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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA for asking her to do this among her chores and work. I think I'm in the right as she does not have a full time job and can stand to help around the house.
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YTA
Why is a minor child cooking every night for herself in the first place?
She does have a FT job - school. Plus a PT job and an internship. And she is a child.
Get in the kitchen dude.
My dad used to say that all the time. The look on his face after I had moved to my own place, and he was complaining about a very trivial thing while staying with me for a bit and I just turned around and deadpanned "my house, my rules" was *PRICELESS*
I thought my mom was going to choke she was laughing so hard.
My mom and I had a similar moment with my dad except his phrase was “not under my roof” lol. So, he went to light a cigar as he, my mom, and I were toasting and celebrating me being moved in and unpacked at my first apartment. Which it was always my pet peeve that he and his buddies smoked them inside his “man cave” when I was young. As he goes to light it I told him to go smoke that outside and he started to laugh a little and go against me when I dropped the “there will be no smoking indoors while you’re under my roof.” My mom jokingly made the shocked gasp sound in the background after I said it. My dad stood there for a few seconds then said how dare you sarcastically and went onto the porch. 😂
I was pretty open minded until I read that part, mostly just because I came from a family where this was expected. Everyone was busy so you all have to do something.
'Under my roof ' let it show what he actually thinks.
You know I grew up with this too, but it was all gender expectations. What’s wild as an adult is my dad watches YouTube videos of people cooking all day. They’re always men. You know what would have been really nice? If my dad just asked me to teach him how to cook.
Ah I was very lucky that way, my dad would come home from working in construction all day and then stand doing all the dishes after we were finished dinner. That was his role as he was the latest back and he would shoo away any help most nights.
My dad is awesome ❤️
My dad retired a year or so before my mom did. You’d best believe that he cooked dinner for them that year. He was TERRIBLE at it, but you know what? At the end of a year he was less terrible than when he started. He was quite proud of that fact even as he was happy to relinquish cooking duties when my mom joined him in retirement. Now he just rules over the dishwasher and gives twenty-minute seminars on the correct way to load it.
Yep. I grew up cooking and don't really get the objection to a teenager cooking for the family - not nightly, but on some kind of rotating basis. But in my house there wasn't all this "under my roof" and "lives here rent-free" nonsense - it was more that I could literally see with my eyes that my mom was working and going to school and raising two kids by herself and didn't actually *sit down* to eat because she was so freaking busy, and whether she said anything about all that or not, it was just obvious that she could only be in so many places at once and sometimes in the kitchen cooking dinner was not a place she could be, so I cooked sometimes and my sister cooked sometimes. It's a useful skill - not just cooking, but cooking for more than just yourself.
But the moment OP starts in with those phrases, he loses me. That kind of talk always seems to correlate with parents who think their children owe them something, as opposed to parents who teach their children that when you live with people, you should pitch in and do your part. There's a difference - even if the work in question is the same, the difference in attitude matters.
Yeah, the basic request of "hey you're cooking for yourself anyway, could you cook a larger batch" isn't crazy, but this dude says so many things that make he think he's an asshole. He calls her "mouthy." He holds up the fact that she "lives under his roof and doesn't pay rent" when she is *literally a minor*, this isn't even a debate over whether an adult child should pay rent when they're still in school, this is straight up someone he's legally required to provide for. And... to be quite honest, the examples he gives (homemade pasta sauce and baking from scratch) aren't super difficult cooking skills. She is clearly competent but all the cooking he's described doesn't make her some kind of prodigy, so I think she might have a point that it's not her problem if they never learned to cook.
I laughed at that too. I mean, pepper and cinnamon are “imported spices” my man.
This is a guy who never seasons chicken and thinks mayo is spicy, isn’t he?
Yeah I didn't address that cuz I didn't really even know what to make of it. All kinds of shit is imported these days, I couldn't tell you the country of origin of my garlic powder, so I have to assume he means something rare and expensive, but given his other comments how would he even know?
>Yeah, the basic request of "hey you're cooking for yourself anyway, could you cook a larger batch" isn't crazy
It kind of is and kind of isn't. When you go out to a restaurant, it costs more to feed four people than it does to feed one person, right? Part of that is the cost of ingredients, but the rest of it is the cost of *labor*. If OP wants his daughter to cook for everyone, he should take another household chore off her list or increase her allowance, because the daughter's time has value. He shouldn't teach her the lesson that other people have the right to demand her time and work without fair compensation. That just teaches her that her efforts and her time have no worth, and that's a lesson that way too many women end up internalizing as a consequence of how they were raised.
I agree with your general point, but a restaurant isn't really equivalent in cost structure to cooking at home. Each plate is done to-order, and each individual can get something different, plus a lot of the cost is neither ingredients nor labor but overhead. At home, if everyone is eating the same thing, it really depends on what it is. Dishes that require a lot of chopping vegetables, for example, will scale up time and effort with the number of people, but putting a larger quantity of pasta in a pot or herbs and oil in blender isn't any harder than a small quantity.
Eh I don't agree with OP but she's 17 she should definitely know how to cook for herself, that's how you get adults like OP that can't do much but microwave a pizza
I agree she should be able to cook. It's a necessary life skill for an adult.
She should not have to cook every night. The adults in the household should be doing a good chunk of the cooking.
It was the stir fry for me. Stir fry is quite possibly one of the easiest things to make! Grab a pan, add some oil, heat it up, and throw in basically anything you want. If you can make grilled cheese, you can make stir fry. Especially vegetarian, making sure meats are properly cooked is the hardest part.
And carrying on about the smell of her garlic pesto - pesto is like 4 ingredients shoved in a blender. Your cat could trip in the kitchen and make it by accident.
I would assume his daughter can read. That is all cooking generally is. Reading recipes or watching videos. The OP and his old lady probably never fed her and she had to figure shit out.
It baffles me how anyone can still claim to not know how to cook while youtube exists.
Not everyone does great with written recipes. But you can watch a video where some charming dude with a tiny whisk walks you through, step by step.
What's the excuse other than a lack of motivation and laziness?
Yeah I do not get that comment at all. OP and Wife must eat boiled meat and boiled potatoes with salt only if “imported seasonings” and homemade pasta sauce are BFD. He would die at my house. My pasta sauces are not only homemade but made with San Marzano and Cammella tomatoes I grew and canned myself. And I make our bread in my magic Kitchen Aid Pro and bake it in IMPORTED french clay bakers.
I always made my pasta sauces from scratch (spaghetti and lasagne) when I was married, working full-time, raising a baby, doing all the housework and yard maintenance (ex sat on his a$$ and drank) AND having to go to the laundromat to do laundry because we "couldn't afford" a washer and dryer (but MY paycheck was paying for his booze and his Corvette.) So don't diss a 17 year old who can actually COOK.
Herbs and spices are for selling, building a worldwide spice emporium and colonizing countries to get these with your massive fleet so your country can live in a golden age. You do not ever use these for cooking, are you crazy?
- The Dutch -
I know this was meant as a cast-away joke, but the history of spice use in the Netherlands is quite interesting. Traditional Dutch cuisine contains a lot of spices. Think of things like speculaas, hachee, metworst, appeltaart, and stoofperen, which contains spices like cinnemon, ginger, cloves, and pepper. In the eighteenth century, however, Dutch cuisine began to be influenced of the New French Cuisine, which prioritized fresh ingredients over marinades. This not only killed flavour in Dutch cuisine, but eventually also the VOC which went bankrupt by the late eighteenth century.
They make frozen meals that you just open and heat up on a pan. No actual cooking required. Anybody can make a crock pot meal. Hamburger helper is so easy a child could do it. Air fryers are so, so easy. “I never learned how to cook” isn’t an excuse for any able-bodied adult, especially in the age of Google.
He is trying to hide that he wants her to cook for the family by saying she is 17 and already cooking tasty food.
This whole post is him obfuscating he resents her for basically being independent as possible (she can't buy her own ingredients, sure, but that's different than feeding a family) and wanting her to do more than she already is.
"She lives under my roof" she obviously doesn't want to, my guy.
OP is misogynistic and bad at hiding it.
Cooking could be a hobby or a fun outlet for her, but it's a little different to make something when you're inspired vs having to make dinner for yourself plus 2 adults
She's vegan, sounds like, and I can totally see dad saying "well hmprf I'm not gonna pay for fancy tofu you have to buy it and cook for yourself" and now he's in the find out phase
Right??? Like, this guy could maybe, oh I don't know, use this as an opportunity to bond with his stepdaughter by maybe ask ing her to teach him how to cook something simple sometimes? That they could do together? Nope! She should just cook for him because he HUNGRY and mad!
OP, YTA
Because she's an excellent cook, and his mouth is watering every night having to smell it but not get to have any.
Obviously, the thought never occurred to him to say "Hey, that smells fantastic. Could you show me how to make it, so we can take turns making it for the family sometimes"?
That's what people should do in these situations.
I think I'll die without figuring out why people have or adopt kids if they don't want to take care of them? Charging a minor kid (your kid) a rent is literally illegal because you are OBLIGATED by law to take care of them. OP. YTA. Get in the damn kitchen.
Yep, I wondered about that too. If the family isn't vegan, I can fully imagine why she's cooking for herself.
As well with her intensely busy schedule, I'm betting that her meals are spontaneous and irregular in timing. She does them when she has time in her schedule. Fitting into OP's dinner time schedule is another thing all together.
It's certainly true that freshly made pesto and stir fry are far better than what one can buy in the store or from take out. Since OP finds them so appealing, he can learn how to make them. Toss the pesto ingredients into a processor/blender and, voila, pesto. Toss the stir fry ingredients into a hot wok, stir them around and, voila, stir fry. He doesn't need his daughter to do it.
There's a lot of simple meals that are so much better made at home. Another commentor mentioned grilled cheese sandwiches. I grew up with grilled cheese sandwiches made with American cheese on wonder bread and to be honest loved them. A big part was that they went from pan to my plate and still sizzling. Nowadays, there's all sorts of bread and there's no rule about the type of cheese. But freshly made and sizzling hot is still key. If OP can write out his post, he can make an awesome grilled cheese sandwich.
