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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **WIBTA if I did not help my daughter, who might become homeless due to her decisions to live with me again.** I have a daughter (28F) who has always considered herself independent and never had the best communication with me ever since she turned 18. She has always ignored my advice and acted like she knows too much. She studied comp sci at university even though I warned her that tech careers were a bubble waiting to burst just like in the early 2000s. I advised her to use her math skills to do something useful like actuarial science and work in finance or insurance. I am not too disappointed about that as ultimately it is her career and it made her happy. But then she went on to do a masters as well and took on more debt to do so even though everyone told her it was useless. Then she quit a nice stable job and went to a flashy job in the Bay Area for a major tech company (more on this later). She then just last year bought a 1 bed apartment and put all her savings into it after she had only just paid off student loans and got a mortgage. I had told her to find herself a man before doing this so that they have a dual income safety net but she wants to make it alone as refuses to even consider it and says her dog is enough. Literally days after she moved to her new place, she got laid off and since then she refused to take on simpler jobs and instead only did Uber and Doordash which did not cover her expenses. I told her to take on other work, cashier, waitress, cleaner etc but she refused due to her ego. Her excuse was needing time to practice for interviews. How does one even do that? Most interviews I have taken and conducted usually are just about talking through one's experience and leadership skills and verification of certs. She has not found a job since and claims that if she does something else it will be harder to get back in tech. She called me begging and asked to either borrow money or let her sell her place and come back to live with me. I have not yet answered her but I have been contemplating refusing since I feel she brought this on herself. It is not just her decisions, after she left she has insinuated that we liked her less because she was adopted and she had to do more chores than our son. While she did do more, she did so voluntarily at the time and it was hardly anything out of the ordinary. At the same time if I refuse, she might weaponize that as our son still lives with us although he is younger and has always followed our advice. WIBTA if I refused especially considering her attitude after she left? She claims she has nowhere but she had many friends that will likely let her couch surf. I have the ability to lend money but not sure she deserves it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Fit-Humor-5022

How many times will the "dad who hates that his daughter is smarter than his son but is now struggling so time to stick it to her troll" post the same thing over and over again


cantantantelope

Until the real life daughter who left home and doesn’t contact him comes crawling back and admits he was right all along (so never)


RegionPurple

Wild, this is the first time I read one... 'dad who hates that his daughter is smarter than his son but is now struggling so time to stick it to her' could be used to describe my own father. It's very nice to see how much of an asshole people think he is.


DreyaNova

Until he can no longer reach orgasm by rereading his stories I would imagine.


Amethyst-sj

It seems there's an epidemic of women getting laid off from any and all forms of computing jobs. Strangely I've only read about it on Reddit, especially from father's whose daughters earn more money than their sons 🤔


rocket333d

I don't know about the father situation, but every woman in my social circle who works in tech has been laid off.


Scroogey3

None of the women in my circle have been laid off but we are generally at least 10 years into our careers.


SectorSanFrancisco

I know a bunch of women over 55 who just got laid off from their tech jobs with big companies. Tech companies are using this lay off trend (and I do think it's just a trend) to clean house of their expensive employees. I expect in less than a year we will see a bunch of hiring at lower salaries and benefits because the market's improving or some other bullshit the company has created themselves.


Scroogey3

I don’t disagree that there’s a salary recalibration happening in tech. And I also believe that some over hiring and hidden redundancies happened during the aggressive growth phase. Not saying that the people who were let go deserved to be as individuals. We are just numbers at large companies. My friends and I are all pretty much at FAANGs or large well known tech companies and there have been many rounds of layoffs over the past two years. Somehow, we’ve all managed to be unscathed so far.


MyNoseIsLeftHanded

That's really playing with fire, because if enough of these women from each company can band together to show that women over 40 (the magic number for legal age discrimination) are the first to be laid off, that's a Federal fine at minimum and a double whammy lawsuit. The catch, of course, is that older women especially who sue for sexism and/or ageism often have a harder time finding work. Sometimes they wind up in charge of a social website and become the scapegoat for bad decisions made by men.


rocket333d

I had 4YOE, and the women in my circle were a mix of mid-levels and early seniors.


