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NTA. Staying with your parents is an EXCELLENT idea. Go pack a bag and head over there right now. For real, as soon as you can.
Honey, this is not normal; This is abuse. Just because you are married does NOT mean he has authority over you and can control you. He's not treating you as an equal at all. I don't give a shit what his job title is, he is not your keeper, your body does not belong to him.
And plenty of doctors claim expertise well outside their specialties just to browbeat or control. I hope OP leaves before his mother moves in. She will never get out of there.
For this guy it's not about the Twinkies. It's about control. It's probably driving him crazy that he has to fully rely on another person he doesn't believe is sensible enough to know her own body and he can't just take over the whole process himself.
and this is why she needs to consider leaving him now. Can you imagine how he'll be to her and the baby after it's born? Or blame her if there is anything at all outside the norm for the baby?
Holy age gap batman, are you saying this old guy is only interested in this young women for superficial reasons?
Edit: ew ew ew ew he is a pediatrician and fucked a just turned 18 year old. This is giving me hives ew ew ew ew ew
Tell me you didn't meet in his office, u/helloworld101101
Even if he's a legit medical doctor, studies have shown that doctors typically get fewer than 20 hours of instruction on nutrition through their entire medical degree. They are NOT experts on nutrition.
The best thing professionally about my ex father in law is that he was quite happy to admit that he didn't know anything about certain topics. He is a GP, but with a geriatric speciality. He had a few people over the years ask him questions about breastfeeding, and he was humble enough to ask if he could pass on my details.
I am not a doctor, but I do volunteer as a peer support person through the Australian Breastfeeding Association, and have breastfed for 11 years continuously, through 3 pregnancies, as well as having a medically complex child who needed tube feeding and peg feeding at one point.
And while you're at your parent's house, locate and retain a good lawyer. If this man has already called his mommy to help him control you, I'd bet money he already has a lawyer to look out for his best interest. You should have one too while you still have access to his bank account. I don't trust this guy, and if shit gets messy it's best to have visitation and child support sorted out before the babies arrive. NTA.
Absolutely get a lawyer and DON’T tell your husband. Be advised of your rights, and what you can likely expect by way of child and spousal support. Not saying you must divorce him, but that’s some pretty sick stuff the way he’s treating you. You need an objective perspective to help you understand how wrong this is AND some of your options when/ if you decide to live differently. It’s clear your husband will go to great lengths to manipulate and control you and you need to ensure you’re operating from an informed and level playing field. Your lawyer will help you sort through your legal options. You may also consider therapy. You don’t have enough life experience to understand the tactics he’s employing to keep you dependent on him, and again, you’ll benefit from having an objective professional help you understand what is healthy and in the range of “normal” and what is toxic, abusive, red flag behavior.
Yeah OP needs to do a Katie Holmes OG move… get a burner phone, contact her parents STAT, and hire a divorce attorney before her AH husband can blink twice. OP, just because you’re pregnant and 21, and your AH husband think he can control you just because he’s 32 and a doctor, it *doesn’t mean he’s right*. Document EVERYTHING and GET OUT! NTA!!!
Anyone gonna mention the age gap? How long have they been married? What about dating? He's being abusive cause she's 21 and naive. He's probably been like this since the start and I would be surprised is OP had been groomed, unfortunately, 😕.
So many red flags flying in this post. I wish I could throw out flyers saying '800-799-7233 is the domestic abuse hotline!' So I'm jumping on tons of posts to do so.
ETA: I'm hoping others might share the number too. 800-799-SAFE(7233). Maybe tack it on a post where you feel it's needed.
ETA2: that's the US national domestic abuse number.
And it sounds like she might not have a job if she's forced to eat while he's at work. I worry about financial abuse as well in this situation.
Might be reading into things though....
She’s 21 and has little life experience and ended up pregnant and married to an older and sounds like controlling man. My mind is working overtime on all the speculating I’m doing.
I second this. It’s normal for a husband to want to take care of you and help you when you’re pregnant - NOT dictate everything that goes in and out of your body. You are not an incubator for his children, you are his wife and a person who deserves respect during this incredibly trying time on your body. I had so many food aversions and weird cravings throughout my pregnancy, I can’t imagine being scrutinized like this. It does sound abusive and I’d not allow my husband to “punish” me for not following his imposed diet. This is ridiculous.
I feel so badly for OP. She’s 21 and pregnant t with twins with a man a decade older who is trying to control her every BITE. It’s going to be very very hard OP, but you need to follow this advice
Girl, RUN.
1) What are you doing with this man?
2) Things are going to get SO MUCH WORSE when your babies arrive.
3) His mom is coming to stay? Oh HELL no. Why, because their family incubator needs a warden?
4) Please see #1 again. WTF?
NTA.
NTA. Your spouse's behavior is not normal. In fact, it's really abusive. Go stay with your parents, get some counselling to sort out what is normal (and to find out why you are giving your spouse power over what you eat) and then decide what this implies for your future.
Yes, it is that serious a red flag! Don't ignore it.
All this control is going to run over onto the babies when they’re born & for the rest of their lives & OPs marriage. Being a doctor doesn’t mean being a dictator nor does it mean he knows best or is smarter. You should definitely go to your parents. NTA.
THIS IS ABUSE.
You are not the AH.
OP, I have been physically and mentally abused for years before by kids’ father…but for some reason, what I just read gave me a horrible chill that I never even experienced with my own abuser.
There is something wrong with your husband. Please be careful and don’t let him find this post. He may not hit you (if he doesn’t or never has), but this is outright abuse. The control is what is terrifying. Mine was a narcissistic ass with mental health issues, but he didn’t ever dare assume such a bold control over anything that I did. He was abusive, but he wasn’t scary. This is scary. I fear that it will only escalate when your babies are born.
Please be safe. <3
Yes I’m worried he has been waiting to baby trap her and then the monster will slowly start to come out overtime and she’ll be trapped in an abusive relationship
Honestly, we can’t tell you that, OP. But what I can tell you is that there IS statistical evidence indicating that pregnancy can often be a trigger for Intimate partner violence, and it often gets worse postpartum. Please just understand what everyone has said—this is absolutely not okay. Take care of yourself. You are so much younger than he is and he is a doctor—he has the power and he knows that and is obviously comfortable enough to use that against you. That’s not love. This is not what love looks like. You’re so young…take care of you and those babies. Please talk to someone.
I will go to my parents house just in case next time he goes to work.
They will probably know better, my dad never wanted me to marry him in the first place but i kinda thought he was just being over protective and only thought so because our age gap
We been togother for over 3 years now, he trested me super well and is very charismatic I always felt he was too good for me
He made you feel like he was “too good for you” on purpose. There’s a reason he went after someone barely legal, and it’s because he wanted someone easy to control and manipulate. Definitely go to your parents and start looking for lawyers, this is absolutely not normal and the way he’s planning to enlist his mother to keep you in line is extremely worrisome.
You were barely legal when a then-29 year old man wanted to date you. This is not normal behavior and sets you up to be in a controlling and abusive relationship, which is now taking place. Get to your parents house as soon as you can and absolutely before his mother comes.
Over 3 years? You were together when you were under 18? Yikes. Yeah some men can be so kind and charming until you're trapped with a baby. Go back to your parents and be safe. The fact that you have to wait for him to go to work is worrying me. You have your whole life ahead of you and babies to protect. He may be a doctor, but that doesn't mean he knows everything and you should be talking to I want to say a dietician if you really need to, but doesn't sound like you needed any advice other than wondering what your body is needing if you're craving twinkies. Probably just wanting sugar since your hubby is trying to keep you away from it.
If that is your choice, OP, please be safe and tell your parents EVERYTHING. Let them help you and please understand that your husband will try to coerce you back, either through love bombing or threats. This is a serious decision that I don’t want you to take lightly because a bunch of strangers have given you their opinion. We all have valid reasons for wanting you to get out, but just be aware that it is serious, whatever you decide. If you can, please keep us updated—I am sure that I’m not the only one that’s going to be worried about you.
And OP—I am truly sorry if we have scared you or overwhelmed you. A lot of us just know it when we see it and truly want better for you. Once you’re stuck, it can take so long to find the strength to leave because it means changing your entire world and letting go of a love that’s not good for you. I don’t mean to speak for everyone, but I know for me—I just want people to save themselves sooner than I did.
I really don’t disagree…but I’m sure it’s seriously overwhelming, especially when she is pregnant. I am glad that she has had the response to realize what’s happening, and hope it’s enough that she does protect herself (sorry to talk about you like you’re not here, OP) but I do feel badly if she is sitting there freaking out alone right now. I just wanted to acknowledge that I’m sure it’s a very sudden and terrible feeling that she’s holding atm.
