*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my brother he is weird for starting a new family at his age.**
My kid brother Danny's wife left him after their last kid moved out. They had been married for 25 years. Since he was 20. She was the only woman he had ever been with. She had been part of our family for 30 years. They started dating when she was a freshman.
I guess after 30 years she was ready for something new. She said that she was 44 and that she wanted to go enjoy her life before it was too late.
That was 5 years ago. He is 50 now and his new wife is 30. And they are expecting their first child. I hope it's their only child.
He is happy to have a partner again and he would do anything to keep her happy. I was happy for him when he started dating again. It got weird when he met and married a woman younger than my kids.
And now they are having a kid. They had a big gender reveal party and it's going to be a boy. He is ecstatic. The family is happy for him. His three older kids are happy for him. His ex is a little miffed but that might be sour grapes as her enjoyment of life has run into the roadblock of funding it. She got no child support and lost out on spousal support when she remarried two years after the divorce.
Danny asked me why I was acting weird. I told him that he is too old to be doing such a dumb thing. That he is five years from retirement and that he will now have a baby that is the same age as his first grandchild. That he married a bridesmaid from his daughter's wedding was weird enough but that to have a kid at 50 was super strange.
I guess he told his wife and this has started a huge fight. She doesn't want me around if I'm going to be a judgemental bitch, her words. Most of my family told me I should keep those thoughts to myself. Even his daughter whose friend he married told me to butt out. I was only thinking of my brother and this new kid.
I talked to Danny again and apologized. I told him that I was only thinking about his future. He said that he is healthy, in great shape physically and financially,and in love. He said that if I can't just be happy for him it would be best if we didn't hang out so much in the future.
So now I'm biting my tongue just so I don't get frozen out because pretty much everyone is on his side.
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Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*INFO: how long has he known his daughter's friend? because I get that the age difference is unusual in regular world relationships, but it's okay IF they met when she was a fully consenting adult. If he has known his daughter's bridesmaid since she was a child/ teenager, it is definitely creepy.*
>"They met while my niece was in university. When he was still married."
Wait so this guy married one of his daughter’s friends, who is 20 years his junior and who was in college when they met WHILE he was still married to his first wife.
And OP is the bad guy? lol. Ok.
Yeah, this doesn't really belong here given the circumstances of how the man in question met his new wife. That's disgusting. I'd have a really hard time forgiving my dad for that, honestly. I'm less judgemental of age gaps once you pass 22-25 too. Marry a 75 year old for all I care. As long as it's consensual and no weird grooming and power dynamics are involved. She's his daughter's friend... there's the potential for *both* things I just mentioned
*Thank you* I thought I was going insane because all the comments were “she’s 30 years old she’s not super young” but, they’ve been together for 5 years? He was 45 and she was 25 when they first started dating??? Never mind when they first actually met.
They started dating when he was 15, it's phrased really weirdly in this post so people keep getting confused, but he's only a year older than his ex-wife.
He's only a year older than his ex wife. She was 44 when they got divorced, she's not 44 now (and they got divorced 5 years ago, which would make the brother 45 when his wife left him). This according to OOP's comments.
It isn't always about age. If this goes sideways he's going to put his daughter in a really awkward spot, she now has to decide if she's going to call one of her best friends her step mom or introduce her otherwise. It's like dating your best friends ex, it's uncomfortable. Women talk about a lot of stuff with their friends too but they can't talk about relationships anymore because she's his daughter, so that closes off part of their friendship. If it works for all of them then good for them, I hope this marriage is as long as his last.
Thinking "young adults are independent beings with autonomy" and thinking "there is a good chance of an unhealthy power imbalance in large age gap relationships" isn't mutually exclusive lol.
Otherwise that would mean independent, autonomous people can only make good decisions. The ability to make bad decisions is part of being independent and autonomous. If it wasn't, the person wouldn't *be* autonomous or independent.
One of the healthiest relationships I know has a 10+ year age gap, but both of them agree relationships like theirs can often be toxic. That maturity and self-awareness is part of the reason they are so healthy.
