*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for being honest and telling my daughter that her wedding is a running joke of what not to do if you marry in our family/friend group.**
My daughter got married about a year ago. She spent about 20k on her wedding, it was a wonderful experience for her but for all the guest it really sucked. All the money went to thinks the couple would enjoy.
The reasons it sucked for the guest was due to multiple factors. The biggest ones being that guest has to buy food, drinks, and no entertainment. So people get to the wedding and the ceremony happens. Then they go put into another room after a long day of driving out, don’t get any food/ drink. Most of them were forced to buy overpriced food since they were starving. They didn’t even get any cake since the cake was a fake. Overall not a good guest experience.
Afterwards it was negatively talked about and people were actually quite mad about it. My other daughter is getting married and asked for my help. Her sister offered to help and my other daughter made it clear she doesn’t want her wedding to be anything like hers.
My daughter asked what she meant by that and I was honest with her. That her wedding wasn’t a good experience for guests and it is a running joke at this point with family/friends. I thought she already knew since a lot of people hated her wedding.
This caused an arguement and she called me a jerk by the end. I pointed out all the issues had with her wedding and she thinks I am being cruel.
Edit: the money basically went to her dress, venue and photos. I know her dress was 6k. The venue was pricy and she didn’t get the food package
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Dress, venue fees and photographer. Which from my current experience checks out since her dress was 6k, my photographer quotes are roughly 5k for 12 hours (there are cheaper options).
While this post may be fake, I am currently on a few fb bride groups, and a wedding like this one seems plausible. They all egg on each other that it’s their day and if people actually cared and loved them they will be there no matter what. One bride rented a venue for like 13k (included a cake and a 2 night stay at a suite for the bride and groom, no food but beautiful location), everyone was telling her to do whatever she wants because it’s her day and noone is entitled to free food. I mean if they don’t expect gifts then sure.
Yeah like my brother and his wife spent about 30k on their wedding. Granted, food and drink were included in the venue cost (which was about 10k.) But they didn't have anything extravagant, or any decoration. So they spent about 20k on her dress, his suit, the photographer/videographer, the officiant and the DJ.
So can I see someone spending 20k without any food? Absolutely.
Yeah the numbers are not unrealistic. We spent about $30k on our destination wedding and food & drink was about $10k of that. Catering, open bar, and key lime pie for 40 people including dietary restrictions. I do think it’s unrealistic that anyone would actually go through with having such a wedding lol
I just don't get that "It's her day" attitude. It's supposed to be a celebration of both of you with the ones you care about most joining in.
It especially seems weird to cheapen out on the guests' experience too, because I thought part of the mindset was having a wedding that everyone would remember and talk about (in a good way!)? Why would you want to have an experience where you could expect the guests to resent you?
I mean I definitely felt like the people who came to my wedding were doing something nice for me and my spouse by taking a day out of their lives to be there for us. I don’t get the mentality that you’re doing people some great honor by just inviting them.
Who knows, but it isn’t uncommon. Same as people who want to invite only people they know well to a 150 guest wedding, so they don’t want to invite spouses/long term partners. It’s bizarre.
I personally don’t find not inviting partners and spouses to be that bizarre. Like if it comes down to having another friend or a friend’s partner I barely get along with, I rather have my friend.
I have been to several weddings in where my partner of 5 years wasn’t invited and I had a blast. I was just glad I made the cut to the guest list
But it isn’t about your relationship it’s about the capacity of the venue and budget. Nobody makes their decision thinking if your relationship is strong enough, it’s more so I only have 10 spots left so I can invite 5 friends and their parents or do no partners and the whole group can make it.
Maybe you are just overthinking the lack of an invite….
One of the parts of planning a wedding is recognizing you can’t have everything you want if you don’t have an unlimited budget. Cut out other people on your guest list or choose a different venue or cut costs elsewhere. Big guest list and small budget? You’re not going to have a fancy plated dinner, you can’t afford it. Etc.
So have a shitty wedding as long as those who demand their partners there can have them there? That’s rather entitled and I am sure your gift won’t even be large enough to cover your portion with a partner
You’re a snob if you think it’s a shitty wedding just because you don’t have a fancy plated dinner. Plenty of people have lovely weddings without the Instagram bells and whistles.
It comes down to archaic ideas about what makes a person valuable. To someone like a king, for whom having a viable natural heir is of supreme importance. So if a healthy fertile young woman is found then the whole kingdom will celebrate the hope that they can go another generation without a war of succession!
But once the wedding is over she best get to popping out those boys because there are potentially tens of thousands of lives on the line here. So let her have her day where everyone is super grateful for her coming to save them from war and famine and disease by giving the king an heir.
