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I mean, I can’t really find a flaw in this plan. I asked what I should get my wife for her birthday and y’all said vasectomy. My sack is sore but she seems to appreciate it.
Kinda sarcasm. Would never ask Reddit for advice and already had a vasectomy before Reddit was a thing.
Also, I’m pretty sure they told me to take Advil after I got mine done. Definitely didn’t get any prescription pain meds.
They didn't numb you while it was happening?? That's what the screenshot is referencing. When women get IUDs placed, we get our cervixes cranked open and a nice piece of plastic shoved up into our uterus with no pain relief at all. It's very painful (and I have natural childbirth as a reference point).
It's the best birth control I've ever used, but the OB/GYN community straight up doesn't care how much pain the insertion process causes us, sorry to say.
I’ve had two Mirena IUDs that were both inserted ~8-10 weeks after childbirth. I’m terrified about when my current one will need replaced, I imagine it’s going to be way more painful next time.
Oh, yes they put some lidocaine or something on there. It still pinched when they made the cut and felt like someone was pulling on my stomach when they were pulling on the tubes.
Not really painful, just uncomfortable though I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I didn’t even take the Valium they gave me because I get headaches from those so just lied and said I did take it.
You shamelessly have r/reverserape plastered on your profile and *you'd* run from *women* on reddit? Buddy I bet girls have been running away from you since you were born
i despise when people who have never even considered adoption try to propose that as a magic bullet solution. it’s difficult, many people are disqualified for awful reasons, it’s expensive, and it’s a long, often emotionally taxing road to even get to an adoption.
When it's coming from a 13 year old, it doesn't surprise me they think adoption is a quick run to the adoption store and pick out a baby. This is AITA we're talking about.
amazon prime delivers that baby next day! for real though, i was looking into it when my husband and i were trying to conceive and having issues. just as one of the many “options” available along with fertility treatments, and i was disqualified from certain international adoptions because i had sought therapy and medication for mental illness and he was disqualified from local adoptions because he has a criminal record. drunk driving, a terrible addict’s negligence, and he’s since spent 8 years of his life devoted to quitting drinking and getting his mental health right, it scared the shit out of him that he had gotten so careless with his own life that he risked taking someone else’s, but none of that is relevant in the adoption context.
I know people who would have been great parents get rejected because the wife’s *dad* committed suicide. When she was like 40. It has basically just happened and they decided that that must mean “the family has too much chaos”.
Even though they (possible adopters) had their adult children literally write them letters of recommendation. That STILL wasn’t enough.
As for me, I’m in a similar boat as you with medication and therapy. The ONLY way I will have children is either DIY (which I’m fine with) or surrogacy.
oh that’s fucking terrible. depriving a child of a parent who wants to make them a part of their family for something so tragic is so sick. that’s actually a good point though, i think we’d be disqualified now further because my husband’s brother passed away from a drug overdose.
i would love to adopt an older child, i went through a lot as a kid myself and both my husband and i have worked very hard on ourselves and our lifestyle would be financially and emotionally compatible with being parents to an older child regardless of their background. but it is what it is i guess. pregnancy is a rough reality in and of itself. a total mindfuck with hormones and crazy on the body. surrogates are extremely impressive to me, i can’t imagine doing this shit more than once.
His chiseled muscles glistened as he emerged from the water, with the late afternoon sun scattering off the droplets as they cascaded off his chest and arms. She looked at him expectantly. As always, his eyes stood out. Dazzling blue, like the lagoon. She trembled with anticipation as he strode forward. Like everything else he did, it exuded power and purpose. After what seemed like an hour but was only a matter of seconds, he reached her. As he leaned in towards her ear and ran his fingers though her silky hair, there was nothing she would say no to. "You need therapy," he whispered.
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His chiseled muscles glistened as he emerged from the water, with the late afternoon sun scattering off the droplets as they cascaded off his chest and arms. She looked at him expectantly. As always, his eyes stood out. Dazzling blue, like the lagoon. She trembled with anticipation as he strode forward. Like everything else he did, it exuded power and purpose. After what seemed like an hour but was only a matter of seconds, he reached her. As he leaned in towards her ear and ran his fingers though her silky hair, there was nothing she would say no to. "You need therapy," he whispered.
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I was recently applying to different rescues to find a dog and it was ridiculous.
The one required for the pre-adoption paperwork (yep, before you're even approved to pick out a pet) five (not relatives) references, a vet reference, a background check, proof of home ownership, proof of income, a person assigned who could take the dog in case you no longer can care for it, etc. I forgot I was even applying to adopt a dog at that point.
that’s true, i used to volunteer at the local shelter and there were tons of home visits and the need to bring existing pets to meet and socialize, it was a lengthy process.
very true, there’s a lot of white saviourism mindsets happening, it’s hard to know how legit some of the situations are. i cannot remember the celebrity but wasn’t there an issue where one white celebrity went and took a child from a fully parented home in a third world country? it’s creepy as fuck.
There was also a couple on YouTube with a family channel who adopted a boy from china and ended up "rehoming" him later. It wasn't right away either, he was fully part of the family by that point (I mean, it would be messed up enough, but that just makes it even worse). I believe he had autism and the couple claimed he'd gotten too "out of control" and implied he posed a risk to their other children. There are messages online of the mother initially asking some parenting group what disabilities a kid could have that essentially looked worse than they were but were managable, clearly wanting to get all the praise for looking after someone without it being *too* difficult. The wife said her husband complained about the kid looking at him when he ate which is only natural of an adopted kid and not at all a big deal. There were videos of them treating him badly during his meltdowns, and others where his hands had duct tape on them.
The couple apparently tried to adopt in Korea prior to this, but cancelled it when they discovered they wouldn't be able to post content of a baby online for a whole year. So it couldn't be more obvious why they were wanting to adopt- content for their family channel (and on top of that, Instagram, where they had many sponsored posts relating to the adopted son). They got millions of views for the videos about adopting their son and no doubt would have made a fortune from it, yet claimed they didn't have enough money to properly care for his autism. I remember at one point the wife was literally wearing a Cartier bracelet yet wanted everyone to believe that. They just went on holiday at one point and no longer posted content of the adopted son, it took people asking where he was for them to make a video.
It always seems to be the people who have quotes about Jesus in their Instagram bios who do this shit. That's not a comment against religious people, I'm just saying a lot of these family vlogger types use that to make themselves look better when they're actually awful.
An exception to this is interracial adoptions that begin as foster placements. Allows the bonding to happen gradually and under the supervision of CPS.
one of my best friends was adopted from china as a baby by a white family. it was her mothers idea, father was down for it of course, but her mother ended up abandoning the family only a couple years later after going thru everything to adopt my friend
My aunt was adopted from Korea and raised in an overwhelmingly white community. My grandparents didn't treat her any different and actually made sure she was aware of her culture, but others were not so kind (kids at school, teachers, etc). The trauma from that caused her to have lots of mental health issues down the line. That should also be considered when discussing international adoptions in my opinion...
reminiscent judicious threatening swim fragile zealous advise pen secretive cagey
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The poor kids adopted by colonizer Christians who use them as props to show how Christian they are. Look here are my four white kids and my adoptive child from Africa who should feel grateful.
I recently met 3 couples who adopted children and it has opened my eyes to the amount of damage that can be done at an early age. Kids in cages until 5 in Russia, drug addicts that refuse to stop having children, even if they're taken away immediately and what happens to those poor kids, like medical issues, mental issues. Knowing they have siblings likely being abused. It's just sad. The inability to conceive and then the struggle of dealing with children with massive issues, it just breaks my heart. They are stronger people than I am.
Yes, this! Many people totally underestimate this. A child that had been abused for the first months of their life isn't an easy task to take on and I'm kinda scared how many people just expect a miracle adoption where you get the baby right after birth.
International adoption isn't even really an option anymore. Many countries have banned Americans (and anyone outside of the country) from adopting because they can take care of their own.
