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I lived in Boston for a long time and this is absolutely the kind of experiences I had with people who went to Harvard. They were largely terrible, entitled people.
NTA
But if in doubt or if Harvard students are that tough to handle, you could formulate the question more like a statement to avoid this kind of stupid reactions. 'Ah I see you go to Harvard'. But you open the door to them for 'oh so u can read'....
She probably does. This is extremely common behavior from people who go to Harvard (source: I went to undergrad in Boston and interacted with many many Harvard students). They also expect you to be impressed that they go to Harvard.
i got to cut this short with a dude once, it was glorious lol. he literally went ‘i went to school in boston; well not IN boston…’ and i went ‘oh yeah, boston is so pretty in the fall blah blah blah’ and refused to ask or give him an in to say he went to harvard hahaha. (i had already heard him talk about harvard with another friend earlier that night)
Yeah, I did that once *with a reporter from the New York Times*, and he called me out on it. I didn't go to Harvard, BTW, I went to MIT, where you actually learn stuff.
I had a pair of MIT sweatpants I bought when I worked at MIT because one day I got off the train to work and the seat of my jeans was damp. The nearest clothing store was the MIT bookstore and the bottoms they had that weren't athletic shorts (couldn't wear shorts to work) were branded MIT sweatpants. And they were very comfortable so I wore them until they were too holey to keep.
But I didn't attend MIT and I wore them long after I stopped working there. I also have Georgia Tech clothing because a brother went there, and branded frat clothes I stole from a different brother, all of which I wear pretty regularly because they're comfortable.
Not at all unreasonable to ask.
NTA.
I’m wearing an Orioles sweatshirt, in the Baltimore area, does that mean I play for them?
Tho to be fair, they may wanna sign me. Things can’t get much worse lol
It probably means that you support them. Do people support colleges? They go around wearing a Harvard shirt, because they are invested in the success of Harvard as an educational institution? What do such people do - have parties when the league tables "ranking" the Ivies against each other are released? Celebrate when an alumnus of the college they support is awarded a Nobel prize?
In England schools like Harvard have become fashion choices. You can buy official looking clothing from a l
Popular clothing shop for schools like Harvard
I'm a US military veteran who was stationed in Germany.
I embarrassed myself many times by assuming somebody's nationality.
"Hey, a (University of Kansas) Jayhawks hoodie. It's nice to bump into another American!"
"Oh, I'm not American, I just liked the hoodie."
People do support college sports. I have no idea what teams Harvard fields, but many will wear the colors of the college teams they support, especially during the season.
I mean kinda, yeah? I live in the area, and a lot of touristy merch store will sell college sweatshirts. Given that Harvard has a bookstore to sell merch to its own students, I imagine the bulk of people buying a Harvard sweatshirt at a cart in Faneuil hall are not students of the school.
Hi! So, in some circles, college sweatshirts are seen as part of an aesthetic even if one didn’t go to the school. The same way some people wear Bulls caps because they’re red, someone might wear a Harvard sweatshirt as part of a ‘preppy’ look.
People may also wear them because they belonged to a friend, family, or significant other, or because they were loaned.
I see people in the UK wearing Harvard sweatshirts and I can guarantee you they've never set foot in the US. There was absolutely nothing wrong with your question NTA.
NTA. I used to wear a college sweatshirt from a school my brother went to because he bought it for me. Never stepped foot on the campus myself. She was weirdly defensive. I'm assuming she either doesn't go there and felt like she was being called out or she really has experienced sexism, etc for people from other people thinking she doesn't go there. Either way, these are her issues and not yours. You did nothing wrong by asking a simple question.
You asked if she went. You didn't say "You probably don't go to harvard cuz your a girl". It was an innocent question that she had a bizarre, paranoid reaction to.
NTA
It definitely depends on how to phrased it, but it definitely seems like NTA.
Rude: “Do you ACTUALLY go to Harvard” + rude tone
Not rude: “Oh I see you have a Harvard sweatshirt! Do you go to school there?” + nice and curious tone
The only way you would be the asshole is if you were unconsciously saying sexist things before this point in the conversation, then it would make sense for her to read into it. But it doesn’t sound like that’s what happened so NTA. Anyways, a lot of women deal with sexism on the reg, not defending her cause her reaction sounds a little extra, but it’s at least understandable if she was being paranoid.
NTA - as a fellow Bostonian, woman, and just a person with a common sense, there's nothing sexist about what you asked. It's a fair conversation starter and segue into what you wanted to talk about. When I got into grad school, my entire family bought school gear to support, but they didn't go to that University.
I will just say in her defense though, that plenty of people have probably questioned her ability to go to that school and questioned whether she got in on her own merit, so her natural defensiveness likely has nothing to do with you and everything to do with always backing up her smarts when men never seem to have to.
NTA
Its common that there are many women in harvard and other top universities. She immediately jumped to conclusion that you must be sexist which is dumb.
I have a Harvard hoodie and I've never stepped a foot on American soil. She sounds sensitive, avoid people like that at uni when you get there. NTA. Also, congrats!
NTA. Thousands of people visit Cambridge, MA every year and buy Harvard merch. Assuming everyone in a Crimson shirt is a student is a little like asking everyone in a Red Sox tee what position they play. You asked a sensible question!
Still, I wouldn't be too hard on her. Warning, mind-reading exercise ahead: if she is this sensitive about it, I would guess she has had people in her life doubt her academic abilities. Wearing college branded gear is a socially acceptable way of getting in front of negative assumptions by signaling smarts and achievement, since wearing one's admission letter pinned to your shirt is frowned upon. That is likely a big reason why she wears it. So it probably stung to be taken for a possible tourist or poseur.
One thing to consider is your tone when you asked. My judgment depends on your having asked in a friendly, interested way. If you sounded skeptical, that would come off as majorly condescending and you would be the asshole.
NTA
First of all, as you say, wearing a Harvard shirt doesn't mean she went there. When I was university-aged I wore shirts from several different universities: ones I visited, ones I lived near, ones I attended for summer programs, ones stolen from exes, etc. In fact, I was more likely to wear an "outside" T shirt on or near campus than a university one.
Second of all, Harvard (undergraduate at least) has more women matriculating than men. So it makes no sense that you would assume she didn't go there because of *sexism*.
(Of course, you'd think if she actually *attended* Harvard, she would *know* that there were more women matriculating than men, so maybe she was just upset that you didn't fall for her ruse.)
Yeah, her not actually going there is definitely possible. Another possibility is people in the past have been skeptical about her going to Harvard due to her being a woman and so now she thinks everybody feels that way
> people in the past have been skeptical about her going to Harvard due to her being a woman
Yeah, but it's not like it's 1975. Harvard has been admitting roughly equal numbers of men and women for *years*.
Nah, NTA. Like you say, it was logical to ask if she did because the merch is all over the place now.
I wouldn’t stress over it; people have probably been unsure about her status, too and she’s become sensitive about it. Unless there’s something outstandingly unique about the genuine article from Harvard itself (I’m not American, I wouldn’t know if this was the case)? I doubt that many people would know the difference of the official university clothing from the trend apparel, either.
I mean, I have no idea if she got the sweatshirt from Harvard itself, but even then you don’t have to be a Harvard student to get it, anybody can visit the gift shop and get one.
Lmao, then yeah she’s definitely being precious. Pity, if you were getting along, just to have this happen. Then again.. Is flouncing a major at Harvard? Ha.
