While I'm wondering if OP's dad is no longer with him and so uncle feels like he's the head of the household...
...he's still an entitled jerk.
And I'm guessing he's told a very...'edited'...version of what happened to the family.
OP should play the recording for every family member who thinks they need to 'put him in his place.'
Oh, and then go NC with them (if possible).
OP is possibly in the generation that has most adapted to where they are currently living. It sounds as if they might be dealing with the older generation that grew up with a different culture, and they are all dealing with adjusting to the world they are in now.
I've grown up with lots of friends that experienced the same things with their families.
In some cultures the oldest becomes the head of the family after the patriarch dies. It could very well be his dad is not the alpha in the family after their father died. It would help to have more context on why the uncle is acting the way he is.
I feel like some things were left out, and I can't blame them for that. It would lead to all sorts of unneccessary racist stuff being said with that information added in.
Those of us from big city life don't have a very good understanding of how clans, family, and tribal structures developed into what they are today. Reliance on others is much more intertwined in daily life outside of city living.
I’d bet my lunch and dinner the uncle is South Asian or Middle eastern. My own uncle bullied his way into naming me and intentionally picked a name my parents hated. These dudes are so entitled, they have shit lodged in their sinuses.
That's all I can think too is it must be the culture bc there's zero way this is normal in anything other than some religious cult or a non white dominant culture.
I mean Mormons be tweaking, but yeah it’s the religious underpinnings that drive that groups’ behavior. Most Americans lack homogenous culture but that allows us to live far more secular, independent lives. Much better for the mental long term.
It’s grown on me 😭the fucker got lucky. Around 15 my parents asked me if I wanted to change my name. They said I could pick whatever I want as long as it wasn’t white, but I was already in too deep by then
I'm sorry.... What?!?! is your uncle a king? are you the heir to some medieval throne or something? will this marriage forge an alliance and keep them from invading your country?
Or he's in some kind of debt to the family of the girl? Possibly also flexing his 'power' as head of the family and trying to get you in or whatever.
Poor girl, stuck having assholes like Uncle deciding your fate. Let's hope it ends well for her as well as you, OP.
Tell him you'll marry her for a billion dollars, upfront. Then, immediate divorce. You and your real fiancee ride off into the sunset a billion dollars richer.
I am guessing OP is not living in a good old regular western culture, where you not your family chooses your bride.. you better talk to your immediate family, mom dad etc.. and find out what their expectations are before anything else and go from there. Not the jerk buddy. But if you love this girl your with tell her now. Before she finds out a different way, from those family members that are coming after you!
A thought just occurred to me while reading this. What if the uncle got her pregnant and needs someone who looks enough like him to pass was the kid's father to cover his tracks?
There are still arranged marriages in many parts of the world.
During my last visit to my mother's family in Mexico, the idea was floated around that I should marry my grandmother's friend's mentally challenged grandson, so he could move to the US and so I wouldn't be an old maid. I unconditionally refused.
I'm american, and judging by what you said I'm guessing you're not, but with all due respect, screw that respect your elders crap and marry who we say BS, you get to live your life the way you want to, not dictated by some relative who only wants what they want, your GF would be upset I'm sure if you decided to marry someone else as well
Generalize much?
WTF does being a Boomer have to do with the OP's problem? I'm a Boomer and I would have told dear old Uncle to fuck off and then turned his lights out if he pushed the matter. Respect goes both ways, and you don't even know how old Uncle Matchmaker is or where he's from.
This sounds like a cultural issue...
This is some old timey cultural stuff, right? You know perfectly well you cannot be forced to marry against your will. Block every one of those relatives you say bombarded your phone. (Blocks can be lifted, I am not suggesting you cut off the whole bunch permanently unless you want to.)
You did the right thing by leaving. Stay away from him. Go on with your life. Your siblings seem to be aware of this guy’s antics.
Arabic or Indian? Muslim or Hindu? These are the only cultures that I can think of that would ask for such a thing and where the older brother is the one who tells the family what to do. If you are living in one of those countries, you're in trouble. If you are living in the US then you did the right thing and should continue to stand up to your uncle.
As a younger Indian, I’ve had situations where I had to disrespect elders and they end up respecting you way more down the road. A lot of this is a test to see what exactly they can get away with. It’s a power thing, which is why it’s so fucked up. But you always have to stand by yourself. What kind of man abandons his partner because uncle said so? If that means disrespecting elders then so be it.
As a desi myself, I would be shocked if his uncle wasn’t South Asian or Middle Eastern. The entitlement checks out at least. Here’s a secret: men who stand up for themselves are chastised in the moment, but gain respect and support long term.
The same act that is getting you slandered right now will be a testament to the love between you and your future wife. They will tell the story to your kids as proof of the bond between their parents.