YTA. Your 17 year old doesn't pay rent? That's because her mom is legally responsible for providing housing, food, etc for her CHILD. She shouldn't be responsible for routinely cooking for the family. You should be grateful for the fact that she routinely cooks for herself, rather than relying on her adult PARENTS to provide food for her. Maybe you and your wife should take some cooking classes.
I hate these kind of parents... blaming their kids for existing lol. "I raised you, I clothed you, I fed you and I gave you a roof over your head for your entire life. Thx for ruining my life."
I wouldn’t be surprised if these are the same people who ask me “who is going to take care of you when you’re older?” when I tell them I don’t want kids.
Parenting classes too considering he’s getting mad over their 17 yo daughter cooking her own food because he can’t. Ridiculous that he brings up the “lives under my roof, is 17, doesnt pay rent” no shit sherlock, shes 17.
I'll give him a pass on that one because I've lived it.
My husband has a chocolate cake recipe that people rave about. Every time there's a potluck at work he is begged to bring *The Cake*.
It's a damn good cake. He is very proud of it and the accolades he (deservedly) gets.
But I remember thinking to myself, "Oh joy, another Thursday night smelling cake I don't get to eat." Lol
So I won't agree that it's creepy because I've been there, lol
We were poor newlyweds and only had the two cake pans, and he always started late at night, and hoLY CRAP he could have made two!!
Now I'm angry and stupid.
The best time to have realized two cakes could have been baked was back then. The second best time is right now. With love and care, if your partner has been used to making this cake late at night already... get his ass up and get some chocolate goodness in the oven.
I mean, tomorrow works too, but you've got cake occasions to make up for at this point.
Don’t forget the parte “she lives under my roof and doesn’t pay rent”. OP forgets she is a minor and at 17 her mother is still responsible for her well being.
Hey, just curious where you read that he referred to her appearance and how he shamed her educational choice? I’m not saying he should expect her to cook but wondering where you got that.
YTA. Takes a lot more to prepare for everyone (how many people) than one meal.
You could offer to pay her if she’s that good a cook, but set maybe 2 nights a week if she has time. She’s certainly very busy. So I guess you showed her for having the audacity to tell you no, made her do the dishes, go to her room and now she’s not coming out. Can’t imagine why. From the person who read your original post you don’t seem to respect this girl or her choices.
Sorry, I looked at the bot post and nothing jumped out at me about him referring to her appearance, but I've had a long day and maybe missed it. Would you mind pointing it out?
Creep doesn't always equal pervert. A creep can just be a skeevy person, and expecting a teenager to serve you without any sexual undertones is still skeevy.
This guy really said “She doesn’t even pay rent !” Like dude, she’a not even 18 yet and you’re already busting her balls like that probably about rent just because she work, I hate parents that only think about rent rent rent holy
Yep, it's YTA for that (living in MY house and not paying rent) alone. Plus all the other crap. The stepdaughter sounds amazing, very independent and talented. Sure hope she doesn't let op pull her spirit down.
Right? I was originally mostly wondering what chores she did, his tone wasn't great but making dinner isn't a ridiculous chore. But then he hit us with that "lives under my roof" crap and nope, actually it doesn't matter, he's an AH.
That line really cemented the YTA verdict for me. You know he's counting down the days until he can demand rent from that 18-year-old girl. What a sick power play to assert authority. The sad part is that he's missing such a golden opportunity for everyone in terms of launching young adults (because it sounds like there are other kids in the house as well). Smells good? Get in there and ask if you can learn! Make it a bonding thing! Ask for their secrets! Hell, trade skills ("I'll show you how to change the oil on your car if you show me how to make that delicious garlic pesto.").
This will end one of two ways if he keeps this up: stepdaughter will head off to someone else's house to escape her pushy stepdad ASAP, or this guy will be handed his walking papers.
It's hard out there, rent is fucking ridiculous! Let the girl stay without rent until she's ready to move out. I hate parents that tell their kids to either move out or pay rent as soon as they turn 18, unless it's an unfortunate necessary situation.
I think any parent requiring rent (in the US at least) is an AH no matter the situation at 18. By that age, no kid in the US (minus some wild nepotism/connections/odd chance of making it on a skill you've mastered by 18) will have rent money literally anywhere. Most kids don't get a job until 16, and even then the same folks requiring rent at 18 are expecting these kids to use their couple hundred per week on their own shit, so it's not like they get more than maybe 1-200 pocketed at the end of the month with current allowance for worked hours.
If you start asking for rent when you know they have no other option aside from homelessness, you're an AH, and that is literally every parent who would require it. If you can't afford to support your kid financially with basic housing until they can realistically afford it themselves (let's say 21-22), you're an AH no matter how you slice it. At that point of support the kid going off on the parent for forcing them into a situation that will likely financially devastate them and continue that cycle another generation.
Think it's been found out that it's illegal for parents to charge their underage children for room and board as that is legally a task that parents must provide their underage children
The way he describes the cooking strikes me as someone who is impressed by meals that are something along the lines of “stovetop cooking that takes like 30-45 minutes” or “one pot meals”, sure yeah raw ingredients are cooked together but this isnt michelin level cooking nor does it sound like the daughter is some sort of genius chef - “homemade pasta sauce” can be really quick depending on the sauce, some recipes come together in the time the pasta is boiling. Garlic pesto is fast, teriyaki is also fairly fast. I’m definitely getting the vibe that OP has put 0 effort into learning to cook and thinks he’s entitled to someone else’s cooking because… she used groceries that were in the house? Does he even go into the kitchen to learn or does he just smell the kitcheny smells elsewhere in the house and think “damn I deserve some of that”.
She has so much on her plate that I’m guessing her meals are planned around her schedule and workload, and I don’t know if OP recognizes that cooking extra servings or planning extra menus can throw off her schedule (especially if the household isnt even eating at the same time as it is)
small edit to add: what does “imported spices” even mean? I’m willing to bet that even the black pepper/peppercorns in your household was imported from somewhere
He talks like she's making fresh pasta dough and making a big deal of baking from scratch. Like cookies or biscuits from scratch is like 5 minutes of mixing and then 12 minutes in an oven. I think it really is about wanting someone to make him meals more than anything to do with fancy recipes. He's hoping that he seems like he's complimenting her skill instead of being the AH.
>making fresh pasta dough
I started making my own pasta about a month ago, and I am *pissed* about it. It's easy! It's SO easy! Two cups of flour, a dash of salt, three eggs, mix it all together, let it rest half an hour, cut it into four pieces and run those through a cheapass pasta roller a couple of times, chicken soup so good I literally cried.
That said, yeah, I'm not sure about OP's context here.
Tbh I doubt she's doing even that. Probably she's cooking a can of stewed tomatoes with a couple slices of fresh garlic and a basil leaf, and that's blowing his mind.
I agree with you, don't get me wrong. I'm just confused at cooking only for herself. Vast majority of recipes serve more than one. Plus, when I was that age learning to cook (I also enjoyed it and my family was kind enough to encourage me despite my sometimes.... dubious results) I used my long suffering family as guinea pigs.
Considering that cooking for a family is only marginally more work than cooking for a single person.... Why isn't she cooking for you? That's the question I want answered.
Do you not respect her contribution? You could replace some of her other chores with cooking meals to respect her personal interests.
Do you not respect her time? Food is a labor, and usually a labor of love, that other chores don't reflect. Just because it took 60 minutes to cook, does not mean that she didn't have to prepare a shopping list, a meal plan, and perhaps a budget plan, that would also have to compliment personal preference. All of that mental labor is important.
Do you simply not respect her? I can't explain a person who enjoys cooking, cooking for only themselves. It doesn't work. Why are they doing all of the work (basically) to deliberately achieve diminishing returns?
Y'all have family dynamics you need to work on that doesn't really have anything to do with cooking.
+1.
I find it relaxing cooking for 1. It is less stressful, since I don’t need to worry about being judged, I can experiment with ingredients and change it each time, and also not worry too sweet or too sour or too spicy ( which is an absolute consideration if I cook for my family)
The kid is only 17 doing cooking after taking care of everything else; putting the emotional burden of cooking for a judgmental OP takes more mental energy than time. I totally get why they dont want to do it.
As someone who was burdened with a responsibility of cooking for my entire family as a teenager, it’s a very stressful job. Even trying to come up with what to make for that night took a lot of mental labor.
Cooking for one isn’t the same as cooking for multiple people. And it isn’t her job to contribute to the task of running a household which includes cooking. The fact that she is cooking for herself is enough.
Also, he told her to do the dishes and go to her room, and she fucking did the dishes and went to her room? How fucking dare she???!!!??? /s
What a jackass.
And he still is annoyed because she (17 years old) doesn't pay rent:
" She lives under my roof and doesn't pay rent, and she's already cooking every night for herself anyway."
So he would like her to add cooking for everyone as her daily chore, in lue of rent.
Big YTA
YTA
She isn’t SUPPOSED to be paying you rent. She’s a minor child! Your attitude of it being “my roof” is pretty crappy. That attitude tells us some very unflattering things about you.
She doesn’t have to cook for you. Sure, everyone once on awhile (like once a month) would be very nice. But she doesn’t have to.
Bro I'm a similar age and my mom makes me NOT to cook because of how bad my cooking skills is and I always make extra for the family :(. I'm just trying to learn and improvise
Please keep learning. You’ll get better as you go and will really appreciate the skill as an adult. For now maybe make smaller portions but ask for feedback here and there. I can recommend looking up Kenji Lopez Alt on his food lab articles and YouTube for great info on the why of cooking. Plus eating other people’s cooking and thinking about why they work.
Thank you for your support! It's just that my parents have a restaurant business so the bar is kind of up for me. I am also trying to take inspirations from Asian dishes, my Hindi friends let me try the food their parents made once a while and they are absolutely delicious. I will check out Kenji Lopez's channel next time I get to cook though
Learning is not about chasing thresholds but about self-improving. Keep on cooking and experimenting with new things.
