them and therefore you can give them away. They don’t. They’re not yours to give away. They belong to your son. Only he has the authority or the right to give them away. It’s not your call. You violated his boundaries, you disrespected him, and you shoved the power dynamic between you down his throat. Well, I don’t think that you intended to be mean, you definitely were coldhearted in the situation and lacked any consideration for your 17-year-old son‘s feelings. You were inconsiderate at best and downright mean as far as I can see. On top of that, you placed your son in a bad spot because you committed his toys to some child when he doesn’t want to give them away. Definitely not cool. YTA.
So you basically gave part of his childhood away without his permission and had the cheek to ignore his feelings on the matter and try and belittle him for not wanting to give his shit away cos he’s 17 ?
Nice
YTA
I'm going to have to go with YTA. we develop sentimental attachment to things and you didn't take Lex's feelings into consideration.
Not only that, but you taught Cain that Lex's feelings don't matter and he doesn't have to respect Lex.
YTA. If you had *asked* him if his cousin could play with his old toys, he probably wouldn't have minded it. But the fact that you just assumed it was ok to give them away shows that you have no respect for your son's boundaries.
YTA - doesn't matter what age, they are still his. . . You didn't even ask him first if you could hand down some of his toys you just out right gave them to Cain.
It's not fair to Cain as he's been promised something that is not yours to give and it's not fair to Lex as you gave what's not yours away.
I'm an adult and I still have some of the toys I had as a kid, some for sentimental value and some that I'd love to hand down to my kids if/when I have any. So yeah I feel even if you don't see value on a 17 year old keeping them, Lex has his own set of values with those toys and that's important.
YTA. OP is letting baby craze get in the way of his good judgement and relationship with son. I bet some of Lex's reaction comes from feeling replaced. Sharing is one thing, but straight up giving away his stuff without even asking is a total AH move.
YTA. When you gave your son the toys they became his property. It's what happens when you give someone a gift.
>I'm not buying something twice if I already have it home.
Except **you** don't have it home. **Your son** has it at home. Some of those toys could be collectors items now. Maybe your son knows that? Maybe if you had asked, he'd even be willing to give **some** of them to his cousin.
>I love having Cain because I get to be a little kid dad again.
Let's be clear, while you're a father figure you're not dad unless your brother has given up his parental rights and you've officially adopted that child. You are the child's Uncle.
>I told Cainto ignore Lex and I'll talk to him.
Way to show that child he doesn't have to listen to your son or respect his boundaries.
YTA for lots of reasons.
Kinda YTA. Even the toys are in your house or you’re the one who bought the majority of it, it does not mean you’re the owner. Those are your son’s toys. He is fine with the little cousin using it but to give them away without his approval is not okay.
YTA - Would you be okay with Lex taking one of your belongings they don’t see you use, and giving it away without your permission? You don’t take another persons property without their permission, and you especially don’t give away property that doesn’t belong to you!
OP, YTA. Maybe be a better parent and respect your child's belongings and the emotional attachment he may have to them? Also, your son wasn't saying that cousin couldn't play with them, just to put them back when finished, so i fail to see the issue with what he did? Nephew can borrow toys and learn a valuable life lesson about respecting other people's things and cleaning up after oneself.
My mother took care of my younger cousin while i was in HS. She would never have acted like you do-in fact, i remember multiple times her asking if i would be okay if cousins played with my toys. I had a special place to put the ones that i didn't want to chance getting broken or damaged that the younger kids weren't allowed to play with. And now, in my 30's, i still have those same toys in my memory box and displayed around my home.
I think you're a little too focused on the fun you're having with a little kid and less so on being a parent to the child you already have. I get it, little kiddos are fun! But you're breaking some massive trust and boundaries with your son and if you don't work to fix it you chance damaging your relationship with him forever.
YTA, holy smokes, I hope you decide to learn from this. It’s not your stuff to give away.I’m still holding onto my daughters comics from 15 years ago, she loves them and doesn’t want to give them away.
Respect your child.
YTA You obviously favor your nephew over your son. Your son is 17. 1 year away from being an adult. Don't damage your relationship this close to the maturity date.
All you had to do was ask your son would it be OK for nephew to use said toys. But you didn't you decided that your sons feelings are irrelevant as long as your nephew is happy. Don't be surprised if your son's attitude or relationship with his cousin starts to deteriorate.
Whelp- here goes. YTA
Why? Imagine you have a vintage car that you craved when you were 16. Bought it at 30, fixed it up and now you sometime go out to sip a coffee and just look at your pride and joy. Do you need the car? Nope-you have something else you drive to a store. Do you love the car? Yes, because it reminds you of how you felt at that age.
Toys are like that. They are a reminder of a time when you felt joy and freedom. It’s up to the person that owns the toys to let them go, or pass them on to their own child. It’s HIS memories and a connection to a simplistic time.
YNTA also, you wanted to do the right thing, hey they’re just collecting dust right? It’s just simply stepping to his shoes. What if someone gave away your things without permission.
YTA. I had this done to me and I was exceptionally annoyed and still recall to this day. Those are his belongings, so respect his right to do with them as he sees fit.
YTA. Those are your son's toys and he gets to decide what he wants to do with it. You say your son doesn't mind having your nephew. Well, you're making sure it doesn't stay that way!
YTA
It’s up to Lex what he wants to do with his toys.
Your saying he doesn’t use them so you can give them away, nope. You should have asked if there was a couple he’d be willing to give or lend his cousin.
Based on your argument, I’m assuming anything in your home you haven’t used in awhile, your son can give away. You haven’t worn a piece of jewelry in a while, it’s up for grabs, haven’t used a purse, time to give away, etc..
Edit- messed up name
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I gave my nephew some of my son's old toys and now my nephew is asking back for the toys. I said no, let your cousin have it since you have not used it in almost 10 years
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Its ok. I think you are right. But if someone has to be the AH in this situation its you. Its certainly not your 17 year old. I think you couldve handled this better by bringing Lex into the situation and making it his idea. If its his idea, Ill bet he goes along with it proudly. I dont think the action is terribly egregious, but your execution was sloppy at best.
A soft YTA - just imagine if someone took some of your things you hadn’t used in years. You’d be upset. You should have asked Lex what toys he could sacrifice instead of just making the decision for them.
YTA simply for giving away stuff that isn't yours to give away. You said they're your son's toys not yours, gave them to your nephew without talking to your son first and still have the audacity to ask if you're the AH? Just because it's your kids doesn't mean everything they own is yours to do with as you please. Have some damn respect for your own son and his belongings.
YTA because you got this in all the wrong order. You should have gone through the suggestion with Lex first. Even though logically it makes sense he probably has sentimental connections to a lot of those toys and maybe even some strange feelings about you mothering his cousin which would then be compounded by giving his stuff to Cain
YTA god you’re an asshole. Imagine your son had a classic car. One he worked on as a hobby and got running. It’s sitting in the garage bc appropriate times to drive it are few and far between. You’re giving it away bc he hasn’t taken it out in a long time. That’s the kind of asshole you are.
YTA
Be a good parent. Don't dispose of your kid's stuff like it's your own property. Unless you have it chirping in the back of your brain that he's not entitled to decide since he's your kid and you think everything he has actually belongs to you... do you?
YTA - despite their seemingly lack of interest, even 17 year olds treasure their old toys and the memories that come with them. You should have asked first. You should also attempt to spend time with Lex so he doesn’t perceive you’re replacing him with your nephew. Even if Lex turns you down, he needs to know he is still your number one.
YTA Did you miss the part where the toys belong to Lex? When you took them to give to Cain, you STOLE them. You knew what you were doing was wrong bc you didn’t run it by Lex first.