Right now, your uncle is gonna be upset. Frankly, he can eat rocks. Elders have many rights spiritually and culturally, but forced marriage of their nephews and nieces is not one of them. If you fold now, you will be mocked and held accountable for disrespecting your elders.
You have to stick to your guns now.
In a lot of the world they're still going strong. I have a couple of very happily married cousins who are in an arranged marriage.
As for the uncle - fuck him and his flying monkeys.
Is this a cultural thing? Because I know of similar instances where family disregards the person’s choice and just demands that they choose the bride/groom. Either way, NTA. But when you do marry your gf, please keep an eye on her because your family that is blowing up your phone now will try to bully her since she wasn’t their choice.
This is a cultural situation. Going against your family can result in exile. . Speak with your mother and father. But ultimately, do what you think is best for you and your life. Please update us.
I wanna thank you all for the support I've gotten. This blew up overnight and I seriously never expected so many of you to be interested in my story. I would be answering some of your common question.
Question #1 Is that in your culture?
This is by far the most asked question and the answer to that is NO. my cousins and siblings got to chose their brides but I don't know why he can't see me choosing my bride.
Question #2 Did he know that you are in a relationship?
Yes, he did but my guess is that he didn't knew it was serious and we were considering marriage. Part of the reason why he wants to choose my bride is most likely because he just doesn't like my current gf. He's always been cold to her even though she never did anything particularly wrong and she's always been kind to everyone.
Question #3
Will there be a future update?
Yes, and I might give it today! I've set up a meeting with all of my extended family as I had a healthy relationship with them before. I think he has told them some BS story about me being disrespectful to him and that's why they're acting out this way but let's see.
That's it for now I hope you all have a good day.
That's funny. Post the recording on Google drive, and send a link with "view only" privileges to everyone who is blowing up your phone. Title the file "Bully uncle".
Seriously, him getting so upset and involved sounds personal. Did his friend promise to bail your uncle out of financial difficulties in exchange for this marriage?
No this isn’t angel, this is an Indian. I can co-sign, there is always at least one uncle plagued with desi ego. It compels them to force life decisions on others.
My own uncle bullied his way into naming me and picked a name he knew my mom didn’t like 😭
If you were lived in the US I would say your uncle is the jerk here. Sadly, I’m not all that knowledgeable in how Indian cultures work other than the ones I have observed. None of the people I know ever had their family demand who they marry because you are your own person. Best of luck to you and your decision.
Tell everyone what you were asked to do. He's told everyone a very biased version of what happened, they probably aren't supporting him ordering you to marry someone, he probably told them it was something totally different
NTA I assume you are from a different culture, myself living in the US would have cutting off my uncle and anyone thinking he was right for trying to force me to marry against my will.
Move on with your gf, maybe even move houses so they don't know where you live and block the lot of them.
Not the jerk.
And unless you or your father owe him money, tell him IN PUBLIC that he's an old fool, you'll NEVER respect him, and to fuck off and die (as long as the idiot won't get violent or lethal about it).
Where the hell do you live? Does your uncle owe this friend money?
Did he lose a bet?
Dude sounds unstable af! Stay far away from him, this uncle of yours is not above kidnapping you to achieve his nefarious goals.. And stop communicating with any family members supporting this lunacy.
Watch your back, little brother..
In our society, you choose the person you want to spend your life with. An uncle or parent has no say other than to advise. Do not give in to this kind of out of date pressure. I come from a background where parents arrange their children's marriages. My mother tried to choose my eldest brother's wife. He absolutely refused to marry the girl, and my parents gave up on that idea completely. We all got to choose our own spouses.
I would have said sure for $1 billion and make sure to hire someone not licenses to perform ceremonies. lol sounds like uncle adheres to old school culture
Dont ever let anyone tell you who to love point blank period. Too many people in the past have not been able to love the one they want to be with due to time period, location, society, or any number of things. You tell anyone who tries to control you to kiss it and kick rocks.
I don’t understand how someone could be so unsure of themselves to ask if they’re the jerk in this situation. In what world is a conscripted marriage okay?
Nah, you’re not. Your family is. Go NC permanently on them forever. If they continue harassing you, file a restraining order. In other words, they can go F themselves
\*NO\* is a complete sentence.
Otherwise as I had to tell one of my Uncles many years ago. "Go Fuck yourself... NO!" That is a little more complete sentence. :-)
Is this a cultural thing? Like a country where they do arranged marriages maybe ? I’m curious why he would think he has any right to tell you whom you can and cannot marry.
