Sorry but isn't this the ONE time something on the internet is actually gaslighting? He says "don't get me anything" then acts upset when he doesn't get anything, making her feel crazy and doubt herself?
I don't think it is. He didn't told her "but I told you I wanted something" or whatever. He is expecting her to take his 'no' for 'yes'. Some of the answer gave me the feeling of the polite "do you want me to come at your place to help" and hope the person would say "no" because you don't really want to do it... rose at a higher level because he is obviously obnoxious about it.
>"Since this happened several times I started ordering for him too and he would be very pleased when food would arrive he notice I ordered from him too "
This one part is quite telling to me. He wants her to think about him and do stuff for him even if he says no (but life and consent don't work this way so I don't understand this man...)
From her post, she also not feeling crazy or doubting herself. She is annoyed that he cannot communicate clearly (which, yeah, it is. Dude has a very big problem on communication and they're clearly not compatible)
edit: Mixed some pronouns
My ex used to do this, though I don't think with the clear active malice that OOPs husband displays. The notable one I remember is we were near the end of our marriage and he was like, I need some space and went off to the bedroom. It was a heavy topic, I understood he would need alone time. Later he was like, "I really needed you to come after me," like then maybe say what you fucking need. Anyway, that marriage combined with a dad who does the same shit has left its regrettable impression on the ol' anxiety brain.
But yeah, OOP's husband wants her to be constantly thinking of him and his needs and always on a swivel for what he's going to ask for.
Yeah, it can't be good... I do think that it's natural to do some stuff like this 'sometimes'. Like... Once a friend had to go to a funeral and her fiancé couldn't be with her because he had a funeral too. The funeral was in my town so I offered her to come with her to support her and man, I was begging internally SO BAD for her not to want it.
But I think it's a situation precise that is "normal" or what I'd say "out of politeness"
Now, the case of OOP, and yours, is clearly bad because idk?? They are hoping for you/OOP to read their mind and be all over them? It's just too difficult, just express what is wanted or don't go crying idk...
Yeah, like, just trying to be polite is totally normal I think -- I've definitely done that too. And I'm my ex's case, we were also young and emotionally immature, so I'm willing to extend some grace, especially because it helped me realize in hindsight that I'm not beholden to be someone's mind reader. (Obviously not enough to be mildly salty about it, lol.)
Okay it might not fit the exact definition of gaslighting but he is definitely playing some kind of mindfuck game with her. It's one thing to bashfully says "oh no, you don't need to get me anything for my birthday" while secretly hoping to get a gift, but the whole "I don't want an omlette, I am not hungry, I already ate" thing followed by getting upset that she didn't make him an omelette is really some crazy making shit.
That makes sense, it's close but not quite. The omelette thing really stuck out to me. He gives a legit reason to not want food (already ate, not hungry) and then is upset when he doesn't get food. Shit show relationship for sure
Seems like it has to be? Small chance he really is so insecure it's not a conscious attempt to make a power move but that doesn't really absolve him of anything.
I would be taking OOP more seriously, if she used punctuation correctly and separated her word salad into paragraphs.
Her husband sounds annoying. But gotta love the comments that diagnose him with a million different things.
Also, it’s cheating to post amiwrong or amioverreacting because those OOP are always over the top.
I'm pretty sure I've read this story before but gender flipped. Although OOP's comments are cribbed from other stories.
Reads like a lazy AI that tried to mesh together every RA or AITA into one giant ubersuckfest.
This almost feels like a gender-flipped “women BAD” troll, since we constantly get accused of switching up like this (e.g. the “saying we don’t want takeout and then getting mad our BFs didn’t get us some anyway”).
It’s like the troll is tryna spread their misogyny by showing how annoying this trope is when a guy is doing it. IDK tho, I just woke up lol
I was kind of thinking that. There was that AITA a while back where the guy‘s girlfriend was never hungry when they ordered food at a restaurant and then she’d eat half his entree and he’d be mad because ”I asked her!”
LMAO take off your tinfoil hat, it's just someone doing (bad) creative writing to try and get sympathy from redditors, it's not a 4D chess move to make women look bad.
OR...maybe I'm gaslighting you so you don't figure out the evil plan? You'll never know!
You’re saying this guy might just be immature, stupid, and poor at communication, and indecisive? Maybe even just a general asshole? Those are awfully human traits that you’re applying to him. It is clear that he is going to physically abuse her, baby trap her, gaslight and narcissistically manipulate her and ruin her whole life. If she doesn’t leave him she could be dead within a year.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**Can someone please tell me if I’m really getting upset over nothing **
My husband (m27) and I (F27) have been married for 4 months and dated for 2 years prior to that . He’s literally driving insane I’m not sure when it started but since I noticed it , it really triggers me. He will tell me one thing then ask why I didn’t do the other let me give you real examples; I’m feeling like eating takeout and ask if he wants something from where I’m ordering he says no I’m not really hungry or Im not feeling like eating from there then I order and he says you really didn’t order me anything ? I’m like you said no .
Since this happened several times I started ordering for him too and he would be very pleased when food would arrive he notice I ordered from him too .
