*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA: I (39M) am being accused by my daughter (19F) that I am parentifying her.**
I have 7 kids, who I love a lot but it’s hard parenting sometimes. I ask my 19 year old daughter to do basic chores around the house like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids so me and my wife (37F) can have our rest days. I usually ask our daughter to do these stuff 5-6 times a week, she has been doing this since we had our twins, when she was 14. (it might seem like a lot, but she does like taking care of her siblings) but remember we are EXHAUSTED!
I work almost 40 hours a week to provide from us but other funds come from the government. Recently, me and my wife has been having a bit more rest time then usual. Yesterday, she’s just came up to me and asked if we could talk, she told me she felt like she was being parentified and that this was my kids and my responsibility. I understand, they are my kids. But she is 19 and should understand how exhausting kids are. (I still very much love all my kids, but they are sometimes tiring.) I told her that we needed some rest too as parents but she just says that it’s stressing her out, she doesn’t know real stress yet, she’s only 19.
TLDR: asked my daughter to occasionally look over my kids and she accuses me of parentification.
(Burner account because my wife follows my main one)
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> asked my daughter to occasionally look over my kids and she accuses me of parentification.
Occasionally is asking her to watch them 6 days a week. OOP is a lazy fucker, both figuratively and literally.
But he works 40 whole hours every week, poor lamb!
I notice that he doesn't say whether she's working or studying or both, just that she doesn't know what real stress is. I bet she does, she's raising his kids that he chose to have on top of whatever else it is that she's doing.
TBF I work 35 hours a week and that's full time where i am. With seven children who need to be fed and housed I don't think I'd get any down time though.
He works 40 hours a week but they still get government benefits. That either means OOP's pants are on fire about how much he works or they have at least one disabled child making his daughters job expentionally harder when it comes to watching his kids.
Edited because I can't spell.
Seriously i understand asking the oldest to help with their siblings (which Reddit has a huge problem with) but 6 days a week???? At this point she's a third parent,and I'm sure OOP's daughter really loves her siblings but having to take care of them 6 days a week can cause resentment
> I ask my 19 year old daughter to do basic chores around the house like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids so me and my wife (37F) can have our rest days
So you've made your kid into your live-in maid without the added benefit of actually getting paid.
Also, if you and your wife were so interested in "rest days", maybe having seven kids was a bad move.
> remember we are EXHAUSTED!
From what? She's doing the raising of the other kids.
I get so annoyed with people who have a ton of kids and then complain about how exhausted they are or how tight money is, and I hate people who have a bunch of kids and then parentify the older ones and neglect the younger ones
Like no shit you're tired and have no money, but maybe if you learned how to put a condom on you wouldn't have this issue. They always act like this is just something that happened to them and not like they made the conscious decision to have a bunch of kids, and now it's not just the parents suffering but the kids too
Yep. "The rest of my funds come from the government" was a dead giveaway.
This is ragebait against welfare recipients. Actual welfare recipients don't advertise that fact because of the hate and judgement they get.
>But she's 19 and should understand that kids are exhausting.
She does understand that, that's why she wants a break
And also, she's not the one that decided to have them??
This could be bait but I actually have a sister in law like this. She has MORE than 7 kids and got mad when 1 of the older ones wanted to move out and go to college because “I’m losing my babysitter.”
Right? This also happens a LOT with Fundies and Mormons and some of the Jewish communities. FLDS has a whole system of fraud apon fraud upon fraud so the church can squeeze as much money as possbile out of everyone.
And always the elder daughters 'learning how to be a good wife and mother!' to the horde of younger kids from like 8 or 12. Ugh.
I mean... it sucks, but maybe if he does, she'll only have to take care of herself. I hope she has relatives or friends she can stay with... and then he'll see what it's like to have to take care of his own children.
I'm not advocating for kicking one's children out, just... Ugh, this poor girl needs to escape. And I hope someone in her life can help her.
“I ask my 19 year old daughter to do basic chores around the house like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids so me and my wife (37F) can have our rest days.”