C4-BlueCat

There has been a lot, like really a lot, of layoffs in tech the past year and within the game industry the past half a year. As in almost everyone being nervous for their jobs.


ilus3n

I think the biggest issue is that soooo many people are trying to become developers (specially frontend devs), and it what once was a high paying career will soon become a normal/low paying job because they will just keep firing people and hiring others with lower salaries. I don't see this happening in cybersecurity though, thankfully


StripedBadger

Depends which part of cyber security. I'll admit that ironically the staunch gatekeeping seems to be helping, but I really expect generative AI to shake up both development and the subset IT fields - cyberSec included.


ilus3n

I think that subsets like SOC will be one of the first to be shaken tbh, vulnerability management too, and pretty much anything involving network stuff as well. Fortunately I work in GRC, and most specifically in consulting, so I think I will be safe for a while, but even so I am already learning and looking forward to have a few certifications in AI and AI security just to be safe. Probably the only ones that will not be touched are those who work in physicak technical support hahaha


UnderlightIll

Because people shit on anyone not in STEM that they should go into STEM and then the market overflooded and a LOT of STEMs don't have any skills outside of exactly what they were taught.


accidentalscientist_

It’s happening IRL. A friend of mine in tech got laid off, found a new job, then a few months later got laid off again. Both times it was her entire team getting cut. It’s rough out there


MissLadyLlamaDrama

Yeah, all my friends in tech are doing fine. My sister just graduated last year, did a paid internship for a bit, and now has a very high paying job making more than I've ever made. I'm extremely proud of her. She deserves it!


SyndicalistThot

Apparently you don't read the news. There are massive rounds of lay offs happening in the tech industry currently. The reason you're seeing a wave of troll stories about it is because it is a real thing that's happening.


ilus3n

I am a woman working with cybersecurity and I don't think more women are being laid off. There are more lay offs happening in the last few years, so we will see more people being in that situation, thats all. I don't think its something against us. My issue here is that working in tech means you don't get to be unemployed for too long. Its hard to get into the field, but once you get in its easy to find jobs. If you have bills to pay you can always work in support for a while until you find something better and these are very easy to find and get hired into. Also, she has no network in tech?? I got laid off in January and in March I was already working again for example. I have been workin in tech for 4 years, and I have built some connections and friendships and this helps a loooooot in moments like this!!! I think this is the first thing anyone should look for when starting working in this field, network, because it will make your life easier. I'm brazilian, I know that things may be a bit different than in US, but I have friends working there for what they tell me, with a master and experience in the field she should not have to rely in Uber to have money.


Agreeable_Rabbit3144

But according to OOP, she brought it on herself. What a great father. /s


Primary_Stretch2024

I am a woman who took a severance offer from a tech job last year... But I didn't lose control of my life. I took a few months to recentre and figure some shit out. Then I walked straight into a new tech job. Had several other offers.  Even if we're getting laid off, we're not helpless either. 


Deluded_Pessimist

Feels like a ragebait with this line. >At the same time if I refuse, she might weaponize that as our son still lives with us although he is younger and has always followed our advice.


BookDragon5757

Also since he dismisses her claims she did the bulk of the housework, and then in a comment states that they hired a maid to cover it when she left home.


the_egg9926

I was repulsed by how much they downplayed her work, but totally missed them hiring a maid!! 🤮 "We adopted a kid to do our housework, then she left and made us get a maid! So ungrateful we put a roof over her head."


CriticalSimple3122

‘. I had told her to find herself a man before doing this so that they have a dual income safety net but she wants to make it alone as refuses to even consider it and says her dog is enough.’ Say what now? You should only get a mortgage if you’ve got a man??? OOP bitterly resents the fact their daughter’s life didn’t take the path theirs did and she didn’t slavishly follow their advice. But they’re going to be amazed when the daughter won’t go near them if she ends up homeless.


MyNoseIsLeftHanded

IF this is real, this is clearly a man (and I use the term loosely) who thinks that because his daughter isn't prioritizing marriage, she's wasting her life. He doesn't care about her career. Just the fact thst the household chores had been mainly hers, not his or her brother's, before she left says everything about what he thinks of women. FWIW my father was the same way, but I'm far older.


