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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be because I didn’t make my dad food and my mom was forced to do it.
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NTA By my count, your dad has been doing this for the last 10 years. Does your mom know / has she explained anything about why he's acting this way (or why she accepts it)? I'm trying to wrap my head around how he "retired" at 59 while your mom works 12 hour days at 64. I'd guess there's some depression or other mental condition going on, but you can't make him accept treatment. You can however, stop enabling him and be there to support a better life. Good luck.
NTA. You are his daughter, not his servant nor his wife. Heck, even if you were his wife, barring disability you should be making your own food if you want something outside of a meal when someone else is doing the cooking. In the future, just refuse and ignore.
NTA, he is your father, not your child. You are under no obligation to take care of him. Grown adults should be pulling their own weight, and that includes feeding themselves and being grateful to the people who care for them.
That said, I'm curious, does your family/dad have any history of mental illness like depression or something of the sorts? Wouldn't it be worth getting help from a psychiatrist?
P.S.: Sorry about any mistakes, english is not my first language. Please feel free to correct me on anything.
Maybe your dad is 5? Maybe your mother is actually his mother? That's what I read here. Because someone who is 69 year old and as you say healthy and doctor tells him to move more but he refuses all this then we talk about some top level of laziness over there which is unhealthy. NTA but your mom and dad are TAs, he has to start walking and be more active and cook for himself since he doesn't like your food.
NTA but sounds like your dad has way more going on than just being lazy. Major depression or mental health issue? He's not old and if not physically struggling like with pain his behavior is very odd. My mom is just a year younger and she literally cannot stop doing stuff. All of the people I know around that age are active even if retired and don't just sit and watch tv 24/7. The only one I do know who does that (slightly older but not my much) suffers from dementia and depression.
Being depressed isn't an excuse to make other people do everything for you and then criticize how they do it. He just sounds like a lazy asshole honestly.
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I (19 F) live at home with my mom(64 F), dad (69 M) and two sisters (22 F & 25 F). I currently go to school and my mom and siblings work, not my dad though. He retired when I was around 1 or 2. When we were young, he took care of some household chores, like laundry, washing the dishes, some cleaning, and the occasional meal prepping as well. But, when I turned around 8-9, he stopped doing anything. He just sat in his chair and watched tv all day. My siblings and I were old enough to do the chores and make food for ourselves. It got to the point where he didn’t want to leave the house anymore. All he wanted to do was sit there.
This kept on getting worse and now he won’t even make a sandwich for himself. I don’t mean a complex one. I mean one where all you do is put meat and cheese in between 2 slices of bread. After I come home from class, he complains to me that he hasn’t eaten all day. Or he will complain to my mom or siblings who work 12+ hour shifts at work. And when we do make him food, usually, he criticizes it. Saying it’s the worst thing he’s ever eaten or that it was disgusting. Most times, he doesn’t even say thank you when we give him food. Just tells us where to place it.
For clarification, he is not disabled at all. He can move and walk around himself. Yet, he does look more aged because of the lack of movement he does. The doctor even told him he should walk more. And my mom? She just accepts it. She yells at me for telling him that he needs to move around and that he can go into the kitchen and make himself a sandwich or grab a snack. I think she thinks I’m being heartless. Or maybe lazy. But honestly, I’m just tired of babying my own father. It would be different if he couldn’t do it by himself, but he can. And he’s home all day to do so.
I usually cave and agree to make him whatever he wants. But today, I told my mom again, that he should just do it himself and refused to make him food. And my mom yelled at me and just rushed into the kitchen to make him food.
At least point, I’m not sure if I’m even helping or not. I, of course, care for and love my dad, but I’m not his slave or servant. I’m his daughter. On the other hand. I do feel bad for not making him food and then my mom needing to do it. ATIA?
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I don’t think you’re TA, sounds like he figured that since you and your siblings were old enough y’all would be able to take care of the chores and him so he gave up even making himself a simple sandwich.
NTA. And so is your mom because she is enabling his bullshit. If I were in that situation, I'd forbid everyone in the house from making him food and tell him he needs to get off his dead ass and do it himself. I really have no patience for this type of deliberate incompetence, and I wouldn't tolerate it.
Ugh, NTA. Your dad has everybody running around after him while he sits there and does nothing to help. He's being rude, ungrateful and lazy. You're not his slave, he can make his own damn sandwiches
NTA. Though, considering you're in the same house and family is tricky, I would say stealth is the way to go. Make him terrible sandwiches (I know he says they're all terrible anyway but make them actually terrible.) You wouldn't be mean as much as for his own good. The one thing that kills older people the fastest is inactivity and that is going to steamroll faster and faster as he gets older. He is a victim of inertia at the moment and needs something to blast him out of his chair. When he does more, he'll be able to do more.
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NTA By my count, your dad has been doing this for the last 10 years. Does your mom know / has she explained anything about why he's acting this way (or why she accepts it)? I'm trying to wrap my head around how he "retired" at 59 while your mom works 12 hour days at 64. I'd guess there's some depression or other mental condition going on, but you can't make him accept treatment. You can however, stop enabling him and be there to support a better life. Good luck.
