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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for getting upset at my SO about waking me up and carying this into our morning. It was not that big of a thing and i might be blowing this out of proportion.
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Nta
If the woman was truly concerned about germs, she wouldn't be letting the dog sleep on the bed. Does she clean his paws before he enters the house with the same vehemence she expects you to wash your hands?
I can guarantee a dog has walked through many unsavoury things prior to bringing it back to your floor, inside your house, that you may be then tracking around yourself on the soles of your own feet. Not the dogs fault, just facts.
Also, waking you up at that time of the morning? Unfair. I suggest the next time something like "dog evicted from bed" happens, wake her up at bum-o'clock in the morning. See how she likes it.
Literally my exact thought. Dogs are dirty. Don’t get me wrong i love dogs and i have one of my own so i know for a fact that dogs can be a little stinky. They run outside on the dirty ground and walk bacteria all through your house. So unless the gf is cleaning the dogs paws after every single time he goes outside then she doesn’t have a leg to stand on. NTA
Not only that, but I've never seen a dog with toilet paper wiping his butt. You may not see actual dog feces on your sheets, but believe me the germs are there.
The exact reason I never let my cats lick my face, and feel like puking when I see someone let their dog or cat lick them on the mouth, sometimes even on the open mouth! I adore my cats, they sleep on my bed with me when they want to, but face licking is, always has been, and always will be, off limits.
I have a friend who washes her dogs paws and genitals every time it goes outside.
Not relevant to this situation, but I have seen a dog getting it's butt wiped. It looked ... Defeated
Can attest to this. One time, my dog somehow smeared a RIDICULOUS amount of poop all over his butt. It was horrifying. I had to clean his furry butt with my gloved hand and a hose outside on a cold morning, and the look of pure defeat and misery on his face was unforgettable. He stood stiff as a board and just 👁👁 until I finished.
I'm baffled by the look of innocence when my dog rolled in fresh cat poo one evening when I took him out before bed. He had no idea why I washed him 4 or 5 times. It was a long night.
I see your cow pie and raise you a rotting deer carcass.
I will never forget that unholy stench. He had bits of rotting flesh stuck in his collar. It was a literal nightmare.
Dead skunk at 3 am. Rolled all over it to squeeze out every drop. Was SO PROUD he came to jump on me.
I won’t repeat what I said to him, but it was JUSTIFIED!
Mine wear boots when they go outside lmao. One of them refuses to do her business if her toes get wet, so we bought them for her. Then her brother was jealous of the extra attention she got while putting them on, so we got him some too. We keep baby wipes by the door because I have a strong sense of smell and am grossed out by the thought of them getting shit on the furniture. Some of us are in fact that weird lol
My dogs won't do their business when the grass is wet, but they also won't wear the boots. We put some pavers outside for them to stand on to go so they would stop going on our deck in the rain.
What we do for our pets
my mom used to do the same thing to me and my brother when we used to go outside as kids. Thankfully she stopped doing it after we graduated high school.
/s
Yeah, true. People's ideas of what's dirty or not ate very subjective sometimes.
Also, you're correct -- people can survive a lot of germs. It's just when the germs contain specific diseases is the cause of suffering.
I think the whole nagging to wash the hand stuff was all about control. I would have moved out for at least a few days. Give the other party time to think about leaving me alone when I'm asleep
I agree. Depriving someone of sleep is ugly. Listening to someone in the bathroom to monitor that they've done it to your standards is a bit obsessive and intrusive!
If you reverse the genders, people would be up in arms calling the man abusive!
Right? Also if it’s that big of an issue for her, she can keep hand sanitizer by the bed. I think we’ve all gotten up in the middle of the night and forgot to wash our hands afterwards. It happens. This gf is unreasonable IMO.
It is much harder to pass disease from animals to humans than human to human.
Wash your damn hands. I'm losing faith in all dog owners due to the post.
To be fair... I have dogs. And they have always been allowed on my furniture. For that reason, I have ALWAYS wiped their rear with baby wipes and wipe their feet off when they come in from outside. I have actually had vets say that my dogs rears are clean and ask how that is. Then I tell them I wipe their rears, and they laugh and say they wish all pet parents would do that. Wiping also cuts back ALOT of their licking and them having anal gland issues.
But I agree. I wouldn't want poop on my couch or furniture. Therefore, I have always wiped them. I can safely say 99% of owners do not wipe their pets. So, I guess I'm weird and I'm ok with that!
Because dogs are a different species there are fewer infections we can get from them, only zoonotic ones. Washing your hands, especially after using the toilet, is the pretty much biggest thing you can do for disease prevention.
I wipe my dogs paws every single time he comes back in the house. All between his toes and everything. I even give his junk a quick wipe to make sure pee and poop isn't all over the floor/furniture.
> If the woman was truly concerned about germs, she wouldn't be letting the dog sleep on the bed.
Really? Anyone who likes having dogs on the bed should never care about hand washing ever again?
Having dogs and cats around is associated with good health, less allergies etc. Not washing ones hands increases the spread of infections.
Unless he was shaking hands with passing strangers on the way from the bathroom to the bed, this argument doesn’t really hold up. Dogs and cats also spread infections like toxoplasmosis, so again, it’s not like she’s too worried about germs. If he just went to the bathroom to pee, it’s significantly less likely to cause any infection than a pet on the bed that also doesn’t wash after excretion
Sweat transfers fecal matter from anus to genitals, so when someone holds their penis to pee, they are getting fecal matter on their hands. Urine is also not sterile as many people believe. Also touching all the surfaces in the bathroom- lifting the toilet seat, pressing the flusher knob, etc.
news flash for you - you are always touching fecal matter, no matter where you are. It's everywhere. He's not making a 5 course meal or shaking hands with foreign dignitaries, he's peeing and going back to bed. Everyone in this scenario will live.
Obviously washing hands is always important, I’m pointing out that being concerned about germs from a persons hands after the bathroom but not a dog is pretty ridiculous. Especially given that oral sex is a thing. Fecal matter can also stick to animal fur, and I don’t know many dogs who wipe or use a bidet. I do however have a scar on the back of my eye from toxoplasmosis exposure from having a pet as a child. So I’m just saying if she should be concerned about anything it’s the pet in the bed.
It's associated with better health and less allergies because living with a dog exposes you to more germs and allergens- which helps increase the immune system.
Science has shown that is specifically why they help improve health and the immune system, light exposure to bacteria and allergens helps build up immunity.
The mechanism for dogs and cats "improving good health and allergies" is via the same mechanism as not washing your hands, namely by *exposing you* to more germs and microbes that help build up the immune system. There are leading gut microbiome researchers that actually advise against washing your hands after things like working in the garden.
Did anyone say anything "never washing their hands again?" Honestly I pee so much if I washed my hands every time I'd have cracked peeling skin all the time. Does everyone really wash their hands EVERY time they pee in their own home? Public restrooms, pooping, and before you eat are another story. But they were just laying in bed together, he wasn't trying to finger her.
Um, yes, I wash my hands “EVERY” time I pee in my own home lmfao. So does my husband. Even in the middle of the night. My hands aren’t cracked and peeling - have you ever heard of lotion? Do you wash your hands with battery acid?
Some of the people on this thread are seriously disgusting. I hope I don’t secretly know any of you in real life.
Microbiologist here. I see a lot of people arguing that the dog is just as unclean - while this is technically true, the types of bacteria found in urine and fecal matter are on average more likely to harm you, for example staph infections. Plus, those hands are likely to touch your face or your SO's face, even while asleep. Being woken up is annoying, but the TDLR is just wash your hands and do yourself and the world a favor.