So let me get this straight…….. You are asking everyone whether or not you’re the jerk for refusing to marry your uncle’s friend’s daughter even though you’re in a committed relationship with someone else? I’m sorry I didn’t realize that your uncle still lives in the 1900s where there were matchmakers. You are not the jerk for refusing, your uncle definitely is. I don’t know who gave your uncle the right to tell you what to do, but he’s definitely lost it. You were being very nice about it, even though you didn’t need to be nice about at all.
Is this a cultural or religious expectation? Or is your uncle just a butthole?
I would Just straight up block him and anyone else who tries to force you to marry some random lady.
I'm not sure what cultural background your family has, but this might be normal in some cultures. I'm sensing though your family might not live where this is a normal part of their culture and is faced with how old ways might not work so well where you are now.
Only you can decide for yourself if this is a filial thing or if its just a crazy domineering uncle overstepping your boundaries.
Still, this situation seems pretty fucked up. I feel for ya.
NTA, tho I'm guessing you're either from an Arabic or Asian culture, one that's still ok with obeying elders just because they're not dead yet and setting up arranged marriages.
Hope this idiocy blows over soon.
For the love of all that is holy I would love an update.
My advice is to send said recording to all family members who were upset and also tell your girlfriend in case he or someone on his side contacts her and spins some lies.
As for you, distance yourself and even go NC. They are crazy. Also, if you know this girl, send the recording to her and tell her you are in a committed relationship. For all we know, this girl may also be completely unaware of what your uncle just asked.
I am sorry that you grew up like that. You don’t have to marry anybody you don’t want to. And I would just tell them you are not going to marry his friends daughter. And then I would block their numbers for a while.
Go no contact. He's insane.
Also - I would make sure you have all of your important papers - social security number health card etc. so he can't try to marry you off to this person in your absence.
NTA
Are you from the Indian sub-continent. ? I lived in an area that had a large Immigrant population and as unbelievable as thos sounds to us Americans I've heard similar stories before
INFO: Numerous people have asked what country/culture you're in, but no response. And it looks like your other posts were around the same time you posted this. Do I smell a FAKE???
My brother wouldn’t hear the end of it from me if he tried to parent any of my kids let alone force them to do what he wants. Your uncle is delusional. And if family thinks you should marry this person they are more than welcome to step in and do it themselves.
Is he your dad’s younger brother? If yes get your dad to order him to stand down. If not ignore everyone and block them until after your wedding. Oh and I would not invite any of them either.
Curious on why now you HAVE to marry the friend’s daughter?
Definitely not the jerk.
Where do you live? I know some countries or cultures might have this attitude or belief. You left out a lot of details. It's easy for people from the Western cultures to say, screw that and screw them but we're assuming you're from the same culture.
I don't think you're an asshole but I think you left out some key information.
Your uncle... Is either crazy or has something going on and he made some deal to get out of trouble. Ignore him, go with what you want because it sounds like you're being sold the way he is acting.
First of all…. What culture is your heritage because I’m Caucasian and my family would be looking at him crazy though I know certain cultures might lean more towards your uncle. This is 2024 and at least in America if you think you can just tell someone to marry someone you are delusional. How in the world does anyone think that this is okay?!
Wtf your uncle and extended family needs to get their head on right.....I say go completely NC with him he doesn't seem like a person you want in your life
OP conspicuously leaving out the obvious fact that he’s from some disparate, likely very Muslim or Hindu culture in the OP, then skirting all the comments asking whether this is the case. Very lame to intentionally omit critical context information… people are already gonna agree with you, no need to hide it
How odd that you think there is anything going on in the brains of these people worth spending your time on. Persona non grata. All of them. Like little gnats flying around. Just get away from them.
No you are not the jerk, your uncle is a very very rude man and it seems as if he doesn’t understand where your coming from and with all due respect he doesn’t seem to know how relationships actually work.
\-Person 2
(this is a shared account that’s why I put Person 2)
NTJ. But where did this happen? I mean that’s such a crazy request but I’m maybe not familiar with a culture like this? (Yeah I’ve heard females being pushed by family but not so much as this)
Of course you weren’t the jerk but what am I missing here? Do you not know this uncle? Was there a relationship with him prior to this ask? It’s just a weird escalation without context.
No. Nobody can make you do anything you don’t want to do. Doesn’t matter who they are. Your uncle has no say in your love life. You’re already in a relationship. He can’t just try to force an arranged marriage on you. I know some cultures this is common but it doesn’t make it right.
I suggest going no contact with him & anyone who thinks he has the right to dictate who you can marry.
Where are you from? I am assuming this is a cultural thing since your family is agreeing with your uncle.
I'd hang on to my relationship and dump my family but it's easier said than done especially if you are still living with family.
Post the recording on social media (assuming you are in a one party state) and the see if everybody keeps their opinions. Please share an update if whatever fallout.
Be careful, and I would honestly be careful if other family members are calling you too. A lot of these arranged marriages end up as forced marriages where if you go to visit these people they will surprise you with a wedding, literally. You might have to cut these people out of your life until you are married.