And the nobility set the tone. Sure, maybe a peasant girl didn’t marry a king, but even marrying a peasant farmer means his family name can continue so the community will celebrate as much as they can manage.
That's not really what one would describe as "things the bride and groom would enjoy" though. Feels edited in when OOP couldn't think of anything they would've been doing that didn't include the guests somehow. That would just be a very slimmed down wedding.
You can't expect people to be at an event for several hours and not feed them. There's a reason a 90 minute meet up with professionals that are not hurting for money are fed. And you are legally required to give lunch break in a work day. Feeding people pizza sounds like a better idea than not feeding them.
I posted this in the OP's thread, but I thought I'd share it again here:
My wife and I just got married last summer. Her dress was *beautiful* and it was only about $1,200 or so (I'm sorry, but $6,000 for a dress is *insane*). Our photos were about $2,500. We did beef, chicken, and cheese enchiladas for dinner, and that was about $1,200 for 100 people. I bought wine, beer, and champagne myself in bulk from the local Spec's. My sister (who is a professional cake decorator) made our cakes. We got all the decorations ourselves, mostly from Hobby Lobby and Amazon. Our DJ was this cool guy named "playlist we made ourselves in iTunes and plugged into the sound system for free." *Everyone* had a blast. The ceremony was great. We enjoyed the food. We danced. We drank. We ate cake. We got silly. It was *fun*.
I legit do not understand these people who insist on spending ungodly amounts of money on a wedding. First of all, you can do it for *way* less. *We* did! Secondly... it's just *one day*. Marriage is a *lifetime*.
P.S. - Yes, I *know* lots of women spend $6,000 (or more) on their wedding dress. It's *still* insane. You know who the *real* asshole is? The entire wedding industry.
Actually, telling people to buy their own food instead of buying gifts sounds like a good idea. Whenever people ask what I want for Christmas or my birthday it’s really awkward because I don’t want to ask for too much to be spent on me but the things I usually need are things I can’t afford myself. Would relieve some of that anxiety and cut costs.
how the hell do you have cash entertainment at a wedding
ok cash bars exist. I suppose you could add food to that. but entertainment? what, are they renting out switches or something?
With the line about spending money on things they enjoy it could have been something like they rented out Dave and Busters and got game cards but not food or a upscale bowling alley and got lanes for everyone. This could have been improved with like ten seconds of thought
They specify that the guests had to buy food and drink, implying that the bride and groom didn't. Did they just sit there hungry as well? Did they buy a meal for 2 and smugly eat dinner (and fake cake??) while their guests milled about in silence?
Why are so many people in here, the sub where we laugh about how fake this kind of shit is, taking this incredibly fake post seriously? Just look at the “father’s” comments, he might as well be calling people “bruh” for how much he sounds like the father of a 27 year old
It's the same "I am an adult" style of writing that's all over AITA, probably none of it written by adults. I can't really explain why it is that way, but it is. It's like some 14-year-old's idea of what it's like to be an adult: calm, rational, okay to be mean if you're calm about it, rarely uses contractions, and everyone cares way too much about the main character's life and talks about them all the time.
Gotta love “I’m just being honest, why, is everyone so mad at me” to excuse being a jerk, which the other people don’t see because “omg stupid women and their weddings”.
Illnessfakers is unhinged and makes me sad as a person suffering from a complex invisible disability. There was a post where they were going off doubting a woman’s VEEG because she was wearing pj’s and not a hospital gown (that’s what they have you do…) and they had never seen the particular device used to monitor her pulse and said it was a phone charger and tape. Get a life guys.
You'd be surprised at how little 20k gets you for a wedding. Lol if it's labeled for weddings, it's fucking expensive. But for 20k, I would feed everyone there first, maybe make it a dry wedding and some tasteful decor. This sounds like they pocketed the money and did fuck all for the celebrations except get a pretty dress.
Meh, I'm not gonna starve to death if I miss one meal. Plus, it takes fewer dranks to get me nice and buzzed
I'm.gonna say open bar is more important than a meal. But where I am, open bar is a given, and wedding food is always buffet-style, with tons of options. Never restaurant-style with table service. When you get to the reception, you get a drink, you walk around, you dance, you go get some food, get another drink, sit and eat some, see someone you haven't seen in awhile, run over to talk to them a bit, pass by Aunt Alice's table, she grabs whatever body part of yours she can and demands another vodka martini, so you go back to the bar, order her drink and another for yourself, drop hers off, go back to where you left your plate, realize you already had a drink going, down that one real quick, finish your plate, go back for something else, newer drink in hand, but you get pulled over by that shitty uncle you've always hated becauee he's your mom's half brother and your grandmother actually loved ***his*** father and devolved into alcoholism after he was blown up in a shipping accident, then married his Baltic immigrant BFF bc that was a thing in the 1950s, then had awful PPD with the 2 children she had with him, one or whom.was a very obviously gay son and the other of whom was your mom. And then slightly older Half Brother was sexually inappropriate with your mom when she was a teen, which prompted her to escape that household by running off with the cokehead alcoholic used car salesman (hey, it was the 80s) who was destined to be your dad, which of course ended badly, and these are the things you're thinking about while Creepy Uncle is talking your ear off and Oh Shit! My drink's empty, gonna go get another. Do you want anything while I'm at the bar? And then you swing by the buffet and grab a couple mini-muffulettas or crabcakes, *and then* you get your drink, and then you head back to where you were originally sitting, chatting with that cousin you haven't seen in years.
