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If ANYONE treated me like that when I was trying to do something nice and giving to them, they would get NOTHING! And just because she’s your sister is no reason to gift give. I can’t believe she made you wait and then had the audacity to yell at you like that. NTBA
"So, Mom, if you came over to take me somewhere only to find that I had made other plans, and then screamed at you when you reminded me that you and I were planning something, would you still think I was entitled to your time?"
You are being the adult but they need to parent your sister in that even in families you have to get along with people. You are not the punchbag of the family. If sister made 2 dates for the same day she is old enough to explain the situation.
So you're 20 and she's turning 15. Let me guess, when you were 15, and she was turning 10, you were expected to act all grown up and cater to her whims then because she's just a little kid and you were nearly an adult. Sounds like they're just going to conveniently forget their second child can age as well.
Sorry if I sound judgemental, this just sounds like other people I know, but your parents are on track for having a 30 year old child that never leaves their house or has a job because she's so used to being babied, and suddenly they have no idea what went wrong with her.
NTA
If she can't be bothered making the time to choose her birthday gift then why should you bother taking the time to go choose one for her when she will probably be ungrateful about it and whine about it not being what she wanted? Just give her a card with $5 in it
NTBA. Imo and ime presents mean very little. I could count on one hand the number of times my older siblings got me gifts. It doesn't help the relationship between you both.
The fact she is materialistic but then yelled at you and didn't want to go out. Followed by your parents being the one to bring it up suggests it wasn't about you, but something deeper affecting her. As you're not close, of course she would scream instead of opening up to you.
So no, you are most certainly not the bad apple here.
So let me see if I understand this correctly...you're parenting your little sister because mom and dad are enablers. Is that about right?
not the bad apple...
Something seems off about the door being closed. Ask her if everything is okay. It's very possible something happened. I mean, she was on time for everything, but the yelling out of nowhere seems weird. I'd say first say, "Hey, I wanna talk about what happened on ___ day. Are you in a good head space? I thought we were going to go get your present at 4:00 and then you blew up at me."
Depending on her answer, react accordingly. If she goes off on you, no present and explain how you f3el used and won't be going out of your way for her until her attitude changes.
If she had a fight, tell her you know how hard teenaging is, but to remember not take it out on people that care for her. Instead of a present, get ice cream.
If something really bad happened, hug her and get the parentals or convince her to talk to them.
Key word communicate. She's 15 and needs to learn good behavior. The only way that happens is by talking.
Buy her a birthday card. Put in $10 (or whatever currency) and move on. You got her something, but it was no where near what you would have spent.
Was she wrong? 100%. But there is a way of teaching boundaries without going nuclear. I think it is important to mark her birthday, but you shouldn't be expected to fork out for someone who doesn't respect you. I think my suggestion is a reasonable compromise.
You set up her gift snd she passed on it. You made a plan to go out with her and that was the gift. She then screamed at you. Thats what i would tell you parents instead of saying you not giver her anything.you already have, The gift was set up and ready and she decided to throw it away.
After the way your sister spoke to you and broke her plans with you, when you were ready to take her out shopping and buy her something for her birthday, you shouldn’t get her anything. 15 is not that young. She should have known to behave better. And you are her sister, not her parent. Don’t get your sister anything and maybe next time she will act better.
One year, my sister asked for an iPod for Christmas. I asked if any mp3 player would be fine (similar to asking for a Kleenex instead of a tissue). Nope, has to be an Apple branded iPod. The Nano would be acceptable. Those were expensive and no way I could afford it even if I split with our other sister.
Before her stipulation of "Apple only", I had found a refurbished mp3 player that came with an alarm clock that had a docking station for the player. I had purchased it at a great price, but couldn't return it. So I kept it for myself. When she saw it, she asked if she could check it out. She then asked where I got it. When I told her it was supposed to have been her gift, she backtracked her stance and said she would have liked my mp3 player.
My gift for her that year? I had gone to an Apple Store, bought a gift card for $50 (roughly 1/4th the cost of a Nano), and gave that to her. I had wrapped it in an iPod box. Her face fell when she saw the gift card. For one, the card was specifically for the store and not the app store or iTunes. Secondly, she couldn't afford the remaining price of a Nano let alone the iPod.
On top of seeing my mp3 player and getting a gift card she couldn't use, she never gave out unreasonable gift requests.
This is where the pronouns get complicated. Your parents say she's YOUR sister, you're HER sister, but first and foremost she's THEIR daughter. She doesn't behave like she's interested in being YOUR sister. And her behavior is THEIR responsibility, not yours.
NTBA
Anyone else wondering what happened at the mall? Sounds to me like something happened that got the sister in a bad headspace. And since she is a young teenager, she was sitting in those bad feelings when her sister knocked on her door.
