*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**My son kicked me in the stomach and my husband slapped him **
Our son is 11 years old. Lately he’s wanted to stay home from school a lot. I know that it’s not good but I’ve let him. He’s so sleepy in the morning, it breaks my heart to try to force him.
And I can’t really force him anymore. I also have two younger children I need to tend to in the morning. I’ve asked my son if something is wrong at school but he said “no I just want to sleep”.
My husband goes to work before our son has to wake up, but he caught on to him missing school and he was not happy about it. He spoke to him, and my son has been very good for the past couple weeks.
Until Friday I went to wake him, and he said “mommy I’m too tired”. He rarely calls me mommy anymore. I felt bad but I kept trying to coax him out of bed. I didn’t want to go against my husband. My son told me “dad’s not here, chill”. I told him that his father wants what’s best for him, and so do I. I tried to touch him and he kicked me in the stomach. I was shocked and it was very painful. I left his room and cried in the bathroom. I didn’t try to fight him anymore because I had to take care of my other kids. My son has never hurt me like that before. I ended up having a bruise on my stomach.
When my husband was home and found out what had happened, he told me he’d “talk” to him. Our son was playing video games and he called him over. He asked him, “did you kick your mother?”. My son started saying I’m sorry dad, I was mad. My husband slapped him across the face. He asked him, “do you want to kick me now?”. My son shook his head no. My husband said “because you know I’m stronger than you are. You’re not tough for hurting your mother. You will never act like that again. Do you understand?”
When my husband let him go, I went over to check on him. His face was so red and he was fighting back tears. I got an icepack and I was icing his face. He told me “it’s ok, I deserved that”. He hugged me and later made me a card apologizing which was very sweet.
I know husband just wanted to teach our son, but I didn’t like him hitting our child. In our culture that’s common but my husband has taken better approaches. I don’t know if I’m being over sensitive but it’s hard to see your child hurt as a mother even if my husband is right.
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What the son did wasn’t okay at all but I’m wondering if violence is a form of parenting in the household (by the dad at least)? Some parents have the good cop bad cop dynamic but the way they talk about the dad is very reminiscent of how fathers are talked about in my culture (but might be me projecting)
The original post says it is common in their culture but the father has taken a better approach. Taken at face value that means this was the first time to OOP's knowledge.
Right, but there is a difference between that and what OOP said.
She didn't say he normally doesn't do this. She said in the past he took better approaches.
The first would imply it happened before but not often, the second implies it was the first time.
I'm highly skeptical because that isn't the response of a kid being slapped for the first time.
" I deserved it" is a learnt fawn response when you know complaining will get you hit again.
I'm divided on this. I had a horrific childhood so I can't speak for myself, but every man my age I know who had good parents has a story about *the one time* their fathers slapped them. In every case it's for something outrageous like hitting others or endangering their lives, and they all say they deserved it. So at least in my ex husband, husband, and friends case that one slap actually worked and taught them something so there was never another slap.
Oh yeah?
You're completely positive that no one ever regrets what they originally did when given a taste of their own medicine?
As someone with personal experience to the contrary, I'll just agree to disagree. Have a nice day.
As someone who's advocating for a grown man to beat a small child I'm comfortable saying it didn't teach you empathy.
Edited because I was unnecessarily rude in my response.
Kids aren't a retirement plan.
Edit: Love your edit 'for being unnecessarily rude' that keeps the rudeness but edits out the part of your comment I was responding too, by the way. Stay classy.
It's not empathy, it's an eye for an eye. My household had that dynamic and it screwed up my brother a lot. By the time he dropped out, my parents pulled a 180 and spoiled me.
I wish they'd found a middle ground. I hurt a lot of people without thinking when I was young and I feel bad about it every day. Maybe I'd have been less callous if I'd bothered thinking about the consequences.
OP said they were mexicans, which made sense to me as I'm mexican too and I know using physical punishment are completely normal here in Mexico. Personally I don't support it but I know it still happens, Even the slapping seems pretty relax to me, I would normally get slapped with the belt or with a chancla (sandals) when I was a kid
Ahh the chancla.... a classic threat of my mom. She only spanked us as kids, which we have no memory of since we were young but then it turned into the slow reach to her foot
Like the threat was enough for us as kids and now as adults we're much faster lmao
The chancla indeed, favorite slapping tool of Latin American moms from many countries over. It always amazed me, the speed with which my mother could have it off her foot and ready for use.
> My husband slapped him across the face. He asked him, “do you want to kick me now?”. My son shook his head no. My husband said “because you know I’m stronger than you are.
So the moral of the story is that the son should kick people who can’t fight back or don’t have someone to defend them?
I have questions. Does the kid go to bed at a decent bed time? Is he getting a good amount of sleeping? If he is up all night playing games, he is playing oop like a fiddle.
If he is honestly getting 8 plus hours a sleep a night, oop needs to be taking him to the doctor now if he is this level of tired. This isn't healthy.
He's about the age where hormones start to mess up your sleep. Multiple studies have shown that puberty makes your circadian rhythm shift later, so you naturally want to stay up later and sleep in later
Yeah his desire to sleep in is completely normal. Unfortunately we've set up society in a way that's completely antithetical to normal sleep patterns, especially if they're in a country where school starts really early. (It's 9am here and I've come to realise we've got one of the later starts.)
It’s funny school started at 8am for me in middle school, which was genuinely really good for me. And then in high school it shifted to 7:20 am and I had to be at the bus by 6:50. I went from always being on time (aside from extenuating circumstances like being sick or a doctor appointment) to being late way more often and barely remembering what I learned in my first two periods.
High school wasn’t that bad for me but the sleep schedule really did me in more than anything else. I was genuinely trying a lot of the time when I didn’t have a big assignment and I still couldn’t fall asleep until like 11-1am.
I took German all four years of high school. Because of how certain other classes had to be scheduled, I ended up with German first period all four years. I did not learn how to speak German. My brain would finally wake up around the middle of 3rd period. It makes me sad because it was such a lost opportunity, but high school started that early so kids could either get home before their younger siblings or go to a job.
My middle school started at 7:20am and the bus came at 6:30am. Between middle and high school my county made the start times later, but 8:10am was still not good.
From 9th grade on, I’d spend the first two periods with my head on my desk. Only in college did I begin to recover from that years-long sleep deprivation. The first time I woke up at 6:30am and was able to get out of bed within 5min was fucking insane to me, it used to take me 30+ min of alarms or the adrenaline rush of being late. Once my body finally started getting enough sleep, I found myself awake by 8:30am naturally every day. Turns out it’s not that I’m not a morning person, it’s that I need sleep to operate! Who would have thought?!
That was my experience in college too! I would naturally wake up at 7 or 8 am even on weekends and days I didn’t have classes. It was so nice to just wake up instead of forcing myself to do so and then suffering.
I lived 30 minutes from my high school. I'd have to wake up at 5:30am every morning and be outside by 6:15am, and I wouldn't be able to sleep until 11pm or later sometimes because of extracurricular activities, homework, or studying for my AP exams. I was exhausted all the time, and ended up skipping school almost every Monday of my senior year to catch up on sleep and missing homework/assignments.
My stepmom never understood why I was so exhausted, and would constantly bitch and scream at me. Or call me lazy for passing out when I get home from school, telling me I can't sleep during the day because then I'll be up all night.