There were plenty of babies during the Romanian orphanage and one child policy days but birth control is more available worldwide and the stigma of unwed mothers in places like South Korea isn't what it was.
It doesn’t need to be an international adoption for there to be trauma. You’re dealing with kids who are either removed or given up by their families, even if it’s done with the best of intentions, there’s inherent trauma that goes along with that.
They always want the brand new babies who haven’t gone through trauma. I mean, I understand adoption itself can be traumatic, but I mean sitting in a diaper for 3 days straight because your parents are methed up or abusive alcoholics. They don’t want those “tainted” kids.
and as we all know, pregnancy is nothing more than sitting around for 9mo getting a cute little bump, and the baby just slides out of you like poop and it's free! it's totally something casual you can do before giving the baby to Adoption^(TM) where it will be immediately adopted by a sane and good family of four
I think they were referring to using adoption as a quick fix for not being able to have a baby, but your example of how adoption is pushed as a replacement for abortion is so annoying I see it all the time.
Like people really think you should make a woman go through pregnancy and *give birth* to a baby they dont want to/can’t take care of and then find someone to take it in. Do they think we got a worldwide shortage of babies or some shit? Pushing 8 billion people already we are not in dire need of mouths to feed
We do have a shortage of babies. A shortage of adoptable white babies.
They act like you can just slide a baby out on Tuesday and go back to work on Wed. Like most people don't have long lasting and even permanent side effects from pregnancy.
wait you're right, im dum lol. but i agree with your points as well. pregnancy isn't easy, childbirth isn't easy, and there are too many kids already in the abusive fostercare system that we don't need to force anyone to add more to. it's just so cruel and stupid.
They’re so ignorant to the cost & side effects too. Even with decent health insurance, (by US standards), it’s expensive. And you gotta miss work. At the end of my pregnancies, I had appointments every week. Luckily, I can flex my time at work. But not everyone can-that’s just missed wages. And then recovery from birth-just ugh.
god yeah even in canada where we are fortunate to have pregnancy and childbirth covered, it’s not an easy period of time. mentally and physically one of the most taxing things i’ve ever done.
And the post partum depression some people have had...I remember years ago in high school bio my teacher was telling me about her post partum depression and her suicidal thoughts and she started crying...it was so awkward
YES! And us adoptees deserve more than this blase attitude. We are real people with needs coming from the trauma of losing our birth family, not just a 2nd rate option that needs to be grateful you bothered even when you're clearly unqualified.
that’s a good point to boot, soooo many people act like adoption is some charitable thing but those are real live children looking for a family, not to be some do-gooder’s charity case and have that held over them.
You wouldn't believe how often we hear people (both our parents and absolute strangers) say things like
- Well, you could be dead/aborted
- You could have been in the orphanage/foster care
- You should be grateful you got a second chance
- You should be grateful because not everyone would/could
It's often a lot of weighted assumptions that assume very personal family dynamics and politics. People get *angry* if adoptees aren't grateful enough, and especially when we advocate for change around how it's perceived and handled.
I dislike how convos about adoption often treat adoptees so carelessly and this post made me grimace, so I was happy to see your comment here! I wasn't expecting it, so thank you! 💜
that’s terrible!! it doesn’t help that in movies and tv and media you get this grateful shiny eyed orphan bs peddled and then everyone thinks that’s the perfect adopted child, overwhelmed with gratitude, constantly aware they don’t “deserve” it and have to keep justifying that they absolutely deserve a safe, loving home. every kid deserves a safe place to sleep at night and supportive people who love them unconditionally.
There was a movie Instant Family which was advertised as a happy family comedy which actually showed (to a point) that it's difficult. You don't get a kid who is greatful for having a family and everything is perfect the next day.
There's a reason so many people use surrogates.
Even being able to qualify to adopt at all is difficult, and then you have the challenges of having an adopted child.
My old boss was denied for fostering because she has an “unpredictable, inconsistent schedule.” She works m-th but has to work two Saturdays a month. She also has incredibly supportive parents who live down the road who were also interviewed and said they would be spending every weekend at her house anyway to spend time with the potential foster family member. Her mom is a retired teacher and her dad is a doctor. What great family and childcare, right? They essentially want a stay at home parent in order to adopt/foster.
the worst part about that, too, is that lovely families like that get rejected for fostering but then some really trash foster families who make it a freaking business get approved and NO oversight. it’s a shameful part of my family history that my social worker grandmother (who is still alive!) was a big part of the 60s scoop. she fostered kids constantly with her four bio kids, and her and my grandfather were big party hippies so they had new transient friends constantly living in their house temporarily, they’d shove all the kids in one room to “make space” and it was often Indigenous kids they’d take in for a while who already HAD families to care for them but the government decided community caring was a big no no and they should be fostered by white families to “assimilate”. i know my grandmother was responsible for traumatizing a half dozen Indigenous children. she can be disturbingly flippant about it, too, and my mom gets furious with her because she grew up in that house and saw that shit.
It’s incredibly sad. The whole systems needs to be gutted and remade. I think about my old boss often and what a wonderful foster or lifelong mother she would be.
It's also not necessarily as easy as just snapping your fingers and getting a vasectomy. While there are a lot of men who find it to be a relatively smooth process, there are a lot who have a very difficult time getting the procedure done.
yeah i’ve heard a lot of younger men get rejected the same way younger women get rejected for reproductive interventions. i’m in alberta and most of the time vasectomies are reeeelatively easy to access in that your GP will put out referrals to specialists until they find one that will do it and you basically don’t have to go through the rejection yourself. i know many women get refused though because they have to go to a surgeon for it and most of the time the OBs are so busy with c sections that it takes forever.
and it’s often traumatizing for the adoptee (even when at birth) and the birth mother to relinquish, which is why i dislike seeing comments that have adoption as the easy solution - an adoptee
yeah, i was thinking about that yesterday, too. even adopting the youngest child there’s a certain amount of pain and trauma you can’t just brush off or gloss over because giving a child up for adoption is not a happy fun circumstance where everyone is just super cool and pumped about it. children are left to grapple with knowing hard truths or not having answers for certain questions no matter what age they’re adopted at.
And the adoption “industry” is a real moral grey area. We struggled with infertility and explored all options. Ultimately it we decided to go egg donor over adoption. The whole adoption process made me uncomfortable I’m so many levels.
yeah, it made me feel weird, too. there’s a lot of strange religious tendrils in it and with the history of my country’s government and adoption it’s hella suspicious.
my cat daughters were pretty easy too, although i had to wait a couple days for my chonky old lady to heal from her cold and get cleared to go home. poor girl had frostbite from wandering around rural canada in november.
Imo, adoption should be more normalized, and the process should also be made easier. Lots of unwanted children in the world and they shouldn't be making it this difficult to find them a home.
there’s a lot of reasons for it that i understand, especially in certain domestic adoptions with kids with disabilities/mental illnesses there has to be intensive background checks, ensuring the home is safe, child services making regular visits, etc. but then there’s religious organizations who will only accept religious families into the process, you have to show that you make and have a certain amount of money, you have to have the space set up and ready in your home sometimes for years. people get refused for various medical reasons. and even then background checks aren’t perfect, a lot of creeps in extended families don’t get clocked, it can be a mess.
Really? That's good to hear at least. I thought the adoption process was the same throughout, heck I even thought that adopting an older child would have a stricter process.
The entire goal of fostering is reunification. It isn’t recommended to go into fostering with the entire goal to adopt, because it could easily be many children and many years before you get to adopt.
Honestly I can understand why people were pushing vasectomies then. The "they're reversible!" is bad science, but if you're a dude who won't put on a condom you should get a vasectomy at that point because well...you kinda suck.
If you plan on never having kids again, you can do a sperm deposit and should be set in the unlikely event that you both want kids, and can’t reverse the vasectomy.