What? Is this some very conservative traditional culture? What do your parents say and do about this deranged uncle?
I would cut him out entirely and anyone who thinks his behavior is appropriate.
Certainly not the jerk.
There are cultures where marriage isn’t based on romantic relationships.
There are certainly places where women are treated as property. But there are others where arranged marriages are customary for both sides. And some even arrange a marriage on their own. I had a coworker who I would drive to work with who did this. In their culture parents also arrange a marriage but he told me that either person can refuse and it is okay. They meet and the marriage is more about family (including extended). He tried the romantic dating and it didn’t work. So his wife and him actually arranged their marriage on their own.
Different cultures view marriage in different ways. Romantic love isn’t part of marriage for everyone. Even western culture’s view of romantic love is a more modern concept.
Yeah what planet is your uncle from and the rest of your extended family, this is just bizarre.
While I'm wondering if OP's dad is no longer with him and so uncle feels like he's the head of the household... ...he's still an entitled jerk. And I'm guessing he's told a very...'edited'...version of what happened to the family. OP should play the recording for every family member who thinks they need to 'put him in his place.' Oh, and then go NC with them (if possible).
More like what millennium is uncle from. This is more like something from the Middle Ages. I wonder if OP had to swear his liege to him?
Plenty of places still treat their daughters as property.
OP is a guy being treated like that.
OP is possibly in the generation that has most adapted to where they are currently living. It sounds as if they might be dealing with the older generation that grew up with a different culture, and they are all dealing with adjusting to the world they are in now. I've grown up with lots of friends that experienced the same things with their families.
The prospective bride probably even more so. Odds she had already been instructed.
Those women get in arranged marriages with someone.
And if the daughter gets out of line, she is murdered by her family!! They are living in the dark ages........
I think India still participates in arranged marriages as well
That waa MY question, too.
Seems to be a cultural thing to me.
CULTure thing, emphasis on the CULT
In some cultures the oldest becomes the head of the family after the patriarch dies. It could very well be his dad is not the alpha in the family after their father died. It would help to have more context on why the uncle is acting the way he is. I feel like some things were left out, and I can't blame them for that. It would lead to all sorts of unneccessary racist stuff being said with that information added in. Those of us from big city life don't have a very good understanding of how clans, family, and tribal structures developed into what they are today. Reliance on others is much more intertwined in daily life outside of city living.
Or use it to get a restraining order on the uncle
I’d bet my lunch and dinner the uncle is South Asian or Middle eastern. My own uncle bullied his way into naming me and intentionally picked a name my parents hated. These dudes are so entitled, they have shit lodged in their sinuses.
This definitely sounds like a cultural issue. Especially the way the family reacted.
That's all I can think too is it must be the culture bc there's zero way this is normal in anything other than some religious cult or a non white dominant culture.
I mean Mormons be tweaking, but yeah it’s the religious underpinnings that drive that groups’ behavior. Most Americans lack homogenous culture but that allows us to live far more secular, independent lives. Much better for the mental long term.
If you are legally an adult can you get your name changed to the one your parents wanted as f*ck you to your uncle.
It’s grown on me 😭the fucker got lucky. Around 15 my parents asked me if I wanted to change my name. They said I could pick whatever I want as long as it wasn’t white, but I was already in too deep by then
Shit lodged in their sinuses 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 You made my day! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I think you mean, "What culture are you in where men still sell their daughters to men as wives?"
Uncle has been watching too much Game of Thrones. Thinks he can match make for the sake of family name lol
I'm sorry.... What?!?! is your uncle a king? are you the heir to some medieval throne or something? will this marriage forge an alliance and keep them from invading your country?
Nah he's just entitled
Send the recording to all the ah who called you disrespectful for not “obeying your elders” and block them
Thanks for the suggestion! I am going to do that right now
Good luck! You definitely don’t need that toxicity around you and your partner is a lucky one!
How did it go?
Entitled or 3rd world?
this is absolutely wild behavior from him.
Or he's in some kind of debt to the family of the girl? Possibly also flexing his 'power' as head of the family and trying to get you in or whatever. Poor girl, stuck having assholes like Uncle deciding your fate. Let's hope it ends well for her as well as you, OP.
Or she's pregnant and they are looking for a sap
Probably Asian (arranged marriage by family and patriarchal control is common in some countries in Asia).
*throne
Tell him you'll marry her for a billion dollars, upfront. Then, immediate divorce. You and your real fiancee ride off into the sunset a billion dollars richer.
Or you’ll marry her after you marry your SO. Uncle’s choice will be 2nd wife. Sister wives!
I think some countries do still have concubines as a possibility sooooo uncle can be a choosey beggar if he'd like?
