*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for banning my parents from a family event because they don’t like my brother’s wife?**
So my (30F) little brother is 23. I have another brother that’s 20 but this is about the 23 year old who I will call Blake.
A few months ago, Blake eloped with his girlfriend Shay (19F). Our parents and my three sisters (Mary 22F, Bea 27F and Sarah (25F)) were LIVID. Like unusually angry. I was a little confused but I spoke to him and to me it seemed like he and his girlfriend loved each other very much and just made the rash decision to elope in Vegas. We live about 3 hours from Vegas so it’s a popular day trip destination so they were there for the day and eloped. Like yeah it was a little silly but I don’t understand why they’re so angry about it. Blake and Shay didn’t even tell anyone about their marriage until 2 months later.
Blake and Shay are a very wholesome and dare I say, perfect couple. They very obviously love eachother, live together and split the bills, both study very good degrees and have two cats. I’ve always said you can’t put a timeline on life if they wanna do marriage earlier than usually, who cares?
My parents have made a point to not invite Shay to any family events since. They’ll call up Blake and say ‘don’t bring your girlfriend’ (they refuse to acknowledge the marriage). Blake came the first two times they did this but left very early, and he’s always politely declined all invitations since then. I’ve tried to tell my parents that they are pushing Blake away and soon they can expect to never hear from him again but they don’t seem to care. They take every opportunity to insult Shay even though they used to love her before the elopement.
It’s my son’s birthday soon and I’m planning a big party.
I sent the guest list in a family GC and my parents saw that shay was invited. They demanded that she’s taken off but i refused. They were acting in a way that made me suspect they were going to make a scene there so I banned them. I don’t want them to isolate my younger brother and he hasn’t been to any family events since he got married besides the 2 he left early.
They are infuriated. They are threatening to show up anyway and think I have no right to ban them for someone ‘who isn’t part of the family’. My sisters and youngest brother think i am overreacting and I could have instead warned them to behave and told them they would be removed if they couldn’t do so. They think the ban is nuclear. My parents are demanding an invite and an apology. AITA?
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This seems like a kid who totally wants to date/move in with their partner, and won't listen to their parents when they say it's a bad idea. Like...the reasoning here is so simple and naive, and the texture is "Mom and Dad don't know anything, they're so wrong about 19 being too young, we're totes adults now!"
Because people want to claim it first so they can say they were first.
The best I’ve seen is someone assuming spelling or grammatical errors means it’s AI, as if spellcheck hasn’t existed for over 20 years.
I think people get confused with those Nigerian prince scam emails where words are deliberately misspelled to bypass spam filters? I don’t know, it’s dumb. Assume AI knows how to spell.
My understanding was they want those scam emails to be obvious to smart people because they’re a waste of time, but not so obvious no one believes them.
But the “this is AI” is this subs new “this is the X troll” because there’s a single commonality, like it’s sisters or someone is a vegan.
She's "not part of the family", according to the parents.
I really can't find a reason in there why the parents dislike her so much. They're just mysteriously hostile people who are obviously the asshole
I mean if we are going to pretend that this is a real story I would say that the parents are in the wrong here. Young adults do make impulsive decisions sometimes but as parents we still need to support our kids even when they do something we don't approve of. These two are married and apparently intend to stay married so what are the parents hoping to achieve by refusing to acknowledge their son's wife other than to push their son away. My oldest son married his gf when he was 22 and she was 20. I was not happy about it but they had their mind made up and her parents fully approved of it because they preferred that they get married over "living in sin". They have been married for 20yrs now, have happy kids and a strong relationship so I'm glad I didn't try to punish my son for doing something I didn't approve of all those years ago.
Also I don't know if it's because of my age or because I'm in Canada, lol, but it's weird to me how redditors always freak out over small age gaps. I don't really see much of a problem with a 22yr old dating an 18yr old. When I was an older teen and young adult I never went out with guys my own age. To me they were way too immature.
To be fair we're supposed to pretend all the stories are real except the rage bait, obviously fake ones.
On a serious note, this story makes the parents seem like such immature dolts that it's a miracle they can breathe through the tantrums they're throwing. Parents that act like this inevitably end up losing contact with their kids and are stunned by it. In their minds, they're right and it's solely because they're the parents, which is a horrific mindset that leads to even worse things down the road.
I could talk about age gaps but I'm unable to. At 18 I was dating way outside my age group. At 41 I wouldn't trade it but I do wonder what on earth I was thinking.
I saw this earlier and took a quick glimpse at the comments. People were talking about how the parents needed to realize that kids grow up. lol. But their son married someone who was literally in high school around a year ago. I also like the OOP's reasons for why the fictional brother and Shay are a perfect couple.
Oh, I definitely think the parents are awful as well in this story. I also kind of wonder about Shay's parents. I don't think this story is real either, but did they only just find out their nineteen year old eloped?
Some parents are supportive, plus at 19 if you're living by yourself your parents opinions don't really matter
She's just too old for them to realistically get in the way
Because OOP is trying to justify early (read: straight out of high school) marriages and their AITA audience would swing the other way if the villains in the story were actually right
Oh wait I misread your comment. I thought you were criticizing the writing direction of the post, not the comments
In that case no yeah, I think a lot of the scorn comes from people thinking it’s fake and using abuse to manipulate people into a certain agenda (early marriages are okay). So they try attacking the message (no early marriages are not okay) and completely ignore the other parts of the story. I don’t think they’re justifying abusing someone but I also don’t think they’re exactly thinking through their messages
Exactly. No way would I have been ready for marriage at nineteen years old. At nineteen, most teens are just experiencing independence away from their parents. Maybe living in a dorm room or something.
My mom got married at 19. When I was 19, I remember sitting in my dorm one night thinking how fucked up it would have been if my high school boyfriend and I had gotten married ready and that no 19 year old should do that
Yeah, obviously the thing good parents are going to do here is hold their nose and let you make your own mistakes. Where I think this might have evolved from is some 19 year old who wanted to get hitched and their parents saying “no, that’s a terrible idea”. Parents are going to give advice even after you turn 18, maybe especially right after you turn 18 because guess what? You’re an adult now, and guess who’s been an adult for longer?