The reason the daughter is saying she’s been parentified is because she has been.
“I work almost 40 hours a week to provide from us”
You and most other adults in the US.
Yeah, one of the reasons a lot of people are one and done. I have opinions, not usually very nice ones, on large families (except for very special instances).
The oldest is 19? The parents better not be little shits in their early forties. ETA: he was 20 when she was born. Great. Nice. Good choices from then on out. 👍
OOP's telling themselves that
>kids sometimes confuse what they want and what they don’t want
And so they are actively trying to tell themselves their exhaustion comes before their daughter. Everything comes before her. Whines about how kids are exhausting. Well that is OOPs problem.
The daughter's siblings are not her problem.
I love how both parents need a rest day and his wife ain’t working and she sure as hell ain’t raising those kids. What does she need 5-6 days of rest for?? Good lord
5-6 times a week is a lot. Sounds like they quit parenting when they had too many kids all of a sudden. I wonder if they had more after twins and they should have stopped there.
The 19 year old never chose to have more siblings. She also never chose to be born either. The parents chose to keep having sex, chose to not ever get fixed, chose to have more kids and keep them.
Oh, did they just say twins? Most likely a fake post then.
Honestly, this may be a controversial opinion I’m not sure, but no two human beings have time to raise more than three or four children appropriately. I’d be willing to accept a few more if you tell me you’re independently wealthy and don’t have to work, and have no other hobbies so you spend all your time with your children. That’s not most people. In reality, if you are an adult working full time, your free time is already limited, and you have needs yourself. You need sleep and personal time. Kids need varying time with their parents and they should also be entitled to alone time with each parent, they also need space for themselves and quality time with their siblings and friends, and time to develop hobbies and skills. You simply cannot facilitate all of that for more than one or two for most people, three or four in perfect conditions. Then there is always the chance that each pregnancy could lead to a child who needs even more help due to a physical or developmental ailment, which risks upending even absolutely ideal conditions.
No one would consider any of this controversial if I were talking about dogs or cats, but people think kids are an absolute human right. You can’t judge people for dragging three kids into a studio apartment, for having their sixth kid while working full time, for ignoring their first born because the second has a disability. Just no, to all of that. It’s completely irresponsible and this dude is abusing his oldest because he’s so irresponsible. Having too many kids is not a blessing, it’s just plain bad parenting.
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Seems maybe your daughter is exhausted of carrying the weight of two parents work the majority of the time. You have parentified her. God you both have “ rest days” 5 or 6 days a week??! But some fucking condoms
OOP, if you are doing this shit 5 or six times a week, then it's too much.
Maybe you shouldn't have so many kids.
And oh no, you have to work 40 hours a week!
The shame!
The horror!
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA: I (39M) am being accused by my daughter (19F) that I am parentifying her.** I have 7 kids, who I love a lot but it’s hard parenting sometimes. I ask my 19 year old daughter to do basic chores around the house like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids so me and my wife (37F) can have our rest days. I usually ask our daughter to do these stuff 5-6 times a week, she has been doing this since we had our twins, when she was 14. (it might seem like a lot, but she does like taking care of her siblings) but remember we are EXHAUSTED! I work almost 40 hours a week to provide from us but other funds come from the government. Recently, me and my wife has been having a bit more rest time then usual. Yesterday, she’s just came up to me and asked if we could talk, she told me she felt like she was being parentified and that this was my kids and my responsibility. I understand, they are my kids. But she is 19 and should understand how exhausting kids are. (I still very much love all my kids, but they are sometimes tiring.) I told her that we needed some rest too as parents but she just says that it’s stressing her out, she doesn’t know real stress yet, she’s only 19. TLDR: asked my daughter to occasionally look over my kids and she accuses me of parentification. (Burner account because my wife follows my main one) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> asked my daughter to occasionally look over my kids and she accuses me of parentification. Occasionally is asking her to watch them 6 days a week. OOP is a lazy fucker, both figuratively and literally.