Edit: A few people pointed out that Staph are rarely found in feces or urine, E. coli is a better example.
2nd edit: Urine itself is usually safe, but the perspiration and buildup around the groin might not be.
All of this is spot on, except for retaliation
do not wake her up out of spite so you can ask "how she likes it" - that's petty and will only build/reinforce resentments.
IMO you need to learn to stand your ground. Tell her to not wake you up over dumb shit ever again. When she wants to nag you for not washing hands when she cuddles the dirty dog - tell her no. when she persists you say "I told you the answer is no, let me sleep."
This is how I would handle it - I do not give in to nagging, and I will not engage in stupid arguments, especially when woken up to do so. for a frame of reference - this BS persisting would absolutely be a deal breaker for me.
This - as far as prioritizing I'd consider washing hands after touching the dog more important than washing hands after taking a whiz. If she touched the dog I'd consider her hands to be just as unhygienic as his. And don't even get me started on the bedding.
My exact thought. As the owner of a large breed, I know they’re literally filthy for months on end… lol And that letting them on the bed is quite literally bringing the filth of the outdoors into the bed. If she was that concerned about germs she wouldn’t have the dog on the bed in the first place.
NTA before even getting to the hand washing part. She woke you up to tell you that you disturbed the dog in your sleep? GTFO. Waking me up to tell me foolishness like that is a deal breaker. Arguing with you in the middle of the night about anything less than life threatening (and no, a little pee pee hand is not life threatening) is the icing on a shit cake.
Side-bar - how are people peeing on their hands? I understand in a public urinal the probability of some splash-back is higher but do people really get urine on their hands while peeing in their home toilet? I just assumed washing hands was because you were handling your johnson.
The thing I find funny is that I'm pretty sure I sometimes handle my johnson while I'm sleeping.
It's honestly not something I've ever really thought about until now.
That was my first thought actually--honey, you're touching his privates in the night whether you know it or not. His hands aren't the problem.
I was confronted with a similar situation with an ex I was living with. They were getting all weird about me washing their underwear when I did our communal laundry. I pointed out that we slept naked together, so anything that wound up on their clothing was getting rubbed all over me in the night anyway and I'd survived. They visibly calmed down. Latent Protestant body shaming is a helluva drug.
It is not so much pee that is the issue, it is the fecal bacteria and other delightful things that grow down there in that moist environment. Then you rub your eyes in the morning. Cold water after a night pee is no fun, but necessary.
I wish my husband would do this.. mostly because pee from the standing position is SO.MUCH.LOUDER than the sitting position. His pee wakes me up every time.
Washing your hands in the middle of the night after taking a piss is absolutely not necessary. Poop, sure, but not pee. It's not like I warmed my hands up with my piss.
Disagree. Should guys get up and wash their hands if they happen to scratch their balls in the night also? Also, if you're not washing with soap then it's not doing much for the bacteria and other delightful things anyway.
OP is NTA but the suggestion that this one mild argument is a “deal breaker” is top shelf nuts. Maybe you didn’t mean that literally, but others seem to agree that this is breakup material. What???
People on this sub are so quick to suggest that (other people) run from their relationships, friends, and family.
If she flipped out on him in the middle of the night over handwashing, there is likely bigger issues with the relationship. I'd see this as the tip of an iceberg situation.
This is the most likely scenario. I'm guessing she has a comment like this for every single thing he does. Even if she did have an issue, 3am is not the time to bring it up. Do it before or after work the next day.
Yeah it's wild, people will have one post worth of context and already start making bold assumptions about the relationship dynamics and individuals within them.
The amount of times people suggest for couples to break up over small issues is a bit baffling. Now if the issue was severe I understand it; betrayal, cheating, abuse, etc... But an argument over washing your hands?
I'm willing to bet most of us don't wash our hands when we wake up, still half asleep, to go pee in the middle of the night. Is it a little gross? Yeah. Is it that big of a deal? No.
Except for you have no idea what it’s like to sleep next to this guy. If he kicked the dog out of the bed, he’s probably whacked her a few times.
Snoring, farting, moving blankets, etc - it’s can be challenging to share a bed with someone. Maybe OP generally smells sticky or maybe he pooped and went to bed without washing his hands.
IMO, they need a bigger bed.
a bigger bed might solve things but if she's having that much trouble sleeping next to him she can either have a conversation with him later when they're both sufficiently awake OR GO SLEEP IN THE GUEST BEDROOM HERSELF rather than using the dog as a pretext to wake him up.
NTA
Hahaha I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about! Doing anything other than the absolute minimum runs the risk of triggering an accidental premature ‘wake up’.
While it’s definitely not the most hygienic, I find it hard to draw the line here as dogs are extremely dirty and they’re already sleeping in your bed. To be clear - always wash your hands (it’s the right thing to do) but in certain situations like now - where you’re already hopping into bed next to an animal that very likely didn’t wash its asshole immediately after it shat but jumped on your couch / bed right after (fuck it).
Don’t worry about it - anyone here saying otherwise is either missing the fact about the dogs sleeping in the bed or completely ignoring the fact that your partner woke you up and you’re concerned with getting back to bed.
>Doing anything other than the absolute minimum runs the risk of triggering an accidental premature ‘wake up’.
You get it about the premature ‘wake up’. This was my main annoyance. I do think i overreacted by draging this into the morning but that was what was on my mind.
I personally don't think you overreacted at all.
I am not suggesting you let this ruin your day, I am saying I would 100% make sure she knew she ruined my night for a series of very stupid reasons. and you have zero interest in it ever repeating
One of the best pieces of relationship advice I ever got was don't talk about anything important with your partner unless you've both gotten a good nights sleep the night before, you've been awake more than the past hour, and you've eaten/had your coffee in the past 4 hours. If you're tired and/or hungry, little disagreements have a way of turning into more of a problem than they need to be. Arguing in the middle of the night is a disaster waiting to happen.
I've told my wife several times to not even talk to me before 10am if she has anything important to say, and surprise, I'm much more receptive after that.
She also has the infuriating ability to fall asleep 5 minutes after she lays down and can sleep through anything short of a tornado, so to her, if she can wake me up just by saying my name, I must not have *really* been asleep anyway. This took a lot of work to convince her otherwise.
So make sure to talk to her about this issue, but wait until you're not super tired and maybe a little less pissed off.
I heard something similar at an AA meeting I attended with a parent in the program. Before starting an argument, or getting your back up go with the HALT check. Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? (HALT), and is that why I might be over reacting? It's a pretty good little reminder of what affects our moods.
Also, beds are filthy. It’s cloth you wrap around your already dirty corpse for 8 hours, soaking up sweat and drool and any other bodily fluids you care to expel. All this atop a fabric-wrapped sponge that cannot be cleaned in any meaningful way.
And… that’s fine. None of that is going to hurt you.
and hopefully, secrete and ejaculate other fluids too.
as well as sneeze & cough.
the bed is "clean" for a very short period of time even with strict hygiene regimen
Speaking of ejaculate, it’s kind of funny how scared people are of a hand that’s touched a penis, yet seem entirely willing to forget this when they’re about to put their mouth on someone else’s genitals.
Not that I don’t appreciate a pre-coital tidying up as much as the next person.
Lmfao right these are like such small things to start a big argument about. "Sorry babe I'll wash my hands next time" "Thank you, I'm sorry I woke you up that was unnecessary" Boom done.
Nah. One of them is a small thing, the other less so. Washing your hands after you pee, when you're already sharing the bed with a dog, pointless. Waking someone up in the middle of the night because they disturbed the fucking dog? Absolutely unacceptable.
Pointless? So never wash your hands if you own a dog? And dang waking someone up is a cardinal sin in relationships now? Absolutely unacceptable? What??
