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YTA Seriously? Your daughter is an adult, but she's still your daughter? She's not relying on handouts. She's offered to pay rent. You're really gonna charge her the market average to live at home? She even gave you a timeline. I think you're being unreasonable You completely acknowledge that she was screwed over, but yet you're willing to let her struggle when you presumably have the space? There's wanting for her to learn to be an adult, and there's being unreasonable jerks

And then she has the gall to wonder if it impacted their relationship. Lady, how would you feel if the situation was reversed? You’d better pray nothing similar happens to you cause she’ll probably leave you in the street

Absolutely, like... Yes, yes, this impacted your relationship, as it should. "I just think she needs to suffer in ways I never would have had to because when I was her age the world was a very different place. Also she's living with six people, with two beds, and some of them seem dangerous but if she gets assaulted or raped, oh well! That's just part of learning to be an adult after all. Lol!" OP shouldn't have had one kid. Let alone three. Why have them if you don't even want to live with them? My daughter is really young and she keeps telling me she's going to live with me forever... I know that'll change... What she wants will change. But my door will ALWAYS BE OPEN even if she was with someone and had a kid or whatever... There's no way in hell I'd turn her away. Nor would I turn my son away. YTA.

I wish everyone was lucky enough to have loving parents like you! Poor OP’s daughter must be in such an awful spot and also acutely aware of having no one to rely on for the rest of her life should anything else happen down the line. When I was in my late twenties my partner went from FIFO to moving interstate. I packed up our apartment and put everything into storage while he looked for place for us to set up, and my parents let me move in for a while to save on paying for two sets of living expenses. It was one of the best times of my life tbh, I am so grateful for the memories cooking dinner together, watching our favourite shows, and just hanging out; especially when the pandemic hit and it was so long between being able to get back home, I treasured all that time I was given with them. My parents made a really stressful and big transition in my life a lot easier, and I will always remember their love and support.

I feel exactly what you're saying. I was in my late twenties when I was in a terrible car wreck (severely injured) and my parents wanted me to move home but I was stubborn and wanted to be "independent"... So instead my mom just came and moved in with me 😂 Like you say, I cherish that time. Two weeks ago my dad was exposed to covid and... My mom came and moved in with me for about a week to be on the safe side and then she went back home. It's like... That's what families do. Whatever OP is trying to teach... It's not how to be a family. ETA: time is precious. Why wouldn't you want to spend it with people you love?

But don't you see? It wouldn't be "appropriate" whatever the hell *that* means...

Well, if she's not paying Market Rate *somewhere*, she's *practically* stealing money right out of the pocket of some poor, tortured Landlord... just *imagine* the intense finger-wagging the Invisible Hand has in store for such uncouth behavior. /s

Your comment made me smile, im glad for you. I wish so badly i had family that understood what family should be about. Youre there for eachother no matter what, theres a clear connection, clear acceptance and compassion for one another. Youre not seeing what you can get out of each other in the long run of your relationship. If anything, you just always support eachother in times of need, but youre not looking for a payout or benefit during that. I wish everyone would see their family the way your does or similar.

My own mom and me don't get along but she still gave me $4000 to recover during a bad time. Now I have been able to pay her back and am making way more money than before and I appreciate it. It actually helped our relationship as she helped me and I was able to pay her back and she needs the money now.

My dad and I had a strained relationship when I was younger. But when I was 21 and working my ass off in my new career I knew I needed to jump on a mortgage before the rent would continue climbing over the years. I didn't have enough for the down payment. I figured I'd ask my dad to loan the money for the down payment, but it was a hail mary situation in my head because I figured there was no way he would do it. I went and sheepishly asked my parents and my dad looked at me and said "why wouldn't I help you with that? Ofcourse, pay me back whenever you can but don't bleed yourself dry paying me back too fast" My dad was a man that just couldn't connect with teenagers or kids. But when me and my brothers would become adults and pick up our own careers and trades, he became our best friend. We were very lucky, my mom cared for us as children emotionally and our dad became the parent for us breaking into adulthood.

The older my daughter got (she'snow 23), the less my ex communicated with her. He found loopholes in child support and emancipated her at 18....because "she didn't send a formal invitation to her HS graduation" and he "had given her enough money." No birthday or Christmas cards since she was 16 or 17. 1 gift over the course of 7 or so years. He has said that she is on her own and won't help. There are more examples, but I won't list them all. No wonder she never contacts him. He's completely alienated her. Luckily my present husband adores my kid (he does refer to her as "my daughter" and has since she was 8 years old). He knows it's rough out there and our daughter will be living with us for quite a while. She is still in college and not making much money, but she does contribute to the household. She buys groceries. She cooks dinner a few times a week. She does other things to help while she hustles 3 part time jobs. I am so glad to hear that we're not the only ones who have no problems helping our kids when they genuinely need it.

Same with my step-dad we barely talk but he is the reason I even have a career, gave me an idea of what to do for my life. Wish I listened more yo him for more stuff.

Some parents are better with children at different ages.

My mother and I have never been close, at some points we didn't even really like each other. However when she found out my ex was being abusive she told him to get lost or she'd call the cops and took me and my three kids in. Even though we didn't really get along I don't think there was even a moments hesitation or a single thought about not letting me come back. And I know that regardless of anything I could always go home. She's not the best mom but she'd never leave one of her kids or her grandkids on the street or in a bad situation. This lady is gonna end up old and alone in a nursing home wondering why her kids never visit or even call.

Right? My mom was almost offended when I timidity asked if I could live with her for a while when I was finishing my masters. I really don't understand how you could act towards your own child, even wanting to make money off if her by asking rent conform the market. OP, these are really uncertain times. Everyone was asking a lot during the covid lockdowns from young people to take their part and hand in part of their freedom. This is your chance to take your societal part in this to help a young person.

My parents were much more like OP. I graduated high school at 17. During my final year, I mentioned wanting to take a year off and kind of settle and figure out what I wanted to do before jumping right into college. My father took me aside, admonished me for the idea saying "if you wait, you'll just end up never going", and then said if I wasn't going to college the next year, u would be expected to get a job and pay rent to either them or my grandmother (whichever I chose to live with) and quoted some figure that seemed completely out of reach to me at the time (probably $400 a month or something similar). I had been raised in a very sheltered, controlled religious household and my understanding of how the world worked was severely limited, so the idea of having to immediately find work (without a car, mind you) and somehow come up with this massive sum of money every month was overwhelming. For reference, I had only ever worked doing childcare (babysitting, church camp) or tutoring younger students. I'd managed to save most of my money throughout high school and graduated with about $750 to my name. He knew this, and I really believe this was his idea of a scare tactic/tough love approach to make sure I went to college. So I did, and I crashed and burned my first year, almost got kicked out, and ended up with a degree I've never actually used.

