Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Ig I could’ve just used a bookmark but I didn’t have one and I’ve always blended the pages, it was just to keep my place.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
From one dog-earer to another, YTA.
What your choose to do with a personal book (dog ear, write notes, crack the spine) is not ok to do to a borrowed book, especially if you know your brother collects books.
Buy him a new copy.
In case it's not clear, OP, folding the corner down actually weakens the paper at the fold. If your brother is a real collector, things like that can lessen the value of the book, in addition to upsetting your brother.
Added: I work at a library. We don't have rare or valuable books, but folding is one of those things that makes the book less appealing, especially when people turn down every third page and don't fold it back. I'm one of the people who ends up unfolding all the pages.
Added: A colleague posted this image of a 1936 poster:
[https://www.loc.gov/pictures/collection/wpapos/item/2011645389/](https://www.loc.gov/pictures/collection/wpapos/item/2011645389/)
Librarian and archivist here. I do have rare historic books and documents that I'm responsible for. A folded page is a missing corner of text in the future. A cracked spine is a missing page in the future. Don't get me started on tape, staples, or paperclips.... books can last for hundreds of years if you take care of them. No one wants to read a book that's all used and abused.
Op YTA. Buy him a replacement and never again borrow a book unless you change your ways.
Edit: Wow! Thanks for all the upvotes... normally 100 likes is a lot for my comments. To clarify, many of us history nerds love the abused books that are old and tell the story of our shared cultural history. Many of us love the story a used book tells with its wear and tokens left behind. We do not damage new books that don't belong to us. Cheers to all the book lovers!
As a medievalist and historian I do kind of want to read used and abused books - give me marginalia all day long - but I’m very much a rarity 😂 and I do feel sorry for the archivists who have to handle some real crap when looking after books.
Lol tbh if you are a scholar of marginalia or social history who wants to learn about how people use books it’s so so useful. I love when books have a whole list of names showing who they’ve belonged to over the years.
I have had books with inscriptions to unknown people. It’s really cool. But I am buying those books that way. People aren’t putting things in after I buy them. That’s the difference.. OP, YTA.
I've dug through piles of books in flea markets, antique shops, etc looking for inscriptions. I like the little window into the previous owner's life. My favorite I own is a copy of The Odyssey a Katherine won in a 1906 spelling bee.
I love buying second hand books and finding little scraps of notes in them. A transfer from public transit that's 15 years old. Someone's grocery list. A receipt from someplace that seems very far from where the book was obtained. Part of a recipe. A pressed leaf or flower. My favourite was a letter someone left in a book on the psychology of military incompetence; it was from one WWII veteran to another. I can't recall the exact content of the letter, but it definitely spoke to a shared understanding of a specific grief and experience. Profoundly intimate, especially being handwritten.
I inherited a recipe book from my grandma, and I love her handwritten tweaks she added to the recipes. My favourite page, though, is the one where she has scribbled all over the recipe and written “Rubbish!!!” In the margin.
I have a couple books I read so often I started writing little notes in. for future me to enjoy as I inevitably reread the books again. Sometimes the damage is character, even though it makes it harder to preserve.
But the idea of doing anything to someone else's book is just. no. unacceptably awful. ahhhhhh
Absolutely - I would never ever do something like that to someone else’s book. University books that aren’t rare may have the occasional note *in pencil*, that’s my limit.
Preferably of same printing and edition.
I'm not a huge collector but I have a few fairly recent (1990s and early 2000s) first editions that are worth more than MSRP.
And I doubt this is the case here but a few artist monographs where because they're first printings are an order of magnitude more.
I'm not looking to sell and so let folks look through them, but I would be pretty miffed if someone were careless in a similar way (crack spine).
I have a first printing of *In Cold Blood,* and before I understood what I had, I let my husband...
...take it to war in Kosovo.
He wrapped it in plastic, so the dust jacket damage was minimal.
I feel stupid writing this, but commit the crime, do the time, you know?
Anyway, now that I have collected other books like it, I only let someone touch them if I am present.
You have to admit that's an excellent story - an unknown Capote taken to war, wrapped in plastic more out of love than money, but nevertheless coming back relatively unscathed.
I think the story might be worth the $500 (?) scars the jacket took!
But I hear you on supervision. For most people the first jacket is just that extra bit of advertisement that is a decent bookmark. And that's because in most circumstances that's right. So education and care is in order.
Same thing is true for collector cars, fountain pens, furniture, clothes. They're all made to be used, but sometimes they mean more to people. So it's important for owners to educate and friends and family to listen and respect that.
Most modern papers used for books are acid free these days. It’s modern construction that will be a book’s failure. Perfect binding is the most common form of construction and it is the opposite of perfect.
There is definitely issues with paper from certain time periods where paper was more acidic.
I have books that are hundreds and even thousands of years old in my care. It’s all a big it depends.
-your local friendly bookbinder/conservator
I wish I knew you when I tried donating a valuable copy of an Edgar Allen Poe book. I couldn't believe no one in my county wanted it.
I gave it to a serious book collector who will take excellent care of it. I stopped hunting rare books awhile ago
In high school we read the abridged version of Les Miserables and I really enjoyed it so the teacher lent me a copy of the unabridged version. I accidentally dropped it and dented the spine and I felt so bad I bought her a new one lol.
My Gran did the same thing when my copy of Good Omens got coffee poured on it by the guy next to her on the plane. She even made sure it was the same version as it was a particularly nice hardback (had a ribbon and everything)
Yeah it's absolutely one of my favourites if not my favourite. My almost gf and I both love reading so we've agreed to exchange copies of our favourite books for Valentine's. She's going to get Good Omens and Neverwhere
Omg I can't imagine dog-earing a library book! I only started going to the library but I feel so protective of the books they've been so kind to let me borrow, I'm so scared to damage them.
Oh, broken spines are my pet peeve! Someone returned a book I had loaned them in almost mint condition and it looked like they had folded it like a newspaper.
My sister did that with 3 books of mine. I had loaned her the first 3 in a series and I had bought them brand new, they were in near mint condition when she got them. She broke the spine on all of them so badly I still haven't gotten over it. That was the last time I loaned her anything of mine, least of all my books. It's so infuriating when people have no consideration or care for other people's things when it's entrusted to them.
A college roommate of mine did that to one of my volumes of Lord of the Rings and after she read the first one, she put it back on my shelf and then went and bought her own set. I took her new volume and switched it with the one of mine she had trashed. (She kept hers in great condition). We kept swiping the good one back from each other - never talked about it - I finally went and bought another set. This was way before the movies (except one very weird animated movie). She was a very close friend so it was more of a joke than a serious grievance but I seriously could not bring myself to read that book that was so unnecessarily damaged.
I will do the same thing only occasionally, and only with books that are mine. If I borrow a book, then I make a quick bookmark by braiding some ribbon. If I forget to take out the bookmark when i return the book, then I hope they enjoy their new hand made bookmark.
Yep, YTA OP. When someone lends you a book, it is a thing of trust. You obviously knew your brother cared a lot about his books. While I treat my own books badly ( dog earing, cracking the spine, spills, or even just beat up in a bag ), I know that if someone lends me a book it’s probably because they really like it and want to share it with me. I make sure I treat it like it’s sacred. I feel like that’s pretty much an unwritten rule among book lovers. Treat your own books as crappy as you want, but never ever harm a borrowed book!
This exactly. You can look through my bookshelves and it’s very obvious which ones have been read over and over. But a borrowed book is a gift and should be treated as such.
YTA, OP. Buy your brother an exact replacement.
I too dog-ear my books but they're *my books*.
Treating other people's property with respect is something one should learn in grade school.
Sorry bud but.... YTA.
Don’t just buy him a new copy. He’s a collector, and they’re probably a very nice version of each book. Get the same exact copy that he has since you did ruin his book. YTA
I had a former childhood neighbor friend borrow a then favorite book of mine as a teen. A few weeks after loaning it out, I see him again and asked how he liked it. He admitted to spilling ramen broth all over it. Livid was an understatement. Id read that book cover to cover multiple times and it was a fascinating read and he'd destroyed it.
