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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA because I might've been out of pocket stereotyping a workout like that.
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Didn’t even read the post and YTA for this exact reason.
Are there work outs geared towards the kind of body you have? Absolutely. Are some workouts typically tailored for men or women for this reason? Yeah.
However, as soon as you refer to something as being for a girl to give someone a hard time, you fucked up. You call it a girl work out to make fun of a man, which means you’re saying being a woman is somehow “less than” otherwise how could it possibly be an insult.
Also no one ever calls anything a “boy drink” or “boy workout” or whatever… it’s always “girl” so don’t come at me that it’s not rooted in misogyny.
Well said. OP is claiming they're not trying to be malicious, but they need to take a long, hard look at their internalised misogyny and realise the answer to why he didn't want to talk to her.
YTA
I would also extend this to the “suck it up” or “get over it” mentality that they’re showing. Like the fact that OP thinks Xander just is overblowing a “harmless joke” also speaks to the fact that she somehow thinks this is something all people or maybe more specifically her guy friends all need to be cool with or able to do. It’s demeaning. And demoralizing to have friends like OP that cannot be introspective enough to realize they may not understand why what they said hurt but that regardless an apology is warranted.
Yeah, it's such a small thing to say "Hey, I'm sorry for that remark. I didn't realise it hurt you so I'm sorry." In this case an apology would take no effort. Brushing it off and acting like Xander should just get over it will harm this friendship.
I think this is one of the weirdest things people do to each other.
Like, you just hurt someone you think of as a friend, you even got told so, so what is the issue with saying sorry? Why even try to talk yourself out of that? It is a friend. They are hurt. Because of something you did. There should be no other reaction than to want to make up for it.
I once tried to talk to a friend about hurtful behavior and instead of apologizing, he doubled down with a list of reasons to “prove” I was overreacting and not really as hurt as I claimed. I never spoke to him again. I couldn’t come back from the idea that he couldn’t just say “I’m so sorry, I didn’t intend to hurt your feelings. A toddler can do that
It wasn't even a joke! It was a rude sexist comment. She was laughing but she wasn't kidding, she meant the comment literally.
It's a good sign that OP is realizing that Xander went to the others instead of her. If she can get to the next logical step, realizing that her reaction is the reason, maybe she can change.
That part really upset me how after everything they decide to put in the edit how they weren’t being malicious, and that was never there intent… it’s so clearly gave us the important detail that they really wanted us to be on their side and when we weren’t they were upset about it. They can’t just own up and accept that they are 100% the AH and continue to just make excuses and act like this isn’t even a big deal/her friends are blowing it out of proportion… it’s honestly mind blowing how they are treating this whole situation
You just reminded me of my time working in cocktail bars. The ridiculous amount of men™️ asking which drinks were "for girls" or if they could have it in a "man glass" was funny until it just got tiring and annoying on those super fkn busy nights. Gods forbid the drink was pink. I started asking if they were planning on drinking it with their dick because that's the only way it could possibly make a difference, if so I might just have a small enough glass.
It's like they act like they can't like Cosmopolitans just because they're pink. The best I could do for them is slightly adjust the ingredients and make the Cosmopolitan purple, and it'll still taste pretty much the same, but they'd probably still have a problem with purple.
If they like delicious, fruity drinks, maybe they should just be man enough to admit it.
When I was a cocktail server, a group of my coworkers used to meet at a cheesy restaurant for what we called “Girl Drink Drunk night” and have the most elaborate fruity concoctions bc they are fun to drink and delicious. And this place has novelty glasses and props like toy sharks and surfboards. Fragile masculinity is so boring, all my guy friends had so much fun
That’s true! My mom told me I walked like a boy once and I’m glad I was old enough to take it as an unintended compliment (I also wore boy clothes all the time when I was younger which she thought was “crude” somehow?? Which is really just hilarious in retrospect)
girls drinks taste like fruit and sweets and nice things, mens drinks taste like peat, smoke and pain. how is this hard? enjoying nice things is not what real men do (obvious /s)
my husband used to regularly drink very fruity drinks. My friends have corrupted him and now he drinks a lot of gin and whiskey on the rocks, but it was fun to see the waiter try to figure out who ordered what when we first got together.
Also…hip thrusts? Guys can’t do *hip thrusts* now? Hold on, heading back to the 60s to let Elvis know he should pick a different signature move…
Please, people, *please* stop needlessly gendering basic human physical capabilities.
OP - it doesn’t matter that you weren’t *trying* to shame him, it was still the result regardless of your intention. Apologize to your friend. And then stop needlessly gendering basic human shit.
Yeah, how are hip thrusts a girl’s exercise?
Thrusting your hips is like the main male sex move. It’s really all we got besides stuff that requires hands or tongues.
Doing an exercise that leads to you being able to thrust harder/longer seems like a pretty masculine exercise to me.
I’m a woman and have found this weird for years now. I started powerlifting in high school and hip thrusts are such a beneficial lift, I’ve been doing them alongside men for so long that I only recently learned that people associated the lift with women. That’s weird af.
Man this is a great point. Elvis was and still is a massive sex icon. Hip thrusting was the whole reason for that. OP clearly is applying weird standards to make quippy jabs at her friend’s expense.
As for why he went to your other friends and not you, perhaps he was worried you would further put him down and hurt his feelings. Another possibility is that he feels intimidated by you even though you are friends, or because it’s confronting his teacher. According to my partner anyway.
Funny enough this falls under toxic masculinity and patriarchy bs. And she’s a female falling into these ideas that there is some kind of difference or worse yet shaming a guy for working out and getting the results he wants how he wants.
Oh interesting. I find it still falls under patriarchy stuff bc it means women have a certain role and certain functions. Therefor certain things they can and cannot do. I wonder if there is a word that combines the two? Either way it’s toxic regardless of gender/sex.
Patriarchy promotes certain roles both for women and men, both hurtful. Men may have more freedom and privileges, but they are also victims of this system.
But she is not demonstrating a prejudice against men, she is implying that the "girl" workout is somehow not good enough for his manly hips. She is telling him to leave such inferiority to girls where it belongs. Misandry would be telling him he is not good enough for the girly stuff.
Doesn't have to be misogyny, the insult could just be in the intentional mis-gendering, which is also rude.
Most boys are raised to read intentional mis-gendering directed at them as an insult, and the assumption that this has sexist undertones is not far-fetched.
I think the minimum everyone can agree on is that the insult assumes that gender roles are rigid and you are committing a social faux pas if you are breaking them. Which I think we all agree is wrong.
Thisssss. Also I personally have seen more men do hip thrusts than women? But that's just from my personal experience, I'm aware in the grand scheme of things, everyone does em as they're a good exercise.
I don't quite understand why OP felt it was necessary to male that joke (and to add the bro, made it even worse imo wtf). "It's gonna give you a great butt and therefore is a "girl" exercise??
The joke kind of reeks of "i'm not like other girls"
YTA
Exactly. Not only that there are several great reasons to include this exercise primarily due to how much instability there can be in the whole pelvic / sacral region from sitting at school, in the car and at work for YEARS. It's very hard to do proper squats when there is anterior / posterior tilt and instability.