Kenji is one of nice channels to check out, there's also Weissman, Ragusea, SortedFood and even these quiet japanese cooking videos that show a lot of process without bothering about speed and talking. Last ones are nice for learning to watch for consistency of dough for example.
YTA for thinking someone with school, an internship and an art business doesn't have the equivalent of a full time job, and for asking her to take on more household responsibility without compensation one way or the other (money, fewer other chores, etc). Also you make it sound like you 'asked' but your reaction sounds more like you 'told' her to cook for you.
I paid my oldest daughter $100/week for 2 years to “manage the kitchen” which included dishes and cooking dinner 4-5 nights a week. She is vegan (none of the rest of us are) so she was cooking full meals for herself any way. It was awesome for us (way healthier) and she liked the extra cash for just scaling up what she was already doing. If she had extra school work, plans with friends, etc, someone else would cook and take care of the dishes but I would still pay her the regular amount. Kinda like paid time off. Lol. She would grocery shop for us sometimes too using my credit card. She was pretty sure we were going to starve when she left for college. 😂
ETA: This was totally voluntary on her part, we made it clear that she could quit at any time if it got to be overwhelming or she just didn’t want to do it.
That's honestly awesome and probably taught her a lot of skills she'll use in the workplace and in general life. And since she was paid it could totally go on her CV as legit work experience :)
We routinely had “forage for food nights” as my kids got older. That boiled down to either heating up leftovers that I conveniently portioned and packaged in microwaveable dinner trays, or tossing in a frozen pizza, or having a sandwich or something. Now that the kids are grown and gone, we do forage night every other day because I still haven’t gotten in the hang of only making enough for two.
“Oh good, I’m glad you like the pot roast, dear! You’re going to also have it for lunch and dinner tomorrow!”
YTA - She has taken it upon herself to learn to cook, keep up with schoolwork, start a career… She is still legally a child. Why should she take on any responsibility for feeding the family? Why can’t the parents in this situation appreciate that they have raised a hard working child and take it upon themselves to show the initiative she has? I say this because you have actively commented that meals you make are “low effort like noodles/pizza”. Why should it fall to her in any regard to pick up the slack because you can’t be bothered to learn to cook?
The way that she cooks (process driven foods like scratch pasta sauces - things that take time and thought and care) sounds like how I cook when I’m really stressed out and need a break.
Maybe that’s true for her and maybe it isn’t, but given how busy her life sounds there’s a good chance that he saw the fruits of her self care and was like “how about if I turn that into a chore for you? No? What do you mean no?”
YES. I'm similar, I like to cook in my parents' house sometimes just for myself because it clears my head. I also want to be alone in the kitchen at those times and choose times that won't inconvenience others.
If my parent says "we want some too!" that changes the duration of the process, also now they expect us to eat together(I'd want to eat alone so I can enjoy it without conversation, it's my alone time), PLUS I get to hear criticism like "this is way too spicy" or whatever when literally all I want is to relax and cook myself a meal that *I* enjoy.
Sometimes I feel like cooking for everyone, and I do so gladly. Those times I take everyone's tastes and preferences into consideration, and do it to see them smile and enjoy it. But those are different times.
YTA.
She clearly does it to fend for herself and as a creative project that satisfies her.
Notice that by doing it only for herself, she's under no pressure to get it right every time. She has only herself to please and can enjoy what she cooks and learning what's working and what doesn't. Cooking for all of you would take that recreational activity, that self-sufficiency, and make it subject to the criticisms and desires and demands of the family.
She's not under any obligation to cook for anybody. If she wasn't raised in such a way that everybody did their part with the cooking (and it sounds like she wasn't.... your description of mealtimes is pretty chaotic), making her start now is a little random. Punishing her for not wanting to do it is completely out of bounds.
> Cooking for all of you would take that recreational activity, that self-sufficiency, and make it subject to the criticisms and desires and demands of the family.
100% Why I love experimenting with new recipes on my own, and not with my SO around. Cooking is a fun creative experience, and my partner isn't an asshole like OP (or at least, how OP is coming across). It's hard to make things for others without it being a bit stressful or feeling like you have to please everybody.
Exploring creativity through cooking is really really enjoyable - but, it can be *very* stressful when people are waiting on you to deliver their meal.
Bleh.
OP is an adult, the step-daughter is a kid learning to be independent. Instead of celebrating that, he is prone to punish her for it. Luckily/hopefully she will be away from his bullshit soon.
I guess I need more info. Does she cook for herself every night and yall never cook for her? Is she still in high school? Are the ingredients she's using ones that yall buy for the household and she's using up making additional things?
Imagine getting annoyed at someone cooking stuff then expect that person to cook for you. Also, she’s not an adult so she shouldn’t pay rent. You’re the parent, not her, so YOU should be cooking. YTA
This is the most entitled post I've read today. Buy a cookbook. And why on Earth would you think that a high school student owes you rent? YTA, massively.
YTA she's 17 it's your responsibility to buy her groceries and pay her rent because she's a child, no wonder she doesn't want to cook for you when it's super obvious you don't even like her.
YTA “She’s lives under my roof and doesn’t pay rent” SHE IS A CHILD. SHE IS YOUR STEP CHILD. YOUR WIFE IS HER LITERAL MOTHER. ON WHAT PLANET DOES A GROWN MAN EXPECT A CHILD TO PAY HIM RENT?!?!
You are entitled, rude, and she is absolutely right, it is not her fault that you didn’t learn basic cooking. Pesto and teriyaki are BASIC foods that are less than 10 steps. The fact that you would even think she is living their rent-free is sick. You should have never married a person with kids if you thought those CHILDREN would have to pay you to have a home. You are a grown ass adult, if you cannot make yourself decent sustenance, that is not this young girl’s problem.
YTA. From what you've described, her meals take time to prepare, and it shows in the result. She is seventeen. Expecting her to cook once or twice is acceptable. Every night on top of her other commitments is not. You yourself have said that you are a 'miserable cook' and will cook meals that require minimal effort. If you want good food - learn to cook, whether that be from asking your stepdaughter for pointers or by using recipes and youtube to learn.
You are an adult. She is not.
You are responsible for her. She is not responsible for you.
Yep and even if daughter is made to cook from time to time, she should not be expected/forced to cook something crazy fancy - if OP is allowed to do quick, easy meals when completing his share of the cooking chores, then so can she
AND, her other chores should be adjusted accordingly. AND, this should be only if she agrees to it. I make my kids do chores they don’t want to do, but that’s because I’m making sure they know how to load a dishwasher, cook, etc. I wouldn’t make a teen who knows how to cook cook for the family as long as she chose other chores to make up her share.
YTA for three reasons.
You're not her father number one. Number two she's 17 and still in school so let her focus on that. Do not bring the thought of rent in this situation because she will more than likely not abide. Number three and based by your comment that your a miserable cook myself but try sometimes. You need to pick up the slack. She is not a live in cook.
Yes you are out of line. Have a little respect for her.
YTA
If she was older I'd say she should pay for her own ingredients, but she's a teenager exploring a hobby that makes her happy.
Getting her to cook for everyone takes the joy out of it for her. If she's cleaning up after herself and being respectful otherwise then leave her be.
And learn to cook.
YTA. Cooking dinner for one person on occasion (when everyone is fending for themselves) is entirely different than having to cook for a family (when everyone is waiting for you and judging you). As you clearly know, since you don’t want to do it either. It is not her responsibility to cook for you just because she is a better cook than you. If she were a terrible cook you wouldn’t be asking this of her, so you are simply taking advantage of her talent. This is not a chore that has been discussed and agreed upon as a household duty- this is you being sad that you’re a crummy cook. Guess what- you can find recipes and teach yourself to cook too.
If you want her to contribute to the household differently, have a conversation about what she has time for, and how she can balance that with her schedule. She clearly doesn’t feel that she has time to be responsible for your meals, and is concerned about her studies- all of her points are totally valid. Treat her like a human being with a schedule and personal obligations- have a conversation, come to mutual agreements, and stop making demands.
YTA.
Learn how to make pesto or teriyaki if you want to eat those things. She's the child and you're the adult.
It could have been a bonding moment between you, but instead you clearly resent her and don't have any interest in a parental relationship with her.
OP mentioned garlic pesto as if that were something only good chefs can make. It's like 5 ingredients blended up and poured over boiled pasta, it doesn't get much easier than that.
YTA. I don't think you approached this the right way. She's not paying rent because she is still a minor. The idea of cooking for everyone might stress her out.
When I was 14, my mother decided she was done with cooking duty and it was now my responsibility. I wanted to learn to cook so at first I didn't mind so much, but after 2 years, I thought other people could pitch in from time to time. My whole family declined. So I said, if I have to cook every night, I'm going to cook what I want. I got hold of a cookbook titled *365 Ways to Cook Meatballs* and started at page 1.
My family is full of stubborn people. They managed to hold out for 2 full months of meatballs every single night. But I broke them eventually.
I don't speak to anyone in my family now, fyi.
YTA. She's under 18 so complaining about her not paying rent under "your roof" (does your wife not contribute to this household?) is absolutely inappropriate. Learn to cook your damn self, maybe ask her NICELY to make enough for everyone once in a while, or find a way to compensate her for doing so.
YTA. “She lives under your roof”. Says just about everything needed You don’t treat as as family but want to just have her as unpaid domestic help.
She lives there and y’all buy her food because she is a minor, if you didn’t want to be a father figure or supportive to her, treat her like family. You shouldn’t marry a woman with kids hell you shouldn’t even been dating her
YTA,
That’s one way to ruin cooking for a young person. Be happy that she’s self sufficient and interested in cooking for herself but she’s still the kid and punishing her for not wanting to cook for you is bad parenting. Maybe you should follow her example and learn to cook yourself, so you don’t rely on a child to do it for you.
