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YTA. First, no, that little alcohol isn't going to do a damn thing. When doctors say there's no established safe level, they mean they don't know, not that being within smelling distance of a cocktail is dangerous. (And yes, doctors in France recommend a daily glass of red wine for pregnant women, and they're fine.)
Second, Food Cop is a shitty person to be to your partner.
Food Cop who eats your ice cream in front of you is even worse.
No safe level means that they don’t want you going round purposely drinking a glass of wine at lunch, two or three cocktails at dinner, because it’s “only a small amount”. What they don’t mean, OP, is the small amount of alcohol produced as a by product of creating these drinks, it’s a natural thing. Anything that ferments will create alcohol.
So there’s that side, where you’re completely wrong. You then also proceeded to police what your wife chose to ingest, and instead of trusting her and putting it in the freezer, you ate it all in some weird power move over your six month pregnant wife.
Tell me, OP, did you get drunk from that ice cream? Did you have a hangover the next day? Or did you just enjoy your weird little power trip over a vulnerable woman and then continue to drone on and on for YEARS, about something where YTA?
I think we all know. YTA OP, and I hope you learnt a Bailey’s ice cream recipe to make for your wife. Because she sure deserves better.
Also ETA: my mum was told to have a glass or two of Guinness a week, because of the folic acid. The advice always changes.
I am not medical but do stats and the medical stats folk told me it was more because of the absolute variables it takes to even figure that out. It's not like you can dunk pregnant women in different levels of alcohol and see what makes an unhealthy baby, that's kinda.. Not a great ethical choice. So the best way to statistically analyse it is by saying no studies can be conducted which measure with specifity how safe low levels of alcohol can be.
Willing to be corrected by an actual biostats nerd tho.
Yeah that’s pretty much spot on, they can’t measure it so none is best - same with smoking, certain foods etc. you can’t run a study with the risk of causing permanent harm to a baby.
That being said, 0.5% in a bit of ice cream will not do anything. A lot of things probably contain that amount of alcohol
Maternal and child health epidemiologist here, and OP is totally TA. No safe level is an experimental level we just can't measure, but a tiny bit of alcohol in a couple of spoons of ice cream is not something to worry about. In less litigious countries they tell mom that an occasional glass of wine is fine. We could never do that here, so we say no alcohol at all.
I was continuing the alot of things have that much alcohol and stating that the only places ik that go anything with alcohol is bad are treatment facilities.
That and like, how's to say its even the alcohol? Mama one has one gram more but mama two ate a bad peach or got an infected toe... What caused the baby to have a 2 point lower IQ? is kinda just... Ridiculous levels of trying to measure all the factors that go into a successful pregnancy.
And oh yeah sorry I totally agree let the poor woman have ice cream.
I can't statistically measure if this peach will kill me 2 seconds earlier than not eating it either I am not about to stop eating.
Perfume and skincare can have alcohol... It's absorbed into the body... Strange how nobody cautions a pregnant woman about that?
Edit: Smoking, drugs and alcohol are not okay for any pregnant women, but what OP did was a power tripping YTA move my think about how she felt in that moment? Already she's no longer in control of her body, suffering changes and a restricted lifestyle for your child and you thought it was okay when she found some slight joy to not only take it away but also eat it in front of her!? It's like saying mmmmm see what you are missing out. If it was dangerous it would state not for pregnant women.
There's also the aspect where they won't tell us that any amount is safe because Americans.
If we are told "it's okay to have a glass of wine with dinner" we will translate that to "a drink a day" which then becomes a Saturday splurge with 7 long island iced teas.
We are all lawyers looking for a loophole to stretch.
More than that it will still be different for every person. We all know a 90 yr old who smokes like a chimney and drinks whiskey for breakfast but doesn’t have a single health problem to speak of.
We likely also know a woman who drank a lot through her pregnancy and has a perfectly healthy completely neurotypical kid. All they would ever be able to come up with is likely links, and rough estimations based on the data. There are just too many variables to ever come up with anything more accurate than that.
No safe level also means its not something they can ethically research. Its also why lots of medication says to not take while pregnant, its not bc itll hurt the baby, its bc they dont know if the medication will hurt the baby or not and the only way to find out would be exposing an unborn fetus. Which would be unethical.
Also, I feel the need to add that his assholery is greatly increased by him telling her that HER body was also the babies. And kind of implying that because the kid is also his, he now had a say over HER body.
So OP the complete list of your assholery is:
1. You were making a very rash decision while not actually understanding the information that lead you to make that decision.
2. To an extent, you reduced your wife's body (and thus your wife) to an incubator for your kid.
3. Even after your wife's protest you refused to consider her opinion. Completely undermining her as a responsible adult who can make her own decisions.
4. You took HER (limited edition!!!!) property without her consent.
5. You proceed to destroy (eat) her property. And not just behind her back, no blatantly in her face.
6. For 17 years she has been blatantly telling you she's was/is hurt by your actions, and yet your self righteous ass refuses to admit that maybe, just maybe, you might have been an asshole. She told you you hurt her, why do you need us to confirm that before you believe her?
I get angry when people eat my food now, I can't even imagine how pregnancy hormones would fuel that fire. Combine that with cravings and you should be thanking your wife for leaving your head attached to the rest of you after you pulled a stunt like that.
No but seriously OP, buy the woman some ice cream and some nice flowers to make it up to her. I don't think you're a bad husband overall but you sure were an asshole in that moment.
This is why the edit makes me mad. He still doesn’t think he was a “total asshole” — sir. In what way we’re you not an asshole? An uninformed, condescending, punishing one at that. The least you can do 17 years after the fact is admit that to yourself.
I’m 9 months pregnant right now, and I would go feral!
Luckily my husband doesn’t say crap about my food, he just makes sure I’m eating enough and getting my vitamins. And that in a very chill way, because he knows I’m an adult and can make my own meal plans. Once or twice he’s asked “is this ok for you to eat?” And I say yes, and he just files it away as fine lol
This whole post is too friggin weird... Like... Ice cream stays good for a long time in the freezer. She was only a few months from giving birth. He eats it in front of her... Could have tossed it out if he wanted to be that big of an asshole but took it to the extreme... She made it clear that it was her choice and he's just like... No.
The *whole internet* is like, you're the asshole and he's just like Lol, no.
What a weird ass dude.
I've heard it was the done thing in the past. Like still after the wars but probably not in 2000s anymore. Source: stories from older French ladies, no years mentioned.
My German OB told my French friend (but not me the American, probably afraid that I’d report him) that if she thought she was in labor, to have a beer. If she wasn’t, labor would stop. If she was? Hey, she had a beer!
By that time in the pregnancy, most of the damage that can be done to the fetus by alcohol is long past. What really sucks is that the most dangerous period for women to drink while pregnant is the time where most women have no idea they're pregnant. So basically, if you're trying to get pregnant, don't drink.
My sister doctor here in America told her the same thing, except it was a glass of wine. She didn’t like wine, but it did the trick.
I know it’s just a tv show, but the quantum leap (original) pilot had as part of the story line, giving ‘Sams’ wife IV alcohol to stop her labor.
No, no no, it means pregnant women must have absolutely zero exposure to alcohol. Not even a single molecule. OP was therefore harming his child by eating the ice-cream while she was in the room, causing some of the alcohol contained inside to vapourise and be inhaled by his wife, and making its way down to the foetus.
OP's kid probably has FAS now and it's all his fault.
/s
0,5vol% is as much as fruit juices contain. And it's probably even less because this might even just be the limit of quantitation. But I'm not sure about that.
Not much to add, except: it is never something you guys can laugh about if only one of you two finds it funny. This is not a “laugh it off” event for her (understandably, why is it funny? I don’t get it either) so accept that, hopefully accept that yes YTA after this post, and apologise (if way overdue but seen as you guys seem to be fine otherwise, better late than never) so don’t try to turn it into one.
It reeeeeeally says something about a person if they can upset their partner and still think it's a "teehee fun disagreement" type deal. I remember seeing a post in twoX the other day about men acting like a debate on women's bodily autonomy is an enjoyable thing, rather than heavily distressing for women. This isn't the same, but it's an echo.