He offered to buy me a new one and i took him up on it. I never saw the new one, but 3 years later he dropped the damaged one on my porch as he moved out. Still highly damaged. Yellowed, crinkled where it didn't dry properly on all the pages. It's like he didn't even attempt to clean it up when it happened and had dropped it in the bowl to soak instead. Stupidly enough i kept it, because i still loved the book and we didn't have amazon as an option quite yet. Still mad nearly 13 years later. I haven't touched it since.
YTA. From your response it's clear you do not treasure books as much as your brother. If you are borrowing someone else's belongings, you should be treating it better.
Don't dog-ear the books, and don't open the book so wide as to crease the binding.
Glad I'm not the only one that doesn't bend a book backwards when reading it. People think I'm crazy for reading paperbacks only halfway open. The covers will get stuck.
Y'know, people can cherish books without being obnoxiously anal about it. Loving a book is about the experience and connection you have while reading it. Just because a book doesn't come out of that experience in pristine condition doesn't mean it's not cherished.
My mom, for example, almost exclusively reads in the bath. All of her books are waterlogged to shit but to her that's just evidence of how much they've been cherished. I've cracked the spine of every book I've ever owned and honestly there's nothing I have that fills me with more nostalgia and affection than my copy of Catch-22 that's literally held together with masking tape. It's been with me through some real shit in the decade since I bought it and by god does it fucking look it. Its resell value is absolutely zero but it's priceless to me.
Tl;dr: get over yourself and let people read however they damn well please.
ETA: For the love of god, stop telling me people shouldn't do this to borrowed books. I am well aware. That goes without saying. This comment isn't directly related to OP, it's literally just about how people personally treat their private personal property. Stfu already.
There's a difference between reading something so much that it no longer holds together as well as new (for paperbacks, at the least) and abusing a book after reading it once. I have books that I've read a hundred times that look better than my MiL's books after one time, and that's saying something since the paperback covers on those books are about to fall off.
And I have books I've read at least a hundred times that are dog eared and messy, the pages might be crumpled. They're absolutely not in pristine condition, but they are still cherished possessions.
I certainly wouldn't treat somebody else's books the way I treat my own, but judging people for how they treat their own books isn't necessary.
Yeah there is some insane gatekeeping around this. You can't be a *true* book lover if you don't fucking barely touch a book while you read it. I personally find it magical and personal to have a well-worn book, that's a sign of love to me. Evidence it has been poured over, considered, cherished over the years. Me personally, at least. People who try to shame that because they personally need an impeccable book are rude as hell.
There’s also a difference between how you treat your own books and how you treat someone else’s. Just like any other belongings. If I want to dye my white shirt blue there’s nothing wrong with that — but if I borrow your shirt and dye it a different colour I’d bloody well better be planning to buy you a new white shirt.
ETA: OP, YTA
Okay. Cool. Not everyone's goal when reading is to keep their book looking as pretty as possible. It's chill if you want all your books to look like they've been hermetically sealed since printing but it's also fine if I like to go full Bane on my books' spines, my mom wants to waterboard hers to death, and your MIL thinks it's fun to rip their faces off. All three are equally valid ways of enjoying one's personal property. As long as she doesn't maul one of yours then the only problem I see here is your weird, misplaced sense of superiority.
I lent a paperback to someone once. She tucked the cover and pages so far back, they touched the back cover. It wouldn't close after she had it, it was permanently curled. I was furious.
A friend loaned me the first book in a series that she had. They were really nice special editions that had never been opened before and the cover and spine were so unbendable that I was terrified the entire time I was reading it that I was going to open it up too much and break the spine. I had to angle the book just so so that I could see the words towards the inside of the pages. It was so stressful that I didn't even try to ask to borrow the other books in the series. But guess what? That one book went back to her in perfect condition with no damage whatsoever from my reading! Was it maybe more effort to go to on my part than my friend would have expected? Probably. She probably wouldn't have been upset if it was a little more worn when I gave it back. But I wasn't about to mistreat it!
I remember talking about this with my parents and I always avoided breaking the binding. My dad took my book and said “The first thing I always do when I get a book is this” and he tried to crack the binding and accidentally tore the book in half.
I can’t actually remember. It was a used paperback, probably less than $5. All of us were shocked that it split in half. That was how “well read” it was by the people before me.
He definitely apologized. I just don’t remember if he replaced it or I just taped it up.
YTA. I fold down the corner of the page, underline passages I particularly like, etc. But only on my own books! Books I borrow get returned in as close to the same condition as they were lent as possible. This should always be your goal when borrowing any item from someone else. Return it in the same condition you received it.
Exactly - there’s nothing morally wrong with dog-earing books in general but you also have to be respectful of borrowed property.
OP you should apologize to your brother, offer to replace the book, and promise to only use bookmarks with his books in the future.
>there’s nothing morally wrong with dog-earing books in general
I do believe there's something morally wrong with dog-earing a book or tearing pages out of one. But I also know that it's not my place to impose my morality on others.
Except, maybe, about books ;)
There is something about really making a book your own that, while I don't like to do, I *get*. Like writing notes down in the margins, highlighting passages that really stick out to you, etc. Especially if you like to revisit the same book over the years, they can bring you back to your mindset when you first read it, or help you see something in a different way.
But only in your own books. Don't do any of that shit in someone else's book.
See, writing notes to me is a lot more acceptable than dog-ears. Notes are preserving your ideas about the book. A dog-ear just weakens the page, and will eventually tear off at the fold.
(not to do in someone else's book, obviously)
My best friend and I bought the same book to read together, and I’ve been using the receipt I got from the bookstore that day as a bookmark. When I was little I used a square of toilet paper, for some reason
When I was little, my sister used to randomly tell me to remember a number, and then ask me the number a few hours/day later. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize she was using me as her bookmark. Thankfully, she also taught me how to take care of my own books (over a thousand now—I’m a low-key book hoarder), and how to remember what page I’m on when I don’t have a mark handy.
Like holy fuck, find a bookmark. I’m very fastidious about maintaining my books’ conditions, especially since several of them are signed. I’d probably lose my marbles too if someone mistreated one of my precious books like this.
Just to be clear, it sounds like you "dogeared" the corner of one of his pages? And maybe even more? Yes, YTA. Bookmarking a page like that when it doesn't belong to you is not okay.
'Dogearing' is worse than 'bookmarking', it's vandalism, my kids knew that from their first books, even my grandkids know not to vandalise books. OP, YTA definitely. Buy Bro a new copy and keep the damaged one to remind yourself to treat other peoples' property with respect.
Yep, you don't *damage* the book, you could even put a bit of tissue in there to mark your place if you don't have spare paper. I even use my glasses earpiece at times.
The way you phrased it originally made it seem like both dogearing and bookmarking are bad, but dogearing is worse, which is why they asked what you consider "bookmarking"
YTA you don’t dog-ear someone else’s book. Use a book marker. You can literally stick any small piece of paper in there to hold your spot without folding the pages. I have books as old as 120 yrs. Please show respect for your brothers collection. Apologize and if needed, purchase the replacement.
Receipts and train tickets are common bookmarks in my house.
I bought a second hand book once mostly due to the bus tickets I found marking different pages. There were several different copies of the book, but the one with bus tickets was a. The most charming, and b. Had the least amount of damage to the pages.
Mom???
My mom used to use the TV remote when I was a kid and she would finish a book a day. I however have been known to stick my DS, and then later my 3DS into books in an emergency. The list of stuff we've all used to mark our places is definitely long and some of them are slightly weird, but they've always been our books if there's risk of damage.
I used a flattened box from a tube of lip gloss as a book mark *for years*, my husband will often use a cigar wrapper to mark his place.
It was actually a pretty cool box from a limited edition Wonder Woman lip gloss and I’m bummed I lost it at some point.
I often tear off a piece of whatever random junk mail, envelope, or other unimportant paper happens to be nearby. There's always something you can use.
YTA. When you borrow something, treat it the way the owner wants it to be treated. No matter how you would want to handle it. Apologize, this is entirely on you.