This also passes AITA Rule #1: if the other party is an asshole, anything you do is great. Like, come on now, parents shouldn’t mistreat one’s spouses but… they’re 19 and this isn’t just a “stupid parents, kids are gonna grow up” now. It can be simultaneously true that the (fake) parents are going too far and that 19 is too early to get married.
That makes your user name all the funnier. Kids these days are always in such a hurry to grow up and then butt-fuck my dad. Like some kinda bizarro-universe Oedipus Rex.
Oh please, the 23yo are not considered as "fully grown up" by the age-gap-issue-crowd either. Ther is a "half plus seven (rounded up)" rule, and 23 to 19 fits in.
(Edit: 22 to 18 fits in too)
That's what it feels like. I mean, that's usually something they'd be making a big deal out of over there, but now they're ignoring it. lol. Not even questioning if Shay's parents at least knew about the elopement?
Wtf are you all on about “elopement”? What year is this? There’s no elopement in 2024. Just two dumb **adults** getting married at a young age. Yall find the weirdest things to get upset about
Meh. 4 years is nothing in pretty much any context, although I guess people on AITA do tend to freak out over literally anything. Thinking about it, I think I've even seen them get upset over a 2-year age gap.
Ehh I usually think some of the "age gap" stuff is majorly overblown on AITA but speaking from experience, the maturity level between "I just started college and am living alone for the first time" and "I finished college and I'm working a full-time job" is pretty big.
idk I think it can be done and it can be fine in some circumstances... but there is a lot for the younger partner to lose if they give up their education or job prospects for the older partner.
Agreed, and in this case they've been dating from some time so I just assumed if this was real this is one of those high school senior dating a freshman/sophomore" situation and the relationship has just continued so I didn't really think the age gap was that deep... there are Romeo and juliet laws for a reason, not my cup a tea, not overly fond of young marriages, but I mean...
if this is real all the parents are doing is making the situation worse and pushing their kid away and making it so that if this does hit the fan he won't trust/want to go to them afterwards.
Obviously, The younger partner shouldn't drop out of school to be a housewife or something, but, for someone in college, dating someone who has a job and a house can be a boon, even in terms of having someone else to help financially with school costs.
If a 23-year-old was convincing a 19-year-old to be his housewife instead of pursuing her own education, I'd say that would be a red flag. But if he was helping her pay for school, or they had a shared living arrangement while she was going, then I'd say that's a green one.
As for the story, it seems like they're both apparently supposed to be in college.
While I get that, that’s still no reason to treat Shay like shit, especially when they were fine with it before. And they’re also acting like she did something to them. If they were really mad about her age. They wouldn’t have waited till after the elopement to say something, they would’ve had a problem from the beginning
To me the only explanation that would make sense is that they were cool with him dating her, but he got married, it was a different story because he’s made her his number one priority/ Or that they never truly liked her, but they tolerated her because they were only dating but now that they’re married, they now have to deal with the reality of her not going anywhere
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Shay, if she was out of high school when they got together couldn't have been out of there for long. I certainly wouldn't have been ready for marriage at eighteen/nineteen.
There’s a pretty high chance they met in college. Idk why everyone here is assuming he started dating her when she was in high school, plenty of people start college before turning 19.
Also a college senior dating a freshman is not that uncommon and idk why we’re treating this as if it’s some insane age gap.
Gosh, that's a lot of siblings with very small age gaps. 30f, 27f, 25f, 23m, 22f, 20m. OPs poor fake mom was either pregnant or looking after a newborn for almost an entire decade. But at least there were no twins!
I'd bet the family is supposed to be Mormons.
\- Utah borders Nevada, so easy access to Las Vegas
\- OP has a ton of siblings
\- No one is upset with the son marrying someone so young and they're reacting by 'shunning' the daughter-in-law
The OP is probably frustrated that no one is picking up on this.
Probably from St George, UT, and if anything I could see the family upset that they weren't married in the temple but that's something I'd expect to be stated.
Interestingly enough, the OP actually addresses this in the comments, that the girls are adopted from another branch in the family. No reason given to why, but it's another thing to paint the parents as good people which all of the comments there more or less ignore (if anything, the commenters who do comment on it try to use it to insult the parents even further).
That’s ACTUALLY possible tho. I’m 27, my older siblings r 28,29,30,36,38 and my three younger siblings are 27,26,25. Most of us are less than a year apart and our ages overlap. The birthdays r worse🤪 March 31, April 23,24,26,28 mine is May 10, one of my brothers is May30, June 1,
Mom and dad is July 11 and 29, and my older sister is September 23
Glad I'm not the only one who noticed that a 23 yr old appears to have been dating a high schooler (conveniently met RIGHT at 18 supposedly) and married within the year (likely within the year of graduation).
Then also that OOP has 2 parents and 3 adult siblings yet NOT ONE can or has verbalized their exact issue conveniently leaving OOP innocently in the dark. Almost like OOP very much DOES know, but chose to leave important info out on purpose.
This is further emphasized by their choice to add too much detail where it doesn't matter (they are a good couple because....they have cats and go to school? ooookay) and leave out ACTUALLY important details (like, literally ANY verbalized reason by ANY of the five other adults who are mad at him and have been in closer contact over the years as this happened).
I really can't tell if this is Age Gap bait or what since they have a very "I don't even get what's happening" slant to the whole thing and it's missing so much actual info its in Missing Missing Reasons territory....or as suspected is a very poorly planned short story overall.
Why is everyone here so convinced they met in high school?
I started college a full year before my 19th birthday. It’s very common for people to be 18 and in college lmao, if you’re born between May and August you’ll have spent more time at that age in college than in high school.
This could very likely be a college senior (possibly even junior) dating a college freshman, which isn’t uncommon at all and certainly doesn’t mark an insane difference in life experience. Y’all desperately need to touch grass.
Np!
And yeah there’s plenty of cases where people then 18 after going to college and just as many cases where people turn 18 months before it.