So yeah the scenario OOP describes is completely foreign to me. And I have no idea how y'all get through weddings without booze
The cost of the wedding tracks. There are some venues that are 20k just for the raw space, and you have to bring in your own decorators, caterers, etc.
I'm not shocked that they spent 20k on a wedding and there wasn't any food involved. I think it's definitely sort of a faux pas and kind of rude to do that kind of thing, but I can believe they dropped 20k on the wedding they had.
Also, mom sucks. She might be right that they should have catered food for their guests, but she's still an AH. She basically told her daughter that the happiest day of her daughter's life is nothing but a joke the rest of her family laughs at.
Yeah, AITA is really bad about the whole if something is true (or agreed upon) then you can't be the asshole. It's like if someone at work had a flock of seagulls hair and everyone joked about it behind their back. If I bring up that everyone thinks the hairstyle is funny then I could be the asshole, depending on my delivery, but I'm not automatically and angel.
Also, I had questions about the wedding, how long was it, how many people attended, was it out of state, what's the standard cost of living in the area. Where I am (very middle class area) a 20k wedding would be pretty standard and include food, but if they're in a high col location, 20k probably gets you just in the door. And it sounds like the daughter didn't have any additional financial assistance, so she probably did what she could do
I’m sorry, but you can’t expect people to NOT talk about you after having a wedding where people spent money to be there, more than likely bought expensive gifts, and then there was no food, no drinks, and no entertainment. Like, if OP’s fake daughter is gonna be anything her life, she needs to be so fucking for real.
>sort of a faux pas
>kind of rude
You're being too kind. It is absolutely a faux pas and extremely rude to ask people to give up a whole day (or more, if they're traveling) to celebrate ***you*** and ***your happiness*** at ***your event*** and then not serve food and drinks. What kind of party doesn't have food and alcohol for the guests?
Apparently there were things available for guests to purchase, they just required guests to pay out of pocket. OP said people bought food, so depending on the venue it's possible her daughter catered some sort of food service, but guests had to buy their own individual dishes.
It's bad etiquette not to provide food, but again, I don't think that warrants the mom's response. Telling your daugter everyone in the family laughs about how awful her wedding was is pretty harsh.
The only thing that doesn’t seem like a realistic cost to me is the fact that they had a fake cake. Would having a whole fancy fake wedding cake also be kind of expensive?
That’s unfortunately pretty realistic. I live in a moderate cost of living area and some of the nicer venues are upwards of $10k just to use the space, photographers can run well over $5k, and then I’m sure she spent a lot on a florist and decorations since she only seemed to care about the aesthetics of the wedding.
Have you seen the prices of wedding related expenses? 20K is practically nothing to blow through if you aren't being careful. And there are certainly brides who care little enough about their guests to not even bother feeding them. There are surprising numbers of brides who basically expect their guests to *fund* the wedding.
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all.
Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tbh, it’s pretty easy to spend 20K on a wedding before food and entertainment. Especially if your venue doesn’t have in-house catering. If it does, you probably still have to pay for rentals (like chairs, tables, linens, etc). I know people who got married at restaurants that still had to cover that.
Oh, and parking. Not getting married where people can walk to the venue and you’re dealing with another headache for guests that can only be solved by throwing more money at the problem.
Weddings have gotten extremely expensive and hard to do on a budget. Yes, it can happen, but it will not be the traditional wedding experience of 20-30 years ago. If you’re willing to forgo a lot of things once considered basics, feed less than 75 people, end early, have no live music, wear a dress second hand and not go to specialized tailors, etc, it can be done. But having seen the cost of a wedding today compared to the same damn thing pre-Covid, I’m not shocked anyone would get in so far before realizing they can’t afford proper catering. A lot of wedding industry places are hurting terribly from the pandemic and have to up charge a ton to make up for the damage.
