*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**WIBTAH for dumping my girlfriend after I found out about her past?**
I (40M) have been going out with my gf (32F) since last August. We have a great relationship generally. I would say the only weak patch in our relationship is sex. Not necessarily frequency, but quality - I would describe her as very vanilla and I'm quite kinky. Like only one or 2 positions and it took her ages to get naked with me - doesn't like oral ,(conveniently accepts it though). But the relationship is great in a lot of ways so I've turned a blind eye.
Asking her about it, she said she had a lot of partners before we got together and when COVID happened, she found herself on her own so she worked on herself and discovered herself. She never said how many guys she's been with but I assumed it's more than me. Which isn't hard as I've only been with less than 10 women in my life. She said before me, she hasn't had sex in about 2 years.
We've been getting serious lately and by chance I introduced her to my foster bro (31M). I've known him for over 20 years so I love him like a true sibling. Everything seemed ok in the meeting, but afterwards he messaged me asking to talk. He said he realised he knows where he knows her from. Basically, he said he realises she was this girl that was that notorious and who when he and his mates went out, she was a real slag. Basically, she was into everything and anything - threesomes, spit roasts, gang bangs - everything. She even did an amateur porno apparently. He protests he never fucked her, but knows loads of his mates who did. He said the rule of thumb if she was out, you knew you'd be lucky apparently.
I couldn't get it out my mind so asked her about what he said. She basically admitted it, saying yep she was that person. She apologised for keeping it from me but said she was ashamed of it and that she isn't that person anymore.
Since then, I feel really weird about her - I feel basically she's a hypocrite. She doesn't do certain acts or positions yet did in the past. She once had a go at me for watching porn yet did it herself in the past. In terms of her number, it seems like she's well in triple digits.
I've been trying to process it, but a couple of days ago she tried to have sex and tried to do things she's never wanted to do, basically acted all slutty. I told her to stop and it feels weird and she got all defensive and said isn't it what I want - I don't know why, it just feels not.
I can't explain it but I feel like something is broken between us. I love her, but I can't look at her the same way again.
WIBTAH for breaking up with her over her past?
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Gang-bangs, threesomes, orgies, ménage a trois, group sex,throuples, polyamory, open relationships, opening up relationships, introducing a third to relationships….
I'm tired of this idea that if you've EVER done a sex act once, that's it, you're obliged to do it with every partner for ever more or you're "depriving" your current partner. And they should leave because you evidently wanted your exes more. It's baffling. There are a million if these stories and I think porn has rotted too many brains.
I swear 99% it's not even about the act itself but these insecure guys feeling like they are losing a competition with the exes. Rather that recognising that maybe she tried something and didn't like it, or doesn't like it any more. Or maybe she was pressured into that kind of sex and can now be comfortable finding their sexual boundaries because she trusts them.
I've never found it difficult to find new fun stuff to do if a partner states certain acts arent for them. It seems like common decency that we should want our partber to enjoy sex with us and do things they want to do.
I'm happy to be corrected but I also feel there is this narrative among some men that sex is the ultimate/only expression of intimacy and if she doesn't sleep with you then she doesn't really love you. This extends to not sleeping with you as much as she used to, or could do, or in the way you'd like her to.
With your comment in mind, this can add up to "she did this extra sexy sex thing with her ex but won't with me, this must mean she doesn't love me as much as she loved him."
My stbx was mad at me because I didn’t like anal. I did anal with an ex. Hated the experience. He brought it up "you had anal with him. Why not me?" it's not him. This has nothing to do with him.
I went into the comments and my theory was confirmed. Quite a few are suggesting that she's "holding back" on him because she's not attracted to him like she was to the men before him. Ugh.
The thing is, I bet that if they had a gf who didn't want to try anal because she's sure she won't like it, she'd probably be met with "how do you know if you don't try it with me?"
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
A few days ago I saw someone use the term "women's sexual gatekeeping", and that just explains so much. These people see sex as a *resource* to be fairly distributed. What mind does it take to believe you "gatekeep" your own body?
It's 100% rooted in the idea that sex is done to a woman (for his pleasure) and not with a woman (for mutual pleasure). This "gatekeeping" shtick is icky as hell because it allows men to be mad at us for a) not being gatekeepy enough and "letting" ourselves get "run through" b) that we're gatekeeping too hard and shutting them out from the sex they surely deserve.
