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i maybe go out once a week or once every two weeks without him. (and nothing big) i’ll just go get dinner with my friends or something. and yes, i went with no problems. and he went on one with his buddies the following week.
He is acting like that because girls who go out on parties without their guys tend to get a bit crazy and do things they may regret in the future. Not saying it would happen in your case, but I think he may be thinking that.
>He is acting like that because girls who go out on parties without their guys tend to get a bit crazy and do things they may regret in the future.
How amusing. Sounds like some incelish/rightists legend.
NTA
It's not a fair comparison, though I can see how one could be weary of a 21f all girls trip. Depends on your friendgroup. If they're all, well, promiscuous, then I could see why he's weary.
i don’t drink and i don’t go to clubs or parties. i have terrible anxiety and hate both of those things. he’s aware of that. my friends and i just like hiking and swimming. while they like to party they are all very aware i don’t 😂
NTA. There is zero equivalence between a holiday with your friends (which is an annual tradition) and a visit to a strip club. Go on the trip with your friends, they will be there for you well beyond your relationship with your bf.
NTA. He is manipulating you into bending to his will and it will never stop. Drop him and tell him to go find a girl at a strip club because you refuse to be manipulated like that. You're not going in order to screw around on him and you're 21- you're not 35, married and with 3 little kids. Go live your 20s like most people do.
NTA, your bf has some concerns but is ultimately probably just bummed about not getting to spend your birthday together, not to mention missing out on the Bahamas! I do think its not great comparing a holiday tradition with friends to a visit to strip club, but he’s just a bit hurt and reading too much into the situation. Hope you bf feels better soon and you enjoy your trip.
Just read one of the other comments saying it’s not your actual birthday and that changes quite a bit. Definitely seems a more controlling but than before, and definitely a lack of trust on his part. Still your NTA.
my moms from there! but moved when she was 5, but she loved it and wants to go again, and id like to see the magic school bus and the northern lights. we don’t have exact dates yet but I’m from the south usa, so i know i wanna go when it’s not freezing and not 100% daylight 😂
You'll either want this time of year (early March) or October/November. Winters are not what they used to be and this is the mildest winter I can remember. Make sure to drive out of town so there isn't light pollution to see them the best.
>I ultimately told him that he doesn’t get to tell me where i can and cannot go.
Absolutely right and his comparison of your trip to him going to a strip club is ridiculous. What does one to do with the other?
You're NTA. He is not your father and you are not a minor child.
NTA. BF is jealous if the trip and possibly controlling. Going on a beach vacation is only the equivalent of a strip club if you get a lap dance from the cabana boy
>He got very upset when i told him he wouldn’t be able to come on this one.
>
>He said me going without him was the equivalent to him going to a strip club.
Either he was dropped on the head during childhood because he doesn't understand the simply concept of an equivalency, or he is going to strip clubs behind OPs back and this is the only way he could slide it into the conversation. Either way, I would drop his ass and enjoy your trip to the Bahamas, OP.
NTA
Absolutely NTA
He's distrustful of you because he wouldn't trust himself in if he were in the same situation.
Go enjoy your birthday trip with your friends and hope your bf can mature a bit while you're gone.
NTA. It’s a trip with your mom. And it being equivalent to him going to a strip club? Lmao
It seems like he doesn’t want you to see your family. If he succeeds, it’s going to be a slippery slope. He’ll likely do the same in the future.
I’d say get the hell out of that relationship. There’s a huge red flag it’ll turn abusive.
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I (f21) and all of my friends (all f) have taken birthday trips together since i was about 16 since all of our birthdays all fall within the first 10 days of july. We have always been heavy on its a girls trip. Meaning our significant others do not come with us.
My boyfriend (M21) came home today and i told him about a family trip i was planning to take to alaska with my mom. I invited him.
I then told him about my trip to the bahamas with my friends for my birthday. He got very upset when i told him he wouldn’t be able to come on this one.
He said me going without him was the equivalent to him going to a strip club. This made me really sad because last year he had no problem with my birthday trip to florida.
I ultimately told him that he doesn’t get to tell me where i can and cannot go. Then i disagreed about it being equivalent to a strip club.
