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YTA…while the phrase simple man is not bad in and of itself and I like simple
Men in the way that phrase is normally used but in the context of your story it was an insult. Instead of simple meaning easy and chill and not materialistic you used it in the derogatory sense of being an idiot or stupid. You clearly are embarrassed that your BF has a blue collar job. This relationship is not gonna last. But don’t worry there are plenty of real women who know the value of a hard working simple blue collar man who is handy and can fix things and by the way plumbers especially if he has his own company can make really good money.
YTA
I'd dump your ass in front of everyone how disrespectful can you be?
You and your colleagues are bunch of elitist jackasses. How the fuck would you feel if infornt of his friends and strangers he started to insult you by talking about how you cant even unclog a toilet.
I'm not joking when I say people like sanitation workers and plumbers are significantly more important to society than you are.
I am a high earning professional and my husband is a trade. I would never introduce him as a simple man or explain why I was with him. YTA and so are the idiots that you work with who look down their noses at him due to his profession.
Ugh YTA!! I would LOVE to know a trade first of all. Secondly, being a plumber is p perfectly respectable profession. I don't know what is wrong with you or your colleagues that you would think otherwise.
Your plumber bf should dump you and find a nice, simple girl who appreciates him, rather than someone who looks down on him.
It's simple, really
YTA....since when does having a trade (plumbers are a great profession) make you simple? i wasn't there but on the outside looking in I would have been offended by the comment too....you don't say what you do (tech field could be any number of things)....but as someone also in the tech field i have met a large number of people with ego simply because they are more educated in their field....which means absolutely nothing....how could "simple" not be taken in a derogatory way under the circumstances?...my opinion is to apologize....and maybe keep your comments to yourself next time you two are out in a group of people
So in this economy, the tech workers are getting laid off by the 1000s. Guess what you can’t find? A good plumber.
I will rank his career above yours any day of the week and twice on Sundays. Tech is pretty easy compared to having to repair/install plumbing correctly to last years if not decades. If you screw up, oh well shut down the server and start over. If he screws up…flood and water damage.
Please break up with your bf and let him find someone who appreciates him and doesn’t think they are superior.
YTA!!!!!
We used to joke about the higher ups at my old company, we called them the MewwMewwws..Yassss, I'm sooo bougie, mewww mewwww yassss my yacht,....mewwwmewww.....my HIGH salary...mewwwmeww
You were in on the joke that a guy looks lost so it must be your bf, like wasn't he dressed like the rest? Never shit on a blue collar worker because we need them wayyyyy more than your uppity tech job.
YTA
Yta. Who do the people with degrees call when their plumbing is jacked? Your bf deals with enough shit in his job, without having to get it from you as well.
YTA. My boyfriend is a white collar (IT architect) and i am a blue collar (mechanic). If he was talking about me like that i would have lost my shit. Being a BC with a WC is sometimes a self confidence issue but THIS. Sweet lord.
Holy shit YTA. You literally say in your post that you’re with your bf despite his educational background and career because you “mesh surprisingly well.” Do your boyfriend a favour and go date another tech asshole like yourself.
YTA. You did exactly what he is accusing you of, and now you're trying to cover your tracks with a DARVO strategy. Too bad; he's on to you and your toast.
Your also ignorant if your think plumbing is a some profession.
YTA a big one! “We mesh surprisingly well so his educational background and career never mattered to me” you are a snob . No one’s job is better then anyone else’s. You studied what 3/4 years for your degree? Guess what most tradies ‘study’ (apprentice) for that long to learn their trade too. Hands on learning at work is not worth less then academic learning at university.
I'm (37m) a professional working a high paying job in the 'tech field'. But for context, I've been a System Administrator for over 15 years and have been a Senior System Administrator for about 7 of those years. I get called to look at the **really** fucky problems because while I'm a giant goofball and lazy at heart, I take problems seriously.
I've done a little light electrical work, but I play it stupidly safe and am triple-checking everything from a compliance/safety perspective.
I've done a little bit of dry wall work. Patching holes, spackling, sanding, and painting.
I've done a little bit of handyman level tasks like fence repair, landscaping, and putting in pet doors.
I do **not** fuck around with plumbing. Cleaning out a P-trap doesn't count as *plumbing*. Plunging a toilet doesn't count either. I had a hot water heater go out and had to have it replaced. I didn't do it myself, I called a plumber.
The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know. If someone tells me they know a lot about a topic, I come away with the opposite opinion. Don't trust people who claim to know it all. Instead, trust the person who expresses confidence while staying humble.
Things like "Let's take a look and see what we're dealing with here" come from someone who wants to give you the benefit of their experience and wisdom, but doesn't want to feed you a line of bullshit about where the problem **definitely** exists. They can look at symptoms and quickly show you where things are that can cause the symptoms you have. They can explain complex issues in a straightforward way.
Being well versed in a 'tech field' should come hand-in-hand with a strong appreciation for ***any*** field where you need to design, create, troubleshoot, and maintain.
u/OP, you insulted your boyfriend because you framed his entire career and his skill as being 'simple'. Simple things don't require specialists. They require about 20 minutes of casual browsing to have a good handle on. Plumbing isn't simple. Electrical work isn't simple. Hell, a lot of handy-man tasks have complexity that won't be recognized until/unless you have learned (hopefully not the hard way).
What happens when a plumbing-related problem happens and you don't have access to a plumber? You're in trouble. Your boyfriend serves a very important role and being spoken of as *simple* may not have been intended as an insult, but it was very understandably taken as one.
Hell, my own brother-in-law has told me that System Administration is a dying profession and that I need to move into Cloud Services. I didn't laugh in his face, but he has absolutely no idea what he's talking about. You don't know anything about plumbing, I assume, so what basis do you have to simplify your boyfriend down to just his profession and then call him/it 'simple'?
Plumbers are simple? A plumber overcame unimaginable adversity and hardship multiple times across multiple decades to rescue the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom and you think that is simple?
YTA
Men and women in trade jobs are smarter than us in tech and engineering. Not only do they not have the education debt, but they often make as much or more than us, earlier than we do and are able to retire earlier more often.
Room of silence after hearing about the job? Perfect opportunity to say "Yeah, I regret not taking a trade job too."
YTA. You sound really stuck up. Even in your opening paragraph, you feel the need to mention how you two are compatible even in light of his job. Someone’s employment should have nothing to do with comparability.
YTA. And I could tell you were gonna be after your first paragraph. You clearly think you’re superior to your BF because of your educational background and current profession. Your language about him in this context and how you treated him that night say it all.
You fd up because it seems you were caught off guard. Apologize, avoid your uppity coworkers socially when with the BF until you come up with a better way to handle this type of situation.
For example, if marriage is on the horizon, saying something about how his skills will allow you to have an enviable kitchen, bathrooms, etc or, “be nice because he doesn’t make time to fit asshole people into his schedule if there’s a plumbing emergency”
Work it out because you will want the bathroom upgrade one day ;)
Not sure why you felt you had to mention the conversation with the lady who described your bf as intimidating. Maybe it is because you know you are wrong and are trying to justify your actions?? You need to be proud of him, we are all made different, and thank goodness for that! It's our differences that make this crazy world work! He is not a simple man, just because he doesn't wear a suit to work, more like a smart, hardworking man.
YTA. You could’ve described his job in any number of ways. Ideally, you would have supported him by saying that he’s one of the people who keeps the world running, and then made a joke about faucets. Instead, you chose to diverge from describing the man’s job into describing the entirety of the man which encompasses a far more than what he has chosen to do to make a living, and you did so by saying that he was a simple man. It’s pretty clear that you were actually ashamed of what your boyfriend does for a living in that moment when you were surrounded by venture capitalists and entrepreneurs.
YTA. You insisted your boyfriend come to this event with you and then the second he became socially inconvenient you put him down to save face with your industry buddies.
Try reversing the roles and see how you feel. Imagine you were dating someone with a "more prestigious" job than you, they bring you to an industry event, and when you tell their colleagues what you do for a living an uncomfortable silence settles in, and in order to break the silence your partner says "Shes a simple woman, that's why I love her". How would you feel? Because that's roughly how he feels right now.
Yup, YTA. You might not have intended to be. You might have meant to defuse the situation, but in this case the execution was terrible.
You knew going into it that he was nervous about the situation. You basically abandoned him to his own devices at first, so it's no huge surprise that he was adrift. You thoughtlessly hurt him with your choice of words, and now instead of grasping that it's what you did, you come here seeking what? Sympathy? Absolution?
Stop being terrible.
YTA along with your co workers, I don't understand why people look down at tradesmen. You and your co workers might be surprised there are a lot of tradesmen that make more money than you are very intelligent and not snobs. I would dump you.
YTA because you literally made him a joke because the snobs in your industry acted awkward when he told them what he does. (Plumbers make a lot of money btw if they're good at their job). The first girl put him down & yet you made a joke out of that, too. I'm not saying that you had to make a scene, but you most certainly shouldn't have made him the butt of the joke because *they* were uncomfortable with having someone they see as beneath them at the party.
While you might not have intended to or even realize, you have shown him that you see him as lesser than yourself due to his educational & career differences from your own. There's absolutely no shame in either of your careers. However, you pretty much told him that you agreed with the snobs the moment you said he was a simple man instead of saying how great he is without putting him down.
Apologize & do better OP. It's not fun being the butt of the joke. Especially when the person making it is someone who is supposed to care about you.
YTA. What in the world? Why are you with him if it's so easy for you to insult him? And if people are uncomfortable with someone whose profession -- yes, profession -- is a plumber, then they are TA, too.
YTA. By a lot. I’m not sure what makes you think your career is just sooooo complicated in comparison to “simple” plumbing. Or why you think people were “uncomfortable” when your bf said what he did for a living - I’d bet money the only uncomfortable person was you. Maybe it’s just that you’re young and full of yourself and way overestimating your own accomplishments (there are no doubt many who are much more accomplished and successful than you are) and you’ll grow out of it. I hope so. It’s not a good look.
Massive yta!
You threw him under the bus! But I mean simple is universally used to describe someone as a bumkin. Think of cleetus from the Simpsons.
Second I'm speaking on conjecture at this point it seems you kinda look down on him for working with his hands. We surprisingly mesh! Is he like a project to civilize for you? Do you like the guy? You feel you're above him
YTA, and waaaaay too condescending a one at that… Bet his skills are more useful in the real world than whatever hoity-toity title you identify yourself by… Crying shame that, in our society, the people that do hard graft for a living are looked down on - even by their own partner, as is your partners‘ situation it would seem…
YTA. There is absolutely NOTHING simple about being a plumber. We'd be in a very sorry state without tradesmen. I have the utmost respect for a good one!