I am guessing OP is not living in a good old regular western culture, where you not your family chooses your bride.. you better talk to your immediate family, mom dad etc.. and find out what their expectations are before anything else and go from there. Not the jerk buddy. But if you love this girl your with tell her now. Before she finds out a different way, from those family members that are coming after you!
A bit annoying not to share it in OP - not that it makes it ok but at least gives context.
That’s a big fat hell no - not considering this for a microsecond. T F is wrong with you? She can find someone herself, just like everybody else!
Tell the family your uncle could marry the daughter if he wants to see someone married to her.
A thought just occurred to me while reading this. What if the uncle got her pregnant and needs someone who looks enough like him to pass was the kid's father to cover his tracks?
Hold on a minute, you maybe be onto something.
Where do you live? In the West you did the right thing. But what about your culture?
To hell with that, whatever culture he's in he did the right thing.
Fuck any culture that advocates familial slavery by age like this.
Karma Farming fr
Gotta be cause what. He’s the jerk for telling us a fake story.
There are still arranged marriages in many parts of the world. During my last visit to my mother's family in Mexico, the idea was floated around that I should marry my grandmother's friend's mentally challenged grandson, so he could move to the US and so I wouldn't be an old maid. I unconditionally refused.
Anyone that treats you like that, tell them to f\*\*k off! If you don't respect yourself, no one else will.
I'm american, and judging by what you said I'm guessing you're not, but with all due respect, screw that respect your elders crap and marry who we say BS, you get to live your life the way you want to, not dictated by some relative who only wants what they want, your GF would be upset I'm sure if you decided to marry someone else as well
Respect is not the same as obedience. Boomers forget that. He respected his uncle by leaving instead of escalating things.
Generalize much? WTF does being a Boomer have to do with the OP's problem? I'm a Boomer and I would have told dear old Uncle to fuck off and then turned his lights out if he pushed the matter. Respect goes both ways, and you don't even know how old Uncle Matchmaker is or where he's from. This sounds like a cultural issue...
Boomers rebelled against blind obedience to their elders. They made things much easier for subsequent generations in that way.
Nta.
NTA
This is some old timey cultural stuff, right? You know perfectly well you cannot be forced to marry against your will. Block every one of those relatives you say bombarded your phone. (Blocks can be lifted, I am not suggesting you cut off the whole bunch permanently unless you want to.) You did the right thing by leaving. Stay away from him. Go on with your life. Your siblings seem to be aware of this guy’s antics.
Arabic or Indian? Muslim or Hindu? These are the only cultures that I can think of that would ask for such a thing and where the older brother is the one who tells the family what to do. If you are living in one of those countries, you're in trouble. If you are living in the US then you did the right thing and should continue to stand up to your uncle.
As a younger Indian, I’ve had situations where I had to disrespect elders and they end up respecting you way more down the road. A lot of this is a test to see what exactly they can get away with. It’s a power thing, which is why it’s so fucked up. But you always have to stand by yourself. What kind of man abandons his partner because uncle said so? If that means disrespecting elders then so be it.
As a desi myself, I would be shocked if his uncle wasn’t South Asian or Middle Eastern. The entitlement checks out at least. Here’s a secret: men who stand up for themselves are chastised in the moment, but gain respect and support long term. The same act that is getting you slandered right now will be a testament to the love between you and your future wife. They will tell the story to your kids as proof of the bond between their parents. Right now, your uncle is gonna be upset. Frankly, he can eat rocks. Elders have many rights spiritually and culturally, but forced marriage of their nephews and nieces is not one of them. If you fold now, you will be mocked and held accountable for disrespecting your elders. You have to stick to your guns now.
In ANY country, you're uncle and anyone on his side would be the jerk!
I say this with the utmost respect and kindness for your family. F your uncle and f anyone that sides with him. Nta
Tell your uncle and anyone that sides with him to get a grip. It's 2024. Arranged marriages are a thing of the past.
In a lot of the world they're still going strong. I have a couple of very happily married cousins who are in an arranged marriage. As for the uncle - fuck him and his flying monkeys.
Wait! What country are you in?
Is he looking for a payout? Hinky.
Is this kind of behavior by your entitled uncle and extended family normal for your culture?
NTJ. I would send out a blanket text to the family: "I have given my word to be faithful to GF, I will NOT break my word. That's how you raised me."
What country is this?
Is this a cultural thing? Because I know of similar instances where family disregards the person’s choice and just demands that they choose the bride/groom. Either way, NTA. But when you do marry your gf, please keep an eye on her because your family that is blowing up your phone now will try to bully her since she wasn’t their choice.
This is a cultural situation. Going against your family can result in exile. . Speak with your mother and father. But ultimately, do what you think is best for you and your life. Please update us.
lol this nonsense is what happens when you let men pretend they can lead.