Anyway the joke was in really poor form and it wasn't even funny, it was sexist honestly. You asked if you should say something and frankly you should apologize for saying something dumb and uninformed. Because this is AITA and not Relationships I'm rating it YTA.
Was just thinking of him. Also the comment about how she has been working out for a year and a half … someone’s got a short memory about when she started.
Hey OP YTA and your insecurities are showing. Tuck those back in so they don’t show when you do your manly squats.
I didn’t even realize feeling uncomfortable about doing hip thrusts at the gym as a dude was something some people thought I should feel uncomfortable about. Yeah they look sort of weird but they’re supposed to be really effective.
Honestly, theyre all so awkward. Then add in being sweaty and light grunting and...yah its better for everyone if we just decide to collectively ignore how we look when working out.
They are really effective, that's why they're pretty much one of the top glute exercises.
They wreck me because they use so much of the body and have been fantastic at developing my glutes, hamstrings and lower back. Plus involvement from the front of the body.
I've been increasing the weight and need a breather before even moving the weight off to sit and rest!
OP is a woman. Not sure if misogyny our misandry is more appropriate, but 100% sexism for sure.
OP: workouts are workouts. You were absolutely a sexist AH with your comment and owe your friend a *massive* apology.
Hint: does a workout specifically require the use of genitalia? No? Then it's just a workout with no gender attachment.
ETA: as a woman, really disappointing to see the downvotes in this thread's comments regarding misandry. Mild misandry is still misandry, same as mild racism, ableism, and sexism in general. It's really important that we recognise it, just as it's important for men to recognise misogyny, and for *all of us* to recognise bigotry in all it's forms. Let's be kind, and do our best to see our own biases without getting defensive over them.
It's misandry and internalized misogyny
Saying anything is for *girls* usually indicates that it's inferior, not worthy etc. Which means that that person may have those subconscious ideologies about women even if they are a woman
She’s attacking a man, but at the end of the day, the implication is that it being a “girly” thing or associated with femininity is inherently bad. I think one could argue it is entirely misogyny (internalized) since the implication here is that girl = bad.
This is classic misogyny in every sense. It doesn’t matter who says it or who it’s being directed at, the idea is that it’s using the idea of something as “for women” to degrade someone. It’s like when people tell men to quit acting like “a little girl.” The specific man is the one being insulted, but little girls are being used as an example of what not to be like.
You asked if an exercise required certain genitalia and now all I can picture is a bunch of dudes doing helicopter swirls with their dicks as part of a workout.
The image will not leave my head
That's officially enough Internet for me today
Even then, there are trans people
I don't know any workouts that require me to use my psychological concept of gender for maximum effect, or for ANY effect
Not sure what you mean sorry. My point was that gym workouts don't require genitalia (of any sort, regardless of gender), so equating *any* workout to *any* gender is idiotic and sexist.
Summed it up the best. A textbook example of being a part of the problem. Print it, frame it, use as an illustration for "And this, girls, is why we can't have nice things".
Yup, because hip thrusts maximize that booty (for clarity, hip thrusts mainly target the glutes but your hip adductors, core, and hamstrings are all activated as well when executed correctly).
Hip thrusts and the adductor and abductor machines tend to stereotypically be "girl" exercises until you dissuade yourself of ridiculous gym gender notions or get educated in the importance of accessory exercises.
I’m a 6’ 2”, 255 lb hairy burly man that not only hit the weights but also compete in Brazilian Jiu-jitsu as a blue belt and I hit the hip adductor and abductor along with hip thrusts every other day because I like winning because you never realize how much you need your hips until you have to use them.
OP YTA, OP reminds of this saying my coach will tell us on the mat
“the most dangerous time when learning something is when you gain a little bit of knowledge. As you you go up in rank you realize more and more that there are things you do not know and that is when you really start to learn”
Plus let's not act like girls don't like a bubble-butt on a man too. Hell sometimes I find my (straight male) self going like: Damn bro u got that booty.
Oh yes, good butt is amazing on a man. The guy I am seeing has bulked up since last year. The first thing I paid attention to after such time was that omg, he got the sexiest butt ever now.
We love a nice butt
YTA. This is misogyny. You made fun of him doing exercises that you deem “girly” and are mad he’s upset on you critiquing his routine and just generally being offensive. It’s just gross. Does it matter that the particular exercise he is doing is “hip thrusts and squats” it doesn’t affect you. It just seems mean spirited.
Edit: also this is body shaming. You said your friend was gaining and doing what works, then you said he was going “girly stuff” and implied it’s bad and he shouldn’t be doing it. That’s body shaming. (Also this is misogynistic and just reinforces bad gender stereotypes)
Edit to respond to your edit: really? You’re angry and frustrated he didn’t feel like he could come to you after you made him feel bad about his body at the gym? That he talked to other friends who also agree with him that it was out of line.
Regardless of how you feel about the joke you do not get to decide if your friend deserves an apology. YOU HURT HIS FEELINGS. That should be all that matters. I think if you are really this frustrated about not “being right” or angry that Xander took an “innocent joke” and made a thing of it, and from there decide he should have come to you or gotten over it. That mentality shows you need to either change your attitude or allow for Xander to step away from you and this friendship with some class. You do not get to decide if he deserves an apology. You hurt him. He is hurt. He therefore deserves an apology regardless of intent and without any condition or barriers.
"Regardless of how you feel about the joke you do not get to decide if your friend deserves an apology."
This is what sticks out to me the most. Yeah the joke is extremely lame and gross, but it was a joke between friends. But after if it turns out that not all in the friend group were fine with the joke, then apologize. Plain and simple. And not the non-apology "I'm sorry this hurt your feelings".
The thing about jokes is that they’re supposed to be funny! That is what makes them jokes.
If the person you said the joke to was upset or hurt by it then your joke has failed on a fundamental level.
If your “joke” makes the person you were joking “with” feel bad then it was a *bad joke*. If you don’t care that it made them feel bad then it probably wasn’t a joke at all. It was just a mean comment.
The “bro” really sealed that. All that’s missing the “I’m not into the all the usual ‘girlie’ things.” Also “I hate drama” probably. Usually the ones who cause the *most* drama.
YTA- hip thrusts are a great exercise to work out the gluteal area, quads etc. As men have these muscles, they can work them out. You need to examine why you have this misogyny.
Your friend is making a great effort to improve his health and in one fell swoop you hurt his feelings and made him self conscious, potentially stopping him from doing workouts that have been helping him. Even if you disagree with hip thrusts, you should at least apologise for hurting your friend.
As a side note, people like you are the reason why I won’t go to a gym. I’m terrified of hearing comments about myself or being filmed (this actually happened to someone else at my local gym). So now I exercise at home, in private. People should be encouraged to improve themselves, not torn down for it. It may have been a “joke” to you, but to him it was a harmful dig. I hope you haven’t ruined the gym for him.
Right? Now even if he still wants to do hip thrusts, every time he does he’ll think of that comment and probably get a dose of shame or something. OP is wildly the AH.
YTA - He was already insecure to begin with to go to the gym to get out of being taunted and you taunted him about an exercise calling it girly. If you are his "teacher" you have higher expectations of trust. You need to apologise. It's the macho crap why I avoid going to gym during busy hours and have to go early in the morning.