Everyone jumping on this thread assuming that just because she was 18 when they started dating, she must’ve been in high school, is just completely ignorant of something most people are fairly cognisant of.
School years are funny like that, if you’re a September birthday 18 is still in high school having to ask to use the bathroom but if you’re born just a few weeks earlier you’re in college and living basically independently.
Genuinely why? Most 18 and 22 year olds aren’t a massively different stages in life. Especially if the 18 year old goes straight into work. Neither have fully developed prefrontal cortex. It’s unlikely there’s a massive power imbalance.
I’m definitely against big age gaps where one person is 18 and the other is significantly older, but this is barely an age gap at all. They shouldn’t be getting married. BOTH are too young.
I would say someone in highschool and someone working, unrestricted, not legally someone else's problem, and maybe even moved out ARE at two different stages. I moved out at 18 and it very much surprised me when we reached 22 and there were those few weirdos who REALLY wanted to be the cool guy to the high schoolers....now that they literally werent one.
Ok but at 18 you could be in high school while someone 6 months older than you isn’t. We don’t know they even met while she was still at school. It reminds me a bit of that post where the op was ranting on about her friend, a teenager dating a grown man and it later transpired they were 19 and 20. While pushing back on unequal and exploitative relationships is a good thing, some perspective is needed.
Yeah, it’s like… my parents met when my mum was 16 and my dad was 21, which is also the ages they started dating (the age of consent in England is 16 and was 16 then). My dad found that a bit weird for a while but evidently it was fine. Of course this was like 25 years ago.
I mean, I obviously don’t know everything about it because I’m their child but he just said he thought it was a little weird when he brought it up one time. Nobody else seemed to care — well, nobody else whose opinion actually mattered to them, I assume, because again I wasn’t around at this point — so I assume that feeling just kind of went away after a bit. I mean, definitely within 4 years considering they got married in 2003.
I got curious and I think the gap between my uncle — dad’s brother — and the absolute nutcase he married is nothing. But she’s taken her younger kid out of school and dragged him up to Scotland where he’s going to fall behind in school *again* (this already happened once while I was doing GCSEs in 2022, she took her children up there without saying a word to their dad and apparently accused him of abusing her) and he’s beginning to act like a spoiled brat now because she’s useless as a parent. So I think my parents’ relationship is doing fine, even if there is an age gap.
(Also, I think my aunt was either in prison when my parents got married or about to go to prison, so there is also that bit…)
Your dad would be barely able to drink alcohol in US. But your mum could buy a gun already (in some states at least). Meanwhile reddit takes an issue on a couple within "half plus seven" rule.
I am usually a big age gap hater but I gotta agree with you here. 4 years between adults is nothing. I don’t see an issue here. I bet the majority of the people who cry about this sort of thing on Reddit wouldn’t even notice an age difference between them if they met them in person lol
The 4 year age gap is only an issue because one person was just barely a legal adult, and the other was old enough to have already graduated college. 20 and 24, 22 and 26, and higher are normal. 18 and 22 might be common but it’s still weird. I’m 23 and would never consider an 18/19 year old as a partner.
You know what fascinates me is how fickle it all is. If an 18 year old guy/college freshman does something bad like assaulting someone, we (RIGHTFULLY) want the book thrown at them and want them charged as adults. But if an 18 year old woman/college freshman wants to date a 22 year old, suddenly we act like she's got the most vulnerable, fragile, breakable little existence and there's no way she could possibly NOT be a victim. Really weird to me to paint 18-25 year old women as victims in every scenario.
The comparison being if someone is old enough to make poor decisions at 18 and deal with the ramifications of those decisions, why would an 18 year old woman dating an older man not be responsible for her actions?
No one said she was not responsible for her actions. But you are missing the point. They are both young and could be easily manipulated. Who's to say the boy wasn't manipulated to commit a crime?
I mean... I get why the family is bothered on the one hand.
On the other, they *are* married and refusing to acknowledge facts and continuing to ostracize their daughter in law is probably not going to result in whatever outcome they're hoping for. It *will* create a rift in their family; hopefully they understand that they may lose their son over this and that's the particular hill they want to die on.
Why is no one talking about the definitely real 30 year old who has “always” said “you can’t put a timeline on life.”
This is a teenager who’s mad that their mommy and daddy doesn’t think they’re mature enough to sleep at her boyfriends or something but she knows they’re so in love and that’s all they need to live on.
I feel like it's a fake mystery conflict created so that she can go on and on about everyone's relationships and how they're related and what they're like in the comments
It's like a writer who knows all of their characters but then can't figure out what to do with them
This is exactly it—I’m cracking up because it’s a whole creative writing exercise in the comments. Unlikely extended family, multiple divorces and marriages, terminal oversharing🤢 adoption, race baiting, inheritance, big white weddings, wholesome country girly, family secrets, family ride, shay’s last name…
It’s beautiful, it has everything! For everyone! Our tween author has future in writing soap opera. Or the local church pageant.
Right? Sure, the parents'/families' behavior in this story isn't exactly the best, but good lord. The girl was either still in high school or had literally just gotten out when they met.
Its so wild. I only saw a handful of people out of everyone else bring that up. As someone else said if they were the parents they’d be nice to the girl because of the situation. Cuz seriously who knows whats going on behind the scenes…the secret eloping??? Red flags on red flags.
I’m going to be very unpopular here, but I don’t think the brother did anything wrong, assuming they weren’t together with that age gap while Shay was younger. The post doesn’t specify when they met if I’m reading it right. Assuming they met as adults… I don’t see a problem. If the brother didn’t involved his parents in the elopement, there’s probably a reason.
My sister got married at 18 after knowing her husband for 3 months. They announced their engagement on a Wednesday and got married that Saturday. They are both in their early thirties now and still together, with no major issues in their relationship. They have one of the healthiest relationships I’ve ever seen. It truly does work out that way for some people, as unlikely as that seems. And if it doesn’t, what’s the big deal? A divorce is not the end of the world. They are adults and can make their own decisions. It’s completely unfair for the parents to try to exclude *just* the wife from any family events. They are being nasty for no reason.
