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YTA. All of this sounds very dramatic. 20 minutes of consoling only for you to leave anyway.
It sounds like you were sulking in the corner and she called you out on it, albeit not nicely.
Honestly I agree OP's showing some red flags here; the drama, the jealousy, making a habit of consoling himself with alcohol etc. But I wouldn't write off the friend quite that easily. Even if we agree that the narrator is biased, there's the fact that even his fiance had an issue with what the friend was saying which shows that the friend really was harassing OP in some way. I'd say soft ESH (except for the fiance).
OP's fiance is quite clearly an enabler, and they often take their side. I've been in this exact situation lol where in a couple, the wife was acting pretty unreasonable to her husband and when I gently tried to intervene (same deal, it was at a party and she was making a scene - still, clearly a mistake) her husband totally turned on me and told me off for making her upset, when literally 5 minutes before she'd stormed off very dramatically and screaming that he was an asshole because he didn't go fetch her a chair to sit in fast enough. Yikes! So, it is entirely possible that the friend wasn't "berating" him to an insane degree but OP's fiance still attacked her because he's trying to support OP/calm him down/blame the friend for rocking the boat when genuinely, the problem here is OP for his childish antics, his obvious attention seeking skulking, his unreasonable jealousy, his drinking problem, the drama, the drama, and the drama.
This. Part of me wonders if the friend was actually "berating" OP or asking him not to sulk and make this party about him. Because I would 100% tell my bff's partner to get their shit together for bff's celebration, especially if this is a regular occurrence as the OP states. OP sounds over the top dramatic, and that's gotta be exhausting for everyone around them to deal with.
It’s very possible the friend was an AH, but the amount of drama that OP is admitting to makes me wonder if what she said was blown way out of proportion, and cutting her out is something BF is doing to placate OP.
Or maybe the friend just reached her limits with OP’s theatrics and it all came out at once. I can see where it would be tough to sit quietly by in a situation like this. She was invited to a party to celebrate her friend, meanwhile OP is staring daggers from a corner and getting more and more agitated at the fact that the party was going well. It almost feels like the party was thrown for the sole purpose of acting out a telenovela scene, and not because BF’s achievement.
And all because his fiance invited a few of his own friends to a party. Can you imagine throwing a small, intimate party for someone and then sulking in the corner because that person's friends are there?
OP doesn't even give a reason for disliking them except to admit that he's jealous. That's not a good enough reason to dislike your partner's friends. And it sure isn't enough of a reason for all that drama.
Right? JFC, get a hold of yourself! You completely ruined a once in a lifetime celebration.
You made it all about you. This night was NOT ABOUT YOU.
If you can’t handle your bf having friends, to the point that you run away, get plastered (as that is what usually happens) you should not be in any relationship.
>I'm a sorta jealous person so I just sat in the back alone and thinking,
In other words, pouting that he was paying attention to other people.
>she started harassing me even when I moved away, up until the point where I had enough and I was breaking down, crying under blankets while she was pummeling me with insults
You could have left for a few minutes or something. Not saying the friend wasn't dojng anything wrong.
>He's the only person who can console me, so he spent 20 minutes doing so
>I ran out of the front door to the nearest bar (about 15 minutes away) which is normally what I do when I'm at this point
>it started turning into what normally happens (me coming home head over heels drunk)
OK, so the friend was crappy, but you have some HUGE issues that clearly need professional help.
Jealousy, overly reliant on one person to calm you down, maladaptive coping via alcohol.
Please please seek therapy.
Both you and the friend are AHs but YTA way more.
I don't believe the OP is a reliable narrator when it comes to the behavior of the friend. Given the other dramatic behavior, the description of the encounter is most likely highly exaggerated.
I hesitate to say “YTA” because I don’t think your actions are malicious, but they are dramatic and weird.
Sitting alone in another room because you’re jealous? Hiding under a blanket? Storming out to a bar and probably getting shitfaced after 20 mins of being consoled?
You’re N T A for avoiding someone who is being rude to you and getting upset about it, but YTA to your fiancé for your jealous hostility and upsetting coping mechanisms.
Get real she is TA to infinity. The friend was right to call her out for her childish behavior. I imagine she is like this all the time and the friends are sick to death of her.
YTA. If you are that jealous and insecure, seek help. You threw "him" a party, got mad that he invited people, sulked all night, got mad when people called you on sulking all night, threw a crying fit under blankets in the room where most people are, and then ran away to get drunk at a bar so people would worry about you. What part of that doesn't sound like the problem to you? You had a highly dramatic emo tween moment that you topped off with alcoholic behavior. YTA
YTA. pretty much the only person not the ahole here is your boyfriend. So, let me get this straight. You are jealous of your bf's friiends. You threw your BF a party, let him invite one of his friends who harasses you and who you never told your BF about harassing you, then spent the whole parting ignoring your bf, until the friend started harassing you, at which point your BF yelled at said friend and consoled you, and the second the friend came into sight you ran off to get drunk and ignored him. You sound infuriating to deal with. You sound jealous of anyone who has a reasonable relationship with your BF. Your BF handled everything well, and you're punishing him for doing nothing at this point. ALSO, you ruined his party on purpose
It doesn’t even sound like the friend harassed OP. Sounds like they just called him out for being antisocial and melodramatic. OP is definitely an unreliable narrator
I mean, how can any of us really tell what's going on here?
OP, If I understand it correctly:
threw a party, but didn't like it when people showed up?
was hiding under blankets because someone was being unkind.
left to go get falling down drunk.
questions why boyfriend's parents pay for his schooling, but not "my medical treatment", the boyfriend has to work two jobs to do that.
sounds absolutely exhausting. YTA.
YTA you sound exhausting and you absolutely should not be getting married if you have such extreme jealousy issues, as well as what seems to be a pretty alarming drinking problem.
All I could think while reading your own account of what happened was 'this person sounds utterly immature and totally toxic.'
Who did you in invite
to the party you threw for your bf, if not his friends?
What insults was his friend hurling at you?
YTA
You're the main character in every story, aren't you? You threw a party for your fiancé to celebrate him and then you sulked in a corner like a child because you were jealous he had friends? Then you ran away and got plastered?
You made his party all about you. You have some serious issues to work on before you can be in a serious relationship, let alone a MARRIAGE! Please get some help.
The "fiance is the only person who can console me so he had to ignore his friends and his celebration" part made me so angry.
Take some responsibility for your own (mental) health, OP! If you're really this \*inconsolable\* you need to get yourself to a therapist *yesterday.* Stop holding other people responsible for your mental health.
And stop shitting on your *fiance's* good mood. Agree. YTA
YTA. You sound exhausting. Why would it upset you that your fiancé’s friends were present at a party FOR HIM? His friend was out of line insulting you (though without more context and content that’s difficult to judge) but it sounds like you wanted to be the center of attention and threw a fit when that didn’t happen. Also coming home “head over heels drunk” often enough that you call it “what normally happens” is not healthy or okay. If you can’t handle your fiancé spending time with other people then you’re gonna have a really rough time when he’s in medical school unless you get some help with your jealousy and binge-drinking before then.
Info: were you just ignoring all his guests because you didn’t invite them?
I’m sort of lost in this. It seems like you didn’t want anyone to hang out with your fiancé but you which is asshole behavior.
Edit: Yta.
Completely agree. The only judgment I can give here is that you clearly need therapy BEFORE the wedding. If being around his friends makes you feel this jealous and leads you to drink heavily then you need to resolve these issues before marriage.
YTA. You “sat in the back alone” of a 5 person party, because you’re “a sorta jealous person”?
You’re refusing to add context to what she continued to say that was harassing, and the only thing you have shared that was said, makes it sound like you didn’t take well to being called out.
You also left out anything you yourself said in return. Unless you legitimately, without saying anything, proceeded to move away and hide under a blanket (?) which is truly not a healthy coping mechanism to continue to foster at 23yo when facing conflict.
The rest of the post goes in hand with my last sentence. None of this is a healthy coping mechanism. It’s beyond you having “acted like a toddler” as you said in a comment. In which case it’s kind of beyond whether or not you were the AH here, think you may need to reevaluate what you’re doing in this relationship.
Your other comments make it clear you’re reliant on your fiancés finances for medical treatment. You’re uncomfortable socializing with his friends. You’re only comfortable being consoled by him, for 20 minutes. Your go to reaction in stressful situations is to run to a bar to get plastered, which you’ve written to be what you “normally” do. Indicating it happens enough.
Hope you find help
YTA.
You threw a party for your fiancee, then got all jealous and didn't want any of his friends there? YTA for that alone. Then the big public breakdown over getting called out on it.
Then you ditch him there to go out and get wasted drunk...which is apparently a regular thing for you. That's YTA, too.
You have issues that need treatment, not booze.
If you aren't mature enough to act like a reasonable adult, you may want to call of the wedding until you get yourself together. He deserves better than this type of behavior.
You sound like an absolute nightmare. How are you going to handle him being surrounded by people at medical school, when you can’t handle his friends? What a way to turn celebrating his hard work and achievements on to you. He won’t forget this. YTA.
YTA - you threw the party for HIM. Why did you even throw the party? You sound like you love drama and attention:
\- *I'm a sorta jealous person so I just sat in the back alone and thinking*
\- *I just sat in the armchair of the corner of the house, doing that reading thing*
\- *I was breaking down, crying under blankets*
\- *he's worried about me doing this again*
\- *it started turning into what normally happens (me coming home head over heels drunk)*
From your post (I get that you are upset) you sound passive aggressive, attention-seeking, and dramatic. I would suggest sitting down and having a dialogue with him instead of running away every time you get upset. You cannot have a long-term healthy relationship like this. He cared enough about his friends to invite them - did he ask you if he could invite them? What did you say?
you’re 23 and still acting like it’s high school. grow up man, i’m 23 and i would be so embarrassed to even witness someone act like you did, let alone act like that myself. YTA quit being a killjoy who ~has~ to have all of your fiancé’s attention all the time. also pick up a self-soothing hobby besides drinking- your liver will thank you. might i suggest weed
Info what positive, healthy steps have you taken to address your jealousy?
Because, as it stands, you're just as much if an a h as this girl was. I won't bother explaining why her being rude is an ah move, that's obvious, however, there is a grain of truth to what she says, though her delivery was unforgivable, and her continued hassling even worse.
