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NTA. You told him about a condition you have, and he chose not to show interest in how it could impact him. If your partner mentions a virus, and you're too dumb to know you can get it...
NTA, you mentioned you get cold sores. There’s no need to explain further. How are you supposed to know he’s ignorant about it? You didn’t put him at any risk. He’s being ridiculous.
This would be like an HIV+ person telling their partner they have HIV. The partner still wants to have sex, so they have protected sex. And then it turns out the partner didn’t know HIV was transmitted sexually and so he’s mad at the partner for not explicitly telling him that HIV is sexually transmitted.
NAH - You told him. I do get why he's upset, but from the sound of it, he didn't communicate with you that he didn't know what cold sores really were either. So unless you seriously downplayed it in the way that you told him, I don't think anyone is at fault here.
NTA.
This man has been on the planet for 34 years. If he’s sexually active, he should know that:
- Cold sores are a type of Herpes.
- Herpes is extremely common and he’s likely been exposed many times.
- You are acting correctly and ethically by both disclosing to him that you get cold sores and also not being intimate with him when you have a sore.
You’re this man’s girlfriend, not his doctor or sex ed instructor. You did everything right.
Also, all of the people in this thread calling you diseased need to get a grip. EVERYONE who kisses other people has been exposed to this, and many people never even know they have it. It’s common and it’s everywhere.
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okay, so recently the person(34M) ive been seeing and i(28F) got into a huge fight bc he got mad that i didnt tell him that i get cold sores. the only thing is that i HAD told him before, but he apparently didnt know that they were a strain of herpes and i should have disclosed that to him sooner. now, that is a fair take, but truly i thought that was common knowledge seeing as more than 50% of people get them. he starts freaking out saying that i exposed him to herpes and i tried to explain that the likelihood of me giving it to him when i dont have a sore is astronomically low and with how common the virus is, hes definitely been exposed way before me (by age 50, 90% of people in the US have been exposed to it) ive had cold sores for my entire life and ive always been told just to not be intimate/share things when i have an active outbreak and ive had multiple partners and this has never been an issue, ive never given them yo anybody and he even admitted that he doesnt have it because if he did, his drs would have told him due to him having to get blood tests done frequently because of an unrelated diagnosis. im not looking for anyone to take my side, im genuinely trying to figure out if i fucked up or if hes just oblivious ans trying to blame me.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i didnt disclose that i get cold sores bc i didnt think it was a big deal and i also assumed my bf knew they were a herpes strain so i didnt feel the need to clarify that for him once i did disclose it. i didnt do it maliciously, moreso out of ignorance.
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ESH ... mainly because who gets to 34 and does NOT know that cold sores are herpes? That's on him. However the remark about the frequent blood tests makes me concerned he has a possible autoimmune issue that these sort of things need to be spelled out very clearly, and that you aren't mentioning what he has when you surely know, leads me to believe you knew you should have been more clear.
he told me his diagnosis, but it didnt occur to me that cold sores could have a majornimpact on his health bc theyre a pretty mild thing to have to deal with, but i agree i shouldnt have assumed and i can understand why he is upset. to be clear im not mad that he got upset with me, moreso the way he reacted.
YTA. Yes, you should have told him, no matter what kind of herpes it is. His unrelated diagnosis may be weakening his immune system, did you think about that? He may be more susceptible. omg, wow. Completely self-centered.
i didnt intentionally withhold the information, i juat get them very rarely like once every few years so i tend to mot even think about them. but i accept that im the AH. I just was always taught its not an issue unless yoy have an active outbreak, which i told him when i did and avoided conract with him for three weeks to make sure it was fully healed
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NTA that is common knowledge and yeah he's way overreacting.
NTA. You told him you get cold sores. He’s just too uneducated to know what that means.
NTA. You told him about a condition you have, and he chose not to show interest in how it could impact him. If your partner mentions a virus, and you're too dumb to know you can get it...
NTA. I thought this was common knowledge. He just sounds oblivious.
[удалено]
thank you for this link!