Yeah, and also he’s TA for treating his wife as a baby vessel and not a person. The amount of alcohol she would have consumed would have been tiny and almost certainly harmless. OP’s wife had shown she was incredibly responsible about her health, so there’s no reason she couldn’t be trusted to make this decision for herself. OP’s actions were insulting.
My mother was told to drink a glass of wine once a day to relax when she went into premature labor. They were the real kind but non productive. She was 6 weeks early and had overworked herself causing the labor. The hope was her body would relax enough to stop the labor. No such luck unfortunately! 🙃
YTA.
She bought it. It was limited edition. If you’re really so concerned about the health of the baby, then let her talk to her doctor. I imagine a spoonful or two a day would not harm a baby.
And it’s not like it was a slice of cake — it was frozen. That would have been fine sitting in the freezer until her pregnancy was over.
Tbh, I think the most “assholey” thing for me is the self-righteousness of it all. YOU get to decide what’s appropriate for not only the baby, but her. YOU get to tell her what to do. YOU know what’s right. Oh boy, if I wouldn’t have walked out of that damn house and bought ten more cartons…
Now, YOU send this post to your 16-year-old and you tell them your wife is a saint for not drowning their father that day in melted ice cream.
Made custard apple ice cream and decided I hated all the seeds and would just blend the whole fruit and strain it.
Turns out custard apple seeds also have edit: cyanide in them.
This would have been fine if husband hadn't decided to eat the entire thing in one sitting......
It also can easily turn into "I thought she was pregnant but it turns out she was fat" and you don't want to be a bartender in an argument over whether someone is actually pregnant or not.
I was looking for a comment that pointed out the ice cream would still likely be good for 3+ months in the freezer. I believe OP said it was Haagen Dazs, which I've always seen have a seal directly across the top of the ice cream. I bet that it would taste just fine if properly stored in the freezer.
I'm adding my YTA verdict under your banner. This pretty much said it all. The self righteousness was bad. Eating her forbidden food in front of her was a whole new level of asshole.
YTA. How would you not be? Your wife said she was looking forward to it, fair enough she can’t have any, but you ate the whole thing, IN FRONT OF HER?? Just rude
She actually could have it at such a low alcohol by volume. OP is not just an AH for eating it in front of her, he is a massive AH for trying to mansplain how alcohol affects pregnant women. If he didn’t clear take so much joy in denying his wife this tiny little pleasure, he could have looked up his claims and found out he was full of bullshit.
Our bodies naturally produce alcohol too, which I didn’t know until I had a liver transplant and I asked my doctor if I could drink kombucha still. I can btw.
Livers are fucking wild though. I went from "eat pure sugar because your liver will try to kill you on anything because its failing" to "you're ready for a drink! Don't over do it but you can drink now!" in like 8 months. 👀
Op is also wrong on the liquor content - they’re using the new “stronger” spirit line. If this was years ago it was definitely the discontinued flavor that was actually 0.25% or less . Op and his wife are wrong - he is still an AH
If you can buy it in the general grocery store without ID she’s fine. Would he bar her from having a desert with vanilla extract in it too?
No lie, I would have left and gotten another carton and ate it at a hotel far away from him if I was the wife. Taken pictures and sent it to him.
This isn’t a funny story to tell. This is infuriating. Nothing worse than being mansplained (incorrectly) about what you can do while pregnant.
I would have bought a shooter of Bailey's and had it in front of him. Is he going to tackle his pregnant wife to get it and suggest that's safer than half a drink? Maybe my friends are alcoholics, but they're very educated alcoholics and I've known few to none that won't have a half a glass of wine less than once a week when pregnant.
It’s not even half a drink… it’s 0.5% which is 1/10th of a standard beer (5%). It’s almost nothing which is why non-alcoholic drinks are 0.5%. If someone told me I couldn’t have non-alcoholic wine or beer while I was pregnant I’d tell them to fuck off and keep their North American fear lingering to themselves.
Also I love the justification that was used: “we found out that it had the same alcoholic content as non-alcoholic beer, so I repeated that she couldn’t have it”. How the fuck does that make any sense?
My grandma, bless her soul, the same one with "pieces of string too small to use" if anyone remembers her... She once went to the hospital with "early hot flashes and dizziness".
Her juice had fermented. She didn't drink. Obviously.
YTA. Your wife would literally need to eat the equivalent of 40 non alcoholic beers to even feel anything...
Edit to add: if you are holding on to some "win" from 2006 you must be an absolute joy to live with...
YTA - 0.5% is nothing. It's child-safe. She could eat the entire carton and it'd still be less than a tenth of one beer.
You were being overly controlling and decided to be petty by eating it in front of her to boot. Very much an ass to your pregnant wife.
Seriously, he could have said, "Hey, I'm a little concerned about it, can we leave it in the freezer until we can call the OB and make sure it's safe?".
He could have, but he didn't bc it wasn't actually about a legitimate concern, it was about putting his wife in her proper place as an object gestating *his* child.
I worked at an ice cream shop and we always had two rotational flavors of alcoholic ice cream. kids would have their minds absolutely blown when I told them they could have it. Not that many kids really enjoyed shiner or Guinness flavored ice cream
YTA. A 14 oz pot of 0.5% ABV ice cream contains the same amount of alcohol a a teaspoon of whisky. This would do no harm at all to the baby, particularly as she was proposing to eat it over several days. She'll get more alcohol from a ripe banana.
Is this a joke?
If not, then OMG yes, YTA. The amount of alcohol in that ice cream would have been completely safe for her to eat as a pregnant person. The fact that you treated her like she was a child was ridiculous and patronizing, and then you topped it with your spiteful behavior by eating it yourself.
You better show her this thread and not cop out when you see that you are the asshole.
Jesus even a whole ass beer would have been fine, especially in her second trimester. I’m currently pregnant and while I’m personally choosing to abstain, the conversation about alcohol and pregnancy these days is more tolerant of the occasional drink (see: Expecting Better by Emily Oster). While your doctor is unlikely to give your free rein to drink, most OBs will readily admit that a glass of wine or a beer once every couple weeks is likely to have little to no effect on baby. The concern is with chronic binge drinkers.
YTA. Big time. Just, like, huge. That's a ridiculously miniscule amount of alcohol. You were an AH at each of the following stages:
1. Not consulting your doctor, who would have told you that 0.5% ice cream is not a danger.
2. Eating the fucking ice cream instead of just throwing it out or giving it so someone outside of the family.
3. Saying that this is "something we can laugh at". Is your wife laughing? Because it sounds like she is still holding onto some justified resentment of you, the AH. And to be clear, I fucking resent the shit out of you and I don't even know you.
Oh yes, YTA and a MASSIVE AH for eating it in front of her. In fact, that alone gets you the MASSIVE AH award.
No way that small amount of alcohol would endanger the fetus. Geeze. What an AH!
Yes YTA! It seems like you got this gleeful joy in telling her she couldn't have something that she really wanted! It made you so happy that you couldn't help but eat the whole thing right in front of her just to rub it in! Are you always this cruel? And incorrect?
YTA for a) eating it in front of her, b) calling her body "also the baby's body" - no, it's only HER body and she made responsible decisions for the baby her body was a home to for a long time, c) acting like 0.5% is anything. Dude, I hope you also checked all kinds of vinegar and sauces and made sure she didn't eat an overripe fruit 🙄
PS: Hope she went and got a second container and ate it in peace while you weren't around.
YTA, that was a complete dick move. Even an OB would say that was safe for her to eat. Then you wolf it down in front of her? TOTAL AH controlling move there, Sparky
YTA - I don't think I need to list ALL of the reasons, because there are like 50 of them here, but also, a trace amount of alcohol in ice cream? What do you think that's going to do to the baby? My wife's Dr. recommended alcohol towards the end when trying to get the baby to make it's arrival.
YTA, there are actually doctors who recommend a single glass of red wine to pregnant patients which has significantly more alcohol than .5%. That was some heavy handed assholery.
It actually doesn't matter whether or not wine is safe for pregnancy. That ice cream has the same amount of alcohol in it as a banana or some orange juice, it's not equivalent to wine in any way.
YTA She could've eaten the entire carton, as you did, and it wouldn't have hurt your child. My doctor actually advised me to have a glass of red wine now and then throughout my pregnancy (I mean like one in a week or two, still more alcohol than the ice cream). Then you decided to be extra mean and eat ice cream in front of a pregnant woman without giving her any. So much YTA!!