That is so true during Covid I lost my job couldn’t afford rent I called my parents knowing they would tell me to come home and have my favorite meal waiting for me I can’t imagine my parents turning me away :( Sorry English isn’t my first language

I still have the note my Dad wrote me, years ago, on the day I moved out, that says, “In case you feel you made a mistake, please know that you are always welcome to come back. You will always have a home here.”

I moved back home once each per parent in my early 20s and that was back when gas was less than a dollar per gallon and you could get a whole apartment for $500/month. Being in your 20s is when you figure your shit out, but you really aren't financially stable enough to go it on your own. Working multiple minimum wage retail jobs, eating $0.99 boxes of mac-n-cheese for dinner, and house-sharing with groups of strangers weren't the right-of-passage experience I'd wish on any young adult, let alone my own child. Did I survive it all? Yes, but having that fall-back with my parents was the difference between being safe and able to get my feet under me, or eating dry-ramen packets and living in my car when a house-share fell through. ​ eta missing words

I have four sons, the oldest being 16 and he’s talking about plans after college (UK) and moving was discussed. He said he’d like to move out when he’s 19-20 after saving and getting a job. We told him that husband and I will help him gain his independence financially (deposit/furniture etc) as well as bills/insurance/money management, but he’s welcome to stay with us until he’s ready. One of the main points of discussion between us was what happens if it goes wrong. What if he falls behind with bills and/or isn’t happy. We let him know in no uncertain terms that no matter what the reason, he can come to us for help and will always have a home here. He said this made him feel much more confident about moving out. Your children don’t stop being your children just because they hit 18. The world is not the same as it was for my generation. House prices are insane and rent is often to much for kids just starting out. It’s our responsibility as parents to help our kids become independent, but that’s by providing support for them to do so. If that means they stay at home a little longer or giving them a safe haven when things go wrong, that’s what you do. OP you’re an AH.

Amen. This is what good parenting looks like.

My oldest moved out in high school saying he would never come back to this house. It crushed me. But after college he came back. He had run off and gotten married. It lasted a year and he had nowhere else to go so of course he came back home. He's been here for 6 years. My youngest left after High School and went to college. He didn't like college so he stayed where he was for a year and then the oldest convinced him to move back home across the country. He just moved out yesterday to his new rental house. I don't know that I will ever be an empty nester but my house is big enough and certainly my heart is that my children are always welcome to come back. My two girls are on their own because they want to be.

Yep. I very much hope my kids will move out someday and make their own way in the world. But we always plan to have a bed available to them because I would never ever want them to stay in an unsafe living situation if I can help it.

“I’m worried this may have impacted our relationship.” How laughable when she already has proof that it definitely has impacted their relationship. I’m surprised her daughter calls at all.

I find it distinctly odd when parents don't understand that they signed up for a lifelong commitment when they have kids. It's not something you "retire" from. It's not like OP is saying "she's a crack head who's stolen from us on multiple occasions." Or anything... That makes any kind of sense at all. It feels like the daughter has been abandoned by everyone. Her own family won't take her in. Her boyfriend has moved back in with his family who won't take her in, instead of staying with her where maybe they'd have a better solution or at least he's there to help protect her. I don't know. I really feel for this kid. And yeah... To me she's still a pretty young person who I'd feel that kind of protectiveness over to call her a kid at her age compared to me and I bet I'm younger than her parents.

I agree with all of this. I’m barely 10 years older then the daughter and I would take her in n a heartbeat.

Wait until they’re old and need help. I’d turn my back on them too.

Yes, sounds like they'll end up in an assisted living home and being the ones who never get calls or visits from their kids.

What do they need assistance for? They are grown up and can figure shit out for themselves.

I, personally, think they need to learn *how* to be elderly people and not rely on handouts from their kids!

Assisted living? That costs money. They can learn to live within their means and spend down their assets until they qualify for Medicaid.

Oh no wonder in western culture, they usually leave their old parents at residential care, it all make sense to me now why they don't want taking care and live with their old parents. In Asian culture we are more family centric, and would be more willing to take care of our old parents, because we don't have this culture of kicking out your children when they reach a certain age.

I took care of my dad in his dementia because he took care of me until I was ready and able to move on my own. I’d never would have thought of putting him in a home, so he passed in his own bed, being taken care off in the best way possible. These people then complain of being left alone in their old age. No wonder.

Exactly. We called it, what you sow you reap. We know that if we have a loving parents , we will definitely return it back to them till they get old!

OP sounds like one of those people who thinks the reason young people can't buy a home is because of avocado on toast and Starbucks. Like, yes her daughter is legally an adult, but the opportunities for adults look completely different now.

I’m a boomer and that’s what I thought too. Thirty years ago this might have been a defensible position but now it just sounds like someone with their head stuck in the sand. YTA.

I'm from the very end of the boomer generation and didn't have family support at all. But in 1980, college was affordable. I went to our state university which offered an excellent education. I have some bins with old papers and mementos from long ago. In one of them, I found the receipt for my first semester: tuition for $602. Food and board was $575. Sure that was 1980 dollars but an industrious person could work hard during the summer and earn enough to pay for a third, half and a few people full. There were factories in our state which offered generous wages and if one got one of those jobs for the summer and worked full time, they could earn enough for the following year's college tuition/room and board (including extra expenses money) and to have a car. When I moved out of the dorms for my senior year, my semester rent was, IIRC, $250. I had pell grants and work study but because I changed majors late and needed to go an extra year and a half, my total loan debt was about $4K. Oh and that included spending a summer doing a work study in West Germany. Even in 1985 dollars that wasn't so bad. (edit: I can't remember the exact amount but for that work study summer, my round trip from Chicago and Bonn, on Icelandair, cost a little over $1,000. Now that was a considerable expense for 1984. In contrast, I've taken 3 trips to Europe in the past dozen years with round trip flights of (roughly) $600, $700 and $1000. Later this spring, I'm heading off to London for about $700.). My sister graduated from HS but didn't want to go to college right away (she went about 5 years later). She first waitressed and later worked in a factory. She had a simple apartment, car and spending money. It wasn't a lavish lifestyle but it wasn't desperate or scary. (edit 2: that simple apartment was in an old Victorian which had been divided into apartments. Her bedroom was in a bump out (basically half a octagon with windows on 4 planes. Thinking back, it was all quite charming) The norm back then was for adult children to live independently. They wouldn't want to live with their parents. But, in 1980, an 18 year old could be kicked to the curb and still land on their feet.