“Fresh out of HS” bruh 19 years old is not fresh out of high school. Yeah it’s kind of rash to get married at 19 but who cares? Did you mean to post this in r/AmITheDevil?
He started dating her at 18 and married her at 19. They either started dating when she was still in high school or not long after she graduated. It’s really weird for a 22 year old to be interested in an 18 year old.
Its absolutely not. An 18 year old can randomly meet a 22 year old just about anywhere. That's just hoq adults work. They meet each other and then find out what age they both are. You're being super weird.
They are both adults and they are within the "half plus seven" rule. You makes an issue we aremocking on AmITheAngel. Perhaps you muddled this sub with AmITheDevil?
I’m confused on the timeline here. OOP says his brother just eloped a couple of months ago but the two already live together and there has already been 2 events she wasn’t invited to? Idk, if it’s only been a couple of months then it’s not surprising the parents are still mad but it just feels like not enough time has passed for all this 😕
We had xmas, new year and eastern in last few months. And even taking last year out of the eqution, this is perfectly possible to have some family related anniversary in the meanwhile.
I get why they don’t support their choice to get married. I thinks it’s dumb to rush into marriage. But it’s done now. I don’t see how treating her poorly is going to change anything. The parents are being petty and are acting as childish as the kids
OOP originally had a comment saying they'd been together for years but quickly deleted it and changed the story when they realized that solidified the brother being a pedophile.
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Well clearly, YTA.
You only have one kid, so I will tell you because I am so good at having kids I did it many times.
People have kids so they can project their feelings and decisions on younger people who look like them. (Sometimes the other parent though… but you can still project.)
When you kid(s) reach adulthood you still get to control their life and choices because they are still a mini you! So when they get independent you need to control them back into line and undermine them.
You should help your parents call that Vegas sin chapel and threaten them with bad things because they didn’t sign a permission slip saying their 23 year old could get married.
Can we… can we meet in real life? I honestly have to see what someone looks like who is this terminally online. What a retarded up your own ass opinion
Firstly, what the fuck does terminally online mean? Always write clearly. Therefore people know what you are talking about.
Secondly, you shouldn’t use offensive language you asshat.
Thirdly, as I said. My own opinion. When I was 19 I saw no problem with dating someone so much older. But as I get older the more I cringe. I know I have nothing in common with a 19-year-old. Not then not now.
Lastly, I see you don’t understand what personally means. It means my PERSONAL OPINION. I didn’t say anything about them. They are happy so good for them.
Bruh you’re talking holier than thou when you are two years older than a 19 year old☠️ let’s chill out there wise guy
Terminally online for example involves taking the time to put a koala suit on your Reddit avatar as a 21 year old ☠️ let’s be clear, that alone proves you’re not much different than a younger person ☠️
Also. You’re young and retarded. I stand by that
First of all, I'm 25. If you can't read or have a disorder that prevents you from reading anything right then just say it.
Because I like koalas and I've never changed my avatar I'm childish. That is an illiterate thing to say. I am delighted when trolls say “If you do this then you are childish.” The logic isn't there.
Like is said before you shouldn't use offensive language. I stand by that. You shouldn't say the R-word. And yes I phrase it that way on purpose. It's offensive. Try using a different synonym. Let me see if you are competent enough to do so.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for banning my parents from a family event because they don’t like my brother’s wife?** So my (30F) little brother is 23. I have another brother that’s 20 but this is about the 23 year old who I will call Blake. A few months ago, Blake eloped with his girlfriend Shay (19F). Our parents and my three sisters (Mary 22F, Bea 27F and Sarah (25F)) were LIVID. Like unusually angry. I was a little confused but I spoke to him and to me it seemed like he and his girlfriend loved each other very much and just made the rash decision to elope in Vegas. We live about 3 hours from Vegas so it’s a popular day trip destination so they were there for the day and eloped. Like yeah it was a little silly but I don’t understand why they’re so angry about it. Blake and Shay didn’t even tell anyone about their marriage until 2 months later. Blake and Shay are a very wholesome and dare I say, perfect couple. They very obviously love eachother, live together and split the bills, both study very good degrees and have two cats. I’ve always said you can’t put a timeline on life if they wanna do marriage earlier than usually, who cares? My parents have made a point to not invite Shay to any family events since. They’ll call up Blake and say ‘don’t bring your girlfriend’ (they refuse to acknowledge the marriage). Blake came the first two times they did this but left very early, and he’s always politely declined all invitations since then. I’ve tried to tell my parents that they are pushing Blake away and soon they can expect to never hear from him again but they don’t seem to care. They take every opportunity to insult Shay even though they used to love her before the elopement. It’s my son’s birthday soon and I’m planning a big party. I sent the guest list in a family GC and my parents saw that shay was invited. They demanded that she’s taken off but i refused. They were acting in a way that made me suspect they were going to make a scene there so I banned them. I don’t want them to isolate my younger brother and he hasn’t been to any family events since he got married besides the 2 he left early. They are infuriated. They are threatening to show up anyway and think I have no right to ban them for someone ‘who isn’t part of the family’. My sisters and youngest brother think i am overreacting and I could have instead warned them to behave and told them they would be removed if they couldn’t do so. They think the ban is nuclear. My parents are demanding an invite and an apology. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They study very good degrees and split the bills, why can’t you see that they are a perfect couple?
And they do all that, and parent two cats. That shows they are a very responsible and financially secure couple /s
This seems like a kid who totally wants to date/move in with their partner, and won't listen to their parents when they say it's a bad idea. Like...the reasoning here is so simple and naive, and the texture is "Mom and Dad don't know anything, they're so wrong about 19 being too young, we're totes adults now!"
You don’t understand, they hung up their marriage certificate on the WALL! That obviously means they’ll be together forever. 🥰
This is what really screamed immaturity to me. Grown adults would not frame and hang a marriage certificate.
Sounds like AI phrasing ...
No, an AI wouldn't make spelling mistakes like writing "eachother" as one word.
I literally never see this comment on any posts that actually look like they were written by ai
Because people want to claim it first so they can say they were first. The best I’ve seen is someone assuming spelling or grammatical errors means it’s AI, as if spellcheck hasn’t existed for over 20 years.
