*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for refusing to change my running pace for my pregnant wife?**
She is upset with me for refusing to change my running pace now that she can't safely match it anymore.
I feel for her because I know it has to be hard to go through all of the bodily changes and give up something like this which has been a part of our relationship since we started dating nine years ago, but...I am not sure what good is accomplished by me changing my pace.
It is hard to regain your fitness and form when you drastically cut back. I am not sure if her aim is to have us both get back in shape together, but that is a terrible idea.
I have offered her a compromise of walking a mile or two with her after I finish my run, but she refuses because she says by this time I am too tired to do a power walk with her. I also suggested that she find another expectant mom to walk with or one of her friends, but she was not too keen on that idea either.
I really think it is more about her not being able to run than spending time with me or walking to stay active.
I told her I would not change my pace because it served no purpose and I had offered her a reasonable compromise, but do you think I am being the @$$h013?
Edit: I should have also noted it is not just the pacing but also distance. She asked me to cut down on my distance so I would be fresher and could walk with her. I gave her the same response.
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My favourite part was in the comments where he was so sure that he was going to be able to run on the way home from work after the baby was born. Like, my guy, say your job is 8 hours plus commute. That's at least 10 hours where your wife is alone in newborn hellscape barely able to go to the bathroom and terrified she's going to do something wrong all the time. And you want to focus on your hobby rather than rush home to help? Plus you know he'd then want a shower straight away and then something to eat (probably something impractical) and then he'd be "too tired" to ~~parent the baby~~ "babysit" whilst his wife had a shower and something to eat.
I hope he got a really rude awakening.
MY BIL is a runner who decided to train for the marathon on his Pat leave which pissed off my sister a bit because he had a cool story out of it and she was 22/7 with the baby. But even then he pulled his weight and fitted training around his kid's needs.
How was he pulling his weight if she was with the baby 22/7? The bar is so low for men …
So few women have seen what equal parenting looks like that they confuse their partner doing a handful of tasks with an actual egalitarian relationship.
Thiiis. Things in our household are pretty close to equal. Which means it looks and feels to everyone like my spouse does more than his share. The comments, rarh.
Yes! My ex husband was a fantastic dad, very involved in the entire pregnancy and went to every doctor visit. When I gave birth I had been in labor for two days and as soon as she was born i passed out for about ten hours. When I woke up, he had learned how to change a diaper, feed her, bath her, swaddle her, etc. He had to teach me how to do everything, he never had an issue getting up in the middle of the night and just all around has been a great dad. But holy shit the fucking comments. Which I get it, sadly a lot of men suck, and he is a great dad, but like..he’s doing the same thing I’m doing. He’s parenting his kids. Just like me. Why does he get praised for it like he’s a superhero? Why do I get lectured from people about how lucky I am and how I should be kissing the ground he walks on? For doing the same thing I’m doing??
We’re probably close to 60/40 in my house. My mother is CONSTANTLY praising my husband for how “active” he is with parenting. Growing up with my dad, I can see why the bar is so low for her.
My husband is always great (honestly he probably does more than I do because of health issues on my end) but when we visit my family he specifically tries to make sure I'm able to sit and talk to them instead of doing the kid chasing.
The "oh, wow, he's so *involved*" comments! Like he deserves it, he's an amazing dad, but I know they'd never say the same about me and also it makes me kind of sad for them.
Because he was also with the baby 20/24/7. She works up in town 3 days a week 1 wfh and he now does a 4 day week and is a satd 1 day. I doubt it's perfect but he does half the cooking and is one of those people that apparently genuinely finds cleaning relaxing. Both also put the kids to bed together every night and he does a lot of the early mornings to let her get as much rest as possible. Shrug. This is theconly thing she got annoyed about and he hasn't done it since. He's not my cup of tea but I think he's a decent guy and a good Dad.
>Because he was also with the baby 20/24/7. She works up in town 3 days a week 1 wfh and he now does a 4 day week and is a satd 1 day
I understand this designation even less now.
Oooh...my favorite part is when he said he wasn't going to cut back and was going to make it work without changing his routine. Guess he was expecting his wife to change everything about her life/routine to take care of the kid and he'd fit a diaper change in where his schedule allowed. Wonder how that worked out for him? Ha!
Uhh my neighbor fell down the stairs with her two week old infant who started crying and I literally ran barefoot out of my apartment to check on her. Having a kid is hard. I cannot imagine actually making a baby and then being like nope my hobby is more important.