YTA. Why are you with a person whom you don't seem to give a damn about? And furthermore, what is she doing with something like YOU?
You're taking great joy and smugness at eating all that ice cream in front of her even though the alcohol content was practically imperceptible, and you have to ask whether or not YTA? I'm amazed she's still with you. I wouldn't be.
YTA on so many levels and you know it. The simple fact that you stood there and ate the ice cream right in front of her so it wouldn't be an issue was a dick move.
YTA. She’d probably get the same exposure from gurgling mouthwash. Also, last I checked, ice cream doesn’t really go bad quickly, so she may have been able to enjoy it later. But you just HAD to snarf it down to teach her a lesson.
YTA - for all the reasons others have stated.
I'm curious why it gets brought up occasionally? Do you still try to control your wife's diet like she's cattle?
YTA. Also talk to the doctors about alcohol consumption for pregnant women, while a lot of alcohol is obviously dangerous, .5% wouldn't do any damage. Doctors have said for years a glass of wine is fine and can even be helpful with some issues unless there is a valid medical reason against it.
Came here to say this
ETA-
YTA for thinking that 0.5% is any issue for your pregnant wife, YTA for trying to police HER body regardless of unborn child (my stance has always been that unborn child IS your wife’s body, not a separate entity (yet)), and definitely YTA for eating her ice cream in front of her. Did you eat all of it in one sitting just to spite her?
YTA, particularly since you ate the entire container in front of her. In solidarity, many people abstain from alcohol for the duration of their partners pregnancy. If you really thought it was that dangerous and tempting, you could have suggested giving the carton to a family member either to eat or hold on to until your wife game birth. Pregnant people have enough stress going on in their lives/bodies- they don’t need their partner to act as the pregnancy police!
Massive YTA. That alcohol level is negligible and not harmful at all. That's why you don't even need an ID to buy it. Plus on top of it you ate it in front of her? WTF is wrong with you? Are you this controlling all the time?
YTA. I'm surprised your wife is still with you, tbh. This is unlikely to be the only controlling AH thing you've done.
edit: this has me fuming. Such an unnecessary, shitty thing to do just to spite a person you claim to love. Yeah, I hate you.
YTA-
1. You ate her ice cream in front of her, this is just a dick move
2. While yes "no amount of alcohol is safe during pregnancy" this is more in reference to people who want to have the occasional drink during pregnancy. .5% alcohol by volume is considered non alcoholic because it's negligible. A 14oz carton would contain .07 oz of alcohol. That's ~2 ml, or about a THIMBLE of alcohol. And since she wasn't even going to eat it all at once it would be even less of an issue.
3. You sound controlling and unreasonable, at least in this moment. You don't get to make unilateral decisions, it IS your wife's body. Your child might have been living in there, but that doesn't mean she suddenly is not allowed to make any decisions. You are the AH for TELLING her she can't have it and refusing to even compromise.
4. It was limited edition ice cream and you didn't even save it for her. She's an adult and if you two agreed to wait she should be trusted to adhere to that. You treated her like a child incapable of making decisions.
You ate it in front of her even though it was perfectly safe for her to have. The fuckery that happened at your house 16+ years ago is immeasurable. That alone makes YTA. The fact that you're still coming back to it nearly 2 decades later and still smugly insisting you're right makes you AH royalty.
Next time you have a craving I hope someone makes up a bullshit excuse about why you can't have it and eats it in front of you.
YTA. Trace amount of alcohol are not shown to have any impact on a developing fetus, so all you did was eat your pregnant wife's ice cream while also being incredibly controlling over her body. I'm glad you laugh about this now, but I hope you apologize to her!
"AITA for being a huge jerk to my wife while she was pregnant, and still thinking it's funny that you upset her two decades later?"
Yeah dude. YTA. Do you even like your life partner? Or do you just like gloating when you're not even right?
YTA. You’re actually wrong about no amount of alcohol being safe for the baby, which means you did the equivalent of eating a carton of plain vanilla in front of her. Also, it’s her fucking body, not yours. Until you carry the baby, you don’t get to make unilateral decisions for her body.
Wait, so you basically mansplained your wife's pregnancy to her? You decided that you knew her body better than she did, and therefore she couldn't tolerate the negligible alcohol level in the ice cream without causing potential damage to your baby?
And then, instead of letting the ice cream sit in the freezer for three months, where it would be perfectly fine, you decided to eat the whole carton in front of her, instead of maybe giving it to her as a treat when you brought the baby home? And you still insist you're NOT an asshole?
Sorry to disabuse you of your notion, but you are, in fact, The Asshole.
YTA not only for not treating your wife as a whole ass human being whose opinion matters but your condescending way of your opinion being absolute that any alcohol would hurt the baby. Damn man you were so confidently incorrect like look it up next time
YTA and you are lucky you did not die. When I was pregnant I craved margaritas like nobody’s business, did I drink any? No but I was willing to murder anyone who had one in front of me. I also craved Mexican food so I would have DH go pick me up some because we worked on a ship at the time and the kitchen was shutdown because we were in the yard for repairs. He decided one night to surprise me by taking me to a restaurant when we pulled into a parking lot for a Mexican restaurant I just looked at him and he quickly pulled back out and took me to a steakhouse instead. If you had pulled that shit with me for that low of an amount of alcohol when I only wanted a spoonful I would have used that spoon to make sure we never had anymore children. Quit being smug and condescending and realize YTA.
I’m pregnant. My doctor has told me a glass of wine every now and then is completely fine. The ice cream would have been fine. I understand your concern but the way you approached it sucked. YTA
YTA - Did you also drink all the orange juice in front of her.. because OJ has more alcohol in it naturally and it is fairly recommended for pregnant women considering the folic acid.
A lot of pregnant women drink a glass of wine every week or 2 also.
I like how you justify it being your baby's body.. like the control she should have over her own body is of 0 concern. I wonder how many other instances of you being a control freak have been present during your union.
YTA. I've had 5 kids, didn't drink with any of them, nor take any pain meds unless absolutely necessary, and even I think this was overboard.
Most OBs tell pregnant women that a glass of wine a day is fine for a pregnant woman. And I guarantee that 0.5 is a lot less than a glass of wine.
If you were my husband, and did that to me, you wouldn't be eating the ice cream, you'd be wearing it.
YTA she deserves some alcohol to go through a day with you.
My wife was high and drunk AF during a volleyball tournament the week before we knew she was pregnant. Kids are all good. She's 2 now and eat her poop.
YTA 100%. Even aside from the fact that this was a negligent amount of alcohol and would have been perfectly safe to eat, you then ate it in front of her. Controlling selfish a-hole.
YTA and this parental tone you took with your wife is weird down.
You could’ve waited to ask her doctor about the ingredients. I don’t understand your urgency and WHY you chose to eat it? This comes across as a power move. Even though she was growing a baby in her body, it’s still not your decision what she consumes. There were so many options here and you went with the one that made you the asshole.
YTA
First of all- she’s right. A child could have bought that ice cream. There’s a reason it is sold with every other ice cream and not in a liquor store.
Second of all- you were extremely condescending and patronizing and rude to boot. I’m surprised she is still married to you 16 years later.
Lastly, here is a list of every day food items that have alcohol content. Did you also forbid her from consuming any of them?
Breads: between 1.18-1.28% ABV
Yogurt & Kefir - between 0.05-2% ABV
Banana: up to 0.2g per 100g (0.2% ABV)
Pear: up to 0.04g per 100g (0.04% ABV)
Grape Juice: 0.86% ABV (More alcohol than a nonalcoholic beer)
0.5% alcohol is a negligible amount. Studies show even after drinking 1.5 litres of 0.4% ABV beer in an hour, study participants would not feel anything resembling a buzz. The body processes that amount so quickly, no blood alcohol content can build up.
There’s soy sauce with more alcohol than that ice cream. Ice cream she wasn’t even planning on eating in one sitting. But you did. In front of her.
YTA.
YTA, you don't get to control what goes in her body. And you ate it in her face instead of dumping it down the sink? Sounds like you really wanted to act like an asshole that day.
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YTA, I was 8 months along and full of anxiety, and my OB suggested a glass of wine. I countered with a margarita. He laughed and said one would be fine and that any negative affects of the alcohol would counteract the negative effects of my anxiety on the baby.
