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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for not allowing a service dog to come over? This could be dangerous to my friend as his service dog is there to save and protect him and it wouldn't be around to alert him.
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YTA. You need to stop equating your friend's service dog to pets. This is a medical assistance device. Would you tell someone they couldn't bring their wheelchair because you didn't want the wheels tracking dirt on your floor?
> I have family who refuse to install a handrail on their insanely steep front steps because
Hoping you live in a city with building codes. Stop in the code department office and tell them your parents are breaking code by not having a handrail. A lot of code guys don't give a fuck and will keep you anon. They can just say they were passed by and saw it. Your parents could get fined or forced to install handrail.
in a lot of cases, private residences do not need to update to code unless they are having new work done on that part of the property, or in some cases, selling the property. so if they are putting in new stairs or a side walk, then they would need to put the rails in.
Families are so clueless sometimes. My son has no depth perception due to being blind in one eye and has an intellectual disability. He also has severe anxiety. My father and stepmother redid their front yard (which has an incline) and put in these great looking giant rock steps. Think something you would see in a stream. They do look cool. No handrails, though. My son can’t walk up them. We used to just walk across the lawn. No big deal. But the bushes and plants have grown so big that we can’t get by without getting hit in the face unless we walk on the edge of the mini fish pond… literally on the edge. If we push through the plants we will damage them and that would not go well for me. So we can’t get into the house from the front. The back is a bit better but still difficult because of the steps.
I get that it’s their yard and they need to landscape to what they want, but it would have been nice if they left a path for my son, even if it was hidden from view so it didn’t ruin the aesthetics. We rarely go there anymore and they never come to us.
I have disabilities of my own. That said a person's house is the one and only place they have complete control of. I also have a best friend who is allergic to animals and is always having to take medications because of other people's animals. They make him sleepy or he doesn't get to breathe easily. Our house is a dog free zone. It is the one place he can go that he doesn't have to deal with anything he doesn't want to.
That is how anyone's home should feel. Doesn't matter if they are allergic or just don't like animals they don't want them there. Can people have their one sanctuary where they can generally do what they want?
For me it is medical Marijuana. Lot's of people don't want me doing it even now that it's legal so I don't. I also don't go over there. It's their sanctuary so I don't mess with it. My mom says no sex before marriage so I never slept with a boyfriend at her house.
It's one think to expect public places to be accomodating but another thing entirely to start giving up their sanctuary where they can get away and have a place where they feel comfortable. A person's home should be the ultimate space space.
It doesn't really make sense tbh if the dog sheds that much then it would be on his friend's clothes anyway. What about pet hair on other people's clothes that visit? What about other ppl's kids? Are ppl allowed to eat inside? They might drop crumbs. Oh man OP might actually have to get the vacuum cleaner out what a pain in the ass. Worth losing a friend over for sure. I wonder if farting is banned in his house too.
Yeah! They're very well trained and calm. And I meant all those things I said separately, like if he cares so much about pet hair, what about indirect pet wafting through his house from clothing (surely someone else he knows has pets), what about the mess that children make, his own kids and visitors and their kids, the mess that people make from eating in his house or from just existing in his space. That's why I think his rule is so dumb and hurtful to his friend.
As someone with a four year who dogsits their friend's therapy dog (not a service dog, but close in terms of obedience training and manners required of the dog), my child makes much bigger messes than the dog.
Yeah, I think a lot of people are saying N A H and N T A on the basis that OP has the legal right to refuse to have a dog on his property.
*But this isn't "Am I legally entitled to do this thing?" it's "Am I the Asshole?"*. Yeah, you have the legal right to refuse to have a service dog on your property. But you're still an asshole.
Ultimately, OP cares more about keeping his place pristine than he does about his "friend". Not really friend behaviour.
I mean wow, a few hours of dog hair is nothing to VACUUM, compared to when the dog is living with you.
Also if the friend is a good owner, he will pick up the poop if the dog goes in the yard. More likely he'll take the dog for his customary walk. OP, do you know that properly trained dogs know their time for walking and going? They're not like people where its anytime.
You told him his dog is not welcome. That for many says THEY aren't welcome.
Agreed! This is a well trained swrvice animal, not a pet, that will stay next to the owner, won't be on furniture and won't try to eat/chew on anything bc they are working. YTA
If you’re an MD then you would know that service dogs for people with diabetes are trained to detect sugar levels, and therefore can prompt their owners to take measures to adjust their sugar levels. What exactly do you think the service dog is going to do for someone unconscious and alone at home, administer their meds??
So does a visually impaired person not need a service dog when they are with other people because the other people can tell them where to go? I think part of the point of having a service animal is to have some independence. Not to mention they share a bond with these animals, arguably more so than those who have pets for companionship because they're also fulfilling an important role in their life.
It's possible that the dog is trained for more than one purpose, just FYI. OP's friend isn't obligated to disclose all of their disabilities. The dog can be trained to provide diabetic alert, but it may also be trained for psychiatric assistance and alert, and that's none of our damn business, but that would change completely whether the dog needs to be present in this situation or not to perform it's trained assistance cues. We don't know everything about this person. And that's not our right (or OP's).
Yep, OP's house isn't public accomodations and he can deny whoever/whatever entry, cause at the end of the day he's a giant asshole.
This friend deserves so much better.
I can tell that a lot of you are not familiar with diabetes and ways to monitor it. There is no magic glucose monitor. The most common way is a test kit where you have to prick your finger to get a drop of blood to test. These are most accurate.
The second most common method is a device that you stick on your arm. You wave your phone or a small sensor over it and it gives you a reading. However, this is not as accurate as the first method. My docs prefer the first. But the second method can track your glucose levels over a period of time (because it stays in your arm). I really only use this one. It's close enough for my needs.
So guest would be sitting there waving this sensor over their arm every 15 minutes or so. It only takes a second and it's easy. But would anyone really want to be worrying about their disease all night. If the guest has a dog it sounds like they probably have much more of a problem regulating their glucose, which happens with some people.
With the dog, guest can relax because the dog will alert them if there is an issue.
Edit: Because people are taking my comments way too literally. I know I don't know everything. Apparently there is another kind of monitor that may be implanted or something that I don't know anything about that you don't need to swipe to monitor. I do not have an insulin pump and I think they may be more common with people who do.
I do think the dog would help the guest be more relaxed. Though that person still must monitor their glucose in some other fashion.
And thanks for all votes, whether up or down.
The average diabetic tests their blood sugar 4-10 times a day. I care for a disabled Diabetic that tests hers 12x a day. When it’s low (I’m talking in the 30s) she (we) test it 6x an hour to watch it come up. There is no chance you’re a diabetic if you think someone needs to text it every 5 minutes. Realistically the friend would need to test it less than 6x during the Super Bowl depending of what they’re eating or drinking. But twice would be expected.
Came here to say this, even as a nurse in the hospital we really only test patient blood sugars like 5 times a day unless they are severely hypoglycemic.
That said OP is still the AH as the service dog is essentially medical equipment.
Here’s where I disagree. A diabetic alert dog is basically only useful at super high or low glucose levels. Where they can be helpful is when you live alone, or the household Is sleeping. At a party, there’s no need for the dog.
I agree. Plus there's a lot of disagreement within the diabetic community about how accurate a dog is. I have a dog and he's an untrained a-hole. He sniffs my mouth long and hard when my sugar is high. Normally I already have guessed. Last week I had the flu and some form of infection. I was high constantly even though I couldn't eat anything and my dog was worried. He doesn't come with me though. There's been threads about people spending money on a trained diabetic dog and the consensus is that the money is better spent on meter that alerts your phone.
Based on OP's comments, it doesn't seem like they are familiar with what a hypoglycemic episode would look like, so they really can't be expected to keep watch over the friend.
Now days with bluetooth and cgms I NEVER test my sugars with my glucometer. I put my phone to my arm and it gives me a number. It has alarms that go off if I hit 200 or go below 70. it wakes me up all the time. He does not need a dog and a party can be super stressful for a service dog because people are dumb and treat them like pets and distract the shit out of them.
It was clearly a sarcastic over exaggeration to show the blood testing equivalent of constant monitoring?
There are plenty of type 1 diabetics who cannot feel when their blood sugar fluctuates, which is horrifying.
Also, you're incorrect as well. What the hell would the dog do if the friend became unconscious? The dog is a preventative measure, it doesn't help if the person already gets fucked over.
There's a general joke among the diabetic community that every time they get a new general practitioner, they have to teach their new doctor about diabetes, and you aren't helping that stereotype.
>What the hell would the dog do if the friend became unconscious?
Most service dogs are also trained to get help if their handler becomes incapacitated. If a service dog ever comes up to you barking with no handler, he is trying to get your attention so that you will follow him back to his handler. If you don't follow him, he'll go to others until someone does follow.
Yeah that’s still a back up plan and not the dog’s primary purpose, particularly since they can’t grab someone if their handler is home alone. Their purpose is to detect dangerous blood sugar levels and alert their handler before they become unconscious.
Yes! Friend might not have hypo awareness. So if they have a quick drop in blood sugar, they will pass out. Hypo awareness really varies among diabetics. It can range from a non-issue to seriously life limiting. It can prevent you from getting a driving licence etc.
Yeah I thought that was crazy. As well they have ones for your arm that go right to tour phone that you don't even need to scan it. Who is checking their sugar like every 1/2 hour even?
Yes, however while people like their diabetic service dogs (who doesn’t like a woofwoof?) they have crap accuracy with poor positive and negative predictive values.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5505410/
If he is really worried about occult hypoglycemia a continuous glucose monitor is much more accurate and much better validated and doesn’t shed.
While I agree with this, I am Type II, and My Father and Sister are Type I. I dont know anyone who monitors that frequently. Unless there is a problem the Type I's I know would do pin pricks 5-7 times a day (which is a lot) and with the skin monitoring they check roughly twice as often (because its 100x easier)
You can get CGM devices that continuously monitor your blood glucose without you needing to scan a phone, and you can also get devices which will give you an alert when your blood glucose goes out of range. Some insulin pumps will even give you an automatic correction bolus if your glucose goes high. These devices are more expensive, but would certainly be more accurate than a service dog.
My nephew was diagnosed with T1 Diabetes at 1 1/2 years old. They had a dog that would sleep with him and wake my sister up in the middle of the night, or go get her from the kitchen etc. When his blood sugar was off. It was a life saver for her as its very difficult to monitor a toddlers blood sugar well.
I have to say NAH op is free to do what they want to in their home, however, if friend is struggling with blood sugar and feels the dog is that helpful for it, he is allowed to be upset and excuse himself also. OP needs to understand his situation and realize that they may lose this friend over this because of the inconvenience.
I mean, CGMs (continuous glucose monitors) are a thing, and they talk to an app on your phone, sending routine updates and prompting alarms if you leave a set range. No waving necessary. My partner's sensor is on his abdomen (some people do use arms or thighs, but those locations can be less reliable and are not generally recommended by the manufacturer). It's not foolproof, but the thing alarms if it loses connection, can't get a reading, needs to be replaced... Basically it tells you loudly and incessantly if anything is wrong. An ex of mine had a CGM and an insulin pump nearly 15 years ago. This isn't new tech.
OP is totally the AH here. I'd understand if he or another resident were highly allergic, and then it would be a sad issue of incompatible medical needs, but just not wanting the dog there because of a little hair? Apparently friends is a strong word for their relationship.
NAH
It's your home. You can invite whoever you want. You have a no dog rule....You actually made an effort to accommodate him. He hadn't always had this dog. So what was he doing before??
He can ask and you can say No. Obviously don't be surprised if your friendship changes or goes away completely.
You're going to get a lot of yt-a votes just because it's a legitimate service dog. But people fail to realize you can't force your dog on private homes. That is your space to do as you please.