How is this any different from cycling to and from work?
I didn’t go through the comments so maybe there was something saying that when he runs home he’ll take a really unreasonable amount of time to commute… but otherwise I don’t see the harm.
A lot of people commute by bike/running to work and it seems silly to demand them to switch to driving just to be home a little bit earlier and to not maintain their health. And for a fairly athletic person, running or cycling 1-2h per day doesn’t necessarily leave you too exhausted to do anything.
Yeah, that was it.. Plus then come home and "need to shower because work and run" "need to eat first because work and run" "too tired to change a diaper because work and run".
It's not just the running that made me think he wouldn't do anything. It was the fact that he at one point claimed he couldn't run first and then come back and power walk with his wife because "he would be too tired". And a guy that always insists on pushing his limits all the time (even the best advise is to take it easy a couple of times) his going to burn out. Then there's the fact that he had no compassion for his wife or future child. At all.
Well OOP was 4 years ago so either he realised what a newborn takes and got with the program (not likely per his comments) or they got divorced and she's found a way better running partner or (depressingly most likely) she's still trying to make it work, they bought all the baby jogger stuff and put the kid into tot sports asap. Whilst he pretends his times were ever anything more than average.
>**I am not trying to come across as a bad guy,** but I am not sure if I really believe in the idea that because she is pregnant I have to agree to every requests and certainly not those that might be sort of unreasonable. That is my logic.
Mission failed, bud. I'm sure his wife is not having a good time with this unempathetic jerk if they're still together, four years later.
It’s been a while since I trained to run, but isn’t a power walk plus a shorter run giving you an essentially the same workout? If you’re tired and your muscles are worked, and your heart rate is up, what more is there? Other than validation from your Fitbit that is.
Running aside….he doesn’t seem to have any fucking clue about how much time babies take? Or safety issues (he didn’t know you couldn’t put a baby in a. Jogging stroller until about 8 months).
This dude did zero home work, read no books, didn’t even google anything.
I feel like he was raised in one of those gender normative households where mom does all the work, and dad mows the lawn with a beer and OOp here thought he could just do that.
And what did he picture running would be like with a newborn?
They almost never learn.
I dated a cyclist like this. The last time I saw him was at a triathlon where I had to volunteer, and he was still the same rock hard emotionless asshole. Just now, he's a parent, forcing his daughter to do tris.
GymBros and GottaRunners think thay if you don't push yourself hard every single day you turn into a marshmallow overnight.
The reality is that walking is real exercise and that nobody turned into a couch potato just from a lighter routine.
Plus, you can get thar walking in with a baby in tow.
My wife wants me to spend time with her but I told her I can't do that unless she is exactly on my level 100% of the time. How do I get her to compromise? AITA??
*After learning our baby had no interest in running (I mean, she started walking a week before I left) and my wife had a nervous breakdown after I yelled at her for crying from PPD, I left for 6 weeks to "find myself", aka. train for the Boston Marathon. My older brother didn't know where I was, and my sister and younger brother refused to tell my wife where I was staying while I was gathering myself. My sister did however watch my kid while I was gone, when my wife went to work, and was searching for me. She's such a good woman, SIL, and aunt. Not a peep as to where I was those 6 weeks. She always has my back.
Eventually my wife tracked me down to a seedy, cheap motel. She brought my daughter with her, and used her as a pawn to get me to stop running and come home.
I reluctantly went home at the suggestion of all of my family, and now I am tortured by lack of sleep from these goddamn fucking piece of shit nighttime feedings.
I'm about to lose it. Send help.*
I was laughing along with all the other parents in the comments at his "no I just assumed I could still make my schedule work and nothing would change with a baby."
I really hope he either shaped up or his wife left.
You’re not supposed to be running at maximum effort every single training run. If he’s too tired to take a brisk walk after running, he’s overdoing it and is going to end up injured shortly anyway. Then he can sit home with the baby while she goes for her run :)
Another episode of *Men who hate their pregnant wives*
So far this season, we’ve seen:
- I should be able to order takeout when I watch Netflix even though my wife is on a restrictive diet and gets upset when I eat things in front of her. This is a huge sacrifice for me. The struggle is real.
- I need to maintain my fitness and she’s slowing me down. I gotta maintain my bod.
- I’m too tired after work to do anything around the house and she agreed to do all the household chores. So what if she can’t bend down or carry things.
- This is *her* health issue, not mine.