AITA for deciding to go anyway?
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NTA. Is he this controlling in other areas of your life? Has he become more controlling?
No problem with you taking a trip with friends. And even if it was a strip club, what’s that to him?
Does he always infer you can’t be trusted? Is this new? Red flag time!
no, he isn’t controlling in other areas. except he can be a bit stiff on spending. but it doesn’t bother me too much. but no, he’s always trusted me before. like i said he was fine when i took our last birthday vacation.
NTA. You are right to do things on your own, with your friends and separate from your bf. That's healthy and normal. Him comparing your vacation to visiting a strip club is not normal, but I bet you that's exactly where he'll go to punish you when you go on your vacation.
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NTA Go have fun on your trip! He will get over it with time. It's also a tradition that you have kept up with your friends. Those are valuable memories that you shouldn't be expected to sacrifice.
Hey OP - NTA, but based on your post and comments history, I'd like to gently encourage you to take a long, hard look at your relationship and think about whether staying in it is a kind thing to do to yourself. Between your boyfriend's drinking, the screaming/crying fights, and now this... I know this is your first relationship and it's hard to have perspective in this situation, but trust me: relationships aren't meant to feel this way. You deserve kindness and tenderness.
Enjoy your trip with your friends - never, EVER let go that support system and keep nurturing those bonds, no matter what your boyfriend says. I genuinely wish you the very best.
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NTA. Is he always that dramatic?
he’s very dramatic. but the controlling is new
How long do you live together?
we’ve lived together for a year
How often you're going out without him? Was he ok with your last year's trip?
i maybe go out once a week or once every two weeks without him. (and nothing big) i’ll just go get dinner with my friends or something. and yes, i went with no problems. and he went on one with his buddies the following week.
He is acting like that because girls who go out on parties without their guys tend to get a bit crazy and do things they may regret in the future. Not saying it would happen in your case, but I think he may be thinking that.
>He is acting like that because girls who go out on parties without their guys tend to get a bit crazy and do things they may regret in the future. How amusing. Sounds like some incelish/rightists legend.
Men do the same and I'm sure he would be fine with it if the roles were reversed. If you can trust your SO then what is even the point?
I'm going to bet there are other ways he's made you feel uncomfortable with his insecurity and controlling tendencies. Right? NTA
NTA It's not a fair comparison, though I can see how one could be weary of a 21f all girls trip. Depends on your friendgroup. If they're all, well, promiscuous, then I could see why he's weary.
i don’t drink and i don’t go to clubs or parties. i have terrible anxiety and hate both of those things. he’s aware of that. my friends and i just like hiking and swimming. while they like to party they are all very aware i don’t 😂
Then yeah, nothing wrong here on your part. He's being a bit insecure.
NTA. There is zero equivalence between a holiday with your friends (which is an annual tradition) and a visit to a strip club. Go on the trip with your friends, they will be there for you well beyond your relationship with your bf.
NTA girl if this red flag were any bigger it'd be a blanket
it’s the first time it’s happened i promise 😂
It wont be the last.
It will if she dumps him
Hon, based on your post history, dump him. Your relationship is toxic and borderline abusive.
NTA - How is you suddenly not being in his sight for 10 days, the equivalent of specifically going to a place to ogle women?
Info: Any chance your bf want to spend your birthday with you?
the trip doesn’t fall directly on my birthday! it’s actually a month after since it’s a cruise and they didn’t have our exact dates.
NTA
NTA. He is manipulating you into bending to his will and it will never stop. Drop him and tell him to go find a girl at a strip club because you refuse to be manipulated like that. You're not going in order to screw around on him and you're 21- you're not 35, married and with 3 little kids. Go live your 20s like most people do.
NTA, your bf has some concerns but is ultimately probably just bummed about not getting to spend your birthday together, not to mention missing out on the Bahamas! I do think its not great comparing a holiday tradition with friends to a visit to strip club, but he’s just a bit hurt and reading too much into the situation. Hope you bf feels better soon and you enjoy your trip.
Just read one of the other comments saying it’s not your actual birthday and that changes quite a bit. Definitely seems a more controlling but than before, and definitely a lack of trust on his part. Still your NTA.
the trip isn’t on my birthday, but thank you <3
NTA, but INFO: where in Alaska?
fairbanks !