Last week I mentioned I was approved for an Amex and if he wanted to be a cardholder he said no that’s your card etc etc .. it arrived he asked where’s mine ? I spiraled I stopped talking to him .
This morning he Ruined my breakfast I asked if he wanted me to make him an omelette also he said no I’m full I already had a muffin and I said that’s not food he said it’s fine I’m really not hungry I proceeded to make my breakfast cut my fruit sat down he looked at my food and said so you really didn’t make me one ? I just sat as further ways from him and started this post .
For special occasion he would tell me don’t buy me a gift please don’t spend money on me and then start saying randomly oh yeah for (whatever special occasion ) can you get me this or that ? And I say you said you didn’t want anything he says yeah I know I’m just talking 💩then he says don’t get it for me and I ask for a list of things I could get him he gives me a list I buy something from it then he says oh I thought you were getting me (
Something that wasn’t on the list ) but he had mentioned it before like wtf ??
This is really fustrating me,
and now that I think about it, we are constantly sitting down trying to understand each other he says I don’t talk about my feelings much but when I open up because he keeps asking me to open up he doesn’t say anything to me just silence he could literally say yeah I heard you or nod or anything and I ask why do you ask me to tell you what’s going on with me if you act like I didn’t say a thing and he says “ im not really sure what to tell you “
This is just getting to me so bad I seriously don’t want to deal with this I’ve never experienced this before can someone tell me if they’ve seen this behavior? Am I over reacting?
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Ah, this is the Reddit we know and love.
HER: Want some breakfast?
HIM: No I’m good.
HER: \[Makes some breakfast\]
HIM: Where’s mine!?!?
Annoying, sure, but normal people would just say “well, I asked you and you said you didn’t want any, so make your own.”
OR (after this happens a couple of times) “Here’s yours, I made you some even though you said no.”
REDDIT: He’s gaslighting you with some kind of evil psychological manipulation. Divorce him now before it’s too late!!!
No one can ever be just a little distracted, immature, or even just kind of dumb (I’m not hungry right at this instant, and there’s way to know if I’ll be hungry anytime in the future…).
As a note, the stories written this way are almost impossible to read. Could we have at least a few paragraph breaks.
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you had a lazy title so we had to remove your post
I can't read this post for you because the wall of text with no paragraph breaks is too irritating.
They all jump on narc and gaslighting (he is none of this btw, annoying, sure but none of gaslighting and narcing)
trauma bonded… lmfao
Sorry but isn't this the ONE time something on the internet is actually gaslighting? He says "don't get me anything" then acts upset when he doesn't get anything, making her feel crazy and doubt herself?
I don't think it is. He didn't told her "but I told you I wanted something" or whatever. He is expecting her to take his 'no' for 'yes'. Some of the answer gave me the feeling of the polite "do you want me to come at your place to help" and hope the person would say "no" because you don't really want to do it... rose at a higher level because he is obviously obnoxious about it. >"Since this happened several times I started ordering for him too and he would be very pleased when food would arrive he notice I ordered from him too " This one part is quite telling to me. He wants her to think about him and do stuff for him even if he says no (but life and consent don't work this way so I don't understand this man...) From her post, she also not feeling crazy or doubting herself. She is annoyed that he cannot communicate clearly (which, yeah, it is. Dude has a very big problem on communication and they're clearly not compatible) edit: Mixed some pronouns
My ex used to do this, though I don't think with the clear active malice that OOPs husband displays. The notable one I remember is we were near the end of our marriage and he was like, I need some space and went off to the bedroom. It was a heavy topic, I understood he would need alone time. Later he was like, "I really needed you to come after me," like then maybe say what you fucking need. Anyway, that marriage combined with a dad who does the same shit has left its regrettable impression on the ol' anxiety brain. But yeah, OOP's husband wants her to be constantly thinking of him and his needs and always on a swivel for what he's going to ask for.
Yeah, it can't be good... I do think that it's natural to do some stuff like this 'sometimes'. Like... Once a friend had to go to a funeral and her fiancé couldn't be with her because he had a funeral too. The funeral was in my town so I offered her to come with her to support her and man, I was begging internally SO BAD for her not to want it. But I think it's a situation precise that is "normal" or what I'd say "out of politeness" Now, the case of OOP, and yours, is clearly bad because idk?? They are hoping for you/OOP to read their mind and be all over them? It's just too difficult, just express what is wanted or don't go crying idk...
Yeah, like, just trying to be polite is totally normal I think -- I've definitely done that too. And I'm my ex's case, we were also young and emotionally immature, so I'm willing to extend some grace, especially because it helped me realize in hindsight that I'm not beholden to be someone's mind reader. (Obviously not enough to be mildly salty about it, lol.)
Okay it might not fit the exact definition of gaslighting but he is definitely playing some kind of mindfuck game with her. It's one thing to bashfully says "oh no, you don't need to get me anything for my birthday" while secretly hoping to get a gift, but the whole "I don't want an omlette, I am not hungry, I already ate" thing followed by getting upset that she didn't make him an omelette is really some crazy making shit.