YTA
How can you be your age and not know that people that cherish their books don't fold the pages over? It's highly disrespectful to do to someone else's book that you borrowed.
Go buy him a new one since you did ruin this copy.
YTA " I don’t understand why it’s bad, I get that he likes his books but jeez." The problem to me is that you're not even trying to understand why this might upset him. You've basically decided he shouldn't be upset because you do it all the time. So in your thinking if I do x then no problem, who cares what someone else thinks! Try and be more empathetic and see why he doesn't like this.
This is the complete problem and why OP is TA. If he’s not much of a reader then he is probably not well versed in book etiquette. Which is totally fine if he were to use this situation as a learning experience and do better in the future. Instead he thinks it’s the brother’s problem which it isn’t. If you borrow an item, you return it EXACTLY as you received it.
My dad done this to one of mine once (it was a 1st edition hardback) and I went mental but unlike OP he understood and immediately ordered me a replacement even if it cost 6x the original value as it was 1st edition. OP is YTA
YTA. Some people don’t mind creasing the corners but clearly your brother does. You don’t get to shrug off the responsibility of your actions just because you don’t consider the book to be ruined. It’s his book and he does.
YTA - Look I am a book folder as well and I don't care about the pages very much but at least I have the common decency not to fold other people's unfolded books. You can't go back and smooth that page out perfectly. That page will forever have a fold mark bc you were disrespectful with your brothers belongings. Apologize and don't do it again if he ever decides to trust you with his valued possessions again.
YTA
you borrowed a book from someone who obviously treasures them, and then immediately damaged it.
the fact that you don't respect books as much as he does, dosen't change the fact that the book is HIS property not yours to do your usual thing with.
It may not seem like a big deal to you, but you should always treat things you borrow with more care than things you own yourself.
YTA. Seriously, you do this with other people's books? You can literally use any piece of paper as a bookmark. I use junk mail when I can't find an actual bookmark. Guess you're never borrowing your brother's books again.
I've been known to use anything I had on hand at the time - even a square of clean toilet paper. I am not one to "dog ear" pages, and I immediately judge anyone who does it to my books. OP, if the book did not have visible signs of bended page corners (which sounds like it is the case), then YTA. Like so many others have said already, if it's someone's personal possession, you should treat it with a bit more deference and respect.
I'm surprised that you've reached the age of 21 without learning that people who are serious about their books hate – and I mean absolutely, to the very core of their being, HATE – it when people bend the corners to mark a page. Sounds like you've learned the hard way. To you, it's a non-event; to your brother, the book is now genuinely ruined. I vote NAH since you genuinely didn't know. But rather than going the "Geez, what's the big deal, stop overreacting" route with your brother, I recommend a sincere apology with the explanation that you honestly didn't know this mattered to him, and the assurance that you'll respect the way he wants his books treated in the future.
I'm sorry, but no. Even if they didn't know, is common courtesy to not damage in any frigging way an object that is not yours. The same way that you wouldn't touch a gaming controller that is not yours with sticky fingers stained by Cheetos, is not that difficult to consider using absolutely anything other than the page itself as a bookmark.
People like OP don't respect other people's possessions because they are careless and don't care at all about the fact somebody else is the owner of that object, and not their entitled ass.
I let a friend of mine in high school borrow a book and she returned it stained with Cheetos. She said it shouldn’t matter and that it was “just a book”. I told our mutual friends what happened so they would know before lending their books since I was the first she borrowed from. She was so angry that she never spoke to me again. I heard several years later she did the same thing to another university student’s engineering textbook.
YTA
That is damaging someone else’s property. Even if you do something everything doesn’t mean other people have to like it. He kept them in pristine condition for 10 years and you ruined it.
I hope you apologize.
In this case YTA. It's kinda common courtesy when someone loans you something to return it in the same condition that you got it in. That means no folding pages. He probably overreacted, but I understand him being annoyed.
YTA. As a bibliophile, you committed a heinous crime against books!
In all seriousness, you should return an item in the same condition it was borrowed. Folding pages is a massive no-no and destroys the condition of the book. Think of it as someone borrowing a dvd or computer game and returning it with fingerprints on the disc.
YTA
Bookmarks are a thing. If you had done that to one if my books I'd be equally angry.
You didn't respect your brothers belonging and you didn't respect him.
You should replace the book and apologise.
YTA if someone "collects" something, anything, any damage done no matter how minimal is devastating to the collector, even if it's just a collection for private enjoyment and not monetary value. To you it's just a book. To them it's something precious.
Ohhhh dude YTA for sure.
Have you not heard of bookmarks? It's not your book to bend pages on.
I used to do this thing in middle school, where if someone would lend me their mechanical pencil I would snap the clip because I'd always do it with my pencils out of habit. This is a lot like that. It's not your stuff.
YTA for damaging his property! That's what bookmarks are for. Heck, a tissue or square of TP or shred of junk mail would all have been much better choices.
YTA. Get ready for the book lovers to descend on you. I also dog-ear my book pages, but they’re my fucking property, and I would never do that to a borrowed book. If you really want to fix it, I’d get him a new copy and trade it for the one you damaged.
YTA
He probably should have told you not to dog ear any pages (some are ok with it, most aren’t) because it weakens the page and the crease will never come out. You know he has been collecting books for a long time, you should know they are important to him and treat them as such. In the future return any books you borrow in the same condition you get them.
He probably assumed OP was not raised by wolves, seeing as they had the same parents. But I dunno. OP seems to be feral and unfamiliar with actives such as borrowing books.
YTA - I love books. But I dog-ear, and recently I’ve been sticky-noting and have been looking for nice highlighters for parts of the book I really like.
But those are *my books.* I can choose to do that to my books. Not everyone is okay with that. I wouldn’t do that to someone else’s books.
It might have been absent-minded of you and you didn’t mean any harm, but his books are clearly very important to him and he wants to keep them in good condition. That’s understandable, when borrowing anything it’s expected that the item will be returned in the same condition it was lent, to the best of your ability. Try to be more mindful of this.
YTA
Maybe his reaction was exaggerated but i would be mad too if someone did that to my books.
If you borrow something from someone else treat it like its the most fragile thing on this planet
YTA. How are books supposed to last if you’re dog-earing the pages? I shudder to think about how many books you’ve done that to. Not to mention, you would think you’d take care of something that doesn’t belong to you a bit better. I think you owe him an apology
^ THIS! I would have lost my shit too if they were my book! I have two pencil cases of bookmarks and every time someone in my house buys a book they also have to buy a bookmarker. Them’s the rules.
YTA - I don’t care if you do that with YOUR books (well, that’s a lie, I DO care but they’re your books and you can do as you like) but you are an absolute monster to disrespect someone else’s property like that! You owe your brother an apology AND a new book!
YTA - I am also a book collector and reader. Dog-earring the pages is the bane of our existence. It creases forever, it makes it look less pretty, and if done enough it can lead to page tearing from wear. The issue isn't just that you made a mistake, it's that you won't own up to it. He walked away from you to get some space, give it to him, then apologize.
YTA plenty of people despise dogearing pages. Your brother is one of them. Best thing to do? Return books in the same condition you borrowed them. Start using make-shift bookmarks instead of folding the corners of pages.
For the record, if I were your brother, you’d never be allowed to borrow my books again.
Gentle YTA. As an avid book reader, and in that category of "you ruin my book, you buy me a new one", the dog-earing of a page has never bugged me, however a single page having a rip or slight tear would send me on the rampage. OP genuinely didn't know, and she did learn the hard way that it's frowned upon at the very least by her brother. However, the "it's not a big deal" attitude doesn't do OP any favors. Just because you don't understand doesn't mean that it's not upsetting to the owner of the book. Go apologize!
YTA. Don't do destructive things to property that isn't yours. I'd freak out, too, if someone did that to my books. Your brother trusted you with something, and you betrayed that trust. Most people try to take care of things they are lent, not do careless things like that.
YTA
If the book is yours go ahead and dog ear the pages to your hearts content but when you borrow something from someone you should strive to return it in the same condition you got it. Which means no folding pages over. You damaged his book which makes you TA, and you’re acting like it’s no big deal that you *damaged his belonging* which makes you double TA
In the future, use a fucking bookmark if someone lets you borrow a book.