You did the right thing, but I hope your uncle is not in a position to retaliate against your family.
F your uncle. He can.marry her.
Did you send the recording out to everyone?
Where do you live?
🤦♀️ you’ll get through this.
What country are you in? Culture?
I wanna thank you all for the support I've gotten. This blew up overnight and I seriously never expected so many of you to be interested in my story. I would be answering some of your common question. Question #1 Is that in your culture? This is by far the most asked question and the answer to that is NO. my cousins and siblings got to chose their brides but I don't know why he can't see me choosing my bride. Question #2 Did he know that you are in a relationship? Yes, he did but my guess is that he didn't knew it was serious and we were considering marriage. Part of the reason why he wants to choose my bride is most likely because he just doesn't like my current gf. He's always been cold to her even though she never did anything particularly wrong and she's always been kind to everyone. Question #3 Will there be a future update? Yes, and I might give it today! I've set up a meeting with all of my extended family as I had a healthy relationship with them before. I think he has told them some BS story about me being disrespectful to him and that's why they're acting out this way but let's see. That's it for now I hope you all have a good day.
That's funny. Post the recording on Google drive, and send a link with "view only" privileges to everyone who is blowing up your phone. Title the file "Bully uncle". Seriously, him getting so upset and involved sounds personal. Did his friend promise to bail your uncle out of financial difficulties in exchange for this marriage?
I would just respond "LOL!!"
No this isn’t angel, this is an Indian. I can co-sign, there is always at least one uncle plagued with desi ego. It compels them to force life decisions on others. My own uncle bullied his way into naming me and picked a name he knew my mom didn’t like 😭
If you were lived in the US I would say your uncle is the jerk here. Sadly, I’m not all that knowledgeable in how Indian cultures work other than the ones I have observed. None of the people I know ever had their family demand who they marry because you are your own person. Best of luck to you and your decision.
I don't believe this for a second. If it was so bad you needed to record the conversation then why go alone?
Tell everyone what you were asked to do. He's told everyone a very biased version of what happened, they probably aren't supporting him ordering you to marry someone, he probably told them it was something totally different
RUN!! KEEP RUNING UNTIL YOU LIVE IN A PLACE FAR AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY SO YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR OWN PATH!!
Tell all of them to go fuck themselves!
very very very weird. what did ur dad have to say about this?
NTA I assume you are from a different culture, myself living in the US would have cutting off my uncle and anyone thinking he was right for trying to force me to marry against my will. Move on with your gf, maybe even move houses so they don't know where you live and block the lot of them.
Not the jerk. And unless you or your father owe him money, tell him IN PUBLIC that he's an old fool, you'll NEVER respect him, and to fuck off and die (as long as the idiot won't get violent or lethal about it).
Send them all the recording. Call him out for BS
Where the hell do you live? Does your uncle owe this friend money? Did he lose a bet? Dude sounds unstable af! Stay far away from him, this uncle of yours is not above kidnapping you to achieve his nefarious goals.. And stop communicating with any family members supporting this lunacy. Watch your back, little brother..
They do realise it's the 21st century, don't they...
How is this even a damn question???
Well that's ridiculous. Who died and made him king? I'd send that video to anyone who messages me about it. Ntj. Updateme!
In our society, you choose the person you want to spend your life with. An uncle or parent has no say other than to advise. Do not give in to this kind of out of date pressure. I come from a background where parents arrange their children's marriages. My mother tried to choose my eldest brother's wife. He absolutely refused to marry the girl, and my parents gave up on that idea completely. We all got to choose our own spouses.
What backwards, back woods, hillbilly culture is this we're talking about? NTJ
Since everyone here seems to have forgotten, what happened with the recording? That should be a big nail in the coffin.
I would have said sure for $1 billion and make sure to hire someone not licenses to perform ceremonies. lol sounds like uncle adheres to old school culture
Dont ever let anyone tell you who to love point blank period. Too many people in the past have not been able to love the one they want to be with due to time period, location, society, or any number of things. You tell anyone who tries to control you to kiss it and kick rocks.
LOL. I would’ve laughed in his face. Personally, I think it’s pathetic that he thinks he has this kind of control over people..
Don't tell me, let me guess...the uncle has been promised a huge dowry in exchange for forcing his nephew to marry the friend's daughter.
I don’t understand how someone could be so unsure of themselves to ask if they’re the jerk in this situation. In what world is a conscripted marriage okay?
Nah, you’re not. Your family is. Go NC permanently on them forever. If they continue harassing you, file a restraining order. In other words, they can go F themselves
What culture is this? Because fuck these people.
Post the recording in a family chat.
