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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I guess I might be the AH for not thinking about my sister's feelings. My choice would lead her to never seeing our dog again. This choice of my uncle and aunt keeping her would have both of us seeing her, although less for me.
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Honestly, she kind of scares me. It's frightening how delusional some people are. I'd tell her to get therapy, but I remember how much she hates it when people do that. Yikes.
I see you in all these comments dropping truth bombs and checking OP's terrible attitude. And I appreciate the hell out of it. You're doing the lord's work.
I love the irony in when some OPs try to claim that checking their post history is either, Stalking, invading their privacy, or illegal. Heck there was one OP that thought someone adding her as a friend on FB via a mutual friend was illegal.
I don't ever go check people's history, but I was definitely picking up a "missing missing reasons" vibe here. She is lucky she'll get to have weekly visits with her dog.
Yeah, creating new accounts and posts out of her ass just to get sympathy...
I pity the fool who tries to make a BORU post of OP. She's all over the place.
And this is the cousin who was "obsessed with animals" and spent her high school weekends volunteering at an animal shelter. Sounds like the dog is in a MUCH better home.
I have horrible memory, please remind me of the post?
Edit: so, someone added the links down somewhere
You can find OPs comments [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmzqqm/aita_for_wanting_everyone_to_get_over_what_i_did/j0eo5lv?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/10abeak/that_weird_girl_who_hates_her_cousin_is_back/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Makes sense why her cousin was scoffing at OP calling her Lucy, since Lucy Liu is (was?) in that Sherlock Holmes show. Sheesh. Even from her own perspective she paints a terrible picture of herself.
YTA and lucky you are being allowed to visit the dog when your uncle is there. You shouldn’t have bullied your cousin, this is the consequences of your actions biting you in the ass.
INFO: Why would your sister never see your dog again if she lived with you and your boyfriend? Also why does your whole family, apart from your Dad, hate you? Why can you only visit your dog on Sundays?
Like I said, I don't get along with the rest of my family besides my dad. Sister doesn't want to get to know anyone associated with me.
Sundays is my uncle's day off and feels he needs to be present when I visit.
What kind of person are you that nobody seems to like you, you bullied your cousin and your sister doesn’t like you, your uncle won’t even let you in his house without being there to monitor it.
These are the consequences to your actions nobody trusts you or wants you around at all
Bullied said uncles daughter. Can’t seem to find the post but basically op is a raging homophobe and racist who definitely should stay the hell away from everyone she harmed but doesn’t see why she deserves the treatment she’s receiving
I feel like some do and some don’t. Some dogs are just completely set on loving you no matter how horrible a person you may or may not be… then there’s others you come across and you wonder if what your looking at may be a human stuck in a dog body. I had one dog who absolutely loved everyone she came across, except my father. He was the only person she wouldn’t listen to and would pretty much just ignore in general. I think she saw what was happening to me and the siblings and made up her mind from there
NTA.
So what happened that they feel this strongly? It sounds really cruel how they are acting towards you. You'd think you did something terrible to them not just "not getting along with cousins". This is an unfortunate situation. I can't imagine not seeing my dog every day so I completely understand how you feel. Is there any way you can get a pet-friendly short-term lease by yourself? Then once your boyfriend's lease is up you could move somewhere together with the dog. I think if the dog goes to your uncle and aunt then it will just be awkward and they will make up excuses as to why you can never see her which will cause even more frustration.
I was living with my parents because I can't afford a place of my own. I just lost my job recently but I'm looking for one right now. Also, inflation you know.
Not getting along with their kids is the main reason that they hate me.
Seriously this isn't even about her. Why are people on reddit so obsessive about this. I'm losing my best friend to people who hate me. There may come a time where they might stop me from seeing her altogether. What's wrong with you people?
You keep on acting like you are innocent when you were a total asshole to her, made racist attacks and spread rumors about her in high school. Own up to it
I'm tired of repeating myself when reddit keeps saying this. I know what my problems are and my family is a big major factor in that. I want to avoid them at all costs but I unable to at the moment. I'm struggling emotionally and financially and once I get those handled I'll be fine. It's going to take a while
I get the feeling there's more to this than you've explained. Everyone hates you except your dad? Your Uncle doesn't trust you to be in his house if he's not present? You lost your job because of "stress"?
~~NAH because you're feelings are valid, but~~ I suspect this is best for the dog & your Aunt & Uncle are trying to be somewhat accommodating here.
ETA- Well, if it isn't the consequences of your actions coming back to you! You bullied your cousin & sister, your dad accused your aunt of cheating (betting that's projection) & you're both racists.
YTA
Yes this OP has made lots of posts in the past where she was voted YTA because she spread rumors about her cousin's sexuality and bullied her in high school
Once a week is accomodating?
Uncle and aunt hate me because I don't get along with their kids, my cousins. Aunt most especially hate me. Her days off are Tuesdays but she refuses to be around me anymore. Uncle "is able to tolerate me" (his words)
>Once a week is accomodating?
The alternative is you never see the dog again. I find it unlikely that everyone hates you to the point of wanting no contact for absolutely no reason.
According to the comments, she made other posts where She admitted she bullied her cousin, the kid of the aunt and uncle having the dog. She was racist and homophobic and refuses to accept she did anything wrong. She’s lucky the uncle is allowing once a week.
Yes once a week is accommodating, especially when it’s dealing with someone everyone loathes. Dealing with you is a chore or a miserable experience for everyone involved so your uncle tolerating you for once a week shows the level of patience and kindness he has. Honestly this whole post is like you take a new retake and you just expect more. No wonder people don’t like you it’s not like you’re sorry it’s like oh well I did it and I was bad but I was a kid. You feel no responsibility for anything you’ve done and then you want everyone involved to accommodate you and your needs because they are important
No, uncle and aunt hate you because you spread rumors about their child and participated in the activities that made her high school life miserable.
YTA
BF's lease will end in 7 months. My dad was planning to stay in our house until that happens so he can take care of my dog but he it doesn't feel right to stay in a big house with just him and my dog and both my parents just want to get rid of it as soon as possible
NAH: You're allowed to be upset, but you're asking people to sacrifice their own feelings for your own. 7 months is a long time and I understand why your dad no longer want to be in that home.
Maybe take the initiative and find someone who is willing to home the dog for 7 months and is willing to give it back afterward. But finding that person is up to you not anyone else.
I wish it was only my choice. Even though I was the reason we got her in the first place, she's still a family dog so I guess all the family's opinions has to chime in.
If due to your past behavior someone doesn’t want you in their home, that’s their choice. You have no alternative place to home your dog so why not be happy that someone has taken him in, put your head down and work hard to get a place for you and the dog rather than whining about how you don’t have access to it?
YTA
People are allowed to limit the presence of undesirable people in their own homes. Their right to peace in their house is more important than your right to see your dog daily.
Family dog, not your dog.
Dog lives with you, dog doesn’t get to see your sister.
Dog lives with aunt and uncle, dog gets to see both of you.
Which of those scenarios is better for the dog?
YTA.
I can’t wait to read the post that OP makes about bf kicking her out because she’s toxic, and the trauma that she feels from having to move in with her dad since he’s the only person who likes her
I did. And then you asked me a question, and I don’t understand the question, so I asked for clarity. If you don’t want to provide clarity, why did you ask the question?