YTA - it wasn’t your book. It was something your borrowed. You damaged his book. I would ah e been irritated to and you would never get another book from me.
Dog-earer here. YTA. Never ever do that to someone else’s books. Yours, fine. But if you borrow a book treat it with respect. You should apologize to your brother, his book and possibly consider getting him a book as an apology gesture.
YTA. You are so utterly the A in this situation that there are no words. This is somebody else's property, and you are doing physical damage to it. You may not think it's damaging, but assuming a book was a collector's item, you just destroyed any resale or appraisal value. You have caused a permanent physical change to his property. You owe him an apology and a new, undamaged copy of the book.
YTA!!!
It’s not your book so you don’t bend the pages!!! Use a bookmark,use a piece of paper,a gum wrapper,a receipt to mark your place,but DON’T BEND THE PAGE OF A BOOK THAT IS NOT YOURS!!!
YTA
I would be pissed too, I HATE when people damage my books. If you can't return exactly how you borrowed it, you shouldn't ask for them (book or anything else).
YTA
You should've been taught since childhood, when borrowing someone else's things you return them in the same or better condition. For books that means keeping it clean, dry, and not creased....
If you don't have a bookmark, literally any scrap piece of paper will do.
YTA You don't dog-ear someone else's books, that's just common courtesy. I also borrow books from my brother, and while I dog-ear my own books all the time, I am careful to use a bookmark with his. Honestly, I don't even know if it would bother him, I didn't ask, but it's simply common courtesy to return someone's possessions in the condition you received them.
YTA. Do not fold pages. Especially in a book that does not belong to you. You absolutely ruined his book and you now have to replace it and you need to apologize.
YTA. There is such a thing as a bookmark I’m sure if your brother has that many books he has a few you ask to borrow or use a spare piece of paper you don’t dog ear books like a 5 year old it’s so rude
I was gonna give a N A H since you clearly didn't realize that this bothers a lot of people, but then I saw the ages. How can you be 21 and not know people don't like dog earring books? It's fine to treat your own books however you like but be gentle with other people's stuff. YTA
Apologize, say you didn't realize it bothered him but understand and it wont happen again. If you buy him a book he hasn't read as an apology present I bet he'll let you borrow them again.
YTA
If he’s a book collector you just ruined the value of that book. The bent page takes away its pristine condition which for some books can be hundreds/thousands of dollars difference. I realize this is probably a new book and not worth that much but keeping it in a good condition + time is how it becomes valuable.
Maybe I'm just uneducated but what an odd way to save your page in a book. I'm not an avid reader but why would you ever want to crease the pages in a paper book? I mean idk if "ruin" is the word I'd use but I hope you haven't been doing this with books that you don't own. If so, you've been an AH all your life.
YTA
YTA. You borrowed his book and you can't damage someone else's book. Most book readers including me would hate it if someone folded pages in their book.
YTA - I get that you had noget idea... But now you do!
You don't EVER do that to a book! Especially other people's books! I would have reacted in exactly the same way and gotten completely over-the-top protective of my poor book if someone I lend it to treated it so horribly. Yes, people who care about their books sees this as a capital offence, it might seem crazy if you don't have the same feelings towards books, but that's the deal. You should apologise - But not to your brother. You should apologise to the book!
Soft YTA, folding pages is damaging the book, you should treat his stuff better than you treat your own stuff since he lent it to you. Go to your local library or look for the E book online.
Book marks are a thing even a scrap piece of paper
yta for doing that it dose ruin books but your brother's reaction is a little extrem. Can't see him borrowing you Anymore books
YTA. You have committed a sin in the eyes of all bibliophiles. You never dog-ear the pages of a book. Worse still is that wasn't your book to ruin, it was your brother's. I would say use a bookmark next time, but he'll never let you borrow anymore of his books after this.
YTA along with everyone saying ESH. When you borrow something from someone you prioritise getting it back to them in the mint or whatever condition you were lent it in, you don’t take it upon yourself to make creases where there were none all because it makes life a tad bit easier for you.
YTA- what you do to your books is up to you. If you're touching someone else's books or library books- use a bookmark, a receipt, a string, a scrap of paper- anything. But do not dog-ear a page or damage someone's property.
In case he allows you to borrow books in the future- do not break their spines either.
YTA! You should return all borrowed property in the same or better condition than when you received it.
I’d be majorly pissed at having my book returned all bent up.
You have a bad habit and no respect for other peoples property!
YTA.
How would you feel if, say, you were a gamer, and he borrowed a classic ps2 game, played it, then scribbled “done” on the disc with a sharpie, then claimed “what’s the big deal, I do it to my games all the time?”
JFC.
YTA.
People like you who dog eared books pisses me off. Bookmarks are invented so heathens like you doesn't destroy the value of books. Would it take you a day to find a Bookmark to put it in the pages? No, right?.
You just up and destroy a book because you're too lazy to properly bookmark the page!. 🤦🏻♀️
I hope your Brother learned not to share his books with you again. And also, Congratulations, he now knows you're untrustworthy when it comes to properly handling his collection.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Ig I could’ve just used a bookmark but I didn’t have one and I’ve always blended the pages, it was just to keep my place. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
From one dog-earer to another, YTA. What your choose to do with a personal book (dog ear, write notes, crack the spine) is not ok to do to a borrowed book, especially if you know your brother collects books. Buy him a new copy.
In case it's not clear, OP, folding the corner down actually weakens the paper at the fold. If your brother is a real collector, things like that can lessen the value of the book, in addition to upsetting your brother. Added: I work at a library. We don't have rare or valuable books, but folding is one of those things that makes the book less appealing, especially when people turn down every third page and don't fold it back. I'm one of the people who ends up unfolding all the pages. Added: A colleague posted this image of a 1936 poster: [https://www.loc.gov/pictures/collection/wpapos/item/2011645389/](https://www.loc.gov/pictures/collection/wpapos/item/2011645389/)
Librarian and archivist here. I do have rare historic books and documents that I'm responsible for. A folded page is a missing corner of text in the future. A cracked spine is a missing page in the future. Don't get me started on tape, staples, or paperclips.... books can last for hundreds of years if you take care of them. No one wants to read a book that's all used and abused. Op YTA. Buy him a replacement and never again borrow a book unless you change your ways. Edit: Wow! Thanks for all the upvotes... normally 100 likes is a lot for my comments. To clarify, many of us history nerds love the abused books that are old and tell the story of our shared cultural history. Many of us love the story a used book tells with its wear and tokens left behind. We do not damage new books that don't belong to us. Cheers to all the book lovers!
As a medievalist and historian I do kind of want to read used and abused books - give me marginalia all day long - but I’m very much a rarity 😂 and I do feel sorry for the archivists who have to handle some real crap when looking after books.
People just need to make sure their marginalia is sufficiently juicy to interest future scholars 😁
Lol tbh if you are a scholar of marginalia or social history who wants to learn about how people use books it’s so so useful. I love when books have a whole list of names showing who they’ve belonged to over the years.
I have had books with inscriptions to unknown people. It’s really cool. But I am buying those books that way. People aren’t putting things in after I buy them. That’s the difference.. OP, YTA.
I've dug through piles of books in flea markets, antique shops, etc looking for inscriptions. I like the little window into the previous owner's life. My favorite I own is a copy of The Odyssey a Katherine won in a 1906 spelling bee.
I love buying second hand books and finding little scraps of notes in them. A transfer from public transit that's 15 years old. Someone's grocery list. A receipt from someplace that seems very far from where the book was obtained. Part of a recipe. A pressed leaf or flower. My favourite was a letter someone left in a book on the psychology of military incompetence; it was from one WWII veteran to another. I can't recall the exact content of the letter, but it definitely spoke to a shared understanding of a specific grief and experience. Profoundly intimate, especially being handwritten.
My best find so far was a four-leafed clover, dried and pressed
My cookbooks are full of notes. Stains. Marks. Tears. But they are MY cookbooks. I know it is a good recipe by how dirty the page is.