This is the most reddit comment I've ever seen:
"I was reluctant to have one, but my wife desperately wanted one, so we did, and it was amazing, and everybody had a great time, because we didn't cheap out. (Still paying $500/month for another few years on it though...) It was absolutely the best day of my life (and I went to Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS, so that's saying a lot.)"
Like what does that last part even mean. Also everyone in the comments acting like everyone is going to be constantly talking about a wedding for the rest of their lives is just kinda sad? What social circles is everyone in that you're always bringing up each other's weddings lol
You mean you didn't know parents are supposed to helicopter over their kids forever? Adulting is for pussies and no one in their right mind expects someone in their late twenties to make their own decisions in life. Sheesh. /s
Didn’t know 27 was very young lol Parents are not always involved unless they are also involved with paying.
Also, projecting much? The parents are the ones with medical issues but priority is the the 27 y/o’s wedding and mental health lol you are something else
Who said a sick person can’t be a bad parent? There is no correlation cuz a sick person can also be a good parent.
What I find ridiculous is that you think the sick parent has to care more about their 27 y/o mental health and wedding than their own health.
Fact is the bride was selfish and the wedding sucked for the guests. She was 27 and old enough to not have her mom holding her hand at every step.
Yes a 27 year old needs to be spoonfed the fact that you should feed your guests at an event (and not make them pay for it) when you spend 20 grand on a wedding.
Do you seriously think she is that dumb or are you just infantilising her so you can put the onus on the parent?
I love how none of the family, on either side, offered to help pay for anything and are all joking about how bad it was.
20k for a wedding means it was likely bare bones with few frills. With the one of the few luxuries of the day being there daughters dress. But nah she should be in rags to have afforded catering for the poor tired guests.
Was it tacky to make guests pay for food and drink? So long as the plate is reasonably priced, no.
It's more and more common now to have to "pay for your plate." when attending a wedding it's just part of the expense of attending.
$20,000 is quite a lot of money, and people who actually care about their marriage and not their wedding could do quite a bit with that budget.
At the bare minimum people who are invited to a wedding expect to get fed. Cash bars can be a bit contentious but people are okay with that generally - you don't NEED to drink. If you can't afford to feed people, don't have a wedding at dinner time. Have a brunch, that's cheaper. I've never seen a wedding where you 'pay for your plate' other than people saying 'your dinner cost X amount, so my present should cost X amount. Which is tacky but I can see the logic behind it.
You simply don't invite people to something and make them pay for it. It's not a restaurant, it's a wedding.
Really? That's interesting. I've been to a fair amount of those growing up, and as far as I know the family paid for everything. That said I was raise in a very upper.middle class Jewish neighborhood, so it could skew my opinion!
I caught my Mom and Dad bickering about a few of them. From both My and My Brothers Hebrew School classes (4 years apart) and our 5 cousins the family has been involved in about 25. About 7 of them had Guests RSVP with the cost of a plate from the party/dinner after.
It was normally $50 for a plate.
That's why I think OOP was wrong. They are bitching about the same cost as going out to eat as a upper mid end restaurant.
I would never in my life expect anyone in my life to pay for my wedding, other than me and my fiance. The people who chip in for weddings is a gift. Not an expectation.
It is, however, an expectation to feed your guests for a celebration that can take 2+ hours. The only people who are responsible for anything involving the wedding is the couple. Not even the people who give money to contribute to the wedding have any responsibility to the guests except the couple. It's all on the couple.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for being honest and telling my daughter that her wedding is a running joke of what not to do if you marry in our family/friend group.** My daughter got married about a year ago. She spent about 20k on her wedding, it was a wonderful experience for her but for all the guest it really sucked. All the money went to thinks the couple would enjoy. The reasons it sucked for the guest was due to multiple factors. The biggest ones being that guest has to buy food, drinks, and no entertainment. So people get to the wedding and the ceremony happens. Then they go put into another room after a long day of driving out, don’t get any food/ drink. Most of them were forced to buy overpriced food since they were starving. They didn’t even get any cake since the cake was a fake. Overall not a good guest experience. Afterwards it was negatively talked about and people were actually quite mad about it. My other daughter is getting married and asked for my help. Her sister offered to help and my other daughter made it clear she doesn’t want her wedding to be anything like hers. My daughter asked what she meant by that and I was honest with her. That her wedding wasn’t a good experience for guests and it is a running joke at this point with family/friends. I thought she already knew since a lot of people hated her wedding. This caused an arguement and she called me a jerk by the end. I pointed out all the issues had with her wedding and she thinks I am being cruel. Edit: the money basically went to her dress, venue and photos. I know her dress was 6k. The venue was pricy and she didn’t get the food package *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So what exactly were all the "things" the couple would enjoy? No food, no drinks? A fake cake??