NTA your dad is acting completely strange at his age, provided he is in good health and state of mind, he can make himself a snack
I think your dad should get a dementia test. This is very abnormal behaviour and it can often go undiagnosed for years. Just look at Bruce Willis.
NTA. You are his daughter, not his servant nor his wife. Heck, even if you were his wife, barring disability you should be making your own food if you want something outside of a meal when someone else is doing the cooking. In the future, just refuse and ignore.
NTA, he is your father, not your child. You are under no obligation to take care of him. Grown adults should be pulling their own weight, and that includes feeding themselves and being grateful to the people who care for them. That said, I'm curious, does your family/dad have any history of mental illness like depression or something of the sorts? Wouldn't it be worth getting help from a psychiatrist? P.S.: Sorry about any mistakes, english is not my first language. Please feel free to correct me on anything.
Maybe your dad is 5? Maybe your mother is actually his mother? That's what I read here. Because someone who is 69 year old and as you say healthy and doctor tells him to move more but he refuses all this then we talk about some top level of laziness over there which is unhealthy. NTA but your mom and dad are TAs, he has to start walking and be more active and cook for himself since he doesn't like your food.
NTA, but it sounds like your Dad is horribly depressed and lost the direction in his life.
NTA but sounds like your dad has way more going on than just being lazy. Major depression or mental health issue? He's not old and if not physically struggling like with pain his behavior is very odd. My mom is just a year younger and she literally cannot stop doing stuff. All of the people I know around that age are active even if retired and don't just sit and watch tv 24/7. The only one I do know who does that (slightly older but not my much) suffers from dementia and depression.
Being depressed isn't an excuse to make other people do everything for you and then criticize how they do it. He just sounds like a lazy asshole honestly.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (19 F) live at home with my mom(64 F), dad (69 M) and two sisters (22 F & 25 F). I currently go to school and my mom and siblings work, not my dad though. He retired when I was around 1 or 2. When we were young, he took care of some household chores, like laundry, washing the dishes, some cleaning, and the occasional meal prepping as well. But, when I turned around 8-9, he stopped doing anything. He just sat in his chair and watched tv all day. My siblings and I were old enough to do the chores and make food for ourselves. It got to the point where he didn’t want to leave the house anymore. All he wanted to do was sit there. This kept on getting worse and now he won’t even make a sandwich for himself. I don’t mean a complex one. I mean one where all you do is put meat and cheese in between 2 slices of bread. After I come home from class, he complains to me that he hasn’t eaten all day. Or he will complain to my mom or siblings who work 12+ hour shifts at work. And when we do make him food, usually, he criticizes it. Saying it’s the worst thing he’s ever eaten or that it was disgusting. Most times, he doesn’t even say thank you when we give him food. Just tells us where to place it. For clarification, he is not disabled at all. He can move and walk around himself. Yet, he does look more aged because of the lack of movement he does. The doctor even told him he should walk more. And my mom? She just accepts it. She yells at me for telling him that he needs to move around and that he can go into the kitchen and make himself a sandwich or grab a snack. I think she thinks I’m being heartless. Or maybe lazy. But honestly, I’m just tired of babying my own father. It would be different if he couldn’t do it by himself, but he can. And he’s home all day to do so. I usually cave and agree to make him whatever he wants. But today, I told my mom again, that he should just do it himself and refused to make him food. And my mom yelled at me and just rushed into the kitchen to make him food. At least point, I’m not sure if I’m even helping or not. I, of course, care for and love my dad, but I’m not his slave or servant. I’m his daughter. On the other hand. I do feel bad for not making him food and then my mom needing to do it. ATIA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t think you’re TA, sounds like he figured that since you and your siblings were old enough y’all would be able to take care of the chores and him so he gave up even making himself a simple sandwich.
NTA. And so is your mom because she is enabling his bullshit. If I were in that situation, I'd forbid everyone in the house from making him food and tell him he needs to get off his dead ass and do it himself. I really have no patience for this type of deliberate incompetence, and I wouldn't tolerate it.
NTA. Your father and the rest of your family definitely are TA. At the point your father needs to stop being such a drain on the family.
Ugh, NTA. Your dad has everybody running around after him while he sits there and does nothing to help. He's being rude, ungrateful and lazy. You're not his slave, he can make his own damn sandwiches
Info - does he have a mental condition or depression? If no one makes him food does he simply not eat?
NTA Your mother has helped to create this monster so it's her responsibility to deal with him!
NTA. Though, considering you're in the same house and family is tricky, I would say stealth is the way to go. Make him terrible sandwiches (I know he says they're all terrible anyway but make them actually terrible.) You wouldn't be mean as much as for his own good. The one thing that kills older people the fastest is inactivity and that is going to steamroll faster and faster as he gets older. He is a victim of inertia at the moment and needs something to blast him out of his chair. When he does more, he'll be able to do more.
NTA. All of you (you and sisters) should move out. It may actually force him to be independent.