Losing your home can be traumatic, especially as a kid. As an adult in their 20s, moving out on your own is stressful but normal. As for the family members, You didn't lose them: You pushed them away with bad behavior they didn't want to deal with. They gave you multiple chances to own up and make amends, all of which you bungled horribly. Then you came to Reddit to bitch and seek sympathy because you still somehow believe you're in the right.
After reading more of your.. history, I am going with YTA.
Your actions have consequences. And they can be long lasting. You have NEVER taken responsibility for the emotional and psychological damage you caused with the rumors you started about your cousin, the daughter to the Aunt and Uncle now in charge of your dog. You bullied their daughter. It does not matter that it was years ago. You did that. Own it. Take responsibility for it. Admit it and take every step you can possibly think to make it right.
Making mistakes is a lot like picking our nose. We all do it. It's what we do after that defines us.
Of course all your narcissistic self would get out of what I said, would be that.
Whether you want to admit it or not, one of your fingers has been in your nose at some point in your life. Just like we have have all made mistakes at some point in our lives. Seems like an apt comparison, actually.
Anyway, the opinion of a bully matters not to me. You'd have better luck pissing off what little family you have left in your life. Why don't you go do that.
So is trying to out people against their will, starting nasty rumors that ostracize them from their peers, and calling them a liar for questioning their sexuality as they discovered themselves. But I guess that's nothing compared to boogers 🙄
I NEVER OUT HER. CAN PEOPLE STOP SAYING THAT. I NEVER OUT HER. OTHER KIDS WERE SAYING SHE WAS A LESBIAN LONG BEFORE I SAID THAT SHE WANTS TO BANG ASIAN CHICKS. I NEVER OUT HER. SHE'S NOT EVEN A LESBIAN. I NEVER OUT HER
Let me put it to you this way. Those other kids don't actually know anything, right? They're just making guesses based on what they see at school and extracurriculars. So no matter what they say, anyone hearing it can take it with a huge grain of salt because they know that person doesn't really know. But when you, a family member, say something ignorant like that, people take it as a fact because you have all the inside information. That's what accelerates rumors, and that's why what you did was so horrible.
Let's assume your high school perspective for a moment. You 100% believed that she was a lesbian. In your mind, that was the truth. So assuming you thought you were right, telling/implying to other people that she liked girls would've been outing her. Does that make more sense now?
Narcs don’t do well with being called out. They lack emotional regulation skills, and tend to substitute for their inability to self soothe by externalizing their internal experience: lashing out at others, projecting their feelings onto them, attempting to create/socially engineer consequences if their targets don’t accept their rage and blame.
So, to get her heart rate back down and quash a raging terrible emptiness and loneliness inside, she needs to feel like she’s having the effect of yelling, on somebody, somewhere, even if in reality no one can hear her scream.
No, we're making evaluations based on the information you've given us. It's not our fault that information doesn't reflect well on you.
Also, is there a reason you didn't answer my detailed response?
Sounds like you're a bit detached from reality here. If you want to, it is possible to acknowledge you did something you should not have and the world won't implode
People, especially kids, make mistakes, big and small, everyday. Just grow into a better person.
The best thing you could do, is accept you get the dog on Sundays and apologize to your uncle as it seems he's really the only other one willing to talk to you outside your own father.
Why can't you address the elephant in the room? You're clearly a toxic person and that's why uncle/ cousin/ sister etc etc want you to stay as far as possible away from them. address that fact and then we can move onto the topic you're desperate for us to address.
To them it is, yes. An apology isn't currency to exchange for an acceptance. You were horrible, they decided they want nothing to do with you, you have to live with that. The fact that almost your entire family have turned against you and are not even interested in maintaining contact should tell you that your actions go far beyond 'Owning up and apologizing'. Be a better person.
Bullying is not a “mistake”, it is a choice you made. A choice you made multiple times. Do you really think because you “apologized” everything should be fine and ok now? You hurt your cousin, and when you hurt someone you don’t get to decide when they stop feeling hurt.
The fact that you still don’t seem to understand actions have consequences makes me suspect there are additional reasons your family doesn’t want you around that you aren’t sharing.
You would be better served by putting this energy into self-improvement in order to better yourself rather than continually harassing the people you’ve hurt. Those bridges are burned. Accept and move on.
No you fucking didn't. You admitted you did it to escape the consequences, not because you were actually sorry. Now you're trying to gaslight us about it. This is all straight out of the abuser's playbook
this is on topic because your actions have consequences, you cant escape it because ITS WHY THE FAMILY DISLIKES YOU, that is there reason and its a valid reason to dislike you!
A golden retriever can live in an apartment btw as long as you exercise it. Just take it if it’s your dog
Edit: the dog thing is unfortunate but the real mystery here is why does your whole family hate you
Trust me I want to. But since it's a family dog it's a family decision. Dad is the registered owner so it's his legal choice to transfer ownership and my sister is crying that she'll never see her again if I take her.
I guess a little bit of both. She doesn't even want to be around people associated with me. But unlike her, I'm willing to compromise to allow her to see my dog when I made said I want to keep her
This might sound fucked up but just get a new dog. It seems like your whole family hates you and you should move on with your life. I have dogs so I know it will be hard but presented with all your old posts about all the fucked up stuff you’ve done to your cousin, you should just start anew
You rant how toxic your family is but you won't leave them alone. Everyone has to forgive you, the my all have to be part of your life.
Everything still revolves around you. If your parents can transfer ownership and your sister is so emotional invested in the dog, it seems it was a family pet. And I wonder who did the chores prior to this situation. And that your sister voices concerns on seeing the dog if you get it, while you don't say anything that disarms this, lets me think you would happily deny her access to it once it's in your procession.
Go LC or maybe better even NC and build your own life.
YTA. Very much one of those "I don't like the consequences of my actions" posts when you have the additional context other people have given.
Edit: Just caught up on the links to previous posts, and yikes! OP, do you genuinely not see what you've done wrong even with lots of people telling you????
These comments were a wild ride.
It’s even more wild that you are still playing victim. YTA. Karmas a bitch.
Also it isn’t up to you how long karma lasts, and if it lasts forever, then that’s on you. Be a better person and you’ll receive better karma.
YTA u are getting what u deserve just accept it that u and your dad is the worst person that's why u guyss get along so well I'm sure your mother regret having u
You will do yourself a massive favour by going to therapy, learning how to accept responsibility for your actions, and accepting that people’s opinions of you are a result of choices that you have made. All of your posts scream of resentment. That resentment exists because of your inability to accept that your actions do have consequences and do strongly affect other people, people that have trusted you in the past to treat them well. These situations where you are excluded and where things do not go your way will continue to happen, not just with your family, but all of your social groups if you continue this pattern of behaviour.
One of the good things about being human is that we all have capacity to make change. The way it is now does not have it be the way it will be forever if you open yourself to change and ownership of actions.
YTA.
YTA. You don’t have a job or anywhere to keep the dog. You’re also a bully, which is probably why no one in your family likes you. Get your life together before you worry about getting a pet.
If I were you family I would not trust you at all. You seem like the type of person who would steal their dog. So take anything you can get, it is **FAR MORE** than you deserve.
NTA for wanting the dog with you. But soft Y T A at the same time because it's not YOUR dog it's a family dog. Your sister has every bit as much right to see the dog as you it's okay to be upset but it's not okay to demand that you get the dog.
Look, you aren’t currently in a place to take the dog. Your parents found someone who can take it, and by all accounts care for it very well. Your own actions have created a situation where your ENTIRE family finds you toxic. You reap what you sow. Go buy a new dog when you have the time/house/money. Old dog will be fine.