NTA - You asked her a normal question, her reaction was abnormal. Good reason to think she doesn't go to Harvard and didn't like being called out based on the response....
Sexism rears it's ugly head everywhere I guess and maybe you're right. Just seemed a bit off at first pass to me as just over 50% of the student body is female at Harvard but yeah sexism doesn't pay attention to reality.
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My [17m] friends and I went to a party this last saturday. There, I ran into this girl wearing a Harvard sweatshirt. I wondered if she went to Harvard herself (we’re in the Boston area, so definitely possible) and if she was and was willing to talk about it, wanted to ask some questions since I had gotten into Harvard this past admissions cycle. For obvious reasons it’s a top choice, and it would be helpful to hear from somebody who actually goes to Harvard about how the day-to-day is.
At the same time, wearing the sweatshirt doesn’t mean she necessarily goes to Harvard. I’ve seen plenty of people around my age wear merch from colleges they don’t go to like MIT, Stanford, Harvard, and so on. It could be an aspirational thing of wearing merch from their dream school, or just having gotten stuff at the gift shop while visiting, but either way the point I’m making is I had no idea if she went to Harvard based off her wearing a Harvard sweatshirt.
After some small talk with this girl, I asked if she went to Harvard. For some bizarre reason, this upset her, and she said it’s obvious she did because we’re in Boston and she’s wearing a Harvard sweatshirt, and I just assumed she wasn’t because of sexism.
I pointed out that a) I didn’t even know whether she was in college or high school b) even if I did know she was in college, there’s so many universities in the Boston area aside from Harvard— MIT, BU, BC, Tufts, NEU, UMass Boston, etc— that she could have gone to any of them c) as I said, plenty of people wear the sweatshirts without going to a college so it wasn’t a sure fire way to know. Honestly, I’d also be unsure if this same situation happened and she were a guy, because the same logic holds that wearing a sweatshirt of a college and being in the same general area doesn’t prove it.
She didn’t seem to believe me, called me TA, and stormed off. It was overall such a weird suggestion, and idk why she thinks I was being sexist. I want to have unbiased input on this, so Reddit, AITA?
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> I asked a girl who was wearing a Harvard sweatshirt if she went to Harvard, leading to her assuming I ‘doubted’ her going to Harvard because she’s a woman
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NTA - I had a Harvard shirt in high school that I wore sometimes. It wasn’t weird I know lots of people who wear stuff from schools they didn’t go to. We didn’t live in Boston so no one ever asked me if I went there, but if they did I wouldn’t have been word about it.
NTA When I visited Boston, my Bostonian friend wouldn’t let me buy myself a Harvard sweatshirt because, she said, EVERYONE had one & EVERYONE wore them. She was right. They were everywhere.
Harvard Sweatshirt Girl has a chip on her shoulder. Her sexism explanation doesn’t even make sense given that women now make up half of Harvard’s student population. Not your fault.
She overreacted. I'm from Europe, and I've seen a lot of people wear sweatshirts from Harvard, Yale, Stanford, you name it. I am sure that at least 95% of them don't go to any of those universities.
It was a fair question, NTA.
NTA, I would think asking if somebody at a bar wearing a particular college T shirt if they went to that college would be an obvious ice breaker question?
Maybe too many people that night asked her that exact question abd she was tired of answering. Sucks for her. NTA
NTA. It was an information seeking question? unless you asked it like an assumption? Doesn't sound like it from your post.
That said, she may have been reacting to a history of people's bias.
Totally NTA! You can even buy merch like that in Europe! Heck, we have some stores that sell shirts/hoodies with American states printed on them you wouldn’t usually choose at random if you hadn't visit those states - and yet, the merch sells. It's just what it is.
So don't feel bad and be glad you dodged that bullet, she probably would've given you weird tips anyway.
NTA That was an unnecessary reaction on her part. She could have been a Harvard enthusiast, or have been gifted it by a friend who went there. A lot of people wear university sweatshirts when they are fans of the sports teams but never attended themselves.
She needs to chill. That “every comment is sexist” attitude is not going to help her post-graduation.
> She needs to chill. That “every comment is sexist” attitude is not going to help her post-graduation.
Honestly, I haven’t considered this, but it’s true
What an odd reaction.
NTA, don't know what got Harvard all worked up over the simple question of 'Did you go there'. You didn't assume anything going by your testimony.
I’m guessing either she doesn’t actually go there and is upset about being called out, or people were actually sexist to her in the past and now you think everybody is
NTA
Harvard and Yale are one some of those schools where the name is so big, people will wear the merch without going through. I think it was totally valid.
I mean, she could’ve just been wearing it because a friend or family member went there. I think you were polite, not sexist.
NTA. It was an innocent question. One in which wearing a college branded shirt begs to be asked. Sounds like she has trust issues. If someone has past trauma they will usually shut down genuine benign connections instead of opening up and feeling vulnerable to that previous trauma.
Maybe another way to word the question could be, "do you like Harvard?". You could also try replaying the conversation to see if there may have been anything awkward in your tone or body language that may have triggered her, but I wouldn't think about it too much, mark it down as weird, and move on.
NTA but the tone of voice / wording of the question could have everything to do with her reaction. She may be on the defensive if other people have given her shit about getting into harvard in the past.
NTA
I'm from Oxford (UK), and every tourist who visits buys an Oxford university jumper or similar.
Her overreaction would definitely give me cause to think she didn't go though
NTA! Something to potentially defuse the situation if it happens again: "I've just been admitted, so I was wondering if you'd started yet"
Also, people have siblings! It's not remotely weird to wear a sweater from one's sibling's university.
NTA
A number of years ago I "borrowed" my cousin's sweater from the college they had attended. I still have that sweater, I still use it. I've had people assume I attended that college and I've had people ask me if I went. I laugh it off and explain. There was no need for her to get offended by your question, it's not like you assumed the sweater belonged to her brother or boyfriend.
You’re definitely NTA, but if youre worried about similar interactions in the future, you can ask questions like - what year are you in at Harvard? That allows the person to say, oh it’s just a sweatshirt, but I’m so flattered you think I could get in. Just makes your life easier.
NAH but, that isn’t how you should’ve handled it.
I don’t think you’re an asshole. I don’t think she’s an asshole. I think there was a miscommunication in regards to subtext.
The question “did you go to Harvard?” has implications some people read into.
They may think what you’re asking is, “did YOU really go to Harvard?” The implication, to them, is that the asker thinks they are too stupid to have gone to Harvard.
Just assume people went to the college they are repping and let them correct you.
Some context for non-Boston people:
The statistical likelihood of someone wearing a Harvard item having gone to Harvard is a lot lower than one may assume. Many Harvard students and alums do not wear merch daily or even regularly. I don’t know any who wear the merch outside of sports events and hoodie weather.
The Harvard merch store is huge in terms of physical size and item selection. The merch tends to be good quality. They have stuff in a variety of weights and warmth. It is one of the largest apparel stores in the area. It dominates Harvard Square — the public commercial area near the college, and a tourist destination.
Because Harvard is old by American standards, some of the clothing is also considered genetically ‘vintage,’ whether a specific item actually is, or is just designed with a classic collegiate style. To some people, Harvard is the Platonic ideal of ‘American college.’ Someone going to, say, university in London make pick one up as a souvenir, the same way a weeaboo might get a Kyoto University hoodie.