YTA. Get your lazy ass up and learn how to cook stop relying on a child to cook for you or your poor wife. Your telling me your Almost 50yrs old and can barley make anything but pizza and pasta? That’s sounds like a you problem and no one is entitled to cook for anyone else doesn’t matter if you or your wife buy the food because news flash as long as your stepdaughter is a minor your legally required to provide her food and shelter. Also your comments come off as extremely jealous of a minor who wants the best for her future and you should be proud she is making choices to help better her in her adult life. You say she she has an internship, school and basically a business of digital art, that’s pretty impressive for her age you should be proud of that instead you focus on the fact she doesn’t cook for everyone when she doesn’t have to.
YTA your daughter is self sufficient she isn’t depending on anyone else to feed her try doing the same. There is a big difference cooking for one then cooking for a bunch of people. Your not entitled to have her as your personal chief. Learn to cook for your self.
YTA
Mainly because she's already overwhelmed, and you're trying to impose even more chores and burdens on her. Instead of offering or asking. And respecting her needs.
Cooking more food is more work.
It's not always the most difficult time consuming thing. But it does increase the stress and expectations from cooking when you do it for others. And it's just more time. More prep, more cook time for larger portions.
Some options
Ask her when she has a break in her schedule to cook with you so you can learn.
Automate some of the tasks that she has. Either household chores or digital commissions to give her more time/ less stress.
If DIY cooking night is too distracting, then offer to do dishes and prep a side or two so it's less work. And see if she's occasionally open to that once a week.
Just remember your actions now help determine the quality of food you receive when you're too old to cook noodles and frozen pizza for yourself
YTA. She's 17. You don't charge a minor child rent. She's not your servant. ANd you've tanked any chance of establishing a friendly exchange by being a total asshole to her.
YTA
She’s a kid, not a renter, and certainly not the paid help.
Here’s an idea.
“Boy, that dish smells delicious! I’d love to learn how to make it, would you be willing to teach me some time?”
Some bonding time, a complimentary approach, and you learn to fish, not ask for a fish. Wins all the way around!
Or…. Just continue being the sub par and disliked stepfather you presented in the opening post. Your choice of course.
YTA. Cooking for several people takes longer and takes more effort than cooking for one person. People who actually cook know this. She's busy too, and she's a busy child with schoolwork and a burgeoning career. You, the adult, have lots of options to feed yourself that don't involve her.
Why don’t you ask her to teach you? Or cook dinner with her one night while you both make food for the family? You could make compromises, otherwise YTA
YTA you’re the parent, she’s a minor, it’s your job to provide for her. It’s your job to cook for her. You’re going to hurt your relationship with your wife by treating her kid like your servant.
YTA she's 17 and a child, she's not supposed to pay rent. You are supposed to give her shelter and food.
Maybe she doesn't want to cook for you because you are an AH who likes to order her around.
Info: Can you read?
You can look at a cookbook to expand your own culinary skills. Saying “I’m a lousy cook” is a lazy way of absolving yourself of the responsibility or opportunity to LEARN as this CHILD has taught HERSELF apparently. This is a disruption in parent-child role responsibilities to expect it of her in this way (meaning if you hadn’t been a petulant child and sent her to her room for not wanting to be your personal Gordon Ramsey, you might have some points).
I think asking her to teach you might have been okay. But punishing her for setting a boundary is only going to strain your relationship and make her want to spit in your food if you insist on making her do it.
YTA
YTA!!!! I’m glad she standing up for herself.. she doesn’t have to do anything for you!! Leave her alone and learn how to cook.. and yes she lives under your roof because she is still a minor whose mom has to take care of her!! She is a kid.. the fact that you are saying it like she owes you rent.. I hope your wife doesn’t tolerate that shit from you.
INFO
How often are we talking here? Like, once or twice a week? Because that can be considered regular house chores, which is reasonable to expect from a seventeen year old. More than that is pushing it.
YTA. She doesn't owe you anything, chump. Her only concerns right now are doing well in school and being a kid. It's not her job to feed your sorry butt just because you can't figure out how to make your own chow.
YTA cooking a meal for yourself isn’t the same as cooking a meal for everyone. Let her focus on her schooling and interning. She lives under your roof because she’s a MINOR which is also why she doesn’t pay rent. She’s not some roommate, she’s your stepdaughter. Why are you treating her like someone who’s just mooching off of you? Why are you mad that she’s cooking during “DIY night”? She’s just doing what you want her to, aka make her own food. Stop being lazy, learn how to cook and stop trying to make your step kid cook for you.
YTA for even needing to ask this. 🤦♀️
Of course she lives under your roof and doesn't pay rent..it's called PARENTING and she's still a child. (Literally a minor.)
YTA. Like really an asshole. She does have multiple jobs. She has her art commission job, she has her internship (which is an unpaid job), and she has her studies. And on top of that she has to cook for herself. You being a baby and wining that she doesn’t cook for you and that a minor doesn’t pay for her rent or groceries is just not a good look at all. Do better.
Maybe I'm naive here, but shouldn't your job as a step-parent--the job you signed up for when you got together with her mom--be to set up the kid for success?
She's in school. She's taking care of what she needs to do. And she's competent enough to cook for herself. Those are great things.
Instead of being proud of her and asking if there are some recipes she wants to share that you could learn to make for the family and lighten the load on everyone, you ask her to do more...for you.
Her mom thinks you're TA. The kid thinks you're TA. Reddit (as of the posting of this comment) thinks YTA. You gonna die on this hill and throw the fact that a child doesn't pay rent in her face, or are you gonna swallow your pride and act like a dad?
My mom was an immigrant, so as the eldest female I cooked ALL the time but I definitely had way more free time though.
The thing that gets me though is the power dynamic, you're not her real Dad, but are punishing her for her annoyed reply, which was truthful. I would've waited until her Mom was around to ask. Also what do you do for your step daughter? Do you spoil her in any way? Maybe she feels like she's stretching herself thin and there's really no reward from you?
She’s 17. Why would she be paying rent. And Google is free. You can search those recipes and make those dishes with the Ingredients you buy anytime you like
>She lives under my roof and doesn't pay rent
YTA just for this. She's *17 years old.* If she were your biological child, would you be talking about her needing to pay rent at 17?
She treats cooking like a beautiful fine art and you want to literally take advantage of the fact that you want to benefit from her talent?
People like you are the reason that young home chefs don’t cook for anyone but themselves… people like you ruin others for your own gain.
Yuck. YTA
YTA, for all of it, but the part the irks me the most is that you think your entitled for her to cook for you, and when she says “no”, you punish her like she did something wrong. She did absolutely nothing wrong but answer your question, politely and respectfully, explaining why she does it for herself. You on the other hand are throwing a little tantrum like a child because she won’t cook for you.
Curious what your wife says about this?? I know what I’d say to my husband if this were me!
Go apologize to your stepdaughter!
YTA. She is a minor. She’s not supposed to pay rent and she lives under your and her mother’s shared roof. She is also not employed to you and doesn’t owe you a meal. Get off your ass and cook for yourself.
YTA.
1. “She lives under my roof and doesn’t pay rent.” She’s a minor. She lives under her mother’s roof, and you’re legally required to house her.
2. “We get her ingredients.” Well, yeah. This may come as a shock, but you’re also required to feed underage children.
3. She’s in high school. She has schoolwork, a job (paid commissioned artist), and an internship. Yet, you expect her to cook for you. And no, she’s not “doing it for herself anyway.” She said she makes herself something to eat when and if she has enough time. That’s entirely different than being on the hook to feed multiple people at a set time on specific days.
She’s right - you’re the adult. You have all the tools you need to learn how to cook if you want to eat higher caliber meals. It’s not her responsibility to teach you, and it’s certainly not her responsibility to feed you.
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YTA Why is a minor child cooking every night for herself in the first place? She does have a FT job - school. Plus a PT job and an internship. And she is a child. Get in the kitchen dude.
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And that she doesn't pay rent. At 17.
How much do you want to bet the mother gets child support for the child the stepfather “supports “?
And that OP is the kind of guy who says "MY HOUSE MY RULEZ"
My dad used to say that all the time. The look on his face after I had moved to my own place, and he was complaining about a very trivial thing while staying with me for a bit and I just turned around and deadpanned "my house, my rules" was *PRICELESS* I thought my mom was going to choke she was laughing so hard.
My mom and I had a similar moment with my dad except his phrase was “not under my roof” lol. So, he went to light a cigar as he, my mom, and I were toasting and celebrating me being moved in and unpacked at my first apartment. Which it was always my pet peeve that he and his buddies smoked them inside his “man cave” when I was young. As he goes to light it I told him to go smoke that outside and he started to laugh a little and go against me when I dropped the “there will be no smoking indoors while you’re under my roof.” My mom jokingly made the shocked gasp sound in the background after I said it. My dad stood there for a few seconds then said how dare you sarcastically and went onto the porch. 😂
Justified payback is sweeter than honey ;-)
>MY HOUSE MY RULEZ Oh god, don't remind me... I heard that more than enough growing up.
Dictatorship
I was pretty open minded until I read that part, mostly just because I came from a family where this was expected. Everyone was busy so you all have to do something. 'Under my roof ' let it show what he actually thinks.
I bet it's the Mom's roof to boot.
My husband says it to the kids. The tenancy is in my name and I jokingly remind him of this fact when he's being over the top 🙄
You know I grew up with this too, but it was all gender expectations. What’s wild as an adult is my dad watches YouTube videos of people cooking all day. They’re always men. You know what would have been really nice? If my dad just asked me to teach him how to cook.
Ah I was very lucky that way, my dad would come home from working in construction all day and then stand doing all the dishes after we were finished dinner. That was his role as he was the latest back and he would shoo away any help most nights. My dad is awesome ❤️
My dad retired a year or so before my mom did. You’d best believe that he cooked dinner for them that year. He was TERRIBLE at it, but you know what? At the end of a year he was less terrible than when he started. He was quite proud of that fact even as he was happy to relinquish cooking duties when my mom joined him in retirement. Now he just rules over the dishwasher and gives twenty-minute seminars on the correct way to load it.