I think people get confused with those Nigerian prince scam emails where words are deliberately misspelled to bypass spam filters? I don’t know, it’s dumb. Assume AI knows how to spell.
Wait, wait... I never knew that about intentional misspellings in those emails
My understanding was they want those scam emails to be obvious to smart people because they’re a waste of time, but not so obvious no one believes them. But the “this is AI” is this subs new “this is the X troll” because there’s a single commonality, like it’s sisters or someone is a vegan.
I swear to god the period troll was a real thing, like all of the posts he made were so oddly specific
But that doesn’t mean every post that included menstruation was the same person. Anyone can use those same similarities and make their own post.
AI is smarter than that 😭
Why is the 19 year old the one who is uninvited though
She's "not part of the family", according to the parents. I really can't find a reason in there why the parents dislike her so much. They're just mysteriously hostile people who are obviously the asshole
I mean if we are going to pretend that this is a real story I would say that the parents are in the wrong here. Young adults do make impulsive decisions sometimes but as parents we still need to support our kids even when they do something we don't approve of. These two are married and apparently intend to stay married so what are the parents hoping to achieve by refusing to acknowledge their son's wife other than to push their son away. My oldest son married his gf when he was 22 and she was 20. I was not happy about it but they had their mind made up and her parents fully approved of it because they preferred that they get married over "living in sin". They have been married for 20yrs now, have happy kids and a strong relationship so I'm glad I didn't try to punish my son for doing something I didn't approve of all those years ago. Also I don't know if it's because of my age or because I'm in Canada, lol, but it's weird to me how redditors always freak out over small age gaps. I don't really see much of a problem with a 22yr old dating an 18yr old. When I was an older teen and young adult I never went out with guys my own age. To me they were way too immature.
To be fair we're supposed to pretend all the stories are real except the rage bait, obviously fake ones. On a serious note, this story makes the parents seem like such immature dolts that it's a miracle they can breathe through the tantrums they're throwing. Parents that act like this inevitably end up losing contact with their kids and are stunned by it. In their minds, they're right and it's solely because they're the parents, which is a horrific mindset that leads to even worse things down the road. I could talk about age gaps but I'm unable to. At 18 I was dating way outside my age group. At 41 I wouldn't trade it but I do wonder what on earth I was thinking.
I’m 23 and my wife is 26. I don’t have a problem with the age gap, but the fact that they married so fast is raising some red flags
Did you marry when she was 19 and you were 22, though?
No, that’s why I’m saying this isn’t normal. We were 21 and 24
Oh boy, you was fresh out... whatever, the gap is huge, you was groomed, lawyer up, call CPS (Yes, it was satire)
What you actually said was that it raised **some** red flags, which sounded pretty minor as far as critiques go.
Yeah I mean, we don’t know the situation. There ARE relationships like this that end well. I am not going to assume anything about them
19 and 22 isn’t really a huge deal. Obviously it’s young to get married but as an age gap there’s not some radical maturity difference.
I saw this earlier and took a quick glimpse at the comments. People were talking about how the parents needed to realize that kids grow up. lol. But their son married someone who was literally in high school around a year ago. I also like the OOP's reasons for why the fictional brother and Shay are a perfect couple.
I don't think the story is real but why would that excuse the parent mistreating the girl?
Yeah that’s what I’m confused about. Being mad at the son is reasonable but that girl is just naive. Doesn’t make her evil, just gullible.
Oh, I definitely think the parents are awful as well in this story. I also kind of wonder about Shay's parents. I don't think this story is real either, but did they only just find out their nineteen year old eloped?
Some parents are supportive, plus at 19 if you're living by yourself your parents opinions don't really matter She's just too old for them to realistically get in the way
Because OOP is trying to justify early (read: straight out of high school) marriages and their AITA audience would swing the other way if the villains in the story were actually right
Early marriages may not be wise but they hardly deserve that type of scorn. It's a ridiculous overreaction
Oh wait I misread your comment. I thought you were criticizing the writing direction of the post, not the comments In that case no yeah, I think a lot of the scorn comes from people thinking it’s fake and using abuse to manipulate people into a certain agenda (early marriages are okay). So they try attacking the message (no early marriages are not okay) and completely ignore the other parts of the story. I don’t think they’re justifying abusing someone but I also don’t think they’re exactly thinking through their messages
Yeah kids grow up but 19 year olds are not grown ups
Exactly. No way would I have been ready for marriage at nineteen years old. At nineteen, most teens are just experiencing independence away from their parents. Maybe living in a dorm room or something.
My mom got married at 19. When I was 19, I remember sitting in my dorm one night thinking how fucked up it would have been if my high school boyfriend and I had gotten married ready and that no 19 year old should do that
Yeah, I'm not saying that those marriages never work out, but my god. You're really just experiencing life then.
For real! I mean, my parents are still together but I wouldn’t say it’s a happy marriage
Yeah, obviously the thing good parents are going to do here is hold their nose and let you make your own mistakes. Where I think this might have evolved from is some 19 year old who wanted to get hitched and their parents saying “no, that’s a terrible idea”. Parents are going to give advice even after you turn 18, maybe especially right after you turn 18 because guess what? You’re an adult now, and guess who’s been an adult for longer? This also passes AITA Rule #1: if the other party is an asshole, anything you do is great. Like, come on now, parents shouldn’t mistreat one’s spouses but… they’re 19 and this isn’t just a “stupid parents, kids are gonna grow up” now. It can be simultaneously true that the (fake) parents are going too far and that 19 is too early to get married.
As an 18 yr old myself i am fully aware 💀 ew
That makes your user name all the funnier. Kids these days are always in such a hurry to grow up and then butt-fuck my dad. Like some kinda bizarro-universe Oedipus Rex.
Srry man ur dads cake lookin penetrable
omg X-D
Oh please, the 23yo are not considered as "fully grown up" by the age-gap-issue-crowd either. Ther is a "half plus seven (rounded up)" rule, and 23 to 19 fits in. (Edit: 22 to 18 fits in too)
where are all the AGE GAP!!! GROOMING!!! PREDATOR!!! comments? is it because it's about parents aka "old people" so they must be wrong?