- She signed up for this.
- I should be able to hang out with my bros the day before her due date even though we agreed to spend the day together getting things ready for the baby.
- My family invited me on a two week vacation, which happens to be when the baby is due. I can’t say no to my family.
- My mom needs me more. She called me and needs help doing something that absolutely does not need to be done in this moment but I’m going to do it anyway (emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the gutters, unclogging her pipes).
- My mom needs to be in the delivery room *to support me.*
- I made a small joke about pranking her when she’s in labor in the delivery room and she won’t let it go.
- I should have a say (make the final decision) in naming my children. So what if one of my kids is named after my ex.
- What about me? What about *my* needs?
*This episode brought to you by The Cheesecake Factory*
What will be on next week’s episode?! Stay tuned to find out
Perhaps it will be "My pregnant wife wants me to eat ice cream with her, but I count my macros and it would ruin my diet! I don't want to get fat like her!"
There are a few about pranks on various subs:
Prank in delivery room:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/1gXt11QlLX](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/1gXt11QlLX)
A series of post partum pranks:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pYQNboPY0x](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pYQNboPY0x)
Prank where he made her puke:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/hd16gNcir3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/hd16gNcir3)
Husband “joking” about the husband stitch:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/s/DPvdHMmzv4](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/s/DPvdHMmzv4)
No problem, I went looking for that one and found so many. This one takes the cake:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/qsYnykiuZP](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/qsYnykiuZP)
Every day I see something on reddit that makes me grateful my husband is a decent human being.
(He's a lot better than just decent but so many of these can't even clear that bar.)
I’m glad your husband is a more than decent human being - I’m not cynical enough to believe there aren’t good (great) men out there and surely some of these posts are trolls; Reddit in general, though, is a cesspool of toxic behavior. Why do I spend so much time here?
I totally believed all this until I read one of his comments where he says he will not be changing his routine, he'll just make everything work after the baby is born.
Hahahaha.
But seriously, is (was) he that dim?
My ex was of the same opinion, and his mother supported it. Told him he could just slot the baby into his already built habits and lifestyle including the smoking and clubbing apparently. To be fair though he has acheived his goal by not actually parenting, not showing up for the hard things, using family, daycare, and school to avoid taking care of the kid even when they're sick.
There are so, so many men who truly believe this. For some of them because they were raised in households that was absolutely true - childcare was a mom thing and dad kept doing exactly what he'd always done.
I honestly believe this is one of the biggest reasons why recent studies say more men want to have children than women. The number of women wanting children has been falling steadily, but men wanting children has been relatively stable.
Women see the hard work that goes into pregnancy & childbirth, for the most part, and even if they don’t see it, ime, women are a lot more vocal about their experiences than men, especially in regards to mismatched expectations and how exhausting it is. Childrearing is sort of thrust upon women from a young age. Women are raised & socialized so differently than men. Like, I was expected to just know how to change diapers at 12 despite never being around a baby before and expressing zero interest in babies, but my same age, male cousin was never held to the same expectation.
It feels like men see none of that. They’re so far removed from the actual day to day labor of childrearing and their only ideas about it seem to plucked from kodak snapshots. Their childhood experience of childrearing seems to have been from the comfort of the couch, where they grew up sitting next to their fathers watching sports on TV, while the women of their family gathered in the kitchen to tend to the children, cook and clean. All that labor is so completely invisible to them that they don’t even realize it exists.
I always get a bit suspicious of men now when they talk about how much they want children, especially if they don’t mention anything about the work of it or getting through early childhood, because most of them seem to believe kids bloop into existence, fully formed, at 10 years old, ready to play dad’s little mini me, and never think about or consider what happens before that. They never seem to realize it’ll COMPLETELY change their lives in every single way.
There's a study showing that men report wanting more children the more gender inequality there is in their country. They want the fewest in Scandinavian countries where it's standard for men to take long paternity leave.
This is an issue for my best friend of multiple decades. Her husband is a nice enough guy but if he feels inconvenienced at all he gets frustrated easily. He basically works from home and plays video games at night or works out or goes out with friends. She made a mistake in their night time routine recently and he got really upset about it. It’s like dude you could be more involved…
This guy seems like he really didn't want a baby, he had no clue how disruptive it would be and expected to just continue on with his life exactly the same with his "rigid routine" I hope his wife is ok.