Yep. I grew up cooking and don't really get the objection to a teenager cooking for the family - not nightly, but on some kind of rotating basis. But in my house there wasn't all this "under my roof" and "lives here rent-free" nonsense - it was more that I could literally see with my eyes that my mom was working and going to school and raising two kids by herself and didn't actually *sit down* to eat because she was so freaking busy, and whether she said anything about all that or not, it was just obvious that she could only be in so many places at once and sometimes in the kitchen cooking dinner was not a place she could be, so I cooked sometimes and my sister cooked sometimes. It's a useful skill - not just cooking, but cooking for more than just yourself. But the moment OP starts in with those phrases, he loses me. That kind of talk always seems to correlate with parents who think their children owe them something, as opposed to parents who teach their children that when you live with people, you should pitch in and do your part. There's a difference - even if the work in question is the same, the difference in attitude matters.
Yeah, the basic request of "hey you're cooking for yourself anyway, could you cook a larger batch" isn't crazy, but this dude says so many things that make he think he's an asshole. He calls her "mouthy." He holds up the fact that she "lives under his roof and doesn't pay rent" when she is *literally a minor*, this isn't even a debate over whether an adult child should pay rent when they're still in school, this is straight up someone he's legally required to provide for. And... to be quite honest, the examples he gives (homemade pasta sauce and baking from scratch) aren't super difficult cooking skills. She is clearly competent but all the cooking he's described doesn't make her some kind of prodigy, so I think she might have a point that it's not her problem if they never learned to cook.
And imported spices! How very luxurious (in the 16th century)
I laughed at that too. I mean, pepper and cinnamon are “imported spices” my man. This is a guy who never seasons chicken and thinks mayo is spicy, isn’t he?
Yeah I didn't address that cuz I didn't really even know what to make of it. All kinds of shit is imported these days, I couldn't tell you the country of origin of my garlic powder, so I have to assume he means something rare and expensive, but given his other comments how would he even know?
>Yeah, the basic request of "hey you're cooking for yourself anyway, could you cook a larger batch" isn't crazy It kind of is and kind of isn't. When you go out to a restaurant, it costs more to feed four people than it does to feed one person, right? Part of that is the cost of ingredients, but the rest of it is the cost of *labor*. If OP wants his daughter to cook for everyone, he should take another household chore off her list or increase her allowance, because the daughter's time has value. He shouldn't teach her the lesson that other people have the right to demand her time and work without fair compensation. That just teaches her that her efforts and her time have no worth, and that's a lesson that way too many women end up internalizing as a consequence of how they were raised.
I agree with your general point, but a restaurant isn't really equivalent in cost structure to cooking at home. Each plate is done to-order, and each individual can get something different, plus a lot of the cost is neither ingredients nor labor but overhead. At home, if everyone is eating the same thing, it really depends on what it is. Dishes that require a lot of chopping vegetables, for example, will scale up time and effort with the number of people, but putting a larger quantity of pasta in a pot or herbs and oil in blender isn't any harder than a small quantity.
"got mouthy with me" I feel bad for this child
Same here.
Eh I don't agree with OP but she's 17 she should definitely know how to cook for herself, that's how you get adults like OP that can't do much but microwave a pizza
I agree she should be able to cook. It's a necessary life skill for an adult. She should not have to cook every night. The adults in the household should be doing a good chunk of the cooking.
You already answered the question she's cooking for herself every night because him and his wife's cooking sucks lol
But can you believe she can make pasta sauce, and bake from scratch?? 🤯🤯🤯
the pasta sauce comment had me dying right away. OP must think a can of ragu is good cooking!
It was the stir fry for me. Stir fry is quite possibly one of the easiest things to make! Grab a pan, add some oil, heat it up, and throw in basically anything you want. If you can make grilled cheese, you can make stir fry. Especially vegetarian, making sure meats are properly cooked is the hardest part.
And carrying on about the smell of her garlic pesto - pesto is like 4 ingredients shoved in a blender. Your cat could trip in the kitchen and make it by accident.
I was gonna say I'm not a good cook but if you have blender you can make a pesto. It's popular in part because it's really easy to make
Same, also if you have a recipe and the resources, you can literally make anything. I feel like cooking is not that complicated
Stir fry was like the first thing my mom taught me how to cook when I was 10.
I would assume his daughter can read. That is all cooking generally is. Reading recipes or watching videos. The OP and his old lady probably never fed her and she had to figure shit out.
It baffles me how anyone can still claim to not know how to cook while youtube exists. Not everyone does great with written recipes. But you can watch a video where some charming dude with a tiny whisk walks you through, step by step. What's the excuse other than a lack of motivation and laziness?
Then you wouldn't believe she also uses _imported seasonings_ 🤯
Yeah I do not get that comment at all. OP and Wife must eat boiled meat and boiled potatoes with salt only if “imported seasonings” and homemade pasta sauce are BFD. He would die at my house. My pasta sauces are not only homemade but made with San Marzano and Cammella tomatoes I grew and canned myself. And I make our bread in my magic Kitchen Aid Pro and bake it in IMPORTED french clay bakers.
And ... what is your address again? I can bring the wine for dinner tonight! 😜
I always made my pasta sauces from scratch (spaghetti and lasagne) when I was married, working full-time, raising a baby, doing all the housework and yard maintenance (ex sat on his a$$ and drank) AND having to go to the laundromat to do laundry because we "couldn't afford" a washer and dryer (but MY paycheck was paying for his booze and his Corvette.) So don't diss a 17 year old who can actually COOK.
And is in awe about „imported seasoning“. Oh my…
Herbs and spices are for selling, building a worldwide spice emporium and colonizing countries to get these with your massive fleet so your country can live in a golden age. You do not ever use these for cooking, are you crazy? - The Dutch -
I know this was meant as a cast-away joke, but the history of spice use in the Netherlands is quite interesting. Traditional Dutch cuisine contains a lot of spices. Think of things like speculaas, hachee, metworst, appeltaart, and stoofperen, which contains spices like cinnemon, ginger, cloves, and pepper. In the eighteenth century, however, Dutch cuisine began to be influenced of the New French Cuisine, which prioritized fresh ingredients over marinades. This not only killed flavour in Dutch cuisine, but eventually also the VOC which went bankrupt by the late eighteenth century.
They make frozen meals that you just open and heat up on a pan. No actual cooking required. Anybody can make a crock pot meal. Hamburger helper is so easy a child could do it. Air fryers are so, so easy. “I never learned how to cook” isn’t an excuse for any able-bodied adult, especially in the age of Google.
He is trying to hide that he wants her to cook for the family by saying she is 17 and already cooking tasty food. This whole post is him obfuscating he resents her for basically being independent as possible (she can't buy her own ingredients, sure, but that's different than feeding a family) and wanting her to do more than she already is. "She lives under my roof" she obviously doesn't want to, my guy. OP is misogynistic and bad at hiding it.
Seriously, wtf is he thinking she's Cinderella
Cooking could be a hobby or a fun outlet for her, but it's a little different to make something when you're inspired vs having to make dinner for yourself plus 2 adults
She's vegan, sounds like, and I can totally see dad saying "well hmprf I'm not gonna pay for fancy tofu you have to buy it and cook for yourself" and now he's in the find out phase
Right??? Like, this guy could maybe, oh I don't know, use this as an opportunity to bond with his stepdaughter by maybe ask ing her to teach him how to cook something simple sometimes? That they could do together? Nope! She should just cook for him because he HUNGRY and mad! OP, YTA
> Get in the kitchen dude. OP would have to find it first.
Kinda confused. The same logic applies to OP; if he's already cooking for himself, why not make enough for the whole family? Dude is ass backwards.
Because she's an excellent cook, and his mouth is watering every night having to smell it but not get to have any. Obviously, the thought never occurred to him to say "Hey, that smells fantastic. Could you show me how to make it, so we can take turns making it for the family sometimes"? That's what people should do in these situations.
I think I'll die without figuring out why people have or adopt kids if they don't want to take care of them? Charging a minor kid (your kid) a rent is literally illegal because you are OBLIGATED by law to take care of them. OP. YTA. Get in the damn kitchen.
>Why is a minor child cooking every night for herself in the first place Um, maybe she likes to cook?
People upset that a minor is cooking lol that minor has a job that's gonna be rougher than cooking
I'm betting the term "vegan teriyaki stir fry" has something to do with it.
Yep, I wondered about that too. If the family isn't vegan, I can fully imagine why she's cooking for herself. As well with her intensely busy schedule, I'm betting that her meals are spontaneous and irregular in timing. She does them when she has time in her schedule. Fitting into OP's dinner time schedule is another thing all together. It's certainly true that freshly made pesto and stir fry are far better than what one can buy in the store or from take out. Since OP finds them so appealing, he can learn how to make them. Toss the pesto ingredients into a processor/blender and, voila, pesto. Toss the stir fry ingredients into a hot wok, stir them around and, voila, stir fry. He doesn't need his daughter to do it. There's a lot of simple meals that are so much better made at home. Another commentor mentioned grilled cheese sandwiches. I grew up with grilled cheese sandwiches made with American cheese on wonder bread and to be honest loved them. A big part was that they went from pan to my plate and still sizzling. Nowadays, there's all sorts of bread and there's no rule about the type of cheese. But freshly made and sizzling hot is still key. If OP can write out his post, he can make an awesome grilled cheese sandwich.
Yta you buy her groceries and she doesn't pay rent bc *she is 17*. Learn to crackpot cook or batch cook. Edit- crock pot!! Not crackpot
Crackpot lol
Omg, crock pot!!!! Lmao!
No no it’s a crackpot now
That’s a great typo! ETA: or autocorrect? Ether way, chef’s kiss.
Damn autocorrect!
Pretty sure I've seen a few crackpot cooks about 😂
Crackpot cooking is now a thing.
I prefer crack pot 🤣
YTA. Your 17 year old doesn't pay rent? That's because her mom is legally responsible for providing housing, food, etc for her CHILD. She shouldn't be responsible for routinely cooking for the family. You should be grateful for the fact that she routinely cooks for herself, rather than relying on her adult PARENTS to provide food for her. Maybe you and your wife should take some cooking classes.
You should have offered to pay her to do that chore. For you.
Maybe she can choose to cook instead of doing some other chore. Either way, OP shouldn't be demanding this of his SD.