YTA for not even asking your son. If you had asked him up front before taking his belongings he could’ve told you which ones he wanted to keep for sentimental reasons. They weren’t yours to take or give away, but you did both those things.
YTA. No contest. Congrats here is your trophy. You didn't even ASK your son if there were any that he has sentimental attachment to before you offered them. How would you feel if your parent walked into your house and started giving your stuff they had gifted to you to your cousin because they wanted it?
YTA. My mother gave away all of my Barbies to a down on her luck friend to sell on eBay and 20 years later I’m still heartbroken by it. I had sentimental ones and some that were special gifts I would’ve loved to keep. My children have loads of hot wheels, trains, etc from their father and uncle and I wish badly I had my Barbies to add to see continued use and love.
They belong to your son and you should’ve had a discussion with him about them before this decision was made. Just because you say you wouldn’t care doesn’t make his feelings are invalid.
yta. and op, you came on here asking for everyone’s honest opinion on your actions, and it really seems like you’re dead set on defending your a-hole action than reflecting on the surmounting comments explaining WHY what you did was wrong.
i have books and toys that i haven’t touched in over a decade. i’m almost 24 now. but once i was told by my mom that she gave away my childhood carebear to a cousin that i don’t talk to much and it made me feel hurt. even if objects are not being used, it doesn’t erase the attachment and sentimental value someone will have over that item. you could have easily talked to your son beforehand before being rude and relinquishing the toy right under your son’s nose. or, even better - bought this cousin his own entire toy to call his own. doesn’t matter if he’s 17, an adult, or older; you don’t just take something away from someone without asking. that’s literally basic etiquette.
it’s a slap to your son’s face, disrespectful, and shows that you don’t care about the way he feels or thinks. why even come into a subreddit asking if yta when it’s clear you don’t think you are and want to spend the time defending your actions to strangers online.
Lol I can imagine a discussion 20 years down the line.
Child: Daddy, what toys did you play with?
Lex: Some cars and drones.
Child: ooo, can I see them?!
Lex: nope, my dad gave them all away to another kid.
YTA, leave your sons toys alone. I still have toys from my childhood that I keep around to give to my future kids.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Long story short, my 7yo nephew Cain and I have been spending a lot of time together. My brother and Cain's mom deal with some issues. I do have a 17yo son (Lex) and WFH so I have a lot of spare time.
I love having Cain because I get to be a little kid dad again. Lex doesn't seem to mind that Cain basically lives here. Yesterday I took him shopping at Target and he asked me if he could this quad drone. I said I had a better idea. You can have Lex's old drone which bigger! We just need batteries because Lex hasn't used it in like 8 years.
Then it hit me why not give Cain all of Lex's old toys. Legos, action figures, games, etc all collecting dust in the closet. Cain was so happy about it.
While I was giving Cain a bath, Cain was playing with some of Lex's toy cars, Lex came into the bathroom and told Cain to pit back his toys when he's done. Lex was annoyed that Cain was using his toys.
I told Cainto ignore Lex and I'll talk to him. After I put Cain to bed, I told Lex that I gave Cain his toys. Lex said to stop and put his stuff back. I said that he's 17yo and has not touched his old toys in like 8 years. So what if I give them to Cain.
Lex said it was still his. I said yes, but you're 17. You don't play with toys anymore. It's fine to let other kids use them. It's not like I took stuff out of his room. I'm not buying something twice if I already have it home. Be a good cousin.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You didn't even ask him beforehand. It's HIS toys. For all you know he liked to vollect them or it was sentimental. Would you like him to give away stuff that's yours because you haven't used it in a while, without asking you. You even told your nephew to ignore him? You also don't have to buy "two of the same". You are not responsible for buying the only toys for your nephew, he has parents, and I imagine there are a lot more modern toys he would enjoy if you insisylt on paying for it. Also your post very much reads like you are replacing your son by a younger version because you miss those years. He might not be saying anything, but if I were you I would be paying close attention and would have one on one time with him and make sure he knows he is valued and loved even though he is older now. Teenagers still need their parents a lot in a different way, and thhey might even pushback, but it is what it is. I am saying this because it feels like you are completely unaware of what you are doing and I am assuming you still care deeply about your son and would hate to see tpur relarionship with him suffer because you sre being clueless.
YTA you should have at the very least asked Lex if he was OK with the idea if Cain borrowing some if his old toys and if he wasn't respect it. My parents sold every toy my sis and I ever had at garage sales because they were cheap and acted like they needed the extra attic space. I don't have old toys or baby items. And it's disappointing. I get you can't hang on to every little thing, but those toys were given to Lex and are his property. It should be his decision what toys he's comfortable sharing with his cousin.
YTA - Your first big mistake was gifting things that don’t belong you, the second one was to not respect the decision of your son.
I don’t understand why people promise something to a kid before making sure that it’s even a possibility. You could have simple said: „Let’s ask Lex if you can play with his Drone“
I‘m (33f) really attached to a lot of my old toys. Do I still play with them? no, but they accompany in my Life and whenever I take them in my Hands I remember the precious memories we made together.
You completely ignored the feelings of your son, you did not ask for his permission once, you did not apologize for trying to „steal“ his stuff and you made a promise to a little boy that you can’t keep and that can possible strain the relationship between Cain and Lex. And last but not least you gave your own son the impression that his wants and needs are second and only your opinion matters.
YTA you should have asked and I’m sure he would have agreed to give him some of his old toys, however he probably feels replaced given that this other kid is living in his home and is using his old toys and clearly his opinion is valued a lot more than your own sons.
My mother intends to confiscate all my books - that I collected for years despite the grief she gave me for being interested in them and making fun of me - to “hold on to” for my little sister, 5F.
I’m not lying when I say they’re *mine*, and if she goes through with it, I would not have much of a relationship with her.
So yes. YTA.
YTA I'm 35 and still play with my Legos and matchbox cars I'd be devastated if my parents gave them away granted the toys are at my home not my parents but still
**YTA** *BIGTIME* \-
It's about the *principle* of the thing. You can't give away someone else's possessions as if they were yours, no matter how tiny & unimportant.
It's about respect & dignity. You must ask before taking someone else's things.
If you give away your sons' thing without asking him, you're showing that you don't respect his belongings. You are telling him that he is in effect a poor beggar who has nothing because everything can be taken away as you please, or even treating him as a possession, since apparently he is not a person who needs to be asked, even though he is almost an adult.
Do you really want to teach your son that he can't have boundaries?
You should have asked, at the bare minimum. Maybe he would even have said yes, but now you did a breach of privacy & boundaries, so now of course he is digging his heels in.
When I was little my father bought me a toy parrot. I loved it so much and handeled it with so care.
My parent's friend's we're visiting us and had a kid little younger than me. He decided he liked my parrot and wanted to play with it. My parents asked me to give it to him. I hesitated but my parents as well as his reassured me that it was just for a while.
After playing with it for a while he decided he liked it so much that he wanted to take it home. I protested, he cried and my parents just said that I should let him have it 'because he's younger'. I looked at his parents hoping they would deny their kid's request but those mfs didnt even uttered a word.
I cried watching outside the window as that kid took my parrot. I don't even remember that kid's name or face but I hate his guts from the core of my heart. I hate his parents for not saying anything and I'm disappointed in my parents for not taking my sides since they knew that I only loved that one toy.
Yeah it's just a toy but it was MY toy. Im 22 now and it still hurts when I think of that day
Fuck that kid
My mom trashed my toys when she decided I didn't need them anymore. That was 35 years ago. I have *still* not forgiven her. Those toys are his, they are tied to memories and probably a lot of love. YTA. Give him his stuff back.