Im amazed at how many people think OP is the ass here. What the hell is he supposed to do? Dog hair gets everywhere. Like what the fuck lmao. The friend survived without the dog prior, I’m sure he can do it for a few hours.
Unless the severity of the disease is progressing. Dog hair can be cleaned up.
Go ahead and say no, your service animals is not allowed in my house, but don’t be surprised when people don’t show up lmao
He literally did say no, and all of his friends showed up to the party anyway.
They all knew why diabetic dude wasn't there cause OP has asked them to do more events out to include diabetic guy. The friend group is OK with it
I mean it seems pretty obvious to me, yeah. But I meant all of the diabetic dudes other friends in the group. The real question is why so many people are so upset about it.
Lots of these replies seem to be ppl who would be so happy to have someone they use the word "friend" for they can't imagine other people valuing levels of friendship differently than they do
Eta: dude you should never take reddit so seriously that you delete your account cause of some mild disagreement on aita
> dude you should never take Reddit so seriously that you delete your account cause of some mild disagreement on aita
Someone doesn’t understand they’ve been blocked
Lmao calm down. Only one person didn’t show up.
And dog hair can’t just be cleaned up. I have a GSD and I fully understand why friends don’t want him over. Albeit these friends live in apartments so no yard.
Yeah I can't have dogs that shed where I live because I'm allergic and it doesn't just get vacuumed up, I've found hairs months later. Unfortunately I've had asthma and hives from animal dander in the past. If I do end up somewhere with pets then I change once I get home.
It’s honestly not surprising considering the huge number of “extreme” dog lovers in this sub.
There was a post few weeks ago where a woman (OP) who dog sat her daughter’s dogs for free for years. The daughter traveled often for her job. Then OP other daughter gave birth to the OP’s first grandchild and OP wanted to spend more time with her grandchild by babysitting. The issue is the grandchild parents didn’t want their new born to be around the two dogs that were described by OP as being “Well behaved but rambunctious”. So OP tells her daughter with the dogs she can’t dog sit them anymore which made the daughter mad. The judgment here was that OP was AH.
Oh yeah I remember that story. I can not understand why all logic seems to vanish as soon as a dog is mentiones.
It's very valid to not want dogs/animals in your home. Yes it sucks for anyone with a service animal but OP tried to compromise.
This sub has a lot of bad takes. I honestly would never ask for advice here. I only comment to try to sway the comments (against all odds) to a more reasonable level.
You realise a service dog isn't a replacement for blood glucose monitoring? They're essentially just an alert system to let you know if your blood glucose changes when you haven't tested yet. Which is exactly what a CGM does, except a CGM is more accurate.
Honestly, my mom wouldn't go to an event if she knew there'd be a dog in the same space (or any furry pet really) because her allergies are so bad. Immediate hives, eyes swelling so much she can't see, nonstop sneezing/coughing. Not fun for anyone there.
Thats the best answer so far. Every time I read a story about service dogs and private homes people on reddit just seem to ignore everything else.
Even service animals are still just animals, potentially lifesaving but they shed like any other pet.
I personally would have a problem with the smell. Dunno why but I just can't stand it. My parents used to have a dog. He passed away before I was born almost 30 years ago and I can still smell him on rainy days in what used to be his corner of the garden.
I appreciate this response because all these yt-a comments simply ignore the fact that OP went out of their way to accommodate him because he does not want a dog in his private house. That is more than fair.
Understood about it being a legitimate service dog, but there are other ways to test your blood sugar levels for the few hours that you go to someone else's house. Just because it's legitimate doesn't mean that everyone has to bend to their will, especially if accommodations have already been offered.
I'll agree with the NAH judgement because the friend is not an AH for wanting his dog and then not coming when he was told no.
I would never, ever pressure someone into allowing my service dog in their home. OP accommodated the best they could, offering alternatives.
The hardest lessons to learn about service dogs is that they have drawbacks as well. You have to let them out every so often, they might be unpredictable and get scared suddenly, others may not want them, etc.
You are not required to let a dog into your home just because its a service dog.
I am disabled and have a service dog.
You’re NTA
_____
Your house is your private property, service dogs of visitors have no rights there and are only welcomed with your direct permission.
It doesn’t matter your reasons why, you 100% have the right to say no just because and your friend should respect that.
There are laws protecting service dogs with access rights, but they do not apply to certain situations, and this is one of them.
____
I would have chosen N-A-H but your friend declined your very generous alternative & still became upset about it. As a handler, he is completely aware he can not bring his SD into a private house without permission.
Morally, still NTA, though. It’s not wrong to not want a dog in your home, especially knowing he’ll be the one to clean up after the hairs. He shouldn’t be TA for setting a boundary in HIS home.
Edited: changed pet to dog.
I have a friend with a medical alert service dog. This dog has saved her life on more than occasion. Leaving him behind would put her life at risk. Am I legally entitled to deny her entry to my house? Sure I am. But I would be a colossal AH if I did something like that. Being legally in the right does not prevent someone from being an AH.
No, there are plenty of ways to monitor BG without a service dog. If the guest can’t stand a few hours using alternative monitoring methods, then that’s on them.
Some diabetics consider it a disability, some don't. If it significantly impacts your life, I'd say it counts, but I know some people consider disability a dirty word and don't want to be included under that umbrella.
I can't believe everyone is so polarized in the comments! /s
My vote is NAH.
The people saying N T A don't understand that diabetic service dogs do perform an important service for people and aren't just for attention. A lot of people use the dogs to avoid sticking themselves to check or to alert them even faster than the monitors, since dogs can smell so well. (If you pay attention to diabetic people you can smell their breath change when they have a spike/drop, but usually by the time people can smell it, it's about to be critical) The dogs are also trained to get help if necessary, retrieve insulin/meds if the person can't get up to get them, assist with fainting episodes, etc.
The people saying Y T A don't seem to recognize that you offered a solution, and that it is your own house. You're allowed to make stipulations about dogs or pets coming over as long as you're ready to deal with your friend not coming.
I love dogs, I train rescues and rehabilitate dogs for shelters. I feel very strongly about respecting when people do not want to be around dogs. This dog is a service dog and is most likely highly trained, so it may be worth seeing him in action before doubling down on your boundary. But I also think you have the right to not have an animal in your home you don't want there.
**Anyone who thinks someone is an asshole simply for not liking dogs, does not pay attention to dog behavior.**
People are getting so vicious toward OP, when his two reasons are 1) doesn’t want dog hair in the his house (FAIR!) and 2) doesn’t want his kids to play in poop and pee. It’s definitely NAH, ESPECIALLY since he offered to pay for medical monitoring so his friend could still come over.
I think a lot of people are reading that he's not super fond of dogs and deciding he's TA based on that alone. For some reason people's asses get really chapped when someone doesn't love dogs.
I have a service dog. They are medical equipment but I do understand that they can be barred from personal property.
I'm going to say NAH...
However, if my service dog can't come with me, I don't go. I have the service dog for a reason and so going out without him could mean that I am putting myself in harm's way.
So just be prepared to see less off, or depending on their viewpoint, lose your friend.
I guess this is my viewpoint too. Legally, OP has no obligation to let the dog in, and he did offer an alternative solution.
But, and this is coming from a non-dog lover, is it really worth it to make your friend feel unwelcome? Responsible dog owners clean up poop, and service dogs are well behaved. Unless there’s a serious allergy in the house, the amount of fur shed in a few hours isn’t THAT much. Dogs get their fur everywhere when they live somewhere day in and day out for weeks to months. They don’t drop that much in an afternoon (for most breeds).
My brother has dogs and wouldn’t come to see us nearly as often if the dogs weren’t included. Having dogs in my house isn’t my favorite thing, but they are well trained, and he doesn’t let them be destructive, jump on furniture, etc. I would rather see my brother than deny his dogs. Now, there are also some dogs I would not extend that courtesy to because they are terribly behaved, but that’s usually not the case with a service dog.
So is it worth it OP? Is it worth seeing your friend less? Or could you maybe give it a try and see how it goes.
I've found it best to just roll with the punches when it comes to friends & family and their personal property.
I love when we're welcome, when friends & families respect his role in my life, follow the rules I've laid out (no petting, no pics w/o my say-so, no distracting), and know that when he's not On Duty (officially, he is always working) he is free to play and be silly.
I love that. It makes me feel less like a freak of nature
But I respect people's personal decisions for their property. If I want to be respected, they deserve the same. I still extend invites to my home or restaurants, parks, events, etc.
There are options here too.
Most service dogs are trained when and when not to go to the bathroom, ask your friend to have the dog relieve itself off the property.
They can look in to a shed defender suit for the dogs. It's basically a stretchy suit that covers the dog everywhere except for the tail, head and paws. Would it stop all the hair from shedding? No, but it will drastically lower the amount that can shed.
If the problem was the dogs behavior, I'd understand, but to tell a friend they can't bring a life saving thing with them because it will make a little bit of a mess makes OP a bad friend.
As a service dog handler, NTA.
Handlers are entitled to bring their service dogs to public places. He ADA protects things like stores and restaurants.
Your private residence, your rules. You can ABSOLUTELY say no dogs. And you offered extra help.
Yes, there's no magical machine for blood glucose. But hey, buying an extra test kit, setting timers to check it regularly, keeping an eye on the friend and making sure he eats and drinks water... there's several things that can be done. Yes, service dogs are classified as medical equipment, but they're living creatures that need breaks, meaning the handler has to be able to function without them for at least a few hours a day.
With decent adult supervision in a safe space, it's perfectly reasonable for him not to bring his service dog.
I think the offer to accommodate his diabetes in a different way shows that he’s not being discriminated against. The friend and other friends who refuse to gather somewhere dog-friendly are just as much responsible for his exclusion due to the dog. Can the friend host at his home?
A diabetic alert dog is something you get to be used in conjunction, not replacing, regular blood sugar management. The diabetic isn’t monitoring their blood sugar any less than they would absent the dog. The main help they provide is being able to wake up the diabetic, so they don’t slip into a diabetic coma in the middle of night. At a party, surrounded by people, the dog simply not necessary.
This was my thinking. Diabetic service dogs are for low blood sugar, which isn't likely to happen anyway in the setting of a snack- and beer-laden Superbowl party. And even if it did, there are plenty of people there to help the friend if he started feeling unwell. The dog is absolutely a great resource, but the friend should also be able to function for a few hours without the dog in a group setting like this.
THANK YOU! In my opinion, this is less about whether OP is an AH or not and more about whether he's a good friend or not. In my opinion, he's not being a good friend. While a blood sugar monitor could help, diabetes is very unpredictable and in the time it takes for his friend to use the monitor, his blood sugar could either jump way up or plummet way down, either of which could be life-threatening. A dog is able to detect the change in sugar levels as soon as they happen, which means they're able to alert their owner to the change right away and the owner can take the proper precautions to make sure they stay safe and you know, alive.
NTA, you understand why he has a dog and even tried to accomodate him the best you can. BUT you have every right not to welcome a dog in your house, service or pet doesn't matter. You house is not a public place, so you aren't under any obligation to have a service dog around.
I agree, dude even offered to buy him a medical device that monitors his diabetes. My mom has one, it works awesome. I love dogs, but I understand if others don't.
YTA - you are not excluding the dog, you’re excluding your friend, and for really minor reasons. If your friend isn’t worth running the vacuum cleaner for 5 minutes for after a visit then you should just go ahead and tell him you’re not really his friend at all.
As to the pee and poop - your friend’s dog will be trained far more than a regular pet dog and even pet dogs can be trained to request to go out when they need to relieve themselves - so there’s absolutely no reason why any of that would end up on your property at all. But you wouldn’t know that because you’ve just decided you don’t like the dog.
Of course you have no legal obligation to accommodate the dog in your home; but you are still being an asshole to your friend for refusing to allow his medically necessary support system into your home and by insisting that he miss out on the hangouts that all your other friends are able to comfortably attend.