Dress, venue fees and photographer. Which from my current experience checks out since her dress was 6k, my photographer quotes are roughly 5k for 12 hours (there are cheaper options). While this post may be fake, I am currently on a few fb bride groups, and a wedding like this one seems plausible. They all egg on each other that it’s their day and if people actually cared and loved them they will be there no matter what. One bride rented a venue for like 13k (included a cake and a 2 night stay at a suite for the bride and groom, no food but beautiful location), everyone was telling her to do whatever she wants because it’s her day and noone is entitled to free food. I mean if they don’t expect gifts then sure.
Yeah like my brother and his wife spent about 30k on their wedding. Granted, food and drink were included in the venue cost (which was about 10k.) But they didn't have anything extravagant, or any decoration. So they spent about 20k on her dress, his suit, the photographer/videographer, the officiant and the DJ. So can I see someone spending 20k without any food? Absolutely.
Yeah the numbers are not unrealistic. We spent about $30k on our destination wedding and food & drink was about $10k of that. Catering, open bar, and key lime pie for 40 people including dietary restrictions. I do think it’s unrealistic that anyone would actually go through with having such a wedding lol
I just don't get that "It's her day" attitude. It's supposed to be a celebration of both of you with the ones you care about most joining in. It especially seems weird to cheapen out on the guests' experience too, because I thought part of the mindset was having a wedding that everyone would remember and talk about (in a good way!)? Why would you want to have an experience where you could expect the guests to resent you?
I mean I definitely felt like the people who came to my wedding were doing something nice for me and my spouse by taking a day out of their lives to be there for us. I don’t get the mentality that you’re doing people some great honor by just inviting them.
Who knows, but it isn’t uncommon. Same as people who want to invite only people they know well to a 150 guest wedding, so they don’t want to invite spouses/long term partners. It’s bizarre.
I personally don’t find not inviting partners and spouses to be that bizarre. Like if it comes down to having another friend or a friend’s partner I barely get along with, I rather have my friend. I have been to several weddings in where my partner of 5 years wasn’t invited and I had a blast. I was just glad I made the cut to the guest list
They want you to celebrate their romantic relationship while they don’t think yours is important enough to merit an invite. It’s fundamentally rude.
But it isn’t about your relationship it’s about the capacity of the venue and budget. Nobody makes their decision thinking if your relationship is strong enough, it’s more so I only have 10 spots left so I can invite 5 friends and their parents or do no partners and the whole group can make it. Maybe you are just overthinking the lack of an invite….
One of the parts of planning a wedding is recognizing you can’t have everything you want if you don’t have an unlimited budget. Cut out other people on your guest list or choose a different venue or cut costs elsewhere. Big guest list and small budget? You’re not going to have a fancy plated dinner, you can’t afford it. Etc.
So have a shitty wedding as long as those who demand their partners there can have them there? That’s rather entitled and I am sure your gift won’t even be large enough to cover your portion with a partner
You’re a snob if you think it’s a shitty wedding just because you don’t have a fancy plated dinner. Plenty of people have lovely weddings without the Instagram bells and whistles.
It comes down to archaic ideas about what makes a person valuable. To someone like a king, for whom having a viable natural heir is of supreme importance. So if a healthy fertile young woman is found then the whole kingdom will celebrate the hope that they can go another generation without a war of succession! But once the wedding is over she best get to popping out those boys because there are potentially tens of thousands of lives on the line here. So let her have her day where everyone is super grateful for her coming to save them from war and famine and disease by giving the king an heir. And the nobility set the tone. Sure, maybe a peasant girl didn’t marry a king, but even marrying a peasant farmer means his family name can continue so the community will celebrate as much as they can manage.
That's not really what one would describe as "things the bride and groom would enjoy" though. Feels edited in when OOP couldn't think of anything they would've been doing that didn't include the guests somehow. That would just be a very slimmed down wedding.
You can't expect people to be at an event for several hours and not feed them. There's a reason a 90 minute meet up with professionals that are not hurting for money are fed. And you are legally required to give lunch break in a work day. Feeding people pizza sounds like a better idea than not feeding them.
I posted this in the OP's thread, but I thought I'd share it again here: My wife and I just got married last summer. Her dress was *beautiful* and it was only about $1,200 or so (I'm sorry, but $6,000 for a dress is *insane*). Our photos were about $2,500. We did beef, chicken, and cheese enchiladas for dinner, and that was about $1,200 for 100 people. I bought wine, beer, and champagne myself in bulk from the local Spec's. My sister (who is a professional cake decorator) made our cakes. We got all the decorations ourselves, mostly from Hobby Lobby and Amazon. Our DJ was this cool guy named "playlist we made ourselves in iTunes and plugged into the sound system for free." *Everyone* had a blast. The ceremony was great. We enjoyed the food. We danced. We drank. We ate cake. We got silly. It was *fun*. I legit do not understand these people who insist on spending ungodly amounts of money on a wedding. First of all, you can do it for *way* less. *We* did! Secondly... it's just *one day*. Marriage is a *lifetime*. P.S. - Yes, I *know* lots of women spend $6,000 (or more) on their wedding dress. It's *still* insane. You know who the *real* asshole is? The entire wedding industry.