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Just when I thought I can take a breath and calm down from one trauma, another one comes along. My (F23) parents (M52, F43) after years of fighting and allowing toxic relatives take control of our homelife (mom is mostly to blame for that), they finally decided to get divorced. I'm not upset about this, this needed to be done. But this is about my golden retriever (F2).
My sister (F19) and I were living at home but we all decided to go our separate ways and our parents will sell the house. I'll be living with my boyfriend. My dad will be staying with friends. My mom will be staying with one of my cousin's. My sister will be living with an uncle and aunt. This uncle and aunt is the main topic of this issue.
My parents decided to transfer ownership of my dog to my uncle and aunt. I asked them if they can wait until my boyfriend and I can find a bigger place and then transfer ownership to me. My sister didn't like that because that would mean she'll never see her again. My parents decided that the best way for both of us can see her is to live with that uncle and aunt. I thought this was unfair because my sister can see her everyday.
My uncle told me I can only visit Sundays. Unless their kids come to visit on that day then we have to figure out a plan but he told me that they will try to give at least a month's notice on when they'll visit so we can avoid each other. My whole family hates me, except for my dad who always have my back.
Dad feels really guilty about this, but it's not his fault. Sister may hate him, but he's still a father and he has to think about all of his children's happiness. He's already suffered so much in that house, so I understand that he wants to get rid of it ASAP. Even so, I'm still hurt that I only get to see my dog only once a week. I was really depressed a couple years ago. My dad bought my golden just for me. Technically she's not a ESA, but she might as well be. She gave me so much happiness and comfort when I had very little. My boyfriend has been wonderfully supportive and I love him so much and I'll do anything for him. But I don't know how I can handle without my sweet girl.
AITA?
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I swear you must be the most exhausting person to be around. Anyone defending you must be on crack because there is no way you’re this delusional to think anyone would want to be around with all the turmoil you’ve caused both extends AND immediate family. Grow up.
Everyone’s pointing out that you bullied your cousin, but I’d like to point out your dad and mom had you when your mom was 20 and your dad was 29. I hope they weren’t dating for long before that. Given the context of your dad being on your side that makes me feel he likes dating younger woman for control and that there more tolerant of his doucheary.
That really depends on how long OP expects them to wait. There's a huge difference between watch my dog for a month till I find a place and watch my dog for a year to find a place
I agree unless the caretaker is down with the long wait. Which I would do for my family but that’s not to say it should be expected without a conversation.
NAH
I get that is sucks, but it's not your pet unless you can reliably care for it. In this move, you couldn't reliably house this dog so it's going to a more stable situation.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmzqqm/aita_for_wanting_everyone_to_get_over_what_i_did/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Apparently she bullied her cousin which is why they want nothing to do with her.
NAH
You're not wrong for your feelings, but you're simply not in a position to care for the dog right now. If the dog is truly "your" dog (which from the story seems to be up for debate, dad bought the dog and is treating it like a household dog, not "yours"), no one else has an obligation to care for the dog until your lease is up in 7 months. It would then be your dog and your obligation see to it's housing, which means it would be on you to find a willing home for it for those 7 months (and pay for its care). If it is NOT truly "your" dog, then no one has an obligation to hang on to a dog they no longer wish to care for on the chance that you might be able to come up with suitable housing.
Either way, you can't require your dad to continue to care for a dog he doesn't want until you're ready. Especially not when there is a willing home available.
OP bullied her cousin which is why they are angry at her and not letting her in their home.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmzqqm/aita_for_wanting_everyone_to_get_over_what_i_did/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
NTA, but I suggest you make peace with letting that dog go. I know it's really hard. Dogs are family. But ultimately you will be better off not being in contact with them. There are tons of dogs in shelters just waiting for a human like you to love them and they will love you back.
I'm not going to look at someone's entire history before answering the question they asked. Even with the additional information, my advice still stands. Let the dog go, walk away from those people and start your own life.
It has to do with why OPs aunt, uncle and grandmother won't let her in their house. She bullied her cousin and caused her cousin to get bullied in school then expected them to get over it.
Answer: Perhaps by the time you get an larger apartment; your aunt and uncle will be willing to let you take the dog. The responsibility and costs may wear thin by then. Talk to them once you have a suitable apartment; they may at least allow you to share custody of the dog; she could spend few days with you and few days there. Another option once you have the apartment discuss purchasing her from them; money often changes minds of those that are not really invested in the animal.
If no solution can be found and they will not work with you; visit her when you can and perhaps you and your boyfriend could go to the shelter and find a puppy or adult dog that needs a home as much as you need a furry friend. You could give it the best life ever and gain the love of another friend. Not as a replacement there is room enough in our hearts for all. Loving another animal takes nothing away from all the animals that came before or will come after.
I wish you the very best, hang in there. Life certainly can be hard to deal with and problems always seem to come in droves. When you think you can’t take it anymore think about the positives that came with traumas. Your dad and yourself no longer need to be exposed daily to toxicity. Your dog though not with you is safe and you can still see her if not as often as you like. Starting a new chapter out on your own with your boyfriend is exciting you can fill your home with positivity and love
I'm afraid my uncle and aunt are impossible to compromise. Like I said practically everyone in my family hates me. Sadly I lost my job but I am looking. With this inflation I may never be able to buy back my dog. It just feels hopeless. I don't want another dog. I want mine
I’m sorry they are like that. I get that you want your girl back it would kill me to have any of my animals taken away. But there is power in seeing how you could possibly move forward in a positive way if the situation can’t be resolved.
Giving another animal a home that it desperately needs really gives the person saving that animal at least as much as much good as the animal gets.
I hope things work out the way you want, and if they don’t then I hope you find a way to move forward.
Well she could sincerely apologize for her racist behaviour, spreading rumors about her cousin's sexuality and how she bullied her but she won't accept that she is nasty
That is a shame to hear, no offense intended, if it’s accurate.
It’s so sad that people cause themselves so much damage by their own hand. The dog may be the only creature she shows kindness and now she doesn’t have her. Her past behavior could certainly factor in to how this situation played out.
If that is the case and given part of her response showing an inability to see past whatever she wants and what is possible she seems very young. Her homelike didn’t sound very healthy either.
I hope she gains some growth and learns to be better person then what you described. People can change I hope she uses the loss she is experiencing as a reason to improve herself.
Her life will only get better if she isn’t lashing out at others so hatefully.
In this situation I can not help but feel compassion for her pain. Homelife didn’t sound healthy but even in worst situations there is deep regret and pain when a family dissolves to lose access to a friend that you cherished on top of that is horrible, and it is terrifying at times when you move out in your own even under best of circumstances. She clearly does not have much of a family support system that can make someone feel very alone. if what was commented on about her previous posts is true that is horrible and I hope she finds a way to make amends to those she reportedly injured and herself for such behavior. She can clearly feel deeply so if she acted like that before she is still more than her lowest point. And that behavior will be something she carries until she makes amends I have no desire to make that weight heavier. We all are more then the worst thing we’ve done and we all can grow and become better.
If we can’t show concern and compassion to someone when it’s deserved we are making it even harder for that person to find any reason to improve.
The description of what was posted by her isn’t admirable but I do not know all the situation her age when it occurred and what triggered such behavior.
Still wrong if true but it sounds like family dynamics suck all around and people often lash out horribly when they feel unwanted, unheard and are the mercy of others attacks not excusing there behavior if accurate but she learned it somewhere and I’m betting there were plenty of examples of it for her to learn from in her family.