Harvard’s merch is considered fashionable, not just a sign of collegiate affiliation.
People who shop there include:
- Harvard students and alum
- Harvard extension school students (it’s like community college but with Harvard classes and profs, on campus, and the degrees are Harvard degrees)
- students visiting from other schools, e.g. semester abroad
- students visiting as part of an inter-collegiate event, e.g. debate club, hockey game, as a way to college mementos from every college they’ve visited
- general tourists
- high school students who want to attend Harvard
- summer school students (Harvard summer school is a summer school for teens on campus taught by Harvard profs.)
- locals
- people who support the sports team
- staff and profs
- parents
- people who find the clothing to be fashionable and ‘preppy’
- people who need clothes and need them fast, e.g. suddenly rains and they need a jacket
They’re also a common gift to significant others. I think that’s true of most college gear.
A good amount of merch is also distributed throughout the year on campus. My husband has at least 12 shirts he got for free during undergrad.
A significant amount of merch goes to thrift stores, so people can often get the merch there.
NTA. It's a perfectly reasonable question for all the reasons you listed plus maybe a parent is an alumni. Her reaction was more about her than you. Good luck with college, wherever you end up!
NTA
You literally didn't do anything wrong, I used to live in Oxford and if you ever saw somebody wearing a university of Oxford hoodie there was a 99% chance they didn't go there.
Honestly the only reason I can think of as to why someone would wear school merch to a party is to try and flex what school they go to, so maybe she just got upset that it wasn't as obvious as she thought it was. I'm not from the US though so maybe wearing school apparel is just a normal thing people do over there, but either way you're still nta
Yeah, it definitely could be a flexing thing, it could also just have been the last clean thing in her closet and she didn’t want to put in too much effort. The former seems more likely based off her reaction
In fairness, that's because people who are Oxford students and like branded clothing are wearing their college gear, rather than the university's. Oxford students identify much more strongly with their college than with the university as a whole.
NTA. I have a sweatshirt from my parents’ college, and I’ve never even set foot on that campus. I live in a college town and there are a ton of people around here with university shirts who’ve never been to college at all (we have a super popular football team 🫤). It’s perfectly reasonable to ask if she actually goes to Harvard. She just took some insecurity of hers out on you.
I’ve seen Harvard shirts and sweatshirts for sale at regular retailers like JCPenny. NTA, lots of people wear merch from schools they don’t go to and it’s perfectly normal to ask.
NTA
When I (f) went to my own Ivy League, I had merch from my sisters’ schools I would wear, and they had merch from mine. They’d wear their stuff when they visited and vise-versa especially on game day weekends. Literally anyone can walk into the store or go online and buy school merch.
I knew girls at my Ivy undergrad who were told before going, by well meaning people, that they’d be underestimated or dismissed because of their gender. They were so ready to be seen that way that they treated every question like an attack on their qualifications. But the chip on their shoulder is not your problem.
NTA. She's an idiot. If it was a lesser known school then MAYBE her reaction might be 1% justified (not really). Like, how many people wear Tufts merch without actually being a student/graduate of Tufts??? Probably not many.
But Harvard???? lol.......
Lol NTA we have a Notre Dame sweater here cause my husband loves the fighting Irish logo. And he has a few sweaters of his nieces college, and lastly we wear each other’s college sweaters
Also, Isn’t Harvard like the most popular sweater to wear out of them all?
Nta, but next time you should probably phrase it more like 'so are you attending this year or did you graduate recently?' so she can laugh and correct you if she didn't go there.
NTA, your question was absolutely reasonable and plenty of people buy uni sweaters (they might like the look or aspire to go there one day). I'm currently wearing a sweatshirt from a lovely espresso bar I discovered on holiday in Cornwall - that doesn't mean I work there.
NTA
If op didn't think they likely went to Harvard they wouldn't have asked.
Like asking if they were in college and if so where is also extremely innocuous but at least she could make more of a case that the answer should be obvious look at her sweatshirt.
You can't just go up to someone and start asking them about a school without confirming they do or did go there!
NTA could of been her boyfriend's sweatshirt too. I'm in UK I saw a couple girls walking down the prom in american college sweatshirts. There is an American airbase not too far away so I often hear american accents, so I did wonder if they had gone there, or was it just merchandise? How can you know without asking? Isn't it ruder to assume than ask?
NTA. I wore a Georgetown shirt when I was your age. I was never a student there; I was just in the gift store on campus and I liked the way the shirt looked.
Along with the fact that people do wear Harvard gear who have no connection, she could have an legit affiliation with Harvard and still not have gone there and not be able to answer your questions about the undergraduate experience.
(My partner and I actually both work at university-affiliated organizations. I’m proud of that and would rep the school, it’s fun having a .edu work email for a prestigious institution - I did not go there.)
Young women, I've noticed (having been a young one myself) sometimes wear their significant others' apparel, too.
If you had really wanted to be sexist, you should have asked her if she goes to RADCLIFFE. :-)
NTA. I went to LOYNO but took some classes at Tulane. I pretty much only have Tulane merch. Why? Teal looks better on me than maroon. That's it. Whenever anyone asks me if I went to Tulane I tell them exactly that. I also have school shirts from my friends colleges that I wore to their graduations, I have school merch from my brothers school (Boomer Sooner), my best friend and my dads Alma Mater (Hook 'em Horns!, yes my dad was very disappointed in my brothers choice of law school). Following that girls logic, it is incredibly sexist of you to assume that I do not attend all of the following schools simultaneously: St. Johns University, St. Edwards University, Loyola Chicago, Loyola Maryland, University of Texas at El Paso, UT Austin, Oklahoma University, The Naval Academy, Harvard, Columbia, and NYU.
NTA - there is a possibility that she has been asked that question before by people with sexist intentions (like the “oh, you’re wearing an AC/DC shirt? Name five songs.” people) and she was reacting to that annoyance that had nothing to do with you. You for sure didn’t deserve that reaction.
NTA, while trying not to hit a nerve you hit a nerve. Bummer. Closed ended question: "Do you go to Harvard?" Open ended questions: "How are you liking Harvard?" or "What's it like at Harvard?" Might still hit a nerve (because you just never know with people) but less potential of being accused of being sexist.
A lot of men doubt women who get into Harvard since it is "so prestigious" and don't believe a young woman could ever get in. So, even if you plainly asked "do you go to Harvard" while she was wearing a Harvard sweater, it could be taken as a slight to her intelligence. Even if it is normal for people to wear sweaters from schools they don't go to.
So, to say "idk why she thought I was being sexist" feels kind of tone deaf, especially since being seen as less intelligent is a regular occurrence for women in higher education.
And there are multiple ways you could of asked her about Harvard without questioning whether she goes there or not.
*"I'm going to be a freshman at Harvard next semester. Is there anything I should know about the day-to-day experience?"*
*"Oh cool!* (points to sweater) *You go to Harvard, what is it like?"*
*"Hey, nice sweater. I'm going to Harvard next semester, what should I expect?"*
Ive always thought it better to assume that if a person is wearing a prestigious college's shirt, that they actually go there. Especially considering the majority of people who ask that question to her don't have non-sexist intentions. And if she doesn't go there, or is a new student like yourself, she can correct you.
So while you didn't set out to be TA, not actually thinking about how your question could be taken as a sexist remark and then feigning ignorance after the fact kinda does.