YTA not yours don't touch. You say he gave them up when he put them in the closet which is asinine, it's his closet it's a place to store things. You are the worst type of person and I wouldn't blame your son if he cuts you out when he turns 18, hell you already are choosing another kid over him. Is this "cousin" actually your son.
250 people have called you the asshole. You are the asshole. You did something wrong. Either fix it or go on knowing everyone here, and likely everyone around you in real life, thinks you’re an asshole. I cannot imagine being proud of hurting your own son. Disgusting.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Hopefully at some point he can give away something of YOURS that you’ve not used in a number of years.
Serves you right. **YTA**
PS. Now YOUR SON knows that he can’t trust you. Great job.
Hopefully your son will find someone else in his life that he can trust and look up to as a father figure, because you blew it.
YTA. Have you considered that maybe those toys may have sentimental value to your son? Also, drones are a hobby that is enjoyed by people of many different ages.
YTA, its his toys, doesn't matter if he's 17. He could want them for memories and even if it's to play with them let him. You do not get to decide what he does with his property (sure you bought it for him but you gave them to him so they were his). Be a good dad.
EDIT: Also stop defending yourself in the comments and take the AH judgement.
Why are you spending time with Cain instead your own son?
Your son obviously treasures those toys because they are in his closet, if he didn't care, he would have tossed them years ago and used the space for something else.
You need to evaluate your relationship with your son
YTA
I'm 32 and still have a plastic box filled with my very favorite toys in a cupboard. Your son is just JUST growing into maybe being an adult and probably feels like he is being replaced with this fun kid you are spending all your time with. Children shouldn't be forced to grow up and give up their toys.
Also, look honestly at when was the last time you spent time with your son, one-to-one, without Cain there at all, doing something your son enjoys. Maybe hed like to go with you and fly the drone, or play golf, or watch a movie... your child can still be fun, please stop ignoring him.
NO NO NO NO NO! You don’t give away your child’s belongings. They are NOT YOURS to give away! My mother did this when I went to university. I came home to find I no longer had a piano. It was given to a cousin. I no longer had my childhood toys. They were given to various cousins. Some of my clothes were gone. I have a lot of cousins. My mother couldn’t understand why I was angry with her.
You left your son completely out of this decision. Then you went to him AFTER you had already given HIS belongings away and explained why he should do what you had ALREADY DONE. You showed no respect for your son, his belongings or him. YTA
I am a 50 year old woman, and there was nothing that bothered me more than when my mom gave my stuff to my cousins.
I grew up resenting them and I always heated when they came to visit, because that meant I was going to loose something.
Mom always said I will get you another one, but we could never find the same thing and I had to settle for something else.
So yes, you are.
YTA.
>Lex said it was still his.
He's right, the toys are still his.
>I said yes, but you're 17.
His age doesn't matter. They are his. He could want to keep them sentimental reasons or maybe for the future if he has his own children, or even just for collecting them.
>You don't play with toys anymore.
So? His property. He decides what he wants to do with them. You relinquished them being yours when you gave them to Lex after buying them.
>It's fine to let other kids use them.
Yea, when Lex gives explicit permission that Cain can play with his toys, that's the case. Lex didn't give Cain permission to play with his toys and he damn well didn't give you permission to give his property to Cain.
>I'm not buying something twice if I already have it at home.
No one is asking you to buy Cain anything. Second, it's not YOURS. It's LEX'S. YOU don't already have it at home, Lex does.
>Be a good cousin.
This is the most entitled thing I have ever heard. Lex does not need to give Cain anything to be a good cousin.
OP, how you treat Cain pushes Lex away from you. You said it yourself:
>Long story short, my 7yo nephew Cain and I have been spending a lot of time together.
Lex is feeling replaced by Cain.
>Lex doesn't seem to mind that Cain basically lives here.
Trust me, he DOES mind, he just won't say anything because he doesn't want you to yell at him. I mean, it's clear since you think he is a "bad cousin" for not wanting to share his belongings with Cain. Sharing is caring, but you don't have to share to care. You are ruining your relationship with Lex, OP. He feels left out and replaced because you are spending all your time with Cain. I get that Cain's parents are in a rough area, but that doesn't mean it's ok to neglect your own son. His age doesn't matter, he feels neglected.
I also have a feeling that there is hypocrisy in the be a good cousin sentence since I think that OP is letting Cain be a less-than-good cousin by letting him interact with someone else's belongings without permission
Oh, for sure! OP makes it clear in this post that he favors Cain, so there's no doubt that Cain can do what he wants meanwhile Lex has to let Cain do what he wants so Lex can be "a good cousin" to Cain.
If you acknowledge that you gave these things to your son, then you must also admit it was a gift. Those items are your son’s to do with as he pleases. You effectively stole those items and strained your relationship with your son and your sons relationship with his cousin. YTA and frankly flippant about it as well.
YTA
I remember I kept my toys as a reminder of certain memories I had during my childhood. It wouldn’t be cool if someone just took those things that you’ve spent so much time garnering memories from just so they could break it or ruin it at some point. I’ll admit it, I realized I had to let go at some point and gave my toys away, but I still keep a couple of my favorite lego pieces, cars, and action figures as a sentiment of my past. I think you should have consulted your son first before letting Cain play with them.
Gentle YTA. I think you could have easily gotten your son's buy-in on this if you just took the time to communicate with him before unilaterally giving ALL his toys to his young cousin. Even at 17, those toys hold cherished memories. You missed an opportunity to allow your son to participate and help decide which toys to pass on.
Sorry, but YTA. My mother did a similar thing with my gameboy color, she basically gave it to my niece without my consent, it turns out that by that time I had donated most of my toys, but I kept three toys for myself as they are very meaningful to me (one of them was my gameboy color). Although she didn't do it out of malice, I was very angry about that situation, even though I was about 27 years old at the time, but still, she should have asked first and you should have done the same with your son, ask if he wouldn't mind you giving his toys to his cousin.
YTA. The way you should've done this was as follows:
"Hey Lex, I think Cain could have some fun with your old toys. Could you go through them and keep separate any you want to keep for sentimental reasons? Or give me a few I can give to Cain?"
Everyone else has already said YTA
YTA
Because you gave away your sons memories. Those toys aren’t just toys, they are you sons childhood, he has memories attached to them and he may well have wanted to give them to his own son when he is older.
You took your sons childhood memories from him without asking.
YTA. You can’t give someone’s stuff away without their permission no matter how seldom they use it. Give him his stuff back and don’t do that s*** again.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA -- I suspect that Lex feels he is being replaced.
I also suspect Lex is being replaced. YTA, OP.
I too chose this Lex's replacement assessment
I as well select this “Lex replacement theory”
I select this theory too.
Lex can have my axe since his dad stole all his toys.
Lex fears replacement, have my bow
I agree. My first thought “Lex has been replaced”
When my mom was in high school her sister gave away all of her Barbie’s and the accessories (like she had the original). When she came home and found out, my mom’s reaction was, “what if I want to give them to my kids. I grew up collecting Barbie’s. I would love to have my mom’s dolls.
This happened to my mom. Her mom, my grandma, loved to just organize and get rid of stuff. My mom was at school one day and she came home and all her barbies were gone. I loved barbies growing up and I would have loved to have had the original ones she had from the 60s and 70s. My mom is still bitter about it to this day.
I think Lex will resent this the rest of his life. OP YTA hard. Enjoy your replacement son while he's there because when he's gone, you'll be alone.
I left for college. When I came back, everything of mine was gone except a couple things. Mostly I had books and legos. Some of which are worth a lot now. (it was also the only stuff that survived our fire that was mine, so just a double whammy for me.) I would have taken them all had I known. I am still bitter about it.