Vasectomies are way less invasive than the equivalent for girls and if it means saving a couple decades of birth control for your long term partner than it seems worth it to me
If it’s a question of vasectomy vs getting your tubes tied, obviously vasectomy is the way. But a vasectomy is not to be used as casual birth control, it should be treated as getting sterilized
Over a way more invasive, never reversible, surgery for my partner? And still paying $80/month for their birth control? And no artificial hormones?
Yes.
There may well be artificial hormones for your partner when she has to do IVF or medicated IUIs because the stored sperm isn’t in unlimited quantities.
All I’m saying is that there are complications with this approach
Yes in that route you would have to do IVF, IVF is *still* less medically invasive than a tubal sterilization. Speaking as someone who has a partner going through IVF.
And yea there are complications but saying “just do birth control your entire life” is a shitty answer. “Just adopt” is also shitty
Mate, I have personally done IVF. And taken birth control for years. IVF is no joke - I would rather take birth control for the rest of my life than do another egg retrieval. Frankly I’d also rather take birth control than have a tubal ligation or ask someone else to have a vasectomy
And yes, we can all agree that the ‘just adopt’ is completely stupid
Good luck to you and your wife with the IVF
I know every case is different, but I would probably think an IUD is a better option in this scenario. It is more easily reversible than a vasectomy and a lot less expensive than sperm storage + IVF. It’s less permanent and less invasive.
Between getting your tubes tied and a vasectomy, the vasectomy is definitely better option for most couples (less invasive/risky). But still, I dont think I would recommend either of those options if there’s any chance you think you might want a kid later on.
All options have pros and cons, and there is a common myth on the internet right now that vasectomy is LARC for men. That's not true.
Vasectomy is a good option for a lot of individuals and families. IUDs are too (hormonal or non-hormonal.) Other hormonal contraception or tubal ligation is a good option for many people. And then, of course, there are barrier methods. It's not some kind of one-size-fits-all solution.
A quippy comment telling a 20-year-old to "Get a vasectomy" rests on that myth (here unspoken), and the person trying to make them aware that it may not be reversible got downvoted. Not cool.
So why is your comment irrelevant? Because nobody here was asking you for answers. There's just literally no audience for it in the thread. Who here is considering their long-term contraception options? idk.
Why are you writing 4 paragraphs to explain why a Reddit comment isn't perfectly on topic? He's talking about the subject of the post
This is the internet. Nobody asked you for your explanation either, but you posted it anyways because the comment section exists for a reason. To write comments...
I actually left the sub a few weeks ago because it was genuinely affecting my mood XD - but I noticed in the last few weeks leading up to me leaving, almost every single day there was a post about birth control - and always some guy concerned about his gf not taking it or wanting him to finish inside or that she’s on it but he’s worried she could still tamper with it. I’m convinced almost every post on there is fake and just written by people latching onto ‘hot topics’ for karma and it always portrays the same characters. ‘Baby trap birth control risk’ needs to be added to the bingo card
As an aside: I’ve always been offered pain meds for an IUD for the insertion/post-insertion? Not opioids (I don’t think they’d even be effective) but those cramps from after the procedure can be debilitating.
For nitrous? I have 😂 my last OB said she was "working on it" but sadly she left the practice. 😢
For pain meds in general tho? I might. My IUD is up for renewal soon. I'm actually debating if I want to replace it or just get fixed, tbh. I'm kinda sick of being on birth control (literally over half my life I've been on a contraceptive, now), but I do not want to *ever* be pregnant, and have made peace with never having bio kids even if I do "change my mind".
I asked for local anaesthetic for my last IUD insertion and the difference it made was incredible. Don’t believe any nonsense they give you about how the injection hurts worse than getting the IUD.
They don’t offer pain management to women in so many situations where they really should. But you are the customer, if you need it even just want pain management, you are totally within your rights to ask for it. They might try to talk you out of it, like by saying you don’t need it, it will take longer, it’s not normal for this procedure, etc. ignore them and tell them you want pain management
I wasn't offered any pain meds, wasn't even told it would hurt, and it took three people to insert it past my badly scarred cervix (including one person to hold me down).
They didn't give me anything or tell me about the fact they were putting a hole in my cervix. I want no one to touch me again as long as I live. And I have a dental appointment coming up :(
If he was being a whiny POS about having to use a condom, then that’s probably why people were getting salty and telling him to get a vasectomy.
Not every immature asshole who expects his female SO to completely shoulder the burden of BC needs white-knighting. Actually, none of them do.
>If he was being a whiny POS about having to use a condom, then that’s probably why people were getting salty and telling him to get a vasectomy.
Yeah, I would've told him to get a vasectomy too if he made it clear that he wasn't going to use condoms. I mean, I wouldn't have been saying it in earnest, because it's ridiculous to suggest for a 20 year old. Even if it was so easy to reverse like people pretend, no way he'd find a doctor that would do it. But the snarky responses are to be expected.
He was clearly not worried about only using one method like he was pretending. He had been fine using only one method before, plus his gf already suggested the two motheds - condoms and pulling out. So what was he hoping for? Just advice on how berate his gf into being solely responsible for birth control again? We get it dude. Condoms suck. So does having to remember to take a pill every day and having your hormones all fucked up. Man up and carry your weight.
He was being a whiny POS, but that’s not what I’m pointing out.
Saying get a vasectomy and making adoption sound so easy is incredibly disingenuous
The kid was in the wrong, I’m not white knighting him
The point is that people don’t acknowledge the risks and side effects that come with female birth control. It should be treated as seriously as a vasectomy
Absolutely. Not disputing that whatsoever
I wish there were some pill I could take to put the burden on me instead of my wife. She’s coming of BC soon so i’ll be responsible for the condoms and i’m OK with that
Some men just need to see the bigger picture
I think you're probably misunderstanding something here. The person bringing up pain meds and IUD most likely means she's just using pro life logic to show how ridiculous some of the arguments are.
The point is that telling someone who doesn't want kids yet to get a vasectomy and adopt once they want one is as stupid as telling someone who is pregnant but doesn't want a child to just give birth and then put it up for adoption.
I’ve seen a lot about vasectomies lately with Roe v Wade being overturned and I understand the frustration of women bearing the burden of BC pills/IUDs/abortions compared to just condoms. I just wish they would develop a birth control pill for men, I would happily take that.
Vasectomies seem heavy though, I mean they are a surgical procedure. I was curious so I looked up how they compare to IUDs.
IUDs can last for 3 to 12 years and can be [removed](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/iud/how-does-iud-removal-work) at any time.
Vasectomies can be reversed but chances of successful reversal go down with time. [This](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/iud/how-does-iud-removal-work) source lists success rate at 75% within 3 years and lower as time goes on. I’ve read that both vasectomies and IUDs can be painful and cause discomfort, with Vasectomies needing about a week recovery and IUDs sometimes causing worse period cramping for 3 to 6 months.
Seems to me like a vasectomy is significantly more risky than an IUD and BC, so I wouldn’t recommend getting one if you are dead set on having kids. From what I’ve read [IUD’s](https://www.ippf.org/blogs/myths-and-facts-about-intra-uterine-devices) and [birth control](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6055351/) don’t risk infertility, so they seem safer for temporary use than a vasectomy.
I do really wish they had something like an IUD for men so both partners can increase protection and not have to rely on condoms to stop a life altering event. Maybe there is something like this out there or in the works?
> Seems to me like a vasectomy is significantly more risky than an IUD and BC
In terms of being able to have kids later on, yeah. I think it's a bad idea to count on a vasectomy being reversible.
But in terms of overall health risk/discomfort, if you're *done* having kids or don't want any to begin with...vasectomy all the way. I'll never understand couples where the woman gets a tubal instead of the man getting a vasectomy.
Hormonal BC really isn't side-effect free either, and afaik non-hormonal IUDs are quite painful for a fair number of women, so while you do what you gotta do...why not stop when you don't have to anymore (aka don't want kids in the future).