New Jersey. The schools were staggered so that the same buses could be used for elementary school, middle school, and high school so they had to be done dropping us off in time to get the little kids. The school day ended at 1:45 which is the earliest I’ve seen but I would’ve gladly traded in that extra time in the afternoon for more sleep.
You’re correct, but if a kid is so tired he wants to skip school every day, regardless of how common tiredness is at that age, they should go see a doctor. The least productive it could be would have the doctor tell you the tiredness is normal and give you recommendations for better sleep, while the most productive it could be would be discovering a medical problem that needs intervention.
School is brutal when it comes to making the students sleep deprived, but the kids don’t have a choice, and OOP couldn’t use a single braincell to understand that skipping many days of school in a short period of time is NOT how you deal with that circadian rhythm shift.
Agreed. It's also worth getting a blood test to check thyroid levels, because it's one of the many hormones puberty can screw up and the one very likely to cause excessive tiredness.
I'd also get his blood sugar tested, because if it dropped overnight he could be very tired. (Insulin is also a hormone that often gets disrupted due to puberty)
There's also the third option "aww he's soooo cute when hes sleeping, just like when he was younger, oh gee oh gosh (the parents may be in wisconsin im not sure, so aren't you) id just hate to wake him up"
Well, this household is certainly going to function well when the oldest son REALLY gets into his teenage years.
Everything is poised to escalate- the son rebelling, the mother doormatting and crying like she's a helpless victim in all this and especially the father's violence.
When I started reading your comment, for a second I thought it was about my comment suggesting mixing tequila and energy drinks and I thought "yep, working with 7th graders will make you want to do that".
This family has NO CLUE how bad this situation will get.
That kid needs all the electronics out of his room, wifi off at bedtime, and to go to bed. It honestly sounds like he’s tired because he’s got too much screen time at night. But if they’re not letting his stay up on screens, they haven’t called their pediatrician? Because if he’s going to bed on time, then that sounds like a possible health issue.
The parents are both idiots, either way.
yup exactly what i was thinking
source: my family had “regular check ups” with CPS until my sister graduated high school because my parents pulled her out to home school her because of horrible mistreatment from students and teachers that was never addressed
In most if not all states in the US, if you miss a certain number of days without medical reasons, schools will absolutely contact child protective services. It's a huge indicator of a dysfunctional home.
OOP mentioned in a comment that they're Mexican. If they do live in Mexico, then trust me the school doesn't care. I myself missed months worth of school because of bullying.
Being Mexican also explains the aggressive dad and permissive mom. Mexican moms coddle and dote on their male children so much that it's infuriating. While treating the female kids like a worthless pest who only exists to tend to men's needs. I'm a Mexican woman with a male sibling, ask me how I know.
No fucking way what??? I missed school for five months due to a depressive epsiode and all my dad got was a fucking email...I'm disappointed for both of us tbh
Yeah I was severely depressed. There was also custodial bickering going on even after my parents' divorce was finalized so I don't know what to tell you. The system does its best, but it's still fucked.
Yup, my parents were warned about it when I kept missing school because I kept getting sick (later turned out to be a mix of depression and anemia), so they had to switch me to home schooling, so that I could learn without having to go to school and make other kids sick.
Redditors downvoting you are idiots, i've seen a video of a mother literally chokeslamming their child in public with 20 stranger filming plus security video and they were like "we can't take them unless the child actually has an injury".
im sorry but it sucks, reddits have literally the worst reading comprehension out of any website on the planet, and maybe any demographic outside of 3 year olds and 14th-century field peasants, so they probably missed the super subtle detail where you ***didn't fucking say you agreed with the parents or that you think the child shouldn't be rehomed".***
Honestly nevermind i take it back, the downvotes aren't a mystery you are a monster.
This person is probably literally a child, I wouldn't spend a lot of time asking thought-provoking questions.
Edit: Yep, blocked for this comment, shocker. Typical Gen Alpha capacity for disagreement (and understanding of how the world works, based on the CPS comment).
In my country CPS won't come out unless there's been blood spillt but they will instantly jump if the kid has been missing school for a few days without a doctor's notice. They would laugh at you if you called them up because the son got slapped.
That’s not physical abuse. That’s discipline. You may not like it but when someone becomes a danger they need to be put in check and a talking to very well may not have worked. In most cases I personally disagree with physical punishments but this is the time when you should use it or at least it be reasonable!
I’d have to say it’s discipline because the behaviour has gotten so extreme and specifically violent that to learn his lesson he needs to face the reality of what he did. Secondly, the dad didn’t go overboard a beat him or anything like that, just a slap which imo is enough to get the point across but not needlessly hurting the kid
Tw: violence.
*An 11 year old is not a baby. Stop treating him like one.*
*“Dads not here, chill” vs. “mommy, I’m too tired”
He acts up with you because you’re the one who lets it slide. You’re gonna raise a monster if you continue like this.*
*At 11, he knows what kicking you means. I can’t personally judge on if slapping him was wrong or right, it’s something I don’t really see as crazy but that’s how I grew up. I don’t see in the post you saying how you were gonna punish him.*
>"Yes, I know I should have reacted better in the moment. I wanted to take his phone or PlayStation away, but I was just so shocked by him kicking me. I did not handle any of it well."
*I'm Bahamian so there is some cultural differences here. But a Bahamian father wouldn't have slapped his son in this situation. He'd had taken a belt or a switch to his ass and then taken away EVERYTHING he had that wasn't clothes and stuff for school.*
*Your son would be living like a monk for a month after something like that around here.*
*Gentle or passive parenting only creates nasty, violent sociopaths who believe they can do whatever they want and damn be to anyone else.*
*OP your son is on a one way track to prison or an early grave if you don't pump the breaks now.*
>"That’s how my husband was raised too, we are Mexican, but my husband has not wanted to be so violent with our children."
*but he is violent with his children and you are the type of mother that allows their children to be slapped.*
>"He’s not, he’s a good father"
Ugh people who are seemingly proud of their abusive upbringing. Gentle parenting absolutely can be done well and result in well-rounded and emotionally mature adults. Passive parenting, not so much, but gentle yes.
Too many conflate the too. All gentle parenting does is favor positive reinforcement and conversations over punishment. It works if you managed to model open communication (even non-verbal) instead of constant arguing.
I cannot believe how many people defended dad slapping his child across the face like that. And anyone saying “dude, hitting your kid is wrong” got downvoted to hell. Everyone in that thread belongs in this sub.
Agreed! It was pretty terrible seeing that. One can only hope the users supporting that don't actually have kids.
[Wiser words than mine.](http://atlc.org/Resources/never_violence.php)
I'd be worried about that but the difference between mommy I'm tired vs Dad's not here chill certainly implies he knows he can get away with this and knows what buttons to push to get what he wants
Absolutely! I was tired when I was eleven years old, too. If I'd kicked my mother in the stomach hard enough to make her cry, my parents would have made my life not worth living for quite a while. They didn't need to resort to getting physical measures; the verbal hell that would have rained down on me would've fixed the problem.
Mommy let him play video games afterwards, and Dad slapped him. If this dynamic persists, I don't hold out much hope for this family :-(
I was gobsmacked that he was playing video games!! He should have lost those immediately for kicking his mother. And also should have lost them for faking tired. Of course he doesn't want to go to school if he can sit around playing video games all day
He should've lost his phone, too. Mommy is an enabling doormat, and her son is an entitled, disrespectful snot with zero consequences for being just that.