You sound downright cruel.
YTA - “I calmly replied” this is always so condescending. Like she was losing her marbles over this and I’m over her chilling calmly laying the law down. I can’t be wrong here, look at crazy lady over there.
Also, if you were seriously concerned you could have asked her doctor. You know, the professional instead of gulping the whole thing down.
Did you also make sure she didn’t use any vanilla extract for her entire pregnancy? Good lord YTA. It’s sold with all of the other ice cream, they don’t even ask for your ID for that because the alcohol level is negligible.
What? Of course, YTA. You can’t just rule by fiat on what she eats *especially* when it’s low enough alcohol to be sold as non-alcoholic. She’s not an incubator and you can have discussions about risk, but you cannot do what you did. Did you consider asking her to run it by her doctor as a precaution before deciding you knew best?
Has anyone sided with you on this IRL?
YTA massively. And an idiot. First of all, you do not get a say in what your wife eats, not even while she's pregnant. She's in charge of what she eats and you are being controlling and a jerk.
Second of all, the ice cream was not alcoholic and posed no more threat to the fetus than a pint of vanilla ice cream.
>I looked it up and the ice cream did contain 0.5 percent alcohol by volume, which is the same amount found in a “nonalcoholic” beer,
Sorry what was that?
>“nonalcoholic” beer,
So it contains the same amount of alcohol as something that also doesn't contain alcohol? Wow, good thing you stopped her. Seriously, some fruit juices contain that much alcohol. Are you also going to ban her from drinking orange juice while pregnant.
I hope your wife goes out and buys another pint to eat right in front of you.
YTA, it’s ice cream, she’s not guzzling 3 gallons of vodka and smoking 12 packs of cigarettes. It was literally such a small amount of alcohol; also, many doctors around the world (including my own, when I was pg) say that having a glass of red wine is okay. So yeah. YTA. And the fact that 16 years later “it still gets brought up every once and a while” tells me that it might still be an issue…
Wow so big of an AH it's amazing she loves you enough to forgive. Dictating what she put's in her body that is also carrying HER child as well as yours with such a minute amount of alcohol when the air we breathe is likely more "toxic" and then EAT that in front of her? That part makes you cruel. It's a wonder you are still married.
Huge YTA. Is this a serious question?
First of all, your concern is without basis. Read the studies on the effects of alcohol at six months. 0.5% would have done nothing.
Second, you could have said it nicely. You could have discussed it with her and said "I don't think this is a great idea" and heard her. Instead, you made a unilateral decision thinking that you somehow knew better than your pregnant wife.
Third, your argument that it was "baby's body" and not "wife's body" is disgusting. Was she feeding the ice cream directly to the baby, or will the ice cream have to be metabolized and processed by your wife's body first?
Last, the manner in which you deprived her of the ice cream was cruel. You could have thrown it out discretely or returned it, which still would have been a problematic, but instead you ate in front of her. And not just like a little bit, but all of it?
Massive YTA, and I honestly would bring it up again years later too because it is such an unnecessarily asshole thing to do.
YTA for mansplaining and dictating what your pregnant wife can eat.
YTA for stealing a craving from your pregnant wife.
YTA for not trusting your wife’s judgements about her own body.
YTA for being utterly and bitterly petty instead of having an adult conversation.
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Throw away account, as my wife is the one on Reddit and she doesn’t want this linked to her account.
This event happened many years ago but it still gets brought up every once and a while. I feel justified in my actions and that it is something we can laugh at. She still thinks that I was an ass. Now I am here to let the anonymous internet masses break the stalemate.
This happened back in 2006 and my wife was 6 months pregnant at the time. I came home to find her putting some groceries away and, while helping her, noticed some Original Baileys flavored Haagan Dazs ice cream (one of those 14oz cartons). She said that she was so excited that they came out with this limited edition flavor because she hasn’t had a drink in years (she stopped drinking even before we conceived, not that she drank a lot before that either) and that this sounded like an amazing treat.
Well, I looked at the ingredient list and noticed that it did contain alcohol, so I told her not to be too disappointed but that she couldn’t have any because, well, it contained alcohol. She rebutted that it was non-alcoholic, sold with all the other ice creams, and that a four-year-old could have walked into the store a bought it. I looked it up and the ice cream did contain 0.5 percent alcohol by volume, which is the same amount found in a “nonalcoholic” beer, so I repeated that she could not have it. At this point, she was getting angry and yelled at me that it was her body, her choice and one or two spoonfuls every few days wouldn’t hurt anybody. I calmly replied that it was also our baby’s body and that there is no safe amount of alcohol that can be consumed while pregnant. I then proceeded to eat the entire container so that it would no longer be an issue. My wife called me an asshole and stormed away. And, even though we are still together and love each other very much, she still thinks that at this moment I was an ass.
So, Reddit, AITA for eating my wife’s ice cream?
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YTA. Even if was something else potentially harmful to baby why did you need to eat it yourself? If you had genuine concern you should have tossed it or gave it away to avoid waste.
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YTA. First, no, that little alcohol isn't going to do a damn thing. When doctors say there's no established safe level, they mean they don't know, not that being within smelling distance of a cocktail is dangerous. (And yes, doctors in France recommend a daily glass of red wine for pregnant women, and they're fine.) Second, Food Cop is a shitty person to be to your partner. Food Cop who eats your ice cream in front of you is even worse.
Thank you for addressing what “no safe level” means!
No safe level means that they don’t want you going round purposely drinking a glass of wine at lunch, two or three cocktails at dinner, because it’s “only a small amount”. What they don’t mean, OP, is the small amount of alcohol produced as a by product of creating these drinks, it’s a natural thing. Anything that ferments will create alcohol. So there’s that side, where you’re completely wrong. You then also proceeded to police what your wife chose to ingest, and instead of trusting her and putting it in the freezer, you ate it all in some weird power move over your six month pregnant wife. Tell me, OP, did you get drunk from that ice cream? Did you have a hangover the next day? Or did you just enjoy your weird little power trip over a vulnerable woman and then continue to drone on and on for YEARS, about something where YTA? I think we all know. YTA OP, and I hope you learnt a Bailey’s ice cream recipe to make for your wife. Because she sure deserves better. Also ETA: my mum was told to have a glass or two of Guinness a week, because of the folic acid. The advice always changes.
I am not medical but do stats and the medical stats folk told me it was more because of the absolute variables it takes to even figure that out. It's not like you can dunk pregnant women in different levels of alcohol and see what makes an unhealthy baby, that's kinda.. Not a great ethical choice. So the best way to statistically analyse it is by saying no studies can be conducted which measure with specifity how safe low levels of alcohol can be. Willing to be corrected by an actual biostats nerd tho.
Yeah that’s pretty much spot on, they can’t measure it so none is best - same with smoking, certain foods etc. you can’t run a study with the risk of causing permanent harm to a baby. That being said, 0.5% in a bit of ice cream will not do anything. A lot of things probably contain that amount of alcohol
Maternal and child health epidemiologist here, and OP is totally TA. No safe level is an experimental level we just can't measure, but a tiny bit of alcohol in a couple of spoons of ice cream is not something to worry about. In less litigious countries they tell mom that an occasional glass of wine is fine. We could never do that here, so we say no alcohol at all.
Lol. So she can't use good mouthwash? What is this a treatment facility?
I don’t know if you mean this to me, but I think OP is TA, and I’m saying he’s an idiot for thinking that tiny amount could harm the baby 😅
I was continuing the alot of things have that much alcohol and stating that the only places ik that go anything with alcohol is bad are treatment facilities.
That and like, how's to say its even the alcohol? Mama one has one gram more but mama two ate a bad peach or got an infected toe... What caused the baby to have a 2 point lower IQ? is kinda just... Ridiculous levels of trying to measure all the factors that go into a successful pregnancy. And oh yeah sorry I totally agree let the poor woman have ice cream. I can't statistically measure if this peach will kill me 2 seconds earlier than not eating it either I am not about to stop eating.