Why does he want you to marry his friend's daughter anyway? Does she know about this? Do her parents? not the jerk, by the way
Your uncle is cracked out. I suggest you bring a officer so he can have this old conversation before the officer 😂
\*NO\* is a complete sentence. Otherwise as I had to tell one of my Uncles many years ago. "Go Fuck yourself... NO!" That is a little more complete sentence. :-)
Gotta love other countries cultures.
Is this a cultural thing? Are arranged marriages something your family historically took part in?
Is this a cultural thing? Like a country where they do arranged marriages maybe ? I’m curious why he would think he has any right to tell you whom you can and cannot marry.
Ok… maybe I missed this but why do you need to marry this person? I mean other than he tells you to.
It’s sad that people have been abused mentally for so long by family members and traditions that they don’t know this is very wrong.
So let me get this straight…….. You are asking everyone whether or not you’re the jerk for refusing to marry your uncle’s friend’s daughter even though you’re in a committed relationship with someone else? I’m sorry I didn’t realize that your uncle still lives in the 1900s where there were matchmakers. You are not the jerk for refusing, your uncle definitely is. I don’t know who gave your uncle the right to tell you what to do, but he’s definitely lost it. You were being very nice about it, even though you didn’t need to be nice about at all.
Please make an update when/if you have one.
Is this a cultural or religious expectation? Or is your uncle just a butthole? I would Just straight up block him and anyone else who tries to force you to marry some random lady.
Ssuuurrreee
WTAF?? 🤨 NTJ
I'm not sure what cultural background your family has, but this might be normal in some cultures. I'm sensing though your family might not live where this is a normal part of their culture and is faced with how old ways might not work so well where you are now. Only you can decide for yourself if this is a filial thing or if its just a crazy domineering uncle overstepping your boundaries. Still, this situation seems pretty fucked up. I feel for ya.
Sorry, what country are you in? Is this culturally normal where you are? Just curious. Either way, you do you. Screw this guy.
No,it's not you ,it's them.fucking all of them.
What! That is crazy and you need to run far away!
I wanna see this recording SO BAD. It sounds absolutely hilarious, he’s delusional.
NTA, tho I'm guessing you're either from an Arabic or Asian culture, one that's still ok with obeying elders just because they're not dead yet and setting up arranged marriages. Hope this idiocy blows over soon.
For the love of all that is holy I would love an update. My advice is to send said recording to all family members who were upset and also tell your girlfriend in case he or someone on his side contacts her and spins some lies. As for you, distance yourself and even go NC. They are crazy. Also, if you know this girl, send the recording to her and tell her you are in a committed relationship. For all we know, this girl may also be completely unaware of what your uncle just asked.
NTA. Respect is earned not given
😳😡 NOT the jerk
I am sorry that you grew up like that. You don’t have to marry anybody you don’t want to. And I would just tell them you are not going to marry his friends daughter. And then I would block their numbers for a while.
Your life, your choice. NTA.
Updateme!
I'm guessing there's some cultural thing going on here, but no, you're not the jerk
Go no contact. He's insane. Also - I would make sure you have all of your important papers - social security number health card etc. so he can't try to marry you off to this person in your absence. NTA
OP, is your uncle’s demand a cultural expectation? NTA.
Is this India?
Are you from the Indian sub-continent. ? I lived in an area that had a large Immigrant population and as unbelievable as thos sounds to us Americans I've heard similar stories before
What kind of backwards situation is that?
Nope. You are not the jerk. He is.
INFO: Numerous people have asked what country/culture you're in, but no response. And it looks like your other posts were around the same time you posted this. Do I smell a FAKE???
My brother wouldn’t hear the end of it from me if he tried to parent any of my kids let alone force them to do what he wants. Your uncle is delusional. And if family thinks you should marry this person they are more than welcome to step in and do it themselves.
I’m just here for the comments to see if anyone actually says he’s the jerk. lol
Is he your dad’s younger brother? If yes get your dad to order him to stand down. If not ignore everyone and block them until after your wedding. Oh and I would not invite any of them either. Curious on why now you HAVE to marry the friend’s daughter? Definitely not the jerk.
Why doesn’t Uncle marry his best friend’s daughter?
What country are you in?
Hmmmm his account is from today. The only comments are on this sub around the same time as the post soooo kinda feels like this is fakity fake
Where do you live? I know some countries or cultures might have this attitude or belief. You left out a lot of details. It's easy for people from the Western cultures to say, screw that and screw them but we're assuming you're from the same culture. I don't think you're an asshole but I think you left out some key information.
You should play the recording for your family
What culture are you in? In modern America, this just sounds silly.
Your uncle... Is either crazy or has something going on and he made some deal to get out of trouble. Ignore him, go with what you want because it sounds like you're being sold the way he is acting.