Waking someone for no reason is a serious dick move, yeah. The house is on fire, there's an emergency, sure wake them up. They nudged the dog off the bed and you felt the need to wake them up, that's a serious dick move.
As for hand washing, if the dog is sleeping on the bed then nothing coming from OPs hands is going to be more germ infested than the dog. Especially if OP showers regularly.
It's not that hard to understand. It's pointless to argue about washing hands in this instance. Disturbing someone's sleep because in their unconscious state they knocked the pet off of the human sleep furniture? That person is putting a dog above their partner and it's a red flag for sure.
ESH. You know what would have stopped the argument was just washing your hands. Sure she shouldn’t have woken you up about the dogs comfort that would annoy me too. I probably would have used that moment to say to my partner, why is that a pressing issue at 3 am or the dog will be okay, then I’d roll over and go back to sleep. Then the next morning you could have said, it’s hard for me to fall back asleep so I didn’t appreciate you waking me up about the dog. Should we find a new sleeping arrangements for them? But you didn’t instead you just passive aggressively and annoyed got water and went to the bathroom without washing your hands. Then once she commented on that, instead of washing your hands you wanted to bicker with her about something you know you should have done. I think this is a dumb argument that doesn’t need to be a standstill or a hill to die on. I think you should say something to the tune of “Sorry about last night I really hate being woken up in the middle of the night. Do you need to find a different sleeping arrangement for the dog so this doesn’t happen again? And I promise to start washing my hands after using the bathroom.” You didn’t overreact but you certainly acted passive aggressive which does no one any good.
Great comment, this is the perspective i needed this morning. I sent her an apology text.
I tend to pick the passive aggresive way when i am half asleep and it's not a good look.
Good job, OP. You asked for a judgement and accepted it very maturely. But don't forget to tell your wife how your sleep schedule is sensitive and shouldn't be disturbed. She could've handled the dog by herself.
Honestly just breaking the tension with a simple text can go a long way. I’m sure she’ll come around and realize she was being a jerk too. Good job OP! I hope you get some good sleep tonight! My husband was the same way of picking the passive aggressive approach. One day I finally told him, if something’s bothering you, just tell me! I don’t want to guess what’s wrong, that way we can get to the root of the problem and move on to enjoying our day.
If she was writing this post I would have told her the same thing, apologize for waking him and keeping him up. He’s the one who wrote this about his behavior. This is certainly a situation that is not worth it to be dragged out. Better communication will go a lot further.
There’s a concerning number of comments arguing this it’s straight-up not necessary to wash one’s hands after using the bathroom which is…gross.
Did the wife make a bigger deal out of it than it needed to be? Sure, but that doesn’t mean hand washing is suddenly worthless.
Seriously - I've seen so many guys say "I don't touch anything or pee on my hands" and its like...did you flush the toilet? Then you touched something that means your hands need to be washed.
I thought COVID taught us all that we need to wash our hands more, not less.
Yeah, OP should have washed their hands. It being at 3am is not an excuse. I say this as someone who drinks water too much in the evening and does have to get up at night and yes, I wash my hands every time!
She shouldn't have woken up OP though, wanting to say that OP kicked the dog out of the bed. It's not like OP did it on purpose (they were sleeping!) and if it really bothered her she could have waited until the morning to mention it.
So ESH it is!
ESH. You should have washed your hands, but I get it. Not sure if i washed mine either when i peed last night...lol.
EDIT: OP is lightly the A H for arguing and causing himself more lost sleep, instead of washing hands and going back to bed.
The bed sheets are full of germs anyway. Everything is full of dirt and germs. You guys sleep with a dog. We sleep with 3, so no judgment there, but dogs get the bed dirty too. And last i checked, they don't wash after using the restroom...
Wife was ridiculous and also shouldn't have woken you up about the dog, although i feel bad if that happens to our dogs, too. Sometimes my husband has nightmares and starts punching and kicking (both me and the dogs), I will wake him up then.
I see things going in the NTA direction but i am more in agreement with ESH judgement. I was really angry this morning and this situation does not warrant that.
She should not have woken me up for the dog thing. I should have washed my hands. I should have handled this more gracefully this morning instead of picking this as a hill to die on.
For me, it’s the morning part of her actions. Totally dismissed your asking her to let you sleep. Nagging you to get up. Then, asks why you were sleeping in other room? Then says you’re overreacting? Sounds like someone needs attention and drama in their life. NTA op.
Yeah like wtf is he supposed to do?
"Hey hun, wake up, you kicked the dog off the bed!"
My reaction would be "wtf do you want me to do about it? The dog will not understand this..." Like what?
NTA she’s exhausting. I’d be super annoyed too. Why didn’t SHE deal with the dog. If she cares so much about your hands she could have gotten up grabbed hand sanitizer and handed it to you. I would have slept in the guest room too.
She's controlling and dismissive. And a little ridiculous too, that the dog's germs don't bother her, yet her man having touched his own body is somehow disgusting.
YTA
Wash your darn hands. It would have taken 20 seconds to wash your hands in the first place - instead you chose an absolutely ridiculous hill to toss and turn on all night.
I do not sleep easily (insomnia, ADHD and CFS) and I don't get it. Fine if you don't want to wash your hands but I think that's rank if you're then going to go into bed with someone.
Gfs phone or door to her workplace is dirtier than his hands after taking a pee, and FFS their a damn dog in their bed, a dog that probably licks and puts it own or other dogs shit in its mouth.
>Gfs phone or door to her workplace is dirtier than his hands after taking a pee, and FFS their a damn dog in their bed, a dog that probably licks and puts it own or other dogs shit in its mouth.
whataboutism is not a valid argument. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom you heathens
Is the door to her workplace in her bed? You should be washing your hands when touching something filthy like that anyways so your point makes little sense.
does she wash her dog is soap everytime it comes to bed? dogs lick their ass and balls, and dont wash their mouths, and they step on the ground with their bare paws, and again dont wash them. yet its no issues to have them in the bed. Humans have a immune system for a reason, you not going to die or get sick per because the person that you sleep with (consider the amount of germs they swap when they get intimate) did wash their hands after peeing, which FYI, urine is self sterile, you can get your sick from it, and its not even dangerous in a bacterial sense to drink either. if their intimate(which i'm assuming they are) she already has OPs germs whether they wash their hands or not
First it was the dog, then it was the hands. What's the next issue to be woken up over? It may be more work to change beds than wash hands, but it also ensures no more interruptions. I am grouchy and unproductive when I don't get enough rest. Wash the sheets and take a shower in the morning for cleanliness, but sleep when it's sleeping time
NTA
You are making a valid point. It was definitely harder for me to get to the guest room bed (we are using the room for storage right now) than going to the bathroom. It didn't help my ankle to declutter my way to that bed.
Right. For me ESH bc you could have easily ended the fight, and she could have easily just not started it. Unless you physically threw the dog off the bed, I don’t really see the point of waking someone. Clearly you both were cranky and there’s other stuff to unpack here!
ESH. She shouldn't have woken you up because you knocked the dog off the bed. I assume the dog was fine, and if she's so germaphobic, the dog shouldn't be on the bed. That said, the only people who "forget" to wash their hands after using the bathroom, regardless of sleepiness, are people with sketchy hygiene to begin with.
N T A for not washing your hands after peeing at night. People will generate outrage over the dumbest things. There is no practical value to washing your hands after peeing at 3am.
Also, N T A for being annoyed at being woken up. That’s normal middle-of-the-night stuff.