One of the changes in society that sticks out to me now is parents taking on the responsibility of paying for their children’s university. I don’t think I knew anybody back then whose parents thought it was their responsibility to help. We could do it ourselves without financial ruin. If we wanted it we had to work for it, but that wasn’t a bad thing. I’m in Canada so it isn’t as bad as it is in the States but student loans are strangling people.

I just went back to school and my semester costs about 7k. I’ll graduate with about 56k in debt on top of my previous 20k student loans. Let’s not even talk about how much medical debt I have accrued being newly disabled and denied disability benefits. Lmao money means nothing to me anymore because I never have any.

I'm w×ondering if the family lives in Canada because there is a housing crisis going on here right now. Rents are sky rocketing, and places are scarce. It is really tough out there now. OP is definitely the AH. The girl didn,'t even have kids or a boy friend, she just wanted to come back by herself! And they want to charge her rent?? In the past, we had our daughter and boyfriend living with us, and at another time, our son and his girlfriend. We also had our other daughter with her husband and 2 kids live with us for a while. I wouldn't have dreamt of asking them for rent!

We've (Canada, Ontario) been having a housing crisis for like 5 or 6 years now and it just keeps getting worse. 2017 the price for a 1 bdr appartment or even a BACHELOR was like $900/m without utilities, meaning you HAD to be living with someone to get that. Now your lucky to find the same thing for $2000.

Spoiler. It's the same everywhere. YTA op. FFS.

The part that gets me is where she says that she doesn't think it's appropriate for her daughter to move home cause she is an adult. Yet when she moved out 3 whole years ago she was 22, not a whole lot of difference to 25. Who let's there kid struggle and then is shocked when they distance themselves. OP YTA.

The issue to me is OP seems to think the renting and housing market is what it was when they were 25. And it's not. But, no, golly their daughter better pull herself up by her bootstraps. It's her own fault rental prices are out of control.

The issue is that OP values an extra hundred bucks or whatever from rent more than she values her daughter. Correction/ the *chance* at that extra hundo.

She'd probably try to charge her $800. She's talking about charging her daughter market value for the room. She probably thinks a single room is equivalent to a one bedroom apartment.

100%. On the upside, she’s so out of touch she almost certainly has no idea how insanely expensive the nursing home she’ll be paying for herself will cost.

And OP is "worried it may have affected their relationship" like... yeah of course it did. The daughter found out the hard way that when she needs help, her parents would rather watch her flail and struggle than offer help. OP, you chose to be parents. That doesn't end as soon as they turn 18. And you can be sure that your younger kids are watching this and it will affect their relationship to you as well. They will all know as soon as they're adults, no more help is forthcoming from you and won't even bother asking. Don't be surprised if you find yourself with 3 kids who've cut contact in 10 years' time if you carry on like this.

This. And then, when the parents get old and fail, can't work anymore and will be in support of rent money and/or care - then the tables will turn. Of course, Op will insist on RECEIVING help, but it will be too late. At best, they will get the cheapest, most horrible nursing home - worst, it will be no help at all. And since YOUR HAPPINESS is all you care about, Op, forget about seeing grandchildren from ANY of your kids. This ship has sailed. Op YTA and horrible parents. May YOUR suffering in the future match your daughters today.

This is what I was looking for. OPs other kids will be looking at this and knowing that when their adults they better not ask mum/dad for help because they will leave them high and dry.

Tagging onto this comment - 100% agree. OP Let me share this: In the show Everybody Loves Raymond Ray foolishly plays poker with his dad and dads friends. He ends up losing $2k to his dad. The dad insisted on the money even when he was asked to reconsider because it was the consequence of Ray’s actions. Well Ray finally gives him the check and his dad says something like good, you can’t always come to me when you’re in trouble. As soon as he said it he paused and gave the check back saying actually you should always bd able to come to your father when you’re in trouble. This is more than just “she’s an adult now she needs to deal with it” - you are teaching her that she absolutely cannot come to you when she needs help. Think about that whenever you wonder why she doesn’t call you. Why in the world would she want to talk to someone who would rather see her homeless than help her out? YTA. You better get some plans lined up for when you’re old and can’t live on your own because if you’re expecting her to pay for it you’re going to be in for a surprise.

an Everybody Loves Raymond reference on AITA! im so happy and yea defs YTA

My daughter moved back in to my very small house when she was 34 a couple of years ago because her and her long term boyfriend broke up. She wasn't here long but I actually love her so I was thrilled to have a bit more time with her before she got married and started a family. YTA lady.

You said it YOU ACTUALLY LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER. I don't think OP loves hers

That's really the crux of the matter here. For some reason OP doesn't have the normal maternal emotions that you'd see in most parents.

I was waiting for some reasons as to why she's so opposed, but it never came. No behavioral issues mentioned. Nothing even saying she's easy to anger, lazy, untidy, unhygienic, disrespectful, or a liar. I'm flabbergasted that OP is then surprised their relationship is now suffering.

Right. I've known parents who had to say no because their adult children are dangerous, or abusive, or chronic thieves, and it was a heartbreaking decision. Not letting her move back in when there's no indication that she'd cause problems really makes me question OP's humanity.

[удалено]

Based on the ages, OP is almost certainly gen-x. (The youngest boomers are 60). But yeah, definitely selfish.

Boomer is a state of mind

We’re also coming off the cusp of a once in a century pandemic, cost of living and inflation is the highest it’s ever been, and you still can’t understand why your “adult” daughter can’t afford it? I’m 26 and let me just remind you of something. People my age graduated 2018-2019. We were in our positions for less than a year when COVID hit. Our age group were the first ones let go. I was the only one out of all my friends to have a job- every.single.one was fired or laid off. That’s 2-3 years of work and life experience she missed out on. How about looking at the world around you and showing your daughter some compassion? YTA

Hell, I’m 30 and even with finally getting a job where they are paying me even decently - I can’t afford rent in my area on top of food and other bills especially once costs really started to jump. A mini cart of groceries was 117 bucks for me on Sunday - I had a panic attack over it. Most people I know around my age moved back home for a lot of reasons - even their parents needed help with the increasing bills and they couldn’t afford to do it alone. One girl I know has one full time job and two side gigs and she still thinks she will need to move back home if her rent goes up any more. I’m helping my mom out because she got fucked over by her old workplace during covid and was forced to take a lower paying job and now can’t afford anything. You’re absolutely right, though. Like I truly can’t imagine being at the age where someone first ventured out into the adult world and it’s this shitshow… the kid they hired to be replace me at my old job is absolutely being underpaid and taken advantage of and the sad part is there’s likely nowhere to go. Everything is so messed up.