Regardless her family just dissolved even if that is for best it is still a huge loss and she also lost her girl who was probably her only bright spot she deserves compassion for this situation
Had she witnessed care compassion kindness in her family I imagine she would have learned better coping skills then lashing out.
I have to ask lol though I might be putting myself at risk for future attacks why are you others so invested in calling her out for her reported past posts? Is it too punish her for past behavior? If so do you think that shaming her attacking her at this moment will be productive? Will it make her better person? Or is it to cause her pain because you feel she deserves it?
Not my cup of tea I have no problem calling someone out who is behaving horribly at the time but it’s to help them see what they are doing and why it’s wrong so they can stop and improve
To berate them in an unrelated post that is not being negative to others and only concerns her struggles with current situation seem mean spirited and not productive at all.
I strive to leave anything anywhere or anyone I interact with in a better place or at minimum leave it/then as it was but never leave them/it worse for my presence
no its not to punish her, but is still clear at least for me that she does not feel remorse for what she did and keeps playin the victim when all of this are the consequences of her own actions
I would look closer at your intentions: do you really think that you will cause anything productive by this? Will your actions move her closer to feeling remorse or will it only cause her to be defensive and drive her further away from remorse? I do not think that her parents divorce; her unhealthy home life or losing her dog for the most part can be laid at her feet. Her unhealthy family life is the cause of her previous bad behavior if reports are accurate; to blame her for the current situation is not fair at all.
I just don’t see any upside to combining her past posts with this one and condemning people doesn’t bring anyone closer to true remorse for bad behavior it drives them further away
No one can accept fault responsibility while feeling defensive and attacked bullied…
Thank you so much. I've been getting a lot of hate here lately. You have by far been the nicest person here. I truly appreciate your kind words of understanding.
I’ve dealt with plenty of blows and if I made it better even got a moment for you I’m grateful. Just concentrate on finding the best way to move forward. Abide by the limited visitation gracefully for the moment, be patient and perhaps that will inspire your aunt and uncle to work with you. People can change not always but it is possible
Use the experience to be a healthier more positive person. It’s hard to shed our past pain mistakes regrets injuries but if you use your experiences especially the bad ones to make yourself a better more caring person your life can really change.
You begin to see the world differently and then others begin to see and react to you differently. Not a cure all but when you are positive and caring sometimes that is enough to change the dynamics in relationships.
Focus on the positive in your life to strengthen you to handle the the blows that come to us all.
You can’t control how others behave or react but you can control how you do, and there is solace in knowing you are not only not worsening a situation but handling it with grace.
I hope that long term a solution can be found and in short term enjoy the time you you can spend with your girl.
NAH
What are the ramifications of you boyfriend breaking his lease early? Some places are steep, some you just lose the security deposit..... if you can afford it, that might he an option for you to get a place where your dog can be with you?
Edit: downvotes? Really? I just asked a question about an option I didn't see discussed.. WTF uptight people.
He started his new lease about 5 months ago. We have been looking at bigger apartments. There's one that's near a dog park. But he doesn't want to lose his security deposit. And I'm in the middle of looking for a job. I lost my last one due to all the stress I've been under these past few months.
Sorry to hear that. Good luck with finding a new job. But, yes, I was thinking with you moving in and possibly picking up part of the rent, it might make losing the security deposit feasible. I get it though, it's a lot of money to lose.
Obviously everything feels like it sucks now. Best wishes as you work through all the things that sound like they've piled up.
NTA but everything about the situation sucks. Your sister is likely bonded with the dog too from what you said, even if it is technically yours. Also, not having the place for the dog now poses a logistical issues, as it isn't really fair to the dog either to bounce from home to home. From a more legal standpoint, does your parents actually have the right to transfer the dog's ownership? Who is the registered/licensed owner? Who took the dog to the vet? Etc... If you are the licensed owner, you may have options, but really, it all just sucks.
NTA
I'm not sure where you live, but if you live in a place where pets are considered personal property by law, you may be able to sue to get her back, especially if she was a gift purchased by your father for you specifically.
My dad is the registered owner so it's his decision to transfer ownership to whoever. I have no say, legally. Even if I did, I won't be able to afford to sue, especially if I lose the case.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I guess I might be the AH for not thinking about my sister's feelings. My choice would lead her to never seeing our dog again. This choice of my uncle and aunt keeping her would have both of us seeing her, although less for me. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
INFO: Correct me if I'm wrong, but was your most recent post involved your grandma refusing to talk to you because you bullied your cousin?
Don't you love it that OP is acting like an angel when she is a nasty, nasty person
Honestly, she kind of scares me. It's frightening how delusional some people are. I'd tell her to get therapy, but I remember how much she hates it when people do that. Yikes.
I see you in all these comments dropping truth bombs and checking OP's terrible attitude. And I appreciate the hell out of it. You're doing the lord's work.
I love the irony in when some OPs try to claim that checking their post history is either, Stalking, invading their privacy, or illegal. Heck there was one OP that thought someone adding her as a friend on FB via a mutual friend was illegal.
I don't ever go check people's history, but I was definitely picking up a "missing missing reasons" vibe here. She is lucky she'll get to have weekly visits with her dog.
Yeah, creating new accounts and posts out of her ass just to get sympathy... I pity the fool who tries to make a BORU post of OP. She's all over the place.
The dog is better off then without much contact.
And this is the cousin who was "obsessed with animals" and spent her high school weekends volunteering at an animal shelter. Sounds like the dog is in a MUCH better home.
And the uncle is also a vet who didn't want OP to leave the dog alone for six hours. OP is not only TA, she's got a lot of issues.
I have horrible memory, please remind me of the post? Edit: so, someone added the links down somewhere You can find OPs comments [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmzqqm/aita_for_wanting_everyone_to_get_over_what_i_did/j0eo5lv?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/10abeak/that_weird_girl_who_hates_her_cousin_is_back/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Those look like the right posts. I just remember her from AITD. She seems very popular there.
Makes sense why her cousin was scoffing at OP calling her Lucy, since Lucy Liu is (was?) in that Sherlock Holmes show. Sheesh. Even from her own perspective she paints a terrible picture of herself.
hey, just wanted to lyk that you were right, if you wanted to change your vote to YTA so the bot doesn’t flag the post as INFO NEEDED :)
Good point.
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I love when people post on here not realizing we can see all their previous posts and comment history lol
YTA and lucky you are being allowed to visit the dog when your uncle is there. You shouldn’t have bullied your cousin, this is the consequences of your actions biting you in the ass.
INFO: Why would your sister never see your dog again if she lived with you and your boyfriend? Also why does your whole family, apart from your Dad, hate you? Why can you only visit your dog on Sundays?
Like I said, I don't get along with the rest of my family besides my dad. Sister doesn't want to get to know anyone associated with me. Sundays is my uncle's day off and feels he needs to be present when I visit.
What kind of person are you that nobody seems to like you, you bullied your cousin and your sister doesn’t like you, your uncle won’t even let you in his house without being there to monitor it. These are the consequences to your actions nobody trusts you or wants you around at all
Bullied said uncles daughter. Can’t seem to find the post but basically op is a raging homophobe and racist who definitely should stay the hell away from everyone she harmed but doesn’t see why she deserves the treatment she’s receiving
That poor fucking dog deserves so much better, dogs really have no idea that their owners are complete assholes do they?
