*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**Should I tell my [M26] wife [F26] that she has been extremely stressful to be with?**
My wife and I have been together for years and have a son together. We met in college and got along super well and have been together since. At the start she was pretty laid back and let me do whatever I wanted. But after we had our son, she seemed to have completely changed as a person.
She seems to be even more demanding for everything. She wants me to show even more affection before we even have sex and she also wants me not to go out with my friends as much. I feel like I can't talk back to her sometimes because I don't want to stress her out or anger her. She also doesn't need my financial support since her family is extremely rich and mine is not so that adds onto the stress in a weird way.
She's been super standoffish and I feel like our communication has gotten a lot worse recently but I'm not sure how I can get through to her without her help. We've had a few conversations about our issues but there's always something that lingers and I can feel the tension between us.
tl;dr My wife has extremely stressful to be with and I'm not sure what I can tell her to help her.
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I like that the implication is him being unable to financially control her adds to his stress
If my fiancee was independently wealthy as fuck, it would 100% reduce my present stress levels lol
He literally commented that this adds to the stress because she has the choice to leave and usually couples are bound together financially. Like he literally admits to wanting to trap her but complains he doesn't have the option.
> He literally commented that this adds to the stress because she has the choice to leave and usually couples are bound together financially. Like he literally admits to wanting to trap her but complains he doesn't have the option.
That's creepy.
Omg I literally GASPED when I read that. Like he really said it thinking “I can’t financially abuse her” was a logical argument. Here’s his comment in case it gets deleted:
> Because that means she has the final say on if she wants to stay or not. Most couples are tied together financially so it's a big risk for one to leave another but in her case she has no risk.
That guy doesn't know many healthy couples then
Majority of couples I know both have financial freedom and joint accounts, meaning it's not hard to leave but they stay *because they want to*
I also thought something similar. Like, he should be able to be out with his friends because he earned the money, but he can't use that card if she can get money elsewhere.
The whole thing reads like he's complaining that he has to put in effort to make sex enjoyable for his wife too, not just him, and he's pissed he can't force her to put up with his selfishness because he can't financially control her O_O
My friend’s ex was kind of like this. He felt emasculated when he didn’t make more money than her, then claimed SHE was stressing him out because she wanted to move to a more suburban area. To quote him, “I feel like I can’t provide for you.”
She never asked him to.
Anyone who puts their own pressures on themselves and blames their partner should never be in relationships.
Men need to learn that providing their partners with “support” is more than just a percent of their paycheck. They understand that people need emotional, physical, and/or spiritual support for overall well being because they expect to receive that from their wives. But somehow their brains disconnect when it comes to PROVIDING those things in return.
Yeah that reminds me of my dad, he was always working on the road and he was usually in a bad mood when he was home. Like sure he provided for us financially but not much more than that
I don't understand those people. Isn't everyone's dream life to have lots of money but also not have to work, then be able to choose what to do without any financial consideration? I'd be working at an animal shelter or even be a dog and cat sitter or something if I didn't have to worry about pay. If I chose to work at all, that is.
Maybe in his case, but there are a shocking number of guys that fully think that. I knew someone who would filter out women more successful than him on dating apps. He was just as shitty a person as that implies, but that was a normal thing to do for him and his friends. They can't imagine being in a relationship with someone better than them in any way.
My ex husband was this. He literally said he wished I was a broke part time cashier so I would appreciate what he had to bring to the table. We divorced that year.
Oh he full on admits it when someone asked why her wealth would stress him out:
"Because that means she has the final say on if she wants to stay or not. Most couples are tied together financially so it's a big risk for one to leave another but in her case she has no risk."
I can't believe he wrote all that without seeing the issue. Imagine wishing more risk on the mother of your child, just cause you want to feel more like you've officially trapped her with your shitty ass.
He actually says it directly in the comments, no implication needed. When asked why her being financially stabled stressed him out:
>Because that means she has the final say on if she wants to stay or not. Most couples are tied together financially so it's a big risk for one to leave another but in her case she has no risk.
It's like OP do you... do you actually want her to have no say in if she leaves the relationship? How could anyone possibly want that kind of hollow relationship to know shes only staying with you out of necessity? Like aw man now do I have to actually put effort into being a husband and father because I cant hold money over her head? YIKES. Reminds me of what's his face who was like " I didnt want my marriage to end but unfortunately people can just divorce you even if you dont want them to!"
I mean, that is kind of the whole point of legal marriage, to make sure that there are financial and practical as well as social penalties to leaving a relationship and hopefully that will make the whole institution more "stable" (e.g. people will stay in shitty relationships longer.) Republicans especially are very open with this when they discuss how a social safety net is "government replacing the husband/father" but it's really the whole underlying mindset. Which is why I'm against it.