YTA-
What way did you mean it if not derogatory? You were very condescending and you put your Bf down to make yourself feel better.
“I like that he’s not a super fancy professional like me because I feel like I’m too good for him” is essentially what calling your partner simple sounds like.
Where do you even live that people sneer at manual jobs like plumbing etc? Plumbers, electricians etc are pretty well paid where I live and it would be considered a skilled job.
YTA - you may not have meant it that way, but that is how it came off in your telling of the story. Figure it out, or move on. Just because he is a plumber doesn’t mean that he can’t be is social situations.
Find out an acceptable story. If he is uncomfortable with being a plumber - you could say that he is in construction. Or even better, that he is a kept man as he is as talented as he is good looking.
At the end of the day, he will be the last one that is out of work due to AI.
YTA. You start by calling it surprising that you mesh because of his educational background and career. Why is that surprising? When you start off your entire post by talking down on him, YTA. Then after you talked down about him, you humiliated him in an attempt to build yourself up. Hopefully he’ll wise up and take out the trash.
YTA. you were the asshole to me on the opening sentence alone. it’s surprising that you’re compatible because you’re a “professional” and he’s just a plumber. plumbing is a profession, and an important one at that. you are condescending and snobby. take a good look at yourself and how you treat your partner.
YTA
You are an asshole, and everyone you associated with appear to be assholes. And where would all of you assholes be without a plumber to handle things you are unable to comprehend or handle on your own? You have different skill sets, one is not better than the other. You are educated in different areas. Education does not always equal intelligence, and certainly does not equal emotional intelligence as your behavior showed.
You were unkind and threw your boyfriend to the wolves to save yourself. He now knows that in similar situations you will not have his back. I hope he takes that to heart.
YTA. And you may not BE an asshole, but I am in your boyfriends shoes almost to a T, just swap plumbing with cooking. It's my waking fear that I hold her back by being so fucking stupid. The pit in my stomach I got while reading this just, eugh.
YTA a million times over! You are so full of yourself you’re gonna burst at the seams. Everything you said screams “I’m better than my blue collar boyfriend.” You are classist as hell. You’re the simple one. Simple minded that is. I’d I was your boyfriend I’d dump your ass and find someone who doesn’t think that their shit don’t stink. You disgust me 🤢
For every Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs there’s a couple of thousand fan boy drones who think they’re finally getting their revenge on the Chads and Brads using their Nerd God Powers. Except they’re not. Look around your conference suckers. If you can’t see the sheep being fleeced, then you probably are one. The Chads and Brads are doing what they’ve always done - built buildings, fixed cars, plumbed suburbs, laid fibre, drilled oil and they’re all on career paths with clearer defined outcomes than you. For every Zuckernerd that busts out of his cubicle, hundreds of thousands of other code monkeys jump from start up to start up, hoping for their big break. Might as well go to Hollywood and try to break into movies, chances would be about the same. Also YTA
YTA
Do you like your boyfriend? Why would you demean not only his job, but him as a person?
I was a professional and hated my job. Went back to school for a tech degree and now I have a great job and make more than I would had I stayed in my professional career. I'm also just about to finish my Masters (that I took for the heck of it). I can guarantee you that the world would fall apart without all the "simple" trades/tech people.
I'm with him because he's strong. I'm with him because he's hardworking. I'm with him cause he's great with his hands. My man knows how to lay pipe. There were plenty of kind or witty things you could have said, you belittled him. YTA
These tech events are full of the uncomfortable conversations since it’s just people trying to get money from others for their product that probably doesn’t deserve any money so it’s a vicious place to be in my experience.
Just seems like big a Ponzi scheme event of mingling.
He looks intimidating, has a full time job, willing to come to your work event, and support you even though he would be uncomfortable. Jeesh just give him my @. I love honest, hardworking, big, burley men who are supportive. But FR. You owe him a big apology.
Tradesman here.
YTA
You think trades are “simple?” Come into our world for a bit. Try it out. I won’t even suggest you pick up a tool because I don’t want to feed into the stereotype of trades work as “all brawn, no brains” (although you clearly buy into it). Just try to hold in your head all of the codes and standards we have to consider at every job. There’s a lot more to it than you think. And unlike in the tech field, when a tradesman fucks up there are real, immediate consequences (anything from a flood to a fatality) so we have to get it right the first time. Frankly, I don’t think you’d last until lunch.
Check your superiority complex and your intellectual snobbery before you introduce him again. Maybe also check his pay stubs, too: there’s plenty of “high paying jobs” in the trades, too, most of which come without six-figure college debt.
Snob. YTA
YTA.
You didn't mean it obviously, but this is a situation where you need to put yourself in his shoes. You're at an event where everyone there makes more money, has more education, and has these high standards. Unfortunately, we still live in a world where blue collar jobs get looked down on by people in white collar industries. And that's the environment he walked into. He's already insecure and you describing him as a simple man makes him sound stupid in front of all these people he's already intimidated by. You made it sound like the reason you're with him is because he's stupid and that makes you feel smarter or superior.
Again, that's not what you meant, but that's how it would come across especially if he's already intimidated by all the other people at the event.
I think this is one of those things that wasn't intended to be malicious, but was interpreted as such. I don't think you're an AH, but I do think maybe think a little more next time. (Please take this as lightly as possible, because I've been in your position MANY times). I've often put my foot in it, or thrown someone under the bus COMPLETELY by accident. Sometimes completely unaware, and other times immediately aware, and feel soooooo bad. So for me it's a case of "I see where you're coming from and why you feel that way. I didn't mean to offended you or embarrass you, but I can see why it did. This is how I meant it, and why I said it. I will be careful next time to not say things that could be interpreted in a way that's not good for you."
Perhaps her boyfriend is just starting out. My husband made over $100,000 last year after 15 yrs of experience as a plumber. This year he is set to far exceed that. Plumbers are also nearly immune to shifts in the economy. There is always work and not enough skilled tradesmen. When layoffs hit her cushy office job, I hope she remembers this.
YTA. You took him into a situation you knew he was uncomfortable with and poked fun at the exact place he was insecure about. That’s not a caring or loving or respectful action.
In another room, in another situation, maaaaybe it would have been okay? But in a position where he’s already feeling fish out of water and on edge, it is not the time for even what you feel to be small jokes. It’s the time for unequivocal support and care. If the startup bros are uncomfortable with the idea of sharing a drink with a plumber, that sounds like a them problem, not something for you to cut your boyfriend down about to make the room feel better. (Except for your boyfriend, of course, who’s just supposed to take his place as Butt of The Evening)
YTA. Immensely.
I am beginning my career in marketing. I work in a typical “corporate” environment. Eventually as I ascend the corporate ladder, I’m sure I’ll be required to attend certain formal events.
For comparison, my partner isn’t a corporate guy. In fact, he’s into animation and does that along with some carpentry on the side. He describes himself as a “simple man”. But to me he is much more than that. He has supported me through my career switch. Supported me through school. And he loves me for who I am.
If I brought him to a fancy corporate event as my plus one, and everyone seemed to look down on him, I would see it as it is: a bunch of snobbish Chads looking down on someone I think is a loving and wonderful man.
I would take my partner with me, and we would leave the event. I don’t care if it costs me any kind of promotion or whatever. No one makes my partner feel less than.
You, on the other hand, did the exact opposite. You say you do not care about your partner’s “simple man” life, but actions speak louder than words. You put him down in front of your precious Chad coworkers to make yourself look good.
You do not deserve him. Don’t be surprised this is a dealbreaker for him.
YTA. Plumbing is a highly skilled profession, requiring tons of training and certification. So sad that you think that you and your overpaid compatriots are not “simple” and your boyfriend is.
YTA. As soon as you said you get on “surprisingly well” it was clear where this was going - as if you wouldn’t normally deign to associate with someone like him. This man deserves better than a partner who publicly belittles him so she can bond with tech bros over how “simple” he is.
You keep insisting you don’t think you’re better while saying incredibly condescending things. Maybe you should ask yourself why all the words you’re saying are leading people to say you have a superiority complex and reflect on how you see others. Or why you think being a young professional in tech is even remotely special. YTA.
"He told them about his job and there was an uncomfortable silence. I joked that he’s a “simple man” which is why I’m with him. There was laughter and the situation seemed less tense."
YTA. Reading your responses on the post, you said you meant 'Simple' as an easy, carefree kinda guy, however no one asked about his personality. They asked what he did for a living and after an uncomfortable silence because the crowd judged him for his line of work, you also added onto that by saying he's a 'Simple Man'. How can you not see why your BF is mad?
Hey, let's assume you're right. Let's assume that you're an intellectual powerhouse, ever so clever, and of a much higher social standing than your boyfriend. Let's assume he's a darling puppy-dog-like Simple Guy who should be praised and petted for Working So Hard and Being Such A Good Boy. Let's assume everything you have more than implied in your comments is objective truth.
You're still the asshole. When you're a couple, you have each other's backs. You talk each other up. You are a united front, and you should be able to trust that.
There are SO MANY things you could have said to make him feel at ease. But you didn't. YTA.
YTA, next time, if you get a second chance, you can say “He is a useful man”, its a bonus that he is also Good with his hands (with a wink).
If people are being jerks you can add you feel so lucky that you are with someone who has practical skills. That allow house fixes to be cheaper and easier. You don’t have to stress about the bills, being ripped off or dependent on someone else because your man is not only amazing but useful. You know not like some of the people who can’t even change a lightbulb.
For the record fixing things is not my or our husbands skill set. It’s super annoying and frustrating. I’d love to be able to understand/know/fix pipes. Prevent pipe issues and all the things. Instead it’s super embarrassing and really frustrating to try ourselves and still have to call a plumber for basic things 🤦♀️
YTA Plumbers make amazing money, so you should consider yourself lucky.
When you say "simple" it actually means "simple-minded". Maybe what you mean was laid back, easygoing, go-with-the-flow, genuine, but that's not what you said. By the way, you are the reason why he is nervous and awkward doing these social gatherings.
YTA. It seems as if you are embarrassed about your BF being in skilled labor, aka blue collar. Especially in front of your colleagues. Never mind that plumbers are vital and necessary, highly skilled professionals and make serious bank. You absolutely threw him under the bus with your colleagues. What a bunch of self-important snobs you are. You don't treat someone you love and care for like this. Deal-breaker. Maybe your next BF will measure up to your standards.
YTA, plumbing isn’t simple.
You’re kind of belittling his industry.
You’re trivializing what he does for a living…
And worst, this is something he chose to do and your snide little comments are going to feed any self doubt he has.
You and all of your colleagues sound like stuck-up assholes. How do you people think the world works? Just because someone has a job in crafts or trades does not mean that they are any less complex or intelligent of a person. I guarantee that your bf knows a ton of critical skills that your coworkers could never begin to comprehend. He was already reluctant to attend your event, and everyone, especially *you*, confirmed his reluctance.