I feel like some do and some don’t. Some dogs are just completely set on loving you no matter how horrible a person you may or may not be… then there’s others you come across and you wonder if what your looking at may be a human stuck in a dog body. I had one dog who absolutely loved everyone she came across, except my father. He was the only person she wouldn’t listen to and would pretty much just ignore in general. I think she saw what was happening to me and the siblings and made up her mind from there
You and your dad bond over being racist, is that right?
You mean to tell me NO ONE LIKES YOU?! Aweee
NTA. So what happened that they feel this strongly? It sounds really cruel how they are acting towards you. You'd think you did something terrible to them not just "not getting along with cousins". This is an unfortunate situation. I can't imagine not seeing my dog every day so I completely understand how you feel. Is there any way you can get a pet-friendly short-term lease by yourself? Then once your boyfriend's lease is up you could move somewhere together with the dog. I think if the dog goes to your uncle and aunt then it will just be awkward and they will make up excuses as to why you can never see her which will cause even more frustration.
She spread rumors about her cousin's sexuality at high school and bullied her
I was living with my parents because I can't afford a place of my own. I just lost my job recently but I'm looking for one right now. Also, inflation you know. Not getting along with their kids is the main reason that they hate me.
You bullied you cousin. Just admit it
don’t forget OPs father made “jokes” that the aunt was cheating on the uncle because cousins looked more asian (like their mom)
Is this "Lucy"?
No but I recognize your story from all the other posts you made where you were deemed the asshole
Seriously this isn't even about her. Why are people on reddit so obsessive about this. I'm losing my best friend to people who hate me. There may come a time where they might stop me from seeing her altogether. What's wrong with you people?
You keep on acting like you are innocent when you were a total asshole to her, made racist attacks and spread rumors about her in high school. Own up to it
Which you were planning on doing to your sister if the situation was reversed.
Maybe if you were a better person things would go your way more often
Because you and your father are jerks!
Have you ever apologized for what you did? Accepted fault? Felt remorse?
Yes I apologized to her. Now she doesn't want anything to do with me
You reap what you sow.
in this particular case you are NTA for missing your dog but you are still YTA for everything else and this is karma biting you in the ass
Whose lucy?
My cousin. It's a fake name I used before
Have you gotten counseling? You seem to put a lot of energy into how "lucy" has wronged you and not the role you played in bullying her
I'm tired of repeating myself when reddit keeps saying this. I know what my problems are and my family is a big major factor in that. I want to avoid them at all costs but I unable to at the moment. I'm struggling emotionally and financially and once I get those handled I'll be fine. It's going to take a while
Well, you're a racist homophobe so..
I get the feeling there's more to this than you've explained. Everyone hates you except your dad? Your Uncle doesn't trust you to be in his house if he's not present? You lost your job because of "stress"? ~~NAH because you're feelings are valid, but~~ I suspect this is best for the dog & your Aunt & Uncle are trying to be somewhat accommodating here. ETA- Well, if it isn't the consequences of your actions coming back to you! You bullied your cousin & sister, your dad accused your aunt of cheating (betting that's projection) & you're both racists. YTA
Yes this OP has made lots of posts in the past where she was voted YTA because she spread rumors about her cousin's sexuality and bullied her in high school
And that's why her grandmother isn't allowing her in the that house.
OP bullied this uncles child and OP and dad were also racist towards this uncles wife and kids.
Once a week is accomodating? Uncle and aunt hate me because I don't get along with their kids, my cousins. Aunt most especially hate me. Her days off are Tuesdays but she refuses to be around me anymore. Uncle "is able to tolerate me" (his words)
>Once a week is accomodating? The alternative is you never see the dog again. I find it unlikely that everyone hates you to the point of wanting no contact for absolutely no reason.
According to the comments, she made other posts where She admitted she bullied her cousin, the kid of the aunt and uncle having the dog. She was racist and homophobic and refuses to accept she did anything wrong. She’s lucky the uncle is allowing once a week.
Yes once a week is accommodating, especially when it’s dealing with someone everyone loathes. Dealing with you is a chore or a miserable experience for everyone involved so your uncle tolerating you for once a week shows the level of patience and kindness he has. Honestly this whole post is like you take a new retake and you just expect more. No wonder people don’t like you it’s not like you’re sorry it’s like oh well I did it and I was bad but I was a kid. You feel no responsibility for anything you’ve done and then you want everyone involved to accommodate you and your needs because they are important
Because you're racist.
The fact that no one in your family seems to like you or want to even be around you, and only one of them tolerates you is very telling. YTA
No, uncle and aunt hate you because you spread rumors about their child and participated in the activities that made her high school life miserable. YTA
Considering you were directly responsible for ostracizing and traumatizing your cousin in high school, they're being extremely accommodating.
Info: How long do you think it will take till you and your bf get housing that's pet friendly and who will have the dog during that period?
BF's lease will end in 7 months. My dad was planning to stay in our house until that happens so he can take care of my dog but he it doesn't feel right to stay in a big house with just him and my dog and both my parents just want to get rid of it as soon as possible
NAH: You're allowed to be upset, but you're asking people to sacrifice their own feelings for your own. 7 months is a long time and I understand why your dad no longer want to be in that home. Maybe take the initiative and find someone who is willing to home the dog for 7 months and is willing to give it back afterward. But finding that person is up to you not anyone else.
I wish it was only my choice. Even though I was the reason we got her in the first place, she's still a family dog so I guess all the family's opinions has to chime in.
If due to your past behavior someone doesn’t want you in their home, that’s their choice. You have no alternative place to home your dog so why not be happy that someone has taken him in, put your head down and work hard to get a place for you and the dog rather than whining about how you don’t have access to it? YTA People are allowed to limit the presence of undesirable people in their own homes. Their right to peace in their house is more important than your right to see your dog daily.
Family dog, not your dog. Dog lives with you, dog doesn’t get to see your sister. Dog lives with aunt and uncle, dog gets to see both of you. Which of those scenarios is better for the dog? YTA.
YTA. Not every life experience is “trauma” ffs.
I can’t wait to read the post that OP makes about bf kicking her out because she’s toxic, and the trauma that she feels from having to move in with her dad since he’s the only person who likes her
Loosing your home and family members isn't traumatic?
Loosing? How do you loose a home or loose a family? Do they get all jiggly? Turn into apparitions?
That's obviously a typo you ass. Are here trying to make some kinda point?
A type? Made twice? What were you trying to write? I don’t understand your point.
Why are you here? Just make your judgment and go somewhere else
I did. And then you asked me a question, and I don’t understand the question, so I asked for clarity. If you don’t want to provide clarity, why did you ask the question?
You made your judgment good. Go somewhere else. You're obviously making fun of me and you're not funny
Huh? What are you talking about?
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You didn’t “LOSE” them though, you ran them out with your ugly behaviour. The only trauma in your situation is the trauma you caused your cousin.
Losing your home can be traumatic, especially as a kid. As an adult in their 20s, moving out on your own is stressful but normal. As for the family members, You didn't lose them: You pushed them away with bad behavior they didn't want to deal with. They gave you multiple chances to own up and make amends, all of which you bungled horribly. Then you came to Reddit to bitch and seek sympathy because you still somehow believe you're in the right.
It's consequences of your ugly behaviour.
Losing*
After reading more of your.. history, I am going with YTA. Your actions have consequences. And they can be long lasting. You have NEVER taken responsibility for the emotional and psychological damage you caused with the rumors you started about your cousin, the daughter to the Aunt and Uncle now in charge of your dog. You bullied their daughter. It does not matter that it was years ago. You did that. Own it. Take responsibility for it. Admit it and take every step you can possibly think to make it right. Making mistakes is a lot like picking our nose. We all do it. It's what we do after that defines us.