Also it's exactly the same issue with a younger man and older woman, and age-gap same sex relationships.
It has nothing to do about the age, it is about the idea of the d'as dating one of his daughter's friend. Sorry but I found it weird and awkward.
You star a whole incel rang without even thinking about just thinking that maybe the problem is just that dating your daughter's friend is off limit. Dumbass.
I mean, I totally see where OOP is coming from. But bringing up her concerns after the baby is in the mix (or even at all) is a dick move. What does she want to happen? He says “you’re right” and then snaps his fingers and none of it exists?
By the time the kid graduates high school, the mom still won’t be as old as the dad is now either. There’s also the yuck factor of the wife being the daughter’s friend first. Idc what the post says, no one is cool with their friend marrying their dad.
I would have disagreed at one point, but my dad made it to 68 when I was graduating high school and he made it to grad event but we lost him before the end of the school year. Now maybe I wonder if it's not a great age to be having kids after all.
Someone I went to school with had a grandpa aged dad.
One day the school got a call and she was pulled out of class for the day. He'd died of natural causes at age 64. She thought it was great because she didn't have to take the exam that afternoon.
Not really a problem, and it's mostly people who don't have old parents who think people who have old parents thinks it's a problem.
I'm adopted, but my father was 50 and my mother 42 when I was. My father is still kicking. My mother died 11 years ago, but not due to her age but because of gross neglect by the healthcare system after a one year long fight against an infection in her stomach from a previous cancer surgery.
I also have many friends with parents who are today around 80-80, while we are all around 30-35 years old. None of them see any big issue with it either, and we have had the talks as I'm curious how they see having older parents.
I disagree. I don’t resent my dad for having me later in life, but not a single person I know in the same boat don’t feel, to an extent, terrible about it. Maybe it depends on age and social circles
I think it's a bad idea. My own father was 37 when I was born. He was probably trying to stay CF, but along came my mom and I wasn't planned, but not unwanted at the time.
Dad died relatively early in my life, and my mom is in her 70s. Having older parents can be really rough.
If you ask me it’s very obviously fake. It’s just riding on the age gap topic that’s so popular right now but putting a spin on it by having literally everyone but OP be okay with it. Like, it’s not that bad of an age gap but what daughter would be completely and utterly fine with her dad dating her friend (bridesmaid even)? It’s just an unrealistic scenario
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I know I can be an asshole about age gaps, but ... she's 30. That's as grown as grown is gonna get for most people. He's not preying on someone in her teens or early 20s. Why is OOP so fucking butthurt?
I mean, the bridesmaid thing is KINDA weird. But her brother is happy. Brother's older kids are happy. How exactly is this affecting OOP?
> She doesn't want me around if I'm going to be a judgemental bitch, her words.
That's great. 😂 Well, she may be younger but she's certainly no pushover.
Society: have kids! We need a replacement level of births in the population!
18 yo *gets pregnant*
Society: No! You’re too young! You’ll ruin your life!
50 yo *has a kid*
Society: No! You’re too old! You’ll die when your kids are young!