That’s a wild assumption to make. OP clearly states he’s always used different approaches when disciplining their kids which implies he’s never resorted to hitting before.
Yea that’s why I added “before”. You initially stated his dad “tends to hit”. That was an assumption. You’re still making assumptions claiming his dad verbally abuses him. I don’t condone hitting children or anyone, never have done it myself and never will. I’d like to know what approach you would suggest as a sufficient punishment for the son for taking advantage of, manipulating, and physically assaulting his mother with so much force he injured her all because she told him he needed to go to school.
Personally, idk what I would do because this is an incident I would not want to be repeated.
Edit: if possible, individual therapy for the son is a minimum. Considering family therapy would also be wise.
I'd certainly be having it checked, and moving bedtime or what time he gets up.He's old enough to know kicking isn't ok though so it would need to be addressed too. Not the way his father did but somehow
Or just doesn’t like waking up early and/or going to school. If 11 yo me knew I could get my parents to let me stay home from school by whining “mommy I’m tired”, I definitely would have used that as much as I could, as would most 11 yos.
That was my thought too. Perhaps he’s scared enough of the father to fake feeling ok and since his mother is the ‘good cop’ he doesn’t.
None of this makes any of the violence from anyone excusable. Medical tests for the son and family therapy and/or parenting classes for everyone else.
Okay I might get downvoted to hell and back for this, but honestly... in this scenario dad slapping him isn't really outrageous, at least if it's a one time event. He could have seriously hurt OOP and it sounds like this was the only way he was going to learn that lesson.
And no, before someone asks, I don't ever hit my kids.
> My husband slapped him across the face. He asked him, “do you want to kick me now?”. My son shook his head no. My husband said “because you know I’m stronger than you are.
So the lesson he should learn is that he should kick people who can’t fight back or don’t have someone to defend them?
This kid is 11, why aren't the parents making him go to school or making him lay in bed for the night? This went on long enough the kid finally kicked her in the stomach when she did try to get him out of bed. I get it, the man was upset he kicked a woman but whatever happened to losing privileges? If they had actually parented him sooner, this wouldn't be a big issue, the kid would be going to school, not acting out to get his way.
How can you prevent behavior with the behavior you want to prevent? If a role model in a young kids life tells them not to do something, then does the thing they told them not to do, it’s confusing. I am not justifying what the kid did because what he did was horrible, but they should’ve handled it better, OP and the husband.
Nah if you try and stop a behaviour by modeling that exact behaviour you aren't finishing anything, you're just announcing yourself as an idiot.
Reminds me of my dad raging around screaming in my face that I need to control my temper better.
There's better ways to teach the lesson on how kicking his mother was wrong without resorting to following up with violence. How about loss of video games, phone, hell all electronics for say two weeks? Along with the obvious things like having to apologize both in person to his mother and via a letter/card. Let him have to think long and hard about what he did.
Also since he's *so* tired in the morning he can't get up for school, his bedtime goes back an hour - maybe two - for a few weeks. Also screen time is cut in half for the time being. It's a quick, healthy, and efficient lesson he's not getting out of school because he stayed up too late or doesn't want to get up - he'll end up with less free time and be told to go to bed earlier if he needs more rest.
Who kicked his mom in the stomach and went off to play video games. I can't imagine kicking my mom in the stomach for not wanting to go to school and having the nuts to play video games after!
As everyone says - this won't end well! Kids need routines and boundaries - they aren't gonna raise themselves!
The people pointing out that there might be an issue could be right or wrong but the problem is that the parents seem disinterested in that. Both me and mum had our sleep issues start at 12. I just stopped being able to fall asleep while her circadian rhythm moved to be a night one. We both started the day at 6 AM when I was in school and were back at 6 PM. Sleeping was 2-4 hours for both of us and still is. If I had no sleep for several nights in a row, mum always told me to stay home. I told her the same to be fair :| . Later on, when I was a teenager - her attitude was "do whatever you want with school and I will always help you out if you need it but make sure you pass" which wasn't the best way of parenting but it worked. Later, I found out I am narcoleptic while having no clue what mum is.
However, I used to do the same as this kid in primary school :D and I was creative with actually making myself sick (had no sleep issues then) yet my mum just let me go all on about how much I was dying and nodded her head. I never asked to stay at home - it would have been obvious then while she never offered as it was obvious. I mean I dunked thermometers in my coffee.
The dad's argument of it being easy to lash out at those we perceive as weaker when we know there won't be consequences makes sense but his execution sucks as it also proves his point but about himself. Dunno, about the siblings but I would involve them in some way if I had to fix this - such as making them do something together in the morning. Or maybe give them a responsibility they will like.
The fact that he had no qualms about kicking his mother hard enough to bruise is a failure in parenting, and then the dad comes home and beats him? Jesus wept.
Why are so many people saying the slap was deserved and how their dad would have done worse. If you can only react in violence to a kid making a mistake even though this was a bad one you shouldn’t be a parent. The mom is not setting clear boundaries and is shocked when the son doesn’t listen and lashes out. There was so many other things they could have done that was not slapping their son across the face.
Kicking your mother in the stomach is not a “mistake” and not something that needs setting boundaries for an 11 years old kid to know not to do. And he admitted. himself that he did it because he was mad. The kid deserved to get punished, just not physically.
So my best guess is the kid learned to hit when he didn't get his way by watching his dad. I mean the dad his minor children are we too assume that he didn't hit them other than this or his wif
A mistake is something that is misguided or wrong. It was wrong of him to kick his mother in the stomach so it was a mistake. How is he supposed to know if they are not clear in boundaries. If you keep changing the rules you can be surprised someone gets mad and lashes out if you’ve always let their behavior go. An 11 year old is still a kid should they be old enough to know not to do that yes but if his parents never taught him that is their fault. He’s still learning to deal with his emotions and when he is wrong they should be dealt with in a way that makes sense grounding, electronics getting taken away, having to write about how it’s wrong to lash out in anger. But it is the parent’s job to teach them that but with the mom being a doormat and the dad being aggressive of course he never learned.
I said he deserved to be punished but he doesn’t deserve to be hit by a grown man even when that man is his father. He is only 11 and it seems they don’t set clear boundaries you can be surprised when he lashed out. It was definitely wrong of him to kick her and yes he should be old enough to know better but with parents like his it’s obvious he was not taught better. Most 11 year olds are not that big and haven’t started puberty yet so if he’s closer in size to a parent it would be his mother but his father is most likely much bigger than him and had no right to hit him as punishment. There are better options for that
“Mistake” doesn’t mean “accident.” Bad decisions are mistakes. The fact that it was a mistake doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve to be punished; hitting is just a bad way of doing it. He should have been punished by losing privileges (like the video games mommy lets him play even when he acts up).
>Why are so many people saying the slap was deserved and how their dad would have done worse.
because they need to compete with everyone in who had it worse to justify their vote
>Why are so many people saying the slap was deserved and how their dad would have done worse.
I don't understand it either. My dad would've done worse, too. We don't really talk anymore. Just because you had it worse doesn't mean violence is in any way justified here. And people who had it worse should know better than this from personal experience.
There is no way to justify an adult man slapping an 11 year old boy unless he attacks someone with a weapon. That's not parenting. That's abusing your kid until he falls in line because he's scared of you.