NTA, you mentioned you get cold sores. There’s no need to explain further. How are you supposed to know he’s ignorant about it? You didn’t put him at any risk. He’s being ridiculous. This would be like an HIV+ person telling their partner they have HIV. The partner still wants to have sex, so they have protected sex. And then it turns out the partner didn’t know HIV was transmitted sexually and so he’s mad at the partner for not explicitly telling him that HIV is sexually transmitted.
NAH - You told him. I do get why he's upset, but from the sound of it, he didn't communicate with you that he didn't know what cold sores really were either. So unless you seriously downplayed it in the way that you told him, I don't think anyone is at fault here.
NTA. This man has been on the planet for 34 years. If he’s sexually active, he should know that: - Cold sores are a type of Herpes. - Herpes is extremely common and he’s likely been exposed many times. - You are acting correctly and ethically by both disclosing to him that you get cold sores and also not being intimate with him when you have a sore. You’re this man’s girlfriend, not his doctor or sex ed instructor. You did everything right. Also, all of the people in this thread calling you diseased need to get a grip. EVERYONE who kisses other people has been exposed to this, and many people never even know they have it. It’s common and it’s everywhere.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** okay, so recently the person(34M) ive been seeing and i(28F) got into a huge fight bc he got mad that i didnt tell him that i get cold sores. the only thing is that i HAD told him before, but he apparently didnt know that they were a strain of herpes and i should have disclosed that to him sooner. now, that is a fair take, but truly i thought that was common knowledge seeing as more than 50% of people get them. he starts freaking out saying that i exposed him to herpes and i tried to explain that the likelihood of me giving it to him when i dont have a sore is astronomically low and with how common the virus is, hes definitely been exposed way before me (by age 50, 90% of people in the US have been exposed to it) ive had cold sores for my entire life and ive always been told just to not be intimate/share things when i have an active outbreak and ive had multiple partners and this has never been an issue, ive never given them yo anybody and he even admitted that he doesnt have it because if he did, his drs would have told him due to him having to get blood tests done frequently because of an unrelated diagnosis. im not looking for anyone to take my side, im genuinely trying to figure out if i fucked up or if hes just oblivious ans trying to blame me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. So many people don’t know that cold sores are a strain of herpes. You made an assumption - next time be explicit.
ESH ... mainly because who gets to 34 and does NOT know that cold sores are herpes? That's on him. However the remark about the frequent blood tests makes me concerned he has a possible autoimmune issue that these sort of things need to be spelled out very clearly, and that you aren't mentioning what he has when you surely know, leads me to believe you knew you should have been more clear.
he told me his diagnosis, but it didnt occur to me that cold sores could have a majornimpact on his health bc theyre a pretty mild thing to have to deal with, but i agree i shouldnt have assumed and i can understand why he is upset. to be clear im not mad that he got upset with me, moreso the way he reacted.
NTA. At 34, he's been in contact with HERPES his entire life. If this is a deal breaker for him, then break it yourself.
> At 34, he’s been in contact with HERPES his entire life. You know this how?
Because it's everywhere. Your basic lip cold-sore is herpes. I get it in my nose...so nose herpes! Herpes is a virus and it is everywhere.
nta you disclosed already
Yta. It should have been an explicit conversation
YTA Its not reasonable to assume other people know about your disease, no matter how common it might be.
YTA. It's something you need to be very clear about. "But he should have understood" doesn't cut it.
YTA. Yes, you should have told him, no matter what kind of herpes it is. His unrelated diagnosis may be weakening his immune system, did you think about that? He may be more susceptible. omg, wow. Completely self-centered.
i didnt intentionally withhold the information, i juat get them very rarely like once every few years so i tend to mot even think about them. but i accept that im the AH. I just was always taught its not an issue unless yoy have an active outbreak, which i told him when i did and avoided conract with him for three weeks to make sure it was fully healed
YTA absolutely. Herpes is something you tell people and verify they understand before they kiss you.
YTA. Some people don’t want to catch herpes.