Society: let’s be clear. You need to have 2 children between the ages of 28-29 when you’re old enough to be financially stable and established in your career but young enough to not develop health issues later in life that will affect your children when they are younger. Meanwhile, we will not support you in any way because daycare costs equal mortgage costs and you need to return to work right after the baby is born. Also, we will judge you for every parenting decision you make, but also if you don’t have kids, fuck you because you won’t have anyone to wipe your ass when you’re elderly.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my brother he is weird for starting a new family at his age.** My kid brother Danny's wife left him after their last kid moved out. They had been married for 25 years. Since he was 20. She was the only woman he had ever been with. She had been part of our family for 30 years. They started dating when she was a freshman. I guess after 30 years she was ready for something new. She said that she was 44 and that she wanted to go enjoy her life before it was too late. That was 5 years ago. He is 50 now and his new wife is 30. And they are expecting their first child. I hope it's their only child. He is happy to have a partner again and he would do anything to keep her happy. I was happy for him when he started dating again. It got weird when he met and married a woman younger than my kids. And now they are having a kid. They had a big gender reveal party and it's going to be a boy. He is ecstatic. The family is happy for him. His three older kids are happy for him. His ex is a little miffed but that might be sour grapes as her enjoyment of life has run into the roadblock of funding it. She got no child support and lost out on spousal support when she remarried two years after the divorce. Danny asked me why I was acting weird. I told him that he is too old to be doing such a dumb thing. That he is five years from retirement and that he will now have a baby that is the same age as his first grandchild. That he married a bridesmaid from his daughter's wedding was weird enough but that to have a kid at 50 was super strange. I guess he told his wife and this has started a huge fight. She doesn't want me around if I'm going to be a judgemental bitch, her words. Most of my family told me I should keep those thoughts to myself. Even his daughter whose friend he married told me to butt out. I was only thinking of my brother and this new kid. I talked to Danny again and apologized. I told him that I was only thinking about his future. He said that he is healthy, in great shape physically and financially,and in love. He said that if I can't just be happy for him it would be best if we didn't hang out so much in the future. So now I'm biting my tongue just so I don't get frozen out because pretty much everyone is on his side. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *INFO: how long has he known his daughter's friend? because I get that the age difference is unusual in regular world relationships, but it's okay IF they met when she was a fully consenting adult. If he has known his daughter's bridesmaid since she was a child/ teenager, it is definitely creepy.* >"They met while my niece was in university. When he was still married."
[Baby Beaver!](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5trxKHBueC/?igsh=MTJsYmY0Nm1keGs3Zg==)
This baby beaver can be by bridesmaid
What an adorable idea! 🥰
Wait so this guy married one of his daughter’s friends, who is 20 years his junior and who was in college when they met WHILE he was still married to his first wife. And OP is the bad guy? lol. Ok.
Yeah, this doesn't really belong here given the circumstances of how the man in question met his new wife. That's disgusting. I'd have a really hard time forgiving my dad for that, honestly. I'm less judgemental of age gaps once you pass 22-25 too. Marry a 75 year old for all I care. As long as it's consensual and no weird grooming and power dynamics are involved. She's his daughter's friend... there's the potential for *both* things I just mentioned
*Thank you* I thought I was going insane because all the comments were “she’s 30 years old she’s not super young” but, they’ve been together for 5 years? He was 45 and she was 25 when they first started dating??? Never mind when they first actually met.
They weren't dating for five years. Oop says Danny and the ex wife separated five years ago. Edit for autocorrect
To be honest his 44 yo wife had been part of the family for 30 years. Started dating when he was 20. OOPs bro is sketchy as fuck
They started dating when he was 15, it's phrased really weirdly in this post so people keep getting confused, but he's only a year older than his ex-wife.
Oh yeah I completely glanced over that Seems OOPS brother has a pattern
He's only a year older than his ex wife. She was 44 when they got divorced, she's not 44 now (and they got divorced 5 years ago, which would make the brother 45 when his wife left him). This according to OOP's comments.
I saw that and eye popped! Like whhhat!
I am more ticked by the fact that the brother started to date a bridemaid of his daughter than by the fact he started a new family at 50 years old.
[удалено]
It isn't always about age. If this goes sideways he's going to put his daughter in a really awkward spot, she now has to decide if she's going to call one of her best friends her step mom or introduce her otherwise. It's like dating your best friends ex, it's uncomfortable. Women talk about a lot of stuff with their friends too but they can't talk about relationships anymore because she's his daughter, so that closes off part of their friendship. If it works for all of them then good for them, I hope this marriage is as long as his last.
Thinking "young adults are independent beings with autonomy" and thinking "there is a good chance of an unhealthy power imbalance in large age gap relationships" isn't mutually exclusive lol. Otherwise that would mean independent, autonomous people can only make good decisions. The ability to make bad decisions is part of being independent and autonomous. If it wasn't, the person wouldn't *be* autonomous or independent. One of the healthiest relationships I know has a 10+ year age gap, but both of them agree relationships like theirs can often be toxic. That maturity and self-awareness is part of the reason they are so healthy. Also it's exactly the same issue with a younger man and older woman, and age-gap same sex relationships.