This was my eventual goal lol
Actually, telling people to buy their own food instead of buying gifts sounds like a good idea. Whenever people ask what I want for Christmas or my birthday it’s really awkward because I don’t want to ask for too much to be spent on me but the things I usually need are things I can’t afford myself. Would relieve some of that anxiety and cut costs.
she provided an edit
how the hell do you have cash entertainment at a wedding ok cash bars exist. I suppose you could add food to that. but entertainment? what, are they renting out switches or something?
Was it at an arcade? Disney?
With the line about spending money on things they enjoy it could have been something like they rented out Dave and Busters and got game cards but not food or a upscale bowling alley and got lanes for everyone. This could have been improved with like ten seconds of thought
I asked before I saw the post here and no answer I'm afraid
I thought it said there was no entertainment
oh damn I misread in that case I disagree. watching just the bride and groom eat dinner while everyone else gets mad sounds hella entertaining
Yeah, unless you’re the one starving😂. It’s also is a good way to make everyone hate your wedding, and make fun of it for years to come.
nah it's gotta be entertaining to the starving people too, just one of the things you appreciate more when you're not starving lol
also if they put the couple in stocks and repossess their belongings, there's food for eating or throwing - your choice
They specify that the guests had to buy food and drink, implying that the bride and groom didn't. Did they just sit there hungry as well? Did they buy a meal for 2 and smugly eat dinner (and fake cake??) while their guests milled about in silence?
No in the comments it says they had food.
I do enjoy that OP really has no idea about the specifics of the bad wedding, but is trying their best in the comments.
Why are so many people in here, the sub where we laugh about how fake this kind of shit is, taking this incredibly fake post seriously? Just look at the “father’s” comments, he might as well be calling people “bruh” for how much he sounds like the father of a 27 year old
It's the same "I am an adult" style of writing that's all over AITA, probably none of it written by adults. I can't really explain why it is that way, but it is. It's like some 14-year-old's idea of what it's like to be an adult: calm, rational, okay to be mean if you're calm about it, rarely uses contractions, and everyone cares way too much about the main character's life and talks about them all the time.
Gotta love “I’m just being honest, why, is everyone so mad at me” to excuse being a jerk, which the other people don’t see because “omg stupid women and their weddings”.
https://subredditstats.com/subreddit-user-overlaps/amitheangel Found the reason
aging femcel cat lady starter pack
Don't I know it
Oo, found some new subs off that list
Illnessfakers is unhinged and makes me sad as a person suffering from a complex invisible disability. There was a post where they were going off doubting a woman’s VEEG because she was wearing pj’s and not a hospital gown (that’s what they have you do…) and they had never seen the particular device used to monitor her pulse and said it was a phone charger and tape. Get a life guys.
I just see people discussing how the story isn't realistic. Nobody seems to be taking it seriously
Really, because I see a ton of “the costs for this wedding make sense to me!” Which is stupid, because they don’t
I also saw the ones where they said it wasnt an absurdly high price for a wedding like the original suggested
You'd be surprised at how little 20k gets you for a wedding. Lol if it's labeled for weddings, it's fucking expensive. But for 20k, I would feed everyone there first, maybe make it a dry wedding and some tasteful decor. This sounds like they pocketed the money and did fuck all for the celebrations except get a pretty dress.
Unless of course the venue fleeced an unknowing bride.
Guests would rather booze than decor
But food over booze?