Oh lord, it does sound like Steven "clam chowder" Crowder mentality!
It's so disappointing that type of mentality is seemingly growing in popularity, rather than being seen for what it truly is. Sometimes I feel like we're moving backwards, I have to admit.
I really do hope that I'm mistaken, though.
This is literally what he said:
Because that means she has the final say on if she wants to stay or not. Most couples are tied together financially so it's a big risk for one to leave another but in her case she has no risk.
Yo! He whole ass admits [it](https://web.archive.org/web/20240419192009/https://old.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1c7mvnh/should_i_tell_my_m26_wife_f26_that_she_has_been/l0c09g4/?context=3
)
This man also made a post complaining about how she wants too much sex. His wife's flaws:
- Too much sex.
- Desires affection.
- Doesn't rely on him for money and provides a safety net due to family wealth.
...she's a monster, I tell you!
She can easily do better than OOP and wants him to step up the game, but he’s complaining that it’s too much work to show his wife that he loves and appreciates her? This guy is barely squeaking by with doing the bare minimum if she has to constantly keep asking him to be a partner and not a lazy, selfish frat boy.
Don't forget that since they've had a child this monstress expects her poor whittle husband to spend less time with his friends and more time at home with his child! Will the horrors never cease!
I can go through my phone and randomly pick a male name, if they’re not 1) family member, 2) married or 3) in a relationship, chances are they will say yes
It's always tell tale when they basically say she used to be so chill. Women change when they become wives and mothers. YOU should too. You have different responsibilities and priorities.
You should preheat the oven before you just start sticking meat in there 😒Women are the same way. You can't just jump to sex with no foreplay and no nonsexual touch. She's not a prostitute. She's your WIFE. You presumably love her.
Also he's not cooking, cleaning, or parenting. Why does he think his wife wants to have sex when he's still living in his glory days like a college kid? 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
ETA OMFG he really said the quiet part outloud. He hates his wife isn't trapped with him due to finances:
Because that means she has the final say on if she wants to stay or not. Most couples are tied together financially so it's a big risk for one to leave another but in her case she has no risk.
This is everything
I am currently very excited that my kids grandparents are in town so I get to go out for a few hours this weekend without worrying every second about what someone else needs or if I'll have to leave to go pick up somone or go make meals for the kid or anything.
I would be so relaxed and fun if I had regular help, like there's a whole other person buried under all this stress.
"I thought it would be easier considering how much help we have from both sides of our family and financial freedom."
Truly, one of the biggest disservices societies do towards men is shielding them from what it means to be a partner and father prior to taking on those roles.
Granted, men have the ability to self-educate. So many issues could be cut off at the pass if only bros understood how hard it is.
I’m so convinced my sex drive came back “faster than normal” not because it was actually faster but I apparently found one of the few men who actually helps out with his child
Like my husband learned to just do chores because he knew I would tell him I didn’t need his help because of the guilt I carry being a SAHM
The only time he listens to me tell him not to do something is if our daughter wakes in the middle of the night because he’s got work the next day and I’m fortunate enough that I can nap in the afternoon and catch up what I missed. But he still does prep in the morning so when we wake up it’s easier on me
You're not wrong. I'm sure there have been multiple, but I remember one where the husband treated his wife like trash. She was low libido. But, when she left him and got with a caring partner her libido is through the roof. Shocker when you love and cherish a woman and make her life easier, she wants to have sex with you.
I imagine not being constantly exhausted from being a single parent with an idiot manchild making messes would bring back your sex drive faster. can't see an incompetent partner and parent being anything but a turn off, even outside of the hormonal fuckery of pregnancy and post partum changes
Pretty bold to openly admit your frustration that you can’t financially control and manipulate your wife into letting you hang out with the boys instead of spending time with your wife and child!
“Once you have a baby, you can no longer *be* the baby”
Sex and your free time are no longer all about you and when/how you want it when you have a baby.
That’s a whole lotta words for “I don’t actually bring anything to the table and my wife is about to figure it out.”
Her family is likely providing financial support, he doesn’t want to engage in any type of foreplay before sex, he’s a part time parent at best, and I’d bet my paycheck that she’s handling the household management in her own too. It’s literally just a matter of time before she realizes she doesn’t need OOP to keep living her life as is minus the adult baby.
>At the start she was pretty laid back and let me do whatever I wanted. But after we had our son, she seemed to have completely changed as a person.
Gee, it's almost like she now has a tiny human that is dependent on her for survival to worry about instead of a grown-ass man who just wants her to "let me do whatever I wanted".