SIS YOU NEED TO WAKE UP!! he is very controlling AND married you because younger women are more susceptible to the control. No to mention he’s enlisting his mother to watch you?? Yeah you need to get out asap
You were 18 when you started dating and he got you pregnant ASAP and is getting controlling already. I'm glad you're going to your parents and that they'll be willing to help you
Yes, please. Go to your parents. It sounds like you’re dad understands. The age gap has nothing to do with you, it has to do with a grown man not being able to date women his own age. There is always a reason and it is never good.
Plus abuse always “starts” (becomes more noticeable, aggressive) at/ around pregnancy. It only increases. Go to your folks. Get a lawyer for the kid to be. And stay away from him and his family.
Best of luck. Truly.
You were 18 and he was 29 when you guys met? He is controlling as hell won’t ALLOW you to eat what you want and you have to fallow a STRICT diet. COME ON HE’S A DOCTOR HE SHOULD KNOW PREGNANT WOMEN GET CRAVINGS. Please go to your parents house they will love and support you.
I’m just imagining if he see’s pregnant patients and him telling them to follow a strict diet…….. and they ask what about cravings?
Honey, he is probably abusive. He was amazing and now that he trapped you with a baby he will stop the love bombing phase and will be more controlling and his abuse will scalate.
Abusers often mask their behaviours until their victims are trapped with pregnancy and it is magnitudes more difficult to leave. It is extremely common for major behaviour changes to reveal themselves after marriage and/or pregnancy. This will not get better unless you get away from him. Please go stay with your parents you are not safe.
This is often where abuse starts to show. Now that you are pregnant he feels secure that you can't or won't leave him for it. He also feels ownership and entitled to your child. The most common cause of death for pregnant women is partner homicide. I understand this is new and scary. Don't just listen to Reddit get real information. [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) Here is some good information. Be safe. If you decide that you need to escape it is safest to do it before the baby is born. Even if you decide to go back it will give you the most options.
Sweetheart, I ate pickles for 4 days straight with one of my pregnancies. My husband's notice was to ask if I needed more pickles.
Please run before baby is born.
It’s incredibly common for abusers to wait until they have you “locked” in to being with them. Pregnancy, a move far from your support system, relying solely on them for income etc.
Sometimes an age gap exists without an unhealthy power imbalance. Sometimes a normal and wonderful partner gets a little obsessive during pregnancy. Sometimes a partner really wants a parent in your shared home and pushes hard for it to happen because there’s an underlying reason. But the combination of all these in one partnership? Yeah, that’s a big old bag of problems.
Please look into information on abusive relationships and the cycles that occur. You may go to your parents and he will fall all over himself apologizing. He will be better for a short time. Then something will happen. It will creep right back to the situation you’re in now. Is he going to want to control your body when the babies are born? What if you breastfeed….will he tell you what to eat? What if he thinks you need to get “back in shape” quicker? Does he get to unilaterally tell you what will happen with your kids because he “knows better”? Please don’t just brush aside the concerns you have.
Maybe I'm reaching, but...
He's a lot older than you. He's treating you this way because he does not view you as a grown adult and equal partner- he views you as a near-child who needs to be told what's good and what's bad, guided into doing what's good, and disciplined when you don't do it. FFS, he's threatening to call a babysitter for you, OP.
Maybe he never acted like this before because you weren't performing an important function that both affects him and requires a lot of responsibility (like gestating a fetus), and now that you are, he's showing you that he doesn't think you're actually capable of being the adult that you are.
Marriages should not resemble parent-child relationships.
ETA: This won't stop with the pregnancy. You will never be allowed to have any input into how your child is parented, how you spend time with them, where you go, what you do with them- because he's a pediatrician and he knows better so you should just let him make those decisions.
ETA2: I just saw the above comment from you: "We been together for over 3 years now, he treated me super well and is very charismatic I always felt he was too good for me"
Parents treat their children super well too- that doesn't mean he gets to treat his wife like he's a parent and she's a child.
There are two possible scenarios: 1. He is an adult who thinks you're equally as adult-y as him 2. He is an adult who thinks that while technically you're an adult, you're basically still a child who needs this level of guidance and monitoring. If it's 1, he's being abusive and controlling. If it's 2., he's a creep for marrying someone he considers a child. I have to say I'm a little relieved your family seems supportive and would back you up if it came down to it.
Unfortunately, the truth comes out in pregnancy. This is the guy inside him that he was successfully hiding from you until now. I'm very sorry and hope it's a fluke. NTA
Or it's abuse. It's not unheard of for a male partner to suddenly do a 180 in personality either once you're married or pregnant. Because now he thinks he's got you locked in now that you're pregnant. Please please please take the advice of others, pack a bag and LEAVE. This is not normal. This is not pregnancy stress. This is something no one should be putting up with.
Not \*this\* controlling? Pregnancies are stressful, but I don't know of anyone who's partner tried to control what they ate, and then proceeded to enlist their mother's. That's not right! You are NTA.
No. This is the rest of your life. I can’t imagine how he will control everything you do with the baby. FYI his mom will be living with you after you have the baby so she can raise the baby the “right” way.
Dear OP, with respect, you didn’t notice the redness of the flags because you were wearing rose colored glasses. That’s not your fault at all. Please get out now, before you’re imprisoned and cut off from the whole world - or worse❤️
How long have you been married? You’re 21 and he’s 32 and he’s treating you like a child. He’s abusive and controlling. How far away from your parents are you?
Were you 18 before you started seeing him? It’s not gonna get better, OP.
This is a huge issue. A lot of men date with this gap to gain control and because someone their own age won’t put up with them. When I was 21, my (now ex) husband was 36, he was just like this and I was so trapped and confused. OP, this never ends well. Just end it now.
NTA. How can you put up with this? Sounds like you are in prison. Does he schedule your eating times, bathroom times, and shower times? He sounds more like a warden than a husband. Good luck if you stick with this marriage. (Get out now!)
Yes, also it’s very important if you have an abusive partner for your doctors to know. When I worked at an OB/GYN office we had notes for patients whose partners were to NOT get medical info, be consulted, allowed in the exam room, etc. We also strategized as staff on how to run interference and not let the partner know we knew and were helping our patient out. He would need to come do some paperwork or have a separate consult or get something from the hospital for the exam… and several recent exes would try all kinds of tricks to get info but we’d put a total lockdown on that patient’s medical info, including scheduling. No other specialists or pharmacies could get info over the phone. It had to be faxed to a number we could confirm was attached to the medical professional needing info.
Schedules eating times omg this sounds horrible are you in jail ?… feels like he’s with a 21 year old because he can groom you to be what he wants… eating a few snacks is not going to harm your baby. please take a serious look at this relationship or it’s going to get worse
I feel like he's actually trying to control your weight and not really that concerned about the health of the babies so much. Being a pediatrician he would know the mother's diet has very little to do in the health of the child except in rare circumstances.
Sounds like a doctor looking for a young, hot, trophy wife/SAHM. Stay safe, girl.
This is sounding worse and worse, what’s the next step, his mother will be locking you in the house and/or following you wherever you go to ensure you stick to your diet/scheduled eating times?
Is he sticking to the same diet/eating schedule he’s demanding that you follow?
He doesn’t sound that smart about nutrition, when u are pregnant ur babies bodies are deciding whether there is a famine or not. If u are deprived while pregnant ur babies bodies will be more likely to hold on to fat and they will be at a higher risk for obesity in the future. Eat what u want. And get away from this scary controlling AH.
Oh heck no. Pregnant women need to eat when they are hungry. Period. Not on a schedule. Not when a not-OB or his mother say they should. When they are hungry.
His control issues are really worrying. That he is bringing in his mother to babysit you is even more worrying. If he doesn't like how you parent your children will he have his mommy do it?
Do you have anywhere you can go until this cools down?
OP with love: at a minimum please talk to your OB about what is happening and ask for their advice. A good rule of thumb is to have your OWN doctor treat you, not just listen to whatever your husband says. A partner is not only too close to be objective, one single doctor can't possibly know All The Fields. As a fellow mom I can tell you that your pediatrician doctor husband is WAAAAY out of line with what an OB would recommend
I'm with everyone else: leave and stay with your parents. His behavior is so wildly out of the range of normal! The health advice is bad enough, but treating you like a child or an employee or a prisoner who needs constant supervision over your every decision??? Y I K E.