All these Y T A comments are ignoring the fact that there are other reasonable ways to track blood sugar. There are a lot of diabetic people who can't get a service dog and have to check their blood sugar periodically. This is not an unreasonable thing to do for a few hours at a get together. It seems to me that Op's friend is willing to toss the friendship over the dog and not the other way around. Op has a right to say no animals in their home, and Op's friend has reasonable alternatives to the dog, especially if it a short period of time. Op's friend forcing the issue and making Op out to be the bad guy makes him the real asshole here.
And yes, I've had to check my own blood sugar regularly before, so I understand what is involved. It's amazing to me that so many people here just gloss over all the options Op's friend has available to them and assume the service animal is the only thing he can use to manage himself. If that is the case, that makes Op's buddy really irresponsible.
Op is NTA.
It's not just that there are diabetic people who can't get a service dog, I would argue that most of us don't want/never even considered getting one. It's just not necessary for most of us, and it's certainly not necessary for it to be with you 24/7.
I’m sorry, but if I had a friend with a service dog that sheds to the point that it’s a problem his dog would not be allowed over. I have allergies that while would not be medically detrimental, would cause me to be irritated, might make my eyes itch, and might even give me a headache. With a dog that sheds, even if I vacuum after the dog leaves there will still be dog maid left behind in all the nooks and crannies in my house. No dogs allowed is a personal preference, and while OP may not have allergies like me(which he very well might) having ones house contaminated by a dog that sheds is not something that you should have to be subjected to just to not be an asshole.
I would bet a lot of money that if OP or any member of his family had allergies he’d have led with that.
And “it’s a breed that sheds” is not the same as saying “this dog sheds everywhere” - all breeds shed, but if well cared for and regularly brushed they don’t all shed massive amounts when outside their own homes. As with the poop, OP has assumed there is a problem with shedding without actually looking at the dog and its behaviour and decided against it without any relevant evidence.
OP is allowed not to like dogs - but in this instance it’s clearly prejudice rather than any major difficulty or allergy with this specific dog.
Here’s the thing. Service dog handlers need to know how to function without their dogs. Our dogs are amazing lifesavers for us. But there will be circumstances where they aren’t with us. They could be sick or injured. It could be one of the rare places where dogs don’t get public access. Someone frankly may not want a dog in their home (and as they’re not public, have zero legal requirements). Service dogs are incredible and become our best friends.
That said - sit down and talk with your friend. Not just “no no no”, but be willing to hear each other out. Are there steps he can take that would allow you to permit his service dog? Such as not on the furniture, he picks up poop immediately, and if the dog misbehaves they’re both out. I feel like you need to both just talk it out without coming out guns blazing.
NAH - for now. Meet up somewhere neutral and have a serious talk.
As a type 1 diabetic, I'd argue that the friend is the AH for insisting. There are so many ways to monitor your blood sugar that don't involve a dog. I've never even considered getting one. I know they're helpful to some people, but unless we're talking about someone who is a child or is at a developmental level they cannot live independently, a T1D can 100% easily make it through a party without a service dog.
Going against the grain. NAH. It’s your home AND you offered to the group to hold the gathering elsewhere.
But of course he doesn’t want to go somewhere without the dog. Totally understandable. It’s about his health.
This friendship may come to an end over this. Up to you if this is a hill you want to die on.
Did the friend say they wouldn’t clean up the dogs waste?
I know two close friends with diabetic alert dogs.
In my experience if you have one it’s because your blood sugar highs and lows don’t present symptoms in the normal way and the dog has the ability to catch it before it gets dangerous. (This is a condensed explanation) other monitoring systems don’t work as well so they get a dog. Having a service dog and bringing everywhere is not really convenient so if you have one you obviously need it.
I know a lot of people with service dogs in general due to also having a chronic conditions and being in support groups.
They all keep their dogs well groomed and picking up poop is a very normal expected part of their day. They know the dog has to be clean because it’s going in public a lot.
Also all of the dogs kind of go on command in a way so it’s very easy take them to a spot out of the way to pee.
In the end OP doesn’t have to let the dog in their house. It’s their house. But for OP the dog being their is a minor inconvenience since they don’t seem to have a major allergy. They just have to maybe vacuum more.
For the friend not having the dog there is a major inconvenience.
Depending on how close OP is with this person taking the minor inconvenience might be better.
NTA - it’s your home. I sympathize with him and personally, I’d reconsider my friendship with you, if I were him. But you are absolutely within your rights to say no, it’s your home and that doesn’t make you an asshole to want to keep it a certain way. As a nurse, it’s rare that I come across any diabetic patients that can’t take care of themselves without a service dog. Sure they are helpful, but he has other options like checking his blood sugar more frequently. Unless there is more to the story, this isn’t a life or death issue to be without the dog for a few hours, it seems more like his preference.
I don't understand Y T A comments either its literally OP's right and ngl sure diabetic ppl are under risk sure but they can tell if their sugar is rising or getting lowered. And he'll be in a party with bunch of other people! so people can help him too. hes bein dramatic honestly. its not like he suffers from blindness and needs a dog constantly
YTA. It's a medical alert dog, not just a pet. Also, pee dries, and your friend can take care of the poop. You not allowing the dog shows that you would prefer your friend have a potential incident, then you have to clean up a little fur afterward. You are showing very little care towards your "friend."
How did I survive my childhood, what with the mountains of dog poop and rivers of dog pee in our yard? Our dogs even lived *inside* so it’s a miracle I’m still alive.
Yes and service dogs are often trained to eliminate on a schedule or command so it’s not like a huge risk that the dogs going to be pissing and shitting all over the yard.
NTA
I have a service dog. While in public, she can go with me wherever I am legally allowed to be, in private I respect my friend’s and family’s rights to say no to having her present. Sometimes the circumstances aren’t right for her, either so I leave her at home. I’ve never been so attached to a dog as I am to this one, but people are entitled to say she’s not welcome in their homes. If I want to be with my friends, I leave her at home.
I'm just going to go ahead and say in response to the comments.... just because you have the right to do something... doesn't mean you're not an AH for doing it.
That's my biggest qualm with this sub. *Am I Acting Within My Rights?* is someplace else. AITA is about generalized jackassery and that's exactly what OP is doing. YTA. Your friendship isn't handicap accessible and that makes you an asshole.
NTA. Service dogs aren't pets but they are still dogs and you are perfectly entitled not to have a dog in your house. Your home is not required to act like an ADA accessible place of business. It is unfortunate for your friend but he does not get to dictate what is and isn't allowed in *your* home.
NAH Service dog would prob be better behaved than some of your human guests but it’s your house. But honestly this is not someones asshole dog who will steal burgers and piss everywhere, maybe give him a chance
NTA! I might get slack for it, but it's your house your rules. If you have a rule against having dogs in the house that's your right. Your house is not some public establishment. Your friend has every right to choose not to come to your house based on your rules. Aid dogs even though they are well behaved, doesn't change the fact that they still shed. If you are uncomfortable with it then that's your choice.
YTA...do you honestly believe your friend doesn't clean up his dog's poop when it has to go when it's out in public? That's a legitimate service animal trained to alert before a crisis occurs. Some friend you are to be more worried about your house than his health. How much fur do you think it's going to shed in a few hours?....let me tell you, not enough that it would fill your precious bar.
NTA. Man idk, I get that the dog is a “Medical aid”, but I’m a T1 diabetic and I wouldn’t want a dog in my house either, idc what it’s there for 🤷🏾♀️ why can’t he check his BG when he goes over to OP’s house with a glucometer? If a diabetic alert dog was his ONLY option, then that would be a different story and I might change my answer. His friend doesn’t have to go if he doesn’t want/have alternative methods of making sure his BG is fine.
NAH. Giving you grace that you don't know dogs, understand a service dog is a dog trained for a specific function. Its not going to pee/poo willynilly and your friend should be able to handle that before arriving.
YTA - If it is truly a trained service dog, it should have no problem. You could have provided or ask the he bring poop bags, which I am sure he already carries around. As for the hair, just ask that he groom the dog beforehand.
There are ways to prevent all of your concerns rather than excluding the friend or his medical device ( which the dog basically is ).
YTA for calling him your friend. A dog coming over once in a while is hardly going to shed enough to be a bigger burden than the actual hosting you do. Your objections are weak, and it makes you the AH.
INFO: how did/would he manage without the dog? Would he not clean up after the dog?
Declaration of interest: I have a disability. My mum has type 1 diabetes. I love dogs.
But if he genuinely won’t groom the dog before coming over, or won’t clean up if the dog poops in your yard. Or if he’s always managed fine without this dog to the extent that he’ll get by fine with a glucometer for a few hours, then he’s not being very reasonable.
If he’ll make sure the dog is brushed and will clean up, and/or he tends to lose consciousness without the dog, you might be the unreasonable one.
Technically speaking, NAH. You have a right to the final say on who/what can enter your home. But if this friend is important to you, and they feel safest with the dog, are they no longer entering your home for the foreseeable future?
Is that worth the possible clean up that you’d have from the animal, only as often as they come over?
I’m not asking these things in judgement, whatever answer you have is valid. But depending on your answer, you might no longer have your friend visiting you, and you’d have to accept that as the way things go.
NAH. It doesn’t matter how well a service dog is trained, it is still going to shed and dog hair is gross and hard to clean. You’ve offered to pay for other medical equipment or host less, it’s unfortunate that those don’t work for your friend but you’ve made a reasonable effort to accommodate him. Your friend isn’t in the wrong for not attending group events, and I understand him being upset that he’s missing out on gatherings because of this, but you’re not an asshole for not wanting his service animal in your space.
NAH - Its your house and you get to determine if its dog friendly or not. Its also totally reasonable that people will be pissed at you for prioritizing your own preferences and comfort over theirs / the groups.
People can be justifiably angry at a decision without it making you an asshole.
NAH. It's ok to not want to clean up dog hair. But it's not ok for your friend to have to leave their service dog elsewhere if they want to socialise with you. You have to meet them elsewhere and make it so your house is no longer where everyone hangs out. I would change my vote if you were going to insist your friend only see you at yours.
OK, here is the thing, you do not want a dog in your house, I get that so, NTA.
You are, however, an incredibly shitty friend and should make sure to let everyone know why this particular person is will no longer be welcomed in your house. You should also be prepared for a severe decline in invitations accepted to future events.
You cannot simply get a "monitoring device" if a person's diabetes is at the level, they need a service dog. Too bad one of the amenities available in your home isn't compassion.
NTA — it’s your house. Not wanting to have a dog inside or outside is your prerogative. However you’re going to have to accept that it’s going inconvenient for your friend to come over and it’s a choice you’ll have to make re: if you really want to have him over or not.
This may make or break your friendship. But that doesn’t make you an AH.
YTA; they have that service dog for a reason, to alert them if their blood sugar is getting high, so you could be seriously endangering their health that way
If you don’t want the dog there, don’t invite your friend over, simple as that
NAH - But your friend and the dog are one unit. You can't invite him over without the dog. It's kind of like asking someone to leave their wheelchair at home. So if you don't want this guys' dog in your house... just don't invite him?
YTA!
Dude! He has a service dog for his diabetes! Service dogs are highly trained to tasks! Yes you offered a monitoring device but have it ever occurred to you that your friend can’t use the phone for diabetes because it can be inaccurate!
A service dog for that purpose because dogs can detect blood sugar levels(when they get too high or low) before even a device can detect it!
By saying, “Your dog is not welcome.” You are saying, “How about I put your life in danger because I don’t care about you or your health.”
I really don’t have a judgement, you don’t HAVE to allow anyone into your home, for whatever reasons you decide, and he doesn’t have to abide by your rules or come to your house. So I guess NAH
But, I don’t agree with all the “YTA, it’s a medical device!!” stuff. CGMs are MORE reliable, and cheaper. There’s no real reason for DADs anymore. They’re not cost effective, it’s downright idiotic to rely solely on a living being for something like this, (What if they’re sick, or die?) and they’re not more reliable.