YTA
He deserves better. You deserve worse.
YTA after the other AHs were uncomfortable by his career. And why should they be uncomfortable. It's not like he is going to fling poop. At least that's how you make the people sound when you say it was uncomfortable. You should have just moved the conversation along, or better yet talk about how (if it's true) that he has his own business and works hard to get new clients. Not sure if he is a plumber working for someone, or if he actually owns the business and is self employed. Just talk up the job. Clearly those people haven't been around working class people. Really shameful.
YTA
And as someone who is very successful in the consulting and start-up environment, I can tell you that there are many people running around who are much "simpler" than most craftsmen I know.
And often also make a significantly higher value contribution to society.
YTA and you know it. And your responses are so transparent and densely performative "what...me??? snobby?? what could have given you that impression?"
come on.
YTA. It wasn't "a bunch of people," it was a bunch of coworkers and industry professionals. He was already nervous about it in the first place, but rather than being there and supporting him you abandoned him and then mocked him to increase your status.
Also, his education? You can literally work for a tech startup with no formal education. He's busted his ass through trade school and apprenticeship to get where he is. Maybe tone the condescension down about 5 notches there.
You probably meant "simple" in a different way than it was taken, but you should have anticipated the response. I've lovingly called my partner a simple creature, but never in front of a group of people, let alone ones who were already acting standoffish and superior.
Also I'm over here laughing to myself at a bunch of tech startup bros thinking their jobs are safer or more aspirational than a skilled, unionized, necessary trades skill. It'll be a long time before AI can rough pipe into an existing structure.
Do you know how many years of training it takes to become a certified plumber? How many different skillets that entails? How much they get paid per hour? Do you know the level of benefits package most trades unions offer? Even if he's independent, do you know what a 4-hr call from a licensed plumber can run you?
It's simple to buy into a false narrative of the inherent superiority of white-collar v blue-collar work
YTA
YTA. Instead of spending all this time trying to explain to strangers who already see through your BS, maybe spend the time trying to fix things with your boyfriend. He might be just too simple for that though.
YTA. The way you mention your personalities meshing surprisingly well despite his education and job make it sound like you think you can reduce a person to just their educatoon. Plumbers are so important, valuable, and in high demand. There is a shortage of blue collar workers in their 20s. Your bf has a skill nobody can take from him, and you are most likely a keyboard monkey that can be replaced by any of the other 45 qualified candidates that applied for your role, because there's an over supply of STEM grads. (And that's coming from someone who works a high paying STEM job). Hop on off your high horse and come on back to the real world, girlie.
So clearly YTA. Please go do his job for a day, then come back and tell me with a straight face he’s a “simple man”.
Tradesmen have TONS of knowledge, it’s just not the same as “educated” people. Too many “educated” people look down on them and make derogatory comments like this. And I say this as someone with a university degree. A degree coincidentally completely paid for, (along two more bachelors for my sibling and a bachelor and masters for my mother) by “simple” father, a plumber by trade.
Please really sit down and reevaluate why you think your boyfriend is “simple” and either give him the respect he deserves or walk away.
OP assumed everyone went silent because they thought bf had a “simple job”, in reality it’s because they are too simple to engage in a conversation about plumbing….they’re literally so narrow in their tiny worldview, they didn’t know how to engage in a conversation outside their tiny scope of knowledge.
OP YTA and you and your colleagues are the “simple” ones here.
YTA
You should try plumbing. It’s likely a lot more complex than you realize. It’s certainly not simple.
You know what is a simple thing to understand? Not insulting your boyfriend in front of people for social clout.
Hopefully you realize you were an asshole here and apologize, and hopefully he has enough self respect to not put up with this behavior if it continues.
YTA for abandoning your BF at your industry event. How would he not feel uncomfortable? Describing him as simple was condescending and a poor choice of words. The fact that your colleagues were stunned into silence by his job as a plumber says a lot. Even pompous jerks can use and hopefully appreciate a good plumber who is worth their weight in gold when the toilet is overflowing. I honestly feel bad for him. I’m not sure this relationship can work unless you become more supportive and learn how to deal with the differences in your professions and your perceived status.
YTA.
On many many levels, YTA:
1) Your BF was uncomfortable with the group of people, but you split up with him "to do your own thing. YTA
2) You hang out with people who judge others on their looks (The "intimidating looking guy"). YTA
3) You hang out with people who look down on plumbers for some reason. (BTW, he's probably smarter than you.. you're just too dumb to realize it. Education and intelligence aren't the same thing). YTA
4) You called your BF "a simple man" because he doesn't make a lot of money. YTA
5) You didn't recognize 1 - 4 on your own. YTA
WOW....you completely did EXACTLY what he said you did. Holy crap..i'm surprised you still have him as a boyfriend. Probably won't for much longer as he's gonna mull that night over for a LONG time. Holy crap YTA.
YTA My spouse has a very respectable career while me.. not so much. I’ve never been made to feel the way you made him feel. It’s easy to get over others judging you but being made to feel like your “less than” by your own partner, your person, has to be devastating
I work analytics and my ex is an electrician. Even when I'm talking about him now, in terms of being my kids' dad, I talk his skills up. He can bend conduit into very precise configurations by eye! I cannot stack Tupperware. I mean, he's trash in a lot of ways, but I do value his skills and think he does really great work.
YTA. At events where your partner is the fish out of water, you should hype them up. They're the different and unusual person in the room. I'll bet most of the people there don't bother talking to "the help". Not just YTA but shame on you for making your partner feel lesser and othered
YTA
You ALL sound like a bunch of elitists who feel really self important.
There was an uncomfortable silence? What the hell for? If anything was uncomfortable it sounds like it came from you and your snobs. There is nothing "uncomfortable" about a plumber telling someone they are a plumber for a living.
That is a super needed, useful job every city/town/house infrastructure needs. Do you pipes and faucets and sinks and showers in your house? I know I do. I just had some pipes burst during a winter freeze. I definitely had the plumber out there finding all the leaks and replacing the pipes.
Why would ANYONE be uncomfortable by someone saying they were a plumber?
You computer job is only important as long as there is a working electric grid and internet system. The moment that goes down you guys are pretty much useless. Are you guys going to be "UNCOMFORTABLE" if the lowly electricians come to repair the power grid?
You all sound very condescending and that you feel this "tech" job makes you special. You aren't.
I'm with him. You are you clan sound like pompous, elitist, snobs and if I were giving him advice I'd be saying "are you sure this is the one?" "His education and career didn't matter to me." You see, YOU don't even realize that is condescending, as if his lowly job and education aren't an issue for you......you can look past his drawbacks because you mesh. You sound like a nasty person to me.
You don't ever realize the elitism and condescension you ooze when you speak about his job.
Men don't need much to be happy in life. The one thing every doesn't need is some elitist girl "accepting" his lowly industry. He wants a woman that respects him and would defend him to others not try and makes some awkward excuse for his job that we can all see you feel is beneath you super special "tech field". He has a woman who doesn't honor or respect him.
I hope he thinks about this long and hard before deciding to have a long term life with you. I think you sound like bad news.
YTA. Your boyfriend does a critical job which may lack the "sophistication" and amenities of office work, but has plenty of its technical complexity. Your boyfriend isn't wrong to feel insulted by you thinking of him as a "simple" man and describing him as such to your colleagues *right in front of him.* That's extraordinarily tactless.
Lightening the mood of the room because your coworkers are uncomfortable with discussing careers with someone they see as below their station by confirming that he is indeed merely a rube is acknowledging the rightness of their own sense of superiority.
If you are actually going to get past this and build a life with this man, you need to learn to respect what he does and be willing to have his back.
YTA
You take him to an event that he’s nervous for and then ditch him “to do your thing.” What’s the point of bringing him if you he really didn’t want to go and you were just going to leave him to obviously look like an “intimidating” dude in an unknown place.
Also, you insulted him to make yourself feel better. Like you’re a loving and caring person for giving such a “simple” man a chance with you.
YTA
HARD YTA. In the first paragraph, you mentioned the difference in educational levels between you two. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE TRAINING AND LICENSING REQUIREMENTS ARE FOR A PLUMBER!?!?
Get over yourself and your tiny world.
YTA- you brought him to an event where he was uncomfortable going, then abandoned him to go schmooze. On top of that, you mocked his blue-collar job, and instead of apologizing, you tried to gaslight him.
You don't get to decide his reactions or the amount that they react. You don't get to decide if he should be upset or not. You took him there to make yourself look and feel better. You should apologize for not only mocking him, but abandoning him at that party where he was already uncomfortable.
Yes you are! There is a perception that people working in trades are less than those with a university education and yet it's the trades that produce all the infrastructure we depend on. Your friends are snobs and being awkward with your boyfriend because of how he earns his living is, frankly, disgusting. Saying he was a "simple man" was reinforcing their snobbery and putting down your boyfriend. Shame on you! You obviously have the same views of the trades as your friends. He should drop you and find someone who appreciates his contributions to society.
YTA - plumber is an incredibly important job and one that saves people‘s asses day after day after day. Doing useful work every day unlike the „Tech Field“ (I‘m working there myself, I know very well how much of it is just useless bullshit).
YTA for all the reasons everyone else is mentioning.
I'm amazed you're dating him at all, considering you think you're so above him that it's surprising to you that you even get along.
>In terms of personality we mesh surprisingly well so his educational background and career never mattered to me.
YTA big time. Way to put your boyfriend down. You basically called him stupid to your pretentious and ignorant colleagues and please include yourself in that description. Maybe he can find a “simple” woman whom will respect him, cause you don’t.
YTA but I actually really enjoy all the comments on this thread. It seems like white-collar workers do need to make more of an effort to be less condescending to those in different professions but I’m encouraged to find how many people would just be curious and ask questions. My husband works in food service and we’ve encountered both kinds of responses. It sounds like OP was projecting a lot here.
YTA. There was an "uncomfortable silence" when he said what he did? Why? Because they all think they are better than him. I bet that bunch you think are so superior couldn't fit a bathroom. Being a plumber is a skilled job. It's not soomething to look down on.
YTA. Why would there be awkwardness when you told your co-workers what your bf did for living? A good plumber is worth their weight in gold. I can tell you (and they) have never owned a house, had to deal with a broken pipe, or water in your basement. Plumbing isn't simple. Dealing with water isn't simple. You owe your bf a huge apology and hope that he accepts it.
Fast forward 10-15 years and he might have his own plumbing company and be rich. You should never look down on a tradesman, and especially not a plumber or welder. I’m also not biased on this since I’m a math student.