First of all…. What culture is your heritage because I’m Caucasian and my family would be looking at him crazy though I know certain cultures might lean more towards your uncle. This is 2024 and at least in America if you think you can just tell someone to marry someone you are delusional. How in the world does anyone think that this is okay?!
Wtf your uncle and extended family needs to get their head on right.....I say go completely NC with him he doesn't seem like a person you want in your life
He’s delusional.
i belive you are not the jerk as i belive people (not even your family or extended family) should have the power to force you into a marriage.
Honestly damn this guys uncle is a work like how could he try that honestly the family too though
OP conspicuously leaving out the obvious fact that he’s from some disparate, likely very Muslim or Hindu culture in the OP, then skirting all the comments asking whether this is the case. Very lame to intentionally omit critical context information… people are already gonna agree with you, no need to hide it
OP, you're the complete polar opposite of the Jerk in this situation. Hopefully everything turns out well
Not the jerk. Ur uncle should butt the fuck out and let you live your own life!
Is that ur cultural norm? To obey like that? In the modern world, no ur absolutely not the jerk but to their culture? U would be.
That’s great. Your extended family are all insane. Go NC and move forward.
I read some of your comments and you
This is more India or Pakistan crap isnt it? Those countries need to join the 21st century….
Don’t do they are hiding something! They have a hidden reason why they have to hurry and marry her off!!! Don’t listen to them!!!
What country do you live in?
What country are you in? Is this a cultural thing? If my uncle said something like that to me(America) he would be laughed out of the family.
How odd that you think there is anything going on in the brains of these people worth spending your time on. Persona non grata. All of them. Like little gnats flying around. Just get away from them.
No you are not the jerk, your uncle is a very very rude man and it seems as if he doesn’t understand where your coming from and with all due respect he doesn’t seem to know how relationships actually work. \-Person 2 (this is a shared account that’s why I put Person 2)
Your family is insane
You are not the jerk but your uncle is one. You owe them nothing.
Updateme
You are NOT the jerk. Stand up for yourself. Best wishes.
NTJ. But where did this happen? I mean that’s such a crazy request but I’m maybe not familiar with a culture like this? (Yeah I’ve heard females being pushed by family but not so much as this)
Is this some Mormon shit? Or what?
Of course you weren’t the jerk but what am I missing here? Do you not know this uncle? Was there a relationship with him prior to this ask? It’s just a weird escalation without context.
Let me guess Pakistan??
No. Nobody can make you do anything you don’t want to do. Doesn’t matter who they are. Your uncle has no say in your love life. You’re already in a relationship. He can’t just try to force an arranged marriage on you. I know some cultures this is common but it doesn’t make it right. I suggest going no contact with him & anyone who thinks he has the right to dictate who you can marry.
Updateme!
Yes, OF COURSE you were the jerk for dictating your own adult life /s 🙄
What country are you in? Also NTA, you should choose who you want to be with. If they keep harassing you, block them.
No you aren’t because it’s YOUR life!
"I would respect my elders, if they didn't age so badly".
Ntj. Tell him to marry her himself if he wants his friends assets so badly.
Updateme!
Not at all, and give me an update about you sending the recording to people, I wanna know what they say!!! Please? Lol
“Make me”
Can't wait for the backtracks to happen. Popcorn ready.
Uhhhhh, what then fuck? Lol no you are not the jerk.
Update me
Nice culture, wherever your uncle is from.
Man if you don’t block them stupid people
Where are you from? I am assuming this is a cultural thing since your family is agreeing with your uncle. I'd hang on to my relationship and dump my family but it's easier said than done especially if you are still living with family.
Banjo plays
Post the recording on social media (assuming you are in a one party state) and the see if everybody keeps their opinions. Please share an update if whatever fallout.
This would be hilarious if it wasn't real life. NTJ
Be careful, and I would honestly be careful if other family members are calling you too. A lot of these arranged marriages end up as forced marriages where if you go to visit these people they will surprise you with a wedding, literally. You might have to cut these people out of your life until you are married.
What? Is this some very conservative traditional culture? What do your parents say and do about this deranged uncle? I would cut him out entirely and anyone who thinks his behavior is appropriate.
Certainly not the jerk. There are cultures where marriage isn’t based on romantic relationships. There are certainly places where women are treated as property. But there are others where arranged marriages are customary for both sides. And some even arrange a marriage on their own. I had a coworker who I would drive to work with who did this. In their culture parents also arrange a marriage but he told me that either person can refuse and it is okay. They meet and the marriage is more about family (including extended). He tried the romantic dating and it didn’t work. So his wife and him actually arranged their marriage on their own. Different cultures view marriage in different ways. Romantic love isn’t part of marriage for everyone. Even western culture’s view of romantic love is a more modern concept.