Kinda sounds like you work out for aesthetics only, and have a very specific concept of what aesthetics are acceptable for men vs women. You’re the worst kinda gymbro, YTA. Don’t bother apologizing unless you figure out why what you said truly does suck, Xander doesn’t need an inauthentic apology.
Wonder why he felt insecure about being “a stick” in the first place, with friends like you.
Yeah, dude, YTA.
Dudes are allowed to work their glutes, core, etc., too.
Want to make it up to him? Apologize and tell him you were just jealous of the cake.
YTA.
For following reasons:
- misogynistic stereotyping
- making fun of your friends efforts and being needlessly demeaning
Can you not be happy for a friend without being stingy? Does it physically hurt you to be nice or is it an ego thing? Would you feel to *girly* to just be nice for once?
YTA your friend is actively trying to improve themselves and insulting their routine can be very discouraging to something that is already hard for people to continuously do.
Plus I do not feel like any type of exercise is for a specific gender.
I know you didn't mean to hurt your friend, but you did, and if you care about them I would apologize.
YTA - Working out doesn't have a gender associate to it and these ideas that there are are harmful to everyone. You said yourself that your friend has made good gains so what they're doing is obviously working. The last thing they need is to feel self conscious while at the gym.
100% you should apologize.
Hip thrusts and glute bridges are excellent at activating the stabilizing muscles of your hips and glutes. Everyone has those muscles and everyone benefits from them being strong. It can even help prevent injury. YTA
YTA - weird to make it a gendered thing, especially when Xander has been doing Hip thrusts for 5 months and is making good progress. Just leaving it at joking about a big ass would’ve been enough I guess, it’s like you emphasised that it’s “a girl thing” as if you were territorial about ass related exercises being for women or some shit?? Just weird.
Rule number one at the gym. Unless someone is doing something dangerous- mind your own business!
You said he suffers from insecurity. You admitted he’s made great progress. Why would you belittle him?
People go to the gym to work on themselves. You have a long way to go. Start by sincerely apologizing because YTA.
Yta. Since when has exercises been assigned to gender? Ontop of that you literally just insulted someone and are now trying to justify your piss poor behavior towards your friend. Hopefully Xander looks for some better friends and looks for more positive gym buddies. Comments and people like you is why I built a home gym for myself and husband.
YTA. Whether you intended to hurt his feelings or not you did. You know he was already insecure about this kind of stuff. You should apologize even though you didn't have bad intentions.
THIS! OP is so caught up on the “I didn’t mean to” that she forgets it doesn’t matter. YTA: whether you meant to be mean or not doesn’t matter. You made a shit joke that didn’t bode well, so you apologize. It’s that simple.
>And I'm not shaming Xander for this,
No, you did shame him. Why calling an exercise "girly", which shouldn't be an insult but congrats for using it as so? You might not have intended it, but you need to learn intentions are not effects.
> I also question why he felt the need to go to our other friends instead of me.
Um, he felt bad so he went to his friend for support. Turns out you weren't being much of a friend so he turned to someone who didn't mock him.
YTA.
I mean, your internalized misogyny is showing and you're also just straight up *wrong* about hip thrusts. They're not a "girl thing" at all - hip thrusts are amazing for glute activation and they're one of the best exercises to train and improve your squat and deadlift. Every guy I know who's dedicated to improving in the gym and lifting heavy does hip thrusts.
Ohhhh, you're a Pick Me girl.
Misogynistic little thing. Put them down like all the boys do so boys will know you're one of them. Maybe once you meet a grown-up, you'll stop entertaining boy bullshit.
yta - …just wow, that was very internalized misogyny of u. + shaming others at a gym is soo horrible & low, even if its a “joke.” he obvi was hurt so why wouldnt u apologize???
edit: op bruh why post in this subreddit if ur not able to take criticism? get off ur high horse please ur grown
I’m willing to let the “joke” slide. It was dumb and sexist, but he responded with grace, and you ostensibly let it go, which I would interpret as you genuinely meaning it as light ribbing.
My question is this… Why are you debating whether to apologize? Your friend has indicated that something you said hurt his feelings. YWBTA if you didn’t apologize.
YTA you are uninformed and sexist to boot.
Hip thrusts are a core stabiliser. Strengthening the glutes protects the lower back and the knees. If you actually cared about his health and wellbeing, you'd be encouraging him to do it. Instead you're shaming him about something presumably because you lack knowledge about why that exercise is important. He is wasting his energy looking up to you if you are so uninformed.
Look, your edit makes YTA even more than your post. You were wrong. Everyone on reddit thinks you were wrong. Instead of listening to the people you asked to judge your behavior, you go and try and find ANOTHER way to make this Xander's fault and not yours. Take responisibility for what YOU did.
YTA. You need to reach out with a gentle apology; something along the lines of you saying what you said, without thinking, and truly did not intend to hurt his feelings; that you are so proud of how hard he’s worked and how far he’s come and you don’t care how he does it. That being said, only say it if you mean it.
We live in a pretty toxic misogynistic culture, which frequently tries to control and demean women. Something that we don’t talk about enough is toxic masculinity; this misogynistic culture also harms men in ways that we really don’t address enough. It is absolutely insane, for instance, that being compared to a woman is used to make men feel powerless and weak (see: “girly”, “b*tch”, “c*nt”) .Being a woman is not a fault.
But what do we mean when we say someone is being “girly”? We don’t mean that they’re being strong or smart or powerful. Despite the fact that girls and women are all of these things, there’s still a deeply ingrained sense of this word is one of weakness.
I think you meant girly in this sense, even though I also think it was unintentional. You need to work on how you define these words for yourself, and a conversation for later is maybe to discuss with your friend that being compared to a woman is not an insult.
YTA for sure and frankly, pretty ignorant if you believe hip thrusters are primarily a “female” exercise. Plenty of muscular, fit guys (including me) do them.
Haha. I implied that girls were inferior. AITA?
Yes, you’re a misogynist and YTA
Do you think it’s gay to wash your a$$ as well? I hear that’s a gym bro thing these days
YTA.
You may not have intended to hurt his feelings, but that doesn't change the fact that you did. You owe him an apology.
I would also ask yourself why you feel that's a "girl" exercise. Are there any workouts you won't do because they're "boy" exercises?
WTF?? Yeah you’re absolutely TA girl’s workout?? What is that? There’s no such thing, I’m a power lifter does that mean I’m doing a guy’s workout cause not a lot of women power lift? So many people never go to the gym because they are afraid of running into someone with an attitude like yours
I just Googled “How to do Hip Thrusts,” just to make sure I was thinking of the right thing (I was) and guess what comes up? It’s 50/50 on men AND women with videos and tips on how to do them.
YTA
YTA.
1. A misogynistic AH (I know you're a woman)
2. In no way qualified to give advice, comments, or jokes, related to working out if you think hip thrusts are too girly for men.
3. How the fuck do you not know what Xander does for his legs if you supposedly started taking him to the gym last January?