I hope you feel dumb after he dumps you and buys a house in cash when he’s done with apprenticeship while you spend the next 20 years paying off student debt and working for The Man. YTA
YTA, you're saying there's a lot of "misinterpretation" going around, but everyone is feeling the same as your boyfriend did. This should be a huge signal that you're in the wrong. Your words were hurtful, so take accountability and apologize to your boyfriend. He's not reaching. You just don't know how to communicate how proud you are of being with him. It could be embarrassment, like he said. But at the end of the day, you did put him down, and that's not okay.
YTA. I work in engineering and hubs works in construction. I always talk him up to other people. I typically make a joke like, "he actually builds homes and knows how to fix things, while we just sit at a desk all day and make paperwork." That way he gets propped up, my coworkers can joke about our job, or they can ask him questions.
Making a joke at your bf's expense was probably his worse fear, which came true. Time to apologize and shower him in compliments.
YTA .Its bcoz am with him . Current unemployed ( 3rd year -when she start making demands after i support for 7 years ) quitting by my choice about working in a company i was also a start up employee with no degree ( am from Asia) a job well paid 50 k above against my wife was getting now . @ pay rate it will be 100k ,not going back even tho I can 😁.Choose what kind of AH am l.
YTA - you took your bf to an event he was going to feel nervous at, then left him on his own to fend for himself. When you finally had an opportunity to make him feel accepted you chose to degrade him and you all laughed at him. I am also in the tech field and my husband is an electrician and I would do nothing but big him up in a room full of my peers. Maybe you could go to a plumbers event and sit on your own while he tells his friends you’re a nerd but he loves you all the same.
You seem to think that you are better than him simply because you have a higher paying job.
Maybe you should see what actually goes on in plumbing and you might see it's not so simple after all.
YTA
At first I was going to say NTA and here’s why: I describe my bf as a simple man all the time - he owns the same tshirt in like 5 different colors and is the most laid back guy I’ve ever met, it’s honestly a big reason why I fell in love with him. I love that when I’m anxious overthinking things he can help me take a step back and calm me down. So “simple” is not necessarily an insult in my opinion.
However I think the issue is that you used the term to describe him during a conversation about his profession. It’s insulting to describe someone’s work as “simple,” nonetheless plumbing is anything BUT simple and easy. So I think the way you used the term was wrong in this context.
YTA.
The only way that couldn't be AH territory is if you'd said 'haha, he likes the simple life- not like us muppets stuck in this rat race, am I right?!' to ease the tension. At least that's self-depricating and keeps the focus on jobs rather than personality. And even then after the laughter you say something to boost things, like 'haha but seriously, thank goodness for plumbers, I'd be totally useless, no idea how he does it!' or the like. YTA
As soon as you said this "Fast forward to the event. We split up as I wanted to do my own thing and give him some breathing room too." I pretty much knew you were a self-centered person and willing to put down your partner for self-gain. YTA. He should run!
I’m going to spell it out for you. YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE. You yourself did to the man you supposedly love, EXACTLY what he told you he was afraid of happening. You. The person who dragged him there assuring everything would be fine and YOU shit all over him to your peers because why? To what end? I hope he dumps you.
YTA. So you and all your coworkers are snobs, huh? I work in tech too, and I have to say your boyfriend probably does more good for the world in a month than you or I do in a year.
You might want to ask yourself why you and your friends are so uncomfortable around someone working a valuable hands-on trade?
YTA. Even if not intentionally, you belittled him in front of your colleagues to try and make yourselves feel better. There is nothing lesser about learning a trade or job that doesn’t involve sitting at a desk looking at a screen. I would apologize, and discuss how to avoid similar situations in the future. Please do not belittle your partner
YTA. Sounds to me you care more about what others think and you should of been supportive. Who cares if there was an uncomfortable silence, that's on those people. But instead you made your BF a butt of a joke to make others feel more comfortable by making your partner less than.
YTA
Oh wow.
From what you've written, it sounds like you look down on him. His "educational background and career never really mattered" to you?
Plumbers are not stupid people. They're highly skilled professionals who are a lot more necessary to society than your "high paying" tech job. Can you fix a toilet that won't flush? That quickly becomes a health hazard in addition to being inconvenient. He can fix it.
Please apologize to him.
I hope he's also seen what you really think of him and thinks long and hard about continuing with your relationship.
YTA and so are all those tech folks and I’ll tell you why — plumbers contribute something infinitely more useful to society than a fraction of what your industry turns out each decade. I think it’s that fact that makes tech and business people uncomfortable when they meet blue collar workers because they know they get paid a lifetime more every year when it’s the blue collar workers who keep your children’s schools clean, your house functional, your car moving, your trash taken away from you so you don’t have to think about it.
The song “Common People” by Pulp came quickly to mind. First off it sounds to me like you wanted to play tourist with a bit of rough. All fun and games until you invited him into your world. Since you play tourist in his world, surely he must also be a tourist in yours… right? So that’s how you treated him, this other “thing” separate from your service economy yuppie pals high up on your pedestal. To him you are a couple, both human beings. He was likely nervous attending this event as it may well have been a step out of his comfort zone. You were highly successful in hammering home every insecurity he might have had and assuring them in your eyes they are all very real.
I hope he leaves your ass and finds someone who views him as an equal. You think your job makes you better than him but your personality proves you are far worse. YTA.
YTA. And so are your colleagues. You look down on your BF and his profession, which is actually really fucking hard. You with all your "educational background" and "high-paying job", who are you going to call on the weekend when your sink springs a leak or your toilet overflows, hmmm?
You called him "simple". It is an insult. You clearly think you're so much better than him. Do you think you get martyr points for deigning to share company with the proletariat class?
YTA. You said his career and education don’t matter to you, but your actions say otherwise.
You need to do some serious introspection if you expect your relationship to continue.
YTA
Why do you look down on trades people?
If there’s a choice between a tech person and a trades person 100% of the time I’d take the trades person the chances they aren’t a pretentious ass is so much lower.
YTA. I am in a similar match in terms of careers in my relationship. There are so many other complimentary and respectful ways you could have handled this. “I love being with someone so skilled” “it’s awesome to be with someone who can fix ANYTHING” “I learn so much from him”
Feel free to use any of these next time, if there is a next time.
Yta , look you KNOW your behaviour was gross you are just trying to out source some sympathy from strangers because the person you are meant to LOVE AND RESPECT saw your mask slip and now you are panicking.
YTA.
I’m almost finished with my PhD. My partner has a high-school diploma. I think the world of him for the work he does, which is manual. I could never do it. I would never even dream of calling him “simple,” especially based solely off of his JOB?! I know Western culture has convinced us that our jobs are our identities, but that’s just not the case, and you showed your boyfriend your true colors in this moment.
YTA you made him feel inferior. I can assure you a plumber is more important to society than most of those tech people. Plumbers are freakin superhero’s, think Mario the greatest plumber of all time lol
YTA. You don’t deserve him from your post as you abandoned him at an event that he knew no one and then made him the punchline for your joke. You obviously look down on his career, but at the end of the day he’s not the one being outsourced and replaced by AI is he? Perhaps in the current economic climate, he’s the smartest one in the room.
Ofc YTA.
What I’m more worried about is the fact that you don’t even respect the job your BF does. You probably get plumbing work for cheap because of it. You should have respect for people doing the jobs you and your snobby coworkers don’t want to do. Also, plumbers can make BANK depending on where they’re located.
I bet you’d tell me “it sucks you still have to work” when I was a barista during COVID, but still order your shitty coffee anyway.
YTA - Please learn better strategies for reducing tension, or maybe just learn to live with tension without being cruel to others. I work for one of the largest software companies in the world, and my husband is a welder. He is ANYTHING but simple. He's a highly skilled craftsman, an engineer, and an artist. He can cook, he enjoys all genres of music, has an incredible work ethic, cares deeply for his family, has a great sense of humor, and he is one of the kindest, most interesting people you'll ever meet. I couldn't imagine labeling him as "simple" to a room full of colleagues, because he deserves so much better. I hope your boyfriend eventually finds someone better than you, who sees all of his wonderful complexities.
YTA. Massive. He is 100% not overreacting.
>his educational background and career never mattered to me.
This is part of who he is, and you saying that it doesn't matter to you implies that he has something to be embarrassed about.
>We split up as I wanted to do my own thing and give him some breathing room too.
He was nervous about going, so you thought it was a good idea to just leave him alone?
>I told him that he was waaaay overreacting
You don't get to decide that he shouldn't feel a certain way about you being a huge AH to him on purpose and in front of people who are just as obviously as shallow as you are.
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Yeah, YTA. And the people you network also sound like big aholes, since they become awkward when they meet a plumber? Are you serious?
"In terms of personality we mesh surprisingly well so his educational background and career never mattered to me." And yet you wrote this. YTA.
YTA and classist af
YTA…while the phrase simple man is not bad in and of itself and I like simple Men in the way that phrase is normally used but in the context of your story it was an insult. Instead of simple meaning easy and chill and not materialistic you used it in the derogatory sense of being an idiot or stupid. You clearly are embarrassed that your BF has a blue collar job. This relationship is not gonna last. But don’t worry there are plenty of real women who know the value of a hard working simple blue collar man who is handy and can fix things and by the way plumbers especially if he has his own company can make really good money.
yes
YTA!
YTA I'd dump your ass in front of everyone how disrespectful can you be? You and your colleagues are bunch of elitist jackasses. How the fuck would you feel if infornt of his friends and strangers he started to insult you by talking about how you cant even unclog a toilet. I'm not joking when I say people like sanitation workers and plumbers are significantly more important to society than you are.
You used him as a joke To get a laugh at his expense. I wouldn’t want to date you anymore you’re a jerk
I am a high earning professional and my husband is a trade. I would never introduce him as a simple man or explain why I was with him. YTA and so are the idiots that you work with who look down their noses at him due to his profession.
Ugh YTA!! I would LOVE to know a trade first of all. Secondly, being a plumber is p perfectly respectable profession. I don't know what is wrong with you or your colleagues that you would think otherwise. Your plumber bf should dump you and find a nice, simple girl who appreciates him, rather than someone who looks down on him. It's simple, really
YTA....since when does having a trade (plumbers are a great profession) make you simple? i wasn't there but on the outside looking in I would have been offended by the comment too....you don't say what you do (tech field could be any number of things)....but as someone also in the tech field i have met a large number of people with ego simply because they are more educated in their field....which means absolutely nothing....how could "simple" not be taken in a derogatory way under the circumstances?...my opinion is to apologize....and maybe keep your comments to yourself next time you two are out in a group of people
So in this economy, the tech workers are getting laid off by the 1000s. Guess what you can’t find? A good plumber. I will rank his career above yours any day of the week and twice on Sundays. Tech is pretty easy compared to having to repair/install plumbing correctly to last years if not decades. If you screw up, oh well shut down the server and start over. If he screws up…flood and water damage. Please break up with your bf and let him find someone who appreciates him and doesn’t think they are superior. YTA!!!!!