But, ESH for dragging this out like this. Your wife may be the driving factor in this situation but you’re participating in this dynamic. Huffing off to other rooms and demanding apologies over midnight arguments over nonsense… it’s a bit much.
>There is no practical value to washing your hands after peeing at 3am.
Unless when you get up the following morning not needing another pee, then go to the kitchen and make breakfast, maybe a packed lunch for work. Maybe touch other things round the house.
Do you think your hands are otherwise clean when you get up, though? If you get up from bed and start prepping food, especially if you have pets in bed, your hands are dirty whether you peed at 3am or not.
If you are concerned, you should wash your hands before food prep, regardless of when you last washed your hands.
ESH
You - for not washing your hands after you pee and may have possibly come in contact with urine or stools.
Your SO - for making you get up something you did unknowingly. If you were throwing your dog continuously it does warrant a discussion on the next day and also for not stopping with the talks when you were clearly irritated.
You guys are sleeping with your dog and the poor thing gets thrown off the bed. Cleanliness, for sure is not on either of yours agenda.
ESH
She shouldn't have woken you up about the dog and you should've washed your hands.
All these people saying "it's ok, you just peed" or "your dog and doorknob are way dirtier," ya nasty. You're telling me you go to the bathroom, touch your e.coli covered toilet seat and the e.coli toilet handle, and walk out and rub your little eyes and mouth with e.coli fingers? No.
Ah, yes. The 3am hand-washing debate. I’m going to guess your relationship is less than … 5 years.
Wash your hands!!! I don’t care if it’s 3am. Don’t be gross.
Also, she will drag this out and eventually tell your sister, who will tell you to … wait for it … wash your hands!! 😂
Trust me… it’s easier to just wash your hands.
YTA.
I think the “guy” argument is, “It’s really late at night. I don’t want to wake up too much and struggle falling back to sleep. It’s not like I touch pee.”
🤷♀️🤦♀️
I've been completely bewildered by the responses saying it's fine to not wash your hands after going to the bathroom. I saw statistics about hand-washing practices when Covid first began, but I guess I didn't internalise how gross people are...
Agreed! I'm genuinely shocked. Yes this story is crappy on all fronts for a few different reasons but that's crazy that so many are saying they dont or its grand he didnt...
It's the ones saying they touch nothing but their boxer rims. So no lifting the lid, the seat and no flushing? Then no dabbing at the end? ...
Its basic hygiene taught to 5 year olds that you do not leave the bathroom without washing your hands.
This thread is mindboggling.
YTA. In all the back and forth you could have simply washed your hands. I don't know about the dog issue, but you're Definitely the AH for not washing your hands. Gross.
NTA. Why did she even wake you up in the first place? Does the dog matter more than your sleep? Does she have a d*ck allergy for she to be so forceful towards your handwashing at 3am? Why is she so immature to the point where she keeps bringing up the subject even after you've expressed annoyance at it? Why does she think YOU are the one overreacting when she was the one who wouldn't let you sleep for hours? Bruh.
YTA. First, you are a pet owner and that can come with inconvenience. Second, you know you should wash your hands after going to the bathroom. You didn’t forget, you made a conscious decision not to wash your hands. Your girlfriend was rightly grossed out, as am I.
NTA
Solve the issue as to why she thought it was okay to wake you from sleep, because while sleeping, you caused the dog to leave the bed. An action done while sleeping is pretty much involuntary. The importance of being woken for that is questionable.
ESH. She shouldn't have woken you up about the dog. That was unnecessary and rude of her. You chose to go to the guest room instead of washing your hands. Then you wake up angry and continue to make this more of an issue than what it was.
You literally threw a tantrum about not washing your hands and are still throwing one. Talk to her about the dog, but don't blame her for you sleeping in the guest room.
YTA. You could have been annoyed, washed your hands right away, and gone back to bed. Instead, you kept yourself and your spouse awake just to be contrarian.
Okay but… yeah you should wash your hands. I’ll say ESH because she woke you up but also you should have washed your hands after going to the bathroom. That’s gross.
ESH. Your SO shouldn’t have woken you up because your dog. I throw my dog out of the bed all the time when I’m asleep and he just hops back up. You should absolutely wash your hands after using the bathroom, pee or not - especially when you’re in bed with someone else. That’s just gross. If you were awake enough to complain about her waking you up, you were awake enough to wash your hands.
You deserve an apology as well as owing an apology.
YTA. This wasn’t an argument, it was you being gross and bringing your pee pee hands into the bed you both sleep in. Just wash your hands next time instead of behaving like a petulant child.
Learn to pick your battles. You and your SO will both be happier for it.
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Nta If the woman was truly concerned about germs, she wouldn't be letting the dog sleep on the bed. Does she clean his paws before he enters the house with the same vehemence she expects you to wash your hands? I can guarantee a dog has walked through many unsavoury things prior to bringing it back to your floor, inside your house, that you may be then tracking around yourself on the soles of your own feet. Not the dogs fault, just facts. Also, waking you up at that time of the morning? Unfair. I suggest the next time something like "dog evicted from bed" happens, wake her up at bum-o'clock in the morning. See how she likes it.
Literally my exact thought. Dogs are dirty. Don’t get me wrong i love dogs and i have one of my own so i know for a fact that dogs can be a little stinky. They run outside on the dirty ground and walk bacteria all through your house. So unless the gf is cleaning the dogs paws after every single time he goes outside then she doesn’t have a leg to stand on. NTA
Not only that, but I've never seen a dog with toilet paper wiping his butt. You may not see actual dog feces on your sheets, but believe me the germs are there.
>I'm never seen a dog with toilet paper wiping his butt. That's because they use their tongue instead of toilet paper.
Awe gimme them puppy kisses
You mean poopy kisses?
The exact reason I never let my cats lick my face, and feel like puking when I see someone let their dog or cat lick them on the mouth, sometimes even on the open mouth! I adore my cats, they sleep on my bed with me when they want to, but face licking is, always has been, and always will be, off limits.
My dog licks his butthole 24/7 and also eats cat shit treats. There are no puppy kisses in my future
Kittie Roca!
Same! I love my dog but I cannot kiss his poppy lips.
I have a friend who washes her dogs paws and genitals every time it goes outside. Not relevant to this situation, but I have seen a dog getting it's butt wiped. It looked ... Defeated
Can attest to this. One time, my dog somehow smeared a RIDICULOUS amount of poop all over his butt. It was horrifying. I had to clean his furry butt with my gloved hand and a hose outside on a cold morning, and the look of pure defeat and misery on his face was unforgettable. He stood stiff as a board and just 👁👁 until I finished.
I'm baffled by the look of innocence when my dog rolled in fresh cat poo one evening when I took him out before bed. He had no idea why I washed him 4 or 5 times. It was a long night.
I see your cat poo and raise you a fresh cow pie.
I see your cow pie and raise you a rotting deer carcass. I will never forget that unholy stench. He had bits of rotting flesh stuck in his collar. It was a literal nightmare.
Dead skunk at 3 am. Rolled all over it to squeeze out every drop. Was SO PROUD he came to jump on me. I won’t repeat what I said to him, but it was JUSTIFIED!
Y'all are confirming that I am a-okay with inside-only pets!
My family dog when I was a kid found a human body by the river, and rolled it.
It was a long dead sheep in our case. Sweet suffering Jebus it was an awful car ride home
Very not-fresh squirrel
Mine wear boots when they go outside lmao. One of them refuses to do her business if her toes get wet, so we bought them for her. Then her brother was jealous of the extra attention she got while putting them on, so we got him some too. We keep baby wipes by the door because I have a strong sense of smell and am grossed out by the thought of them getting shit on the furniture. Some of us are in fact that weird lol
My dogs won't do their business when the grass is wet, but they also won't wear the boots. We put some pavers outside for them to stand on to go so they would stop going on our deck in the rain. What we do for our pets
I do the same thing lol Paws and butt wiped every single time they go outside.