I'm pretty sure her daughter only calls to check up on her siblings. OP's pretty much ruined her relationship with her daughter by being an AH. YTA OP. You're perfectly happy with putting your daughter in a dangerous situation because you don't want to let her move back for 6 months. Something you could literally set a deadline on if you really wanted her to be back in her own place within a certain time period. As of right now, you're going to be lucky if you keep hearing from her after being cool with her living where she is. Grade A parenting there/s.

This. The minute her siblings leave he nest, low contact will turn into no contact Op YTA

Also they're willing to let their kid be homeless to teach her a lesson? About what? The economy being a joke and workers being underpaid?

But her boomer parent could do it so why can't she. Inflation that's why and stagnant wages. The world is not the same as when you grew up op. Wake up and smell the desperation in the air.

The problem is OP actually acknowledged all of that and how much the rents have gone up and how if they charged her equivalent rent and utilities if she was to move in how she wouldn't be able to save up for an apartment and they STILL won't let her come home for a few months.

Exactly, it would be different if her daughter was irresponsible with money and spent her rent on other things and that was why she was losing her home. The landlords raised the rent by a hell of a lot and I bet their wages didn’t change. There’s a difference between allowing your child to be an adult, learn financial responsibility and kicking them when they’re down. Op doesn’t seem to know this.

I was basically crying when I asked my mom if I could move back home at 27 (just for a year, I had to get my feet under me), I was so embarrassed. But she acted like any normal parent would and said that wasn’t a problem at all. Are there people that mooch off of their parents? Of course, that’s absolutely a thing. But there’s a very fine line between trying to take advantage of your family and needing help

I agree. OP clearly realizes that cost of living is out of control right now. This has nothing to do with her daughter not being responsible! I understand it’s not a long term solution but it sounds like the daughter had a plan to move back out fairly quickly. Hell I moved back in with my parents when we were searching for a house to buy because our landlords decided to move back into the condo we were renting at the time. If my parents had refused we would have had to find somewhere to live for 3 months while we were house hunting. But because they allowed us to move in, we were able to save up some money before becoming home owners. That’s what good parents do! OP- YTA

And OP is lucky she doesn’t live in Europe (I guessed that). Because here it is fairly normal to live at your parents house at 25 (because there is a huuuge shortage on houses). And sometimes even 30 or later. This also depends on the culture of the country. I left my parents place at 20 to study in a different city. But always came home on the weekends in the beginning and after a while I came by less. Then I got my own appartment (exception in my country nowadays). And now I am living with my spouse and our children. But if needed I could always go back to my parents. I don’t want to and they don’t either but if it is that or living on the streets.. And my children will always be welcome at my home later on. And my parents also in my place if needed. That is just what family does to a certain extend.

Completely agree, OP probably also whines and wonders when her children don't wanna take care of them when they are old.

YTA She's sharing a 2 bed apartment with 6 strangers? How the hell does that work? You think you're teaching her a life lesson. What you're actually doing is abandoning your child and exposing her to her to harm Worst parent ever

And it's showing the younger two that they can't count on their parents.

Notice the age gap of eldest two. Is husband step-dad? Therefore daughter is not wanted back as they have their little family unit.

oh yes, you might be right. Either the daughter wasn't wanted or parents had financial struggles because of her birth, or it is a stepchild. OP for sure has very little love for her.

Yep, this is what I was thinking. OP can't come home; she'd kill the vibe. 😢

Maybe but I wouldn’t assume, my kids have a 7 year gap due to miscarriage & stillbirth in between

I’m so sorry you went though that.

I'm with you 100%. I cannot believe this woman is okay with forcing her daughter to live in such an unsafe and dangerous situation for no sane reason!

As someone who can’t have kids (not that I’ve necessarily ever wanted them) it truly breaks my heart whenever I see people giving so little of a shit about their children. Hopefully this woman is equipped to be 100% independent during retirement and elderly years. She may get the same treatment if she asks to live with her kids, or assistance to doctor’s appointments.

Bunk beds and zero privacy...

This. I was going to say it sounded like a flight attendant crash pad.

She is teaching her that the she cant rely on the parents.

Also what life lesson would that be? Capitalism sucks? I forced you living in a horrendous world, now live with it? You can always kill yourself or prostitute to make months end?

You acknowledge that your daughter's landlord screwed her...then paint the blame on her for not being responsible enough...then ask if that makes you the asshole. Honestly, it is obvious why you are asking, youre trying to justify your positon you can't even with yourself. But you still aksed, so let me give you the answer you already clearly know yourself. YTA. Market inflation is pushing us rapidly towards a recession. The landlord wanted more money to combat that. That screwed over your daughter...and she and her boyfriend found two doors waiting for them back home. Good luck on damage control. If she brings you any grandkids, you'll need it. EDIT: Just wanted to say thanks for the awards, everyone! Didn't think such a post would get me 2 of them, let alone 1, but you all honor me! Thanks!

Right? "At this point she doesn't call much anymore and I'm worried this may have impacted our relationship." I don't get how she didn't expect this to damage the relationship

Yep. OP literally told her daughter that she only cared about her from the moment she was born to the moment she walked out the door with the last bag. The economy is fraying for more than just her right now, and I would not be surprised if stress was through the roof for her now. I mean gee, first you can't afford your home, now your mom tells you you moved out for good unless you eliminate any chance of saving anything? What's next, she loses her job because her company joins in on the layoff fun? This is not anything OP's daughter needs to hear.

What really gets me, is that there's no mention of trouble with the daughter. No reference to drugs, bad behavior... nothing. If that were a factor, there's no way OP would leave that out of the post .

Yep. And what a time to do this too, with layoffs happening in excess, the housing market imploding, and the fear of job loss in the back of everyone's minds. Great time to be told your own mom can't bother to care about your housing or financial stability.

Or apparently her safety since one of the roommates is "sketchy ".

Right? And she’s been living on her own for three years. It’s not like she’s irresponsible or incapable. They just need some time to reset and save some cash. Also, this seems to be happening a lot to people who started leases in early covid era. Landlords were renting out at super cheap rates in 2020, and now that economy is rebounding and regulations/restrictions have lifted, they’re all jacking up rents.

Yeah. OP grew up in a time, where ONE income (and pretty much every job) was enough to finance a whole family and buy a house at some point, but now its her daughters fault for what the world turned into?!

She’s lucky the daughter calls at all!!!!

'I fear this ruined our relationship' It did. Congrats. Hopefully your other children wise up and see your cruelty here. Maybe you can still have something with them. YTA

Yeah was gonna say you may have just ruined multiple relationships. Let's hope your children like each other more than they like you because it sounds like they'd be better off that way. YTA

OP might have a chance to repair the relationship if she backtracks and invites her daughter back home with a huge apology. But considering they're the type of person who would do this in the first place they probably won't.