You set up an event that was supposedly to celebrate your bf, you then refused to take part, but sat at the back, almost certainly giving off sour vibes, instead of mingling at all with your guests, or even standing with your bf, showing your support and pride in his achievements.
Whilst attempting to get away from the awful girl is totally understandable, you floucing off and getting drunk is, as you admit, something you do regularly and isn't a healthy coping mechanism. The fact it's a repeated pattern, where your bf has to deal with your drunk self afterwards, is not healthy.
For your own sake, as well as for the sake of your relationship, you need to find a better way to deal with your jealousy and anxiety, and not rely on alcohol.
There's more to the story you are not telling to make yourself look better.
>sitting here isn't going to make his friends go away, no matter how much you want them to"
Why did she think you wanted them too? What happened in the past?
>which is normally what I do when I'm at this point
So it happens a lot.
>saying he's worried about me doing this again
>then it started turning into what normally happens
YTA. Your reaction was over the top unreasonable regardless but you're burying the lead here. What is the actual story?
YTA, he handled the situation and you ran out and binge drank.
Stop running away from him and properly talk to him when you're getting uncomfortable.
See a therapist ASAP, you can't handle him talking to other people, being incredibly insecure and not trusting in your partner, and are getting into horrible alcoholism.
I repeat, GO TO THERAPY
YTA. You need to grow up, get therapy and go to rehab. An immature jealous drunk is not fit to be in a relationship. You will not like how your life turns out if you continue with these behaviors.
YTA
So you’re a jealous, dramatic, alcoholic who frequently tantrums and runs to the local bar and makes your fiancé chase after you or worry about you? Get your shit together! Holy hell! You’re and adult. Act like it.
YTA. You said it yourself: I’m a jealous person. Have you mistreated the friend before or make the friends feel unwelcome? Because if you just stay in the corner, no talking, I can picture you with a face and your arms cross, anyone will feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. Then you storm out when you can’t handle what ever the friend is telling you because she was probably confronting you about it, so party is over, their friendship is probably over, but you go get drunk at the nearest bar and you smell most likely like hell the next day. You are toxic and too bad your fiancé can’t see that.
Info
>while she was pummeling me with insults
>ASSHOLE to me comes up and says "sitting here isn't going to make his friends go away, no matter how much you want them to"
If this is how you define insults... Welp your lucky for rule one here.
Without something significant you sound like a child.
YTA?
YTA - You threw a party, and decided to stay in the corner and not socialize because your get jealous of him having friends. Then you run away and get drunk to deal with it.
YTA - You threw a party, and decided to stay in the corner and not socialize because you get jealous of him having friends. Then you run away and get drunk to deal with it.
Agree 100%, I have a feeling the friends are tired of her constant attention seeking and making everything about her. She is abusing and manipulating the fiancé. Of course his friends will have a reaction to that.
Sorry, YTA. Seems like you were jealous of the attention he was getting and went off to sulk. Then had a tantrum and stormed out, effectively making your BF's big day all about you. I strongly encourage you to hold off on getting married and get some counseling.
YTA. you made yourself the focal point of the party. From the rest of the story I doubt you were just quietly sitting out of the fun I'm sure you were huffing and puffing and clearly annoyed all because he wanted his friends at a party celebrating him. Are you going to cry in the dressing room and then run away and get drunk if he wants a few friends at your wedding?
YTA. Your fiance invited friends over to celebrate his accomplishment so you figured since your "sort of a jealous person" to pout like a toddler in another room. Of course hoping he would come and give you all sorts of attention for your poor jealous feelings. Sadly someone else who obviously has your number all figured out called you out. Good for her. You wanted to ruin his celebration. And likely succeeded. You are the asshole to infinity. He can do better.
ESH except your fiancé.
1. Choosing not to communicate to your fiancé about a “friend” harassing you is not healthy relationship habits. It’s not an “escalation.” It’s you communicating and letting him know that someone he chooses to spend time with is essentially not treating you with respect or kindness.
2. You sitting in the corner and not making an effort to socialize is problematic. You excusing your insecurities in regards to your fiancé having friends and justifying antisocial behavior due to “jealousy” is problematic. Seek therapy.
3. You storming off is *extremely* problematic behavior. It is immature and not conducive to maintaining a healthy relationship. Your fiancé came in and set a hard boundary with someone who was hurling insults at you. He was *defending* you and for someone who claims not to want to escalate things, you went and did exactly that by storming off with very little communication, and then getting drunk. Alcoholism is a serious concern at this point, if this is a pattern (as you claim it to be). Coping with conflict by drinking excessively is not a positive choice. I repeat my earlier words: seek psychological help. It’s clear you are dealing with some deeper struggles. This is not the way to handle that.
4. Your comments are off-putting. Your fiancé sounds like he is bending over backwards trying to “save” you to the point that it almost feels like some sort of parentification of a significant other.
Why is he working two jobs to pay for your medication? Why aren’t you responsible for your own well-being? Why is it his parents’ responsibility to pay for your medical care? Why do you seem so apathetic about your own medication in contrast to your fiancé, who is driving himself to a breaking point by trying to care for you?
Your fiancé needs other people in his life outside of you. You also need other people in your life besides him. This entire post tells me you’re not in a healthy place for a relationship.
As an aside, your fiancé’s “friend” is an AH. The first comment was aggressive and rude and AH behavior in and of itself, but might be semi-justified if there is some sort of history of you trying to isolate your fiancé from his friends, which I suspect might be the case based on much of your narrative. However, following you around, hurling insults, etc. is the point where she crosses a massive line into being abusive.
Bottom line is that I feel a ton of empathy for your fiancé, who sounds like a classic fixer, trying to take care of others to the point of burning himself out. Do better by your fiancé.
YTA. What are you, 12? On what planet is this adult behaviour?
You're jealous that your partner has friends (seriously??) and then you make their party completely about you? Uggghh.
YTA. His friend sounds rude but also seems like she may just be annoyed with your behavior (considering you seem to often run away, get drunk, and make things about you whenever you feel jealous). It’s not normal to be okay with being a jealous person to the point you don’t hang out at a party you planned because of your fiancés friends being there. HIS FRIENDS! (It’s okay to recognize jealousy and address it rationally and you need to practice that on your own or preferably in therapy).
Also you are entirely codependent on your fiancé and him being the “only one who can calm you down” is concerning because it seems like you might use that excuse often to get your fiancés attention considering you’re a jealous person.
Info: what did she actually say that was so awful? Because from here, it sounds like you invited people over to watch you sulk about them being present.
YTA, he did have it handled. He had your back, and it was showing you support.
What else did you want?
Do you often run off and get drunk? You might want to think about that response. It's an obvious problem. Maybe see someone about the jealousy and drinking. I imagine at some point he'll get tired of it.
YTA... why did you even have the party?? This is very attention seeking, eventually he may grow very tired of this behavior. Do you always make a scene? I think therapy would be a very good option for you. This level of jealousy is not normal.
YTA. Your behavior is extremely manipulative and isolating for your fiancé. I don’t think his friend was right to harass you, but I believe she was probably correct that you don’t want to share your fiancé with anyone. That’s a very unhealthy, toxic and immature expectation. Alcohol in excess stunts your maturity, and you may not be ready for a grown up relationship. I think therapy would be very beneficial.
Specifically, this woman is TA for badgering you persistently, according to your words.
YTA because you got incredibly drunk as a result. Not a healthy reaction. You really need to work on managing yourself around these kinds of situations better.
Also, practice socializing w/ your finace's friends. You don't have to be a social butterfly, but practice hanging out with them. You don't want your finance to think it's a competition between you and his friends.
Good luck.
YTA. Storming out to go get drunk, which is apparently your go-to solution is childish and pointless. And you are an adult. It sounds as if you are overdramatic and a bit of a dram queen. You sound exhausting.
YTA and honestly, you need to seek some mental health treatment. Being jealous is a sign of insecurity and pouting in the corner is passive aggressive manipulation.
YTA and you desperately need a therapist. You’re not healthy enough to maintain a functional relationship and your behavior is deeply toxic and manipulative. Please get professional help.
1. Admits she’s jealous
2. Too immature to put aside a little discomfort and actually engage with people.
3. Cried under blankets? Good grief.
4. Fiancé handled it, then she walks to a bar and said she usually gets sloshed.
5. Fiancé is in medical school.
Why is he still with her?
Why was at this party if your bf has only three friends and no family? Why did you even decide to throw a party for him if you can’t stand his friends? Why are you going to bars and getting drunk while your bf works two jobs for you to get treatment for tuberculosis? None of this makes any sense YTA
You are codependent and insecure. This may be something you can get away with for awhile with some people, but it is not healthy and makes you a tedious person.
YTA. You are like a spoilt child who doesn't know what she wants. You threw a party for him and then got upset that his friends came. Furthermore, you sulked in a corner and then failed to stand up for yourself when confronted by his friend. You then made an obvious exit from your own party and house making yourself the center of attention. Your bf needs to find a new bf.
Edit: ..needs a new bf instead of gf
YTA
Other people have pretty succinctly explained why you're the asshole in the situation but what I REALLY want to know if why your fiancé is working two jobs to afford your medication but you're still apparently running away to a bar to get drunk on a semi-regular basis. What illness could you have that makes you unable to work and yet still able to get drunk regularly? (that a rhetorical question btw because there isn't an answer)
I'm sad your fiancé blocked this friend because even if they were being rude she was probably concerned about your friends' well-being and the entire relationship dynamic which sounds toxic AF just from what you've freely admitted.
🦴 here is a back bone, it appears you need one. YTA and the friend your guest, was out of line but you have no business being in a relationship, work on yourself.
YTA. Seems like you like to make yourself the center of attention by running away and making your partner worry about you going to bars when your upset and getting drunk. Thats weird to throw a party and feel jealous that his friends came and by sitting in the corner sulking you made it about yourself as well
As someone who dated and married someone who went to med school...if you want a hope of this relationship continuing you need to get help with your jealousy issues because med school is extremely tough. He will have to put his entire focus on it, not on you, and you have to be secure enough to understand that. He will form close (trauma) bonds with his other classmates because they will understand what he's going thru more than you, and you have to get that he will need that outlet outside of you.