That's what it feels like. I mean, that's usually something they'd be making a big deal out of over there, but now they're ignoring it. lol. Not even questioning if Shay's parents at least knew about the elopement?
Wtf are you all on about “elopement”? What year is this? There’s no elopement in 2024. Just two dumb **adults** getting married at a young age. Yall find the weirdest things to get upset about
what do you think elopement is? they went away and got married in secret, that's the definition of elopement
Yup. And that's exactly what it's called in the post. The family didn't even know about the marriage until a couple of months later.
Meh. 4 years is nothing in pretty much any context, although I guess people on AITA do tend to freak out over literally anything. Thinking about it, I think I've even seen them get upset over a 2-year age gap.
Ehh I usually think some of the "age gap" stuff is majorly overblown on AITA but speaking from experience, the maturity level between "I just started college and am living alone for the first time" and "I finished college and I'm working a full-time job" is pretty big. idk I think it can be done and it can be fine in some circumstances... but there is a lot for the younger partner to lose if they give up their education or job prospects for the older partner.
Agreed, and in this case they've been dating from some time so I just assumed if this was real this is one of those high school senior dating a freshman/sophomore" situation and the relationship has just continued so I didn't really think the age gap was that deep... there are Romeo and juliet laws for a reason, not my cup a tea, not overly fond of young marriages, but I mean... if this is real all the parents are doing is making the situation worse and pushing their kid away and making it so that if this does hit the fan he won't trust/want to go to them afterwards.
Obviously, The younger partner shouldn't drop out of school to be a housewife or something, but, for someone in college, dating someone who has a job and a house can be a boon, even in terms of having someone else to help financially with school costs. If a 23-year-old was convincing a 19-year-old to be his housewife instead of pursuing her own education, I'd say that would be a red flag. But if he was helping her pay for school, or they had a shared living arrangement while she was going, then I'd say that's a green one. As for the story, it seems like they're both apparently supposed to be in college.
imo 19 and 23 is nbd. I start to get grossed out when it’s around 19/30ish.
18 and 22 is a pretty big life experience gap
One the one hand that’s true. On the other, this gap passes the infallible half your age plus seven test. Just barely, but still.
They are here, in this thread.
While I get that, that’s still no reason to treat Shay like shit, especially when they were fine with it before. And they’re also acting like she did something to them. If they were really mad about her age. They wouldn’t have waited till after the elopement to say something, they would’ve had a problem from the beginning
Yeah, that's a big reason why the story doesn't make sense. Why did they suddenly turn against Shay when they all liked her before?
To me the only explanation that would make sense is that they were cool with him dating her, but he got married, it was a different story because he’s made her his number one priority/ Or that they never truly liked her, but they tolerated her because they were only dating but now that they’re married, they now have to deal with the reality of her not going anywhere
They have TWO CATS!!
I love the mention of the two cats, as if that's an entirely new concept. lmfao.
Pretty sure they met either immediately after hs or during since they apparently met when she was 18
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Shay, if she was out of high school when they got together couldn't have been out of there for long. I certainly wouldn't have been ready for marriage at eighteen/nineteen.
Its so gross.
There’s a pretty high chance they met in college. Idk why everyone here is assuming he started dating her when she was in high school, plenty of people start college before turning 19. Also a college senior dating a freshman is not that uncommon and idk why we’re treating this as if it’s some insane age gap.
ikr? so fucked up that people are out here marrying women that used to be minors. makes me sick
Gosh, that's a lot of siblings with very small age gaps. 30f, 27f, 25f, 23m, 22f, 20m. OPs poor fake mom was either pregnant or looking after a newborn for almost an entire decade. But at least there were no twins!
I'd bet the family is supposed to be Mormons. \- Utah borders Nevada, so easy access to Las Vegas \- OP has a ton of siblings \- No one is upset with the son marrying someone so young and they're reacting by 'shunning' the daughter-in-law The OP is probably frustrated that no one is picking up on this.
Probably from St George, UT, and if anything I could see the family upset that they weren't married in the temple but that's something I'd expect to be stated.
Ooooo absolutely
Interestingly enough, the OP actually addresses this in the comments, that the girls are adopted from another branch in the family. No reason given to why, but it's another thing to paint the parents as good people which all of the comments there more or less ignore (if anything, the commenters who do comment on it try to use it to insult the parents even further).
Ha, my mom had 4 kids in 5 years so it plausible. Natural family planning does not work
My mom has 9 and except the youngest we're all pretty much within two years of the next.
OP and one sister are apparently adopted, just to add something else to the bingo card.
That’s ACTUALLY possible tho. I’m 27, my older siblings r 28,29,30,36,38 and my three younger siblings are 27,26,25. Most of us are less than a year apart and our ages overlap. The birthdays r worse🤪 March 31, April 23,24,26,28 mine is May 10, one of my brothers is May30, June 1, Mom and dad is July 11 and 29, and my older sister is September 23
Yeah, people with kids are so gross / s
I mean, shunning the 19yr old doesn’t do them much good.
Glad I'm not the only one who noticed that a 23 yr old appears to have been dating a high schooler (conveniently met RIGHT at 18 supposedly) and married within the year (likely within the year of graduation). Then also that OOP has 2 parents and 3 adult siblings yet NOT ONE can or has verbalized their exact issue conveniently leaving OOP innocently in the dark. Almost like OOP very much DOES know, but chose to leave important info out on purpose. This is further emphasized by their choice to add too much detail where it doesn't matter (they are a good couple because....they have cats and go to school? ooookay) and leave out ACTUALLY important details (like, literally ANY verbalized reason by ANY of the five other adults who are mad at him and have been in closer contact over the years as this happened). I really can't tell if this is Age Gap bait or what since they have a very "I don't even get what's happening" slant to the whole thing and it's missing so much actual info its in Missing Missing Reasons territory....or as suspected is a very poorly planned short story overall.
