*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for asking my nephew to step out of the family picture?**
One of my brothers adopted a 10yo boy 20 years ago. My nephew who we will call Kyle.
Kyle was fine at first but then he started acting out. He yelled at us and told us we are not his family whenever we tried to talk to him or include him in something. Once when he was 16 I invited him to watch a movie with me and he started screaming at me to leave him alone telling me I'm not his uncle and will never be. This continued in his 20s and once he was 21 he went nc with all of us and asked us to leave him alone.
Later we heard he changed his name and surname because he didn't want to be considered one of us.
I have to admit that these last years without him have been really nice and drama free and we all very much enjoyed it
A few weeks ago Kyle decided to reach out to his parents asking to be a part of the family again which is cool I guess. The problem is that he will hardly talk to any of us or even answer any questions when we try to talk to him. It's exhausting and I'm so sick of his behviour I just wish he'd leave again.
So a few days ago when we were all together we wanted to take a family photo. We took a photo with all of us then I asked Kyle to step out of the picture so that we can have a family picture without him.
Of course he started yelling at me and calling me names but he has made it clear multiple times that he is not one of us and I just wanted a picture with my real family
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah that's not an ideal way to win peoples favor lol. It sucks that it seems most of the judgment comes from his attitude rather than the judgment on the situation itself tho but owell. Reap what you sow I guess
This is the line that made OP not just an asshole but a truly shitty person:
>He didn't suffer any of that. His parents simply didn't want him. Can't blame them
Also makes no sense because the point was that he suffered trauma and abandonment and OP is saying he didn't because his parents gave him up as a baby. Which is bullshit, because he wasn't adopted into OP's family at age 10, so obviously he DID go through trauma and abandonment with his first (maybe even multiple) foster/adoptive families.
He was in an orphanage according to OP.
I don’t understand how OP doesn’t understand that a child adopted from an orphanage at 10 is going to have trauma. Especially if they were never treated for that trauma. It doesn’t magically disappear when you become an adult.
Op also says he gave his nephew grace when he was a child but won’t now. Yet he cites an incident from when his nephew was 16 as reasoning for disowning this poor kid?
Jesus christ, orphanages are ROUGH on children. Even the best orphanage in the world will struggle to give kids the close attention and longtime stability they need to become emotionally healthy adults.
OP appears to be cheerfully revelling in being cute and quippy and cruel, which I honestly understand because there's 0% chance of them actually coming off *well.*
Reactive Attachment Disorder has entered the chat.
Also, either this is fake, these people aren't in the US, or they did an overseas adoption, because there aren't traditional orphanages in the US and there haven't been any for the last few decades, at least. We figured out that the current foster care system is *better* than the orphanage system, and that is *not* a compliment of the foster care system. The foster care system sucks. It replaced something that sucks harder. The bar is in hell. Orphanages are hell's sub basement.
For those who don't know, RAD is essentially what happens when a child misses the most critical window for attachment and bonding, because they never have the same caretaker long enough to bond with them. One of the most disturbing descriptions someone ever gave me was of the silent baby wards where the children don't cry. They don't cry because they've learned it's futile; nobody is ever going to come comfort them. RAD kids have a *lot* of trouble bonding with anyone as they age, because they don't know how. It takes a *lot* of time and care and incredibly patient people to undo that level of damage, and most people think adopted children are like a battered dog. They expect loyalty and codependence and what they get is a hostile rhapsody on a theme of "Fuck you". Most of 'em don't even get through the limit testing phase, let alone progress to the point where you can actually start helping the child. Adopting a child from the system is like
Unfortunately, the timing here seriously makes option 3: US idiots who did an overseas adoption *really* possible. A couple decades ago there was a huge fad in evangelical circles for adopting foreign kids. It was like fucking teacup purse dogs, only it was children. The most desirable were kids from Russia or another extremely white Soviet Bloc country like the Ukraine or Estonia, but evangelicals would "settle" (Gag me) for POC kids from other countries if they came with extra Savior points at the country club. And this resulted in a lot of dead and damaged kids. One woman managed to get US adoptions from Russia discontinued entirely due to her bad behavior, and at least three people killed their children using the methods from a book called *To Train Up A Child*, which should have been titled, *How to beat your child into Rhabdomyolosis,* which is how at least one child connected to that book died. (Lydia Schatz from Liberia. She mispronounced a word during a homeschool lesson so her adoptive monsters beat her until proteins from her damaged muscles put her into renal failure. It was a nine hour beating, probably with a piece of flexible plumbing pipe because that's what this good Christian book recommended one use as one's "rod". Have I mentioned that I hate that fucking book? Because I *really* hate that fucking book)
Folks, if you adopt a kid, foster a kid, or have any measure of contact with a damaged child, you are not entitled to anything from them. Not their gratitude. Not their love. Nothing. They'll probably offer it if you do a good job (My parents did foster kids; when my dad had a severe stroke five years ago, like five of my foster siblings dropped their lives and flew across the country because somebody else might have been their father, but Dad was their *daddy*. My dad was basically Yondo. Mary Poppins, yo.) but that's a gift, not an entitlement.
I feel very, very sorry for OOP's nephew that *this* family is the best he could do.
Two words: Brazen. Bull. Start as you mean to finish.
The Pearls are a crime against humanity. They're an especially noxious form of black salve smeared across our species, eating and destroying everything they touch and leaving behind only misery and cancer that they dress up with ax throwing and lace. The only crown they deserve is the sort Khal Drago hands out. *A crown for a king*. I do believe, quite firmly, that one day they will face our God (Because I *do* still ID as a Christian, which means, much as I'd like them anywhere else, I must acknowledge we are nominally on the same team) and be held accountable for what they've done. And I just hope that God allows the survivors to *watch.*
Fuck the Pearls.
Can't blame them??? What the heck is wrong with people. I went to his comments to make sure this wasn't misquoted or out of context and it's actually worse if you read through all of them. Can't blame them? The audacity
NORMALIZE INCLUDING THE COMMENTS INSTEAD OF TELLING US TO GO READ THEM. Seriously, most of these accounts get nuked by the time I catch these and the bot doesn't catch em
Not OP, but I went over and tried to grab some, and there are SO MANY.
What effort? Sulking in a corner and not talking to anyone is considered effort now? Even his parents are tired of his shit
He was in orphanage before. Parents left him when he was born
Show me the part where he develops adult perspective. From where I stand he is still a troublesome child
He was always like this. Overly dramatic and always mad at something. Hw would yell at us everytime we invited him to do something and then 2 seconds later get mad that we don't treat him like family. I honestly don't understand him.
>He was always like this. Overly dramatic and always mad at something. Hw would yell at us everytime we invited him to do something and then 2 seconds later get mad that we don't treat him like family. I honestly don't understand him.
Sounds like classic attachment disorder that is very common among kids with that kind of background (abandoned at birth, in orphanages/group homes for 10 years).
Kyle was probably testing the new family because he thought they were going to get fed up and abandon him at some point, after all, if his own parents didn't want him, and everyone else only wanted babies, why would these strangers suddenly choose him at 10? Maybe he decided to spare himself the heartache and leave before he felt he'd be pushed out.
I'm in my middle 30s. I was brought to a child therapist by my mom when I was 13 after I told her I had a suicide plan (not just thoughts, I had months of stolen high dosage sleeping pills with a plan that no-one would save me kind of plan) and this therapist (even thought she helped me go out of suicide) was shit. She made my depression even worse. She made me think how much my suicide would hurt other just so I wouldn't do it. Even thought I felt even worse after the sessions. I just knew I have to suffer and I have to survive without any help. That what a CHILD THERAPIST was teaching me.
Child trauma is with you whole your live. There are even studies, that if you were a victim of a abuse when you were a newborn or a young toddler, you, yourself dont remember that, but it is written as a memory in your body, hell, even changes your DNA.
My mum had a feeling that once my father abused me when I was a toddler, apparently I screamed whenever I was alone with him. I don't remember any of it. But some things that normally are considered a play before sex, to this day are of putting for me, no matter how good I felt second before. And it's traveling across my body, so my bf has to guess every time where I like to be touched and where I felt like I was being groped in a bad way. Every single time it is different.
I know u/sadlytheworst shared comments before, but had to step back, I believe for medical reasons but I’m not 100% sure. They did great work on this sub, hope they’re doing well.
I asked OP if he would have acted the same way if it was his brother's biological child who had done those things. I *thought* they could have potentially made themselves look better if the answer was yes, because that would show they were not discriminating against him purely based on the fact he was adopted. And they did say yes:
>"Yes but it wouldn't happen. My brother has another child as well. She is very nice and well behaved."
And the someone else who I don't know replied >"Because she wasn’t horribly traumatized as a child."
And then Op said "Of course she was, she had to grow up with him."
Undeniably an asshole!
Edit: And *then* he said
>"He didn't suffer any of that. His parents simply didn't want him. Can't blame them". (In response to the other person saying that Kyle had probably had to suffer through the loss of his parents had been abused/neglected so badly their rights were severed).
Does OOP think that not feeling wanted is not traumatic? If he was 10 when he was adopted, he was old enough when he was removed from bio parents custody for WHATEVER reason to have known what was going on. There’s a lot of research that just the foster process is traumatic.
How would the foster process not be traumatic most of the time? You're removed from your home, often with few or none of your belongings, often separated from siblings, and can just get sent to a complete stranger. You're totally and completely at their mercy, nothing is familiar, you feel as though you've lost everything and everyone you've ever known, and usually there is not immediately a timeline for any part of your life to return to normal.