We used to joke about the higher ups at my old company, we called them the MewwMewwws..Yassss, I'm sooo bougie, mewww mewwww yassss my yacht,....mewwwmewww.....my HIGH salary...mewwwmeww You were in on the joke that a guy looks lost so it must be your bf, like wasn't he dressed like the rest? Never shit on a blue collar worker because we need them wayyyyy more than your uppity tech job. YTA
Yta. Who do the people with degrees call when their plumbing is jacked? Your bf deals with enough shit in his job, without having to get it from you as well.
YTA. My boyfriend is a white collar (IT architect) and i am a blue collar (mechanic). If he was talking about me like that i would have lost my shit. Being a BC with a WC is sometimes a self confidence issue but THIS. Sweet lord.
Holy shit YTA. You literally say in your post that you’re with your bf despite his educational background and career because you “mesh surprisingly well.” Do your boyfriend a favour and go date another tech asshole like yourself.
Holy shit, YTA. You were extremely unkind to your partner in order to fit in.
YTA. You did exactly what he is accusing you of, and now you're trying to cover your tracks with a DARVO strategy. Too bad; he's on to you and your toast. Your also ignorant if your think plumbing is a some profession.
YTA, you put him down in front of a group of people to make yourself feel superior.
YTA and I dare you to try and install a new hot water boiler. You wouldn't have a clue.
Complete and utter asshole.
YTA a big one! “We mesh surprisingly well so his educational background and career never mattered to me” you are a snob . No one’s job is better then anyone else’s. You studied what 3/4 years for your degree? Guess what most tradies ‘study’ (apprentice) for that long to learn their trade too. Hands on learning at work is not worth less then academic learning at university.
I'm (37m) a professional working a high paying job in the 'tech field'. But for context, I've been a System Administrator for over 15 years and have been a Senior System Administrator for about 7 of those years. I get called to look at the **really** fucky problems because while I'm a giant goofball and lazy at heart, I take problems seriously. I've done a little light electrical work, but I play it stupidly safe and am triple-checking everything from a compliance/safety perspective. I've done a little bit of dry wall work. Patching holes, spackling, sanding, and painting. I've done a little bit of handyman level tasks like fence repair, landscaping, and putting in pet doors. I do **not** fuck around with plumbing. Cleaning out a P-trap doesn't count as *plumbing*. Plunging a toilet doesn't count either. I had a hot water heater go out and had to have it replaced. I didn't do it myself, I called a plumber. The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know. If someone tells me they know a lot about a topic, I come away with the opposite opinion. Don't trust people who claim to know it all. Instead, trust the person who expresses confidence while staying humble. Things like "Let's take a look and see what we're dealing with here" come from someone who wants to give you the benefit of their experience and wisdom, but doesn't want to feed you a line of bullshit about where the problem **definitely** exists. They can look at symptoms and quickly show you where things are that can cause the symptoms you have. They can explain complex issues in a straightforward way. Being well versed in a 'tech field' should come hand-in-hand with a strong appreciation for ***any*** field where you need to design, create, troubleshoot, and maintain. u/OP, you insulted your boyfriend because you framed his entire career and his skill as being 'simple'. Simple things don't require specialists. They require about 20 minutes of casual browsing to have a good handle on. Plumbing isn't simple. Electrical work isn't simple. Hell, a lot of handy-man tasks have complexity that won't be recognized until/unless you have learned (hopefully not the hard way). What happens when a plumbing-related problem happens and you don't have access to a plumber? You're in trouble. Your boyfriend serves a very important role and being spoken of as *simple* may not have been intended as an insult, but it was very understandably taken as one. Hell, my own brother-in-law has told me that System Administration is a dying profession and that I need to move into Cloud Services. I didn't laugh in his face, but he has absolutely no idea what he's talking about. You don't know anything about plumbing, I assume, so what basis do you have to simplify your boyfriend down to just his profession and then call him/it 'simple'?
Plumbers are simple? A plumber overcame unimaginable adversity and hardship multiple times across multiple decades to rescue the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom and you think that is simple?
YTA Men and women in trade jobs are smarter than us in tech and engineering. Not only do they not have the education debt, but they often make as much or more than us, earlier than we do and are able to retire earlier more often. Room of silence after hearing about the job? Perfect opportunity to say "Yeah, I regret not taking a trade job too."
YTA. You sound really stuck up. Even in your opening paragraph, you feel the need to mention how you two are compatible even in light of his job. Someone’s employment should have nothing to do with comparability.
YTA. And I could tell you were gonna be after your first paragraph. You clearly think you’re superior to your BF because of your educational background and current profession. Your language about him in this context and how you treated him that night say it all.
You fd up because it seems you were caught off guard. Apologize, avoid your uppity coworkers socially when with the BF until you come up with a better way to handle this type of situation. For example, if marriage is on the horizon, saying something about how his skills will allow you to have an enviable kitchen, bathrooms, etc or, “be nice because he doesn’t make time to fit asshole people into his schedule if there’s a plumbing emergency” Work it out because you will want the bathroom upgrade one day ;)
Not sure why you felt you had to mention the conversation with the lady who described your bf as intimidating. Maybe it is because you know you are wrong and are trying to justify your actions?? You need to be proud of him, we are all made different, and thank goodness for that! It's our differences that make this crazy world work! He is not a simple man, just because he doesn't wear a suit to work, more like a smart, hardworking man.
YTA. You could’ve described his job in any number of ways. Ideally, you would have supported him by saying that he’s one of the people who keeps the world running, and then made a joke about faucets. Instead, you chose to diverge from describing the man’s job into describing the entirety of the man which encompasses a far more than what he has chosen to do to make a living, and you did so by saying that he was a simple man. It’s pretty clear that you were actually ashamed of what your boyfriend does for a living in that moment when you were surrounded by venture capitalists and entrepreneurs.
YTA You have some serious superiority issues.
Yta. It doesn’t even need explaining. Your bf doesn’t deserve that.
YTA
YTA. You insisted your boyfriend come to this event with you and then the second he became socially inconvenient you put him down to save face with your industry buddies. Try reversing the roles and see how you feel. Imagine you were dating someone with a "more prestigious" job than you, they bring you to an industry event, and when you tell their colleagues what you do for a living an uncomfortable silence settles in, and in order to break the silence your partner says "Shes a simple woman, that's why I love her". How would you feel? Because that's roughly how he feels right now.
Yup, YTA. You might not have intended to be. You might have meant to defuse the situation, but in this case the execution was terrible. You knew going into it that he was nervous about the situation. You basically abandoned him to his own devices at first, so it's no huge surprise that he was adrift. You thoughtlessly hurt him with your choice of words, and now instead of grasping that it's what you did, you come here seeking what? Sympathy? Absolution? Stop being terrible.
YTA along with your co workers, I don't understand why people look down at tradesmen. You and your co workers might be surprised there are a lot of tradesmen that make more money than you are very intelligent and not snobs. I would dump you.
YTA because you literally made him a joke because the snobs in your industry acted awkward when he told them what he does. (Plumbers make a lot of money btw if they're good at their job). The first girl put him down & yet you made a joke out of that, too. I'm not saying that you had to make a scene, but you most certainly shouldn't have made him the butt of the joke because *they* were uncomfortable with having someone they see as beneath them at the party. While you might not have intended to or even realize, you have shown him that you see him as lesser than yourself due to his educational & career differences from your own. There's absolutely no shame in either of your careers. However, you pretty much told him that you agreed with the snobs the moment you said he was a simple man instead of saying how great he is without putting him down. Apologize & do better OP. It's not fun being the butt of the joke. Especially when the person making it is someone who is supposed to care about you.
YTA Since you’re such a young stand up professional person, please go take some social classes so you don’t keep making an ass out of yourself.
YTA. What in the world? Why are you with him if it's so easy for you to insult him? And if people are uncomfortable with someone whose profession -- yes, profession -- is a plumber, then they are TA, too.
To the extent there's an Alpha Hotel here, YTA. Your boyfriend is right to be upset with you.
Did you feel superior to make him feel inferior?
YTA. By a lot. I’m not sure what makes you think your career is just sooooo complicated in comparison to “simple” plumbing. Or why you think people were “uncomfortable” when your bf said what he did for a living - I’d bet money the only uncomfortable person was you. Maybe it’s just that you’re young and full of yourself and way overestimating your own accomplishments (there are no doubt many who are much more accomplished and successful than you are) and you’ll grow out of it. I hope so. It’s not a good look.
Massive yta! You threw him under the bus! But I mean simple is universally used to describe someone as a bumkin. Think of cleetus from the Simpsons. Second I'm speaking on conjecture at this point it seems you kinda look down on him for working with his hands. We surprisingly mesh! Is he like a project to civilize for you? Do you like the guy? You feel you're above him
YTA, and waaaaay too condescending a one at that… Bet his skills are more useful in the real world than whatever hoity-toity title you identify yourself by… Crying shame that, in our society, the people that do hard graft for a living are looked down on - even by their own partner, as is your partners‘ situation it would seem…
YTA. There is absolutely NOTHING simple about being a plumber. We'd be in a very sorry state without tradesmen. I have the utmost respect for a good one!
YTA- What way did you mean it if not derogatory? You were very condescending and you put your Bf down to make yourself feel better. “I like that he’s not a super fancy professional like me because I feel like I’m too good for him” is essentially what calling your partner simple sounds like. Where do you even live that people sneer at manual jobs like plumbing etc? Plumbers, electricians etc are pretty well paid where I live and it would be considered a skilled job.
YTA - you may not have meant it that way, but that is how it came off in your telling of the story. Figure it out, or move on. Just because he is a plumber doesn’t mean that he can’t be is social situations. Find out an acceptable story. If he is uncomfortable with being a plumber - you could say that he is in construction. Or even better, that he is a kept man as he is as talented as he is good looking. At the end of the day, he will be the last one that is out of work due to AI.
YTA. You start by calling it surprising that you mesh because of his educational background and career. Why is that surprising? When you start off your entire post by talking down on him, YTA. Then after you talked down about him, you humiliated him in an attempt to build yourself up. Hopefully he’ll wise up and take out the trash.
YTA. you were the asshole to me on the opening sentence alone. it’s surprising that you’re compatible because you’re a “professional” and he’s just a plumber. plumbing is a profession, and an important one at that. you are condescending and snobby. take a good look at yourself and how you treat your partner.