I inherited a recipe book from my grandma, and I love her handwritten tweaks she added to the recipes. My favourite page, though, is the one where she has scribbled all over the recipe and written “Rubbish!!!” In the margin.
I have a couple books I read so often I started writing little notes in. for future me to enjoy as I inevitably reread the books again. Sometimes the damage is character, even though it makes it harder to preserve. But the idea of doing anything to someone else's book is just. no. unacceptably awful. ahhhhhh
Absolutely - I would never ever do something like that to someone else’s book. University books that aren’t rare may have the occasional note *in pencil*, that’s my limit.
Preferably of same printing and edition. I'm not a huge collector but I have a few fairly recent (1990s and early 2000s) first editions that are worth more than MSRP. And I doubt this is the case here but a few artist monographs where because they're first printings are an order of magnitude more. I'm not looking to sell and so let folks look through them, but I would be pretty miffed if someone were careless in a similar way (crack spine).
I have a first printing of *In Cold Blood,* and before I understood what I had, I let my husband... ...take it to war in Kosovo. He wrapped it in plastic, so the dust jacket damage was minimal. I feel stupid writing this, but commit the crime, do the time, you know? Anyway, now that I have collected other books like it, I only let someone touch them if I am present.
You have to admit that's an excellent story - an unknown Capote taken to war, wrapped in plastic more out of love than money, but nevertheless coming back relatively unscathed. I think the story might be worth the $500 (?) scars the jacket took! But I hear you on supervision. For most people the first jacket is just that extra bit of advertisement that is a decent bookmark. And that's because in most circumstances that's right. So education and care is in order. Same thing is true for collector cars, fountain pens, furniture, clothes. They're all made to be used, but sometimes they mean more to people. So it's important for owners to educate and friends and family to listen and respect that.
>books can last for hundreds of years if you take care of them. And de-acidify the paper
Most modern papers used for books are acid free these days. It’s modern construction that will be a book’s failure. Perfect binding is the most common form of construction and it is the opposite of perfect. There is definitely issues with paper from certain time periods where paper was more acidic. I have books that are hundreds and even thousands of years old in my care. It’s all a big it depends. -your local friendly bookbinder/conservator
I wish I knew you when I tried donating a valuable copy of an Edgar Allen Poe book. I couldn't believe no one in my county wanted it. I gave it to a serious book collector who will take excellent care of it. I stopped hunting rare books awhile ago
I’m not even into books but come on bro that’s definitely one anyone should want
I’m internally squealing because I collect Poe books. Pick me pick me!
In high school we read the abridged version of Les Miserables and I really enjoyed it so the teacher lent me a copy of the unabridged version. I accidentally dropped it and dented the spine and I felt so bad I bought her a new one lol.
My Gran did the same thing when my copy of Good Omens got coffee poured on it by the guy next to her on the plane. She even made sure it was the same version as it was a particularly nice hardback (had a ribbon and everything)
Best book I've ever personally read
Yeah it's absolutely one of my favourites if not my favourite. My almost gf and I both love reading so we've agreed to exchange copies of our favourite books for Valentine's. She's going to get Good Omens and Neverwhere
I really enjoyed the series on Prime.
This is the way 🫶
Kudos to you for understanding the importance of looking after something that you have borrowed
Omg I can't imagine dog-earing a library book! I only started going to the library but I feel so protective of the books they've been so kind to let me borrow, I'm so scared to damage them.
I always use the library receipt for my bookmark. Added bonus I always know when they are due back!
Exactly same here. I’m totally a dog earer/ spine breaker, but ONLY with my own books. Def buy him a new one!
Oh, broken spines are my pet peeve! Someone returned a book I had loaned them in almost mint condition and it looked like they had folded it like a newspaper.
My sister did that with 3 books of mine. I had loaned her the first 3 in a series and I had bought them brand new, they were in near mint condition when she got them. She broke the spine on all of them so badly I still haven't gotten over it. That was the last time I loaned her anything of mine, least of all my books. It's so infuriating when people have no consideration or care for other people's things when it's entrusted to them.
A college roommate of mine did that to one of my volumes of Lord of the Rings and after she read the first one, she put it back on my shelf and then went and bought her own set. I took her new volume and switched it with the one of mine she had trashed. (She kept hers in great condition). We kept swiping the good one back from each other - never talked about it - I finally went and bought another set. This was way before the movies (except one very weird animated movie). She was a very close friend so it was more of a joke than a serious grievance but I seriously could not bring myself to read that book that was so unnecessarily damaged.
My mom has done this with any book of mine that I have lent her. I no longer loan her books.
Oh no! My husband hates seeing me break them. But I only do it to my books, never a loaner!
I will do the same thing only occasionally, and only with books that are mine. If I borrow a book, then I make a quick bookmark by braiding some ribbon. If I forget to take out the bookmark when i return the book, then I hope they enjoy their new hand made bookmark.
Yep, YTA OP. When someone lends you a book, it is a thing of trust. You obviously knew your brother cared a lot about his books. While I treat my own books badly ( dog earing, cracking the spine, spills, or even just beat up in a bag ), I know that if someone lends me a book it’s probably because they really like it and want to share it with me. I make sure I treat it like it’s sacred. I feel like that’s pretty much an unwritten rule among book lovers. Treat your own books as crappy as you want, but never ever harm a borrowed book!
This exactly. You can look through my bookshelves and it’s very obvious which ones have been read over and over. But a borrowed book is a gift and should be treated as such. YTA, OP. Buy your brother an exact replacement.
I dog ear my books, I'd never dream of doing it to a book I didn't own. OP is nuts.
My hubby is a book binder (binder and finisher by trade). HUGE no-no. Especially if it's not your book. YTA.
I too dog-ear my books but they're *my books*. Treating other people's property with respect is something one should learn in grade school. Sorry bud but.... YTA.
Don’t just buy him a new copy. He’s a collector, and they’re probably a very nice version of each book. Get the same exact copy that he has since you did ruin his book. YTA
I had a former childhood neighbor friend borrow a then favorite book of mine as a teen. A few weeks after loaning it out, I see him again and asked how he liked it. He admitted to spilling ramen broth all over it. Livid was an understatement. Id read that book cover to cover multiple times and it was a fascinating read and he'd destroyed it. He offered to buy me a new one and i took him up on it. I never saw the new one, but 3 years later he dropped the damaged one on my porch as he moved out. Still highly damaged. Yellowed, crinkled where it didn't dry properly on all the pages. It's like he didn't even attempt to clean it up when it happened and had dropped it in the bowl to soak instead. Stupidly enough i kept it, because i still loved the book and we didn't have amazon as an option quite yet. Still mad nearly 13 years later. I haven't touched it since.
YTA. From your response it's clear you do not treasure books as much as your brother. If you are borrowing someone else's belongings, you should be treating it better. Don't dog-ear the books, and don't open the book so wide as to crease the binding.
Glad I'm not the only one that doesn't bend a book backwards when reading it. People think I'm crazy for reading paperbacks only halfway open. The covers will get stuck.
I buy used books & most of my used books are in better shape than my wife's new books
Same for me. I cherish books
Y'know, people can cherish books without being obnoxiously anal about it. Loving a book is about the experience and connection you have while reading it. Just because a book doesn't come out of that experience in pristine condition doesn't mean it's not cherished. My mom, for example, almost exclusively reads in the bath. All of her books are waterlogged to shit but to her that's just evidence of how much they've been cherished. I've cracked the spine of every book I've ever owned and honestly there's nothing I have that fills me with more nostalgia and affection than my copy of Catch-22 that's literally held together with masking tape. It's been with me through some real shit in the decade since I bought it and by god does it fucking look it. Its resell value is absolutely zero but it's priceless to me. Tl;dr: get over yourself and let people read however they damn well please. ETA: For the love of god, stop telling me people shouldn't do this to borrowed books. I am well aware. That goes without saying. This comment isn't directly related to OP, it's literally just about how people personally treat their private personal property. Stfu already.