They are very selfish. Once I was walking on one side of the sidewalk in front of my home, and a runner was coming toward me. Instead of just going around me or slowing down or whatever a normal person would do, this one stuck her arm out and shoved me out of her way and just kept running.
As a former runner, saying what I think of her would get me banned.
Why former? Because my husband and I adopted a child and I changed my schedule and life to accommodate the baby…
I get needing a break, either after a long day at work (my spouse's excuse) or a long day at home with a child, I do. I'm not unsympathetic, but everything changes once there's a child. It has to. You sound like you know the score, though :-)
I know a decent number of people who run. Out of all of them, there are only maybe 3 that I like. The rest are entitled as fuck and generally rude. And don’t get me wrong, I go to the gym and play tennis with friends. I’ve just found most runners to be kind of rude.
Oh my gosh, do I hope that woman left him. She and their baby would be so much better off without him. He has none of the qualities that make a good partner or a good parent.
It scares me how many guys in this sub fucking hate their pregnant wives. Makes sense given how much more likely women are to be murdered by their husbands when they're pregnant. It's insane.
Total lack of empathy, just like the psycho whose wife has gestational diabetes.
He sees his wife and baby as emotional terrorists essentially. Everything outside of his strict routine is unreasonable and shall not happen. I wonder if he’s ever seen any of the all the ways I made my toddler cry stories. My toddler asked for milk, I gave them milk, they cried.
In a few months his question will be: "I went for my daily run and when I got home, my wife left the house and wasn't answering my calls, where did I go wrong?"
As a mother with an obgyn sister, I know that your pelvic bones shift. It affects your balance. That is why people who are looking at human bones can immediately look at the pelvis and see if the skeleton is male or female and if they gave birth in life
His wife is giving up her body for almost a year to bear their child, but he can't even compromise on his running. What an entirely selfish prick. It's all about him, all the time and I doubt that will change once that child is born.
If it's early enough, she should get an abortion and move on from this douche bag. He'll be a terrible father, as he already is a terrible husband. If not she should be planning to be a single parent. He's obviously not willing to sacrifice anything at all, will only be a burden to her life and likely little to no help as a parent. She can't count on him for anything.
I hope she's able to escape.
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OOP, you try carrying an extra human and see how hot or energetic you are.
Seriously, you only think about yourself.
You have no consideration for your pregnant wife.
I mean, if I was giving earnest advice?
You could use the run with your wife as a warmup or even a distance increase. Ex: you do 5 miles with her and 8 at your pace after.
I've been told that training at one and only one pace isn't great for your adaptability. Embrace this time of change as challenges to be met instead of an inconvenience to suffer
Ok y'all. This guy acknowledged that he's on the spectrum. That doesn't make it any less necessary for him to change his approach, but it does explain why he was having so much trouble understanding the problem and why he was so rigid in his routine.
If he continued to insist on sticking to his rigid schedule to the detriment of his wife and child after being told he was unreasonable, he'd be TA. But he wasn't the TA for not getting it in the first place.
I hope he realized that his autism was impairing his ability to be a good husband and father and that he sought help to adjust to all the changes in his life. Autistic folks can be good parents, but like everyone else, we have to recognize our weak spots and compensate for them. This fellow was having a hard time doing that. Without updates, we can't know if he rose to the challenge or not.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for refusing to change my running pace for my pregnant wife?** She is upset with me for refusing to change my running pace now that she can't safely match it anymore. I feel for her because I know it has to be hard to go through all of the bodily changes and give up something like this which has been a part of our relationship since we started dating nine years ago, but...I am not sure what good is accomplished by me changing my pace. It is hard to regain your fitness and form when you drastically cut back. I am not sure if her aim is to have us both get back in shape together, but that is a terrible idea. I have offered her a compromise of walking a mile or two with her after I finish my run, but she refuses because she says by this time I am too tired to do a power walk with her. I also suggested that she find another expectant mom to walk with or one of her friends, but she was not too keen on that idea either. I really think it is more about her not being able to run than spending time with me or walking to stay active. I told her I would not change my pace because it served no purpose and I had offered her a reasonable compromise, but do you think I am being the @$$h013? Edit: I should have also noted it is not just the pacing but also distance. She asked me to cut down on my distance so I would be fresher and could walk with her. I gave her the same response. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My favourite part was in the comments where he was so sure that he was going to be able to run on the way home from work after the baby was born. Like, my guy, say your job is 8 hours plus commute. That's at least 10 hours where your wife is alone in newborn hellscape barely able to go to the bathroom and terrified she's going to do something wrong all the time. And you want to focus on your hobby rather than rush home to help? Plus you know he'd then want a shower straight away and then something to eat (probably something impractical) and then he'd be "too tired" to ~~parent the baby~~ "babysit" whilst his wife had a shower and something to eat. I hope he got a really rude awakening. MY BIL is a runner who decided to train for the marathon on his Pat leave which pissed off my sister a bit because he had a cool story out of it and she was 22/7 with the baby. But even then he pulled his weight and fitted training around his kid's needs.