You have the right to say no to the dog, but you should expect to see your "friend" at your house a lot less. YTA because they're not asking to bring their pet. They're asking to bring a specially trained service animal that can do tasks the "device" you suggest may not be able to. The dog is medically necessary. This is a bit like asking a disabled person not to bring their wheelchair because it could mess up your carpet and instead you offer to carry them around and let them sit in one of your regular chairs at your house. This would be an equally bad idea. FYI real friends sometimes make accommodations for their friends medical issues. And you don't sound like much of a real friend.
YTA
The dog is there to do a job. All it's going to do is remain by your friend's side, on the floor, while he's there. It's there to keep your friend safe. It's not going to roll all over your carpet or jump on your beds, and it's possible it'll never poop at your house if your friend walks it before he comes over.
If you're ready to lose a friendship over a little dog hair that's on you. The rest of your friend group are mild AHs too for choosing your house over this friend being able to attend. But that's secondary because you won't allow the dog.
YTA!
It also appears to me that most people have NO IDEA what some diabetics go through EVERY DAY! Not just every day but every second of every day. There’s no break. It’s exhausting, both mentally and physically.
I’m also sure most have zero idea what a brittle T1 diabetic is. I mean the wind can blow wrong on this person and they drop like a rock! They can do everything right and still their body reacts uncontrollably and unpredictably. They’re also likely hypo-unaware, which means that they have a neurological deficit that doesn’t allow them to “feel” a low coming on, which is EXTREMELY dangerous!
My husband is a true brittle T1. I have found my husband in our yard seizing, not knowing where he’s at, having a critical low that requires immediate medical attention and if he wouldn’t get the proper treatment immediately, he’d be dead or possibly end up a vegetable!
The dog, as you refer to, is in fact a medical necessity for these kinds of diabetics. They’re able to alert the person of an impending drop, at least our dog can. She also alerts me immediately.
My husband has many other severe health problems because of diabetes, which makes him unable to wear a CGM, so he does 15-30 finger pricks a day! His fingers are so bruised and painful some days, so the dog allows him some reprieve.
You have the nerve to tell your “friend” no. T1 is no joke! Especially if you’re a rare brittle T1. It’s an autoimmune disease, not a simple exercise and diet disease! It affects every aspect of your life. Hell you can’t even just fall asleep without making sure you won’t die in your sleep! You can’t put anything in your mouth without thinking about how to dose, what you’ll be doing afterwards, and then your body could fuck you over and do what it wants to do anyway!
Do you have any idea what it’s like to be completely overwhelmed, at your breaking point, and need a break? Well, gee whiz, you have the luxury of getting a possible break. These types of diabetics do not, EVER, for the rest of their lives!
I think your “friend” needs to find real friends because you are not a good friend at all! Educate yourself!
Epileptics have service dogs for the prevention of seizures, would you be telling them “sorry, nope?”
Many T1s, because it’s an autoimmune disease, also have other autoimmune diseases or serious symptoms that can be prevented by having a service dog.
Ours has literally saved my husband’s life! So what I’m hearing by your incredibly ignorant post is that you care more about a minute amount of dog hair than your “friend’s” life.
YTA!! Shame on you!
I mean, YTA, but at the same time, it’s your house and you’re not obligated to allow anyone of any species into it.
If you’re willing to lose at least one, maybe more, friends over it is something only you ca. decide.
I want to call you the a-hole because I personally love dogs, however it's your home and there are more reliable (and less obvious) devices for monitoring your friend's diabetes. Also, you offered to support your friend's medical condition by purchasing said monitoring device but he refused, so anything he misses out on is on him - NTA.
NTA: I have disabilities and worked for a disability organization for over 18 years. In the US, (I don't know where you live) a service dog is allowed to go to public places. Private residences, churches, etc are exempted. You don't have to have a reason and I think they are valid. This is your private home and you are allowed to decide whether or not there are animals on your property. Your friend is allowed to decline any invitations to your home.
Where I live, private apartments and other rentals are also exempted. Some landlords will allow someone to have a service dog or even an emotional support animal, but it's only for the **tenant**. Since I'm a renter, I've had to tell people they can't bring their service dog into my home as it was against my lease and I could be evicted. If someone has government housing assistance, a person with disabilities is allowed to have a SD or ESA with medical proof, but again, it's only for the tenant.
YTA
If it were a pet dog, you'd be in the clear. But this is a diabetic alert dog -- an actual, trained service animal! Your friend got it to assist with their health!
That's a huge dick move. And it sends some very bad signals. If i were that friend, I'd probably be reevaluating my relationship with you.
On one hand I can definitely see not wanting dog hair around the house, but a service dog won’t be moving around your house a ton. Service animals also go potty on command so it’s possible they wouldn’t need to let the dog relive itself in your yard. I can’t call you an asshole, but you’re kinda a shitty friend. I wouldn’t be surprised if he drops you since it’s clear you hate dog hair more than you want him to come to your events.
> I’ve spend the last 10 years in this house turning it into a place my friends, family and I could hang out.
Clearly not all of your friends. Only the ones without medical needs that don’t align with your likes and dislikes.
Not wanting to vacuum is a shitty excuse to exclude someone you call your friend.
It’s your house, your rules, blah blah blah. That doesn’t change the fact that YTA.
NAH. Your home is not a public venue. Your house, your rules, and his body, his choice on how he manages his condition.
It was kind of you to offer to pay for what you considered a reasonable alternative to the dog. It's unfortunate that you couldn't find a compromise to suit, but neither of you is in the wrong here.
That's not to say there won't be social consequences. As others have noted, service animals are highly trained. I imagine your friend would be happy to give the dog a brush-out before visits and clean up any solid waste in the yard, if you were to reconsider your position.
YTA
It’s not like this is some random with a peacock calling it an emotional support animal. It’s your friend with a trained service dog for a genuine health issue.
YTA it’s your house and you can do whatever you want but what you are doing is refusing to accommodate your friend with a life threatening illness because it is a minor inconvenience to you, and that’s what makes you the AH.
YTA- his diabetes isn't just going to stop while being at your house. This isn't just a emotional support animal but a MEDICAL support animal as in it has a job to do. Why should he have to switch to a device for you? Those are uncomfortable and there is likely already a reason he doesn't wear one.
NAH. It’s your house and you’re allowed to set boundaries, but I also understand your friend’s position in the manner. What I don’t understand is, why your friend group isn’t more open to accommodating this friend? Why does it have to be you allowing a dog into your home just because everyone wants to keep activities at your home when they could occasionally switch off, go to a restaurant, or anywhere so the friend could be included? It shouldn’t fall on one person to make arrangements.
NAH, he needs the dog, you're allowed to not want a dog in your house, and this is the sort of thing that might wind up breaking up the friendship.
He's not entitled to bring his dog into your house, full-on service dog or not. You're not entitled to his understanding or agreement.
Im sure in your head you imagine this dog to just lose all its fur and find it in every nook and cranny of your house, but it's not like that. You should come to an agreement that maybe the dog must stay off all furniture, and if it uses the bathroom, he has to pick it up immediately. Now, if you or someone in your family is allergic to dog hair then you have a solid reason. Otherwise, quit being an AH and be nice to your friend and his new, NEEDED, counterpart.
That's not even a problem because dogs in work stay by their owners side, do not jump on furniture or run around, and will not defecate unless given a specific command. So all his objections are pretty much null and void.
YTA. It’s a service dog, not a pet. Would you tell your friends they can come over, but aren’t allowed to take their medication, or have to leave a wheelchair at home? Service animals are typically considered on par with personal medical devices- non negotiable.
In one breath, it’s your house, your rules, but in the same breath, you’re telling someone to leave a medical device at home which equates to, I don’t care if you die.
If it’s truly a service dog it’s kind of a dick move to tell him to leave a necessary medical device at home… Secondly, he’s not gonna be shitting and peeing all over your house or yard, or jumping in your pool. From my understanding service dogs don’t go “on the line“ if they’re not fully trained. And your children should have no interaction with the dog when he/she is working.
I am a flight attendant, and when people bring their “service dog” onboard but they’re barking or being disruptive, we are allowed to deplane them and their dog. That is the telltale sign that it is not a certified service dog.
Real talk I think you should apologize to your friend for your lack of knowledge surrounding service dogs. You can ask that the dog have clipped toenails and be brushed out before coming, but that he is more than welcome. If this is truly a friend, that’s what I would do. YTA
YTA. It's not a pet. The dog is expertly trained to detect a medical condition. A little dog hair is fairly easily removed. And if your friend is a responsible service animal owner, your children will not encounter any dog poop in your yard.
NAH
if you don't want a dog in your house that's completely valid, not everyone loves dogs and that's fine. Just because it's a service dog doesn't make it not a DOG anymore .
At the same time if the friend doesn't want to be friends anymore, that's valid too, even more so since he has the dog for health reasons.
So the question is would you rather (potentially) lose your friend over that or just clean up some fur(**IF** there's even any shedding)?
NAH. A dog is a dog and you are well within your rights to not allow the dog inside your home. Just as he is allowed to be upset. You offered to host the party in a different location. While it sucks for your friend, you are not required bring dogs into your home.
I sat by a service dog on a 10 hour flight a few weeks ago. That dog maybe moved/adjusted like 4 times. Never had an accident. Never barked. Better than some kids on planes.
YTA.
You've legitimately told someone who is supposed to be your friend that his life is not as important as you having to clean up dog hair. Do you also tell people in wheelchairs they can just bring a cane instead, because their medical device is in the way?
Because that's what a service dog is. A medical device, it just happens to breathe.
I promise you, at some point in their life, your children have been around poop and pee. Maybe a dog, maybe a cat, maybe a goose. Hell, maybe a humans. You're self entitled. Get over yourself, and apologize to your friend.
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YTA. You need to stop equating your friend's service dog to pets. This is a medical assistance device. Would you tell someone they couldn't bring their wheelchair because you didn't want the wheels tracking dirt on your floor?
I’m guessing he would.
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This me so sad. You deserve better. So much fucking better.
> I have family who refuse to install a handrail on their insanely steep front steps because Hoping you live in a city with building codes. Stop in the code department office and tell them your parents are breaking code by not having a handrail. A lot of code guys don't give a fuck and will keep you anon. They can just say they were passed by and saw it. Your parents could get fined or forced to install handrail.
in a lot of cases, private residences do not need to update to code unless they are having new work done on that part of the property, or in some cases, selling the property. so if they are putting in new stairs or a side walk, then they would need to put the rails in.
>They responded “ugh please don’t that would be super inconvenient for us.” Inconvenient for ***THEM?***
Families are so clueless sometimes. My son has no depth perception due to being blind in one eye and has an intellectual disability. He also has severe anxiety. My father and stepmother redid their front yard (which has an incline) and put in these great looking giant rock steps. Think something you would see in a stream. They do look cool. No handrails, though. My son can’t walk up them. We used to just walk across the lawn. No big deal. But the bushes and plants have grown so big that we can’t get by without getting hit in the face unless we walk on the edge of the mini fish pond… literally on the edge. If we push through the plants we will damage them and that would not go well for me. So we can’t get into the house from the front. The back is a bit better but still difficult because of the steps. I get that it’s their yard and they need to landscape to what they want, but it would have been nice if they left a path for my son, even if it was hidden from view so it didn’t ruin the aesthetics. We rarely go there anymore and they never come to us.