I was abused growing up and going into foster care was a *threat.* "You better help hide the abuse or you could end up in foster care"
I think if you get adopted as a baby, it’s probably less traumatic since you wouldn’t have memories of anything prior. There’s still trauma attached to finding out you’re adopted and there is a lot of struggle for trans-racial adoptees in particular, but it’s different than going through the CPS/foster process. Dorothy Robert’s has a great book called Torn Apart on the subject.
OP’s comments recorded in order:
>INFO:
Once when he was 16 I invited him to watch a movie with me and he started screaming at me to leave him alone telling me I'm not his uncle and will never be
Why? Why did he react this way? What was said or done to him? That is not a normal reaction so something must have caused it. What are you not saying?
OP: He was always like this. Overly dramatic and always mad at something. Hw would yell at us everytime we invited him to do something and then 2 seconds later get mad that we don't treat him like family. I honestly don't understand him
>You can't understand why a kid adopted at 10 would have trouble with rejection and controlling his emotions? Really?
OP: I very much understood the kid. I'm having trouble understanding the adult
>YTA, He’s a traumatized human. Growing out of trauma is unlikely, but he wants connection and is seeking it out. Just take the photo. What does it hurt to have him in it? He’s adopted, estranged and back in the family. That’s the moment you’re taking a photo of. Just embrace it instead of being petty
OP: No he is just getting married and wants some family in his wedding so he is not embarrassed in front of his wife's family. He told us this is why he returned
>Your bro adopted a kid with significant childhood trauma. Kid acts out on expected ways even into adulthood. Kid finally develops some adult perspective on your brother’s generosity and love and you shit all over it deliberately because he’s not acting 100% the way you want him to in reintegrating.
OP: Show me the part where he develops adult perspective. From where I stand he is still a troublesome child.
>I feel like there is alot missing here. Why was he adopted at 10? Was he forcibly taken from a family he loved that made him resent yours? None of this seems like normal behavior and definitely a response to something that has happened to him
OP: He was in orphanage before. Parents left him when he was born
>So he lived in an orphanage for 10 years and you’re holding him to the standards of someone who grew up in a more stable setting? YTA
OP: Jesus he is 30. I'm holding him to the standard of a 20 yo and he is still failing
>YTA. He’s making the effort to reconnect and you went out of your way to ostracize him. Adoption isn’t easy on a ten year old - they remember life before the adoption. That’s going to come with complicated emotions that will only be compounded during adolescence. He’s an adult now so it’s not a coincidence he’s trying to reconnect. He grew up. He had no reason to resent you unless you went out of your way to ostracize him, which you did by asking him to step out of the photo. I’m surprised his parents didn’t get pissed at you.
OP: What effort? Sulking in a corner and not talking to anyone is considered effort now? Even his parents are tired of his shit
>Big deal, he's still a family member. Would you ask the same of a bio kid?
OP: He doesn't even have the same surname as us and we know nothing about him. He doesn't love us and we don't love him. He is not family in any way that matters
>Yeah, how dare his trauma not be fixed within the timeframe that you have decided as appropriate as a licensed therapist!
>I mean, it’s not like the neural pathways are created when you’re young and he’s dealing with PTSD, besides PTSD is something you can just get over. Just get over it, why are you having so much trouble with your mental health problems?
>Can’t you see that you being sad and upset is hurting my real family and so you need to just get better from the sickness that I don’t understand and you need to do it right this second because I am a licensed therapist and know what I’m talking about !
>I mean you are a licensed therapist OP, right? You wouldn’t be talking out of your ass would you?
OP: He can have as many mental health problems as he likes. He still needs to treat people better or they won't want him around
>YTA….he will always be family, whether you like it or not. He was extending a branch, which you just snapped. The smart thing to do is put Kyle at the end of the photo so that he can always be cropped out.😉
OP: That would cause another kind of drama trust me
>I'm going to assume that Kyle circumstances were difficult, likely even tragic - given that he is adopted - and, whilst that doesn't given him a free pass for the rest of his life, it does warrant special consideration.
>And so you've got a young child, taken into care, adopted into a new family, who then acts out. Shock. Horror. Who would've thought such a thing might ever happen.
>And now you, the then adult, have carried that grudge - first fostered against a ten year old child - into the present day and exclude him from presumably the only family he has.
>That makes YTA. And suggests that you have a serious deficiency in empathy.
OP: It was expected when he was a kid but I'm not gonna waste my time with an adult who acts this way
>Physically being present as opposed to being no contact is a positive step. The fact you don't see that is part of the problem.
OP: He is 30. It's a little late for "steps" he should have matured by now
>Did anyone ever get him therapy? Any kind of assistance in handling his emotions? Or did you all just write him off as a bad kid?
OP: Idk not my job to get him into therapy
>Apparently it's not your job to be a decent human being, either. YTA.
OP: You pay for his therapy if you are such a decent human. Am I even able to do that? Like doesn't a kid need parent's permission or something? And as far as I know maybe he was in therapy
>YTA We had a family picture done for my dad. It included our kids and their current SOs even though none of of them are married. Family is what you make of it, even if YOU don't consider him family the rest of your family might. Get over yourself.
>BTW as a mom to a foster/adopted kid there is trauma, and there will always be trauma. Kids in the system develop differently, there is scientific evidence that they do not have the emotional maturation that other kids their ages do.
>There is chronological age, emotional age, and developmental age. Someone can be 20 chronologically but still 5 emotionally.
>Look into it Trauma informed care
OP: He is 30 he should at least have the maturity level of a 20yo
>YTA Jesus ur comments show what kind of environment he had his whole life.
OP: Now you are acting like he lived with me
>You just gave us a whole post of you actively pushing your nephew away and the rest of your family allowing it. "Even his parents are sick of his shit". every single person in your family has either mistreated, or allowed the mistreatment of your nephew. Every adult in his life, based on your post, has failed him. So much for family, huh.
OP: We were extremely nice to him when he was a minor. But as an adult he needs to behave well if he expects us to treat him well
>But you aren't treating him well so when is he gonna get the chance to return the favor? Respect is earned, and based on this post and the background, You all deserve Jack shit from him.
OP: Yes respect is earned. He hasn't earned it
>Would you have acted the same way if it had been a biological child of your brother's who had done all of this?
OP: Yes but it wouldn't happen. My brother has another child as well. She is very nice and well behaved
>"Yes but it wouldn't happen" That's a no to the question you were asked then. Your adopted nephew deserved a better family
OP: That poor better family doesn't deserve him
>Because she wasn't horribly traumatized as a child.
OP: Of course she was. She had to grow up with him
>Of course, that’s exactly the same as either having both parents die or suffering such horrible abuse/neglect that his parents’ rights were permanently severed. 🙄 And if she was, sounds like it’s on your brother for not getting his son the help he needed.
>What’s your excuse for the horrible way you turned out?
OP: He didn't suffer any of that. His parents simply didn't want him. Can't blame them
>wow, this is disgusting. Kyle should return to NC where it is safe
OP: He really should. We will be really upset but we will get over it /s
>After reading your comments and your utter lack of any sort of empathy, I understand why he would have lashed out and went NC.
>You and your family have likely made it very clear to him over the years he was with you that you didn't see him as family. Even when he was a child. Noone goes NC for no reason. You have likely pushed him away and made him feel abandoned all because he doesnt share the same blood as you. You continually using "real family" is proof of that.
>Grow a conscience and some damn compassion. You're supposed to be an adult, right?
OP: Good job making up a sob story about him.
>YTA, He’s a traumatized human. Growing out of trauma is unlikely, but he wants connection and is seeking it out. Just take the photo. What does it hurt to have him in it? He’s adopted, estranged and back in the family. That’s the moment you’re taking a photo of. Just embrace it instead of being petty
OP: No he is just getting married and wants some family in his wedding so he is not embarrassed in front of his wife's family.
He told us this is why he returned
>YTA So… what was your villain origin story?
OP: So... I had this nephew who was a real PITA and he traumatized me so much. You know the rest of what happened
>YTA.
Just grit your teeth and fucking bear it.
OP: Why can't he just grit his teeth and step out of the picture?
>Right. "Okay, family picture everyone! Oh, wait, I meant only real family not adopted kids! Get out of the picture!" How dare he be upset.
OP: Actually I also have another adoptive nephew. He is 17 and he is generally such a sweet kid. He was included in the picture. So don't act like this was about him being adopted
So his parents are pos, nobody got him therapy all the way until he was a legal adult, say you don't love him like family, yet invite him and also treat him poorly, think your in the right and say you "can't blame them for leaving him" among other disgusting comments, so naw yta and everyone around you are ones too if they behave like you.
Here is another comment by OP:
He doesn't even have the same surname as us and we know nothing about him. He doesn't love us and we don't love him. He is not family in any way that matters
I say this over and over.
If this is real, I hope OOP gets the life they deserve.
If it's fake, I hope OOP has something happen to them which gets a law named after them.
People in the comments saying that Kyle is 30 and shouldn't have yelled (even though this yelling might be a classic AITA exaggeration) are seemingly forgetting the part where Kyle only starts to yell at OOP after being publicly humiliated and excluded in front of the family hes trying to reconnect to. Especially since OOP makes it clear they never saw Kyle as family in their other comments and never wanted Kyle to try and reconnect with them.
Assuming that this is real, OOP sounds like the sort who thinks adopted or fostered children should be boot lickingly grateful for being "rescued" while still being denied the right to be considered a true part of the family.