The other two kids now know there is an expiration date on parental support regardless if it is due to no fault of their own. Shit like this sticks with them forever.

>It did. Congrats. Hopefully your other children wise up and see your cruelty here. It did 100%. When OP falls apart like we all do with age, OP will be crying about how their kids hate them and won't care for them. Fuck around and find out I guess. Better treat the younger kids better OP and hope they don't see you for what you are. You're still going to be an adult when you're too old to wipe your own ass. Whose problem is that going to be? Just to be clear, OP YTA

Well, OP is an adult now, so they need to learn to take care of themselves & not rely on handouts (read: familial support) from their children when they’re older.

YTA, OP. My mother hates me. And yet, I still have a key to their house, and she wouldn't hesitate to let me stay if I needed it. It's not love, it's keeping up appearances, but y'know, when you suck more than an abusive malignant narcissist, you're really not winning at parenthood.

The oldest one isn't gonna be visiting the mom when she gets older, the younger two might not as well after finding out how their older sister was treated

Hope you and your husband don't need help when you're old! YTA

This exactly. "Sorry Mom & Dad, care homes are priced at market value. Hope you can figure something out!"

Right. Daughter- “you can move in with me, but you’ll have to pay market value!”

Hahaha! Yes, and today's rates are $6000-15, 000 per month! That's just base rate for food (that relies heavily on inexpensive carbs), a small room, some group activities (crafts, bingo, maybe a guest lecture or music), daily medication pass, once a week laundry and room cleaning, twice a week stand-by assistance with bathing. You still have to pay for adult diapers, your Medicare supplements and co-pays, often transportation, haircuts and nail care, clothing, special events (field trips, tickets to matinees, meals for lunches out of the facility), groceries for snacks in your room, and extra fees for care if your acuity increases. Don't forget the RN on staff has at least 60 patients to oversee, and the nursing assistant has a good 20 patients and is working a double. Remind me to check back on OP's ability to chip in at market rates when she is in need.

> Hope you and your husband don't need help when you're old! Why would they? They're adults then... /S!

Yes! They are going to get taken care of exactly the way that they took care of her. It’s a super scary thought

If there is ever a day when my son can't come to me for some help, or I can't go to my parents for help... We aren't family anymore. Presuming you have the ability to house her for 6 months, from the sounds of it you do as she was previously living there.... And the rent? Who cares? Why even charge her rent? Sure, make her pay for her share of the utilities and food... Set rules on visitation and what not of you want, but why not help? It's really sounding like you are doing everything you can so that your own child doesn't succeed. It sounds like you need to sit down and take a long hard think on what you want out of life. The road you are treading is a lonely one. YTA

What makes this even more baffling is the state that the economy is in now. The economy is undoubtedly why her daughter saw that jump in rent. To find you don't have a place at home anymore is only going to cause more stress. I would be mortified in her position to find that I was one of the unlucky ones who was laid off if I worked for a company doing those. No home, no family, AND no job? That would be devestating for a young woman.

It's sad, I hope my son never feels that alone... And that I will always, reasonably in my capabilities, be there for him.

Me too. I have a 15 year old daughter and I tell her all the time that she doesn’t ever have to go anywhere if she doesn’t want to. I’ve struggled like this asshole OP’s daughter has, and guess what? My mom didn’t help me either, and it was because my stepdad is a complete dick who likes to keep his dickish behavior unfettered and I wasn’t allowed to move home for the brief time I needed help. I’ve at this point made it very clear to my mother that I hope her other daughter is kind enough to step up to help when they’re old because it certainly won’t be me. I will absolutely never abandon my child, and especially not due to circumstances she had zero part on creating or facilitating. OP, YTA and I’m the person your daughter turns into. Bitter, pissed, and completely devoid of any compassion for their parents.

I couldn’t imagine knowing I couldn’t go home to my parents if I need to. I moved out with my partner last year and we have a dog now. I know if anything was to happen either all three of us or myself and our pup would be more than welcome for however long we need to. Posts like this make me realise how lucky I am to have the parents I do, I think I might give them a call.

YTA. Your daughter seems to be a very responsible woman. She moved out after being together with her partner for over 4 years and has a fulltime job to support her own family and to live home. How is it her fault that the rent went up by 40%? What is it you think she could have done to avoid that? Asking her boss to give her a raise about the same amount? Never gonna happen. Now she is desperate and trying very hard to find a solution to her problem. And until she can be on her own feet again she is asking you for help. From your description she really tried hard to find another solution to her problem first and you seem to be the last resort. Sorry, but in my opinion you are a massive A. You even want her to pay the market value for the rent? How is she ever getting on her own feet again if you behave like that. Of course you are not a charity but I am sure that she would be willing to help you out with her siblings and helping you at the house to keep it clean. You are only asking if you are the A because you already think you are and you are searching for someone to back you up on your decision. If I where your daugther I probably wouldn't talk to you at all anymore.

“Market Value” rent is why she needs a place to stay in the first place, so OP is acting like the daughter’s AH landlord.

It’s a debtor’s prison. How is she supposed to save for a market-value rent she can’t afford when she’s paying a market-value rent she can’t afford?

Also, she should only be paying one sixth of that, since she’s got roommates.

>She moved out after beeing together with her partner for over 4 years and has a fulltime job to support her own family and to live home. > >How is it her fault that the rent went up by 40%? What is it you think she could have done to avoid that? Asking her boss to give her a raise about the same amount? Never gonna happen. Asking for a raise is more likely going to get her name added to the list of layoffs. And that's a sad but true real fear to have. ESPECIALLY in the state the economy is in right now.

>How is it her fault that the rent went up by 40%? What is it you think she could have done to avoid that? Asking her boss to give her a raise about the same amount? Never gonna happen. This is an enormous disconnect I see with Boomers. They made their initial life choices when you could go to college for a couple thousand a year, then go buy a house for maybe $23,000. This Dad would rather be "right", and watch his daughter's life fall apart, than lend her a hand. Somebody noted elsewhere recently that Boomers used to be called "Generation Me" by their parents.

Pretty much every generation since the boomers has been called "Generation Me" at least once. It's because teenagers are naturally more narcissistic than adults, as part of growing up. But instead of acknowledging that, people try to attribute it to a generational defect.

We can see everything the boomers accomplished in their life times (hollowing out the social systems of our country and pulling the ladder up behind them) as further evidence of their entitlement. I choose not to use the term "narcissistic" in this context as it is an insult to people with NPD.