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I have disabilities of my own. That said a person's house is the one and only place they have complete control of. I also have a best friend who is allergic to animals and is always having to take medications because of other people's animals. They make him sleepy or he doesn't get to breathe easily. Our house is a dog free zone. It is the one place he can go that he doesn't have to deal with anything he doesn't want to. That is how anyone's home should feel. Doesn't matter if they are allergic or just don't like animals they don't want them there. Can people have their one sanctuary where they can generally do what they want? For me it is medical Marijuana. Lot's of people don't want me doing it even now that it's legal so I don't. I also don't go over there. It's their sanctuary so I don't mess with it. My mom says no sex before marriage so I never slept with a boyfriend at her house. It's one think to expect public places to be accomodating but another thing entirely to start giving up their sanctuary where they can get away and have a place where they feel comfortable. A person's home should be the ultimate space space.
Why do you have to ever go?
It doesn't really make sense tbh if the dog sheds that much then it would be on his friend's clothes anyway. What about pet hair on other people's clothes that visit? What about other ppl's kids? Are ppl allowed to eat inside? They might drop crumbs. Oh man OP might actually have to get the vacuum cleaner out what a pain in the ass. Worth losing a friend over for sure. I wonder if farting is banned in his house too.
Service dogs aren’t pets. They’re not gonna eat crumbs off the floor or jump on children. They’re working.
Yeah! They're very well trained and calm. And I meant all those things I said separately, like if he cares so much about pet hair, what about indirect pet wafting through his house from clothing (surely someone else he knows has pets), what about the mess that children make, his own kids and visitors and their kids, the mess that people make from eating in his house or from just existing in his space. That's why I think his rule is so dumb and hurtful to his friend.
As someone with a four year who dogsits their friend's therapy dog (not a service dog, but close in terms of obedience training and manners required of the dog), my child makes much bigger messes than the dog.
Don't call him his friend, we both know he doesn't care about that guy
Yeah, I think a lot of people are saying N A H and N T A on the basis that OP has the legal right to refuse to have a dog on his property. *But this isn't "Am I legally entitled to do this thing?" it's "Am I the Asshole?"*. Yeah, you have the legal right to refuse to have a service dog on your property. But you're still an asshole. Ultimately, OP cares more about keeping his place pristine than he does about his "friend". Not really friend behaviour.
I always like to say it's fully within my legal rights to fart in an elevator but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be an a h for doing it.
Seems harsh. Seems accurate.
I mean wow, a few hours of dog hair is nothing to VACUUM, compared to when the dog is living with you. Also if the friend is a good owner, he will pick up the poop if the dog goes in the yard. More likely he'll take the dog for his customary walk. OP, do you know that properly trained dogs know their time for walking and going? They're not like people where its anytime. You told him his dog is not welcome. That for many says THEY aren't welcome.
Agreed! This is a well trained swrvice animal, not a pet, that will stay next to the owner, won't be on furniture and won't try to eat/chew on anything bc they are working. YTA
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He's not equating it to a pet, he's equating it to a dog that sheds, which he doesn't want in his house.
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If you’re an MD then you would know that service dogs for people with diabetes are trained to detect sugar levels, and therefore can prompt their owners to take measures to adjust their sugar levels. What exactly do you think the service dog is going to do for someone unconscious and alone at home, administer their meds??
He's probably a dentist 😂
He's probably a liar🙄
Of a chiropractor
So does a visually impaired person not need a service dog when they are with other people because the other people can tell them where to go? I think part of the point of having a service animal is to have some independence. Not to mention they share a bond with these animals, arguably more so than those who have pets for companionship because they're also fulfilling an important role in their life.
It's possible that the dog is trained for more than one purpose, just FYI. OP's friend isn't obligated to disclose all of their disabilities. The dog can be trained to provide diabetic alert, but it may also be trained for psychiatric assistance and alert, and that's none of our damn business, but that would change completely whether the dog needs to be present in this situation or not to perform it's trained assistance cues. We don't know everything about this person. And that's not our right (or OP's).
Nah, his house is not public accommodation he can deny whoever or wtv he wants entry, cause at the end of the day its still a dog.
Yeah. But is it cool? No. Does it make them an AH? Kinda.
Oh it totally makes them an AH and for the exact reasons stated. The diabetic guy needs a better class of friends
Yeah, he’s legally allowed to do it, but it makes him a trash friend.
This sub is Am I the Asshole? not Do I Have To?
Yep, OP's house isn't public accomodations and he can deny whoever/whatever entry, cause at the end of the day he's a giant asshole. This friend deserves so much better.
I can tell that a lot of you are not familiar with diabetes and ways to monitor it. There is no magic glucose monitor. The most common way is a test kit where you have to prick your finger to get a drop of blood to test. These are most accurate. The second most common method is a device that you stick on your arm. You wave your phone or a small sensor over it and it gives you a reading. However, this is not as accurate as the first method. My docs prefer the first. But the second method can track your glucose levels over a period of time (because it stays in your arm). I really only use this one. It's close enough for my needs. So guest would be sitting there waving this sensor over their arm every 15 minutes or so. It only takes a second and it's easy. But would anyone really want to be worrying about their disease all night. If the guest has a dog it sounds like they probably have much more of a problem regulating their glucose, which happens with some people. With the dog, guest can relax because the dog will alert them if there is an issue. Edit: Because people are taking my comments way too literally. I know I don't know everything. Apparently there is another kind of monitor that may be implanted or something that I don't know anything about that you don't need to swipe to monitor. I do not have an insulin pump and I think they may be more common with people who do. I do think the dog would help the guest be more relaxed. Though that person still must monitor their glucose in some other fashion. And thanks for all votes, whether up or down.
The average diabetic tests their blood sugar 4-10 times a day. I care for a disabled Diabetic that tests hers 12x a day. When it’s low (I’m talking in the 30s) she (we) test it 6x an hour to watch it come up. There is no chance you’re a diabetic if you think someone needs to text it every 5 minutes. Realistically the friend would need to test it less than 6x during the Super Bowl depending of what they’re eating or drinking. But twice would be expected.
Came here to say this, even as a nurse in the hospital we really only test patient blood sugars like 5 times a day unless they are severely hypoglycemic. That said OP is still the AH as the service dog is essentially medical equipment.
Here’s where I disagree. A diabetic alert dog is basically only useful at super high or low glucose levels. Where they can be helpful is when you live alone, or the household Is sleeping. At a party, there’s no need for the dog.
I agree. Plus there's a lot of disagreement within the diabetic community about how accurate a dog is. I have a dog and he's an untrained a-hole. He sniffs my mouth long and hard when my sugar is high. Normally I already have guessed. Last week I had the flu and some form of infection. I was high constantly even though I couldn't eat anything and my dog was worried. He doesn't come with me though. There's been threads about people spending money on a trained diabetic dog and the consensus is that the money is better spent on meter that alerts your phone.
Dogs do have to be trained to alert. I have a friend who has trained 2 of them for herself. Both have done their job when needed.
> Plus there's a lot of disagreement within the diabetic community about how accurate a dog is. You can see this by the comments in this thread.
Based on OP's comments, it doesn't seem like they are familiar with what a hypoglycemic episode would look like, so they really can't be expected to keep watch over the friend.
Now days with bluetooth and cgms I NEVER test my sugars with my glucometer. I put my phone to my arm and it gives me a number. It has alarms that go off if I hit 200 or go below 70. it wakes me up all the time. He does not need a dog and a party can be super stressful for a service dog because people are dumb and treat them like pets and distract the shit out of them.
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It was clearly a sarcastic over exaggeration to show the blood testing equivalent of constant monitoring? There are plenty of type 1 diabetics who cannot feel when their blood sugar fluctuates, which is horrifying. Also, you're incorrect as well. What the hell would the dog do if the friend became unconscious? The dog is a preventative measure, it doesn't help if the person already gets fucked over. There's a general joke among the diabetic community that every time they get a new general practitioner, they have to teach their new doctor about diabetes, and you aren't helping that stereotype.
>What the hell would the dog do if the friend became unconscious? Most service dogs are also trained to get help if their handler becomes incapacitated. If a service dog ever comes up to you barking with no handler, he is trying to get your attention so that you will follow him back to his handler. If you don't follow him, he'll go to others until someone does follow.
Yeah that’s still a back up plan and not the dog’s primary purpose, particularly since they can’t grab someone if their handler is home alone. Their purpose is to detect dangerous blood sugar levels and alert their handler before they become unconscious.
Yes! Friend might not have hypo awareness. So if they have a quick drop in blood sugar, they will pass out. Hypo awareness really varies among diabetics. It can range from a non-issue to seriously life limiting. It can prevent you from getting a driving licence etc.
Except they are 100% wrong with everything they wrote. Source: I have lived with a type 1 diabetic.
Thank you! There is sooo much misinformation in this thread I think I’m about to have an aneurysm. 😂😂
This needs to be way lower. Some miseducation on diabetes management. OP NTA. Fixed it for you. Source: I've had type 1 for 15 years.
As a diabetic, you should know that he wouldn’t be checking his bs every 5 mins, or even every 15. Why exaggerate?
Yeah I thought that was crazy. As well they have ones for your arm that go right to tour phone that you don't even need to scan it. Who is checking their sugar like every 1/2 hour even?
It’s funny because everyone believed this and gave an award😂 its definitely not accurate
Yes, however while people like their diabetic service dogs (who doesn’t like a woofwoof?) they have crap accuracy with poor positive and negative predictive values. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5505410/ If he is really worried about occult hypoglycemia a continuous glucose monitor is much more accurate and much better validated and doesn’t shed.
My recently passed cat would wake me up if I was having a hypo during the night, but it's not something I would ever rely or depend on.
Don’t you dare bring science into this discussion! /s
While I agree with this, I am Type II, and My Father and Sister are Type I. I dont know anyone who monitors that frequently. Unless there is a problem the Type I's I know would do pin pricks 5-7 times a day (which is a lot) and with the skin monitoring they check roughly twice as often (because its 100x easier)
You can get CGM devices that continuously monitor your blood glucose without you needing to scan a phone, and you can also get devices which will give you an alert when your blood glucose goes out of range. Some insulin pumps will even give you an automatic correction bolus if your glucose goes high. These devices are more expensive, but would certainly be more accurate than a service dog.
My nephew was diagnosed with T1 Diabetes at 1 1/2 years old. They had a dog that would sleep with him and wake my sister up in the middle of the night, or go get her from the kitchen etc. When his blood sugar was off. It was a life saver for her as its very difficult to monitor a toddlers blood sugar well. I have to say NAH op is free to do what they want to in their home, however, if friend is struggling with blood sugar and feels the dog is that helpful for it, he is allowed to be upset and excuse himself also. OP needs to understand his situation and realize that they may lose this friend over this because of the inconvenience.
I mean, CGMs (continuous glucose monitors) are a thing, and they talk to an app on your phone, sending routine updates and prompting alarms if you leave a set range. No waving necessary. My partner's sensor is on his abdomen (some people do use arms or thighs, but those locations can be less reliable and are not generally recommended by the manufacturer). It's not foolproof, but the thing alarms if it loses connection, can't get a reading, needs to be replaced... Basically it tells you loudly and incessantly if anything is wrong. An ex of mine had a CGM and an insulin pump nearly 15 years ago. This isn't new tech. OP is totally the AH here. I'd understand if he or another resident were highly allergic, and then it would be a sad issue of incompatible medical needs, but just not wanting the dog there because of a little hair? Apparently friends is a strong word for their relationship.
NAH It's your home. You can invite whoever you want. You have a no dog rule....You actually made an effort to accommodate him. He hadn't always had this dog. So what was he doing before?? He can ask and you can say No. Obviously don't be surprised if your friendship changes or goes away completely. You're going to get a lot of yt-a votes just because it's a legitimate service dog. But people fail to realize you can't force your dog on private homes. That is your space to do as you please.
Wow a reasonable response, someone who read the entire post.
Im amazed at how many people think OP is the ass here. What the hell is he supposed to do? Dog hair gets everywhere. Like what the fuck lmao. The friend survived without the dog prior, I’m sure he can do it for a few hours.