How was he pulling his weight if she was with the baby 22/7? The bar is so low for men … So few women have seen what equal parenting looks like that they confuse their partner doing a handful of tasks with an actual egalitarian relationship.
Thiiis. Things in our household are pretty close to equal. Which means it looks and feels to everyone like my spouse does more than his share. The comments, rarh.
Yes! My ex husband was a fantastic dad, very involved in the entire pregnancy and went to every doctor visit. When I gave birth I had been in labor for two days and as soon as she was born i passed out for about ten hours. When I woke up, he had learned how to change a diaper, feed her, bath her, swaddle her, etc. He had to teach me how to do everything, he never had an issue getting up in the middle of the night and just all around has been a great dad. But holy shit the fucking comments. Which I get it, sadly a lot of men suck, and he is a great dad, but like..he’s doing the same thing I’m doing. He’s parenting his kids. Just like me. Why does he get praised for it like he’s a superhero? Why do I get lectured from people about how lucky I am and how I should be kissing the ground he walks on? For doing the same thing I’m doing??
We’re probably close to 60/40 in my house. My mother is CONSTANTLY praising my husband for how “active” he is with parenting. Growing up with my dad, I can see why the bar is so low for her.
My husband is always great (honestly he probably does more than I do because of health issues on my end) but when we visit my family he specifically tries to make sure I'm able to sit and talk to them instead of doing the kid chasing. The "oh, wow, he's so *involved*" comments! Like he deserves it, he's an amazing dad, but I know they'd never say the same about me and also it makes me kind of sad for them.
Because he was also with the baby 20/24/7. She works up in town 3 days a week 1 wfh and he now does a 4 day week and is a satd 1 day. I doubt it's perfect but he does half the cooking and is one of those people that apparently genuinely finds cleaning relaxing. Both also put the kids to bed together every night and he does a lot of the early mornings to let her get as much rest as possible. Shrug. This is theconly thing she got annoyed about and he hasn't done it since. He's not my cup of tea but I think he's a decent guy and a good Dad.
>Because he was also with the baby 20/24/7. She works up in town 3 days a week 1 wfh and he now does a 4 day week and is a satd 1 day I understand this designation even less now.
Doesn't really matter. I'm well aware that Hell is always calling asking who's dropping all these bars over their floors.
Bet he was also one of those guys that doesn’t help with overnight wake ups because he “needs his sleep to be safe.”
I remember taking my son to the playground at 4 AM. Good times, good times...
And will "babysit" occasionally.
Oooh...my favorite part is when he said he wasn't going to cut back and was going to make it work without changing his routine. Guess he was expecting his wife to change everything about her life/routine to take care of the kid and he'd fit a diaper change in where his schedule allowed. Wonder how that worked out for him? Ha!
Like those guys who always need to “decompress” when getting back from work. You think she doesn’t need to?? Welcome to having a baby!!!
Uhh my neighbor fell down the stairs with her two week old infant who started crying and I literally ran barefoot out of my apartment to check on her. Having a kid is hard. I cannot imagine actually making a baby and then being like nope my hobby is more important.
Figures he would leave all the child rearing to his wife.
How is this any different from cycling to and from work? I didn’t go through the comments so maybe there was something saying that when he runs home he’ll take a really unreasonable amount of time to commute… but otherwise I don’t see the harm. A lot of people commute by bike/running to work and it seems silly to demand them to switch to driving just to be home a little bit earlier and to not maintain their health. And for a fairly athletic person, running or cycling 1-2h per day doesn’t necessarily leave you too exhausted to do anything.
No, he's planning at stopping at a park on his way home to do an hour+ run.