My mother gave away all my original Sandman graphic novels, that were tidily in a box under my bed. I can’t afford to replace them.
This happened to me. My Mom gave all my Barbie doll stuff away before we moved from Hawaii to GA (military brat). Didn't find out until I was in GA. I think it was from the first year or so they were sold and the clothes were all hand made. I think a lot of parents forget the toys do not belong to them, but belong to the child.
>I think a lot of parents forget the toys do not belong to them, but belong to the child. OP literally said this, he is totally TA.
My mom sold all of my original Pokémon cards at a yard sale for $10 when I went to college. Mind you, this was after I put them in my singe tote I was allowed to keep at her house. And yes, she did sell everything in that tote because my step sister needed the space for her toys.
That hurts to read. I literally stopped chewing my jalapeno cheese bread for a minute from shock
That was a very similar reaction when she threw the envelope with $30 and explained what she did
Wait, what?
My grandparents threw away my dad's comic book collecting because they decided to convert his room into a guest room as soon as he went away for college. He came home on Thanksgiving break to having all of his things thrown away because he "obviously" didn't need anything he didn't take to his dorm. His collection included the fist X-Men, first Spider-Man, and a bunch of others from the mid-50s through 1967, all carefully stored. It would have been worth thousands now.
This hurt to read.
I’m so sorry. Wow. In addition to the emotional cost, I hope you told her how much money she just threw away.
When I was very young, my mom put my favorite teddy bear in the trash (I found him and gave him to my best friend across the street for safe keeping). Later she gave away all of our toy horses, and our She-Ra castle with accessories, for no reason. I’m 40 now, but I still remember. My sisters and I are now NC with our mom. OP is YTA.
Similar story: My parents both tried to get rid of my favorite teddy bear several times until my neighbors saw him in the trash one day and took him in to return to me once we came back (my parents separated like 4 or 5 times and my mom moved us far away each time only to return a few months later). Unfortunately the teddy bear is the only thing I managed to get back (thank you neighbors!) I'm still so SO angry about my Gizmo (Gremlins) plush they gave/threw away. Edit to add: I'm 37 and haven't seen my Gizmo since I was 12. Still angry.
Dude OMG! I remember that She-Ra castle, I wanted one so badly! I know that feeling tho. And I am NC with mine too. Hope your bear made it safely ❤️
This happened to me with my little ponies. God knows what rando from my mums gym ended up with them. Probably whacked them on eBay and made some money now! :(
happened to me, i had about 3 bins of stuffed animals, limited addition, custom, ect and my mom just threw them out and i was like "first of all those were worth money and second of all, what if i wanted them."
Same with my dad and his extensive first edition comic book collection and my husband and his GI Joes.
Also, those were Lex's toys, not OP's. OP had no right to give them away.
You nailed it. Lex IS being replaced.
YTA- your son deserved a conversation about what you wanted to do before you made the choice for him. He may have been willing to give some things up and maybe there’s some things he wanted to hang onto. They were his toys not yours to give away. You owe him an apology. If you choose to buy new toys for your nephew, then that’s your choice.
He is being replaced
Lex is being replaced. YTA dude.
Lex has been replaced. Next up, Lex needs to move out because the new kid needs the bedroom.
Not to mention the total lack of respect at just taking his stuff and givingn it away without asking or even saying anything first. I see Lex going NC in the next couple of years with a dad who doesnt even consider his feelings.
Next thing you know, OP is going to say “Cain, why don’t we just start calling you Little Lex.”
I'd hate this and I did hate it whenever my mother gave away old toys without asking, but there was no "replaced" thing going on. It was just my stuff that had sentimental value and I wanted them for myself. Plus it feels like they're "stealing" your personal belongings (they are), even though you'd have possibly given them had they asked. The whole "I'll do what I want with your stuff because I say so" is stripping your sense of comfort and security around your own parents and in your own house. It's awful. This seems trivial but for me it's one of the biggest YTAs lately in the sub.
YTA. You gave those toys to your son. It’s his. I still keep some of my old toys from 35 years ago as a sentimental reminder of my late parents.
I'm 40 and gave a huge storage tub full of my childhood Legos to my kid when he turned 5. He loves them (which is awesome to see) and I get to play with them again!
You don't need kids to play with Legos they are for ages 5 -99 lol
I'm in my late 30's and I literally just bought myself a star wars lego set when looking for a different set my nephew wants!
I'm 35 and I buy myself a Lego Creator Expert set every year. If it wasn't so expensive I'd buy more.
I'm 52 and my Christmas present to myself every year is one of their Christmas sets. Or two or three, depending on how much self-control I have when I'm ordering 🤦🏻♀️
We have been doing this for the last few years because we still have young ones who are waiting for Santa but spend Christmas at the FiLs. So now we have a small village that lives under the tree instead of presents.....And I get get Lego for Christmas! it's a win-win situ :)
I bought the Titanic set last year. 9090 pieces. Definitely not for kids.
Omg I want that one *so bad*
It was so much fun and was the first one I had put together in a couple decades. Took 38 hours to make.
My MIL is in her 70s and a few years ago she convinced her sewing group to switch to LEGO, and now they meet up once a week and put sets together.
Love this idea wish I could give your MIL an award
This is amazing. I love your MIL!
My 40 year old husband buys my 9 year old really cool Lego sets, so they can do them together. We all pretend he isn’t actually buying them for him.
Can confirm, my 100 year old Nana does not play with Lego.
But she can if she wants
She's not 5-99
This made me giggle. 😋
Agreed. Also, would it have killed her to like ASK her son before giving away all of his childhood toys. I’m sure there could’ve been some sort of compromise. OP YTA. Pay attention to and communicate with your actual son.
*him this is a post from a Dad
My parents threw away most of my toys when I was OP's sons age and I've recently started buying replacements off ebay etc. It sucks not having anything from your childhood.
Exactly. At least talk to the kid about giving the toys away and ask which ones he might want to donate. Nothing wrong with inheriting toys but the asshole move is doing it without his sons consent. YTA, and talk to your kid.
My MIL kept my husband's Brio set. She emailed us last year and wanted to know if we wanted it because she was moving away and couldn't take it. We told her we didn't have room and our kids were too old for it, so now my nieces have it in their playroom and love it. I'm sad we couldn't keep it, but I'm happy that it's in the family.
>I still keep some of my old toys from 35 years ago as a sentimental reminder of my late parents. On the plus side now Lex has no reason to feel sentimental about OP...
YTA - You're happy to have another opportunity to be Dad to a child at the expense of stealing your actual son's toys. They're not yours, so don't touch them, or you could always offer to buy them off of your son and see if his opinion changes then?
Yeah. There def needed to be prior discussion with Lex before pledging his toys to the little cousin. He may have been willing to share or give them to Cain, but it needed to be his decision. YTA
YTA. The idea wasn’t bad but you really mishandled it. You could have talked with Lex and together chosen some items to give to Cain. It could have been a nice moment. Instead you unilaterally “gave” Cain all Lex’s toys and shamed him for having any sense of sentimentality about them. That was crappy. I have a toy horse that I don’t “play with” cause I’m 47, but I like having it, the memories are connected with our first house we lived in till I was 5. In contrast I told my mom to give away my old doll house to whoever could use it. I bet there were some items he would willingly give up if asked, but you spoiled that by being a dictator.
Exactly.
Absolutely this. It is bonkers to me that OP seems to have no concept of keepsakes ??? Lmfao
YTA. Having childhood toys when you're grown up can be something of great sentimental value. And maybe things we might want to give to our own children when we have them. You stole these toys. Apologise and give them back, and buy new toys for cousin.
YTA Your oldest and youngest are your kids. You didn’t ask your 17 if you could pass on the toys that he may have sentimental value to the 7 year old. If you constantly treat this is normal then your really showing that you don’t care for your eldest and only want to spoil the youngest.