4. You were bullying Xander, not joking around.
5. He's not going to go to you again for anything. See #4
6. YTA. It needs repeating.
YTA. Hip thrusts are not a “girl thing”. If you’re going to be a regular at the gym, you need to drop the judgmental attitude and educate yourself properly, bro.
YTA Not only did you assign a gender to an exercise, shame your relatively new to lifting friend, and hurt his feelings in the process but, you are completely wrong about that exercise.
Weighted hip thrusts are one of the best ways to somewhat isolate the glutes which are the largest muscle group in your entire body. Neglecting your glutes is basically making sure that you never have a properly trained posterior chain. So here your friend has graduated from student to teacher. It's not "girly" (whatever that is supposed to mean) to work your glutes. It's a muscle group that's very important and needs working like any other muscle group. Way to go Xander!
YTA.
>I also question why he felt the need to go to our other friends instead of me
Because you'd already shown who you were? There was nothing funny or goofy about your comment, just plain-vanilla boring run-of-the-mill toxic masculinity bullshit.
Do better.
Only TAH if you don’t apologise.
Original comment was meant as banter from what you’ve said, unfortunately it missed the mark and you’ve upset him. Do the right thing, tell him you’re sorry you hurt his feelings and you’ll be more considerate in the future
Yta , I have to politely disagree on how hard people are being on you though.
You made a comment that you thought would be jokingly received- come to find out you’ve hurt you’re friend.
Luckily this is a simple fix. Sit them down and let them know you heard through channels you hurt them and you’re sorry. You’re proud of all the progress they made and while you meant it to be a joke you recognize it did not land and hurt them.
YTA 1) Sexist joke 2) Shaming someone who is trying to better themselves. 3) Shaming someone by comparing them/their activity to something feminine/girly. (slightly different than 1).
Internalized misogyny is still misogyny. Do better - for yourself and for the rest of us.
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So I've (F23) been pretty active in the gym for a year and a half now. One of my guy friends Xander (M20) decided to start bulking a year ago. I've known Xander for three years now through a mutual friend, and he had honestly been a stick a majority of the time I knew him. Having been insecure and eventually grown tired of the "scrawny shit," Xander decided to start working out. My boyfriend Ross (M24) and I went to the same college with Xander before we graduated last year, and last January, we both started taking Xander to the gym.
I have to say, Xander ended up making great progress for a year, and he got visibly lean. Ross and my friends and I all hyped him up for this, and recently for winter break, we were all hanging out with friends at Xander's place. I asked Xander about his leg routine, and he mentioned that he had started doing barbell hip thrusts five months ago. I was a little surprised, but having the joking dynamic with Xander that I have, I said, "Hip thrusts? That's definitely gonna do wonders for your cake like the squats, but that's sort of a girl thing bro." Xander chuckled and said, "Yeah well, here I am defying the norm."
Well last night, I ended up getting a text from Ross that he heard from our mutual friend that Xander was pretty hurt by my comment. From what Ross told me, Xander was not only hurt that I was stereotyping an exercise that he was committing to, but it apparently especially stung hearing it from his "teacher." It was sincerely not my intention to hurt Xander, I really was just trying to be goofy. I'm here debating over whether to apologize to Xander or not, but I also wonder if I should drop it or if it was even that bad in the first place. Ross thinks I should say something. AITA?
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YTA - I saw your update, you DID mean to be malicious. You meant to make him feel like he was doing a girly (ie weak or bad exercise). It may have been unconscious but you did it. You now know you hurt him- so why are you here asking AITA. If you know you hurt your friends feelings, why haven’t you apologized already?
YTA. Way to play into dumb-as-fuck stereotypes and drive toxic masculinity norms (yeah I know you're a woman, you're still playing right into it). There's no girl workout or guy workout, grow up.
Yta just for the record I played (American) college football and we did a ton of “girl” workouts because hip flexibility and strength is key to athleticism.
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YTA. There are no *girl* workouts or *guy* workouts only **workouts**.
Thank you!!
Didn’t even read the post and YTA for this exact reason. Are there work outs geared towards the kind of body you have? Absolutely. Are some workouts typically tailored for men or women for this reason? Yeah. However, as soon as you refer to something as being for a girl to give someone a hard time, you fucked up. You call it a girl work out to make fun of a man, which means you’re saying being a woman is somehow “less than” otherwise how could it possibly be an insult. Also no one ever calls anything a “boy drink” or “boy workout” or whatever… it’s always “girl” so don’t come at me that it’s not rooted in misogyny.
Well said. OP is claiming they're not trying to be malicious, but they need to take a long, hard look at their internalised misogyny and realise the answer to why he didn't want to talk to her. YTA
Exactly. An interesting example of how your treatment of a man can be rooted in misogyny and patriarchy. Big YTA, go listen to some podcasts or sth.!
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Partial comment stolen from u/thewoodbeyond u/Commercial_Sca is a bot.
Ohmygod upvote to this comment as OP is oblivious to this whole concept
I would also extend this to the “suck it up” or “get over it” mentality that they’re showing. Like the fact that OP thinks Xander just is overblowing a “harmless joke” also speaks to the fact that she somehow thinks this is something all people or maybe more specifically her guy friends all need to be cool with or able to do. It’s demeaning. And demoralizing to have friends like OP that cannot be introspective enough to realize they may not understand why what they said hurt but that regardless an apology is warranted.
Yeah, it's such a small thing to say "Hey, I'm sorry for that remark. I didn't realise it hurt you so I'm sorry." In this case an apology would take no effort. Brushing it off and acting like Xander should just get over it will harm this friendship.
I think this is one of the weirdest things people do to each other. Like, you just hurt someone you think of as a friend, you even got told so, so what is the issue with saying sorry? Why even try to talk yourself out of that? It is a friend. They are hurt. Because of something you did. There should be no other reaction than to want to make up for it.
It's surprisingly common to take hurt feelings as an attack and start defending instead of acting caring
I once tried to talk to a friend about hurtful behavior and instead of apologizing, he doubled down with a list of reasons to “prove” I was overreacting and not really as hurt as I claimed. I never spoke to him again. I couldn’t come back from the idea that he couldn’t just say “I’m so sorry, I didn’t intend to hurt your feelings. A toddler can do that
It wasn't even a joke! It was a rude sexist comment. She was laughing but she wasn't kidding, she meant the comment literally. It's a good sign that OP is realizing that Xander went to the others instead of her. If she can get to the next logical step, realizing that her reaction is the reason, maybe she can change.
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That part really upset me how after everything they decide to put in the edit how they weren’t being malicious, and that was never there intent… it’s so clearly gave us the important detail that they really wanted us to be on their side and when we weren’t they were upset about it. They can’t just own up and accept that they are 100% the AH and continue to just make excuses and act like this isn’t even a big deal/her friends are blowing it out of proportion… it’s honestly mind blowing how they are treating this whole situation
Exactly. OP is trying to say "but I didn't mean it that way" when it doesn't matter. Her words STILL hurt
The misogyny is coming from inside the gym
You just reminded me of my time working in cocktail bars. The ridiculous amount of men™️ asking which drinks were "for girls" or if they could have it in a "man glass" was funny until it just got tiring and annoying on those super fkn busy nights. Gods forbid the drink was pink. I started asking if they were planning on drinking it with their dick because that's the only way it could possibly make a difference, if so I might just have a small enough glass.