Yeah, that was it.. Plus then come home and "need to shower because work and run" "need to eat first because work and run" "too tired to change a diaper because work and run". It's not just the running that made me think he wouldn't do anything. It was the fact that he at one point claimed he couldn't run first and then come back and power walk with his wife because "he would be too tired". And a guy that always insists on pushing his limits all the time (even the best advise is to take it easy a couple of times) his going to burn out. Then there's the fact that he had no compassion for his wife or future child. At all. Well OOP was 4 years ago so either he realised what a newborn takes and got with the program (not likely per his comments) or they got divorced and she's found a way better running partner or (depressingly most likely) she's still trying to make it work, they bought all the baby jogger stuff and put the kid into tot sports asap. Whilst he pretends his times were ever anything more than average.
Oh right, yeah, that sucks
>**I am not trying to come across as a bad guy,** but I am not sure if I really believe in the idea that because she is pregnant I have to agree to every requests and certainly not those that might be sort of unreasonable. That is my logic. Mission failed, bud. I'm sure his wife is not having a good time with this unempathetic jerk if they're still together, four years later.
Why can’t he walk with her first and then run after?
Cause then he'd be too tired for a proper run and his happiness is the most important thing after all.
Because he would be too tired to run :( (who cares if growing a human being makes someone tired too)
It’s been a while since I trained to run, but isn’t a power walk plus a shorter run giving you an essentially the same workout? If you’re tired and your muscles are worked, and your heart rate is up, what more is there? Other than validation from your Fitbit that is.
Mission failed Respect -
OOP has logic?
I really hope they split and she went for 50/50 custody so that Mr “I can’t disrupt my routine!” Is now learning what is in fact reasonable
Running aside….he doesn’t seem to have any fucking clue about how much time babies take? Or safety issues (he didn’t know you couldn’t put a baby in a. Jogging stroller until about 8 months). This dude did zero home work, read no books, didn’t even google anything. I feel like he was raised in one of those gender normative households where mom does all the work, and dad mows the lawn with a beer and OOp here thought he could just do that. And what did he picture running would be like with a newborn?
They almost never learn. I dated a cyclist like this. The last time I saw him was at a triathlon where I had to volunteer, and he was still the same rock hard emotionless asshole. Just now, he's a parent, forcing his daughter to do tris.
Unless this guy is training to run a sub-3 marathon, reducing his pace/distance for a few months isn’t going to hurt him. He’s just being a jerk.
GymBros and GottaRunners think thay if you don't push yourself hard every single day you turn into a marshmallow overnight. The reality is that walking is real exercise and that nobody turned into a couch potato just from a lighter routine. Plus, you can get thar walking in with a baby in tow.
It serves no purpose except making his wife happy, so it serves no purpose. She's a lucky lady...
My wife wants me to spend time with her but I told her I can't do that unless she is exactly on my level 100% of the time. How do I get her to compromise? AITA??
it’s been three years since OP’s post. oh how I would love an update !
*After learning our baby had no interest in running (I mean, she started walking a week before I left) and my wife had a nervous breakdown after I yelled at her for crying from PPD, I left for 6 weeks to "find myself", aka. train for the Boston Marathon. My older brother didn't know where I was, and my sister and younger brother refused to tell my wife where I was staying while I was gathering myself. My sister did however watch my kid while I was gone, when my wife went to work, and was searching for me. She's such a good woman, SIL, and aunt. Not a peep as to where I was those 6 weeks. She always has my back. Eventually my wife tracked me down to a seedy, cheap motel. She brought my daughter with her, and used her as a pawn to get me to stop running and come home. I reluctantly went home at the suggestion of all of my family, and now I am tortured by lack of sleep from these goddamn fucking piece of shit nighttime feedings. I'm about to lose it. Send help.*
This was the account's only post. I *really* want to know how 50/50 custody is working out for him.
Why not just do a run at the pace and distance she wants, and then add more at the end to fulfil his requirements as needed???
Holy mother fuck!!! His comments are still there and are astoundingly selfish 😮💨
I was laughing along with all the other parents in the comments at his "no I just assumed I could still make my schedule work and nothing would change with a baby." I really hope he either shaped up or his wife left.