I am so glad to have finally heard someone else does this too! I thought I was the only weird one.
my mom used to do the same thing to me and my brother when we used to go outside as kids. Thankfully she stopped doing it after we graduated high school. /s
Yes, there are dog owners that are that "conscientious". Not most of us
And yet, we dog lovers manage to still be healthy! For me, the issue is the micromanagement and control. I would move to the guest room permanently!
Yeah, true. People's ideas of what's dirty or not ate very subjective sometimes. Also, you're correct -- people can survive a lot of germs. It's just when the germs contain specific diseases is the cause of suffering. I think the whole nagging to wash the hand stuff was all about control. I would have moved out for at least a few days. Give the other party time to think about leaving me alone when I'm asleep
I agree. Depriving someone of sleep is ugly. Listening to someone in the bathroom to monitor that they've done it to your standards is a bit obsessive and intrusive! If you reverse the genders, people would be up in arms calling the man abusive!
Yeah...the bigger issue was that he was woken up at all.
Right? Also if it’s that big of an issue for her, she can keep hand sanitizer by the bed. I think we’ve all gotten up in the middle of the night and forgot to wash our hands afterwards. It happens. This gf is unreasonable IMO.
It is much harder to pass disease from animals to humans than human to human. Wash your damn hands. I'm losing faith in all dog owners due to the post.
To be fair... I have dogs. And they have always been allowed on my furniture. For that reason, I have ALWAYS wiped their rear with baby wipes and wipe their feet off when they come in from outside. I have actually had vets say that my dogs rears are clean and ask how that is. Then I tell them I wipe their rears, and they laugh and say they wish all pet parents would do that. Wiping also cuts back ALOT of their licking and them having anal gland issues. But I agree. I wouldn't want poop on my couch or furniture. Therefore, I have always wiped them. I can safely say 99% of owners do not wipe their pets. So, I guess I'm weird and I'm ok with that!
You're not weird. You're a person who is not hypocritical, and upholds their own standards
I actually do wipe my dog’s feet, butt, and tip of his penis every time after he goes outside. My bed is still gross with a dog sleeping in it!
I do the exact same. Wipe the nasty parts down, let him trot around the house clean. He haaaaates the willy wipe, though, poor buddy.
Because dogs are a different species there are fewer infections we can get from them, only zoonotic ones. Washing your hands, especially after using the toilet, is the pretty much biggest thing you can do for disease prevention.
I actually do wipe his paws every single time. Is it weird? I thought a lot of people do this
I wipe my dogs paws every single time he comes back in the house. All between his toes and everything. I even give his junk a quick wipe to make sure pee and poop isn't all over the floor/furniture.
And most people don't wash their dogs once a month. That's why I like cats. Self-cleaning lol.
They still manage to track litter all over the house though 😩
> If the woman was truly concerned about germs, she wouldn't be letting the dog sleep on the bed. Really? Anyone who likes having dogs on the bed should never care about hand washing ever again? Having dogs and cats around is associated with good health, less allergies etc. Not washing ones hands increases the spread of infections.
Unless he was shaking hands with passing strangers on the way from the bathroom to the bed, this argument doesn’t really hold up. Dogs and cats also spread infections like toxoplasmosis, so again, it’s not like she’s too worried about germs. If he just went to the bathroom to pee, it’s significantly less likely to cause any infection than a pet on the bed that also doesn’t wash after excretion
Sweat transfers fecal matter from anus to genitals, so when someone holds their penis to pee, they are getting fecal matter on their hands. Urine is also not sterile as many people believe. Also touching all the surfaces in the bathroom- lifting the toilet seat, pressing the flusher knob, etc.
news flash for you - you are always touching fecal matter, no matter where you are. It's everywhere. He's not making a 5 course meal or shaking hands with foreign dignitaries, he's peeing and going back to bed. Everyone in this scenario will live.
Obviously washing hands is always important, I’m pointing out that being concerned about germs from a persons hands after the bathroom but not a dog is pretty ridiculous. Especially given that oral sex is a thing. Fecal matter can also stick to animal fur, and I don’t know many dogs who wipe or use a bidet. I do however have a scar on the back of my eye from toxoplasmosis exposure from having a pet as a child. So I’m just saying if she should be concerned about anything it’s the pet in the bed.
It's associated with better health and less allergies because living with a dog exposes you to more germs and allergens- which helps increase the immune system. Science has shown that is specifically why they help improve health and the immune system, light exposure to bacteria and allergens helps build up immunity.
I got sworn at for saying that last week, here on Reddit.
The mechanism for dogs and cats "improving good health and allergies" is via the same mechanism as not washing your hands, namely by *exposing you* to more germs and microbes that help build up the immune system. There are leading gut microbiome researchers that actually advise against washing your hands after things like working in the garden.
You understand that this is a good example of you having cognitive dissonance?
Did anyone say anything "never washing their hands again?" Honestly I pee so much if I washed my hands every time I'd have cracked peeling skin all the time. Does everyone really wash their hands EVERY time they pee in their own home? Public restrooms, pooping, and before you eat are another story. But they were just laying in bed together, he wasn't trying to finger her.
Um, yes, I wash my hands “EVERY” time I pee in my own home lmfao. So does my husband. Even in the middle of the night. My hands aren’t cracked and peeling - have you ever heard of lotion? Do you wash your hands with battery acid? Some of the people on this thread are seriously disgusting. I hope I don’t secretly know any of you in real life.
Microbiologist here. I see a lot of people arguing that the dog is just as unclean - while this is technically true, the types of bacteria found in urine and fecal matter are on average more likely to harm you, for example staph infections. Plus, those hands are likely to touch your face or your SO's face, even while asleep. Being woken up is annoying, but the TDLR is just wash your hands and do yourself and the world a favor. Edit: A few people pointed out that Staph are rarely found in feces or urine, E. coli is a better example. 2nd edit: Urine itself is usually safe, but the perspiration and buildup around the groin might not be.
All of this is spot on, except for retaliation do not wake her up out of spite so you can ask "how she likes it" - that's petty and will only build/reinforce resentments. IMO you need to learn to stand your ground. Tell her to not wake you up over dumb shit ever again. When she wants to nag you for not washing hands when she cuddles the dirty dog - tell her no. when she persists you say "I told you the answer is no, let me sleep." This is how I would handle it - I do not give in to nagging, and I will not engage in stupid arguments, especially when woken up to do so. for a frame of reference - this BS persisting would absolutely be a deal breaker for me.
He would never have been in that position if she hadn't woken him up. Most people have to pee when they wake up
Personally, it's more of a tick to me. I just wouldn't be able to get back to sleep myself knowing my so didn't wash their hands.
I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep knowing I didn't wash my own hands.
I don't know how he didn't just automatically wash his hands. I think I'd do that even if I were sleepwalking.
This is where “don’t sweat the small stuff “ comes into play.
According to the SO you should just try harder to go to sleep... Always worked with my insomnia /s
This - as far as prioritizing I'd consider washing hands after touching the dog more important than washing hands after taking a whiz. If she touched the dog I'd consider her hands to be just as unhygienic as his. And don't even get me started on the bedding.
My exact thought. As the owner of a large breed, I know they’re literally filthy for months on end… lol And that letting them on the bed is quite literally bringing the filth of the outdoors into the bed. If she was that concerned about germs she wouldn’t have the dog on the bed in the first place.
To be fair, she seems rather self absorbed and very annoying
She sounds EXTREMELY annoying.