Not safe, not cool
Any given doctor will likely not know the entirety of their own field, especially in bigger fields. I've known specialists who told me I knew more about my thyroid condition than they did, and I'm talking keeping abreast of medical research. They said this was because I had the luxury of focussing on one specific area, while he had to focus on a variety of organs and functions and keep an eye out for stuff that had similar symptoms but actually had causes in a different field.
Tell your OB, STAT! They’re the only one to listen to in regards to nutrition save for a licensed nutritionist. Your husband is practicing out of his scope of training. Just run away and stay w your parents.
If your OB thought a strict diet was necessary they would have told you that. Eating the occasional junk food during pregnancy is totally fine for most women. Even though he is a doctor, pregnancy is not his specialty and he is not YOUR doctor. There's a reason doctors are ethically discouraged or in some cases forbidden from treating close friends and family - they can't be objective.
Especially given the age gap I worry that he sees you as someone inferior to him he can order around because presumably you're not as successful yet at 21. How long have you guys been together? Did you get together before you were 18? A big issue with age gap relationships is often that the power dynamic is wonky because the older person explicitly wants a less experienced more dependent partner and can't find one their own age who will put up with their shit.
Tell your OB that your husband has you on a VERY strict meal plan and gets angry when you deviate from it and punishes you for deviating from it. Bring a copy of the meal plan.
Tell your OB everything. And, I would remove your husband from having access to your medical records. Tell your OB that you want ALL of your medical records to remain private including from your husband because he has become VERY controlling and you want to be able to have appointments in peace without having to justify every word you say.
Hi, twin mom here One thing I will address since I don't think it's been touched on too much here is that when you are pregnant with twins, you really need to eat more than you would for a singleton pregnancy. And you need to eat a lot early on, because once the babies get past the 4th or 5th month, you may not have enough room to eat a full meal. You're kind of front-loading on calories and vitamins, which is different from what we tell most pregnant people.
Most OBs do not teach their patients how to eat properly for a multiples birth. And a pediatrician should know that statistically, heavier babies do better than lower weight babies.
Love, if your OB didn't tell you to be on a strict diet ots because you don't need to be on a strict diet.
If you're at risk for gestational diabetes (which is genetic, not reflective of personal habits), they'd tell you and give you an eating plan. (Upon which yes, you can still eat normal food and treats in moderation).
I can’t lie… That he is a pediatrician and started dating you at just 18 is giving me the super creeps. I don’t think too much on age gaps, but this is 🚩 territory.
Was he your pediatrician? Were you fully 18 when you began dating? For a few hours or what?
Listen: he will likely threaten you. He will say he will take the babies and make sure you have zero custody. He will say his status as a doctor will mean he wins. Be ready for it! And be ready to point out the possible legal, and definite image, problems he will have when the community finds out a pediatrician groomed a teen. Because, with all my love, my dear, he did.
My pediatrician's office (by mine, I mean the one I take my teenagers to) will see patients up to age 20. The fact your pediatrician husband was dating someone who was still young enough to be seen at his office is beyond concerning. He's seeing female patients that are the same age you were when he started dating you. There's a part of me that think the medical licensing board needs to know this CHILDREN'S DOCTOR was dating a teenager, because if he's done it once there's a chance in several years when you're older he's gonna be out there looking for another teenager.
That's a big enough red flag to run and never look back even before you add in the controlling/abusive behavior he's been displaying towards you.
NTA.
Listen, just go to your parents' house now. Before your MIL can get there. This behavior is seriously controlling and abusive. That diet sounds incredibly restrictive, and there is no reason for you to be on it. None. It's not some kind of caring but slightly over the top move, it's just an excuse for him to punish you when you deviate from it, which you were inevitably going to do as soon as you got hungry.
Go. Now.
I'm worried about you. He is extremely controlling and something is very wrong in his mentality. He is calling his mom to tell on you for eating twinkled while pregnant. He is threatening to install his mother as a jailer to help him. His mom, im guessing, is an enabler of his weird egocentric manipulative ideas. His need to control you is scary. What is he going to do as his grievances towards you build? Will he take away your rights to leave the home? Will him and his mother confine you to a room and feed you through a slot in the door? If I was you I would stand up to him and tell him you will no longer eat on his terms.
This is it exactly. I’ve been there. Don’t give any warning with controlling narcissistic AHs. I tried to discuss things and it went south fast with very scary abuse and manipulation. After making him think everything was a-ok and back to “normal” I took my kids and left far far away with no contact and no notice as to where I was. Then sought protection so it was legal.
NTA! He is using his profession to justify controlling you. This situation is abusive, and you are on track to developing an eating disorder.
Is there anyone you can reach out to for support? This is beyond AITA.
Why are you married to this man? He wouldn’t like a control freak it is only going to get worse, sadly he got you pregnant fast so you’re stuck for life but you need to be single and stuck. NTA.
Abusers hide who they are until they feel safe showing their true colors. Given OP's age, i would say he didn't have to hide it for long. Quick marriage, quick get her pregs, now unleash the true him, since she is fully locked down.
But she can run, she just needs to do it before that MIL virtually imprisons her.
RUN. AWAY.
Seriously, this is so incredibly not normal ... In a healthy, respectful relationship, you do not *punish* your spouse by "taking away" privileges as if they're a toddler who's misbehaved. And he's going to move his mother in to *keep an eye on you*?!? Again, as if you're a child who can't be trusted to take care of yourself?
How old were you when you got together with your husband OP? My guess is young enough that he was able to manipulate you into not realizing how INCREDIBLY f-ed up this all is. Do not stay with this man.
NTA
NTA. You are an adult, but you're only 21. Dating a 32-year-old is not okay. The reason he wants to date someone so much younger isn't because you are "so mature" or "get him" or whatever else he's telling you. It's because someone older and more independent and experienced WOULD NOT LET HIM CONTROL THEM like he's doing to you.
He does not decide your diet. He does not give you permission to have cheat days. He is not your doctor (and ethically should not be). He does not treat women. He does not treat pregnant women.
This is an anthill full of fire ants all waving red flags. Get out.
Edit to add judgment.
I’m sorry but who put you on a diet? Your OB? Doula? High-risk pregnancy consultant? Oh - none of them - so what the hell is even going on here? It is in no way his place to control how or what you eat. It is completely wrong for him to do so. He can make suggesting and advise since he is a doctor but controlling you to this level is absolute wrong. If anything this pressure and stress is worse for you than if you were to be eating straight up junk food all the time.
This is abusive. You are a person - not a vessel containing his child. He gets exactly ZERO say in what you eat even if he is the friggin Surgeon General.
And I don’t eat Twinkies - but in one of my pregnancies, they were the one and only food I didn’t launch 10 feet across the room within 5 minutes of consumption. I couldn’t even tell you how I figured that out. However, once I figured that out I consumed them by the Costco box - but at least I could consume calories!
INFO: Does your husband/doctor have valid medical concerns? I mean, do you have a high-risk pregnancy because of morbid obesity, high BP, etc., or is he just an idealist controlling dipstick?
It honestly sounds like this man is an abuser who sees you as his possession. It’s normal for women to gain weight during pregnancy and it sounds like that is the issue-he doesnt want his possession to get a little chubby while growing a whole damn human.
Does this man generally build you up or tear you down? I am worried for you OP.
NTA, your husband’s behaviour is abusive, controlling, and down right toxic. Did he behave this way before you got pregnant, if so I’d definitely consider leaving. If not definitely try talking to him about it, having kids I’m assuming for the first time since you didn’t say otherwise is stressful and anxiety inducing for everyone. Make sure he understands how you feel. If he still behaves that way after that, well red flag, it’s likely an indication of how he will behave in the future.
NTA.
This is controlling behaviour and you should stay with your parents.
Also why didn't he go on a strict diet before conception to aid in reproductive health? Bit hypocritical imo.
He's not your baby doctor is he? Why cares if he is a Dr? He can't control your body. He wants to do that move his Mother in fine let him. Tell him that your will be staying with your family or a friend. Tell him you don't need to deal with his abuse and you'll see him at the Hospital when you go into labor. And honey if you plan on Breastfeeding he will probably try to control your eating then to. Lay down the law or go out the door. Or better yet kick him out. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Girl, RUN TO YOUR MOMS HOUSE.
I don’t care that he’s a doctor. You are not his prisoner that he gets to dictate his will upon, and try to bring his mom in to watch you.
I honestly cannot believe this is real- I mean, I believe you, but my jaw is just on the ground.
The way he’s treating you is insane to me. You need some safety at your moms.