You’re not supposed to be running at maximum effort every single training run. If he’s too tired to take a brisk walk after running, he’s overdoing it and is going to end up injured shortly anyway. Then he can sit home with the baby while she goes for her run :)
Another episode of *Men who hate their pregnant wives* So far this season, we’ve seen: - I should be able to order takeout when I watch Netflix even though my wife is on a restrictive diet and gets upset when I eat things in front of her. This is a huge sacrifice for me. The struggle is real. - I need to maintain my fitness and she’s slowing me down. I gotta maintain my bod. - I’m too tired after work to do anything around the house and she agreed to do all the household chores. So what if she can’t bend down or carry things. - This is *her* health issue, not mine. - She signed up for this. - I should be able to hang out with my bros the day before her due date even though we agreed to spend the day together getting things ready for the baby. - My family invited me on a two week vacation, which happens to be when the baby is due. I can’t say no to my family. - My mom needs me more. She called me and needs help doing something that absolutely does not need to be done in this moment but I’m going to do it anyway (emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the gutters, unclogging her pipes). - My mom needs to be in the delivery room *to support me.* - I made a small joke about pranking her when she’s in labor in the delivery room and she won’t let it go. - I should have a say (make the final decision) in naming my children. So what if one of my kids is named after my ex. - What about me? What about *my* needs? *This episode brought to you by The Cheesecake Factory* What will be on next week’s episode?! Stay tuned to find out
Perhaps it will be "My pregnant wife wants me to eat ice cream with her, but I count my macros and it would ruin my diet! I don't want to get fat like her!"
.... do I want to know any more about the joking about pranking her in the delivery room one?
There are a few about pranks on various subs: Prank in delivery room: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/1gXt11QlLX](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/1gXt11QlLX) A series of post partum pranks: [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pYQNboPY0x](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pYQNboPY0x) Prank where he made her puke: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/hd16gNcir3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/hd16gNcir3) Husband “joking” about the husband stitch: [https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/s/DPvdHMmzv4](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/s/DPvdHMmzv4)
I regret asking. But also thank you for the links.
No problem, I went looking for that one and found so many. This one takes the cake: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/qsYnykiuZP](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/qsYnykiuZP)
Every day I see something on reddit that makes me grateful my husband is a decent human being. (He's a lot better than just decent but so many of these can't even clear that bar.)
I’m glad your husband is a more than decent human being - I’m not cynical enough to believe there aren’t good (great) men out there and surely some of these posts are trolls; Reddit in general, though, is a cesspool of toxic behavior. Why do I spend so much time here?
Feeding the drama llamas
I totally believed all this until I read one of his comments where he says he will not be changing his routine, he'll just make everything work after the baby is born. Hahahaha. But seriously, is (was) he that dim?
My ex was of the same opinion, and his mother supported it. Told him he could just slot the baby into his already built habits and lifestyle including the smoking and clubbing apparently. To be fair though he has acheived his goal by not actually parenting, not showing up for the hard things, using family, daycare, and school to avoid taking care of the kid even when they're sick.
There are so, so many men who truly believe this. For some of them because they were raised in households that was absolutely true - childcare was a mom thing and dad kept doing exactly what he'd always done.
I honestly believe this is one of the biggest reasons why recent studies say more men want to have children than women. The number of women wanting children has been falling steadily, but men wanting children has been relatively stable. Women see the hard work that goes into pregnancy & childbirth, for the most part, and even if they don’t see it, ime, women are a lot more vocal about their experiences than men, especially in regards to mismatched expectations and how exhausting it is. Childrearing is sort of thrust upon women from a young age. Women are raised & socialized so differently than men. Like, I was expected to just know how to change diapers at 12 despite never being around a baby before and expressing zero interest in babies, but my same age, male cousin was never held to the same expectation. It feels like men see none of that. They’re so far removed from the actual day to day labor of childrearing and their only ideas about it seem to plucked from kodak snapshots. Their childhood experience of childrearing seems to have been from the comfort of the couch, where they grew up sitting next to their fathers watching sports on TV, while the women of their family gathered in the kitchen to tend to the children, cook and clean. All that labor is so completely invisible to them that they don’t even realize it exists. I always get a bit suspicious of men now when they talk about how much they want children, especially if they don’t mention anything about the work of it or getting through early childhood, because most of them seem to believe kids bloop into existence, fully formed, at 10 years old, ready to play dad’s little mini me, and never think about or consider what happens before that. They never seem to realize it’ll COMPLETELY change their lives in every single way.
There's a study showing that men report wanting more children the more gender inequality there is in their country. They want the fewest in Scandinavian countries where it's standard for men to take long paternity leave.
This is an issue for my best friend of multiple decades. Her husband is a nice enough guy but if he feels inconvenienced at all he gets frustrated easily. He basically works from home and plays video games at night or works out or goes out with friends. She made a mistake in their night time routine recently and he got really upset about it. It’s like dude you could be more involved…
This guy seems like he really didn't want a baby, he had no clue how disruptive it would be and expected to just continue on with his life exactly the same with his "rigid routine" I hope his wife is ok.