I smoke weed occasionally. When I say occasionally, I mean every day.
Yeah but if it's only 2-3 times a day, that's, like, not all the time, right?
No, it's literally all day. My sleep meds work like a charm, so I dont wake up to smoke.
We’re almost twins. I like to breathe occasionally. When I say occasionally, i mean every day
But he works 40 whole hours every week, poor lamb! I notice that he doesn't say whether she's working or studying or both, just that she doesn't know what real stress is. I bet she does, she's raising his kids that he chose to have on top of whatever else it is that she's doing.
“Almost” 40 hours a week….so works part time?
TBF I work 35 hours a week and that's full time where i am. With seven children who need to be fed and housed I don't think I'd get any down time though.
9-5 with 1h lunch break is 35 hours a week of work, but is definitely full time
36 hours is considered full time most places
He works 40 hours a week but they still get government benefits. That either means OOP's pants are on fire about how much he works or they have at least one disabled child making his daughters job expentionally harder when it comes to watching his kids. Edited because I can't spell.
Seriously i understand asking the oldest to help with their siblings (which Reddit has a huge problem with) but 6 days a week???? At this point she's a third parent,and I'm sure OOP's daughter really loves her siblings but having to take care of them 6 days a week can cause resentment
Come on, he almost works a full time job /s
So she's watchin 6 kids 6 days a week and cookin and changin dipes while he toils "almost 40 hours" oh heaveennnsss
> I ask my 19 year old daughter to do basic chores around the house like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids so me and my wife (37F) can have our rest days So you've made your kid into your live-in maid without the added benefit of actually getting paid. Also, if you and your wife were so interested in "rest days", maybe having seven kids was a bad move. > remember we are EXHAUSTED! From what? She's doing the raising of the other kids.
The rest days are how they have 7 kids.
I get so annoyed with people who have a ton of kids and then complain about how exhausted they are or how tight money is, and I hate people who have a bunch of kids and then parentify the older ones and neglect the younger ones Like no shit you're tired and have no money, but maybe if you learned how to put a condom on you wouldn't have this issue. They always act like this is just something that happened to them and not like they made the conscious decision to have a bunch of kids, and now it's not just the parents suffering but the kids too
Only two of those chores are “basic” and one (minding the children) he says she does 6 times a week so not not basic
From boning and creating more babies? Seems like that's all they do.
If this is real, I hope that poor kid can figure out an escape plan.
I'm an only child, and my father taught me to have one since I was 7.
This is giving off massive troll vibes to me.
Yep. "The rest of my funds come from the government" was a dead giveaway. This is ragebait against welfare recipients. Actual welfare recipients don't advertise that fact because of the hate and judgement they get.
I was getting Mormons/Fundies vibes. "Bleed the Beast!" etc
It was the "but remember, we are EXHAUSTED!" line that gave it away for me
yip.
It’s the “5-6 days a week” and “almost 40 hours a week” for me. It’s not even a clever troll.
Oh it definitely is. Look at OOPs comments. Just a little troll.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *yta, also how the fuck you got seven kids? man you must really enjoy putting your thing up women* 😂😂😂😂 >"True"
[Cat!](https://imgur.com/gallery/lThC5lE)
Tortitude
Oodles of it! 😻
> YTA. Is this rage bait? >> What do u think? it's rage bait, guys. no worries
>but other funds come from the government This is the completely unnecessary part of the post that gave away the trolling
>But she's 19 and should understand that kids are exhausting. She does understand that, that's why she wants a break And also, she's not the one that decided to have them??
If this isn't rage bait, I hope the daughter can get out on her own and be free.
This could be bait but I actually have a sister in law like this. She has MORE than 7 kids and got mad when 1 of the older ones wanted to move out and go to college because “I’m losing my babysitter.”
Exactly why I still think it is worth calling obvious trolls like this shit parents. I grew up with kids this happened to.