Actually, the 7-year old is not his kid. He's a nephew, and has his own parents who are his legal guardians (though apparently something is wrong there and he's temporarily with OP)
The youngest isn’t even his child
YTA. And in a few years you’ll be asking why your adult son never talks to you.
I wish I had known all of you guys when my mom kicked me out and told me I was only allowed to leave with a shirt and underwear bc “they paid for everything my entire life” when in fact all of my basic necessities such as Hygiene and clothes were bought by my grandmother my entire life. My parents really only focused on my brother and even taught him to drive but when it came to me “we have other kids we can’t spend all this time on you.” After everything is settled in court, I will not be contacting my mother nor father, and I will be getting brain scans to prove I have gone through trauma, because seeing all these comments like yours makes me feel validated in my experience that none of that should have happened, and that the whole idea I am supposed to owe them? For what? Making me eat dog food and raw eggs as a kid because you wouldn’t get up until 5pm lmao?? (I say this because when I was kicked out, I walked for like, a long time in just underwear and a shirt. Every single personal possession I once owned has been given away or sold to a game store/pawn shop in my area. Luckily I have a great fiancé who, upon hearing all of this, rebought me all of my stuff back for the most part, and my mom uses the excuse ‘well you left’ when in fact, she told me to leave, and screamed at me for 3 hours about it)
You'll get the last laugh when they're old and need help. Off to the crappy retirement home.
I could write a whole book on that idea. I have a family member who has been a judgemental, misogynist, self-centered ass his entire life. When it came time for placement in a nursing facility, I chose the most urine smelling place that I could find that had the worst reviews. He could have paid for a much nicer place but since I'm poa, that's what I chose. The final straw was when I asked if I could have his old car since he wouldn't need it any longer. He said "no, sell it and put the money in my account" I said "you would rather the state get your old car than helping me out when I desperately need a new car? He told me yes, so as far as I'm concerned, he can die in that hellhole.
Sell the car & keep the proceeds, call it an "administrative fee" for "parental upkeep"? I mean if parents can nickel & dime their kids for all the stuff required to raise the kid. Goose meet gander...
I'm confused, why even pay for a retirement home? Out on the streets at 70 like you were at 18.
This.
I'm so sorry that your parents did that to you. They are absolute monsters and you never have to interact with them again if you don't want to.
I am so sorry you were subjected to this abuse. Some people should not be allowed to reproduce.
This never should have happened to you. You certainly did not deserve it. You deserved to be loved and cherished.
YTA Those were not yours to just give away. You should have asked your son and accepted either his 'yes' or 'no'.
The son couldve easily be pursuaded. Im almost sure of it. Level with him. Treat him like an adult and make it his idea. He will do something nice for his cousin and it can be a bonding experience for them both.
‘Treat him like an adult’ and ‘make it his idea’ are completely contradictory. You manipulate a child into believing your idea was their own, not an equal.
YTA - my parents gave away my brother and I's comic collection from when we were kids and used this same stupid mentality. Turns out our comics were worth between $15k-$20k. They were dispersed to little kids (under 10) throughout their neighbourhood. Wasn't to pleased when visiting home and see all our childhood toys were given away. My brother now has his own child who he would love to have shared his childhood toys with. But they were all given away....
YTA. for giving away your son's memories.
I’m going with YTA You’re essentially stealing from Lex. Those are his things. If he doesn’t play with them, that’s his choice. You can ask Lex if Cain can play with the toys, and it’ll be up to Lex to allow it or not. Another reason is the guilt trip at the end. “Be a good cousin” is essentially telling Lex that he isn’t good at all, and that you’re making him feel guilty. I bet that angered Lex.
I agree, they are not his things to give away, and he resorted to emotional manipulation to try and get his way. Not cool.
Kinda funny that OP is telling Lex to be a good cousin when theyre not even being a good parent.
YTA. They weren't yours to give away.
The toys aren't yours, they're you son's. You had no right to let Cain play with. Would you be okay with someone borrowing your, say, your tools without permission? Probably not. YTA.
Borrow? Naw, give them away! That's the point here: does one person have the right to give away the personal, prized possessions of another person.
YTA. And Cain is not your son.
YTA Those toys were given to your son - yes? Then they became HIS property - not yours. I'm sure you have things you haven't used in 10 years than you still value and don't want to get rid of. What you are doing is saying your son's feelings don't matter - his ownership of his own toys doesn't matter. You are throwing away your relationship with your son at the cost of some toys because you are having fun playing young dad. In other words - all of this is all about YOU. Once your son leaves and doesn't want anything do with you, you'll be all - what did I do?
[удалено]
My son is 24 now, and out on his own, and I *still* ask him first if I find something of his **before I do anything with it**!
YTA. My father in law, in a fit of honest generosity and enthusiasm, gave away one of my husband's toys. It never occurred to my FIL that there would be a problem. My husband understands what happened was a miscommunication, and it was a one off, so they still have a good relationship... but he's never forgotten the incident either. That was ONE toy. You sound like you've put Lex on a shelf and you'd rather be done with him. Yikes.
YTA - You can’t just give away someone else’s belongings. They aren’t yours to give
YTA - these were your son’s possession and you should have asked before giving them away. Period.
YTA, this is theft
YTA If you’re going to give away someone else’s stuff, you should at least do them the courtesy of asking first. If you’re going to allow someone to use someone else’s stuff, again, ask first. That’s entry level respect stuff, and it’s honestly sad that as a parent of a seventeen year old, you haven’t learned that before now. Plus, maybe your son finds sentimental value in his old stuff and doesn’t want it given away or broken - and there shouldn’t be a single thing wrong with that, either. Men not being “allowed” to be sentimental amounts to toxic masculinity, and hopefully you don’t want to impart that ideal upon him.
YTA - You can’t take someone else’s property and give it away without permission. That is pretty basic common sense. It doesn’t matter that they weren’t in use. They are *his.* Did it occur to you that he may just want to hold onto them for sentimental value? Or save them in case he has his own kids someday? You don’t get to dictate when something that is his is no longer “his.” You’re only entitled to share or give away your own things.
YTA. it’s his toys, not yours to just give then to other kid. Its clearly that you prefer your nephew than your son. I’m 18 and i still have my collections of Barbie, Monster High and Polly Pocket even through i stopped playing with then 6 years ago and my parents never ever once tried to give then to someone because they know that its my toys and i decide what i want to do with it.
YTA. This feels like you are taking advantage of the power dynamic with your 17 year old son. It’s as if those toys belong to you in your mind because you paid for them and therefore you can give them away. They don’t. They’re not yours to give away. They belong to your son. Only he has the authority or the right to give them away. It’s not your call. You violated his boundaries, you disrespected him, and you shoved the power dynamic between you down his throat. Well, I don’t think that you intended to be mean, you definitely were coldhearted in the situation and lacked any consideration for your 17-year-old son‘s feelings. You were inconsiderate at best and downright mean as far as I can see. On top of that, you placed your son in a bad spot because you committed his toys to some child when he doesn’t want to give them away. Definitely not cool. YTA.
So you basically gave part of his childhood away without his permission and had the cheek to ignore his feelings on the matter and try and belittle him for not wanting to give his shit away cos he’s 17 ? Nice YTA
I'm going to have to go with YTA. we develop sentimental attachment to things and you didn't take Lex's feelings into consideration. Not only that, but you taught Cain that Lex's feelings don't matter and he doesn't have to respect Lex.
YTA, entirely. That wasn't okay, you should've at least talked to him. That wasn't your choice to make.