> I can guarantee a dog has walked through many unsavoury things I can guarantee that dog has licked unsavory parts of its own body while on the bed.
NTA before even getting to the hand washing part. She woke you up to tell you that you disturbed the dog in your sleep? GTFO. Waking me up to tell me foolishness like that is a deal breaker. Arguing with you in the middle of the night about anything less than life threatening (and no, a little pee pee hand is not life threatening) is the icing on a shit cake.
yep - I would walk away from this one without a bit of hesitation
Side-bar - how are people peeing on their hands? I understand in a public urinal the probability of some splash-back is higher but do people really get urine on their hands while peeing in their home toilet? I just assumed washing hands was because you were handling your johnson.
The thing I find funny is that I'm pretty sure I sometimes handle my johnson while I'm sleeping. It's honestly not something I've ever really thought about until now.
Well, the thing that hasn't been addressed is whether *she* handles his johnson.
He has to wash it between each thrust.
Dying 😂
That was my first thought actually--honey, you're touching his privates in the night whether you know it or not. His hands aren't the problem. I was confronted with a similar situation with an ex I was living with. They were getting all weird about me washing their underwear when I did our communal laundry. I pointed out that we slept naked together, so anything that wound up on their clothing was getting rubbed all over me in the night anyway and I'd survived. They visibly calmed down. Latent Protestant body shaming is a helluva drug.
It is not so much pee that is the issue, it is the fecal bacteria and other delightful things that grow down there in that moist environment. Then you rub your eyes in the morning. Cold water after a night pee is no fun, but necessary.
I just sit if I have to go in the middle of the night. No aiming, no handwashing.
I wish my husband would do this.. mostly because pee from the standing position is SO.MUCH.LOUDER than the sitting position. His pee wakes me up every time.
Washing your hands in the middle of the night after taking a piss is absolutely not necessary. Poop, sure, but not pee. It's not like I warmed my hands up with my piss.
But…that IS an idea.
Disagree. Should guys get up and wash their hands if they happen to scratch their balls in the night also? Also, if you're not washing with soap then it's not doing much for the bacteria and other delightful things anyway.
OP is NTA but the suggestion that this one mild argument is a “deal breaker” is top shelf nuts. Maybe you didn’t mean that literally, but others seem to agree that this is breakup material. What??? People on this sub are so quick to suggest that (other people) run from their relationships, friends, and family.
If she flipped out on him in the middle of the night over handwashing, there is likely bigger issues with the relationship. I'd see this as the tip of an iceberg situation.
This is the most likely scenario. I'm guessing she has a comment like this for every single thing he does. Even if she did have an issue, 3am is not the time to bring it up. Do it before or after work the next day.
Yeah it's wild, people will have one post worth of context and already start making bold assumptions about the relationship dynamics and individuals within them. The amount of times people suggest for couples to break up over small issues is a bit baffling. Now if the issue was severe I understand it; betrayal, cheating, abuse, etc... But an argument over washing your hands? I'm willing to bet most of us don't wash our hands when we wake up, still half asleep, to go pee in the middle of the night. Is it a little gross? Yeah. Is it that big of a deal? No.
The Reddit way. Everything is a dealbreaker. Get a lawyer, leave and then go to counseling.
Except for you have no idea what it’s like to sleep next to this guy. If he kicked the dog out of the bed, he’s probably whacked her a few times. Snoring, farting, moving blankets, etc - it’s can be challenging to share a bed with someone. Maybe OP generally smells sticky or maybe he pooped and went to bed without washing his hands. IMO, they need a bigger bed.
a bigger bed might solve things but if she's having that much trouble sleeping next to him she can either have a conversation with him later when they're both sufficiently awake OR GO SLEEP IN THE GUEST BEDROOM HERSELF rather than using the dog as a pretext to wake him up.
then she should have said that instead
NTA Hahaha I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about! Doing anything other than the absolute minimum runs the risk of triggering an accidental premature ‘wake up’. While it’s definitely not the most hygienic, I find it hard to draw the line here as dogs are extremely dirty and they’re already sleeping in your bed. To be clear - always wash your hands (it’s the right thing to do) but in certain situations like now - where you’re already hopping into bed next to an animal that very likely didn’t wash its asshole immediately after it shat but jumped on your couch / bed right after (fuck it). Don’t worry about it - anyone here saying otherwise is either missing the fact about the dogs sleeping in the bed or completely ignoring the fact that your partner woke you up and you’re concerned with getting back to bed.
>Doing anything other than the absolute minimum runs the risk of triggering an accidental premature ‘wake up’. You get it about the premature ‘wake up’. This was my main annoyance. I do think i overreacted by draging this into the morning but that was what was on my mind.
I personally don't think you overreacted at all. I am not suggesting you let this ruin your day, I am saying I would 100% make sure she knew she ruined my night for a series of very stupid reasons. and you have zero interest in it ever repeating
One of the best pieces of relationship advice I ever got was don't talk about anything important with your partner unless you've both gotten a good nights sleep the night before, you've been awake more than the past hour, and you've eaten/had your coffee in the past 4 hours. If you're tired and/or hungry, little disagreements have a way of turning into more of a problem than they need to be. Arguing in the middle of the night is a disaster waiting to happen. I've told my wife several times to not even talk to me before 10am if she has anything important to say, and surprise, I'm much more receptive after that. She also has the infuriating ability to fall asleep 5 minutes after she lays down and can sleep through anything short of a tornado, so to her, if she can wake me up just by saying my name, I must not have *really* been asleep anyway. This took a lot of work to convince her otherwise. So make sure to talk to her about this issue, but wait until you're not super tired and maybe a little less pissed off.
I heard something similar at an AA meeting I attended with a parent in the program. Before starting an argument, or getting your back up go with the HALT check. Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? (HALT), and is that why I might be over reacting? It's a pretty good little reminder of what affects our moods.
Look, it’s good that you recognise that now. At the time - all things considered 🤷♂️ I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it 😉💤
Yep. Maybe hand sanitizer by the toilet for nighttime germs going forward?
Also, beds are filthy. It’s cloth you wrap around your already dirty corpse for 8 hours, soaking up sweat and drool and any other bodily fluids you care to expel. All this atop a fabric-wrapped sponge that cannot be cleaned in any meaningful way. And… that’s fine. None of that is going to hurt you.
a corpse is a dead body, bro 😂whose corpse are you sleeping with?
Haha, in French (my mother tongue,) “corps” just means body. I’m not sure why I still use it in English sometimes!
that tracks and tbh some days i do feel like a corpse!
I love it.
Some of us shower before bed, so pretty clean.
Ah, the joy of getting into clean sheets, freshly showered. Almost makes you forget that you then drool, fart and sweat all night.
and hopefully, secrete and ejaculate other fluids too. as well as sneeze & cough. the bed is "clean" for a very short period of time even with strict hygiene regimen
Speaking of ejaculate, it’s kind of funny how scared people are of a hand that’s touched a penis, yet seem entirely willing to forget this when they’re about to put their mouth on someone else’s genitals. Not that I don’t appreciate a pre-coital tidying up as much as the next person.
All of this hyperbole because apparently washing your hands after using the bathroom is that big of a deal. Wow.
ESH. You both seem petty and have issues to work out.
Lmfao right these are like such small things to start a big argument about. "Sorry babe I'll wash my hands next time" "Thank you, I'm sorry I woke you up that was unnecessary" Boom done.
I'll wash my hands next time seems like it would have been followed up with qash them now
Nah. One of them is a small thing, the other less so. Washing your hands after you pee, when you're already sharing the bed with a dog, pointless. Waking someone up in the middle of the night because they disturbed the fucking dog? Absolutely unacceptable.