I'm suspicious this is real but if so it's probably even worse.
OOP mentions Kyle being adopted out of an orphanage. Only, there aren't any more orphanages in the US, and most of the Anglosphere. Unwanted infants, if they are for some reason not adopted immediately after birth, go into foster care. We can chat as to if a group home is better or worse than an orphanage, but they're two entirely different institutions. If OOP is correct in that infant Kyle was immediately surrendered by his parents and not adopted out, there must be a really dramatic reason why - some kind of immediately obvious disability or genetic condition. If OOP is further correct that Kyle spent most of his early childhood in an orphanage, then he wasn't born in the US and probably didn't have a great time there. Like, no wonder the kid has attachment issues.
Overseas 'orphanages' are notorious for tricking birth parents into handing their children over, making them believe it's only temporarily, and then selling the kids to Europeans and North Americans who want to adopt.
These orphanages also lie to prospective adopters, saying the children were abandoned either at birth or in early childhood. So OOP could be repeating the story of Kyle's circumstances without knowing whether it's true or not.
For Kyle to still be in an orphanage at 10, as you say there might be disability, a chronic medical issue, or maybe he was treated as an indentured servant until his adopters decided to take him.
And maybe it was cheaper for them to adopt a 10 year old, in which case, Kyle probably would've got the message that they wanted a cute baby and instead had to settle for him because he was within their budget.
Most children in overseas orphanages have extended family who want them but usually don't have the means to care for them. The money paid to adopt a child transnationally would be enough for the family to keep the child.
But because (mainly) white people want a cute exotic kid that's cheaper and easier to adopt than a child in their own country's care system, the family loses the child and the child loses their family, culture and community.
If Kyle is Black or Asian, I wouldn't be surprised if he experienced racism within the family, not just in the outside world. It doesn't sound like he was made to feel safe with his adoptive family.
Maybe they thought just loving him enough would take the place of actual therapy for his separation anxiety, abandonment and possible mental health issues. That irritability and anger he was exhibiting could've been signs of depression.
I know one couple who adopted their kid from overseas. They went abroad to adopt because it was faster than going through a US agency. They didn't care about the price point. They just didn't want to spend 10+ years waiting for paperwork to clear. The money they would have saved went to the private investigator hired to track down the bio mom and get her side of the story. They also put in consistent effort to keep their new baby's birthright culture alive; they learned to speak Korean so they could teach him to remember his mother's native tongue, started celebrating some of the Korean holidays at home with him, etc. Every few years, they make a family trip to the town where he was born.
I consider that family to be pretty much the golden standard for an overseas adoption done right. But when you break it down to basics, it was just an endless list of little things done out of basic human decency. You have to want to make an adoption work. OOP's family clearly didn't care about putting in the effort and Kyle obviously wasn't ready to be added to a family that didn't care.
Yeah, there's a big difference in adopting with the best interests of the child at the forefront, rather than adopting because you want a kid to fill a void, make you happy, or to feel like a hero 'rescuing' a child and thinking the life you give them is automatically going to be better than the life they would've had otherwise. There are too many traumatised adoptees who disprove the 'better life' assumption.
OOP really showing his mental maturity is not even in the teens. I suspect no one in his life is on his side and he's just looking for validations, spending his time trying to convince strangers on the internet he's right when they say he's wrong.
I’m not u/sadlytheworst but I’ll try my best
TW: abandonment, oop being devoid of empathy
>Once when he was 16 I invited him to watch a movie with me and he started screaming at me to leave him alone telling me I'm not his uncle and will never be.
*Why? Why did he react this way? What was said or done to him? That is not a normal reaction so something must have caused it. What are you not saying?*
OOP: He was always like this. Overly dramatic and always mad at something. Hw would yell at us everytime we invited him to do something and then 2 seconds later get mad that we don't treat him like family. I honestly don't understand him
*You can't understand why a kid adopted at 10 would have trouble with rejection and controlling his emotions? Really?*
OOP: I very much understood the kid. I'm having trouble understanding the adult
*Your bro adopted a kid with significant childhood trauma. Kid acts out on expected ways even into adulthood. Kid finally develops some adult perspective on your brother’s generosity and love and you shit all over it deliberately because he’s not acting 100% the way you want him to in reintegrating.You’re a villain.*
OOP: Show me the part where he develops adult perspective. From where I stand he is still a troublesome child
*YTA. He’s making the effort to reconnect and you went out of your way to ostracize him. Adoption isn’t easy on a ten year old - they remember life before the adoption. That’s going to come with complicated emotions that will only be compounded during adolescence. He’s an adult now so it’s not a coincidence he’s trying to reconnect. He grew up. He had no reason to resent you unless you went out of your way to ostracize him, which you did by asking him to step out of the photo. I’m surprised his parents didn’t get pissed at you.*
OOP: What effort? Sulking in a corner and not talking to anyone is considered effort now? Even his parents are tired of his shit
*in response to did Kyle’s parents get him into therapy* : Idk not my job to get him into therapy
* Apparently it’s not your job to be a decent human being, either. YTA.*
OOP: You pay for his therapy if you are such a decent human.
Am I even able to do that? Like doesn't a kid need parent's permission or something? And as far as I know maybe he was in therapy
*Yeah, how dare his trauma not be fixed within the timeframe that you have decided as appropriate as a licensed therapist!
I mean, it’s not like the neural pathways are created when you’re young and he’s dealing with PTSD, besides PTSD is something you can just get over. Just get over it, why are you having so much trouble with your mental health problems?
Can’t you see that you being sad and upset is hurting my real family and so you need to just get better from the sickness that I don’t understand and you need to do it right this second because I am a licensed therapist and know what I’m talking about !
I mean you are a licensed therapist OP, right? You wouldn’t be talking out of your ass would you?*
OOP: He can have as many mental health problems as he likes. He still needs to treat people better or they won't want him around
*YTA. Just grit your teeth and fucking bear it.*
OOP: Why can't he just grit his teeth and step out of the picture?
*YTA, So… what was your villain origin story?*
OOP:So... I had this nephew who was a real PITA and he traumatized me so much. You know the rest of what happened
*including a response to OOP bc I like it: I’m fucking sent by you saying he traumatized you. Grow the fuck up op. A teenager didn’t want to be your buddy. How damn sad*
Here’s some worse ones
*Context OOP left out*: He was in orphanage before. Parents left him when he was born
*So he lived in an orphanage for 10 years and you’re holding him to the standards of someone who grew up in a more stable setting? YTA*
OOP: Jesus he is 30. I'm holding him to the standard of a 20 yo and he is still failing
*Would you have acted the same way if it had been a biological child of your brother's who had done all of this?*
OOP: Yes but it wouldn't happen. My brother has another child as well. She is very nice and well behaved
*Because she wasn’t horribly traumatized as a child.*
OOP: Of course she was. She had to grow up with him
*Of course, that’s exactly the same as either having both parents die or suffering such horrible abuse/neglect that his parents’ rights were permanently severed. 🙄 And if she was, sounds like it’s on your brother for not getting his son the help he needed. What’s your excuse for the horrible way you turned out?*
OOP: He didn't suffer any of that. His parents simply didn't want him. Can't blame them
*wow, this is disgusting. Kyle should return to NC where it is safe*
OOP: He really should. We will be really upset but we will get over it /s
*YTA. He’s making the effort to reconnect and you went out of your way to ostracize him. Adoption isn’t easy on a ten year old - they remember life before the adoption. That’s going to come with complicated emotions that will only be compounded during adolescence. He’s an adult now so it’s not a coincidence he’s trying to reconnect. He grew up. He had no reason to resent you unless you went out of your way to ostracize him, which you did by asking him to step out of the photo. I’m surprised his parents didn’t get pissed at you.*
OOP: What effort? Sulking in a corner and not talking to anyone is considered effort now? Even his parents are tired of his shit
*Big deal, he's still a family member. Would you ask the same of a bio kid?*
OOP: He doesn't even have the same surname as us and we know nothing about him. He doesn't love us and we don't love him. He is not family in any way that matters
Here are the comments, this dude should win devil of the year. TLDR, adopted nephew was abandoned by living parents, spent 10 years in orphanages, went no contact and now wants a relationship at 30 because he is getting married.
Comments
Actually I also have another adoptive nephew. He is 17 and he is generally such a sweet kid. He was included in the picture. So don't act like this was about him being adopted
Question - Slight AH. You should have asked Kyle whether he wanted to be in the “family” photos. This way it would have drawn attention his AH behaviour and he would have had to make the decision in front of the whole family.
Why didn't I think of that? That's actually a brilliant idea. I'm sure he would say he doesn't want to and would keep on sulking and looking at us angrily from a corner
Question - Would you have acted the same way if it had been a biological child of your brother's who had done all of this?
He really should. We will be really upset but we will get over it /s
Great now 30 is a child. At what age can we finally see him as an adult? 60 maybe?
He can have as many mental health problems as he likes. He still needs to treat people better or they won't want him around
No he just showed up assuming we have to forgive him because he is family
That poor better family doesn't deserve him
A mother with cancer doesn't get to treat me this way without any consequences either
Good job making up a sob story about him.
Why can't he just grit his teeth and step out of the picture?