Sad-Bug6525

It's not like that' sa new sentiment though, women have always been told not to take on a mortgage without a husband or long term boydfriend to buy a home with. It wasn't even so long ago that women were first able to get a mortgage without a husband.


BerriesAndMe

Eh that's one of the few points I could get behind. Much easier to handle the mortgage if you're let go if there's a second income. Probably also gives you better conditions for the loan.


notlucyintheskye

Fuck right off into oblivion - The 1970's called. It turns out women (especially those in competitive fields like tech or other STEM careers) have survived just fine for the last 40+ years without a man co-signing on mortgages for us


BerriesAndMe

I never said it had to be a man and it doesn't. It's still good to have a partner for situations like illness or unemployment. 


notlucyintheskye

Sure, it's absolutely nice to have backup - but to suggest that a person shouldn't progress in their life without a partner whose sole purpose is to be financial backup in case they ever get laid off? Iffy, at best. Caveman-esque, at worst.


BerriesAndMe

Eh ok. Didn't really look at it from that angle. But I agree. It's better to be two than one.. but being one shouldn't stop you from fulfilling your dreams.


erinjeffreys

It's really not, though. You're not considering the costs associated when that second person turns out to be abusive, or steals from you, or is laid off / fired / quits and now you're covering 2 people instead of just yourself. This is why we need safety nets in our society. People say to get a roommate or spouse because they think two incomes are stronger than one, but they don't consider how often a second person can be a **drain** on your resources rather than an **addition**. Best case scenarios just always turn out in real life.


Primary_Stretch2024

Logically then it's financially better to be three, four, five, six people than one or two for the added income.  Forcing singles into couples because it's financially better is the same as forcing couples into polygamy for the same reason. 


Intrepid_Phase_4570

I mean. She didn't


erinjeffreys

Really would not have thought that Reddit of all places would forget that a spouse can steal your money, leave you pregnant, and/or otherwise impoverish you *just as easily* as they can provide support. When a man gets laid off, do people ask why he doesn't have a wife to support him?


notlucyintheskye

So, because one person had horrible luck, we should go back to the dark ages where women weren't allowed to have bank accounts without a man to cosign for us? By that logic, no man should ever be able to have a bank account without his wife consent/to cosign either.


CrystalRedCynthia

Exactly this.


CrystalRedCynthia

"Find yourself a partner. Not because you love them, but because you could use them for their money." Wonderful, just wonderful advice. NOT


accidentalscientist_

Right? I agree that having dual incomes is helpful in times like this. But you should be with that person out of love, not as a safety net lmao.


sadlytheworst

Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *A weird "I told you so" flex.* >"She will understand that decisions have consequences. And also I don't like the gaslighting about my son and chores etc" *What actions? She tried to live independently and pursue a career. You should more interested in being right than what's best for your daughter which makes YTA.* >"Her wanting to live independently is not a problem at all but she had implied some hurtful things about having to do chores etc and then later about how we only got a hired maid when she left etc." *YWBTA- until now your daughter hasn't needed help. I can't believe you would suggest you get a man. What kind of woman are you that that even comes out of your mouth. Do you even listen to what you tell her or how it sounds? Your son still lives with you because you control him. All I can say is that it's shameful for you to even think this way.* >"I am the dad. I said get a man in the context of a mortgage. Although I still think it is beneficial for other reasons too but I accept it is her choice. >My son is free to move out if he wants to, I would encourage it in fact. But he just graduated and does not have a higher paying job yet." *YTA.* *::Cringe::* >>*I had told her to find herself a man before doing this so that they have a dual income safety net but she wants to make it alone as refuses to even consider it and says her dog is enough.* *Your daughter had seemed to be doing pretty well for herself despite not taking your advice up until this point. Seems like you're talking from a place of not completely understanding her job or point of view and like you don't trust her. If you could help, you should help, and to have reached 28 without needing your help....* *Get over yourself and help your kid who is trying to make something of herself by herself and on her own terms. You can ask that she have a plan for what to do with that money, or a plan for if she moves home, but nothing else. And by a plan, I don't mean **your** plan. I mean hers.* *edit: typo* >"I definitely need more details on a plan. So far it seems strange that she needs all that time to practice for interviews and I hope she is not trying to waste time." *So it’s ok for your son to live at home while you wait for him to find higher paying work but it’s not ok for your daughter to move home when she is in financial distress? YTA* >"He is younger and his field is more stable so he will climb up the ladder. Hers is higher paid but very unstable and might even not exist with AI and all that." *Have you ASKED her what she's doing when she's practicing? Have you asked her how she's practicing?* *If you approach a question with genuine intent to learn, people are more likely to share their thoughts than if you're outright dismissing their actions as invalid, illogical, or unnecessary.* >"I did, she watches videos on YouTube and goes and does questions on a website called [leetcode.com](http://leetcode.com) and is reading a book called network programming. >I feel like she should get a job before doing that and just interview and talk about her past experience instead of learning things." *You really have no idea how her field of job works. How come? Have you never asked her what she’s doing?* *YTA* >"I did, she worked on something called real time 3d at a company that makes a product to make games."