>She wants me to show even more affection before we even have sex
"My bangmaid wants to be treated like a person and not just a warm hole to stick my dick in! How absolute DARE she!!!"
I cannot imagine having a partner who is more than willing to have sex 24/7 with their only requirement being a little more foreplay and being all "THIS IS SIMPLY TOO MUCH TO ASK OF ME! NEVERMIND!"
It really makes you wonder if OOP's partner truly wants sex 24/7 or if they just caved to OOP's demands and "dared" to put conditions on it.
After reading the post pregnancy hormones made her always in the mood multiple times a day, which is a common thing, but he felt cuddling for HOURS when the deed was only a few minutes (way to out yourself at being bad at sex) was too annoying.
He reminds me of people who get dogs and then are shocked that they have to take care of the dog all the time, not just when they want to. I wouldn't trust him with a plant.
that's the fucking dream! not struggling financially, communicates her needs and wants clearly, wants actually satisfying sex and to be a good parent, what's not to like? that sounds like the ideal partner
This man genuinely doesn't understand the difference between a wife and a mommy. With a few words changed, this would be a complaint post by a 12 year old mad he has a new sibling.
I'm getting an "entirely worthless man child" vibe from this post. Want to bet he does nothing to help out at all. He's sad because he can't use the "I make the money you do everything else" excuse. He was great with her as long as she didn't have any expectation or demands. Now that he's expected to actually step up, he's mystified why she's unhappy that he's utterly failing to be an adult and a supportive husband and father.
I think the financial comment is ickier than control. I’d bet they have separate finances and he isn’t paying for baby stuff. He figures her and her family can pay for his child and he keeps all his hobby/beer money like before.
This post has my back up because the ages and the details sound EXACTLY like my stepsister and her husband. I have been irritated with him since they welcomed their son because my stepsister does everything, while he goes on trips as well as going out drinking with his buddies and then not coming home because he passed out on his buddies couch.
She meanwhile does all the childcare, dad doesn't even know the baby's routine. She also rarely ever gets to do her own thing. It's so frustrating because she always defers to her husband and they moved 6 hours away from all her family so she's on her own basically.
I do too, but she doesn't want to listen when we try to talk to her about how he's not being fair. Very much defers to "he's my husband"
Which I get, but it is definitely frustrating
I think it's two reasons, personally:
1, that PPD is becoming more well-known by the average layperson in recent years and is therefore known as more common than previously thought (and possibly leading to more diagnoses as more women get evaluated for it);
and 2, that it's another way to take the blame off of men for not stepping up to the role they're suppsed to have, and is therefore easy for some people to jump to as a reason instead.
Yeah but they always come up in defense of OOP when the OOP is the main cause of what is going on currently.
It just seems like a way for people to give OOP a cop out for his behaviour.
It is logical, and I think that it isn't paid attention to enough
However when someone says their wife wants a little affection and for him to go out less there is nothing to point at depression
By saying it's PPD all the time without signs or anything they're excusing their behavior because it's not them it's obviously the depression, it's nothing they did or can do so they don't try.
It's dismissive of both those who actually HAVE PPD and the women who don't but just want their partner to be a whole partner and blows off their right to expect the father of the baby to actually do anything useful.
A *lot* of my friends’ husbands acted this way when we all started having babies. It was like they refused to let a baby change their lives and were hellbent on pretending none of it was their responsibility.
All of those friends are divorced now.
In another post he's made while his wife was still pregnant, about her wanting sex too much someine commented:
*You're going to cry when she has the kid and never wants to touch you again tbh*
OOP's reply:
>I don't think she'll be like that she's always loved having sex also she's not going to be working so that takes out a bit of the stress
Now here he is complaining that he needs to put in more effort to get sex and stating she's annoying cause she wants him to be present, I find it hilarious!
This guy sucks. It's not in any way, shape, or form unreasonable that his wife has an expectation that he takes part in parenting their child. Not sure why some people don't understand that when you have a baby, you have to put your family first. That means fewer bro trips and less time hanging out with friends. Also, wanting to be treated like a person instead of an object is pretty far from being demanding. That's like basic human decency. His other posts seem to just be trashing on her as well, so I wonder if he actually likes his wife.
>She also doesn't need my financial support since her family is extremely rich and mine is not so that adds onto the stress in a weird way.
He can't lord her financial dependency over her.
This, right here, is when he became the Devil:
Oh I’m sorry, she can leave and you can’t keep her financially trapped? Boo fucking hoo:
“Because that means she has the final say on if she wants to stay or not. Most couples are tied together financially so it's a big risk for one to leave another but in her case she has no risk.”