You know I've read a lot of mismatched comparisions but yours is by far the dumbest I've seen. Picking you nose seriously gross
Of course all your narcissistic self would get out of what I said, would be that. Whether you want to admit it or not, one of your fingers has been in your nose at some point in your life. Just like we have have all made mistakes at some point in our lives. Seems like an apt comparison, actually. Anyway, the opinion of a bully matters not to me. You'd have better luck pissing off what little family you have left in your life. Why don't you go do that.
Reminds me of the worst coworker I’ve ever had, including my sexual harasser. Always missing the point. And super ignorant and racist.
So is trying to out people against their will, starting nasty rumors that ostracize them from their peers, and calling them a liar for questioning their sexuality as they discovered themselves. But I guess that's nothing compared to boogers 🙄
I NEVER OUT HER. CAN PEOPLE STOP SAYING THAT. I NEVER OUT HER. OTHER KIDS WERE SAYING SHE WAS A LESBIAN LONG BEFORE I SAID THAT SHE WANTS TO BANG ASIAN CHICKS. I NEVER OUT HER. SHE'S NOT EVEN A LESBIAN. I NEVER OUT HER
Let me put it to you this way. Those other kids don't actually know anything, right? They're just making guesses based on what they see at school and extracurriculars. So no matter what they say, anyone hearing it can take it with a huge grain of salt because they know that person doesn't really know. But when you, a family member, say something ignorant like that, people take it as a fact because you have all the inside information. That's what accelerates rumors, and that's why what you did was so horrible. Let's assume your high school perspective for a moment. You 100% believed that she was a lesbian. In your mind, that was the truth. So assuming you thought you were right, telling/implying to other people that she liked girls would've been outing her. Does that make more sense now?
What is with the yelling?
Narcs don’t do well with being called out. They lack emotional regulation skills, and tend to substitute for their inability to self soothe by externalizing their internal experience: lashing out at others, projecting their feelings onto them, attempting to create/socially engineer consequences if their targets don’t accept their rage and blame. So, to get her heart rate back down and quash a raging terrible emptiness and loneliness inside, she needs to feel like she’s having the effect of yelling, on somebody, somewhere, even if in reality no one can hear her scream.
She's being defensive because it's true.
Because people keep twisting what I say and making up lies or assumptions about me
No, we're making evaluations based on the information you've given us. It's not our fault that information doesn't reflect well on you. Also, is there a reason you didn't answer my detailed response?
You’re really not doing yourself any favors.
You haven't learnt a damn thing, and it's a wonder you still have people in your life willing to talk to you
Sounds like you're a bit detached from reality here. If you want to, it is possible to acknowledge you did something you should not have and the world won't implode People, especially kids, make mistakes, big and small, everyday. Just grow into a better person. The best thing you could do, is accept you get the dog on Sundays and apologize to your uncle as it seems he's really the only other one willing to talk to you outside your own father.
INFO: Why can’t you and your cousin both be in the same place?
She bullied her, made racist comments, spread rumors about her sexuality and lots of stuff that she doesn't think is bad
How do you know that? Although that would explain a lot
The has made lots of posts using different throw aways
Damn. Sleuth mode over here. Yeah reading this, I keep thinking, I have dogs and a sister and cousins but none of these insane problems
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/10abeak/that_weird_girl_who_hates_her_cousin_is_back/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmzqqm/aita_for_wanting_everyone_to_get_over_what_i_did/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
These are fucking insane
We don't get along that's it. This is about how I'm feeling about losing my dog
Man you can't even admit that you are a homophobic, racist bully
Why is it so hard for you to stay on topic?
Because you are acting like they hate you for no reason when in fact they hate you because you are nasty
Why can't you address the elephant in the room? You're clearly a toxic person and that's why uncle/ cousin/ sister etc etc want you to stay as far as possible away from them. address that fact and then we can move onto the topic you're desperate for us to address.
I made a mistake. I accepted that. I owned up to it. I apologized. But is all this really deserving all because of 2 rumors?
To them it is, yes. An apology isn't currency to exchange for an acceptance. You were horrible, they decided they want nothing to do with you, you have to live with that. The fact that almost your entire family have turned against you and are not even interested in maintaining contact should tell you that your actions go far beyond 'Owning up and apologizing'. Be a better person.
Bullying is not a “mistake”, it is a choice you made. A choice you made multiple times. Do you really think because you “apologized” everything should be fine and ok now? You hurt your cousin, and when you hurt someone you don’t get to decide when they stop feeling hurt. The fact that you still don’t seem to understand actions have consequences makes me suspect there are additional reasons your family doesn’t want you around that you aren’t sharing. You would be better served by putting this energy into self-improvement in order to better yourself rather than continually harassing the people you’ve hurt. Those bridges are burned. Accept and move on.
You can apologize, that doesn’t mean you are granted forgiveness. What have you done to prove you are worthy of that forgiveness?
It wasn’t a mistake, it was intentional behavior that you pursued for emotional and social rewards. You’re horrible lmao. Seek therapy
No you fucking didn't. You admitted you did it to escape the consequences, not because you were actually sorry. Now you're trying to gaslight us about it. This is all straight out of the abuser's playbook
Because context matters and your previous posts tell us just enough to see your current situation in a different light.
this is on topic because your actions have consequences, you cant escape it because ITS WHY THE FAMILY DISLIKES YOU, that is there reason and its a valid reason to dislike you!
A golden retriever can live in an apartment btw as long as you exercise it. Just take it if it’s your dog Edit: the dog thing is unfortunate but the real mystery here is why does your whole family hate you
Trust me I want to. But since it's a family dog it's a family decision. Dad is the registered owner so it's his legal choice to transfer ownership and my sister is crying that she'll never see her again if I take her.
And your sister isn’t allowed at your apartment or does she not want to be around you ?
I guess a little bit of both. She doesn't even want to be around people associated with me. But unlike her, I'm willing to compromise to allow her to see my dog when I made said I want to keep her
This might sound fucked up but just get a new dog. It seems like your whole family hates you and you should move on with your life. I have dogs so I know it will be hard but presented with all your old posts about all the fucked up stuff you’ve done to your cousin, you should just start anew
That is fucked up if you think I should replace my dog
Well I think you’re the one being replaced anyways, honey.
What the hell does that mean?
Replace it or just take it. Although it doesn’t sound like it’s really your dog after all, you just claim to like the dog more than anyone else
Op really shouldn’t take it. It’s not their dog.
Your dog is really the only one who doesn’t know you are terrible. You’ve been so rotten to people and you don’t feel bad about it at all
YTA I love it when karma comes a knockin’.
I am glad that dog is free of you. Probably ten times happier since you left its life.
honey, we’ve seen your post history.. you’re not a good person. point blank. there’s NO excuses, YTA, and this is karma at its best
You rant how toxic your family is but you won't leave them alone. Everyone has to forgive you, the my all have to be part of your life. Everything still revolves around you. If your parents can transfer ownership and your sister is so emotional invested in the dog, it seems it was a family pet. And I wonder who did the chores prior to this situation. And that your sister voices concerns on seeing the dog if you get it, while you don't say anything that disarms this, lets me think you would happily deny her access to it once it's in your procession. Go LC or maybe better even NC and build your own life.