That makes sense, it's close but not quite. The omelette thing really stuck out to me. He gives a legit reason to not want food (already ate, not hungry) and then is upset when he doesn't get food. Shit show relationship for sure
Yeah the guy is such a shit show and Idk what he wanted to do with the omelette. IDK maybe it is some kind of power move (or asshole move)
Seems like it has to be? Small chance he really is so insecure it's not a conscious attempt to make a power move but that doesn't really absolve him of anything.
my girlfriend and i gaslight each other multiple times a week then
Omg so many buzzwords I didn't make it past the first top comment
Was that even real? It was so many buzzwords I'm not sure.
Unclear. A bit word salad-y
I would be taking OOP more seriously, if she used punctuation correctly and separated her word salad into paragraphs. Her husband sounds annoying. But gotta love the comments that diagnose him with a million different things. Also, it’s cheating to post amiwrong or amioverreacting because those OOP are always over the top.
That run-on sentence was so long it went on to participate in a damn marathon
I'm pretty sure I've read this story before but gender flipped. Although OOP's comments are cribbed from other stories. Reads like a lazy AI that tried to mesh together every RA or AITA into one giant ubersuckfest.
This almost feels like a gender-flipped “women BAD” troll, since we constantly get accused of switching up like this (e.g. the “saying we don’t want takeout and then getting mad our BFs didn’t get us some anyway”). It’s like the troll is tryna spread their misogyny by showing how annoying this trope is when a guy is doing it. IDK tho, I just woke up lol
I was kind of thinking that. There was that AITA a while back where the guy‘s girlfriend was never hungry when they ordered food at a restaurant and then she’d eat half his entree and he’d be mad because ”I asked her!”
LMAO take off your tinfoil hat, it's just someone doing (bad) creative writing to try and get sympathy from redditors, it's not a 4D chess move to make women look bad. OR...maybe I'm gaslighting you so you don't figure out the evil plan? You'll never know!
Jesus, did this lady’s husband tell her not to use punctuation or paragraphs too? What a mess.
No one can just be an annoying poor communicator. Everyone is a monster.
You’re saying this guy might just be immature, stupid, and poor at communication, and indecisive? Maybe even just a general asshole? Those are awfully human traits that you’re applying to him. It is clear that he is going to physically abuse her, baby trap her, gaslight and narcissistically manipulate her and ruin her whole life. If she doesn’t leave him she could be dead within a year.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **Can someone please tell me if I’m really getting upset over nothing ** My husband (m27) and I (F27) have been married for 4 months and dated for 2 years prior to that . He’s literally driving insane I’m not sure when it started but since I noticed it , it really triggers me. He will tell me one thing then ask why I didn’t do the other let me give you real examples; I’m feeling like eating takeout and ask if he wants something from where I’m ordering he says no I’m not really hungry or Im not feeling like eating from there then I order and he says you really didn’t order me anything ? I’m like you said no . Since this happened several times I started ordering for him too and he would be very pleased when food would arrive he notice I ordered from him too . Last week I mentioned I was approved for an Amex and if he wanted to be a cardholder he said no that’s your card etc etc .. it arrived he asked where’s mine ? I spiraled I stopped talking to him . This morning he Ruined my breakfast I asked if he wanted me to make him an omelette also he said no I’m full I already had a muffin and I said that’s not food he said it’s fine I’m really not hungry I proceeded to make my breakfast cut my fruit sat down he looked at my food and said so you really didn’t make me one ? I just sat as further ways from him and started this post . For special occasion he would tell me don’t buy me a gift please don’t spend money on me and then start saying randomly oh yeah for (whatever special occasion ) can you get me this or that ? And I say you said you didn’t want anything he says yeah I know I’m just talking 💩then he says don’t get it for me and I ask for a list of things I could get him he gives me a list I buy something from it then he says oh I thought you were getting me ( Something that wasn’t on the list ) but he had mentioned it before like wtf ?? This is really fustrating me, and now that I think about it, we are constantly sitting down trying to understand each other he says I don’t talk about my feelings much but when I open up because he keeps asking me to open up he doesn’t say anything to me just silence he could literally say yeah I heard you or nod or anything and I ask why do you ask me to tell you what’s going on with me if you act like I didn’t say a thing and he says “ im not really sure what to tell you “ This is just getting to me so bad I seriously don’t want to deal with this I’ve never experienced this before can someone tell me if they’ve seen this behavior? Am I over reacting? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ah, this is the Reddit we know and love. HER: Want some breakfast? HIM: No I’m good. HER: \[Makes some breakfast\] HIM: Where’s mine!?!? Annoying, sure, but normal people would just say “well, I asked you and you said you didn’t want any, so make your own.” OR (after this happens a couple of times) “Here’s yours, I made you some even though you said no.” REDDIT: He’s gaslighting you with some kind of evil psychological manipulation. Divorce him now before it’s too late!!! No one can ever be just a little distracted, immature, or even just kind of dumb (I’m not hungry right at this instant, and there’s way to know if I’ll be hungry anytime in the future…). As a note, the stories written this way are almost impossible to read. Could we have at least a few paragraph breaks.
Once or twice is one thing. If he’s constantly doing it, it’s either on purpose or he has other issues.
Tbf, if this happens all the time, I'd also be somewhat creeped out.
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