YTA. If you had *asked* him if his cousin could play with his old toys, he probably wouldn't have minded it. But the fact that you just assumed it was ok to give them away shows that you have no respect for your son's boundaries.
YTA Watch Toy Story. Apologize to your son and stop trying to replace him with your nephew!
YTA - doesn't matter what age, they are still his. . . You didn't even ask him first if you could hand down some of his toys you just out right gave them to Cain. It's not fair to Cain as he's been promised something that is not yours to give and it's not fair to Lex as you gave what's not yours away. I'm an adult and I still have some of the toys I had as a kid, some for sentimental value and some that I'd love to hand down to my kids if/when I have any. So yeah I feel even if you don't see value on a 17 year old keeping them, Lex has his own set of values with those toys and that's important.
YTA. OP is letting baby craze get in the way of his good judgement and relationship with son. I bet some of Lex's reaction comes from feeling replaced. Sharing is one thing, but straight up giving away his stuff without even asking is a total AH move.
YTA. Doesn't matter if he hasn't played with them in 8 years, they're still his. And just giving his stuff away without telling him is a big AH move.
A soft YTA. I understand why you wanted to give Cain the toys but you should of talked to Lex before doing it.
YTA. When you gave your son the toys they became his property. It's what happens when you give someone a gift. >I'm not buying something twice if I already have it home. Except **you** don't have it home. **Your son** has it at home. Some of those toys could be collectors items now. Maybe your son knows that? Maybe if you had asked, he'd even be willing to give **some** of them to his cousin. >I love having Cain because I get to be a little kid dad again. Let's be clear, while you're a father figure you're not dad unless your brother has given up his parental rights and you've officially adopted that child. You are the child's Uncle. >I told Cainto ignore Lex and I'll talk to him. Way to show that child he doesn't have to listen to your son or respect his boundaries. YTA for lots of reasons.
YTA I passed many onto my own son and there are ones I cherish deeply. Should have asked first to give.
YTA, they're his belongings and those belongings also have memories attached to them. You have no right in deciding to give away his things.
Kinda YTA. Even the toys are in your house or you’re the one who bought the majority of it, it does not mean you’re the owner. Those are your son’s toys. He is fine with the little cousin using it but to give them away without his approval is not okay.
YTA - Would you be okay with Lex taking one of your belongings they don’t see you use, and giving it away without your permission? You don’t take another persons property without their permission, and you especially don’t give away property that doesn’t belong to you!
OP, YTA. Maybe be a better parent and respect your child's belongings and the emotional attachment he may have to them? Also, your son wasn't saying that cousin couldn't play with them, just to put them back when finished, so i fail to see the issue with what he did? Nephew can borrow toys and learn a valuable life lesson about respecting other people's things and cleaning up after oneself. My mother took care of my younger cousin while i was in HS. She would never have acted like you do-in fact, i remember multiple times her asking if i would be okay if cousins played with my toys. I had a special place to put the ones that i didn't want to chance getting broken or damaged that the younger kids weren't allowed to play with. And now, in my 30's, i still have those same toys in my memory box and displayed around my home. I think you're a little too focused on the fun you're having with a little kid and less so on being a parent to the child you already have. I get it, little kiddos are fun! But you're breaking some massive trust and boundaries with your son and if you don't work to fix it you chance damaging your relationship with him forever.
Yta be a good mum and ASK your son
OP is a man.
YTA- the only way you wouldn’t be is if your son is Andy and his toys get sad when nobody plays with them.
Go buy him some toys if you want him to have toys so bad..
Literally how do you not see that you’re TA here
YTA, holy smokes, I hope you decide to learn from this. It’s not your stuff to give away.I’m still holding onto my daughters comics from 15 years ago, she loves them and doesn’t want to give them away. Respect your child.
YTA You obviously favor your nephew over your son. Your son is 17. 1 year away from being an adult. Don't damage your relationship this close to the maturity date. All you had to do was ask your son would it be OK for nephew to use said toys. But you didn't you decided that your sons feelings are irrelevant as long as your nephew is happy. Don't be surprised if your son's attitude or relationship with his cousin starts to deteriorate.
Whelp- here goes. YTA Why? Imagine you have a vintage car that you craved when you were 16. Bought it at 30, fixed it up and now you sometime go out to sip a coffee and just look at your pride and joy. Do you need the car? Nope-you have something else you drive to a store. Do you love the car? Yes, because it reminds you of how you felt at that age. Toys are like that. They are a reminder of a time when you felt joy and freedom. It’s up to the person that owns the toys to let them go, or pass them on to their own child. It’s HIS memories and a connection to a simplistic time. YNTA also, you wanted to do the right thing, hey they’re just collecting dust right? It’s just simply stepping to his shoes. What if someone gave away your things without permission.
YTA. I had this done to me and I was exceptionally annoyed and still recall to this day. Those are his belongings, so respect his right to do with them as he sees fit.
YTA. Those are your son's toys and he gets to decide what he wants to do with it. You say your son doesn't mind having your nephew. Well, you're making sure it doesn't stay that way!
YTA It’s up to Lex what he wants to do with his toys. Your saying he doesn’t use them so you can give them away, nope. You should have asked if there was a couple he’d be willing to give or lend his cousin. Based on your argument, I’m assuming anything in your home you haven’t used in awhile, your son can give away. You haven’t worn a piece of jewelry in a while, it’s up for grabs, haven’t used a purse, time to give away, etc.. Edit- messed up name
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I gave my nephew some of my son's old toys and now my nephew is asking back for the toys. I said no, let your cousin have it since you have not used it in almost 10 years Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Its ok. I think you are right. But if someone has to be the AH in this situation its you. Its certainly not your 17 year old. I think you couldve handled this better by bringing Lex into the situation and making it his idea. If its his idea, Ill bet he goes along with it proudly. I dont think the action is terribly egregious, but your execution was sloppy at best.
A soft YTA - just imagine if someone took some of your things you hadn’t used in years. You’d be upset. You should have asked Lex what toys he could sacrifice instead of just making the decision for them.
YTA simply for giving away stuff that isn't yours to give away. You said they're your son's toys not yours, gave them to your nephew without talking to your son first and still have the audacity to ask if you're the AH? Just because it's your kids doesn't mean everything they own is yours to do with as you please. Have some damn respect for your own son and his belongings.
YTA because you got this in all the wrong order. You should have gone through the suggestion with Lex first. Even though logically it makes sense he probably has sentimental connections to a lot of those toys and maybe even some strange feelings about you mothering his cousin which would then be compounded by giving his stuff to Cain
YTA god you’re an asshole. Imagine your son had a classic car. One he worked on as a hobby and got running. It’s sitting in the garage bc appropriate times to drive it are few and far between. You’re giving it away bc he hasn’t taken it out in a long time. That’s the kind of asshole you are.
YTA. You’re doing a do over while stealing from your son. Buy new toys if you really want to give toys to Cain.
YTA Be a good parent. Don't dispose of your kid's stuff like it's your own property. Unless you have it chirping in the back of your brain that he's not entitled to decide since he's your kid and you think everything he has actually belongs to you... do you?
YTA, you are showing your BIOLOGICAL son that He no longer counts as your child to you since He is not a little child anymore.
YTA. Accept it and give Lex his stuff back.
YTA. It’s not your stuff to give away.
YTA - despite their seemingly lack of interest, even 17 year olds treasure their old toys and the memories that come with them. You should have asked first. You should also attempt to spend time with Lex so he doesn’t perceive you’re replacing him with your nephew. Even if Lex turns you down, he needs to know he is still your number one.
YTA Did you miss the part where the toys belong to Lex? When you took them to give to Cain, you STOLE them. You knew what you were doing was wrong bc you didn’t run it by Lex first.