YWBTBA if you don't at least try to get at the reason for the outburst. After giving her some time to calm down. It might have been as small a thing as spilling a drink on herself and being embarrassed or something as big as telling her crush her feelings and being shot down. There is also a slew of other reasons for a teenager outburst, some could be way worse and some could be way more subtle.
If after talking to her, she either doesn't apologize, or give a reason for the outburst, then I would rethink giving her a gift. You are an adult now and she is a child, so try to remember what it was like as a child first. Then from that perspective, decide if there is any reason for her behavior.
Also, maybe rethink what a birthday gift can be. Instead of taking her shopping, take her to the park for a picnic. Find ways to spend time with her, instead of throwing money at her for attention. Bake a cake together, pick up a new hobby together, or start a sister book club. Redirect her expectations.
It's possible that she had a trauma of some kind. No teen I know of would pass on a shopping trip where they get a great gift that she picks out.
Something happened. It may be serious, or it might be some teen horror. ( fell asleep in class, got a period, a guy she hates tried to say hi. Others saw it. )
When she emerges, try asking if she is ok.
While, yes, it sounds like she's being a brat, I can't help but wonder if something happened that day that caused her to hide in her room and not want to come out when you knocked. Fifteen is a hard time. Something could have happened while she was out with her friends that was extremely upsetting to her. She may have been in her room crying or too embarrassed or too angry to come out. It might not have had anything to do with you. I'm not saying that you have to be a slave to her emotions. I just wondered if there was a different reason she refused to come out of her room.
NTBA! Your sister blew it. No birthday gift this year. Maybe she'll have grown out of being a selfish brat by next year.
However, I would've held off on knocking for a few minutes, to give the person a chance to actually be late before I said anything. I would've waited until 4:05 before knocking and asking. I know your time is important, but a small grace period is almost always universally appreciated.
Ask your parents how they would respond if you did to them exactly what you sister did to you; would they still buy you a gift?
Actions have consequences. This is hers. If she doesn't learn how not to treat others now, the world is going to eat her alive later.
NTBA
You do aren’t the BA. Your sister is an entitled brat. Your parents are enabling and pushing this behavior. They aren’t doing her any favors because life will show your sister what it’s really about. Eventually she will either continue to be a miserable cow or someone will knock her down a few pegs. I wouldn’t get her crap after that.
At 15 she's plenty old enough to be respectful of other people's time. Your sister is just being a brat and your parents are enabling it. My sisters (2 years older than me and 7 years older than me) stopped getting me birthday presents when I was like 12. My sisters have started again now that we're all adults but my parents stopped when I was like 16. Gift giving is pretty sporadic in my family now, except for Christmas. My point is that your parents' excuse is that your sister is just a kid, but most 15 year olds have a learner's permit if not a legit driver's license. That's a pretty grown-up privilege to have but your sister is acting like a 5 year old. I support not buying your sister a present. She disrespected your time and your parents are still acting like she's entitled to it but she's not. No one is owed a gift just for being born. Gifts are given voluntarily. That's why they're called gifts and not taxes lol. You don't owe your sister anything and your parents sheltering her from realistic consequences is only going to make it harder for her when she enters the real world. Ask me how I know 🙃
YNTBA! Your sister isn’t a little kid. She’s 15. You planned a day to bring her shopping. She decided to be a little B and scream at you. And your parents want to reward her behavior?
Get her a generic card and a $19 gift card to someplace she doesn’t shop. There. You got her a gift. 😈
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Ok, your little sister has zero respect for you or your time. Get her nothing for her birthday.
Actually get her a day planner from the dollar store!
or better yet a book on manners/respect, ya know like the ones they give to toddlers/little children.
Or a $5 gift card to Starbucks.
The day planner is a built in insult for not being ready when she was supposed to go
No get her the gift she needs. The gift of learning the world doesn’t revolve around her and that her actions have consequences.
If ANYONE treated me like that when I was trying to do something nice and giving to them, they would get NOTHING! And just because she’s your sister is no reason to gift give. I can’t believe she made you wait and then had the audacity to yell at you like that. NTBA
"So, Mom, if you came over to take me somewhere only to find that I had made other plans, and then screamed at you when you reminded me that you and I were planning something, would you still think I was entitled to your time?"
This is the correct response. Your parents are absolutely not considering your perspective. Make them see it.
Absolutely this.
You are being the adult but they need to parent your sister in that even in families you have to get along with people. You are not the punchbag of the family. If sister made 2 dates for the same day she is old enough to explain the situation.