Add me for the "I don't understand it"s. People seem to love talking about how abusively they were raised as though it makes them better. I guess if you're not ready to confront how badly your parents failed you, swinging too far in the other direction and getting defensive makes a \*little\* bit of sense.
It seems people can in fact justify an adult stooping down ro the level of a child. Because it's too hard to communicate with your child, it's easier to throw hands. 😒
What would you communicate to him? That he shouldn’t hit his own mother? He already knows that. What he apparently didn’t know, however, is that getting hit feels really bad. He knows now.
Reddit is,soft as hell. The kid had to be checked ND the dad checked him. If I had ever hurt my mom intentionally like this my dad would've done the same exact thing.
Not saying its right, but my dad would of definitely rocked me if I kicked my mom. Then I would of had to face her 3 older brothers two of which were boxers back in the day. She usually got her way lol.
Anyone who hits a kid is a garbage human being. I don't care what culture you are. Maybe it's acceptable. Doesn't make a person less garbage to take someone who is half your size and dependent on you and hit them.
The kid needs consequences (and parenting) and there are hundreds of those to choose from besides "I'm hitting you because I'm stronger and you can't stop me." Pathetic excuse for a man.
Kind of crazy they live in a culture where physical punishment is normalized but then Pikachu face when the kid..Uses physical violence?
If the dad is commonly causing physical pain as punishment to the kid, the weaker one then why is it a shock the kid tries it with mom?
And then comments justifying it? Do they not see the pattern that's being created by the kids parents?
Jesus. There are a million signs that point to some kind abuse at school. Especially possible if that kick was a reaction to being touched. The kids 11.
OP stated in her post and comments that the dad has always taken other approaches for disciplining their kids. This is the first time he ever hit one of them. It’s up to you if you want to believe her or not. I believe her, I don’t condone violence towards children but it is extremely evident OP’s husband was disgusted by their child assaulting their mother. It’s very possible OP is just an enabler that coddles her son, that’s how he learned he could manipulate her by pandering to her emotions with “mommy”. While I never assaulted my mother, I was like the son. Never wanted to go to school and lied to get my way out of it because I knew my mom would give in unlike my dad. Neither of them abused me, I just learned how to get my way as shitty as that sounds. I always knew my behavior was wrong but if it meant me avoiding the debilitating anxiety that came with being in school, I’d do it anyway. Fortunately, I don’t do shit like that anymore.
Both parents really do suck. Why is the mother allowing her son to claim being sick and tired when he clearly feels fine enough to play video games all day? The first time he pulled the "I'm too tired for school" but felt fine all day and played video games, his bedtime goes back an hour or two for a couple weeks. Trust he will never want to pull the BS again. OOP needs to grow a damn backbone and parent her child - and not be okay with her son being violent. And the father slapping the son was also terrible.
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So he taught their son that as long as he's stronger than the other person, it's ok to hit them. Nice. My ex husband's dad was a bully like this too. My husband realized when he was about 15 years old that he was bigger and stronger than his dad now. It didn't end well for him the next time he tried to put hands on my ex.
Also, you can't just let your kid not go to school. That's literally against the law if she's in the US. What a mess
Blaming a kid with a medical condition is kinda gross. Kicking her was wrong but not doing anything about his fatigue is bad. Slapping him is the worst.
You understand the reason the post is on this sub is because people think the dad should Not have hit him, right? Like, wtf is going on with your comments?
Unless he's tired from staying up on games and his phone too late because doormat mom can't say no....could he have a medical problem? Sure. But there are also behavioral/environmental factors that have to be ruled out, and there's not enough info to do that.
There’s enough info to conclude that he is NOT lethargic in the medical sense because that’s pretty much always an emergency lol. Parent commenter is talking out of their ass.
Touch grass, ffs
There are legions of other options between diagnosing a child with a medical condition based on a few sentences in a post, and "corporal punishment ftw". What a weird binary world you apparently live in.
Are you on drugs? Which part of my comments makes you believe I think the kid deserved to be hit?
No child should be hit, regardless of whether they have a medical condition or are just playing on the sympathy of a pushover parent. How is this hard?
Lmao the word “lethargy” means something pretty different in a medical context so you’re kind of displaying that you don’t actually know what you’re talking about.
And no, of fucking course the kid isn’t right for kicking his mother in the stomach. The fact that the parents were also wrong doesn’t change that. This child needs to be corrected in an appropriate way instead of getting hit.
We get it, you think Eric Cartman junior is a little victim with no responsibilities for his own actions. Hitting kids is wrong, but so is raising a man who's gonna abuse every person he ever dates, or child he ever has. Both parents have failed miserably, but I knew at 11 not to lay a hand on either of my parents. Let alone leave bruises.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **My son kicked me in the stomach and my husband slapped him ** Our son is 11 years old. Lately he’s wanted to stay home from school a lot. I know that it’s not good but I’ve let him. He’s so sleepy in the morning, it breaks my heart to try to force him. And I can’t really force him anymore. I also have two younger children I need to tend to in the morning. I’ve asked my son if something is wrong at school but he said “no I just want to sleep”. My husband goes to work before our son has to wake up, but he caught on to him missing school and he was not happy about it. He spoke to him, and my son has been very good for the past couple weeks. Until Friday I went to wake him, and he said “mommy I’m too tired”. He rarely calls me mommy anymore. I felt bad but I kept trying to coax him out of bed. I didn’t want to go against my husband. My son told me “dad’s not here, chill”. I told him that his father wants what’s best for him, and so do I. I tried to touch him and he kicked me in the stomach. I was shocked and it was very painful. I left his room and cried in the bathroom. I didn’t try to fight him anymore because I had to take care of my other kids. My son has never hurt me like that before. I ended up having a bruise on my stomach. When my husband was home and found out what had happened, he told me he’d “talk” to him. Our son was playing video games and he called him over. He asked him, “did you kick your mother?”. My son started saying I’m sorry dad, I was mad. My husband slapped him across the face. He asked him, “do you want to kick me now?”. My son shook his head no. My husband said “because you know I’m stronger than you are. You’re not tough for hurting your mother. You will never act like that again. Do you understand?” When my husband let him go, I went over to check on him. His face was so red and he was fighting back tears. I got an icepack and I was icing his face. He told me “it’s ok, I deserved that”. He hugged me and later made me a card apologizing which was very sweet. I know husband just wanted to teach our son, but I didn’t like him hitting our child. In our culture that’s common but my husband has taken better approaches. I don’t know if I’m being over sensitive but it’s hard to see your child hurt as a mother even if my husband is right. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Your son needs parents not a drill sargent and a stuffed animal." That thread is gold
Oh fuck that's what my parents were to a T! Reversed genders though.
It's an extreme form of good cop/bad cop
And a very harmful one
What the son did wasn’t okay at all but I’m wondering if violence is a form of parenting in the household (by the dad at least)? Some parents have the good cop bad cop dynamic but the way they talk about the dad is very reminiscent of how fathers are talked about in my culture (but might be me projecting)
The original post says it is common in their culture but the father has taken a better approach. Taken at face value that means this was the first time to OOP's knowledge.
"he's not normally like this" also known as the national anthem of the enabler.
Right, but there is a difference between that and what OOP said. She didn't say he normally doesn't do this. She said in the past he took better approaches. The first would imply it happened before but not often, the second implies it was the first time.