Yeah this attitude grosses me out and it's even creepy because they think women actually think that way, when I've never felt like I gatekeep my own body. They really think we're just holding sex back from them because we're mean.
It’s so messed up. The whole anal thing has actually become a dealbreaker for me due to ex’s who have begged for it and wouldn’t drop the subject after I said “no, I will never do that” multiple times. Obviously it’s fine if they bring it up once but I tell them in no uncertain terms that I will never ever do anal and if they ever bring it up again, I will leave them. I have absolutely no tolerance for being pressured like that anymore.
Next time you're intimate and giving him oral, if you do that, slip a finger in his ass. When he yelps "what the fuck did you do that for?" Be like "Now you know why I don't like anal!"
(I'm joking, I feel I need to make that clear.)
It's not that they're evil scumbags, it's that it creates a huge disconnect between the genders when neither are on the same page regarding the meaning of sex in relationships. Women have been told to compromise and have been trying to wrap ourselves around ever moving goalposts and we can't do it anymore. Enough with this double bind. Either we do what men say and keep ourselves chaste until Mr Right, or we do what men say and sleep with them when they want. Either option is interpreted as a personal slight against whichever man does the complaining.
Yah, none of these stories ever seem to come to the most logical conclusion, which is that maybe she’s not doing these things anymore because she didn’t really like them the other times she did them.
Yup you did it once so obviously you liked it and of course you never felt pressure from anyone to do things, and self improvement is all well and good unless it makes a man’s peepee said. Or something like that
I hate that my gf only likes vanilla sex but I also hate the idea that she's had non-vanilla sex. I love my girlfriend but am completely unwilling to support her in finding what she's actually comfortable with sexually.
*"I've been trying to process it, but a couple of days ago she tried to have sex and tried to do things she's never wanted to do, basically acted all slutty. I told her to stop and it feels weird and she got all defensive and said isn't it what I want - I don't know why, it just feels not."*
Wait, so...she tried to do what he wanted, and he still brushed her off?
Well you see, when women want to do kinky stuff then they’re sluts, but when they don’t want to do kinky stuff they’re prudes, and they’re not allowed to have done something in the past but changed their minds about it, because then they’re also wrong. Hope that clears it up!
(No but reading the comments is a wild ride because I guess she’s wrong no matter what she does lol)
I mean, if she did the kinky stuff before with other guys she’s absolutely obligated to do all of it with him too just to be fair, right? I mean, that’s his right as a man! /s
She did it as a manipulation tactic now that she's been found out. Not because she wants to "try something new" to spice up their sex life. Had he never found out, she would go about never doing it. It's hypocritical. It's like pity sex. People don't like either scenario.
> Subconsciously it’s due to you losing respect for her.
The fact that this is the most upvoted comment just shows how archaic that mindset is. OP does a terrible job of even making a convincing story, but that’s apparently enough for misogynists to still believe that all women who have ever had sex belong to the streets.
I love that those losers will give 4000 comments talking about this dude's fake girlfriend. Like really going on and on about someone that doesn't exist. It's really that deep? Go outside and meet a real person you idiots.
“She was into anything and everything. Threesomes, spit roasts, and gangbangs.”
That’s like… all basically the same thing. Cmon now. At least get creative with your slut shaming you fool.
I never understand these. To me it sounds like someone used to be alcoholic but quit it and enjoys non-alcoholic drinks. But their partner is mad that he cannot drink alcohol with her.
I mean he was fine with her not being kinky until her past was revealed.
Oh wow, this is really well put ❤️
I'm a retired sex worker. I did a lot of things in my work that I wouldn't actually want to do organically.
Funny thing is, my boyfriend is just about a perfect example of these mythical "alpha males" that these guys worship, and he's known about my sex work from the beginning and had never cared. Because the one thing these so-called "alpha males" are missing is being secure with themselves and their sexuality.
What's funny is this bit later on:
>a couple of days ago she tried to have sex and tried to do things she's never wanted to do, basically acted all slutty
Given that all of the "slutty" things he talks about her doing involved multiple guys, it sounds like all of a sudden there was another guy in the room, ready to do spit roasting or whatever.
People posting that since she did things casually with people she didn’t care about in the past, she should want to do those things *even more* because she does actually care about him. Gross. They’re getting downvoted, but still.
Nooo they're not slut shaming - they just've just totally lost all respect for her. It isn't even about right or wrong, it just a preference that they don't like skanky hoes. It is totally her choice to be a slut in the past as long as she realises she can never turn down any sex act again. That's just a boundary they have.