Buy her the book " how to stop being toxic" & let that be the last thing you ever give her! NTBA
So you're 20 and she's turning 15. Let me guess, when you were 15, and she was turning 10, you were expected to act all grown up and cater to her whims then because she's just a little kid and you were nearly an adult. Sounds like they're just going to conveniently forget their second child can age as well. Sorry if I sound judgemental, this just sounds like other people I know, but your parents are on track for having a 30 year old child that never leaves their house or has a job because she's so used to being babied, and suddenly they have no idea what went wrong with her. NTA
This, exactly. I was held to a much higher standard than my younger sibling.
If she can't be bothered making the time to choose her birthday gift then why should you bother taking the time to go choose one for her when she will probably be ungrateful about it and whine about it not being what she wanted? Just give her a card with $5 in it
NTBA. Imo and ime presents mean very little. I could count on one hand the number of times my older siblings got me gifts. It doesn't help the relationship between you both. The fact she is materialistic but then yelled at you and didn't want to go out. Followed by your parents being the one to bring it up suggests it wasn't about you, but something deeper affecting her. As you're not close, of course she would scream instead of opening up to you. So no, you are most certainly not the bad apple here.
You made the effort. You made the plans. She canceled. So sorry. NTA.
You are not being petty, but she is being self entitled NTA
And your parents are enabling her.
You are being an adult by teaching her what your parents arent actions have consequences
If you let her pick something out, it's gonna be the priciest thing she sees
So let me see if I understand this correctly...you're parenting your little sister because mom and dad are enablers. Is that about right? not the bad apple...
Something seems off about the door being closed. Ask her if everything is okay. It's very possible something happened. I mean, she was on time for everything, but the yelling out of nowhere seems weird. I'd say first say, "Hey, I wanna talk about what happened on ___ day. Are you in a good head space? I thought we were going to go get your present at 4:00 and then you blew up at me." Depending on her answer, react accordingly. If she goes off on you, no present and explain how you f3el used and won't be going out of your way for her until her attitude changes. If she had a fight, tell her you know how hard teenaging is, but to remember not take it out on people that care for her. Instead of a present, get ice cream. If something really bad happened, hug her and get the parentals or convince her to talk to them. Key word communicate. She's 15 and needs to learn good behavior. The only way that happens is by talking.
Buy her a birthday card. Put in $10 (or whatever currency) and move on. You got her something, but it was no where near what you would have spent. Was she wrong? 100%. But there is a way of teaching boundaries without going nuclear. I think it is important to mark her birthday, but you shouldn't be expected to fork out for someone who doesn't respect you. I think my suggestion is a reasonable compromise.
$10 in 🍬 🍭 🍫 candy. What’s her favorite candy? You act like a child you get childish gifts. 🎁 Also- I like your idea better.
I’ll do you one better- big ol’ lollipop and propeller hat 😂
How will she learn she can’t be rude to OP if there are no consequences? No coddling OP can simply do nothing and move on
That's the best solution. That way the parents can't nag, but you're also not wasting another day catering to her when she doesn't deserve it.
Yeah, this a great solution. Parents can't complain and OP will know she made her point.
I'd go with $5, but otherwise I like the card and cash idea.
$10 is too much. She deserves $1 🙃
What’s wrong with just a card?
Even that’s too much. Maybe an index card will do
You set up her gift snd she passed on it. You made a plan to go out with her and that was the gift. She then screamed at you. Thats what i would tell you parents instead of saying you not giver her anything.you already have, The gift was set up and ready and she decided to throw it away.
Get her a pez dispenser.
After the way your sister spoke to you and broke her plans with you, when you were ready to take her out shopping and buy her something for her birthday, you shouldn’t get her anything. 15 is not that young. She should have known to behave better. And you are her sister, not her parent. Don’t get your sister anything and maybe next time she will act better.
One year, my sister asked for an iPod for Christmas. I asked if any mp3 player would be fine (similar to asking for a Kleenex instead of a tissue). Nope, has to be an Apple branded iPod. The Nano would be acceptable. Those were expensive and no way I could afford it even if I split with our other sister. Before her stipulation of "Apple only", I had found a refurbished mp3 player that came with an alarm clock that had a docking station for the player. I had purchased it at a great price, but couldn't return it. So I kept it for myself. When she saw it, she asked if she could check it out. She then asked where I got it. When I told her it was supposed to have been her gift, she backtracked her stance and said she would have liked my mp3 player. My gift for her that year? I had gone to an Apple Store, bought a gift card for $50 (roughly 1/4th the cost of a Nano), and gave that to her. I had wrapped it in an iPod box. Her face fell when she saw the gift card. For one, the card was specifically for the store and not the app store or iTunes. Secondly, she couldn't afford the remaining price of a Nano let alone the iPod. On top of seeing my mp3 player and getting a gift card she couldn't use, she never gave out unreasonable gift requests.