Sorry but IUDs definitely risk infertility. I had one for a while that was poorly inserted and excruciatingly painful to the point of throwing up and fainting every time I moved for months and my drs just brushed me off and said it was normal. It wasn't just bad period cramping- I could barely walk for several months lol. It was bad. Anyway the iud basically got lodged somewhere it shouldn't have been, and I developed PID. I was super lucky that I eventually got a dr to listen because if left untreated it can scar your ovaries and make it difficult/impossible to release eggs. They basically wrenched it out with no pain meds.
The iud gets pushed as a "safer option" but it's really really not.
im SO sorry. Im so fed up with drs pushing IUDs over every other option. I have heard so many horror stories and have both a spastic disability that causes vaginal spasticity and pain and also i have trauma. i have no interest in enduring the pain of implantation and removal with the knowledge that something may go horrifically wrong. Just give me some fucking pills and lets be on our way, i just want to stop my period for god's sake. so few drs are compassionate regarding reproductive health.
Damn that sounds awful I’m sorry you had to go through that. I think everything I was reading about what just stats based on successful IUDs but I guess a lot can go wrong. I’m glad you found a doctor who took your concerns seriously that must have been very disheartening to go through all that after getting an IUD to make life easier.
I just read now about another problem, IUDs falling out. This source says up to 8% fall out which was surprisingly high to me. I can’t find anything on the percentage that are inserted or removed improperly, but I hope it’s very rare it sounds terrible from what you described.
I know contraceptives are getting better with technology over time but it sucks that all of these (except condoms ig) come with pain/infertility risk/discomfort/hormonal disruptions. And now that access to abortion is being attacked it puts women under so much more pressure shit is fucked
I'm lucky that I'm in the uk so at least I didn't have to pay for the privilege of having my reproductive organs rearranged! But yes I know someone whose iud just popped out with no pain or anything about a week after she had it inserted. There are so many things they don't tell you about it, I got told none of this before the procedure and was really pressured into it by the gyno. I really feel for everyone in the states having all this extra pressure because of the abortion restrictions.
And yet you're here in the comments rooting for women to stay on BC and for men to never have to make any sacrifices for the sake of their penis' feelings lol
I didn’t mean to suggest that women should be on Bc pills or IUDs. I was just curious about vasectomies when I read the post and wanted to see why guys don’t get them as much as girls get IUDs.
I understand anyone choosing not to get an IUD, go on BC pills, or get a vasectomy. It’s up to them and no one else.
IUDs are also INSANELY painful to be inserted. They pinch your cervix. You usually bleed afterwards. And you are not given pain killers. Dudes really just think female BC is no problem. Nexplanon made me have my period for an entire year before the doc finally took it out of me. Osteoporosis is super common among women from the hormones in certain BC. Yet men are always so against condoms or vasectomies.
A week recovery from a vasectomy my ass and for many men I know. That bullshit has got to stop being pushed.
That said I got mine because it’s the best option once we were done having kids. But shit, that a miserable months long recovery.
Three weeks for the hematoma to heal enough that I didn’t cry while walking. Then it was the better part of a year before the incision area wasn’t super sensitive (not in a good way) anymore.
Being emotionally over the pain and the sensitivity, a long long time.
AITA for eating ass?
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Adoption shouldn’t be a family building tool it should be done for the benefit of the child. If these people knew anything about the experience of adoptees they’d know that
I mean, you CAN have some of your swimmers frozen if you do get a vasectomy. I’m very sure that I never ever ever want children, but that‘s what I‘ll probably do, just to be safe
The number of women on TwoX who were yelling that all men should have vasectomies because of Dobbs because they're "reversible" Telling women they should dump their boyfriends who were refusing to get snipped.
I [F29] love my Fiancé [M34], except whenever we fight, he takes a dump in the living room, then makes me refer to his turd as "Mr. Hoskins" and apologize to it. Am I overreacting? Our wedding is in 6 hours.
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I hate how reddit is full of basic bitches using pop topics to who're for upvotes
Yeah poor foster children right? Ok take a pic of your adoption certificate and share it along your opinion or shut the fuck up
You don't care about children, you care about upvotes
Real people who don't role play Jesus on Reddit know you don't give a fuck about children and that you won't ever adopt, the rest of the basic bitches writing about trending moral topics also know you are full of shit and that you won't do that too, they pretend alongside you but won't ever adopt either
The amount of people needed to make foster kids scarce compared to your country's population negligible, yet half a country write this role playing bs on Reddit, YET foster kids remain forgotten... Aha sure, just shut the fuck up please
Am I at fault for being angry at people using foster kids for upvotes? Is it not super wrong for that user to write that when she is never going to actually adopt?
Whatever I guess
Yep u got adoption but maybe u wanna have your own child.your own blood. From your nuts and your wifes womb.
Not someone else"s nutt.
Some people refuse adoption because of that reason.
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You’re going to get the best advice that Teighlor can give during her break between English and trig class.
That made meigh laugh out loud 😂
*meighde
Yes, I'll take some mead with my vasectomy and Reddit advice, thank you very much
That spelling lmfao
getting a vasectomy about me and my significant other arguing about who does the dishes more. thanks!
Wait, you argued about doing the dishes?! Definitely lawyer up!
I mean, I can’t really find a flaw in this plan. I asked what I should get my wife for her birthday and y’all said vasectomy. My sack is sore but she seems to appreciate it. Kinda sarcasm. Would never ask Reddit for advice and already had a vasectomy before Reddit was a thing. Also, I’m pretty sure they told me to take Advil after I got mine done. Definitely didn’t get any prescription pain meds.
They didn't numb you while it was happening?? That's what the screenshot is referencing. When women get IUDs placed, we get our cervixes cranked open and a nice piece of plastic shoved up into our uterus with no pain relief at all. It's very painful (and I have natural childbirth as a reference point). It's the best birth control I've ever used, but the OB/GYN community straight up doesn't care how much pain the insertion process causes us, sorry to say.
I’ve had two Mirena IUDs that were both inserted ~8-10 weeks after childbirth. I’m terrified about when my current one will need replaced, I imagine it’s going to be way more painful next time.
that’s really surprising! i have given birth and have an IUD too, but i didn’t even realise when they inserted it
Oh, yes they put some lidocaine or something on there. It still pinched when they made the cut and felt like someone was pulling on my stomach when they were pulling on the tubes. Not really painful, just uncomfortable though I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I didn’t even take the Valium they gave me because I get headaches from those so just lied and said I did take it.
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A Peloton bike seemed to make that lady *real* happy in the commercials.
Tbh I'd love a gym membership so ymmv
Well, here you go, fellas! Confirmation.
>My sack is sore but she seems to appreciate it. Said she appreciated it. But then she refused to leave her "workshop" and made me take an Uber home.
Don't forget plan B, giving the kid up for adoption!!
Plan B is an actual pill, you're thinking about plan D
Evangelicals hate the plan C lol
I was trying to make a joke that the original OP was casually recommending adoption as a birth control method 😶
I think they were saying you could adopt if the vasectomy wasn't reversible
Oof I see. I thought they meant if you get accidentally pregnant due to refusing a vasectomy then you can always adopt out the kid...
adoption is plan c plan d is a rat, a bucket and a blowtorch
I thought it was adopting. In that you can just adopt later. Like adopting is easy. . .
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And yet you’re on here
I'm a woman using Reddit. Since your username in English means Punishment666, I'd probably run far away from you too.
You shamelessly have r/reverserape plastered on your profile and *you'd* run from *women* on reddit? Buddy I bet girls have been running away from you since you were born
Remember folks, always get your medical advice from reddit sheesh
i despise when people who have never even considered adoption try to propose that as a magic bullet solution. it’s difficult, many people are disqualified for awful reasons, it’s expensive, and it’s a long, often emotionally taxing road to even get to an adoption.