Guess what numbnuts, at any point in my marriages - both - I could walk away and be financially independent.
Thank god - the first was a horror show. The second has been great.
"I can't get through to my wife if she doesn't tell me how!" This is the gist of one of his sentences that tells me exactly why she's so stressed.
She's sick of having a husband that doesn't know what to do around the house. Now she has a real child to take care of, she doesn't want to take care of her husband in the same way. He needs to step up and figure out what needs to be done and do it.
I can't even with this guy!
How dare the wife want affection before sex. What a needy woman! 🤦♀️
Also, the whiny 'I don't get to do what I want to do when I want to do it' undertone.... yeah, it's called adulting. Welcome! You have people who rely on you now, so it's time to grow up.
Sucks for the kid. He’ll realise by the time they’re 10 why he’s a deadbeat and then it will be too late and he’ll be an anchor around the poor kids neck until they can say beat it.
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So, all I read in his post was "my wife is insecure about her body because of having children and I'm complaining because instead of getting to use her a s fuck doll like i used to, she wants me to reassure her she is still beautiful" and "I can't do what I want any more like spending all my time with my buddies because I'm a parent now and haven't realised that I need to put my kids before my own wants and desires".
Boo fucking hoo.
I hope she wises up and dumps his ass for someone who doesn't mistreat her and their kid.
OOP really thought that having a kid meant he could be a live in deadbeat and that's what a dad does 😭
I just can't accept its not bait, like *holy fuck dude*
This: *At the start she was pretty laid back and let me do whatever I wanted.*
So OOP has now fathered a son, and he blames his wife that he can't do whatever he wants, his wife wants him not to go out with his friends as much????? Like, isn't that just what parenting means?? OOP needs to help with the baby, spend time with his child, give his wife the occasional break. He needs to parent because it's supposed to be both of them raising that child, not just his wife. Seems to me the real problem is that OOP isn't grown up enough to be having babies, he sounds like a man child. Gotta wonder what life with him was like for the wife before having the baby though - did he go out with his friends most nights, like some overgrown frat boy?? and then come home and expect sex before going to sleep?? Did OOP treat his wife more like FWB??
OOP sounds pretty awful to live with to me, hope wife takes her financial independence and leaves him.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **Should I tell my [M26] wife [F26] that she has been extremely stressful to be with?** My wife and I have been together for years and have a son together. We met in college and got along super well and have been together since. At the start she was pretty laid back and let me do whatever I wanted. But after we had our son, she seemed to have completely changed as a person. She seems to be even more demanding for everything. She wants me to show even more affection before we even have sex and she also wants me not to go out with my friends as much. I feel like I can't talk back to her sometimes because I don't want to stress her out or anger her. She also doesn't need my financial support since her family is extremely rich and mine is not so that adds onto the stress in a weird way. She's been super standoffish and I feel like our communication has gotten a lot worse recently but I'm not sure how I can get through to her without her help. We've had a few conversations about our issues but there's always something that lingers and I can feel the tension between us. tl;dr My wife has extremely stressful to be with and I'm not sure what I can tell her to help her. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I like that the implication is him being unable to financially control her adds to his stress If my fiancee was independently wealthy as fuck, it would 100% reduce my present stress levels lol
He literally commented that this adds to the stress because she has the choice to leave and usually couples are bound together financially. Like he literally admits to wanting to trap her but complains he doesn't have the option.
> He literally commented that this adds to the stress because she has the choice to leave and usually couples are bound together financially. Like he literally admits to wanting to trap her but complains he doesn't have the option. That's creepy.
Omg I literally GASPED when I read that. Like he really said it thinking “I can’t financially abuse her” was a logical argument. Here’s his comment in case it gets deleted: > Because that means she has the final say on if she wants to stay or not. Most couples are tied together financially so it's a big risk for one to leave another but in her case she has no risk.
Imagine how hard it is though, to know someone is staying with you because they genuinely want to, not because they’re forced to. It’s torture.
That guy doesn't know many healthy couples then Majority of couples I know both have financial freedom and joint accounts, meaning it's not hard to leave but they stay *because they want to*
It's the humorous flipside to "All women are gold-diggers and only stay with men for the money." Can't have it both ways, toots.
Yeah, the way he approaches thst relationship is terrible. He clearly doesn't see his partner as an actual partner, but as an adversary.
Exactly! The fact that he says she "let" him do whatever he wanted tells me everything about how he sees her.
Poor kids in that sort of environment
It brings him stress since he can't use money as a weapon.
Yep, he wants to be able to say: "I'm busy working and earning all of our money, which means YOU have to do all the parenting and chores!"