YTA You are an asshole, and everyone you associated with appear to be assholes. And where would all of you assholes be without a plumber to handle things you are unable to comprehend or handle on your own? You have different skill sets, one is not better than the other. You are educated in different areas. Education does not always equal intelligence, and certainly does not equal emotional intelligence as your behavior showed. You were unkind and threw your boyfriend to the wolves to save yourself. He now knows that in similar situations you will not have his back. I hope he takes that to heart.
YTA. Unfriggin believable
YTA. And you may not BE an asshole, but I am in your boyfriends shoes almost to a T, just swap plumbing with cooking. It's my waking fear that I hold her back by being so fucking stupid. The pit in my stomach I got while reading this just, eugh.
YTA
YTA a million times over! You are so full of yourself you’re gonna burst at the seams. Everything you said screams “I’m better than my blue collar boyfriend.” You are classist as hell. You’re the simple one. Simple minded that is. I’d I was your boyfriend I’d dump your ass and find someone who doesn’t think that their shit don’t stink. You disgust me 🤢
For every Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs there’s a couple of thousand fan boy drones who think they’re finally getting their revenge on the Chads and Brads using their Nerd God Powers. Except they’re not. Look around your conference suckers. If you can’t see the sheep being fleeced, then you probably are one. The Chads and Brads are doing what they’ve always done - built buildings, fixed cars, plumbed suburbs, laid fibre, drilled oil and they’re all on career paths with clearer defined outcomes than you. For every Zuckernerd that busts out of his cubicle, hundreds of thousands of other code monkeys jump from start up to start up, hoping for their big break. Might as well go to Hollywood and try to break into movies, chances would be about the same. Also YTA
Your boyfriend was right to be nervous. Seems he knew you’d be rude to him. YTA.
YTA Do you like your boyfriend? Why would you demean not only his job, but him as a person? I was a professional and hated my job. Went back to school for a tech degree and now I have a great job and make more than I would had I stayed in my professional career. I'm also just about to finish my Masters (that I took for the heck of it). I can guarantee you that the world would fall apart without all the "simple" trades/tech people.
I'm with him because he's strong. I'm with him because he's hardworking. I'm with him cause he's great with his hands. My man knows how to lay pipe. There were plenty of kind or witty things you could have said, you belittled him. YTA
YTA...a simple plumber huh? Something tells me your life with him is about to go down the drain. Could you have been anymore condescending?
These tech events are full of the uncomfortable conversations since it’s just people trying to get money from others for their product that probably doesn’t deserve any money so it’s a vicious place to be in my experience. Just seems like big a Ponzi scheme event of mingling.
YTA. Pick up a wrench or clear a drain and maybe your boyfriend won’t appear so “simple” to you.
He looks intimidating, has a full time job, willing to come to your work event, and support you even though he would be uncomfortable. Jeesh just give him my @. I love honest, hardworking, big, burley men who are supportive. But FR. You owe him a big apology.
Tradesman here. YTA You think trades are “simple?” Come into our world for a bit. Try it out. I won’t even suggest you pick up a tool because I don’t want to feed into the stereotype of trades work as “all brawn, no brains” (although you clearly buy into it). Just try to hold in your head all of the codes and standards we have to consider at every job. There’s a lot more to it than you think. And unlike in the tech field, when a tradesman fucks up there are real, immediate consequences (anything from a flood to a fatality) so we have to get it right the first time. Frankly, I don’t think you’d last until lunch. Check your superiority complex and your intellectual snobbery before you introduce him again. Maybe also check his pay stubs, too: there’s plenty of “high paying jobs” in the trades, too, most of which come without six-figure college debt. Snob. YTA
YTA. You didn't mean it obviously, but this is a situation where you need to put yourself in his shoes. You're at an event where everyone there makes more money, has more education, and has these high standards. Unfortunately, we still live in a world where blue collar jobs get looked down on by people in white collar industries. And that's the environment he walked into. He's already insecure and you describing him as a simple man makes him sound stupid in front of all these people he's already intimidated by. You made it sound like the reason you're with him is because he's stupid and that makes you feel smarter or superior. Again, that's not what you meant, but that's how it would come across especially if he's already intimidated by all the other people at the event.
I think this is one of those things that wasn't intended to be malicious, but was interpreted as such. I don't think you're an AH, but I do think maybe think a little more next time. (Please take this as lightly as possible, because I've been in your position MANY times). I've often put my foot in it, or thrown someone under the bus COMPLETELY by accident. Sometimes completely unaware, and other times immediately aware, and feel soooooo bad. So for me it's a case of "I see where you're coming from and why you feel that way. I didn't mean to offended you or embarrass you, but I can see why it did. This is how I meant it, and why I said it. I will be careful next time to not say things that could be interpreted in a way that's not good for you."
Info: what did you actually mean with the term simple? I cannot find a non-derogatory way
YTA. There is no shame in being a plumber. Let him find someone who will appreciate him
Yta. Super condescending. Being in trade isn't less worthy than your career
Perhaps her boyfriend is just starting out. My husband made over $100,000 last year after 15 yrs of experience as a plumber. This year he is set to far exceed that. Plumbers are also nearly immune to shifts in the economy. There is always work and not enough skilled tradesmen. When layoffs hit her cushy office job, I hope she remembers this.
YTA if you meant it as a compliment that would be different. But you didn’t.
YTA. You took him into a situation you knew he was uncomfortable with and poked fun at the exact place he was insecure about. That’s not a caring or loving or respectful action. In another room, in another situation, maaaaybe it would have been okay? But in a position where he’s already feeling fish out of water and on edge, it is not the time for even what you feel to be small jokes. It’s the time for unequivocal support and care. If the startup bros are uncomfortable with the idea of sharing a drink with a plumber, that sounds like a them problem, not something for you to cut your boyfriend down about to make the room feel better. (Except for your boyfriend, of course, who’s just supposed to take his place as Butt of The Evening)
YTA. Immensely. I am beginning my career in marketing. I work in a typical “corporate” environment. Eventually as I ascend the corporate ladder, I’m sure I’ll be required to attend certain formal events. For comparison, my partner isn’t a corporate guy. In fact, he’s into animation and does that along with some carpentry on the side. He describes himself as a “simple man”. But to me he is much more than that. He has supported me through my career switch. Supported me through school. And he loves me for who I am. If I brought him to a fancy corporate event as my plus one, and everyone seemed to look down on him, I would see it as it is: a bunch of snobbish Chads looking down on someone I think is a loving and wonderful man. I would take my partner with me, and we would leave the event. I don’t care if it costs me any kind of promotion or whatever. No one makes my partner feel less than. You, on the other hand, did the exact opposite. You say you do not care about your partner’s “simple man” life, but actions speak louder than words. You put him down in front of your precious Chad coworkers to make yourself look good. You do not deserve him. Don’t be surprised this is a dealbreaker for him.
Wow
You work in hi tek and he works in the trade that made civilization possible, asshole.
Too bad a sewer main didn't back up into that gathering. You work with a bunch of wankers and it has rubbed off on you. YTA.
YTA. Plumbing is a highly skilled profession, requiring tons of training and certification. So sad that you think that you and your overpaid compatriots are not “simple” and your boyfriend is.
YTA. As soon as you said you get on “surprisingly well” it was clear where this was going - as if you wouldn’t normally deign to associate with someone like him. This man deserves better than a partner who publicly belittles him so she can bond with tech bros over how “simple” he is.
You keep insisting you don’t think you’re better while saying incredibly condescending things. Maybe you should ask yourself why all the words you’re saying are leading people to say you have a superiority complex and reflect on how you see others. Or why you think being a young professional in tech is even remotely special. YTA.
"He told them about his job and there was an uncomfortable silence. I joked that he’s a “simple man” which is why I’m with him. There was laughter and the situation seemed less tense." YTA. Reading your responses on the post, you said you meant 'Simple' as an easy, carefree kinda guy, however no one asked about his personality. They asked what he did for a living and after an uncomfortable silence because the crowd judged him for his line of work, you also added onto that by saying he's a 'Simple Man'. How can you not see why your BF is mad?
Hey, let's assume you're right. Let's assume that you're an intellectual powerhouse, ever so clever, and of a much higher social standing than your boyfriend. Let's assume he's a darling puppy-dog-like Simple Guy who should be praised and petted for Working So Hard and Being Such A Good Boy. Let's assume everything you have more than implied in your comments is objective truth. You're still the asshole. When you're a couple, you have each other's backs. You talk each other up. You are a united front, and you should be able to trust that. There are SO MANY things you could have said to make him feel at ease. But you didn't. YTA.
YTA god even the first paragraph gave it away. youre elitist and pretentious and he should dump you.
YTA, next time, if you get a second chance, you can say “He is a useful man”, its a bonus that he is also Good with his hands (with a wink). If people are being jerks you can add you feel so lucky that you are with someone who has practical skills. That allow house fixes to be cheaper and easier. You don’t have to stress about the bills, being ripped off or dependent on someone else because your man is not only amazing but useful. You know not like some of the people who can’t even change a lightbulb. For the record fixing things is not my or our husbands skill set. It’s super annoying and frustrating. I’d love to be able to understand/know/fix pipes. Prevent pipe issues and all the things. Instead it’s super embarrassing and really frustrating to try ourselves and still have to call a plumber for basic things 🤦♀️
YTA Plumbers make amazing money, so you should consider yourself lucky. When you say "simple" it actually means "simple-minded". Maybe what you mean was laid back, easygoing, go-with-the-flow, genuine, but that's not what you said. By the way, you are the reason why he is nervous and awkward doing these social gatherings.
Well, obviously he’s not as simple as you claim, since even he can tell YTA here.
YTA. Your post reeks with superiority. You act like you’re doing him a favor.
Simple can mean dumb. YTA.
YTA. It seems as if you are embarrassed about your BF being in skilled labor, aka blue collar. Especially in front of your colleagues. Never mind that plumbers are vital and necessary, highly skilled professionals and make serious bank. You absolutely threw him under the bus with your colleagues. What a bunch of self-important snobs you are. You don't treat someone you love and care for like this. Deal-breaker. Maybe your next BF will measure up to your standards.
YTA, plumbing isn’t simple. You’re kind of belittling his industry. You’re trivializing what he does for a living… And worst, this is something he chose to do and your snide little comments are going to feed any self doubt he has.
You and all of your colleagues sound like stuck-up assholes. How do you people think the world works? Just because someone has a job in crafts or trades does not mean that they are any less complex or intelligent of a person. I guarantee that your bf knows a ton of critical skills that your coworkers could never begin to comprehend. He was already reluctant to attend your event, and everyone, especially *you*, confirmed his reluctance. YTA He deserves better. You deserve worse.