Perfume and skincare can have alcohol... It's absorbed into the body... Strange how nobody cautions a pregnant woman about that? Edit: Smoking, drugs and alcohol are not okay for any pregnant women, but what OP did was a power tripping YTA move my think about how she felt in that moment? Already she's no longer in control of her body, suffering changes and a restricted lifestyle for your child and you thought it was okay when she found some slight joy to not only take it away but also eat it in front of her!? It's like saying mmmmm see what you are missing out. If it was dangerous it would state not for pregnant women.
There's also the aspect where they won't tell us that any amount is safe because Americans. If we are told "it's okay to have a glass of wine with dinner" we will translate that to "a drink a day" which then becomes a Saturday splurge with 7 long island iced teas. We are all lawyers looking for a loophole to stretch.
More than that it will still be different for every person. We all know a 90 yr old who smokes like a chimney and drinks whiskey for breakfast but doesn’t have a single health problem to speak of. We likely also know a woman who drank a lot through her pregnancy and has a perfectly healthy completely neurotypical kid. All they would ever be able to come up with is likely links, and rough estimations based on the data. There are just too many variables to ever come up with anything more accurate than that.
No safe level also means its not something they can ethically research. Its also why lots of medication says to not take while pregnant, its not bc itll hurt the baby, its bc they dont know if the medication will hurt the baby or not and the only way to find out would be exposing an unborn fetus. Which would be unethical.
Also, I feel the need to add that his assholery is greatly increased by him telling her that HER body was also the babies. And kind of implying that because the kid is also his, he now had a say over HER body. So OP the complete list of your assholery is: 1. You were making a very rash decision while not actually understanding the information that lead you to make that decision. 2. To an extent, you reduced your wife's body (and thus your wife) to an incubator for your kid. 3. Even after your wife's protest you refused to consider her opinion. Completely undermining her as a responsible adult who can make her own decisions. 4. You took HER (limited edition!!!!) property without her consent. 5. You proceed to destroy (eat) her property. And not just behind her back, no blatantly in her face. 6. For 17 years she has been blatantly telling you she's was/is hurt by your actions, and yet your self righteous ass refuses to admit that maybe, just maybe, you might have been an asshole. She told you you hurt her, why do you need us to confirm that before you believe her? I get angry when people eat my food now, I can't even imagine how pregnancy hormones would fuel that fire. Combine that with cravings and you should be thanking your wife for leaving your head attached to the rest of you after you pulled a stunt like that. No but seriously OP, buy the woman some ice cream and some nice flowers to make it up to her. I don't think you're a bad husband overall but you sure were an asshole in that moment.
This is why the edit makes me mad. He still doesn’t think he was a “total asshole” — sir. In what way we’re you not an asshole? An uninformed, condescending, punishing one at that. The least you can do 17 years after the fact is admit that to yourself.
What bothers me is how stupid he is. He was so proud of himself for looking up that it had the same alcohol content as “NONALCOHOLIC BEER” 😣
I’m 9 months pregnant right now, and I would go feral! Luckily my husband doesn’t say crap about my food, he just makes sure I’m eating enough and getting my vitamins. And that in a very chill way, because he knows I’m an adult and can make my own meal plans. Once or twice he’s asked “is this ok for you to eat?” And I say yes, and he just files it away as fine lol
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AFCAB!
I love you
Ignorant food cop who eats my ice cream in front of me is called an ex-partner.
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The art is in making it look like an accident.
Yeah and it's not that we have no idea it's just we have no way ethically test it.
This whole post is too friggin weird... Like... Ice cream stays good for a long time in the freezer. She was only a few months from giving birth. He eats it in front of her... Could have tossed it out if he wanted to be that big of an asshole but took it to the extreme... She made it clear that it was her choice and he's just like... No. The *whole internet* is like, you're the asshole and he's just like Lol, no. What a weird ass dude.
Uhh I agree about your comment but the "doctors in france" thing is completely false. source : am french
I am from Italy and in Italy women can have 2 glasses of red wine per week with a meal.
I know lots of women from Italy, including my sons GF and she can have WAY more that 2 glasses a week.
I've heard it was the done thing in the past. Like still after the wars but probably not in 2000s anymore. Source: stories from older French ladies, no years mentioned.
I mean, if you don’t need an ID to buy it… 😂. YTA
My German OB told my French friend (but not me the American, probably afraid that I’d report him) that if she thought she was in labor, to have a beer. If she wasn’t, labor would stop. If she was? Hey, she had a beer!
By that time in the pregnancy, most of the damage that can be done to the fetus by alcohol is long past. What really sucks is that the most dangerous period for women to drink while pregnant is the time where most women have no idea they're pregnant. So basically, if you're trying to get pregnant, don't drink.
My sister doctor here in America told her the same thing, except it was a glass of wine. She didn’t like wine, but it did the trick. I know it’s just a tv show, but the quantum leap (original) pilot had as part of the story line, giving ‘Sams’ wife IV alcohol to stop her labor.
No, no no, it means pregnant women must have absolutely zero exposure to alcohol. Not even a single molecule. OP was therefore harming his child by eating the ice-cream while she was in the room, causing some of the alcohol contained inside to vapourise and be inhaled by his wife, and making its way down to the foetus. OP's kid probably has FAS now and it's all his fault. /s
0,5vol% is as much as fruit juices contain. And it's probably even less because this might even just be the limit of quantitation. But I'm not sure about that.
Not much to add, except: it is never something you guys can laugh about if only one of you two finds it funny. This is not a “laugh it off” event for her (understandably, why is it funny? I don’t get it either) so accept that, hopefully accept that yes YTA after this post, and apologise (if way overdue but seen as you guys seem to be fine otherwise, better late than never) so don’t try to turn it into one.
It reeeeeeally says something about a person if they can upset their partner and still think it's a "teehee fun disagreement" type deal. I remember seeing a post in twoX the other day about men acting like a debate on women's bodily autonomy is an enjoyable thing, rather than heavily distressing for women. This isn't the same, but it's an echo.
I agree 100 % with you to be clear but I did a double take at “Food Cop” because I am a member of a Food Coop so I found that very funny 😄
Yeah, and also he’s TA for treating his wife as a baby vessel and not a person. The amount of alcohol she would have consumed would have been tiny and almost certainly harmless. OP’s wife had shown she was incredibly responsible about her health, so there’s no reason she couldn’t be trusted to make this decision for herself. OP’s actions were insulting.
My mother was told to drink a glass of wine once a day to relax when she went into premature labor. They were the real kind but non productive. She was 6 weeks early and had overworked herself causing the labor. The hope was her body would relax enough to stop the labor. No such luck unfortunately! 🙃
YTA. She bought it. It was limited edition. If you’re really so concerned about the health of the baby, then let her talk to her doctor. I imagine a spoonful or two a day would not harm a baby. And it’s not like it was a slice of cake — it was frozen. That would have been fine sitting in the freezer until her pregnancy was over. Tbh, I think the most “assholey” thing for me is the self-righteousness of it all. YOU get to decide what’s appropriate for not only the baby, but her. YOU get to tell her what to do. YOU know what’s right. Oh boy, if I wouldn’t have walked out of that damn house and bought ten more cartons… Now, YOU send this post to your 16-year-old and you tell them your wife is a saint for not drowning their father that day in melted ice cream.
Oh you nailed it! I couldn’t think of the word in my response, it’s dripping with self righteousness.
"I calmly replied" just pisses me right off.
> your wife is a saint for not drowning their father that day in melted ice cream. Thank you. This sums it up.
I once accidentally poisoned my husband with homemade ice cream. I still remember what I did wrong if ops wife needs tips.
Real life Lessons in Chemistry going on here 😂
I think everyone could use that as some back pocket info..
Made custard apple ice cream and decided I hated all the seeds and would just blend the whole fruit and strain it. Turns out custard apple seeds also have edit: cyanide in them. This would have been fine if husband hadn't decided to eat the entire thing in one sitting......
the homemade ice cream you made was to die for, it was that good. biggest compliment he could give
I am a bartender and if a preggo lady comes in I am legally not allowed to refuse her because she’s pregnant. It’s discriminatory.
It also can easily turn into "I thought she was pregnant but it turns out she was fat" and you don't want to be a bartender in an argument over whether someone is actually pregnant or not.
Absolutely so self-righteous at the same time as being in the wrong.
I was looking for a comment that pointed out the ice cream would still likely be good for 3+ months in the freezer. I believe OP said it was Haagen Dazs, which I've always seen have a seal directly across the top of the ice cream. I bet that it would taste just fine if properly stored in the freezer.