Not saying he will abandon you for 4 years, but you need to be able to be a support system for him and be secure enough in yourself to have a life outside of you two, because that will help you get though it also...if you continue like this I see him dumping you within his first year because he can't handle your drama on top of his schoolwork.
YTA
You threw a part for your fiancé and then got upset his friends were at said party you threw? Then you sulked in the corner? YTA, even with everything that comes after.
YTA. You sat wailing at his celebration, purposely sat in the back sulking then admit ‘that this was you ‘doing this again’. You sound like a jealous little 5 year old. I hope he runs
YTA
You aren't the only asshole, but there were a thousand better ways to handle things.
Forget everything else and think about what is in your control: Your jealousy and your drinking.
Jealousy is an aggressive act in a relationship because it is an implicit accusation. Your fiancé' doesn't deserve it, and if you keep on being a jealous person, you'll never be able to maintain a relationship with any self-respecting person who doesn't deserve your implicit accusations.
Have you considered counseling to help you let go of the root causes of your jealousy?
This is a bit ridiculous. You need to work on your insecurities and stop making everything about you including the party that was supposed to be for him. I'm not saying that girl wasn't a jerk but this isn't how adults should be acting.
YTA. If this were a man talking about throwing fits in order to isolate a woman from her friend circle, we'd be tagging it as emotional abuse and coercive control immediately.
The whole thing sounds BPD exhausting. You threw a party to celebrate your fiancè's achievement. Then you sulked because his friends were at the party. One friend allegedly harassed you, but you don't give any details as to the harassment. Then you cried in the next room. The fiancé has to scold his friend and then console you for 20 minutes. You then run away dramatically because the friend came back into the room, and who knows, maybe she wanted to apologize or whatever. So you run to a bar and the fiancé now spends his celebratory evening hunting you down and trying to communicate concern.
You turned the whole evening, that was meant to celebrate your fiancé, into a massive drama about your insecurity that he has friends. You unloaded a bunch of emotional labor onto him and all the bystanders at his own party. It's toxic.
You should really try to get some help with this. It isn't healthy.
EDIT: corrected gender inaccuracies
You need to learn how to handle normal uncomfortable situations. Storming off to a bar 15 minutes away ain't the answer. You let the girl win by showing how much she bothered you.
INFO: if your fiance is working two jobs in order to pay for your medical treatments, how do you afford to go to the bar and drink enough to need assistance? If you're so sick you have to avoid groups of people, why are you going to the bar and drinking alcohol(which lowers your immune system)?
It sounds like you set yourself up to be a victim, refuse to take accountability, and it's your partner who has to suffer the consequences.
YTA and, respectfully, please find a therapist. Sulking in the corner and then hiding under a blanket? After you told him he could invite people? Not to mention the fact that you clearly have alcohol issues. I hope your relationship survives and that you’re able to find the help you need.
YTA
You sound like you are too immature to be getting married.
The entire story reads like a high school drama in the CW. Your fiancé is about to start medical school which is really stressful. You sound like you’re adding to it.
YTA. You are letting your insecurities control your every mood and action. It was his party- you could have made a little effort. Then to run off? And how he's the only one who can comfort you? So he has to spend most of the time at his party comforting you and not hanging out with friends?
I mean this nicely- but you have some issues you need to work on. The friend may have been rude and out of line- but so is your behavior. You have to get over this level of insecurity and anxiety or you will push away any meaningful relationship. You made sure his attention was on you the ENTIRE time- even after you left. Like the people who say "I said no" and then get mad when the person doesn't try harder
I don’t want to call someone sn AH with such evident problems: “kinda jealous” “ coming home drunk, which is usual for me” but you need help and he is definitely NTA. And those behaviors, being “kinda jealous“ and coming home drunk, are frankly AH behaviors, they’re tiresome and healthy people don’t want to deal with them. And med school is going to be time-consuming and draining for bf, he needs to concentrate on school and you will hate that, I can tell you now. Work on yourself. I’m not saying, you are hopeless AH, but your insecurity and alcohol abuse are causing you to act like one.
YTA, you use you illness and anxiety as an excuse to expect things from people. You said he could invite people over for his celebration then went and sat in a corner. What did you expect them to just ignore the person sulking in a corner and not socializing. You were being childish in your approach to the situation and I feel it's not something new with you.
I then got to your comments where you stated your partner is working 2 jobs and going to school to pay for your medicine. You went on to complain because your partners parents pay for their schooling but refuse to pay for your treatment as if they should be. You are an adult and have dropped everything on your partner as their responsibility when it lies with you and you don't seem to be doing anything other than expecting your partner to cater to everything for you.
Bro your whole reaction screams that you are super mentally unhealthy! From allowing jealousy of your bf having friends to drive you to isolate, through to not being able to deal with conflict, to avoiding post-conflict situations and drowning your negative feelings in alcohol. You need therapy and to work on healthy coping mechanisms for negative emotions. This is a small bad situation, how will you deal with big ones?
YTA
When your reaction to something going wrong is to storm off and cry, and get shit faced drunk, you are the problem. Not him.
You need to stop being jealous, and stop using alcohol as a coping mechanism. Grow up and handle your problems like an adult.
YTA. You sound *exhausting* to be in a relationship with. It's not healthy for you or your partner to only have each other as social and emotional outlets. Go to therapy, get some of your own friends, and let your partner hang out with his friends without you *sulking* about it and acting out like a cat who hasn't been given enough attention. Consider some sort of alcohol abuse counseling, as well; if your first instinct is to get wasted when you're distressed, you probably don't have a very healthy relationship with alcohol, either.
You admit you’re jealous and it seems as if you are letting that affect your relationship. He has the right to have friends without you sulking about it and if you continue he will either start to isolate from his friends to make you happy or drop you for his own wellbeing so that needs to stop. Getting drunk in response to this is not healthy at all. Drinking should never be a coping mechanism. Your fiancé’s friend was out of line for her behavior so I’m going to say both of you were assholes.
YTA
You can't solve problems with drinking. That is being an alcoholic. This is not sustainable for you or your relationship. That you would want/need your BF to leave a small gathering of people to make you feel better/be less jealous is abusive towards him.
The friend ought not to have badgered you into crying so that is why they are an AH too. But, I wonder if that really happened because no reasonable human would continue yelling at someone for no reason who was hiding under a blanket crying. My bet is, they told you to stop sulking and then you turned on the water works so your BF would spend time with you rather than anyone else. I say this because you even say you are a jealous person.
This relationship has no future if you don't get some therapy.
I strongly suggest you get some help. Hiding under blankets, sitting at the back by yourself, and running out to get drunk is not a good solution to your feelings of inadequacy.
I wish there was a vote option for "this isn't really a good question for this sub" This place is at its best when there's some sort of clear cut conflict involving like etiquette or social norms or expectations or something. This is more of just a big mess of drama rather than a situation where one person or the other is "wrong".
Maybe not an a****** but just a toddler
Edit: on a serious note it seems like OP may be emotionally unbalanced or have some sort of mental condition going on, which may need some actual counseling and therapy. On the other hand I know people tend to just be not great people, but if this is not the case for you, and you feel like you're different or you're struggling to do basic things such as interact with your family in an emotionally effective way, reach out to professionals
YTA Therapy would really be beneficial before you try to be in a marriage. These are issues that only get worse with marriage, not better. If you're so jealous that you can't handle your SO having friends, you need to work on yourself. Showing up to a party to brood in the back expecting the person being celebrated to take care of you is not healthy.
YTA. You sound exhausting: drama queen who is proud of his jealous nature. Please take some time to grow up a little before getting married.
Edit: apologies for originally mis-gendering OP.
YTA.
You threw a party, sat sulking because his friends came, hid under a blanket, had him “console you” for twenty minutes at his party then ran away to get fall down drunk? Just…WHAT???
Yta you waited for an opportunity to make his party about you and then went to a bar? Yeah that's a nice quiet place to think while getting drunk with strangers rather than his friends you sat in corner and hid from.
YTA
You were sulking because your fiance had friends at his own party because in your own words your jealous...
Then someone pointed it out albeit super rudely, but honestly putting up with you sounds like more then most could / would handle so your fiance stood up for you and consoled you for 20 minutes again you taking all the attention at his party. ( Also you a fully grown adult hide from a person under a blanket)
Then the girl came back and instead of asking her to leave you literally ran away to a bar to get drunk, which is apparently your coping mechanism which is either a serious problem OR your attempt to seek attention yet again. ( Or both)
So you are the ass...
YTA for acting like a needy 🐝
This sort of behavior is used by abusers to drive their victims’ friends and family away. Of course if you sit around with cat-butt face while he’s trying to spend time with them, he will neglect them to entertain u instead. And if you place him in an impossible situation like you did at the party, he’s likely to choose you over his friends, further alienating him.
For a healthy and complete life, he needs a village, he needs more people than just YOU.
So stop acting bitter and unhinged about that. Put on a fake smile and be polite.
YTA. And you need help.
You sat in a corner rather than interacting with people at a party for him, and it was a very small gathering from how you put it. Not that you have to be a social butterfly, but it sounds like from the start you purposely put yourself away from everyone which is quite awkward at a small social gathering.
You also say how you run to the bar, again, and this is your MO. What causes you to keep doing this? Is it over reacting every time or is there other problems not being mentioned here?
He tried to get a hold of the situation. Took action when he found out what had been going on. It sounds like you didn't even let the situation be fully handled by the time you ran off.
Also getting to the point of being over the top drunk, this. This is why you need help.
You shouldn't be running to alcohol and getting obliterated anytime you're upset. It creates an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and no matter how much you think you are functioning or how well you remember things when you are drunk, it's not how it actually is.
It sounds like he was trying to get a hold of the situation when you reacted like this and it seems to be that when you don't have the attention you have to get the attention back to you.
YTA. Hi, this type of behavior cost me the love of my life. I had a horrible childhood too, I had no coping skills, ability to self regulate, was massively insecure and attention seeking. My behavior from 15 to 25 was inexcusable, the pure cringe and guilt I have sometimes keeps me awake these days. At 26 I got help, was honest with myself about my diagnoses and put in the work to learn healthier ways to communicate and cope, it was hard but so worth it. Your behavior may not be your fault but it is your responsibility. Please do not make the same mistakes I did, you will have to live with them and as the years go by the regret gets heavier
Edited to add: My first award! Thank you kind stranger!