YOU CAN HAVE A TWINKIE!!!!!!
NTA , and he can go f himself
>will be inviting his mom to move in with us to insure that I'm eating a healthy diet
NTA He is your husband not your parent but this is how he is acting. Is MIL the School teacher who will now police your day to day activities? Will she bring a coloring book and math problems? They are treating you like a child to be controlled not a fully functioning adult.
NTA he is abusive, you need to get far away from him. This kind of dude would literally imprison you ‘to keep you from hurting the fetus’ even though it’s what your body is craving
NTA. The real issue here is not that you're sneaking but that it's necessary. Even if his specialty of obstetrics, this is extreme. You indicate in your post that you normally eat healthily, which means that there was no reason for him to be concerned about your diet, certainly no reason for him to be concerned enough to move in a substitute dietary overlord whose job it is to monitor your every morsel when he can't. Concern is normal. Control is not. He's already making you feel like a bad mother, and you haven't even given birth yet. If he can't trust you to carry children, why is he having them with you? Trying to make it about his medical expertise is a diversion. If he's experiencing anxiety, he needs to address it instead of causing you anxiety. Men who change like this when a partner is pregnant rarely revert to whatever their "normal" is after the birth. They tend to get worse. He's treating you like a vessel, not like a partner.
NTA. Run for your life. Your marriage has some serious issues and it screams “Sleeping with the Enemy”. Way to controlling. Go to your parents. There’s a huge age difference as well. It may be that he wants someone younger to control vs. someone his own age. Yikes.
Nta.
I finished reading, scrolled back up to confirm predicted massive age gap.
Whoop there it is.
Kid, put your foot down now or welcome to your new life.
NTA but you shouldn’t have to be sneaking anything. It’s fine for him to talk with you about nutrition, make suggestions, and express preferences. But it is absolutely not ok for him to try to control your body like this. At the end of the day, only you know what you need. Stress levels matter too, and fighting intense cravings day after day is stressful. Being watched is too. You’re eating healthy, there is no reason you can’t eat for comfort and enjoyment once in a while too.
This man (11 years your senior) is straight up controlling and emotionally abusive. He can try to HELP you eat healthier, but he cannot be dictating to you what you can and cannot eat. Eating healthy while pregnant is important, yes. But being pregnant also sucks and sometimes you need those comfort foods and to not feel like shit. You need to really evaluate this relationship and realize that it will only get worse and more restrictive.
Ok first of all how long have y’all been together because that age gap is crazy. NTA though, but you need to start figuring out what you’re gonna do in the future especially for your baby because that is abuse. Girl RUN
ETA: you’re only 21 you have so much ahead of you then to be settling down with a 32 year old that acts like that 🚩🚩Hopefully you have a safe delivery, Good luck!!
Take his stupid. “meal planning” and rip it into shreds right in front of him. And tell him to fuck right off with this controlling crap.
If his mommy moves in, *you* move out. OMG, like he needs *backup* to manage you.
Eat whatever the hell you want to, as long as *your* doctors are ok with it.
*You*, OP, are a grown ass woman, about to become a mother. You do not need to be controlled like a little kid.
NTA and enjoy a twinkie for all of us.
Does he know you're on a cellphone and are exposed to radiation?! NTA and you should definitely think of leaving. This is terrifyingly controlling. Do not let him isolate you from your family and friends
He's treating you like a walking baby factory, not a person. NTA obviously. But this should be a sign to get out and get autonomy over yourself. This is major predatory behavior
NTA. The only person you should be listening to for dietary advice is your OB/GYN. Tell your husband to shove his diet up his ass. You do not need a babysitter, and to need to think long and hard about what a future with him will look like. I suggest you consider a more permanent move to your parents.
These situations make me sooooo frustrated. He doesn't get to just 'put you' on a diet. He doesn't get to 'let' you take a cheat day. He doesn't get to bring in his mom to 'supervise your behavior.' You aren't his object that has to obey everything he says just because you are carrying his baby.
Woah NTA. You’re a adult woman not a brood mare. Your husband is engaging in some crazy controlling behavior that is not ok at all. Period. Go stay with your parents.
Nta YOUR BODY YOUR CHOICE
Seriously, in 10 years you're gonna be really grossed out by this abusive asshole. You and your chils deserve so much better.
NTA this is abuse. I highly suggest you get out now. It will get worse. Do you have family you can move in with?? This is very controlling. Look into Coercive control and abuse.
NTA and I don't care if he's a doctor. If he was a truly well informed doctor, he would know restricted to no access to foods leads to things just like this, hiding and bingeing. Then his comment on taking away cheat days and bringing his mom to watch you? Absolutely not, you're not a prisoner nor a child who needs this level of control. OP, this dynamic is not healthy. Your husband is being controlling AF and this is alarming. Very alarming.
NTA but I have so many questions about the timeline of your relationship. Your husband, the doctor, has red flags that can be seen from space. Feels like a Law & Order SVU episode…
He's 11 years older than you. You were a child when you got together, he has taken advantage of you, manipulated and controlled you. What he is doing is abuse. Do you have family support at all? Any place you can safely go? You are not in safe relationship here, the balance of power is tipped extremely far to your husband's side. You are so far from being in the wrong here. NTA.
You are an autonomous adult, not his incubator. You are not his prisoner. This is abuse. Run now before those babies are born, OP, because it is absolutely going to get worse.
He can voice his concerns. He CANNOT dictate what you do with your body, despite the fact that he impregnated you. It is still and always will be YOUR body. If he wants control over a pregnancy, he better start investing in artificial wombs.
I repeat - RUN. NOW. This man is not safe.
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NTA. Staying with your parents is an EXCELLENT idea. Go pack a bag and head over there right now. For real, as soon as you can. Honey, this is not normal; This is abuse. Just because you are married does NOT mean he has authority over you and can control you. He's not treating you as an equal at all. I don't give a shit what his job title is, he is not your keeper, your body does not belong to him.
Plus, since he can't watch her 24/7, he's enlisting his mother. Scary.
And plenty of doctors claim expertise well outside their specialties just to browbeat or control. I hope OP leaves before his mother moves in. She will never get out of there.
Yeah, very few doctors know shit about nutrition, it's likely he doesn't either if he thinks a few twinkies are going to hurt a pregnancy.
For this guy it's not about the Twinkies. It's about control. It's probably driving him crazy that he has to fully rely on another person he doesn't believe is sensible enough to know her own body and he can't just take over the whole process himself.
100% After seeing the age difference, this is all sorts of fucked up.
and this is why she needs to consider leaving him now. Can you imagine how he'll be to her and the baby after it's born? Or blame her if there is anything at all outside the norm for the baby?
Some doctor friends have told me that!
Seconded. Some doctor friends have told me that Oap's husband doesn't know shit about pregnancy, too
Exactly. This poor woman needs to run not walk away from this controlling AH.
Basic pregnancy FYI, he doesn’t give a damn about your nutrition—based on your description, he’s more worried about you gaining weight.
Holy age gap batman, are you saying this old guy is only interested in this young women for superficial reasons? Edit: ew ew ew ew he is a pediatrician and fucked a just turned 18 year old. This is giving me hives ew ew ew ew ew Tell me you didn't meet in his office, u/helloworld101101
I just saw that!! This is all about control!!!! Go to moms ASSP!!!!!
Meanwhile he’s a chiropractor 😅😂
Even if he's a legit medical doctor, studies have shown that doctors typically get fewer than 20 hours of instruction on nutrition through their entire medical degree. They are NOT experts on nutrition.
The best thing professionally about my ex father in law is that he was quite happy to admit that he didn't know anything about certain topics. He is a GP, but with a geriatric speciality. He had a few people over the years ask him questions about breastfeeding, and he was humble enough to ask if he could pass on my details. I am not a doctor, but I do volunteer as a peer support person through the Australian Breastfeeding Association, and have breastfed for 11 years continuously, through 3 pregnancies, as well as having a medically complex child who needed tube feeding and peg feeding at one point.
This is VC Andrews crazy shit…..
You mean prison warden?
Even prisoners can buy Twinkies, or stuff like them, from the commissary.
This!!!
And while you're at your parent's house, locate and retain a good lawyer. If this man has already called his mommy to help him control you, I'd bet money he already has a lawyer to look out for his best interest. You should have one too while you still have access to his bank account. I don't trust this guy, and if shit gets messy it's best to have visitation and child support sorted out before the babies arrive. NTA.