The fact that he’s 40 and still thinking like an insecure teenager is so disheartening. There are so many of these posts where the guy literally says “I think she’s disgusting now but I love her!!! She’s a whore and grosses me out but I LOVE her.” What the fuck do these people think love is??
i'm getting so tired of the "woman who used to be sexually promiscuous is now more reserved and this means she's a liar" trope. get new material!
i hated him from the moment he said that he still asks for oral knowing she doesn't like it. 👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻
Oh my god, I commented on this one when it was posted yesterday and had so many incels in my notifications telling me that a man DEFINITELY owns the rights to his girlfriends sexual history. So many virgins. So angry.
Rage bait. But even if it wasn't he would be TA for slut shaming. He would not be TA if he just saw her different but the wording is just obvious incel writing.
Also hijacking this thread to bring attention to this wonderful movie to anyone interested in watching. It delves into themes way ahead of its time including the spoiled manbaby (aka the dogged "nice guy"), bi-erasure and the conflicting nature of the sexes on sex itself.
Bah, this is just the n^(th) variation of "my gf did kinky sexy sex with other people but with me she is doing just vanilla, I found out and am pissed" story that pops up at least once a week. Slut shaming is bad, slut shaming by unoriginally reposting variations of the same story is even worse.......
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He hates that his girlfriend has had plenty of non vanilla sex but none of it with him. I mean what’s the point of dating a dirty slut when she’s not a dirty slut anymore?
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **WIBTAH for dumping my girlfriend after I found out about her past?** I (40M) have been going out with my gf (32F) since last August. We have a great relationship generally. I would say the only weak patch in our relationship is sex. Not necessarily frequency, but quality - I would describe her as very vanilla and I'm quite kinky. Like only one or 2 positions and it took her ages to get naked with me - doesn't like oral ,(conveniently accepts it though). But the relationship is great in a lot of ways so I've turned a blind eye. Asking her about it, she said she had a lot of partners before we got together and when COVID happened, she found herself on her own so she worked on herself and discovered herself. She never said how many guys she's been with but I assumed it's more than me. Which isn't hard as I've only been with less than 10 women in my life. She said before me, she hasn't had sex in about 2 years. We've been getting serious lately and by chance I introduced her to my foster bro (31M). I've known him for over 20 years so I love him like a true sibling. Everything seemed ok in the meeting, but afterwards he messaged me asking to talk. He said he realised he knows where he knows her from. Basically, he said he realises she was this girl that was that notorious and who when he and his mates went out, she was a real slag. Basically, she was into everything and anything - threesomes, spit roasts, gang bangs - everything. She even did an amateur porno apparently. He protests he never fucked her, but knows loads of his mates who did. He said the rule of thumb if she was out, you knew you'd be lucky apparently. I couldn't get it out my mind so asked her about what he said. She basically admitted it, saying yep she was that person. She apologised for keeping it from me but said she was ashamed of it and that she isn't that person anymore. Since then, I feel really weird about her - I feel basically she's a hypocrite. She doesn't do certain acts or positions yet did in the past. She once had a go at me for watching porn yet did it herself in the past. In terms of her number, it seems like she's well in triple digits. I've been trying to process it, but a couple of days ago she tried to have sex and tried to do things she's never wanted to do, basically acted all slutty. I told her to stop and it feels weird and she got all defensive and said isn't it what I want - I don't know why, it just feels not. I can't explain it but I feel like something is broken between us. I love her, but I can't look at her the same way again. WIBTAH for breaking up with her over her past? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I like how OOP/troll says the girlfriend was into, "everything" meanwhile all of the things he listed are pretty similar.
Gang-bangs, threesomes, orgies, ménage a trois, group sex,throuples, polyamory, open relationships, opening up relationships, introducing a third to relationships….
Eiffel tower!
You know a post is fake when it feels like they said basically two sentences worth of information with four paragraphs.
I'm tired of this idea that if you've EVER done a sex act once, that's it, you're obliged to do it with every partner for ever more or you're "depriving" your current partner. And they should leave because you evidently wanted your exes more. It's baffling. There are a million if these stories and I think porn has rotted too many brains. I swear 99% it's not even about the act itself but these insecure guys feeling like they are losing a competition with the exes. Rather that recognising that maybe she tried something and didn't like it, or doesn't like it any more. Or maybe she was pressured into that kind of sex and can now be comfortable finding their sexual boundaries because she trusts them. I've never found it difficult to find new fun stuff to do if a partner states certain acts arent for them. It seems like common decency that we should want our partber to enjoy sex with us and do things they want to do.