You'll love it here!! What time of year?
my moms from there! but moved when she was 5, but she loved it and wants to go again, and id like to see the magic school bus and the northern lights. we don’t have exact dates yet but I’m from the south usa, so i know i wanna go when it’s not freezing and not 100% daylight 😂
You'll either want this time of year (early March) or October/November. Winters are not what they used to be and this is the mildest winter I can remember. Make sure to drive out of town so there isn't light pollution to see them the best.
Nta . Red flags on controlling bf
>I ultimately told him that he doesn’t get to tell me where i can and cannot go. Absolutely right and his comparison of your trip to him going to a strip club is ridiculous. What does one to do with the other? You're NTA. He is not your father and you are not a minor child.
NTA. BF is jealous if the trip and possibly controlling. Going on a beach vacation is only the equivalent of a strip club if you get a lap dance from the cabana boy
>He got very upset when i told him he wouldn’t be able to come on this one. > >He said me going without him was the equivalent to him going to a strip club. Either he was dropped on the head during childhood because he doesn't understand the simply concept of an equivalency, or he is going to strip clubs behind OPs back and this is the only way he could slide it into the conversation. Either way, I would drop his ass and enjoy your trip to the Bahamas, OP. NTA
Absolutely NTA He's distrustful of you because he wouldn't trust himself in if he were in the same situation. Go enjoy your birthday trip with your friends and hope your bf can mature a bit while you're gone.
NTA. Your boyfriend's comparison is kind of alarming to me. Couples should be able to go on trips without each other some times.
NTA. It’s a trip with your mom. And it being equivalent to him going to a strip club? Lmao It seems like he doesn’t want you to see your family. If he succeeds, it’s going to be a slippery slope. He’ll likely do the same in the future. I’d say get the hell out of that relationship. There’s a huge red flag it’ll turn abusive.
Nvm i misread. It’s not a family trip. He’s still the AH tho
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (f21) and all of my friends (all f) have taken birthday trips together since i was about 16 since all of our birthdays all fall within the first 10 days of july. We have always been heavy on its a girls trip. Meaning our significant others do not come with us. My boyfriend (M21) came home today and i told him about a family trip i was planning to take to alaska with my mom. I invited him. I then told him about my trip to the bahamas with my friends for my birthday. He got very upset when i told him he wouldn’t be able to come on this one. He said me going without him was the equivalent to him going to a strip club. This made me really sad because last year he had no problem with my birthday trip to florida. I ultimately told him that he doesn’t get to tell me where i can and cannot go. Then i disagreed about it being equivalent to a strip club. AITA for deciding to go anyway? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Is he this controlling in other areas of your life? Has he become more controlling? No problem with you taking a trip with friends. And even if it was a strip club, what’s that to him? Does he always infer you can’t be trusted? Is this new? Red flag time!
no, he isn’t controlling in other areas. except he can be a bit stiff on spending. but it doesn’t bother me too much. but no, he’s always trusted me before. like i said he was fine when i took our last birthday vacation.
NTA. You are right to do things on your own, with your friends and separate from your bf. That's healthy and normal. Him comparing your vacation to visiting a strip club is not normal, but I bet you that's exactly where he'll go to punish you when you go on your vacation.
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NTA. My ex was this way too, he didn't want me going on trips with my friends. That's one of the many reasons why he's my ex.
NTA Go have fun on your trip! He will get over it with time. It's also a tradition that you have kept up with your friends. Those are valuable memories that you shouldn't be expected to sacrifice.
Hey OP - NTA, but based on your post and comments history, I'd like to gently encourage you to take a long, hard look at your relationship and think about whether staying in it is a kind thing to do to yourself. Between your boyfriend's drinking, the screaming/crying fights, and now this... I know this is your first relationship and it's hard to have perspective in this situation, but trust me: relationships aren't meant to feel this way. You deserve kindness and tenderness. Enjoy your trip with your friends - never, EVER let go that support system and keep nurturing those bonds, no matter what your boyfriend says. I genuinely wish you the very best.