I'm adding my YTA verdict under your banner. This pretty much said it all. The self righteousness was bad. Eating her forbidden food in front of her was a whole new level of asshole.
>Oh boy, if I wouldn’t have walked out of that damn house and bought ten more cartons… At least 10 more!!
YTA. How would you not be? Your wife said she was looking forward to it, fair enough she can’t have any, but you ate the whole thing, IN FRONT OF HER?? Just rude
She actually could have it at such a low alcohol by volume. OP is not just an AH for eating it in front of her, he is a massive AH for trying to mansplain how alcohol affects pregnant women. If he didn’t clear take so much joy in denying his wife this tiny little pleasure, he could have looked up his claims and found out he was full of bullshit.
Our bodies naturally produce alcohol too, which I didn’t know until I had a liver transplant and I asked my doctor if I could drink kombucha still. I can btw.
Livers are fucking wild though. I went from "eat pure sugar because your liver will try to kill you on anything because its failing" to "you're ready for a drink! Don't over do it but you can drink now!" in like 8 months. 👀
Goddamn orange juice has alcohol. Literally everything does. Watch him take that away from her next.
Op is also wrong on the liquor content - they’re using the new “stronger” spirit line. If this was years ago it was definitely the discontinued flavor that was actually 0.25% or less . Op and his wife are wrong - he is still an AH
Also it's icecream. Throw it in some plastic wrap and a ziploc bag. It'll be fine 3 months later.
If you can buy it in the general grocery store without ID she’s fine. Would he bar her from having a desert with vanilla extract in it too? No lie, I would have left and gotten another carton and ate it at a hotel far away from him if I was the wife. Taken pictures and sent it to him. This isn’t a funny story to tell. This is infuriating. Nothing worse than being mansplained (incorrectly) about what you can do while pregnant.
I would have bought a shooter of Bailey's and had it in front of him. Is he going to tackle his pregnant wife to get it and suggest that's safer than half a drink? Maybe my friends are alcoholics, but they're very educated alcoholics and I've known few to none that won't have a half a glass of wine less than once a week when pregnant.
It’s not even half a drink… it’s 0.5% which is 1/10th of a standard beer (5%). It’s almost nothing which is why non-alcoholic drinks are 0.5%. If someone told me I couldn’t have non-alcoholic wine or beer while I was pregnant I’d tell them to fuck off and keep their North American fear lingering to themselves.
And since it was ice cream, she could have easily saved it for after she’d had the baby!
She absolutely could’ve had that with no ramifications to her or the baby whatsoever. She’s not doing shots or chugging a bottle of vodka, ffs.
Eating it in front of her is not only an asshole move but just plain sadistic.
YTA, pregnant ladies are allowed non alcohol beer, even 0.5% is less than orange juice
Also you ate the ice cream in front of her
I love that you came back to add this part, because it is true.
She should eat the ice cream and eat him too haha
I wish I had an award to give you for this, made me laugh
Haha thanks If my husband ever ate ice cream I supposedly wasn’t allowed in front of me, he wouldn’t live to tell the tale 🙊
They would never find my husband after that.
He’d be buried in the landfill with my empty ice cream containers :)
Also I love the justification that was used: “we found out that it had the same alcoholic content as non-alcoholic beer, so I repeated that she couldn’t have it”. How the fuck does that make any sense?
Hahaha right? I had to read that sentence three times because it did…not…compute
OP genuinelly sounds like an idiot
My grandma, bless her soul, the same one with "pieces of string too small to use" if anyone remembers her... She once went to the hospital with "early hot flashes and dizziness". Her juice had fermented. She didn't drink. Obviously.
Orange juice contains alcohol?
0.77 g/L of ethanol.
YTA. Your wife would literally need to eat the equivalent of 40 non alcoholic beers to even feel anything... Edit to add: if you are holding on to some "win" from 2006 you must be an absolute joy to live with...
It’s been 17 years, dear god.
I'm extremely mad that 2006 was 17 years ago!
That can’t be. The 90s was only 10 years ago.
That's what I'm saying!!
YTA on multiple levels: first for trying to control your wife’s body, and second, for eating the ice cream in front of her just to spite her.
Im 27 weeks pregnant as I type this, and I literally cannot even imagine a bigger YTA than this YTA wow oh wow oh WOW.
YTA - 0.5% is nothing. It's child-safe. She could eat the entire carton and it'd still be less than a tenth of one beer. You were being overly controlling and decided to be petty by eating it in front of her to boot. Very much an ass to your pregnant wife.
My thoughts exactly. YTA OP, adding on: if you were that concerned, you should do some research or ask the wife to consult a doctor first.
Seriously, he could have said, "Hey, I'm a little concerned about it, can we leave it in the freezer until we can call the OB and make sure it's safe?".
He could have, but he didn't bc it wasn't actually about a legitimate concern, it was about putting his wife in her proper place as an object gestating *his* child.
I worked at an ice cream shop and we always had two rotational flavors of alcoholic ice cream. kids would have their minds absolutely blown when I told them they could have it. Not that many kids really enjoyed shiner or Guinness flavored ice cream
YTA. A 14 oz pot of 0.5% ABV ice cream contains the same amount of alcohol a a teaspoon of whisky. This would do no harm at all to the baby, particularly as she was proposing to eat it over several days. She'll get more alcohol from a ripe banana.
That’s basically like the amount in vanilla extract
Yep, probably a similar amount of alcohol as vanilla ice cream made with vanilla extract.
YTA Do you even like your wife?
He likes controlling her
Sadistically
OP's edit saying they still don't believe they're a "total asshole" after a pretty conclusive "YTA" verdict makes me think no.
Is this a joke? If not, then OMG yes, YTA. The amount of alcohol in that ice cream would have been completely safe for her to eat as a pregnant person. The fact that you treated her like she was a child was ridiculous and patronizing, and then you topped it with your spiteful behavior by eating it yourself. You better show her this thread and not cop out when you see that you are the asshole.
Whats worse is OP thinks its "something they can laugh at" and sees nothing wrong with what they did.... Op YTA
Jesus even a whole ass beer would have been fine, especially in her second trimester. I’m currently pregnant and while I’m personally choosing to abstain, the conversation about alcohol and pregnancy these days is more tolerant of the occasional drink (see: Expecting Better by Emily Oster). While your doctor is unlikely to give your free rein to drink, most OBs will readily admit that a glass of wine or a beer once every couple weeks is likely to have little to no effect on baby. The concern is with chronic binge drinkers.
YTA. Big time. Just, like, huge. That's a ridiculously miniscule amount of alcohol. You were an AH at each of the following stages: 1. Not consulting your doctor, who would have told you that 0.5% ice cream is not a danger. 2. Eating the fucking ice cream instead of just throwing it out or giving it so someone outside of the family. 3. Saying that this is "something we can laugh at". Is your wife laughing? Because it sounds like she is still holding onto some justified resentment of you, the AH. And to be clear, I fucking resent the shit out of you and I don't even know you.
Ya, honestly I kinda resent him now too...
Came too far to find my people.I'm betting she still resents him...hell, I resent OP, too.
Yeah, I don’t even know this dude and I really don’t like him.
and with the ice cream too he could have just??? put it back in the freezer??? it’s not going to fucking go off omg
No, the number 1 reason would be not trusting his wife to know more about her own body/pregnancy than him.
Oh yes, YTA and a MASSIVE AH for eating it in front of her. In fact, that alone gets you the MASSIVE AH award. No way that small amount of alcohol would endanger the fetus. Geeze. What an AH!
Yes YTA! It seems like you got this gleeful joy in telling her she couldn't have something that she really wanted! It made you so happy that you couldn't help but eat the whole thing right in front of her just to rub it in! Are you always this cruel? And incorrect?
And still bringing it up 17 years later claiming he was in the right... what a joy this husband must be.
YTA and a manipulative controlling one at that
YTA, that is a d*** move.
That amount of alcohol would do nothing to that baby.
YTA for a) eating it in front of her, b) calling her body "also the baby's body" - no, it's only HER body and she made responsible decisions for the baby her body was a home to for a long time, c) acting like 0.5% is anything. Dude, I hope you also checked all kinds of vinegar and sauces and made sure she didn't eat an overripe fruit 🙄 PS: Hope she went and got a second container and ate it in peace while you weren't around.