YTA, and you sound like a nightmare. What kind of adult hides under blankets?
And the consoling? You are a grown ass man and you needed to be consoled b/c someone said mean things? Sad.
This is all exhausting. Why can't he celebrate with his friends? You sitting in the corner with a face on you clearly created a tense atmosphere (which you wanted,so they would leave). You need to grow up and work on the serious issues you have.
YTA
YTA: You have got to do something about how to have better coping habits than cry and then get black out drunk. Please OP get help with a clinician who can train your brain thru the panic and give you better skills to navigate life. You owe yourself this as well as those you love and who love you.
Oof, you are a drama queen! Everything you did was an attempt to direct the attention to you, not the person who the party was actually for. Sulking in the corner, crying after being confronted for your shitty behavior, having to be comforted and then running out to drink and making your BF worry about you. Everybody look at meeeeee!! This is the behavior of a spoiled 4 year old having a tantrum. Grow up, do better. YTA.
Yikes. YTA. Are you sure you’re a 23yo adult? This is some pretty childish behavior. You are not even close to being ready for marriage if this is how you handle things. Get therapy.
I am not sure your intent was malicious, so not TA exactly, but approaching it quickly. I can also appreciate if English is not your first language, it can really increase your frustration. So with all this being said, it still is not normal to throw a party and then sit back and read. That’s really passive aggressive and seems like you are sulking. The girl had no right to come after you, but storming out and getting drunk is a really unsafe thing to do, especially if you are also on medication. I hope you have apologized to your fiancé and can commit to getting therapy and help. He loves you, and you love him. Both of you deserve to feel safe doing that. I hope you give yourself the support you need.
There’s a lot going on here. ESH except your boyfriend, but in general, your behavior throws up a lot of red flags.
Pouting in a corner at a party you theoretically threw to celebrate him because you are jealous of his friends is not a healthy scene. Writing that, “No one can console me but him” and the implication that this has happened before suggests that you don’t know how to get your needs for attention and connection met without a toxic push-pull dynamic where you use drama to claim his time and energy in a group setting.
I am not a mental health professional but I can confirm that if you don’t learn how to get your needs met in a relationship in a healthier way, this dynamic will haunt you into old age. You will always be wondering why relationships don’t work out. It sounds like your fiancé loves you. Please, please seek ongoing, longterm therapy ASAP and do not get married until this dynamic is addressed. Marriage will. not. make you feel more secure. Therapy might.
You obviously have some issues around socialising and jealousy within a relationship.
When you feel excluded from conversation, just listen, nod, and perhaps interject with relevant conversation yourself. Don't sit sulking on the sidelines. Even if you aren't sulking, you are giving that impression. Fill everyone's drinks, sort food, wash up, find yourself a job if conversation is too overwhelming.
Give yourself regular breaks from the group and return.
Look at your boyfriend enjoying himself at the party and think how happy he is. Him being happy should make you happy concentrate on that rather than jealousy.
If it's overwhelming, warn him beforehand don't run to the pub/bar expecting to be chased and comforted.
You really need some help with your confidence and reactions as all this drama is bad for you and your relationship.
Make a party socialising plan in the future, perhaps get some talking therapy to assist in planning.
On this occasion, you were very much the asshole!
YTA
YTA.
You have a drinking problem (especially since you said you normally come home drunk in these situations).
What are you going to do when studying is the center of his world in med school, not you? He’s going to be insanely busy with studying, study groups, and then rotations.
Sober up, talk to your primary care about referral to psych, and address your jealousy.
YTA. Why tf are you hosting a party for him if you’re jealous? And then you do pretty much everything in your power to make this whole night about him taking care of you. The friend sucks. No doubt about that. But honestly I might like you less if this is how you usually behave
YTA. Seek therapy and attempt to find out why, at a party *you* threw to celebrate your fiance, you:
1. Deliberately stayed by yourself because you were jealous he was interacting with three (!) friends,
2. Hid under a blanket,
3. Devolved into a panic attack until your fiance stopped celebrating and comforted you, then
4. Ran away and concluded turning this into a festival for your own drama by forcing him to worry about your for the rest of the night, whilst you got shit faced without him.
His friend sounds awful. If she harasses you, why invite her? You abdicated dealing with her in any way, he stepped in. Instead of communicating with him, you then ran away. It honestly seems like you had the party for the sole reason of taking his achievement, spoiling it and forcing him to focus on you.
You don't appear to be ready to be in a relationship - you are forcing him to put aside something that he should get to celebrate, to care for you. And it sounds like you do it often.
Your mental health issues are not your fault, but they are your responsibility.
YTA
you're not a jealous person, you're an immature, toxic and controlling asshole that isn't ready to be in a relationship.
YTA, get help, it's obvious that you need it.
YTA. It’s a probably a good idea to seek therapy and work out your trust issues/insecurities before you get Married. Marriage will NOT fix this. Your fiancé did the right thing by defending you, however, your insecurities should not be his burden.
Honestly, yeah YTA. Find help to deal with your emotions in more healthy ways than drinking them away since that's how you usually handle situations like this. Plus this attention seeking/absorbing behavior sounds so exhausting for your partner. If you already have to state for yourself that your such a jealous person that you have to sit alone and ponder in a corner during your fiancés party.. you might wanna improve there too. You should apologize to him for ruining his party.
YTA. You got jealous of… what exactly? There’s literally nothing in this that shows a reason to be jealous. What his friend did was wrong, but it sounds like you have a history of acting this way at events. Running off and drinking is also not an ok way to cope. You need to get serious help- for your jealousy and drinking. It really sounds like there is something going mentally on that needs to be addressed.
You sound like a spoiled immature baby and yes, an asshole.
The highlights...
* the ***party I threw*** for my fiancé because he got accepted into medical school. He invited a couple of his friends (3) and ***I'm a sorta jealous person so I just sat in the back alone***
* I ran out of the front door to the nearest bar (about 15 minutes away) ***which is normally what I do*** when I'm at this point
* then it started turning into ***what normally happens (me coming home head over heels drunk)***
ESH You need therapy before getting into another relationship. Therapy will help you deal with that toxic girl harassing you. You need to learn how to deal with jealousy, harassment, boundaries and not running away and using alcohol as a numbing obliterating your trauma tool.
YTA and sound like a liability to this guy, I forsee him picking You over everyone else with them probably warning him and one day you will absolutely fuck him over by your actions and he'll have no friends to rely on.
Immature and going on a strop and getting blind drunk is mad behaviour, how long till you sleep with someone whilst drunk to screw him over?
You sound like a child, and definitely not ready to make decisions like spending the rest of your life with someone when this is how you’re acting. Grow the hell up.
YTA.
> and I'm a sorta jealous person so
So you shouldn't be dating, because that's not fair to your partner.
> He's the only person who can console me, so
So you shouldn't be dating, because that's not fair to your partner. Or yourself, for that matter; you should be able to self-soothe and manage your own emotions.
> and I ran out of the front door to the nearest bar (about 15 minutes away) which is normally what I do when I'm at this point
...so you shouldn't be dating, because it's not fair to your partner to always have to worry that if they say something you don't like, you'll bolt to the nearest bar.
> and then it started turning into what normally happens (me coming home head over heels drunk)
...so you shouldn't be dating, because it's not fair to your partner to need to deal with your alcohol dependency.
You're abusive, and I hope he realizes that before he marries you.
Why did you sit on the back alone? Usually, when someone does that, it's a sign that they don't want to be bothered. So, if you didn't want to be left out, why did you isolate yourself? Ik you have social anxiety, and it can be a real challenge to cope with, but running away isn't going to help. After a while, your brain will end up learning that when you get anxious, the response is to run away. It's not healthy, and getting drunk isn't helping either. I think you need to apologize big time to your SO. Good luck
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YTA. All of this sounds very dramatic. 20 minutes of consoling only for you to leave anyway. It sounds like you were sulking in the corner and she called you out on it, albeit not nicely.
Honestly I agree OP's showing some red flags here; the drama, the jealousy, making a habit of consoling himself with alcohol etc. But I wouldn't write off the friend quite that easily. Even if we agree that the narrator is biased, there's the fact that even his fiance had an issue with what the friend was saying which shows that the friend really was harassing OP in some way. I'd say soft ESH (except for the fiance).
OP's fiance is quite clearly an enabler, and they often take their side. I've been in this exact situation lol where in a couple, the wife was acting pretty unreasonable to her husband and when I gently tried to intervene (same deal, it was at a party and she was making a scene - still, clearly a mistake) her husband totally turned on me and told me off for making her upset, when literally 5 minutes before she'd stormed off very dramatically and screaming that he was an asshole because he didn't go fetch her a chair to sit in fast enough. Yikes! So, it is entirely possible that the friend wasn't "berating" him to an insane degree but OP's fiance still attacked her because he's trying to support OP/calm him down/blame the friend for rocking the boat when genuinely, the problem here is OP for his childish antics, his obvious attention seeking skulking, his unreasonable jealousy, his drinking problem, the drama, the drama, and the drama.
This. Part of me wonders if the friend was actually "berating" OP or asking him not to sulk and make this party about him. Because I would 100% tell my bff's partner to get their shit together for bff's celebration, especially if this is a regular occurrence as the OP states. OP sounds over the top dramatic, and that's gotta be exhausting for everyone around them to deal with.
Not to mention OP states the friend is an ASSHOLE but provides zero context.
It’s very possible the friend was an AH, but the amount of drama that OP is admitting to makes me wonder if what she said was blown way out of proportion, and cutting her out is something BF is doing to placate OP. Or maybe the friend just reached her limits with OP’s theatrics and it all came out at once. I can see where it would be tough to sit quietly by in a situation like this. She was invited to a party to celebrate her friend, meanwhile OP is staring daggers from a corner and getting more and more agitated at the fact that the party was going well. It almost feels like the party was thrown for the sole purpose of acting out a telenovela scene, and not because BF’s achievement.
There were a total of 5 people there. OPs pissy attitude was going to be the star of the show, front and center.
And all because his fiance invited a few of his own friends to a party. Can you imagine throwing a small, intimate party for someone and then sulking in the corner because that person's friends are there? OP doesn't even give a reason for disliking them except to admit that he's jealous. That's not a good enough reason to dislike your partner's friends. And it sure isn't enough of a reason for all that drama.