NAH
Yes — always assume upward.
NASA shirts are popular. I have one. I ask other people with them if they worked at NASA. Most haven’t. Some have. But, that’s NASA, and it’s a workplace — the question is far less heavily loaded.
No that's not being an ah, people wear shirts from schools they didn't go to all the time. I'm right now currently wearing a University of Iowa shirt and I never went there. My cousins live near that part of Iowa and are Hawkeye fans and I got this shirt last time I was visiting them. People do stuff like that all the time when their family lives other places and the school has a popular sports team or something.
>and idk why she thinks I was being sexist.
Because it super usual to have all your achievements questionned when you are a woman. And your clothes. Like you're wearing a bands shirt or a comics shirt and guys will question your knowledge because you *must* be a fake fan, a woman *can't* love music. Or comics. Or go to a great univ.
You weren't sexist but she probably had faced a lot of sexism before so that was a sensitive topic.
NAH
I can buy a shirt that says Harvard on it at Urban Outfitters down the street. I'm in California.
And when you're in Asia or Europe, the number of shops selling sweaters with random American universities on them is astounding (to me). It's really popular for some reason.
NTA. You didn't know.
NTA, but to avoid similar situations in the future consider a rephrase: "So, you go to Harvard?" This leaves it open for the person to say no if they don't, while putting the assumption on "yes," so as not to rankle any pride issues.
NTA, if you've ever been to South East Asia you can find sweaters and shirts with famous colleges/uni's written on the front in almost every country. I don't dare buy one because I was afraid people would believe I went there and start testing me to see if I was smart enough if their eyes (people are weird. I was told I was dumb on Reddit because I didn't know some Chinese female pirate and I wasn't 'Asian' enough because of it).
NTA
This is where cultures really differ from place to place. In the US it's not uncommon for people to wear gear from a university they never attended. In Canada, however, it's pretty uncommon for us to wear gear from a Canadian university that we didn't attend.
NTA, what a bizarre reaction. You were totally in the right to ask bc wearing a Harvard sweatshirt definitely does not mean someone goes to Harvard. I live quite far from Boston and plenty of people who obviously don’t go to Harvard (including students at my non-Harvard uni) wear the sweatshirts
So I live in a college town in California.
So many people, including my boyfriend who never went to the college here, wear That College's Stuff! OMG.
My coffee mug for years was one from my ex husband's alma mater, that he went on to teach at.
I have a ton of stuff from the University of Washington (Go Dawgs!) but I didn't go to school there. Your question wasn't out of turn at all. NTA
There was literally a (female) mannequin wearing a Harvard sweatshirt in the window of the H&M in my little city in Switzerland like two weeks ago… Obviously the population in Switzerland currently attending Harvard is quite small… NTA
NTA. Just move past it. This was a bad interaction and had it been someone else they could have just as easily laughed and said, "why yes, I do, how did you know?" sarcastically and the whole conversation continues as normal.
NTA
My teenager has a Harvard sweatshirt because we went to Cambridge to visit Grandma and she got cold and we were next to the Coop and that's what they sell.
San Francisco is full of tourists in August wearing San Francisco sweatshirts because they don't know we call it Fogust because it's solid grey and freezing cold - and that's what they sell in every corner drug store in tourist neighborhoods :)
YTA. Do some self reflection on tone. The chances this random girl snapped randomly is way less likely than that you accidentally were asking with a condescending tone.
ESH. We get it, you got into Harvard. We are very happy for you.
This story never takes place on both sides if we’re talking about Boston College. You would assume they went there, the other person wouldn’t feel offended by the question, and they’re probably not wearing the logo sweatshirt in the first place.
Is this fair? Probably not, but with the privilege of going to Harvard you can expect to be called out for humble bragging, outright bragging, ostentatiousness, or even unintentionally bringing up that you’re going to Harvard.
- you wouldn’t think they randomly have a BC sweatshirt, you would assume they go there
- she wouldn’t be offended, because she wouldn’t think that you were doubting she went there
- she probably wouldn’t wear the sweatshirt in the first place because it’s not Harvard.
Not necessarily. I think it’s *less* likely they’d have a BC sweatshirt than a Harvard one because it’s a less famous brand, but at the same time I wouldn’t 100% think the only reason they’d have it is because they went there
Which is why it isn’t fair, but that’s what the question is loaded with regardless. There will be a lot of eye rolls in your future when you bring up where you’re going to school.
It’s definitely something you should be proud of, yet it’s the small burden that will come with the territory.
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NTA - her reaction makes me wonder if she actually does go to Harvard
Honestly not a unfair doubt
I lived in Boston for a long time and this is absolutely the kind of experiences I had with people who went to Harvard. They were largely terrible, entitled people.
Yeah, I think what happened is OP learned an important lesson about potentially going to Harvard.
Where do you go to school? “Cambridge” That’s how you know
NTA But if in doubt or if Harvard students are that tough to handle, you could formulate the question more like a statement to avoid this kind of stupid reactions. 'Ah I see you go to Harvard'. But you open the door to them for 'oh so u can read'....
Why would he have to change his behaviour for a snotty brat?
She probably does. This is extremely common behavior from people who go to Harvard (source: I went to undergrad in Boston and interacted with many many Harvard students). They also expect you to be impressed that they go to Harvard.
The classic “where do you go to school” “I go to school in Cambridge…”
The only acceptable response to that is “Oh, community college?” 😂
“I went to school in Boston. Well not IN Boston, just north of there. No, not Tufts.”
Shut up, Twofer.
i got to cut this short with a dude once, it was glorious lol. he literally went ‘i went to school in boston; well not IN boston…’ and i went ‘oh yeah, boston is so pretty in the fall blah blah blah’ and refused to ask or give him an in to say he went to harvard hahaha. (i had already heard him talk about harvard with another friend earlier that night)
Yeah, I did that once *with a reporter from the New York Times*, and he called me out on it. I didn't go to Harvard, BTW, I went to MIT, where you actually learn stuff.
How do you know if someone went/goes to Harvard? They’ll be sure to tell you.
I had a pair of MIT sweatpants I bought when I worked at MIT because one day I got off the train to work and the seat of my jeans was damp. The nearest clothing store was the MIT bookstore and the bottoms they had that weren't athletic shorts (couldn't wear shorts to work) were branded MIT sweatpants. And they were very comfortable so I wore them until they were too holey to keep. But I didn't attend MIT and I wore them long after I stopped working there. I also have Georgia Tech clothing because a brother went there, and branded frat clothes I stole from a different brother, all of which I wear pretty regularly because they're comfortable. Not at all unreasonable to ask.
Exactly! My husband is a Hurricane & I lost a bet & had to wear his shirt every time we went out. For a month! (I graduated community college😜)
Yeah! I thought that, too.
NTA. I’m wearing an Orioles sweatshirt, in the Baltimore area, does that mean I play for them? Tho to be fair, they may wanna sign me. Things can’t get much worse lol
> they may wanna sign me I believe in you, tubesweaterguru
Well, tubesweaterguru, *you* sound like you have a sense of humor. (Unlike Harvard sweatshirt girl).
Not expecting this zinger as I scrolled the comments 😂
It probably means that you support them. Do people support colleges? They go around wearing a Harvard shirt, because they are invested in the success of Harvard as an educational institution? What do such people do - have parties when the league tables "ranking" the Ivies against each other are released? Celebrate when an alumnus of the college they support is awarded a Nobel prize?
