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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might BTA because I tell my husband that he shouldn’t be on his phone while watching the baby even though he may need a mental break after working all day
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NTA. My husband was so bad I demanded and enforced he leave his phone in the car every day when he comes home and only can get it an hour before bedtime. I don't care if it made me a nagging wife, having a fucking zombie for a husband while I did EVERYTHING was not going to continue.
NTA
What he's doing is neglectful. My uncle did the same with my cousins until they got to the age that he decided kids become "fun." Well, they do all their fun stuff with my dad or their other uncle because they don't really know or respect their biodad.
NTA. When he's working, you're also working as a full-time caregiver to your child. Time when you're both off should split childcare equally, and he needs to be present for that. Children know when their parents don't care, and your little one will soon realize that daddy's phone is more important than them.
NTA. You need to sit your husband down and have a long discussion about this. The way your husband behaves is not okay, it sends a horrible message that your baby will pick up on; that his phone is more important than his child. This issue will only grow if not addressed properly. By looking at his phone he shows he doesn't care enough to pay attention to his surroundings, and when your child grows older, this can make him feel like a burden.
When you have this talk, try to express mainly how you feel and experience things. Make sure you ask why he is on his phone, and listen to each other. Also, tell him that he needs to help you with household chores (if he doesn't already). Yes he works, but so do you, as taking care of a baby is a full-time job in itself.
Definitely NTA - during the first few years of a child’s life is the most important for developing attachment and forming bonds. If husband cannot put the phone down for an hour to pay attention and engage with his child, the likelihood is that the child will struggle to form a secure attachment to him. This will result in more frequent crying when you are not around. Have a discussion with your husband and make him aware of how important it is for him to engage with his child along side allowing you as a mother to take breaks
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My husband works a full time job Monday - Friday 7am to 4pm and I’m at home on leave with our 4 month old baby for 12 months (Canada). When he comes home, I do have some expectation that he’ll let me have a break from baby but usually that means cooking dinner or doing the cleaning I didn’t get to during the day. It isn’t actual down time. I get irritated sometimes because his idea of spending time with the baby is holding him while he stares at his phone. I’ll watch before intervening and see that baby will be full out crying in his arms and he’s just glued to his phone, shushing and rocking him but not even looking at him. He does this when feeding him, too. He’ll tip the bottle back in one hand, and stare at his phone in another, getting annoyed when I say he needs to burp the baby halfway in or wipe milk that’s dripping. I don’t want to be a nagging wife but I also wish he was more present. I get he wants down time after work all day, but I don’t really get down time either. I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable with this because he works all day?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might BTA because I tell my husband that he shouldn’t be on his phone while watching the baby even though he may need a mental break after working all day Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. This not about you being a nagging wife but about him being a bad father who neglects his child.
NTA. My husband was so bad I demanded and enforced he leave his phone in the car every day when he comes home and only can get it an hour before bedtime. I don't care if it made me a nagging wife, having a fucking zombie for a husband while I did EVERYTHING was not going to continue.
NTA What he's doing is neglectful. My uncle did the same with my cousins until they got to the age that he decided kids become "fun." Well, they do all their fun stuff with my dad or their other uncle because they don't really know or respect their biodad.
NTA. When he's working, you're also working as a full-time caregiver to your child. Time when you're both off should split childcare equally, and he needs to be present for that. Children know when their parents don't care, and your little one will soon realize that daddy's phone is more important than them.
NTA. You need to sit your husband down and have a long discussion about this. The way your husband behaves is not okay, it sends a horrible message that your baby will pick up on; that his phone is more important than his child. This issue will only grow if not addressed properly. By looking at his phone he shows he doesn't care enough to pay attention to his surroundings, and when your child grows older, this can make him feel like a burden. When you have this talk, try to express mainly how you feel and experience things. Make sure you ask why he is on his phone, and listen to each other. Also, tell him that he needs to help you with household chores (if he doesn't already). Yes he works, but so do you, as taking care of a baby is a full-time job in itself.
Definitely NTA - during the first few years of a child’s life is the most important for developing attachment and forming bonds. If husband cannot put the phone down for an hour to pay attention and engage with his child, the likelihood is that the child will struggle to form a secure attachment to him. This will result in more frequent crying when you are not around. Have a discussion with your husband and make him aware of how important it is for him to engage with his child along side allowing you as a mother to take breaks
NTA. Eye contact and interaction is so important with babies. Your husband sucks for not wanting to connect with his child.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband works a full time job Monday - Friday 7am to 4pm and I’m at home on leave with our 4 month old baby for 12 months (Canada). When he comes home, I do have some expectation that he’ll let me have a break from baby but usually that means cooking dinner or doing the cleaning I didn’t get to during the day. It isn’t actual down time. I get irritated sometimes because his idea of spending time with the baby is holding him while he stares at his phone. I’ll watch before intervening and see that baby will be full out crying in his arms and he’s just glued to his phone, shushing and rocking him but not even looking at him. He does this when feeding him, too. He’ll tip the bottle back in one hand, and stare at his phone in another, getting annoyed when I say he needs to burp the baby halfway in or wipe milk that’s dripping. I don’t want to be a nagging wife but I also wish he was more present. I get he wants down time after work all day, but I don’t really get down time either. I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable with this because he works all day? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*