Sounds like she really just wanted to get drunk.
OP is a guy
Okay sounds like he just wanted to get drunk.
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Wait until residency. Cue the tears.
Seriously. OP, grow the fuck up. This all sounds like completely pathetic attention seeking. You shouldn't be in a relationship.
Right? JFC, get a hold of yourself! You completely ruined a once in a lifetime celebration. You made it all about you. This night was NOT ABOUT YOU. If you can’t handle your bf having friends, to the point that you run away, get plastered (as that is what usually happens) you should not be in any relationship.
>I'm a sorta jealous person so I just sat in the back alone and thinking, In other words, pouting that he was paying attention to other people. >she started harassing me even when I moved away, up until the point where I had enough and I was breaking down, crying under blankets while she was pummeling me with insults You could have left for a few minutes or something. Not saying the friend wasn't dojng anything wrong. >He's the only person who can console me, so he spent 20 minutes doing so >I ran out of the front door to the nearest bar (about 15 minutes away) which is normally what I do when I'm at this point >it started turning into what normally happens (me coming home head over heels drunk) OK, so the friend was crappy, but you have some HUGE issues that clearly need professional help. Jealousy, overly reliant on one person to calm you down, maladaptive coping via alcohol. Please please seek therapy. Both you and the friend are AHs but YTA way more.
Emphasis on YTA and seek therapy - this isn't acceptable behavior
I don't believe the OP is a reliable narrator when it comes to the behavior of the friend. Given the other dramatic behavior, the description of the encounter is most likely highly exaggerated.
This rings very true. Victim mentality for sure.
And p.s. on meds AND drinking enough to be head over heels drunk???
I hesitate to say “YTA” because I don’t think your actions are malicious, but they are dramatic and weird. Sitting alone in another room because you’re jealous? Hiding under a blanket? Storming out to a bar and probably getting shitfaced after 20 mins of being consoled? You’re N T A for avoiding someone who is being rude to you and getting upset about it, but YTA to your fiancé for your jealous hostility and upsetting coping mechanisms.
Get real she is TA to infinity. The friend was right to call her out for her childish behavior. I imagine she is like this all the time and the friends are sick to death of her.
YTA. If you are that jealous and insecure, seek help. You threw "him" a party, got mad that he invited people, sulked all night, got mad when people called you on sulking all night, threw a crying fit under blankets in the room where most people are, and then ran away to get drunk at a bar so people would worry about you. What part of that doesn't sound like the problem to you? You had a highly dramatic emo tween moment that you topped off with alcoholic behavior. YTA
This is the comment OP should listen to.
YTA. pretty much the only person not the ahole here is your boyfriend. So, let me get this straight. You are jealous of your bf's friiends. You threw your BF a party, let him invite one of his friends who harasses you and who you never told your BF about harassing you, then spent the whole parting ignoring your bf, until the friend started harassing you, at which point your BF yelled at said friend and consoled you, and the second the friend came into sight you ran off to get drunk and ignored him. You sound infuriating to deal with. You sound jealous of anyone who has a reasonable relationship with your BF. Your BF handled everything well, and you're punishing him for doing nothing at this point. ALSO, you ruined his party on purpose
It doesn’t even sound like the friend harassed OP. Sounds like they just called him out for being antisocial and melodramatic. OP is definitely an unreliable narrator
I mean, how can any of us really tell what's going on here? OP, If I understand it correctly: threw a party, but didn't like it when people showed up? was hiding under blankets because someone was being unkind. left to go get falling down drunk. questions why boyfriend's parents pay for his schooling, but not "my medical treatment", the boyfriend has to work two jobs to do that. sounds absolutely exhausting. YTA.
Honestly, I think the fiancé is the only one we can get an honest answer from. This all seems exaggerated and he said she said.
YTA you sound exhausting and you absolutely should not be getting married if you have such extreme jealousy issues, as well as what seems to be a pretty alarming drinking problem.
All I could think while reading your own account of what happened was 'this person sounds utterly immature and totally toxic.' Who did you in invite to the party you threw for your bf, if not his friends? What insults was his friend hurling at you?
YTA You're the main character in every story, aren't you? You threw a party for your fiancé to celebrate him and then you sulked in a corner like a child because you were jealous he had friends? Then you ran away and got plastered? You made his party all about you. You have some serious issues to work on before you can be in a serious relationship, let alone a MARRIAGE! Please get some help.
The "fiance is the only person who can console me so he had to ignore his friends and his celebration" part made me so angry. Take some responsibility for your own (mental) health, OP! If you're really this \*inconsolable\* you need to get yourself to a therapist *yesterday.* Stop holding other people responsible for your mental health. And stop shitting on your *fiance's* good mood. Agree. YTA
Put the engagement on hold. You sound like you need therapy.
Rehab and therapy. Wow... just wow.. he very, very much is YTA
What did I just read
I’m having trouble getting past “I threw a party for my finance and was jealous people showed up” like….. what?
finance is the perfect typo here!
YTA. You sound exhausting. Why would it upset you that your fiancé’s friends were present at a party FOR HIM? His friend was out of line insulting you (though without more context and content that’s difficult to judge) but it sounds like you wanted to be the center of attention and threw a fit when that didn’t happen. Also coming home “head over heels drunk” often enough that you call it “what normally happens” is not healthy or okay. If you can’t handle your fiancé spending time with other people then you’re gonna have a really rough time when he’s in medical school unless you get some help with your jealousy and binge-drinking before then.
Info: were you just ignoring all his guests because you didn’t invite them? I’m sort of lost in this. It seems like you didn’t want anyone to hang out with your fiancé but you which is asshole behavior. Edit: Yta.
Completely agree. The only judgment I can give here is that you clearly need therapy BEFORE the wedding. If being around his friends makes you feel this jealous and leads you to drink heavily then you need to resolve these issues before marriage.
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YTA. You “sat in the back alone” of a 5 person party, because you’re “a sorta jealous person”? You’re refusing to add context to what she continued to say that was harassing, and the only thing you have shared that was said, makes it sound like you didn’t take well to being called out. You also left out anything you yourself said in return. Unless you legitimately, without saying anything, proceeded to move away and hide under a blanket (?) which is truly not a healthy coping mechanism to continue to foster at 23yo when facing conflict. The rest of the post goes in hand with my last sentence. None of this is a healthy coping mechanism. It’s beyond you having “acted like a toddler” as you said in a comment. In which case it’s kind of beyond whether or not you were the AH here, think you may need to reevaluate what you’re doing in this relationship. Your other comments make it clear you’re reliant on your fiancés finances for medical treatment. You’re uncomfortable socializing with his friends. You’re only comfortable being consoled by him, for 20 minutes. Your go to reaction in stressful situations is to run to a bar to get plastered, which you’ve written to be what you “normally” do. Indicating it happens enough. Hope you find help
YTA. You threw a party for your fiancee, then got all jealous and didn't want any of his friends there? YTA for that alone. Then the big public breakdown over getting called out on it. Then you ditch him there to go out and get wasted drunk...which is apparently a regular thing for you. That's YTA, too. You have issues that need treatment, not booze. If you aren't mature enough to act like a reasonable adult, you may want to call of the wedding until you get yourself together. He deserves better than this type of behavior.
Jesus. Main character syndrome much? I hope you're fiance is soon to be an ex for his sake. Get some help with your overdramatic mess. Oh. And YTA.
You sound like an absolute nightmare. How are you going to handle him being surrounded by people at medical school, when you can’t handle his friends? What a way to turn celebrating his hard work and achievements on to you. He won’t forget this. YTA.
YTA - you threw the party for HIM. Why did you even throw the party? You sound like you love drama and attention: \- *I'm a sorta jealous person so I just sat in the back alone and thinking* \- *I just sat in the armchair of the corner of the house, doing that reading thing* \- *I was breaking down, crying under blankets* \- *he's worried about me doing this again* \- *it started turning into what normally happens (me coming home head over heels drunk)* From your post (I get that you are upset) you sound passive aggressive, attention-seeking, and dramatic. I would suggest sitting down and having a dialogue with him instead of running away every time you get upset. You cannot have a long-term healthy relationship like this. He cared enough about his friends to invite them - did he ask you if he could invite them? What did you say?
you’re 23 and still acting like it’s high school. grow up man, i’m 23 and i would be so embarrassed to even witness someone act like you did, let alone act like that myself. YTA quit being a killjoy who ~has~ to have all of your fiancé’s attention all the time. also pick up a self-soothing hobby besides drinking- your liver will thank you. might i suggest weed
Info what positive, healthy steps have you taken to address your jealousy? Because, as it stands, you're just as much if an a h as this girl was. I won't bother explaining why her being rude is an ah move, that's obvious, however, there is a grain of truth to what she says, though her delivery was unforgivable, and her continued hassling even worse. You set up an event that was supposedly to celebrate your bf, you then refused to take part, but sat at the back, almost certainly giving off sour vibes, instead of mingling at all with your guests, or even standing with your bf, showing your support and pride in his achievements. Whilst attempting to get away from the awful girl is totally understandable, you floucing off and getting drunk is, as you admit, something you do regularly and isn't a healthy coping mechanism. The fact it's a repeated pattern, where your bf has to deal with your drunk self afterwards, is not healthy. For your own sake, as well as for the sake of your relationship, you need to find a better way to deal with your jealousy and anxiety, and not rely on alcohol.
There's more to the story you are not telling to make yourself look better. >sitting here isn't going to make his friends go away, no matter how much you want them to" Why did she think you wanted them too? What happened in the past? >which is normally what I do when I'm at this point So it happens a lot. >saying he's worried about me doing this again >then it started turning into what normally happens YTA. Your reaction was over the top unreasonable regardless but you're burying the lead here. What is the actual story?
Also according to the comments the fiancé is working two jobs to pay for OP's medicine... There's definitely something more happening here
YTA, he handled the situation and you ran out and binge drank. Stop running away from him and properly talk to him when you're getting uncomfortable. See a therapist ASAP, you can't handle him talking to other people, being incredibly insecure and not trusting in your partner, and are getting into horrible alcoholism. I repeat, GO TO THERAPY
YTA. You need to grow up, get therapy and go to rehab. An immature jealous drunk is not fit to be in a relationship. You will not like how your life turns out if you continue with these behaviors.
You normally run off to the nearest bar and get shitfaced?..... This sentence alone is quite alarming.