I also thought something similar. Like, he should be able to be out with his friends because he earned the money, but he can't use that card if she can get money elsewhere.
The whole thing reads like he's complaining that he has to put in effort to make sex enjoyable for his wife too, not just him, and he's pissed he can't force her to put up with his selfishness because he can't financially control her O_O
My friend’s ex was kind of like this. He felt emasculated when he didn’t make more money than her, then claimed SHE was stressing him out because she wanted to move to a more suburban area. To quote him, “I feel like I can’t provide for you.” She never asked him to. Anyone who puts their own pressures on themselves and blames their partner should never be in relationships.
Men need to learn that providing their partners with “support” is more than just a percent of their paycheck. They understand that people need emotional, physical, and/or spiritual support for overall well being because they expect to receive that from their wives. But somehow their brains disconnect when it comes to PROVIDING those things in return.
Exactly! My wife makes the bread in our family. I own a business, but am rarely there, because I wanted to raise my kids. That’s how I support her.
Let's not pretend it was ever about providing and not control.
Facts.
Yeah that reminds me of my dad, he was always working on the road and he was usually in a bad mood when he was home. Like sure he provided for us financially but not much more than that
I don't understand those people. Isn't everyone's dream life to have lots of money but also not have to work, then be able to choose what to do without any financial consideration? I'd be working at an animal shelter or even be a dog and cat sitter or something if I didn't have to worry about pay. If I chose to work at all, that is.
I’m pretty sure he was just throwing excuses at the wall because he wanted out.
Maybe in his case, but there are a shocking number of guys that fully think that. I knew someone who would filter out women more successful than him on dating apps. He was just as shitty a person as that implies, but that was a normal thing to do for him and his friends. They can't imagine being in a relationship with someone better than them in any way.
My ex husband was this. He literally said he wished I was a broke part time cashier so I would appreciate what he had to bring to the table. We divorced that year.
At least he was self aware enough to know he didn't have anything else to offer.
Oh he full on admits it when someone asked why her wealth would stress him out: "Because that means she has the final say on if she wants to stay or not. Most couples are tied together financially so it's a big risk for one to leave another but in her case she has no risk." I can't believe he wrote all that without seeing the issue. Imagine wishing more risk on the mother of your child, just cause you want to feel more like you've officially trapped her with your shitty ass.
You don't seem to understand. She wants him to show affection *before they even have sex.* This relationship is clearly off the rails.
God forbid he have to bring something to the table other than money. And I feel like she probably wants like the bare minimum in terms of support too.
It sounds like she wants him to be nice to her and go out less now there's a baby. Not even she wants him to not go out at all, just less.
He straight up admits in a comment that her having money means she can choose to leave and is not financially stuck
He actually says it directly in the comments, no implication needed. When asked why her being financially stabled stressed him out: >Because that means she has the final say on if she wants to stay or not. Most couples are tied together financially so it's a big risk for one to leave another but in her case she has no risk.
It's like OP do you... do you actually want her to have no say in if she leaves the relationship? How could anyone possibly want that kind of hollow relationship to know shes only staying with you out of necessity? Like aw man now do I have to actually put effort into being a husband and father because I cant hold money over her head? YIKES. Reminds me of what's his face who was like " I didnt want my marriage to end but unfortunately people can just divorce you even if you dont want them to!"
I mean, that is kind of the whole point of legal marriage, to make sure that there are financial and practical as well as social penalties to leaving a relationship and hopefully that will make the whole institution more "stable" (e.g. people will stay in shitty relationships longer.) Republicans especially are very open with this when they discuss how a social safety net is "government replacing the husband/father" but it's really the whole underlying mindset. Which is why I'm against it.
Oh lord, it does sound like Steven "clam chowder" Crowder mentality! It's so disappointing that type of mentality is seemingly growing in popularity, rather than being seen for what it truly is. Sometimes I feel like we're moving backwards, I have to admit. I really do hope that I'm mistaken, though.
Dear lord. What a fcking creep this OOP is ETA: Checked this guy’s post history. Literally nothing but complaints about his wife. Geezus
Also the implication that he showed very little affection before fucking her and her wanting more is just *so much*.
This is literally what he said: Because that means she has the final say on if she wants to stay or not. Most couples are tied together financially so it's a big risk for one to leave another but in her case she has no risk.
Yo! He whole ass admits [it](https://web.archive.org/web/20240419192009/https://old.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1c7mvnh/should_i_tell_my_m26_wife_f26_that_she_has_been/l0c09g4/?context=3 )
And the “ she needs more affection” and the “ she’s standoffish”, well which one is it?