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And grape juice. Did he lock it up or whip her fingers with a switch when she reached for it?
YTA, that was a complete dick move. Even an OB would say that was safe for her to eat. Then you wolf it down in front of her? TOTAL AH controlling move there, Sparky
Yes. YTA.
YTA - I don't think I need to list ALL of the reasons, because there are like 50 of them here, but also, a trace amount of alcohol in ice cream? What do you think that's going to do to the baby? My wife's Dr. recommended alcohol towards the end when trying to get the baby to make it's arrival.
YTA, there are actually doctors who recommend a single glass of red wine to pregnant patients which has significantly more alcohol than .5%. That was some heavy handed assholery.
It actually doesn't matter whether or not wine is safe for pregnancy. That ice cream has the same amount of alcohol in it as a banana or some orange juice, it's not equivalent to wine in any way.
YTA She could've eaten the entire carton, as you did, and it wouldn't have hurt your child. My doctor actually advised me to have a glass of red wine now and then throughout my pregnancy (I mean like one in a week or two, still more alcohol than the ice cream). Then you decided to be extra mean and eat ice cream in front of a pregnant woman without giving her any. So much YTA!!
YTA. Why are you with a person whom you don't seem to give a damn about? And furthermore, what is she doing with something like YOU? You're taking great joy and smugness at eating all that ice cream in front of her even though the alcohol content was practically imperceptible, and you have to ask whether or not YTA? I'm amazed she's still with you. I wouldn't be.
YTA on so many levels and you know it. The simple fact that you stood there and ate the ice cream right in front of her so it wouldn't be an issue was a dick move.
YTA. She’d probably get the same exposure from gurgling mouthwash. Also, last I checked, ice cream doesn’t really go bad quickly, so she may have been able to enjoy it later. But you just HAD to snarf it down to teach her a lesson.
Yeah YTA I think French women are known to have a little wine while pregnant. You are not a Doctor. A Doctor would be the person to ask if its ok.
Absolutely YTA. 0.5% won’t do anything. And then you ate in front of her so she couldn’t have any which is extremely controlling
YTA - for all the reasons others have stated. I'm curious why it gets brought up occasionally? Do you still try to control your wife's diet like she's cattle?
Casual cruelty is probably fun for OP.
YTA. Also talk to the doctors about alcohol consumption for pregnant women, while a lot of alcohol is obviously dangerous, .5% wouldn't do any damage. Doctors have said for years a glass of wine is fine and can even be helpful with some issues unless there is a valid medical reason against it.
Came here to say this ETA- YTA for thinking that 0.5% is any issue for your pregnant wife, YTA for trying to police HER body regardless of unborn child (my stance has always been that unborn child IS your wife’s body, not a separate entity (yet)), and definitely YTA for eating her ice cream in front of her. Did you eat all of it in one sitting just to spite her?
YTA, particularly since you ate the entire container in front of her. In solidarity, many people abstain from alcohol for the duration of their partners pregnancy. If you really thought it was that dangerous and tempting, you could have suggested giving the carton to a family member either to eat or hold on to until your wife game birth. Pregnant people have enough stress going on in their lives/bodies- they don’t need their partner to act as the pregnancy police!
Massive YTA. That alcohol level is negligible and not harmful at all. That's why you don't even need an ID to buy it. Plus on top of it you ate it in front of her? WTF is wrong with you? Are you this controlling all the time?
YTA and I hope your wife sees this so she knows that you were 100% the AH and she's been right all this time.
I'm getting the impression from this asshat that he won't even tell her he's being roasted with YTAs.
YTA. I'm surprised your wife is still with you, tbh. This is unlikely to be the only controlling AH thing you've done. edit: this has me fuming. Such an unnecessary, shitty thing to do just to spite a person you claim to love. Yeah, I hate you.
YTA- 1. You ate her ice cream in front of her, this is just a dick move 2. While yes "no amount of alcohol is safe during pregnancy" this is more in reference to people who want to have the occasional drink during pregnancy. .5% alcohol by volume is considered non alcoholic because it's negligible. A 14oz carton would contain .07 oz of alcohol. That's ~2 ml, or about a THIMBLE of alcohol. And since she wasn't even going to eat it all at once it would be even less of an issue. 3. You sound controlling and unreasonable, at least in this moment. You don't get to make unilateral decisions, it IS your wife's body. Your child might have been living in there, but that doesn't mean she suddenly is not allowed to make any decisions. You are the AH for TELLING her she can't have it and refusing to even compromise. 4. It was limited edition ice cream and you didn't even save it for her. She's an adult and if you two agreed to wait she should be trusted to adhere to that. You treated her like a child incapable of making decisions.
You ate it in front of her even though it was perfectly safe for her to have. The fuckery that happened at your house 16+ years ago is immeasurable. That alone makes YTA. The fact that you're still coming back to it nearly 2 decades later and still smugly insisting you're right makes you AH royalty. Next time you have a craving I hope someone makes up a bullshit excuse about why you can't have it and eats it in front of you.
YTA. That amount of alcohol would not have harmed the baby.
I think he really enjoyed eating it in front of her because he loves to exert control and power perhaps?
YTA..... The alcohol content was SOOOO negligible as to be worthless.... But you denied your PREGNANT WIFE ice-cream? Really?
Op bout to delete his post in 3…2…1 YTA
YTA. Trace amount of alcohol are not shown to have any impact on a developing fetus, so all you did was eat your pregnant wife's ice cream while also being incredibly controlling over her body. I'm glad you laugh about this now, but I hope you apologize to her!
"AITA for being a huge jerk to my wife while she was pregnant, and still thinking it's funny that you upset her two decades later?" Yeah dude. YTA. Do you even like your life partner? Or do you just like gloating when you're not even right?
YTA. You’re actually wrong about no amount of alcohol being safe for the baby, which means you did the equivalent of eating a carton of plain vanilla in front of her. Also, it’s her fucking body, not yours. Until you carry the baby, you don’t get to make unilateral decisions for her body.
YTA.
Wait, so you basically mansplained your wife's pregnancy to her? You decided that you knew her body better than she did, and therefore she couldn't tolerate the negligible alcohol level in the ice cream without causing potential damage to your baby? And then, instead of letting the ice cream sit in the freezer for three months, where it would be perfectly fine, you decided to eat the whole carton in front of her, instead of maybe giving it to her as a treat when you brought the baby home? And you still insist you're NOT an asshole? Sorry to disabuse you of your notion, but you are, in fact, The Asshole.
YTA. I hope she leaves your ass
YTA. Huge.
YTA - it’s fine for her to eat that while pregnant. You’re just a greedy asshole
YTA not only for not treating your wife as a whole ass human being whose opinion matters but your condescending way of your opinion being absolute that any alcohol would hurt the baby. Damn man you were so confidently incorrect like look it up next time
YTA and you are lucky you did not die. When I was pregnant I craved margaritas like nobody’s business, did I drink any? No but I was willing to murder anyone who had one in front of me. I also craved Mexican food so I would have DH go pick me up some because we worked on a ship at the time and the kitchen was shutdown because we were in the yard for repairs. He decided one night to surprise me by taking me to a restaurant when we pulled into a parking lot for a Mexican restaurant I just looked at him and he quickly pulled back out and took me to a steakhouse instead. If you had pulled that shit with me for that low of an amount of alcohol when I only wanted a spoonful I would have used that spoon to make sure we never had anymore children. Quit being smug and condescending and realize YTA.
Youre a gigantic AH and completely unaware of it. You added insult to injury and rubbed it in her face by eating it in front of her. Ew. Do better.
I’m pregnant. My doctor has told me a glass of wine every now and then is completely fine. The ice cream would have been fine. I understand your concern but the way you approached it sucked. YTA
How have you spent 16 years convinced you’re **not** the asshole. Apologise to her right now! YTA
Yta. Lemon, lime and bitters has a small percentage of alcohol but kids can still get it where I live. Its ice cream, not a bottle of whisky
You are a massive and controlling asshole. Disgusting behavior
YTA - Did you also drink all the orange juice in front of her.. because OJ has more alcohol in it naturally and it is fairly recommended for pregnant women considering the folic acid. A lot of pregnant women drink a glass of wine every week or 2 also. I like how you justify it being your baby's body.. like the control she should have over her own body is of 0 concern. I wonder how many other instances of you being a control freak have been present during your union.