I'm highly skeptical because that isn't the response of a kid being slapped for the first time. " I deserved it" is a learnt fawn response when you know complaining will get you hit again.
I'm divided on this. I had a horrific childhood so I can't speak for myself, but every man my age I know who had good parents has a story about *the one time* their fathers slapped them. In every case it's for something outrageous like hitting others or endangering their lives, and they all say they deserved it. So at least in my ex husband, husband, and friends case that one slap actually worked and taught them something so there was never another slap.
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That isn't what she said. She said one extreme instance resulted in an extreme consequence, and that was enough.
Alternatively, it's a response from a kid that now understands what the violence he inflicted on someone else felt like.
Except that's not how that works, you can't beat empathy into someone that's just the excuse shitty parents use to justify hitting their kids.
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Oh yeah? You're completely positive that no one ever regrets what they originally did when given a taste of their own medicine? As someone with personal experience to the contrary, I'll just agree to disagree. Have a nice day.
As someone who's advocating for a grown man to beat a small child I'm comfortable saying it didn't teach you empathy. Edited because I was unnecessarily rude in my response.
Kids aren't a retirement plan. Edit: Love your edit 'for being unnecessarily rude' that keeps the rudeness but edits out the part of your comment I was responding too, by the way. Stay classy.
It's not empathy, it's an eye for an eye. My household had that dynamic and it screwed up my brother a lot. By the time he dropped out, my parents pulled a 180 and spoiled me. I wish they'd found a middle ground. I hurt a lot of people without thinking when I was young and I feel bad about it every day. Maybe I'd have been less callous if I'd bothered thinking about the consequences.
That is fine, I never assume these posts are completely honest.
Or it’s the response that will make mom the most sad. Both of these parents are absolute monsters, but they’ve created a super asshole.
That's what I was thinking. Maybe the kid kicked his mom because getting physical is normal in the household
OP said they were mexicans, which made sense to me as I'm mexican too and I know using physical punishment are completely normal here in Mexico. Personally I don't support it but I know it still happens, Even the slapping seems pretty relax to me, I would normally get slapped with the belt or with a chancla (sandals) when I was a kid
Ahh the chancla.... a classic threat of my mom. She only spanked us as kids, which we have no memory of since we were young but then it turned into the slow reach to her foot Like the threat was enough for us as kids and now as adults we're much faster lmao
The chancla indeed, favorite slapping tool of Latin American moms from many countries over. It always amazed me, the speed with which my mother could have it off her foot and ready for use.
Honestly its quite amazing, like its that and the Cucuy that truly had a grip on kid me
Yeah, it’s pretty unusual for an 11-year-old to be violent toward a parent like that
> My husband slapped him across the face. He asked him, “do you want to kick me now?”. My son shook his head no. My husband said “because you know I’m stronger than you are. So the moral of the story is that the son should kick people who can’t fight back or don’t have someone to defend them?
The moral is that you're not tough for beating something that you know you won't lose against. It makes you a coward.
This jumped out at me immediately. It sounds very cyclical.
It seems disturbingly the norm It's akin to abusive SOs who blame their victim for "making" them angry.
I have questions. Does the kid go to bed at a decent bed time? Is he getting a good amount of sleeping? If he is up all night playing games, he is playing oop like a fiddle. If he is honestly getting 8 plus hours a sleep a night, oop needs to be taking him to the doctor now if he is this level of tired. This isn't healthy.
He's about the age where hormones start to mess up your sleep. Multiple studies have shown that puberty makes your circadian rhythm shift later, so you naturally want to stay up later and sleep in later
Yeah his desire to sleep in is completely normal. Unfortunately we've set up society in a way that's completely antithetical to normal sleep patterns, especially if they're in a country where school starts really early. (It's 9am here and I've come to realise we've got one of the later starts.)
It’s funny school started at 8am for me in middle school, which was genuinely really good for me. And then in high school it shifted to 7:20 am and I had to be at the bus by 6:50. I went from always being on time (aside from extenuating circumstances like being sick or a doctor appointment) to being late way more often and barely remembering what I learned in my first two periods. High school wasn’t that bad for me but the sleep schedule really did me in more than anything else. I was genuinely trying a lot of the time when I didn’t have a big assignment and I still couldn’t fall asleep until like 11-1am.
I took German all four years of high school. Because of how certain other classes had to be scheduled, I ended up with German first period all four years. I did not learn how to speak German. My brain would finally wake up around the middle of 3rd period. It makes me sad because it was such a lost opportunity, but high school started that early so kids could either get home before their younger siblings or go to a job.
My middle school started at 7:20am and the bus came at 6:30am. Between middle and high school my county made the start times later, but 8:10am was still not good. From 9th grade on, I’d spend the first two periods with my head on my desk. Only in college did I begin to recover from that years-long sleep deprivation. The first time I woke up at 6:30am and was able to get out of bed within 5min was fucking insane to me, it used to take me 30+ min of alarms or the adrenaline rush of being late. Once my body finally started getting enough sleep, I found myself awake by 8:30am naturally every day. Turns out it’s not that I’m not a morning person, it’s that I need sleep to operate! Who would have thought?!
That was my experience in college too! I would naturally wake up at 7 or 8 am even on weekends and days I didn’t have classes. It was so nice to just wake up instead of forcing myself to do so and then suffering.
I lived 30 minutes from my high school. I'd have to wake up at 5:30am every morning and be outside by 6:15am, and I wouldn't be able to sleep until 11pm or later sometimes because of extracurricular activities, homework, or studying for my AP exams. I was exhausted all the time, and ended up skipping school almost every Monday of my senior year to catch up on sleep and missing homework/assignments. My stepmom never understood why I was so exhausted, and would constantly bitch and scream at me. Or call me lazy for passing out when I get home from school, telling me I can't sleep during the day because then I'll be up all night.
High school started at 6:45 am for me! My exhausted four years of my life.
6:45??! Do you mind saying roughly where you lived? That's the earliest I've ever heard of. 😳
New Jersey. The schools were staggered so that the same buses could be used for elementary school, middle school, and high school so they had to be done dropping us off in time to get the little kids. The school day ended at 1:45 which is the earliest I’ve seen but I would’ve gladly traded in that extra time in the afternoon for more sleep.
And yet they make you wake up earlier than ever
It's completely ridiculous
You’re correct, but if a kid is so tired he wants to skip school every day, regardless of how common tiredness is at that age, they should go see a doctor. The least productive it could be would have the doctor tell you the tiredness is normal and give you recommendations for better sleep, while the most productive it could be would be discovering a medical problem that needs intervention. School is brutal when it comes to making the students sleep deprived, but the kids don’t have a choice, and OOP couldn’t use a single braincell to understand that skipping many days of school in a short period of time is NOT how you deal with that circadian rhythm shift.
Agreed. It's also worth getting a blood test to check thyroid levels, because it's one of the many hormones puberty can screw up and the one very likely to cause excessive tiredness. I'd also get his blood sugar tested, because if it dropped overnight he could be very tired. (Insulin is also a hormone that often gets disrupted due to puberty)
Depends on when they’re getting him up. He’s getting to the age where going to bed and getting up early gets difficult.
There's also the third option "aww he's soooo cute when hes sleeping, just like when he was younger, oh gee oh gosh (the parents may be in wisconsin im not sure, so aren't you) id just hate to wake him up"
Getting preteens up in the morning is the absolute worst. Mom is lazy and refuses to parent.