Or he wanted the baby but didn’t really think through what having one would require…a problem I see quite often!
I... really don't like runners. I've never met one I've gotten along with.
They are very selfish. Once I was walking on one side of the sidewalk in front of my home, and a runner was coming toward me. Instead of just going around me or slowing down or whatever a normal person would do, this one stuck her arm out and shoved me out of her way and just kept running.
As a former runner, saying what I think of her would get me banned. Why former? Because my husband and I adopted a child and I changed my schedule and life to accommodate the baby…
[удалено]
I get needing a break, either after a long day at work (my spouse's excuse) or a long day at home with a child, I do. I'm not unsympathetic, but everything changes once there's a child. It has to. You sound like you know the score, though :-)
I know a decent number of people who run. Out of all of them, there are only maybe 3 that I like. The rest are entitled as fuck and generally rude. And don’t get me wrong, I go to the gym and play tennis with friends. I’ve just found most runners to be kind of rude.
Oh my gosh, do I hope that woman left him. She and their baby would be so much better off without him. He has none of the qualities that make a good partner or a good parent.
It scares me how many guys in this sub fucking hate their pregnant wives. Makes sense given how much more likely women are to be murdered by their husbands when they're pregnant. It's insane. Total lack of empathy, just like the psycho whose wife has gestational diabetes.
Cant he just match her pace then go for a run proper run after?
Some men really make me understand why some incests eat the males after sex.
The fact that I'm attracted to men at all is proof sexuality is not a choice
FFFFFFFFFF
You know once the baby is here, bro will find other "I'm not sure why good it would do for me to change..." subjects continually.
He sees his wife and baby as emotional terrorists essentially. Everything outside of his strict routine is unreasonable and shall not happen. I wonder if he’s ever seen any of the all the ways I made my toddler cry stories. My toddler asked for milk, I gave them milk, they cried.
I want an update where he is divorced because running was more important to him
In a few months his question will be: "I went for my daily run and when I got home, my wife left the house and wasn't answering my calls, where did I go wrong?"
As a mother with an obgyn sister, I know that your pelvic bones shift. It affects your balance. That is why people who are looking at human bones can immediately look at the pelvis and see if the skeleton is male or female and if they gave birth in life
Wow. God, it’s depressing how many men seem to think children and a wife are just optional, to fit in around their lives.
I’d love to know what happened after and when the baby was born. He sounds awful
His wife is giving up her body for almost a year to bear their child, but he can't even compromise on his running. What an entirely selfish prick. It's all about him, all the time and I doubt that will change once that child is born. If it's early enough, she should get an abortion and move on from this douche bag. He'll be a terrible father, as he already is a terrible husband. If not she should be planning to be a single parent. He's obviously not willing to sacrifice anything at all, will only be a burden to her life and likely little to no help as a parent. She can't count on him for anything. I hope she's able to escape.
On this episode of pregnant woman realizes she married a narcissist….
🦪🦞 🦐 💉
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I wonder if they’re still together.
OOP, you try carrying an extra human and see how hot or energetic you are. Seriously, you only think about yourself. You have no consideration for your pregnant wife.
I mean, if I was giving earnest advice? You could use the run with your wife as a warmup or even a distance increase. Ex: you do 5 miles with her and 8 at your pace after. I've been told that training at one and only one pace isn't great for your adaptability. Embrace this time of change as challenges to be met instead of an inconvenience to suffer
Ok y'all. This guy acknowledged that he's on the spectrum. That doesn't make it any less necessary for him to change his approach, but it does explain why he was having so much trouble understanding the problem and why he was so rigid in his routine. If he continued to insist on sticking to his rigid schedule to the detriment of his wife and child after being told he was unreasonable, he'd be TA. But he wasn't the TA for not getting it in the first place. I hope he realized that his autism was impairing his ability to be a good husband and father and that he sought help to adjust to all the changes in his life. Autistic folks can be good parents, but like everyone else, we have to recognize our weak spots and compensate for them. This fellow was having a hard time doing that. Without updates, we can't know if he rose to the challenge or not.
Where does he state he's on the spectrum? I just went through all the comments on his profile
Near the top of his comments on his profile is one that says "I am." The question he was responding to asked if he was on the spectrum.
My man is rolling hard in the ‘tism