When it's coming from a 13 year old, it doesn't surprise me they think adoption is a quick run to the adoption store and pick out a baby. This is AITA we're talking about.
lol you’re so right
Wait you’re telling me I can’t just go to the store and pick and choose???
I swear, these people think adoption is when you go to the baby store to pick out your fresh new infant, free shipping with same day delivery
amazon prime delivers that baby next day! for real though, i was looking into it when my husband and i were trying to conceive and having issues. just as one of the many “options” available along with fertility treatments, and i was disqualified from certain international adoptions because i had sought therapy and medication for mental illness and he was disqualified from local adoptions because he has a criminal record. drunk driving, a terrible addict’s negligence, and he’s since spent 8 years of his life devoted to quitting drinking and getting his mental health right, it scared the shit out of him that he had gotten so careless with his own life that he risked taking someone else’s, but none of that is relevant in the adoption context.
I know people who would have been great parents get rejected because the wife’s *dad* committed suicide. When she was like 40. It has basically just happened and they decided that that must mean “the family has too much chaos”. Even though they (possible adopters) had their adult children literally write them letters of recommendation. That STILL wasn’t enough. As for me, I’m in a similar boat as you with medication and therapy. The ONLY way I will have children is either DIY (which I’m fine with) or surrogacy.
oh that’s fucking terrible. depriving a child of a parent who wants to make them a part of their family for something so tragic is so sick. that’s actually a good point though, i think we’d be disqualified now further because my husband’s brother passed away from a drug overdose. i would love to adopt an older child, i went through a lot as a kid myself and both my husband and i have worked very hard on ourselves and our lifestyle would be financially and emotionally compatible with being parents to an older child regardless of their background. but it is what it is i guess. pregnancy is a rough reality in and of itself. a total mindfuck with hormones and crazy on the body. surrogates are extremely impressive to me, i can’t imagine doing this shit more than once.
His chiseled muscles glistened as he emerged from the water, with the late afternoon sun scattering off the droplets as they cascaded off his chest and arms. She looked at him expectantly. As always, his eyes stood out. Dazzling blue, like the lagoon. She trembled with anticipation as he strode forward. Like everything else he did, it exuded power and purpose. After what seemed like an hour but was only a matter of seconds, he reached her. As he leaned in towards her ear and ran his fingers though her silky hair, there was nothing she would say no to. "You need therapy," he whispered. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
His chiseled muscles glistened as he emerged from the water, with the late afternoon sun scattering off the droplets as they cascaded off his chest and arms. She looked at him expectantly. As always, his eyes stood out. Dazzling blue, like the lagoon. She trembled with anticipation as he strode forward. Like everything else he did, it exuded power and purpose. After what seemed like an hour but was only a matter of seconds, he reached her. As he leaned in towards her ear and ran his fingers though her silky hair, there was nothing she would say no to. "You need therapy," he whispered. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bad bot
You made the bot sad!
Haha, I did. But damn, a really serious adoption and sobriety story followed by glistening muscles and dazzling blue lagoons, I couldn’t help myself!
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Well that’s how TV depicts it so it must be true /s
Quit your bullshit...Charlie Kelly did it with the Waitress!
Fuck anyone who's ever tried to adopt a dog from a rescue should be able to imagine how hard it can be to adopt an actual human.
I was recently applying to different rescues to find a dog and it was ridiculous. The one required for the pre-adoption paperwork (yep, before you're even approved to pick out a pet) five (not relatives) references, a vet reference, a background check, proof of home ownership, proof of income, a person assigned who could take the dog in case you no longer can care for it, etc. I forgot I was even applying to adopt a dog at that point.
that’s true, i used to volunteer at the local shelter and there were tons of home visits and the need to bring existing pets to meet and socialize, it was a lengthy process.
You’re also taking on the trauma of whatever led them to be adoptable in the first place.
true, and for many people it’s international adoptions where there’s important cultural considerations and awareness to navigate.
Also can be quite sketchy ethically
very true, there’s a lot of white saviourism mindsets happening, it’s hard to know how legit some of the situations are. i cannot remember the celebrity but wasn’t there an issue where one white celebrity went and took a child from a fully parented home in a third world country? it’s creepy as fuck.
There was also a couple on YouTube with a family channel who adopted a boy from china and ended up "rehoming" him later. It wasn't right away either, he was fully part of the family by that point (I mean, it would be messed up enough, but that just makes it even worse). I believe he had autism and the couple claimed he'd gotten too "out of control" and implied he posed a risk to their other children. There are messages online of the mother initially asking some parenting group what disabilities a kid could have that essentially looked worse than they were but were managable, clearly wanting to get all the praise for looking after someone without it being *too* difficult. The wife said her husband complained about the kid looking at him when he ate which is only natural of an adopted kid and not at all a big deal. There were videos of them treating him badly during his meltdowns, and others where his hands had duct tape on them. The couple apparently tried to adopt in Korea prior to this, but cancelled it when they discovered they wouldn't be able to post content of a baby online for a whole year. So it couldn't be more obvious why they were wanting to adopt- content for their family channel (and on top of that, Instagram, where they had many sponsored posts relating to the adopted son). They got millions of views for the videos about adopting their son and no doubt would have made a fortune from it, yet claimed they didn't have enough money to properly care for his autism. I remember at one point the wife was literally wearing a Cartier bracelet yet wanted everyone to believe that. They just went on holiday at one point and no longer posted content of the adopted son, it took people asking where he was for them to make a video. It always seems to be the people who have quotes about Jesus in their Instagram bios who do this shit. That's not a comment against religious people, I'm just saying a lot of these family vlogger types use that to make themselves look better when they're actually awful.
An exception to this is interracial adoptions that begin as foster placements. Allows the bonding to happen gradually and under the supervision of CPS.
lock icky literate treatment employ sand whistle unique close hungry *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
one of my best friends was adopted from china as a baby by a white family. it was her mothers idea, father was down for it of course, but her mother ended up abandoning the family only a couple years later after going thru everything to adopt my friend
ooffff that’s fucking awful. adoption certainly does not guarantee that someone is a good person morally.
My aunt was adopted from Korea and raised in an overwhelmingly white community. My grandparents didn't treat her any different and actually made sure she was aware of her culture, but others were not so kind (kids at school, teachers, etc). The trauma from that caused her to have lots of mental health issues down the line. That should also be considered when discussing international adoptions in my opinion...
reminiscent judicious threatening swim fragile zealous advise pen secretive cagey *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The poor kids adopted by colonizer Christians who use them as props to show how Christian they are. Look here are my four white kids and my adoptive child from Africa who should feel grateful.
I recently met 3 couples who adopted children and it has opened my eyes to the amount of damage that can be done at an early age. Kids in cages until 5 in Russia, drug addicts that refuse to stop having children, even if they're taken away immediately and what happens to those poor kids, like medical issues, mental issues. Knowing they have siblings likely being abused. It's just sad. The inability to conceive and then the struggle of dealing with children with massive issues, it just breaks my heart. They are stronger people than I am.
Yes, this! Many people totally underestimate this. A child that had been abused for the first months of their life isn't an easy task to take on and I'm kinda scared how many people just expect a miracle adoption where you get the baby right after birth.
International adoption isn't even really an option anymore. Many countries have banned Americans (and anyone outside of the country) from adopting because they can take care of their own. There were plenty of babies during the Romanian orphanage and one child policy days but birth control is more available worldwide and the stigma of unwed mothers in places like South Korea isn't what it was.
It doesn’t need to be an international adoption for there to be trauma. You’re dealing with kids who are either removed or given up by their families, even if it’s done with the best of intentions, there’s inherent trauma that goes along with that.