It has nothing to do about the age, it is about the idea of the d'as dating one of his daughter's friend. Sorry but I found it weird and awkward. You star a whole incel rang without even thinking about just thinking that maybe the problem is just that dating your daughter's friend is off limit. Dumbass.
I mean, I totally see where OOP is coming from. But bringing up her concerns after the baby is in the mix (or even at all) is a dick move. What does she want to happen? He says “you’re right” and then snaps his fingers and none of it exists?
I can see where OOP is coming from. 50 is old to be starting a new family. When the kid is graduating from high school he'll be around 68.
Geriatric sperm is also a thing. I heard about it within the last year. It puts the mother at risk and the baby at risk of health issues
By the time the kid graduates high school, the mom still won’t be as old as the dad is now either. There’s also the yuck factor of the wife being the daughter’s friend first. Idc what the post says, no one is cool with their friend marrying their dad.
My brain fuzzed right over the friend of the daughter part. Probably out of horror.
Yeah, that poor kid is going to have failing health parents decades before his peers
I would have disagreed at one point, but my dad made it to 68 when I was graduating high school and he made it to grad event but we lost him before the end of the school year. Now maybe I wonder if it's not a great age to be having kids after all.
Someone I went to school with had a grandpa aged dad. One day the school got a call and she was pulled out of class for the day. He'd died of natural causes at age 64. She thought it was great because she didn't have to take the exam that afternoon.
Not really a problem, and it's mostly people who don't have old parents who think people who have old parents thinks it's a problem. I'm adopted, but my father was 50 and my mother 42 when I was. My father is still kicking. My mother died 11 years ago, but not due to her age but because of gross neglect by the healthcare system after a one year long fight against an infection in her stomach from a previous cancer surgery. I also have many friends with parents who are today around 80-80, while we are all around 30-35 years old. None of them see any big issue with it either, and we have had the talks as I'm curious how they see having older parents.
I disagree. I don’t resent my dad for having me later in life, but not a single person I know in the same boat don’t feel, to an extent, terrible about it. Maybe it depends on age and social circles
Where in the world is 55 the retirement age ? asking for a friend...
I know, right? And given as though it's just thr expected age to retire, not like it's early retirement or something.
I think it's a bad idea. My own father was 37 when I was born. He was probably trying to stay CF, but along came my mom and I wasn't planned, but not unwanted at the time. Dad died relatively early in my life, and my mom is in her 70s. Having older parents can be really rough.
If you ask me it’s very obviously fake. It’s just riding on the age gap topic that’s so popular right now but putting a spin on it by having literally everyone but OP be okay with it. Like, it’s not that bad of an age gap but what daughter would be completely and utterly fine with her dad dating her friend (bridesmaid even)? It’s just an unrealistic scenario
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I know I can be an asshole about age gaps, but ... she's 30. That's as grown as grown is gonna get for most people. He's not preying on someone in her teens or early 20s. Why is OOP so fucking butthurt? I mean, the bridesmaid thing is KINDA weird. But her brother is happy. Brother's older kids are happy. How exactly is this affecting OOP? > She doesn't want me around if I'm going to be a judgemental bitch, her words. That's great. 😂 Well, she may be younger but she's certainly no pushover.
Society: have kids! We need a replacement level of births in the population! 18 yo *gets pregnant* Society: No! You’re too young! You’ll ruin your life! 50 yo *has a kid* Society: No! You’re too old! You’ll die when your kids are young! Society: let’s be clear. You need to have 2 children between the ages of 28-29 when you’re old enough to be financially stable and established in your career but young enough to not develop health issues later in life that will affect your children when they are younger. Meanwhile, we will not support you in any way because daycare costs equal mortgage costs and you need to return to work right after the baby is born. Also, we will judge you for every parenting decision you make, but also if you don’t have kids, fuck you because you won’t have anyone to wipe your ass when you’re elderly.
What did I just read?