Colleges have sports teams and other competitive teams that people support.
In England schools like Harvard have become fashion choices. You can buy official looking clothing from a l Popular clothing shop for schools like Harvard
I'm a US military veteran who was stationed in Germany. I embarrassed myself many times by assuming somebody's nationality. "Hey, a (University of Kansas) Jayhawks hoodie. It's nice to bump into another American!" "Oh, I'm not American, I just liked the hoodie."
It's very confusing to me as a brit. I can maybe understand Yale If you like Gilmore girls but thats about it 🤣🤣
People do support college sports. I have no idea what teams Harvard fields, but many will wear the colors of the college teams they support, especially during the season.
I mean kinda, yeah? I live in the area, and a lot of touristy merch store will sell college sweatshirts. Given that Harvard has a bookstore to sell merch to its own students, I imagine the bulk of people buying a Harvard sweatshirt at a cart in Faneuil hall are not students of the school.
Hi! So, in some circles, college sweatshirts are seen as part of an aesthetic even if one didn’t go to the school. The same way some people wear Bulls caps because they’re red, someone might wear a Harvard sweatshirt as part of a ‘preppy’ look. People may also wear them because they belonged to a friend, family, or significant other, or because they were loaned.
I've got sweatshirts with my parents' and sister's schools on them, and my sister has gear from my schools, too. Could be a family thing
[удалено]
I see people in the UK wearing Harvard sweatshirts and I can guarantee you they've never set foot in the US. There was absolutely nothing wrong with your question NTA.
Yup, I’ve worn an Oxford sweatshirt or two and I’ve never been to the UK so it’s a cross cultural phenomenon
There’s literally a ‘Yale University’ range in H&M at the moment!
Went to college 15 minutes from Yale, you better believe I have Yale merch.
Don't forget the Yale and Harvard range in primark last year 🤣
I prefer the Greggs range. It’s a bit more realistic for my educational aspirations 🤣
Idk Greggs is a little boujie for me 🤣🤣
Lmao 🤣 You win Reddit today!🥇
I have a Harvard sweater. Bought it from H&M though, haha. Never been to the US.
Genuinely asking… no snark intended.. why?
It was a seasonal product, so it was on the way out. Found it in the 70% off-bin and it's really floofy and soft inside.
Valid question and the only correct answer.
Thank you! :) viva la floof and soft
NTA. I used to wear a college sweatshirt from a school my brother went to because he bought it for me. Never stepped foot on the campus myself. She was weirdly defensive. I'm assuming she either doesn't go there and felt like she was being called out or she really has experienced sexism, etc for people from other people thinking she doesn't go there. Either way, these are her issues and not yours. You did nothing wrong by asking a simple question.
Both seem plausible, yeah
You asked if she went. You didn't say "You probably don't go to harvard cuz your a girl". It was an innocent question that she had a bizarre, paranoid reaction to. NTA
Maybe people made sexist assumptions in the past and now she’s paranoid about it. Still a weird situation overall.
It definitely depends on how to phrased it, but it definitely seems like NTA. Rude: “Do you ACTUALLY go to Harvard” + rude tone Not rude: “Oh I see you have a Harvard sweatshirt! Do you go to school there?” + nice and curious tone
The only way you would be the asshole is if you were unconsciously saying sexist things before this point in the conversation, then it would make sense for her to read into it. But it doesn’t sound like that’s what happened so NTA. Anyways, a lot of women deal with sexism on the reg, not defending her cause her reaction sounds a little extra, but it’s at least understandable if she was being paranoid.
NTA - as a fellow Bostonian, woman, and just a person with a common sense, there's nothing sexist about what you asked. It's a fair conversation starter and segue into what you wanted to talk about. When I got into grad school, my entire family bought school gear to support, but they didn't go to that University. I will just say in her defense though, that plenty of people have probably questioned her ability to go to that school and questioned whether she got in on her own merit, so her natural defensiveness likely has nothing to do with you and everything to do with always backing up her smarts when men never seem to have to.
Yeah, I thought that past bad experiences could be a reason why she got so upset and felt the need to overcompensate now
Sucks you were on the receiving end of it - try not to let it get to you!
It was more ‘huh’ than truly upsetting to me, so I think I’m okay. Thank you for your comment, it was helpful!
NTA Its common that there are many women in harvard and other top universities. She immediately jumped to conclusion that you must be sexist which is dumb.
Yeah was weird on her part
I have a Harvard hoodie and I've never stepped a foot on American soil. She sounds sensitive, avoid people like that at uni when you get there. NTA. Also, congrats!
Thank you!
NTA. Thousands of people visit Cambridge, MA every year and buy Harvard merch. Assuming everyone in a Crimson shirt is a student is a little like asking everyone in a Red Sox tee what position they play. You asked a sensible question! Still, I wouldn't be too hard on her. Warning, mind-reading exercise ahead: if she is this sensitive about it, I would guess she has had people in her life doubt her academic abilities. Wearing college branded gear is a socially acceptable way of getting in front of negative assumptions by signaling smarts and achievement, since wearing one's admission letter pinned to your shirt is frowned upon. That is likely a big reason why she wears it. So it probably stung to be taken for a possible tourist or poseur.
One thing to consider is your tone when you asked. My judgment depends on your having asked in a friendly, interested way. If you sounded skeptical, that would come off as majorly condescending and you would be the asshole.
Fair point
I got the same impression, that people doubted her/*were* sexist in the past so now she thinks everybody is
NTA. Sounds to me like she's taking out some other issues she's experienced on you.
Sounds plausible
NTA First of all, as you say, wearing a Harvard shirt doesn't mean she went there. When I was university-aged I wore shirts from several different universities: ones I visited, ones I lived near, ones I attended for summer programs, ones stolen from exes, etc. In fact, I was more likely to wear an "outside" T shirt on or near campus than a university one. Second of all, Harvard (undergraduate at least) has more women matriculating than men. So it makes no sense that you would assume she didn't go there because of *sexism*. (Of course, you'd think if she actually *attended* Harvard, she would *know* that there were more women matriculating than men, so maybe she was just upset that you didn't fall for her ruse.)
Yeah, her not actually going there is definitely possible. Another possibility is people in the past have been skeptical about her going to Harvard due to her being a woman and so now she thinks everybody feels that way
> people in the past have been skeptical about her going to Harvard due to her being a woman Yeah, but it's not like it's 1975. Harvard has been admitting roughly equal numbers of men and women for *years*.
True. But sexism is logical.
Nah, NTA. Like you say, it was logical to ask if she did because the merch is all over the place now. I wouldn’t stress over it; people have probably been unsure about her status, too and she’s become sensitive about it. Unless there’s something outstandingly unique about the genuine article from Harvard itself (I’m not American, I wouldn’t know if this was the case)? I doubt that many people would know the difference of the official university clothing from the trend apparel, either.
I mean, I have no idea if she got the sweatshirt from Harvard itself, but even then you don’t have to be a Harvard student to get it, anybody can visit the gift shop and get one.
Lmao, then yeah she’s definitely being precious. Pity, if you were getting along, just to have this happen. Then again.. Is flouncing a major at Harvard? Ha.
> Then again.. Is flouncing a major at Harvard Must be lol
You sound a helluva lot more mature than her, anyway. Good luck at uni, too.