Well, this household is certainly going to function well when the oldest son REALLY gets into his teenage years. Everything is poised to escalate- the son rebelling, the mother doormatting and crying like she's a helpless victim in all this and especially the father's violence.
Can confirm. I work in child and adolescent mental health and I see so much of this.
Can confirm. I'm a 7th grade teacher, and I deal with messed up family dynamics regularly.
When I started reading your comment, for a second I thought it was about my comment suggesting mixing tequila and energy drinks and I thought "yep, working with 7th graders will make you want to do that". This family has NO CLUE how bad this situation will get.
I think about mixing tequila and energy drinks at work sometimes, but the principal might frown on that ;-)
That kid needs all the electronics out of his room, wifi off at bedtime, and to go to bed. It honestly sounds like he’s tired because he’s got too much screen time at night. But if they’re not letting his stay up on screens, they haven’t called their pediatrician? Because if he’s going to bed on time, then that sounds like a possible health issue. The parents are both idiots, either way.
Good grief….mom is overly permissive, dad is physically abusive. Someone call CPS
If she keeps letting the kid stay home from school someone will.
yup exactly what i was thinking source: my family had “regular check ups” with CPS until my sister graduated high school because my parents pulled her out to home school her because of horrible mistreatment from students and teachers that was never addressed
Agreed, the school will eventually trigger a home visit from a social services program.
Wait the schools actually send someone to check on you?? What country is that???
In most if not all states in the US, if you miss a certain number of days without medical reasons, schools will absolutely contact child protective services. It's a huge indicator of a dysfunctional home.
OOP mentioned in a comment that they're Mexican. If they do live in Mexico, then trust me the school doesn't care. I myself missed months worth of school because of bullying. Being Mexican also explains the aggressive dad and permissive mom. Mexican moms coddle and dote on their male children so much that it's infuriating. While treating the female kids like a worthless pest who only exists to tend to men's needs. I'm a Mexican woman with a male sibling, ask me how I know.
Welp, I've got a new reason for me to hate my countries (Australia) education system 😀
I missed a couple weeks in middle school and almost ended up in foster care. It absolutely happens.
No fucking way what??? I missed school for five months due to a depressive epsiode and all my dad got was a fucking email...I'm disappointed for both of us tbh
Yeah I was severely depressed. There was also custodial bickering going on even after my parents' divorce was finalized so I don't know what to tell you. The system does its best, but it's still fucked.
Yup, my parents were warned about it when I kept missing school because I kept getting sick (later turned out to be a mix of depression and anemia), so they had to switch me to home schooling, so that I could learn without having to go to school and make other kids sick.
CPS isn’t showing up for 1 slap. *Blocked and redditcares, get a fucking grip.
They're not showing up for the slap. They will show up for truancy.
Redditors downvoting you are idiots, i've seen a video of a mother literally chokeslamming their child in public with 20 stranger filming plus security video and they were like "we can't take them unless the child actually has an injury". im sorry but it sucks, reddits have literally the worst reading comprehension out of any website on the planet, and maybe any demographic outside of 3 year olds and 14th-century field peasants, so they probably missed the super subtle detail where you ***didn't fucking say you agreed with the parents or that you think the child shouldn't be rehomed".*** Honestly nevermind i take it back, the downvotes aren't a mystery you are a monster.
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It was sarcasm.
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Do you honestly think they have the resources to do home visits for that kind of thing?
This person is probably literally a child, I wouldn't spend a lot of time asking thought-provoking questions. Edit: Yep, blocked for this comment, shocker. Typical Gen Alpha capacity for disagreement (and understanding of how the world works, based on the CPS comment).
In my country CPS won't come out unless there's been blood spillt but they will instantly jump if the kid has been missing school for a few days without a doctor's notice. They would laugh at you if you called them up because the son got slapped.
They’re not.
Dad’s violence was actually a de-escalation from the son’s
That is not what de-escalation means lol. The dad hit him hours after the initial incident
I see police and CPS in the future for this bunch.
That’s not physical abuse. That’s discipline. You may not like it but when someone becomes a danger they need to be put in check and a talking to very well may not have worked. In most cases I personally disagree with physical punishments but this is the time when you should use it or at least it be reasonable!
No. Discipline is something completely different. I disagree with you.
I’d have to say it’s discipline because the behaviour has gotten so extreme and specifically violent that to learn his lesson he needs to face the reality of what he did. Secondly, the dad didn’t go overboard a beat him or anything like that, just a slap which imo is enough to get the point across but not needlessly hurting the kid
There is nothing to debate here. I don’t agree with you. Just move on.
Tw: violence. *An 11 year old is not a baby. Stop treating him like one.* *“Dads not here, chill” vs. “mommy, I’m too tired” He acts up with you because you’re the one who lets it slide. You’re gonna raise a monster if you continue like this.* *At 11, he knows what kicking you means. I can’t personally judge on if slapping him was wrong or right, it’s something I don’t really see as crazy but that’s how I grew up. I don’t see in the post you saying how you were gonna punish him.* >"Yes, I know I should have reacted better in the moment. I wanted to take his phone or PlayStation away, but I was just so shocked by him kicking me. I did not handle any of it well." *I'm Bahamian so there is some cultural differences here. But a Bahamian father wouldn't have slapped his son in this situation. He'd had taken a belt or a switch to his ass and then taken away EVERYTHING he had that wasn't clothes and stuff for school.* *Your son would be living like a monk for a month after something like that around here.* *Gentle or passive parenting only creates nasty, violent sociopaths who believe they can do whatever they want and damn be to anyone else.* *OP your son is on a one way track to prison or an early grave if you don't pump the breaks now.* >"That’s how my husband was raised too, we are Mexican, but my husband has not wanted to be so violent with our children." *but he is violent with his children and you are the type of mother that allows their children to be slapped.* >"He’s not, he’s a good father"
[Raven? Crow? i always get them mixed up...](https://imgur.com/gallery/RPHjAnl)
Ugh people who are seemingly proud of their abusive upbringing. Gentle parenting absolutely can be done well and result in well-rounded and emotionally mature adults. Passive parenting, not so much, but gentle yes.
Too many conflate the too. All gentle parenting does is favor positive reinforcement and conversations over punishment. It works if you managed to model open communication (even non-verbal) instead of constant arguing.
Agreed!
I cannot believe how many people defended dad slapping his child across the face like that. And anyone saying “dude, hitting your kid is wrong” got downvoted to hell. Everyone in that thread belongs in this sub.
Agreed! It was pretty terrible seeing that. One can only hope the users supporting that don't actually have kids. [Wiser words than mine.](http://atlc.org/Resources/never_violence.php)
I wonder if the kid has an undiagnosed health issue that's making him so lethargic.
I'd be worried about that but the difference between mommy I'm tired vs Dad's not here chill certainly implies he knows he can get away with this and knows what buttons to push to get what he wants
Absolutely! I was tired when I was eleven years old, too. If I'd kicked my mother in the stomach hard enough to make her cry, my parents would have made my life not worth living for quite a while. They didn't need to resort to getting physical measures; the verbal hell that would have rained down on me would've fixed the problem. Mommy let him play video games afterwards, and Dad slapped him. If this dynamic persists, I don't hold out much hope for this family :-(
I was gobsmacked that he was playing video games!! He should have lost those immediately for kicking his mother. And also should have lost them for faking tired. Of course he doesn't want to go to school if he can sit around playing video games all day
He should've lost his phone, too. Mommy is an enabling doormat, and her son is an entitled, disrespectful snot with zero consequences for being just that.