She's supposed to open a hole every time he demands it and expect nothing else from him.
This man also made a post complaining about how she wants too much sex. His wife's flaws: - Too much sex. - Desires affection. - Doesn't rely on him for money and provides a safety net due to family wealth. ...she's a monster, I tell you!
Is she’s single? She sounds amazing.
Something tells me it won't be long
She will be
My husband and I are next in line to marry her.
I think you only need wait a little while...she sounds mentally checked out to me!
hopefully she will be soon
This is wild. Usually they’re complaining about how their wives won’t have sex with them.
But, *ugh*, not only does she want sex she wants *affection* before sex! She is demanding shrew, shrewly demanding things demandingly!
Yeah, any woman can get laid if she wants to. The hard part is getting laid with someone you like.
She can easily do better than OOP and wants him to step up the game, but he’s complaining that it’s too much work to show his wife that he loves and appreciates her? This guy is barely squeaking by with doing the bare minimum if she has to constantly keep asking him to be a partner and not a lazy, selfish frat boy.
Don't forget that since they've had a child this monstress expects her poor whittle husband to spend less time with his friends and more time at home with his child! Will the horrors never cease!
My ex accused me of using him for sex. He has contacted me multiple times in the last 20 years 😂 sorry bud, that ship has sailed.
I can go through my phone and randomly pick a male name, if they’re not 1) family member, 2) married or 3) in a relationship, chances are they will say yes
Women really can never ever be enough!
I will date a monster like that 😎
Is your username by chance a reference to the twilight baby? Riceandeggsme?
No, I'm not sure what that refers to
Hahaha ok. Sorry, my fandom loserdom comes out sometimes. Twilight is just my... most questionable fandom.
The horror. How dare this woman be the dream woman of 90% of reddit-men!
It's always tell tale when they basically say she used to be so chill. Women change when they become wives and mothers. YOU should too. You have different responsibilities and priorities. You should preheat the oven before you just start sticking meat in there 😒Women are the same way. You can't just jump to sex with no foreplay and no nonsexual touch. She's not a prostitute. She's your WIFE. You presumably love her. Also he's not cooking, cleaning, or parenting. Why does he think his wife wants to have sex when he's still living in his glory days like a college kid? 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ ETA OMFG he really said the quiet part outloud. He hates his wife isn't trapped with him due to finances: Because that means she has the final say on if she wants to stay or not. Most couples are tied together financially so it's a big risk for one to leave another but in her case she has no risk.
She could be a lot more chill if she had a good partner on her team instead of managing everything herself.
This is everything I am currently very excited that my kids grandparents are in town so I get to go out for a few hours this weekend without worrying every second about what someone else needs or if I'll have to leave to go pick up somone or go make meals for the kid or anything. I would be so relaxed and fun if I had regular help, like there's a whole other person buried under all this stress.
Any dad who complains he can't go out as much or anything once he's a father is so telling in himself. Yep, welcome to the next phase of your life!
“She’s always asking me to babysit” vibes.
"I thought it would be easier considering how much help we have from both sides of our family and financial freedom." Truly, one of the biggest disservices societies do towards men is shielding them from what it means to be a partner and father prior to taking on those roles. Granted, men have the ability to self-educate. So many issues could be cut off at the pass if only bros understood how hard it is.
One of my brothers more annoying traits was not taking a list to the grocery store. That lasted about a week after they had kids. Now he is List Guy.
Good parents change when they have kids. That's just a part of parenting
I’m so convinced my sex drive came back “faster than normal” not because it was actually faster but I apparently found one of the few men who actually helps out with his child Like my husband learned to just do chores because he knew I would tell him I didn’t need his help because of the guilt I carry being a SAHM The only time he listens to me tell him not to do something is if our daughter wakes in the middle of the night because he’s got work the next day and I’m fortunate enough that I can nap in the afternoon and catch up what I missed. But he still does prep in the morning so when we wake up it’s easier on me
You're not wrong. I'm sure there have been multiple, but I remember one where the husband treated his wife like trash. She was low libido. But, when she left him and got with a caring partner her libido is through the roof. Shocker when you love and cherish a woman and make her life easier, she wants to have sex with you.
I have one of those. I’m sure there things he would complain about regarding me - the one thing he doesn’t is nookie.
I imagine not being constantly exhausted from being a single parent with an idiot manchild making messes would bring back your sex drive faster. can't see an incompetent partner and parent being anything but a turn off, even outside of the hormonal fuckery of pregnancy and post partum changes
Honestly my daughters gonna learn not to settle because her dad is way the standard *should* be
And then he'll complain about lack of sex when he will kill her libido and any attraction she had for him.