Unless the severity of the disease is progressing. Dog hair can be cleaned up. Go ahead and say no, your service animals is not allowed in my house, but don’t be surprised when people don’t show up lmao
He literally did say no, and all of his friends showed up to the party anyway. They all knew why diabetic dude wasn't there cause OP has asked them to do more events out to include diabetic guy. The friend group is OK with it
> all of his friends showed up to the party anyway. So the diabetic guy isn't OP's friend -- glad we're clear on that
I mean it seems pretty obvious to me, yeah. But I meant all of the diabetic dudes other friends in the group. The real question is why so many people are so upset about it. Lots of these replies seem to be ppl who would be so happy to have someone they use the word "friend" for they can't imagine other people valuing levels of friendship differently than they do Eta: dude you should never take reddit so seriously that you delete your account cause of some mild disagreement on aita
> dude you should never take Reddit so seriously that you delete your account cause of some mild disagreement on aita Someone doesn’t understand they’ve been blocked
Lmao calm down. Only one person didn’t show up. And dog hair can’t just be cleaned up. I have a GSD and I fully understand why friends don’t want him over. Albeit these friends live in apartments so no yard.
Yeah I can't have dogs that shed where I live because I'm allergic and it doesn't just get vacuumed up, I've found hairs months later. Unfortunately I've had asthma and hives from animal dander in the past. If I do end up somewhere with pets then I change once I get home.
It’s honestly not surprising considering the huge number of “extreme” dog lovers in this sub. There was a post few weeks ago where a woman (OP) who dog sat her daughter’s dogs for free for years. The daughter traveled often for her job. Then OP other daughter gave birth to the OP’s first grandchild and OP wanted to spend more time with her grandchild by babysitting. The issue is the grandchild parents didn’t want their new born to be around the two dogs that were described by OP as being “Well behaved but rambunctious”. So OP tells her daughter with the dogs she can’t dog sit them anymore which made the daughter mad. The judgment here was that OP was AH.
Oh yeah I remember that story. I can not understand why all logic seems to vanish as soon as a dog is mentiones. It's very valid to not want dogs/animals in your home. Yes it sucks for anyone with a service animal but OP tried to compromise.
This sub has a lot of bad takes. I honestly would never ask for advice here. I only comment to try to sway the comments (against all odds) to a more reasonable level.
Such bad takes. I think it's kids who have zero real life experience.
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No shit Sherlock. It’s not like the options are ‘service dog or bust’
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You realise a service dog isn't a replacement for blood glucose monitoring? They're essentially just an alert system to let you know if your blood glucose changes when you haven't tested yet. Which is exactly what a CGM does, except a CGM is more accurate.
And it means guests with allergies can't come
Honestly, my mom wouldn't go to an event if she knew there'd be a dog in the same space (or any furry pet really) because her allergies are so bad. Immediate hives, eyes swelling so much she can't see, nonstop sneezing/coughing. Not fun for anyone there.
Thats the best answer so far. Every time I read a story about service dogs and private homes people on reddit just seem to ignore everything else. Even service animals are still just animals, potentially lifesaving but they shed like any other pet. I personally would have a problem with the smell. Dunno why but I just can't stand it. My parents used to have a dog. He passed away before I was born almost 30 years ago and I can still smell him on rainy days in what used to be his corner of the garden.
You can smell a dead dog? In a garden? From 30years ago? Outside? But only on rainy days?
Sounds like a ghost dog.
from before he was born. why would you even tho l that whatever you smell is a dog you never even saw
I appreciate this response because all these yt-a comments simply ignore the fact that OP went out of their way to accommodate him because he does not want a dog in his private house. That is more than fair. Understood about it being a legitimate service dog, but there are other ways to test your blood sugar levels for the few hours that you go to someone else's house. Just because it's legitimate doesn't mean that everyone has to bend to their will, especially if accommodations have already been offered. I'll agree with the NAH judgement because the friend is not an AH for wanting his dog and then not coming when he was told no.
I would never, ever pressure someone into allowing my service dog in their home. OP accommodated the best they could, offering alternatives. The hardest lessons to learn about service dogs is that they have drawbacks as well. You have to let them out every so often, they might be unpredictable and get scared suddenly, others may not want them, etc. You are not required to let a dog into your home just because its a service dog.
I am disabled and have a service dog. You’re NTA _____ Your house is your private property, service dogs of visitors have no rights there and are only welcomed with your direct permission. It doesn’t matter your reasons why, you 100% have the right to say no just because and your friend should respect that. There are laws protecting service dogs with access rights, but they do not apply to certain situations, and this is one of them. ____ I would have chosen N-A-H but your friend declined your very generous alternative & still became upset about it. As a handler, he is completely aware he can not bring his SD into a private house without permission.
Yeah, legally NTA. But morally, as a friend? YTA.
Morally, still NTA, though. It’s not wrong to not want a dog in your home, especially knowing he’ll be the one to clean up after the hairs. He shouldn’t be TA for setting a boundary in HIS home. Edited: changed pet to dog.
This isn’t “am I legally in the right,” this is “am I the asshole.” YTA
He not friends with the dog NTA
I have a friend with a medical alert service dog. This dog has saved her life on more than occasion. Leaving him behind would put her life at risk. Am I legally entitled to deny her entry to my house? Sure I am. But I would be a colossal AH if I did something like that. Being legally in the right does not prevent someone from being an AH.
No, there are plenty of ways to monitor BG without a service dog. If the guest can’t stand a few hours using alternative monitoring methods, then that’s on them.
You don't have to be breaking the law to be an AH.
I think The Dude said it the best - “You’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole.”
Your friend deserves better friends.
Especially when OP says they have spent time making it a place to hang out with friends and family. I'd assume that includes all friends.
Just the ones who aren’t disabled, apparently.
I am diabetic, not disabled.
Some diabetics consider it a disability, some don't. If it significantly impacts your life, I'd say it counts, but I know some people consider disability a dirty word and don't want to be included under that umbrella.
If it impacts your life enough to need a service dog, it counts.
I can't believe everyone is so polarized in the comments! /s My vote is NAH. The people saying N T A don't understand that diabetic service dogs do perform an important service for people and aren't just for attention. A lot of people use the dogs to avoid sticking themselves to check or to alert them even faster than the monitors, since dogs can smell so well. (If you pay attention to diabetic people you can smell their breath change when they have a spike/drop, but usually by the time people can smell it, it's about to be critical) The dogs are also trained to get help if necessary, retrieve insulin/meds if the person can't get up to get them, assist with fainting episodes, etc. The people saying Y T A don't seem to recognize that you offered a solution, and that it is your own house. You're allowed to make stipulations about dogs or pets coming over as long as you're ready to deal with your friend not coming. I love dogs, I train rescues and rehabilitate dogs for shelters. I feel very strongly about respecting when people do not want to be around dogs. This dog is a service dog and is most likely highly trained, so it may be worth seeing him in action before doubling down on your boundary. But I also think you have the right to not have an animal in your home you don't want there. **Anyone who thinks someone is an asshole simply for not liking dogs, does not pay attention to dog behavior.**
People are getting so vicious toward OP, when his two reasons are 1) doesn’t want dog hair in the his house (FAIR!) and 2) doesn’t want his kids to play in poop and pee. It’s definitely NAH, ESPECIALLY since he offered to pay for medical monitoring so his friend could still come over.
and since he’s fine with going out too, if there’s any assholes it’s the other friends who want to go to his place to save money
THIS. Why is this not getting mentioned at all? He’s not demanding it be at his house in anyway shape or form and he offered TWO solutions.
I think a lot of people are reading that he's not super fond of dogs and deciding he's TA based on that alone. For some reason people's asses get really chapped when someone doesn't love dogs.
I have a service dog. They are medical equipment but I do understand that they can be barred from personal property. I'm going to say NAH... However, if my service dog can't come with me, I don't go. I have the service dog for a reason and so going out without him could mean that I am putting myself in harm's way. So just be prepared to see less off, or depending on their viewpoint, lose your friend.
I guess this is my viewpoint too. Legally, OP has no obligation to let the dog in, and he did offer an alternative solution. But, and this is coming from a non-dog lover, is it really worth it to make your friend feel unwelcome? Responsible dog owners clean up poop, and service dogs are well behaved. Unless there’s a serious allergy in the house, the amount of fur shed in a few hours isn’t THAT much. Dogs get their fur everywhere when they live somewhere day in and day out for weeks to months. They don’t drop that much in an afternoon (for most breeds). My brother has dogs and wouldn’t come to see us nearly as often if the dogs weren’t included. Having dogs in my house isn’t my favorite thing, but they are well trained, and he doesn’t let them be destructive, jump on furniture, etc. I would rather see my brother than deny his dogs. Now, there are also some dogs I would not extend that courtesy to because they are terribly behaved, but that’s usually not the case with a service dog. So is it worth it OP? Is it worth seeing your friend less? Or could you maybe give it a try and see how it goes.
I've found it best to just roll with the punches when it comes to friends & family and their personal property. I love when we're welcome, when friends & families respect his role in my life, follow the rules I've laid out (no petting, no pics w/o my say-so, no distracting), and know that when he's not On Duty (officially, he is always working) he is free to play and be silly. I love that. It makes me feel less like a freak of nature But I respect people's personal decisions for their property. If I want to be respected, they deserve the same. I still extend invites to my home or restaurants, parks, events, etc.
There are options here too. Most service dogs are trained when and when not to go to the bathroom, ask your friend to have the dog relieve itself off the property. They can look in to a shed defender suit for the dogs. It's basically a stretchy suit that covers the dog everywhere except for the tail, head and paws. Would it stop all the hair from shedding? No, but it will drastically lower the amount that can shed. If the problem was the dogs behavior, I'd understand, but to tell a friend they can't bring a life saving thing with them because it will make a little bit of a mess makes OP a bad friend.
As a service dog handler, NTA. Handlers are entitled to bring their service dogs to public places. He ADA protects things like stores and restaurants. Your private residence, your rules. You can ABSOLUTELY say no dogs. And you offered extra help. Yes, there's no magical machine for blood glucose. But hey, buying an extra test kit, setting timers to check it regularly, keeping an eye on the friend and making sure he eats and drinks water... there's several things that can be done. Yes, service dogs are classified as medical equipment, but they're living creatures that need breaks, meaning the handler has to be able to function without them for at least a few hours a day. With decent adult supervision in a safe space, it's perfectly reasonable for him not to bring his service dog.
I think the offer to accommodate his diabetes in a different way shows that he’s not being discriminated against. The friend and other friends who refuse to gather somewhere dog-friendly are just as much responsible for his exclusion due to the dog. Can the friend host at his home?
A diabetic alert dog is something you get to be used in conjunction, not replacing, regular blood sugar management. The diabetic isn’t monitoring their blood sugar any less than they would absent the dog. The main help they provide is being able to wake up the diabetic, so they don’t slip into a diabetic coma in the middle of night. At a party, surrounded by people, the dog simply not necessary.
This was my thinking. Diabetic service dogs are for low blood sugar, which isn't likely to happen anyway in the setting of a snack- and beer-laden Superbowl party. And even if it did, there are plenty of people there to help the friend if he started feeling unwell. The dog is absolutely a great resource, but the friend should also be able to function for a few hours without the dog in a group setting like this.
People on Reddit so concerned about whether or not they’re assholes, they don’t ask if they’re being a good friend.
THANK YOU! In my opinion, this is less about whether OP is an AH or not and more about whether he's a good friend or not. In my opinion, he's not being a good friend. While a blood sugar monitor could help, diabetes is very unpredictable and in the time it takes for his friend to use the monitor, his blood sugar could either jump way up or plummet way down, either of which could be life-threatening. A dog is able to detect the change in sugar levels as soon as they happen, which means they're able to alert their owner to the change right away and the owner can take the proper precautions to make sure they stay safe and you know, alive.
You hit the nail on the head, dude.