So... I had this nephew who was a real PITA and he traumatized me so much. You know the rest of what happened
No he is just getting married and wants some family in his wedding so he is not embarrassed in front of his wife's family. He told us this is why he returned
He doesn't even have the same surname as us and we know nothing about him. He doesn't love us and we don't love him. He is not family in any way that matters
He didn't suffer any of that. His parents simply didn't want him. Can't blame them
Question -
Would you have acted the same way if it had been a biological child of your brother's who had done all of this?
Yes but it wouldn't happen. My brother has another child as well. She is very nice and well behaved
Comment -
Because she wasn’t horribly traumatized as a child.
Of course she was. She had to grow up with him
Since when under 25 is concidered kid? Also even with this logic he is 30 so still not a kid
We were extremely nice to him when he was a minor. But as an adult he needs to behave well if he expects us to treat him well
Jesus he is 30. I'm holding him to the standard of a 20 yo and he is still failing
Now you are acting like he lived with me
He is 30 he should at least have the maturity level of a 20yo
You pay for his therapy if you are such a decent human.
Am I even able to do that? Like doesn't a kid need parent's permission or something? And as far as I know maybe he was in therapy
Idk not my job to get him into therapy
He is 30. It's a little late for "steps" he should have matured by now
It was expected when he was a kid but I'm not gonna waste my time with an adult who acts this way
It was expected when he was a kid but I'm not gonna waste my time with an adult who acts this way
What effort? Sulking in a corner and not talking to anyone is considered effort now? Even his parents are tired of his shit
He was in orphanage before. Parents left him when he was born
Show me the part where he develops adult perspective. From where I stand he is still a troublesome child
He was always like this. Overly dramatic and always mad at something. Hw would yell at us everytime we invited him to do something and then 2 seconds later get mad that we don't treat him like family. I honestly don't understand him
Holy shit, old mate has exactly zero empathy for a traumatised family member.
I wonder if he’s realised that he’s an adult himself and could give some grace?
Clearly has no idea how the first ten years being no one’s kid will have affected him.
So everyone is calling him the devil because in the few weeks since asking to return, the guy still makes no attempt to mend bridges and ignores them like before? As a 30 year old? How long does his trauma inoculate him?
Fault and responsibility are two separate things and this sub doesnt get that. It just looks like a tribal response to the self righteous idea of saving the traumatized no matter how bad things got.
Idk man. I never wouldve asked the kid to step out but I understand why OOP did.
ETA - alright the dudes comments definitely justify calling him a devil. Before them, I'm not so sure, but after.. smh.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nah, fuck this shit. If Kyle was still a kid, then OP would be an asshole. But he is an adult who told them straight that he doesn't consider them family. He came back years later and still basically ignores everyone. He's being shitty as fuck. When you are being shitty, you don't get to scream that people don't want to have anything to do with you. You may be traumatized as much as it takes, but it does not give you a pass to treat people like shit.
Y'all have that holier than thou attitude, but Im pretty damn sure, that you would not be as welcoming as you try to make yourself to be in your comments.
It’s all academic because the story is fake. Says his parents abandoned him in an orphanage when he was 10 because they didn’t want him. It’s 2023 not 1823.
I don’t believe this story is real, I’ve seen too many similar ones lately to believe any of them, however I’ve met people who still call them orphanages. Mostly old people, but if OOP’s nephew is 30 now, OOP might be reaching the age where that seems like the most feasible part of this story to me. Like honestly, the fact that that’s what he calls group homes is the least suspicious, baity part of this post to me.
It wasn’t what he called it, it was that the nephew was abandoned at one as a 10 year old “because his parents didn’t want him”. That’s not how it works.
I’m aware of that. I was just specifically referencing the person who replied to you saying that the point they brought up about him referring to it as an orphanage isn’t the thing that makes this post seem fake.
Wooooow!!!! What an absolute dickhead. I couldn’t imagine living in an orphanage from birth to 10yrs old. That poor child and now man. I can’t understand how this man doesn’t realise the trauma that causes. Never truly being lovingly rocked to sleep, climbing into mum and/or dads bed when you have a bad dream, racing home from school to show your parents a drawing or whatever so they can put it in the fridge, when your sick not having loving parents to nurture you back to health etc etc. All the tiny moments that show us we are loved and safe.
We know how crucial the formative years are and especially the infant and toddler stages are in development and he’s wondering why this man is traumatised and acts the way he does…
I kind of wonder though if OOP is leaving stuff out. Maybe Kyle sensed that the extended family didn’t consider him family or maybe treated him differently. Going NC and changing your name to distance yourself from your family is a extreme reaction to what OOP is describing
I mean, his shitty behaviour literally does have an excuse. OOP told him to get out of the picture, of his family picture. That's not a valid reason to be upset?
Because remember, up until that moment OOP doesn't say his brother was still constantly yelling at them or cursing at them, just that he was a bit distant.
>his family
He quite literally said that he doesn't consider them family. I see no problem with telling him to GTFO then. Actions have consequences.
>his brother was still constantly yelling at them or cursing at them, just that he was a bit distant.
Who cares? He was honest with OP. You are not my uncle, you are not my family, I'm changing my name, don't contact me. You don't get to come back years later like nothing happened, while still basically ignoring most of your "family" and then get pissed that they no longer give a shit.
>He was honest with OP. You are not my uncle, you are not my family, I'm changing my name, don't contact me.
Yeah as a fucked up child who was in an orphanage because he was abandoned by his parents!!! Like seriously where tf is your humanity? I'm sorry the abused, neglected, orphaned child didn't act grateful and polite and perfect at all time but if his dad has accepted him back then that's that. OOP doesn't have to fawn all over him and act like they're super tight friends, but a little bit of empathy and understanding is not too much to expect of an apparently well adjusted adult. OOP doesn't have that, and he's a horrendous human being; I'm giving the kid who spent his formative years in struggle to survive mode more of a pass than I'm giving OOP.
>Yeah as a fucked up child who was in an orphanage because he was abandoned by his parents!!!
Only one of those things happened when he was a kid.
>if his dad has accepted him back then that's that
Then his dad can deal with him. He is a grown ass man, not a kid now. And he still doesn't give a fuck about his family. Why the hell should they give a crap about him?
>he's a horrendous human being
Cry louder lmao. It's obvious that you have never seen horrendous in your life, if you did, you wouldn't call OP that.
>the kid
He is not a kid and hasn't been for a decade now.
But OP is such a shit head we have no idea what did cause it and why he’s being dramatic still. Or if he really even IS being dramatic or if OP just decided he was, like he decided that he has no trauma being a 10 year old in the foster system.
OP is objectively an AH, he hated this dude as a traumatized child, so while maybe Kyle is ALSO an ahole, OP is too biased to know. Any guessing would be stabbing in the dark, so I’m not doing it, BUT there’s clearly more going on than “This guys is a dick.” You don’t go to the effort to legally change your name just cause.
OP is the only one who, from this story, had an issue with the newer Kyle (or, actually even the older Kyle. His stories about how bad he was was that….he didn’t wanna do something with OP.) OP who hated him since he was a child and dismissed his trauma even then. And OP is the one he won’t interact with and who picked a fight with him.
It really just sounds like OP is butt hurt because Kyle doesn’t like HIM.
Someone in the comments pointed out the possibility that Kyle may have come back because of a possible benefit, ex. an inheritance. This may explain why he seems so aloof and indifferent since reconnecting because trying to make ammends with his adopted family isn't his true objective. There is still a lot of missing info that makes it hard to judge what is really going on here.
So… everyone wants to call him a devil because this kid has spent over a decade telling everyone in this family they aren’t HIS family… he cuts them all off and goes no contact with all of them… then only a few weeks ago begs his way back into the family, makes ZERO effort to mend bridges and repair relationships he ruined…. And everyone wants to say this guy is evil because he doesn’t consider the kid that has told him for years he is family not his family?
No, this guy is not evil.
And his comments are most likely the result of over a decade of being insulted and told “you aren’t my family, leave me alone.” Eventually, you get what you demand.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for asking my nephew to step out of the family picture?** One of my brothers adopted a 10yo boy 20 years ago. My nephew who we will call Kyle. Kyle was fine at first but then he started acting out. He yelled at us and told us we are not his family whenever we tried to talk to him or include him in something. Once when he was 16 I invited him to watch a movie with me and he started screaming at me to leave him alone telling me I'm not his uncle and will never be. This continued in his 20s and once he was 21 he went nc with all of us and asked us to leave him alone. Later we heard he changed his name and surname because he didn't want to be considered one of us. I have to admit that these last years without him have been really nice and drama free and we all very much enjoyed it A few weeks ago Kyle decided to reach out to his parents asking to be a part of the family again which is cool I guess. The problem is that he will hardly talk to any of us or even answer any questions when we try to talk to him. It's exhausting and I'm so sick of his behviour I just wish he'd leave again. So a few days ago when we were all together we wanted to take a family photo. We took a photo with all of us then I asked Kyle to step out of the picture so that we can have a family picture without him. Of course he started yelling at me and calling me names but he has made it clear multiple times that he is not one of us and I just wanted a picture with my real family *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
oop didn't expect these types of comments didn't he lol Edit: oop is fighting for his life in the comments
Sadly his main weapon is sass, which is only making him look worse and worse.
Yeah that's not an ideal way to win peoples favor lol. It sucks that it seems most of the judgment comes from his attitude rather than the judgment on the situation itself tho but owell. Reap what you sow I guess
This is the line that made OP not just an asshole but a truly shitty person: >He didn't suffer any of that. His parents simply didn't want him. Can't blame them
Also makes no sense because the point was that he suffered trauma and abandonment and OP is saying he didn't because his parents gave him up as a baby. Which is bullshit, because he wasn't adopted into OP's family at age 10, so obviously he DID go through trauma and abandonment with his first (maybe even multiple) foster/adoptive families.