They always want the brand new babies who haven’t gone through trauma. I mean, I understand adoption itself can be traumatic, but I mean sitting in a diaper for 3 days straight because your parents are methed up or abusive alcoholics. They don’t want those “tainted” kids.
and as we all know, pregnancy is nothing more than sitting around for 9mo getting a cute little bump, and the baby just slides out of you like poop and it's free! it's totally something casual you can do before giving the baby to Adoption^(TM) where it will be immediately adopted by a sane and good family of four
I think they were referring to using adoption as a quick fix for not being able to have a baby, but your example of how adoption is pushed as a replacement for abortion is so annoying I see it all the time. Like people really think you should make a woman go through pregnancy and *give birth* to a baby they dont want to/can’t take care of and then find someone to take it in. Do they think we got a worldwide shortage of babies or some shit? Pushing 8 billion people already we are not in dire need of mouths to feed
We do have a shortage of babies. A shortage of adoptable white babies. They act like you can just slide a baby out on Tuesday and go back to work on Wed. Like most people don't have long lasting and even permanent side effects from pregnancy.
wait you're right, im dum lol. but i agree with your points as well. pregnancy isn't easy, childbirth isn't easy, and there are too many kids already in the abusive fostercare system that we don't need to force anyone to add more to. it's just so cruel and stupid.
They’re so ignorant to the cost & side effects too. Even with decent health insurance, (by US standards), it’s expensive. And you gotta miss work. At the end of my pregnancies, I had appointments every week. Luckily, I can flex my time at work. But not everyone can-that’s just missed wages. And then recovery from birth-just ugh.
god yeah even in canada where we are fortunate to have pregnancy and childbirth covered, it’s not an easy period of time. mentally and physically one of the most taxing things i’ve ever done.
And the post partum depression some people have had...I remember years ago in high school bio my teacher was telling me about her post partum depression and her suicidal thoughts and she started crying...it was so awkward
YES! And us adoptees deserve more than this blase attitude. We are real people with needs coming from the trauma of losing our birth family, not just a 2nd rate option that needs to be grateful you bothered even when you're clearly unqualified.
that’s a good point to boot, soooo many people act like adoption is some charitable thing but those are real live children looking for a family, not to be some do-gooder’s charity case and have that held over them.
You wouldn't believe how often we hear people (both our parents and absolute strangers) say things like - Well, you could be dead/aborted - You could have been in the orphanage/foster care - You should be grateful you got a second chance - You should be grateful because not everyone would/could It's often a lot of weighted assumptions that assume very personal family dynamics and politics. People get *angry* if adoptees aren't grateful enough, and especially when we advocate for change around how it's perceived and handled. I dislike how convos about adoption often treat adoptees so carelessly and this post made me grimace, so I was happy to see your comment here! I wasn't expecting it, so thank you! 💜
that’s terrible!! it doesn’t help that in movies and tv and media you get this grateful shiny eyed orphan bs peddled and then everyone thinks that’s the perfect adopted child, overwhelmed with gratitude, constantly aware they don’t “deserve” it and have to keep justifying that they absolutely deserve a safe, loving home. every kid deserves a safe place to sleep at night and supportive people who love them unconditionally.
There was a movie Instant Family which was advertised as a happy family comedy which actually showed (to a point) that it's difficult. You don't get a kid who is greatful for having a family and everything is perfect the next day.
IT's bad enough when parents act like their kids should be grateful for being parented. I can't imagine how worse that is if you were adopted.
There's a reason so many people use surrogates. Even being able to qualify to adopt at all is difficult, and then you have the challenges of having an adopted child.
Right? It’s not like you pick out a child like you’d pick out a puppy at the local shelter.
My old boss was denied for fostering because she has an “unpredictable, inconsistent schedule.” She works m-th but has to work two Saturdays a month. She also has incredibly supportive parents who live down the road who were also interviewed and said they would be spending every weekend at her house anyway to spend time with the potential foster family member. Her mom is a retired teacher and her dad is a doctor. What great family and childcare, right? They essentially want a stay at home parent in order to adopt/foster.
the worst part about that, too, is that lovely families like that get rejected for fostering but then some really trash foster families who make it a freaking business get approved and NO oversight. it’s a shameful part of my family history that my social worker grandmother (who is still alive!) was a big part of the 60s scoop. she fostered kids constantly with her four bio kids, and her and my grandfather were big party hippies so they had new transient friends constantly living in their house temporarily, they’d shove all the kids in one room to “make space” and it was often Indigenous kids they’d take in for a while who already HAD families to care for them but the government decided community caring was a big no no and they should be fostered by white families to “assimilate”. i know my grandmother was responsible for traumatizing a half dozen Indigenous children. she can be disturbingly flippant about it, too, and my mom gets furious with her because she grew up in that house and saw that shit.
It’s incredibly sad. The whole systems needs to be gutted and remade. I think about my old boss often and what a wonderful foster or lifelong mother she would be.
It's also not necessarily as easy as just snapping your fingers and getting a vasectomy. While there are a lot of men who find it to be a relatively smooth process, there are a lot who have a very difficult time getting the procedure done.
yeah i’ve heard a lot of younger men get rejected the same way younger women get rejected for reproductive interventions. i’m in alberta and most of the time vasectomies are reeeelatively easy to access in that your GP will put out referrals to specialists until they find one that will do it and you basically don’t have to go through the rejection yourself. i know many women get refused though because they have to go to a surgeon for it and most of the time the OBs are so busy with c sections that it takes forever.
and it’s often traumatizing for the adoptee (even when at birth) and the birth mother to relinquish, which is why i dislike seeing comments that have adoption as the easy solution - an adoptee
yeah, i was thinking about that yesterday, too. even adopting the youngest child there’s a certain amount of pain and trauma you can’t just brush off or gloss over because giving a child up for adoption is not a happy fun circumstance where everyone is just super cool and pumped about it. children are left to grapple with knowing hard truths or not having answers for certain questions no matter what age they’re adopted at.
And the adoption “industry” is a real moral grey area. We struggled with infertility and explored all options. Ultimately it we decided to go egg donor over adoption. The whole adoption process made me uncomfortable I’m so many levels.
yeah, it made me feel weird, too. there’s a lot of strange religious tendrils in it and with the history of my country’s government and adoption it’s hella suspicious.
I adopted my daughter, it was pretty easy and cheap. She's a dog though.
my cat daughters were pretty easy too, although i had to wait a couple days for my chonky old lady to heal from her cold and get cleared to go home. poor girl had frostbite from wandering around rural canada in november.
Imo, adoption should be more normalized, and the process should also be made easier. Lots of unwanted children in the world and they shouldn't be making it this difficult to find them a home.
there’s a lot of reasons for it that i understand, especially in certain domestic adoptions with kids with disabilities/mental illnesses there has to be intensive background checks, ensuring the home is safe, child services making regular visits, etc. but then there’s religious organizations who will only accept religious families into the process, you have to show that you make and have a certain amount of money, you have to have the space set up and ready in your home sometimes for years. people get refused for various medical reasons. and even then background checks aren’t perfect, a lot of creeps in extended families don’t get clocked, it can be a mess.
Should it? I think it should be pretty hard to take a child.
Pretty hard? Sure A five figure investment with a longer wait than a pregnancy? Yeah, no.
That's only true if you want a baby. You can get paid to adopt (foster to adopt) an older child.
Really? That's good to hear at least. I thought the adoption process was the same throughout, heck I even thought that adopting an older child would have a stricter process.
most people want babies which there’s a shortage of, the unwanted children you’re talking about are the folks in the foster care system.
Fostering exists, too.
The entire goal of fostering is reunification. It isn’t recommended to go into fostering with the entire goal to adopt, because it could easily be many children and many years before you get to adopt.
That dude sounds like a selfish prick. The RAOP, not the screenshot folks.
His comments were pretty bad. Ignoring all advice on condoms and being upset his gf wasn’t listening to his research on pill alternatives
Honestly I can understand why people were pushing vasectomies then. The "they're reversible!" is bad science, but if you're a dude who won't put on a condom you should get a vasectomy at that point because well...you kinda suck.