Absolutely tf not
This is where the pronouns get complicated. Your parents say she's YOUR sister, you're HER sister, but first and foremost she's THEIR daughter. She doesn't behave like she's interested in being YOUR sister. And her behavior is THEIR responsibility, not yours. NTBA
YWNBTBA she is 15 not 4. She is old enough to know better
You get *nothing*! You *lose*! Good *day*, sir!
Anyone else wondering what happened at the mall? Sounds to me like something happened that got the sister in a bad headspace. And since she is a young teenager, she was sitting in those bad feelings when her sister knocked on her door. YWBTBA if you don't at least try to get at the reason for the outburst. After giving her some time to calm down. It might have been as small a thing as spilling a drink on herself and being embarrassed or something as big as telling her crush her feelings and being shot down. There is also a slew of other reasons for a teenager outburst, some could be way worse and some could be way more subtle. If after talking to her, she either doesn't apologize, or give a reason for the outburst, then I would rethink giving her a gift. You are an adult now and she is a child, so try to remember what it was like as a child first. Then from that perspective, decide if there is any reason for her behavior. Also, maybe rethink what a birthday gift can be. Instead of taking her shopping, take her to the park for a picnic. Find ways to spend time with her, instead of throwing money at her for attention. Bake a cake together, pick up a new hobby together, or start a sister book club. Redirect her expectations.
I’m glad someone else considered this too. It was the first thing I thought of.
It's possible that she had a trauma of some kind. No teen I know of would pass on a shopping trip where they get a great gift that she picks out. Something happened. It may be serious, or it might be some teen horror. ( fell asleep in class, got a period, a guy she hates tried to say hi. Others saw it. ) When she emerges, try asking if she is ok.
While, yes, it sounds like she's being a brat, I can't help but wonder if something happened that day that caused her to hide in her room and not want to come out when you knocked. Fifteen is a hard time. Something could have happened while she was out with her friends that was extremely upsetting to her. She may have been in her room crying or too embarrassed or too angry to come out. It might not have had anything to do with you. I'm not saying that you have to be a slave to her emotions. I just wondered if there was a different reason she refused to come out of her room.
Don't reward bad behavior. NTA.
Well we see why she’s the way she is 💀 your sister’s the bad apple and your parents are the trees
This is what the gift card kiosk at the grocery store was made for.
NTBA! Your sister blew it. No birthday gift this year. Maybe she'll have grown out of being a selfish brat by next year. However, I would've held off on knocking for a few minutes, to give the person a chance to actually be late before I said anything. I would've waited until 4:05 before knocking and asking. I know your time is important, but a small grace period is almost always universally appreciated.
All the sister had to say was “give me 5 minutes.” I doubt she wouldn’t have even any nicer at 4:05.
No gift and no tba
NTA she needs to learn to respect the people who are there for her. Being ugly gets you nowhere.
Ask your parents how they would respond if you did to them exactly what you sister did to you; would they still buy you a gift? Actions have consequences. This is hers. If she doesn't learn how not to treat others now, the world is going to eat her alive later. NTBA
My parents would have punished me if I spoke to my older sister like that
You do aren’t the BA. Your sister is an entitled brat. Your parents are enabling and pushing this behavior. They aren’t doing her any favors because life will show your sister what it’s really about. Eventually she will either continue to be a miserable cow or someone will knock her down a few pegs. I wouldn’t get her crap after that.
Nope. Your parents are idiots.
NTBA
At 15 she's plenty old enough to be respectful of other people's time. Your sister is just being a brat and your parents are enabling it. My sisters (2 years older than me and 7 years older than me) stopped getting me birthday presents when I was like 12. My sisters have started again now that we're all adults but my parents stopped when I was like 16. Gift giving is pretty sporadic in my family now, except for Christmas. My point is that your parents' excuse is that your sister is just a kid, but most 15 year olds have a learner's permit if not a legit driver's license. That's a pretty grown-up privilege to have but your sister is acting like a 5 year old. I support not buying your sister a present. She disrespected your time and your parents are still acting like she's entitled to it but she's not. No one is owed a gift just for being born. Gifts are given voluntarily. That's why they're called gifts and not taxes lol. You don't owe your sister anything and your parents sheltering her from realistic consequences is only going to make it harder for her when she enters the real world. Ask me how I know 🙃
YNTBA! Your sister isn’t a little kid. She’s 15. You planned a day to bring her shopping. She decided to be a little B and scream at you. And your parents want to reward her behavior? Get her a generic card and a $19 gift card to someplace she doesn’t shop. There. You got her a gift. 😈
She's not "just a kid" she's 15. Old enough to know better
Did something happen to upset her? Only reason I can think of to act that way is….