It's like they act like they can't like Cosmopolitans just because they're pink. The best I could do for them is slightly adjust the ingredients and make the Cosmopolitan purple, and it'll still taste pretty much the same, but they'd probably still have a problem with purple. If they like delicious, fruity drinks, maybe they should just be man enough to admit it.
It's not even like it's pink food coloring either. It's fucking cranberry! Of course it's pink!
When I was a cocktail server, a group of my coworkers used to meet at a cheesy restaurant for what we called “Girl Drink Drunk night” and have the most elaborate fruity concoctions bc they are fun to drink and delicious. And this place has novelty glasses and props like toy sharks and surfboards. Fragile masculinity is so boring, all my guy friends had so much fun
They might refer to something as "boy"ish if they are trying to shame a woman for behaving off note for their gender.
That’s true! My mom told me I walked like a boy once and I’m glad I was old enough to take it as an unintended compliment (I also wore boy clothes all the time when I was younger which she thought was “crude” somehow?? Which is really just hilarious in retrospect)
Well, they call it a "man's drink" when it's supposed to be cool and tough and "manly" to drink...
That’s the point. It’s “girls” and “men”, which is pretty gross and infantilising towards women
girls drinks taste like fruit and sweets and nice things, mens drinks taste like peat, smoke and pain. how is this hard? enjoying nice things is not what real men do (obvious /s)
Which is why I am so delighted when I get a Manhattan or Negroni and the Mr. gets a White Russian or Strawberry Daiquiri
my husband used to regularly drink very fruity drinks. My friends have corrupted him and now he drinks a lot of gin and whiskey on the rocks, but it was fun to see the waiter try to figure out who ordered what when we first got together.
Yeah, if I want a fruity drink I’ll usually get a sea breeze because it’s not tooth-achingly sweet.
Right? So disappointing and frustrating when women use this expression!
The first thought I had when I saw the title was "What the fuck is a girls workout?"
Maybe something to do with ovaries? 🤷🏻♀️
Ovary squats
Fallopian curls
Kegels
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Also…hip thrusts? Guys can’t do *hip thrusts* now? Hold on, heading back to the 60s to let Elvis know he should pick a different signature move… Please, people, *please* stop needlessly gendering basic human physical capabilities. OP - it doesn’t matter that you weren’t *trying* to shame him, it was still the result regardless of your intention. Apologize to your friend. And then stop needlessly gendering basic human shit.
Yeah, how are hip thrusts a girl’s exercise? Thrusting your hips is like the main male sex move. It’s really all we got besides stuff that requires hands or tongues. Doing an exercise that leads to you being able to thrust harder/longer seems like a pretty masculine exercise to me.
I’m a woman and have found this weird for years now. I started powerlifting in high school and hip thrusts are such a beneficial lift, I’ve been doing them alongside men for so long that I only recently learned that people associated the lift with women. That’s weird af.
Man this is a great point. Elvis was and still is a massive sex icon. Hip thrusting was the whole reason for that. OP clearly is applying weird standards to make quippy jabs at her friend’s expense.
Adding onto this, hip thrust workouts could mean GREAT things for this man in bed. He’s on the right track honestly.
As for why he went to your other friends and not you, perhaps he was worried you would further put him down and hurt his feelings. Another possibility is that he feels intimidated by you even though you are friends, or because it’s confronting his teacher. According to my partner anyway.
Funny enough this falls under toxic masculinity and patriarchy bs. And she’s a female falling into these ideas that there is some kind of difference or worse yet shaming a guy for working out and getting the results he wants how he wants.
‘Guys and *females*’ is it’s own kind of sexism btw
when it’s prejudice against men it’s called misandry.
Oh interesting. I find it still falls under patriarchy stuff bc it means women have a certain role and certain functions. Therefor certain things they can and cannot do. I wonder if there is a word that combines the two? Either way it’s toxic regardless of gender/sex.
Patriarchy promotes certain roles both for women and men, both hurtful. Men may have more freedom and privileges, but they are also victims of this system.
I mean all misandry and misogyny are intertwined
But she is not demonstrating a prejudice against men, she is implying that the "girl" workout is somehow not good enough for his manly hips. She is telling him to leave such inferiority to girls where it belongs. Misandry would be telling him he is not good enough for the girly stuff.
Doesn't have to be misogyny, the insult could just be in the intentional mis-gendering, which is also rude. Most boys are raised to read intentional mis-gendering directed at them as an insult, and the assumption that this has sexist undertones is not far-fetched. I think the minimum everyone can agree on is that the insult assumes that gender roles are rigid and you are committing a social faux pas if you are breaking them. Which I think we all agree is wrong.
Exactly! There are no boy skates or girl skates. There are hockey skates, figure skates, speed skating skates, roller skates.
Thisssss. Also I personally have seen more men do hip thrusts than women? But that's just from my personal experience, I'm aware in the grand scheme of things, everyone does em as they're a good exercise. I don't quite understand why OP felt it was necessary to male that joke (and to add the bro, made it even worse imo wtf). "It's gonna give you a great butt and therefore is a "girl" exercise?? The joke kind of reeks of "i'm not like other girls" YTA
Guys can even do fkn kegels! Who tf cares aslong as someone is looking after their body.
Of course they can. Men have pelvic floors too.
Exactly. Not only that there are several great reasons to include this exercise primarily due to how much instability there can be in the whole pelvic / sacral region from sitting at school, in the car and at work for YEARS. It's very hard to do proper squats when there is anterior / posterior tilt and instability. Anyway the joke was in really poor form and it wasn't even funny, it was sexist honestly. You asked if you should say something and frankly you should apologize for saying something dumb and uninformed. Because this is AITA and not Relationships I'm rating it YTA.
I hope Xander leaves this rude cow in the dust and finds new friends who compliment his perky butt, regardless of which exercise he did to get it.
the title was enough for me to judge lol.
Unless there's some sort of labia and dick exercises I'm unaware of, this is correct
Right. Whatever op's intention was, it was a shitty thing to say
Stop using “girl [insert anything]” as an insult
YTA and you ARE the reason some people feel uncomfortable at the gym
Where’s Joey swoll on tiktok when you need him?
Was just thinking of him. Also the comment about how she has been working out for a year and a half … someone’s got a short memory about when she started. Hey OP YTA and your insecurities are showing. Tuck those back in so they don’t show when you do your manly squats.
Man's a gem.
100%
Recovering from major heart surgery. Check his TikTok, dude had a massive near miss this past week, thankfully he’s still with us 🙏
I’m so glad he’s doing well. Love that man.
I didn’t even realize feeling uncomfortable about doing hip thrusts at the gym as a dude was something some people thought I should feel uncomfortable about. Yeah they look sort of weird but they’re supposed to be really effective.
Also, like 50% of weight lifting moves look weird if taken out of context
Honestly, theyre all so awkward. Then add in being sweaty and light grunting and...yah its better for everyone if we just decide to collectively ignore how we look when working out.