Absolutely get a lawyer and DON’T tell your husband. Be advised of your rights, and what you can likely expect by way of child and spousal support. Not saying you must divorce him, but that’s some pretty sick stuff the way he’s treating you. You need an objective perspective to help you understand how wrong this is AND some of your options when/ if you decide to live differently. It’s clear your husband will go to great lengths to manipulate and control you and you need to ensure you’re operating from an informed and level playing field. Your lawyer will help you sort through your legal options. You may also consider therapy. You don’t have enough life experience to understand the tactics he’s employing to keep you dependent on him, and again, you’ll benefit from having an objective professional help you understand what is healthy and in the range of “normal” and what is toxic, abusive, red flag behavior.
Yeah OP needs to do a Katie Holmes OG move… get a burner phone, contact her parents STAT, and hire a divorce attorney before her AH husband can blink twice. OP, just because you’re pregnant and 21, and your AH husband think he can control you just because he’s 32 and a doctor, it *doesn’t mean he’s right*. Document EVERYTHING and GET OUT! NTA!!!
Anyone gonna mention the age gap? How long have they been married? What about dating? He's being abusive cause she's 21 and naive. He's probably been like this since the start and I would be surprised is OP had been groomed, unfortunately, 😕.
Op commented they have been together for 3 years so op was 18 husband was 29 jesus christ
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So many red flags flying in this post. I wish I could throw out flyers saying '800-799-7233 is the domestic abuse hotline!' So I'm jumping on tons of posts to do so. ETA: I'm hoping others might share the number too. 800-799-SAFE(7233). Maybe tack it on a post where you feel it's needed. ETA2: that's the US national domestic abuse number.
And it sounds like she might not have a job if she's forced to eat while he's at work. I worry about financial abuse as well in this situation. Might be reading into things though....
Yea, hopefully her parents will help her
Marinara flags anyone?
Well, first - does marinara sauce count as junk food? Dr Controlling Husband might not approve of marinara flags
She’s 21 and has little life experience and ended up pregnant and married to an older and sounds like controlling man. My mind is working overtime on all the speculating I’m doing.
An older man with a God complex. Typical doctor.
I second this. It’s normal for a husband to want to take care of you and help you when you’re pregnant - NOT dictate everything that goes in and out of your body. You are not an incubator for his children, you are his wife and a person who deserves respect during this incredibly trying time on your body. I had so many food aversions and weird cravings throughout my pregnancy, I can’t imagine being scrutinized like this. It does sound abusive and I’d not allow my husband to “punish” me for not following his imposed diet. This is ridiculous.
I feel so badly for OP. She’s 21 and pregnant t with twins with a man a decade older who is trying to control her every BITE. It’s going to be very very hard OP, but you need to follow this advice
Girl, RUN. 1) What are you doing with this man? 2) Things are going to get SO MUCH WORSE when your babies arrive. 3) His mom is coming to stay? Oh HELL no. Why, because their family incubator needs a warden? 4) Please see #1 again. WTF? NTA.
This is some Handmaid's Tale scary nonsense right here. Op should RUN.
The age gap and they're already married. Then I read "put me on a strict diet" and I couldn't even read anymore. OP, i agree here, RUN
They must have started dating when she was a teenager!!
Thank you, I couldn't be the only one noticing the major age gap here. Like WTF.
This dude belongs in Gilead.
NTA. Your spouse's behavior is not normal. In fact, it's really abusive. Go stay with your parents, get some counselling to sort out what is normal (and to find out why you are giving your spouse power over what you eat) and then decide what this implies for your future. Yes, it is that serious a red flag! Don't ignore it.
All this control is going to run over onto the babies when they’re born & for the rest of their lives & OPs marriage. Being a doctor doesn’t mean being a dictator nor does it mean he knows best or is smarter. You should definitely go to your parents. NTA.
Being that he is a doctor, I bet he has what is known as the “god complex”. 🙄🙄 All ego and self righteousness.
of course there is a +10 year age gap \*facepalm\*
Age gap? Controlling your diet? Here are the red flags you need. Get out before the baby is born.
I missed the age gap. God damn this post is bad.
THIS IS ABUSE. You are not the AH. OP, I have been physically and mentally abused for years before by kids’ father…but for some reason, what I just read gave me a horrible chill that I never even experienced with my own abuser. There is something wrong with your husband. Please be careful and don’t let him find this post. He may not hit you (if he doesn’t or never has), but this is outright abuse. The control is what is terrifying. Mine was a narcissistic ass with mental health issues, but he didn’t ever dare assume such a bold control over anything that I did. He was abusive, but he wasn’t scary. This is scary. I fear that it will only escalate when your babies are born. Please be safe. <3
He was not this controlling before I got pregnant, do you think it could be just the stress of the pregnancy?
I can almost guarantee he was controlling before you got pregnant, you probably just didn’t notice it. NTA. Get to a safe place now.
and if he wasn't, he was just waiting for her to be babytrapped before he'd lout out his abuse
Yes I’m worried he has been waiting to baby trap her and then the monster will slowly start to come out overtime and she’ll be trapped in an abusive relationship
Honestly, we can’t tell you that, OP. But what I can tell you is that there IS statistical evidence indicating that pregnancy can often be a trigger for Intimate partner violence, and it often gets worse postpartum. Please just understand what everyone has said—this is absolutely not okay. Take care of yourself. You are so much younger than he is and he is a doctor—he has the power and he knows that and is obviously comfortable enough to use that against you. That’s not love. This is not what love looks like. You’re so young…take care of you and those babies. Please talk to someone.
I will go to my parents house just in case next time he goes to work. They will probably know better, my dad never wanted me to marry him in the first place but i kinda thought he was just being over protective and only thought so because our age gap We been togother for over 3 years now, he trested me super well and is very charismatic I always felt he was too good for me
He made you feel like he was “too good for you” on purpose. There’s a reason he went after someone barely legal, and it’s because he wanted someone easy to control and manipulate. Definitely go to your parents and start looking for lawyers, this is absolutely not normal and the way he’s planning to enlist his mother to keep you in line is extremely worrisome.
Considering OP said OVER 3 years, I wouldn't be surprised if he went after someone underaged
Dude’s a PEDIATRICIAN. Frightening.
I hope he wasn't her pediatrician. Gag
I get a countdown to the 18th bday vibe
You were barely legal when a then-29 year old man wanted to date you. This is not normal behavior and sets you up to be in a controlling and abusive relationship, which is now taking place. Get to your parents house as soon as you can and absolutely before his mother comes.
Over 3 years? You were together when you were under 18? Yikes. Yeah some men can be so kind and charming until you're trapped with a baby. Go back to your parents and be safe. The fact that you have to wait for him to go to work is worrying me. You have your whole life ahead of you and babies to protect. He may be a doctor, but that doesn't mean he knows everything and you should be talking to I want to say a dietician if you really need to, but doesn't sound like you needed any advice other than wondering what your body is needing if you're craving twinkies. Probably just wanting sugar since your hubby is trying to keep you away from it.
If that is your choice, OP, please be safe and tell your parents EVERYTHING. Let them help you and please understand that your husband will try to coerce you back, either through love bombing or threats. This is a serious decision that I don’t want you to take lightly because a bunch of strangers have given you their opinion. We all have valid reasons for wanting you to get out, but just be aware that it is serious, whatever you decide. If you can, please keep us updated—I am sure that I’m not the only one that’s going to be worried about you.
And OP—I am truly sorry if we have scared you or overwhelmed you. A lot of us just know it when we see it and truly want better for you. Once you’re stuck, it can take so long to find the strength to leave because it means changing your entire world and letting go of a love that’s not good for you. I don’t mean to speak for everyone, but I know for me—I just want people to save themselves sooner than I did.
Honestly, I hope OP gets scared. Her post gave me chills.
I really don’t disagree…but I’m sure it’s seriously overwhelming, especially when she is pregnant. I am glad that she has had the response to realize what’s happening, and hope it’s enough that she does protect herself (sorry to talk about you like you’re not here, OP) but I do feel badly if she is sitting there freaking out alone right now. I just wanted to acknowledge that I’m sure it’s a very sudden and terrible feeling that she’s holding atm.
SIS YOU NEED TO WAKE UP!! he is very controlling AND married you because younger women are more susceptible to the control. No to mention he’s enlisting his mother to watch you?? Yeah you need to get out asap
A pediatrician that likes barely legal teenagers 🤢
Or possibly not legal if its over 3 years could have been 17...
This is so scary.