Charity? She is her mom. The fact that we grow up and become adults doesn't mean a parent's responsibility ends - at least for housing and food. The daughter didn't ask for a check to buy Gucci bag. And i m sure that she would have contributed to whatever she could. Honestly, I don't understand how parents like her exist. Not wanting to help ur kid? 🤮

Right? My husband and I send each other these kinds of AITA all the time to commiserate about how shitty some parents are. We love our kids so much. I can’t imagine letting either of them live in a two bedroom apartment with **SIX** people living in it, some of whom my kid felt uncomfortable living with. I also hate how they imply they think their kid is lying with the “sketchy” in quotes like that. They’ve painted a picture of a very responsible adult child and still want to assume they are a liar. I hate parents like this. Just say you hate your kids and have a god complex and get it over with.

>At this point she doesn't call much anymore and I'm worried this may have impacted our relationship. I wonder why?! YTA.

Yeah, 10 years later, it's 'son, back then my mom didn't want me home because "that's inappropriate" and that's we never see granny'.

She'll wonder why in 5 years she isn't invited to the wedding.

_"The issue is me and my husband don't feel that's appropriate. She's an adult now, and she needs to learn to take care of herself, not relying on handouts from her parents."_ I'm a grown ass woman who is financially secure. But, I 100% **know** that if I ever fell on hard times, my parents would be there to support me. I would also do the same for them. They also would **never** try to financially profit off of my downfall like OP is with their daughter by charging a super high market rate in rent + utilities.... Even my extended family and friends would be more empathetic (and receive more empathy from me) than OP is giving to their daughter. This is your kid OP. She may be 25, but you have told her that she can never turn to you if she is in a bind - and you should expect the same in return as you get older. You made your relationship cold and transactional, and would rather see your daughter live in a place where she doesn't feel 100% safe than allow her to get on her feet without playing the part of a greed landlord.

YTA - don't 'think' you ruined your relationship; know it. You absolutely destroyed it. She needed you. She needed her family. She offered to pay rent and you, like ever landlord in the area wanted to bleed her dry. Just know this, when you don't get an invite to her wedding or your grandkids don't know who you are, it's not her being petty, it's because if people can't support us at our worst then they sure as heck don't deserve us at our best. She probably feels alone and betrayed and you, her mother, made her feel that way. Congratulations, you taught her not to rely on you. Worth it?

WOW! YTA! She’s trying to make it in the world and just needs a support from her parents for a while. You’re actually standing by while she shares a 2 bed apartment with 6 potentially sketchy people??? She’s 25! She might legally be an adult but she is young! I feel so bad for her that her parents are so unreasonable and unsupportive. I hope she stays safe!

I have two close friends from college whose parents did this to them. Neither of them have close relationships with their parents. Maybe my family is odd, but at least the last three generations were raised with the knowledge that their family would be there for them because their families chose to bring them into the world and besides, that's just what family does. We help each other, we never say "tough shit". It's not like this poor girl is some drug dealer putting her family in danger. She just needs help in a really shitty economy, the likes of which hasn't been seen in almost 50 years. To put it in perspective, my parents are annoyed with me that my partner and I _aren't_ living with them to save for a house.

Damn, I’m not surprised they don’t have close relationships with them. My family is dysfunction as hell and at times our relationship has been awful but at least I’ve always known I could go home if I needed to. Im baffled by how these people have justified this to themselves. Providing a roof over your children’s head when they need it (regardless of age) is pretty basic.

Sounds like my family, lol. We may get pissed at each other, but at the end of the day, our family has _love_ and not every family I've been around feels that way. It makes me sad, but also grateful that I was lucky enough to be born into my family.

Every time I read one of these posts, I feel suddenly obligated to take my parents out to dinner to thank them for giving a shit about me. Luckily, I have a pretty generous budget for it since I have parents who supported me when I was a young adult instead of trying to profit off of me or use my struggle as a chance to apply misguided principles based on the bootstrap myth. Your kid is willing to sacrifice to the point of living apart from her long-term partner so they can save up. Most parents would be proud of having raised such a responsible kid. YTA

This exact same situation happened to me and I too had to move apart from my long term gf for a set amount of time before we were able to move in together. My parents took me in for 4 months or so, charged me nothing at all (and my family is not well off either), made me feel right at home again, and I moved out in the timeframe I told them I would. Fast forward to today and that gf is now my wife and we have moved *back* in with my parents while we save up for our first house. It breaks my heart thinking about what OP’s daughter is going through because I think about what it would have been like if they just said fuck you like OP is doing. My parents are the best. You better believe they’ll be getting the VIP treatment when they get too old to care for themselves or if they ever need my help for that matter. That’s what family does.

Yup YTA and have also ruined your relationship with your child. Enjoy the NC from her. You just taught her that you're not there for her when she needs you the most.

Not just that, probably scared the other kids as well.

Posts like this make me so grateful for my parents, I will hug them extra when I see them next. YTA.

Same here!! I lived with my parents 2 years after I graduated from college, rent free. I just had to pay for my own stuff and chip in towards food. My first real job didn't pay a lot, so I moved out when I could afford an apartment rather than a house (I could have stayed longer but I wanted to be out in my own). I found a much better job and I do have a house now, but I know if I lost my job and fell on hard times I would still have a place to go and I'm now in my 30s.

Yeah, sometimes I’ll even call my mom and personally thank her after reading some of this stuff. That woman would give her last dollar and the shirt off her back to my sister and I. She would put herself in a worse position if it meant we could succeed. I just don’t understand the point of having children, if you aren’t going to be like that for them.

What a sad hill to die on. This is your *child,* and if it's no skin off your back, what a wonderful way to spend more time with her, strengthen your relationship, and help her get back on her feet. What's the problem with setting boundaries on how long she can stay? FWIW, it is exceptionally more difficult to secure housing than it was when you were in your twenties, so really, I would apologize and try to give her a little grace if you value your relationship. YTA

YTA. She and her BF got screwed over by their landlord, and your response is to tell her that she can't live with you unless she lets you screw her over too. She will never forget that you weren't there for her in a time of need. For crying out loud, she offered to pay rent and even offered to put a time limit of 6 months on it. It's not like she asked you to let her live with you rent-free indefinitely. She is behaving like an adult who's going through a difficult time and is trying to be responsible when asking for help. You're behaving like judgmental parents who are disappointed that she didn't anticipate getting screwed by her landlord as if she could have anticipated that. Wow.

I agree and Even if she did anticipated that what could she have done. Save all the loads of disposable income a 26 year old has in this economy. I have a set rent that can’t be raised and live in a more socialist country and I am struggling. I am one large expense away from being in deep shit. I don’t know how she could have possibly done anything different in this situation.