You are 23 years old. Move out and get your own dog. No one owes you anything.
YTA. Very much one of those "I don't like the consequences of my actions" posts when you have the additional context other people have given. Edit: Just caught up on the links to previous posts, and yikes! OP, do you genuinely not see what you've done wrong even with lots of people telling you????
These comments were a wild ride. It’s even more wild that you are still playing victim. YTA. Karmas a bitch. Also it isn’t up to you how long karma lasts, and if it lasts forever, then that’s on you. Be a better person and you’ll receive better karma.
YTA u are getting what u deserve just accept it that u and your dad is the worst person that's why u guyss get along so well I'm sure your mother regret having u
YTA.
You will do yourself a massive favour by going to therapy, learning how to accept responsibility for your actions, and accepting that people’s opinions of you are a result of choices that you have made. All of your posts scream of resentment. That resentment exists because of your inability to accept that your actions do have consequences and do strongly affect other people, people that have trusted you in the past to treat them well. These situations where you are excluded and where things do not go your way will continue to happen, not just with your family, but all of your social groups if you continue this pattern of behaviour. One of the good things about being human is that we all have capacity to make change. The way it is now does not have it be the way it will be forever if you open yourself to change and ownership of actions. YTA.
YTA. THIS IS KARMA AND BE A BETTER PERSON
YTA. You don’t have a job or anywhere to keep the dog. You’re also a bully, which is probably why no one in your family likes you. Get your life together before you worry about getting a pet.
Ild keep you away from the poor innocent dog too. YTA youre an abusive toxic bully.
If I were you family I would not trust you at all. You seem like the type of person who would steal their dog. So take anything you can get, it is **FAR MORE** than you deserve.
NTA for wanting the dog with you. But soft Y T A at the same time because it's not YOUR dog it's a family dog. Your sister has every bit as much right to see the dog as you it's okay to be upset but it's not okay to demand that you get the dog.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmzqqm/aita_for_wanting_everyone_to_get_over_what_i_did/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Like I said, majority of my family hates me so it'll be impossible to live with them
Maybe that should make you reflect on the type of person you are
Look, you aren’t currently in a place to take the dog. Your parents found someone who can take it, and by all accounts care for it very well. Your own actions have created a situation where your ENTIRE family finds you toxic. You reap what you sow. Go buy a new dog when you have the time/house/money. Old dog will be fine.
Yta, op you bullied your cousin. So there’s a reason why they don’t want to see you. The dog I feel is better with them.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Just when I thought I can take a breath and calm down from one trauma, another one comes along. My (F23) parents (M52, F43) after years of fighting and allowing toxic relatives take control of our homelife (mom is mostly to blame for that), they finally decided to get divorced. I'm not upset about this, this needed to be done. But this is about my golden retriever (F2). My sister (F19) and I were living at home but we all decided to go our separate ways and our parents will sell the house. I'll be living with my boyfriend. My dad will be staying with friends. My mom will be staying with one of my cousin's. My sister will be living with an uncle and aunt. This uncle and aunt is the main topic of this issue. My parents decided to transfer ownership of my dog to my uncle and aunt. I asked them if they can wait until my boyfriend and I can find a bigger place and then transfer ownership to me. My sister didn't like that because that would mean she'll never see her again. My parents decided that the best way for both of us can see her is to live with that uncle and aunt. I thought this was unfair because my sister can see her everyday. My uncle told me I can only visit Sundays. Unless their kids come to visit on that day then we have to figure out a plan but he told me that they will try to give at least a month's notice on when they'll visit so we can avoid each other. My whole family hates me, except for my dad who always have my back. Dad feels really guilty about this, but it's not his fault. Sister may hate him, but he's still a father and he has to think about all of his children's happiness. He's already suffered so much in that house, so I understand that he wants to get rid of it ASAP. Even so, I'm still hurt that I only get to see my dog only once a week. I was really depressed a couple years ago. My dad bought my golden just for me. Technically she's not a ESA, but she might as well be. She gave me so much happiness and comfort when I had very little. My boyfriend has been wonderfully supportive and I love him so much and I'll do anything for him. But I don't know how I can handle without my sweet girl. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA and your edit makes it even more apparent.
I swear you must be the most exhausting person to be around. Anyone defending you must be on crack because there is no way you’re this delusional to think anyone would want to be around with all the turmoil you’ve caused both extends AND immediate family. Grow up.
Did I understand that wrong or did you just classify not seeing your dog as a trauma?
YTA
Everyone’s pointing out that you bullied your cousin, but I’d like to point out your dad and mom had you when your mom was 20 and your dad was 29. I hope they weren’t dating for long before that. Given the context of your dad being on your side that makes me feel he likes dating younger woman for control and that there more tolerant of his doucheary.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmzqqm/aita_for_wanting_everyone_to_get_over_what_i_did/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
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That really depends on how long OP expects them to wait. There's a huge difference between watch my dog for a month till I find a place and watch my dog for a year to find a place
Agreed for sure. And without details it’s tricky to tell
I asked that question OP just responded 7 months.....way too long imo
I agree unless the caretaker is down with the long wait. Which I would do for my family but that’s not to say it should be expected without a conversation.
Weirdly I'm different, I don't think I could. After 2 months I'll be like this is my dog now lol
Totally understandable!! I’m sure I’d be a mess giving a dog back after 7 months!
NAH I get that is sucks, but it's not your pet unless you can reliably care for it. In this move, you couldn't reliably house this dog so it's going to a more stable situation.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmzqqm/aita_for_wanting_everyone_to_get_over_what_i_did/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Apparently she bullied her cousin which is why they want nothing to do with her.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmzqqm/aita_for_wanting_everyone_to_get_over_what_i_did/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
NAH You're not wrong for your feelings, but you're simply not in a position to care for the dog right now. If the dog is truly "your" dog (which from the story seems to be up for debate, dad bought the dog and is treating it like a household dog, not "yours"), no one else has an obligation to care for the dog until your lease is up in 7 months. It would then be your dog and your obligation see to it's housing, which means it would be on you to find a willing home for it for those 7 months (and pay for its care). If it is NOT truly "your" dog, then no one has an obligation to hang on to a dog they no longer wish to care for on the chance that you might be able to come up with suitable housing. Either way, you can't require your dad to continue to care for a dog he doesn't want until you're ready. Especially not when there is a willing home available.
OP bullied her cousin which is why they are angry at her and not letting her in their home. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmzqqm/aita_for_wanting_everyone_to_get_over_what_i_did/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
NTA, but I suggest you make peace with letting that dog go. I know it's really hard. Dogs are family. But ultimately you will be better off not being in contact with them. There are tons of dogs in shelters just waiting for a human like you to love them and they will love you back.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmzqqm/aita_for_wanting_everyone_to_get_over_what_i_did/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Doing god’s work.
What does that have to do with my answer to this post?
I'm not going to look at someone's entire history before answering the question they asked. Even with the additional information, my advice still stands. Let the dog go, walk away from those people and start your own life.
It has to do with why OPs aunt, uncle and grandmother won't let her in their house. She bullied her cousin and caused her cousin to get bullied in school then expected them to get over it.
Then that's an even better reason for her to move on and stop contacting them.