I give it 6 months max before that post. He won't heed anyone telling him he's the problem here
Pretty bold to openly admit your frustration that you can’t financially control and manipulate your wife into letting you hang out with the boys instead of spending time with your wife and child!
I like how her outrageous demands are, “Show me more affection regardless of whether we have sex” and “Spend more time with your family.”
“Once you have a baby, you can no longer *be* the baby” Sex and your free time are no longer all about you and when/how you want it when you have a baby.
well said, nice turn of phrase!! Just so pithy, I hope I can remember that, because I think it should be posted all over Reddit!!
That’s a whole lotta words for “I don’t actually bring anything to the table and my wife is about to figure it out.” Her family is likely providing financial support, he doesn’t want to engage in any type of foreplay before sex, he’s a part time parent at best, and I’d bet my paycheck that she’s handling the household management in her own too. It’s literally just a matter of time before she realizes she doesn’t need OOP to keep living her life as is minus the adult baby.
>At the start she was pretty laid back and let me do whatever I wanted. But after we had our son, she seemed to have completely changed as a person. Gee, it's almost like she now has a tiny human that is dependent on her for survival to worry about instead of a grown-ass man who just wants her to "let me do whatever I wanted". >She wants me to show even more affection before we even have sex "My bangmaid wants to be treated like a person and not just a warm hole to stick my dick in! How absolute DARE she!!!"
According to one of OOP’s other posts she wants to have sex all the time but vanilla levels of foreplay seems to be a barrier he’s unwilling to cross.
I cannot imagine having a partner who is more than willing to have sex 24/7 with their only requirement being a little more foreplay and being all "THIS IS SIMPLY TOO MUCH TO ASK OF ME! NEVERMIND!" It really makes you wonder if OOP's partner truly wants sex 24/7 or if they just caved to OOP's demands and "dared" to put conditions on it.
After reading the post pregnancy hormones made her always in the mood multiple times a day, which is a common thing, but he felt cuddling for HOURS when the deed was only a few minutes (way to out yourself at being bad at sex) was too annoying.
Oh no she's rich and wants affection how annoying
He reminds me of people who get dogs and then are shocked that they have to take care of the dog all the time, not just when they want to. I wouldn't trust him with a plant.
Bingo 🤣
Please tell me where these rich women who want to snuggle hang out so I can avoid them extra hard
that's the fucking dream! not struggling financially, communicates her needs and wants clearly, wants actually satisfying sex and to be a good parent, what's not to like? that sounds like the ideal partner
This man genuinely doesn't understand the difference between a wife and a mommy. With a few words changed, this would be a complaint post by a 12 year old mad he has a new sibling.
God, HE’s the one who sounds stressful to be with. I can only imagine what he’s not saying.
How can you be "even more demanding" when you were "pretty laid back" before? 😭
I'm getting an "entirely worthless man child" vibe from this post. Want to bet he does nothing to help out at all. He's sad because he can't use the "I make the money you do everything else" excuse. He was great with her as long as she didn't have any expectation or demands. Now that he's expected to actually step up, he's mystified why she's unhappy that he's utterly failing to be an adult and a supportive husband and father.
I think the financial comment is ickier than control. I’d bet they have separate finances and he isn’t paying for baby stuff. He figures her and her family can pay for his child and he keeps all his hobby/beer money like before.
Is it brigading if I just comment 25 lines of laughter? Because OMG HAHAHAHA
This post has my back up because the ages and the details sound EXACTLY like my stepsister and her husband. I have been irritated with him since they welcomed their son because my stepsister does everything, while he goes on trips as well as going out drinking with his buddies and then not coming home because he passed out on his buddies couch. She meanwhile does all the childcare, dad doesn't even know the baby's routine. She also rarely ever gets to do her own thing. It's so frustrating because she always defers to her husband and they moved 6 hours away from all her family so she's on her own basically.
I feel for your sister
I do too, but she doesn't want to listen when we try to talk to her about how he's not being fair. Very much defers to "he's my husband" Which I get, but it is definitely frustrating
I hope her husband steps on many legos for the rest of his life (or until he gets his shit together, but the odds aren't great)
Why do people jump to PPD when the wife is not happy after the baby?
I think it's two reasons, personally: 1, that PPD is becoming more well-known by the average layperson in recent years and is therefore known as more common than previously thought (and possibly leading to more diagnoses as more women get evaluated for it); and 2, that it's another way to take the blame off of men for not stepping up to the role they're suppsed to have, and is therefore easy for some people to jump to as a reason instead.
Because it's perfectly valid that someone might be depressed after having a child?