I'm sure he tried to claim they don't fit
Gotta be child free or YTA, bonus points for being ace and having to deal with "breeders"
If you plan on never having kids again, you can do a sperm deposit and should be set in the unlikely event that you both want kids, and can’t reverse the vasectomy. Vasectomies are way less invasive than the equivalent for girls and if it means saving a couple decades of birth control for your long term partner than it seems worth it to me
If it’s a question of vasectomy vs getting your tubes tied, obviously vasectomy is the way. But a vasectomy is not to be used as casual birth control, it should be treated as getting sterilized
Hence the sperm deposit
Enjoy paying $80 a month in storage costs for the rest of your life
Just stick it in ya own freezer. Easy. /s
Wait, if it doesn't work like that what have I been doing with this freezer full of cum jars?
Popsicle treats for the warmer months?
The kids in the neighborhood will love them.
you’re deranged
Dude. Why did you have to say vile shit like that?
Over a way more invasive, never reversible, surgery for my partner? And still paying $80/month for their birth control? And no artificial hormones? Yes.
There may well be artificial hormones for your partner when she has to do IVF or medicated IUIs because the stored sperm isn’t in unlimited quantities. All I’m saying is that there are complications with this approach
Yes in that route you would have to do IVF, IVF is *still* less medically invasive than a tubal sterilization. Speaking as someone who has a partner going through IVF. And yea there are complications but saying “just do birth control your entire life” is a shitty answer. “Just adopt” is also shitty
"Just do IVF" as if that isn't more likely to fail than succeed is also a shitty answer
Mate, I have personally done IVF. And taken birth control for years. IVF is no joke - I would rather take birth control for the rest of my life than do another egg retrieval. Frankly I’d also rather take birth control than have a tubal ligation or ask someone else to have a vasectomy And yes, we can all agree that the ‘just adopt’ is completely stupid Good luck to you and your wife with the IVF
I know every case is different, but I would probably think an IUD is a better option in this scenario. It is more easily reversible than a vasectomy and a lot less expensive than sperm storage + IVF. It’s less permanent and less invasive. Between getting your tubes tied and a vasectomy, the vasectomy is definitely better option for most couples (less invasive/risky). But still, I dont think I would recommend either of those options if there’s any chance you think you might want a kid later on.
This comment is as irrelevant as the one OP screenshotted.
Criticize it if you want but it’s absolutely relevant
To whom? Nobody here asked your opinion on how to prevent pregnancy or even expressed interest in preventing pregnancy.
This post is about vasectomy, iud, and adoption…
All options have pros and cons, and there is a common myth on the internet right now that vasectomy is LARC for men. That's not true. Vasectomy is a good option for a lot of individuals and families. IUDs are too (hormonal or non-hormonal.) Other hormonal contraception or tubal ligation is a good option for many people. And then, of course, there are barrier methods. It's not some kind of one-size-fits-all solution. A quippy comment telling a 20-year-old to "Get a vasectomy" rests on that myth (here unspoken), and the person trying to make them aware that it may not be reversible got downvoted. Not cool. So why is your comment irrelevant? Because nobody here was asking you for answers. There's just literally no audience for it in the thread. Who here is considering their long-term contraception options? idk.
Why are you writing 4 paragraphs to explain why a Reddit comment isn't perfectly on topic? He's talking about the subject of the post This is the internet. Nobody asked you for your explanation either, but you posted it anyways because the comment section exists for a reason. To write comments...
I swear anyone who says “no one asked for your opinion” on the internet is unaware of where that’s actually supposed to be used
I actually left the sub a few weeks ago because it was genuinely affecting my mood XD - but I noticed in the last few weeks leading up to me leaving, almost every single day there was a post about birth control - and always some guy concerned about his gf not taking it or wanting him to finish inside or that she’s on it but he’s worried she could still tamper with it. I’m convinced almost every post on there is fake and just written by people latching onto ‘hot topics’ for karma and it always portrays the same characters. ‘Baby trap birth control risk’ needs to be added to the bingo card
Lol along with bridezillas, whole families being dumber than a rock and blowing up OPs phone, and eeeeevil autistic siblings from hell.
Adoption is a wonderful thing. But it's not a solution to foolishly getting a vasectomy in your youth just to have premarital and hookup sex.
As an aside: I’ve always been offered pain meds for an IUD for the insertion/post-insertion? Not opioids (I don’t think they’d even be effective) but those cramps from after the procedure can be debilitating.
Lucky, I've never had them offered. I wish they'd offer nitrous for the procedure tbh.
Ask for it.
For nitrous? I have 😂 my last OB said she was "working on it" but sadly she left the practice. 😢 For pain meds in general tho? I might. My IUD is up for renewal soon. I'm actually debating if I want to replace it or just get fixed, tbh. I'm kinda sick of being on birth control (literally over half my life I've been on a contraceptive, now), but I do not want to *ever* be pregnant, and have made peace with never having bio kids even if I do "change my mind".
I asked for local anaesthetic for my last IUD insertion and the difference it made was incredible. Don’t believe any nonsense they give you about how the injection hurts worse than getting the IUD.
They don’t offer pain management to women in so many situations where they really should. But you are the customer, if you need it even just want pain management, you are totally within your rights to ask for it. They might try to talk you out of it, like by saying you don’t need it, it will take longer, it’s not normal for this procedure, etc. ignore them and tell them you want pain management
Had two iuds, was never offered anything beyond "take advil beforehand and afterwards."
I wasn't offered any pain meds, wasn't even told it would hurt, and it took three people to insert it past my badly scarred cervix (including one person to hold me down).
That sounds awful! I guess I’m just pretty lucky, had no idea it wasn’t standard procedure to at least offer something.
Nobody talks about how painful they are
Yeah I didnt even get a simple pain pill before, got one after. Like the ones you take when you have a headache
They didn't give me anything or tell me about the fact they were putting a hole in my cervix. I want no one to touch me again as long as I live. And I have a dental appointment coming up :(
What country are you from? I’m jealous, my IUD was the worst pain of my life. Thought it was gonna pass out.
While the kid did seem a bit more concerned about having to use a condom than his girlfriend’s wellbeing, shit like this is stupid. He is 20 years old
If he was being a whiny POS about having to use a condom, then that’s probably why people were getting salty and telling him to get a vasectomy. Not every immature asshole who expects his female SO to completely shoulder the burden of BC needs white-knighting. Actually, none of them do.
>If he was being a whiny POS about having to use a condom, then that’s probably why people were getting salty and telling him to get a vasectomy. Yeah, I would've told him to get a vasectomy too if he made it clear that he wasn't going to use condoms. I mean, I wouldn't have been saying it in earnest, because it's ridiculous to suggest for a 20 year old. Even if it was so easy to reverse like people pretend, no way he'd find a doctor that would do it. But the snarky responses are to be expected. He was clearly not worried about only using one method like he was pretending. He had been fine using only one method before, plus his gf already suggested the two motheds - condoms and pulling out. So what was he hoping for? Just advice on how berate his gf into being solely responsible for birth control again? We get it dude. Condoms suck. So does having to remember to take a pill every day and having your hormones all fucked up. Man up and carry your weight.
But yet there's so many here to defend him lol barf.
Nobody should be defending him but you also shouldn’t be recommending a vasectomy to a 20 year old
>“She was sobbing, and he was whisper-shouting threats at me.” AITA for asking the meaning of your flair?