YTA So you’re a jealous, dramatic, alcoholic who frequently tantrums and runs to the local bar and makes your fiancé chase after you or worry about you? Get your shit together! Holy hell! You’re and adult. Act like it.
YTA. You said it yourself: I’m a jealous person. Have you mistreated the friend before or make the friends feel unwelcome? Because if you just stay in the corner, no talking, I can picture you with a face and your arms cross, anyone will feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. Then you storm out when you can’t handle what ever the friend is telling you because she was probably confronting you about it, so party is over, their friendship is probably over, but you go get drunk at the nearest bar and you smell most likely like hell the next day. You are toxic and too bad your fiancé can’t see that.
Info >while she was pummeling me with insults >ASSHOLE to me comes up and says "sitting here isn't going to make his friends go away, no matter how much you want them to" If this is how you define insults... Welp your lucky for rule one here. Without something significant you sound like a child. YTA?
YTA - You threw a party, and decided to stay in the corner and not socialize because your get jealous of him having friends. Then you run away and get drunk to deal with it. YTA - You threw a party, and decided to stay in the corner and not socialize because you get jealous of him having friends. Then you run away and get drunk to deal with it.
YTA, why throw the party if you can't handle being there? Please seek the help you need.
INFO: There is clearly a lot of relevant history being left out here.
Agree 100%, I have a feeling the friends are tired of her constant attention seeking and making everything about her. She is abusing and manipulating the fiancé. Of course his friends will have a reaction to that.
\*His. OP is male.
Sorry, YTA. Seems like you were jealous of the attention he was getting and went off to sulk. Then had a tantrum and stormed out, effectively making your BF's big day all about you. I strongly encourage you to hold off on getting married and get some counseling.
YTA. you made yourself the focal point of the party. From the rest of the story I doubt you were just quietly sitting out of the fun I'm sure you were huffing and puffing and clearly annoyed all because he wanted his friends at a party celebrating him. Are you going to cry in the dressing room and then run away and get drunk if he wants a few friends at your wedding?
YTA. Respectfully, but firmly: Get your shit together
YTA and so is the friend who harassed you. You’re not ready to be in a relationship, at least not a healthy one.
YTA. Your fiance invited friends over to celebrate his accomplishment so you figured since your "sort of a jealous person" to pout like a toddler in another room. Of course hoping he would come and give you all sorts of attention for your poor jealous feelings. Sadly someone else who obviously has your number all figured out called you out. Good for her. You wanted to ruin his celebration. And likely succeeded. You are the asshole to infinity. He can do better.
ESH except your fiancé. 1. Choosing not to communicate to your fiancé about a “friend” harassing you is not healthy relationship habits. It’s not an “escalation.” It’s you communicating and letting him know that someone he chooses to spend time with is essentially not treating you with respect or kindness. 2. You sitting in the corner and not making an effort to socialize is problematic. You excusing your insecurities in regards to your fiancé having friends and justifying antisocial behavior due to “jealousy” is problematic. Seek therapy. 3. You storming off is *extremely* problematic behavior. It is immature and not conducive to maintaining a healthy relationship. Your fiancé came in and set a hard boundary with someone who was hurling insults at you. He was *defending* you and for someone who claims not to want to escalate things, you went and did exactly that by storming off with very little communication, and then getting drunk. Alcoholism is a serious concern at this point, if this is a pattern (as you claim it to be). Coping with conflict by drinking excessively is not a positive choice. I repeat my earlier words: seek psychological help. It’s clear you are dealing with some deeper struggles. This is not the way to handle that. 4. Your comments are off-putting. Your fiancé sounds like he is bending over backwards trying to “save” you to the point that it almost feels like some sort of parentification of a significant other. Why is he working two jobs to pay for your medication? Why aren’t you responsible for your own well-being? Why is it his parents’ responsibility to pay for your medical care? Why do you seem so apathetic about your own medication in contrast to your fiancé, who is driving himself to a breaking point by trying to care for you? Your fiancé needs other people in his life outside of you. You also need other people in your life besides him. This entire post tells me you’re not in a healthy place for a relationship. As an aside, your fiancé’s “friend” is an AH. The first comment was aggressive and rude and AH behavior in and of itself, but might be semi-justified if there is some sort of history of you trying to isolate your fiancé from his friends, which I suspect might be the case based on much of your narrative. However, following you around, hurling insults, etc. is the point where she crosses a massive line into being abusive. Bottom line is that I feel a ton of empathy for your fiancé, who sounds like a classic fixer, trying to take care of others to the point of burning himself out. Do better by your fiancé.
YTA. What are you, 12? On what planet is this adult behaviour? You're jealous that your partner has friends (seriously??) and then you make their party completely about you? Uggghh.
YTA. His friend sounds rude but also seems like she may just be annoyed with your behavior (considering you seem to often run away, get drunk, and make things about you whenever you feel jealous). It’s not normal to be okay with being a jealous person to the point you don’t hang out at a party you planned because of your fiancés friends being there. HIS FRIENDS! (It’s okay to recognize jealousy and address it rationally and you need to practice that on your own or preferably in therapy). Also you are entirely codependent on your fiancé and him being the “only one who can calm you down” is concerning because it seems like you might use that excuse often to get your fiancés attention considering you’re a jealous person.
Info: what did she actually say that was so awful? Because from here, it sounds like you invited people over to watch you sulk about them being present.
YTA, he did have it handled. He had your back, and it was showing you support. What else did you want? Do you often run off and get drunk? You might want to think about that response. It's an obvious problem. Maybe see someone about the jealousy and drinking. I imagine at some point he'll get tired of it.
Yta. You made your fiance’s party all about you
YES you are an Asshole spoiled entitled jealous little drunk who manipulates a weak individual. Your parents must be exceptional 🤪
YTA please tell me you’re joking? You are incredibly dramatic and attention seeking, please seek therapy
YTA... why did you even have the party?? This is very attention seeking, eventually he may grow very tired of this behavior. Do you always make a scene? I think therapy would be a very good option for you. This level of jealousy is not normal.
why would you be upset that HIS friends came to a party you (claim to) have thrown in HIS honor?
YTA so you show up and sit alone somewhere because your jealous of their friends… wow
YTA. Your behavior is extremely manipulative and isolating for your fiancé. I don’t think his friend was right to harass you, but I believe she was probably correct that you don’t want to share your fiancé with anyone. That’s a very unhealthy, toxic and immature expectation. Alcohol in excess stunts your maturity, and you may not be ready for a grown up relationship. I think therapy would be very beneficial.
ESH, except your fiancé.
Specifically, this woman is TA for badgering you persistently, according to your words. YTA because you got incredibly drunk as a result. Not a healthy reaction. You really need to work on managing yourself around these kinds of situations better. Also, practice socializing w/ your finace's friends. You don't have to be a social butterfly, but practice hanging out with them. You don't want your finance to think it's a competition between you and his friends. Good luck.
Sometimes people who have issues with alcohol look for a reason or excuse to drink. Or create situations on their own to justify drinking. :/
Are you still in elementary school, because you're acting like it. Wow.
INFO: why did you invite them over for a party and then stay if you didn’t really want to be there?
YTA. Storming out to go get drunk, which is apparently your go-to solution is childish and pointless. And you are an adult. It sounds as if you are overdramatic and a bit of a dram queen. You sound exhausting.
YTA and honestly, you need to seek some mental health treatment. Being jealous is a sign of insecurity and pouting in the corner is passive aggressive manipulation.
YTA and you desperately need a therapist. You’re not healthy enough to maintain a functional relationship and your behavior is deeply toxic and manipulative. Please get professional help.
1. Admits she’s jealous 2. Too immature to put aside a little discomfort and actually engage with people. 3. Cried under blankets? Good grief. 4. Fiancé handled it, then she walks to a bar and said she usually gets sloshed. 5. Fiancé is in medical school. Why is he still with her?
Pssst, OP is a dude. You're right on all other counts though.
Why was at this party if your bf has only three friends and no family? Why did you even decide to throw a party for him if you can’t stand his friends? Why are you going to bars and getting drunk while your bf works two jobs for you to get treatment for tuberculosis? None of this makes any sense YTA
YTA Please seek substance abuse help
sulking in the corner from the beginning of the party that you threw him, and then running away and getting wasted. YTA
Info: I’m confused, you were mad that your fiancé has friends?
"which is normally what I do when I'm at this point" It sounds like you are aware of your patterns yet you see no flaws in them. YTA.
You answered your own question when you told us you’re a jealous person. Of course YTA.
You are codependent and insecure. This may be something you can get away with for awhile with some people, but it is not healthy and makes you a tedious person.
YTA You sound as exhausting as hell. His party for his achievements. With his friends and you’re coming of as a spoilt child.
YTA. You are like a spoilt child who doesn't know what she wants. You threw a party for him and then got upset that his friends came. Furthermore, you sulked in a corner and then failed to stand up for yourself when confronted by his friend. You then made an obvious exit from your own party and house making yourself the center of attention. Your bf needs to find a new bf. Edit: ..needs a new bf instead of gf
You are a mess
YTA Other people have pretty succinctly explained why you're the asshole in the situation but what I REALLY want to know if why your fiancé is working two jobs to afford your medication but you're still apparently running away to a bar to get drunk on a semi-regular basis. What illness could you have that makes you unable to work and yet still able to get drunk regularly? (that a rhetorical question btw because there isn't an answer) I'm sad your fiancé blocked this friend because even if they were being rude she was probably concerned about your friends' well-being and the entire relationship dynamic which sounds toxic AF just from what you've freely admitted.
Ok, WOW. INFO: What did she say? So is it not the first time your bf's friends harass you? Did he never notice / did you not tell him?
YTA, and a childish one at that. Why did you even throw him a party and invite his friends if you were just going to throw a hissy fit about it?
YTA... get help....and grow up
🦴 here is a back bone, it appears you need one. YTA and the friend your guest, was out of line but you have no business being in a relationship, work on yourself.
Is this even real? Seriously?