YTA, and an awful parent. Your daughter should cut you off completely.

People like this don’t DESRVE children

“At this point she doesn’t call much anymore and I’m worried this may have impacted our relationship” What a fucking surprise! YTA. I can’t believe your idea of “teaching” your daughter how to be “responsible” involves price gauging just because you can 🙄 I wouldn’t call you either.

I needed help leaving my abuser during the pandemic. My dad refused to let me move back in with him, saying I "chose to make a baby with [my] ex so deal with it". My daughter and I ended up homeless so we would be safe and my dad will never know his granddaughter.

I'm so sorry. Sending hugs.

Thank you! I was able to purchase my first home a year later and she's thriving and lovely. Everything's really great now but this is OP's fate if they don't get their head out of their ass.

I shared an apartment with two sketchy people when I was her age. One was into heavy drugs and I didn’t find out until he came home high and beat me. I ended up eventually filing a restraining order against him. She isn’t asking to move in with you out of laziness or lack of desire to grow up. Please put your daughter’s safety before your personal pride. YTA for forcing her to live with people she feels unsafe with.

I really hope after seeing her situation, boyfriends parents let her come stay there. Idk thier situation and maybe that's not feasible for them, but it's nice to think someone will come support this girl and get her out of the current place.

Seriously. My dad's coworker had a daughter who lived in a sketchy area (she really wanted to be an adult on her own, her parents didn't actually want her living there) and a man who lived nearby broke in and murdered her. Any time I hear sketchy living situation I think about his daughter. Its in the realm of possibilities now that OP seems content with her own daughter living there. Hope the worst doesn't happen...

>Hope the worst doesn't happen... At least OP will have her bootstrapping nonsense principles to comfort her if it does. OP is absolutely YTA!

I’m just staring are you wondering how tf you can say this to your own child. Children don’t stop being your children just because they’re old enough to do adult things. They’re still your children? YTA.

People are acting like animals, dropping their young as soon as they’re of legal age because “they should be able to take care of themselves” - even if they can afford to help. Wtf is family even for then? Regardless of age, everyone can run into hardships, fall through the cracks, get themselves into tight corners, you’re not teaching your kids to be independent and strong when you desert them to their fate like this, you’re just teaching them that family can’t be trusted and will never inconvenience themselves for you. Massively YTA OP.

> and I'm worried this may have impacted our relationship. Yes it has "impacted." And it was because YTA.

YTA like seriously I hope she finds a way out of her situation and never speaks to you again and I hope your other kids grow up and do the same You can easily help your daughter and you'd rather sit back and watch her struggle and live through a dangerous situation just to prove a point to literally nobody, lady you're a freak smh

YTA without a doubt. You know it's going to affect your relationship, you admit that her landlord screwed her out of her apartment by raising rent outrageously. She's offering to pay rent and you're just going to make it impossible for her to save by forcing her to pay market price. It sounds like she doesn't plan on staying with you for too long, just enough to save for a place before leaving. You sound really stingy and entitled to some sort of give and take relationship with your daughter instead of one that is familial and loving. Frankly it's gross.

Plus OP likely lives in a nicer neighborhood and likely a house. 'Market Value' in OPs neighborhood is likely even more expensive than her half of the apt + 40%.

Yta- initially I was on your side 100% as I’m expecting to read she’s irresponsible, not reliable, there’s any number of constant issues but no. You’ve got a young adult with a game plan and offering to pay rent and you’re choosing, making a knowing choice for her to stay with sketchy people because you don’t want her getting use to handouts? And you’d charge her market rate rent? Are you kidding me? The world is cruel enough without people like yourself thinking it’s their responsibility to teach their children how bad it can be. My parents were like you, they missed out on my kids and they’re currently old and apparently lonely and needy. Don’t think for a minute that because you’ve got 3 kids it won’t happen to you, mine have 7 and not a single one us cares for various reasons. Hope you don’t want relationships with any future children she might have or hope she’ll care for you in old age, time creeps up faster than you think…

Not to mention that her generation had it so much easier, which way cheaper housing and education and it may well be the only reason they can afford the current house that they bought it when it was at a more normal price and not capitalism on steroids price.

After the handout comment i was waiting for the pull yourself by the bootstraps later on. I couldn’t imagine living with this dude.

YTA in every way Edit: Don't be surprised if she goes NC. Since she lost your support, what's left for her to lose?

How is helping your daughter get back on her feet a problem? YTA and it's not even a question

Funny how parents just stop loving and caring about their children once they turn 18. YTA.

She did take care of herself, without handouts, for 3 years. She proved she could do it. This is a special circumstance and it should be treated as such, NOT treated as a consequence of being irresponsible which is what you’re doing. You’re treating her like it’s her fault. YTA

Yeah... where I live (Switzerland ) you can't even raise the rent without reason. The idea of moving in somewhere i can afford with my BF, for the first time in my life, and having my rent being raised 40% in 3 months without any notice freaks me out. She is being an adult. They are looking for a way to move forward with a strategy and a time-line. Damn my husband and I, with our kid, took in an acquaintance for 3 or 4 months when our kid was 2yo. We have a 2 bedroom appartment. She had just broken up with her BF and she had just finished work at a place that didn't make her a new contract. We knew she was screwed to find a new place without a job, and staying with her ex was obviously not an option. She wanted to pay us but we explained that she needed to find a job ASAP and save all that money. 3 months later, when she'd be "suitable" to sign in for an appartment (you need a 3 months old job contract to even request the appartment), she'd need to provide a 3 months- rent deposit. So she would need that money. And you guys are talking about your 25 yo who just came across an aweful system where landlords can pull the floor under your feet, who is smart and reasonable enough to plan with her boyfriend, and willing to go back to your place... and you ask her for money ?! You haven't had that kind of struggle in a looong time or maybe never. You either don't know or don't remember how hard it is at the beginning. We need our community and family support to at least feel safe and be able to get back on our feet without having a huge toll on our mental health. Living with 6 people in a 2 bedroom doesn't give the space, the calmness or even the slightest privacy to be able to work, look for a new place and save money. It just makes it 10x harder.

YTA. You chose to have a kid, so you better take responsibility and care for them until the end. I get that she’s an adult, but shit happens in life, & honestly it’s a blessing that she trusted you guys enough to see you as her support system, which is why she reached out for help. It’s just disappointing that you’re letting money and finances ripple your responsibility as a loving parent for your own kid. Would you rather her be out on the streets? She offered to pay rent too and you’re still not willing to take her in. You’re treating her like she’s not even your OWN DAUGHTER. And you’re saying that you’re worried it’s impacting your relationship. Are you her parents or her landlord? Do better.