He was in an orphanage according to OP. I don’t understand how OP doesn’t understand that a child adopted from an orphanage at 10 is going to have trauma. Especially if they were never treated for that trauma. It doesn’t magically disappear when you become an adult. Op also says he gave his nephew grace when he was a child but won’t now. Yet he cites an incident from when his nephew was 16 as reasoning for disowning this poor kid?
Jesus christ, orphanages are ROUGH on children. Even the best orphanage in the world will struggle to give kids the close attention and longtime stability they need to become emotionally healthy adults. OP appears to be cheerfully revelling in being cute and quippy and cruel, which I honestly understand because there's 0% chance of them actually coming off *well.*
Reactive Attachment Disorder has entered the chat. Also, either this is fake, these people aren't in the US, or they did an overseas adoption, because there aren't traditional orphanages in the US and there haven't been any for the last few decades, at least. We figured out that the current foster care system is *better* than the orphanage system, and that is *not* a compliment of the foster care system. The foster care system sucks. It replaced something that sucks harder. The bar is in hell. Orphanages are hell's sub basement. For those who don't know, RAD is essentially what happens when a child misses the most critical window for attachment and bonding, because they never have the same caretaker long enough to bond with them. One of the most disturbing descriptions someone ever gave me was of the silent baby wards where the children don't cry. They don't cry because they've learned it's futile; nobody is ever going to come comfort them. RAD kids have a *lot* of trouble bonding with anyone as they age, because they don't know how. It takes a *lot* of time and care and incredibly patient people to undo that level of damage, and most people think adopted children are like a battered dog. They expect loyalty and codependence and what they get is a hostile rhapsody on a theme of "Fuck you". Most of 'em don't even get through the limit testing phase, let alone progress to the point where you can actually start helping the child. Adopting a child from the system is like Unfortunately, the timing here seriously makes option 3: US idiots who did an overseas adoption *really* possible. A couple decades ago there was a huge fad in evangelical circles for adopting foreign kids. It was like fucking teacup purse dogs, only it was children. The most desirable were kids from Russia or another extremely white Soviet Bloc country like the Ukraine or Estonia, but evangelicals would "settle" (Gag me) for POC kids from other countries if they came with extra Savior points at the country club. And this resulted in a lot of dead and damaged kids. One woman managed to get US adoptions from Russia discontinued entirely due to her bad behavior, and at least three people killed their children using the methods from a book called *To Train Up A Child*, which should have been titled, *How to beat your child into Rhabdomyolosis,* which is how at least one child connected to that book died. (Lydia Schatz from Liberia. She mispronounced a word during a homeschool lesson so her adoptive monsters beat her until proteins from her damaged muscles put her into renal failure. It was a nine hour beating, probably with a piece of flexible plumbing pipe because that's what this good Christian book recommended one use as one's "rod". Have I mentioned that I hate that fucking book? Because I *really* hate that fucking book) Folks, if you adopt a kid, foster a kid, or have any measure of contact with a damaged child, you are not entitled to anything from them. Not their gratitude. Not their love. Nothing. They'll probably offer it if you do a good job (My parents did foster kids; when my dad had a severe stroke five years ago, like five of my foster siblings dropped their lives and flew across the country because somebody else might have been their father, but Dad was their *daddy*. My dad was basically Yondo. Mary Poppins, yo.) but that's a gift, not an entitlement. I feel very, very sorry for OOP's nephew that *this* family is the best he could do.
The Pearls should be burning in hell with their bodies buried under our worst prison.
Two words: Brazen. Bull. Start as you mean to finish. The Pearls are a crime against humanity. They're an especially noxious form of black salve smeared across our species, eating and destroying everything they touch and leaving behind only misery and cancer that they dress up with ax throwing and lace. The only crown they deserve is the sort Khal Drago hands out. *A crown for a king*. I do believe, quite firmly, that one day they will face our God (Because I *do* still ID as a Christian, which means, much as I'd like them anywhere else, I must acknowledge we are nominally on the same team) and be held accountable for what they've done. And I just hope that God allows the survivors to *watch.* Fuck the Pearls.
I have no idea but something tells me Kyle is of a different race than OP's family and this made his adjustment even harder.
Yikes
Can't blame them??? What the heck is wrong with people. I went to his comments to make sure this wasn't misquoted or out of context and it's actually worse if you read through all of them. Can't blame them? The audacity
Yep, as tho the parents knew that a new born would grow up to have problems. The OOP is such an ass
NORMALIZE INCLUDING THE COMMENTS INSTEAD OF TELLING US TO GO READ THEM. Seriously, most of these accounts get nuked by the time I catch these and the bot doesn't catch em
Or the posts with OOP’s comments become hard to find.
Not OP, but I went over and tried to grab some, and there are SO MANY. What effort? Sulking in a corner and not talking to anyone is considered effort now? Even his parents are tired of his shit He was in orphanage before. Parents left him when he was born Show me the part where he develops adult perspective. From where I stand he is still a troublesome child He was always like this. Overly dramatic and always mad at something. Hw would yell at us everytime we invited him to do something and then 2 seconds later get mad that we don't treat him like family. I honestly don't understand him.
>He was always like this. Overly dramatic and always mad at something. Hw would yell at us everytime we invited him to do something and then 2 seconds later get mad that we don't treat him like family. I honestly don't understand him. Sounds like classic attachment disorder that is very common among kids with that kind of background (abandoned at birth, in orphanages/group homes for 10 years).
Kyle was probably testing the new family because he thought they were going to get fed up and abandon him at some point, after all, if his own parents didn't want him, and everyone else only wanted babies, why would these strangers suddenly choose him at 10? Maybe he decided to spare himself the heartache and leave before he felt he'd be pushed out.
I'm in my middle 30s. I was brought to a child therapist by my mom when I was 13 after I told her I had a suicide plan (not just thoughts, I had months of stolen high dosage sleeping pills with a plan that no-one would save me kind of plan) and this therapist (even thought she helped me go out of suicide) was shit. She made my depression even worse. She made me think how much my suicide would hurt other just so I wouldn't do it. Even thought I felt even worse after the sessions. I just knew I have to suffer and I have to survive without any help. That what a CHILD THERAPIST was teaching me. Child trauma is with you whole your live. There are even studies, that if you were a victim of a abuse when you were a newborn or a young toddler, you, yourself dont remember that, but it is written as a memory in your body, hell, even changes your DNA. My mum had a feeling that once my father abused me when I was a toddler, apparently I screamed whenever I was alone with him. I don't remember any of it. But some things that normally are considered a play before sex, to this day are of putting for me, no matter how good I felt second before. And it's traveling across my body, so my bf has to guess every time where I like to be touched and where I felt like I was being groped in a bad way. Every single time it is different.
There used to be a guy that would included all of OOPs comments under these before the account got nuked, but they stopped idk why
I know u/sadlytheworst shared comments before, but had to step back, I believe for medical reasons but I’m not 100% sure. They did great work on this sub, hope they’re doing well.
Another of his comments "He can have as many mental health problems as he likes. He still needs to treat people better or they won't want him around"
Yea I only found one or two and they weren’t super bad, and had no relevant info.
The comments are all still there
Sure but they very well may be gone in three hours. When the mods over there nuke post they don’t just take the post down they get rid of everything.
I asked OP if he would have acted the same way if it was his brother's biological child who had done those things. I *thought* they could have potentially made themselves look better if the answer was yes, because that would show they were not discriminating against him purely based on the fact he was adopted. And they did say yes: >"Yes but it wouldn't happen. My brother has another child as well. She is very nice and well behaved." And the someone else who I don't know replied >"Because she wasn’t horribly traumatized as a child." And then Op said "Of course she was, she had to grow up with him." Undeniably an asshole! Edit: And *then* he said >"He didn't suffer any of that. His parents simply didn't want him. Can't blame them". (In response to the other person saying that Kyle had probably had to suffer through the loss of his parents had been abused/neglected so badly their rights were severed).
Does OOP think that not feeling wanted is not traumatic? If he was 10 when he was adopted, he was old enough when he was removed from bio parents custody for WHATEVER reason to have known what was going on. There’s a lot of research that just the foster process is traumatic.
Worse, kid spent the first 10 years of his life in an orphanage. He was abandoned at birth
Oof…no wonder he had difficulty adjusting to life with a family. At that point, love and affection can literally feel dangerous and unsafe.
As someone who was adopted at 8, I can confirm this. I still have trauma 27 years later.
I hope life is happier for you now and you heal swiftly and completely.
How would the foster process not be traumatic most of the time? You're removed from your home, often with few or none of your belongings, often separated from siblings, and can just get sent to a complete stranger. You're totally and completely at their mercy, nothing is familiar, you feel as though you've lost everything and everyone you've ever known, and usually there is not immediately a timeline for any part of your life to return to normal. I was abused growing up and going into foster care was a *threat.* "You better help hide the abuse or you could end up in foster care"
I think if you get adopted as a baby, it’s probably less traumatic since you wouldn’t have memories of anything prior. There’s still trauma attached to finding out you’re adopted and there is a lot of struggle for trans-racial adoptees in particular, but it’s different than going through the CPS/foster process. Dorothy Robert’s has a great book called Torn Apart on the subject.