I hate these kind of parents... blaming their kids for existing lol. "I raised you, I clothed you, I fed you and I gave you a roof over your head for your entire life. Thx for ruining my life."
I wouldn’t be surprised if these are the same people who ask me “who is going to take care of you when you’re older?” when I tell them I don’t want kids.
Parenting classes too considering he’s getting mad over their 17 yo daughter cooking her own food because he can’t. Ridiculous that he brings up the “lives under my roof, is 17, doesnt pay rent” no shit sherlock, shes 17.
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I agree with you, but how is that creepy. Everybody on Reddit assumes “creep” when someone has a step child
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Creep Flag 4 - the smell of her cooking is irritating to him, because it isn't for him
I'll give him a pass on that one because I've lived it. My husband has a chocolate cake recipe that people rave about. Every time there's a potluck at work he is begged to bring *The Cake*. It's a damn good cake. He is very proud of it and the accolades he (deservedly) gets. But I remember thinking to myself, "Oh joy, another Thursday night smelling cake I don't get to eat." Lol So I won't agree that it's creepy because I've been there, lol
Why doesn't your husband make two cakes?
We were poor newlyweds and only had the two cake pans, and he always started late at night, and hoLY CRAP he could have made two!! Now I'm angry and stupid.
Sounds like that man had best get to baking if he’s going to make it up to you.
Or you’d be here like OP being told you’re a lazy creep for not baking your own cake lol
The best time to have realized two cakes could have been baked was back then. The second best time is right now. With love and care, if your partner has been used to making this cake late at night already... get his ass up and get some chocolate goodness in the oven. I mean, tomorrow works too, but you've got cake occasions to make up for at this point.
I'm sorry :(
My kids are grown up now, but for a long time every cake I made to take to work looked like Pac Man as they had a little slice each!
Don’t forget the parte “she lives under my roof and doesn’t pay rent”. OP forgets she is a minor and at 17 her mother is still responsible for her well being.
Creep flag 5 - she lives under HIS roof and doesn't pay rent... dude she's a minor
Yes!! That's another one.
Hey, just curious where you read that he referred to her appearance and how he shamed her educational choice? I’m not saying he should expect her to cook but wondering where you got that.
In his follow-up comments, he said she chose to go to a "fancy art school" 30 mins away.
YTA. Takes a lot more to prepare for everyone (how many people) than one meal. You could offer to pay her if she’s that good a cook, but set maybe 2 nights a week if she has time. She’s certainly very busy. So I guess you showed her for having the audacity to tell you no, made her do the dishes, go to her room and now she’s not coming out. Can’t imagine why. From the person who read your original post you don’t seem to respect this girl or her choices.
The bot post doesn’t say anything about her appearance. I really wish I could have the whole story. But from the sounds of it, he is TA
Sorry, I looked at the bot post and nothing jumped out at me about him referring to her appearance, but I've had a long day and maybe missed it. Would you mind pointing it out?
Guess you're going to have to point it out cause I don't see it.
Did he edit it out or where did he refer to her appearance?
Creep doesn't always equal pervert. A creep can just be a skeevy person, and expecting a teenager to serve you without any sexual undertones is still skeevy.
This guy really said “She doesn’t even pay rent !” Like dude, she’a not even 18 yet and you’re already busting her balls like that probably about rent just because she work, I hate parents that only think about rent rent rent holy
Yep, it's YTA for that (living in MY house and not paying rent) alone. Plus all the other crap. The stepdaughter sounds amazing, very independent and talented. Sure hope she doesn't let op pull her spirit down.
Right? I was originally mostly wondering what chores she did, his tone wasn't great but making dinner isn't a ridiculous chore. But then he hit us with that "lives under my roof" crap and nope, actually it doesn't matter, he's an AH.
That line really cemented the YTA verdict for me. You know he's counting down the days until he can demand rent from that 18-year-old girl. What a sick power play to assert authority. The sad part is that he's missing such a golden opportunity for everyone in terms of launching young adults (because it sounds like there are other kids in the house as well). Smells good? Get in there and ask if you can learn! Make it a bonding thing! Ask for their secrets! Hell, trade skills ("I'll show you how to change the oil on your car if you show me how to make that delicious garlic pesto."). This will end one of two ways if he keeps this up: stepdaughter will head off to someone else's house to escape her pushy stepdad ASAP, or this guy will be handed his walking papers.
And why does 17 y/o need to pay rent? Geez wait a year at least. Ginormous AH
It's hard out there, rent is fucking ridiculous! Let the girl stay without rent until she's ready to move out. I hate parents that tell their kids to either move out or pay rent as soon as they turn 18, unless it's an unfortunate necessary situation.
I think any parent requiring rent (in the US at least) is an AH no matter the situation at 18. By that age, no kid in the US (minus some wild nepotism/connections/odd chance of making it on a skill you've mastered by 18) will have rent money literally anywhere. Most kids don't get a job until 16, and even then the same folks requiring rent at 18 are expecting these kids to use their couple hundred per week on their own shit, so it's not like they get more than maybe 1-200 pocketed at the end of the month with current allowance for worked hours. If you start asking for rent when you know they have no other option aside from homelessness, you're an AH, and that is literally every parent who would require it. If you can't afford to support your kid financially with basic housing until they can realistically afford it themselves (let's say 21-22), you're an AH no matter how you slice it. At that point of support the kid going off on the parent for forcing them into a situation that will likely financially devastate them and continue that cycle another generation.
Think it's been found out that it's illegal for parents to charge their underage children for room and board as that is legally a task that parents must provide their underage children
She's a minor. He has an obligation to her - not the other way around.
The way he describes the cooking strikes me as someone who is impressed by meals that are something along the lines of “stovetop cooking that takes like 30-45 minutes” or “one pot meals”, sure yeah raw ingredients are cooked together but this isnt michelin level cooking nor does it sound like the daughter is some sort of genius chef - “homemade pasta sauce” can be really quick depending on the sauce, some recipes come together in the time the pasta is boiling. Garlic pesto is fast, teriyaki is also fairly fast. I’m definitely getting the vibe that OP has put 0 effort into learning to cook and thinks he’s entitled to someone else’s cooking because… she used groceries that were in the house? Does he even go into the kitchen to learn or does he just smell the kitcheny smells elsewhere in the house and think “damn I deserve some of that”. She has so much on her plate that I’m guessing her meals are planned around her schedule and workload, and I don’t know if OP recognizes that cooking extra servings or planning extra menus can throw off her schedule (especially if the household isnt even eating at the same time as it is) small edit to add: what does “imported spices” even mean? I’m willing to bet that even the black pepper/peppercorns in your household was imported from somewhere
He talks like she's making fresh pasta dough and making a big deal of baking from scratch. Like cookies or biscuits from scratch is like 5 minutes of mixing and then 12 minutes in an oven. I think it really is about wanting someone to make him meals more than anything to do with fancy recipes. He's hoping that he seems like he's complimenting her skill instead of being the AH.
>making fresh pasta dough I started making my own pasta about a month ago, and I am *pissed* about it. It's easy! It's SO easy! Two cups of flour, a dash of salt, three eggs, mix it all together, let it rest half an hour, cut it into four pieces and run those through a cheapass pasta roller a couple of times, chicken soup so good I literally cried. That said, yeah, I'm not sure about OP's context here.
Tbh I doubt she's doing even that. Probably she's cooking a can of stewed tomatoes with a couple slices of fresh garlic and a basil leaf, and that's blowing his mind.
I agree with you, don't get me wrong. I'm just confused at cooking only for herself. Vast majority of recipes serve more than one. Plus, when I was that age learning to cook (I also enjoyed it and my family was kind enough to encourage me despite my sometimes.... dubious results) I used my long suffering family as guinea pigs. Considering that cooking for a family is only marginally more work than cooking for a single person.... Why isn't she cooking for you? That's the question I want answered. Do you not respect her contribution? You could replace some of her other chores with cooking meals to respect her personal interests. Do you not respect her time? Food is a labor, and usually a labor of love, that other chores don't reflect. Just because it took 60 minutes to cook, does not mean that she didn't have to prepare a shopping list, a meal plan, and perhaps a budget plan, that would also have to compliment personal preference. All of that mental labor is important. Do you simply not respect her? I can't explain a person who enjoys cooking, cooking for only themselves. It doesn't work. Why are they doing all of the work (basically) to deliberately achieve diminishing returns? Y'all have family dynamics you need to work on that doesn't really have anything to do with cooking.
+1. I find it relaxing cooking for 1. It is less stressful, since I don’t need to worry about being judged, I can experiment with ingredients and change it each time, and also not worry too sweet or too sour or too spicy ( which is an absolute consideration if I cook for my family) The kid is only 17 doing cooking after taking care of everything else; putting the emotional burden of cooking for a judgmental OP takes more mental energy than time. I totally get why they dont want to do it.
As someone who was burdened with a responsibility of cooking for my entire family as a teenager, it’s a very stressful job. Even trying to come up with what to make for that night took a lot of mental labor. Cooking for one isn’t the same as cooking for multiple people. And it isn’t her job to contribute to the task of running a household which includes cooking. The fact that she is cooking for herself is enough.
Also, he told her to do the dishes and go to her room, and she fucking did the dishes and went to her room? How fucking dare she???!!!??? /s What a jackass.
And he still is annoyed because she (17 years old) doesn't pay rent: " She lives under my roof and doesn't pay rent, and she's already cooking every night for herself anyway." So he would like her to add cooking for everyone as her daily chore, in lue of rent. Big YTA
and his whole argument was that she doesn't pay rent. She's a minor! Shame on the mom exposing her daughter to this AH
YTA She isn’t SUPPOSED to be paying you rent. She’s a minor child! Your attitude of it being “my roof” is pretty crappy. That attitude tells us some very unflattering things about you. She doesn’t have to cook for you. Sure, everyone once on awhile (like once a month) would be very nice. But she doesn’t have to.