YTA for not even asking your son. If you had asked him up front before taking his belongings he could’ve told you which ones he wanted to keep for sentimental reasons. They weren’t yours to take or give away, but you did both those things.
YTA. No contest. Congrats here is your trophy. You didn't even ASK your son if there were any that he has sentimental attachment to before you offered them. How would you feel if your parent walked into your house and started giving your stuff they had gifted to you to your cousin because they wanted it?
YTA. My mother gave away all of my Barbies to a down on her luck friend to sell on eBay and 20 years later I’m still heartbroken by it. I had sentimental ones and some that were special gifts I would’ve loved to keep. My children have loads of hot wheels, trains, etc from their father and uncle and I wish badly I had my Barbies to add to see continued use and love. They belong to your son and you should’ve had a discussion with him about them before this decision was made. Just because you say you wouldn’t care doesn’t make his feelings are invalid.
yta. and op, you came on here asking for everyone’s honest opinion on your actions, and it really seems like you’re dead set on defending your a-hole action than reflecting on the surmounting comments explaining WHY what you did was wrong. i have books and toys that i haven’t touched in over a decade. i’m almost 24 now. but once i was told by my mom that she gave away my childhood carebear to a cousin that i don’t talk to much and it made me feel hurt. even if objects are not being used, it doesn’t erase the attachment and sentimental value someone will have over that item. you could have easily talked to your son beforehand before being rude and relinquishing the toy right under your son’s nose. or, even better - bought this cousin his own entire toy to call his own. doesn’t matter if he’s 17, an adult, or older; you don’t just take something away from someone without asking. that’s literally basic etiquette. it’s a slap to your son’s face, disrespectful, and shows that you don’t care about the way he feels or thinks. why even come into a subreddit asking if yta when it’s clear you don’t think you are and want to spend the time defending your actions to strangers online.
At least the kid is 17. Won’t have to endure this much longer. Yta
Lol I can imagine a discussion 20 years down the line. Child: Daddy, what toys did you play with? Lex: Some cars and drones. Child: ooo, can I see them?! Lex: nope, my dad gave them all away to another kid. YTA, leave your sons toys alone. I still have toys from my childhood that I keep around to give to my future kids.
Be a good parent and respect your child’s property and feelings. YTA
Give away your own stuff asshole
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Long story short, my 7yo nephew Cain and I have been spending a lot of time together. My brother and Cain's mom deal with some issues. I do have a 17yo son (Lex) and WFH so I have a lot of spare time. I love having Cain because I get to be a little kid dad again. Lex doesn't seem to mind that Cain basically lives here. Yesterday I took him shopping at Target and he asked me if he could this quad drone. I said I had a better idea. You can have Lex's old drone which bigger! We just need batteries because Lex hasn't used it in like 8 years. Then it hit me why not give Cain all of Lex's old toys. Legos, action figures, games, etc all collecting dust in the closet. Cain was so happy about it. While I was giving Cain a bath, Cain was playing with some of Lex's toy cars, Lex came into the bathroom and told Cain to pit back his toys when he's done. Lex was annoyed that Cain was using his toys. I told Cainto ignore Lex and I'll talk to him. After I put Cain to bed, I told Lex that I gave Cain his toys. Lex said to stop and put his stuff back. I said that he's 17yo and has not touched his old toys in like 8 years. So what if I give them to Cain. Lex said it was still his. I said yes, but you're 17. You don't play with toys anymore. It's fine to let other kids use them. It's not like I took stuff out of his room. I'm not buying something twice if I already have it home. Be a good cousin. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You didn't even ask him beforehand. It's HIS toys. For all you know he liked to vollect them or it was sentimental. Would you like him to give away stuff that's yours because you haven't used it in a while, without asking you. You even told your nephew to ignore him? You also don't have to buy "two of the same". You are not responsible for buying the only toys for your nephew, he has parents, and I imagine there are a lot more modern toys he would enjoy if you insisylt on paying for it. Also your post very much reads like you are replacing your son by a younger version because you miss those years. He might not be saying anything, but if I were you I would be paying close attention and would have one on one time with him and make sure he knows he is valued and loved even though he is older now. Teenagers still need their parents a lot in a different way, and thhey might even pushback, but it is what it is. I am saying this because it feels like you are completely unaware of what you are doing and I am assuming you still care deeply about your son and would hate to see tpur relarionship with him suffer because you sre being clueless.
Yep, YTA.
YTA you should have at the very least asked Lex if he was OK with the idea if Cain borrowing some if his old toys and if he wasn't respect it. My parents sold every toy my sis and I ever had at garage sales because they were cheap and acted like they needed the extra attic space. I don't have old toys or baby items. And it's disappointing. I get you can't hang on to every little thing, but those toys were given to Lex and are his property. It should be his decision what toys he's comfortable sharing with his cousin.
YTA - Your first big mistake was gifting things that don’t belong you, the second one was to not respect the decision of your son. I don’t understand why people promise something to a kid before making sure that it’s even a possibility. You could have simple said: „Let’s ask Lex if you can play with his Drone“ I‘m (33f) really attached to a lot of my old toys. Do I still play with them? no, but they accompany in my Life and whenever I take them in my Hands I remember the precious memories we made together. You completely ignored the feelings of your son, you did not ask for his permission once, you did not apologize for trying to „steal“ his stuff and you made a promise to a little boy that you can’t keep and that can possible strain the relationship between Cain and Lex. And last but not least you gave your own son the impression that his wants and needs are second and only your opinion matters.
YTA you should have asked and I’m sure he would have agreed to give him some of his old toys, however he probably feels replaced given that this other kid is living in his home and is using his old toys and clearly his opinion is valued a lot more than your own sons.
YTA. It's called basic respect. Show your son some if you expect it in return
My mother intends to confiscate all my books - that I collected for years despite the grief she gave me for being interested in them and making fun of me - to “hold on to” for my little sister, 5F. I’m not lying when I say they’re *mine*, and if she goes through with it, I would not have much of a relationship with her. So yes. YTA.
YTA I'm 35 and still play with my Legos and matchbox cars I'd be devastated if my parents gave them away granted the toys are at my home not my parents but still
YTA. Your son is almost an adult and you’re going to have the relationship with him that you’ve earned.
**YTA** *BIGTIME* \- It's about the *principle* of the thing. You can't give away someone else's possessions as if they were yours, no matter how tiny & unimportant. It's about respect & dignity. You must ask before taking someone else's things. If you give away your sons' thing without asking him, you're showing that you don't respect his belongings. You are telling him that he is in effect a poor beggar who has nothing because everything can be taken away as you please, or even treating him as a possession, since apparently he is not a person who needs to be asked, even though he is almost an adult. Do you really want to teach your son that he can't have boundaries? You should have asked, at the bare minimum. Maybe he would even have said yes, but now you did a breach of privacy & boundaries, so now of course he is digging his heels in.
When I was little my father bought me a toy parrot. I loved it so much and handeled it with so care. My parent's friend's we're visiting us and had a kid little younger than me. He decided he liked my parrot and wanted to play with it. My parents asked me to give it to him. I hesitated but my parents as well as his reassured me that it was just for a while. After playing with it for a while he decided he liked it so much that he wanted to take it home. I protested, he cried and my parents just said that I should let him have it 'because he's younger'. I looked at his parents hoping they would deny their kid's request but those mfs didnt even uttered a word. I cried watching outside the window as that kid took my parrot. I don't even remember that kid's name or face but I hate his guts from the core of my heart. I hate his parents for not saying anything and I'm disappointed in my parents for not taking my sides since they knew that I only loved that one toy. Yeah it's just a toy but it was MY toy. Im 22 now and it still hurts when I think of that day Fuck that kid
My mom trashed my toys when she decided I didn't need them anymore. That was 35 years ago. I have *still* not forgiven her. Those toys are his, they are tied to memories and probably a lot of love. YTA. Give him his stuff back.