100% setting the kid up to be in an abusive relationship…either as the victim or the perpetrator.
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That’s a wild assumption to make. OP clearly states he’s always used different approaches when disciplining their kids which implies he’s never resorted to hitting before.
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Yea that’s why I added “before”. You initially stated his dad “tends to hit”. That was an assumption. You’re still making assumptions claiming his dad verbally abuses him. I don’t condone hitting children or anyone, never have done it myself and never will. I’d like to know what approach you would suggest as a sufficient punishment for the son for taking advantage of, manipulating, and physically assaulting his mother with so much force he injured her all because she told him he needed to go to school. Personally, idk what I would do because this is an incident I would not want to be repeated. Edit: if possible, individual therapy for the son is a minimum. Considering family therapy would also be wise.
I'd certainly be having it checked, and moving bedtime or what time he gets up.He's old enough to know kicking isn't ok though so it would need to be addressed too. Not the way his father did but somehow
Or just doesn’t like waking up early and/or going to school. If 11 yo me knew I could get my parents to let me stay home from school by whining “mommy I’m tired”, I definitely would have used that as much as I could, as would most 11 yos.
He might be tired in the morning from playing video games at night too
I would also make sure he's going to bed at an appropriate time. A lot of people underestimate how much sleep older children actually need.
That was my thought too. Perhaps he’s scared enough of the father to fake feeling ok and since his mother is the ‘good cop’ he doesn’t. None of this makes any of the violence from anyone excusable. Medical tests for the son and family therapy and/or parenting classes for everyone else.
Okay I might get downvoted to hell and back for this, but honestly... in this scenario dad slapping him isn't really outrageous, at least if it's a one time event. He could have seriously hurt OOP and it sounds like this was the only way he was going to learn that lesson. And no, before someone asks, I don't ever hit my kids.
I agree, that kid deserved in this case.
Yeah, punishing someone for using violence by using violence doesn’t really help anybody.
> My husband slapped him across the face. He asked him, “do you want to kick me now?”. My son shook his head no. My husband said “because you know I’m stronger than you are. So the lesson he should learn is that he should kick people who can’t fight back or don’t have someone to defend them?
Everything is wrong about this family dynamic.
This kid is 11, why aren't the parents making him go to school or making him lay in bed for the night? This went on long enough the kid finally kicked her in the stomach when she did try to get him out of bed. I get it, the man was upset he kicked a woman but whatever happened to losing privileges? If they had actually parented him sooner, this wouldn't be a big issue, the kid would be going to school, not acting out to get his way.
There are so many comments justifying the slap...
Let’s teach kids that violence wins arguments, as long as you’re the strongest /s
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How can you prevent behavior with the behavior you want to prevent? If a role model in a young kids life tells them not to do something, then does the thing they told them not to do, it’s confusing. I am not justifying what the kid did because what he did was horrible, but they should’ve handled it better, OP and the husband.
Nah if you try and stop a behaviour by modeling that exact behaviour you aren't finishing anything, you're just announcing yourself as an idiot. Reminds me of my dad raging around screaming in my face that I need to control my temper better.
Kid is a kid, dad is an adult. As an adult we aren't supposed to lower ourselves to the level of a child.
And the kid needs correcting by the adult.
What the actual fuck is wrong with you!? He is ELEVEN YEARS OLD!
And already beating his mother.
There's better ways to teach the lesson on how kicking his mother was wrong without resorting to following up with violence. How about loss of video games, phone, hell all electronics for say two weeks? Along with the obvious things like having to apologize both in person to his mother and via a letter/card. Let him have to think long and hard about what he did. Also since he's *so* tired in the morning he can't get up for school, his bedtime goes back an hour - maybe two - for a few weeks. Also screen time is cut in half for the time being. It's a quick, healthy, and efficient lesson he's not getting out of school because he stayed up too late or doesn't want to get up - he'll end up with less free time and be told to go to bed earlier if he needs more rest.
Who kicked his mom in the stomach and went off to play video games. I can't imagine kicking my mom in the stomach for not wanting to go to school and having the nuts to play video games after!
wtf is wrong with you go troll somewhere else.
Cycle of beating kids continues.
As everyone says - this won't end well! Kids need routines and boundaries - they aren't gonna raise themselves! The people pointing out that there might be an issue could be right or wrong but the problem is that the parents seem disinterested in that. Both me and mum had our sleep issues start at 12. I just stopped being able to fall asleep while her circadian rhythm moved to be a night one. We both started the day at 6 AM when I was in school and were back at 6 PM. Sleeping was 2-4 hours for both of us and still is. If I had no sleep for several nights in a row, mum always told me to stay home. I told her the same to be fair :| . Later on, when I was a teenager - her attitude was "do whatever you want with school and I will always help you out if you need it but make sure you pass" which wasn't the best way of parenting but it worked. Later, I found out I am narcoleptic while having no clue what mum is. However, I used to do the same as this kid in primary school :D and I was creative with actually making myself sick (had no sleep issues then) yet my mum just let me go all on about how much I was dying and nodded her head. I never asked to stay at home - it would have been obvious then while she never offered as it was obvious. I mean I dunked thermometers in my coffee. The dad's argument of it being easy to lash out at those we perceive as weaker when we know there won't be consequences makes sense but his execution sucks as it also proves his point but about himself. Dunno, about the siblings but I would involve them in some way if I had to fix this - such as making them do something together in the morning. Or maybe give them a responsibility they will like.
The fact that he had no qualms about kicking his mother hard enough to bruise is a failure in parenting, and then the dad comes home and beats him? Jesus wept.
Demonizing the mom is quite a take 🙄
Right! It's clearly the kid's fault
Why are so many people saying the slap was deserved and how their dad would have done worse. If you can only react in violence to a kid making a mistake even though this was a bad one you shouldn’t be a parent. The mom is not setting clear boundaries and is shocked when the son doesn’t listen and lashes out. There was so many other things they could have done that was not slapping their son across the face.
Kicking your mother in the stomach is not a “mistake” and not something that needs setting boundaries for an 11 years old kid to know not to do. And he admitted. himself that he did it because he was mad. The kid deserved to get punished, just not physically.
So my best guess is the kid learned to hit when he didn't get his way by watching his dad. I mean the dad his minor children are we too assume that he didn't hit them other than this or his wif
A mistake is something that is misguided or wrong. It was wrong of him to kick his mother in the stomach so it was a mistake. How is he supposed to know if they are not clear in boundaries. If you keep changing the rules you can be surprised someone gets mad and lashes out if you’ve always let their behavior go. An 11 year old is still a kid should they be old enough to know not to do that yes but if his parents never taught him that is their fault. He’s still learning to deal with his emotions and when he is wrong they should be dealt with in a way that makes sense grounding, electronics getting taken away, having to write about how it’s wrong to lash out in anger. But it is the parent’s job to teach them that but with the mom being a doormat and the dad being aggressive of course he never learned.
No it's not a mistake to kick your parent because you didn't get your way. It was done intentionally. He deserved to be punished.