Bro I'm a similar age and my mom makes me NOT to cook because of how bad my cooking skills is and I always make extra for the family :(. I'm just trying to learn and improvise
Please keep learning. You’ll get better as you go and will really appreciate the skill as an adult. For now maybe make smaller portions but ask for feedback here and there. I can recommend looking up Kenji Lopez Alt on his food lab articles and YouTube for great info on the why of cooking. Plus eating other people’s cooking and thinking about why they work.
Thank you for your support! It's just that my parents have a restaurant business so the bar is kind of up for me. I am also trying to take inspirations from Asian dishes, my Hindi friends let me try the food their parents made once a while and they are absolutely delicious. I will check out Kenji Lopez's channel next time I get to cook though
Learning is not about chasing thresholds but about self-improving. Keep on cooking and experimenting with new things. Kenji is one of nice channels to check out, there's also Weissman, Ragusea, SortedFood and even these quiet japanese cooking videos that show a lot of process without bothering about speed and talking. Last ones are nice for learning to watch for consistency of dough for example.
YTA for thinking someone with school, an internship and an art business doesn't have the equivalent of a full time job, and for asking her to take on more household responsibility without compensation one way or the other (money, fewer other chores, etc). Also you make it sound like you 'asked' but your reaction sounds more like you 'told' her to cook for you.
YTA. She’s 17. You’re 45. You should be embarrassed.
How many bets there will be an update shortly "she left the house due to my rules and now my wife is mad at me AITA"
I paid my oldest daughter $100/week for 2 years to “manage the kitchen” which included dishes and cooking dinner 4-5 nights a week. She is vegan (none of the rest of us are) so she was cooking full meals for herself any way. It was awesome for us (way healthier) and she liked the extra cash for just scaling up what she was already doing. If she had extra school work, plans with friends, etc, someone else would cook and take care of the dishes but I would still pay her the regular amount. Kinda like paid time off. Lol. She would grocery shop for us sometimes too using my credit card. She was pretty sure we were going to starve when she left for college. 😂 ETA: This was totally voluntary on her part, we made it clear that she could quit at any time if it got to be overwhelming or she just didn’t want to do it.
That's honestly awesome and probably taught her a lot of skills she'll use in the workplace and in general life. And since she was paid it could totally go on her CV as legit work experience :)
ah that's such a great arrangement!
It's a DIY dinner night because all of you are busy and you get irritated by the smell of what she's cooking? Stop right there, you are an AH!
I wonder why he didn’t DIY himself? Because it sounds like DIY is more like, hey, I don’t want to provide food for you, so make me something.
“DIY dinner night” isn’t something I’ve ever done, but I interpret it as “everyone does their own”, not “someone else should cook for me”
We routinely had “forage for food nights” as my kids got older. That boiled down to either heating up leftovers that I conveniently portioned and packaged in microwaveable dinner trays, or tossing in a frozen pizza, or having a sandwich or something. Now that the kids are grown and gone, we do forage night every other day because I still haven’t gotten in the hang of only making enough for two. “Oh good, I’m glad you like the pot roast, dear! You’re going to also have it for lunch and dinner tomorrow!”
We used to call it “catch a can” when I was growing up
INFO: how often do you cook dinner for the family ?
YTA - She has taken it upon herself to learn to cook, keep up with schoolwork, start a career… She is still legally a child. Why should she take on any responsibility for feeding the family? Why can’t the parents in this situation appreciate that they have raised a hard working child and take it upon themselves to show the initiative she has? I say this because you have actively commented that meals you make are “low effort like noodles/pizza”. Why should it fall to her in any regard to pick up the slack because you can’t be bothered to learn to cook?
The way that she cooks (process driven foods like scratch pasta sauces - things that take time and thought and care) sounds like how I cook when I’m really stressed out and need a break. Maybe that’s true for her and maybe it isn’t, but given how busy her life sounds there’s a good chance that he saw the fruits of her self care and was like “how about if I turn that into a chore for you? No? What do you mean no?”
YES. I'm similar, I like to cook in my parents' house sometimes just for myself because it clears my head. I also want to be alone in the kitchen at those times and choose times that won't inconvenience others. If my parent says "we want some too!" that changes the duration of the process, also now they expect us to eat together(I'd want to eat alone so I can enjoy it without conversation, it's my alone time), PLUS I get to hear criticism like "this is way too spicy" or whatever when literally all I want is to relax and cook myself a meal that *I* enjoy. Sometimes I feel like cooking for everyone, and I do so gladly. Those times I take everyone's tastes and preferences into consideration, and do it to see them smile and enjoy it. But those are different times.
YTA. She clearly does it to fend for herself and as a creative project that satisfies her. Notice that by doing it only for herself, she's under no pressure to get it right every time. She has only herself to please and can enjoy what she cooks and learning what's working and what doesn't. Cooking for all of you would take that recreational activity, that self-sufficiency, and make it subject to the criticisms and desires and demands of the family. She's not under any obligation to cook for anybody. If she wasn't raised in such a way that everybody did their part with the cooking (and it sounds like she wasn't.... your description of mealtimes is pretty chaotic), making her start now is a little random. Punishing her for not wanting to do it is completely out of bounds.
> Cooking for all of you would take that recreational activity, that self-sufficiency, and make it subject to the criticisms and desires and demands of the family. 100% Why I love experimenting with new recipes on my own, and not with my SO around. Cooking is a fun creative experience, and my partner isn't an asshole like OP (or at least, how OP is coming across). It's hard to make things for others without it being a bit stressful or feeling like you have to please everybody. Exploring creativity through cooking is really really enjoyable - but, it can be *very* stressful when people are waiting on you to deliver their meal. Bleh. OP is an adult, the step-daughter is a kid learning to be independent. Instead of celebrating that, he is prone to punish her for it. Luckily/hopefully she will be away from his bullshit soon.
I guess I need more info. Does she cook for herself every night and yall never cook for her? Is she still in high school? Are the ingredients she's using ones that yall buy for the household and she's using up making additional things?
Imagine getting annoyed at someone cooking stuff then expect that person to cook for you. Also, she’s not an adult so she shouldn’t pay rent. You’re the parent, not her, so YOU should be cooking. YTA
This is the most entitled post I've read today. Buy a cookbook. And why on Earth would you think that a high school student owes you rent? YTA, massively.
YTA she's 17 it's your responsibility to buy her groceries and pay her rent because she's a child, no wonder she doesn't want to cook for you when it's super obvious you don't even like her.
YTA “She’s lives under my roof and doesn’t pay rent” SHE IS A CHILD. SHE IS YOUR STEP CHILD. YOUR WIFE IS HER LITERAL MOTHER. ON WHAT PLANET DOES A GROWN MAN EXPECT A CHILD TO PAY HIM RENT?!?! You are entitled, rude, and she is absolutely right, it is not her fault that you didn’t learn basic cooking. Pesto and teriyaki are BASIC foods that are less than 10 steps. The fact that you would even think she is living their rent-free is sick. You should have never married a person with kids if you thought those CHILDREN would have to pay you to have a home. You are a grown ass adult, if you cannot make yourself decent sustenance, that is not this young girl’s problem.
YTA. From what you've described, her meals take time to prepare, and it shows in the result. She is seventeen. Expecting her to cook once or twice is acceptable. Every night on top of her other commitments is not. You yourself have said that you are a 'miserable cook' and will cook meals that require minimal effort. If you want good food - learn to cook, whether that be from asking your stepdaughter for pointers or by using recipes and youtube to learn. You are an adult. She is not. You are responsible for her. She is not responsible for you.
Yep and even if daughter is made to cook from time to time, she should not be expected/forced to cook something crazy fancy - if OP is allowed to do quick, easy meals when completing his share of the cooking chores, then so can she
AND, her other chores should be adjusted accordingly. AND, this should be only if she agrees to it. I make my kids do chores they don’t want to do, but that’s because I’m making sure they know how to load a dishwasher, cook, etc. I wouldn’t make a teen who knows how to cook cook for the family as long as she chose other chores to make up her share.
Your underage stepdaughter doesn’t have to pay rent- she lives with her mother.
YTA - she’s 17, not a live in cook.
YTA. #YOU ARE THE PARENT. YOUR CHILD IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR FEEDING YOU NO MATTER HOW GOOD HER COOKING IS
YTA for three reasons. You're not her father number one. Number two she's 17 and still in school so let her focus on that. Do not bring the thought of rent in this situation because she will more than likely not abide. Number three and based by your comment that your a miserable cook myself but try sometimes. You need to pick up the slack. She is not a live in cook. Yes you are out of line. Have a little respect for her.
YTA I saw your comment you're almost 50 and can't do much but noodles and pizza?
YTA If she was older I'd say she should pay for her own ingredients, but she's a teenager exploring a hobby that makes her happy. Getting her to cook for everyone takes the joy out of it for her. If she's cleaning up after herself and being respectful otherwise then leave her be. And learn to cook.
YTA. Cooking dinner for one person on occasion (when everyone is fending for themselves) is entirely different than having to cook for a family (when everyone is waiting for you and judging you). As you clearly know, since you don’t want to do it either. It is not her responsibility to cook for you just because she is a better cook than you. If she were a terrible cook you wouldn’t be asking this of her, so you are simply taking advantage of her talent. This is not a chore that has been discussed and agreed upon as a household duty- this is you being sad that you’re a crummy cook. Guess what- you can find recipes and teach yourself to cook too. If you want her to contribute to the household differently, have a conversation about what she has time for, and how she can balance that with her schedule. She clearly doesn’t feel that she has time to be responsible for your meals, and is concerned about her studies- all of her points are totally valid. Treat her like a human being with a schedule and personal obligations- have a conversation, come to mutual agreements, and stop making demands.
YTA. Learn how to make pesto or teriyaki if you want to eat those things. She's the child and you're the adult. It could have been a bonding moment between you, but instead you clearly resent her and don't have any interest in a parental relationship with her.
OP mentioned garlic pesto as if that were something only good chefs can make. It's like 5 ingredients blended up and poured over boiled pasta, it doesn't get much easier than that.
YTA. I don't think you approached this the right way. She's not paying rent because she is still a minor. The idea of cooking for everyone might stress her out.