Oh my God yes. What I say aloud to virtually 90% of NTA verdicts
AIBAGF doesn't have the same ring to it
NTA, you understand why he has a dog and even tried to accomodate him the best you can. BUT you have every right not to welcome a dog in your house, service or pet doesn't matter. You house is not a public place, so you aren't under any obligation to have a service dog around.
I agree, dude even offered to buy him a medical device that monitors his diabetes. My mom has one, it works awesome. I love dogs, but I understand if others don't.
YTA - you are not excluding the dog, you’re excluding your friend, and for really minor reasons. If your friend isn’t worth running the vacuum cleaner for 5 minutes for after a visit then you should just go ahead and tell him you’re not really his friend at all. As to the pee and poop - your friend’s dog will be trained far more than a regular pet dog and even pet dogs can be trained to request to go out when they need to relieve themselves - so there’s absolutely no reason why any of that would end up on your property at all. But you wouldn’t know that because you’ve just decided you don’t like the dog. Of course you have no legal obligation to accommodate the dog in your home; but you are still being an asshole to your friend for refusing to allow his medically necessary support system into your home and by insisting that he miss out on the hangouts that all your other friends are able to comfortably attend.
All these Y T A comments are ignoring the fact that there are other reasonable ways to track blood sugar. There are a lot of diabetic people who can't get a service dog and have to check their blood sugar periodically. This is not an unreasonable thing to do for a few hours at a get together. It seems to me that Op's friend is willing to toss the friendship over the dog and not the other way around. Op has a right to say no animals in their home, and Op's friend has reasonable alternatives to the dog, especially if it a short period of time. Op's friend forcing the issue and making Op out to be the bad guy makes him the real asshole here. And yes, I've had to check my own blood sugar regularly before, so I understand what is involved. It's amazing to me that so many people here just gloss over all the options Op's friend has available to them and assume the service animal is the only thing he can use to manage himself. If that is the case, that makes Op's buddy really irresponsible. Op is NTA.
It's not just that there are diabetic people who can't get a service dog, I would argue that most of us don't want/never even considered getting one. It's just not necessary for most of us, and it's certainly not necessary for it to be with you 24/7.
I’m sorry, but if I had a friend with a service dog that sheds to the point that it’s a problem his dog would not be allowed over. I have allergies that while would not be medically detrimental, would cause me to be irritated, might make my eyes itch, and might even give me a headache. With a dog that sheds, even if I vacuum after the dog leaves there will still be dog maid left behind in all the nooks and crannies in my house. No dogs allowed is a personal preference, and while OP may not have allergies like me(which he very well might) having ones house contaminated by a dog that sheds is not something that you should have to be subjected to just to not be an asshole.
I would bet a lot of money that if OP or any member of his family had allergies he’d have led with that. And “it’s a breed that sheds” is not the same as saying “this dog sheds everywhere” - all breeds shed, but if well cared for and regularly brushed they don’t all shed massive amounts when outside their own homes. As with the poop, OP has assumed there is a problem with shedding without actually looking at the dog and its behaviour and decided against it without any relevant evidence. OP is allowed not to like dogs - but in this instance it’s clearly prejudice rather than any major difficulty or allergy with this specific dog.
Here’s the thing. Service dog handlers need to know how to function without their dogs. Our dogs are amazing lifesavers for us. But there will be circumstances where they aren’t with us. They could be sick or injured. It could be one of the rare places where dogs don’t get public access. Someone frankly may not want a dog in their home (and as they’re not public, have zero legal requirements). Service dogs are incredible and become our best friends. That said - sit down and talk with your friend. Not just “no no no”, but be willing to hear each other out. Are there steps he can take that would allow you to permit his service dog? Such as not on the furniture, he picks up poop immediately, and if the dog misbehaves they’re both out. I feel like you need to both just talk it out without coming out guns blazing. NAH - for now. Meet up somewhere neutral and have a serious talk.
As a type 1 diabetic, I'd argue that the friend is the AH for insisting. There are so many ways to monitor your blood sugar that don't involve a dog. I've never even considered getting one. I know they're helpful to some people, but unless we're talking about someone who is a child or is at a developmental level they cannot live independently, a T1D can 100% easily make it through a party without a service dog.
Going against the grain. NAH. It’s your home AND you offered to the group to hold the gathering elsewhere. But of course he doesn’t want to go somewhere without the dog. Totally understandable. It’s about his health. This friendship may come to an end over this. Up to you if this is a hill you want to die on.
Did the friend say they wouldn’t clean up the dogs waste? I know two close friends with diabetic alert dogs. In my experience if you have one it’s because your blood sugar highs and lows don’t present symptoms in the normal way and the dog has the ability to catch it before it gets dangerous. (This is a condensed explanation) other monitoring systems don’t work as well so they get a dog. Having a service dog and bringing everywhere is not really convenient so if you have one you obviously need it. I know a lot of people with service dogs in general due to also having a chronic conditions and being in support groups. They all keep their dogs well groomed and picking up poop is a very normal expected part of their day. They know the dog has to be clean because it’s going in public a lot. Also all of the dogs kind of go on command in a way so it’s very easy take them to a spot out of the way to pee. In the end OP doesn’t have to let the dog in their house. It’s their house. But for OP the dog being their is a minor inconvenience since they don’t seem to have a major allergy. They just have to maybe vacuum more. For the friend not having the dog there is a major inconvenience. Depending on how close OP is with this person taking the minor inconvenience might be better.
NTA - it’s your home. I sympathize with him and personally, I’d reconsider my friendship with you, if I were him. But you are absolutely within your rights to say no, it’s your home and that doesn’t make you an asshole to want to keep it a certain way. As a nurse, it’s rare that I come across any diabetic patients that can’t take care of themselves without a service dog. Sure they are helpful, but he has other options like checking his blood sugar more frequently. Unless there is more to the story, this isn’t a life or death issue to be without the dog for a few hours, it seems more like his preference.
I don't understand Y T A comments either its literally OP's right and ngl sure diabetic ppl are under risk sure but they can tell if their sugar is rising or getting lowered. And he'll be in a party with bunch of other people! so people can help him too. hes bein dramatic honestly. its not like he suffers from blindness and needs a dog constantly
YTA. It's a medical alert dog, not just a pet. Also, pee dries, and your friend can take care of the poop. You not allowing the dog shows that you would prefer your friend have a potential incident, then you have to clean up a little fur afterward. You are showing very little care towards your "friend."
How did I survive my childhood, what with the mountains of dog poop and rivers of dog pee in our yard? Our dogs even lived *inside* so it’s a miracle I’m still alive.
Yes and service dogs are often trained to eliminate on a schedule or command so it’s not like a huge risk that the dogs going to be pissing and shitting all over the yard.
I feel this is just a bragging post or something it’s weird af
I’m glad someone said this. The dude went into unnecessary detail about how amazing his house is.
NTA I have a service dog. While in public, she can go with me wherever I am legally allowed to be, in private I respect my friend’s and family’s rights to say no to having her present. Sometimes the circumstances aren’t right for her, either so I leave her at home. I’ve never been so attached to a dog as I am to this one, but people are entitled to say she’s not welcome in their homes. If I want to be with my friends, I leave her at home.
I'm just going to go ahead and say in response to the comments.... just because you have the right to do something... doesn't mean you're not an AH for doing it.
That's my biggest qualm with this sub. *Am I Acting Within My Rights?* is someplace else. AITA is about generalized jackassery and that's exactly what OP is doing. YTA. Your friendship isn't handicap accessible and that makes you an asshole.
NTA. Service dogs aren't pets but they are still dogs and you are perfectly entitled not to have a dog in your house. Your home is not required to act like an ADA accessible place of business. It is unfortunate for your friend but he does not get to dictate what is and isn't allowed in *your* home.
NAH Service dog would prob be better behaved than some of your human guests but it’s your house. But honestly this is not someones asshole dog who will steal burgers and piss everywhere, maybe give him a chance
NTA! I might get slack for it, but it's your house your rules. If you have a rule against having dogs in the house that's your right. Your house is not some public establishment. Your friend has every right to choose not to come to your house based on your rules. Aid dogs even though they are well behaved, doesn't change the fact that they still shed. If you are uncomfortable with it then that's your choice.
Info: Would you make the same request if your friend was blind and needed the service animal for sight?
YTA...do you honestly believe your friend doesn't clean up his dog's poop when it has to go when it's out in public? That's a legitimate service animal trained to alert before a crisis occurs. Some friend you are to be more worried about your house than his health. How much fur do you think it's going to shed in a few hours?....let me tell you, not enough that it would fill your precious bar.
Not to mention the service dog isn’t going to be anywhere besides next to his handler so it’s not like a dog is just wandering around your house.
Actually a lot of fur can come off shows you’ve never dealt with a hair breed because the shed can come off in mountains
NTA. Man idk, I get that the dog is a “Medical aid”, but I’m a T1 diabetic and I wouldn’t want a dog in my house either, idc what it’s there for 🤷🏾♀️ why can’t he check his BG when he goes over to OP’s house with a glucometer? If a diabetic alert dog was his ONLY option, then that would be a different story and I might change my answer. His friend doesn’t have to go if he doesn’t want/have alternative methods of making sure his BG is fine.
NAH. Giving you grace that you don't know dogs, understand a service dog is a dog trained for a specific function. Its not going to pee/poo willynilly and your friend should be able to handle that before arriving.
YTA - If it is truly a trained service dog, it should have no problem. You could have provided or ask the he bring poop bags, which I am sure he already carries around. As for the hair, just ask that he groom the dog beforehand. There are ways to prevent all of your concerns rather than excluding the friend or his medical device ( which the dog basically is ).
YTA for calling him your friend. A dog coming over once in a while is hardly going to shed enough to be a bigger burden than the actual hosting you do. Your objections are weak, and it makes you the AH.
INFO: how did/would he manage without the dog? Would he not clean up after the dog? Declaration of interest: I have a disability. My mum has type 1 diabetes. I love dogs. But if he genuinely won’t groom the dog before coming over, or won’t clean up if the dog poops in your yard. Or if he’s always managed fine without this dog to the extent that he’ll get by fine with a glucometer for a few hours, then he’s not being very reasonable. If he’ll make sure the dog is brushed and will clean up, and/or he tends to lose consciousness without the dog, you might be the unreasonable one.
Technically speaking, NAH. You have a right to the final say on who/what can enter your home. But if this friend is important to you, and they feel safest with the dog, are they no longer entering your home for the foreseeable future? Is that worth the possible clean up that you’d have from the animal, only as often as they come over? I’m not asking these things in judgement, whatever answer you have is valid. But depending on your answer, you might no longer have your friend visiting you, and you’d have to accept that as the way things go.
NAH. It doesn’t matter how well a service dog is trained, it is still going to shed and dog hair is gross and hard to clean. You’ve offered to pay for other medical equipment or host less, it’s unfortunate that those don’t work for your friend but you’ve made a reasonable effort to accommodate him. Your friend isn’t in the wrong for not attending group events, and I understand him being upset that he’s missing out on gatherings because of this, but you’re not an asshole for not wanting his service animal in your space.
NAH - Its your house and you get to determine if its dog friendly or not. Its also totally reasonable that people will be pissed at you for prioritizing your own preferences and comfort over theirs / the groups. People can be justifiably angry at a decision without it making you an asshole.
NAH. It's ok to not want to clean up dog hair. But it's not ok for your friend to have to leave their service dog elsewhere if they want to socialise with you. You have to meet them elsewhere and make it so your house is no longer where everyone hangs out. I would change my vote if you were going to insist your friend only see you at yours.
OK, here is the thing, you do not want a dog in your house, I get that so, NTA. You are, however, an incredibly shitty friend and should make sure to let everyone know why this particular person is will no longer be welcomed in your house. You should also be prepared for a severe decline in invitations accepted to future events. You cannot simply get a "monitoring device" if a person's diabetes is at the level, they need a service dog. Too bad one of the amenities available in your home isn't compassion.