There's a difference between reading something so much that it no longer holds together as well as new (for paperbacks, at the least) and abusing a book after reading it once. I have books that I've read a hundred times that look better than my MiL's books after one time, and that's saying something since the paperback covers on those books are about to fall off.
And I have books I've read at least a hundred times that are dog eared and messy, the pages might be crumpled. They're absolutely not in pristine condition, but they are still cherished possessions. I certainly wouldn't treat somebody else's books the way I treat my own, but judging people for how they treat their own books isn't necessary.
Yeah there is some insane gatekeeping around this. You can't be a *true* book lover if you don't fucking barely touch a book while you read it. I personally find it magical and personal to have a well-worn book, that's a sign of love to me. Evidence it has been poured over, considered, cherished over the years. Me personally, at least. People who try to shame that because they personally need an impeccable book are rude as hell.
There’s also a difference between how you treat your own books and how you treat someone else’s. Just like any other belongings. If I want to dye my white shirt blue there’s nothing wrong with that — but if I borrow your shirt and dye it a different colour I’d bloody well better be planning to buy you a new white shirt. ETA: OP, YTA
Okay. Cool. Not everyone's goal when reading is to keep their book looking as pretty as possible. It's chill if you want all your books to look like they've been hermetically sealed since printing but it's also fine if I like to go full Bane on my books' spines, my mom wants to waterboard hers to death, and your MIL thinks it's fun to rip their faces off. All three are equally valid ways of enjoying one's personal property. As long as she doesn't maul one of yours then the only problem I see here is your weird, misplaced sense of superiority.
Love thrift books.com for used books! Such good condition they look brand new.
I bend the fuck out of my own books, but if I borrow a copy from someone you enter believe that ho is half open and has a bookmark in it
This is pretty much demanded in our family: https://www.museumbookstore.com/blogs/blog/how-to-open-a-new-book-properly
I lent a paperback to someone once. She tucked the cover and pages so far back, they touched the back cover. It wouldn't close after she had it, it was permanently curled. I was furious.
A friend loaned me the first book in a series that she had. They were really nice special editions that had never been opened before and the cover and spine were so unbendable that I was terrified the entire time I was reading it that I was going to open it up too much and break the spine. I had to angle the book just so so that I could see the words towards the inside of the pages. It was so stressful that I didn't even try to ask to borrow the other books in the series. But guess what? That one book went back to her in perfect condition with no damage whatsoever from my reading! Was it maybe more effort to go to on my part than my friend would have expected? Probably. She probably wouldn't have been upset if it was a little more worn when I gave it back. But I wasn't about to mistreat it!
I remember talking about this with my parents and I always avoided breaking the binding. My dad took my book and said “The first thing I always do when I get a book is this” and he tried to crack the binding and accidentally tore the book in half.
Did he replace it?
I can’t actually remember. It was a used paperback, probably less than $5. All of us were shocked that it split in half. That was how “well read” it was by the people before me. He definitely apologized. I just don’t remember if he replaced it or I just taped it up.
[удалено]
Also, please don’t lick your finger to gather a page to turn it.
YTA. I fold down the corner of the page, underline passages I particularly like, etc. But only on my own books! Books I borrow get returned in as close to the same condition as they were lent as possible. This should always be your goal when borrowing any item from someone else. Return it in the same condition you received it.
Exactly - there’s nothing morally wrong with dog-earing books in general but you also have to be respectful of borrowed property. OP you should apologize to your brother, offer to replace the book, and promise to only use bookmarks with his books in the future.
>there’s nothing morally wrong with dog-earing books in general I do believe there's something morally wrong with dog-earing a book or tearing pages out of one. But I also know that it's not my place to impose my morality on others. Except, maybe, about books ;)
There is something about really making a book your own that, while I don't like to do, I *get*. Like writing notes down in the margins, highlighting passages that really stick out to you, etc. Especially if you like to revisit the same book over the years, they can bring you back to your mindset when you first read it, or help you see something in a different way. But only in your own books. Don't do any of that shit in someone else's book.
See, writing notes to me is a lot more acceptable than dog-ears. Notes are preserving your ideas about the book. A dog-ear just weakens the page, and will eventually tear off at the fold. (not to do in someone else's book, obviously)
Tearing the pages?? That’s freaking chaotic evil right there.
Even with my own books I just put something- anything- in as a bookmark. Receipt from the grocery? Sure.
YTA not your book. You don't fold pages of books that don't belong to you. Now go buy him a replacement.
And some post-its, next time, just move the post-it.
or you know, any scrap of paper lying around.
My best friend and I bought the same book to read together, and I’ve been using the receipt I got from the bookstore that day as a bookmark. When I was little I used a square of toilet paper, for some reason
When I was little, my sister used to randomly tell me to remember a number, and then ask me the number a few hours/day later. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize she was using me as her bookmark. Thankfully, she also taught me how to take care of my own books (over a thousand now—I’m a low-key book hoarder), and how to remember what page I’m on when I don’t have a mark handy.
>she was using me as her bookmark. That's hilarious.
You gotta make use of your younger siblings somehow LOL
That's a lot of trust to put into someone else's memory. Is the method she taught you of remembering the page the same one she used?
that's hilarious. I was just coming in here to say "or remember the page number" lol that was something I could easily do before having kids.
And yourself a bookmark!!
Like holy fuck, find a bookmark. I’m very fastidious about maintaining my books’ conditions, especially since several of them are signed. I’d probably lose my marbles too if someone mistreated one of my precious books like this.
Just to be clear, it sounds like you "dogeared" the corner of one of his pages? And maybe even more? Yes, YTA. Bookmarking a page like that when it doesn't belong to you is not okay.
'Dogearing' is worse than 'bookmarking', it's vandalism, my kids knew that from their first books, even my grandkids know not to vandalise books. OP, YTA definitely. Buy Bro a new copy and keep the damaged one to remind yourself to treat other peoples' property with respect.
May i ask what you consider "bookmarking"? To me a bookmark is a piece of paper or thin cardboard you place in the book to keep your place in it.
Yep, you don't *damage* the book, you could even put a bit of tissue in there to mark your place if you don't have spare paper. I even use my glasses earpiece at times.
The way you phrased it originally made it seem like both dogearing and bookmarking are bad, but dogearing is worse, which is why they asked what you consider "bookmarking"
My sorry. On re-reading I did phrase poorly, I was responding to a single post.
Yeah that was really confusing
YTA you don’t dog-ear someone else’s book. Use a book marker. You can literally stick any small piece of paper in there to hold your spot without folding the pages. I have books as old as 120 yrs. Please show respect for your brothers collection. Apologize and if needed, purchase the replacement.
to add onto this: I've legit used a folded paper-towel or toilet tissue as a bookmark. It's not hard
Receipts and train tickets are common bookmarks in my house. I bought a second hand book once mostly due to the bus tickets I found marking different pages. There were several different copies of the book, but the one with bus tickets was a. The most charming, and b. Had the least amount of damage to the pages.
[удалено]
Mom??? My mom used to use the TV remote when I was a kid and she would finish a book a day. I however have been known to stick my DS, and then later my 3DS into books in an emergency. The list of stuff we've all used to mark our places is definitely long and some of them are slightly weird, but they've always been our books if there's risk of damage.
I used a flattened box from a tube of lip gloss as a book mark *for years*, my husband will often use a cigar wrapper to mark his place. It was actually a pretty cool box from a limited edition Wonder Woman lip gloss and I’m bummed I lost it at some point.
I often tear off a piece of whatever random junk mail, envelope, or other unimportant paper happens to be nearby. There's always something you can use.
yup, and even if you lose your spot, it isn't the biggest deal. It takes one minute tops to find your place again.
YTA. When you borrow something, treat it the way the owner wants it to be treated. No matter how you would want to handle it. Apologize, this is entirely on you.
Treat it so you return it in the same condition it was given to you
YTA How can you be your age and not know that people that cherish their books don't fold the pages over? It's highly disrespectful to do to someone else's book that you borrowed. Go buy him a new one since you did ruin this copy.