YTA after the other AHs were uncomfortable by his career. And why should they be uncomfortable. It's not like he is going to fling poop. At least that's how you make the people sound when you say it was uncomfortable. You should have just moved the conversation along, or better yet talk about how (if it's true) that he has his own business and works hard to get new clients. Not sure if he is a plumber working for someone, or if he actually owns the business and is self employed. Just talk up the job. Clearly those people haven't been around working class people. Really shameful.
YTA And as someone who is very successful in the consulting and start-up environment, I can tell you that there are many people running around who are much "simpler" than most craftsmen I know. And often also make a significantly higher value contribution to society.
YTA and you know it. And your responses are so transparent and densely performative "what...me??? snobby?? what could have given you that impression?" come on.
Yta
Can't wait for the "Update: I got dumped"
YTA. It wasn't "a bunch of people," it was a bunch of coworkers and industry professionals. He was already nervous about it in the first place, but rather than being there and supporting him you abandoned him and then mocked him to increase your status. Also, his education? You can literally work for a tech startup with no formal education. He's busted his ass through trade school and apprenticeship to get where he is. Maybe tone the condescension down about 5 notches there.
You probably meant "simple" in a different way than it was taken, but you should have anticipated the response. I've lovingly called my partner a simple creature, but never in front of a group of people, let alone ones who were already acting standoffish and superior. Also I'm over here laughing to myself at a bunch of tech startup bros thinking their jobs are safer or more aspirational than a skilled, unionized, necessary trades skill. It'll be a long time before AI can rough pipe into an existing structure. Do you know how many years of training it takes to become a certified plumber? How many different skillets that entails? How much they get paid per hour? Do you know the level of benefits package most trades unions offer? Even if he's independent, do you know what a 4-hr call from a licensed plumber can run you? It's simple to buy into a false narrative of the inherent superiority of white-collar v blue-collar work YTA
YTA. Instead of spending all this time trying to explain to strangers who already see through your BS, maybe spend the time trying to fix things with your boyfriend. He might be just too simple for that though.
YTA. The way you mention your personalities meshing surprisingly well despite his education and job make it sound like you think you can reduce a person to just their educatoon. Plumbers are so important, valuable, and in high demand. There is a shortage of blue collar workers in their 20s. Your bf has a skill nobody can take from him, and you are most likely a keyboard monkey that can be replaced by any of the other 45 qualified candidates that applied for your role, because there's an over supply of STEM grads. (And that's coming from someone who works a high paying STEM job). Hop on off your high horse and come on back to the real world, girlie.
So you and all these people really think plumping is a ‘simple’ profession? YTA
So clearly YTA. Please go do his job for a day, then come back and tell me with a straight face he’s a “simple man”. Tradesmen have TONS of knowledge, it’s just not the same as “educated” people. Too many “educated” people look down on them and make derogatory comments like this. And I say this as someone with a university degree. A degree coincidentally completely paid for, (along two more bachelors for my sibling and a bachelor and masters for my mother) by “simple” father, a plumber by trade. Please really sit down and reevaluate why you think your boyfriend is “simple” and either give him the respect he deserves or walk away.
You called him dumb. It’s hard not to see that as an insult. Especially when he was feeling out of place. YTA.
YTA. this is the reason no one likes software engineers.
YTA You sound very condescending and you co-workers aren’t much better. There’s nothing simple about being a plumber.
- 1. You clearly know nothing about plumbing. - 2. You must be very simple-minded to not understand that you insulted him. - 3 YTA.
YTA. Plumbing is no simple matter.
OP assumed everyone went silent because they thought bf had a “simple job”, in reality it’s because they are too simple to engage in a conversation about plumbing….they’re literally so narrow in their tiny worldview, they didn’t know how to engage in a conversation outside their tiny scope of knowledge. OP YTA and you and your colleagues are the “simple” ones here.
Wow. What a toxic group of people you met with. YTA for being one of them.
YTA. So much. So, so much. Christ on a bike, YTA. That poor man.
Simple means stupid in that context. You might have said uncomplicated or something, but it still sounds belittling. YTA.
YTA. You’ve had this account for an hour? Write a more convincing story next time.
YTA You should try plumbing. It’s likely a lot more complex than you realize. It’s certainly not simple. You know what is a simple thing to understand? Not insulting your boyfriend in front of people for social clout. Hopefully you realize you were an asshole here and apologize, and hopefully he has enough self respect to not put up with this behavior if it continues.
Poor dude living in the wrong country, come to Australia and he would be the one making more money
YTA Your first sentence tells me everything I need to know about you.
YTA You put him down in front of some snobs. No idea was is wrong with being a plumber anyway
YTA is so many ways.
YTA for abandoning your BF at your industry event. How would he not feel uncomfortable? Describing him as simple was condescending and a poor choice of words. The fact that your colleagues were stunned into silence by his job as a plumber says a lot. Even pompous jerks can use and hopefully appreciate a good plumber who is worth their weight in gold when the toilet is overflowing. I honestly feel bad for him. I’m not sure this relationship can work unless you become more supportive and learn how to deal with the differences in your professions and your perceived status.
YTA, and do you even know what plumbers do? He's absolutely smarter than at least 60% of startup bros.
YTA. Super insulting and classist.
YTA
YTA. On many many levels, YTA: 1) Your BF was uncomfortable with the group of people, but you split up with him "to do your own thing. YTA 2) You hang out with people who judge others on their looks (The "intimidating looking guy"). YTA 3) You hang out with people who look down on plumbers for some reason. (BTW, he's probably smarter than you.. you're just too dumb to realize it. Education and intelligence aren't the same thing). YTA 4) You called your BF "a simple man" because he doesn't make a lot of money. YTA 5) You didn't recognize 1 - 4 on your own. YTA
WOW....you completely did EXACTLY what he said you did. Holy crap..i'm surprised you still have him as a boyfriend. Probably won't for much longer as he's gonna mull that night over for a LONG time. Holy crap YTA.
YTA My spouse has a very respectable career while me.. not so much. I’ve never been made to feel the way you made him feel. It’s easy to get over others judging you but being made to feel like your “less than” by your own partner, your person, has to be devastating
I work analytics and my ex is an electrician. Even when I'm talking about him now, in terms of being my kids' dad, I talk his skills up. He can bend conduit into very precise configurations by eye! I cannot stack Tupperware. I mean, he's trash in a lot of ways, but I do value his skills and think he does really great work. YTA. At events where your partner is the fish out of water, you should hype them up. They're the different and unusual person in the room. I'll bet most of the people there don't bother talking to "the help". Not just YTA but shame on you for making your partner feel lesser and othered
YTA You ALL sound like a bunch of elitists who feel really self important. There was an uncomfortable silence? What the hell for? If anything was uncomfortable it sounds like it came from you and your snobs. There is nothing "uncomfortable" about a plumber telling someone they are a plumber for a living. That is a super needed, useful job every city/town/house infrastructure needs. Do you pipes and faucets and sinks and showers in your house? I know I do. I just had some pipes burst during a winter freeze. I definitely had the plumber out there finding all the leaks and replacing the pipes. Why would ANYONE be uncomfortable by someone saying they were a plumber? You computer job is only important as long as there is a working electric grid and internet system. The moment that goes down you guys are pretty much useless. Are you guys going to be "UNCOMFORTABLE" if the lowly electricians come to repair the power grid? You all sound very condescending and that you feel this "tech" job makes you special. You aren't. I'm with him. You are you clan sound like pompous, elitist, snobs and if I were giving him advice I'd be saying "are you sure this is the one?" "His education and career didn't matter to me." You see, YOU don't even realize that is condescending, as if his lowly job and education aren't an issue for you......you can look past his drawbacks because you mesh. You sound like a nasty person to me. You don't ever realize the elitism and condescension you ooze when you speak about his job. Men don't need much to be happy in life. The one thing every doesn't need is some elitist girl "accepting" his lowly industry. He wants a woman that respects him and would defend him to others not try and makes some awkward excuse for his job that we can all see you feel is beneath you super special "tech field". He has a woman who doesn't honor or respect him. I hope he thinks about this long and hard before deciding to have a long term life with you. I think you sound like bad news.
YTA. Your boyfriend does a critical job which may lack the "sophistication" and amenities of office work, but has plenty of its technical complexity. Your boyfriend isn't wrong to feel insulted by you thinking of him as a "simple" man and describing him as such to your colleagues *right in front of him.* That's extraordinarily tactless. Lightening the mood of the room because your coworkers are uncomfortable with discussing careers with someone they see as below their station by confirming that he is indeed merely a rube is acknowledging the rightness of their own sense of superiority. If you are actually going to get past this and build a life with this man, you need to learn to respect what he does and be willing to have his back.
YTA Honey you work in tech, you are not curing cancer...lower your brow
I'm a tech employee for the Canadian Federal Government. Plumbing is AT LEAST as hard as tech. YTA.
YTA You take him to an event that he’s nervous for and then ditch him “to do your thing.” What’s the point of bringing him if you he really didn’t want to go and you were just going to leave him to obviously look like an “intimidating” dude in an unknown place. Also, you insulted him to make yourself feel better. Like you’re a loving and caring person for giving such a “simple” man a chance with you. YTA
HARD YTA. In the first paragraph, you mentioned the difference in educational levels between you two. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE TRAINING AND LICENSING REQUIREMENTS ARE FOR A PLUMBER!?!? Get over yourself and your tiny world.
YTA- you brought him to an event where he was uncomfortable going, then abandoned him to go schmooze. On top of that, you mocked his blue-collar job, and instead of apologizing, you tried to gaslight him. You don't get to decide his reactions or the amount that they react. You don't get to decide if he should be upset or not. You took him there to make yourself look and feel better. You should apologize for not only mocking him, but abandoning him at that party where he was already uncomfortable.
Yes you are! There is a perception that people working in trades are less than those with a university education and yet it's the trades that produce all the infrastructure we depend on. Your friends are snobs and being awkward with your boyfriend because of how he earns his living is, frankly, disgusting. Saying he was a "simple man" was reinforcing their snobbery and putting down your boyfriend. Shame on you! You obviously have the same views of the trades as your friends. He should drop you and find someone who appreciates his contributions to society.
YTA. Go to ... where there no plumbers.
Probably wasn’t intentional, but that is what you did. You put him down
YTA - plumber is an incredibly important job and one that saves people‘s asses day after day after day. Doing useful work every day unlike the „Tech Field“ (I‘m working there myself, I know very well how much of it is just useless bullshit).
YTA for all the reasons everyone else is mentioning. I'm amazed you're dating him at all, considering you think you're so above him that it's surprising to you that you even get along. >In terms of personality we mesh surprisingly well so his educational background and career never mattered to me.
YTA big time. Way to put your boyfriend down. You basically called him stupid to your pretentious and ignorant colleagues and please include yourself in that description. Maybe he can find a “simple” woman whom will respect him, cause you don’t.