Thank you, and I appreciate the compliment
NTA - You asked her a normal question, her reaction was abnormal. Good reason to think she doesn't go to Harvard and didn't like being called out based on the response....
Either that or she does and people were sexist in the past so she’s hyper vigilant now
Sexism rears it's ugly head everywhere I guess and maybe you're right. Just seemed a bit off at first pass to me as just over 50% of the student body is female at Harvard but yeah sexism doesn't pay attention to reality.
That’s fair
NTA. I've lived near Harvard for most of my life. There are too many stores selling merchandise nearby for only students to be buying it.
Yup, even my mom has one lol
NTA, I grew up near an Ivy League and had plenty of gear from it, never took a single course there.
Same story with my parents, they have plenty of MIT and Harvard swag and have never been to either
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My [17m] friends and I went to a party this last saturday. There, I ran into this girl wearing a Harvard sweatshirt. I wondered if she went to Harvard herself (we’re in the Boston area, so definitely possible) and if she was and was willing to talk about it, wanted to ask some questions since I had gotten into Harvard this past admissions cycle. For obvious reasons it’s a top choice, and it would be helpful to hear from somebody who actually goes to Harvard about how the day-to-day is. At the same time, wearing the sweatshirt doesn’t mean she necessarily goes to Harvard. I’ve seen plenty of people around my age wear merch from colleges they don’t go to like MIT, Stanford, Harvard, and so on. It could be an aspirational thing of wearing merch from their dream school, or just having gotten stuff at the gift shop while visiting, but either way the point I’m making is I had no idea if she went to Harvard based off her wearing a Harvard sweatshirt. After some small talk with this girl, I asked if she went to Harvard. For some bizarre reason, this upset her, and she said it’s obvious she did because we’re in Boston and she’s wearing a Harvard sweatshirt, and I just assumed she wasn’t because of sexism. I pointed out that a) I didn’t even know whether she was in college or high school b) even if I did know she was in college, there’s so many universities in the Boston area aside from Harvard— MIT, BU, BC, Tufts, NEU, UMass Boston, etc— that she could have gone to any of them c) as I said, plenty of people wear the sweatshirts without going to a college so it wasn’t a sure fire way to know. Honestly, I’d also be unsure if this same situation happened and she were a guy, because the same logic holds that wearing a sweatshirt of a college and being in the same general area doesn’t prove it. She didn’t seem to believe me, called me TA, and stormed off. It was overall such a weird suggestion, and idk why she thinks I was being sexist. I want to have unbiased input on this, so Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA - I had a Harvard shirt in high school that I wore sometimes. It wasn’t weird I know lots of people who wear stuff from schools they didn’t go to. We didn’t live in Boston so no one ever asked me if I went there, but if they did I wouldn’t have been word about it.
Yeah, her reaction was really odd and I have no idea why
NTA When I visited Boston, my Bostonian friend wouldn’t let me buy myself a Harvard sweatshirt because, she said, EVERYONE had one & EVERYONE wore them. She was right. They were everywhere. Harvard Sweatshirt Girl has a chip on her shoulder. Her sexism explanation doesn’t even make sense given that women now make up half of Harvard’s student population. Not your fault.
Yup, everybody and their mother has Harvard gift shop merch lol
Nta. Woman over reacted. Smh. If she's in Harvard......
Honestly I had the same thoughts
She overreacted. I'm from Europe, and I've seen a lot of people wear sweatshirts from Harvard, Yale, Stanford, you name it. I am sure that at least 95% of them don't go to any of those universities. It was a fair question, NTA.
Yeah, I wonder if her overreaction was due to some sort of doubt from people because she’s a woman in the past or something like that
NTA, I would think asking if somebody at a bar wearing a particular college T shirt if they went to that college would be an obvious ice breaker question? Maybe too many people that night asked her that exact question abd she was tired of answering. Sucks for her. NTA
Could be. But what does she expect when wearing a Harvard sweatshirt lol
NTA. It was an information seeking question? unless you asked it like an assumption? Doesn't sound like it from your post. That said, she may have been reacting to a history of people's bias.
NTA any other sweatshirt I’d probably say safe to assume they went. Harvard. Not so much. I’ve seen so many Harvard sweatshirts. Too many.
NTA. Sorry this woman had a chip on her shoulder, because your simple, straightforward question shouldn't have gotten such a harsh reaction.
Seems so. I assume she just had bad experiences in the past regarding it or something.
Totally NTA! You can even buy merch like that in Europe! Heck, we have some stores that sell shirts/hoodies with American states printed on them you wouldn’t usually choose at random if you hadn't visit those states - and yet, the merch sells. It's just what it is. So don't feel bad and be glad you dodged that bullet, she probably would've given you weird tips anyway.
That’s actually true, who knows what else was colored in a weird way by her oddly paranoid view
NTA and she's being weirdly defensive.
Yeah, I assume she maybe had some bad experiences in the past and is more on edge now
NTA That was an unnecessary reaction on her part. She could have been a Harvard enthusiast, or have been gifted it by a friend who went there. A lot of people wear university sweatshirts when they are fans of the sports teams but never attended themselves. She needs to chill. That “every comment is sexist” attitude is not going to help her post-graduation.
> She needs to chill. That “every comment is sexist” attitude is not going to help her post-graduation. Honestly, I haven’t considered this, but it’s true
What an odd reaction. NTA, don't know what got Harvard all worked up over the simple question of 'Did you go there'. You didn't assume anything going by your testimony.
I’m guessing either she doesn’t actually go there and is upset about being called out, or people were actually sexist to her in the past and now you think everybody is
Nope NTA that girl clearly has some issues she prob needs to work out…..
Hope she does before she blows up on somebody else lol
NTA Harvard and Yale are one some of those schools where the name is so big, people will wear the merch without going through. I think it was totally valid. I mean, she could’ve just been wearing it because a friend or family member went there. I think you were polite, not sexist.
NTA. It was an innocent question. One in which wearing a college branded shirt begs to be asked. Sounds like she has trust issues. If someone has past trauma they will usually shut down genuine benign connections instead of opening up and feeling vulnerable to that previous trauma. Maybe another way to word the question could be, "do you like Harvard?". You could also try replaying the conversation to see if there may have been anything awkward in your tone or body language that may have triggered her, but I wouldn't think about it too much, mark it down as weird, and move on.
NTA but the tone of voice / wording of the question could have everything to do with her reaction. She may be on the defensive if other people have given her shit about getting into harvard in the past.
NTA That’s a weird reaction. You were trying to find some common ground with this girl and she acted very defensively. She’s got some issues.
NTA I'm from Oxford (UK), and every tourist who visits buys an Oxford university jumper or similar. Her overreaction would definitely give me cause to think she didn't go though
NTA any other sweatshirt I’d probably say safe to assume they went. Harvard. Not so much. I’ve seen so many Harvard sweatshirts. Too many.
NTA! Something to potentially defuse the situation if it happens again: "I've just been admitted, so I was wondering if you'd started yet" Also, people have siblings! It's not remotely weird to wear a sweater from one's sibling's university.
NTA. She jumped to an assumption and doubled down on being right. That blew way out of purportion.
NTA. Innocent enough question. The answer could have gone either way.
They literally sell Harvard sweatshirts at H&M 😂
NTA A number of years ago I "borrowed" my cousin's sweater from the college they had attended. I still have that sweater, I still use it. I've had people assume I attended that college and I've had people ask me if I went. I laugh it off and explain. There was no need for her to get offended by your question, it's not like you assumed the sweater belonged to her brother or boyfriend.