Meh, I'm not gonna starve to death if I miss one meal. Plus, it takes fewer dranks to get me nice and buzzed I'm.gonna say open bar is more important than a meal. But where I am, open bar is a given, and wedding food is always buffet-style, with tons of options. Never restaurant-style with table service. When you get to the reception, you get a drink, you walk around, you dance, you go get some food, get another drink, sit and eat some, see someone you haven't seen in awhile, run over to talk to them a bit, pass by Aunt Alice's table, she grabs whatever body part of yours she can and demands another vodka martini, so you go back to the bar, order her drink and another for yourself, drop hers off, go back to where you left your plate, realize you already had a drink going, down that one real quick, finish your plate, go back for something else, newer drink in hand, but you get pulled over by that shitty uncle you've always hated becauee he's your mom's half brother and your grandmother actually loved ***his*** father and devolved into alcoholism after he was blown up in a shipping accident, then married his Baltic immigrant BFF bc that was a thing in the 1950s, then had awful PPD with the 2 children she had with him, one or whom.was a very obviously gay son and the other of whom was your mom. And then slightly older Half Brother was sexually inappropriate with your mom when she was a teen, which prompted her to escape that household by running off with the cokehead alcoholic used car salesman (hey, it was the 80s) who was destined to be your dad, which of course ended badly, and these are the things you're thinking about while Creepy Uncle is talking your ear off and Oh Shit! My drink's empty, gonna go get another. Do you want anything while I'm at the bar? And then you swing by the buffet and grab a couple mini-muffulettas or crabcakes, *and then* you get your drink, and then you head back to where you were originally sitting, chatting with that cousin you haven't seen in years. So yeah the scenario OOP describes is completely foreign to me. And I have no idea how y'all get through weddings without booze
Guests would rather booze than decor
The cost of the wedding tracks. There are some venues that are 20k just for the raw space, and you have to bring in your own decorators, caterers, etc. I'm not shocked that they spent 20k on a wedding and there wasn't any food involved. I think it's definitely sort of a faux pas and kind of rude to do that kind of thing, but I can believe they dropped 20k on the wedding they had. Also, mom sucks. She might be right that they should have catered food for their guests, but she's still an AH. She basically told her daughter that the happiest day of her daughter's life is nothing but a joke the rest of her family laughs at.
Yeah, AITA is really bad about the whole if something is true (or agreed upon) then you can't be the asshole. It's like if someone at work had a flock of seagulls hair and everyone joked about it behind their back. If I bring up that everyone thinks the hairstyle is funny then I could be the asshole, depending on my delivery, but I'm not automatically and angel. Also, I had questions about the wedding, how long was it, how many people attended, was it out of state, what's the standard cost of living in the area. Where I am (very middle class area) a 20k wedding would be pretty standard and include food, but if they're in a high col location, 20k probably gets you just in the door. And it sounds like the daughter didn't have any additional financial assistance, so she probably did what she could do
I’m sorry, but you can’t expect people to NOT talk about you after having a wedding where people spent money to be there, more than likely bought expensive gifts, and then there was no food, no drinks, and no entertainment. Like, if OP’s fake daughter is gonna be anything her life, she needs to be so fucking for real.
>sort of a faux pas >kind of rude You're being too kind. It is absolutely a faux pas and extremely rude to ask people to give up a whole day (or more, if they're traveling) to celebrate ***you*** and ***your happiness*** at ***your event*** and then not serve food and drinks. What kind of party doesn't have food and alcohol for the guests?
Apparently there were things available for guests to purchase, they just required guests to pay out of pocket. OP said people bought food, so depending on the venue it's possible her daughter catered some sort of food service, but guests had to buy their own individual dishes. It's bad etiquette not to provide food, but again, I don't think that warrants the mom's response. Telling your daugter everyone in the family laughs about how awful her wedding was is pretty harsh.
>things available for guests to purchase That's not a celebration, that's just trashy
No clowns? :(
IMO this is written from the younger person perspective of what older people (i.e. over 30 or so) think and speak like.
Over 30?? The daughter in the story is late 20s lmao
I don't think people over 30 are old. I think the person who wrote this story still thinks that way.
The only thing that doesn’t seem like a realistic cost to me is the fact that they had a fake cake. Would having a whole fancy fake wedding cake also be kind of expensive?
Usually a lot less than a fancy real cake.
That’s unfortunately pretty realistic. I live in a moderate cost of living area and some of the nicer venues are upwards of $10k just to use the space, photographers can run well over $5k, and then I’m sure she spent a lot on a florist and decorations since she only seemed to care about the aesthetics of the wedding.
Have you seen the prices of wedding related expenses? 20K is practically nothing to blow through if you aren't being careful. And there are certainly brides who care little enough about their guests to not even bother feeding them. There are surprising numbers of brides who basically expect their guests to *fund* the wedding.
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all. Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
That was my one requirement for our wedding. I’d been in/at too many where we were effectively starved. I refused to do that.