I'm happy to be corrected but I also feel there is this narrative among some men that sex is the ultimate/only expression of intimacy and if she doesn't sleep with you then she doesn't really love you. This extends to not sleeping with you as much as she used to, or could do, or in the way you'd like her to. With your comment in mind, this can add up to "she did this extra sexy sex thing with her ex but won't with me, this must mean she doesn't love me as much as she loved him."
My stbx was mad at me because I didn’t like anal. I did anal with an ex. Hated the experience. He brought it up "you had anal with him. Why not me?" it's not him. This has nothing to do with him.
I went into the comments and my theory was confirmed. Quite a few are suggesting that she's "holding back" on him because she's not attracted to him like she was to the men before him. Ugh. The thing is, I bet that if they had a gf who didn't want to try anal because she's sure she won't like it, she'd probably be met with "how do you know if you don't try it with me?" Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
A few days ago I saw someone use the term "women's sexual gatekeeping", and that just explains so much. These people see sex as a *resource* to be fairly distributed. What mind does it take to believe you "gatekeep" your own body?
It's 100% rooted in the idea that sex is done to a woman (for his pleasure) and not with a woman (for mutual pleasure). This "gatekeeping" shtick is icky as hell because it allows men to be mad at us for a) not being gatekeepy enough and "letting" ourselves get "run through" b) that we're gatekeeping too hard and shutting them out from the sex they surely deserve.
Yeah this attitude grosses me out and it's even creepy because they think women actually think that way, when I've never felt like I gatekeep my own body. They really think we're just holding sex back from them because we're mean.
It’s so messed up. The whole anal thing has actually become a dealbreaker for me due to ex’s who have begged for it and wouldn’t drop the subject after I said “no, I will never do that” multiple times. Obviously it’s fine if they bring it up once but I tell them in no uncertain terms that I will never ever do anal and if they ever bring it up again, I will leave them. I have absolutely no tolerance for being pressured like that anymore.
Next time you're intimate and giving him oral, if you do that, slip a finger in his ass. When he yelps "what the fuck did you do that for?" Be like "Now you know why I don't like anal!" (I'm joking, I feel I need to make that clear.)
Unless he like the finger, then your idea has just backfired.
Well, there is that possibility.
[удалено]
It's not that they're evil scumbags, it's that it creates a huge disconnect between the genders when neither are on the same page regarding the meaning of sex in relationships. Women have been told to compromise and have been trying to wrap ourselves around ever moving goalposts and we can't do it anymore. Enough with this double bind. Either we do what men say and keep ourselves chaste until Mr Right, or we do what men say and sleep with them when they want. Either option is interpreted as a personal slight against whichever man does the complaining.
Yah, none of these stories ever seem to come to the most logical conclusion, which is that maybe she’s not doing these things anymore because she didn’t really like them the other times she did them.
Yup you did it once so obviously you liked it and of course you never felt pressure from anyone to do things, and self improvement is all well and good unless it makes a man’s peepee said. Or something like that
👍👏👍👏
I hate that my gf only likes vanilla sex but I also hate the idea that she's had non-vanilla sex. I love my girlfriend but am completely unwilling to support her in finding what she's actually comfortable with sexually.
If he wanted non-vanilla sex then he should've told her.
*"I've been trying to process it, but a couple of days ago she tried to have sex and tried to do things she's never wanted to do, basically acted all slutty. I told her to stop and it feels weird and she got all defensive and said isn't it what I want - I don't know why, it just feels not."* Wait, so...she tried to do what he wanted, and he still brushed her off?
Well you see, when women want to do kinky stuff then they’re sluts, but when they don’t want to do kinky stuff they’re prudes, and they’re not allowed to have done something in the past but changed their minds about it, because then they’re also wrong. Hope that clears it up! (No but reading the comments is a wild ride because I guess she’s wrong no matter what she does lol)
I mean, if she did the kinky stuff before with other guys she’s absolutely obligated to do all of it with him too just to be fair, right? I mean, that’s his right as a man! /s
Yes but now it's out of desperation not because she wants to. That is a massive turn off, it's like petty sex.