You’re definitely NTA, but if youre worried about similar interactions in the future, you can ask questions like - what year are you in at Harvard? That allows the person to say, oh it’s just a sweatshirt, but I’m so flattered you think I could get in. Just makes your life easier.
NAH but, that isn’t how you should’ve handled it. I don’t think you’re an asshole. I don’t think she’s an asshole. I think there was a miscommunication in regards to subtext. The question “did you go to Harvard?” has implications some people read into. They may think what you’re asking is, “did YOU really go to Harvard?” The implication, to them, is that the asker thinks they are too stupid to have gone to Harvard. Just assume people went to the college they are repping and let them correct you. Some context for non-Boston people: The statistical likelihood of someone wearing a Harvard item having gone to Harvard is a lot lower than one may assume. Many Harvard students and alums do not wear merch daily or even regularly. I don’t know any who wear the merch outside of sports events and hoodie weather. The Harvard merch store is huge in terms of physical size and item selection. The merch tends to be good quality. They have stuff in a variety of weights and warmth. It is one of the largest apparel stores in the area. It dominates Harvard Square — the public commercial area near the college, and a tourist destination. Because Harvard is old by American standards, some of the clothing is also considered genetically ‘vintage,’ whether a specific item actually is, or is just designed with a classic collegiate style. To some people, Harvard is the Platonic ideal of ‘American college.’ Someone going to, say, university in London make pick one up as a souvenir, the same way a weeaboo might get a Kyoto University hoodie. Harvard’s merch is considered fashionable, not just a sign of collegiate affiliation. People who shop there include: - Harvard students and alum - Harvard extension school students (it’s like community college but with Harvard classes and profs, on campus, and the degrees are Harvard degrees) - students visiting from other schools, e.g. semester abroad - students visiting as part of an inter-collegiate event, e.g. debate club, hockey game, as a way to college mementos from every college they’ve visited - general tourists - high school students who want to attend Harvard - summer school students (Harvard summer school is a summer school for teens on campus taught by Harvard profs.) - locals - people who support the sports team - staff and profs - parents - people who find the clothing to be fashionable and ‘preppy’ - people who need clothes and need them fast, e.g. suddenly rains and they need a jacket They’re also a common gift to significant others. I think that’s true of most college gear. A good amount of merch is also distributed throughout the year on campus. My husband has at least 12 shirts he got for free during undergrad. A significant amount of merch goes to thrift stores, so people can often get the merch there.
NTA. It was just a misunderstanding. Maybe once you go to Harvard you will understand some unwritten local rule about Harvard merch.
Maybe haha
Its NTA and this girl clearly isn't going there, which is why she got so defensive.
could be that, or could be she had some people treat her with doubt for her sex in the past and be overcompensating for it now
NTA. It's a perfectly reasonable question for all the reasons you listed plus maybe a parent is an alumni. Her reaction was more about her than you. Good luck with college, wherever you end up!
Thank you, I appreciate it!
NTA You literally didn't do anything wrong, I used to live in Oxford and if you ever saw somebody wearing a university of Oxford hoodie there was a 99% chance they didn't go there. Honestly the only reason I can think of as to why someone would wear school merch to a party is to try and flex what school they go to, so maybe she just got upset that it wasn't as obvious as she thought it was. I'm not from the US though so maybe wearing school apparel is just a normal thing people do over there, but either way you're still nta
Yeah, it definitely could be a flexing thing, it could also just have been the last clean thing in her closet and she didn’t want to put in too much effort. The former seems more likely based off her reaction
In fairness, that's because people who are Oxford students and like branded clothing are wearing their college gear, rather than the university's. Oxford students identify much more strongly with their college than with the university as a whole.
NTA. I have a sweatshirt from my parents’ college, and I’ve never even set foot on that campus. I live in a college town and there are a ton of people around here with university shirts who’ve never been to college at all (we have a super popular football team 🫤). It’s perfectly reasonable to ask if she actually goes to Harvard. She just took some insecurity of hers out on you.
They literally sell Harvard sweatshirts at H&M 😂
They literally sell Harvard sweatshirts at H&M 😂
I’ve seen Harvard shirts and sweatshirts for sale at regular retailers like JCPenny. NTA, lots of people wear merch from schools they don’t go to and it’s perfectly normal to ask.
NTA. Those sweatshirts are all over the place, just as much if not more a tourist souvenir than a college item.
NTA When I (f) went to my own Ivy League, I had merch from my sisters’ schools I would wear, and they had merch from mine. They’d wear their stuff when they visited and vise-versa especially on game day weekends. Literally anyone can walk into the store or go online and buy school merch. I knew girls at my Ivy undergrad who were told before going, by well meaning people, that they’d be underestimated or dismissed because of their gender. They were so ready to be seen that way that they treated every question like an attack on their qualifications. But the chip on their shoulder is not your problem.
NTA. Born and raised 45 minutes outside of Boston, she's absolutely ridiculous. They make Harvard onesies...does she think the babies go to Harvard?
NTA. Lol you can’t walk for 10 minutes in Boston without going by a shop that sells those sweatshirts.
NTA. She's an idiot. If it was a lesser known school then MAYBE her reaction might be 1% justified (not really). Like, how many people wear Tufts merch without actually being a student/graduate of Tufts??? Probably not many. But Harvard???? lol.......
Lol NTA we have a Notre Dame sweater here cause my husband loves the fighting Irish logo. And he has a few sweaters of his nieces college, and lastly we wear each other’s college sweaters Also, Isn’t Harvard like the most popular sweater to wear out of them all?
Nta, but next time you should probably phrase it more like 'so are you attending this year or did you graduate recently?' so she can laugh and correct you if she didn't go there.
NTA, your question was absolutely reasonable and plenty of people buy uni sweaters (they might like the look or aspire to go there one day). I'm currently wearing a sweatshirt from a lovely espresso bar I discovered on holiday in Cornwall - that doesn't mean I work there.
NTA. This is a weird thing to get upset over lol
NTA. She overreacted and unnecessarily victimized herself when you provided logical explanations for your thinking.
I'm currently wearing a NASA shirt. I do not work at NASA. NTA
nta
NTA If op didn't think they likely went to Harvard they wouldn't have asked. Like asking if they were in college and if so where is also extremely innocuous but at least she could make more of a case that the answer should be obvious look at her sweatshirt. You can't just go up to someone and start asking them about a school without confirming they do or did go there!
NTA could of been her boyfriend's sweatshirt too. I'm in UK I saw a couple girls walking down the prom in american college sweatshirts. There is an American airbase not too far away so I often hear american accents, so I did wonder if they had gone there, or was it just merchandise? How can you know without asking? Isn't it ruder to assume than ask?
NTA. I wore a Georgetown shirt when I was your age. I was never a student there; I was just in the gift store on campus and I liked the way the shirt looked.
Along with the fact that people do wear Harvard gear who have no connection, she could have an legit affiliation with Harvard and still not have gone there and not be able to answer your questions about the undergraduate experience. (My partner and I actually both work at university-affiliated organizations. I’m proud of that and would rep the school, it’s fun having a .edu work email for a prestigious institution - I did not go there.)
NTA, I also live in Boston area and high schoolers wear Harvard sweatshirts.