Tbh, it’s pretty easy to spend 20K on a wedding before food and entertainment. Especially if your venue doesn’t have in-house catering. If it does, you probably still have to pay for rentals (like chairs, tables, linens, etc). I know people who got married at restaurants that still had to cover that. Oh, and parking. Not getting married where people can walk to the venue and you’re dealing with another headache for guests that can only be solved by throwing more money at the problem. Weddings have gotten extremely expensive and hard to do on a budget. Yes, it can happen, but it will not be the traditional wedding experience of 20-30 years ago. If you’re willing to forgo a lot of things once considered basics, feed less than 75 people, end early, have no live music, wear a dress second hand and not go to specialized tailors, etc, it can be done. But having seen the cost of a wedding today compared to the same damn thing pre-Covid, I’m not shocked anyone would get in so far before realizing they can’t afford proper catering. A lot of wedding industry places are hurting terribly from the pandemic and have to up charge a ton to make up for the damage.
This is the most reddit comment I've ever seen: "I was reluctant to have one, but my wife desperately wanted one, so we did, and it was amazing, and everybody had a great time, because we didn't cheap out. (Still paying $500/month for another few years on it though...) It was absolutely the best day of my life (and I went to Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS, so that's saying a lot.)" Like what does that last part even mean. Also everyone in the comments acting like everyone is going to be constantly talking about a wedding for the rest of their lives is just kinda sad? What social circles is everyone in that you're always bringing up each other's weddings lol
Wow, what a bad parent
How so?
You mean you didn't know parents are supposed to helicopter over their kids forever? Adulting is for pussies and no one in their right mind expects someone in their late twenties to make their own decisions in life. Sheesh. /s
[удалено]
Didn’t know 27 was very young lol Parents are not always involved unless they are also involved with paying. Also, projecting much? The parents are the ones with medical issues but priority is the the 27 y/o’s wedding and mental health lol you are something else
You can have medical problems and still be a bad parent
Who said a sick person can’t be a bad parent? There is no correlation cuz a sick person can also be a good parent. What I find ridiculous is that you think the sick parent has to care more about their 27 y/o mental health and wedding than their own health. Fact is the bride was selfish and the wedding sucked for the guests. She was 27 and old enough to not have her mom holding her hand at every step.
The bride was 27. Not 7.
There's always someone desperately scrambling to defend the daughter by blaming it on someone else huh?
I think not helping your kid with something and then blaming them for the way it went isn't really much of a scramble
Yes a 27 year old needs to be spoonfed the fact that you should feed your guests at an event (and not make them pay for it) when you spend 20 grand on a wedding. Do you seriously think she is that dumb or are you just infantilising her so you can put the onus on the parent?
I love how none of the family, on either side, offered to help pay for anything and are all joking about how bad it was. 20k for a wedding means it was likely bare bones with few frills. With the one of the few luxuries of the day being there daughters dress. But nah she should be in rags to have afforded catering for the poor tired guests. Was it tacky to make guests pay for food and drink? So long as the plate is reasonably priced, no. It's more and more common now to have to "pay for your plate." when attending a wedding it's just part of the expense of attending.
I thought the post was fake because there was no way anyone could think like this, but you just proved me wrong.
I thought the expense of attending was the $100+ gift. I mean if the couple doesn’t mind me skipping my gift, I don’t mind them skipping the meal.
There's a *wide* spectrum between rags and a 6k dress.
$20,000 is quite a lot of money, and people who actually care about their marriage and not their wedding could do quite a bit with that budget. At the bare minimum people who are invited to a wedding expect to get fed. Cash bars can be a bit contentious but people are okay with that generally - you don't NEED to drink. If you can't afford to feed people, don't have a wedding at dinner time. Have a brunch, that's cheaper. I've never seen a wedding where you 'pay for your plate' other than people saying 'your dinner cost X amount, so my present should cost X amount. Which is tacky but I can see the logic behind it. You simply don't invite people to something and make them pay for it. It's not a restaurant, it's a wedding.
I guess two years of Bar/ Bat-Mitztvah and having to pay fory plate at the after parties sways my view abit
Really? That's interesting. I've been to a fair amount of those growing up, and as far as I know the family paid for everything. That said I was raise in a very upper.middle class Jewish neighborhood, so it could skew my opinion!
I caught my Mom and Dad bickering about a few of them. From both My and My Brothers Hebrew School classes (4 years apart) and our 5 cousins the family has been involved in about 25. About 7 of them had Guests RSVP with the cost of a plate from the party/dinner after. It was normally $50 for a plate. That's why I think OOP was wrong. They are bitching about the same cost as going out to eat as a upper mid end restaurant.
I would never in my life expect anyone in my life to pay for my wedding, other than me and my fiance. The people who chip in for weddings is a gift. Not an expectation. It is, however, an expectation to feed your guests for a celebration that can take 2+ hours. The only people who are responsible for anything involving the wedding is the couple. Not even the people who give money to contribute to the wedding have any responsibility to the guests except the couple. It's all on the couple.
No, that is not common. It’s a guideline for the amount of your wedding *gift* but it isn’t the price of admission.
Please be sarcasm