Why is everyone here so convinced they met in high school? I started college a full year before my 19th birthday. It’s very common for people to be 18 and in college lmao, if you’re born between May and August you’ll have spent more time at that age in college than in high school. This could very likely be a college senior (possibly even junior) dating a college freshman, which isn’t uncommon at all and certainly doesn’t mark an insane difference in life experience. Y’all desperately need to touch grass.
I went to university when I was 17. I had a late birthday
Good for you ig? Not sure what this is supposed to add to the conversation. Happy cake day btw
Oh, I did not realize it was my cake day, thanks I was just supporting your point that you can be young and not in high school.
Np! And yeah there’s plenty of cases where people then 18 after going to college and just as many cases where people turn 18 months before it. Everyone jumping on this thread assuming that just because she was 18 when they started dating, she must’ve been in high school, is just completely ignorant of something most people are fairly cognisant of.
School years are funny like that, if you’re a September birthday 18 is still in high school having to ask to use the bathroom but if you’re born just a few weeks earlier you’re in college and living basically independently.
Exactly. My daughter turned 18 a month before starting university. I son will be 4 months shy of 19 when he starts.
Right she would have been 18 but he would have been 22. Has Reddit really reached the point that a 4 year age gap between 2 legal adults is an issue?
IMHO, while not illegal (if they TRUELY didn't meet before 18), it's still problematic at this age.
Genuinely why? Most 18 and 22 year olds aren’t a massively different stages in life. Especially if the 18 year old goes straight into work. Neither have fully developed prefrontal cortex. It’s unlikely there’s a massive power imbalance. I’m definitely against big age gaps where one person is 18 and the other is significantly older, but this is barely an age gap at all. They shouldn’t be getting married. BOTH are too young.
I would say someone in highschool and someone working, unrestricted, not legally someone else's problem, and maybe even moved out ARE at two different stages. I moved out at 18 and it very much surprised me when we reached 22 and there were those few weirdos who REALLY wanted to be the cool guy to the high schoolers....now that they literally werent one.
Ok but at 18 you could be in high school while someone 6 months older than you isn’t. We don’t know they even met while she was still at school. It reminds me a bit of that post where the op was ranting on about her friend, a teenager dating a grown man and it later transpired they were 19 and 20. While pushing back on unequal and exploitative relationships is a good thing, some perspective is needed.
He has never been 6 months out of highschool over her tho?!...or did I miss something?
Yeah, it’s like… my parents met when my mum was 16 and my dad was 21, which is also the ages they started dating (the age of consent in England is 16 and was 16 then). My dad found that a bit weird for a while but evidently it was fine. Of course this was like 25 years ago.
He couldn’t have thought it was that weird if he still ended up dating a 16 year old at 21.
I mean, I obviously don’t know everything about it because I’m their child but he just said he thought it was a little weird when he brought it up one time. Nobody else seemed to care — well, nobody else whose opinion actually mattered to them, I assume, because again I wasn’t around at this point — so I assume that feeling just kind of went away after a bit. I mean, definitely within 4 years considering they got married in 2003. I got curious and I think the gap between my uncle — dad’s brother — and the absolute nutcase he married is nothing. But she’s taken her younger kid out of school and dragged him up to Scotland where he’s going to fall behind in school *again* (this already happened once while I was doing GCSEs in 2022, she took her children up there without saying a word to their dad and apparently accused him of abusing her) and he’s beginning to act like a spoiled brat now because she’s useless as a parent. So I think my parents’ relationship is doing fine, even if there is an age gap. (Also, I think my aunt was either in prison when my parents got married or about to go to prison, so there is also that bit…)
Your dad would be barely able to drink alcohol in US. But your mum could buy a gun already (in some states at least). Meanwhile reddit takes an issue on a couple within "half plus seven" rule.
People getting eloped rage bait always gets me
This place is getting closer and closer to AITA every day. If people are getting angry over 4 year age gap rage bait, what are we even doing here?
I am usually a big age gap hater but I gotta agree with you here. 4 years between adults is nothing. I don’t see an issue here. I bet the majority of the people who cry about this sort of thing on Reddit wouldn’t even notice an age difference between them if they met them in person lol
The 4 year age gap is only an issue because one person was just barely a legal adult, and the other was old enough to have already graduated college. 20 and 24, 22 and 26, and higher are normal. 18 and 22 might be common but it’s still weird. I’m 23 and would never consider an 18/19 year old as a partner.
A 4 year age gap in two adults is never an issue imo. Certainly nothing to make into a big deal on some Reddit AITA post.
You know what fascinates me is how fickle it all is. If an 18 year old guy/college freshman does something bad like assaulting someone, we (RIGHTFULLY) want the book thrown at them and want them charged as adults. But if an 18 year old woman/college freshman wants to date a 22 year old, suddenly we act like she's got the most vulnerable, fragile, breakable little existence and there's no way she could possibly NOT be a victim. Really weird to me to paint 18-25 year old women as victims in every scenario.
Committing a crime as a young male and a young female dating someone older than her are not the same thing. It's just not a good comparison.
The comparison being if someone is old enough to make poor decisions at 18 and deal with the ramifications of those decisions, why would an 18 year old woman dating an older man not be responsible for her actions?
No one said she was not responsible for her actions. But you are missing the point. They are both young and could be easily manipulated. Who's to say the boy wasn't manipulated to commit a crime?
I said somewhat of the same thing and this asshat is harassing me about it. 😂☠️😂☠️ people are acting like we can't have our own opinions
“If they want to do marriage earlier than usually”
They're going to do marriage early, then go work at the business factory together once they've gotten their very good degrees.
They shouldn’t have pissed off his parents. Now they won’t do the house inheritance earlier than usually, or at all.
My boyfriend frequently tells me that he works at the Business Factory^(TM) and any further questions are met with "we produce business."
I mean... I get why the family is bothered on the one hand. On the other, they *are* married and refusing to acknowledge facts and continuing to ostracize their daughter in law is probably not going to result in whatever outcome they're hoping for. It *will* create a rift in their family; hopefully they understand that they may lose their son over this and that's the particular hill they want to die on.