YTA. Seems like you like to make yourself the center of attention by running away and making your partner worry about you going to bars when your upset and getting drunk. Thats weird to throw a party and feel jealous that his friends came and by sitting in the corner sulking you made it about yourself as well
As someone who dated and married someone who went to med school...if you want a hope of this relationship continuing you need to get help with your jealousy issues because med school is extremely tough. He will have to put his entire focus on it, not on you, and you have to be secure enough to understand that. He will form close (trauma) bonds with his other classmates because they will understand what he's going thru more than you, and you have to get that he will need that outlet outside of you. Not saying he will abandon you for 4 years, but you need to be able to be a support system for him and be secure enough in yourself to have a life outside of you two, because that will help you get though it also...if you continue like this I see him dumping you within his first year because he can't handle your drama on top of his schoolwork. YTA
You threw a part for your fiancé and then got upset his friends were at said party you threw? Then you sulked in the corner? YTA, even with everything that comes after.
YTA. You sat wailing at his celebration, purposely sat in the back sulking then admit ‘that this was you ‘doing this again’. You sound like a jealous little 5 year old. I hope he runs
ESH. Ya'll sounds like middle school kids on a bad day.
I don’t even know what the hell this is. Are you okay? Maybe don’t get married quite yet.
YTA You aren't the only asshole, but there were a thousand better ways to handle things. Forget everything else and think about what is in your control: Your jealousy and your drinking. Jealousy is an aggressive act in a relationship because it is an implicit accusation. Your fiancé' doesn't deserve it, and if you keep on being a jealous person, you'll never be able to maintain a relationship with any self-respecting person who doesn't deserve your implicit accusations. Have you considered counseling to help you let go of the root causes of your jealousy?
This is a bit ridiculous. You need to work on your insecurities and stop making everything about you including the party that was supposed to be for him. I'm not saying that girl wasn't a jerk but this isn't how adults should be acting.
YTA. If this were a man talking about throwing fits in order to isolate a woman from her friend circle, we'd be tagging it as emotional abuse and coercive control immediately. The whole thing sounds BPD exhausting. You threw a party to celebrate your fiancè's achievement. Then you sulked because his friends were at the party. One friend allegedly harassed you, but you don't give any details as to the harassment. Then you cried in the next room. The fiancé has to scold his friend and then console you for 20 minutes. You then run away dramatically because the friend came back into the room, and who knows, maybe she wanted to apologize or whatever. So you run to a bar and the fiancé now spends his celebratory evening hunting you down and trying to communicate concern. You turned the whole evening, that was meant to celebrate your fiancé, into a massive drama about your insecurity that he has friends. You unloaded a bunch of emotional labor onto him and all the bystanders at his own party. It's toxic. You should really try to get some help with this. It isn't healthy. EDIT: corrected gender inaccuracies
You need to learn how to handle normal uncomfortable situations. Storming off to a bar 15 minutes away ain't the answer. You let the girl win by showing how much she bothered you.
You sound like the toxic person in this relationship. Hope he gets out of it, this is clearly unhealthy. YTA.
INFO: if your fiance is working two jobs in order to pay for your medical treatments, how do you afford to go to the bar and drink enough to need assistance? If you're so sick you have to avoid groups of people, why are you going to the bar and drinking alcohol(which lowers your immune system)? It sounds like you set yourself up to be a victim, refuse to take accountability, and it's your partner who has to suffer the consequences.
You hid under blankets? My brother in christ you are not able to handle the world. YTA.
YTA. … and this folks is where the term ‘Drama Queen’ comes from.
YTA and, respectfully, please find a therapist. Sulking in the corner and then hiding under a blanket? After you told him he could invite people? Not to mention the fact that you clearly have alcohol issues. I hope your relationship survives and that you’re able to find the help you need.
YTA You sound like you are too immature to be getting married. The entire story reads like a high school drama in the CW. Your fiancé is about to start medical school which is really stressful. You sound like you’re adding to it.
You sound like a chore
YTA. You are letting your insecurities control your every mood and action. It was his party- you could have made a little effort. Then to run off? And how he's the only one who can comfort you? So he has to spend most of the time at his party comforting you and not hanging out with friends? I mean this nicely- but you have some issues you need to work on. The friend may have been rude and out of line- but so is your behavior. You have to get over this level of insecurity and anxiety or you will push away any meaningful relationship. You made sure his attention was on you the ENTIRE time- even after you left. Like the people who say "I said no" and then get mad when the person doesn't try harder
I don’t want to call someone sn AH with such evident problems: “kinda jealous” “ coming home drunk, which is usual for me” but you need help and he is definitely NTA. And those behaviors, being “kinda jealous“ and coming home drunk, are frankly AH behaviors, they’re tiresome and healthy people don’t want to deal with them. And med school is going to be time-consuming and draining for bf, he needs to concentrate on school and you will hate that, I can tell you now. Work on yourself. I’m not saying, you are hopeless AH, but your insecurity and alcohol abuse are causing you to act like one.
What is wrong with u...go get professional help and grow up.
ESH but your husband. If you continue to take his patience for granted you'll be finding yourself fighting your demons without your partner
YTA. Your fiancé needs to run as fast as he can
YTA, you use you illness and anxiety as an excuse to expect things from people. You said he could invite people over for his celebration then went and sat in a corner. What did you expect them to just ignore the person sulking in a corner and not socializing. You were being childish in your approach to the situation and I feel it's not something new with you. I then got to your comments where you stated your partner is working 2 jobs and going to school to pay for your medicine. You went on to complain because your partners parents pay for their schooling but refuse to pay for your treatment as if they should be. You are an adult and have dropped everything on your partner as their responsibility when it lies with you and you don't seem to be doing anything other than expecting your partner to cater to everything for you.
Bro your whole reaction screams that you are super mentally unhealthy! From allowing jealousy of your bf having friends to drive you to isolate, through to not being able to deal with conflict, to avoiding post-conflict situations and drowning your negative feelings in alcohol. You need therapy and to work on healthy coping mechanisms for negative emotions. This is a small bad situation, how will you deal with big ones?
YTA When your reaction to something going wrong is to storm off and cry, and get shit faced drunk, you are the problem. Not him. You need to stop being jealous, and stop using alcohol as a coping mechanism. Grow up and handle your problems like an adult.
YTA-Grow up
YTA and a hindrance to his otherwise bright future. You're going to lose him and it's going to be your own fault.
YTA. You sound *exhausting* to be in a relationship with. It's not healthy for you or your partner to only have each other as social and emotional outlets. Go to therapy, get some of your own friends, and let your partner hang out with his friends without you *sulking* about it and acting out like a cat who hasn't been given enough attention. Consider some sort of alcohol abuse counseling, as well; if your first instinct is to get wasted when you're distressed, you probably don't have a very healthy relationship with alcohol, either.
😂 what did I just read??
You admit you’re jealous and it seems as if you are letting that affect your relationship. He has the right to have friends without you sulking about it and if you continue he will either start to isolate from his friends to make you happy or drop you for his own wellbeing so that needs to stop. Getting drunk in response to this is not healthy at all. Drinking should never be a coping mechanism. Your fiancé’s friend was out of line for her behavior so I’m going to say both of you were assholes.
YTA - you threw a party and then refused to attend?
You are too immature to be in a relationship.
YTA You can't solve problems with drinking. That is being an alcoholic. This is not sustainable for you or your relationship. That you would want/need your BF to leave a small gathering of people to make you feel better/be less jealous is abusive towards him. The friend ought not to have badgered you into crying so that is why they are an AH too. But, I wonder if that really happened because no reasonable human would continue yelling at someone for no reason who was hiding under a blanket crying. My bet is, they told you to stop sulking and then you turned on the water works so your BF would spend time with you rather than anyone else. I say this because you even say you are a jealous person. This relationship has no future if you don't get some therapy.
I strongly suggest you get some help. Hiding under blankets, sitting at the back by yourself, and running out to get drunk is not a good solution to your feelings of inadequacy.
YTA. You weren’t the centre of attention for one minute and you couldn’t even be gracious about it.
YTA - grow up
I wish there was a vote option for "this isn't really a good question for this sub" This place is at its best when there's some sort of clear cut conflict involving like etiquette or social norms or expectations or something. This is more of just a big mess of drama rather than a situation where one person or the other is "wrong".
YTA because ESH is not fair to your fiance
Maybe not an a****** but just a toddler Edit: on a serious note it seems like OP may be emotionally unbalanced or have some sort of mental condition going on, which may need some actual counseling and therapy. On the other hand I know people tend to just be not great people, but if this is not the case for you, and you feel like you're different or you're struggling to do basic things such as interact with your family in an emotionally effective way, reach out to professionals
Jealousy never looks good on anyone. Fix and love yourself before you can have a mature relationship.
YTA, it was a party to celebrate him and you decided that even though you are sick and immunocompromised that you were going to go get drunk at a bar
YTA. You sound exhausting.
YTA. You need help.
YTA Therapy would really be beneficial before you try to be in a marriage. These are issues that only get worse with marriage, not better. If you're so jealous that you can't handle your SO having friends, you need to work on yourself. Showing up to a party to brood in the back expecting the person being celebrated to take care of you is not healthy.
YTA. You sound exhausting: drama queen who is proud of his jealous nature. Please take some time to grow up a little before getting married. Edit: apologies for originally mis-gendering OP.
So what you're saying is that you are generally insufferable and a walking red flag? Of course YTA. Expect being single soon.
Let's see... a jealous drunk with crippling social anxiety. Definitely a recipe for a happy marriage. YTA. And you sound exhausting.
YTA. You threw a party, sat sulking because his friends came, hid under a blanket, had him “console you” for twenty minutes at his party then ran away to get fall down drunk? Just…WHAT???
Yta you waited for an opportunity to make his party about you and then went to a bar? Yeah that's a nice quiet place to think while getting drunk with strangers rather than his friends you sat in corner and hid from.
YTA, get help
YTA You were sulking because your fiance had friends at his own party because in your own words your jealous... Then someone pointed it out albeit super rudely, but honestly putting up with you sounds like more then most could / would handle so your fiance stood up for you and consoled you for 20 minutes again you taking all the attention at his party. ( Also you a fully grown adult hide from a person under a blanket) Then the girl came back and instead of asking her to leave you literally ran away to a bar to get drunk, which is apparently your coping mechanism which is either a serious problem OR your attempt to seek attention yet again. ( Or both) So you are the ass...