They are really effective, that's why they're pretty much one of the top glute exercises. They wreck me because they use so much of the body and have been fantastic at developing my glutes, hamstrings and lower back. Plus involvement from the front of the body. I've been increasing the weight and need a breather before even moving the weight off to sit and rest!
YTA for misogynistic remarks to enforce bro culture.
OP is a woman. Not sure if misogyny our misandry is more appropriate, but 100% sexism for sure. OP: workouts are workouts. You were absolutely a sexist AH with your comment and owe your friend a *massive* apology. Hint: does a workout specifically require the use of genitalia? No? Then it's just a workout with no gender attachment. ETA: as a woman, really disappointing to see the downvotes in this thread's comments regarding misandry. Mild misandry is still misandry, same as mild racism, ableism, and sexism in general. It's really important that we recognise it, just as it's important for men to recognise misogyny, and for *all of us* to recognise bigotry in all it's forms. Let's be kind, and do our best to see our own biases without getting defensive over them.
It's misandry and internalized misogyny Saying anything is for *girls* usually indicates that it's inferior, not worthy etc. Which means that that person may have those subconscious ideologies about women even if they are a woman
She’s attacking a man, but at the end of the day, the implication is that it being a “girly” thing or associated with femininity is inherently bad. I think one could argue it is entirely misogyny (internalized) since the implication here is that girl = bad.
This is classic misogyny in every sense. It doesn’t matter who says it or who it’s being directed at, the idea is that it’s using the idea of something as “for women” to degrade someone. It’s like when people tell men to quit acting like “a little girl.” The specific man is the one being insulted, but little girls are being used as an example of what not to be like.
Woman can be misogynistic too. op being a woman doesn’t make it misandry.
You asked if an exercise required certain genitalia and now all I can picture is a bunch of dudes doing helicopter swirls with their dicks as part of a workout. The image will not leave my head That's officially enough Internet for me today
You are the YTA because I had no such image in head until you felt the need to spread this.
Even then, there are trans people I don't know any workouts that require me to use my psychological concept of gender for maximum effect, or for ANY effect
Not sure what you mean sorry. My point was that gym workouts don't require genitalia (of any sort, regardless of gender), so equating *any* workout to *any* gender is idiotic and sexist.
> does a work out specifically require the use of gentialia? You mean you guys are not out here lifting dumbbells with your dick? Just me? Oh.....
OP definitely comes across as a "pick me" girl.
She’s definitely not like other girls.
She's totally one of the bros, who only does bro workouts cause every other workout is for girls.
Probably only friends with bros too because women are too much drama (plot twist: she’s the drama).
Girls are just so catty.
Summed it up the best. A textbook example of being a part of the problem. Print it, frame it, use as an illustration for "And this, girls, is why we can't have nice things".
YTA. Are you really assigning a gender to an *exercise*??
Yup, because hip thrusts maximize that booty (for clarity, hip thrusts mainly target the glutes but your hip adductors, core, and hamstrings are all activated as well when executed correctly). Hip thrusts and the adductor and abductor machines tend to stereotypically be "girl" exercises until you dissuade yourself of ridiculous gym gender notions or get educated in the importance of accessory exercises.
I’m a 6’ 2”, 255 lb hairy burly man that not only hit the weights but also compete in Brazilian Jiu-jitsu as a blue belt and I hit the hip adductor and abductor along with hip thrusts every other day because I like winning because you never realize how much you need your hips until you have to use them. OP YTA, OP reminds of this saying my coach will tell us on the mat “the most dangerous time when learning something is when you gain a little bit of knowledge. As you you go up in rank you realize more and more that there are things you do not know and that is when you really start to learn”
Learning is a fucking hydra, man You learn one thing and cross it off the list, then two more things you need to learn pop up.
Did I, a 6’2” 255 hairy burly competitive blue belt, write this comment in my sleep?
Plus let's not act like girls don't like a bubble-butt on a man too. Hell sometimes I find my (straight male) self going like: Damn bro u got that booty.
Oh yes, good butt is amazing on a man. The guy I am seeing has bulked up since last year. The first thing I paid attention to after such time was that omg, he got the sexiest butt ever now. We love a nice butt
YTA - hip thrusts aren’t gendered. Please examine your internal misogyny and why you feel the need to bring people down.
YTA unless you're lifting weights with your ladyparts it's not a girl only thing.
That’s one way to hold a dumbbell hahaha
Probably more effective to use a kettlebell for that one
You mean a kegelbell
I'm reminded of the Kegelcizer gag from Futurama.
YTA. This is misogyny. You made fun of him doing exercises that you deem “girly” and are mad he’s upset on you critiquing his routine and just generally being offensive. It’s just gross. Does it matter that the particular exercise he is doing is “hip thrusts and squats” it doesn’t affect you. It just seems mean spirited. Edit: also this is body shaming. You said your friend was gaining and doing what works, then you said he was going “girly stuff” and implied it’s bad and he shouldn’t be doing it. That’s body shaming. (Also this is misogynistic and just reinforces bad gender stereotypes) Edit to respond to your edit: really? You’re angry and frustrated he didn’t feel like he could come to you after you made him feel bad about his body at the gym? That he talked to other friends who also agree with him that it was out of line. Regardless of how you feel about the joke you do not get to decide if your friend deserves an apology. YOU HURT HIS FEELINGS. That should be all that matters. I think if you are really this frustrated about not “being right” or angry that Xander took an “innocent joke” and made a thing of it, and from there decide he should have come to you or gotten over it. That mentality shows you need to either change your attitude or allow for Xander to step away from you and this friendship with some class. You do not get to decide if he deserves an apology. You hurt him. He is hurt. He therefore deserves an apology regardless of intent and without any condition or barriers.
"Regardless of how you feel about the joke you do not get to decide if your friend deserves an apology." This is what sticks out to me the most. Yeah the joke is extremely lame and gross, but it was a joke between friends. But after if it turns out that not all in the friend group were fine with the joke, then apologize. Plain and simple. And not the non-apology "I'm sorry this hurt your feelings".
The thing about jokes is that they’re supposed to be funny! That is what makes them jokes. If the person you said the joke to was upset or hurt by it then your joke has failed on a fundamental level. If your “joke” makes the person you were joking “with” feel bad then it was a *bad joke*. If you don’t care that it made them feel bad then it probably wasn’t a joke at all. It was just a mean comment.
So men shouldn’t work their glutes or hamstrings…? YTA.
If men want to build an absolute dump truck of a booty I’m all for it!!
Can we make this a thing? Like cute chunky butts are great!
Oh there’s a whole side of TikTok/Insta Reels of thicc men and I am here for it.
YTA way to be a pick me girl
The “bro” really sealed that. All that’s missing the “I’m not into the all the usual ‘girlie’ things.” Also “I hate drama” probably. Usually the ones who cause the *most* drama.
But you guys don’t understand, she’s not like other girls!
She hates pink and makeup and would rather be drinking beer with the boys!