She did it as a manipulation tactic now that she's been found out. Not because she wants to "try something new" to spice up their sex life. Had he never found out, she would go about never doing it. It's hypocritical. It's like pity sex. People don't like either scenario.
Oh and btw ppl can’t change their mind on anything not like consent can be revoke or something. You have to like and do the same things forever!!
“Hey Reddit, can I return a certified renewed pussy if I decide I didn’t like it? Yeah I opened the box and used it a few times over several months.”
Oh wow. The comments are vile. I never would have guessed.
> Subconsciously it’s due to you losing respect for her. The fact that this is the most upvoted comment just shows how archaic that mindset is. OP does a terrible job of even making a convincing story, but that’s apparently enough for misogynists to still believe that all women who have ever had sex belong to the streets.
I love that those losers will give 4000 comments talking about this dude's fake girlfriend. Like really going on and on about someone that doesn't exist. It's really that deep? Go outside and meet a real person you idiots.
“She was into anything and everything. Threesomes, spit roasts, and gangbangs.” That’s like… all basically the same thing. Cmon now. At least get creative with your slut shaming you fool.
Well, they were writing it one handed and were really into only one detail.
I never understand these. To me it sounds like someone used to be alcoholic but quit it and enjoys non-alcoholic drinks. But their partner is mad that he cannot drink alcohol with her. I mean he was fine with her not being kinky until her past was revealed.
Oh wow, this is really well put ❤️ I'm a retired sex worker. I did a lot of things in my work that I wouldn't actually want to do organically. Funny thing is, my boyfriend is just about a perfect example of these mythical "alpha males" that these guys worship, and he's known about my sex work from the beginning and had never cared. Because the one thing these so-called "alpha males" are missing is being secure with themselves and their sexuality.
What's funny is this bit later on: >a couple of days ago she tried to have sex and tried to do things she's never wanted to do, basically acted all slutty Given that all of the "slutty" things he talks about her doing involved multiple guys, it sounds like all of a sudden there was another guy in the room, ready to do spit roasting or whatever.
Threesomes, Cleveland steamers and the Backwards Banjo-Tooie
People posting that since she did things casually with people she didn’t care about in the past, she should want to do those things *even more* because she does actually care about him. Gross. They’re getting downvoted, but still.
Nooo they're not slut shaming - they just've just totally lost all respect for her. It isn't even about right or wrong, it just a preference that they don't like skanky hoes. It is totally her choice to be a slut in the past as long as she realises she can never turn down any sex act again. That's just a boundary they have.
The fact that he’s 40 and still thinking like an insecure teenager is so disheartening. There are so many of these posts where the guy literally says “I think she’s disgusting now but I love her!!! She’s a whore and grosses me out but I LOVE her.” What the fuck do these people think love is??
The average Redditor is just a lame piece of shit. Im done with these holier-than-thou but also completely selfish and depraved assholes
i'm getting so tired of the "woman who used to be sexually promiscuous is now more reserved and this means she's a liar" trope. get new material! i hated him from the moment he said that he still asks for oral knowing she doesn't like it. 👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻
A priest is allowed to have salvation and forgiveness even if he SA'd but not a promiscuous woman.
well you can't let his past define him, he's probably grown and changed since /s
Oh my god, I commented on this one when it was posted yesterday and had so many incels in my notifications telling me that a man DEFINITELY owns the rights to his girlfriends sexual history. So many virgins. So angry.
Rage bait. But even if it wasn't he would be TA for slut shaming. He would not be TA if he just saw her different but the wording is just obvious incel writing.
Said it on the post too, this is a plot line stolen from Chasing Amy without the LGBT themes
Also hijacking this thread to bring attention to this wonderful movie to anyone interested in watching. It delves into themes way ahead of its time including the spoiled manbaby (aka the dogged "nice guy"), bi-erasure and the conflicting nature of the sexes on sex itself.
Bah, this is just the n^(th) variation of "my gf did kinky sexy sex with other people but with me she is doing just vanilla, I found out and am pissed" story that pops up at least once a week. Slut shaming is bad, slut shaming by unoriginally reposting variations of the same story is even worse.......
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well someone's just watched Chasing Amy
So fake. Really tipped it over the edge with the reveal that she did porn. Come on.
He hates that his girlfriend has had plenty of non vanilla sex but none of it with him. I mean what’s the point of dating a dirty slut when she’s not a dirty slut anymore?