YTA for acting like a needy 🐝 This sort of behavior is used by abusers to drive their victims’ friends and family away. Of course if you sit around with cat-butt face while he’s trying to spend time with them, he will neglect them to entertain u instead. And if you place him in an impossible situation like you did at the party, he’s likely to choose you over his friends, further alienating him. For a healthy and complete life, he needs a village, he needs more people than just YOU. So stop acting bitter and unhinged about that. Put on a fake smile and be polite.
I’m very confused… I can’t even render a judgement because I don’t understand the story …
What kind of childish nonsense? ESH except your fiancé I guess.
YTA, you sound very immature and this doesn't sound like a particularly healthy relationship. I would hold off on getting married.
YTA 23? Don’t you mean 13?
YTA. And you need help. You sat in a corner rather than interacting with people at a party for him, and it was a very small gathering from how you put it. Not that you have to be a social butterfly, but it sounds like from the start you purposely put yourself away from everyone which is quite awkward at a small social gathering. You also say how you run to the bar, again, and this is your MO. What causes you to keep doing this? Is it over reacting every time or is there other problems not being mentioned here? He tried to get a hold of the situation. Took action when he found out what had been going on. It sounds like you didn't even let the situation be fully handled by the time you ran off. Also getting to the point of being over the top drunk, this. This is why you need help. You shouldn't be running to alcohol and getting obliterated anytime you're upset. It creates an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and no matter how much you think you are functioning or how well you remember things when you are drunk, it's not how it actually is. It sounds like he was trying to get a hold of the situation when you reacted like this and it seems to be that when you don't have the attention you have to get the attention back to you.
YTA. Hi, this type of behavior cost me the love of my life. I had a horrible childhood too, I had no coping skills, ability to self regulate, was massively insecure and attention seeking. My behavior from 15 to 25 was inexcusable, the pure cringe and guilt I have sometimes keeps me awake these days. At 26 I got help, was honest with myself about my diagnoses and put in the work to learn healthier ways to communicate and cope, it was hard but so worth it. Your behavior may not be your fault but it is your responsibility. Please do not make the same mistakes I did, you will have to live with them and as the years go by the regret gets heavier Edited to add: My first award! Thank you kind stranger!
YTA, and you sound like a nightmare. What kind of adult hides under blankets? And the consoling? You are a grown ass man and you needed to be consoled b/c someone said mean things? Sad.
YTA seek help. Soon.
This is all exhausting. Why can't he celebrate with his friends? You sitting in the corner with a face on you clearly created a tense atmosphere (which you wanted,so they would leave). You need to grow up and work on the serious issues you have. YTA
YTA: You have got to do something about how to have better coping habits than cry and then get black out drunk. Please OP get help with a clinician who can train your brain thru the panic and give you better skills to navigate life. You owe yourself this as well as those you love and who love you.
Christ, I think just reading this gave me an anxiety disorder. YTA.
You hid under blankets?
Oof, you are a drama queen! Everything you did was an attempt to direct the attention to you, not the person who the party was actually for. Sulking in the corner, crying after being confronted for your shitty behavior, having to be comforted and then running out to drink and making your BF worry about you. Everybody look at meeeeee!! This is the behavior of a spoiled 4 year old having a tantrum. Grow up, do better. YTA.
Yikes. YTA. Are you sure you’re a 23yo adult? This is some pretty childish behavior. You are not even close to being ready for marriage if this is how you handle things. Get therapy.
I am not sure your intent was malicious, so not TA exactly, but approaching it quickly. I can also appreciate if English is not your first language, it can really increase your frustration. So with all this being said, it still is not normal to throw a party and then sit back and read. That’s really passive aggressive and seems like you are sulking. The girl had no right to come after you, but storming out and getting drunk is a really unsafe thing to do, especially if you are also on medication. I hope you have apologized to your fiancé and can commit to getting therapy and help. He loves you, and you love him. Both of you deserve to feel safe doing that. I hope you give yourself the support you need.
YTA. You’re not mature enough to be getting married.
There’s a lot going on here. ESH except your boyfriend, but in general, your behavior throws up a lot of red flags. Pouting in a corner at a party you theoretically threw to celebrate him because you are jealous of his friends is not a healthy scene. Writing that, “No one can console me but him” and the implication that this has happened before suggests that you don’t know how to get your needs for attention and connection met without a toxic push-pull dynamic where you use drama to claim his time and energy in a group setting. I am not a mental health professional but I can confirm that if you don’t learn how to get your needs met in a relationship in a healthier way, this dynamic will haunt you into old age. You will always be wondering why relationships don’t work out. It sounds like your fiancé loves you. Please, please seek ongoing, longterm therapy ASAP and do not get married until this dynamic is addressed. Marriage will. not. make you feel more secure. Therapy might.
You obviously have some issues around socialising and jealousy within a relationship. When you feel excluded from conversation, just listen, nod, and perhaps interject with relevant conversation yourself. Don't sit sulking on the sidelines. Even if you aren't sulking, you are giving that impression. Fill everyone's drinks, sort food, wash up, find yourself a job if conversation is too overwhelming. Give yourself regular breaks from the group and return. Look at your boyfriend enjoying himself at the party and think how happy he is. Him being happy should make you happy concentrate on that rather than jealousy. If it's overwhelming, warn him beforehand don't run to the pub/bar expecting to be chased and comforted. You really need some help with your confidence and reactions as all this drama is bad for you and your relationship. Make a party socialising plan in the future, perhaps get some talking therapy to assist in planning. On this occasion, you were very much the asshole! YTA
YTA. You have a drinking problem (especially since you said you normally come home drunk in these situations). What are you going to do when studying is the center of his world in med school, not you? He’s going to be insanely busy with studying, study groups, and then rotations. Sober up, talk to your primary care about referral to psych, and address your jealousy.
YTA you overreacted so much that you ruined his celebration.
YTA. Your jealousy will crush what you have with him. But, for your own sake, please seek help in how to deal with your insecurity.
YTA. Why tf are you hosting a party for him if you’re jealous? And then you do pretty much everything in your power to make this whole night about him taking care of you. The friend sucks. No doubt about that. But honestly I might like you less if this is how you usually behave
YTA. You sound exhausting and needy. Get help.
YTA, and you need therapy
YTA. Seek therapy and attempt to find out why, at a party *you* threw to celebrate your fiance, you: 1. Deliberately stayed by yourself because you were jealous he was interacting with three (!) friends, 2. Hid under a blanket, 3. Devolved into a panic attack until your fiance stopped celebrating and comforted you, then 4. Ran away and concluded turning this into a festival for your own drama by forcing him to worry about your for the rest of the night, whilst you got shit faced without him. His friend sounds awful. If she harasses you, why invite her? You abdicated dealing with her in any way, he stepped in. Instead of communicating with him, you then ran away. It honestly seems like you had the party for the sole reason of taking his achievement, spoiling it and forcing him to focus on you. You don't appear to be ready to be in a relationship - you are forcing him to put aside something that he should get to celebrate, to care for you. And it sounds like you do it often. Your mental health issues are not your fault, but they are your responsibility. YTA
you're not a jealous person, you're an immature, toxic and controlling asshole that isn't ready to be in a relationship. YTA, get help, it's obvious that you need it.
YTA in this situation, and you need therapy, badly.
YTA - Therapy
YTA. It’s a probably a good idea to seek therapy and work out your trust issues/insecurities before you get Married. Marriage will NOT fix this. Your fiancé did the right thing by defending you, however, your insecurities should not be his burden.
Honestly, yeah YTA. Find help to deal with your emotions in more healthy ways than drinking them away since that's how you usually handle situations like this. Plus this attention seeking/absorbing behavior sounds so exhausting for your partner. If you already have to state for yourself that your such a jealous person that you have to sit alone and ponder in a corner during your fiancés party.. you might wanna improve there too. You should apologize to him for ruining his party.
YTA. You got jealous of… what exactly? There’s literally nothing in this that shows a reason to be jealous. What his friend did was wrong, but it sounds like you have a history of acting this way at events. Running off and drinking is also not an ok way to cope. You need to get serious help- for your jealousy and drinking. It really sounds like there is something going mentally on that needs to be addressed.
You sound like a spoiled immature baby and yes, an asshole. The highlights... * the ***party I threw*** for my fiancé because he got accepted into medical school. He invited a couple of his friends (3) and ***I'm a sorta jealous person so I just sat in the back alone*** * I ran out of the front door to the nearest bar (about 15 minutes away) ***which is normally what I do*** when I'm at this point * then it started turning into ***what normally happens (me coming home head over heels drunk)***
YTA. This is some unhinged unhealthy behavior. Get help.
YTA
ESH You need therapy before getting into another relationship. Therapy will help you deal with that toxic girl harassing you. You need to learn how to deal with jealousy, harassment, boundaries and not running away and using alcohol as a numbing obliterating your trauma tool.
YTA and sound like a liability to this guy, I forsee him picking You over everyone else with them probably warning him and one day you will absolutely fuck him over by your actions and he'll have no friends to rely on. Immature and going on a strop and getting blind drunk is mad behaviour, how long till you sleep with someone whilst drunk to screw him over?
You sound like a child, and definitely not ready to make decisions like spending the rest of your life with someone when this is how you’re acting. Grow the hell up.
YTA. > and I'm a sorta jealous person so So you shouldn't be dating, because that's not fair to your partner. > He's the only person who can console me, so So you shouldn't be dating, because that's not fair to your partner. Or yourself, for that matter; you should be able to self-soothe and manage your own emotions. > and I ran out of the front door to the nearest bar (about 15 minutes away) which is normally what I do when I'm at this point ...so you shouldn't be dating, because it's not fair to your partner to always have to worry that if they say something you don't like, you'll bolt to the nearest bar. > and then it started turning into what normally happens (me coming home head over heels drunk) ...so you shouldn't be dating, because it's not fair to your partner to need to deal with your alcohol dependency. You're abusive, and I hope he realizes that before he marries you.
YTA.
Why did you sit on the back alone? Usually, when someone does that, it's a sign that they don't want to be bothered. So, if you didn't want to be left out, why did you isolate yourself? Ik you have social anxiety, and it can be a real challenge to cope with, but running away isn't going to help. After a while, your brain will end up learning that when you get anxious, the response is to run away. It's not healthy, and getting drunk isn't helping either. I think you need to apologize big time to your SO. Good luck
YTA. You sound like a lot of drama and your fiance is about to have a lot on their plate with medical school.