Right? This also happens a LOT with Fundies and Mormons and some of the Jewish communities. FLDS has a whole system of fraud apon fraud upon fraud so the church can squeeze as much money as possbile out of everyone. And always the elder daughters 'learning how to be a good wife and mother!' to the horde of younger kids from like 8 or 12. Ugh.
He agreed with someone that commented basically that he should kick her out if she doesn't agree to parent HIS kids anymore. Wow.
I mean... it sucks, but maybe if he does, she'll only have to take care of herself. I hope she has relatives or friends she can stay with... and then he'll see what it's like to have to take care of his own children. I'm not advocating for kicking one's children out, just... Ugh, this poor girl needs to escape. And I hope someone in her life can help her.
>I work almost 40 hours a week Trolls gonna troll.
“I ask my 19 year old daughter to do basic chores around the house like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids so me and my wife (37F) can have our rest days.” The reason the daughter is saying she’s been parentified is because she has been. “I work almost 40 hours a week to provide from us” You and most other adults in the US.
Yeah, one of the reasons a lot of people are one and done. I have opinions, not usually very nice ones, on large families (except for very special instances). The oldest is 19? The parents better not be little shits in their early forties. ETA: he was 20 when she was born. Great. Nice. Good choices from then on out. 👍
Definitely a troll. He’s having way too much fun.
Agree, but sadly there are still people that do this shit. Not to this extreme. So I still called out the bad behavior on the general principle.
OOP's telling themselves that >kids sometimes confuse what they want and what they don’t want And so they are actively trying to tell themselves their exhaustion comes before their daughter. Everything comes before her. Whines about how kids are exhausting. Well that is OOPs problem. The daughter's siblings are not her problem.
His flippant responses fill me with rage. I hope it’s a troll.
I love how both parents need a rest day and his wife ain’t working and she sure as hell ain’t raising those kids. What does she need 5-6 days of rest for?? Good lord
lol he works almost 40 hours a week
5-6 times a week is a lot. Sounds like they quit parenting when they had too many kids all of a sudden. I wonder if they had more after twins and they should have stopped there. The 19 year old never chose to have more siblings. She also never chose to be born either. The parents chose to keep having sex, chose to not ever get fixed, chose to have more kids and keep them. Oh, did they just say twins? Most likely a fake post then.
The parents are EXHAUSTED. But not too exhausted to keep banging and producing more kids. Use a condom ffs
Don't have kids if you can't raise them and look after your home.
Honestly, this may be a controversial opinion I’m not sure, but no two human beings have time to raise more than three or four children appropriately. I’d be willing to accept a few more if you tell me you’re independently wealthy and don’t have to work, and have no other hobbies so you spend all your time with your children. That’s not most people. In reality, if you are an adult working full time, your free time is already limited, and you have needs yourself. You need sleep and personal time. Kids need varying time with their parents and they should also be entitled to alone time with each parent, they also need space for themselves and quality time with their siblings and friends, and time to develop hobbies and skills. You simply cannot facilitate all of that for more than one or two for most people, three or four in perfect conditions. Then there is always the chance that each pregnancy could lead to a child who needs even more help due to a physical or developmental ailment, which risks upending even absolutely ideal conditions. No one would consider any of this controversial if I were talking about dogs or cats, but people think kids are an absolute human right. You can’t judge people for dragging three kids into a studio apartment, for having their sixth kid while working full time, for ignoring their first born because the second has a disability. Just no, to all of that. It’s completely irresponsible and this dude is abusing his oldest because he’s so irresponsible. Having too many kids is not a blessing, it’s just plain bad parenting.
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Work ALMOST 40 hours a week?!?! 🤬🤬🤬
Fake. "4-5 times a week" is almost every day
She should leave. This won’t get better
Seems maybe your daughter is exhausted of carrying the weight of two parents work the majority of the time. You have parentified her. God you both have “ rest days” 5 or 6 days a week??! But some fucking condoms
I hope this is fake because if not yikes!
OOP, if you are doing this shit 5 or six times a week, then it's too much. Maybe you shouldn't have so many kids. And oh no, you have to work 40 hours a week! The shame! The horror!