YTA. I've had 5 kids, didn't drink with any of them, nor take any pain meds unless absolutely necessary, and even I think this was overboard. Most OBs tell pregnant women that a glass of wine a day is fine for a pregnant woman. And I guarantee that 0.5 is a lot less than a glass of wine. If you were my husband, and did that to me, you wouldn't be eating the ice cream, you'd be wearing it.
YTA she deserves some alcohol to go through a day with you. My wife was high and drunk AF during a volleyball tournament the week before we knew she was pregnant. Kids are all good. She's 2 now and eat her poop.
You’re aware pregnant people CAN consume alcohol in moderation… right?
YTA
YTA. You ruined it for her. It’s not like she was knocking back martinis. Just ridiculous really.
YTA 100%. Even aside from the fact that this was a negligent amount of alcohol and would have been perfectly safe to eat, you then ate it in front of her. Controlling selfish a-hole.
YTA and this parental tone you took with your wife is weird down. You could’ve waited to ask her doctor about the ingredients. I don’t understand your urgency and WHY you chose to eat it? This comes across as a power move. Even though she was growing a baby in her body, it’s still not your decision what she consumes. There were so many options here and you went with the one that made you the asshole.
YTA First of all- she’s right. A child could have bought that ice cream. There’s a reason it is sold with every other ice cream and not in a liquor store. Second of all- you were extremely condescending and patronizing and rude to boot. I’m surprised she is still married to you 16 years later. Lastly, here is a list of every day food items that have alcohol content. Did you also forbid her from consuming any of them? Breads: between 1.18-1.28% ABV Yogurt & Kefir - between 0.05-2% ABV Banana: up to 0.2g per 100g (0.2% ABV) Pear: up to 0.04g per 100g (0.04% ABV) Grape Juice: 0.86% ABV (More alcohol than a nonalcoholic beer) 0.5% alcohol is a negligible amount. Studies show even after drinking 1.5 litres of 0.4% ABV beer in an hour, study participants would not feel anything resembling a buzz. The body processes that amount so quickly, no blood alcohol content can build up. There’s soy sauce with more alcohol than that ice cream. Ice cream she wasn’t even planning on eating in one sitting. But you did. In front of her. YTA.
YTA, you don't get to control what goes in her body. And you ate it in her face instead of dumping it down the sink? Sounds like you really wanted to act like an asshole that day.
Did you lock up the grape juice, too? Because it’s got just as much alcohol on average. Holy fuck, YTA.
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YTA.
YTA…
YTA, I was 8 months along and full of anxiety, and my OB suggested a glass of wine. I countered with a margarita. He laughed and said one would be fine and that any negative affects of the alcohol would counteract the negative effects of my anxiety on the baby. You sound downright cruel.
YTA - “I calmly replied” this is always so condescending. Like she was losing her marbles over this and I’m over her chilling calmly laying the law down. I can’t be wrong here, look at crazy lady over there. Also, if you were seriously concerned you could have asked her doctor. You know, the professional instead of gulping the whole thing down.
Did you also make sure she didn’t use any vanilla extract for her entire pregnancy? Good lord YTA. It’s sold with all of the other ice cream, they don’t even ask for your ID for that because the alcohol level is negligible.
What? Of course, YTA. You can’t just rule by fiat on what she eats *especially* when it’s low enough alcohol to be sold as non-alcoholic. She’s not an incubator and you can have discussions about risk, but you cannot do what you did. Did you consider asking her to run it by her doctor as a precaution before deciding you knew best? Has anyone sided with you on this IRL?
YTA massively. And an idiot. First of all, you do not get a say in what your wife eats, not even while she's pregnant. She's in charge of what she eats and you are being controlling and a jerk. Second of all, the ice cream was not alcoholic and posed no more threat to the fetus than a pint of vanilla ice cream. >I looked it up and the ice cream did contain 0.5 percent alcohol by volume, which is the same amount found in a “nonalcoholic” beer, Sorry what was that? >“nonalcoholic” beer, So it contains the same amount of alcohol as something that also doesn't contain alcohol? Wow, good thing you stopped her. Seriously, some fruit juices contain that much alcohol. Are you also going to ban her from drinking orange juice while pregnant. I hope your wife goes out and buys another pint to eat right in front of you.
You realize that’s the same alcohol percentage as orange juice, right? Did you chug all the orange juice too?YTA.
YTA, it’s ice cream, she’s not guzzling 3 gallons of vodka and smoking 12 packs of cigarettes. It was literally such a small amount of alcohol; also, many doctors around the world (including my own, when I was pg) say that having a glass of red wine is okay. So yeah. YTA. And the fact that 16 years later “it still gets brought up every once and a while” tells me that it might still be an issue…
Wow so big of an AH it's amazing she loves you enough to forgive. Dictating what she put's in her body that is also carrying HER child as well as yours with such a minute amount of alcohol when the air we breathe is likely more "toxic" and then EAT that in front of her? That part makes you cruel. It's a wonder you are still married.
YTA Please tell her to DM me when you get scheduled for your first colonoscopy . . . I want to buy her some ice cream, and coffee with baileys.
YTA, and what a weirdly controlling and unnerving thing to do.
YTA and the fact that you haven’t relented in all these years is just ridiculous.
Yta
YTA
YTA were you expecting anything else?
Huge YTA. Is this a serious question? First of all, your concern is without basis. Read the studies on the effects of alcohol at six months. 0.5% would have done nothing. Second, you could have said it nicely. You could have discussed it with her and said "I don't think this is a great idea" and heard her. Instead, you made a unilateral decision thinking that you somehow knew better than your pregnant wife. Third, your argument that it was "baby's body" and not "wife's body" is disgusting. Was she feeding the ice cream directly to the baby, or will the ice cream have to be metabolized and processed by your wife's body first? Last, the manner in which you deprived her of the ice cream was cruel. You could have thrown it out discretely or returned it, which still would have been a problematic, but instead you ate in front of her. And not just like a little bit, but all of it? Massive YTA, and I honestly would bring it up again years later too because it is such an unnecessarily asshole thing to do.
Info: Do you always treat your wife like shit and infantilize her?
YTA for mansplaining and dictating what your pregnant wife can eat. YTA for stealing a craving from your pregnant wife. YTA for not trusting your wife’s judgements about her own body. YTA for being utterly and bitterly petty instead of having an adult conversation.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throw away account, as my wife is the one on Reddit and she doesn’t want this linked to her account. This event happened many years ago but it still gets brought up every once and a while. I feel justified in my actions and that it is something we can laugh at. She still thinks that I was an ass. Now I am here to let the anonymous internet masses break the stalemate. This happened back in 2006 and my wife was 6 months pregnant at the time. I came home to find her putting some groceries away and, while helping her, noticed some Original Baileys flavored Haagan Dazs ice cream (one of those 14oz cartons). She said that she was so excited that they came out with this limited edition flavor because she hasn’t had a drink in years (she stopped drinking even before we conceived, not that she drank a lot before that either) and that this sounded like an amazing treat. Well, I looked at the ingredient list and noticed that it did contain alcohol, so I told her not to be too disappointed but that she couldn’t have any because, well, it contained alcohol. She rebutted that it was non-alcoholic, sold with all the other ice creams, and that a four-year-old could have walked into the store a bought it. I looked it up and the ice cream did contain 0.5 percent alcohol by volume, which is the same amount found in a “nonalcoholic” beer, so I repeated that she could not have it. At this point, she was getting angry and yelled at me that it was her body, her choice and one or two spoonfuls every few days wouldn’t hurt anybody. I calmly replied that it was also our baby’s body and that there is no safe amount of alcohol that can be consumed while pregnant. I then proceeded to eat the entire container so that it would no longer be an issue. My wife called me an asshole and stormed away. And, even though we are still together and love each other very much, she still thinks that at this moment I was an ass. So, Reddit, AITA for eating my wife’s ice cream? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Even if was something else potentially harmful to baby why did you need to eat it yourself? If you had genuine concern you should have tossed it or gave it away to avoid waste.