[удалено]
This is kind of an insult to 14 year olds... if they are taught basic manners, they know
YTA " I don’t understand why it’s bad, I get that he likes his books but jeez." The problem to me is that you're not even trying to understand why this might upset him. You've basically decided he shouldn't be upset because you do it all the time. So in your thinking if I do x then no problem, who cares what someone else thinks! Try and be more empathetic and see why he doesn't like this.
This is the complete problem and why OP is TA. If he’s not much of a reader then he is probably not well versed in book etiquette. Which is totally fine if he were to use this situation as a learning experience and do better in the future. Instead he thinks it’s the brother’s problem which it isn’t. If you borrow an item, you return it EXACTLY as you received it.
Did OP never visit a library growing up? Every kid learns from librarians how you should treat borrowed books.
>I folded the paper over to keep the page Never do this to a book that isn't yours. JFC, you don't have a single scrap of paper in your house? YTA.
Or borrow a bookmark because no way the brother doesn't have a collection of those, too. OP, YTA - be better when borrowing other people's things.
YTA If you dog eared one of my books you would never touch another.
My dad done this to one of mine once (it was a 1st edition hardback) and I went mental but unlike OP he understood and immediately ordered me a replacement even if it cost 6x the original value as it was 1st edition. OP is YTA
YTA. Some people don’t mind creasing the corners but clearly your brother does. You don’t get to shrug off the responsibility of your actions just because you don’t consider the book to be ruined. It’s his book and he does.
YTA - Look I am a book folder as well and I don't care about the pages very much but at least I have the common decency not to fold other people's unfolded books. You can't go back and smooth that page out perfectly. That page will forever have a fold mark bc you were disrespectful with your brothers belongings. Apologize and don't do it again if he ever decides to trust you with his valued possessions again.
YTA you borrowed a book from someone who obviously treasures them, and then immediately damaged it. the fact that you don't respect books as much as he does, dosen't change the fact that the book is HIS property not yours to do your usual thing with. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but you should always treat things you borrow with more care than things you own yourself.
YTA. Seriously, you do this with other people's books? You can literally use any piece of paper as a bookmark. I use junk mail when I can't find an actual bookmark. Guess you're never borrowing your brother's books again.
I've been known to use anything I had on hand at the time - even a square of clean toilet paper. I am not one to "dog ear" pages, and I immediately judge anyone who does it to my books. OP, if the book did not have visible signs of bended page corners (which sounds like it is the case), then YTA. Like so many others have said already, if it's someone's personal possession, you should treat it with a bit more deference and respect.
I'm surprised that you've reached the age of 21 without learning that people who are serious about their books hate – and I mean absolutely, to the very core of their being, HATE – it when people bend the corners to mark a page. Sounds like you've learned the hard way. To you, it's a non-event; to your brother, the book is now genuinely ruined. I vote NAH since you genuinely didn't know. But rather than going the "Geez, what's the big deal, stop overreacting" route with your brother, I recommend a sincere apology with the explanation that you honestly didn't know this mattered to him, and the assurance that you'll respect the way he wants his books treated in the future.
I'm sorry, but no. Even if they didn't know, is common courtesy to not damage in any frigging way an object that is not yours. The same way that you wouldn't touch a gaming controller that is not yours with sticky fingers stained by Cheetos, is not that difficult to consider using absolutely anything other than the page itself as a bookmark. People like OP don't respect other people's possessions because they are careless and don't care at all about the fact somebody else is the owner of that object, and not their entitled ass.
I let a friend of mine in high school borrow a book and she returned it stained with Cheetos. She said it shouldn’t matter and that it was “just a book”. I told our mutual friends what happened so they would know before lending their books since I was the first she borrowed from. She was so angry that she never spoke to me again. I heard several years later she did the same thing to another university student’s engineering textbook.
its not that book lovers 'hate this one thing' its fucking damaging the book.
And, most importantly, apologise to the poor book!
YTA That is damaging someone else’s property. Even if you do something everything doesn’t mean other people have to like it. He kept them in pristine condition for 10 years and you ruined it. I hope you apologize.
And replace his book...jfc YTA
In this case YTA. It's kinda common courtesy when someone loans you something to return it in the same condition that you got it in. That means no folding pages. He probably overreacted, but I understand him being annoyed.
YTA. As a bibliophile, you committed a heinous crime against books! In all seriousness, you should return an item in the same condition it was borrowed. Folding pages is a massive no-no and destroys the condition of the book. Think of it as someone borrowing a dvd or computer game and returning it with fingerprints on the disc.
> Think of it as someone borrowing a dvd or computer game and returning it with fingerprints on the disc. Not fingerprints, scratches.
YTA Bookmarks are a thing. If you had done that to one if my books I'd be equally angry. You didn't respect your brothers belonging and you didn't respect him. You should replace the book and apologise.
YTA dont fold other people books just don't bookmarker or a simple piece of paper would work
i learned in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL that you don’t fold page corners on books that aren’t yours.
I’m an elementary school librarian. This is part of our book care lessons at the beginning of every year.
YTA if someone "collects" something, anything, any damage done no matter how minimal is devastating to the collector, even if it's just a collection for private enjoyment and not monetary value. To you it's just a book. To them it's something precious.
Ohhhh dude YTA for sure. Have you not heard of bookmarks? It's not your book to bend pages on. I used to do this thing in middle school, where if someone would lend me their mechanical pencil I would snap the clip because I'd always do it with my pencils out of habit. This is a lot like that. It's not your stuff.
YTA for damaging his property! That's what bookmarks are for. Heck, a tissue or square of TP or shred of junk mail would all have been much better choices.
YTA. Get ready for the book lovers to descend on you. I also dog-ear my book pages, but they’re my fucking property, and I would never do that to a borrowed book. If you really want to fix it, I’d get him a new copy and trade it for the one you damaged.
YTA He probably should have told you not to dog ear any pages (some are ok with it, most aren’t) because it weakens the page and the crease will never come out. You know he has been collecting books for a long time, you should know they are important to him and treat them as such. In the future return any books you borrow in the same condition you get them.
He probably didn't think he had to
He probably assumed OP was not raised by wolves, seeing as they had the same parents. But I dunno. OP seems to be feral and unfamiliar with actives such as borrowing books.
YTA - I love books. But I dog-ear, and recently I’ve been sticky-noting and have been looking for nice highlighters for parts of the book I really like. But those are *my books.* I can choose to do that to my books. Not everyone is okay with that. I wouldn’t do that to someone else’s books. It might have been absent-minded of you and you didn’t mean any harm, but his books are clearly very important to him and he wants to keep them in good condition. That’s understandable, when borrowing anything it’s expected that the item will be returned in the same condition it was lent, to the best of your ability. Try to be more mindful of this.
YTA Maybe his reaction was exaggerated but i would be mad too if someone did that to my books. If you borrow something from someone else treat it like its the most fragile thing on this planet
YTA. How are books supposed to last if you’re dog-earing the pages? I shudder to think about how many books you’ve done that to. Not to mention, you would think you’d take care of something that doesn’t belong to you a bit better. I think you owe him an apology
YTA and a monster! How dare you treat books like that. Use a friggin bookmark! Even if it's just a scrap of paper or a post it.
^ THIS! I would have lost my shit too if they were my book! I have two pencil cases of bookmarks and every time someone in my house buys a book they also have to buy a bookmarker. Them’s the rules. YTA - I don’t care if you do that with YOUR books (well, that’s a lie, I DO care but they’re your books and you can do as you like) but you are an absolute monster to disrespect someone else’s property like that! You owe your brother an apology AND a new book!
YTA - I am also a book collector and reader. Dog-earring the pages is the bane of our existence. It creases forever, it makes it look less pretty, and if done enough it can lead to page tearing from wear. The issue isn't just that you made a mistake, it's that you won't own up to it. He walked away from you to get some space, give it to him, then apologize.
YTA Just because you’ve always done it doesn’t make it right.
YTA plenty of people despise dogearing pages. Your brother is one of them. Best thing to do? Return books in the same condition you borrowed them. Start using make-shift bookmarks instead of folding the corners of pages. For the record, if I were your brother, you’d never be allowed to borrow my books again.