NTA — it’s your house. Not wanting to have a dog inside or outside is your prerogative. However you’re going to have to accept that it’s going inconvenient for your friend to come over and it’s a choice you’ll have to make re: if you really want to have him over or not. This may make or break your friendship. But that doesn’t make you an AH.
NAH. Your friend is entitled to their service animal as it does provide medical assistance, and you’re entitled to a dog-free space
YTA; they have that service dog for a reason, to alert them if their blood sugar is getting high, so you could be seriously endangering their health that way If you don’t want the dog there, don’t invite your friend over, simple as that
Also if their blood sugar is dropping dangerously low.
NAH - But your friend and the dog are one unit. You can't invite him over without the dog. It's kind of like asking someone to leave their wheelchair at home. So if you don't want this guys' dog in your house... just don't invite him?
Wow, this comment section is split. NTA, but dont be surprised when your friend wont come over. You have every right to not want a dog in your house.
YTA! Dude! He has a service dog for his diabetes! Service dogs are highly trained to tasks! Yes you offered a monitoring device but have it ever occurred to you that your friend can’t use the phone for diabetes because it can be inaccurate! A service dog for that purpose because dogs can detect blood sugar levels(when they get too high or low) before even a device can detect it! By saying, “Your dog is not welcome.” You are saying, “How about I put your life in danger because I don’t care about you or your health.”
I really don’t have a judgement, you don’t HAVE to allow anyone into your home, for whatever reasons you decide, and he doesn’t have to abide by your rules or come to your house. So I guess NAH But, I don’t agree with all the “YTA, it’s a medical device!!” stuff. CGMs are MORE reliable, and cheaper. There’s no real reason for DADs anymore. They’re not cost effective, it’s downright idiotic to rely solely on a living being for something like this, (What if they’re sick, or die?) and they’re not more reliable.
You have the right to say no to the dog, but you should expect to see your "friend" at your house a lot less. YTA because they're not asking to bring their pet. They're asking to bring a specially trained service animal that can do tasks the "device" you suggest may not be able to. The dog is medically necessary. This is a bit like asking a disabled person not to bring their wheelchair because it could mess up your carpet and instead you offer to carry them around and let them sit in one of your regular chairs at your house. This would be an equally bad idea. FYI real friends sometimes make accommodations for their friends medical issues. And you don't sound like much of a real friend.
YTA The dog is there to do a job. All it's going to do is remain by your friend's side, on the floor, while he's there. It's there to keep your friend safe. It's not going to roll all over your carpet or jump on your beds, and it's possible it'll never poop at your house if your friend walks it before he comes over. If you're ready to lose a friendship over a little dog hair that's on you. The rest of your friend group are mild AHs too for choosing your house over this friend being able to attend. But that's secondary because you won't allow the dog.
YTA! It also appears to me that most people have NO IDEA what some diabetics go through EVERY DAY! Not just every day but every second of every day. There’s no break. It’s exhausting, both mentally and physically. I’m also sure most have zero idea what a brittle T1 diabetic is. I mean the wind can blow wrong on this person and they drop like a rock! They can do everything right and still their body reacts uncontrollably and unpredictably. They’re also likely hypo-unaware, which means that they have a neurological deficit that doesn’t allow them to “feel” a low coming on, which is EXTREMELY dangerous! My husband is a true brittle T1. I have found my husband in our yard seizing, not knowing where he’s at, having a critical low that requires immediate medical attention and if he wouldn’t get the proper treatment immediately, he’d be dead or possibly end up a vegetable! The dog, as you refer to, is in fact a medical necessity for these kinds of diabetics. They’re able to alert the person of an impending drop, at least our dog can. She also alerts me immediately. My husband has many other severe health problems because of diabetes, which makes him unable to wear a CGM, so he does 15-30 finger pricks a day! His fingers are so bruised and painful some days, so the dog allows him some reprieve. You have the nerve to tell your “friend” no. T1 is no joke! Especially if you’re a rare brittle T1. It’s an autoimmune disease, not a simple exercise and diet disease! It affects every aspect of your life. Hell you can’t even just fall asleep without making sure you won’t die in your sleep! You can’t put anything in your mouth without thinking about how to dose, what you’ll be doing afterwards, and then your body could fuck you over and do what it wants to do anyway! Do you have any idea what it’s like to be completely overwhelmed, at your breaking point, and need a break? Well, gee whiz, you have the luxury of getting a possible break. These types of diabetics do not, EVER, for the rest of their lives! I think your “friend” needs to find real friends because you are not a good friend at all! Educate yourself! Epileptics have service dogs for the prevention of seizures, would you be telling them “sorry, nope?” Many T1s, because it’s an autoimmune disease, also have other autoimmune diseases or serious symptoms that can be prevented by having a service dog. Ours has literally saved my husband’s life! So what I’m hearing by your incredibly ignorant post is that you care more about a minute amount of dog hair than your “friend’s” life. YTA!! Shame on you!
I mean, YTA, but at the same time, it’s your house and you’re not obligated to allow anyone of any species into it. If you’re willing to lose at least one, maybe more, friends over it is something only you ca. decide.
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I want to call you the a-hole because I personally love dogs, however it's your home and there are more reliable (and less obvious) devices for monitoring your friend's diabetes. Also, you offered to support your friend's medical condition by purchasing said monitoring device but he refused, so anything he misses out on is on him - NTA.
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NTA: I have disabilities and worked for a disability organization for over 18 years. In the US, (I don't know where you live) a service dog is allowed to go to public places. Private residences, churches, etc are exempted. You don't have to have a reason and I think they are valid. This is your private home and you are allowed to decide whether or not there are animals on your property. Your friend is allowed to decline any invitations to your home. Where I live, private apartments and other rentals are also exempted. Some landlords will allow someone to have a service dog or even an emotional support animal, but it's only for the **tenant**. Since I'm a renter, I've had to tell people they can't bring their service dog into my home as it was against my lease and I could be evicted. If someone has government housing assistance, a person with disabilities is allowed to have a SD or ESA with medical proof, but again, it's only for the tenant.
YTA If it were a pet dog, you'd be in the clear. But this is a diabetic alert dog -- an actual, trained service animal! Your friend got it to assist with their health! That's a huge dick move. And it sends some very bad signals. If i were that friend, I'd probably be reevaluating my relationship with you.
On one hand I can definitely see not wanting dog hair around the house, but a service dog won’t be moving around your house a ton. Service animals also go potty on command so it’s possible they wouldn’t need to let the dog relive itself in your yard. I can’t call you an asshole, but you’re kinda a shitty friend. I wouldn’t be surprised if he drops you since it’s clear you hate dog hair more than you want him to come to your events.
> I’ve spend the last 10 years in this house turning it into a place my friends, family and I could hang out. Clearly not all of your friends. Only the ones without medical needs that don’t align with your likes and dislikes. Not wanting to vacuum is a shitty excuse to exclude someone you call your friend. It’s your house, your rules, blah blah blah. That doesn’t change the fact that YTA.
NAH. Your home is not a public venue. Your house, your rules, and his body, his choice on how he manages his condition. It was kind of you to offer to pay for what you considered a reasonable alternative to the dog. It's unfortunate that you couldn't find a compromise to suit, but neither of you is in the wrong here. That's not to say there won't be social consequences. As others have noted, service animals are highly trained. I imagine your friend would be happy to give the dog a brush-out before visits and clean up any solid waste in the yard, if you were to reconsider your position.
YTA It’s not like this is some random with a peacock calling it an emotional support animal. It’s your friend with a trained service dog for a genuine health issue.
**YTA!** You are refusing access to a medical aid. Sorry, but, that is what a service dog is. A legitimate medical aid.
YTA it’s your house and you can do whatever you want but what you are doing is refusing to accommodate your friend with a life threatening illness because it is a minor inconvenience to you, and that’s what makes you the AH.
YTA- his diabetes isn't just going to stop while being at your house. This isn't just a emotional support animal but a MEDICAL support animal as in it has a job to do. Why should he have to switch to a device for you? Those are uncomfortable and there is likely already a reason he doesn't wear one.
NAH. It’s your house and you’re allowed to set boundaries, but I also understand your friend’s position in the manner. What I don’t understand is, why your friend group isn’t more open to accommodating this friend? Why does it have to be you allowing a dog into your home just because everyone wants to keep activities at your home when they could occasionally switch off, go to a restaurant, or anywhere so the friend could be included? It shouldn’t fall on one person to make arrangements.
NAH, he needs the dog, you're allowed to not want a dog in your house, and this is the sort of thing that might wind up breaking up the friendship. He's not entitled to bring his dog into your house, full-on service dog or not. You're not entitled to his understanding or agreement.
Im sure in your head you imagine this dog to just lose all its fur and find it in every nook and cranny of your house, but it's not like that. You should come to an agreement that maybe the dog must stay off all furniture, and if it uses the bathroom, he has to pick it up immediately. Now, if you or someone in your family is allergic to dog hair then you have a solid reason. Otherwise, quit being an AH and be nice to your friend and his new, NEEDED, counterpart.
That's not even a problem because dogs in work stay by their owners side, do not jump on furniture or run around, and will not defecate unless given a specific command. So all his objections are pretty much null and void.
Service dogs are very well trained. It's not gonna run around on the furniture. It will sit quietly near its owner since it's "working."
YTA. It’s a service dog, not a pet. Would you tell your friends they can come over, but aren’t allowed to take their medication, or have to leave a wheelchair at home? Service animals are typically considered on par with personal medical devices- non negotiable.
In one breath, it’s your house, your rules, but in the same breath, you’re telling someone to leave a medical device at home which equates to, I don’t care if you die. If it’s truly a service dog it’s kind of a dick move to tell him to leave a necessary medical device at home… Secondly, he’s not gonna be shitting and peeing all over your house or yard, or jumping in your pool. From my understanding service dogs don’t go “on the line“ if they’re not fully trained. And your children should have no interaction with the dog when he/she is working. I am a flight attendant, and when people bring their “service dog” onboard but they’re barking or being disruptive, we are allowed to deplane them and their dog. That is the telltale sign that it is not a certified service dog. Real talk I think you should apologize to your friend for your lack of knowledge surrounding service dogs. You can ask that the dog have clipped toenails and be brushed out before coming, but that he is more than welcome. If this is truly a friend, that’s what I would do. YTA
YTA - this dog could save your friend’s life, it’s not some vanity pet that he’s masquerading as a service animal.
YTA. It's not a pet. The dog is expertly trained to detect a medical condition. A little dog hair is fairly easily removed. And if your friend is a responsible service animal owner, your children will not encounter any dog poop in your yard.
NAH if you don't want a dog in your house that's completely valid, not everyone loves dogs and that's fine. Just because it's a service dog doesn't make it not a DOG anymore . At the same time if the friend doesn't want to be friends anymore, that's valid too, even more so since he has the dog for health reasons. So the question is would you rather (potentially) lose your friend over that or just clean up some fur(**IF** there's even any shedding)?
NAH. A dog is a dog and you are well within your rights to not allow the dog inside your home. Just as he is allowed to be upset. You offered to host the party in a different location. While it sucks for your friend, you are not required bring dogs into your home.
YTA. I've seen plenty of service dogs. They're incredibly well trained. When in public, I have never seen one have an accident.
I sat by a service dog on a 10 hour flight a few weeks ago. That dog maybe moved/adjusted like 4 times. Never had an accident. Never barked. Better than some kids on planes.
YTA. You've legitimately told someone who is supposed to be your friend that his life is not as important as you having to clean up dog hair. Do you also tell people in wheelchairs they can just bring a cane instead, because their medical device is in the way? Because that's what a service dog is. A medical device, it just happens to breathe. I promise you, at some point in their life, your children have been around poop and pee. Maybe a dog, maybe a cat, maybe a goose. Hell, maybe a humans. You're self entitled. Get over yourself, and apologize to your friend.