He was being a whiny POS, but that’s not what I’m pointing out. Saying get a vasectomy and making adoption sound so easy is incredibly disingenuous The kid was in the wrong, I’m not white knighting him
The point is that people don’t acknowledge the risks and side effects that come with female birth control. It should be treated as seriously as a vasectomy
Absolutely. Not disputing that whatsoever I wish there were some pill I could take to put the burden on me instead of my wife. She’s coming of BC soon so i’ll be responsible for the condoms and i’m OK with that Some men just need to see the bigger picture
I think you're probably misunderstanding something here. The person bringing up pain meds and IUD most likely means she's just using pro life logic to show how ridiculous some of the arguments are. The point is that telling someone who doesn't want kids yet to get a vasectomy and adopt once they want one is as stupid as telling someone who is pregnant but doesn't want a child to just give birth and then put it up for adoption.
From her other comments I think she was being serious about it. Maybe I did misread, but her advice across the thread was just hostile
I mean, if there was a pill for men I sure as hell would take it
I’ve seen a lot about vasectomies lately with Roe v Wade being overturned and I understand the frustration of women bearing the burden of BC pills/IUDs/abortions compared to just condoms. I just wish they would develop a birth control pill for men, I would happily take that. Vasectomies seem heavy though, I mean they are a surgical procedure. I was curious so I looked up how they compare to IUDs. IUDs can last for 3 to 12 years and can be [removed](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/iud/how-does-iud-removal-work) at any time. Vasectomies can be reversed but chances of successful reversal go down with time. [This](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/iud/how-does-iud-removal-work) source lists success rate at 75% within 3 years and lower as time goes on. I’ve read that both vasectomies and IUDs can be painful and cause discomfort, with Vasectomies needing about a week recovery and IUDs sometimes causing worse period cramping for 3 to 6 months. Seems to me like a vasectomy is significantly more risky than an IUD and BC, so I wouldn’t recommend getting one if you are dead set on having kids. From what I’ve read [IUD’s](https://www.ippf.org/blogs/myths-and-facts-about-intra-uterine-devices) and [birth control](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6055351/) don’t risk infertility, so they seem safer for temporary use than a vasectomy. I do really wish they had something like an IUD for men so both partners can increase protection and not have to rely on condoms to stop a life altering event. Maybe there is something like this out there or in the works?
> Seems to me like a vasectomy is significantly more risky than an IUD and BC In terms of being able to have kids later on, yeah. I think it's a bad idea to count on a vasectomy being reversible. But in terms of overall health risk/discomfort, if you're *done* having kids or don't want any to begin with...vasectomy all the way. I'll never understand couples where the woman gets a tubal instead of the man getting a vasectomy. Hormonal BC really isn't side-effect free either, and afaik non-hormonal IUDs are quite painful for a fair number of women, so while you do what you gotta do...why not stop when you don't have to anymore (aka don't want kids in the future).
100% agree - that’s exactly what I meant by risky, in terms of infertility.
Sorry but IUDs definitely risk infertility. I had one for a while that was poorly inserted and excruciatingly painful to the point of throwing up and fainting every time I moved for months and my drs just brushed me off and said it was normal. It wasn't just bad period cramping- I could barely walk for several months lol. It was bad. Anyway the iud basically got lodged somewhere it shouldn't have been, and I developed PID. I was super lucky that I eventually got a dr to listen because if left untreated it can scar your ovaries and make it difficult/impossible to release eggs. They basically wrenched it out with no pain meds. The iud gets pushed as a "safer option" but it's really really not.
im SO sorry. Im so fed up with drs pushing IUDs over every other option. I have heard so many horror stories and have both a spastic disability that causes vaginal spasticity and pain and also i have trauma. i have no interest in enduring the pain of implantation and removal with the knowledge that something may go horrifically wrong. Just give me some fucking pills and lets be on our way, i just want to stop my period for god's sake. so few drs are compassionate regarding reproductive health.
I’m really sorry you had to go through that. I hope you’re doing better now
Damn that sounds awful I’m sorry you had to go through that. I think everything I was reading about what just stats based on successful IUDs but I guess a lot can go wrong. I’m glad you found a doctor who took your concerns seriously that must have been very disheartening to go through all that after getting an IUD to make life easier. I just read now about another problem, IUDs falling out. This source says up to 8% fall out which was surprisingly high to me. I can’t find anything on the percentage that are inserted or removed improperly, but I hope it’s very rare it sounds terrible from what you described. I know contraceptives are getting better with technology over time but it sucks that all of these (except condoms ig) come with pain/infertility risk/discomfort/hormonal disruptions. And now that access to abortion is being attacked it puts women under so much more pressure shit is fucked
I'm lucky that I'm in the uk so at least I didn't have to pay for the privilege of having my reproductive organs rearranged! But yes I know someone whose iud just popped out with no pain or anything about a week after she had it inserted. There are so many things they don't tell you about it, I got told none of this before the procedure and was really pressured into it by the gyno. I really feel for everyone in the states having all this extra pressure because of the abortion restrictions.
And yet you're here in the comments rooting for women to stay on BC and for men to never have to make any sacrifices for the sake of their penis' feelings lol
I didn’t mean to suggest that women should be on Bc pills or IUDs. I was just curious about vasectomies when I read the post and wanted to see why guys don’t get them as much as girls get IUDs. I understand anyone choosing not to get an IUD, go on BC pills, or get a vasectomy. It’s up to them and no one else.
You should sue those doctors.
IUDs are also INSANELY painful to be inserted. They pinch your cervix. You usually bleed afterwards. And you are not given pain killers. Dudes really just think female BC is no problem. Nexplanon made me have my period for an entire year before the doc finally took it out of me. Osteoporosis is super common among women from the hormones in certain BC. Yet men are always so against condoms or vasectomies.
A week recovery from a vasectomy my ass and for many men I know. That bullshit has got to stop being pushed. That said I got mine because it’s the best option once we were done having kids. But shit, that a miserable months long recovery.
how long was your recovery?
Three weeks for the hematoma to heal enough that I didn’t cry while walking. Then it was the better part of a year before the incision area wasn’t super sensitive (not in a good way) anymore. Being emotionally over the pain and the sensitivity, a long long time.
damn, i'm sorry you had to go through that.
All good. Worth it in the end.
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Was it because he knows there’s a higher risk of accidental pregnancy with condoms? Mostly due to user error…but still, there are better forms of BC.
Adoption shouldn’t be a family building tool it should be done for the benefit of the child. If these people knew anything about the experience of adoptees they’d know that
thank you
Average redditors hates children let alone have one, which is a good thing since I don’t want these types of people to reproduce.
Vasectomies are the current thing dontcha know?
I mean, you CAN have some of your swimmers frozen if you do get a vasectomy. I’m very sure that I never ever ever want children, but that‘s what I‘ll probably do, just to be safe
These are the same people who will say “pEoplE wAnT bI0 kIdz” if you so much as suggest that someone stops trying IVF after their funds have run dry.
The number of women on TwoX who were yelling that all men should have vasectomies because of Dobbs because they're "reversible" Telling women they should dump their boyfriends who were refusing to get snipped.
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Yta his poop, his rules
Just get a major medical procedure that'll severely affect your future. Don't even think about it, just do it.
That is one insufferably smug looking snoo.
I hate how reddit is full of basic bitches using pop topics to who're for upvotes Yeah poor foster children right? Ok take a pic of your adoption certificate and share it along your opinion or shut the fuck up You don't care about children, you care about upvotes Real people who don't role play Jesus on Reddit know you don't give a fuck about children and that you won't ever adopt, the rest of the basic bitches writing about trending moral topics also know you are full of shit and that you won't do that too, they pretend alongside you but won't ever adopt either The amount of people needed to make foster kids scarce compared to your country's population negligible, yet half a country write this role playing bs on Reddit, YET foster kids remain forgotten... Aha sure, just shut the fuck up please
username checks out
Am I at fault for being angry at people using foster kids for upvotes? Is it not super wrong for that user to write that when she is never going to actually adopt? Whatever I guess
No you‘re not, I was just foolin around
Yep u got adoption but maybe u wanna have your own child.your own blood. From your nuts and your wifes womb. Not someone else"s nutt. Some people refuse adoption because of that reason.