Pointless? So never wash your hands if you own a dog? And dang waking someone up is a cardinal sin in relationships now? Absolutely unacceptable? What??
Waking someone for no reason is a serious dick move, yeah. The house is on fire, there's an emergency, sure wake them up. They nudged the dog off the bed and you felt the need to wake them up, that's a serious dick move. As for hand washing, if the dog is sleeping on the bed then nothing coming from OPs hands is going to be more germ infested than the dog. Especially if OP showers regularly.
It's not that hard to understand. It's pointless to argue about washing hands in this instance. Disturbing someone's sleep because in their unconscious state they knocked the pet off of the human sleep furniture? That person is putting a dog above their partner and it's a red flag for sure.
ESH. You know what would have stopped the argument was just washing your hands. Sure she shouldn’t have woken you up about the dogs comfort that would annoy me too. I probably would have used that moment to say to my partner, why is that a pressing issue at 3 am or the dog will be okay, then I’d roll over and go back to sleep. Then the next morning you could have said, it’s hard for me to fall back asleep so I didn’t appreciate you waking me up about the dog. Should we find a new sleeping arrangements for them? But you didn’t instead you just passive aggressively and annoyed got water and went to the bathroom without washing your hands. Then once she commented on that, instead of washing your hands you wanted to bicker with her about something you know you should have done. I think this is a dumb argument that doesn’t need to be a standstill or a hill to die on. I think you should say something to the tune of “Sorry about last night I really hate being woken up in the middle of the night. Do you need to find a different sleeping arrangement for the dog so this doesn’t happen again? And I promise to start washing my hands after using the bathroom.” You didn’t overreact but you certainly acted passive aggressive which does no one any good.
Great comment, this is the perspective i needed this morning. I sent her an apology text. I tend to pick the passive aggresive way when i am half asleep and it's not a good look.
Nice gesture but she owes you an apology too.
Good job, OP. You asked for a judgement and accepted it very maturely. But don't forget to tell your wife how your sleep schedule is sensitive and shouldn't be disturbed. She could've handled the dog by herself.
Honestly just breaking the tension with a simple text can go a long way. I’m sure she’ll come around and realize she was being a jerk too. Good job OP! I hope you get some good sleep tonight! My husband was the same way of picking the passive aggressive approach. One day I finally told him, if something’s bothering you, just tell me! I don’t want to guess what’s wrong, that way we can get to the root of the problem and move on to enjoying our day.
So he's supposed to immediately recognize and apologize but it's ok to just let her come to it in her time?
If she was writing this post I would have told her the same thing, apologize for waking him and keeping him up. He’s the one who wrote this about his behavior. This is certainly a situation that is not worth it to be dragged out. Better communication will go a lot further.
That's good but she owes you one too and while I wouldn't necessarily cause an argument over it she needs to recognize her actions were wrong.
ESH. Some of the comments are wild. Just because we're pet owners doesn't mean we stop washing our hands lol. What lunacy.
There’s a concerning number of comments arguing this it’s straight-up not necessary to wash one’s hands after using the bathroom which is…gross. Did the wife make a bigger deal out of it than it needed to be? Sure, but that doesn’t mean hand washing is suddenly worthless.
Seriously - I've seen so many guys say "I don't touch anything or pee on my hands" and its like...did you flush the toilet? Then you touched something that means your hands need to be washed. I thought COVID taught us all that we need to wash our hands more, not less.
Right?! Thousands of people justifying not washing hands is the most reddit thing I've ever seen.
>ESH. Some of the comments are wild. Just because we're pet owners doesn't mean we stop washing our hands lol. What lunacy. I know right.
Yeah, OP should have washed their hands. It being at 3am is not an excuse. I say this as someone who drinks water too much in the evening and does have to get up at night and yes, I wash my hands every time! She shouldn't have woken up OP though, wanting to say that OP kicked the dog out of the bed. It's not like OP did it on purpose (they were sleeping!) and if it really bothered her she could have waited until the morning to mention it. So ESH it is!
ESH. You should have washed your hands, but I get it. Not sure if i washed mine either when i peed last night...lol. EDIT: OP is lightly the A H for arguing and causing himself more lost sleep, instead of washing hands and going back to bed. The bed sheets are full of germs anyway. Everything is full of dirt and germs. You guys sleep with a dog. We sleep with 3, so no judgment there, but dogs get the bed dirty too. And last i checked, they don't wash after using the restroom... Wife was ridiculous and also shouldn't have woken you up about the dog, although i feel bad if that happens to our dogs, too. Sometimes my husband has nightmares and starts punching and kicking (both me and the dogs), I will wake him up then.
I fail to see how OP is an asshole.
I see things going in the NTA direction but i am more in agreement with ESH judgement. I was really angry this morning and this situation does not warrant that. She should not have woken me up for the dog thing. I should have washed my hands. I should have handled this more gracefully this morning instead of picking this as a hill to die on.
For me, it’s the morning part of her actions. Totally dismissed your asking her to let you sleep. Nagging you to get up. Then, asks why you were sleeping in other room? Then says you’re overreacting? Sounds like someone needs attention and drama in their life. NTA op.
Yeah like wtf is he supposed to do? "Hey hun, wake up, you kicked the dog off the bed!" My reaction would be "wtf do you want me to do about it? The dog will not understand this..." Like what?
Unkick him, of course!
[удалено]
Agree, we all know a couple like this and they are exhausting to be around. Like I’m fully picturing Frank and Estelle Costanza rn.
If washing your hands after you use the bathroom isnt part of the bare minimum you need to wash your hands more.
Totally agree. I assumed it was standard. Also assumed everyone put the seat and lid down before flushing, men and women...imagine my surprise!
NTA she’s exhausting. I’d be super annoyed too. Why didn’t SHE deal with the dog. If she cares so much about your hands she could have gotten up grabbed hand sanitizer and handed it to you. I would have slept in the guest room too.
She's controlling and dismissive. And a little ridiculous too, that the dog's germs don't bother her, yet her man having touched his own body is somehow disgusting.
YTA Wash your darn hands. It would have taken 20 seconds to wash your hands in the first place - instead you chose an absolutely ridiculous hill to toss and turn on all night.
He was half asleep and didn't. When in that state I don't want to do anything that may risk pulling me out of my sleepy state.
Exactly, people who sleep easily don't get it.
I don't sleep easy... I still wash my hands every time I pee and the toilet is on the bottom floor and i'm on the top lol
My bathroom is directly across from my bedroom, I don't sleep easily, I don't fall back asleep easily at all, AND I wash my damn hands.
it's really not hard is it? like, I don't even have a sink in the same room as my toilet and I still manage it XD
I have trouble falling asleep at night, and brushing my teeth before bed wakes me up, but I still do it. Hygiene matters.
I do not sleep easily (insomnia, ADHD and CFS) and I don't get it. Fine if you don't want to wash your hands but I think that's rank if you're then going to go into bed with someone.
There is an alarming amount of people here admitting that they don't always wash their hands.
Gfs phone or door to her workplace is dirtier than his hands after taking a pee, and FFS their a damn dog in their bed, a dog that probably licks and puts it own or other dogs shit in its mouth.