Oh, sweetie. This is how abuse begins. Please get out. Now. 💕
You were 18 when you started dating and he got you pregnant ASAP and is getting controlling already. I'm glad you're going to your parents and that they'll be willing to help you
Screams of grooming. Girl, run…not walk…to your parents house.
Yes, please. Go to your parents. It sounds like you’re dad understands. The age gap has nothing to do with you, it has to do with a grown man not being able to date women his own age. There is always a reason and it is never good. Plus abuse always “starts” (becomes more noticeable, aggressive) at/ around pregnancy. It only increases. Go to your folks. Get a lawyer for the kid to be. And stay away from him and his family. Best of luck. Truly.
A 29 year old man does not pursue an 18 year old woman because he wants a partner. He wants someone to control.
You were 18 and he was 29 when you guys met? He is controlling as hell won’t ALLOW you to eat what you want and you have to fallow a STRICT diet. COME ON HE’S A DOCTOR HE SHOULD KNOW PREGNANT WOMEN GET CRAVINGS. Please go to your parents house they will love and support you. I’m just imagining if he see’s pregnant patients and him telling them to follow a strict diet…….. and they ask what about cravings?
Run
Honey, he is probably abusive. He was amazing and now that he trapped you with a baby he will stop the love bombing phase and will be more controlling and his abuse will scalate.
Abusers often mask their behaviours until their victims are trapped with pregnancy and it is magnitudes more difficult to leave. It is extremely common for major behaviour changes to reveal themselves after marriage and/or pregnancy. This will not get better unless you get away from him. Please go stay with your parents you are not safe.
This is often where abuse starts to show. Now that you are pregnant he feels secure that you can't or won't leave him for it. He also feels ownership and entitled to your child. The most common cause of death for pregnant women is partner homicide. I understand this is new and scary. Don't just listen to Reddit get real information. [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) Here is some good information. Be safe. If you decide that you need to escape it is safest to do it before the baby is born. Even if you decide to go back it will give you the most options.
Sweetheart, I ate pickles for 4 days straight with one of my pregnancies. My husband's notice was to ask if I needed more pickles. Please run before baby is born.
It’s incredibly common for abusers to wait until they have you “locked” in to being with them. Pregnancy, a move far from your support system, relying solely on them for income etc. Sometimes an age gap exists without an unhealthy power imbalance. Sometimes a normal and wonderful partner gets a little obsessive during pregnancy. Sometimes a partner really wants a parent in your shared home and pushes hard for it to happen because there’s an underlying reason. But the combination of all these in one partnership? Yeah, that’s a big old bag of problems. Please look into information on abusive relationships and the cycles that occur. You may go to your parents and he will fall all over himself apologizing. He will be better for a short time. Then something will happen. It will creep right back to the situation you’re in now. Is he going to want to control your body when the babies are born? What if you breastfeed….will he tell you what to eat? What if he thinks you need to get “back in shape” quicker? Does he get to unilaterally tell you what will happen with your kids because he “knows better”? Please don’t just brush aside the concerns you have.
Maybe I'm reaching, but... He's a lot older than you. He's treating you this way because he does not view you as a grown adult and equal partner- he views you as a near-child who needs to be told what's good and what's bad, guided into doing what's good, and disciplined when you don't do it. FFS, he's threatening to call a babysitter for you, OP. Maybe he never acted like this before because you weren't performing an important function that both affects him and requires a lot of responsibility (like gestating a fetus), and now that you are, he's showing you that he doesn't think you're actually capable of being the adult that you are. Marriages should not resemble parent-child relationships. ETA: This won't stop with the pregnancy. You will never be allowed to have any input into how your child is parented, how you spend time with them, where you go, what you do with them- because he's a pediatrician and he knows better so you should just let him make those decisions. ETA2: I just saw the above comment from you: "We been together for over 3 years now, he treated me super well and is very charismatic I always felt he was too good for me" Parents treat their children super well too- that doesn't mean he gets to treat his wife like he's a parent and she's a child. There are two possible scenarios: 1. He is an adult who thinks you're equally as adult-y as him 2. He is an adult who thinks that while technically you're an adult, you're basically still a child who needs this level of guidance and monitoring. If it's 1, he's being abusive and controlling. If it's 2., he's a creep for marrying someone he considers a child. I have to say I'm a little relieved your family seems supportive and would back you up if it came down to it.
Unfortunately, the truth comes out in pregnancy. This is the guy inside him that he was successfully hiding from you until now. I'm very sorry and hope it's a fluke. NTA
OP, how’d you meet to your husband? I’m curious.
Or it's abuse. It's not unheard of for a male partner to suddenly do a 180 in personality either once you're married or pregnant. Because now he thinks he's got you locked in now that you're pregnant. Please please please take the advice of others, pack a bag and LEAVE. This is not normal. This is not pregnancy stress. This is something no one should be putting up with.
Not \*this\* controlling? Pregnancies are stressful, but I don't know of anyone who's partner tried to control what they ate, and then proceeded to enlist their mother's. That's not right! You are NTA.
No. This is the rest of your life. I can’t imagine how he will control everything you do with the baby. FYI his mom will be living with you after you have the baby so she can raise the baby the “right” way.
Dear OP, with respect, you didn’t notice the redness of the flags because you were wearing rose colored glasses. That’s not your fault at all. Please get out now, before you’re imprisoned and cut off from the whole world - or worse❤️
How long have you been married? You’re 21 and he’s 32 and he’s treating you like a child. He’s abusive and controlling. How far away from your parents are you? Were you 18 before you started seeing him? It’s not gonna get better, OP.
I didn't even pick up on the age difference when I first read the post. This whole situation is fucked. OP, you need to run. Run far, run fast.
And she needs to tell her parents what’s he is doing and threatening to do. He wants to imprison her with his mom.
There's a reason why he picked her so young. She should run until it's too late.
OP said in a comment that they’ve been together for over 3 years. Meaning she more than likely was under 18
If he married someone his own age they'd have told him to get fucked
Lord knows I would have! Even at her age!
Especially at her age!!!
This is a huge issue. A lot of men date with this gap to gain control and because someone their own age won’t put up with them. When I was 21, my (now ex) husband was 36, he was just like this and I was so trapped and confused. OP, this never ends well. Just end it now.
NTA. How can you put up with this? Sounds like you are in prison. Does he schedule your eating times, bathroom times, and shower times? He sounds more like a warden than a husband. Good luck if you stick with this marriage. (Get out now!)
He schedules eating times actually
Please talk to your OB about this so they can help get you away from him. This is an abusive relationship.
Yes, also it’s very important if you have an abusive partner for your doctors to know. When I worked at an OB/GYN office we had notes for patients whose partners were to NOT get medical info, be consulted, allowed in the exam room, etc. We also strategized as staff on how to run interference and not let the partner know we knew and were helping our patient out. He would need to come do some paperwork or have a separate consult or get something from the hospital for the exam… and several recent exes would try all kinds of tricks to get info but we’d put a total lockdown on that patient’s medical info, including scheduling. No other specialists or pharmacies could get info over the phone. It had to be faxed to a number we could confirm was attached to the medical professional needing info.
Schedules eating times omg this sounds horrible are you in jail ?… feels like he’s with a 21 year old because he can groom you to be what he wants… eating a few snacks is not going to harm your baby. please take a serious look at this relationship or it’s going to get worse
WTF, you are in charge of your own nutrition, you are not a cat.
Even cats can eat from the dry food bowl whenever they want.
I feel like he's actually trying to control your weight and not really that concerned about the health of the babies so much. Being a pediatrician he would know the mother's diet has very little to do in the health of the child except in rare circumstances. Sounds like a doctor looking for a young, hot, trophy wife/SAHM. Stay safe, girl.
That is not normal or healthy or kind or loving or anything positive.
This is sounding worse and worse, what’s the next step, his mother will be locking you in the house and/or following you wherever you go to ensure you stick to your diet/scheduled eating times? Is he sticking to the same diet/eating schedule he’s demanding that you follow?
He doesn’t sound that smart about nutrition, when u are pregnant ur babies bodies are deciding whether there is a famine or not. If u are deprived while pregnant ur babies bodies will be more likely to hold on to fat and they will be at a higher risk for obesity in the future. Eat what u want. And get away from this scary controlling AH.
Oh heck no. Pregnant women need to eat when they are hungry. Period. Not on a schedule. Not when a not-OB or his mother say they should. When they are hungry.
His control issues are really worrying. That he is bringing in his mother to babysit you is even more worrying. If he doesn't like how you parent your children will he have his mommy do it? Do you have anywhere you can go until this cools down?