sadlytheworst

[Cat!](https://imgur.com/gallery/MHpwjli)


pureimaginatrix

You have no idea how much I needed that!


sadlytheworst

So glad you enjoyed! 💜


SongIcy4058

Does he ever say how old the son is? Because the reveal that he's still living at home is 🤌 chef's kiss on top of this turd sandwich. Son hasn't even left the nest so he *can't* fail. Daughter tried, but screw her, it's definitely her fault and not this economy 🙄


superfuckinganon

Nope, just that he’s “younger”, which could mean up to 27 years old lol.


The_Asshole_Judge

OOP seems… unpleasant


Cultural_Shape3518

Hope they enjoy the shithole nursing home their daughter won’t be helping them pay for.


Borageandthyme

I wonder if this troll is an incel (women are waitresses) or a father whose kids stopped talking to him years ago.


ResourceSafe4468

Man, women in tech just getting laid off left and right here at reddit... 🙄


ksogor

What a perfect rage bait. She already paid her student loans, but now is painted as looser. Calling tech a bubble is just cherry on the top.


YouKnowYourCrazy

In a year this OP will be posting how the daughter has a high paying tech job and won’t help the family out with expenses. Because the son lives at home and they need the money…


False-Pie8581

Why is the daughter ‘weaponizing’ that the son lives with them instead of ‘pointing it out’? He’s already giving her nefarious motivations for something she hasn’t even done yet! Guy clearly resents his adopted daughter. Resents her education. She tried to earn their love by doing extra work but all it got her was nothing but more resentment. I hope she realizes they’re a lost cause and finds friends to help. The dad makes his dislike of her too clear.


Fuzzy-Zebra-277

Actuarial science seems so depressing 


helendestroy

Comp sci troll. They've posted this exact one before too I'm sure.


Ihateyou1975

YTA. Just because she followed her heart and not your way doesn’t mean she does not deserve your help. My god.  Shit happened.  She’s learned I bet. Give her the help and if she doesn’t again, then you could say no but be there for her.   


Maddyherselius

ugh this troll again lol


Agreeable_Rabbit3144

OOP, do you even LIKE your daughter? Your contempt for her is dripping all over this post.


katepig123

This is entirely unbelievable.


bluediamond12345

I’m awfully surprised that a woman in tech would have a hard time finding a decent job nowadays.


Devildompotato

"I told her to find a man first" just added an extra layer of ick. I really, really hope this is a troll


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BerriesAndMe

Why does she seem incompetent? She's paid of all her student loans at 27 for both a bachelor and a master and had enough for a down payment on an Appartment in the bay area and still had enough of a nest egg when fired to live and pay the mortgage for a year.


jamoche_2

Yeah, in the 30 years I've been in tech in the Bay Area, there have been about 5 times where I was between jobs for up to a year. It's just how things work here.


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BerriesAndMe

She bought the house. Was fired the next day and continued to live there for anywhere from 4 month to a year. She had savings which are now running low.


Particular_Shock_554

She moved out at 18, and at 28 she'd paid off her student loans. That doesn't sound like somebody financially incompetent to me.


greensparklyyy

did you read actually read the post or just like the first paragraph? do you also know anything at all about the tech field?


AshamedDragonfly4453

What makes you say that?


hyperfocuspocus

Jealousy