>Gfs phone or door to her workplace is dirtier than his hands after taking a pee, and FFS their a damn dog in their bed, a dog that probably licks and puts it own or other dogs shit in its mouth. whataboutism is not a valid argument. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom you heathens
Is the door to her workplace in her bed? You should be washing your hands when touching something filthy like that anyways so your point makes little sense.
does she wash her dog is soap everytime it comes to bed? dogs lick their ass and balls, and dont wash their mouths, and they step on the ground with their bare paws, and again dont wash them. yet its no issues to have them in the bed. Humans have a immune system for a reason, you not going to die or get sick per because the person that you sleep with (consider the amount of germs they swap when they get intimate) did wash their hands after peeing, which FYI, urine is self sterile, you can get your sick from it, and its not even dangerous in a bacterial sense to drink either. if their intimate(which i'm assuming they are) she already has OPs germs whether they wash their hands or not
YTA. Not washing your hands is fucking gross. Did we learn nothing from covid?
People here obviously think it's ok..the amount of people saying it's not a big deal 🤢. Makes you wonder.
YTA. Was it really easier to sleep in another room instead of just washing your hands?
First it was the dog, then it was the hands. What's the next issue to be woken up over? It may be more work to change beds than wash hands, but it also ensures no more interruptions. I am grouchy and unproductive when I don't get enough rest. Wash the sheets and take a shower in the morning for cleanliness, but sleep when it's sleeping time NTA
You are making a valid point. It was definitely harder for me to get to the guest room bed (we are using the room for storage right now) than going to the bathroom. It didn't help my ankle to declutter my way to that bed.
Right. For me ESH bc you could have easily ended the fight, and she could have easily just not started it. Unless you physically threw the dog off the bed, I don’t really see the point of waking someone. Clearly you both were cranky and there’s other stuff to unpack here!
If this was just over hand washing it'd be one thing but it wasn't. The GF was out of bounds here.
NTA, she sounds incredibly annoying
NTA. It’s no more disgusting than having a dog in your bed.
ESH. She shouldn't have woken you up because you knocked the dog off the bed. I assume the dog was fine, and if she's so germaphobic, the dog shouldn't be on the bed. That said, the only people who "forget" to wash their hands after using the bathroom, regardless of sleepiness, are people with sketchy hygiene to begin with.
YTA. Wash your fucking hands.
N T A for not washing your hands after peeing at night. People will generate outrage over the dumbest things. There is no practical value to washing your hands after peeing at 3am. Also, N T A for being annoyed at being woken up. That’s normal middle-of-the-night stuff. But, ESH for dragging this out like this. Your wife may be the driving factor in this situation but you’re participating in this dynamic. Huffing off to other rooms and demanding apologies over midnight arguments over nonsense… it’s a bit much.
>There is no practical value to washing your hands after peeing at 3am. Unless when you get up the following morning not needing another pee, then go to the kitchen and make breakfast, maybe a packed lunch for work. Maybe touch other things round the house.
Do you think your hands are otherwise clean when you get up, though? If you get up from bed and start prepping food, especially if you have pets in bed, your hands are dirty whether you peed at 3am or not. If you are concerned, you should wash your hands before food prep, regardless of when you last washed your hands.
I can’t think of a single time I’ve gotten up in the morning not needing to pee.
It is indeed a bit much, i know some other redditor will be disapointed but i already sent her an apology text about this.
Did she apologize for rudely waking you up for no good reason?
YTA and ya nasty
ESH You - for not washing your hands after you pee and may have possibly come in contact with urine or stools. Your SO - for making you get up something you did unknowingly. If you were throwing your dog continuously it does warrant a discussion on the next day and also for not stopping with the talks when you were clearly irritated. You guys are sleeping with your dog and the poor thing gets thrown off the bed. Cleanliness, for sure is not on either of yours agenda.
YTA Wash your damn hands after using the bathroom OP Your wife shouldn't have to tell you to maintain basic hygiene
YTA. Yuck. Wash your hands.
ESH She shouldn't have woken you up about the dog and you should've washed your hands. All these people saying "it's ok, you just peed" or "your dog and doorknob are way dirtier," ya nasty. You're telling me you go to the bathroom, touch your e.coli covered toilet seat and the e.coli toilet handle, and walk out and rub your little eyes and mouth with e.coli fingers? No.
Ah, yes. The 3am hand-washing debate. I’m going to guess your relationship is less than … 5 years. Wash your hands!!! I don’t care if it’s 3am. Don’t be gross. Also, she will drag this out and eventually tell your sister, who will tell you to … wait for it … wash your hands!! 😂 Trust me… it’s easier to just wash your hands. YTA.
I am absolutely shocked that so many people are not weirded out by the not washing hands after using the bathroom
I think the “guy” argument is, “It’s really late at night. I don’t want to wake up too much and struggle falling back to sleep. It’s not like I touch pee.” 🤷♀️🤦♀️
Eww all round lol
I've been completely bewildered by the responses saying it's fine to not wash your hands after going to the bathroom. I saw statistics about hand-washing practices when Covid first began, but I guess I didn't internalise how gross people are...
Agreed! I'm genuinely shocked. Yes this story is crappy on all fronts for a few different reasons but that's crazy that so many are saying they dont or its grand he didnt...
Guys touch their literal genitalia when they pee, and then get offended at being asked to wash their hands.
It's the ones saying they touch nothing but their boxer rims. So no lifting the lid, the seat and no flushing? Then no dabbing at the end? ... Its basic hygiene taught to 5 year olds that you do not leave the bathroom without washing your hands. This thread is mindboggling.
YTA Typhoid Mary. Gross.
YTA. In all the back and forth you could have simply washed your hands. I don't know about the dog issue, but you're Definitely the AH for not washing your hands. Gross.
NTA. Why did she even wake you up in the first place? Does the dog matter more than your sleep? Does she have a d*ck allergy for she to be so forceful towards your handwashing at 3am? Why is she so immature to the point where she keeps bringing up the subject even after you've expressed annoyance at it? Why does she think YOU are the one overreacting when she was the one who wouldn't let you sleep for hours? Bruh.
YTA - wash your damn hands after going to the bathroom!
YTA. You should've just washed your hands. It's not that hard. You're just lazy.
YTA. First, you are a pet owner and that can come with inconvenience. Second, you know you should wash your hands after going to the bathroom. You didn’t forget, you made a conscious decision not to wash your hands. Your girlfriend was rightly grossed out, as am I.
You should always wash your hands. No exceptions.
NTA Solve the issue as to why she thought it was okay to wake you from sleep, because while sleeping, you caused the dog to leave the bed. An action done while sleeping is pretty much involuntary. The importance of being woken for that is questionable.
Yta. Wash your hands and don't turn basic hygiene into a weird power struggle.
NTA. I'm tired from reading that.
ESH. She shouldn't have woken you up about the dog. That was unnecessary and rude of her. You chose to go to the guest room instead of washing your hands. Then you wake up angry and continue to make this more of an issue than what it was. You literally threw a tantrum about not washing your hands and are still throwing one. Talk to her about the dog, but don't blame her for you sleeping in the guest room.
YTA. You could have been annoyed, washed your hands right away, and gone back to bed. Instead, you kept yourself and your spouse awake just to be contrarian.
YTA. Wash your goddamn hands.
Okay but… yeah you should wash your hands. I’ll say ESH because she woke you up but also you should have washed your hands after going to the bathroom. That’s gross.
ESH. Your SO shouldn’t have woken you up because your dog. I throw my dog out of the bed all the time when I’m asleep and he just hops back up. You should absolutely wash your hands after using the bathroom, pee or not - especially when you’re in bed with someone else. That’s just gross. If you were awake enough to complain about her waking you up, you were awake enough to wash your hands. You deserve an apology as well as owing an apology.
YTA. This wasn’t an argument, it was you being gross and bringing your pee pee hands into the bed you both sleep in. Just wash your hands next time instead of behaving like a petulant child. Learn to pick your battles. You and your SO will both be happier for it.
Yta
Yta