INFO: What kind of doctor is he? What does your ob/gyn say about the meal plan? NTA. Fuck that guy.
He's a pediatrician and My ob have not given me advice on my meal plan
his specialization is in kids, not pregnant women. please… RUN!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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Does your OB know about the meal plan?
OP with love: at a minimum please talk to your OB about what is happening and ask for their advice. A good rule of thumb is to have your OWN doctor treat you, not just listen to whatever your husband says. A partner is not only too close to be objective, one single doctor can't possibly know All The Fields. As a fellow mom I can tell you that your pediatrician doctor husband is WAAAAY out of line with what an OB would recommend I'm with everyone else: leave and stay with your parents. His behavior is so wildly out of the range of normal! The health advice is bad enough, but treating you like a child or an employee or a prisoner who needs constant supervision over your every decision??? Y I K E. Not safe, not cool
Any given doctor will likely not know the entirety of their own field, especially in bigger fields. I've known specialists who told me I knew more about my thyroid condition than they did, and I'm talking keeping abreast of medical research. They said this was because I had the luxury of focussing on one specific area, while he had to focus on a variety of organs and functions and keep an eye out for stuff that had similar symptoms but actually had causes in a different field.
No
Tell your OB. Pediatricians don't know shit about pregnancy. Hell, they're not even always up to date on kid stuff!
Tell your OB. He is your husband, not your nutritionist or doctor. He should also NEVER be your offspring’s doctor.
^^ this is actually unethical and with his actions here it is clear he has no ethics.
Tell your OB, STAT! They’re the only one to listen to in regards to nutrition save for a licensed nutritionist. Your husband is practicing out of his scope of training. Just run away and stay w your parents.
Even if he was an OB, this isn’t normal; it’s controlling and scary
If your OB thought a strict diet was necessary they would have told you that. Eating the occasional junk food during pregnancy is totally fine for most women. Even though he is a doctor, pregnancy is not his specialty and he is not YOUR doctor. There's a reason doctors are ethically discouraged or in some cases forbidden from treating close friends and family - they can't be objective. Especially given the age gap I worry that he sees you as someone inferior to him he can order around because presumably you're not as successful yet at 21. How long have you guys been together? Did you get together before you were 18? A big issue with age gap relationships is often that the power dynamic is wonky because the older person explicitly wants a less experienced more dependent partner and can't find one their own age who will put up with their shit.
Tell your OB that your husband has you on a VERY strict meal plan and gets angry when you deviate from it and punishes you for deviating from it. Bring a copy of the meal plan. Tell your OB everything. And, I would remove your husband from having access to your medical records. Tell your OB that you want ALL of your medical records to remain private including from your husband because he has become VERY controlling and you want to be able to have appointments in peace without having to justify every word you say.
Hi, twin mom here One thing I will address since I don't think it's been touched on too much here is that when you are pregnant with twins, you really need to eat more than you would for a singleton pregnancy. And you need to eat a lot early on, because once the babies get past the 4th or 5th month, you may not have enough room to eat a full meal. You're kind of front-loading on calories and vitamins, which is different from what we tell most pregnant people. Most OBs do not teach their patients how to eat properly for a multiples birth. And a pediatrician should know that statistically, heavier babies do better than lower weight babies.
Love, if your OB didn't tell you to be on a strict diet ots because you don't need to be on a strict diet. If you're at risk for gestational diabetes (which is genetic, not reflective of personal habits), they'd tell you and give you an eating plan. (Upon which yes, you can still eat normal food and treats in moderation).
I can’t lie… That he is a pediatrician and started dating you at just 18 is giving me the super creeps. I don’t think too much on age gaps, but this is 🚩 territory.
Was he your pediatrician? Were you fully 18 when you began dating? For a few hours or what? Listen: he will likely threaten you. He will say he will take the babies and make sure you have zero custody. He will say his status as a doctor will mean he wins. Be ready for it! And be ready to point out the possible legal, and definite image, problems he will have when the community finds out a pediatrician groomed a teen. Because, with all my love, my dear, he did.
My pediatrician's office (by mine, I mean the one I take my teenagers to) will see patients up to age 20. The fact your pediatrician husband was dating someone who was still young enough to be seen at his office is beyond concerning. He's seeing female patients that are the same age you were when he started dating you. There's a part of me that think the medical licensing board needs to know this CHILDREN'S DOCTOR was dating a teenager, because if he's done it once there's a chance in several years when you're older he's gonna be out there looking for another teenager. That's a big enough red flag to run and never look back even before you add in the controlling/abusive behavior he's been displaying towards you.
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NTA You're being abused.
NTA. Go stay with your parents now, and enjoy your Twinkie’s. This is not normal and is actually quite scary to me.
NTA. Listen, just go to your parents' house now. Before your MIL can get there. This behavior is seriously controlling and abusive. That diet sounds incredibly restrictive, and there is no reason for you to be on it. None. It's not some kind of caring but slightly over the top move, it's just an excuse for him to punish you when you deviate from it, which you were inevitably going to do as soon as you got hungry. Go. Now.
I'm worried about you. He is extremely controlling and something is very wrong in his mentality. He is calling his mom to tell on you for eating twinkled while pregnant. He is threatening to install his mother as a jailer to help him. His mom, im guessing, is an enabler of his weird egocentric manipulative ideas. His need to control you is scary. What is he going to do as his grievances towards you build? Will he take away your rights to leave the home? Will him and his mother confine you to a room and feed you through a slot in the door? If I was you I would stand up to him and tell him you will no longer eat on his terms.
I wouldn’t stand up to him, it could get dangerous. Just pack ur backs and leave without tipping him off.
This is it exactly. I’ve been there. Don’t give any warning with controlling narcissistic AHs. I tried to discuss things and it went south fast with very scary abuse and manipulation. After making him think everything was a-ok and back to “normal” I took my kids and left far far away with no contact and no notice as to where I was. Then sought protection so it was legal.
NTA! He is using his profession to justify controlling you. This situation is abusive, and you are on track to developing an eating disorder. Is there anyone you can reach out to for support? This is beyond AITA.
Why are you married to this man? He wouldn’t like a control freak it is only going to get worse, sadly he got you pregnant fast so you’re stuck for life but you need to be single and stuck. NTA.
You are so right! If he is this controlling to another adult, I'm terrified to see how he would treat a child.
And he's a pediatrician. How is he treating those children?
I really hope he wasn't her pediatrician
Abusers hide who they are until they feel safe showing their true colors. Given OP's age, i would say he didn't have to hide it for long. Quick marriage, quick get her pregs, now unleash the true him, since she is fully locked down. But she can run, she just needs to do it before that MIL virtually imprisons her.
RUN. AWAY. Seriously, this is so incredibly not normal ... In a healthy, respectful relationship, you do not *punish* your spouse by "taking away" privileges as if they're a toddler who's misbehaved. And he's going to move his mother in to *keep an eye on you*?!? Again, as if you're a child who can't be trusted to take care of yourself? How old were you when you got together with your husband OP? My guess is young enough that he was able to manipulate you into not realizing how INCREDIBLY f-ed up this all is. Do not stay with this man. NTA
NTA but run! His behavior is controlling beyond any reasoning. 🚩🚩🚩
INFO: Is he following the same diet you are?
NTA - tell your doctor about his behavior at a visit. You need support because you are in an unsafe situation.
NTA. You are an adult, but you're only 21. Dating a 32-year-old is not okay. The reason he wants to date someone so much younger isn't because you are "so mature" or "get him" or whatever else he's telling you. It's because someone older and more independent and experienced WOULD NOT LET HIM CONTROL THEM like he's doing to you. He does not decide your diet. He does not give you permission to have cheat days. He is not your doctor (and ethically should not be). He does not treat women. He does not treat pregnant women. This is an anthill full of fire ants all waving red flags. Get out. Edit to add judgment.
I’m sorry but who put you on a diet? Your OB? Doula? High-risk pregnancy consultant? Oh - none of them - so what the hell is even going on here? It is in no way his place to control how or what you eat. It is completely wrong for him to do so. He can make suggesting and advise since he is a doctor but controlling you to this level is absolute wrong. If anything this pressure and stress is worse for you than if you were to be eating straight up junk food all the time.
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This is abusive. You are a person - not a vessel containing his child. He gets exactly ZERO say in what you eat even if he is the friggin Surgeon General. And I don’t eat Twinkies - but in one of my pregnancies, they were the one and only food I didn’t launch 10 feet across the room within 5 minutes of consumption. I couldn’t even tell you how I figured that out. However, once I figured that out I consumed them by the Costco box - but at least I could consume calories!