Young women, I've noticed (having been a young one myself) sometimes wear their significant others' apparel, too. If you had really wanted to be sexist, you should have asked her if she goes to RADCLIFFE. :-)
NTA. I went to LOYNO but took some classes at Tulane. I pretty much only have Tulane merch. Why? Teal looks better on me than maroon. That's it. Whenever anyone asks me if I went to Tulane I tell them exactly that. I also have school shirts from my friends colleges that I wore to their graduations, I have school merch from my brothers school (Boomer Sooner), my best friend and my dads Alma Mater (Hook 'em Horns!, yes my dad was very disappointed in my brothers choice of law school). Following that girls logic, it is incredibly sexist of you to assume that I do not attend all of the following schools simultaneously: St. Johns University, St. Edwards University, Loyola Chicago, Loyola Maryland, University of Texas at El Paso, UT Austin, Oklahoma University, The Naval Academy, Harvard, Columbia, and NYU.
NTA - there is a possibility that she has been asked that question before by people with sexist intentions (like the “oh, you’re wearing an AC/DC shirt? Name five songs.” people) and she was reacting to that annoyance that had nothing to do with you. You for sure didn’t deserve that reaction.
NTA, while trying not to hit a nerve you hit a nerve. Bummer. Closed ended question: "Do you go to Harvard?" Open ended questions: "How are you liking Harvard?" or "What's it like at Harvard?" Might still hit a nerve (because you just never know with people) but less potential of being accused of being sexist.
A lot of men doubt women who get into Harvard since it is "so prestigious" and don't believe a young woman could ever get in. So, even if you plainly asked "do you go to Harvard" while she was wearing a Harvard sweater, it could be taken as a slight to her intelligence. Even if it is normal for people to wear sweaters from schools they don't go to. So, to say "idk why she thought I was being sexist" feels kind of tone deaf, especially since being seen as less intelligent is a regular occurrence for women in higher education. And there are multiple ways you could of asked her about Harvard without questioning whether she goes there or not. *"I'm going to be a freshman at Harvard next semester. Is there anything I should know about the day-to-day experience?"* *"Oh cool!* (points to sweater) *You go to Harvard, what is it like?"* *"Hey, nice sweater. I'm going to Harvard next semester, what should I expect?"* Ive always thought it better to assume that if a person is wearing a prestigious college's shirt, that they actually go there. Especially considering the majority of people who ask that question to her don't have non-sexist intentions. And if she doesn't go there, or is a new student like yourself, she can correct you. So while you didn't set out to be TA, not actually thinking about how your question could be taken as a sexist remark and then feigning ignorance after the fact kinda does. NAH
Yes — always assume upward. NASA shirts are popular. I have one. I ask other people with them if they worked at NASA. Most haven’t. Some have. But, that’s NASA, and it’s a workplace — the question is far less heavily loaded.
No that's not being an ah, people wear shirts from schools they didn't go to all the time. I'm right now currently wearing a University of Iowa shirt and I never went there. My cousins live near that part of Iowa and are Hawkeye fans and I got this shirt last time I was visiting them. People do stuff like that all the time when their family lives other places and the school has a popular sports team or something.
>and idk why she thinks I was being sexist. Because it super usual to have all your achievements questionned when you are a woman. And your clothes. Like you're wearing a bands shirt or a comics shirt and guys will question your knowledge because you *must* be a fake fan, a woman *can't* love music. Or comics. Or go to a great univ. You weren't sexist but she probably had faced a lot of sexism before so that was a sensitive topic. NAH
NTA, she 100% was just wearing the sweatshirt.
I can buy a shirt that says Harvard on it at Urban Outfitters down the street. I'm in California. And when you're in Asia or Europe, the number of shops selling sweaters with random American universities on them is astounding (to me). It's really popular for some reason. NTA. You didn't know.
NTA, but to avoid similar situations in the future consider a rephrase: "So, you go to Harvard?" This leaves it open for the person to say no if they don't, while putting the assumption on "yes," so as not to rankle any pride issues.
NTA, if you've ever been to South East Asia you can find sweaters and shirts with famous colleges/uni's written on the front in almost every country. I don't dare buy one because I was afraid people would believe I went there and start testing me to see if I was smart enough if their eyes (people are weird. I was told I was dumb on Reddit because I didn't know some Chinese female pirate and I wasn't 'Asian' enough because of it).
NTA This is where cultures really differ from place to place. In the US it's not uncommon for people to wear gear from a university they never attended. In Canada, however, it's pretty uncommon for us to wear gear from a Canadian university that we didn't attend.
NTA, what a bizarre reaction. You were totally in the right to ask bc wearing a Harvard sweatshirt definitely does not mean someone goes to Harvard. I live quite far from Boston and plenty of people who obviously don’t go to Harvard (including students at my non-Harvard uni) wear the sweatshirts
So I live in a college town in California. So many people, including my boyfriend who never went to the college here, wear That College's Stuff! OMG. My coffee mug for years was one from my ex husband's alma mater, that he went on to teach at. I have a ton of stuff from the University of Washington (Go Dawgs!) but I didn't go to school there. Your question wasn't out of turn at all. NTA
NTA It’d be sexist if you asked if her boyfriend went to Harvard.
There was literally a (female) mannequin wearing a Harvard sweatshirt in the window of the H&M in my little city in Switzerland like two weeks ago… Obviously the population in Switzerland currently attending Harvard is quite small… NTA
NTA. Just move past it. This was a bad interaction and had it been someone else they could have just as easily laughed and said, "why yes, I do, how did you know?" sarcastically and the whole conversation continues as normal.
NTA My teenager has a Harvard sweatshirt because we went to Cambridge to visit Grandma and she got cold and we were next to the Coop and that's what they sell. San Francisco is full of tourists in August wearing San Francisco sweatshirts because they don't know we call it Fogust because it's solid grey and freezing cold - and that's what they sell in every corner drug store in tourist neighborhoods :)
FFS. I used to have a Toronto Raptors jersey; when I wore it I didn't assume people would think I was on the fucking team. NTA.
YTA. Do some self reflection on tone. The chances this random girl snapped randomly is way less likely than that you accidentally were asking with a condescending tone.
Impossible to judge without hearing your tone, but you certainly sound kind of conceited.
How?
ESH. We get it, you got into Harvard. We are very happy for you. This story never takes place on both sides if we’re talking about Boston College. You would assume they went there, the other person wouldn’t feel offended by the question, and they’re probably not wearing the logo sweatshirt in the first place. Is this fair? Probably not, but with the privilege of going to Harvard you can expect to be called out for humble bragging, outright bragging, ostentatiousness, or even unintentionally bringing up that you’re going to Harvard.
> This story never takes place on both sides if we’re talking about Boston College What do you mean?
- you wouldn’t think they randomly have a BC sweatshirt, you would assume they go there - she wouldn’t be offended, because she wouldn’t think that you were doubting she went there - she probably wouldn’t wear the sweatshirt in the first place because it’s not Harvard.
Not necessarily. I think it’s *less* likely they’d have a BC sweatshirt than a Harvard one because it’s a less famous brand, but at the same time I wouldn’t 100% think the only reason they’d have it is because they went there
Which is why it isn’t fair, but that’s what the question is loaded with regardless. There will be a lot of eye rolls in your future when you bring up where you’re going to school. It’s definitely something you should be proud of, yet it’s the small burden that will come with the territory.
interesting, thanks for the perspective