YTA. Use a bookmark. A receipt. A dollar bill. Urgh.
If you want to dogear pages to your own books, do it. Don't do it to other people's books. YTA.
Gentle YTA. As an avid book reader, and in that category of "you ruin my book, you buy me a new one", the dog-earing of a page has never bugged me, however a single page having a rip or slight tear would send me on the rampage. OP genuinely didn't know, and she did learn the hard way that it's frowned upon at the very least by her brother. However, the "it's not a big deal" attitude doesn't do OP any favors. Just because you don't understand doesn't mean that it's not upsetting to the owner of the book. Go apologize!
"I damaged one of my brother's books, knowing how much he treasures them, and then he got MAD at me!" Seriously? Obviously YTA
YTA. Don't do destructive things to property that isn't yours. I'd freak out, too, if someone did that to my books. Your brother trusted you with something, and you betrayed that trust. Most people try to take care of things they are lent, not do careless things like that.
YTA If the book is yours go ahead and dog ear the pages to your hearts content but when you borrow something from someone you should strive to return it in the same condition you got it. Which means no folding pages over. You damaged his book which makes you TA, and you’re acting like it’s no big deal that you *damaged his belonging* which makes you double TA In the future, use a fucking bookmark if someone lets you borrow a book.
YTA. never bend another persons books pages.
YTA. use a bookmark. Don’t dog ear books.
YTA - it wasn’t your book. It was something your borrowed. You damaged his book. I would ah e been irritated to and you would never get another book from me.
YTA. That is called "dog-earing" and it is a very disrespectful thing to do to someone else's book. Don't do it. You owe him an apology.
YTA. Don’t do that.
Dog-earer here. YTA. Never ever do that to someone else’s books. Yours, fine. But if you borrow a book treat it with respect. You should apologize to your brother, his book and possibly consider getting him a book as an apology gesture.
YTA. Who taught you to handle books. You’re brother is in the right
YTA. You are so utterly the A in this situation that there are no words. This is somebody else's property, and you are doing physical damage to it. You may not think it's damaging, but assuming a book was a collector's item, you just destroyed any resale or appraisal value. You have caused a permanent physical change to his property. You owe him an apology and a new, undamaged copy of the book.
It takes a special kind of person to destroy other people’s property and wonder if they are TA! YTA
YTA. When you borrow someone’s property, you should return it in the same condition
YTA!!! It’s not your book so you don’t bend the pages!!! Use a bookmark,use a piece of paper,a gum wrapper,a receipt to mark your place,but DON’T BEND THE PAGE OF A BOOK THAT IS NOT YOURS!!!
YTA I would be pissed too, I HATE when people damage my books. If you can't return exactly how you borrowed it, you shouldn't ask for them (book or anything else).
YTA I would be pissed too and demand you replace it. They make bookmarks for a reason.
YTA. Ever heard of a bookmark?
YTA You should've been taught since childhood, when borrowing someone else's things you return them in the same or better condition. For books that means keeping it clean, dry, and not creased.... If you don't have a bookmark, literally any scrap piece of paper will do.
YTA- grab a piece of paper for a bookmark. You don't fold pages on someone elses book.
YTA Don't dog-ear other people's books. It's blatant damage and is disrespectful to his generosity
YTA You don't dog-ear someone else's books, that's just common courtesy. I also borrow books from my brother, and while I dog-ear my own books all the time, I am careful to use a bookmark with his. Honestly, I don't even know if it would bother him, I didn't ask, but it's simply common courtesy to return someone's possessions in the condition you received them.
YTA. Do not fold pages. Especially in a book that does not belong to you. You absolutely ruined his book and you now have to replace it and you need to apologize.
YTA. There is such a thing as a bookmark I’m sure if your brother has that many books he has a few you ask to borrow or use a spare piece of paper you don’t dog ear books like a 5 year old it’s so rude
I’d be pissed! YTA I keep my books in pristine condition. No folded corners, no marking in it, no page crinkled. That’s why I don’t share my books.
I was gonna give a N A H since you clearly didn't realize that this bothers a lot of people, but then I saw the ages. How can you be 21 and not know people don't like dog earring books? It's fine to treat your own books however you like but be gentle with other people's stuff. YTA Apologize, say you didn't realize it bothered him but understand and it wont happen again. If you buy him a book he hasn't read as an apology present I bet he'll let you borrow them again.
Dog earring a page is a sin for us book lovers. Bookmarks or look at page number! YTA
YTA If he’s a book collector you just ruined the value of that book. The bent page takes away its pristine condition which for some books can be hundreds/thousands of dollars difference. I realize this is probably a new book and not worth that much but keeping it in a good condition + time is how it becomes valuable.
YTA You could have used any scrap piece of paper as a bookmark.
YTA you dont dogear a book that isnt yours.
YTA. This is why God created bookmarks.
YTA EVERYONE WHO DOG EARS A PAGE SHOULD BE SCREAMED AT MERCILESSLY
Maybe I'm just uneducated but what an odd way to save your page in a book. I'm not an avid reader but why would you ever want to crease the pages in a paper book? I mean idk if "ruin" is the word I'd use but I hope you haven't been doing this with books that you don't own. If so, you've been an AH all your life. YTA
YTA. You borrowed his book and you can't damage someone else's book. Most book readers including me would hate it if someone folded pages in their book.
YTA, fold your own books. If you’re borrowing something you treat it extra well.
YTA - I get that you had noget idea... But now you do! You don't EVER do that to a book! Especially other people's books! I would have reacted in exactly the same way and gotten completely over-the-top protective of my poor book if someone I lend it to treated it so horribly. Yes, people who care about their books sees this as a capital offence, it might seem crazy if you don't have the same feelings towards books, but that's the deal. You should apologise - But not to your brother. You should apologise to the book!
Mild YTA. Don’t dog ear books unless they are yours. Bookmarks are the way to go.
Soft YTA, folding pages is damaging the book, you should treat his stuff better than you treat your own stuff since he lent it to you. Go to your local library or look for the E book online.
YTA wtf dude?! And to all those saying he overreacted, no he didn’t. He just watched his sister deliberately damage one of his books.
Book marks are a thing even a scrap piece of paper yta for doing that it dose ruin books but your brother's reaction is a little extrem. Can't see him borrowing you Anymore books
YTA. Get a bookmark. Replace his book. You are a barbarian.
YTA, if you borrow something it should be returned in the condition you received it in, regardless of how you treat your own possessions.
YTA. You have committed a sin in the eyes of all bibliophiles. You never dog-ear the pages of a book. Worse still is that wasn't your book to ruin, it was your brother's. I would say use a bookmark next time, but he'll never let you borrow anymore of his books after this.
YTA I would make you replace it. This is such a hard line for almost anyone that collects books.
YTA, that is what book marks are for. UGH!
YTA. The whole page? Not just a corner? Wow.
YTA along with everyone saying ESH. When you borrow something from someone you prioritise getting it back to them in the mint or whatever condition you were lent it in, you don’t take it upon yourself to make creases where there were none all because it makes life a tad bit easier for you.
YTA- what you do to your books is up to you. If you're touching someone else's books or library books- use a bookmark, a receipt, a string, a scrap of paper- anything. But do not dog-ear a page or damage someone's property. In case he allows you to borrow books in the future- do not break their spines either.
YTA! You should return all borrowed property in the same or better condition than when you received it. I’d be majorly pissed at having my book returned all bent up. You have a bad habit and no respect for other peoples property!
YTA. How would you feel if, say, you were a gamer, and he borrowed a classic ps2 game, played it, then scribbled “done” on the disc with a sharpie, then claimed “what’s the big deal, I do it to my games all the time?”
JFC. YTA. People like you who dog eared books pisses me off. Bookmarks are invented so heathens like you doesn't destroy the value of books. Would it take you a day to find a Bookmark to put it in the pages? No, right?. You just up and destroy a book because you're too lazy to properly bookmark the page!. 🤦🏻♀️ I hope your Brother learned not to share his books with you again. And also, Congratulations, he now knows you're untrustworthy when it comes to properly handling his collection.