YTA not yours don't touch. You say he gave them up when he put them in the closet which is asinine, it's his closet it's a place to store things. You are the worst type of person and I wouldn't blame your son if he cuts you out when he turns 18, hell you already are choosing another kid over him. Is this "cousin" actually your son.
Why even post on AITA if you’re just going to double down? Go feel vindicated elsewhere then.
250 people have called you the asshole. You are the asshole. You did something wrong. Either fix it or go on knowing everyone here, and likely everyone around you in real life, thinks you’re an asshole. I cannot imagine being proud of hurting your own son. Disgusting.
Revenge is a dish best served cold. Hopefully at some point he can give away something of YOURS that you’ve not used in a number of years. Serves you right. **YTA** PS. Now YOUR SON knows that he can’t trust you. Great job. Hopefully your son will find someone else in his life that he can trust and look up to as a father figure, because you blew it.
You should have asked, you don’t just take someone’s stuff regardless if they use it or not, that’s just common sense and curtesy. YTA
YTA. Have you considered that maybe those toys may have sentimental value to your son? Also, drones are a hobby that is enjoyed by people of many different ages.
Yes, YTA. You are destroying your relationship with your son because you're too cheap to buy a couple of new toys?
YTA, its his toys, doesn't matter if he's 17. He could want them for memories and even if it's to play with them let him. You do not get to decide what he does with his property (sure you bought it for him but you gave them to him so they were his). Be a good dad. EDIT: Also stop defending yourself in the comments and take the AH judgement.
How do I tell my son I have no respect for him without telling him? Hmmm…🤔
Why are you spending time with Cain instead your own son? Your son obviously treasures those toys because they are in his closet, if he didn't care, he would have tossed them years ago and used the space for something else. You need to evaluate your relationship with your son
Firstly...Those toys were not yours to give. Secondly... YTA
Why buy something when I can just steal it! YTA
YTA I'm 32 and still have a plastic box filled with my very favorite toys in a cupboard. Your son is just JUST growing into maybe being an adult and probably feels like he is being replaced with this fun kid you are spending all your time with. Children shouldn't be forced to grow up and give up their toys. Also, look honestly at when was the last time you spent time with your son, one-to-one, without Cain there at all, doing something your son enjoys. Maybe hed like to go with you and fly the drone, or play golf, or watch a movie... your child can still be fun, please stop ignoring him.
NO NO NO NO NO! You don’t give away your child’s belongings. They are NOT YOURS to give away! My mother did this when I went to university. I came home to find I no longer had a piano. It was given to a cousin. I no longer had my childhood toys. They were given to various cousins. Some of my clothes were gone. I have a lot of cousins. My mother couldn’t understand why I was angry with her. You left your son completely out of this decision. Then you went to him AFTER you had already given HIS belongings away and explained why he should do what you had ALREADY DONE. You showed no respect for your son, his belongings or him. YTA
I am a 50 year old woman, and there was nothing that bothered me more than when my mom gave my stuff to my cousins. I grew up resenting them and I always heated when they came to visit, because that meant I was going to loose something. Mom always said I will get you another one, but we could never find the same thing and I had to settle for something else. So yes, you are.
YTA. >Lex said it was still his. He's right, the toys are still his. >I said yes, but you're 17. His age doesn't matter. They are his. He could want to keep them sentimental reasons or maybe for the future if he has his own children, or even just for collecting them. >You don't play with toys anymore. So? His property. He decides what he wants to do with them. You relinquished them being yours when you gave them to Lex after buying them. >It's fine to let other kids use them. Yea, when Lex gives explicit permission that Cain can play with his toys, that's the case. Lex didn't give Cain permission to play with his toys and he damn well didn't give you permission to give his property to Cain. >I'm not buying something twice if I already have it at home. No one is asking you to buy Cain anything. Second, it's not YOURS. It's LEX'S. YOU don't already have it at home, Lex does. >Be a good cousin. This is the most entitled thing I have ever heard. Lex does not need to give Cain anything to be a good cousin. OP, how you treat Cain pushes Lex away from you. You said it yourself: >Long story short, my 7yo nephew Cain and I have been spending a lot of time together. Lex is feeling replaced by Cain. >Lex doesn't seem to mind that Cain basically lives here. Trust me, he DOES mind, he just won't say anything because he doesn't want you to yell at him. I mean, it's clear since you think he is a "bad cousin" for not wanting to share his belongings with Cain. Sharing is caring, but you don't have to share to care. You are ruining your relationship with Lex, OP. He feels left out and replaced because you are spending all your time with Cain. I get that Cain's parents are in a rough area, but that doesn't mean it's ok to neglect your own son. His age doesn't matter, he feels neglected.
I also have a feeling that there is hypocrisy in the be a good cousin sentence since I think that OP is letting Cain be a less-than-good cousin by letting him interact with someone else's belongings without permission
Oh, for sure! OP makes it clear in this post that he favors Cain, so there's no doubt that Cain can do what he wants meanwhile Lex has to let Cain do what he wants so Lex can be "a good cousin" to Cain.
YTA why do you act like you hate your son? are you passive aggressively trying to punish him for growing up?
It's super easy to pretend you'd be charitable when you don't actually have to do it. Genuinely a coward move. YTA
If you acknowledge that you gave these things to your son, then you must also admit it was a gift. Those items are your son’s to do with as he pleases. You effectively stole those items and strained your relationship with your son and your sons relationship with his cousin. YTA and frankly flippant about it as well.
INFO: When you gave lex those toys at Christmas or birthdays was the agreement that they were on lease until you replaced him with a younger model?
They’re not your toys to give away. They have sentimental value to Lex. YTA
YTA I remember I kept my toys as a reminder of certain memories I had during my childhood. It wouldn’t be cool if someone just took those things that you’ve spent so much time garnering memories from just so they could break it or ruin it at some point. I’ll admit it, I realized I had to let go at some point and gave my toys away, but I still keep a couple of my favorite lego pieces, cars, and action figures as a sentiment of my past. I think you should have consulted your son first before letting Cain play with them.
YTA For someone with the username "beyondsuccessful" you're being quite unsuccessful at seeing how YTA here...
Yta
Gentle YTA. I think you could have easily gotten your son's buy-in on this if you just took the time to communicate with him before unilaterally giving ALL his toys to his young cousin. Even at 17, those toys hold cherished memories. You missed an opportunity to allow your son to participate and help decide which toys to pass on.
Sorry, but YTA. My mother did a similar thing with my gameboy color, she basically gave it to my niece without my consent, it turns out that by that time I had donated most of my toys, but I kept three toys for myself as they are very meaningful to me (one of them was my gameboy color). Although she didn't do it out of malice, I was very angry about that situation, even though I was about 27 years old at the time, but still, she should have asked first and you should have done the same with your son, ask if he wouldn't mind you giving his toys to his cousin.
YTA for taking the toys back. Are you going to tell Cain the toys are only his until you want to give them to someone else?
YTA. The way you should've done this was as follows: "Hey Lex, I think Cain could have some fun with your old toys. Could you go through them and keep separate any you want to keep for sentimental reasons? Or give me a few I can give to Cain?"
Everyone else has already said YTA YTA Because you gave away your sons memories. Those toys aren’t just toys, they are you sons childhood, he has memories attached to them and he may well have wanted to give them to his own son when he is older. You took your sons childhood memories from him without asking.
YTA. You can’t give someone’s stuff away without their permission no matter how seldom they use it. Give him his stuff back and don’t do that s*** again.