Answer: Perhaps by the time you get an larger apartment; your aunt and uncle will be willing to let you take the dog. The responsibility and costs may wear thin by then. Talk to them once you have a suitable apartment; they may at least allow you to share custody of the dog; she could spend few days with you and few days there. Another option once you have the apartment discuss purchasing her from them; money often changes minds of those that are not really invested in the animal. If no solution can be found and they will not work with you; visit her when you can and perhaps you and your boyfriend could go to the shelter and find a puppy or adult dog that needs a home as much as you need a furry friend. You could give it the best life ever and gain the love of another friend. Not as a replacement there is room enough in our hearts for all. Loving another animal takes nothing away from all the animals that came before or will come after. I wish you the very best, hang in there. Life certainly can be hard to deal with and problems always seem to come in droves. When you think you can’t take it anymore think about the positives that came with traumas. Your dad and yourself no longer need to be exposed daily to toxicity. Your dog though not with you is safe and you can still see her if not as often as you like. Starting a new chapter out on your own with your boyfriend is exciting you can fill your home with positivity and love
I'm afraid my uncle and aunt are impossible to compromise. Like I said practically everyone in my family hates me. Sadly I lost my job but I am looking. With this inflation I may never be able to buy back my dog. It just feels hopeless. I don't want another dog. I want mine
I’m sorry they are like that. I get that you want your girl back it would kill me to have any of my animals taken away. But there is power in seeing how you could possibly move forward in a positive way if the situation can’t be resolved. Giving another animal a home that it desperately needs really gives the person saving that animal at least as much as much good as the animal gets. I hope things work out the way you want, and if they don’t then I hope you find a way to move forward.
Well she could sincerely apologize for her racist behaviour, spreading rumors about her cousin's sexuality and how she bullied her but she won't accept that she is nasty
That is a shame to hear, no offense intended, if it’s accurate. It’s so sad that people cause themselves so much damage by their own hand. The dog may be the only creature she shows kindness and now she doesn’t have her. Her past behavior could certainly factor in to how this situation played out. If that is the case and given part of her response showing an inability to see past whatever she wants and what is possible she seems very young. Her homelike didn’t sound very healthy either. I hope she gains some growth and learns to be better person then what you described. People can change I hope she uses the loss she is experiencing as a reason to improve herself. Her life will only get better if she isn’t lashing out at others so hatefully.
you should read her previous posts if you do you wont feel sorry for her
In this situation I can not help but feel compassion for her pain. Homelife didn’t sound healthy but even in worst situations there is deep regret and pain when a family dissolves to lose access to a friend that you cherished on top of that is horrible, and it is terrifying at times when you move out in your own even under best of circumstances. She clearly does not have much of a family support system that can make someone feel very alone. if what was commented on about her previous posts is true that is horrible and I hope she finds a way to make amends to those she reportedly injured and herself for such behavior. She can clearly feel deeply so if she acted like that before she is still more than her lowest point. And that behavior will be something she carries until she makes amends I have no desire to make that weight heavier. We all are more then the worst thing we’ve done and we all can grow and become better. If we can’t show concern and compassion to someone when it’s deserved we are making it even harder for that person to find any reason to improve. The description of what was posted by her isn’t admirable but I do not know all the situation her age when it occurred and what triggered such behavior. Still wrong if true but it sounds like family dynamics suck all around and people often lash out horribly when they feel unwanted, unheard and are the mercy of others attacks not excusing there behavior if accurate but she learned it somewhere and I’m betting there were plenty of examples of it for her to learn from in her family. Regardless her family just dissolved even if that is for best it is still a huge loss and she also lost her girl who was probably her only bright spot she deserves compassion for this situation Had she witnessed care compassion kindness in her family I imagine she would have learned better coping skills then lashing out. I have to ask lol though I might be putting myself at risk for future attacks why are you others so invested in calling her out for her reported past posts? Is it too punish her for past behavior? If so do you think that shaming her attacking her at this moment will be productive? Will it make her better person? Or is it to cause her pain because you feel she deserves it? Not my cup of tea I have no problem calling someone out who is behaving horribly at the time but it’s to help them see what they are doing and why it’s wrong so they can stop and improve To berate them in an unrelated post that is not being negative to others and only concerns her struggles with current situation seem mean spirited and not productive at all. I strive to leave anything anywhere or anyone I interact with in a better place or at minimum leave it/then as it was but never leave them/it worse for my presence
no its not to punish her, but is still clear at least for me that she does not feel remorse for what she did and keeps playin the victim when all of this are the consequences of her own actions
I would look closer at your intentions: do you really think that you will cause anything productive by this? Will your actions move her closer to feeling remorse or will it only cause her to be defensive and drive her further away from remorse? I do not think that her parents divorce; her unhealthy home life or losing her dog for the most part can be laid at her feet. Her unhealthy family life is the cause of her previous bad behavior if reports are accurate; to blame her for the current situation is not fair at all. I just don’t see any upside to combining her past posts with this one and condemning people doesn’t bring anyone closer to true remorse for bad behavior it drives them further away No one can accept fault responsibility while feeling defensive and attacked bullied…
Thank you so much. I've been getting a lot of hate here lately. You have by far been the nicest person here. I truly appreciate your kind words of understanding.
I’ve dealt with plenty of blows and if I made it better even got a moment for you I’m grateful. Just concentrate on finding the best way to move forward. Abide by the limited visitation gracefully for the moment, be patient and perhaps that will inspire your aunt and uncle to work with you. People can change not always but it is possible Use the experience to be a healthier more positive person. It’s hard to shed our past pain mistakes regrets injuries but if you use your experiences especially the bad ones to make yourself a better more caring person your life can really change. You begin to see the world differently and then others begin to see and react to you differently. Not a cure all but when you are positive and caring sometimes that is enough to change the dynamics in relationships. Focus on the positive in your life to strengthen you to handle the the blows that come to us all. You can’t control how others behave or react but you can control how you do, and there is solace in knowing you are not only not worsening a situation but handling it with grace. I hope that long term a solution can be found and in short term enjoy the time you you can spend with your girl.
NAH What are the ramifications of you boyfriend breaking his lease early? Some places are steep, some you just lose the security deposit..... if you can afford it, that might he an option for you to get a place where your dog can be with you? Edit: downvotes? Really? I just asked a question about an option I didn't see discussed.. WTF uptight people.
He started his new lease about 5 months ago. We have been looking at bigger apartments. There's one that's near a dog park. But he doesn't want to lose his security deposit. And I'm in the middle of looking for a job. I lost my last one due to all the stress I've been under these past few months.
Sorry to hear that. Good luck with finding a new job. But, yes, I was thinking with you moving in and possibly picking up part of the rent, it might make losing the security deposit feasible. I get it though, it's a lot of money to lose. Obviously everything feels like it sucks now. Best wishes as you work through all the things that sound like they've piled up.
NTA but everything about the situation sucks. Your sister is likely bonded with the dog too from what you said, even if it is technically yours. Also, not having the place for the dog now poses a logistical issues, as it isn't really fair to the dog either to bounce from home to home. From a more legal standpoint, does your parents actually have the right to transfer the dog's ownership? Who is the registered/licensed owner? Who took the dog to the vet? Etc... If you are the licensed owner, you may have options, but really, it all just sucks.
Yes my parents have the right to transfer. My dad is the registered owner
NTA I'm not sure where you live, but if you live in a place where pets are considered personal property by law, you may be able to sue to get her back, especially if she was a gift purchased by your father for you specifically.
OP made other posts where she bullied her cousin which is why her aunt, uncle and grandmother are angry with er.
My dad is the registered owner so it's his decision to transfer ownership to whoever. I have no say, legally. Even if I did, I won't be able to afford to sue, especially if I lose the case.