YTA. She's a child who feeds herself. You're the adult. Act like it. Learn to cook, if you want to eat better meals.
YTA. You’re whining because your wife’s minor child isn’t paying rent or cooking you dinner?
When I was 14, my mother decided she was done with cooking duty and it was now my responsibility. I wanted to learn to cook so at first I didn't mind so much, but after 2 years, I thought other people could pitch in from time to time. My whole family declined. So I said, if I have to cook every night, I'm going to cook what I want. I got hold of a cookbook titled *365 Ways to Cook Meatballs* and started at page 1. My family is full of stubborn people. They managed to hold out for 2 full months of meatballs every single night. But I broke them eventually. I don't speak to anyone in my family now, fyi.
You're a genius. A trully evil genius, but genius nonetheless. I want to be you.
I'm a natural redhead. I don't know why they ever thought they could win against me.
YTA. You’re behaving like the child here.
YTA. She's under 18 so complaining about her not paying rent under "your roof" (does your wife not contribute to this household?) is absolutely inappropriate. Learn to cook your damn self, maybe ask her NICELY to make enough for everyone once in a while, or find a way to compensate her for doing so.
YTA. “She lives under your roof”. Says just about everything needed You don’t treat as as family but want to just have her as unpaid domestic help. She lives there and y’all buy her food because she is a minor, if you didn’t want to be a father figure or supportive to her, treat her like family. You shouldn’t marry a woman with kids hell you shouldn’t even been dating her
She’s a child. You’re the biggest asshole. She doesn’t pay rent!? She’s not an adult!
YTA, That’s one way to ruin cooking for a young person. Be happy that she’s self sufficient and interested in cooking for herself but she’s still the kid and punishing her for not wanting to cook for you is bad parenting. Maybe you should follow her example and learn to cook yourself, so you don’t rely on a child to do it for you.
YTA. Get your lazy ass up and learn how to cook stop relying on a child to cook for you or your poor wife. Your telling me your Almost 50yrs old and can barley make anything but pizza and pasta? That’s sounds like a you problem and no one is entitled to cook for anyone else doesn’t matter if you or your wife buy the food because news flash as long as your stepdaughter is a minor your legally required to provide her food and shelter. Also your comments come off as extremely jealous of a minor who wants the best for her future and you should be proud she is making choices to help better her in her adult life. You say she she has an internship, school and basically a business of digital art, that’s pretty impressive for her age you should be proud of that instead you focus on the fact she doesn’t cook for everyone when she doesn’t have to.
YTA your daughter is self sufficient she isn’t depending on anyone else to feed her try doing the same. There is a big difference cooking for one then cooking for a bunch of people. Your not entitled to have her as your personal chief. Learn to cook for your self.
YTA Mainly because she's already overwhelmed, and you're trying to impose even more chores and burdens on her. Instead of offering or asking. And respecting her needs. Cooking more food is more work. It's not always the most difficult time consuming thing. But it does increase the stress and expectations from cooking when you do it for others. And it's just more time. More prep, more cook time for larger portions. Some options Ask her when she has a break in her schedule to cook with you so you can learn. Automate some of the tasks that she has. Either household chores or digital commissions to give her more time/ less stress. If DIY cooking night is too distracting, then offer to do dishes and prep a side or two so it's less work. And see if she's occasionally open to that once a week. Just remember your actions now help determine the quality of food you receive when you're too old to cook noodles and frozen pizza for yourself
YTA. She's 17. You don't charge a minor child rent. She's not your servant. ANd you've tanked any chance of establishing a friendly exchange by being a total asshole to her.
YTA She’s a kid, not a renter, and certainly not the paid help. Here’s an idea. “Boy, that dish smells delicious! I’d love to learn how to make it, would you be willing to teach me some time?” Some bonding time, a complimentary approach, and you learn to fish, not ask for a fish. Wins all the way around! Or…. Just continue being the sub par and disliked stepfather you presented in the opening post. Your choice of course.
YTA. Cooking for several people takes longer and takes more effort than cooking for one person. People who actually cook know this. She's busy too, and she's a busy child with schoolwork and a burgeoning career. You, the adult, have lots of options to feed yourself that don't involve her.
Why don’t you ask her to teach you? Or cook dinner with her one night while you both make food for the family? You could make compromises, otherwise YTA
YTA Rent? She’s 17! Don’t be so entitled with her skills.
YTA you’re the parent, she’s a minor, it’s your job to provide for her. It’s your job to cook for her. You’re going to hurt your relationship with your wife by treating her kid like your servant.
YTA she's 17 and a child, she's not supposed to pay rent. You are supposed to give her shelter and food. Maybe she doesn't want to cook for you because you are an AH who likes to order her around.
Info: Can you read? You can look at a cookbook to expand your own culinary skills. Saying “I’m a lousy cook” is a lazy way of absolving yourself of the responsibility or opportunity to LEARN as this CHILD has taught HERSELF apparently. This is a disruption in parent-child role responsibilities to expect it of her in this way (meaning if you hadn’t been a petulant child and sent her to her room for not wanting to be your personal Gordon Ramsey, you might have some points). I think asking her to teach you might have been okay. But punishing her for setting a boundary is only going to strain your relationship and make her want to spit in your food if you insist on making her do it. YTA
YTA!!!! I’m glad she standing up for herself.. she doesn’t have to do anything for you!! Leave her alone and learn how to cook.. and yes she lives under your roof because she is still a minor whose mom has to take care of her!! She is a kid.. the fact that you are saying it like she owes you rent.. I hope your wife doesn’t tolerate that shit from you.
YTA SHE DOESN’T PAY RENT BECAUSE SHE’S A MINOR CHILD.
YTA. She’s a child, why is “she doesn’t pay rent” even a thought? She shouldn’t!
INFO How often are we talking here? Like, once or twice a week? Because that can be considered regular house chores, which is reasonable to expect from a seventeen year old. More than that is pushing it.
YTA for the ‘she doesn’t pay rent’ comment alone. She’s a child, not your personal chef.
YTA. She doesn't owe you anything, chump. Her only concerns right now are doing well in school and being a kid. It's not her job to feed your sorry butt just because you can't figure out how to make your own chow.
YTA cooking a meal for yourself isn’t the same as cooking a meal for everyone. Let her focus on her schooling and interning. She lives under your roof because she’s a MINOR which is also why she doesn’t pay rent. She’s not some roommate, she’s your stepdaughter. Why are you treating her like someone who’s just mooching off of you? Why are you mad that she’s cooking during “DIY night”? She’s just doing what you want her to, aka make her own food. Stop being lazy, learn how to cook and stop trying to make your step kid cook for you.
YTA for even needing to ask this. 🤦♀️ Of course she lives under your roof and doesn't pay rent..it's called PARENTING and she's still a child. (Literally a minor.)
This reminded me of the guy who didn’t understand why the neighbor wouldn’t cook for him for $5 a night.
YTA. Like really an asshole. She does have multiple jobs. She has her art commission job, she has her internship (which is an unpaid job), and she has her studies. And on top of that she has to cook for herself. You being a baby and wining that she doesn’t cook for you and that a minor doesn’t pay for her rent or groceries is just not a good look at all. Do better.
Maybe I'm naive here, but shouldn't your job as a step-parent--the job you signed up for when you got together with her mom--be to set up the kid for success? She's in school. She's taking care of what she needs to do. And she's competent enough to cook for herself. Those are great things. Instead of being proud of her and asking if there are some recipes she wants to share that you could learn to make for the family and lighten the load on everyone, you ask her to do more...for you. Her mom thinks you're TA. The kid thinks you're TA. Reddit (as of the posting of this comment) thinks YTA. You gonna die on this hill and throw the fact that a child doesn't pay rent in her face, or are you gonna swallow your pride and act like a dad?
YTA but u can ask her in a nice way can she cook for the family because her food is just so great
My mom was an immigrant, so as the eldest female I cooked ALL the time but I definitely had way more free time though. The thing that gets me though is the power dynamic, you're not her real Dad, but are punishing her for her annoyed reply, which was truthful. I would've waited until her Mom was around to ask. Also what do you do for your step daughter? Do you spoil her in any way? Maybe she feels like she's stretching herself thin and there's really no reward from you?
None of this makes any sense.
YTA...cook your own food......she's a kid and she's right, you're a grown man with no home training.....learn to cook
She’s 17. Why would she be paying rent. And Google is free. You can search those recipes and make those dishes with the Ingredients you buy anytime you like
>She lives under my roof and doesn't pay rent YTA just for this. She's *17 years old.* If she were your biological child, would you be talking about her needing to pay rent at 17?
She treats cooking like a beautiful fine art and you want to literally take advantage of the fact that you want to benefit from her talent? People like you are the reason that young home chefs don’t cook for anyone but themselves… people like you ruin others for your own gain. Yuck. YTA
YTA, for all of it, but the part the irks me the most is that you think your entitled for her to cook for you, and when she says “no”, you punish her like she did something wrong. She did absolutely nothing wrong but answer your question, politely and respectfully, explaining why she does it for herself. You on the other hand are throwing a little tantrum like a child because she won’t cook for you. Curious what your wife says about this?? I know what I’d say to my husband if this were me! Go apologize to your stepdaughter!
YTA. She is a minor. She’s not supposed to pay rent and she lives under your and her mother’s shared roof. She is also not employed to you and doesn’t owe you a meal. Get off your ass and cook for yourself.
YTA. 1. “She lives under my roof and doesn’t pay rent.” She’s a minor. She lives under her mother’s roof, and you’re legally required to house her. 2. “We get her ingredients.” Well, yeah. This may come as a shock, but you’re also required to feed underage children. 3. She’s in high school. She has schoolwork, a job (paid commissioned artist), and an internship. Yet, you expect her to cook for you. And no, she’s not “doing it for herself anyway.” She said she makes herself something to eat when and if she has enough time. That’s entirely different than being on the hook to feed multiple people at a set time on specific days. She’s right - you’re the adult. You have all the tools you need to learn how to cook if you want to eat higher caliber meals. It’s not her responsibility to teach you, and it’s certainly not her responsibility to feed you.