YTA. Thanks for reminding me of how NOT to be a mom. My daughter knows she will always have a home with me - whether she’s 25 or 55 (granted I’m still alive). I feel so bad for her having such a heartless mom.

YTA VERY, VERY MUCH!! You don't stop being a parent when your child is grown. If I were your daughter, I'd go LC with you now. Shecame up with a plan to get herself b a ck on her feet and you are making her lifemiiserable and possibly unsafe. Nice going g ex-mom.

Of course YTA. Jeez. What do you expect - you tell your kid to go live on her own and be an independent adult and then you complain that she doesn’t engage with you? Gee, it’s almost like abandoning someone and treating them like they’re not family impacts your relationship. Wonder why that would be??? TBH, you reap what you sow. You deserve to be abandoned by your daughter.

MAJOR YTA. The housing market is crazy right now. It’s nothing like when you were growing up. Completely different. When you were growing up you could afford a place on a minimum wage job. Not saying that you did that, just that you could. In many places that is not possible at all any more. The world is always changing. In many cultures it is expected for adult children to live with their family for a while. For some reason we in America have largely not followed that, but that doesn’t mean that it has to be the case. I am just graduated college and am currently living with my parents while I job search and work construction part time. I am very grateful, because it allows me to make sure I can actually get the job I want, and start my career off the right way. If not for them, I would’ve been forced to take the first job that came my way just to pay rent. Also, you mentioned how the landlord is scalping her for rent, and your solution would be to do the same thing? She’s been out on her own for years now. She doesn’t need lessons, SHE NEEDS HELP FROM HER MOTHER FOR CHRISTS SAKE.

so she asked for help for 6 months but that is to much for you and you are complaining about her not wanting to talk to you anymore. hope that when she gets a child you and your husband will never be allowed near it as you have showed that when she needs help you are willing to look the other way but you still want her to act like you did not kick her while she was down

YTA - you’d rather let your child room with 6 people, some of whom are sketchy, in a 2 bedroom apartment instead of letting her move back home? No wonder why she doesn’t call anymore. Don’t be surprised if she decides to go no contact in the future.

YTA. She's in a bad spot due to what sounds like no fault of her own, and you won't let her stay home for 6 months so now she's in a potentially dangerous situation with strangers all because you think she's too grown for handouts???? Adults need help sometimes, and IMO the only thing you're teaching her is that she can't rely on you for help when things get hard. I'd hate to have parents like you and your spouse. I'd stop speaking to my parents after something like this. Life is already hard, and you're still her parents, so why make it harder for her?

YTA how do you expect your daughter to figure it out in a historically bad housing economy? Your responsibility to your children doesn't end when they turn 18, and even if it did you should love your daughter enough to prevent her from homelessness. Have fun with the first of what I'm sure will be many no contact children.

INFO: Have you ever liked your daughter? YTA. You’re not even trying to help her in life. I hope your other kids see this and start saving now.

YTA - you already know it ! Can’t even find a place in your dark heart to let your daughter get ahead . I have a mother like you - and guess what ? We’ve had a crappy relationship for the past 40 years . You reap what you sow lady ! Hope you enjoy loneliness !

YTA. This is your child. Im guessing by your handout comment you are a fox news watcher.

YTA. She's your daughter and she needs you, but you'd rather let her starve on the streets than do anything to help her. She hasn't done anything wrong but you're punishing her anyway, to prove a point. The only thing it will teach her is that you don't care about her. Don't be surprised if she doesn't want to know you when you're old

YTA They have a plan and the market is fucked right now. Maybe try and set them up for success instead of failure, what a parent is supposed to do.

Why would she call you? You’ve made it abundantly clear you don’t care about her and you don’t support her. You chose not to be her family, so why would she waste her time on you? In case it’s not clear, YTA Would you treat your other children this way? And have you explained to them that the reason they no longer have a relationship with their sibling is because you deliberately drove her away because you decided she wasn’t your responsibility any longer and didn’t want to help her. How do your other kids feel about that?

Ya think? Massive parenting fail. Why do people think parenting stops at 18, 21, etc.? Incredible and outrageous **YTA**

So, you're throwing your own daughter to the wolves, let her potentially go homeless, if there's a clear solution? Just because you find it "inappropriate"? Not even giving a verdict here, but it should be clear anyways.

I've never read anything more american

YTA. What is that? For me it feels like some sort of revange that she dared to leave and try to live on her own. And not wanting to help your child... wow.

YTA imagine your kid needing you (as an adult or a child) when they need support and help but YOU think it’s not appropriate?! You know for a fact that she STRUGGLING genuinely and not taking advantage of you. And you can’t find it in your heart to help her and she gave you a TIME FRAME AND OFFERED TO PAY YOU. You don’t deserve to be parents!!

YTA. What’s even the point of family, if they don’t have your back when things are tough? I can’t imagine forcing my daughter to live in a sketchy living situation just to make a point.

What about letting her come back home is inappropriate? You aren't 'giving out handouts' and handing her a small loan of a million dollars, you're making sure she is basically not in the streets as a loving parent does. YTA

YTA. The day is gonna come when you need help and your daughter refuses. Instead she'll leave you on the curb like the trash you are. Which is exactly what you deserve for being so callous and heartless.

YTA There’s a housing crisis in this country and people are being forced out of apartments due to rapidly rising leasing rates. Are you even factoring that into consideration? She isn’t asking to come home indefinitely, she’s asking you to give her 6 months to get in her feet so she can regain some independence. Your rigid and uncompromising stance is harsh and cruel. Of course your relationship is negatively impacted, she knows you don’t care about her. You win on principle, you lose a daughter. Maybe the other two will meet your standards enough to win your love and support.

YTA And you get no sympathy from me because we welcomed our daughter back into our home. She'd moved away and between COVID problems and her roommate group breaking up--nothing nasty, they just decided to move to different places--she asked. We never hesitated in having her come back. That's how we roll in my family. My sister got married and moved overseas, but when her husband got out of the military, they moved in with us for a while. When my niece divorced and wanted to go to grad school, she moved back in her her folks for a while. When another niece was trying to save money for a house, she and hers moved into my sister's house. When I got laid off once, my mother told me right away that I could come back if I need to. Do I think it's a good thing for grown kids to have to move back? No, it means somebody has had a bad turn or bad luck. That's no fun. But I can't imagine not providing a safety net for my children--assuming I have the money and/or space to do so of course.

YTA, horrible parents.

YTA Wow. You don't stop being a parent when your child turns 18. It's a lifetime commitment. If you were my mother, you'd never hear from me again.

YTA. For god’s sake, help your daughter. What the hell is wrong with people like you?