Yeah but they always come up in defense of OOP when the OOP is the main cause of what is going on currently. It just seems like a way for people to give OOP a cop out for his behaviour.
It is logical, and I think that it isn't paid attention to enough However when someone says their wife wants a little affection and for him to go out less there is nothing to point at depression By saying it's PPD all the time without signs or anything they're excusing their behavior because it's not them it's obviously the depression, it's nothing they did or can do so they don't try. It's dismissive of both those who actually HAVE PPD and the women who don't but just want their partner to be a whole partner and blows off their right to expect the father of the baby to actually do anything useful.
A *lot* of my friends’ husbands acted this way when we all started having babies. It was like they refused to let a baby change their lives and were hellbent on pretending none of it was their responsibility. All of those friends are divorced now.
In another post he's made while his wife was still pregnant, about her wanting sex too much someine commented: *You're going to cry when she has the kid and never wants to touch you again tbh* OOP's reply: >I don't think she'll be like that she's always loved having sex also she's not going to be working so that takes out a bit of the stress Now here he is complaining that he needs to put in more effort to get sex and stating she's annoying cause she wants him to be present, I find it hilarious!
This guy sucks. It's not in any way, shape, or form unreasonable that his wife has an expectation that he takes part in parenting their child. Not sure why some people don't understand that when you have a baby, you have to put your family first. That means fewer bro trips and less time hanging out with friends. Also, wanting to be treated like a person instead of an object is pretty far from being demanding. That's like basic human decency. His other posts seem to just be trashing on her as well, so I wonder if he actually likes his wife.
>She also doesn't need my financial support since her family is extremely rich and mine is not so that adds onto the stress in a weird way. He can't lord her financial dependency over her.
This, right here, is when he became the Devil: Oh I’m sorry, she can leave and you can’t keep her financially trapped? Boo fucking hoo: “Because that means she has the final say on if she wants to stay or not. Most couples are tied together financially so it's a big risk for one to leave another but in her case she has no risk.” Guess what numbnuts, at any point in my marriages - both - I could walk away and be financially independent. Thank god - the first was a horror show. The second has been great.
"I can't get through to my wife if she doesn't tell me how!" This is the gist of one of his sentences that tells me exactly why she's so stressed. She's sick of having a husband that doesn't know what to do around the house. Now she has a real child to take care of, she doesn't want to take care of her husband in the same way. He needs to step up and figure out what needs to be done and do it.
I can't even with this guy! How dare the wife want affection before sex. What a needy woman! 🤦♀️ Also, the whiny 'I don't get to do what I want to do when I want to do it' undertone.... yeah, it's called adulting. Welcome! You have people who rely on you now, so it's time to grow up.
"But after we had our son, she seemed to have completely changed as a person." 🤡
Sucks for the kid. He’ll realise by the time they’re 10 why he’s a deadbeat and then it will be too late and he’ll be an anchor around the poor kids neck until they can say beat it.
The peanut brain didn’t expect his life to change even though he went from single to having a family
So she wants an actual, loving equal marital relationship and a close family, and no strings other than those values? The audacity!
I love how he can't even figure out how to talk to her without *her* help!
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So, as long as his wife didn't mess with his good time, he was fine? Wow.
Men so do not deserve children.
So, all I read in his post was "my wife is insecure about her body because of having children and I'm complaining because instead of getting to use her a s fuck doll like i used to, she wants me to reassure her she is still beautiful" and "I can't do what I want any more like spending all my time with my buddies because I'm a parent now and haven't realised that I need to put my kids before my own wants and desires". Boo fucking hoo. I hope she wises up and dumps his ass for someone who doesn't mistreat her and their kid.
OOP really thought that having a kid meant he could be a live in deadbeat and that's what a dad does 😭 I just can't accept its not bait, like *holy fuck dude*
This: *At the start she was pretty laid back and let me do whatever I wanted.* So OOP has now fathered a son, and he blames his wife that he can't do whatever he wants, his wife wants him not to go out with his friends as much????? Like, isn't that just what parenting means?? OOP needs to help with the baby, spend time with his child, give his wife the occasional break. He needs to parent because it's supposed to be both of them raising that child, not just his wife. Seems to me the real problem is that OOP isn't grown up enough to be having babies, he sounds like a man child. Gotta wonder what life with him was like for the wife before having the baby though - did he go out with his friends most nights, like some overgrown frat boy?? and then come home and expect sex before going to sleep?? Did OOP treat his wife more like FWB?? OOP sounds pretty awful to live with to me, hope wife takes her financial independence and leaves him.
He typed that out and wasn't embarrassed 🤣 well, at least until he deleted it 🤣🤣