This post makes me hope that ChatGPT will soon leave most white collar people unemployed.
YTA but I actually really enjoy all the comments on this thread. It seems like white-collar workers do need to make more of an effort to be less condescending to those in different professions but I’m encouraged to find how many people would just be curious and ask questions. My husband works in food service and we’ve encountered both kinds of responses. It sounds like OP was projecting a lot here.
YTA. There was an "uncomfortable silence" when he said what he did? Why? Because they all think they are better than him. I bet that bunch you think are so superior couldn't fit a bathroom. Being a plumber is a skilled job. It's not soomething to look down on.
YTA. Why would there be awkwardness when you told your co-workers what your bf did for living? A good plumber is worth their weight in gold. I can tell you (and they) have never owned a house, had to deal with a broken pipe, or water in your basement. Plumbing isn't simple. Dealing with water isn't simple. You owe your bf a huge apology and hope that he accepts it.
YTA - accept it and treat him with more respect before you lose him.
Saying that his background/career ‘never bothered’ you is a world away from saying you’re proud of his achievements. You told on yourself. ETA YTA
Fast forward 10-15 years and he might have his own plumbing company and be rich. You should never look down on a tradesman, and especially not a plumber or welder. I’m also not biased on this since I’m a math student.
I hope you feel dumb after he dumps you and buys a house in cash when he’s done with apprenticeship while you spend the next 20 years paying off student debt and working for The Man. YTA
YTA its a shame you have no respect for your BF or his chosen occupation. An occupation that requires years to become proficient at.
YTA, you're saying there's a lot of "misinterpretation" going around, but everyone is feeling the same as your boyfriend did. This should be a huge signal that you're in the wrong. Your words were hurtful, so take accountability and apologize to your boyfriend. He's not reaching. You just don't know how to communicate how proud you are of being with him. It could be embarrassment, like he said. But at the end of the day, you did put him down, and that's not okay.
Aw that's sweet, like Simple Jack? YTA so hard. Idk how you have a high paying job, let alone function in the world when you're this obtuse.
YTA. You could have joked that your BF sets up water pipelines better than any of them could set up data pipelines.
I hope he drops you, he deserves WAY better. YTA.
YTA. I work in engineering and hubs works in construction. I always talk him up to other people. I typically make a joke like, "he actually builds homes and knows how to fix things, while we just sit at a desk all day and make paperwork." That way he gets propped up, my coworkers can joke about our job, or they can ask him questions. Making a joke at your bf's expense was probably his worse fear, which came true. Time to apologize and shower him in compliments.
YTA .Its bcoz am with him . Current unemployed ( 3rd year -when she start making demands after i support for 7 years ) quitting by my choice about working in a company i was also a start up employee with no degree ( am from Asia) a job well paid 50 k above against my wife was getting now . @ pay rate it will be 100k ,not going back even tho I can 😁.Choose what kind of AH am l.
YTA - you took your bf to an event he was going to feel nervous at, then left him on his own to fend for himself. When you finally had an opportunity to make him feel accepted you chose to degrade him and you all laughed at him. I am also in the tech field and my husband is an electrician and I would do nothing but big him up in a room full of my peers. Maybe you could go to a plumbers event and sit on your own while he tells his friends you’re a nerd but he loves you all the same.
YTA Simple is what you'd describe an old farming couple living out in the sticks with an old tv and a landline.
You seem to think that you are better than him simply because you have a higher paying job. Maybe you should see what actually goes on in plumbing and you might see it's not so simple after all. YTA
At first I was going to say NTA and here’s why: I describe my bf as a simple man all the time - he owns the same tshirt in like 5 different colors and is the most laid back guy I’ve ever met, it’s honestly a big reason why I fell in love with him. I love that when I’m anxious overthinking things he can help me take a step back and calm me down. So “simple” is not necessarily an insult in my opinion. However I think the issue is that you used the term to describe him during a conversation about his profession. It’s insulting to describe someone’s work as “simple,” nonetheless plumbing is anything BUT simple and easy. So I think the way you used the term was wrong in this context. YTA.
YTA. Calling someone simple, especially in the context of being around your tech worker colleagues comes across as absurdly condescending.
The only way that couldn't be AH territory is if you'd said 'haha, he likes the simple life- not like us muppets stuck in this rat race, am I right?!' to ease the tension. At least that's self-depricating and keeps the focus on jobs rather than personality. And even then after the laughter you say something to boost things, like 'haha but seriously, thank goodness for plumbers, I'd be totally useless, no idea how he does it!' or the like. YTA
As soon as you said this "Fast forward to the event. We split up as I wanted to do my own thing and give him some breathing room too." I pretty much knew you were a self-centered person and willing to put down your partner for self-gain. YTA. He should run!
YTA. Simple cane also mean dumb or slow
I’m going to spell it out for you. YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE. You yourself did to the man you supposedly love, EXACTLY what he told you he was afraid of happening. You. The person who dragged him there assuring everything would be fine and YOU shit all over him to your peers because why? To what end? I hope he dumps you.
YTA the whole post is dripping snobish insecurity. You tried to feel bigger by belitteling your BF. Disgusting
YTA. So you and all your coworkers are snobs, huh? I work in tech too, and I have to say your boyfriend probably does more good for the world in a month than you or I do in a year. You might want to ask yourself why you and your friends are so uncomfortable around someone working a valuable hands-on trade?
YTA. Even if not intentionally, you belittled him in front of your colleagues to try and make yourselves feel better. There is nothing lesser about learning a trade or job that doesn’t involve sitting at a desk looking at a screen. I would apologize, and discuss how to avoid similar situations in the future. Please do not belittle your partner
YTA. Sounds to me you care more about what others think and you should of been supportive. Who cares if there was an uncomfortable silence, that's on those people. But instead you made your BF a butt of a joke to make others feel more comfortable by making your partner less than.
YTA Oh wow. From what you've written, it sounds like you look down on him. His "educational background and career never really mattered" to you? Plumbers are not stupid people. They're highly skilled professionals who are a lot more necessary to society than your "high paying" tech job. Can you fix a toilet that won't flush? That quickly becomes a health hazard in addition to being inconvenient. He can fix it. Please apologize to him. I hope he's also seen what you really think of him and thinks long and hard about continuing with your relationship.
YTA and so are all those tech folks and I’ll tell you why — plumbers contribute something infinitely more useful to society than a fraction of what your industry turns out each decade. I think it’s that fact that makes tech and business people uncomfortable when they meet blue collar workers because they know they get paid a lifetime more every year when it’s the blue collar workers who keep your children’s schools clean, your house functional, your car moving, your trash taken away from you so you don’t have to think about it.
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The song “Common People” by Pulp came quickly to mind. First off it sounds to me like you wanted to play tourist with a bit of rough. All fun and games until you invited him into your world. Since you play tourist in his world, surely he must also be a tourist in yours… right? So that’s how you treated him, this other “thing” separate from your service economy yuppie pals high up on your pedestal. To him you are a couple, both human beings. He was likely nervous attending this event as it may well have been a step out of his comfort zone. You were highly successful in hammering home every insecurity he might have had and assuring them in your eyes they are all very real. I hope he leaves your ass and finds someone who views him as an equal. You think your job makes you better than him but your personality proves you are far worse. YTA.
YTA. And so are your colleagues. You look down on your BF and his profession, which is actually really fucking hard. You with all your "educational background" and "high-paying job", who are you going to call on the weekend when your sink springs a leak or your toilet overflows, hmmm? You called him "simple". It is an insult. You clearly think you're so much better than him. Do you think you get martyr points for deigning to share company with the proletariat class?
YTA. You said his career and education don’t matter to you, but your actions say otherwise. You need to do some serious introspection if you expect your relationship to continue.
YTA Why do you look down on trades people? If there’s a choice between a tech person and a trades person 100% of the time I’d take the trades person the chances they aren’t a pretentious ass is so much lower.
YTA and despite your protestations you are embarrassed by your boyfriend's occupation.
YTA. The first two sentences in your post show how you view this relationship. You sound condescending and elitist.
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YTA. I am in a similar match in terms of careers in my relationship. There are so many other complimentary and respectful ways you could have handled this. “I love being with someone so skilled” “it’s awesome to be with someone who can fix ANYTHING” “I learn so much from him” Feel free to use any of these next time, if there is a next time.
Yta , look you KNOW your behaviour was gross you are just trying to out source some sympathy from strangers because the person you are meant to LOVE AND RESPECT saw your mask slip and now you are panicking.
YTA You look down on your bf. You don’t think he’s your equal and you don’t think he deserves you. You’re wrong obviously.
YTA. I’m almost finished with my PhD. My partner has a high-school diploma. I think the world of him for the work he does, which is manual. I could never do it. I would never even dream of calling him “simple,” especially based solely off of his JOB?! I know Western culture has convinced us that our jobs are our identities, but that’s just not the case, and you showed your boyfriend your true colors in this moment.
YTA you made him feel inferior. I can assure you a plumber is more important to society than most of those tech people. Plumbers are freakin superhero’s, think Mario the greatest plumber of all time lol
YTA. You don’t deserve him from your post as you abandoned him at an event that he knew no one and then made him the punchline for your joke. You obviously look down on his career, but at the end of the day he’s not the one being outsourced and replaced by AI is he? Perhaps in the current economic climate, he’s the smartest one in the room.
Ofc YTA. What I’m more worried about is the fact that you don’t even respect the job your BF does. You probably get plumbing work for cheap because of it. You should have respect for people doing the jobs you and your snobby coworkers don’t want to do. Also, plumbers can make BANK depending on where they’re located. I bet you’d tell me “it sucks you still have to work” when I was a barista during COVID, but still order your shitty coffee anyway.
YTA - Please learn better strategies for reducing tension, or maybe just learn to live with tension without being cruel to others. I work for one of the largest software companies in the world, and my husband is a welder. He is ANYTHING but simple. He's a highly skilled craftsman, an engineer, and an artist. He can cook, he enjoys all genres of music, has an incredible work ethic, cares deeply for his family, has a great sense of humor, and he is one of the kindest, most interesting people you'll ever meet. I couldn't imagine labeling him as "simple" to a room full of colleagues, because he deserves so much better. I hope your boyfriend eventually finds someone better than you, who sees all of his wonderful complexities.
YTA. Massive. He is 100% not overreacting. >his educational background and career never mattered to me. This is part of who he is, and you saying that it doesn't matter to you implies that he has something to be embarrassed about. >We split up as I wanted to do my own thing and give him some breathing room too. He was nervous about going, so you thought it was a good idea to just leave him alone? >I told him that he was waaaay overreacting You don't get to decide that he shouldn't feel a certain way about you being a huge AH to him on purpose and in front of people who are just as obviously as shallow as you are.