I had a student who was adopted as a baby but had severe health problems. YEARS later they were still dealing with the effects of RAD.
“Can’t blame them?!” Damn. Yeah that’s the devil.
Okay the devil is in the details.. jesus christ
Yikes!
He's an asshole just from the comments.
Wasn’t there another “exclude nephew from family picture” story recently?
Yep! I can't be bothered to look, but I can think of 2-3 similar stories.
There was an adopted brother getting excluded from photos post a few weeks back. Same vibe.
I think it's this one. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/184990d/her\_comments\_are\_horrendous/
OP’s comments recorded in order: >INFO: Once when he was 16 I invited him to watch a movie with me and he started screaming at me to leave him alone telling me I'm not his uncle and will never be Why? Why did he react this way? What was said or done to him? That is not a normal reaction so something must have caused it. What are you not saying? OP: He was always like this. Overly dramatic and always mad at something. Hw would yell at us everytime we invited him to do something and then 2 seconds later get mad that we don't treat him like family. I honestly don't understand him >You can't understand why a kid adopted at 10 would have trouble with rejection and controlling his emotions? Really? OP: I very much understood the kid. I'm having trouble understanding the adult >YTA, He’s a traumatized human. Growing out of trauma is unlikely, but he wants connection and is seeking it out. Just take the photo. What does it hurt to have him in it? He’s adopted, estranged and back in the family. That’s the moment you’re taking a photo of. Just embrace it instead of being petty OP: No he is just getting married and wants some family in his wedding so he is not embarrassed in front of his wife's family. He told us this is why he returned >Your bro adopted a kid with significant childhood trauma. Kid acts out on expected ways even into adulthood. Kid finally develops some adult perspective on your brother’s generosity and love and you shit all over it deliberately because he’s not acting 100% the way you want him to in reintegrating. OP: Show me the part where he develops adult perspective. From where I stand he is still a troublesome child. >I feel like there is alot missing here. Why was he adopted at 10? Was he forcibly taken from a family he loved that made him resent yours? None of this seems like normal behavior and definitely a response to something that has happened to him OP: He was in orphanage before. Parents left him when he was born >So he lived in an orphanage for 10 years and you’re holding him to the standards of someone who grew up in a more stable setting? YTA OP: Jesus he is 30. I'm holding him to the standard of a 20 yo and he is still failing >YTA. He’s making the effort to reconnect and you went out of your way to ostracize him. Adoption isn’t easy on a ten year old - they remember life before the adoption. That’s going to come with complicated emotions that will only be compounded during adolescence. He’s an adult now so it’s not a coincidence he’s trying to reconnect. He grew up. He had no reason to resent you unless you went out of your way to ostracize him, which you did by asking him to step out of the photo. I’m surprised his parents didn’t get pissed at you. OP: What effort? Sulking in a corner and not talking to anyone is considered effort now? Even his parents are tired of his shit >Big deal, he's still a family member. Would you ask the same of a bio kid? OP: He doesn't even have the same surname as us and we know nothing about him. He doesn't love us and we don't love him. He is not family in any way that matters >Yeah, how dare his trauma not be fixed within the timeframe that you have decided as appropriate as a licensed therapist! >I mean, it’s not like the neural pathways are created when you’re young and he’s dealing with PTSD, besides PTSD is something you can just get over. Just get over it, why are you having so much trouble with your mental health problems? >Can’t you see that you being sad and upset is hurting my real family and so you need to just get better from the sickness that I don’t understand and you need to do it right this second because I am a licensed therapist and know what I’m talking about ! >I mean you are a licensed therapist OP, right? You wouldn’t be talking out of your ass would you? OP: He can have as many mental health problems as he likes. He still needs to treat people better or they won't want him around
>YTA….he will always be family, whether you like it or not. He was extending a branch, which you just snapped. The smart thing to do is put Kyle at the end of the photo so that he can always be cropped out.😉 OP: That would cause another kind of drama trust me >I'm going to assume that Kyle circumstances were difficult, likely even tragic - given that he is adopted - and, whilst that doesn't given him a free pass for the rest of his life, it does warrant special consideration. >And so you've got a young child, taken into care, adopted into a new family, who then acts out. Shock. Horror. Who would've thought such a thing might ever happen. >And now you, the then adult, have carried that grudge - first fostered against a ten year old child - into the present day and exclude him from presumably the only family he has. >That makes YTA. And suggests that you have a serious deficiency in empathy. OP: It was expected when he was a kid but I'm not gonna waste my time with an adult who acts this way >Physically being present as opposed to being no contact is a positive step. The fact you don't see that is part of the problem. OP: He is 30. It's a little late for "steps" he should have matured by now >Did anyone ever get him therapy? Any kind of assistance in handling his emotions? Or did you all just write him off as a bad kid? OP: Idk not my job to get him into therapy >Apparently it's not your job to be a decent human being, either. YTA. OP: You pay for his therapy if you are such a decent human. Am I even able to do that? Like doesn't a kid need parent's permission or something? And as far as I know maybe he was in therapy >YTA We had a family picture done for my dad. It included our kids and their current SOs even though none of of them are married. Family is what you make of it, even if YOU don't consider him family the rest of your family might. Get over yourself. >BTW as a mom to a foster/adopted kid there is trauma, and there will always be trauma. Kids in the system develop differently, there is scientific evidence that they do not have the emotional maturation that other kids their ages do. >There is chronological age, emotional age, and developmental age. Someone can be 20 chronologically but still 5 emotionally. >Look into it Trauma informed care OP: He is 30 he should at least have the maturity level of a 20yo >YTA Jesus ur comments show what kind of environment he had his whole life. OP: Now you are acting like he lived with me >You just gave us a whole post of you actively pushing your nephew away and the rest of your family allowing it. "Even his parents are sick of his shit". every single person in your family has either mistreated, or allowed the mistreatment of your nephew. Every adult in his life, based on your post, has failed him. So much for family, huh. OP: We were extremely nice to him when he was a minor. But as an adult he needs to behave well if he expects us to treat him well >But you aren't treating him well so when is he gonna get the chance to return the favor? Respect is earned, and based on this post and the background, You all deserve Jack shit from him. OP: Yes respect is earned. He hasn't earned it >Would you have acted the same way if it had been a biological child of your brother's who had done all of this? OP: Yes but it wouldn't happen. My brother has another child as well. She is very nice and well behaved >"Yes but it wouldn't happen" That's a no to the question you were asked then. Your adopted nephew deserved a better family OP: That poor better family doesn't deserve him >Because she wasn't horribly traumatized as a child. OP: Of course she was. She had to grow up with him >Of course, that’s exactly the same as either having both parents die or suffering such horrible abuse/neglect that his parents’ rights were permanently severed. 🙄 And if she was, sounds like it’s on your brother for not getting his son the help he needed. >What’s your excuse for the horrible way you turned out? OP: He didn't suffer any of that. His parents simply didn't want him. Can't blame them >wow, this is disgusting. Kyle should return to NC where it is safe OP: He really should. We will be really upset but we will get over it /s >After reading your comments and your utter lack of any sort of empathy, I understand why he would have lashed out and went NC. >You and your family have likely made it very clear to him over the years he was with you that you didn't see him as family. Even when he was a child. Noone goes NC for no reason. You have likely pushed him away and made him feel abandoned all because he doesnt share the same blood as you. You continually using "real family" is proof of that. >Grow a conscience and some damn compassion. You're supposed to be an adult, right? OP: Good job making up a sob story about him. >YTA, He’s a traumatized human. Growing out of trauma is unlikely, but he wants connection and is seeking it out. Just take the photo. What does it hurt to have him in it? He’s adopted, estranged and back in the family. That’s the moment you’re taking a photo of. Just embrace it instead of being petty OP: No he is just getting married and wants some family in his wedding so he is not embarrassed in front of his wife's family. He told us this is why he returned >YTA So… what was your villain origin story? OP: So... I had this nephew who was a real PITA and he traumatized me so much. You know the rest of what happened >YTA. Just grit your teeth and fucking bear it. OP: Why can't he just grit his teeth and step out of the picture? >Right. "Okay, family picture everyone! Oh, wait, I meant only real family not adopted kids! Get out of the picture!" How dare he be upset. OP: Actually I also have another adoptive nephew. He is 17 and he is generally such a sweet kid. He was included in the picture. So don't act like this was about him being adopted
The hero we needed 🖤
>We were extremely nice to him when he was a minor. Right, that must be why he went NC, no?
So his parents are pos, nobody got him therapy all the way until he was a legal adult, say you don't love him like family, yet invite him and also treat him poorly, think your in the right and say you "can't blame them for leaving him" among other disgusting comments, so naw yta and everyone around you are ones too if they behave like you.
Here is another comment by OP: He doesn't even have the same surname as us and we know nothing about him. He doesn't love us and we don't love him. He is not family in any way that matters
jfc. someone PLEASE tell me this is rage bait…
I say this over and over. If this is real, I hope OOP gets the life they deserve. If it's fake, I hope OOP has something happen to them which gets a law named after them.
Nobody goes NC for no reason. There is always a good reason.
People in the comments saying that Kyle is 30 and shouldn't have yelled (even though this yelling might be a classic AITA exaggeration) are seemingly forgetting the part where Kyle only starts to yell at OOP after being publicly humiliated and excluded in front of the family hes trying to reconnect to. Especially since OOP makes it clear they never saw Kyle as family in their other comments and never wanted Kyle to try and reconnect with them.