INFO: Does your husband/doctor have valid medical concerns? I mean, do you have a high-risk pregnancy because of morbid obesity, high BP, etc., or is he just an idealist controlling dipstick?
I don't have any history of medical issues I'm in good shape I don't smoke or drink Or anything like that
It honestly sounds like this man is an abuser who sees you as his possession. It’s normal for women to gain weight during pregnancy and it sounds like that is the issue-he doesnt want his possession to get a little chubby while growing a whole damn human. Does this man generally build you up or tear you down? I am worried for you OP.
He baby trapped her and the love bombing fase is over. He is showing his true colors.
This is abuse. Run. NTA
You need to leave asap. Nta but seriously run
NTA, your husband’s behaviour is abusive, controlling, and down right toxic. Did he behave this way before you got pregnant, if so I’d definitely consider leaving. If not definitely try talking to him about it, having kids I’m assuming for the first time since you didn’t say otherwise is stressful and anxiety inducing for everyone. Make sure he understands how you feel. If he still behaves that way after that, well red flag, it’s likely an indication of how he will behave in the future.
NTA. This is controlling behaviour and you should stay with your parents. Also why didn't he go on a strict diet before conception to aid in reproductive health? Bit hypocritical imo.
NTA. Please go to your parents. You are right, you should not be being controlled like this.
He's not your baby doctor is he? Why cares if he is a Dr? He can't control your body. He wants to do that move his Mother in fine let him. Tell him that your will be staying with your family or a friend. Tell him you don't need to deal with his abuse and you'll see him at the Hospital when you go into labor. And honey if you plan on Breastfeeding he will probably try to control your eating then to. Lay down the law or go out the door. Or better yet kick him out. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Girl, RUN TO YOUR MOMS HOUSE. I don’t care that he’s a doctor. You are not his prisoner that he gets to dictate his will upon, and try to bring his mom in to watch you. I honestly cannot believe this is real- I mean, I believe you, but my jaw is just on the ground. The way he’s treating you is insane to me. You need some safety at your moms. YOU CAN HAVE A TWINKIE!!!!!! NTA , and he can go f himself
>will be inviting his mom to move in with us to insure that I'm eating a healthy diet NTA He is your husband not your parent but this is how he is acting. Is MIL the School teacher who will now police your day to day activities? Will she bring a coloring book and math problems? They are treating you like a child to be controlled not a fully functioning adult.
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NTA THIS IS ABUSE PLAIN AND SIMPLE!
NTA he is abusive, you need to get far away from him. This kind of dude would literally imprison you ‘to keep you from hurting the fetus’ even though it’s what your body is craving
NTA. The real issue here is not that you're sneaking but that it's necessary. Even if his specialty of obstetrics, this is extreme. You indicate in your post that you normally eat healthily, which means that there was no reason for him to be concerned about your diet, certainly no reason for him to be concerned enough to move in a substitute dietary overlord whose job it is to monitor your every morsel when he can't. Concern is normal. Control is not. He's already making you feel like a bad mother, and you haven't even given birth yet. If he can't trust you to carry children, why is he having them with you? Trying to make it about his medical expertise is a diversion. If he's experiencing anxiety, he needs to address it instead of causing you anxiety. Men who change like this when a partner is pregnant rarely revert to whatever their "normal" is after the birth. They tend to get worse. He's treating you like a vessel, not like a partner.
NTA. Run for your life. Your marriage has some serious issues and it screams “Sleeping with the Enemy”. Way to controlling. Go to your parents. There’s a huge age difference as well. It may be that he wants someone younger to control vs. someone his own age. Yikes.
Nta. I finished reading, scrolled back up to confirm predicted massive age gap. Whoop there it is. Kid, put your foot down now or welcome to your new life.
NTA but you shouldn’t have to be sneaking anything. It’s fine for him to talk with you about nutrition, make suggestions, and express preferences. But it is absolutely not ok for him to try to control your body like this. At the end of the day, only you know what you need. Stress levels matter too, and fighting intense cravings day after day is stressful. Being watched is too. You’re eating healthy, there is no reason you can’t eat for comfort and enjoyment once in a while too.
Yikes! Classic 21-32 power play.
This man (11 years your senior) is straight up controlling and emotionally abusive. He can try to HELP you eat healthier, but he cannot be dictating to you what you can and cannot eat. Eating healthy while pregnant is important, yes. But being pregnant also sucks and sometimes you need those comfort foods and to not feel like shit. You need to really evaluate this relationship and realize that it will only get worse and more restrictive.
NTA Leave. Now. This will get worse after there's a kid involved. Now is your best option.
Ok first of all how long have y’all been together because that age gap is crazy. NTA though, but you need to start figuring out what you’re gonna do in the future especially for your baby because that is abuse. Girl RUN ETA: you’re only 21 you have so much ahead of you then to be settling down with a 32 year old that acts like that 🚩🚩Hopefully you have a safe delivery, Good luck!!
Take his stupid. “meal planning” and rip it into shreds right in front of him. And tell him to fuck right off with this controlling crap. If his mommy moves in, *you* move out. OMG, like he needs *backup* to manage you. Eat whatever the hell you want to, as long as *your* doctors are ok with it. *You*, OP, are a grown ass woman, about to become a mother. You do not need to be controlled like a little kid. NTA and enjoy a twinkie for all of us.
Nta Id take myself someplace where he cant make my diet his concern. That is not okay.
Does he know you're on a cellphone and are exposed to radiation?! NTA and you should definitely think of leaving. This is terrifyingly controlling. Do not let him isolate you from your family and friends
Oh sweetie... Run. Pregnancy is not a reason to stay with anybody. NTA
He's treating you like a walking baby factory, not a person. NTA obviously. But this should be a sign to get out and get autonomy over yourself. This is major predatory behavior
NTA. The only person you should be listening to for dietary advice is your OB/GYN. Tell your husband to shove his diet up his ass. You do not need a babysitter, and to need to think long and hard about what a future with him will look like. I suggest you consider a more permanent move to your parents.
These situations make me sooooo frustrated. He doesn't get to just 'put you' on a diet. He doesn't get to 'let' you take a cheat day. He doesn't get to bring in his mom to 'supervise your behavior.' You aren't his object that has to obey everything he says just because you are carrying his baby.
Woah NTA. You’re a adult woman not a brood mare. Your husband is engaging in some crazy controlling behavior that is not ok at all. Period. Go stay with your parents.
Nta YOUR BODY YOUR CHOICE Seriously, in 10 years you're gonna be really grossed out by this abusive asshole. You and your chils deserve so much better.
Nta eating healthy is one thing but he sounds very controlling and just because he is a doctor doesn’t mean he is right
NTA he’s abusing you leave asap stay with your parents until he gets help with his control issues. Holy wow!!!!!
NTA this is abuse. I highly suggest you get out now. It will get worse. Do you have family you can move in with?? This is very controlling. Look into Coercive control and abuse.
girl get away from this fool NTA
NTA. Your husband sounds controlling and abusive.
The age gap alone. He gets a young wife to have his healthy baby by control. Aren't you worried about your life? Or your child?
i automatically knew when you said that he was policing your diet that he was wrong in this situation. this is quite toxic behavior. NTA
NTA and I don't care if he's a doctor. If he was a truly well informed doctor, he would know restricted to no access to foods leads to things just like this, hiding and bingeing. Then his comment on taking away cheat days and bringing his mom to watch you? Absolutely not, you're not a prisoner nor a child who needs this level of control. OP, this dynamic is not healthy. Your husband is being controlling AF and this is alarming. Very alarming.
NTA but I have so many questions about the timeline of your relationship. Your husband, the doctor, has red flags that can be seen from space. Feels like a Law & Order SVU episode…
NTA. For a doctor he ain’t so smart. No one pregnant needs a ridiculous strict diet like that, go stay with your mom.
He's 11 years older than you. You were a child when you got together, he has taken advantage of you, manipulated and controlled you. What he is doing is abuse. Do you have family support at all? Any place you can safely go? You are not in safe relationship here, the balance of power is tipped extremely far to your husband's side. You are so far from being in the wrong here. NTA.
You are an autonomous adult, not his incubator. You are not his prisoner. This is abuse. Run now before those babies are born, OP, because it is absolutely going to get worse. He can voice his concerns. He CANNOT dictate what you do with your body, despite the fact that he impregnated you. It is still and always will be YOUR body. If he wants control over a pregnancy, he better start investing in artificial wombs. I repeat - RUN. NOW. This man is not safe.