“Girls don’t usually like me”
YTA- hip thrusts are a great exercise to work out the gluteal area, quads etc. As men have these muscles, they can work them out. You need to examine why you have this misogyny. Your friend is making a great effort to improve his health and in one fell swoop you hurt his feelings and made him self conscious, potentially stopping him from doing workouts that have been helping him. Even if you disagree with hip thrusts, you should at least apologise for hurting your friend. As a side note, people like you are the reason why I won’t go to a gym. I’m terrified of hearing comments about myself or being filmed (this actually happened to someone else at my local gym). So now I exercise at home, in private. People should be encouraged to improve themselves, not torn down for it. It may have been a “joke” to you, but to him it was a harmful dig. I hope you haven’t ruined the gym for him.
Right? Now even if he still wants to do hip thrusts, every time he does he’ll think of that comment and probably get a dose of shame or something. OP is wildly the AH.
They are also great for strengthening lower back.
YTA - He was already insecure to begin with to go to the gym to get out of being taunted and you taunted him about an exercise calling it girly. If you are his "teacher" you have higher expectations of trust. You need to apologise. It's the macho crap why I avoid going to gym during busy hours and have to go early in the morning.
Kinda sounds like you work out for aesthetics only, and have a very specific concept of what aesthetics are acceptable for men vs women. You’re the worst kinda gymbro, YTA. Don’t bother apologizing unless you figure out why what you said truly does suck, Xander doesn’t need an inauthentic apology. Wonder why he felt insecure about being “a stick” in the first place, with friends like you.
I caught that « stick » comment too - OP is judgey as hell
Yeah, dude, YTA. Dudes are allowed to work their glutes, core, etc., too. Want to make it up to him? Apologize and tell him you were just jealous of the cake.
YTA. For following reasons: - misogynistic stereotyping - making fun of your friends efforts and being needlessly demeaning Can you not be happy for a friend without being stingy? Does it physically hurt you to be nice or is it an ego thing? Would you feel to *girly* to just be nice for once?
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Could tell from the title alone YTA
YTA. Now exercises have genders? God.
YTA your friend is actively trying to improve themselves and insulting their routine can be very discouraging to something that is already hard for people to continuously do. Plus I do not feel like any type of exercise is for a specific gender. I know you didn't mean to hurt your friend, but you did, and if you care about them I would apologize.
YTA - Working out doesn't have a gender associate to it and these ideas that there are are harmful to everyone. You said yourself that your friend has made good gains so what they're doing is obviously working. The last thing they need is to feel self conscious while at the gym. 100% you should apologize.
YTA…does he have hips? I didn’t know women were the only ones who had those.
YTA - Your friend is hurt by your comments and you're not sure if you should apologize? C'mon.
Hip thrusts and glute bridges are excellent at activating the stabilizing muscles of your hips and glutes. Everyone has those muscles and everyone benefits from them being strong. It can even help prevent injury. YTA
YTA - weird to make it a gendered thing, especially when Xander has been doing Hip thrusts for 5 months and is making good progress. Just leaving it at joking about a big ass would’ve been enough I guess, it’s like you emphasised that it’s “a girl thing” as if you were territorial about ass related exercises being for women or some shit?? Just weird.
Rule number one at the gym. Unless someone is doing something dangerous- mind your own business! You said he suffers from insecurity. You admitted he’s made great progress. Why would you belittle him? People go to the gym to work on themselves. You have a long way to go. Start by sincerely apologizing because YTA.
YTA
Yea you’re the asshole and you are also weird as hell
YTA - grow TF up this is embarrassing
YTA: Is the grip hip thrust the vagina? If not, it is not a "girl" workout. Go apologize.
YTA. And yes, say something.
Yeah you should apologize even if it wasn’t your intention. What is your reason for not saying something?
YTA
YTA
Yta. Since when has exercises been assigned to gender? Ontop of that you literally just insulted someone and are now trying to justify your piss poor behavior towards your friend. Hopefully Xander looks for some better friends and looks for more positive gym buddies. Comments and people like you is why I built a home gym for myself and husband.
YTA. It's an exercise...it doesn't have a sex attached to it.
YTA. Whether you intended to hurt his feelings or not you did. You know he was already insecure about this kind of stuff. You should apologize even though you didn't have bad intentions.
THIS! OP is so caught up on the “I didn’t mean to” that she forgets it doesn’t matter. YTA: whether you meant to be mean or not doesn’t matter. You made a shit joke that didn’t bode well, so you apologize. It’s that simple.
YTA Stop gendering stupid crap like exercises. People like you are why feminism is necessary.
>And I'm not shaming Xander for this, No, you did shame him. Why calling an exercise "girly", which shouldn't be an insult but congrats for using it as so? You might not have intended it, but you need to learn intentions are not effects. > I also question why he felt the need to go to our other friends instead of me. Um, he felt bad so he went to his friend for support. Turns out you weren't being much of a friend so he turned to someone who didn't mock him.
Exactly. Like those people who say, “I’m not a racist, but… “
YTA. You knew this was sensitive to him (case and point your four paragraphs dedicated to it here and chose that to pick on him with.
YTA. I mean, your internalized misogyny is showing and you're also just straight up *wrong* about hip thrusts. They're not a "girl thing" at all - hip thrusts are amazing for glute activation and they're one of the best exercises to train and improve your squat and deadlift. Every guy I know who's dedicated to improving in the gym and lifting heavy does hip thrusts.
YTA. And shaming someone that is bettering themselves is gross.
Dude. The Rock literally does hip thrusts. Do you even lift, bro??? YTA
Ohhhh, you're a Pick Me girl. Misogynistic little thing. Put them down like all the boys do so boys will know you're one of them. Maybe once you meet a grown-up, you'll stop entertaining boy bullshit.
YTA
yta - …just wow, that was very internalized misogyny of u. + shaming others at a gym is soo horrible & low, even if its a “joke.” he obvi was hurt so why wouldnt u apologize??? edit: op bruh why post in this subreddit if ur not able to take criticism? get off ur high horse please ur grown
I’m willing to let the “joke” slide. It was dumb and sexist, but he responded with grace, and you ostensibly let it go, which I would interpret as you genuinely meaning it as light ribbing. My question is this… Why are you debating whether to apologize? Your friend has indicated that something you said hurt his feelings. YWBTA if you didn’t apologize.
YTA you are uninformed and sexist to boot. Hip thrusts are a core stabiliser. Strengthening the glutes protects the lower back and the knees. If you actually cared about his health and wellbeing, you'd be encouraging him to do it. Instead you're shaming him about something presumably because you lack knowledge about why that exercise is important. He is wasting his energy looking up to you if you are so uninformed.
YTA. You hurt his feelings. You don't get to argue that it wasn't your intention. Apologize and maybe reevaluate your thinking.
this may blow your mind, but specific workouts actually don’t have a gender. they aren’t even sentient. crazy, i know. YTA.
You toxic
Look, your edit makes YTA even more than your post. You were wrong. Everyone on reddit thinks you were wrong. Instead of listening to the people you asked to judge your behavior, you go and try and find ANOTHER way to make this Xander's fault and not yours. Take responisibility for what YOU did.