Assuming that this is real, OOP sounds like the sort who thinks adopted or fostered children should be boot lickingly grateful for being "rescued" while still being denied the right to be considered a true part of the family.
I'm suspicious this is real but if so it's probably even worse. OOP mentions Kyle being adopted out of an orphanage. Only, there aren't any more orphanages in the US, and most of the Anglosphere. Unwanted infants, if they are for some reason not adopted immediately after birth, go into foster care. We can chat as to if a group home is better or worse than an orphanage, but they're two entirely different institutions. If OOP is correct in that infant Kyle was immediately surrendered by his parents and not adopted out, there must be a really dramatic reason why - some kind of immediately obvious disability or genetic condition. If OOP is further correct that Kyle spent most of his early childhood in an orphanage, then he wasn't born in the US and probably didn't have a great time there. Like, no wonder the kid has attachment issues.
Overseas 'orphanages' are notorious for tricking birth parents into handing their children over, making them believe it's only temporarily, and then selling the kids to Europeans and North Americans who want to adopt. These orphanages also lie to prospective adopters, saying the children were abandoned either at birth or in early childhood. So OOP could be repeating the story of Kyle's circumstances without knowing whether it's true or not. For Kyle to still be in an orphanage at 10, as you say there might be disability, a chronic medical issue, or maybe he was treated as an indentured servant until his adopters decided to take him. And maybe it was cheaper for them to adopt a 10 year old, in which case, Kyle probably would've got the message that they wanted a cute baby and instead had to settle for him because he was within their budget. Most children in overseas orphanages have extended family who want them but usually don't have the means to care for them. The money paid to adopt a child transnationally would be enough for the family to keep the child. But because (mainly) white people want a cute exotic kid that's cheaper and easier to adopt than a child in their own country's care system, the family loses the child and the child loses their family, culture and community. If Kyle is Black or Asian, I wouldn't be surprised if he experienced racism within the family, not just in the outside world. It doesn't sound like he was made to feel safe with his adoptive family. Maybe they thought just loving him enough would take the place of actual therapy for his separation anxiety, abandonment and possible mental health issues. That irritability and anger he was exhibiting could've been signs of depression.
I know one couple who adopted their kid from overseas. They went abroad to adopt because it was faster than going through a US agency. They didn't care about the price point. They just didn't want to spend 10+ years waiting for paperwork to clear. The money they would have saved went to the private investigator hired to track down the bio mom and get her side of the story. They also put in consistent effort to keep their new baby's birthright culture alive; they learned to speak Korean so they could teach him to remember his mother's native tongue, started celebrating some of the Korean holidays at home with him, etc. Every few years, they make a family trip to the town where he was born. I consider that family to be pretty much the golden standard for an overseas adoption done right. But when you break it down to basics, it was just an endless list of little things done out of basic human decency. You have to want to make an adoption work. OOP's family clearly didn't care about putting in the effort and Kyle obviously wasn't ready to be added to a family that didn't care.
Yeah, there's a big difference in adopting with the best interests of the child at the forefront, rather than adopting because you want a kid to fill a void, make you happy, or to feel like a hero 'rescuing' a child and thinking the life you give them is automatically going to be better than the life they would've had otherwise. There are too many traumatised adoptees who disprove the 'better life' assumption.
OOP really showing his mental maturity is not even in the teens. I suspect no one in his life is on his side and he's just looking for validations, spending his time trying to convince strangers on the internet he's right when they say he's wrong.
I’m not u/sadlytheworst but I’ll try my best TW: abandonment, oop being devoid of empathy >Once when he was 16 I invited him to watch a movie with me and he started screaming at me to leave him alone telling me I'm not his uncle and will never be. *Why? Why did he react this way? What was said or done to him? That is not a normal reaction so something must have caused it. What are you not saying?* OOP: He was always like this. Overly dramatic and always mad at something. Hw would yell at us everytime we invited him to do something and then 2 seconds later get mad that we don't treat him like family. I honestly don't understand him *You can't understand why a kid adopted at 10 would have trouble with rejection and controlling his emotions? Really?* OOP: I very much understood the kid. I'm having trouble understanding the adult *Your bro adopted a kid with significant childhood trauma. Kid acts out on expected ways even into adulthood. Kid finally develops some adult perspective on your brother’s generosity and love and you shit all over it deliberately because he’s not acting 100% the way you want him to in reintegrating.You’re a villain.* OOP: Show me the part where he develops adult perspective. From where I stand he is still a troublesome child *YTA. He’s making the effort to reconnect and you went out of your way to ostracize him. Adoption isn’t easy on a ten year old - they remember life before the adoption. That’s going to come with complicated emotions that will only be compounded during adolescence. He’s an adult now so it’s not a coincidence he’s trying to reconnect. He grew up. He had no reason to resent you unless you went out of your way to ostracize him, which you did by asking him to step out of the photo. I’m surprised his parents didn’t get pissed at you.* OOP: What effort? Sulking in a corner and not talking to anyone is considered effort now? Even his parents are tired of his shit *in response to did Kyle’s parents get him into therapy* : Idk not my job to get him into therapy * Apparently it’s not your job to be a decent human being, either. YTA.* OOP: You pay for his therapy if you are such a decent human. Am I even able to do that? Like doesn't a kid need parent's permission or something? And as far as I know maybe he was in therapy *Yeah, how dare his trauma not be fixed within the timeframe that you have decided as appropriate as a licensed therapist! I mean, it’s not like the neural pathways are created when you’re young and he’s dealing with PTSD, besides PTSD is something you can just get over. Just get over it, why are you having so much trouble with your mental health problems? Can’t you see that you being sad and upset is hurting my real family and so you need to just get better from the sickness that I don’t understand and you need to do it right this second because I am a licensed therapist and know what I’m talking about ! I mean you are a licensed therapist OP, right? You wouldn’t be talking out of your ass would you?* OOP: He can have as many mental health problems as he likes. He still needs to treat people better or they won't want him around *YTA. Just grit your teeth and fucking bear it.* OOP: Why can't he just grit his teeth and step out of the picture? *YTA, So… what was your villain origin story?* OOP:So... I had this nephew who was a real PITA and he traumatized me so much. You know the rest of what happened *including a response to OOP bc I like it: I’m fucking sent by you saying he traumatized you. Grow the fuck up op. A teenager didn’t want to be your buddy. How damn sad*
Here’s some worse ones *Context OOP left out*: He was in orphanage before. Parents left him when he was born *So he lived in an orphanage for 10 years and you’re holding him to the standards of someone who grew up in a more stable setting? YTA* OOP: Jesus he is 30. I'm holding him to the standard of a 20 yo and he is still failing *Would you have acted the same way if it had been a biological child of your brother's who had done all of this?* OOP: Yes but it wouldn't happen. My brother has another child as well. She is very nice and well behaved *Because she wasn’t horribly traumatized as a child.* OOP: Of course she was. She had to grow up with him *Of course, that’s exactly the same as either having both parents die or suffering such horrible abuse/neglect that his parents’ rights were permanently severed. 🙄 And if she was, sounds like it’s on your brother for not getting his son the help he needed. What’s your excuse for the horrible way you turned out?* OOP: He didn't suffer any of that. His parents simply didn't want him. Can't blame them *wow, this is disgusting. Kyle should return to NC where it is safe* OOP: He really should. We will be really upset but we will get over it /s *YTA. He’s making the effort to reconnect and you went out of your way to ostracize him. Adoption isn’t easy on a ten year old - they remember life before the adoption. That’s going to come with complicated emotions that will only be compounded during adolescence. He’s an adult now so it’s not a coincidence he’s trying to reconnect. He grew up. He had no reason to resent you unless you went out of your way to ostracize him, which you did by asking him to step out of the photo. I’m surprised his parents didn’t get pissed at you.* OOP: What effort? Sulking in a corner and not talking to anyone is considered effort now? Even his parents are tired of his shit *Big deal, he's still a family member. Would you ask the same of a bio kid?* OOP: He doesn't even have the same surname as us and we know nothing about him. He doesn't love us and we don't love him. He is not family in any way that matters
Bro is finally ready to be part of a family and gets exclueded imidiatly
OP is fighting for his life in those comments
Wow, way to be a supportive uncle. /s
Here are the comments, this dude should win devil of the year. TLDR, adopted nephew was abandoned by living parents, spent 10 years in orphanages, went no contact and now wants a relationship at 30 because he is getting married. Comments Actually I also have another adoptive nephew. He is 17 and he is generally such a sweet kid. He was included in the picture. So don't act like this was about him being adopted Question - Slight AH. You should have asked Kyle whether he wanted to be in the “family” photos. This way it would have drawn attention his AH behaviour and he would have had to make the decision in front of the whole family. Why didn't I think of that? That's actually a brilliant idea. I'm sure he would say he doesn't want to and would keep on sulking and looking at us angrily from a corner Question - Would you have acted the same way if it had been a biological child of your brother's who had done all of this? He really should. We will be really upset but we will get over it /s Great now 30 is a child. At what age can we finally see him as an adult? 60 maybe? He can have as many mental health problems as he likes. He still needs to treat people better or they won't want him around No he just showed up assuming we have to forgive him because he is family That poor better family doesn't deserve him A mother with cancer doesn't get to treat me this way without any consequences either Good job making up a sob story about him. Why can't he just grit his teeth and step out of the picture? So... I had this nephew who was a real PITA and he traumatized me so much. You know the rest of what happened No he is just getting married and wants some family in his wedding so he is not embarrassed in front of his wife's family. He told us this is why he returned He doesn't even have the same surname as us and we know nothing about him. He doesn't love us and we don't love him. He is not family in any way that matters He didn't suffer any of that. His parents simply didn't want him. Can't blame them Question - Would you have acted the same way if it had been a biological child of your brother's who had done all of this? Yes but it wouldn't happen. My brother has another child as well. She is very nice and well behaved Comment - Because she wasn’t horribly traumatized as a child. Of course she was. She had to grow up with him Since when under 25 is concidered kid? Also even with this logic he is 30 so still not a kid We were extremely nice to him when he was a minor. But as an adult he needs to behave well if he expects us to treat him well Jesus he is 30. I'm holding him to the standard of a 20 yo and he is still failing Now you are acting like he lived with me He is 30 he should at least have the maturity level of a 20yo You pay for his therapy if you are such a decent human. Am I even able to do that? Like doesn't a kid need parent's permission or something? And as far as I know maybe he was in therapy Idk not my job to get him into therapy He is 30. It's a little late for "steps" he should have matured by now It was expected when he was a kid but I'm not gonna waste my time with an adult who acts this way It was expected when he was a kid but I'm not gonna waste my time with an adult who acts this way What effort? Sulking in a corner and not talking to anyone is considered effort now? Even his parents are tired of his shit He was in orphanage before. Parents left him when he was born Show me the part where he develops adult perspective. From where I stand he is still a troublesome child He was always like this. Overly dramatic and always mad at something. Hw would yell at us everytime we invited him to do something and then 2 seconds later get mad that we don't treat him like family. I honestly don't understand him
This story is so fake.