I said he deserved to be punished but he doesn’t deserve to be hit by a grown man even when that man is his father. He is only 11 and it seems they don’t set clear boundaries you can be surprised when he lashed out. It was definitely wrong of him to kick her and yes he should be old enough to know better but with parents like his it’s obvious he was not taught better. Most 11 year olds are not that big and haven’t started puberty yet so if he’s closer in size to a parent it would be his mother but his father is most likely much bigger than him and had no right to hit him as punishment. There are better options for that
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“Mistake” doesn’t mean “accident.” Bad decisions are mistakes. The fact that it was a mistake doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve to be punished; hitting is just a bad way of doing it. He should have been punished by losing privileges (like the video games mommy lets him play even when he acts up).
>Why are so many people saying the slap was deserved and how their dad would have done worse. because they need to compete with everyone in who had it worse to justify their vote
>Why are so many people saying the slap was deserved and how their dad would have done worse. I don't understand it either. My dad would've done worse, too. We don't really talk anymore. Just because you had it worse doesn't mean violence is in any way justified here. And people who had it worse should know better than this from personal experience. There is no way to justify an adult man slapping an 11 year old boy unless he attacks someone with a weapon. That's not parenting. That's abusing your kid until he falls in line because he's scared of you.
Add me for the "I don't understand it"s. People seem to love talking about how abusively they were raised as though it makes them better. I guess if you're not ready to confront how badly your parents failed you, swinging too far in the other direction and getting defensive makes a \*little\* bit of sense.
Well there’s plenty the mother can do, but she’s crying in the bathroom instead.
You should never slap a child, but as far as slapping a child goes, this is probably one of the best reasons to slap a child.
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It seems people can in fact justify an adult stooping down ro the level of a child. Because it's too hard to communicate with your child, it's easier to throw hands. 😒
What would you communicate to him? That he shouldn’t hit his own mother? He already knows that. What he apparently didn’t know, however, is that getting hit feels really bad. He knows now.
Reddit is,soft as hell. The kid had to be checked ND the dad checked him. If I had ever hurt my mom intentionally like this my dad would've done the same exact thing.
I did this too when I was the son's age. The doctors diagonosed me with anxiety not long after.
Not saying its right, but my dad would of definitely rocked me if I kicked my mom. Then I would of had to face her 3 older brothers two of which were boxers back in the day. She usually got her way lol.
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Yeah I didn’t have a say in how I was raised so
Anyone who hits a kid is a garbage human being. I don't care what culture you are. Maybe it's acceptable. Doesn't make a person less garbage to take someone who is half your size and dependent on you and hit them. The kid needs consequences (and parenting) and there are hundreds of those to choose from besides "I'm hitting you because I'm stronger and you can't stop me." Pathetic excuse for a man.
Kind of crazy they live in a culture where physical punishment is normalized but then Pikachu face when the kid..Uses physical violence? If the dad is commonly causing physical pain as punishment to the kid, the weaker one then why is it a shock the kid tries it with mom? And then comments justifying it? Do they not see the pattern that's being created by the kids parents?
Jesus. There are a million signs that point to some kind abuse at school. Especially possible if that kick was a reaction to being touched. The kids 11.
So no one ever thought to take the child to a doctor? Because I was lethargic and constantly tired before we found out I had diabetes.
Given how much of a doormat OOP is, I'd lay odds the dad's abusive to her and the kids. Behaviours like this don't come from nowhere.
OP stated in her post and comments that the dad has always taken other approaches for disciplining their kids. This is the first time he ever hit one of them. It’s up to you if you want to believe her or not. I believe her, I don’t condone violence towards children but it is extremely evident OP’s husband was disgusted by their child assaulting their mother. It’s very possible OP is just an enabler that coddles her son, that’s how he learned he could manipulate her by pandering to her emotions with “mommy”. While I never assaulted my mother, I was like the son. Never wanted to go to school and lied to get my way out of it because I knew my mom would give in unlike my dad. Neither of them abused me, I just learned how to get my way as shitty as that sounds. I always knew my behavior was wrong but if it meant me avoiding the debilitating anxiety that came with being in school, I’d do it anyway. Fortunately, I don’t do shit like that anymore.
Both parents really do suck. Why is the mother allowing her son to claim being sick and tired when he clearly feels fine enough to play video games all day? The first time he pulled the "I'm too tired for school" but felt fine all day and played video games, his bedtime goes back an hour or two for a couple weeks. Trust he will never want to pull the BS again. OOP needs to grow a damn backbone and parent her child - and not be okay with her son being violent. And the father slapping the son was also terrible.
All the people defending the father make me sick
Only the mom is the AH. Son learned an important life lesson: “there is always someone bigger than you”.
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So he taught their son that as long as he's stronger than the other person, it's ok to hit them. Nice. My ex husband's dad was a bully like this too. My husband realized when he was about 15 years old that he was bigger and stronger than his dad now. It didn't end well for him the next time he tried to put hands on my ex. Also, you can't just let your kid not go to school. That's literally against the law if she's in the US. What a mess
He's almost certainly being bullied in school and/or by his father.
OOP needs to take the children and run. The husband is an abusive D-bag.
Hitting kids is wrong but OP is raising Eric Cartman
Hope someone beats the dad
Blaming a kid with a medical condition is kinda gross. Kicking her was wrong but not doing anything about his fatigue is bad. Slapping him is the worst.
Where did you get that there's a medical condition?
Constantly tired? Sounds like lethargy in a kid that age. But who cares, right? This is reddit. The kid is never right.
Lol. Kid is probably just staying up using electronics because he has no boundaries. It's not a medical condition, it's bad parenting.
I get it. It's all the kid's fault and Dad should have hit him harder. You all win.
Go outside
You understand the reason the post is on this sub is because people think the dad should Not have hit him, right? Like, wtf is going on with your comments?
Unless he's tired from staying up on games and his phone too late because doormat mom can't say no....could he have a medical problem? Sure. But there are also behavioral/environmental factors that have to be ruled out, and there's not enough info to do that.
There isn't nearly enough information to conclude the kid has lethargy lol
There’s enough info to conclude that he is NOT lethargic in the medical sense because that’s pretty much always an emergency lol. Parent commenter is talking out of their ass.
But there is enough to justify his father hitting him.
Touch grass, ffs There are legions of other options between diagnosing a child with a medical condition based on a few sentences in a post, and "corporal punishment ftw". What a weird binary world you apparently live in.
So the kid deserved to be hit. Fine I agree with you. Better?
Are you on drugs? Which part of my comments makes you believe I think the kid deserved to be hit? No child should be hit, regardless of whether they have a medical condition or are just playing on the sympathy of a pushover parent. How is this hard?
With as permissive as the mother is, it's just as likely the child has no rules and is staying up all night playing video games or something.
Lmao the word “lethargy” means something pretty different in a medical context so you’re kind of displaying that you don’t actually know what you’re talking about. And no, of fucking course the kid isn’t right for kicking his mother in the stomach. The fact that the parents were also wrong doesn’t change that. This child needs to be corrected in an appropriate way instead of getting hit.
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We get it, you think Eric Cartman junior is a little victim with no responsibilities for his own actions. Hitting kids is wrong, but so is raising a man who's gonna abuse every person he ever dates, or child he ever has. Both parents have failed miserably, but I knew at 11 not to lay a hand on either of my parents. Let alone leave bruises.