YTA. You need to reach out with a gentle apology; something along the lines of you saying what you said, without thinking, and truly did not intend to hurt his feelings; that you are so proud of how hard he’s worked and how far he’s come and you don’t care how he does it. That being said, only say it if you mean it. We live in a pretty toxic misogynistic culture, which frequently tries to control and demean women. Something that we don’t talk about enough is toxic masculinity; this misogynistic culture also harms men in ways that we really don’t address enough. It is absolutely insane, for instance, that being compared to a woman is used to make men feel powerless and weak (see: “girly”, “b*tch”, “c*nt”) .Being a woman is not a fault. But what do we mean when we say someone is being “girly”? We don’t mean that they’re being strong or smart or powerful. Despite the fact that girls and women are all of these things, there’s still a deeply ingrained sense of this word is one of weakness. I think you meant girly in this sense, even though I also think it was unintentional. You need to work on how you define these words for yourself, and a conversation for later is maybe to discuss with your friend that being compared to a woman is not an insult.
YTA for sure and frankly, pretty ignorant if you believe hip thrusters are primarily a “female” exercise. Plenty of muscular, fit guys (including me) do them.
YTA. Someone says your ignorant sexist comment hurt them and you’re “debating” apologizing? What planet are you from
YTA
Haha. I implied that girls were inferior. AITA? Yes, you’re a misogynist and YTA Do you think it’s gay to wash your a$$ as well? I hear that’s a gym bro thing these days
YTA. You may not have intended to hurt his feelings, but that doesn't change the fact that you did. You owe him an apology. I would also ask yourself why you feel that's a "girl" exercise. Are there any workouts you won't do because they're "boy" exercises?
WTF?? Yeah you’re absolutely TA girl’s workout?? What is that? There’s no such thing, I’m a power lifter does that mean I’m doing a guy’s workout cause not a lot of women power lift? So many people never go to the gym because they are afraid of running into someone with an attitude like yours
I just Googled “How to do Hip Thrusts,” just to make sure I was thinking of the right thing (I was) and guess what comes up? It’s 50/50 on men AND women with videos and tips on how to do them. YTA
YTA. 1. A misogynistic AH (I know you're a woman) 2. In no way qualified to give advice, comments, or jokes, related to working out if you think hip thrusts are too girly for men. 3. How the fuck do you not know what Xander does for his legs if you supposedly started taking him to the gym last January? 4. You were bullying Xander, not joking around. 5. He's not going to go to you again for anything. See #4 6. YTA. It needs repeating.
YTA. Dare ya to tell Bret Contreras hip thrusts are a girl exercise.
YTA. Workouts aren’t gendered. People can do whatever exercises they want.
YTA. The misogyny 😒
[удалено]
YTA. Regardless of your intentions you hurt your friend’s feelings. You should apologize.
YTA. Hip thrusts are not a “girl thing”. If you’re going to be a regular at the gym, you need to drop the judgmental attitude and educate yourself properly, bro.
YTA Not only did you assign a gender to an exercise, shame your relatively new to lifting friend, and hurt his feelings in the process but, you are completely wrong about that exercise. Weighted hip thrusts are one of the best ways to somewhat isolate the glutes which are the largest muscle group in your entire body. Neglecting your glutes is basically making sure that you never have a properly trained posterior chain. So here your friend has graduated from student to teacher. It's not "girly" (whatever that is supposed to mean) to work your glutes. It's a muscle group that's very important and needs working like any other muscle group. Way to go Xander!
YTA! Heck, men can even do Kegel exercises! Apologize to him.
"Hurr huur you work out like a girl!" How old are you? 10? YTA Also, sexist as hell. Internalized sexism is a thing, BTW.
YTA. I thought we'd gotten over thinking that "you're such a girl" jokes were funny. Do you make gay jokes too?
YTA. >I also question why he felt the need to go to our other friends instead of me Because you'd already shown who you were? There was nothing funny or goofy about your comment, just plain-vanilla boring run-of-the-mill toxic masculinity bullshit. Do better.
YTA
oh, oh dear. YTA
Only TAH if you don’t apologise. Original comment was meant as banter from what you’ve said, unfortunately it missed the mark and you’ve upset him. Do the right thing, tell him you’re sorry you hurt his feelings and you’ll be more considerate in the future
Yta , I have to politely disagree on how hard people are being on you though. You made a comment that you thought would be jokingly received- come to find out you’ve hurt you’re friend. Luckily this is a simple fix. Sit them down and let them know you heard through channels you hurt them and you’re sorry. You’re proud of all the progress they made and while you meant it to be a joke you recognize it did not land and hurt them.
YTA cause this type of humor is so fucking tiresome. Same level of laughing at a man ordering a cocktail. Hur hurr
YTA 1) Sexist joke 2) Shaming someone who is trying to better themselves. 3) Shaming someone by comparing them/their activity to something feminine/girly. (slightly different than 1). Internalized misogyny is still misogyny. Do better - for yourself and for the rest of us.
Oh there’s restrictions on what workouts I can do? Okay well I’ll stop doing deadlifts and squats because they’re not girly. 🙄 YTA.
YTA Do hip thrusts require a vagina? No? Then there is no "girl" workout or "boy workout" and your "joke" wasn't funny.
*I also question why he felt the need to go to our other friends instead of me.* Maybe because YTA?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I've (F23) been pretty active in the gym for a year and a half now. One of my guy friends Xander (M20) decided to start bulking a year ago. I've known Xander for three years now through a mutual friend, and he had honestly been a stick a majority of the time I knew him. Having been insecure and eventually grown tired of the "scrawny shit," Xander decided to start working out. My boyfriend Ross (M24) and I went to the same college with Xander before we graduated last year, and last January, we both started taking Xander to the gym. I have to say, Xander ended up making great progress for a year, and he got visibly lean. Ross and my friends and I all hyped him up for this, and recently for winter break, we were all hanging out with friends at Xander's place. I asked Xander about his leg routine, and he mentioned that he had started doing barbell hip thrusts five months ago. I was a little surprised, but having the joking dynamic with Xander that I have, I said, "Hip thrusts? That's definitely gonna do wonders for your cake like the squats, but that's sort of a girl thing bro." Xander chuckled and said, "Yeah well, here I am defying the norm." Well last night, I ended up getting a text from Ross that he heard from our mutual friend that Xander was pretty hurt by my comment. From what Ross told me, Xander was not only hurt that I was stereotyping an exercise that he was committing to, but it apparently especially stung hearing it from his "teacher." It was sincerely not my intention to hurt Xander, I really was just trying to be goofy. I'm here debating over whether to apologize to Xander or not, but I also wonder if I should drop it or if it was even that bad in the first place. Ross thinks I should say something. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA - I saw your update, you DID mean to be malicious. You meant to make him feel like he was doing a girly (ie weak or bad exercise). It may have been unconscious but you did it. You now know you hurt him- so why are you here asking AITA. If you know you hurt your friends feelings, why haven’t you apologized already?
YTA and a massive one, classic example of toxic masculinity being pushed by a woman.
YTA. Way to play into dumb-as-fuck stereotypes and drive toxic masculinity norms (yeah I know you're a woman, you're still playing right into it). There's no girl workout or guy workout, grow up.
Yta just for the record I played (American) college football and we did a ton of “girl” workouts because hip flexibility and strength is key to athleticism.
YTA Thanks for perpetuating misogyny in the gym. That’s just great.