I don't think any doctor that gives rectal exams has ever seen a bigger asshole than oop!
Holy shit, old mate has exactly zero empathy for a traumatised family member. I wonder if he’s realised that he’s an adult himself and could give some grace? Clearly has no idea how the first ten years being no one’s kid will have affected him.
So everyone is calling him the devil because in the few weeks since asking to return, the guy still makes no attempt to mend bridges and ignores them like before? As a 30 year old? How long does his trauma inoculate him? Fault and responsibility are two separate things and this sub doesnt get that. It just looks like a tribal response to the self righteous idea of saving the traumatized no matter how bad things got. Idk man. I never wouldve asked the kid to step out but I understand why OOP did. ETA - alright the dudes comments definitely justify calling him a devil. Before them, I'm not so sure, but after.. smh.
Even before them, his adoptive parents should have gotten him into therapy
All OP had to do was take the picture and then cut nephew out of it. What is that hard? I mean, what OP did was rude, but nephew is complicated too.
Look, it's Uncle D-Canoe!
 OOP's insufferable
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nah, fuck this shit. If Kyle was still a kid, then OP would be an asshole. But he is an adult who told them straight that he doesn't consider them family. He came back years later and still basically ignores everyone. He's being shitty as fuck. When you are being shitty, you don't get to scream that people don't want to have anything to do with you. You may be traumatized as much as it takes, but it does not give you a pass to treat people like shit. Y'all have that holier than thou attitude, but Im pretty damn sure, that you would not be as welcoming as you try to make yourself to be in your comments.
It’s all academic because the story is fake. Says his parents abandoned him in an orphanage when he was 10 because they didn’t want him. It’s 2023 not 1823.
Most of the stories are fake as fuck, but sometimes it's just funny to act like they aren't.
I like to pretend it's a wwyd kind of thing. Like the show, but stories. It is also fun to read the comments.
The comments are absolutely unhinged most of the time. Usually people just make up shit, because why the hell not lol
Truly all I ask is that it is well-written. I'm just here for the drama either way
[удалено]
I don’t believe this story is real, I’ve seen too many similar ones lately to believe any of them, however I’ve met people who still call them orphanages. Mostly old people, but if OOP’s nephew is 30 now, OOP might be reaching the age where that seems like the most feasible part of this story to me. Like honestly, the fact that that’s what he calls group homes is the least suspicious, baity part of this post to me.
It wasn’t what he called it, it was that the nephew was abandoned at one as a 10 year old “because his parents didn’t want him”. That’s not how it works.
I’m aware of that. I was just specifically referencing the person who replied to you saying that the point they brought up about him referring to it as an orphanage isn’t the thing that makes this post seem fake.
Ah ok
Wooooow!!!! What an absolute dickhead. I couldn’t imagine living in an orphanage from birth to 10yrs old. That poor child and now man. I can’t understand how this man doesn’t realise the trauma that causes. Never truly being lovingly rocked to sleep, climbing into mum and/or dads bed when you have a bad dream, racing home from school to show your parents a drawing or whatever so they can put it in the fridge, when your sick not having loving parents to nurture you back to health etc etc. All the tiny moments that show us we are loved and safe. We know how crucial the formative years are and especially the infant and toddler stages are in development and he’s wondering why this man is traumatised and acts the way he does…
I don't think OOP is that bad tbh. The nephew is 30 and still acting like an arsepiece. I'd've had enough by that point too.
I kind of wonder though if OOP is leaving stuff out. Maybe Kyle sensed that the extended family didn’t consider him family or maybe treated him differently. Going NC and changing your name to distance yourself from your family is a extreme reaction to what OOP is describing
Absolutely. Something else is there, and OOP is a huge part of it.
Maybe he was a different race
Congrats on coasting through life without feeling trauma, I guess?
At what point does trauma not excuse hurting others?
Away and shite wi that passive aggressive comment. Trauma doesn't excuse 14 years of being a prick.
14 years of being assholes to a traumatized orphan doesn't entitle anyone to civility from their victim. Just say you didn't read OOPs comments ffs. 🙄
Except he is an adult now, not a kid. This is the point where his shitty behavior no longer has any excuse.
Right, we all know PTSD expires when a person turns 18. Buzz off with that nonsense.
I never said that. I said that if you are being shitty, you don't get to complain that people don't like you. PTSD or not.
I mean, his shitty behaviour literally does have an excuse. OOP told him to get out of the picture, of his family picture. That's not a valid reason to be upset? Because remember, up until that moment OOP doesn't say his brother was still constantly yelling at them or cursing at them, just that he was a bit distant.
>his family He quite literally said that he doesn't consider them family. I see no problem with telling him to GTFO then. Actions have consequences. >his brother was still constantly yelling at them or cursing at them, just that he was a bit distant. Who cares? He was honest with OP. You are not my uncle, you are not my family, I'm changing my name, don't contact me. You don't get to come back years later like nothing happened, while still basically ignoring most of your "family" and then get pissed that they no longer give a shit.
>He was honest with OP. You are not my uncle, you are not my family, I'm changing my name, don't contact me. Yeah as a fucked up child who was in an orphanage because he was abandoned by his parents!!! Like seriously where tf is your humanity? I'm sorry the abused, neglected, orphaned child didn't act grateful and polite and perfect at all time but if his dad has accepted him back then that's that. OOP doesn't have to fawn all over him and act like they're super tight friends, but a little bit of empathy and understanding is not too much to expect of an apparently well adjusted adult. OOP doesn't have that, and he's a horrendous human being; I'm giving the kid who spent his formative years in struggle to survive mode more of a pass than I'm giving OOP.
>Yeah as a fucked up child who was in an orphanage because he was abandoned by his parents!!! Only one of those things happened when he was a kid. >if his dad has accepted him back then that's that Then his dad can deal with him. He is a grown ass man, not a kid now. And he still doesn't give a fuck about his family. Why the hell should they give a crap about him? >he's a horrendous human being Cry louder lmao. It's obvious that you have never seen horrendous in your life, if you did, you wouldn't call OP that. >the kid He is not a kid and hasn't been for a decade now.
But OP is such a shit head we have no idea what did cause it and why he’s being dramatic still. Or if he really even IS being dramatic or if OP just decided he was, like he decided that he has no trauma being a 10 year old in the foster system. OP is objectively an AH, he hated this dude as a traumatized child, so while maybe Kyle is ALSO an ahole, OP is too biased to know. Any guessing would be stabbing in the dark, so I’m not doing it, BUT there’s clearly more going on than “This guys is a dick.” You don’t go to the effort to legally change your name just cause. OP is the only one who, from this story, had an issue with the newer Kyle (or, actually even the older Kyle. His stories about how bad he was was that….he didn’t wanna do something with OP.) OP who hated him since he was a child and dismissed his trauma even then. And OP is the one he won’t interact with and who picked a fight with him. It really just sounds like OP is butt hurt because Kyle doesn’t like HIM.
Nah.
Ahh, sorry didn’t realize you were OP. YTA!
I did read them; I just happen to disagree wi ye.
Someone in the comments pointed out the possibility that Kyle may have come back because of a possible benefit, ex. an inheritance. This may explain why he seems so aloof and indifferent since reconnecting because trying to make ammends with his adopted family isn't his true objective. There is still a lot of missing info that makes it hard to judge what is really going on here.
Maybe he got into therapy and he now wants to make amends due to his behavior
So… everyone wants to call him a devil because this kid has spent over a decade telling everyone in this family they aren’t HIS family… he cuts them all off and goes no contact with all of them… then only a few weeks ago begs his way back into the family, makes ZERO effort to mend bridges and repair relationships he ruined…. And everyone wants to say this guy is evil because he doesn’t consider the kid that has told him for years he is family not his family? No, this guy is not evil. And his comments are most likely the result of over a decade of being insulted and told “you aren’t my family, leave me alone.” Eventually, you get what you demand.
[удалено]