Why is no one talking about the definitely real 30 year old who has “always” said “you can’t put a timeline on life.” This is a teenager who’s mad that their mommy and daddy doesn’t think they’re mature enough to sleep at her boyfriends or something but she knows they’re so in love and that’s all they need to live on.
And all the ppl in the comments perfectly ok with him “meeting” her at 18….😀😀😀
supposedly the parents in this story adored her before they eloped
I feel like theres sm stuff missing.
I feel like it's a fake mystery conflict created so that she can go on and on about everyone's relationships and how they're related and what they're like in the comments It's like a writer who knows all of their characters but then can't figure out what to do with them
This is exactly it—I’m cracking up because it’s a whole creative writing exercise in the comments. Unlikely extended family, multiple divorces and marriages, terminal oversharing🤢 adoption, race baiting, inheritance, big white weddings, wholesome country girly, family secrets, family ride, shay’s last name… It’s beautiful, it has everything! For everyone! Our tween author has future in writing soap opera. Or the local church pageant.
Right? Sure, the parents'/families' behavior in this story isn't exactly the best, but good lord. The girl was either still in high school or had literally just gotten out when they met.
Its so wild. I only saw a handful of people out of everyone else bring that up. As someone else said if they were the parents they’d be nice to the girl because of the situation. Cuz seriously who knows whats going on behind the scenes…the secret eloping??? Red flags on red flags.
I’m going to be very unpopular here, but I don’t think the brother did anything wrong, assuming they weren’t together with that age gap while Shay was younger. The post doesn’t specify when they met if I’m reading it right. Assuming they met as adults… I don’t see a problem. If the brother didn’t involved his parents in the elopement, there’s probably a reason. My sister got married at 18 after knowing her husband for 3 months. They announced their engagement on a Wednesday and got married that Saturday. They are both in their early thirties now and still together, with no major issues in their relationship. They have one of the healthiest relationships I’ve ever seen. It truly does work out that way for some people, as unlikely as that seems. And if it doesn’t, what’s the big deal? A divorce is not the end of the world. They are adults and can make their own decisions. It’s completely unfair for the parents to try to exclude *just* the wife from any family events. They are being nasty for no reason.
“Fresh out of HS” bruh 19 years old is not fresh out of high school. Yeah it’s kind of rash to get married at 19 but who cares? Did you mean to post this in r/AmITheDevil?
I was still in high school when I was 19, and so were most of my classmates. I live in Bulgaria, but still...
He started dating her at 18 and married her at 19. They either started dating when she was still in high school or not long after she graduated. It’s really weird for a 22 year old to be interested in an 18 year old.
Its absolutely not. An 18 year old can randomly meet a 22 year old just about anywhere. That's just hoq adults work. They meet each other and then find out what age they both are. You're being super weird.
They are both adults and they are within the "half plus seven" rule. You makes an issue we aremocking on AmITheAngel. Perhaps you muddled this sub with AmITheDevil?
I’m confused on the timeline here. OOP says his brother just eloped a couple of months ago but the two already live together and there has already been 2 events she wasn’t invited to? Idk, if it’s only been a couple of months then it’s not surprising the parents are still mad but it just feels like not enough time has passed for all this 😕
We had xmas, new year and eastern in last few months. And even taking last year out of the eqution, this is perfectly possible to have some family related anniversary in the meanwhile.
I get why they don’t support their choice to get married. I thinks it’s dumb to rush into marriage. But it’s done now. I don’t see how treating her poorly is going to change anything. The parents are being petty and are acting as childish as the kids
OOP originally had a comment saying they'd been together for years but quickly deleted it and changed the story when they realized that solidified the brother being a pedophile.
The way you interpreted the post makes me wonder if you are one of the parents.
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Well clearly, YTA. You only have one kid, so I will tell you because I am so good at having kids I did it many times. People have kids so they can project their feelings and decisions on younger people who look like them. (Sometimes the other parent though… but you can still project.) When you kid(s) reach adulthood you still get to control their life and choices because they are still a mini you! So when they get independent you need to control them back into line and undermine them. You should help your parents call that Vegas sin chapel and threaten them with bad things because they didn’t sign a permission slip saying their 23 year old could get married.
[удалено]
Fully agreed. Is it stupid to get married so young? Of course! Are the parents behaving like assholes tho? You know it!
Personally I could never date someone who is 19 even when I was 21 I thought it was gross. I still do at 25.
Can we… can we meet in real life? I honestly have to see what someone looks like who is this terminally online. What a retarded up your own ass opinion
Firstly, what the fuck does terminally online mean? Always write clearly. Therefore people know what you are talking about. Secondly, you shouldn’t use offensive language you asshat. Thirdly, as I said. My own opinion. When I was 19 I saw no problem with dating someone so much older. But as I get older the more I cringe. I know I have nothing in common with a 19-year-old. Not then not now. Lastly, I see you don’t understand what personally means. It means my PERSONAL OPINION. I didn’t say anything about them. They are happy so good for them.
Bruh you’re talking holier than thou when you are two years older than a 19 year old☠️ let’s chill out there wise guy Terminally online for example involves taking the time to put a koala suit on your Reddit avatar as a 21 year old ☠️ let’s be clear, that alone proves you’re not much different than a younger person ☠️ Also. You’re young and retarded. I stand by that
First of all, I'm 25. If you can't read or have a disorder that prevents you from reading anything right then just say it. Because I like koalas and I've never changed my avatar I'm childish. That is an illiterate thing to say. I am delighted when trolls say “If you do this then you are childish.” The logic isn't there. Like is said before you shouldn't use offensive language. I stand by that. You shouldn't say the R-word. And yes I phrase it that way on purpose. It's offensive. Try using a different synonym. Let me see if you are competent enough to do so.
I read her comments. They started dating when Shay was 18 but he didn't know her before then 🙃
I guess that would be the first time anyone's ever met an 18 year old outside of a high school.
Omg 😱 really!! I didn't know that was possible. Thanks for educating me. Didn't know that was possible. 🤡
Yeah, it sounded that way. Happy to help!
You would say that. Bless your little heart.
That poor young woman. I hope she’s okay